To Love & Forgive Self & Others

Dr Kiran VaswaniDr Kiran VaswaniMD, DCH, PGD Adol Ped, Dip Counseling(TISS)

PULSEParents’ Unconditional Love Support and Encouragement

• Loving self-who does not?Loving self-who does not?

• Forgiving self-for what?Forgiving self-for what?

• Love others-what’s new?Love others-what’s new?

• Forgive others-how does it matter/does it Forgive others-how does it matter/does it affect me?affect me?

An odd statement?An odd statement?

• Young girl who has complied with the request of Young girl who has complied with the request of being intimate with a boy, even against her wishes.being intimate with a boy, even against her wishes.

• A boy who feels threatened and rejected…..and A boy who feels threatened and rejected…..and harms the girl or becomes a ‘devadas’ harms the girl or becomes a ‘devadas’

• Teens falling a prey to peers and getting involved Teens falling a prey to peers and getting involved in high-risk behavioursin high-risk behaviours

• Teen who feels (s)he is good for nothing or Teen who feels (s)he is good for nothing or worthlessworthless

Loving selfLoving self

• Essential joy of being-life force in each personEssential joy of being-life force in each person• Seek to be validated, positive strokesSeek to be validated, positive strokesNegatively focused- ParentingNegatively focused- Parenting EducationEducation CultureCulture• At least one person loves youAt least one person loves you• Maslow-states ‘vitamins’ of our personality:Maslow-states ‘vitamins’ of our personality:WarmthWarmthComfortComfortContactContactcommunicationcommunication

Loving selfLoving self

• WorthyWorthy

• UsefulUseful

• LovableLovable

• CompetentCompetent

Happy and productive Happy and productive lifelife

• WorthlessWorthless

• UselessUseless

• UnlovableUnlovable

• IncompetentIncompetent

Plagued with self-doubt Plagued with self-doubt and self-pityand self-pity

Inter-personaly Inter-personaly ineffective and ineffective and unsuccessfulunsuccessful

If I see self asIf I see self as

• Girl-harmed by a boy/man….acid thrown Girl-harmed by a boy/man….acid thrown on her, face slashed, on her, face slashed, have no clue of have no clue of anyone bothering or harassing heranyone bothering or harassing her

• Learning difficulty or other challenges, Learning difficulty or other challenges, school trying to get rid of this studentschool trying to get rid of this student

• Biased society, khap panchayats Biased society, khap panchayats

Love othersLove others

• ParentsParents

• TeachersTeachers

• Society at largeSociety at large

• In the context of In the context of

TrustTrust

OpennessOpenness

ValidationValidation

Love othersLove others

• A pregnant unmarried girl ending her lifeA pregnant unmarried girl ending her life

• Failure in exams-suicideFailure in exams-suicide

• A mistake, a wrong decision…feel guilty A mistake, a wrong decision…feel guilty and go into depression or worse end lifeand go into depression or worse end life

• Abused as child or teenAbused as child or teen

Forgive selfForgive self

• Mistakes happen and need to forgive selfMistakes happen and need to forgive self

• Learn from these failures and move aheadLearn from these failures and move ahead

Forgive selfForgive self

• Teen-others who have wrongedTeen-others who have wronged

• Parents-teensParents-teens

• Teachers-teensTeachers-teens

• Society-teensSociety-teens

Forgive othersForgive others

• Need to heal and move aheadNeed to heal and move ahead

• Can be directed towards othersCan be directed towards others

Forgive othersForgive others

Self-esteem treeSelf-esteem tree

Dov Peretz Elkins, teaching people to love themselves

• Bhool sabhi se hothi aayiBhool sabhi se hothi aayi

• Kaun hai jisne na thokar khayiKaun hai jisne na thokar khayi

• Bhoolon se sikhe jo Bhoolon se sikhe jo

• Manzil usne paayi.Manzil usne paayi.

• Need an atmosphere of acceptance and Need an atmosphere of acceptance and unconditional love, support and encouragementunconditional love, support and encouragement

toto

Develop a positive self to operate effectively and Develop a positive self to operate effectively and be successful be successful

Love life as “ Love life as “ life-force life-force “ within each of us to “ within each of us to forgive self and others.forgive self and others.

We as pediatricians let us strive for early We as pediatricians let us strive for early intervention in achieving a positive identity in intervention in achieving a positive identity in our teensour teens

Carry home messagesCarry home messages

• Request to ThinkRequest to Think

and and

thanksthanks