to lose myself

TO LOSE MYSELFPATRICIA ARAMBURU

EVERYONE in Pune, Lagos and Istanbul: I thank you for inviting me to your homes. Only humble and honest people are able to open their hearts to a stranger. I thank you for giving me such interesting places to work, and making me part of your group- I learned a lot from you.

ANYONE has the capacity to do anything if you have others with you. I can’t thank you enough for giving me patience, trust, humour, energy and wisdom. You are tattooed in my soul and every time I walk the gray, windy, cold streets of Stockholm I smile, because I can still feel our friendship growing.

NO ONE can do things all on their own. I could only have done this with the help, contribution and expertise of Natalia Aramburu. Her great knowledge, perseverance, willingness and wisdom has saved and found me. This project could only have been completed by the two of us together.

SOMEONE can become the one, and you are the one under my skin. There are no words to explain my gratitude; everything I do is because you mirror me. Every day that goes by, you sculpture me to be me.

BAKGRUND

BACKGROUND MÅL

OBJECTIVE METOD

METHOD LÄGE

LOCATION RIKTLINJER

GUIDELINES REGLER

RULES JAG HATAR, ATT HATA ATT VARA KVINNA

I HATE, TO HATE TO BE A WOMAN JAG VAR SOM LUFT, SOM OM JAG INTE FANNS

I WAS LIKE AIR, AS IF I DID NOT EXIST JAG SOV LIKE A BABY, ÄLSKAR LJUD

I SLEPT LIKE A BABY, LOVE SOUND KÄNNER MIG SÅ ARROGANT

I FEEL SO ARROGANT REFERENS

REFERENCE

01

02

03

04

05

07

11

31

51

71

79

To lose myself has been funded by artistic research and development funding from the Royal Institute of Art Stockholm. This is a three-year long artistic development project.

Ever

y tim

e w

e sp

oon

we

fit li

ke p

uzzle

pie

ces

in a

sou

p

Anyth

ing

can

beco

me

ever

ythin

g

AS EMOTIONS

Living in a city means sharing space and life with more people. While living in Shanghai, surviving everyday life is more important than anything else, and it is easy to lose myself- I feel as if the city itself is eating me up. In the project, I use myself as the test subject; I’m exploring my empathy in relation to others, living in a densely populated city. I go to Pune, Lagos and Istanbul to find out how the everyday life and surroundings affect my behavior. What do I lose and how does it happen?

Empathy is understood to be made out of several parts. Some explain it like a built in trait, to have the ability to reflect others, almost like a reflex- “to cry when others cry”. Others see it as the ability to “understand why others cry”, or to be able to read another person. I found it more interesting when it is described as the ability to not only understand but to “feel” and then do something about it, f.e: If you fall and cry, I put myself in your situation because I also fell once, then I act by helping you up.

For me empathy is not simply an ability or a trait, it is what makes me human. I don’t know why, but I always relate to my empathy as something strong, something that defines me more than the colour of my skin, my nationality or my gender. So when I realize that there is a possibility I can lose it, my search begins. Can I lose it? How does it happen? Why? And in that case, if I lose my empathy will I lose myself?

BACKGROUNDBAKGRUND

I’M OPEN TO MYSELFI’M OPEN TO THE OBSERVER

I’M OPEN TO CHANGE

AS LAYERS

I DON’T DO RESEARCH ON OTHERSI DON’T DO RESEARCH ON CULTURES

I DON’T DO RESEARCH ON SITUATIONS

I FOLLOW RULES BEFORE THE TRIPI FOLLOW RULES DURING THE TRIP

I FOLLOW RULES AFTER THE TRIP

I COLLECT EMOTIONSI COLLECT SOUNDSI COLLECT ROUTINES

I ONLY HAVE MY TIMEI ONLY HAVE MY TRUTHI ONLY HAVE MY PERCEPTION

I VISUALIZE MY EMOTIONSI VISUALIZE MY DATAI VISUALIZE MY STORY

OBJECTIVEMÅL

I em

body

eve

ry c

hara

cter

istic

that

pai

n fra

mes

, so

don’

t be

afra

id o

f wha

t I b

ecam

e…

I am

wha

t the

y m

ade

me,

a p

iece

of s

kin

cut i

n sli

ces

21

Country: IndiaCity: Pune Official Language: MarathiArea Urban: ca. 710 km2Population City: ca. 6,000,000

Country: NigeriaCity: Lagos Official Language: EnglishArea: Urban 999.6 km2Population City: ca. 12,000,000

Country: TurkeyCity: Istanbul Official Language: TurkishArea: Urban 5 343 km2Population City: ca.14 000 000

BY DUALISM

It is not the same thing to experience and to observe. If I do this experiment and only have my own version of it, it wouldn’t seem very different from just writing a diary or taking a selfie. I want to have two sides of the story. A very important strategy of the project is that I will have an observer following me. Through this strategy I am collecting a parallel observation based on facts as well as my own based on experience.

SUBJECT (Patricia Aramburu): Using me as the starting point is a key part of the project. It’s easy for me to adapt and embrace other cultures. To expose myself to these trips as experiments are important not only for comparing how I change in the different cities, but to collect my own subjective experience, something that fact cannot contradict. OBSERVER (Natalia Aramburu): Using her as my observer is a very conscious choice in the project. She has a degree in behavioural science and sociology, but most importantly- she is my sister, and by having my sister as my observer I can cheat myself. I can’t escape I am open, honest and transparent. At the same time she can use her position as my interviewer to the maximum. Before and after the trips she will make big interviews. Every other day during the trips she will make smaller interviews.

METHODMETOD

BY CHOICE

PUNE: I have almost zero knowledge of India. I don’t know anyone from India. India is one of the largest countries in the world, and is part of Asia. In India I can communicate in English. It is an extremely diverse country, with vast differences in geography, climate, culture, language and ethnicity across its expanse. Pune’s population density is higher than Stockholm but lower than Shanghai. Pune is not one of the biggest tourist destinations in India. My professor has a connection that can offer me a place to work in Pune. Pune is located about a 2-3 hours drive south of Bombay. It is the second largest city in the state and is considered the state’s cultural capital. The large student population in the city makes for a lively nightlife and vibrant atmosphere. Attitudes in Pune are liberal, now it is a much more open-minded developed cosmopolitan city. Although Marathi is the official language of the city and also the most common language spoken on the streets, most people also speak Hindi and English.

LAGOS: I have never been to Nigeria. I have almost zero knowledge of Nigeria. I don’t know anyone from Nigeria. Nigeria is part of Africa. In Nigeria some but not all people speak English. Nigeria is the most populated country in Africa. It is an extremely diverse country with more than 250 ethnic groups, varying languages and customs creating a country of rich ethnic diversity. Lagos population density is higher than Stockholm, and in fact one of the highest in the world. Lagos is not one of the biggest tourist destinations in Nigeria. Lagos is situated a 6-7 hours drive southwest from Abuja. It is largest city in the state, and formerly the capital of Nigeria. Lagos might become the third largest mega city in the world. There are over a dozen beaches in Lagos and it is a huge metropolis which originated on islands separated by creeks, and it has a history as a port city. The city is known for its music and nightlife, and has given birth to variety of musical styles. It is also the centre of the Nigerian movie industry.

ISTANBUL: I have almost zero knowledge of Turkey. I don’t know anyone from Turkey. Turkey is part of Europe. In Turkey some, but not all people speak English. Turkey has the most populated city in Europe. It is an extremely diverse country which has been influenced by various groups and cultures throughout history. Turkey’s location at the crossroads of Europe and Asia makes it a country of significant geostrategic importance. Turkish beaches act as popular tourist attractions for the rest of Europe. Istanbul’s population density is higher than Stockholm and one of the highest in the world. Istanbul is not the touristiest city in Turkey. Istanbul is 4-5 hours drive northwest from Ankara. It is the largest city in the country and considered to be one of the largest mega cities in the world. Istanbul is the economical, cultural and historical heart of Turkey. Istanbul is a transcontinental city, historically known as a cultural hub and artistic centre. Istanbul is primarily known for its architecture, the buildings reflect the various peoples and empires that have previously ruled the city.

LOCATIONLÄGE

I am

add

icte

d to

the

mirr

or, b

ecau

se I

am tr

ying

to s

ee m

ysel

f fro

m b

eyon

d

Set u

p bo

unda

ries,

I lo

ve to

jum

p ov

er th

em

43

2012 jan 2012 jul 2013 jan 2013 jul 2014 jan 2014 jul 2015 jan

TO LOSE MYSELFArt/research about empathy

in the everyday life

STOCKHOLMinterview & observation



LAST INTERVIEW LAST INTERVIEW LAST INTERVIEW

ARTWORK ARTWORK ARTWORKARTWORK

ARTWORK

ARTWORK

PUNEobserver and collect data from subject’s everydaylife

LAGOSobserver and collect data from subject’s everydaylife

ISTANBULobserver and collect data from subject’s everydaylife

RECALLprocess collected material

FIRST DISCUSSION

CONCLUSIONprocess material

PROCESS information and visial work

2009-2011

GUIDELINESRIKTLINJER

AS OPPORTUNITIES

PEOPLE DENSITY: I choose these three cities because of the density of their populations. I am interested in what impact the population density has in my everyday life and in me. By experience from Shanghai, I am curious to now see what and how I change, if I am constantly surrounded by a lot of people, what will it do to my routines?

MIDDLE CLASS: My aim is to copy the life of a middle class person in the city I choose to visit. I find that the middle class is an interesting group in a community. I know that there is a lot of difference in this group as well, but I am interested in the existing similarities; to work, to study, to have enough to eat and live, to spend. This is also the societal group I am most familiar with. I was born, raised and currently am part of a middle class. If I should copy someone’s lifestyle, then I prefer to copy what I already understand.

EVERYDAY LIFE: I decide to follow a schedule to find my own rhythm. I define everyday life as having work, questions and issues. In Sweden I work as an architect, and therefore I choose to copy the life of an architect in the cities I visit. To have a limited budget. To copy work and spare time routines. To experience the cities by these limitations.

I pre

fer t

he c

haos

in m

y m

ind

and

the

orde

r in

my

finge

rs

65

THE CITY THROUGH PICTURES THE CITY THROUGH FEELINGS

OFF THE GRID: I choose to have limited contact with my partner at home. I don’t stay in touch with anyone else. No email, facebook, news, calls, messages etc.

QUESTIONS: I collect every day questions, to find a pattern of my adjustment. I write down questions that I ask other people every single day during my stay.

ISSUES: I collect everyday issues to try to understand what the everyday life and its average issues are like. I collect issues that I experience myself, or that I hear or perceive from others around me.

VISIT: On the last day I visit or revisit places that are of interest for the project.

CITY: On the last day I also make a composition of a picture that represents my everyday in the city.

SOUNDS: I collect everyday sounds randomly and use this as a documentation method of the city.

PHOTOS: I only take photos when others do so. Photos are not a tool of documentation for this project. It is important for me that I experience the city and my everyday through other means than through photos.

TO FOLLOW

HOME: I live like the person I copy does. It can be with extended family, alone, shared apartment etc.

SCHEDULE: I copy that person’s schedule; this will lead me to find my own schedule and everyday life rhythm.

PEOPLE: I click once a week. I count how many people go in and pass by my personal space of 1 m radius.

INTERVIEWS: I do an interview every other day by video, chat or call. This is a way to collect and record my every day during the whole experiment.

WALLET: I only spend the amount of money the person I am copying would, this includes food, living expenses, rent, transportation, free-time etc. To live by these limitations gives me a lot of great opportunities.

EXCEPTION: On the first day I set up local internet and a mobile number, this is important for the documentation of the project, to be able to keep in touch with the observer. This is the only exception in my budget.

RULESREGLER

My

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ten

by m

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lorfu

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nd b

larin

g ig

nora

nce

87

Betw

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all t

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d so

uls

ther

e is

a re

born

foul

, bet

wee

n al

l the

per

fect

ion

coex

ists

destr

uctio

n

can’t come, it is too late... my father will not let me

need to work Saturday

don’t have good mobile recep-tion inside

the kids are playing inside the office we can’t concentrate

have too few fans

he treats her better because they are the same cast

she is his girlfriend but the parents don’t approve

the cleaning lady is not here yet, we need to gomy father will come if

I don’t do as he says

the cloth is not dry the electricity is gone

the traffic is dangerous

need to cover my face so they don’t harass me

need to go to the beauty salon

they waited the whole day at the hospital

can’t wear this, it shows too much

they got divorced, that is not good for the family

the cleaning lady does not do her work properly

can’t never stop, the police harasses girls

she needs to get married soon

a girl can’t be outside alone at night

she cancelled her engagement

they are kids, they should not be working

can’t bring any vegetarian food in the house

the doctor never came, I need to go to the hospital tomorrow

again

they only want to eat vegetar-ian food

it is raining, but I don’t have an umbrella

I am not allowed to choose my profession

the watching machine is broken

can’t bring meat food here she doesn’t approve it

the otto does not want to drive us home

don’t receive my messages while I am inside

want to work but they don’t let me

my phone battery is low

my father does not let me stay out later then 9pm

he is from another cast, but I want to marry him

the washing machine does not function

it is her parents that need to pay for the weeding

I am not free

need to cover my face so men don’t follow me

I am not strong enough to open it

I am not allowed to hang out with guys

we can’t be alone, it is better to always be together

don’t know what to wear today

as soon as I finish school I should get married when you get married, then

you are a woman

he does not get any change back

can’t come, I need to be at home

my hair doesn’t grow fast enough

they sneak out to smoke

need to wax, I look disgusting

it is better if we go home together

the kids play to loud we can’t work

have not received my salary in the past months

need to have change, if not we will need to pay more

the garbage collector did not come today, now the garbage

is full of flies

the police stops the otto to harass girls

the power in the kitchen is not strong enough to cook

the food

she does not have her key, she forgot it at the office

can’t find any otto

2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12

interview . interview . interview . interview . interview . interview . interview DEPARTURE INTERVIEW

sunday monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday saturday sunday monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday saturday sunday monday

2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12 2012.12.12

monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday saturday sunday monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday saturday sunday monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday

interview . interview . interview . interview . interview . interview . interview . interview . interviewINTERVIEW ARRIVALPUNE

saturday2012.12.12

.

PUNE

My everyday life in Pune is full of random surprises on a loop of ordinary days that makes me feel like I have lost my sense of control. I feel like it is convenient to be in a group, and to depend on other people. As “women” we have unplanned structures in our way existing or moving through the city. A lot of the everyday issues in Pune are related to other people. If I arrange them in five groups they are:

FOOD - Eating is always done in groups and is full of compromising.TRANSPORTATION - There is too much pollution, it is unsafe and random.MARRIAGE - There are several complications, to be or not be married.FEMALE - To adapt to and be aware of dangers and dependency.FAMILY - Family is a strong group that limits freedom.

EVERYDAY: I NEED TO BUY A SCARFI HATE, TO HATE TO BE A WOMANJAG HATAR ATT HATA ATT VARA KVINNA

Ever

y ste

p yo

u ta

ke I

have

take

n, s

o ev

ery

path

you

hik

e is

fors

aken

När

jag

pres

sas

I sko

r av

beto

ng, h

ärda

s m

in h

ud ti

ll ka

rtong

1211

tuesdaywednesdaythursdayfridaysaturdaysundaymonday





1234567

89

1011121314

15161718192021

22232425262728

29303132333435

MY FEET HAVE CHANGED

MY FEET ARE STRONG

MY FEET EXIST

MY FEET RUN

MY FEET ARE BEUTIFUL

MY FEET BELONG

MY FEET DON’T CRY

MY FEET HAVE MILES

MY FEET HAVE SCARS

MY FEET DON’T REST

MY FEET SURVIVE

LESS NEUTRAL MORE

joyinterestsurprise

fearsadnessirritationdisgustanger

joyinterestsurprise


joyinterestsurprise


joyinterestsurprise


joyinterestsurprise


WEE

K 2

WEE

K 1

WEE

K 3

WEE

K 4

WEE

K 5

QUESTIONS:Why are they covering their faces, are they Muslim?

Where can I take the bus? Why is the electricity gone?

Do you eat alone? How are you going to boil the eggs?

Why are you vegetarian? Are we there yet?

Where can I buy a scarf to cover my face? Why are so many men hanging out on the streets?

Do you know Kama sutra?Why are there so many people outside, it is 9pm?

Why do they ring the bell? Why are there so many people dressed up tonight?

Why are we sitting on the back row?

Why are the bikes on the other side of the street today?Can we go out to dance on a working day?

Why is it safer for girls in Pune? Did they help you when you had the bike accident?

Can you show me where it is on the map? What is that music, shouldn’t the movie start?

Do people mind all the animals crossing the road?

Do your buildings have names?Did you cook this?

Do you live with your family? What is that hanging upside down?

How do you bake if you don’t have an oven? What do you put in your hair?

Where are the garbage collectors and the maid?

Why doesn’t she eat? How can we make dahi?

Why are so many people queuing for the bank? What is PUC?

Do you know the address? Can we order food tonight?

Where is my passport?

EMOTIONS: I HAVE NEVER FELT MORE LIKE A WOMANI HATE, TO HATE TO BE A WOMANJAG HATAR ATT HATA ATT VARA KVINNA

I can feel my emotions reach a dipping point week 3. There is a fear of men that I mirror from others, an irritation of having to adapt to a group, and an anger that I accumulate from not feeling free. This makes me break my rules. Week 3 finally I begin to exercise, and this helps me to finally work out my emotions and find my peace. I feel like I am me again. NOTICE: I choose to work with 8 emotions and compare the weekly change; neutral equals my emotional state at home. The emotions list is inspired by Silvan Tomkins affect theory, which talks about the connection of an affect and its biological response as a heritage that we are born with.

ANSWERS: 1. No… it’s for pollution, and to avoid having men harass or stalk you. They can follow you, but if they can’t see your face then they don’t know what you look like.

2. Why do you want to take the bus? We don’t take the bus.

3. To save energy and balance the amount of electricity.

4. I do, but other people look at me strange.

5. In the boiling water machine of course.

6. In my religion we don’t eat meat.

7. Not, yet.

8. Here on this street, the one with the shops, at night.

9. What… Maybe its because baby girls are killed, so there is a bigger amount of men than women... But I have never noticed before.

10. Hahaha… No they don’t teach us that at school, some people don’t even know what the words mean, or have never seen the book. My first and only time I saw a Kama sutra drawing was in a temple.

11. It is normal; rush-hour is around 10am and 9pm.

12. When you enter a temple you do it with your five senses, to ring the bell is one.

13. Sunday is resting day, so the families eat outside, which means that the women don’t need to cook and can dress up.

14. These are the best seats; it’s more expensive to sit in the back row.

15. It’s better, It’s so that the shops can have free space every other day. The parking space shifts depending on the day; you can read it on the sign. It’s fair.

16. Yes of course, and it is cheaper tonight because it is girl’s night.

17. It’s a Student city with a more educated middle class. But other cities like Delhi are very dangerous for girls.

18. They pretended to help me, but as soon as someone was there, all the others left.

19. I don’t know, I have never searched for it on a map, this is the first time.

20. They are playing the national song, it is normal in the cinema, that’s why some people stand up.

21. No, they also have the right to be here.

22. Yes! Your buildings don’t? Then how do you find your buildings? Hahaha.

23. I cannot cook, my mother did.

24. Yes I do, with my extended family. We are 25 people in our house.

25. It protects and keeps the evil away, lemons too.

26. I do it in a pot.

27. It’s a combination of five oils, I do it at least once a month.

28. It’s “Nag panchami” the snake holiday, a lot of people take the day off.

29. People sometimes do not eat for religious reasons like Ramadan, a gift to the goods, making a wish come true or because is hot during July and that makes the meat go bad.

30. We will call mom and ask, very easy.

31. Students need to pay their fees, and a lot of people always do it last minute.

32. It is a pollution control stand that control that vehicles do not give too much pollution.

33. I don’t.

34. Yes, but we don’t need to go out.

35. Oh my god!!! You forgot it in the safe in my room.

I WILL NEVER FORGET:the elephantmy roommatethe goatsmy feetthe friendshipmy yellow scarfthe staremy clothesthe pollutionmy breakfastthe mealsmy shoesthe architecturemy irritationthe officemy jumping ropethe stairsmy dependency on othersthe timber seatsmy body hairthe rainmy mosquito bitesthe little girlmy spacethe trafficmy skinthe menmy sensibilitythe coloursmy childhood

I sha

ved

it al

l jus

t to

be fr

ee fr

om m

y lim

itatio

ns, b

ecau

se I

don’

t car

e ab

out y

our r

epul

sion,

I w

ill n

ot b

e br

aid

into

you

r ass

umpt

ions

!

1413

QUOTES: IT STARTS TO GO OVER MY LIMITI HATE, TO HATE TO BE A WOMANJAG HATAR ATT HATA ATT VARA KVINNA

Jag

är s

om tu

ggum

mi,

all s

kit f

astn

ar

1615

....at the end of the summer 2012, colored bracelets are

found around in Stockholm

...at ung08fstivalen we collect “everyday racist phrases” that youngsters hear or experience

...on the backside of the package of a skin ligther cream,

I see a skin color scheme

NJUT AV EN SIESTA!

ÄT CHILIPEPPAR!

VA SEXIG!

SNO EN IPHONE!

GÖM KNIVEN I RESVÄSKAN!

HA STOR SNOPP!

PUNE STOCKHOLM

PROMENERA PÅ NK!1193 PEOPLE ENTER MY PERSONAL SPACE THE

2012.07.17

975 PEOPLE ENTER MY PERSONAL SPACE THE

2012.07.27


2012.06.30


2012.07.10797 PEOPLE ENTER MY PERSONAL SPACE THE

2012.07.04

EXPLOSION: THE SKIN I WEARI HATE, TO HATE TO BE A WOMANJAG HATAR ATT HATA ATT VARA KVINNA

My first impression of Pune is that a lot of different cultures and religions are living together in great tolerance and understanding. At the same time I feel as if that “the look” is a way to define others and yourself. After coming home, with a lot of questions inside, an art project starts to grow and is shown at the Husby festival august 2012.

H.U.D (Humor Uppror Debatt/Humor Uprising Debate): Who am I when you don’t point me out? A bracelet with different skin tones works as a guide and reveals racist positions in Swedish daily life. Your gender, age and skin colour determine which roads you are expected to take and where you spend your time. But what happens to all those of us that don’t fit the expectations?

http://aramburu.se/art/hud.html

Exercising becomes my strategy to use my body as a tool to cleanse my mind. From week 3 I begin to exercise to at least get to have some activity and time by myself.

I AM WEI am constantly surrounded by people (people I know, or strangers).Every day I do all my spare time activities together with others. I don’t sleep or eat by myself.

I wan

t to

know

how

to fa

ll de

ep a

way

from

eve

ry ra

ndom

nee

d

1817

PUNESTOCKHOLM LAGOS ISTANBUL

0h alone

13h group of max 3

11h group of min 4

12h alone (

2h group of max 3

10h group of min 4

10h alone

5h group of max 3

9h group of min 4

sleep . 1 peoplesleep . 1 peoplesleep . 1 peoplesleep . 1 peoplesleep . 1 peoplesleep . 1 peoplesleep . 1 peoplesleep . 1 peopleTRANSPORT/EAT . 1 PEOPLEwork . 4-6 peoplework . 4-6 peoplework . 4-6 people EAT . 4-8 PEOPLEwork . 4-6 peoplework . 4-6 peoplework . 4-6 peoplework . 4-6 peoplework . 4-6 peopleTRANSPORT . 1 PEOPLEEAT . 1-3 PEOPLESPARE TIME. 1-3 PEOPLESPARE TIME . 1-3 PEOPLEhome . 1-3 peoplehome . 1-3 people

sleep . 2-3 peoplesleep . 2-3 peoplesleep . 2-3 peoplesleep . 2-3 peoplesleep . 2-3 peoplesleep . 2-3 peoplesleep . 2-3 peoplesleep . 2-3 peopleEAT . 2-3 PEOPLETRANSPORT . 2-3 PEOPLEwork . 8-12 peoplework . 8-12 peoplework . 8-12 peopleEAT . 3-6 PEOPLEwork . 8-20 peoplework . 8-20 peoplework . 8-20 peoplework . 8-20 peopleTRANSPORT . 2-3 PEOPLESPARE TIME . 3-6 PEOPLEEAT . 2-3 PEOPLEhome . 3-6 peoplehome . 3-6 peoplesleep . 2-3 people

sleep . 1 peoplesleep . 1 peoplesleep . 1 peoplesleep . 1 peoplesleep . 1 peoplesleep . 1 peopleEXERCISE/EAT . 1 PEOPLETRANSPORT . 2-3 PEOPLEwork . 8-12 peoplework . 8-12 peoplework . 8-12 peoplework . 8-12 peopleEAT . 1 PEOPLEwork . 8-12 peoplework . 8-12 peoplework . 8-12 peoplework . 8-12 peoplework . 8-12 peoplework . 8-12 peopleTRANSPORT . 2 PEOPLEEXERCISE/EAT . 1 PEOPLEhome . 1 peoplehome . 1 peoplesleep . 1 people

sleep . 2 peoplesleep . 2 peoplesleep . 2 peoplesleep . 2 peoplesleep . 2 peoplesleep . 2 people EAT/SLEEP. 2 PEOPLEEXERCISE . 1 PEOPLETRANSP . 1 PEOPLE work . 4-12 peoplework . 4-12 peopleeat . 4-8 peoplework . 4-12 peoplework . 4-12 peoplework . 4-12 peoplework . 4-12 peoplework . 1 peopleSPARE TIME . 1 PEOPLEEXERCISE . 2 PEOPLE TRANSP/EAT . 2 PEOPLEhome . 2 peoplehome . 2 peoplehome . 2 peoplesleep . 2 people

3h alone

13h with group of max 3

8h group of min 4

01:0002:0003:0004:0005:0006:0007:0008:00 09:0010:0011:0012:0013:0014:0015:0016:0017:0018:0019:0020:0021:0022:0023:0000:00

24h 24h 24h 24h

...no need to rush, time can’t be caught...

... we have the rigth to exist in the city

like everyone else...

... I have 134 cousins...

...count us until you fall asleep...

...we also need to cross the road...

In Sweden, I’ve got a very flexible schedule. Activities are repeated every day but at different times. The important thing is that I have control over my own time. I choose when I want to socialize with others, and under what circumstances. I grew up with the idea that one must be three people to be a group, and this is also the group form I feel most comfortable with.

PERCEPTION: PERSONAL SPACE AND TIME

... Here people and vehicles are more like a big puzzle, but they never collide or touch each other. It’s like a very organized chaos! I was close to get run over three times this week but I feel relaxed... Because it feels like there is a structure underneath, maybe I don’t understand it, but I can feel it. I enjoy travelling to and from work, but it is still difficult to breathe, all the pollution is like a black fog, and the sound pollution is terrible. Pune is like triangles in a masala sauce, where the masala adds the distance in between. It feels as if I have always lived here, I don’t even think about the fact that I’m here, I just am. I must be so relaxed, that I don’t notice until after a week that they drive on the left. And it doesn’t matter if they drive on the left, on the right, back or forward, you can’t trust any rules by thinking here anyway, it’s better to just feel it. Everyone is very open and nice, ready to help and understand, even if they have just met me and I can see that it comes from a sincere gesture. It’s also a little confusing- this relaxed behaviour often leaves me in a situation where I’m wondering what is happening around me, but even if I ask sometimes, people don’t even know themselves. I can understand the need of this behaviour, when I cross the road I have to go slow, it’s the only way to be able to cross, I do not need to think but I need to be slow and then somehow I become a

I HATE, TO HATE TO BE A WOMANJAG HATAR ATT HATA ATT VARA KVINNA

piece in the puzzle, and I follow the invisible flow. I can see that in Pune, you work to live but you do not live for work. Time passes by hanging out at work or after work, and we do not talk about work... We talk about food, cooking, family, songs, movies or people at work etc. You can even see it in the animals! The dogs are relaxed sleeping in the middle of the road in the middle of the day. All the other animals, cows, chicken, goats, camels are loose... Even the elephant I saw was walking slowly in the middle of the road. The other day we passed by a group of 100-150 goats in the middle of the street, they were crossing slowly with one man guiding them, and I asked: Do people mind all the animals crossing the road? And she answered: No! They also have the right to cross the road. That answer made me understand not only the attitude towards animals as equal beings but also that situations like this shape you to embrace time and not rush behind it.

Your

per

cept

ion

is th

at I

am s

low

; my

real

ity is

that

I m

ove

2019

STORIES: MEN AND SOCIAL NETWORKI HATE, TO HATE TO BE A WOMANJAG HATAR ATT HATA ATT VARA KVINNA

...To always be in groups is sometimes a little too much for me, and I have a difficult time understanding the time and energy wasted of us having to depend on each other. Instead of going straight from A-B, we go in a spiral between A-F-E-K-X-B. To always have people around me to consider and adjust to, makes me feel like I am losing something precious... What I call freedom, the lack of time for myself, makes me more sensitive, and its easier to lose control and difficult to handle my irritation. Somehow I can even feel it physically, so my only rescue is to work out! At the same time I know that I would not survive a single day without these social relationships, I need them not only for favours, help or safety, but just for being. Somehow I have learned to enjoy it from walking, talking, commuting, singing, listening, working, shopping and specially eating. To eat in India has been one of my favourite things- always together and sharing. I enjoy when we eat and I feel like I become the maximum of me. My last day I understand how important, humble and exceptional my inner circle in India has been, and how I will probably never find this again... When the bus stops and we arrive in Mumbai, I realize that I have left my passport at home in Pune. I can’t believe it. There’s only 9 hours left before my flight departs to Sweden, and we have already travelled for 3 hours on a bus from Pune to Mumbai. But this is the thing about India; you have a big inner circle composed by family, relatives, people from school and work, friends of friends and neighbours and to them you give all your energy and help, you give 200%. So after calling and organizing:

1. Mother gave us our neighbour’s phone number. 2. Neighbour took the passport from our room to her home. 3. A new friend picked up the passport from our neighbour and went to the bus station and gave the passport to give it to another friend.4. A friend of a friend took the passport and gave it to us in Mumbai five hours later. She had already planned to travel to Mumbai that day so it was very convenient for us.

I need to point out that the people that helped were not super close friends or family- they were people we saw few times or were becoming friends with, and they did not know each other. But still they gave their time and energy to help us. This would never happen in Sweden! It’s not that I would never help if somebody asked me... It’s more that nobody would ask for such a favour. Your inner circle is a very small circle of people, maybe your best friend, sister or partner- and you give 75%. After India, I still feel the necessity to give, because somehow even though it’s not in my egocentric nature, to GIVE became a part of me.

... There’s a lot of men hanging out, I don’t know if it is in general or only on the streets. It feels like they are hanging out with each other but I do not know, maybe they do not know each other at all? But they look like clans, big groups of 20 men or maybe smaller groups of 6 that together become big groups. Maybe it’s because the girls spend more time at home? If only you could see it! One guy came into the office, and now there are 4 guys here, and they are sitting there very close together. They are sitting super near each other and just “are”, they are sitting so close talking and laughing, like couples would in Sweden. At the office we are very relaxed and all hang out together, but I don’t see this closeness between the girls, only between the guys. They are sitting so close that I am waiting for them to hug soon. Us girls are more in mini groups of 2-4. I never see a girl alone, I have only seen older women, 60+ walking alone. In general girls are never fewer than 2. I don’t understand if this is because of comfort, for budget or for safety reasons? But even if we are always around each other and close by, it always feels comfortable. We don’t disturb each other even when sleeping in the same bed, and

there is always a minimum distance between girls, something that seems to lack between men. I can see men with their arms around each other when they are on their bikes, touching the legs outside or inside or holding in the waist of the guy in front. So men hang out a lot! Close and in big groups and that’s ok, but not when they are staring, then it becomes uncomfortable and irritating, and it makes me really angry. The men are always staring; there is no respect at all! It could be that I look different, but everybody says I look like an Indian girl so in the end that couldn’t be it. It even happened at work, I confronted a guy at work and said: why are you staring at me, do you want to ask me something? In a restaurant when I was there eating, a man was looking so I got angry and gave him a sign with my hand. I know my actions are very impulsive but I just don’t understand the starring! I asked the girls and they confirmed that men stare a lot, and that is one of the reasons why girls cover their faces her in Pune when out walking or driving. It is to avoid not only the staring, but the consequence of men following you. I have never been around girls as intensively as in Pune. I enjoyed the time of talking, rattling and becoming an Indian woman. Maybe I define myself as the others see me? I dress and take care of myself in a different way here, as a woman? Something that I have never done before in Sweden. I define myself by acting the opposite of the group I do not wanted to be part of- in these case the men! And by them staring at me and defining me as a woman that way, my feeling becomes even stronger- I have never felt more like a WOMAN then in Pune.

I am

stil

l wha

t I a

m a

nd I

refu

se to

cha

nge

beca

use

wha

t is

the

mea

ning

of l

ife th

at is

not

insa

ne

My

emot

ions

are

the

bone

s th

at c

arry

my

skin

2221

feell like woman (gender)don’t hear any noise

HeadacheMuscle tension or painFatigueUpset stomachSleep problems


HeadacheMUSCLE TENSION OR PAINFATIGUEUpset stomachSleep problems

HeadacheMUSCLE TENSION OR PAINFATIGUEUPSET STOMACHSleep problems

HeadacheMUSCLE TENSION OR PAINFatigueUPSET STOMACHSleep problems

AnxietyRestlessnessLack of motivation or focusIrritability or angerSadness or depression


ANXIETYRestlessnessLack of motivation or focusIRRITABILITY OR ANGERSadness or depression

ANXIETYRestlessnessLACK OF MOTIVATION OR FOCUSIRRITABILITY OR ANGERSadness or depression


OVEREATING OR UNDEREATINGAngry outburstsDrug or alcohol abuseTobacco useSocial withdrawal

Overeating or undereatingAngry outburstsDrug or alcohol abuseTobacco useSocial withdrawal

Overeating or undereatingANGRY OUTBURSTSDrug or alcohol abuseTobacco useSOCIAL WITHDRAWAL

Overeating or undereatingANGRY OUTBURSTSDrug or alcohol abuseTobacco useSOCIAL WITHDRAWAL


we-group feelingadapt through clothinglack to be alonefound everyday routine

we-group feelinguse nicknametalks about other peoplerealize that she changed (unaware)do not want to adapt moreneed to exercisetruant

give upaccepted her existenceless sarcasmbegin to write

we-group feelingfemininity (gender) unconscious influence.must be alone sarcasm and irritationwalk slowly, stare, don’t presents herselftired and emotional tired

tuesdaywednesdaythursdayfridaysaturdaysundaymondaytuesdaywednesdaythursdayfridaysaturdaysundaymondaytuesdaywednesdaythursdayfridaysaturdaysundaymondaytuesdaywednesdaythursdayfridaysaturdaysundaymondaytuesdaywednesdaythursdayfridaysaturdaysundaymonday

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WEE

K 1

WEE

K 2

WEE

K 3

WEE

K 4

WEE

K 5

får avsmak för maten

åt något dåligtflera små utbrott

behov av träning

source: stress symptoms (1998-2014 Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research)

väldig entusiastisk med mat

känner sig inte fri

HER BODY HER MOOD HER BEHAVIORKEYWORDS

I HATE, TO HATE TO BE A WOMANJAG HATAR ATT HATA ATT VARA KVINNA

WEEK 1: She starts changing and already after a few days she starts adapting to her role as a woman in India, and to how she is supposed to stay away from men. She does this even though it isn’t something that originally comes from her own fear, rather something she hears from other females around her, she starts taking on other peoples unspoken fear of the men. She hangs out with, sleeps, eats and transports herself together with other women from day one.

WEEK 2: She thinks a lot about why men are staring at her so much. If she wears her normal clothing people stare even more. She tries to look for explanations such as if its because she is whiter or taller. Even though she has only been there a couple of days she starts referring to herself as a woman, which she doesn’t do in Sweden. The fact that men stare at her annoys her but she still acts like herself since she tells people off, something she would also do at home in Sweden as well.

WEEK 3: She is very irritated with other people. She is o irritated that she gets upset even from the interview questions themselves. Most of all she is irritated by the fact that she doesn’t have any time to herself. She laughs at the fact that she doesn’t accept certain things but she doesn’t want to say it out loud. On top of this there is a lot of sarcasm in her comments. The sarcasm is her way of showing her disapproval where she doesn’t feel like she can be honest. Sarcasm is a Swedish way of handling conflict.

WEEK 4: She has become part of the group; she doesn’t present herself anymore, and has started staring at others. She gives people nicknames and has started gossiping at the office, something that happens regularly at the office. That she starts doing this now in the fourth week also means that she hasn’t been part of it before, but now she contributes and spreads the gossip. Gossiping is a sign of community, and is part of making closer connections, and since she does this within the group but also to me, who is outside of it and her “second group”, shows that she sees them as her group now. She calls in sick one day, she is tired and it has started to show physically. It doesn’t seem as if her physical needs have changed, she still needs to eat and exercise. Her body needs the exercise, but she also seems to need it for her mental well being and to work through the frustration she is experiencing not having her own time. She is starting to get tired of the Indian cuisine, which she normally loves.

WEEK 5: There is slightly less sarcasm. She doesn’t seem as tired. Maybe a bit bored. She seems to have accepted her place.

REFLECTIONShe is wondering about the cultureShe is more aware of her femininity She answers questions she doesn’t want to answer to, Is she nicer or more sensible than normally?She uses sarcasm to not be to negative, is it a survival strategy?She is physically tired, irritated and in physical pain She is craving her own space but knows that she can’t have itShe thinks more about herself as a woman, does that make her act more feminine?She has to be part of us-notion. She likes to be part of a group, but has a hard time handling the “us” and “them” notion in the long term

NOTEEXPERIENCE: She was affected for the period she was there; when she came back she quickly went back to being her “normal” selfCHANGE: She changed as a person, physically and mentally, and became more of “a woman”BELONGING: She was part of a group and did everything to be part of it; to be excluded from the group could be equal to dangerVIEW: She saw herself much more as “a woman” and acted the part expected of her as suchEXAMINATION: Questioning structures, society, gender roles and group divides

NOTES BY NATALIA ARAMBURU: SHE IS INFLUENCE

2423

12.06.26-12.07.30 I was in Pune, India, where I lived, worked and experienced an everyday life full of people, meals and surprises. I learned to embrace myself as a woman. Contrary all the debate about violence against women in India, I didn’t experience any open violence in Pune. During this time I wasn’t in Stockholm, Sweden anymore, where I usually live and work. In my neighbourhood in Stockholm, three brutal crimes occurred in my absence. In the end, there is no way of knowing what would have happened to me if I had stayed in Stockholm either.

I hate to hate to be a womanto be reminded every second

the lack of respect that I received from a big percent of the population

I hate to hate to be a womanto be the victim of your ignorance

but don’t expect me to have tolerancebecause every single crime has a cost

I hate to hate to be a womanto be constantly mislead to be inferiorwhen you know that I am the warrior

capable of creating or destroying your worldI hate to hate to be a woman

to have the patience to go beyond but my skin is made of reflecting diamonds

so don’t expect forgiveness, only war!

RESOLUTION: I AM WHAT THEY ARE NOTI HATE, TO HATE TO BE A WOMANJAG HATAR ATT HATA ATT VARA KVINNA

Vad hade hänt mig om jag hade varit kvar i Stockholm? Har letat efter fysiskt, psykiskt och sexuellt våld mot kvinnor i det offentliga rummet på dem platserna i Stockholm där jag då bodde, jobbade och umgicks. Hittade tre fall på olika platser i Stockholm som skedde under den perioden jag befann mig i Pune.

Min

a or

dsul

or ä

r red

o at

t tra

mpa

ner

ditt

hat

2827

hope to be home before 10pm

can get in to my room, I forgot key at the office

the phone credits are finish, I need to buy more

we are stuck in traffic

our president is an idiot

have to make new clothes for the wedding party

my cousin has sold my passport

get disturbed at work when family calls me with issues

the government steals money from our country

the room is stuffy

pretend that I don’t know that he is unfaithful

the electricity is gone

cars break in the middle of the road

need to work overtime I will miss a birthday party

need to drive two hours to and from work

no space to turn the car

have a deadline, can not get home

can’t eat, I have teeth problem

always someone in the family who needs economic help

need to have seatbelt on, to avoid police abuse

it is too hot

the generator does not work

I am a woman, I need to cook even if I will not eat

want to swim but the current is too strong

teach me how to survive not multiplication tables

the tv credits are finished, I need to buy more

can not tell that client that we are not interested

need to wash my hair

have my own gym but do not have time to use it

people are parking by the road

if people know my age they will treat me unfairly

other cars are blocking my car from exit

need to be carefull for places with areaboys

they say they never have change to take more money

I am tired and it is only Wednesday

need to work overtime I will miss the football game

the internet credits are finished, I need to buy more

the windows software we bought legal... is illegal??!!

the home help is bad, I need to find a new one

is Monday I need to wear something professional

will not get change back, I dont have change!

need to charge, my battery is empty

no internet

need to help, cannot say no without a good reason

he is unfaithful but my mon says I can not leave him

my property can be sold without me knowing it

have education, work and family, but I am still unhappy

all politicians are corrupted!

I am a man, I need to pay even if a don’t like it

people are driving against the traffic

he abuse me,can not leave what would people say

there is no waterhave done everything right but

it is not enough

need to have a social network to survive

the driver is gone, I cant get home

people can kidnapp me any time

is too cold in the car

I am young so I can not answer even if I want

to much food, no space in the freezer

monday2013.01.21

.

monday2013.01.28

interview

monday2013.02.04

.

tuesday2013.02.05

interview

wednesday2013.02.06

.

thursday2013.02.07

interview

friday2013.02.08

.

saturday2013.02.09

interview

sunday2013.02.10

.

monday2013.02.11

interview

tuesday2013.02.12

.

wednesday2013.02.13

interview

thursday2013.02.14

.

friday2013.02.15

interview

saturday2013.02.16

.

sunday2013.02.17

interview

monday2013.02.18

.

tuesday2013.02.19

interview

wednesday2013.02.20

.

thursday2013.02.21

interviewfriday

2013.02.22

.

saturday2013.02.23

interview

tuesday2013.01.29

.

wednesday2013.01.30

interview

thursday2013.01.31

.friday

2013.02.01

interview

saturday2013.02.02

.

sunday2013.02.03

interview

tuesday2013.01.22

interview

wednesday2013.01.23

.

thursday2013.01.24

interview

friday2013.01.25

.

saturday2013.01.26

interview

sunday2013.01.27

.

INTERVIEW ARRIVAL

DEPARTURE INTERVIEW

LAGOS

LAGOS

need to married anyone soon, I am over 30

EVERYDAY: THE CITY DEMANDS A LOT OF ME

My everyday in Lagos is a continuous string of ordinary days that makes me lose my sense of time. I feel the need for structure and routine. To avoid the sense of danger, nothing extraordinary happens. My everyday issues in Lagos are generally nothing I can fix, I am powerless. If I arrange them into five groups they are:

BRIDGE - traffic danger, armed robbery, car snatchers, barriers, homeTIME - dependency on work and transportation, lack of time for mealsTRANSPORTATION - not the distance, but the time it takesELECTRICITY - connecting and disconnecting, there’s a need for generators OTHERS - a continuous fear of harm from others

I WAS LIKE AIR, AS IF I DID NOT EXISTJAG VAR SOM LUFT, SOM OM JAG INTE FANNS

Wha

t I s

aw I

keep

… B

ecau

se w

hat I

felt

is de

ep

Du

träng

er d

ig in

I m

in m

age

som

en

kniv,

och

som

en

trasa

klä

mm

er k

ropp

en tå

rar a

v m

itt li

v

Jag

är h

ård

som

hav

ets

yta, s

lå m

ot m

ig s

å gå

r du

i bita

r

3231

SPOKEN WORD: WORD WARRIOR

I am what they made mea piece of skin cut into slices you think, it is the hand that made the cut that damaged mebut it is all them that let me bleed in wonder that disappointed me

I am what you see and beyondbecause I don’t have innocent to hide behindmy skin has dried into a titan shield ready to attack so I will fuck you with my words or silence whatever makes you crack I am what they made methe egocentric water that will carry or sink you and as the superficial fool I pretend to be and maintainI am what I want! Proud to be the one that constantly remain 1312061101

I passed by youI saw the cold, I felt the concrete, and I could smell the highway

I passed by youyou were sleeping under my bridge,I temporary ignored your suffering

I passed by youand even when my hello… is nothingyour hi back to me… is everything

1411271325

Det är en lyx att nå kantenför när jag hoppar förlorar jag allt,även stygnen från min hudskakas av och faller som metall......men jag behåller min pennaför att rista i min hand

Det är en frihet att vara fångenför det ger mig möjlighet att inse,hur min ego inte behöver denför att behålla det jag inte ser ......att jag har orden som min gåvaoch horisonten som mitt land

141215 2340

I walk as if I am running;never jump, only trample.I dance into the sound;always keep what I found.…and even when I am crawling,I see the problems as below me,because nothing can bring me down,not even the scars on me feet.

I walk as if I am flying;never glide, always trample.I jump into the gorge,always keeping the urge.…and even when I am falling,the scars are beneath my skin.I know anything can hurt me,but my hunger keeps me free.

1411082155

Jag minns, därför är jag fångenJag minns, för jag är tvungenJag minns, och det är inte sista gången

Jag minns, även om det nekasJag minns, för i kaklet det ekarJag minns, och det går inte att bleka

Jag minns, då det har lyft mina stegJag minns, för det var därför jag tegJag minns, och det är ett framsteg

1409130113

Jag föddes fri, men ändå lever jag bakom galler av krav och plagg som lindar mig i asfalt och konsumtionså att det går att sätta mig i rätt fack

Jag föddes fri, men vad spelar det för roll när andra är fängslade i terroroch även när jag vill öppna mitt hem för en främling tillåts vi inte korsa över påhittade gränser

Jag föddes fri, men ändå hatar jag den friheten jag luras ha där jag tillåts ha kärlek men bara det är rätt kön när jag har möjlighet att gå ut men bara vissa tider på dygnet

Jag föddes fri men jag är trött på slösa tid och materia i en ny garderob, i ett samhälle byggt för att spelas om och om igen, där jag inte medges att skapa min egen sorg

Jag föddes fri men jag vägrar att förminskas till en perfekt kropp och med bar hud ska jag förflytta mig genom land och havså sätt upp gränser för jag älskar att hoppa över dem!

1409112335

Everybody ignores the past expecting me to be quiet,but fuck their reputation, they should all prepare for riot! I feel sorry for them, such cowards without voices.They are all to blame! I am mad as hell so accept my choice!

No one understands me but I am proud of my hate,because it is the only tool that has sculptured my fate.I believe that the truth is nothing to regret,so why would I keep my scar as a secret?

Nobody is prepared for horror but why should I care?My words hack the streets with hate and fresh air.I have nobody to scratch because the bastard-trash is dead,so I use my talent to reshape every single path ahead.

Someone will recognize my anger and walk my ground,distraction can be a hinder but listen to my sound. To share my story makes my skin feel less and less censured.I need you to hear it, as if the echo gives me a cure.

1302081740


My

feel

ings

can

’t be

mas

s-pr

oduc

ed

3433

MY EYES ARE OPEN

MY EYES ARE YOURS

MY EYES ARE TIRED

MY EYES CRYMY EYES IGNORE

MY EYES REFLECTMY EYES ARE PAIN

MY EYES ARE OLD

MY EYES REFLECT

MY EYES SEE

MY EYES FEEL

monday tuesdaywednesdaythursdayfridaysaturdaysunday

mondaytuesdaywednesdaythursdayfridaysaturdaysunday



mondaytuesdaywednesdaythursdayfridaysaturday

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LESS NEUTRAL MORE

joyinterestsurprise


joyinterestsurprise


joyinterestsurprise


joyinterestsurprise


joyinterestsurprise


WEE

K 2

WEE

K 1

WEE

K 3

WEE

K 4

WEE

K 5

ANSWER: 1. He can give you 30 days, or 1 day if he wants.

2. No, she is the wife, here the man pays for the house and the wife decides.

3. Several times a year.

4. The housing situation in Lagos is hard. There is a high demand, and unmarried women don’t get apartments, so you need to lie and go with your fake husband, lucky for us the landlord doesn’t live here.

5. Now day three, you need to have children, life is tough in Lagos and you need someone to take care of you.

6. It is the last Saturday in every month between 7-10 am. No one is allowed to drive on the roads.

7. From 7-9 am

8. They bring it from the countryside, and store it down here on the water, until it’s ready to be sold.

9. I drive 1-2 hours.

10. She was a really bad maid, I don’t like those kinds of people.

11. No! No woman or man will go there at night, it’s dangerous! Other people that know the area better can be waiting for you.

12. Well yes, they came and robbed my cousins house, luckily they robbed the first floor which was another apartment. My friend that lives 4 houses from yours- they came at night and robbed him.

13. It’s her birthday so I am doing a surprise party, birthdays are important to celebrate with family and friends.

14. It is too dangerous the current is strong, people die.

15. They probably have kids, and they wake up at night scared and scream if it is too dark. I did that when I was a kid.

16. It is Lagos, people do everything in the middle of the road, maybe they found electricity for free there.

17. No, I have a lecture at my university.

18. If a property is without people living in it, other people will try to sell it, but if it says not for sale buyers can see that it is a fraud.

19. No the sun is high so it is too hot.

20. I feel sad for you, when the internet is down, when you hit your foot or when it’s too hot.

21. No, I have gone to watch the replay now.

22. It means a lot, there are so many bad things going on, but now people can be happy and proud, it was 19 years ago, the last time we won.

23. Yes of course.

24. Yes I have a deadline tomorrow.

25. It is San Valentine, so he has to order a cake for his wife but he doesn’t have time so I am helping him to pick it up.

26. No I have a problem with my tooth.

27. Yes and I am missing a birthday party, here in Lagos there is a party every week from Thursday to Sunday.

28. Yes I have.

29. Tiring, just when to sleep.

30. No, if I eat there I usually get bad

EMOTIONS: I HAVE NEVER FELT MORE WHITE

QUESTIONS:Why 30 days, I have a 90 days visa?

Is she the engineer? How many times have you gotten malaria?

Is it difficult to get an apartment here? How many children per family is the average?

What is environmental day? What time is church?

Why are there so many pieces of wood floating in the water?For how long do you travel to get home?

Why did you fire her? Would you take the bus there?

Are all those fences really necessary?Who has gone to eat all those cakes?

Why don’t you swim?

Why don’t people turn off the light when they go to sleep? Why is he watching TV in the middle of the road?

Are you not coming tomorrow? Why does it say not for sale?

It is nearby, can’t we walk? Why do you say that you are sorry, if it is not your fault?

Did you see the football game?

What do you think it means for Nigerians to have won? Do you have your own room?

Are you tired? Why have you gone to pick up a cake?

Did you eat lunch? Do you need to stay and work overtime?

Have you had lunch yet?

How was your night?Do you eat at “The white house”?

Do you need help? Did you receive my message?

What time do I need to leave, so I get there on time?What time did you have to wake up?

and have to run to the bathroom a lot, so I just take some bisques and eat later at home.

31. Just if you aren’t busy, I have a new project that we can sketch together.

32. Yes I did, but the telephones lines where very bad yesterday so I couldn’t contact you back.

33. The driver needs to come back before the environmental begins... So around 6 am.

34. Early, to drive my brothers in law.

I feel that my emotions increase and get deeper. The fears others have for my safety is not my biggest concern. Everyday life here creates a lot of empathy in me; I feel not only that I can understand, but that I can carry the suffering of others. These feelings create anger as well as they empower me. It is difficult to explain, but Lagos for me is happiness somehow in the pain, I enjoy every little thing and I feel as if I am 1000 times stronger. NOTICE: I choose to work with 8 emotions and see the weekly change; neutral equals my emotional state at home. The emotions list is inspired by Silvan Tomkins affect theory, which talks about the connection of an affect and its biological response as a heritage that we are born with.

I WILL NEVER FORGET: the geckos

my eyesthe electricity

my survivalthe internet

my happinessthe wallsmy pass

the darknessmy laugh

the plantainmy lunchthe eggs

my weaknessthe stew

my debilitythe car

my frustrationthe trafficmy anger

the dangermy power

the humourmy freedom

the human powermy arrogancethe friendship

my skinthe chair

my vulnerability


If m

y se

curit

y de

pend

s on

my

freed

om th

en I

pref

er to

fall

than

to b

e ca

ptur

ed

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QUOTES: THERE IS SOMETHING WRONGI WAS LIKE AIR, AS IF I DID NOT EXISTJAG VAR SOM LUFT, SOM OM JAG INTE FANNS

I kee

p cr

awlin

g in

to y

our l

ayer

s, d

eepl

y fa

lling

into

you

r tho

ught

s, I

keep

hol

ding

into

eve

ry e

mot

ion,

han

ging

extr

emel

y an

d w

ithou

t con

trol

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LAGOS STOCKHOLM

...in Lagos I experience art in all it shapes. one spoken word

performance inspire me.

...from that nigth I write and re write my own anger during

three months....in May 2013, at Haninge square I perform 678 words

and 400 meters of anger.


2013.01.25


2013-01.31


2013-02.12


2013-02.20


2013-02.06

EXPLOSION: MY VOICE WILL REACH YOU

I don’t like to eat by myself if is not my own choice. The first week I have difficulties to understand how, when and what to eat so I eat very little. The second week I understand when to eat, but still not what and how, so I eat very little. Finally, my need to eat is bigger than my obsession of eating together with others, so week 3 I at last begin to eat whatever I find, when, and how I want to. From week 4 I have almost three meals per day and I enjoy the food.

I AM BY MYSELFI am usually not around strangers. Sometimes I do spare time activities with others. I sleep and eat by myself.

My direct impression of Lagos is that the people here are survivors, and that no rock is big enough to stop a laugh. I am impressed with all the different expressions of art, from music and sculpture to spoken word. With a very strong inner echo, an art project starts to grow. It is performed in Haninge Centrum in May 2013.

ILSKA (anger): How long is my anger? My feeling cannot be mass-produced! I want to start from an immaterial feeling and let it become material through drawing. The performance piece becomes a manifestation of my anger on a 400 m long paper, containing 678 words, 2770 letters, 668 spaces, 68 rows and 15 paragraphs.

More information http://aramburu.se/art/ilska.html


Cut

s ar

e ge

tting

dee

per s

culp

turin

g m

y sk

in in

bla

ck, t

ears

are

get

ting

swee

ter s

hapi

ng m

y so

ul to

atta

ck

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it’s cold again

have to take out the garbage

feel offended

can’t eat red meatdon’t have time to shop

am too late too many salesmen call my phone

my issues: depends on myself, I have the power to influence

cultural issues: depends on others, bigger groups, takes time to influence

structural issues: depends on a higher power, difficult to influence

out of coffee

have overslept

have a headache due to Detox

hair is so boring

don’t want to eat

the bus is late

there are beggars on the street

my have washing time

my internet is too slow

forgot my card

must walk the dog

must recycle

must have time to workout

my

do not have time to work

am single

don’t want to sleep

don’t have any cash with memust take care of sick children

again

could not sleep last night

my TV is too small

have not seen the sun today

have to buy new clothes

can’t eat am allergic

internet on my mobile is finished

have no desire to eat

my clothes are so boring

must be able to pick the kids

didn’t sleep last night

can’t eat I am lactose intolerant

losing too much hair

there is an ugly photo of me on Facebook

must vote

don’t know what to eat for lunch today

my hair is growing too slow

had no time to take photos of the food

it is too wet outside

have no money for next weekend

they do not accept bankcards

wage has been really low this year

people are talking in a different language

have to recharge my mobile

have a deadline today

We all have issues that lead us to break, or we choose to adapt to daily. When I read about the everyday issues of the cities I live in I feel arrogant. It is a gift to realize that my everyday issues in Sweden are not only small and insignificant, but also that in the majority of situations I am in control to do something about it myself. I have recorded some everyday issues that myself or peo-ple around me experience in Sweden:

PERCEPTION: SWEDISH EVERYDAY ISSUES

...He seems frustrated and screams: “It’s because you have an oyibo in the car that you are driving so badly!” oyibo- a word I have heard other times but haven’t paid attention to- like a guy at the restaurant, the one parking the cars, he repeated it like 5 times to me “oyibo oyibo oyibo oyibo oyibo....” My friend and the two girls got upset with the guy, we went to the car and my friend told us to wait there while he went to talk to the parking guy, to tell him that he had been disrespectful. When he got back to us I asked him why it was disrespectful. He said that even if the word doesn’t mean anything negative in itself, there is no reason for the guy to insist and repeat it so many times to us. I didn’t understand a thing. Oyibo means white. But I didn’t understand why he repeated it so many times, was it his way of saying hello? His response to seeing me? And why did my friend get so upset? My biggest challenge is that I never saw myself as white, but here I am whiter than snow, is that the reason I am invisible? It opens my eyes, I realize that I am so arrogant believing that because I am not white in colour, I am not what represents being white for a big population of the world. Even if I myself did not rape their country, even if I did not steal, If I am not the one relying on their suffering, even if I never regulated a way of benefit from their damage, even if I never have or will have a bad intention... Why should they trust me? I am the one ignoring and accepting it. When finally after a time they see me for who I am.

You can see in our eyes that nothing can destroy us, because when you’ve already died once, you’re not afraid of next time, you become a liquid full of qualities for transforming and surviving anything. People see me without asking me, or me telling them. We sing and dance with the same pleasure. I know Lagos sounds like a painful experience, but for me Lagos is wellbeing... It is where I have learned to scream, to not contaminate myself with irrelevant issues. I learn that I can easily get overlooked, and that I am not in control of that, because it is the other person’s choice, and that is why it is my choice not to overlook other human beings. We as humans become humans when other humans see us as that. I have learned to see beyond my issues- material values, the future or the past... I have learned that my everyday is worth gold simply because I’m here one more day... Opening a window, walking in the rain, running in the snow, dancing in the queue, breathing air, drinking water… To see beyond and to feel the beauty in everything that is. Like the chameleons hidden between concrete walls, behind garbage or in the darkest places, coloured with 1000 patterns in red and green, so detailed that you really need to be a close observer not to miss anything. In Lagos I have learned to see beyond myself and my own breath.

MarriageEngagementDivorceVegetarianismHarassmentApproval of othersWhat to wearCleaningGarbageWashing up CookingBattery lifeElectricityKeysBeauty salonsCancellationsRainDisgust ParentsFans

TrafficBuying creditsKidnappingGeneratorsInternetNeedsCorruption Working over timeHelp in the homeSeatbeltsInfidelityFinishing tasksParkingFootballFreezersStuffy airBlockingSurvivingAbuseEquality

Renting out propertyLosing weightPoliticsUnemploymentNeedsRepressionIllegalitiesThe policeReligionImpostures SunburnThe busThe subwaySystemsHarassment LaptopsTobaccoSmokingNeighboursTea

PUNESTOCKHOLM LAGOS ISTANBUL

AppearanceStressWeatherEatingExercisingHouse tasksInternetPhoneMaterial thingsTimeMustsCan’tHaving enoughTransportationOther peopleSleepHealthConsumingEmotionsAllergies


it’s too cold outside

my selfie is not good

don’t have time to cook

have pain in the head, hand, arm, back, neck

tired of going on a diet

people talk too loud

bike was stolen

the elevator is out of service

there are too many people out there

don’t have time to eat

no return policy

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WEE

K 1

WEE

K 2

WEE

K 3

WEE

K 4

WEE

K 5

bored and start exercisecorruption cultural differencenoises don’t think she will be avaible to adapthungry

HeadacheMuscle tension or painFatigueUpset stomachSLEEP PROBLEMS

HEADACHEMuscle tension or painFatigueUPSET STOMACHSLEEP PROBLEMS

HEADACHEMUSCLE TENSION OR PAINFATIGUEUPSET STOMACHSLEEP PROBLEMS

HeadacheMUSCLE TENSION OR PAINFATIGUEUPSET STOMACHSLEEP PROBLEMS

HeadacheMUSCLE TENSION OR PAINFATIGUEUpset stomachSLEEP PROBLEMS

AnxietyRESTLESSNESSLack of motivation or focusIrritability or angerSadness or depression

ANXIETYRESTLESSNESSLack of motivation or focusIrritability or angerSadness or depression

ANXIETYRESTLESSNESSLACK OF MOTIVATION OR FOCUSIRRITABILITY OR ANGERSADNESS OR DEPRESSION

AnxietyRestlessnessLACK OF MOTIVATION OR FOCUSIRRITABILITY OR ANGERSADNESS OR DEPRESSION

AnxietyRestlessnessLack of motivation or focusIRRITABILITY OR ANGERSADNESS OR DEPRESSION



OVEREATING OR UNDEREATINGANGRY OUTBURSTSDrug or alcohol abuseTobacco useSOCIAL WITHDRAWAL

Overeating or undereatingANGRY OUTBURSTSDrug or alcohol abuseTobacco useSocial withdrawal


has difficult to understand

frustrated and angryfeel a sence of grouplose appetiteTruant job

anger toward othersmiss home

irritated and tiredgive up to fit ineat by herselfsadness and sarcasm. AHA moment about whitenessTruantwrite poetry and diary

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KEYWORDS

äter mindre än det hon vill

inre ilska, visas inte utåt

inte hennes vanliga beteende

extremt utmattad av alla känslor

har inget att göra hemma

metalt tillstånd påverkar fysiskt


HER BODY HER MOOD HER BEHAVIOR

NOTES BY NATALIA ARAMBURU: SHE GIVES UPI WAS LIKE AIR, AS IF I DID NOT EXISTJAG VAR SOM LUFT, SOM OM JAG INTE FANNS

WEEK 1: She’s irritated and insecure since these experiences are so different to her prior ones. She thinks she will have a hard time adapting to the meals, the noise and the politeness she is experiencing in the language. She hears about things like corruption, kidnapping, robbery etc. but she doesn’t take it in. One day she goes out on her own, and she feels she wants to get out more. She encounters suspicion from other people, something she’s not used to. She is wondering whether they remember that she’s there, to not get any attention and to not be asked her opinion affects her. She doesn’t understand why everyone sleeps so much and are so tired. She starts to exercise in her room. She feels alone.

WEEK 2: She is insisting on trying to find out whether people don’t eat lunch here, or if there’s something she might have missed. She gets emotional when she thinks about what the place looks like, and how she hasn’t noticed before. She laughs sarcastically and talks about the things she really doesn’t like. She feels like everyone is tired and sleep all the time. She herself is more tired than normal. She hasn’t taken in the danger of going out alone, and is very taken up by the fact that she’s not allowed to. She doesn’t seem aware of how different she looks to other people here.

WEEK 3: She feels like she needs to adapt to her surroundings. She eats alone, and when she feels like it. The noise outside in the mornings annoy her, she’s used to waking up on her own. She is irritated by the feeling of not knowing anything on beforehand. She always has to wait for someone to go together with, sometimes for hours. She is used to being in control, and in this situation she feels like she doesn’t have any, and that she is very dependent on others. She is being sarcastic about her situation. Finally she is accepted by the group, but not completely. She is enjoying all the jokes, people are more open to her. Everyone sits around chatting and she is asking a lot of questions. She realises that the stern surface and the suspicion is cultural. She seems happier now that she gets why people have been a bit distant towards her. She feels as if people are very emotional, deep and creative. She admires their raw, honest and deep texts.

WEEK 4: She has lost her appetite but is forcing herself to eat even if she’s not hungry. She is showing a lot of resilience and sadness, it comes across in the tone of her voice and in the way she writes. She wonders whether she has lost herself or just adapted. She is still not really a part of the group. She gets into situations that forces her to become someone she doesn’t really want to be. Her ways start to change and she doesn’t want to go to work anymore. She is very tired. She wants to sleep all the time, and she sleeps on her way to and from work. Once at work she enjoys it, it distracts her. She is mentally fatigued and feels as if her body can’t take any more.

WEEK 5: Her survival instinct has gotten stronger. She acts more like herself at home, her real me comes out a bit. She thinks that time is moving slowly.

REFLECTIONShe is questioning her ability to adapt.She is insecure and is wondering why no one gives her attention.She is very talkative in the interviews, is she in need for human contact?She wants to adapt more and starts having lunch on her own.She doesn’t understand everyone’s worries about “the dangers”.She is writing a lot in her journal. Is it because she has too much time on her hands or is it just a need for reflection?Her fatigue takes over. She’s not in control of her physical fatigue.Her voice, energy and will is gone. She is homesick. Perhaps she can’t take it much longer?She manages to find a sense of bring in a group, but doesn’t feel she is part of the “us” notion.

NOTEEXPERIENCE: She is very affected emotionally by this trip; will she make use of her new insights when she gets back home?DEVELOPMENT: She is developing her soul and her psyche.BELONGING: She never feels like she is part of the group, but she strives to be a part of it. She strives to be a part of a group that doesn’t exist.VIEW: She doesn’t see herself as different from the others here, and so she doesn’t get why she’s being excluded, or why the suspicion she feels towards her. EXAMINATION: She is questioning her own thoughts and feelings, she opens up.

4443

When I get overlooked I feel like I don’t exist, I am like air, I am nothing. But still, I continue to ignore other human beings. To no longer see other human beings as subjects rather as objects is my built in reaction to avoid feeling uncomfortable, suspicious, scared, sad, inshame, feeling guilty, angry or confused. And if air is how I see you, then air is what you become.

RESOLUTION: I NEED TO BE SEEN TO BE A HUMAN BEENI WAS LIKE AIR, AS IF I DID NOT EXISTJAG VAR SOM LUFT, SOM OM JAG INTE FANNS

Jag var som luft, som om jag inte fanns i kamouflerat mönster

skrek jag tyst... Jag var som intet,

som om jag sågs förbi ...och för varje blick,

blev jag mindre än ingenting

Hur viktigt är det att bli sedd för att känna mig som en människa? I Nigeria var jag den vita främlingen en inte kunde lita på och det skapade situationer där jag kände mig förbisedd. ”Jag finns inte, jag är som luft” är ett verk som grundar sig i min upplevelse att känna mig förbisedd som nykomling, främling eller avvikande.

4847

it costs a lot to pay a cleaning lady

INTERVIEW ARRIVAL

DEPARTURE INTERVIEW

friday2013.06.28

.

monday2013.07.08

.

monday2013.07.22

.

monday2013.07.01

interview

monday2013.07.15

interview

monday2013.07.29

interview

tuesday2013.07.09

interview

tuesday2013.07.23

interview

tuesday2013.07.02

.

tuesday2013.07.16

.

tuesday2013.07.30

.

wednesday2013.07.10

.

wednesday2013.07.24

.

wednesday2013.07.03

interview

wednesday2013.07.17

interview

wednesday2013.07.01

.

thursday2013.07.11

interview

thursday2013.07.25

interview

thursday2013.07.04

.

thursday2013.07.18

.

saturday2013.06.29

interview

saturday 2013.07.06

.

saturday2013.07.20

.

saturday 2013.07.13

interview

saturday2013.07.27

interview

friday2013.07.12

.

friday2013.07.26

.

friday2013.07.05

interview

friday2013.07.19

interview

sunday2013.06.30

.

sunday2013.07.07

interview

sunday2013.07.21

interview

sunday2013.07.14

.

sunday2013.07.28

.

The neighbour made noises last night

cats make noises all night

need to be careful when I rent out my apartment

prefer to take the subway, that bus goes by ugly places

every time I see the police I get upset

it is to hot outside at this time let’s wait until the sun goes

down

there is not enough food at home

traditional Muslims vote for that political party

my last work place still owes me two months salary

need to use my credit card

lost my tobacco

tea needs to be done Turkish style

the streets are so difficult too orient in

it takes too long, I don’t like to wait

I am on a diet

do not have money to the bus

need to charge my laptop

it is to hot we need the aircon on

it is too cold on the subway

it is too late, I can’t go to the hospital now

don’t know if I have any credit on my bus card

the police harass the women they arrest

the gas came into the house

need to fill my buss card with credits

the tea is not done properly

there are too many people in that place

a lot of people work ilegally

need to charge

need to eat something fast, have too

much work

there were too many people at the store

need to sit outside so I can smokethey want to

impose Islam

can’t do a lot of things if I depend on my family

need a cigarette

if you work within the government you can not wear

a head scarf

the smoke comes to me

need to lose weightwent out to an expensive place

so no money left

there will be too many people on the bus

only 20% of the applicants get in to the university the rest wait

the government has us repressed so we smoke

to relax

we need to be at home after or before 21:00

need to lose weigh

the traffic is so heavy sometimes I stay over with

friend on the other side

don’t eat after 4pm

we don’t have time to eat outside today

can’t prove that I worked there because I worked illegally

when we have trouble we don’t know if we should call

the police

don’t have money

don’t have change

my parents get worried if I don’t answer my phone

they said that the ones that helped during the riots are

terrorists

they changed the school system, a 9year old kid needs

to choose a mayor

got sunburned

did not get paid for my work

don’t know anything about how much the project costs

the tea is too bitter

need to be available if my father calls, but batteries

will die

ISTANBUL

ISTANBUL

my fingers get yellow from rolling the tobacco

EVERYDAY: I SAW A DOLPHIN

My everyday life in Istanbul is a loop of days that makes me one with time. I don’t feel any need for structure, my routines are natural. To adapt to a city and a culture that seems to enjoy life is easy for me. My everyday issues in Istanbul are generally things I can change together with others. If I arrange them in five groups they are:

DIET - Perfection in the food I eat, or don’t eat. RELIGION - Accepting and adapting to others. AUTHORITY - Avoiding or confronting the authorities at the right time.URBAN SPACE- The streets don’t feel accessible enough, lack of sidewalks, abundance of steps. WORK - The lack of work, or too much of it.

I SLEPT LIKE A BABY, LOVE SOUNDJAG SOV LIKE A BABY, ÄLSKAR LJUD

A pe

rson

is w

hat e

xists

beyo

nd h

er n

eeds

; the

refle

ctio

n of

wha

t she

ble

eds

Thei

r bla

ck F

riday

, you

r whi

te h

earts

, our

em

pty

soul

s

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fridaysaturdaysundaymondaytuesdaywednesdaythursday




fridaysaturdaysundaymondaytuesdaywednesday

LESS NEUTRAL MORE

joyinterestsurprise


joyinterestsurprise


joyinterestsurprise


joyinterestsurprise


joyinterestsurprise


MY HANDS BREAK

MY HANDS ARE FREE

MY HANDS ARE UNIQUE

MY HANDS CREATE

MY HANDS ARE ALIVE

MY HANDS ARE FRAGILE

MY HANDS HAVE FAILED

MY HANDS HAVE RESTED

MY HANDS ARE USEFULL

MY HANDS HAVE LEARNED

MY HANDS HAVE LIMITS

WEE

K 2

WEE

K 1

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K 5

ANSWERS: 1. You can buy it in the little shops, but it doesn’t matter- after maximum 3 weeks they will block your SIM-card if it’s international.

2. He is asking to buy old things.

3. They are praying in the mosque.

4. A box per day.

5. We can’t! My friend had two accidents last year, she fell on the frozen ground.

6. Yes it’s good business, I wanted to rent out mine some months ago, if you rent for a week you get paid more than rent for a month.

7. They are protesting around the same time 9pm, we also do it if we are at home, we use kitchen pots, it has been going on for one month.

8. No, I was just telling you that it can happen so just be careful.

9. Yes of course, we even have some extras at work.

10. Yes here.

11. No I am trying to lose weight so I don’t eat after 4pm.

12. No, nobody has time after work for being with friends and going out. 13. It’s well done, is a long tradition and you can’t skip steps or invent new things.

14. Yes they are, I think the municipality gives them something to calm them down.

15. Yes, the government hands out food everyday 9pm during Ramadan, but now the Gezi park group also hands out food.

16. Yes I suppose every area has their own, it’s a big thing here, they even have a competition to be chosen. So they must be very devoted? No, hahaha, after they go door knocking asking for “gifts”.

17. It would look bad in the CV if I have worked for less than 1 year.

18. Until 2am, I was happy because last Friday I stayed until 6am.

19. No it’s very cool, send me the link.

20. Yes, but I don’t know the code.

21. Yes I need the money, and I have a big apartment with 3 bedrooms.

22. Yes of course, and we pay back little by little.

23. No, they don’t tell us the exact time. All we know is that it comes every 20 minutes, but we don’t know when, and if there is a lot of traffic maybe the bus doesn’t come, and then we have to wait for the next one.

24. No, the people that work can’t or, only on the weekends, breakfast is a big thing in Turkey, we eat a lot and it takes forever. 25. Yes of course, we don’t eat like men.

26. No I have job interviews the morning after, but my friends will come here to visit.

27. Yes I have, I think it is important to know, but the majority have not read it.

28. 2-3 interviews but ones my friend had 7 interviews.

29. It happens here that people argue about work, personalities can clash when

QUESTIONS:Where can I buy a SIM-card?

What is he screaming? What is that sound?

How many cigarettes do u smoke a day? How can you walk in winter with all these hills and steps?

Do you usually rent out your apartment?What is that sound?

Why do we need to pay at the beach? Do you have a mask for the gas?

Do you have books in English? Do you eat dinner at home?

Do you work out? What is real Turkish tea?

Don’t you think the dogs are too calm?

Do they give away food for free? There must be several guys that play the drums? If you want to quit your job, then why don’t you?

Did you stay late at work on Friday?Have you seen this video? Do you have Wi-Fi here?

Do you want to rent your apartment too?

Will you pay for the trip with a credit card? Don’t you know when the bus comes?

Do you eat this breakfast every day? Can you always order half sizes?

Will we go out tomorrow to celebrate your birthday? Have you read the Quran?

How many interviews with the same employer do you usually have?

Why was she upset? What are they signing to the police?

Why do you paint your hands when you get married? Why is she is crying?

Where will you go on vacation? Where can I buy credits for my bus card?

EMOTIONS: I HAVE FOUND MYSELF AGAIN

I feel like my emotions are balanced here. Fear doesn’t exist in me, not even when I am walking through gas let out by the police, because I feel like we are bigger and stronger, and that we can accomplish anything. I am enchanted, and the feeling is so strong that I am even ignoring real physical pain. I feel at home and like if I find myself again with every single step I take. NOTICE: I choose to work with 8 emotions and see the weekly change; neutral equals my emotional state at home. The emotions list is inspired by Silvan Tomkins affect theory, which talks about the connection of an affect and its biological response as a heritage that we are born with.

I WILL NEVER FORGET:the dolphinmy handsthe teamy sorenessthe conversationsmy voicethe simplicitymy smilethe soundsmy skillsthe civilizationmy weaknessthe peoplemy runningthe night lifemy humanitythe little chairsmy ignorancethe friendshipmy obsessionthe consumptionmy habitsthe groupmy needsthe culturemy kindnessthe dogsmy passionthe resiliencemyself

we are so many women.

30. They are very brave when they sing “dear uncle police give me gas!”

31. I don’t know, it is a tradition to do it 3 days before, maybe it’s shamanism.

32. Her husband has back pain so she is sad and worried.

33. I will go to some Greek islands and after i will visit my parents for Morakabarak.

34. In the store in front of the bus stop.


My

refle

ctio

n w

ill n

ever

be

your

s; m

y sh

apes

will

nev

er d

ry in

to d

iet,

beca

use

even

whe

n yo

u re

fuse

to s

ee b

eyon

d m

y sk

in I

have

bon

es w

ith v

oice

s th

at re

fuse

to b

e qu

iet!

5453


QUOTES: HELL YEAH YOU LIVE THE LIFE HERE

I cou

nt e

very

sec

ond

of y

our a

bsen

ce, a

s if

the

spac

e be

twee

n us

was

a la

ndsc

ape

5655

REFLECTION: EVERYTHING I DO IS BECAUSE YOU MIRROR MEI SLEPT LIKE A BABY, LOVE SOUNDJAG SOV LIKE A BABY, ÄLSKAR LJUD

Eating out at restaurantsSitting at a cafeLeisurely walksThe gym / indoor sports Running / swimming / boxingOutdoor sportsPicnicBook readingStroll in the woodsHikingCultivate at home / at allotmentLibrary / magazine readingWatch documentariesWatch series / movies at homeGoing to the moviesSewing / knitting / weavingPhotography / filmDiary / poems / lettersConcerts / the theater / museumsFixing home / car / equipmentLectures / presentationsGoing out dancingPainting / drawingPlaying music / instruments / singingBoard games / bingo / slot machinesWood work / metal handicraftsDownhill skiing / skating rinkRecreational FishingHikingSunbathing

In Istanbul my days are full of spare time activities and I can always find something to do and to share with someone else. It is like a domino game where I can always find something in common even if we are all unique and different. Spare time activities improve physical and mental health. To find the balance is to have a choice to do spare time activities with others but also by myself.

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2013.07.09

1019 PEOPLE ENTER MY PERSONAL SPACE

THE 2013.07.04


2013.07.30


2013.07.19

1018 PEOPLE ENTER MY PERSONAL SPACE

THE 2013.07.26

ISTANBUL STOCKHOLM

...the first thing I embrace is sitting down to drink tea, on the little chairs I finally take a brake

...winter 2014 the mini bench is born. I place it outside to take a

brake in the cold snow...create my own tea table and place it at home. I use it as my

own furniture for 9months

I have difficulty to breath around cigarette smoke, and I suffer from allergic reactions. The first week I am around the smoke I reach my limit. The second week I try to avoid being around it, but I know that almost everybody smokes here. From week 3 I feel like a passive smoker, I don’t even bother about the smoke anymore because the sense of the group is stronger than my physical reaction to it. I AM PART OF EVERYTHINGI am around people I know, or by myself. I do spare time activities with others or by myself. I sleep by myself. I eat with others, or by myself.

EXPLOSION: A PLACE TO BREATHE

My direct impression of Istanbul is that it’s a society that knows how to enjoy life, with activities like slowly drinking cups of tea and having long discussions. Feeling a very strong need for keeping the calm and emptiness the tea drinking gives me; an art project grows and is installed in Årstafältet (Stockholm) in February 2014.

NYFIKEN BETONG (curious concrete): How much does my curiosity weigh? I discover that my curiosity sometimes hinders me from stopping and taking a break. I wanted to stop and sit down. This Installation is a process of my curiosity, becoming a piece to sit down on. It is a 42kgs heavy concrete bench made to create possibilities for a break.

http://aramburu.se/art/nyfikenbetong.html


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ADAPTABLEADVENTUROUSaffectionatearrogantbravecalmcarefulcommunicativecompassionate CONSIDERATE

determineddiscreetEASY GOINGemotionalENERGETICENTHUSIASTICfearlessfriendlygeneroushelpful

honesthumorousINDEPENDENTINTUITIVEkindloyalmelancholicmodestniceoptimistic

passionatepatientpersistent politepowerfulpracticalquietrationalreliablereserved

SELF-CONFIDENCEself-disciplinedsensitiveshysincereSOCIABLEsympathetictoughUNDERSTANDINGWILLING

ADAPTABLEadventurousaffectionateARROGANTbravecalmCAREFULcommunicativecompassionate considerate

determineddiscreeteasy goingEMOTIONALenergeticenthusiasticFEARLESSfriendlygeneroushelpful

honesthumorousindependentINTUITIVEkindloyalMELANCHOLICMODESTniceOPTIMISTIC

passionatePATIENTpersistent POLITEPOWERFULpracticalquietrationalreliableRESERVED

self-confidenceSELF-DISCIPLINEDsensitiveshySINCEREsociablesympatheticTOUGHunderstandingwilling

adaptableadventurousaffectionatearrogantbraveCALMCAREFULcommunicativecompassionate CONSIDERATE

determineddiscreeteasy goingemotionalenergeticenthusiasticfearlessfriendlygenerousHELPFUL

honesthumorousindependentINTUITIVEkindloyalmelancholicmodestNICEoptimistic

passionatepatientpersistent politepowerfulPRACTICALquietrationalreliablereserved

self-confidenceself-disciplinedsensitiveshysincereSOCIABLEsympathetictoughUNDERSTANDINGwilling

DURING THE TRIPAFTER THE TRIP

OPTIMISTIC

EMOTIONAL

EASY GOING

SINCERE

ARROGANT

TOUGH

PRACTICAL

SOCIABLE

CONSIDERATE

MODEST

PUN

ELA

GO

SIS

TAN

BUL

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

TODAY

We all have different characteristics, but key is how and when we use them. I have highlighted the ones that I experienced increased/ got stronger during this experiment. Characteristics that increased because of survival or adaptation. Characteristics that increased because of the group I was in, or because of my surroundings. Characteristics that increased because of changes in me. Below I rate the ones that changed, 1 = Today strong or 10= Today weak

PERCEPTION: CHARACTER THERMOMETERI SLEPT LIKE A BABY, LOVE SOUNDJAG SOV LIKE A BABY, ÄLSKAR LJUD

What I stuck with for the first few days are: Good transport and public transport. The smell of pastry and fresh orange juice everywhere. The sounds of prayers, traffic, and people who talk is heard until morning. There are shops that are open around the clock. People sitting everywhere on tiny chairs talking and drinking tea. Couple holding hands ... With a feeling that they really enjoy, really want, it’s not automatically like robots holding hands. I notice that the sound becomes more vivid or disturbing, as cats having sex, neighbours having sex, ambulances passing on my street because there are 3 hospitals ... And the strangest sound is these birds, I have never heard such sound before. I thought it was the cats but now I know that there are birds that sea rats, they are everywhere and seem to not want to sleep. But perhaps even stranger is that I do not hear the drums, they should wake one so that one time to eat before the sun comes up ... but I sleep past it as a baby.

The city is beautiful but I do not think about it, because I know that if I start I will be stuck in a state of shock! But in short, it is the most beautiful I have ever seen! ... My first day is very relaxing. I’m not on holiday and therefore I do not need to rush as others to take photos or experience to the max ... For me it is enough to experience things like go shopping, buy me a bun or accompany a friend to the bus stop. We have time to experiment with cooking at home, we have time to play spin the bottle, go to the gay parade, go dancing, meet my friend’s friends or family, and even have three couch surfers visiting from Greece, Spain and Jordan. As the days are very intense although we mostly lazing at home, something that feels natural. I tend to be at home at least one day during the weekend and lazy at home.

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hon har inget val, röken finns omkring henne


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WEE

K 1

WEE

K 2

WEE

K 3

WEE

K 4

WEE

K 5

want to fit ininlove with the city


HeadacheMUSCLE TENSION OR PAINFatigueUpset stomachSleep problems

HeadacheMUSCLE TENSION OR PAINFatigueUpset stomachSLEEP PROBLEMS

HeadacheMUSCLE TENSION OR PAINFatigueUpset stomachSLEEP PROBLEMS

HeadacheMUSCLE TENSION OR PAINFatigueUpset stomachSleep problems




AnxietyRestlessnessLACK OF MOTIVATION OR FOCUSIrritability or angerSadness or depression


Overeating or undereatingAngry outburstsDrug or alcohol abuseTOBACCO USESocial withdrawal





wake up latewalk starting dailywe-group feeling at hometruants

physical painwake up laterealize the realityfollow routineswe-group feeling atwork

physical painWake up latetakes its own time.start traininginlove with the city and the peopletruants

physical painwake up latetakes its own timestarts reading booktruants

KEYWORDS

smärtan har gått över hennes gräns

hon väljer att vara run rök

jobbet är för upprepande

hinner inte sova ut

överarbetar handen


HER BODY HER MOOD HER BEHAVIOR

NOTES BY NATALIA ARAMBURU: SHE IS IN LOVE REFLECTIONDoes her dream city make her blind for reality?She adapts easily.She has a hard time finding negative things. Not even the smoking bothers her.She lets herself be affected since she wants to be part of the group and society. She is relaxed. Is it like a vacation for her?She experiences a lot of pain in her hand. How come she puts up with it?She fights to find herself yet still she wants to be like everyone else. She tries to find a balance for the two.She accepts the everyday, and that everything isn’t perfect.She chooses to be part of the “us” notion. She likes the different groups and enjoys being a part of an “us”.

WEEK 1: She is in love with the city, the structure, the food, the environment etc. She thinks she understands society and in that way it is easier for her to be part of it. The city is almost like her dream city. She is so contempt she only mentions the positives. She is in love with everything; she doesn’t even care about complaining about the cigarette smoke. She enjoys the people she spends time with; she feels they have shared interests and references. She goes out dancing at bars. The ones she spends her time with quickly becomes her inner circle. She doesn’t understand the language but experiences that everyone wants to help her. She likes people’s friendly ways.

WEEK 2: She is part of the group and this affects her subconsciously. One day she doesn’t go to work and instead she spends time with the girls. The city and the life they live reminds her a lot of her own life as single. She is more relaxed in her way of talking. She points out and is surprised by the fact that there are a lot of people. She doesn’t understand why her work friends are so much more withdrawn compared to other people she spends time with. Her social life takes up a big part of her everyday. She is still in love with the city. She is out a lot (shopping, spending time at cafes, restaurants, spending time with other people, going to the movies, to exhibitions etc.)

WEEK 3: She gets tired of work, is bored by working so much in CAD. She has a friendly relationship with the girls. She is out a lot every day, regardless if she is on her own or in the company of others. She still hasn’t adapted completely. She is taken aback by the lifestyle of people in the city. She still hasn’t questioned anything of society. She starts questioning her own behaviour, like that she should go to bed earlier or eat breakfast, but she doesn’t change anything.

WEEK 4: She has an unbearable pain in her joints. She is one of the gang, mixes naturally with the group and stays over at friends. She uses the “us” notion more. She easily adapts to the Turkish life style, it reminds her of her own life at home. She enjoys her lifestyle as a grown up. It is so much like her life at home that she points straight to the things she dislikes rather than trying to act patient or be sensible like she has in the other cities she has visited. She sleeps in longer and doesn’t exercise at all, which is very unusual for her. Her initial infatuation for the city is gone and she starts noticing things she hasn’t noticed before. She doesn’t think shopping is fun anymore. She spends time with her friends from work; they chat and always have lunch out together.

WEEK 5: She skips work one day to let her hand rest. She has started thinking about the journey home, since the pain has gotten unbearable. She is used to the smoking but sometimes she comments on it. She mostly adapts to it since she has to, even though it’s something she normally is very against at home in Sweden.

NOTEEXPERIENCE: She is not affected, no change or development.CHANGE: She goes back to old ways, thought patterns and habits.BELONGING: She is part of the same social group as she would at home, she has a strong sense of “us”.VIEW: She realises her opportunities, and opens her eyes to routines.EXAMINATION: The questioning of herself f.e. behaviour such as to stop going out shopping or to start sleeping in longer.


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Sleep is something that can easily be underestimated and turned into an item on a “to do list”. In Istanbul, through the enchanting sounds, the rhythm of the everyday life, and the uninterrupted tea drinking, my mind has found back to my body, and I sleep like a baby. To sleep well is a sign of my mental and physical health but also I sign that I am at home.

RESOLUTION: SOMETIMES HOME IS AN ILLUSIONI SLEPT LIKE A BABY, LOVE SOUNDJAG SOV LIKE A BABY, ÄLSKAR LJUD

Vad behöver jag för att känna mig hemma? När jag inte räknar timmar eller måste avsluta sömnen med en väckarklocka då vet jag att jag är hemma. Under tiden jag sover kommer jag fram till lösningar, sover jag väl blir jag mindre sjuk och är gladare. Sömnen är en förutsättning för att jag ska fungera. Sömnbrist är stort hot mot hälsan, men svenskar är ändå de som sover minst av alla européer.

I sleep like a baby, like if it was my first timebecause when did sleeping become a bloody crime?

I nap like a flower and wake up with the soundsbecause when did I forget that I l belong in the ground?

I snooze, I roll over, I bend, I hug and I relyI doze, I get over, I dream, I become and I fly

cause when did I lose my passion collecting blue stars?I slumber like a baby, like the one I always was

because I can’t justify my actions by destroying myselfI rest like an imprint, like the one under my skin

because I know I don’t exist to become a broken machine

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PUNE LAGOS ISTANBUL

. 2 .4 3 32 3 .2 4 .2 5 .. 2 .. 3 .1 2 12 3 .. 3 .2 3 .. 2 2. . .. . 4. 1 2

list of stress symptoms , 5 equals maximum

HeadacheMuscle tension or painFatigueUpset stomachSleeping problemsAnxietyRestlessnessLack of motivation or focusIrritability or angerSadness or depressionOvereating undereatingAngry outburstsDrug or alcohol abuseTobacco useSocial withdrawal

EVERYDAY STRESSOne interesting aspect of the experiment is to see the changes in Patricia’s ways, both physically and psychologically, in regards to the different cities she goes to. She starts using exercising as a tool to work with the different challenges she is experiencing in her daily life. It is clear she uses it as a stress relief. In all three cities, she starts exercising even when this isn’t part of the daily routine of those around her. Exercising becomes something she feels is necessary to add to her daily routine wherever she goes.

PUNE: She exercises as a way of handling the notion of feeling locked up, and as a way to find time to be by herself.

LAGOS: She exercises to handle her feeling of loneliness, and to fill the gaps she feels she is experiencing in her daily life.

ISTANBUL: She exercises as a way of handling physical pain, she experiences as a result of her work life.

OBSERVATION BY NATALIA ARAMBURU

INDEPENDENTLY ALONEIn most cultures community and being part of a group is seen as a necessity. But in our western culture, this way of thinking has gradually changed- to be self sufficient and independent is now seen as something positive, and has become the ideal that we live by. Patricia’s opinion before travelling is that to be strong is to be able to handle things on your own, and she is careful about having time and spare time to herself. During the experiment she discovers how dependent she becomes on the sense of being part of a group.

PUNE: She doesn’t have a choice- here she has to be part of a group. Her opinions around the notion of the group as something negative changes and she can see the advantages, and the sense of security the group can give her, especially considering the situation she is in when in Pune.

LAGOS: She is not part of a group, but is alone. Here, she desperately feels she wants to be part of a group. She feels the need of human contact and a strong need for experiencing community with others. Her original view around independency is shook, and she’s questioning whether alone is always best.

ISTANBUL: She is part of the group in a natural way that resembles her everyday life in Sweden.

I FEEL SO ARROGANTKÄNNER MIG SÅ ARROGANT

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en I

can

fit in

my

body

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OBJECTIFICATION BY NATALIA ARAMBURU

The question is whether Patricia’s sense of empathy for others changes in a surrounding or a city with a higher population density. How does she turn subjects into objects? In this experiment we have worked with three different cases where society, its structures and the physical environment vary, but where the population density is about the same. What we have seen is that the density of the population doesn’t seem to affect Patricia’s empathy directly, and that other more basic factors seem to be of more relevant. These are factors such as time (stress), sense of belonging (group) and recognition (experience).

Patricia’s empathy for the collective doesn’t change but it seems as if her empathy is affected when she has a group tight in her inner circle or if she is in contact/connects with single individuals. This seems to have to do with how much she can see herself in the other, the more she sees herself the more empathy she develops. Such a simple variable as time can punctuate her empathy. Old and new research within the subject has shown that time can be a crucial factor to empathy. By turning up the tempo in work life the ability for empathy disappears. Stress objectifies subjects; stress is connected to survival and is a primitive state where egoism supersedes over other people’s needs. In Patricia’s case it seems as when she is not experiencing stress, and when she is in a more harmonious state, she is less inclined to objectifying subjects, even when they are part of a bigger collective.

PUNE: There seems to be a change in empathy towards the group she is part of. The collective is divided into two parts where the female group is enhanced and the male group is reduced.

LAGOS: There seems to be a change in empathy since the sense of recognition is strong. Patricia’s own experience of suffering deepens her empathy which in return develops her psyche. The single individual affects, reminds and touches her causing a strong empathetic development within the group. The compassion she feels for single individuals creates an empathic generalisation towards the collective as a whole. Society is divided into two groups, the people and the state. The people as a collective here become the subject and the state becomes the object.

ISTANBUL: The level of empathy is neither increased nor decreased. The level of empathy she experiences is similar to what she experiences in her everyday life at home. The ones within the group that she is part of are the subjects (friends, colleagues). Other people stay as subjects even though they are a collective. The balance in everyday life and the lack of stress leads to a bigger buffer for objectifying subjects.

I FEEL SO ARROGANTKÄNNER MIG SÅ ARROGANT

I am

the

resu

lt of

you

r lac

k of

em

path

y, w

ithou

t sou

l and

sew

n sk

in, I

am

you

r mac

hine

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Finding my empathy is a highly subjective exercise especially when I find so many definitions and words and for the same word. I select and organize 11 definitions in a linear gradient, not defining what is better or worse but just what I may feel. I have simplified the task of finding my empathy by asking the right questions. Depending on the answer does the infographic guides me to understand what I am really feeling? The questions and answers are based on my past experience in the project and in my life.

KNOWLEDGE: THE EVERYDAY LIFE MAKES ME BLINDI FEEL SO ARROGANTKÄNNER MIG SÅ ARROGANT

Likgiltighet : Detached Identifikation : Identification Igenkännande : Pathos Gensvar : Response Sympati : Sympathy Inlevelse : Impression Medömkan :Pity Medlidande : Commiseration Förståelse : Understanding Medkänsla : Compassion Insikt : Insight

Do you feel tired or are you

yawning?

Do you remember all the suffering you have experience?

Do you feel irritation, sadness, joy, anger or fear?

Do you want to feel?

Do you have time?

Did you greet a stranger?

Do you feel stressed?

Do you feel?

Do you feel curiosity or surprise? Did you share

your hate?

Do you share your shame?

Did you wake up without the alarm clock?

Do you feel physical pain?

Were you offline at least 6h?

Do you choose not to cry in front

of others?Do you forgive?

Do you feel inner pain?

NO

NO

NONO

NONO

NO

NO

NO

NONO

MAYBE

MAYBE MAYBE

MAYBE

MAYBE

MAYBE

MAYBE

MAYBE

MAYBE

MAYBE

YES YES

YES

YESYES

YES

YES

YES

YES

YES

YES

YESYES

YESNO

NONO

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are

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in m

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ic s

treet

that

trap

ped

my

feet

in a

dre

am

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ANYTHING: FOREST OF WISDOMREFERENCEREFERENSER

QR-code scanner app is available to download or free.

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Art & Photos