Focus on the Family®November | December 2009

(stories from Mandisa, Elisa Morgan and Phil Vischer)

Unexpected Christmas

Moments

Secrets to a

Happy Marriage

“I want my child to love God.”

Laying the groundwork of

faithDr. Kevin Leman

asks parents

Who runs your home?

$3.99

november | december 2009 contents

46 Course

Correction

by Dr. John Trent

Surprisingly simple ways

to change your marriage

35 The Stu! ng

Stando"

by Dr. Kevin Leman

Who runs your home—

you or your child?

features

30 Introducing

Your Children

to God

by Larry Fowler

Understand their

spiritual stages

35

40 Christmas:

Meaningful and

Memorable

by Phil Vischer, Jim

Daly, Mandisa, Ron

Luce and Elisa Morgan

The baby hope tree,

marshmallow guns &

my unexpected gift

30

35

46

40

contents

in every issue6 Welcome!

7 On the Web

12 Clubhouse Connection

20 Parenting Resources

29 Marriage Resources

57 Just for Funfamily life

50 Timeless Wisdom

Unwind

by Dr. James Dobson

Find tranquility in the busyness of life

51 Extended Family

A “Relative” Challenge

by Dr. Bill Maier

How families can love the unlovable

52 For Him

In the Company of the Courageous

by Paul Coughlin

Wrestling with your inner Rambo

53 For Her

Friends in the Frenzy

by Lysa TerKuerst

Mommyhood—don’t go it alone

54 Single-Parent Family

Putting Victoria First

by Elsa Kok Colopy

Navigating custody issues during the

holidays

56 Blended Family

His, Hers … Ours?

by Ron L. Deal

Coordinating your family’s holiday schedule

departments

family stages

10 Early Years

11 Discovery Times

13 Tween Ages

15 Teen Phases

family entertainment

22 “Bah, Humbug!” —Scrooge

Revisited

24 Book Reviews

family faith

26 God With Us

27 Faith-Filled Activities

28 Faith Discussions

56

52

51

53

54

T h r i v i n g F a m i l y 40 N o v . | D e c . 2 0 0 9

Christmas: Meaningful & Memorable

Five inspirational stories,

!ve unique celebrations!

T h r i v i n g F a m i l y 41 N o v . | D e c . 2 0 0 9

)SãITãTIMEãTOãREDElNEãTHEã#HRISTMASãSEASON�ã#ATCHãAãGLIMPSEãOFãTHEãSEASON�SãTRUEãSIGNIlCANCE�

PH

OT

OS

B

Y

CO

RB

IS

/

A

UT

HO

R

PH

OT

OS

P

RO

VI

DE

D

CO

UR

TE

SY

O

F

TH

E

AU

TH

OR

S

A Pre-Veggie Tale

Everyone who has watched a VeggieTales DVD knows I am a fairly silly guy.

What they probably don’t know, though, is that I am incredibly shy. So shy,

in fact, that when I was a child, few people knew how silly I was. I kept it

inside. This particular trait may have remained a mystery if it weren’t for the

Christmas presents I received from my dad when I was 8 years old.

My dad was always a provider of creative playthings—model planes and

trains and lots of LEGOs. But the Christmas of my eighth year, he outdid

himself. First, we each opened a portable cassette recorder, one for each

member of the family—himself, my mom, me, my older sister, Cristy, and my

younger brother, Rob.

My mother, sister and brother all uttered a collective, “Huh?”

I grabbed the microphone and immediately started recording my own

voice—and any other goofy voice I could mimic. But my dad wasn’t !nished.

He walked into the other room and returned with an industrial-looking

suitcase locked with heavy metal clasps. Inside was the most amazing thing

I had ever seen—an early video camera and recorder. And by “early,” I mean

pre-VHS. Pre-Betamax. This was a state-of-the-art early 1970s black-and-white

industrial camera tethered to a reel-to-reel video recorder. The rest of my

family was dumbstruck. I was in heaven.

I shot footage all over the house and tried to bribe my little brother to

act out dramatic rescue scenes in the backyard. (“Mom! Tell Rob he has to

be in my movie!”) And though a video camera technically can’t record single

frames, if you turned it on and o# really fast . . . maybe . . . just maybe . . .

I put my Batmobile on the basement $oor and clicked the camera on

and o# as quickly as I could. I nudged the Batmobile an inch and clicked

the camera again. After a few minutes of this, I replayed the tape, and the

Batmobile was driving. Eureka! I was animating.

Over the next few years I made countless little !lms with that video

camera, using toys and LEGOs. (G.I. Joes were more cooperative than my little

brother, and I could cast them in challenging roles.) The video camera soon

gave way to a Super 8 !lm camera, which was then overtaken by professional

video gear and, ultimately, computers capable of creating animation. And a

tomato named Bob and a cucumber named Larry replaced my little brother

and my G.I. Joes.

My life’s work started on Christmas morning, 1974, thanks to a father who

knew what his son needed to develop what God had put inside him.

by Phil Vischer,

founder and president

of Jelly�sh Labs

(JellyTelly.com)

and creator of

VeggieTales

T h r i v i n g F a m i l y 42 N o v . | D e c . 2 0 0 9

The Beauty of the Season

Christmas in the Daly household is what many would

consider a traditional a!air. We place angel decorations

on the tree with words like “Hope” and “Peace” written on

them. We read Bible stories and discuss the true mean-

ing of Christmas while drinking copious amounts of hot

chocolate. These activities might sound average or unre-

markable, but they hold great meaning for me. Growing

up, I would have given almost anything to experience an

“average” Christmas celebration.

One of my family’s most memorable Christmases

occurred in 2001, when our "rst son was just over a year

old. My wife, Jean, had learned she was pregnant again

but wanted to wait until Christmas morning to tell me.

When the day "nally arrived, I opened a present that

contained the blue-and-white hospital cap that Trent

had worn when he was born. I stared at it for a moment,

then looked over at Jean, who had an enormous grin on

her face.

“Are we having another baby?” I asked, but the tears

of joy in her eyes already told me the answer. We jumped

up and hugged and screamed with delight. It was fun

telling Trent that he was going to be a big brother—

that’s certainly a Christmas present he wasn’t expecting!

This event symbolized the beauty of the season for

me in a personal way. As we celebrated the new addition

to our family, I was reminded that God’s ultimate Gift

to mankind—and indeed, the reason we celebrate

Christmas at all—came in the form of a baby. Christ

“did not consider equality with God something to be

grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very

nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.

And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled

himself and became obedient to death—even death

on a cross!” (Philippians 2:6-8). Christmas is more than

a celebration of Christ’s birth; it’s a reminder of His life,

death and resurrection on our behalf.

by Jim Daly,

president and CEO of

Focus on the Family

T h r i v i n g F a m i l y 43 N o v . | D e c . 2 0 0 9

by Mandisa ,

Contemporary Christian

Music artist and former

“American Idol” �nalist

One year not too long ago, I was completely alone on

Christmas Day. I lived in Nashville, Tenn., thousands of

miles from my family in California, and I didn’t have the

money to go home. It was tough.

I grew up in a single-parent home, and my mother

and I were close. I so admire her. She worked and raised

my brother and me all on her own. Money was scarce

and times were hard, but she never wavered. My mother

is truly the strongest woman I’ve ever met, and the way

she lived her life caused me to become a strong woman

as well.

Maybe that’s why, even though I was tempted

to feel sorry for myself that lonely Christmas Day, I

determined instead to spend that time with Jesus.

The day changed me. I spent hours thinking about

the meaning of Christmas, worshiping Jesus and reading

the Gospels. People felt sorry for me, but they didn’t

need to—it was one of my sweetest Christmases.

That day ended, but God had more presents in store

for me. Every year since then—in a way that can only be

described as God’s hand—my touring has brought me

to California during the Christmas season. I spend a lot

of time on the road singing and ministering to others,

and I have little control over my travel schedule. So I

know it was a gift from God that I’ve been able to spend

Christmas with my family three years in a row.

I focused solely on delighting in God that one

Christmas, and He brought the desires of my heart to

pass. Just like He promises.

My Unexpected Gift

“Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

Psalm 37:4

T h r i v i n g F a m i l y 44 N o v . | D e c . 2 0 0 9

Every year, from the time my two girls and boy were little, we went to the

Salvation Army on Christmas Day before we opened our presents. We

served food and simply enjoyed hanging out with people. Later in the

day my girls would perform a Christmas cantata, their gift to us. Of course,

my wife and I always looked for ways to put a little crazy fun into the day

as well.

One year, after we were done opening gifts, I said, “Oh, one more

present. I forgot about this, you guys.”

The kids unwrapped marshmallow guns, and we ended up having a

two-hour marshmallow !ght in the living room. It was a messy gift, but it

was a blast.

Last Christmas Eve, my children—Hannah (19), Charity (18) and

Cameron (13)—and my wife and I celebrated in a way that especially

touched my heart.

We had saved all our travel miles and went to Hawaii for a family

vacation. On Christmas Eve, we talked about what we were going to do

to make Jesus the center of Christmas, since we would not be able to

serve others by going to the Salvation Army.

One of the kids said, “Let’s go to the beach, light a camp!re, read the

Christmas story and worship the Lord tonight.”

So, we went out and started a !re. To read the Christmas story, we passed

the Bible around and let di"erent people read parts of the story. After that,

one of the girls grabbed a guitar, and we started singing. We passed the

guitar to Cameron, and he led a couple of songs, too. Then we spontaneously

prayed, thanking God for what had happened during the year.

Those few hours were so meaningful and memorable that we didn’t

want to leave. We remained before God and with each other until almost

midnight.

Marshmallow Guns and Palm-Tree Praise

by Ron Luce,

co-founder and

president of Teen Mania

T h r i v i n g F a m i l y 45 N o v . | D e c . 2 0 0 9

It was Dec. 21. The phone rang. The only other couple in our adoption group

who hadn’t yet been placed with a baby—besides us—was calling to say

they �nally had a child. I hung up, feeling like I’d been shot in the chest. No

baby for us. We’d been waiting for almost �ve years, and I longed to be a

mother.

I rolled up my spiritual sleeves and began to beg God for a baby by

Christmas. I set up a Christmas tree and decorated the branches with pink

and blue ribbons and christened it the “Baby Hope Tree.” Every day I knelt

there, pouring out my prayers.

Then the phone rang, and I heard the hard truth that there was not

going to be a baby by Christmas.

Our �rst child didn’t come until Easter. At last. Our second child came

two years later in a blistering July summer.

When I look back at that 21st day of December, I realize now that my

daughter was safely growing in her birth-mother’s womb on Christmas Day.

God was indeed answering my prayer. He was working while I was waiting.

Every Christmas since then, we’ve continued to set up a Baby Hope Tree,

tied with pink and blue ribbons. In the early years, my husband and I did the

work while telling our children the tale of our waiting and wanting them so

much. As they grew, they began to set up the tree themselves, Eva tying on

the pink ribbons and Ethan the blue ones. Well into their 20s today, they still

come by and admire the tree, the tender reminder that God works while

we wait. L

The Baby Hope Tree

by Elisa Morgan,

former president

and CEO of MOPS

“God works while we wait.”