today's financial women spring 2011
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Today's Financial Women Spring 2011 issue.TRANSCRIPT
lifestyle magazine for today’s financial women
Spring 2011
Are you the bully or the victim?Make conflict work for you
The DivideThe DivideTaking a fearless approach
to business and life
Stop waiting for permission
Do what you’ve been resisting
In ThIS ISSue: We are surrounded by conflict, both in business and in life. It’s how we deal with it that can divide us from success. Capable business leaders are constantly faced with potentially career-defining – or career-damaging – events. How they manage those situations is what defines them. TFW challenged several experts to help us understand how to diffuse, avoid and triumph over conflict.
Melissa Curzon Publisher of TFW & CEO-President, Triumph Solutions Inc.
ConTACT uS Phone 949.837.9154 Fax 949.682.4853 [email protected] www.tritfw.com
SubSCrIpTIonSwww.shop.tritfw.com
Triumph Solutions Inc. Mission Viejo, CA
poSTMASTer ChAngeS [email protected]
TFW TeAMEditor in Chief: Melissa CurzonExecutive Editor: Ann KvaalEditor: Cindy HaasEditor: Kathy LyonEditor: Nancy EverittCreative Director: Colleen DavisContributing Design Director: Geoff Curzon
Spring 2011: Vol 5 No 1 ©2011 Triumph Solutions Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Contents may not be reproduced in whole or in part. Editorial content does not necessarily reflect the views of Triumph Solutions Inc. or its officer, agents, and employees. Today’s Financial Women (TFW), ISSN 1935-7842, is published four times a year by Triumph Solutions Inc., 23031 Cecelia, Mission Viejo, CA 92691
TAble oF ConTenTS
TFWTM
Today’s Financial Women
photography on Cover, Table of Contents and The Divide article by Geoff Curzon.
4 14
6 10
8
Stop Waiting for PermissionSuccess comes to those who fight 4Success comes to those who fight 4off the naysayers and push forward
without a permission slip. Robert
Pagliarini urges you to do what you’ve
been resisting.
Are You the Bully or the Victim?Manage tensions, resolve issues and
create a healthier workplace without
bullies or victims.
The DivideWhether she’s in the boardroom, on 8Whether she’s in the boardroom, on 8Capitol hill or at the pentagon, for Ceo
Lani Hay there is no divide between
what is possible and what is not.
Understanding Yourself By understanding yourself, you will 14By understanding yourself, you will 14develop an understanding of others.
regina barr explains four behavioral
styles.
Conflict HappensKaren Adamedes outlines five 10Karen Adamedes outlines five 10approaches to resolving conflict that
will keep you, your business and your
career on track.
www.TRITFW.com | TFW Magazine4
hose permission do you need? Really, it’s not a trick question. Who needs to give you the nod of approval before you can start a business, start dating after a
bitter divorce, or write the book you’ve been talking about for the past nine years? Whose approval are you desperately seeking? Your spouse, a boss, friend or expert in your field? Unless you’re six years old, you don’t need anyone’s permission to create a better, fuller, richer life for yourself. Of course, it doesn’t always feel that way. Someone has to tell you you’re good enough and smart enough, right?
Well, no actually. We cling to the (irrational) belief that we require approval before we can achieve because it’s safe. It gives you a fabulous excuse. You can tell others and, more importantly yourself, that it’s out of your hands. It can help you sleep because it gives you the illusion that you’re not in control. And if you’re not in control, it’s not your fault. But if you want to do more than sleep well and want to start living well, you need to make a decision. Are you going to put your success and happiness in your hands or someone else’s?
This message hit home for me last week. I presented to a roomful of actors and artists at a Screen Actors Guild event. Talk about an industry built on the need for approval. If you’re an actor, you need a casting director to tell you you’re good enough. If you’re a musician, you need a record label to give you their seal of approval. And if you’re a writer, you need an agent or publisher to recognize your genius. This is true for all actors, musicians, and writers … except those that have decided they don’t need to wait for anyone to tell them their art is worthy. These are the artists that don’t wait, they create. The ones such as Zak Ambrose, Craig Benzine, Christina Perri, Oren Peli, or “Born this Way” Maria.
Not an artist? Not a problem. It doesn’t matter what you do for a living. The freedom that comes from discovering you don’t need anyone’s permission is yours for the taking. But how can you break free from this destructive and limiting belief?
Get conscious. It’s time to name names. List a goal or aspiration Get conscious. It’s time to name names. List a goal or aspiration and write down next to it all of the people from whom you are and write down next to it all of the people from whom you are secretly awaiting approval. If you’re having trouble, ask yourself secretly awaiting approval. If you’re having trouble, ask yourself this: Who needs to tell me that I am old enough, young enough, this: Who needs to tell me that I am old enough, young enough, experienced enough, smart enough, attractive enough, thin experienced enough, smart enough, attractive enough, thin enough, funny enough or creative enough? Maybe you’ve been enough, funny enough or creative enough? Maybe you’ve been waiting to get a boyfriend before you travel across Europe. Why waiting to get a boyfriend before you travel across Europe. Why can’t you go alone? Whose permission are you seeking? What can’t you go alone? Whose permission are you seeking? What about dropping your current job and switching to a career that about dropping your current job and switching to a career that inspires you?
There are two truths. The first is that nobody will ever give There are two truths. The first is that nobody will ever give you permission. The second is that you don’t need anyone’s you permission. The second is that you don’t need anyone’s permission. Success doesn’t come to those who wait permission. Success doesn’t come to those who wait for it. Success doesn’t even come to those who ask for it. Success doesn’t even come to those who ask for it. Success comes to those who fight off the for it. Success comes to those who fight off the naysayers and push forward without a permis-naysayers and push forward without a permis-sion slip.
It can be incredibly scary (and life changing) It can be incredibly scary (and life changing) once you realize it’s up to you. Regardless of once you realize it’s up to you. Regardless of the story you sell yourself, it always has been the story you sell yourself, it always has been up to you, and it always will be. What would up to you, and it always will be. What would happen if you woke up tomorrow and decided happen if you woke up tomorrow and decided you didn’t need anyone to give you permission? you didn’t need anyone to give you permission? What’s the first thing you would start? Really, it’s What’s the first thing you would start? Really, it’s not a trick question.
Robert Pagliarini writes for CBS Robert Pagliarini writes for CBS MoneyWatch (www.yourother8hours. (www.yourother8hours.
com) and is the founder of Richer com) and is the founder of Richer Life Insights (www.richerlife.com), a Life Insights (www.richerlife.com), a
community of passionate people who community of passionate people who want to drive more money, motiva-want to drive more money, motiva-
tion and meaning into their lives.tion and meaning into their lives.
STop Waiting for permission
Success comes to those who fight off the naysayers and push forward
without a permission slip.
TFW MagazineTFW Magazine | SPRING 2011 5
STop Waiting for permissionb y r o b e r T p A g l I A r I n I
TFW is an essential resource TFW is an essential resource for REAL women, making REAL progress towards REAL success.
Let us help you reach thousands of successful
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victim?
www.TRITFW.com | TFW Magazine6
ConfliCts are an everyday part of the work environment, causing discomfort, stress, loss of productivity and career setbacks. At the same time, conflicts can lead to new ideas, problem-solving and a better understanding of how individuals work together.
That’s why learning how to resolve conflicts is an essential work skill, yet it’s still a subject we would rather avoid.
However, experts say that in today’s working environment, profes-sionals can’t afford to ignore interpersonal problems. As the economy forces workers to do more with less – and leaves many in jobs they would rather escape – conflict situations can quickly escalate.
Case in point: one-third of all American workers say they’ve expe-rienced workplace bullying, according to a 2010 survey by Zogby International. In TFW’s own survey conducted in early 2011, two-thirds of all respondents reported having been bullied.
“People can’t seem to work out conflicts with peers or provide feedback to their peers. It seems they must go above you to resolve things they feel are issues. What I don’t understand is why people can’t approach others like adults and work things out,” wrote one respondent.
Find Grace under PressureThe saying we’re not paid to like each other, we’re paid to work together perhaps has never been more true.
“The current economic state makes people less likely to say something. Before, when times were really good, we had more open dialogue about the issues that were going on,” said Dethra Giles, director of staff recruitment and retention at Georgia State University.
“Now we’re starting to see a lot more passive-aggressive behavior,” she continued. As an employee, that could mean not delivering work on time; as a manager, it could mean not providing adequate feedback.
Tony Deblauwe, founder of the consulting firm HR4Change, has studied bosses that exhibit direct bully behaviors – yelling at and demeaning employees – as well as those who do so indirectly, by ignoring or acting indifferently toward subor-dinates. He has written about both in his book Tangling With Tyrants: Managing the Balance of
Power at Work and on his blog, Work Babble.
“Indirect behaviors can make somebody feel just as stressed out or angry or withdrawn,” he said.
But how one responds to such behavior is a choice, Deblauwe said. “You have power if you keep a grounded, contained and focused process of communication going,” he explained.
His grACe process applies to conflicts between an employee and a supervisor, or between two peers:
• groundIng is: “This is how I feel about the issue.”• reFrAMIng refers to: “How does this affect you?”• ACknoWledge means: “Let’s decide where we have to
go with this.”• ConSenSuS means to agree to some terms: “What is my
role and what is your role?” and• exeCuTe is: “Now we know what I’m doing and what
you’re doing; let’s move on.”
Learn how to manage tensions and create a healthier workplace without bullies or victims.
Are you the
or theBully
victim?b y b e C k y n e l S o n
Make Conflict Work for You
TFW Survey Results
TFW Magazine | SPRING 2011 7
Know When to Walk AwayGiles works with both supervisors and their employees in her role as an HR director. Rather than get involved in an issue, her first response is to coach employees on how to have a conversation with a supervisor or peer.
Having earned two masters degrees – one in conflict management – she also trains managers on how to resolve conflicts and serves as a court mediator.
“People laugh at me when I say this, but I tell them my favorite philosopher for conflict resolution is Kenny Rogers: know when to hold ’em, know when to fold
’em, know when to walk away and know when to run,” Giles said.
When approached with a peer-to-peer conflict, first managers must analyze whether the issue is one they need to address by asking whether the problem truly impacts the workplace, Giles said. If it does not, there is no need to proceed. If it does, listen to each person’s position (something that he or she has decided upon) and interest (what caused him or her to decide on the position).
“Always get people to the interests and out of their positions,” Giles said. “The positions are what keep us from resolving the real problems. Go in there with the ‘we’ problem: ‘This is our problem because …’ and ‘What do we need to do to get our goal met?’ ”
Her top piece of advice for managers: Don’t be blind. “Most of the time when I go in and work on a conflict, and the managers say ‘I had no idea,’ it’s a lie,” she said. “When there’s a problem, address it immediately and then recognize what you’re addressing.”
As for when it’s time to involve human resources staff, consider: is the issue a violation of policy; is it illegal; or is it unethical? If not, look to HR for resources, not resolution.
keep Seeking ClarityAccording to Deblauwe, who spends much of his consulting time with engineers, a lack of clarity is one of the leading causes of conflict. It occurs when one or more co-workers aren’t sure about their role and each assumes the other is responsible for getting a task done.
That was the case with a group of five co-workers that Deblauwe recently coached through a major transition in their company. In their case, each individual was working so well independently that no one noticed conflicts among them. But when they had to work differently, they needed clarity on the changing of their roles, an awareness of the gaps in their competencies, and an understanding of the authenticity, trust and respect required of them to succeed as a team.
“The devil is always in the details,” Deblauwe said. “Another issue that goes along with that is being afraid to ask.” Employees fear that if they ask for clarification they will be viewed as weak or incompe-tent in a setting that rewards individual accomplishment. “I want to be known as the expert, and experts don’t ask people,” he said of the corporate mindset.
Both experts say that resolving conflicts, and negotiating positive outcomes with others, are valuable work skills that require training and practice.
Giles advocates creating a work environment where it’s acceptable to disagree, professionally and respectfully.
“We have to make ourselves comfortable with being uncomfort-able,” she said. “The truth is, at some level, you’re always going to be uncomfortable with conflict.”
Nelson is a freelance writer based in Madison, Wis.
In a February 2011 survey of TFW readers, 100 percent of respondents said they’ve experienced a work conflict. Here’s what they had to say about what happened.
Did management handle the conflict appropriately? How was the conflict resolved?
Based on your personal experience, how would you characterize your role in the conflict?Did you fear reprisals if you reported the conflict?
41%
35%
noyes
24%
29%
24%
23%
18%
47%53%
you and a subordinateyou and a peeryou and managementpeer and peerpeer and managementother answers
65%
12%17%noyes
noyesnot applicable
noyesno answer
you and a subordinateyou and a peeryou and managementpeer and peerpeer and managementother answers
one-on-one effortexternal interventionresolved on its ownremains a problemother answers
bullyvictimsilent observernegotiatorother answers
41%
35%
noyes
24%
29%
24%
23%
18%
47%53%
you and a subordinateyou and a peeryou and managementpeer and peerpeer and managementother answers
65%
12%17%noyes
noyesnot applicable
noyesno answer
you and a subordinateyou and a peeryou and managementpeer and peerpeer and managementother answers
one-on-one effortexternal interventionresolved on its ownremains a problemother answers
bullyvictimsilent observernegotiatorother answers
noyes
noyesnot applicable
noyesno answer
you and a subordinateyou and a peeryou and managementpeer and peerpeer and managementother answers
one-on-one effortexternal interventionresolved on its ownremains a problemother answers
bullyvictimsilent observernegotiatorother answers
41%
35%
noyes
24%
29%
24%
23%
18%
47%53%
you and a subordinateyou and a peeryou and managementpeer and peerpeer and managementother answers
65%
12%17%
6%
noyes
noyesnot applicable
noyesno answer
you and a subordinateyou and a peeryou and managementpeer and peerpeer and managementother answers
one-on-one effortexternal interventionresolved on its ownremains a problemother answers
bullyvictimsilent observernegotiatorother answers
you characterize your role in the conflict?
41%
35%
noyes
24%
29%
24%
23%
18%
47%53%
you and a subordinateyou and a peeryou and managementpeer and peerpeer and managementother answers
65%
12%17%6%
8
The The
An interview with Lani Hay, President and CEO of Lanmark Technology, Inc.
here are women in business that
don’t take no for an answer and get
things done, and then there are women
like Lani Hay.
For Hay, dealing with conflict is a natural extension
of her fearless approach to business and life. There is
no divide between what is possible and what is not.
Born in the United States after her parents fled
Vietnam in 1975, Hay grew up in Virginia dreaming
of becoming a Navy pilot. At 17, she joined the Navy
and became an intelligence officer who served in
the Middle East. After earning an MBA, she founded
Lanmark Technology in 2003. The multi-million dollar
government contractor, which develops technology
such as a biometrics-enabled terrorist watch list,
surpassed her goal of making $15 million in five years.
Today, she moves among Washington, D.C.’s power
players, and is known for her dinner parties that bring
together business leaders, politicians and celebrities.
She’s focused on leading her company to the $1 billion
mark by age 40, developing two new small businesses,
serving as a small business policy adviser to the Obama
administration, continuing her support of the arts and
women entrepreneurs, and future political aspirations.
TFW interviewed Hay to learn more.
Can you tell me more about an instance where you’ve encountered a “divide” or major conflict in the workplace?
From my perspective, as the CEO and the leader of the company, the major divides that I have encountered [have come as] my company has grown rapidly. We’re a fast-growth company, which means that things change; they have to in order to sustain and support that growth. The biggest conflict that I have encountered is having people within the leadership of the company who have had differences in philosophies vs. how I’ve chosen to run the company.
How have you dealt with that difference in philosophy?
I make it clear what the objectives are for the company in the coming year. It’s really about communicating that to my senior management level. Some people are able to get on board with it and support it, and for those that aren’t, the decision is for them to choose a more compatible career path for their skill sets and their personalities.
How did your military experience help you?
I was a very young CEO. I started my company when I was 27 – that has definite pros and cons. I entered the military when I was 17 in the Navy, which is the more traditional of the armed services. I had to take on leadership skills and manage-ment challenges from a really young age. In the officer corps – I was an intelligence officer – I was assigned to an aviation squadron, and there weren’t a lot of women or minorities in the squadron. Luckily I had some super mentors who kind of knew the challenges that I would be facing and mentored me into a leader, where as an officer, I could effectively lead senior enlisted people but also the young sailors that were put under my charge.
Did you encounter conflict situations in the military?
There continue to be challenges for women in the military, but with each passing year, steps are made, integration is getting better and mindsets are changing. There are still what I like to call dinosaurs out there, with the old mindset, who haven’t progressed with the modern times.
Phot
o: G
eoff
Cur
zon
www.TRITFW.com | TFW Magazine
President and CEO of Lanmark Technology, Inc.By Becky Nelson
Performance has always been what I’ve fallen back on in my professional career. No one can question a job well done.
— Lani Hay, President and CEO, Lanmark Technology, Inc.
Performance has always been what I’ve fallen back on in my professional career. No one can question a job well done. When it comes down to it, actions speak louder than words. If you’re a professional and you’re competent, no one can really take that away from you.
You spend your days in meetings on Capitol Hill and in the Pentagon and traveling to places like Afghanistan for work. How do you prepare for new situations? Are there still situations you fear, or have you gotten past that?
My approach to anything is to really research the environment before I enter it, whether it’s going on Capitol Hill [to meet with] officials or entering a new business area or even joining a professional organization. I spend a lot of time researching, analyzing, making contacts within the organization or within the environment to learn more about it and to determine if it’s going to be a valuable use of my time. I have a very analytical personality; I like a lot of information.
In an Inc. Magazine interview, you said, “Washington is known as an old-boys’ club. But that doesn’t bother me. So was the Naval Academy. It’s all I’ve ever known.” Tell me more about how you operate in this environment. Besides a thicker skin, what is required?
Competence is really the skill that’s required. Women, and younger people, are greater contributors because they have different perspectives. The more diverse an organization is, the better chance you have at solving problems.
Do you ever still feel intimidated by situations?
Of course I do. But there are not too many situations that intimi-date me. I remember the first time I met a sitting President [Bill Clinton], and that was very intimidating, but they’re people and once you get over the position of power and interact with people on a more personal level, then it’s less nerve-wrack-ing. I interact with the highest levels of military leadership, the highest levels of political leadership, the highest levels in the business community. I’ve met with Warren Buffet, and it doesn’t get any bigger than that. I’m very comfortable inter-acting with that sector of power.
What is your advice for women in the workplace about getting through conflict situations that they feel might be holding them back?
If they find themselves in a conflict situation, they need to step back, take a deep breath and reassess why they’re in a conflict situation and see what responsibilities that they have for taking part in that situation. Decide if it’s something that’s even worth going to battle for, or determine if it’s something that they can live with. Some battles are worth fighting and some just aren’t worth the time and energy.
Healthy conflict is good for companies. Can you talk about how, in your company, you foster an environment where healthy conflict is accepted?
I have two part-time CFOs. They have completely different backgrounds, completely different approaches to problems. Whenever there’s an issue that comes up in the finance department, they give their perspective and it gets heated, but they’re able to support their perspectives with logic and with numbers and ultimately I make the final decision. That’s one area where, again, I embrace diversity because I’m getting more information, more data on how to approach problems and how to approach issues differently.
It’s the same thing with my chief operations officer. We’re completely opposite personalities. He’s very methodical. I’m more like a mustang, where I just want to go full speed ahead. He keeps me in check and makes sure that I really think through how to move forward. I keep him from stagnating, from getting lost in the process and the procedures. I wouldn’t use the term “conflict” because that connotates some type of negative relationship, but I think it’s really healthy to work with people that aren’t just going to be “yes” people and agree with everything because I think that’s a proven failed model in business.
What do you look for in employees?
I look for individuals who are competent in their skill set and are not afraid to stand up for what they believe in a certain situation.
TFW Magazine | SPRING 2011 9
www.tritfw.com | TFW Magazine10
A ccording to Stephen Covey, author of the best-selling book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, you should seek first to understand, then to be understood. But when
tempers are flaring and things are going wrong and out of control, that could be a tall order.
What’s the best way to seek to understand? It may seem counter-intuitive but your own self-awareness is critical. That means you need to take time – before a situation erupts – to understand your behavioral style and trigger points. This will better help you to manage your own behavior in the first place which may help others maintain their composure as well.
In addition, by understanding your own behavioral style you can help educate others on the best ways to communicate with you when things are going smoothly and when things start hitting turbulence. By understanding this information about yourself, you’ll also begin to develop an understanding about others.
One of the best ways to do this is by assessing yourself. Consider these four behavioral styles (based on the DISC® assessment tool) which are simplified here to make them easy for you to use and remember. (See the Behavioral Style Wheel for more details.)
• ConduCtors like to be in charge and tend to focus on results.
• Promoters are all about the interaction and tend to focus on the people.
• suPPorters are about trust and tend to focus on the pace and consistency of their interactions and work.
• AnAlyzers are all about the data and tend to focus on procedures and constraints.
What’s important to note is that when under stress, we all operate from a different emotion. A Conductor operates from a place of anger (short fuse), a Promoter operates from a place of optimism (always cheerful), while the Analyzer operates from a place of fear (wants control). The Supporter often appears non-emotional but don’t be fooled. They’ve simply hidden their emotions from view.
Behavioral Style Wheel
DirectCompetitive
ConfrontationalResults-Oriented
Change Agent
TrustingContactablePersuasiveTalkativeSelf-Confident
Non-ConfrontationalAccomodating
PersistentAdaptable
Steady
Attention to DetailQuality-OrientedCritical ListenerPreciseAccurate
ConduCtor Prom
oterAnAlyzersuPPorter
Understanding Yourself
Source: Adapted from Success Insights™ Wheel from target training international, Ltd.
Women At the toP®
TFW Magazine | SprIng 2011 11
Here are some ideas for communicating with different behavioral styles in both good and/or challenging situations.
• With the Conductor it’s best to be clear, specific and to the point. Don’t ramble, idly chitchat or be unprepared.
• With the Promoter, allow time for relating and socializing, talk about their goals, and ask for their opinion. Don’t be curt, cold or talk down to them but don’t take too much time to get to action items either.
• With the Supporter, show a sincere interest in them as people, present your case logically in a non-threatening way, and give them time to think. Don’t rush headlong into business and don’t interrupt when they speak, rather, listen carefully.
• With the Analyzer, be straight forward and direct, present specifics and do what you say you are going to do. Don’t be disorganized or try to force a quick decision, and never appeal to opinion or feelings as evidence.
The next time you’re experiencing a great divide at work, take a deep breath, step back and follow these tips:
1. KnoW your oWn behAviorAl style. This gives you a reference point to start from. Review the diagram and read the descriptions. Which of these styles best describes you?
2. identify, understAnd And APPreCiAte others’ behAviorAl style. Think about the people you work with. Review the diagram and read the descriptions again. Which of these styles best describes them?
3. AdAPt your style. The ability to adapt and flex your style is characteristic of a strong leader. By adapting your style, you will be better positioned to achieve greater communication, apprecia-tion and understanding – no matter what the situation.
The best way to understanding others and ensuring that you, in turn, are understood? Understand yourself first. Then, what might have been a form of interpersonal conflict could just turn out to be an opportunity for interpersonal communication.
regina Barr is a nationally recognized authority on women and leadership.
follow regina at www.twitter.com/reginabarr or www.linkedin.
com/in/reginabarr. Contact regina at info@thewAwAw ttAttA network.com or 651.453.1007 and visit www.
thewAwAw ttAttA network.com.
©2011 regina Barr. women at the top is a registered trademark of red Ladder, inc.
All rights reserved.
Key to diffusing WorKPlACe ConfliCtb y r e g i n A b A r r
By adapting your style, you will be better positioned to achieve
greater communication, appreciation and understanding – no matter
what the situation.
|
g e A r T o g e T |
www.TRITFW.com | TFW Magazine12
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West of Here by Jonathan Evison
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C onflict in the workplace can be disruptive and cause a divide to the detriment of you and the business. It’s also a fact of life, and in business conflict seems to be inevitable.
It can occur when people are working towards different goals or outcomes. Or when people who have an unfortunate history are brought back together. Simple misunderstandings can also cause conflict.
The reasons are many and the implications can be disastrous. Conflict at work can be an inhibitor that damages relationships, delays projects, causes rework or even stops business from moving ahead.
On the other hand, it can be an opportunity for you to demon-strate your skills, style and your ability to work in any environment. Conflicts are not only crisis points – they are opportunities for you to shine in challenging circumstances. The way you respond to and resolve conflict in the workplace is a defining characteristic of your personal operating style.
How you handle conflict can impact your reputation more than how you resolve it. Women are often seen as being too emotional and/or too soft to deal with conflict. Developing your skills in this area will address any negative perceptions others have about your ability to negotiate (based solely on your gender!).
Here are five approaches to resolving conflict in the workplace (you can use them elsewhere too!) so that it doesn’t become a divide in your career or your business:
Approach Conflict StrategicallyThe best approach to conflict is to be strategic. It is unlikely that all aspects of a conflict are equally important. Decide what must be resolved and which battles you really need to win. Pick what is most important to you and the business.
The earlier the betterThe best approach is to resolve important issues early. A small misunderstanding left unresolved, can grow out of proportion the longer people think about it. The earlier the resolution, the less potential damage a conflict can cause. Relationships stay intact, negative business impacts are minimized and people are more willing to compromise. Plus you are seen as more resolute and skilled.
Know your FactsLike any negotiation, the first step is to prepare: make sure you know your facts. You’ll look incompetent if you try and resolve conflict with incorrect information or insufficient research. You may even damage your credibility if you haven’t spoken to all the stakeholders. When you know your facts you can be confident that you have the information you need, and that there won’t be any surprises later on. You’ll also have the support of those who think they need to be consulted.
develop AlternativesAs you would for any negotiation, it’s vital to identify the key issues and develop some potential alternatives to resolve the situation. For the best chance of success your potential resolution should look for a win for all parties, be expressed in the language that the people involved are comfortable with and allow others to save face.
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If you can develop alternatives that allow the other people involved to have a choice, or at least be involved in the decision-making process, they’ll appreciate it. This will also assist with any big egos involved.
be generousOften, whether someone is right or wrong about a business issue ceases to be the key to resolving a conflict. Anyone can be embar-rassed if they are shown up publicly as wrong. People’s concern about potential embarrassment can lead to stubborn behavior and unwillingness to concede – even when they know they are wrong or there is a better alternative. Be aware of the egos involved and explore the options to help others save face. Be generous. Just don’t come across as subservient.
Approaching issues from the other person’s perspective is a highly effective way to resolve conflict. They may be adamant that they are right for many reasons. They may have data that supports their position or information about the people involved. Others may have different alliances, experiences and history that influence their perspective.
The right way to resolve a conflict with one person can be different for another. Whether you think the other person is right or wrong – try to appreciate the issue from their perspective. Demonstrat-ing that you have respect for the experience and knowledge of
others shows them you are focused on the issue, not making a personal judgment. The acknowledgment of past successes, expe-rience, expertise and skills is appreciated by everyone. It allows you to recognize the past, accept the other person’s contribution, and then deal with the issue at hand … which is what business is all about.
Be proactive and deal with conflict. It will reflect positively on your skills, credibility and professional reputation.
Karen Adamedes is a career strate-gist, speaker and author. Her book,
Hot Tips for Career Chicks, is avail-able as a paperback or eBook. You
can find more of Karen’s tips on her blog www.careerchickchat.com, on
Facebook at facebook.com/career-chicks or at twitter.com/karenada-
medes. ©2011 Karen Adamedes
TFW Magazine | SPRING 2011
