torn page august 2009

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the torn curtain newsletter. please. pray . For Paul as he considers going back to school to get a masters in theatre and become a teacher. For our family’s expectation of the 3rd Romig-Leavitt due on November 28th. pray for our provision, fears and hope. llo friends!Well, the big news is that on Monday, September 17th Torn Curtain had llo friends!Well, the big news is that on Monday, September 17th Torn Curtain had it’s official first meeting ! This was such a

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  • Yes, I lost my job at Starbucks. Yes, it was my fault (sort of). Ive had the privilege of telling a few of you the whole convoluted story about what really happened but for most of you reading this, I was just fired. Ive never been fired before, Ive always been able to work out some amiable deal with all of my employers and Im still friends (or at least I think I am) with all of them. This was different. This was a surprise. This was a problem. The timing in some sense was fortunate because I was neck-deep in the Willy Wonka production for Colorado ACTS as well as

    finishing the scripts for Dare 2 Share and start-ing the new play Wake Up for Stealth. There

    was also the fact that we had been living rent free with our friend Mike since January which lessened the impact of this problem but the fact remained, we couldnt live on our own. More than ever it felt like our lives were changing course. Christa had been pastoring the women and children at the Refuge and I was more motivated to change the way Christians interact with art and community. To me it became more ap-parent that we were really living like missionaries. This was the problem. Missionaries cant really put down roots and buys houses. Missionaries depend on other peoples support and belief in their ministry. Missionaries live in the temporary and their way of life is unsustainable. They are themselves sustained only by the Sustainer, the Co-worker, the Comforter, AKA the Holy Spirit. In the best of scenarios they live simply in the worst, they live in poverty. mostly its some mix of both. I always thought life was really hard for missionaries, why would someone choose to live that way? I thought. It wasnt until recently did I realize that what you get when you exchange your false sense of security was far more satisfying. The only thing i really wanted in the first place... I got more trust. Ive got to say that I was surprised by this. It was differ-ent that what I expected. Now, I was that guy you hear about who gets the check that covers the next months bills. Would that scare you to live that way? It scares the crap out of me... but its also wonderful, mysterious and amazing.

    So, the past 2.5 months have been hard.Ive been asking myself, What am I doing?! What are we thinking?! What do I want?! Is this where I want to be?

    When I look around I see suburban sprawl - not in the sense that the homes and nail salons are creeping slowly across the pretty prairies (though they are doing that) - but, in the sense that suburbia has sprawled into my eyes and heart. Its crowding my vision and its a daily struggle to close my eyes, take a breath and open them with the hope that the truth stands out brighter than Target.I thought I would have a home of my own, with a yard and at least a 1 car garage. I would have all the room to plant red geraniums of my own (shes doing well by the way) and paint and happiness would just follow like little ducks in a row. But, my ducks arent in a row, or maybe they are, but theyre a bit haphazard as they waddle their way behind me.(This is a shout-out to my lovely friend Deb. who wrote a brilliant letter and shared it with all of us, thank you Deb, for sharing about your ducks.)A lot like Paul, Im living my way into a better understanding of where and who God wants me to be. And to be honest, Im pretty scared. I feel trapped.I want to be hopeful (and somewhere inside I know I am for I feel it) and I want to communicate to you that Im okay. Im smart, edu-cated, and able to live this life successfully and without you. Because somehow thats what I think is the truth. I need to be able to do this without help. Oh, its so hard to admit that I need all of you and I dont want to be that needy. But, do you know that I cant even buy my groceries without you? Now, I dont say that to illicit any pity or sympathy (well, sometimes when Im really scared and sad I do say that to get sympathy) but Im learning to say it and see the beauty in being connected to you, because maybe it means that if were more connected and meeting different needs for each other, then maybe were more connected to God and that is something I long for. Maybe being connected means that ducks will not be in a straight row, but they will be waddling (and whats cuter than a waddling duck bottom?) and Target (though I love thee) is not where I buy happiness but only clothes at discounted prices.I dont want to need you.But, I do need you.And the only way for me to reconcile this tension is to live in it. Taking deep breaths. Doing my best to be aware and see God.When I do this I think I see God more often than when Im running around trying to control my life alone. Its hard to admit that I need you, but its harder not to.So, (deep breath)...I need you. Your words, love, support, prayers, money, cars, help, eyes, hands, feet, and hearts. I have hope you need me to. Youre more than welcome to let me know...and that way, well, no one will be alone...

    The Needy.

    For Paul as he considers going back to school to get a masters in theatre and become a teacher.

    the missionary problem.

    For these other TCA projects: Dare 2 Share, Stealth, our non-profit status, our co-pastor roles at the Refuge, a radio interview in the fall,

    t ornp a g ello friends!Well, the big news is that on Monday, September 17th Torn Curtain had its official first meeting! This was such a big deal because it was the last step we needed to take before filing for our federal

    llo friends!Well, the big news is that on Monday, September 17th Torn Curtain had its official first meeting! This was such a big deal because it was the last step we needed to take before filing for our federal

    please. pray.

    Paul

    the torn curtain newsletter.

    Christa

    For our familys expectation of the 3rd Romig-Leavitt due on November 28th. pray for our provision, fears and hope.