transformational leadership development 114...

Transformational Leadership Development 114 Biblical Marriage Portfolio

Equip Biblical Institute 1 © 2010 [email protected] www.shadowmountain.org/ebi

Name ___________________________________________ Date ___________________ Grade ____

Session 1: Love’s Best Kept Secret ......................................................................................... 7 Session 2: Turn Sand Storms into Pearls .............................................................................. 11 Session 3: Five Vital Sings of a Healthy Marriage ................................................................. 14 Session 4: Understanding Personality Types ........................................................................ 19 Session 5: Conflicts—The Doorway to Intimacy .................................................................... 24 Session 6: Divorce-Proofing Your Marriage .......................................................................... 29 Session 7: Love Languages—Words of Affirmation .............................................................. 32 Session 8: Love Languages—Quality Time and Receiving Gifts .......................................... 36 Session 9: Love Languages—Acts of Service and Physical Touch ...................................... 39 Session 10: Love Is a Choice and Loving the Unlovely ......................................................... 42 Session 11: Final Exam and Preparation for Group Presentations ....................................... 47 Session 12: Group Presentations .......................................................................................... 51 Session 13: Individual Projects or Sermons .......................................................................... 51 Session 14: Booklet Presentations ........................................................................................ 51

Course Description This course focuses on how to practice and teach the major keys to successful intimate marriages. Topics include falling in love, staying in love, the five love languages, the differences between men and women, and habits that impact feelings of love. Students will create a visual project and a booklet on understanding the opposite gender for marriage enrichment. Required Textbooks 1. The Holy Bible. A translation, such as the New International Version, the

New American Standard Version, or the New King James Version is recommended for study.

2. Dr. Gary Smalley. Making Love Last Forever. Nashville, TN: Word, 1996. http://www.bestwebbuys.com/9780849940866

3. Dr. Gary Chapman. The Five Love Languages. Chicago, IL: Northfield, 2004. http://www.bestwebbuys.com/9781881273103

4. Stephen Kendrick and Alex Kendrick. The Love Dare. Nashville, TN: B&H Publishing, 2008. http://www.bestwebbuys.com/9780805448856

Recommended Resources 5. Stephen Kendrick and Alex Kendrick. The Love Dare Day by Day: A Year

of Devotions for Couples. Nashville, TN: B & H Publishing, 2009. http://www.bestwebbuys.com/9781433668234

6. Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. New York: HarperCollins, 2004. http://www.bestwebbuys.com/9780060520618

7. Dr. Willard Harley. His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-proof Marriage. Old Tappan, NJ: Fleming H. Revell, 2001. http://www.bestwebbuys.com/9780800717889

http://www.bestwebbuys.com/9780849940866








Student Requirements First, successfully complete the quizzes in the Portfolio before class. This will assist student-leaders in focusing on core information and developing the time-on-task study skills and writing skills essential to effective learning and long-term memory. Second, maintain the journal in the Portfolio. (1) What is God teaching you in this session? (2) How are you going to apply these concepts to your life, family, and ministry? (3) How can your church apply these concepts to making disciples and developing leaders? This will assist student-leaders in developing reflection, application, and decision-making skills essential to spiritual growth. Third, each session discuss the quizzes and journal in the Portfolio. (1) What are we as a group learning about the Bible and transformational leadership in this course? (2) How can we as leaders apply these concepts to our lives, families, and ministries? (3) How can our churches apply these concepts to making disciples and developing leaders? This will assist student-leaders in developing the relational, speaking, and creative/critical thinking skills essential to effective teaching and servant-leadership. Fourth, complete the final exam in the Portfolio. Summarize biblical marriage in 1,000 words. This will assist student-leaders in developing long-term memory through multiple reviews of the core material and in focusing on transformational leadership and teaching skills. This will serve as the basis for the booklet or term paper. Week 11 Fifth, contribute to a group presentation on the Cures for Conflict in Marriage, Topics could include: (1) Unresolved Anger, (2) Love Busters, (3) Unrealistic Expectations, (4) Misunderstanding the Opposite Gender, (5) Selfishness and Unmet Needs, (6) Debt Squeeze, or (7) Love and Respect. This group project can be a PowerPoint presentation, dramatic skit, role-play, set of charts or drawings. This will assist student-leaders in developing the creative/critical thinking and teamwork skills essential to effective teaching and Christian family-life. Week 12 Sixth, create a typed sermon manuscript or individual project on The Five Love Languages based on the textbook. Include graphics, charts, transitions, and narration. You are encouraged to work with a PowerPoint ―expert‖ in designing the presentation. This project is to be shown to your classmates and the members of your Sunday school or church The individual project can be a sermon manuscript, booklet, chart, collage, dramatic reading, graphic organizer, monologue, outline, painting, poem, PowerPoint, scroll, song, timeline, or webpage (10 minutes). This will assist student-leaders in developing their learning and teaching style skills essential to effective Christian family-life. Week 13 Seventh, created a typed booklet or term paper titled Understanding the Opposite Sex based on the books in the bibliography, textbooks, online articles, course notes, and other sources: (1) Men Are like Waffles, Women Are like Spaghetti, (2) Staying Close, (3) Men are from Mars/Women are from Venus, (4) His Needs/Her Needs, (5) Christian Living in the Home, (6) Building Your Mate’s Self-esteem, (7) Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage for distribution to your church. Be sure to footnote all the ideas, paraphrases, and direct quotes in your paper, whether from books or the Internet. Booklet should be at least 5,000 words in length. Text should be single-spaced. Font should be Times New Roman 12. Begin with an introduction and conclude with an application or call for commitment. Include illustrations and charts. This will assist student-leaders in developing the creative/critical thinking and writing skills essential to effective Christian family-life. Week 14 This course only applies to good men and to women who want their men to be happy. Where the behavior of one or both spouses is blatantly destructive, dangerous, or evil, these principles do not apply.

Welcome to Biblical Marriage!

Your mentors in this course are Dr. Gary Chapman and Dr. Gary Smalley.



Accelerated Transformational Adult Learning Our mission is to bring glory to God by assisting local churches to equip believers of various cultures and languages to live and minister biblically based on the inerrant Word of God. This equipping includes building biblical knowledge, Christian character, and ministry skills through church-based training centers. The course objective is to take student-leaders from where they are and move them to where they need to be. Students will learn how (1) to read with their brains, (2) to remember what they have read, (3) to sharpen their thoughts through journaling, (4) to speak effectively before others, (5) to work as learning teams of leaders, and (5) to biblically apply what they are learning to life, family, and ministry. Adults learn in multiple ways and so this course incorporates multiple learning styles. According to the Cone of Learning, writing, discussing, and applying are more effective learning strategies than the passive lecture used in many schools. The portfolio is foundational to learning because students remember more of what they write, discuss, and apply. The portfolios are designed to guide students in training themselves in how to read with their brains, how to summarize information, how to write and speak effectively, how to reflect and apply what they are learning, and how to work in groups. The purpose of the quiz is to train your mind to actively reflect, analyze, and summarize key concepts which will then be synthesized and applied in journal reflection and group discussion. Learners remember more of what they actively discuss and apply than what they passively read and listen to. This is a key component of accelerated adult learning. Each student must do his part of the assignment so that the entire group can advance. The purpose of the journal reflections is to guide/mentor you in discovering that genuine learning is about life change and developing Christian character. Thinking about what you are learning and discussing how to apply it with others has a way of making learning practical and meaningful and transformative. Reflection on Christian virtues (purity, integrity, honesty, self-control, charity, generosity, diligence, persistence, patience, kindness, compassion, courage, and humility) is a key component of character development. The purpose of the group activity and presentations is to train you in how to display your thinking in charts, graphs, illustration, and drawings.. Displaying your thinking brings ideas to life in a special way and engages the whole group in the creative thinking process. Students learn better together. Over 80% of adults are visual learners. This is a key component to creativity, collaboration, cooperation, and team leadership—as well as in teaching the Bible. .. The purpose of the final exam is an opportunity to put your thoughts together so that you can act on them and experience life change. The final exam provides multiple exposures to key concepts. Writing clarifies and sharpens your thoughts. The final exam is where students collect the ideas of mentors in order to fully develop and utilize them. By reviewing the final exams on an annual basis you will be able to harvest and retrieve what you have learned when you need it (otherwise you will lose it). Evaluated writing is a key component of learning, communicating, and leading. The purpose of the group presentations is for students to learn to work together. Students benefit from group interaction as they communicate, cooperate, and collaborate. The public speaking component of this assignment along with formative feedback helps students gain experience and confidence. Students learn best in professional learning communities. The purpose of the sermon or individual project is for students to improve by using their preferred learning strengths and creativity. Students benefit from using the unique God-given personality, gifts, and abilities as they teach and train others. The public speaking component of this assignment along with formative feedback helps students gain experience and confidence in teaching and preaching. The purpose of the booklet or term paper is for students to enhance their writing skills. Students multiply their ministry as they communicate what they are learning to family, friends, and those they minister to in written form. Writing helps clarify ideas. Students benefit from the opportunity to both write and speak in formal settings. The public speaking component of this assignment along with formative feedback helps students gain experience, confidence, and vital ministry skills.



Introduction Men Are from Mars Marriage Principles

People do not care how much you know until they know how much you care.

Biblical Marriage Quotes A great marriage is not so much finding the right person as being the right person. A great marriage is about making your spouse happy he is married to you. A husband needs a cheerleader, a champion, a companion, and a compliment. A man needs a playmate. A man thrives on his wife’s approval and praise. –David Jeremiah A man would rather live with a wife who respected him but did not love him than live with a wife who loved him but did not respect him. A wife needs love just as she needs air to breathe. A husband needs respect just as a wife needs love. A wife’s unconditional respect for her husband reveals her reverence for Christ (Eph. 5:21-22; 6:6-7). –Emerson Eggrichs A woman gets married thinking things will change; a man gets married praying things never change. A woman’s greatest need is to be loved; a man’s greatest need is to be admired. Your first goal is to obey and please the Lord. –Emerson Eggerichs Your marriage is not primarily about you and your spouse but it is about you and Jesus Christ. –Emerson Eggerichs

External Links

1. Apologetics http://www.4truth.net 2. Baptist Theology http://www.baptisttheology.org 3. Bible http://www.bible.org/series.asp?series_id=76 4. Bible Atlas Online http://anova.org/sev/atlas/htm/ 5. Bible Bulletin Board http://www.biblebb.com/ 6. Bible History http://www.bible-history.com/ 7. Bible in Pictures http://www.creationism.org/books/BibleInPictures/ 8. Bible Land Photos http://bibleplaces.com/ 9. Bible Study Notes by Dr. Thomas Constable of DTS http://www.soniclight.com/constable/notes.htm 10. Bible Study Resources www.bible.org 11. Biola http://www.go2rhcc.com/resources/OTHist/homepage.html 12. Blue Letter Bible Timeline http://www.blueletterbible.org/study/parallel/timeline/index.html 13. Blue Letter Bible Study Tools/Charts http://www.blueletterbible.org/study/ 14. Books of the Bible Daniel Akin – SEBTS http://www.sebts.edu/president/ 15. Christian Classics Ethereal Library ―World Wide Study Bible‖ http://www.ccel.org/wwsb/ 16. Crosswalk.com Bible study tools http://www.biblestudytools.net/ 17. E-sword.net Bible study tools http://www.e-sword.net/ 18. Got OT Questions http://www.gotquestions.org/Old-Testament-Survey.html 19. Holy Land Photos http://www.holylandphotos.org/ 20. Larkin’s Bible Charts http://members.citynet.net/morton/charts.htm 21. Names of God http://www.abu.nb.ca/ecm/topics/theme2.htm 22. Old Testament Summary http://www.bible.org/series.php?series_id=76 23. Old Testament Gateway http://www.otgateway.com/ 24. Online Bible links http://www.onlinebible.net/links.html 25. Willmington’s Bible Study Library (Theology and Bible Book Summaries) http://www.churchplantingvillage.net/site/c.iiJTKZPEJpH/b.784509/k.67FF/Wilmingtons_Bible_Study_Library_1__2.htm

http://www.4truth.net/

http://www.baptisttheology.org/

http://www.bible.org/series.asp?series_id=76

http://anova.org/sev/atlas/htm/

http://www.biblebb.com/

http://www.bible-history.com/

http://www.creationism.org/books/BibleInPictures/

http://bibleplaces.com/

http://www.soniclight.com/constable/notes.htm

http://www.bible.org/

http://www.go2rhcc.com/resources/OTHist/homepage.html

http://www.blueletterbible.org/study/parallel/timeline/index.html

http://www.blueletterbible.org/study/

http://www.sebts.edu/president/

http://www.ccel.org/wwsb/

http://www.biblestudytools.net/

http://www.e-sword.net/

http://www.gotquestions.org/Old-Testament-Survey.html

http://www.holylandphotos.org/

http://members.citynet.net/morton/charts.htm

http://www.abu.nb.ca/ecm/topics/theme2.htm

http://www.bible.org/series.php?series_id=76

http://www.otgateway.com/

http://www.onlinebible.net/links.html

http://www.churchplantingvillage.net/site/c.iiJTKZPEJpH/b.784509/k.67FF/Wilmingtons_Bible_Study_Library_1__2.htm

http://www.churchplantingvillage.net/site/c.iiJTKZPEJpH/b.784509/k.67FF/Wilmingtons_Bible_Study_Library_1__2.htm



Instructions

You are beginning one of the most important studies of your life based on the Word of God. Much depends on the effort and dedication you invest in these sessions. Although this course is designed to require three or four hours to complete each session, every minute you spend will increase your understanding of God’s will and ways. To get the most out of the course it is vital that you do the following: 1. Read your Bible and the textbooks each day. 2. Type answers to the Quiz Questions before class in preparation for discussion. 3. Type in your Journal brief personal reflections over each session. 4. Prepare for Group Activities before class. 5. Work on group presentations, individual projects, and booklets. Grade and Discuss the Quiz (60 minutes). Share your answers to the Take-home quiz questions. Discuss the Journal and Application (20 minutes). Share your reflections to the journal questions. Group Activity and Presentations (40 minutes)

Students learn more by discussing and doing. Explore ways to better teach and apply what you are learning by creating illustrations, charts, drama, role play, visuals, etc.

Adults learn in multiple

ways. The purpose of the portfolio is to apply active learning through the Cone of Learning. Student-leaders are guided in reading, hearing, seeing, speaking, thinking, writing, participating, discussing, illustrating, presenting, and applying truth to their lives, families, and ministries. This results in transformational life-change.



Mediation and Application Cards

During the course place these on mirrors, in the kitchen, in the car, at work—and review daily.

Principle 1: Learn to deal with anger. Applications:

Language 1: Create a list of words of affirmation. Applications:

Principle 2: Turn your sand storms into pearls. Applications:

Language 2: Spend some quality time together on a date. Applications:

Principle 3: Align your expectations with reality. Applications:

Language 3: Give a gift to your spouse and other family members. Applications:

Principle 4: Practice the five vital signs of a healthy marriage. Applications:

Language 4: Do an act of service for your spouse. Applications:

Principle 5: Discover you personality types. Applications:

Language 5: Physical touch. Applications:



Session 1: Love’s Best Kept Secret Name ___________________________________________ Date ____________ Points ___ Prayer Overview of Syllabus (10 minutes). Share samples of individual projects and booklets. Grade and Discuss this Take-home Quiz over Chapters 1-3 in Making Love Last Forever (60 minutes). Complete this quiz before class. Each answer should be 30-50 words. The quiz is worth 50 points. Complete this quiz before class. Each answer should be 50 words. The quiz is worth 50 points. Writing answers to quiz questions is an opportunity to train your mind to actively reflect, analyze, and summarize key concepts which will then be synthesized and applied in journal reflection and group discussion. Learners remember more of what they actively discuss and apply than what they passively read and listen to. This is a key component of accelerated adult learning. Each student must do his part of the assignment so that the entire group can advance. Students learn better together. 1. What is love’s best-kept secret (chapter 1) 2. What is the Lesson of the Titanic? (5-7) 3. What does this statement mean, You Can Choose to Get on Course? (7-11) 4. How does forgotten, unresolved anger destroy love? (chapter 2)



5. What does anger spring from? (19-22) 6. What are the consequences of unresolved anger? (23-29) 7. What impact has anger had on you? (29-33) 8. What is unresolved anger? (chapter 3) 9. What does it mean to ―1. Define the Offense‖? (37-39) 10. What does it mean to ―2. Allow Yourself to Grieve‖? (39-41)



11. What does it mean to ―3. Try to Understand Your Offender‖? (41-46) 12. What does it mean to ―4. Release Your Offender‖? (46-48) 13. What does it mean to ―5. Look for Pearls in the Offense‖? (48-49) 14. What does it mean to ―6. Put Your Feelings in Writing‖? (49-50) 15. What does it mean to ―7. Reach Out to Your Offender‖? (50-52) 16. Did you do the Love Dare?



Journal Reflections. (20 minutes) Writing journal reflections is an opportunity to experience transformational life change and develop Christian character. Thinking about what you are learning and discussing how to apply it with others has a way of making learning practical and meaningful. Reflection on Christian virtues (sexual purity, integrity, honesty, self-control, charity, generosity, diligence, persistence, patience, kindness, compassion, courage, and humility) is a key component of character development. 1. In light the textbook readings, group discussion, and/or recommended resources, what is God teaching you? How did this session strengthen your relationship with Jesus? How could you use these seven steps to drain your own guilt? What Forever-Love Principles do you need to focus on? What are you going to do about it? 2. How are you going to apply these concepts to your life, relationships, and ministry? 3. How could our church become a more marriage-friendly church? Group Activity and Presentations (40 minutes). In groups of three or four, apply what you are learning by creating illustrations, charts, drama, role play, visuals. The group activity and presentations is an opportunity to display your thinking in charts, graphs, illustration, and drawings.. Displaying your thinking brings ideas to life and engages the whole group in the creative thinking process. Students learn better together. Over 80% of adults are visual and relational learners. This is a key component to creativity, collaboration, cooperation, and team leadership—as well as in teaching the Bible. .



Session 2: Turn Sand Storms into Pearls

Name ___________________________________________ Date ____________ Points ___ Prayer Grade and Discuss this Take-home Quiz over Chapters 4-6 (60 minutes). Complete this quiz before class. Each answer should be 40-50 words. Each question = 4.2 points. The quiz is worth 50 points. 1. What does this statement mean, ―Life is difficult‖? (chapter 4) 2. How did Terry turn trauma into a pearl? (57-58) 3. Why should we avoid extreme thoughts? (58-60) 4. What are the Five Practical Steps in Pearl-Counting? (61-70) 5. What is the foundational insight of chapter 5 regarding the gap between what we expect and the reality of what we experience? (71) 6. Why do we need to ―Identify Life Priorities‖? (76-79)



7. Why do we need to ―Compare Expectations against Reality‖? (79-82) 8. Why do we need to ―Align our Expectations with Reality‖? (82-84) 9. Why is avoiding hurt your responsibility? (chapter 6) 10. What is this talk about boundaries? (90-91) 11. Why must we respect the right of another to pursue happiness? (95-97) 12. How can you claim your own ground? (98-101) 13. Did you do the Love Dare?



Journal Reflections. (20 minutes) 1. In light the textbook readings, group discussion, and/or recommended resources, what is God teaching you? How did this session strengthen your relationship with Jesus? What are your ―I ams‖? What Forever-Love Principles do you need to focus on? What are you going to do about it? 2. How are you going to apply these concepts to your life, relationships, and ministry? 3. How could our church become a more marriage-friendly church? Group Activity and Presentations (40 minutes). In groups of three or four, apply what you are learning by creating visual summaries, illustrations, charts, drama, role play, or visuals about one or more concepts in these chapters.



Session 3: Five Vital Sings of a Healthy Marriage Name ___________________________________________ Date ____________ Points ___ Prayer Grade and Discuss this Take-home Quiz over Chapters 7-9 (60 minutes). Complete this quiz before class. Each answer should be 30-50 words. Each question = 2.5 points. The quiz is worth 50 points. 1. Where do we find added strength to keep loving and enjoying life when difficulties hit? (103) 2. How could you help someone whose doubts are keeping them from God? (106) 3. How could you help someone who is letting hypocrites keep them from God? (107-109) 4. How could you help someone who is expecting too much from people? (109-112) 5. How could you help someone who is expecting too much from his job? (112-113)



6. What are some practical ways to draw closer to God? (113-116) 7. How can we heed the warning to steer clear of disaster? (118) 8. Why should we make others feel safe to think for themselves? (127-137) 9. How can we encourage others to talk and know their words will be valued? (128-129) 10. How can we help others to enjoy a sense of safety and value in sharing their feelings? (130-132)



11. How can we help others feel meaningfully connected? (132-134) 12. How can we respect the personal ―property lines‖ of others? (134) 13. Why is honor the weighty foundation of good health? (134-136) 14. What does this statement mean, ―Learn how to be a better communicator, and everyone wins‖? (141-142) 15. What is ―drive-through‖ talking? (144-147) 16. What ideas would you want in your marriage or family constitution? (147-148)



17. What are the benefits of having a constitution? (148-152) 18. How could you go for an All-You-Can-Eat Buffett? (152-153) 19. How could you make your spouse thirsty? (153-155) 20 How and why do emotional word pictures work? (155-158) 21. Did you do the Love Dare?



Journal Reflections. (20 minutes) 1. In light the textbook readings, group discussion, and/or recommended resources, what is God teaching you? How did this session strengthen your relationship with Jesus? What Forever-Love Principles do you need to focus on? What are you going to do about it? 2. How are you going to apply these concepts to your life, relationships, and ministry? 3. How could our church become a more marriage-friendly church? Group Activity and Presentations (40 minutes). In groups of three or four, apply what you are learning by creating visual summaries, illustrations, charts, drama, role play, or visuals about one or more concepts in these chapters.



Session 4: Understanding Personality Types Name ___________________________________________ Date ____________ Points ___ Prayer Grade and Discuss this Take-home Quiz over Chapters 10-12 (60 minutes). Complete this quiz before class. Each answer should be 30-50 words. Each question = 2 points. The quiz is worth 50 points. 1. Why is understanding personality types a key to lovability? (Chapter 10) 2. What are the characteristics of lions? (160-162) 3. What are the characteristics of otters? (162) 4. What are the characteristics of golden retrievers? (162) 5. What are the characteristics of beavers? (162) 6. How can lions tame themselves? (163-164) 7. How can otters slow down? (164-166)



8. How can golden retrievers build backbone? (167-168) 7. How can beavers ease up? (169-170) 9. How can you temper your natural tendencies? (171) 10. What were the results of your personality inventory? (171-175) 11. How can you bring out the best in your mate? (Chapter 11) 12. What is the sixty-second boost? (180-161) 13. What differences make you unique? (182-185) 14. What does this statement mean, ―Men love to share facts—women love to express feelings‖? (186)



15. What does this statement mean, ―Men tend to be independent—women tend to be interdependent‖? (187) 16. What does this statement mean, ―Men connect by doing things—women connect by talking‖? (187-189) 17. What does this statement mean, ―Men tend to compete—women tend to cooperate‖? (189-192) 18. What does this statement mean, ―Men tend to be controlling—women tend to remain agreeable‖? (192-193) 19. How can you use your differences to draw closer, not apart? (193-195) 20. What would make every marriage much better off? (chapter 12) 21. How can wives access their manuals? (198-199) 22. What three questions can husbands use to draw out their wives’ manuals? (199-200)



23. What else can husbands draw out their wives’ manuals? (200-205) 24. What word of caution do wives need to heed? (205-206) 25. Why is small-group support critical to making love last forever? (206-210) 26. Did you do the Love Dare?



Session 5: Conflicts—The Doorway to Intimacy

Name ___________________________________________ Date ____________ Points ___ Prayer Grade and Discuss this Take-home Quiz over Chapters 13-14 (60 minutes). Complete this quiz before class. Each answer should be 40-50 words. Each question = 3.5 points. The quiz is worth 50 points. 1. What does this statement mean, ―resolving conflicts is the key area for staying in love and staying married‖? (chapter 13)) 2. Why do most conflicts occur? (215-217) 3. What causes the circle of conflict—and what does not work in resolving conflicts? (217-218) 4. If a conflict is ultimately going to draw you closer together, what ―fighting rules‖ do you need? (220-223)



5. Conflicts can be doorways to intimacy. What does this statement mean, ―conflicts reveal feelings and needs‖? (224-227) 6. What does this statement mean, ―conflicts provide opportunities to express affection‖? (227-228) 7. What is a practical approach to reaching resolution? (228-230) 8. What does this statement mean, ―nothing in marriage is more misunderstood than the sexual union‖? (235)



9. What is the basis for male-female differences? (235-236) 10. How can verbal intercourse be enhanced? (237-239) 11. How can emotional intercourse be enhanced? (239-241) 12. How can physical intercourse be enhanced? (241-243) 13. How can spiritual intercourse be enhanced? (243-245)



14. How can sexual intimacy be improved? (245-250) 16. Did you do the Love Dare?



Session 6: Divorce-Proofing Your Marriage

Name ___________________________________________ Date ____________ Points ___ Prayer Grade and Discuss this Take-home Quiz over Chapters 15-16-Appendix (60 minutes). Complete this quiz before class. Each answer should be 40-50 words. Each question = 5 points. The quiz is worth 50 points. 1. How can you divorce-proof your marriage? (Chapter 15) 2. What are the basics of marital banking? (253) 3. What are withdrawals to you? (254-255) 4. What are deposits for you? (255-256) 5. What are withdrawals for your mate? (256-257) 6. What makes a deposit to your mate? (257-260)



7. How can deposits save a marriage? (260-264) 8. What is heroic love? (Chapter 16) 9. What does this statement mean, ―With our society driven more and more by instant everything, many of us are losing the awareness that some of the best things in life take longer and aren’t enjoyed until, like ripe fruit, they’re ready to be picked? (267) 10. What are the consequences of premarital sex? (Appendix) 11. Did you do the Love Dare?



Session 7: Love Languages—Words of Affirmation

Name ___________________________________________ Date ____________ Points ___ Prayer Grade and Discuss this Take-home Quiz over Chapters 1-4 in The Five Love Languages (60 minutes). Complete this quiz before class. Each answer should be 30-50 words. Each question = 2.5 points. The quiz is worth 50 points. 1. Why must we be willing to learn our spouse’s primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love? (chapter 1) 2. What does this statement mean, ―At the heart of mankind’s existence is the desire to be intimate and to be love by another. Marriage is designed to meet that need for intimacy and love‖? (chapter 2) 3. What occurs where there is an empty emotional love tank? How can this be changed? (23-24) 4. What does this statement mean, ―Our dreams before marriage are of marital bliss…. It’s hard to believe anything else when you are in love‖? (Chapter 3) 5. How long is the average life span of a romantic obsession—and what follows? (30-32)



6. According Dr. Peck the falling in love experience is not real love for what three reasons? (33) 7. Rather than opting for misery or divorce, what is the third and better alternative? (3536) 8. What happens when your spouse’s emotional love tank is full? When the tank is empty? (37) 9. What is one way to express love emotionally? How is it expressed? (Chapter 4) 10. What does this statement mean, ―The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the one you love‖? (41-42) 11. Why are encouraging words so important? (42-45) 12. Why are kind words so important? (45-46)



13. Why is forgiveness so important? (46-47) 14. Why are humble words so important? (48-49) 15. According to Psychologist William James, possible the deepest human need is the need to feel appreciated. How can you learn and practice this love language? (49-53) 16. Did you do the Love Dare?



Journal Reflections. (20 minutes) 1. In light the textbook readings, group discussion, and/or recommended resources, what is God teaching you? How did this session strengthen your relationship with Jesus? How are you going to use words of affirmation in all your relationships? What are you going to do about it? 2. How are you going to apply these concepts to your relationships and ministry? 3. How could our church become a ―words of affirmation‖ church? Group Activity and Presentations (40 minutes). In groups of three or four, apply what you are learning by creating visual summaries, illustrations, charts, drama, role play, or visuals about one or more concepts in these chapters.



Session 8: Love Languages—Quality Time and Receiving Gifts

Name ___________________________________________ Date ____________ Points ___ Prayer Grade and Discuss this Take-home Quiz over Chapters 5-6 (60 minutes). Complete this quiz before class. Each answer should be 40-50 words. Each question = 4.1 points. The quiz is worth 50 points. 1. What is quality time, how much is needed, and how does it work? (Chapter 5) 2. What are some things that you know your spouse would like you to do with him or her? (58) 3. Why is togetherness so important? (60i) 4. Why is quality conversation so important? (61-62) 5. What five things do men need to know about listening? (63-64)



6. Why is learning to talk so important? (64-67) 7. How do personality types affect talking? How can new patterns be established? (29-30) 8. Why are quality activities so important? (69-71) 9. How universal is gift-giving as part of the love-marriage process? (chapter 6) 10. What does a gift symbolize? When should it be given? (74-77) 11. Why are gifts and money so important? (77-78) 12. Why is the gift of self so important? (78-85)



Journal Reflections. (20 minutes) 1. In light the textbook readings, group discussion, and/or recommended resources, what is God teaching you? How did this session strengthen your relationship with Jesus? What quality activities are you willing to do that your spouse enjoys? What gifts does your spouse enjoy? What are you going to do about it? 2. How are you going to apply these concepts to your relationships and ministry? 3. How could our church become a quality-time and gift-giving church? Group Activity and Presentations (40 minutes). In groups of three or four, apply what you are learning by creating visual summaries, illustrations, charts, drama, role play, or visuals about one or more concepts in these chapters.



Session 9: Love Languages—Acts of Service and Physical Touch

Name ___________________________________________ Date ____________ Points ___ Prayer Grade and Discuss this Take-home Quiz on chapters 7-9 (60 minutes). Complete this quiz before class. Each answer should be 40-50 words. Each question = 4.1 points. The quiz is worth 50 points. 1. What are examples of ―acts of service‖? (Chapter 7) 2. What is the difference between requests and demands? (92-95) 3. What does this statement mean, ―What we do for each other before marriage is no indication of what we will do after marriage‖? (95-97) 4. What does this statement mean, ―Love is a choice and cannot be coerced‖? (97)) 5. What can you gain from your spouse’s criticisms? (97) 6. What are the benefits of meeting the emotional needs of your spouse? (99-100) 7. How important is physical contact to children—and to communicating marital love? (Chapter 8)



8. What does this statement mean, ―Physical touch can make or break a relationship‖? (105-107) 9. What does this statement mean, ―To touch my body is to touch me‖? (107-109) 10. What is the most important thing you can do for your mate in a time of crisis? (109-110) 11. When the wife does not take the initiative how does a man feel? What happens when she does take the initiative? (114-115) 12. What are three ways to discover your own primary love language? (Chapter 9)



Journal Reflections. (20 minutes) 1. In light the textbook readings, group discussion, and/or recommended resources, what is God teaching you? How did this session strengthen your relationship with Jesus? What acts of service are you going to do for those you love? 2. How are you going to apply these concepts to your relationships and ministry? 3. How could our church become an ―acts of service‖ marriage-friendly church? Group Activity and Presentations (40 minutes). In groups of three or four, apply what you are learning by creating visual summaries, illustrations, charts, drama, role play, or visuals about one or more concepts in these chapters.



Session 10: Love Is a Choice and Loving the Unlovely

Name ___________________________________________ Date ____________ Points ___ Prayer Grade and Discuss this Take-home Quiz on chapters 10-14 (60 minutes). Complete this quiz before class. Each answer should be 30-50 words. Each question = 2.5 points. The quiz is worth 50 points. 1. How can we speak each other’s love languages when we are full of hurt, anger, and resentment over past failures? (Chapter 10) 2. How can learning your spouse’s love language change the future? (130-134) 3. What does this statement mean, ―When an action doesn’t come naturally to you, it is a greater expression of love‖? (135-136) 4. How does love interface with our basic needs of security, self-worth, and significance? (Chapter 11) 5. What happens when we do not feel loved? When we do feel loved? (140-145) 6. What is love’s greatest challenge given in Luke 6:27-28, 31-32? (Chapter 12)



7. What does Luke 6:38 teach concerning loving an unlovely person? How does this relate to marriage? (149) 8. What does this statement mean, ―Since love is such a deep emotional need, the lack of it is perhaps our deepest emotional pain‖? (150-152) 9. How can we apply the principle that Jesus taught, if we are kind and loving toward people, they will tend to be kind and loving toward us? (153-155) 10. Why is it not hypocritical to act in loving ways when you do not feel loving? (156) 11. What is the experiment Dr. Chapman asked Ann to do? (156-159)



12. How does the concept of love languages apply to children? (Chapter 13) 13. What happens when the love languages of children are not met? (163) 14. How can words of affirmation be applied to children? (164-165) 15. How can quality time be applied to children? (165-166) 16. How can receiving gifts be applied to children? (166-167) 17. How can acts of service be applied to children? (167-168)



18. How can physical touch be applied to your children? (168-169) 19. What would happen if you discovered the primary love language of your spouse and chose to speak it consistently? (Chapter 14) 20. What spiritual resources can we drawn upon? What is our ultimate example? (174-175) I dream of a day when the potential of the married couples in this country can be unleashed for the good of humankind, when husbands and wives can live life with full emotional love tanks and reach out to accomplish their potential as individuals and as couples. I dream of a day when children can grow up in homes filled with love and security, where children’s developing energies can be channeled to learning and serving rather than seeking the love they did not receive at home. I hope this course changes your life.



Journal Reflections. (20 minutes) 1. In light the textbook readings, group discussion, and/or recommended resources, what is God teaching you? How did this session strengthen your relationship with Jesus? How do Christ’s words, ―Father, forgive them for they know not what they do‖ affect you? What are you going to do about it? 2. How are you going to apply these concepts to your life, relationships, and ministry? 3. How could our church become a more marriage-friendly, child-friendly church? Group Activity and Presentations (40 minutes). In groups of three or four, apply what you are learning by creating visual summaries, illustrations, charts, drama, role play, or visuals about one or more concepts in these chapters.



Session 11: Final Exam and Preparation for Group Presentations

Name ___________________________________________ Date ____________ Points ___ Prayer Grade and Discuss this Final Exam (60 minutes). Complete this exam in class. Each answer should be 50-80 words. Each question = 10 points. The exam is worth 100 points. 1. What is the Number One Enemy of Love—and how does it work? (17-34) 2. What are the Seven Ways to Unload Unresolved Anger? (35-54) 3. Why is Avoiding Hurt My Responsibility? (87-103)



4. What are Five Vital Signs of a Healthy Marriage? (123-140) 5. How is Understanding Personality Types a Key to Lovability? (159-176) 6. How can you Divorce-Proof Your Marriage? (251-264) 7. Why is Falling in Love not the same as real love? (33)



8. What are the five love languages? (39-118) 9. How can you discover your love language? (119-128) 10. How is Love a Choice? (129-138)



Journal Reflections. (20 minutes) 1. What did God teach you in this course? What are you doing about it? 2. How have you applied these concepts to your life, relationships, and ministry? 3. How could your church become a more marriage-friendly church? Group Activity and Presentations (40 minutes). Prepare for Group Presentations. Peer review and revise your booklets or term papers.



Session 12: Group Presentations Name ___________________________________________ Date _____________________ Points ___ Contribute a a group presentation on the Cures for Conflict in Marriage, Topics could include: (1) Unresolved Anger, (2) Love Busters, (3) Unrealistic Expectations, (4) Misunderstanding the Opposite Gender, (5) Selfishness and Unmet Needs, (6) Debt Squeeze, or (7) Love and Respect. This group project can be a PowerPoint presentation, dramatic skit, role-play, charts, or drawings (15-20 minutes). This will assist student-leaders in developing the creative/critical thinking and teamwork skills essential to effective teaching and servant-leadership. Videotaping this assignment so that students can view themselves would help them improve as well. The group presentation is an opportunity for students to learn to work together. Students benefit from group interaction as they communicate, cooperate, and collaborate. The public speaking component of this assignment along with formative feedback helps students gain experience and confidence. Students learn best in professional learning communities.

Session 13: Individual Projects or Sermons Name ___________________________________________ Date ____________________ Points ___ Present a sermon manuscript or individual project on The Five Love Languages based on the textbook. Include graphics, charts, transitions, and narration. The individual project can be a chart, an illustrated timeline, a painting, a scroll, a collage, a booklet, or a PowerPoint presentation (5-10 minutes). This will assist student-leaders in developing their learning and teaching style skills essential to effective servant-leadership. Videotaping this assignment so that students can view themselves would help them improve as well. The sermon or individual project is an opportunity for students to improve by using their preferred learning strengths and creativity. Students benefit from using the unique God-given personality, gifts, and abilities as they teach and train others. The public speaking component of this assignment along with formative feedback helps students gain experience and confidence.

Session 14: Booklet Presentations Name ___________________________________________ Date _____________________ Points ___ Present an illustrated booklet or term paper titled Understanding the Opposite Sex based on the books in the bibliography, textbooks, online articles, course notes, and other sources: (1) Men Are like Waffles, Women Are like Spaghetti, (2) Staying Close, (3) Men are from Mars/Women are from Venus, (4) His Needs/Her Needs, (5) Christian Living in the Home, (6) Building Your Mate’s Self-esteem, (7) Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage for distribution to your church. Be sure to footnote all the ideas, paraphrases, and direct quotes in your paper, whether from books or the Internet. Booklet should be 5,000 words in length. Text should be single-spaced. Font should be Times New Roman 12. Begin with an introduction and conclude with an application or call for commitment. Include illustrations and charts. This will assist student-leaders in developing the creative/critical thinking and writing skills essential to effective servant-leadership. Videotaping this assignment so that students can view themselves would help them improve as well. The booklet or term paper is an opportunity for students to enhance their writing skills. Students multiply their ministry as they communicate what they are learning to family, friends, and those they minister to in written form. Writing helps clarify ideas. Students benefit from the opportunity to both write and speak in formal settings. The public speaking component of this assignment along with formative feedback helps students gain experience and confidence.



Debriefing and Testimonials

1. What learning activities did you enjoy most about this course? How did they help you learn? 2. How have you applied what you learned during this course? What difference is it making? How did this course strengthen your relationship with Jesus?

Transfer of Credits to Southern California Seminary

To transfer credits from Equip Biblical Institute to Southern California Seminary, students must present a complete portfolio of their course work. The portfolio consists of the quizzes, journal reflections, booklets or term papers, and exams for each course. Upon successful completion of the course, students may transfer units into the Bachelor of Arts in Biblical Studies degree. If the portfolio for a course is not complete, the credits may not be transferable. Attendance Policy. Attending class on time is important to receive the most out of the course. Entering class late disrupts the learning process of all students. Students are permitted three absences for a 14-week semester course. For the semester (28 classroom hours plus 56 homework hours) courses, more than 10 minutes late is a Tardy; more than 20 minutes late is an Absence. Two tardies count as one absence. College credit cannot be transferred to Southern California Seminary when a student misses four or more class sessions. A grade of NC (No Credit) will be recorded when a student misses four sessions or does not complete coursework on time. Exceptions must be approved in writing by the class instructor, the Site Director, and the Director of Equip Biblical Institute and will involve additional assignments mandated by Equip Biblical Institute. Students who attend all 14 sessions will receive 100 points. Transformational Learning Tip: If you review this portfolio just once a year (such as on New Year’s Day or another holiday) as part of a commitment to life change—you will exponentially increase your memory and ability to apply this material to your life, family, and ministry throughout your life.

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