tips for writing theses for non-native speakers of english

Tips for Writing Theses for non-Native Speakers of English

Dr. M. Kevin O CarrollBDS, MSDFellow, American Academy of Oral and Maxillofacial RadiologyDiplomate, American Board of Oral and Maxillofacial Radiology

Professor Emeritus, University of Mississippi School of DentistryInternational Consultant, Chiang Mai University Faculty of Dentistry

Getting StartedBlank sheet of paperWhere do I begin?How am I going to write a book?Get organizedDivide thesis into chaptersUniversity instructions

OutlineChapter HeadingsSub-headingsFigure TitlesReferencesNotesCommentsEtc.

Get OrganizedCreate files for each chapter of the thesisComputer and paper filesCopiesDevelop a timetableWork with advisorDeadlinesStarting dates

Get OrganizedStarting dates

Look afar and see the end from the beginning.

Start WritingFirst thing may not be in thesisBut write somethingYou will revise almost everythingAs you write you will improveWoodrow WilsonSorry for long letterNo time to write short one

Things to rememberYou are the expertExamine unanswered questionCommittee will be interestedOther scientists and academicsEven people outside your fieldPeople without good EnglishYou must provide detailOthers may want to repeat study

Consult AdvisorDetails on Thesis structureStyleEtc.

Personal BackgroundIrish - Born in IrelandDentistSpecialist in Oral and Maxillofacial RadiologyAcademic career mostly in USA Professor Emeritus, University of MississippiNow International Consultant, Faculty of Dentistry, CMU

Language BackgroundIrish Celtic 24 yearsEnglish Saxon 53 yearsLatin Roman 5 yearsFrench Romance 4 yearsThai Indian & Sanskrit 4 monthsLao, Khmer, Vietnamese, Korean - ??Chinese, Japanese - pictographs

CaveatCaveat Latin v. cavere, to bewareCaveat- let him beware

I am not an English teacherI may make mistakes

EnglishVery precise languageVery difficult to learnMany irregular verbsVery little left to be understoodAlmost everything must be statedMany synonyms Differences in meaning important

EnglishConstraints

Your backgrounds may varyTime problemTwo sessions of three hoursThesisManuscripts

BooksAcademic Writing for Graduate StudentsSwales JM, Feak CBUniversity of Michigan Press 1994

Essentials of Writing Biomedical Research PapersZeiger MMcGraw-Hill 2000

How To Write and publish a Scientific Paper. 4th edDay RAThe Oryx Press 1994

WritingNo single right way to write scientifically

The books I mentioned take different approaches

The books may suit you differently

Goal of WritingTell a story that readers can understand?Quintillian, a Roman rhetoritician c 100 AD:Clear writing is incapable of being misunderstoodThat is the standard to use

WritingThesisChaptersParagraphsSentencesWords

WordsVocabularyI must assume you have a good vocabulary

Parts of speechI am going to assume you know theseBut we will be discussing them as we go along

NounsVerbsAdjectivesAdverbsPrepositionsConjunctionsClausesPhrasesEtc.

Word ChoiceGuidelinesWords in research papers should be:PreciseSimpleNecessary

Use few if any abbreviationsDo not interchange words with similar but different meanings

Word ChoicePrecise words

Renal blood flow was drastically compromised when the aorta was obstructed.

Word ChoicePrecise wordsRenal blood flow was drastically compromised when the aorta was obstructed.


Compromise: to place at riskBlood flow can be measured: it decreases or increases


Renal blood flow was drastically decreased when the aorta was obstructed.

Word ChoicePrecise wordsRenal blood flow was drastically decreased when the aorta was obstructed.

Drastically is impreciseBlood flow can be measuredShow how much it was decreased

Word ChoicePrecise wordsRenal blood flow was drastically decreased when the aorta was obstructed.

Renal blood flow was decreased by 80 % when the aorta was obstructed.


Renal blood flow was decreased by 80 % when the aorta was obstructed.

Word ChoicePrecise wordsThe short-circuit current remained increased for several hours.


Several is impreciseHow many is several?Hours can be counted or calculatedGive the number of hours, the mean, or a range of hours


The short-circuit current remained increased for five hours.

Word ChoicePrecise wordsThe change in short-circuit current produced by 10-5 M major basic protein was 85% of the maximal response to isoproterenol. A higher concentration of major basic protein would therefore probably have produced only a minimal further increase in the short-circuit current.

Word ChoicePrecise wordsThe increase in short-circuit current produced by 10-5 M major basic protein was 85% of the maximal response to isoproterenol. A higher concentration of major basic protein would therefore probably have produced only a minimal further increase in the short-circuit current.

Word ChoicePrecise wordsThe cells were exposed to lipoprotein-deficient serum for 48 hours.


Exposed to is impreciseHow were they exposed?Put in? Bathed in? Grown in?


Put in is not right because what is the mental image? Am I putting cells in the solution continuously for 48 hours? Not likely.


The cells were bathed in (or placed in) lipoprotein-deficient serum for 48 hours.

Word ChoiceSimple wordsSimple can be looked at in different ways.Put in was too simple as well as imprecisePlaced in was still simple but more preciseBathed in was still simple, but more formal or scientific.

Word ChoiceSimple wordsBlood samples were drawn from the 5 female and 3 male children at 0.5, 1, 2, 3, and 4 h following the initiation of dialysis.


Blood samples were drawn from the 5 girls and 3 boys at 0.5, 1, 2, 3, and 4 h after the beginning of dialysis.

Word ChoiceSimple wordsBlood samples were drawn from the 5 girls and 3 boys at 0.5, 1, 2, 3, and 4 h after the beginning of dialysis.

Single digit numbers should be spelled out, except for values.Sentences should not begin with numerals, no matter how many digits


Blood samples were drawn from the five girls and three boys at 0.5, 1, 2, 3, and 4 h after the beginning of dialysis.

Word ChoiceSimple wordsBlood samples were drawn from the five girls and three boys at 0.5, 1, 2, 3, and 4 h after the beginning of dialysis.

Blood samples were drawn from the five girls and three boys at 0.5, 1, 2, 3, and 4 hours after the beginning of dialysis.


Blood samples were drawn from the five girls and three boys at 0.5, 1, 2, 3, and 4 hours after the beginning of dialysis.

Word ChoiceSimple wordsIn the somatosensory system, for example, the different somatic sensory submodalities (touch, proprioception, nociception, and thermoregulation) result from the activation of distinct sensory cells that project to the specific regions of the brain via topographically segregated pathways.

Word ChoiceSimple wordsBig words are not bad. Indeed, they can add character to good writing.BUT scientific words, which we must use, tend to be big and heavy.SO, to keep the writing from being too heavy, use small words for the rest of the sentence.

Word ChoiceSimple wordsIn the somatosensory system, for example, the different somatic sensory subtypes (touch, proprioception, nociception, and thermoregulation) result from the activation of distinct sensory cells that project to the specific regions of the brain via topographically segregated pathways.

Word ChoiceSimple wordsIn the somatosensory system, for example, the different somatic senses (touch, proprioception, nociception, and thermoregulation) result from the activation of distinct sensory cells that project to the specific regions of the brain via topographically segregated pathways.

Word ChoiceSimple wordsFor the list of senses (touch, proprioception, nociception, and thermoregulation) we have an interesting problem.

There are simple words for three of them, but not for proprioception.

There are complex words for three of them, but not for touch.

Word ChoiceSimple wordsIt would be nice if there were simple words for all four.

But since there are not, use as many simple words as possible

Word ChoiceSimple wordsIn the somatosensory system, for example, the different somatic senses (touch, proprioception, nociception, and thermoregulation) result from the activation of distinct sensory cells that project to the specific regions of the brain via topographically segregated pathways.

Word ChoiceSimple wordsIn the somatosensory system, for example, the different somatic senses (touch, proprioception, pain, and heat) result from the activation of distinct sensory cells that project to the specific regions of the brain via topographically segregated pathways.

Word ChoiceNecessary wordsAfter 4h of haemodialysis, we abruptly ended the haemodialysis.


After 4h of haemodialysis, we abruptly ended the haemodialysis.


After 4h, we abruptly ended the haemodialysis procedure.

Word ChoiceNecessary wordsOxygen uptake in response to drugs was examined and found to vary considerably.


It is not necessary to say you examined a response. If you found the response, you must have examined it. This is an example of where something is understood from the context.

First revision:Oxgen uptake was found to vary considerably.



However, it is also not necessary to say that you found the response. If you say what the response was, then you must have found it.

Second revision:Oxygen uptake varied considerably.



Second revision:Oxygen uptake varied considerably.

It would be even better if you could say how much it varied

Word ChoiceNecessary wordsSo you can see repeated revisions can improve the quality of writing, even in terms of word choice.

Word ChoiceAbbreviationsThis study measured the response of forearm blood flow (FBF) and forearm vascular resistance (FVR) after isometric handgrip exercise (IHE) and related them to plasma norepinephrine (NE) and epinephrine (E) in 12 normotensives (N) and 14 primary hypertensives (PH). IHE was performed at 30% of maximum voluntary contraction using a calibrated dynamometer. Systolic blood pressure (SBP), diastolic blood pressure (DBP), heart rate (HR), FBF, FVR, NE, and E were measured in the resting arm before and after IHE. Pre-exercise SBP and DBP were higher in PH than in N. FVR was similar in PH and N. NE was higher in PH compared to other matched normotensives. After IHE, SBP and DBP were increased 18% and 19%, respectively, in PH and 16% and 25% in N.

Word ChoiceAbbreviationsAbbreviations are deceptive

They make reading easier if the reader knows what they mean

They make reading more difficult if the reader does not know what they mean.

Word ChoiceAbbreviationsThis study measured the response of forearm blood flow (FBF) and forearm vascular resistance (FVR) after isometric handgrip exercise (IHE) and related them to plasma norepinephrine (NE) and epinephrine (E) in 12 normotensives (N) and 14 primary hypertensives (PH). IHE was performed at 30% of maximum voluntary contraction using a calibrated dynamometer. Systolic blood pressure (SBP), diastolic blood pressure (DBP), heart rate (HR), FBF, FVR, NE, and E were measured in the resting arm before and after IHE. Pre-exercise SBP and DBP were higher in PH than in N. FVR was similar in PH and N. Ne was higher in PH compared to other matched normotensives. After IHE, SBP and DBP were increased 18% and 19%, respectively, in PH and 16% and 25% in N.

Guidelines for Using AbbreviationsThese guidelines are for the following kinds of abbreviationsAbbreviations made of the first letters of each word or of each important syllable, such as DNA for deoxyribonucleic acid, and are recognized internationally.Standard abbreviations for units of measurement, such as SI units, like kg, ml, min, sec, etc.

Guidelines for Using AbbreviationsWhen to use abbreviationsTo replace a term that is long or unwieldy AND that appears a great many times in the paper.

Word ChoiceAbbreviationsThis study measured the response of forearm blood flow (FBF) and forearm vascular resistance (FVR) after isometric handgrip exercise (IHE) and related them to plasma norepinephrine (NE) and epinephrine (E) in 12 normotensives (N) and 14 primary hypertensives (PH). IHE was performed at 30% of maximum voluntary contraction using a calibrated dynamometer. Systolic blood pressure (SBP), diastolic blood pressure (DBP), heart rate (HR), FBF, FVR, NE, and E were measured in the resting arm before and after IHE. Pre-exercise SBP and DBP were higher in PH than in N. FVR was similar in PH and N. Ne was higher in PH compared to other matched normotensives. After IHE, SBP and DBP were increased 18% and 19%, respectively, in PH and 16% and 25% in N.

Guidelines for Using AbbreviationsMost of these terms are not long or unwieldy.Most are used five times or less. That is not too many. Ten times in a paper is not too many.If an abbreviation is used ten times or less in a paper, the reader has to keep looking up what it means.An abbreviation should be used often enough that the reader does not forget its meaning.

Guidelines for Using AbbreviationsExceptions

Long terms, such as tetradecanoylphorbol acetate (TPA) should be abreviated even if it is used only once or twice more in a paperAn abbreviation that is more familiar to the reader than the term for which it stands, for example, DNA. These can be used freely.

How to Avoid AbbreviationsUse one word from a long termInstead of IHE for isometric handgrip exercise (a non-standard abbreviation), use exercise after the first use, especially if this is the only exercise mentioned.

To avoid terms like group A, use a characteristic to name the group, such as the diabetic group.

Word ChoiceWords Carelessly InterchangedThis response was blocked by phentolamine but was not (affected, effected) by propanolol.


Affected - influencedEffected - caused to happen


This response was blocked by phentolamine but was not affected by propanolol.

Word ChoiceWords Carelessly InterchangedThe digoxin (amount, concentration, content, level) was increased from 0.5 to 2.5 ng/ml.


Level is more general than amount, contration, and content.Level is OK if there is only one kind of level in your paperBut, if you have both amounts and concentrations, or if you use level to mean horizontal state or line, use the most specific term.


The digoxin concentration was increased from 0.5 to 2.5 ng/ml.

Word ChoiceWords Carelessly InterchangedPre-ganglionic stimulation (enhances, increases) nor-epinephrine release from terminals within the superior cervical ganglion.


Enhances improves (imprecise, not easily measurable)Increases a larger amount, measurable, and precise)


Pre-ganglionic stimulation increases nor-epinephrine release from terminals within the superior cervical ganglion.

Word ChoiceWords Carelessly InterchangedAt frequent (intervals, periods) we measured pH, PO2 and PCO2 in arterial blood, and during each (interval, period) of study we measured pulmonary flow two or three times.

Word ChoiceWords Carelessly InterchangedAt frequent (intervals, periods) we mesured pH, PO2 and PCO2 in arterial blood, and during each (interval, period) of study we measured pulmonary flow two or three times.

Interval the time between two specific events.Period the time during which events occur

Word ChoiceWords Carelessly InterchangedAt frequent (intervals, periods) we measured pH, PO2 and PCO2 in arterial blood, and during each (interval, period) of study we measured pulmonary flow two or three times.

At frequent intervals we measured pH, PO2 and PCO2 in arterial blood, and during each period of study we measured pulmonary flow two or three times.

Word Choice

Summary

Words in research papers should be:PreciseSimpleNecessary


Word ChoiceHow Do I Choose Words?

Dictionary

Collins CoBUILD English Dictionary for Advanced Learners (3rd edition)4th Ed not as goodLongman Activator

Word ChoiceHow Do I Choose Words?

Thesaurus

Rogets Thesaurus of the English Language

If you have a long or unwieldy word it can help you find a simpler one.

Word Choice

How Do I Choose Words?

Academic Word Listhttp://www.vuw.ac.nz/lals/research/awl/index.html

Contains headwords of the 570 word families used most often in academic writing Account for 10% of all words in scientific papersGrouped into 10 groups according the degree of use.

SentencesA sentence is a complete thought (or idea) expressed in words

Subject, predicate and object

Subject, verb and completer

Sentence StructureClearest, easiest to understand if simple and direct

Five techniques to ensure sentneces are simple and direct

Five writing flaws to avoid

Sentence StructureFive writing techniques

Express core of message in subject, verb and completerAvoid noun clustersWrite short sentencesUse clear pronounsPut parallel ideas in parallel form

Sentence Structure


Sentence StructureMessage in subject, verb & completerMake the topic the subject

Put the action in the verb

Sentence StructureMake the topic the subjectThe children with arteriovenous shunts had the shunts opened, heparin injected, and the arterial and venous sides of the shunt clamped.

Sentence Structure Make the topic the subjectThe children with arteriovenous shunts had the shunts opened, heparin injected, and the arterial and venous sides of the shunt clamped.


Topic is not childrenMessage is not children having


Topics are shunts, heparin & sides of the shuntMessage is what happened to them


Revision:In the children who had arteriovenous shunts, the shunts were opened, heparin was injected, and the arterial and venous sides of the shunt were clamped.

Sentence Structure Make the topic the subjectAsk yourself what is the topic of each sentence.

Put that topic in the subject.

Sentence Structure Put the action in the verbAn increase in heart rate occurred.


The action is in the subject, increaseThe verb, occurred, does not express the action.Sentence is complicated and indirect


The subject is heart rateThe action is increased


Revision:Heart rate increased.

Simple and direct

Sentence Structure Put the action in the verbThe new drug caused a decrease in heart rate.


The action is in the object, decreaseThe verb, caused, does not express the action. Sentence is complicated and indirect


The subject is drugThe action is decreasedThe object is heart rate


Revision:The new drug decreased heart rate.

Simple and direct

Sentence Structure Put the action in the verbWith bilateral leg vessel congestion, the compliance of forearm vessels increased significantly.


Two issues here, real action and prepositional phrase.Real action is increased and is in the right place.

Another action, congestion, is in a prepositional phrase, with bilateral leg vessel congestion


But the sentence can be improved by putting the secondary action in a verb.

Revision:When the vessels in both legs were congested, the compliance of forearm vessels increased significantly


But the sentence can be improved by putting the secondary action in a verb.

Revision:When the vessels in both legs were congested, the compliance of forearm vessels increased significantly.

Sentence Structure Put the action in the verbWith hypoxia of longer duration or severer degree, the shortening phase may get progressively briefer.

Sentence Structure Put the action in the verbWith hypoxia of longer duration or severer degree, the shortening phase may get progressively briefer.

Revision:When hypoxia lasts longer or is more severe, the shortening phase may get progressively briefer.

Sentence Structure Put the action in the verbI tested the hypothesis that there is an alteration of phospholipid metabolites in lipid of white matter signal hyperintensities.


The action is in a noun, alteration, introduced by there isThe verb, is, does not express the action


Revision:I tested the hypothesis that phospholipid metabolites in lipid of white matter signal hyperintensities are altered.

Sentence Structure Put the action in the verbAsk yourself what action you want each sentence to express

Put that action in a verb.

Sentence Structure Message in subject, verb & completerThe adults ended dialysis with a plasma acetate concentration almost double that of the children.

Sentence Structure Message in subject, verb & completerThe adults ended dialysis with a plasma acetate concentration almost double that of the children.

Revision 1:At the end of dialysis, the plasma acetate concentrtion of the adults was almost double that of the children.

Revision 2:After dialysis . . .

Sentence Structure Message in subject, verb & completerThe patient showed no change in symptoms.

Sentence Structure Message in subject, verb & completerThe patient showed no change in symptoms.

Revision 1:The patients symptoms did not change.

Revision 2:The patients symptoms were unchanged.

Sentence StructureExpress core of message in subject, verb and completerAvoid noun clustersWrite short sentencesUse clear pronounsPut parallel ideas in parallel form

Sentence Structure Avoid Noun Clusters

Nouns are usually modified by adjectives

However, one noun is often modified by another noun in Englishblood flow, protein metabolism,

But adding more nouns is confusingfilament length variabilityAir spaces phospholipid pool


Untangling noun clusters

Start from the end and work your way to the beginning inserting the appropriate prepositions


Untangling noun clusters

filament length variability

variability of the length of the filamentsVariability of filament length

air spaces phospholipid pool

pool of phospholipids in the air spacesPhospholipid pool in the air spaces


The prepositions indicate how the nouns are related to each other

It can be difficult to figure out the relationships in noun clusters


The precipitate was further purified by sucrose density gradient centrifugation.


The precipitate was further purified by sucrose density gradient centrigugation.

Revision 1:The precipitate was further purified by being centrifuged on density gradients made of sucrose.

Revision 2:The precipitate was further purified by being centrifuged on sucrose density gradients.


The problem is compounded when an adjective is added to a noun cluster

chronic sheep experiments

What is chronic, the sheep or the experiments?


First untangle the noun clusterThen place the adjective in front of the appropriate noun

chronic sheep experimentsWhat are sheep experiments?Experiments that sheep are conducting in their lab?Experiments that are being conducted on or in sheep?


chronic sheep experimentsWhat are sheep experiments?Experiments that sheep are conducting in their lab?Experiments that are being conducted on or in sheep?


First untangle the noun clusterThen place the adjective in front of the appropriate noun

chronic sheep experiments

Revision:chronic experiments in sheep


peripheral chemoreceptor stimulation

What is peripheral?The chemoreceptors or the stimulation?

Revision:stimulation of the peripheral chemoreceptorsperipheral stimulation of the chemoreceptors


Even more confusion occurs when the noun that the adjective modifies is omitted from the cluster altogether

To assess zero drift, we checked each catheter in saline at 38C.



What is zero drift?No drift?Drift of the zero point?



Revision:To assess for drift of the zero point, we checked each catheter in saline at 38C.

Longer, but clearer


Treat noun clusters like abbreviations

Do not use them if you can possibly avoid them

If you are forced to use them, write them the long way the first time; then use the cluster

Sentence Structure Write Short Sentences

Complete thought (or idea) expressed in wordsA sentence with two or more ideas is difficult to follow

Do not string ideas togetherTalk about one thing at a time


Do not string ideas together

In one patient who had numerous lesions, the echocardiogram correctly detected a large lesion (15mm) attached to the right coronary cusp but failed to detect the 4- to 5-mm lesions found at surgery on the remaining two cusps, whereas in another patient, the echocardiogram correctly detected lesions on all three cusps.

Sentence Structure Do not string ideas together

Revision 1:In one patient who had numerous lesions, the echocardiogram correctly detected a large lesion (15mm) attached to the right coronary cusp but failed to detect the 4- to 5-mm lesions found at surgery on the remaining two cusps. whereas However, in another patient, the echocardiogram correctly detected lesions on all three cusps.

Sentence Structure Do not string ideas together

Revision 2:In one patient who had numerous lesions, the echocardiogram correctly detected a large lesion (15mm) attached to the right coronary cusp. but It failed to detect the 4- to 5-mm lesions found at surgery on the remaining two cusps. whereas However, in another patient, the echocardiogram correctly detected lesions on all three cusps.


Complete thought (or idea) expressed in wordsA sentence with two or more ideas is difficult to follow

Do not string ideas togetherTalk about one thing at a time


Talk about one thing at a time

Even more difficult is a sentence that talks about two ideas at once or has one idea nested inside another.

Sentence Structure Talk about one thing at a time

The eleutian order and extent of separation of these two isoenzymes are quite different from those achieved on DEAE-cellulose chromatography of alpha-chymotryptic-digested S1, where light chain 1 emerges first, followed by a well-resolved second peak of light chain 3.


The eleutian order and extent of separation of these two isoenzymes are quite different from those achieved on DEAE-cellulose chromatography of alpha-chymotryptic-digested S1, where light chain 1 emerges first, followed by a well-resolved second peak of light chain 3.

Revision:The eleutian order of these two isoenzymes, light chain 3 followed by light chain 1, is the reverse of that achieved by DEAE-cellulose chromatography of alpha-chymotryptic-digested S1. Similarly, the extent of separation is reversed, the peak of light chain 1 being much better resolved than the peak of light chain 3.


In the next example three ideas are presented in one sentence: the purpose of the experiment, how the experiment was done and a description of the patients.

To study the mechanisms involved in the beneficial effects of hydralazine on ventricular function in patients who have chronic aortic insufficiency, a radionuclide assessment of ventricular function was performed in 15 patients with pure aortic insufficiency, functional capacity I or II, at rest and during supine exercise.


Revision 1:To study the mechanisms involved in the beneficial effects of hydralazine on ventricular function in patients who have chronic aortic insufficiency, a radionuclide assessment of ventricular function was performed in 15 patients at rest and during supine exercise. All patients had pure aortic insufficiency and were in functional capacity I or II.


Revision 2:Our aim was to assess the mechanisms involved in the beneficial effects of hydralazine on ventricular function in patients who have chronic aortic insufficiency. For this assessment we did a radionuclide study of ventricular function in 15 patients at rest and during supine exercise. All patients had pure aortic insufficiency and were in functional capacity I or II.


Keep sentences as short as possible

Mean length of 22 words per sentence

If you have two or three long sentences, balance them with a short one

The harder the science, the simpler the writing should be

Sentence Structure Use Clear Pronouns

Problems with pronouns

More than one possible noun

No possible nouns



The presence of disulphide bonds in oligopeptides may restrict the formation of ordered structures in sodium dodecyl sulphate solution. Once they are reduced, the predicted conformations can be fully induced.


The presence of disulphide bonds in oligopeptides may restrict the formation of ordered structures in sodium dodecyl sulphate solution. Once they are reduced, the predicted conformations can be fully induced.

To what does they refer?

Either repeat the noun to which they refersOr revise the sentence structure


Easier to repeat the noun

Revision:The presence of disulphide bonds in oligopeptides may restrict the formation of ordered structures in sodium dodecyl sulphate solution. Once the bonds are reduced, the predicted conformations can be fully induced.



Laboratory animals are not susceptible to these diseases, so research on them is hampered.


Laboratory animals are not susceptible to these diseases, so research on them is hampered.

Revision 1: Repeat the nounLaboratory animals are not susceptible to these diseases, so research on these diseases is hampered.

Revision 2: Revise the sentence structureResearch on these diseases is hampered because laboratory animals are not susceptible to them.


No possible nouns

Tyson et al. abruptly occluded the venae cavae before analyzing the heart beats. As a result of this, the volume of the right heart rapidly decreased.


Tyson et al. abruptly occluded the venae cavae before analyzing the heart beats. As a result of this, the volume of the right heart rapidly decreased.

There is no noun to which this can refer.This must refer to what Tyson didSo we have to provide the noun occlusion


Tyson et al. abruptly occluded the venae cavae before analyzing the heart beats. As a result of this occlusion, the volume of the right heart rapidly decreased.


No possible nouns

Hearts.Those used for this study were taken from 13 litters of new-born hamsters.

Nouns to which pronouns refer should be part of the text. Headings and words in parentheses are not part of the text.

Revision:Hearts.The hearts used for this study were taken from 13 litters of new-born hamsters.


No possible nouns

In previous studies, fetal sheep responded to asphyxia with immediate femoral vasoconstriction (8). However, delayed vasoconstriction occurred, and they speculated that . . .



Who are they? The sheep?



Revision:In previous studies, fetal sheep responded to asphyxia with immediate femoral vasoconstriction (8). However, delayed vasoconstriction occurred, and the investigators speculated that . . .


The text should make sense even if all subheadings and all items in parentheses are omitted

This is because it is reasonable for people to read sentences without looking at the headings or items in parentheses

Sentence Structure Parallel ideas in parallel form

Parallel Ideas

Ideas that are equal in logic nd importance

Ideas that are being compared

Usually joined by and, or, or but.


Parallel FormUse of the same grammatical structures for two or more parallel ideasGrammatical structures include clauses, phrases (prepositional or infinitive), and single words such as nouns or adjectives


Types of parallel form

Pairs

Series


Pairs

Pairs of ideas - two ideas joined by and or but should be written in poarallel form:

Cardiac output decreased by 40% butblood pressure decreased by only 10%.


Pairs

The value of writing in parallel form is that the form of the first idea prepares the reader for the form of the next idea.


Pairs

The lack of response could have been due to damage of a cell surface receptor by the isolation procedure, but it could also be that isolated cells do not respond normally because the cells are isolated.



The forms in front of and after but are not parallel



Revision:The lack of response could have been due to damage of a cell surface receptor by the isolation procedure, but it could also be due to the fact that isolated cells do not respond normally because the cells are isolated.


The lack of response could have been due to damage of a cell surface receptor by the isolation procedure, but it could also be due to the fact that isolated cells do not respond normally because the cells are isolated.

But this makes the sentence longer and has some repetition.


The lack of response could have been due to damage of a cell surface receptor by the isolation procedure, but it could also be due to the fact that isolated cells do not respond normally because the cells are isolated.

Revision 2:The lack of response could have been due to damage of a cell surface receptor by the isolation procedure, or simply to the fact of isolation, which could alter cell response.


Revision 2:The lack of response could have been due to damage of a cell surface receptor by the isolation procedure, or simply to the fact of isolation, which could alter normal cell responses.

The ideas are easier to understand because the repetition of could be due to and isolated have been eliminated.


Three problems with comparisons

Overuse of compared to

Comparison of unlike things

Absolute statements disguised as comparisons



Greater than (not compared to)Less thanHigher thanLower than



We found a higher KD at 37C compared to 25C.

Revision:We found a higher KD at 37C than at 25C



Experimental rabbits had a 28% decrease in alveolar phospholipid as compared to control rabbits during normal ventilation.

Did alveolar phospholipid decrease in A) both experimental and control groups?B) only in experimental rabbits?C) neither group?

From the above sentence, it cannot be determined



Experimental rabbits had a 28% decrease in alveolar phospholipid as compared to control rabbits during normal ventilation.

This sentence can be re-written to show any of the three possibilities



Experimental rabbits had a 28% greater decrease in alveolar phospholipid than did control rabbits during normal ventilation.

This means there was a decrease in both groups. The decrease was 28% greater in the experimental rabbits than the in the control rabbits



Experimental rabbits had a 28% decrease in alveolar phospholipid but control rabbits had no decrease during normal ventilation.

This means there was a decrease only in the experimental rabbits and the level was 28% lower than before.



Experimental rabbits had 28% less alveolar phospholipid than did control rabbits during normal ventilation.

This means there was no decrease in either group. It says only that the experimental rabbits had 28% less phospholipid than did the control rabbits.



Decrease means that the value is now lower than it was before.

Decrease compared to has at least three possible interpretations

Therefore, compared to should not be used with decreased (or increased).



These results are similar to previous studies



These results are similar to previous studies

Revision 1:These results are similar to the results of previous studiesRevision 2:These results are similar to those of previous studies



Activation-controlled relaxation in these membrane-deprived cells resembled intact myocardium from frogs.



Activation-controlled relaxation in these membrane-deprived cells resembled intact myocardium from frogs.

Revision:Activation-controlled relaxation in these membrane-deprived cells resembled that in intact myocardium from frogs.



This medium contains 4 5 mM phosphate compared to Schneiders medium.

In fact this medium contains 4 5 mM regardless of the concentration of phosphate in Schneiders medium. The concentration is an absolute value and does nor depend on any other concentration.



This medium contains 4 5 mM phosphate compared to Schneiders medium.

Revision:This medium contains 4 5 mM phosphate; Schneiders medium contains 9 10 mM phosphate.



If you want to compare the two concentrations:In this medium the concentration of phosphate (4 5 mM) is about half that in Schneiders medium (9 10 mM).


Types of parallel form

Pairs

Series


Series

More than two ideas in parallel form

We washed out the lungs five times with Solution I, instilled 8 10 ml of the fluorocarbon-albumin emulsion into the trachea, and incubated the lungs in 154 nM NaCl at 37C for 20 min.verb object completer


Series

The best way of removing the non-adherent cells wasto tip the plate at a 45-degree angle,to flood the top edge of the plate with 3 4 ml of medium,to remove the medium, andto repeat this procedure until almost all the floating cells were removed.

infinitive object completer


Series

In a series, as in a pair, the form of all the parallel items must be the same


Two problems with parallelism

Hybrids

Paired conjunctions


Hybrids

Confusion between a pair and a series

The D225 modification contains 12.5 mg of cysteine HCl, 50 mg of methionine and has a final volume of 115 ml.


HybridsThe D225 modification contains 12.5 mg of cysteine HCl, 50 mg of methionine and has a final volume of 115 ml.

We are expecting a third value to match 12.5 and 50, but we get a verb, has.The and is in the wrong place


HybridsThe D225 modification contains 12.5 mg of cysteine HCl, 50 mg of methionine and has a final volume of 115 ml.

Revision 1:The D225 modification contains 12.5 mg of cysteine HCl and 50 mg of methionine and has a final volume of 115 ml.


HybridsRevision 1:The D225 modification contains 12.5 mg of cysteine HCl and 50 mg of methionine and has a final volume of 115 ml.

However, the two ands are inelegant. We can substitute a semicolon for the second and.


HybridsRevision 1:The D225 modification contains 12.5 mg of cysteine HCl and 50 mg of methionine and has a final volume of 115 ml.

Revision 2:The D225 modification contains 12.5 mg of cysteine HCl and 50 mg of methionine; its final volume is 115 ml.


Two problems with parallelism

Hybrids

Paired conjunctions


Paired conjunctions

both . . . and . . .either . . . or . . .not only . . .but also . . .


Paired conjunctions

The mechanical response of the heart muscle depends on both the absolute osmolal increase and on the species studied.


Paired conjunctions


Not parallel


Paired conjunctions


Revision:The mechanical response of the heart muscle depends both on the absolute osmolal increase and on the species studied.


Paired conjunctions

Look at the relative position of the conjunctions and the prepositions

on both xand on y

Something is wrong. Either both conjunctions must come before the preposition:both on xand on y

Or the preposition must come only before the first conjunction:on both x and y


An extra advantage of parallelism

Omitting repetition


Omitting repetition

Pulse rate decreased by 40 beats/min, systolic blood pressure declined by 50mm Hg and cardiac output fell by 18%.


Omitting Pulse rate decreased by 40 beats/min, systolic blood pressure declined by 50mm Hg and cardiac output fell by 18%.

The authors thought repeating decreased would be boring, so they changed the verb. But this detracts from the items that actually are different.


Omitting repetition


To avoid repetition without using distracting variations, omit the second and third verbs


Omitting re[petition


Revision:Pulse rate decreased by 40 beats/min, systolic blood pressure by 50mm Hg and cardiac output by 18%.

Sentence StructureClearest, easiest to understand if simple and direct

Five techniques to ensure they are simple and direct


Sentence Structure


Make sure the subject and verb make sense togetherMake sure the subject and verb agreeDo not omit helping verbsAvoid dangling modifiersMake sure sentences containing parentheses make sense

Sentence Structure Subject and Verb Make Sense

The appearance of non-dialyzable 35S in the luminal bath was measured.



Can you measure appearance?



Revision1:The amount of non-dialyzable 35S in the luminal bath was measured.



Revision2:The appearance of non-dialyzable 35S in the luminal bath was noted.

Sentence Structure



Sentence Structure Subject and Verb Agree

The oesophagus, stomach and intestine of each rabbit was examined.

Sentence Structure Subject and Verb Agree

The oesophagus, stomach and intestine of each rabbit was examined.

Revision:The oesophagus, stomach and intestine of each rabbit were examined.

Sentence Structure



Sentence Structure Helping Verbs

The tissue was minced and the samples incubated.


The tissue was minced and the samples incubated.

Revision:The tissue was minced and the samples were incubated.


Contrast medium was infused at a steady rate into the injection port, and the flow calculated from the observed change in the CT number at equilibrium.



Calculated could be misinterpreted as an adjective (the flow that was calculated). The reader could get to the end of the sentence and still be waiting for the verb (What about the flow that was calculated?)



Revision:Contrast medium was infused at a steady rate into the injection port, and the flow was calculated from the observed change in the CT number at equilibrium.

Sentence Structure



Sentence Structure Avoid Dangling Modifiers

Blood flow was allowed to return to baseline before proceeding with the next occlusion.



The first part of the sentence is passive (was allowed), whereas the second is active (proceeding). Proceeding dangles; it has no noun to modify.



Two options:Make both parts activeMake both parts passive



Revision1 (Active):We allowed blood flow to return to baseline before proceeding with the next occlusion.

Revision 2 (Passive):Blood flow was allowed to return to baseline before proceeding with the next occlusion was begun.

Sentence Structure



Sentence Structure Sense Without Parentheses

Pentobarbital (10-6M) had no effect, 10-5M slightly depressed the response, and at 5x10-5M it almost abolished the response.



If the information within the parentheses is omitted, the sentence does not make senseThe point of the sentence is that a certain concentration of pentobarbital had no effect, not that pentobarbital had no effect.



Revision:At 10-6M pentobarbital had no effect, at 10-5M it slightly depressed the response, and at 5x10-5M it almost abolished the response



Revision:At 10-6M pentobarbital had no effect, at 10-5M it slightly depressed the response, and at 5x10-5M it almost abolished the response

Note the parallel form for the series of three items

Sentence Structure

Summary

Five writing techniques


Sentence Structure

Summary



Paragraph Structure

A paragraph is a number of sentences on a single topic

To tell a clear story The ideas must be organizedThe continuity must be clearImportant ideas must be emphasised

Paragraph StructureOrganisation

Topic Sentences and Supporting SentencesNo missing steps


Topic Sentences and Supporting SentencesGeneral approach: Overview first, then detailsCreate expectation, then fulfill it

Or, sometimes in scientific writingDetails first, then meaningBut sometimes details take over


Topic Sentences and Supporting SentencesA topic sentence states the topic or message of the paragraphThe topic is what the paragraph is aboutHave only one message per paragraph


Topic Sentences and Supporting SentencesDetails that support the topic sentence are written in the supporting sentencesSupporting sentences are arranged logically to explain the message stated in the topic sentence

Paragraph StructureOrganisationTopic Sentences and Supporting SentencesThere are three different theories put forward for the very slow relaxation of catch muscles in molluscs. One theory holds that catch is due to some unusual property of myosin in these muscles that produces a slow rate of detachment (12). In this theory, paramyosin would have no special role beyond that of providing the long scaffolding on which the myosin is positioned as well as the mechanical strength for the large tensions developed. The second theory holds that tension is developed by actin-myosin interaction but is maintained by paramyocin interactions (13, 14). Because the thick filaments are of limited length, interaction would have to occur through fusion of thick filaments (15). A third theory, to which I subscribe, pictures a structural change in the paramyosin core affecting the rate of breaking of myosin-actin links at the filament surface (5, 16).

Topic Sentences and Supporting Sentences

There are three different theories put forward for the very slow relaxation of catch muscles in molluscs. One theory holds that catch is due to some unusual property of myosin in these muscles that produces a slow rate of detachment (12). In this theory, paramyosin would have no special role beyond that of providing the long scaffolding on which the myosin is positioned as well as the mechanical strength for the large tensions developed. The second theory holds that tension is developed by actin-myosin interaction but is maintained by paramyocin interactions (13, 14). Because the thick filaments are of limited length, interaction would have to occur through fusion of thick filaments (15). A third theory, to which I subscribe, pictures a structural change in the paramyosin core affecting the rate of breaking of myosin-actin links at the filament surface (5, 16).


The pattern of organization of the supporting sentences is logicalIn this example the order isLeast to most importantBut there are many logical ordersMost to least importantAnnounced orderPro-conProblem-solutionSolution-problem


Length of topic sentences

Best if short and simple


Number and placement of topic sentencesIf more than one, two can be placed together at the beginning, one stating the topic the other the message.Or topic and message can be split, one at the beginning, the other at the endOr the one at the end can re-state the message to reinforce it


If a paragraph has three or more topic sentences, further combinations are possibleMaybe a topic sentence in the middle to give an overview of a sub-topic


Topic Sentences and Supporting SentencesNo missing steps


No missing steps

All steps in the logic of a paragraph must be presentedIf a step is missing, the story will be difficult to follow


No missing steps

As expected, serum glucose decreased to about 800 mg/dl by the sixth hour of insulin infusion. It was elected to stabilise serum glucose at this level to allow for osmotic equilibration. An estimate of net loss of total body glucose was made as follows . . .


No missing steps

As expected, serum glucose decreased to about 800 mg/dl by the sixth hour of insulin infusion. It was elected to stabilise serum glucose at this level to allow for osmotic equilibration. An estimate of net loss of total body glucose was made as follows . . . We know what this means, but why the sudden change to total body glucose?


No missing stepsAs expected, serum glucose decreased to about 800 mg/dl by the sixth hour of insulin infusion. It was elected to stabilise serum glucose at this level to allow for osmotic equilibration. An estimate of net loss of total body glucose was made as follows . . .

Revision:As expected, serum glucose decreased to about 800 mg/dl by the sixth hour of insulin infusion. It was elected to stabilise serum glucose at this level to allow for osmotic equilibration. To allow for osmotic equilibration, we stabilised serum glucose at this level by adding to the fluid infusion an amount of glucose equivalent to the net loss of total body glucose. An estimate of We estimated net loss of total body glucose was made as follows . . .


No missing steps


Revision:

As expected, serum glucose decreased to about 800 mg/dl by the sixth hour of insulin infusion. To allow for osmotic equilibration, we stabilised serum glucose at this level by adding to the fluid infusion an amount of glucose equivalent to the net loss of total body glucose. We estimated net loss of total body glucose as follows . . .


No missing stepsWe often omit steps because we are very familiar with the topic and we can supply the missing step as we readHowever, we must not expect every reader to know the topic as well as we do ourselves


No missing steps

Two easy ways to avoid omitting steps

Read the manuscript after a few weeks, when you do not have everything fresh in your mind

Ask a colleague outside your field to read the manuscript

Paragraph Structure

A paragraph is a number of sentences on a single topic

To tell a clear story The ideas must be organizedThe continuity must be clearImportant ideas must be emphasised

Paragraph StructureContinuity

Even if a paragraph is well organised (has a topic sentence and logically arranged supporting sentences and is not missing any steps in the logic), the story can still be difficult to follow if the paragraph does not have continuity


Continuity

A clear relationship between every sentence and the sentence before it


Six techniques for creating continuity

Repeating key termsUsing transitions to indicate relationships between ideasKeeping consistent orderKeeping a consistent point of viewPutting parallel ideas in parallel formSignaling the sub-topics of a paragraph



Repeating key terms

Key terms are terms that name important ideas in a paper

In the last example the terms serum glucose and net loss of total body glucose were repeated to hold the paragraph together


No missing steps


Revision:

As expected, serum glucose decreased to about 800 mg/dl by the sixth hour of insulin infusion. To allow for osmotic equilibration, we stabilised serum glucose at this level by adding to the fluid infusion an amount of glucose equivalent to the net loss of total body glucose. We estiamted net loss of total body glucose as follows . . .



Repeating key terms

Repeat key terms exactlyRepeat key terms earlyLink key terms


Repeat key terms exactlyA) For clarity

Digitalis increases the contractility of the mammalian heart. This change in intropic state is a result of changes in calcium flux through the muscle cell membrane

What is intropic state and what does it have to do with the previous sentence?


Repeat key terms exactly


The answer is contractility and intropic state mean the same thing. So why use different terms and risk confusing the reader?




Revision:

Digitalis increases the contractility of the mammalian heart. This increased contractility is a result of changes in calcium flux through the muscle cell membrane


Repeat key terms exactlyTwo paragraphs:

The extent of digestion of the liver was determined empirically, on the basis of the softness of the liver in response to gentle scratches applied with sterile tweezers. When these scratches broke the surface of the liver, digestion was considered complete.

The key enzyme in hepatocyte isolation is collagenase, but there is surprisingly little definitive information about what constitutes a good enzyme preparation for efficacy of cell yield and viability.


If we repeat the terms digestion and liver in the second paragraph. It makes the relationship between the paragraphs clearThe extent of digestion of the liver was determined empirically, on the basis of the softness of the liver in response to gentle scratches applied with sterile tweezers. When these scratches broke the surface of the liver, digestion was considered complete.

The key enzyme used to digest liver is collagenase, but there is surprisingly little definitive information about what constitutes a good enzyme preparation for efficacy of cell yield and viability.



B) For accuracy

Sometimes changing key terms can make the meaning scientifically inaccurateTo determine which collagenase concentration is the most appropriate for our purposes, we tested collagenase B (Boehringer Mannheim, Indianapolis, IN) dissolved at different concentrations in the perfusion medium. First we perfused mouse liver with a medium containing the same quantity of collagenase B as the medium used to perfuse rat liver (70 mg enzyme per litre of perfusion medium).



B) For accuracy

Sometimes changing key terms can make the meaning scientifically inaccurateRevision:To determine which collagenase concentration is the most appropriate for our purposes, we tested collanenase B (Boehringer Mannheim, Indianapolis, IN) dissolved at different concentrations in the perfusion medium. First we perfused mouse liver with a medium containing the same concentration of collagenase B as the medium used to perfuse rat liver (70 mg enzyme per litre of perfusion medium).



C) To avoid noise

In humans, apo-B100, mainly synthesised in the liver, and apo-B48, mainly synthesised in the intestine, are the products of a single apo-B gene (ref.) The production of apo-B48 in the human intestine is the result of an RNA-editing process that changes a glutamine codon (CAA) of the mRNA for apo-B100 into a translational stop codon (UAA). This apo-B mRNA editing process does not occur in human livers, so apo-B48 is not synthesised in human livers. However, the mRNA-editing process, and thus apo-B48 formation, occurs in mouse and rat livers.



If production and formation mean synthesis, why not use synthesis each time?We usually do not like repeating the same word in a sentence or paragraphBut the reason is to create an elegant rather than a boring styleHowever, the last paragraph is not elegant.Changing the key terms creates noise



There is a lot of other material in the paragraph that is difficult to follow; repeating synthesis gets rid of some noise and makes the whole easier to understand

In humans, apo-B100, mainly synthesised in the liver, and apo-B48, mainly synthesised in the intestine, are the products of a single apo-B gene (ref.) The synthesis of apo-B48 in the human intestine is the result of an RNA-editing process that changes a glutamine codon (CAA) of the mRNA for apo-B100 into a translational stop codon (UAA). This apo-B mRNA editing process does not occur in human livers, so apo-B48 is not synthesised in human livers. However, the mRNA-editing process, and thus apo-B48 synthesis, occurs in mouse and rat livers.



D) A corollary: Do not use one key term for two meanings . . . Reduction of reduced glutathione . . .In chemistry, reduced means deoxidisedIn this phrase reduction cannot also mean deoxidised, but probably decreasedIt is clearest to write decrease in reduced glutathione



Repeating key terms



Repeat key terms early

Continuity is clearest if the key term is repeated early in the sentence

If the key term is delayed the reader is kept in suspense and continuity is lost


Repeat key terms early either as the subject or as an aspect of the subjectSubjectDigitalis increases the contractility of the mammalian heart. Changes in the calcium flux through the muscle cell membrane cause this increased contractility.

Revision:

Digitalis increases the contractility of the mammalian heart. This increased contractility results from changes in calcium flux through the muscle cell membrane.


Repeat key terms early either as the subject or as an aspect of the subjectAspect of the subjectSignals that confer localisation to the endoplasmic reticulum (ER) have been characterised in the cytoplasmic domain of many mammalian type I transmembrane proteins that reside in the ER and in the ER-Golgi intermediate compartment. One common feature of these signals is the presence of two lysine residues at positions -3 and -4 from the C-terminal end of the cytoplasmic domain (refs.)



The important point is that repeating the key term early in the next sentence is that the reader knows the relationship between the two sentences is clear early in the second sentenceThe reader is not kept guessing until later in the sentence



If each new sentence starts with a new key term and the old key terms are repeated late, the story is difficult to follow

Here is an example



The ability to perform high-resolution genotyping for the purpose of genetic mapping depends on the availability of polymorphic markers at very high density. Single-base variations, reported on average at every 1 kb of the human genome, provide an attractive reservoir of polymorphisms. Mismatch repair detection is an in vivo method for the detection of DNA sequence variations.



Revision:

The ability to perform high-resolution genotyping for the purpose of genetic mapping depends on the availability of polymorphic markers at very high density. An attractive reservoir of polymorphic markers is single-base variations, reported on average at every 1 kb of the human genome. An in vivo method for detecting single-base variations is mismatch repair detection.



Repeating key terms



Link key terms when you shift from a specif term to a category term and vice versa

Use the category term to define the specific termPlace the definition either right after or right before the term to be definedSet off the item in the after position by commasCheck that the definition repeats a key term from the previous sentence or prepares for one in the next sentence


Link key terms

The v-erbB gene is related to the neu oncogene. Both oncogenes have . . .

Both oncogenes?Clearly, the neu oncogene is one oncogeneWhat is the other one?


Link key termsTo link a specific term to a category term, use a suppressed which is clause


Revision:The v-erbB gene, (which is) an oncogene of the avian erythroblastosis virus, is related to the neu oncogene. Both oncogenes have . . .




Revision:The v-erbB gene, an oncogene of the avian erythroblastosis virus, is related to the neu oncogene. Both oncogenes have . . .


Link key terms


Revision:The v-erbB oncogene, is an oncogene of the avian erythroblastosis virus, related to the neu oncogene. Both oncogenes have . . .


Link key terms


Revision:The v-erbB oncogene, is related to the neu oncogene. Both oncogenes have . . .



However, this short form is not always possibleWe cannot say:The mouse rodent . . .We have to say:The mouse, a rodent, . . .


Link key termsTo link a category term to a specific term, use a suppressed namely phraseThe family of TGF-signaling molecules play inductive roles in various developmental contexts.1 One member of this family, (namely,) Drosophila Decapentaplegic (Dpp),2 serves as a morphogen that patterns both the embryo2,3 and adult 4,5.

If the namely phrase One member of this family were omitted, the continuity between the two sentences would be broken


Link key termsTo link a category term to a specific term, use a suppressed namely phraseThe family of TGF-signaling molecules play inductive roles in various developmental contexts.1 One member of this family, Drosophila Decapentaplegic (Dpp),2 serves as a morphogen that patterns both the embryo2,3 and adult 4,5.

In this example the namely phrase appears right before the specific term Drosophila Decapentaplegic (Dpp)


Link key termsTo link a category term to a specific term, use a suppressed namely phraseThe family of TGF-signaling molecules play inductive roles in various developmental contexts.1 Drosophila Decapentaplegic (Dpp),2 one member of this family, serves as a morphogen that patterns both the embryo2,3 and adult 4,5.

But here it appears right after the specific term Drosophila Decapentaplegic (Dpp)


Using transitions

For a paragraph to have continuity, the reader must understand not merely what each sentence says, but why the author is writing each sentence, and why at this particular point in the paragraph; how does the sentence relate to the story?


Using transitions

Lasers have found widespread application in medicine. Lasers play an important role in the treatment of eye disease and the prevention of blindness. The eye is ideally suited for laser surgery. Most of the eye tissue is transparent. The frequency and focus of the laser beam can be adjusted according to the absorption of the tissue. The beam cuts inside the eye with minimal damage to the surrounding tissue even the tissue between the laser and the incision. Lasers are effective in treating some causes of blindness. Other treatments are not. The interaction between laser light and eye tissue is not fully understood.


Using transitions

Lasers have found widespread application in medicine. For example, Lasers they play an important role in the treatment of eye disease and the prevention of blindness. The eye is ideally suited for laser surgery. because most of the eye tissue is transparent. Because of this transparency the frequency and focus of the laser beam can be adjusted according to the absorption of the tissue. so that the beam cuts inside the eye with minimal damage to the surrounding tissue even the tissue between the laser and the incision. Lasers are also more effective than other methods in treating some causes of blindness. Other treatments are not. However, the interaction between laser light and eye tissue is not fully understood.


Using transitions

Examples of transition words or phrasestherefore, thus (conclusions)for example (example)first (sequence)in addition (addition)in contrast (contrast)however, on the other hand ( difference)


Keeping consistent orderIf you list two or more items in a topic sentence and then go on to describe or explain them, keep the same order.If the sequence in the topic sentence was A, B, C, the supporting sentences should explain first A, the B and last C. Thus, the readers expectation is fulfilledThe supporting sentences should include all the items in the topic sentenceDo not include in the supporting

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