travels with the mystic master

Travels with the Mystic MasterTrue Tales of a Tantra-Yogi Dada Dharmavedananda

Comments about Travels with the Mystic Master:This book is full of delightful and educative stories. I enjoyed it somuch that I read most of it in a single night.ó Robert Bly, winner of the National Book Award (USA) for poetry,author of bestseller Iron John: A Book About MenAn authentic, inspiring and humorous chronicle of modern-day mysticism... explores the usually unexpressed 'nitty-gritty' of spiritual development.-- New Renaissance magazineOne cannot help being moved by the enchanting simplicity of theauthorís straightforward yet lyrical prose, often set in rich humor ...Seekers of truth will be drawn by his description of what it takes toadvance in the world of spiritual consciousness. Perhaps, however, thegreatest achievement of the book is the introduction of the awesomeTantric culture through firsthand experience, with intricate detail aboutthe methods of a real master.ó Global TimesDharmavedananda begins his journey from the episteme of IndianTantra, but his profundity touches the deeper dimensions of other cultures,and ends in universalism. Mysterious and provocative, withoutacceding to New Ageism.

ó Journal of Future StudiesThis adventure, told by a man who gave up everything in life, onlyto find he could not then contain all that was offered him, is a wonderfulwork. Read it and discover how the often difficult path of true spiritualenlightenment can be surprisingly fun, especially when attemptingto follow the hallowed footsteps of Dadaís unpredictable master.ó Bob Trask, founder/president of the ARAS Foundation (Acceptance,Respect, Affection, Support), author of several books includingGodís Phone Number and Romancing The Soul: A JourneyTo EnlightenmentThe book teaches on multi-levels through a natural and frank interlacingof the personal lives of the author and his master, throughinner journeys, and through lessons gained from the master ó withphilosophical reflections as footnotes. Itís a document of human courageand spiritual dedication no matter how little one has to eat orhow sick one gets. It gave me numerous insights, also emotional re-lease and practical guidance, especially about several issues which hadbeen troubling me for years.ó Dr Paul Wildman, Co-chairman of the United Nations UniversitiesMillennnium Project, BrisbaneDescribes in depth the authorís relationship with Shrii Anandamurtiji,who was surely one of the greatest spiritual masters of all time.I found the book contains an ocean of knowledge and wisdom.

ó Dr Ravi Batra, author of five international bestsellers about economics,professor of economics Southern Methodist University inDallasA great read! Being a westerner and complete novice to all thingsTantric, Dadaís writings opened my eyes to this fascinating culture. Hisexperiences are almost unimaginable to most Americans and can restoreour faith that miracles can and do happen!ó Sheila Casserly, President of Celebrity Focus: a celebrity talentconsultancy agency, ChicagoA rare book ó sparkling with a living spirituality. Readers will greatlybenefit.ó Zhong Ti, Chinese Buddhist teacher & monk, ThailandFascinating! ...especially because of the overwhelming practicalknowledge contained in the experiences of a man seeking genuine spirituality.Its adventure-novel-like style made it difficult for me to put itdown. ...embodies more meaning than most philosophy books. Yet,nothing is hidden of the hardships and doubts one is bound to encounterwhile walking such a path.ó Jairo R. Braganca, Director of Jaybee Institute of Languages,Petropolis, BrazilAn extraordinary book by a remarkable man. The spiritual equivalentof rugged mountain climbing; fast moving and no holds barred.ó Steve Gunther, Director of Northern Rivers Gestalt Institute, NewSouth WalesDharmavedanandaís passionate writings are a spiritual juggernaut,compelling us to share the tears, laughter and inspiration of the journeyto self-knowledge. The greatest gift the author offers is the knowledgethat in victory and defeat the Mystic Master always remains inthe recesses of our hearts and minds.ó Dr Sid Jordan, Department of Psychiatry, Medical University ofSouth Carolina

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Travels with theMystic MasterTrue Tales of a Tantra-YogiDada DharmavedanandaCopyright ©1998 by the authorAll rights reserved by the author.ISBN 981-04-0864-1First edition published 1995 in Taiwan under the title,ìWhoís Afraid of the Tantric Guru?îSecond edition November 1998Editorial assistance: Devashish Donald AcostaCover: Shakti Graphics, Manila, PhilippinesIllustrations: Dada VishnudevanandaLayout: Dada NityashubhanandaPublished by:

Ananda Marga Publications Singapore27 Wilkinson RoadSingapore 436686Tel: (65)344-6519Fax: (65)345-2404Ananda Marga Publications Maharlika46 Maamo Street, Sikatuna VillageQuezon City 1101, Metro ManilaPhilippinesTel/Fax: (63)2-924-6068, (63)2-434-4578Email contact:[email protected]@amps.org5To those who go on singing and dancingto please Godeven when they don't feel like it.For when this feeling is absentthere's nothing to dobut recapture it.And when this feeling is presentthere's nothing to dobut expand it.

ContentsïIntroduction .................................................................................................... 8ïBrief Biography of Shri Shri Anandamurti ........................................ 141 Hope ....................................................................................... 232 What a Fool Iíve Been .......................................................... 293 Just Love Me ......................................................................... 344 You Have to Work for Your Realization ............................ 465 Home ...................................................................................... 616 The Master of Testing, Caring and Hocus-Pocus ............... 897 Determination......................................................................1168 Personal Contact .................................................................1309 Kapalika Meditation ...........................................................16110 Empowered ..........................................................................17311 Eye of the Hurricane ...........................................................18112 As Per System ......................................................................20413 Visaless Travel .....................................................................22714 Become an Ideal Person .....................................................24215 Lord Shiva Never Did It ....................................................25416 You also Have to Play .........................................................27417 Forgetting and Remembering .............................................28818 Even for the Poorest of the Poor .......................................30619 Working 24 Hours a Day ...................................................32420 He Sends Out a Clarion Call .............................................348Epilogue ...............................................................................371ïAppendices: ................................................................................................ 382I. Technical Talks by Baba or with Baba ........................................................... 383II. Introduction to the Progressive Utilization Theory (Prout) ................... 397III. Tantra, Veda and Yoga ................................................................................ 401ïGlossary ...................................................................................................... 410

8 TRAVELS WITH THE MYSTIC MASTER

1 For a more detailed definition of the words Tantra and yoga please see both the glossaryand the appendix entitled Tantra, Veda and Yoga.

Introduction

For many years I considered writing a book to help people under

stand the path of Tantra (which, in a phrase, may be defined asìthe all-round struggle for self-realizationî).1 But I shied away fromthe task, sure that a suitable book must already exist. However, thoughthere are libraries of books about meditation or occult power or yoga,I was never able to find a book that explains the modern Tantric experience.Todayís Tantrics can no longer enjoy solitary life in the junglesor caves. In the past yogis were free to work solely on the psychic levelbut today social conditions are so grave that they have to assist on everylevel, physical as well as psychic. Confronted by the global ecologicalcrisis, they understand its cause: a technological society whichis destroying itself by its greed for money and power. They also recognizethat an age of spiritual awareness is coming, and that this crisis islike the darkness that comes before the dawn, a darkness which is increasinglycompelling mankind to wake up from its long sleep.Most people believe that yoga and Tantra are, at best, self-centeredpractices for procuring oneís own personal peace, and, at worst, sectsconcerned with achieving occult powers or indulging in animalistic orgies.Nothing could be further from the truth, but no one can blamethe public for having these misconceptions because these are the mostpublicized images of yoga and Tantra.When I started writing this book my aim was to reveal the lesserknown but truer Tantra, that Tantra whose real concern is welfare ofthe entire creation. It began as a work of fiction based on my personalexperiences. I thought that this would protect the book from criticismby those who might think I was trying to publicize the organization towhich I belong. But when I began getting feedback on my rough drafts,nearly everyone encouraged me to simply tell the facts as they actuallytook place rather than cloak them in a fictional guise.I turned to straight autobiography, basing it on many years of personaldiaries. And I did not avoid mention of my organization whichis called Ananda Marga, or its founder and master, Shri Shri Anandamurti,who is informally called Baba. I must admit to a hidden moti-9vation: I wanted as many people as possible to know about Baba, andthe vast work for which he sacrificed every drop of his energy. I havestaked my own life on His teachings because I am convinced they arevital for achieving global cooperation between good people, good ideasand good organizations so that we may overcome the present crisis andusher in a new socio-spiritual era.Throughout Babaís life (he physically died in 1990), only those whowere practicing his meditation were able to get some sort of picture ofhim. Though his life was dedicated to serving the world, he kept himselfcompletely away from the public. He never appeared on televisionnor did he allow any reporter to talk to him. During the last twentyyears of his life he preferred not even to meet anyone who was notpracticing meditation. Once, after repeated requests for Him to write

his autobiography, he handed a piece of paper to his disciples and said,ìHere is my autobiography.î The paper read: ìI was a mystery. I am amystery. I will always remain a mystery.î Though I cannot hope to solvethat mystery, I feel impelled to do my best to expose to you, the reader,something of the Baba that I knew and know. (Along with my personalperspective of Baba, Iíve included a short chronological explanationof His life. It immediately follows this Introduction.)Here, then, are my own experiences with Baba, with his work andwith his disciples. Much of it I have never mentioned to anyone. Thoughmy life has been extraordinary, it is not unusual. Rather, the extraordinaryis the norm among dedicated spiritualists. I know hundreds ofTantrics who could write a book like this and, in fact, one of the motivationsbehind this book is to inspire those Tantrics to write theirown stories.As you read, youíll see that I donít restrain myself from includingthe harsher or more confusing sides of the path. I think the readerdeserves a complete picture rather than the popular misconceptionsthat the path is only ìbeautifulî, or that the spiritual master is onlyìsweetî. I have gone so far as to portray the extremes of Babaís anger,the occasional severe stinging of his speech, even his use of a stick tofiercely beat his disciples. I also describe major controversies aboutthe Ananda Marga organization.INTRODUCTION


Many of the stories about Baba are not exceptionalórather they aretypical. It is for this very reason that they are includedóto give you ageneral idea of Babaís lifestyle and way of speaking, and to suggest, atleast in some way, the immeasurable extent of His knowledge. For example,some stories allude to the fact that he understood and spokeevery language and every dialect of the world. Others include examplesof the occult demonstrations and cures he sometimes performed forhis disciples. All in all, I selected only a fraction of the many incidentsI witnessed.My diaries, which start at the age of eighteen, contain no referenceto my origins or earlier life as a youth. A few lines here should suffice.I was brought up in a middle-class suburb north of Chicago. My fatherwas a trial lawyer, and my mother was a housewife-cum-oil-painter. Bothwere active in the civil rights and anti-war movements. My only siblingwas a sister who achieved a fair degree of international fame as acellist in a top-notch classical trio. The most extraordinary member ofour family was our dog, Judy, whom I once calculated knew one hundredand fifteen words, responding appropriately to each of them evenwhen they were spoken in a monotone. For example, at the faintestmention of the word bath, she would raise her ears and then dive tosafety behind the sofa. Judy once indicated to me that the best placefor meditation was actually right there, behind the sofa, where no onecould disturb her, though I believe she was joking.I was an above-average student, leading a normal extra-curricularand social life. This included experimenting with most of the usual vicesand indulging in mild forms of revolutionary expression. While studying,I also tried many jobs, each for a few months, including workingas a lawyerís investigator, a postman, a construction worker, a supermarketclerk, and many varied jobs on a golf course. Throughout all

my early experiences I was keenly aware that none of them were fullysatisfying. An insatiable appetite for new tastes and new knowledge continuallydrove me from one thing to another. While attending highschool, I once wrote in an essay: ìIf I had to summarize my personalphilosophy in two sentences I would sayó1) Maximally utilize everymoment, and then pass on to the next. 2) Savor every last baked bean.îThe book also makes short work of explaining the socio-spiritualdisciplines and groups that I joined before finally entering Ananda11Marga. Most of the people who read my drafts expressed interest inreading about those experiences but the fact is they were mostly notso important, and so I abbreviated that section.I also do not include many incidents concerned with my social work,though that work takes up about half of my time. I prefer to relate onlythose experiences which are colorful, profound, exciting, or give someinsight into Babaís personality. To fill this gap, I occasionally mentionthe beginnings of certain new projects, or describe experiences that takeplace during this work.Another missing element is the absence of any explanation aboutour socioeconomic concept, Proutówhich is an acronym for the ProgressiveUtilization Theory. To get a minimal understanding of AnandaMarga, some exposure to the meaning of Prout is needed. For this purposea brief introduction to Prout is contained in the appendices.A few entries have somewhat technical content, e.g., regarding agriculture,economy and languages. The reader may or may not be interestedin these topics, so they have also been placed in the appendices.For many years I have worked in non-English speaking countries.As a result my writing is sometimes unorthodox in the sense of havingassimilated some features of the many non-American, non-British strainsof English spoken throughout the world. Some sections are detailed,while others sketchy. In some places I offer philosophical explanations,and elsewhere I leave you in the dark. I have made no effort to cleanup these irregularities because, in the final analysis, I feel that suchthings really donít matter.All incidents were personally witnessed by me, unless I mentionotherwise. As to Babaís quoted speech, in many instances I was quickenough to exactly record His words. At other times, I was forced towrite them down afterward according to memory.Regarding Sanskrit terms, I use only those few which are most commonand, thus, valuable to know. Throughout the text these words areitalicized, except when they appear with great frequency. The first timeany such term appears it is usually defined in parentheses or in a footnote.At the end of the text is a glossary of the Sanskrit words whichappear in more than one diary entry. This glossary also includes otherspecial English terminology and abbreviations.......INTRODUCTION


There is one additional point that I feel is important. In my originaldiaries I capitalized the pronoun ìHeî wherever it referred to Baba.I have maintained this practice throughout the book. This may appearto be either a blasphemy or the expression of a blind belief. But thisis a principle and even a practice of Tantra, to give the highest regard

to the spiritual master or guru. Without the readiness to do anythingand everything he tells us to do, one cannot progress rapidly on thepath. If a small child doubts everything his teacher tells him, it will benot only absurd, but highly unproductive.Imagine you are a passenger, and the guru is driver of the car. Aslong as you hesitate to get in the car, the driver is handicapped, even ifyou momentarily sit down. If you stay in the car, but keep the dooropen, ready to leap out if the going gets dangerous, there, also, the drivercannot go ahead except at a very slow pace. Only if you close the doorand lock it firmly, will the driver be ready to take you forward at theproper speed. You may be frightened by the speed but the driver knowswhat heís doing.By capitalizing the pronoun, the guru is equated to God. The ancientVedas (which, though not infallible, do contain a wealth of knowledge)ask a question: If God and guru are standing before the disciple,whose feet should the disciple touch first? The answer is that the discipleshould touch the guruís feet first. The explanation is that the guruis the way to God, without which it would be impossible to ever meetGod. The disciple treats the guru not as an ordinary teacher, but as thespiritual path itself. Why? If we learn a mantra or other meditationtechnique from the guru, and practice it with full concentration, arewe not, in effect, surrendering to the guru? The good or bad value ofthe mantra depends on the guru. The practice is subtle and powerful,and is designed, after all, to alter the mind itself. If, then, we do thepractice but doubt its source, it is both hypocritical and useless.The best attitude for the spiritual aspirant is ìI know nothing.î Icannot know for certain whether anything is right or wrong, what tospeak of judging my spiritual teacher. If there is a God, He knows thisincompleteness in me even better than I know it. Yet, He created inmy life conditions which demand judgment and decisive determination,without which I am not even able to rise from my bed in themorning.13We fool ourselves if we think we do not judge. In many ways, everyday, we judge. And yet we do not know for sure if our judgments arecorrect. Those who say, ìI keep my mind completely open; I neitherjudge anyone nor believe in anythingîósay one thing and do another.Tantra understands that we may doubt our judgments, but, nevertheless,we should proceed ahead as if there is no doubt. We shouldimplement our decisions with full commitment. To reap the real benefitfrom the guru, the disciple must treat him as the Way to GodótheWord of God. If you say, ìBut thatís very risky!î the fact is not changedthat we are compelled to judge every moment without understandingin the deepest sense that which we judge. The fact also remains that toachieve anything great, a great risk is required. There is no greater riskthan that of the spiritual path. Yet the risk is only an apparent one,because God cannot expect more from us than our best. As far as Heis concerned, our best is perfect.I speak of my guru as ìHe,î confident that God appreciates thethought behind it. Because God is the thought behind it.INTRODUCTION


A Brief Biography of Shri Shri AnandamurtijiShri Shri Anandamurtiji was born in Jamalpur, Bihar, India, atdawn on the full-moon day in the Bengali month of Vaeshakh (May)in 1921, the same day that Buddha was born about 2500 years earlier.Because the sun was rising at the moment of His birth, the babywas named Arun, which means ìcrimson dawnî. Later His name waschanged to Prabhat Ranjan, meaning ìthat which colors the dawn.îHis full name was Prabhat Rainjan Sarkar.Some days after the babyís birth, a ceremony was performed at whichmany of the family members were present. A cotton wick was dippedinto a silver pot of milk and then held over the babyís mouth so thatthe milk could drip in. At that moment, however, Arun lurched forward,grabbed the wick and started to drink from it directly. Everyonewas shocked, especially the grandmother who exclaimed, ìHe is not ababy, rather he is a grown-up boy! He is Burho!î From that moment,Burho, which means ìthe ancient one,î became His nickname. Lateron it was shortened to Bubu. Many years later, when Baba was askedabout this incident, He said it was at that time that He realized it wouldbe better for Him to act like a normal child.15 A BRIEF BIOGRAPHY OF SHRII SHRII ANANDAMURTI

When He was only an infant, He narrated strange experiences toHis mother, telling her how all the animals of the universe would enterin one of His ears, and go out the other. Many of the descriptionsfit animals which He had never seen or which were extinct. He alsonarrated how all the planets and galaxies were floating through Him.His family members all remember seeing Prabhat Ranjan, even froma very young age, frequently sitting on His bed in the middle of thenight performing meditation.When He was five years old, Prabhat Ranjan accompanied His parentsto a Shiva temple. In the presence of the temple priest, the childgracefully recited a lengthy Sanskrit hymn to Shiva with perfect accentand intonation. The priest was shocked. How could a small, uneducatedboy without any prior exposure to Sanskrit perform such a feat?His parents were also awe-struck by their own child.When admitted to the Jamalpur primary school, Prabhat Ranjancaught everyoneís interest by His astonishing memory and grasp ofcountless scientific phenomena and geographic facts that were obviouslybeyond the capacity of a human mind, what to speak of a childísmind. He also surprised many people by His daily habit of visiting theold unkempt Kali Hill Temple, a thoroughly frightening place whicheveryone else avoided. When asked why He went there, the child replied,ìI go there to think.î One day while walking home from school,He came upon a group of other students standing on the road. A largebull was blocking the path of the children, and they were afraid to pushit aside. Prabhat Ranjan stepped forward and held His palm in front ofthe bullís forehead; immediately the bull sat down.During every vacation period Prabhat Ranjan was sent to the familyíspeaceful ancestral home at Bamunpara in Burdwan, West Bengal. BecauseHe spent much of His time lying in bed, His sister one day complainedthat He was a lazy boy, neither studying nor playing like otherchildren. She said she believed He did not even know how to write Hisname. He asked her to bring a pen and paper. Then He wrote His name

in five scripts: Bengali, Arabic, Roman, Devanagrii and Tamil. Fromthat moment she stopped pestering Him. Many years later Baba mentionedthat at the age of seven, while spending long hours lying in Hisbed in Bamunpara, He chalked out His blueprint for the future AnandaMarga.16 TRAVELS WITH THE MYSTIC MASTER

This habit of remaining lengthy periods in His bed changed apparentlywhen He finished His plan. From that point on, Prabhat Ranjanbecame a student leader. During classes He sat very still, listening carefully,and absorbing every detail. But once out of class he would changecompletely. He loved gymnastics, swimming, wrestling, football, trackand field events and other sports. He also enjoyed playing the flute, andwriting poetry and short-stories. Eventually He composed articles concernedwith public welfare which he published in commercial magazines.His father died at the age of forty-five, and the family was beset byfinancial hardship. Nevertheless, His mother made the necessary sacrificesso that Prabhat Ranjan could attend college. In 1939 her sonwas admitted to the faculty of science in Vidyasagar College in Calcuttawhere He developed a reputation for assisting students troubled by poverty.He took private tutoring jobs in order to help others. Studentsalso flocked to Him for help in their studiesóeven senior students. Healso began attracting many people with His unusual talentsópalm reading,fortune-telling, and manifesting various supra-psychic phenomena.Every evening He used to walk along the bank of the Ganges River,where He would also sit for meditation. Throughout His life, He neverhad any spiritual teacher or guru. One night, however, He began His ownwork as a guru. It was a full-moon night, and He was meditating in acremation ground on the bank of the Ganges. Suddenly He heard a roughvoice demanding, ìGive me your money, or Iíll kill you immediately!îHe turned and found Himself facing a tall robust criminal. Unafraid, Hesaid, ìKalicharan, I promise to give you all the money I have. But firsttell me whether you rob people out of necessity or out of habit.îThe dreaded thief was electrified by the composure of the slightlad, and amazed that he had been addressed by name. In a flash heunderstood the youth was a saint. Kalicharan said, ìAll my life I wantedto be a good person, but was never given the chance.î Moments laterhe entered the river to purify himself of his sins, then sat before PrabhatRanjan and said, ìKhoka, teach me as you want.î Khoka means little boy.Prabhat Ranjan corrected him. ìCall me Baba.î Then He initiatedKalicharan, who, while doing meditation, entered the super-consciousnessstate. Afterward, Baba compelled a weeping Kalicharan to acceptthe few coins He had in His pocket. From that day, the rectified thiefbecame a great spiritualist and his name was changed to Kalikananda.17During His time in Calcutta, Baba stayed at the house of His maternaluncle, Sarat Chandra Basu. Sarat Chandraís cousin was the famoussocial activist Subhash Chandra Bose. Though the name ofSubhash Chandra Bose is not so familiar throughout the non-Indianworld, in India his memory is commonly given equal or greater respectthan that of Mahatma Gandhi. These two figures were the greatestleaders of the movement to gain independence from England.Another renowned personality with whom Baba had a close relationshipwas the revolutionary sociologist M.N. Roy. Over a period of several

years, both Subhash Chandra Bose and M.N. Roy frequently visitedBaba to imbibe sociological concepts and solutions from Him.Subhash Chandra also benefited from Babaís knowledge of Tantra.After completing His intermediate studies in science in 1941, thedire financial condition of the family forced Baba to give up His furtherstudies. He returned home and joined the accounts department ofthe railway workshop in Jamalpur. At that time Jamalpur was hometo the biggest such workshop in all of Asia, with thousands of employees.Two years later, during the second World War, He entered theTerritorial Army. After completing His military service, Baba returnedto the railway workshop, and continued working there for more thantwenty years. He was esteemed by the staff for His perfect efficiencyand loving nature. Moreover, He became renowned as a palmist andfortune-teller. Many people came to Him to find out the whereaboutsof their lost children and articles, and also to be healed from chronicor incurable ailments.One day, while India was still a British colony, Prabhat Ranjan wasapproached by an English gentleman who told Him that his wife wassuffering in a London hospital. She had sent a telegram saying that thedoctors found it difficult to diagnose the disease, but had decided toremove one of her kidneys. The man was depressed because he couldnot go to England to comfort his wife due to the war. Baba closed Hiseyes, then told him to send a cable requesting the doctors to make anothermedical check-up. Baba said, ìDo not worry. A simple operationwill suffice. Your wife will be cured and soon return to you.î After afew days, news came that his wife was healed and on her way to India.When she arrived, Baba was invited to their house. When He entered,the wife was astonished. She took her husband into the side room andasked, ìWho is this gentleman?î The husband said, ìIt is Shri PrabhatA BRIEF BIOGRAPHY OF SHRII SHRII ANANDAMURTI


Ranjan Sarkar, my sole friend when I was in distress about your illness.îShe became panicky and replied, ìIt is impossible, because he is the sameIndian doctor who prevailed on the other doctors not to remove mykidney but to prefer a minor operation! When the operation was performed,he remained all the time next to me, keeping his hand on myhead. It made me feel completely calm.î The husband was stunned. Baba,however, evaded their questions, and quickly left the house.In those days, Baba kept a special mirror in His bedroom. Occasionallywhen people expressed anxiety to Him about their far-awayrelatives, He would allow them to look into the mirror and see theirrelative. From this experience they derived great relief. Each time thatHe did this, however, He became sick for some time. A woman wasonce desperately weeping about the fact that she had been unable tomeet her mother just before the old ladyís death. Baba showed her themirror in which she saw her mother calmly sitting in a rowboat on alake. The woman was very satisfied. After this He became very sickand remained so for one month. During that time, Babaís mother camein the room and broke the mirror.Until 1954, Baba led a life of spiritual camouflage. He initiated alarge number of people without letting one another know that they werethe disciples of one and the same guru. Most of His co-workers andeven His family did not know about His spiritual work. On November

7th, 1954, He called His disciples together for the first time and deliveredHis first spiritual address. On January 9th, 1955, Ananda MargaPracaraka Samgha was formally founded. He explained that the organizationaimed at a two-fold ideal: liberation of self, and service to theworld. Then, for the first time in a collective meeting, Baba gave Hisnow-famous special gesture of blessing. Everyone in the congregationentered into various states of spiritual awakening.In the late 1950ís Baba married, and a few years later, a baby boywas born. Thus Baba demonstrated that a family was no impedimentto a life of supreme dedication.From 1955 Baba began training spiritual teaches or acharyas andempowering them to teach the meditation lessons. In the first years,all of these men and women were well-educated, respected familypeople. They eventually numbered several hundred. In these first yearsof Ananda Marga, Baba also wrote much of the basic spiritual andsocial philosophy. He saturated His disciples in blissful experiences,19and gave almost no guidance regarding any social work except for thepropagation of spiritual and yoga practices. Baba frequently demonstratedextraordinary psycho-spiritual phenomena. He induced differentstates of superconsciousness in His disciples, caused individualsto die and then brought them back to life, and created special circumstancesin which they would hear the divine sounds.This purely spiritual phase ended in 1962 when Baba began theorder of monks and nuns. The speed of Ananda Margaís growth acceleratedgreatly, and began to spread throughout India. Though His demonstrationscontinued, Baba now began organizing massive social serviceprograms. In 1963, the Education, Relief and Welfare Section wasstarted. Workers and Margis (members of Ananda Marga) threw themselvesinto opening schools and welfare homes, and into catastropherelief work. Yet it was only at the end of 1966, when the organizationhad grown to immense proportions, that Baba agreed to give up Hisjob at the railway office. By maintaining His employment throughoutthe foundation years of the organization, he demonstrated that busyfamily people are capable of both spiritual achievement and service tosociety. He accepted His workersí request to give up His job only whenthey promised to keep up with His speed. He told them their activitieswould increase ten times. Baba moved to Ananda Nagar, our globalmaster unit, located in an impoverished tribal area. The organizationísspeed became something unimaginable.Throughout the same period, the public was exposed to Babaíssocio-economic concept called Progressive Utilization Theory (orProut), which He had first given in 1959. Because of Proutís intrinsicthreat to vested interests, opposition to Ananda Marga developed amongcorrupt politicians and other shady public figures. That opposition beganexpressing itself in a sinister way in 1967 when an attack was organizedagainst Ananda Nagar by members of the Communist Party(Marxist). Five monks were murdered. Several politicians and hoodlumswere eventually arrested and convicted for the murders.Other serious incidents occurred over the following years, includingone more murder by the Communists in 1969.2

A BRIEF BIOGRAPHY OF SHRII SHRII ANANDAMURTI

2 It should be understood that the Communists were, even then, a major political force

in India. Today they hold the power in West Bengal, the state in which Ananda Nagarand Calcutta are both located. Our central office is in Calcutta.20 TRAVELS WITH THE MYSTIC MASTER

By that time, Ananda Margaís influence had grown considerably.Half the police commissioners of Bihar state were Margis as well asmany other public officials. Margis gained a reputation as scrupulouslyhonest people who refused to accept bribes or in any way compromisetheir morality. Baba had always spoken out against all forms of corruption,and Margis in public positions began exposing the corruptionrampant in the administration at that time. In 1969, in light of thesedevelopments, the federal government passed a ban order, forbiddingcivil servants and other government employees from joining AnandaMarga. The order claimed that Ananda Marga was actually a politicalorganization. Ananda Marga then filed a challenge in the SupremeCourt and won the case, causing the ban to be withdrawn.Desperate to stop Ananda Marga, the government, in complicitywith the Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI), resorted to drasticmeasures. They concocted murder conspiracy charges against Baba,and He was arrested in December 1971. The victimsí bodies weremutilated and unidentifiable. Though there was no solid evidence,the case dragged on for nearly seven years, while Baba tolerated difficultjail conditions. In 1973, when it appeared we might soon winthe case, Baba suffered an attempt to kill Him by poison. He lostHis eyesight and underwent intense pain for many days. When thegovernment refused to investigate the poisoning, Baba began a protestfast consuming liquids only ó which He continued for more thanfive years. He stopped the fast when He was proven innocent, honorablyacquitted and released from jail in August 1978.During the time of His fasting, several Members of Parliament cameto visit Baba. This was one of the few known times when He permittednon-Margis to meet and talk to Him. Normally it was always His policyto remain inaccessible to the general public. The visiting officials beggedBaba to break His fast, arguing that His life was vital for the success ofHis mission. But Baba replied, ìMy ideas are more precious than mylife.î On the other hand, when He was later asked how it was possiblethat He sustained His body despite prolonged fasting, He answered,ìThere is nothing unnatural about it. The only difference is that whileother people take energy assimilated in their edibles, I have to deriveenergy directly from sunlight.îBefore Baba was imprisoned, Ananda Marga was active in only fivecountries. By the time He came out, it had spread to eighty, and had21 A BRIEF BIOGRAPHY OF SHRII SHRII ANANDAMURTI

become the worldís largest traditional yoga movement. As Tantric principleswould suggest, the struggles undergone by the workers and Margishad only helped in strengthening them.Such difficulties, however, were far from finished. On May 1st, 1982,seventeen Dadas and Didis were killed in a barbarous manner by theCommunists in Calcutta. Later, Dada Ajitananda was beaten to deathin Siliguri jail because he refused to support a false case filed by theCommunists.In 1981 Baba conducted an extraordinary three-month program inwhich He used His subtle perception to analyze the conduct and healthof thousands of Margis, one by one. It was a unique activity never before

done by any spiritual master. This was the only time in Babaís lifethat He clearly exposed His occult power to such a large number ofpeople over many days continuously.From 1985 a massive development program of Ananda Nagar wasundertaken. More than one hundred small and large buildings wereconstructed, farms were started, various development training programsfor the neighboring villagers were begun, ecological energy systemswere established, womenís welfare activities were undertaken, agriculturalresearch stations were created, and the network of roads and riverswas greatly expanded. A hospital was built, which now serves hundredsof people every week. The kindergarten, primary school, highschool and university have a total enrollment of over one thousandstudents, many of whom live in hostels and childrenís homes. There isa bakery and several different kinds of small industries.The Communists, intimidated by such progressive activities in thecenter of a belt of poor, illiterate tribal people, began striking directlyat Ananda Nagar. Almost every day thugs attempted to destroy buildingsor crops, or to attack our workers. Ananda Margaís leading agriculturalscientist, Dada Asiimananda, was murdered along with fourother workers. Later, one worker was killed and four Margis severelyinjured when they were trying to protest police mistreatment of a numberof overseas Margis. All of these disturbances continued until October21st, 1990, the day that Baba left His physical body. After thatthe attacks greatly diminished.Baba left behind a vast legacy. He wrote over 200 books on diversesubjects. An incomplete list of those subjects follows:22 TRAVELS WITH THE MYSTIC MASTER

ïspiritual philosophy and practice, yoga and Tantraïpsychic developmentïthe cycle of creation and reincarnationïsocial philosophy, norms, ceremonies and systemsïBengali dictionary of over 6000 difficult words, with derivationsïBengali encyclopedia of over 6000 pagesïEnglish, Sanskrit and Bengali grammar booksïlanguage, script and philologyïmicrovita (most minuscule and mysterious life form)ïNeo-humanism (overcoming dogma, creating universalism by devotion)ïagricultureïhealth habits and medical treatmentïeconomicsïeducationïjustice and womenís rightsïthe judicial system and criminalityïculture, literature and fine artsïindustrial policy, cooperatives and commerceïecology, population growth and decentralizationïpolitics, government, democracy, communism and progressive socialismïhistory and civilization: socially, economically, culturally and spirituallyïanalysis of spiritual scriptures and mythological writingsïanalysis of major religious schools and historically-related figuresïmoralityïbio-psychology, glands and anatomy

ïthe social roles of the major professionsïanimalsïshort storiesïchildrenís storiesïdramasIn addition to these writings, Baba composed 5018 songs in eightlanguages, collectively called Prabhat Sangiit. The songs were writtenduring the last eight years of His life.23CHAPTER 1

HopeFrom darkness to lightChicago, 1969. Perfect weather this morning. A vibrant green parkcomplete with swings, merry-go-round, beach balls, a picnic-lunch, andMark, Richard, Peggy, Laurie and Lynn for company. Ditching schoolmade it so much more spicy. No one there but us. Everybody else stuckat their jobs or in school. Too bad.Laughing and laughing, jumping on and off the swings and thejungle-gym, tossing the balls, rolling on the groundówe were beyondthe freedom of children.Sitting opposite Peggy on the teeter-totter, Richard was singing:Donít need no dirty wineWeíve got pure sunshine.Do what you like!do, doDo what you like!do, doDo what you like!do, do...He grabbed Peggy, gave her a quick kiss, then darted a few steps away.For some reason I asked Mark for the time. He turned a big grintoward me, ìTime? Youíre nuts. Thereís no time here, brother. Weírein heaven, didnít you notice?î Then he took off his watch and threw itnonchalantly over his shoulder into the deep grass.A hot blast of confusion suddenly hit me. What was going on? Whatwere we doing? What was the purpose of it all? Everybody I knew,absolutely everybody, was struggling to get the so-called freedom weHOPE


had that morning. But it was meaningless as far as I could see. Nowhere.If this was heaven then something was seriously wrong.Mark looked at me curiously and started laughing. ìHey, old pal,why so grim? Looks like you caught a bug in your pants. Tell me, whatíreyou doingóphilosophizing or something?îI had to get out of there. Without thinking, I turned around andstarted walking toward the car.ìHey, hey, hey! Bill!î the girls yelled at me, laughing. ìStop! Youcanít leave our movie!îìBummer! He is going to leave,î Mark said. ìAnd itís his car.îThey all ran after me. I opened the driverís door, got in, and theytumbled in after.Everyone was talking at once as I started the car and drove away.

ìWhatís this caper?î ìYou got whammied or what?î ìWhereíre yougoing?îìIíve got to get out of hereîìBut we want to stay!îìSuit yourselves.îìWow, youíre spoiling everything! Whatís going on?îìSorry, but this is all going nowhere. None of it makes sense to meany more... I just donít understand.îìUnderstand what, pal?î asked Mark.ìAnything! What difference does it all make? What are we all aimingfor? Where are we going? The whole world seems to be runningtoward nothing and weíre no different.îìYeah, thatís cool, Bill,î Richard answered, ìbut whatever happenedto ëKick out the jamsí and ëWonít somebody please throw me a cheeseburgerí?I mean youíre forgetting some of the superlative elements ofunadulterated existentialism.îìLook,î I said, more to myself than to them. ìHere comes a truck.What difference would it make if I just turned the wheel and droveinto that truck?î I wasnít just joking either. I wanted to figure it outwhile the truck was still in front of us.ìAh, yeah, Bill,î Mark said quickly. ìNo difference at all. And italso wonít make any difference if you pull the car over to the side ofthe road and let me drive, pal.îRight. It didnít make any difference, and I didnít care. But since heseemed to care, I mindlessly slowed the car down and stopped on the25roadside. As I got out of the driverís seat, they all sighed. ìMan, thatwas close!îBy the time I got home, I was even more confused. All I could seewas a dark question mark. No purpose in sight. And no one I knewwho could offer an answer. The only thing that occurred to me was todrop out of school and go search for someone, anyone, who could helpme make a bit of sense out of the world.I explained to Mom as best I could what I was going through, andinformed her that I was going upstairs to pack so I could go find ìsomeonewho knows something.îìWhat are you talking about, Bill? Have you gone crazy?îMaybe I had. But there was no reason to go on hanging aroundthere, caught in meaningless circles, playing useless games twenty-fourhours a day.ìLook... You canít just do this,î she said. ìNo... Your life will fallapart... And what about school? And...îìIím not going to stand here talking about stupid things with you,Mom. Whatís the purpose of going to school if I donít know whereIím going, or for that matter why I should even continue to exist? No,thereís no reason to delay and please donít try to stop me.îìGod, this is too much for me!î She was struggling to find the rightwords. ìOkay, I wonít try to stop you. But canít you at least wait forDad to get home? Itís not fair just to run away like this without firsttalking to him.îShe had a point. I agreed to wait until Dad got home which wasstill two or three hours away. As I waited, my confusion deepened.When he arrived I started to tell him about my condition and my

plan. He hardly paid attention. Instead he asked me if I wanted to takea walk.At the sound of the word walk, Judy bounded into the room, hertongue hanging a mile out. She ran to the door and repeatedly jumpedon it.We took a walk in the nearby botanical gardens with Judy runningin large circles around us, barking in her short staccato. The gardenswere beautiful as always but I hardly noticed. Again I tried to explainto Dad what I was going through but he couldnít seem to understand.We walked to the top of a hill and sat down. Over and over again,Father threw a stick down the hill for Judy to run after and fetch.HOPE


I became absorbed in my own thoughts: Maybe the idea of ìmeaningîis just a human creation... Maybe lifeís just a dream... Maybe nothingmatters... What to speak of ìGodî... I guess... I guess thereís noGod... People say so many things, but it proves nothing... And howcan one ever know anyway? We understand good according to bad,high in relation to low, bright in relation to dark, everything in relationto something else... Nothing has any meaning in itself... The differencesare all just apparent, just relative... There is no answer, andnever will be... Thatís why everybody remains blindly busy doing whateverthey feel like... Of course theyíre all afraid of death... But if I wereto die now, what difference would it make... No difference to the world...No difference if I live or die....The dark thoughts rolled on and on, seemingly endless.Was it at the nadir point of my confusion that I noticed somethingnew creeping into the picture? Itís hard to remember. It was so subtle,almost imperceptible. I couldnít identify it. As if a cloud covering mythoughts began to thin out and disappear.I was looking at Judy running down the hill and jumping into thepond to fetch the stick Dad threw. She was laughing, or so it seemedto me. Sheís thoroughly enjoying life, I thought. I looked around me:the grass, so green, so bright; the leaves of the trees, swaying in thewind; the water rippling. Everything sparkling, everything moving,togetheróTogether!Without my realizing it the dark thoughts had vanished. I foundmyself sliding into a state of mind that I had never experienced before.How can I describe it?The independent existence of each plant, the dirt, the air, the water,their separateness, disappeared as everything seemed to fuse together,the color of each object merging into that of the one next to it.All colors and forms within one single picture, one single Entity. Evenmy own body became simply another element within the Whole. I couldsee my thoughts passing like birds or the shining ripples of water. Eachobject was as valid, as vitally important to the Whole as any other.Which was ìalive?î which ìinanimate?î These distinctions no longermade sense. Instead, everything appeared alive. Everything joyous,conscious. Like the colors of a dream in which every dream-form was27a part of the consciousness of the dreamer. Every stone, every speck ofdirt or dried branch on that hill was infused with the same vitality asthe grass, or the dog, or even my thoughts. Distance and time seemed

to disintegrate while I looked out into an Entity which could only bedescribed as ever-changing and infinite.Could this be God?Whatever it was it had banished the darkness I had been feeling assurely as if it had never been there. Hope! There was more to existencethan I had ever imagined.Ecstatic, I turned to Father who was still busy tossing the stick forJudy to fetch: ìDad, Iíve ... got something, something real. I donít knowhow to say it. Itís ... fantastic.îìYeah, sure. Very good.îHe didnít understand. How could he? I had no words to describewhat I was feeling.We walked back in silence. I breathed as deeply as I could. The airhad never before tasted so beautiful.Writing this, I am filled with wonder.A decisionTonight was starless, moonless, dark. In a silence covered by wind,Dad, I and Judy took a walk along the empty side streets, our pathshrouded by whispering trees, heavy with leaves. Even Judy seemedsunk in contemplationóquiet except for the velvet rhythm of her footpads shuffling over the concrete.ìSo what are you thinking to do with your life, my boy?î Fatherasked me, his voice blending with the wind.I looked at him to make sure he wasnít joking. No, surely not. Hewas staring straight ahead, noticeably anxious about what I might say.Our pace slowed.ìWell ... Iíve read a lot about spirituality, yoga, religion andself-realization ... I want to put it into practice. Itís been just booksuntil now. I want ... I want ... to find the truth, you know.îHe turned and leaned towards me until his face was all that I couldsee. Then he lifted his eyebrows and said loudly, dramatically, ìYoumean GOD?îFor a brief moment I lost my stride.ìWell ... yeah ... I guess you might as well say I want to find God.îHOPE


Seconds passed. The dogís leash tinkled against her tags. I wonderedif he thought me immature, arrogant, foolish or what.When he answered, his voice sounded muffled as if it were comingfrom behind a wall. ìGood.îI was surprised.ìWhat? You think itís good? Then why havenít you done it? Whydidnít you try?îHis voice suddenly sounded older than I had ever heard it. ìI doníthave the guts.îI am sure Father didnít realize how strong a sense of determinationhis honest answer would create in me.29CHAPTER 2

What a Fool Iíve Been(In September 1969, I entered Reed College, in Portland, Oregon,a school with a reputation for attracting students who were somehow

ëdifferentí: progressive, alternative, individualistic, anarchistic.)Shifting gearsPortland. This evening, a friend invited me to attend a lecture byRichard Albert, otherwise known as Baba Ram Das. He had been aprofessor at Harvard who was kicked out for experimenting with LSDand other psychedelics, then went to India and became a yogi. It didnítespecially interest me so I declined the invitation.I began the evening with some other friends. As we were walkingacross the campus we saw a large crowd gathered in the dining hall.Curious, we wandered in the backdoor. About 200 students sat in chairsfacing a makeshift stage at the front of the hall. On the stage was aman dressed completely in white and sitting cross-legged. Except forhis voice, the room was absolutely silent.His voice captivated me. I walked forward and leaned against a pillarwatching him. My mind became quiet; nothing remained excepthis voice. I was astonished at this sudden shift in my consciousness.His lecture was full of stories about centering oneself upon the presentinstead of worrying about the past or future. Only when he mentionedhis guru in India did I realize that he was Baba Ram Das.I slowly moved forward, experiencing an irresistible attraction. Thepull was so strong that I eventually found myself on the stage, sittingnext to him. Rather than objecting to my impudence, he seemed towelcome me. Soon I forgot about the audience. It was only he and IWHAT A FOOL IíVE BEEN


sitting there. As he continued to talk, I gradually became completelycalm, calmer than I have ever been.The time passed without my noticing it. He stood up. The programwas finished. He began walking. Still entranced, and hardly noticingthe other students, I walked with Ram Das out the door, and up to acar. He turned, smiled at me, and drove away. At that moment I had aqueer feeling that my life was changed forever.I walked back into the hall in a daze. On the stage one of the studentswas making an announcement, ìThis talk was recorded and wewill refer to it for making a book. Those who are interested should fillin one of these cards, and you will receive a free copy.î I filled in acard.3

A beginningSince the experience I had two weeks ago, Iíve felt a continuous desireto find a spiritual master, and learn meditation. I have not yet founda master, but at least today I had my chance to learn meditation.Instructors from a renowned spiritual school came for the first timeto Reed College. They offered to teach meditation for a steep price. Ithought it improper that they charge money for spiritual food, and Iconvinced them to teach me for free. The technique was essentiallythe repetition of a mantraóa Sanskrit word used as an object for concentration.I asked them the meaning of my mantra and was told therewas none.......Two months later. 1970. Iíve had no special or even interesting experiencewith my meditation. So Iíve stopped it.4

......Three months later. Something is better than nothing. Even though

I didnít feel inspired with meditation, Iíve started again. I shall continueuntil I can find a superior teacher or system.3 Later this book, entitled Be Here Now, became famous among spiritual seekers. Itcontinues to sell well even today, twenty-five years later.4 Much later I understood this technique to be a relaxation technique. It was meditationin name only. Proper meditation not only calms the mind, but also contemplatesthe infinite.31No outsideA forest in northern California. Geographically, I hardly knowwhere I am. It doesnít matter. Setting up my tent in a densely forestedvalley bordered on all sides by mountains, I have not come here toenjoy the nature (though it is enjoyable), to relax or to escape. My solepurpose is to spend a few days concentrating with undivided attentionon attaining at least an ounce of spiritual revelation.I passed all my time today meditating, except for a few short breaksto read the biography of an Indian yogi, some light food, and a littlewalking.......Two days later. When I awoke this morning my mood was alreadyexalted. I bathed in the cold water of the river that runs through thisvalley, then sat on mey blanket for meditation. The sun, still behindthe mountains, reflected a soft red light off the leaves of the trees surroundingme. I closed my eyes.Ever so slowly my mind dipped into a dimension I never knew before.I felt like I was falling continuously from a great height. Everyfew moments I found myself uncontrollably sucking in a strong breathóas if I was shocked again and again by something suddenly appearingwithout warning.After thirty minutes or an hour it stopped. I became very calm.When I opened my eyes, the world was somehow different. It was thesame forest, but it was much closer to me. I felt like I was touchingevery object within sight. Something was happening. Intent not to losethe chance, I stared at this scene, not moving a muscle.A few thoughts fluttered by. A bird chirped intermittently. The leavesglittered. The grass swayed. I was alone, and yet not alone. Someonewas there. Who was it?My breath slowed, lengthened. I watched and listened. Was it Godor what? Or was I going loony? I didnít care. Someone was definitelyhere or coming. I had to pierce this mystery.Suddenly I knew. My eyes widened in astonishment. My mouth fellopen. Of course! Why had I never seen it before? It was me! On allsidesóme. The trees were me. The mountains were me. The ìbirdîchirped when I wanted because that sound was my own thought. TheWHAT A FOOL IíVE BEEN


blades of grass waved slowly back and forth exactly according to mydesire because the whole scene was inside my mind. It was my movie.I looked down. Even my body was just another part of the picture.Just like a dream. But this time I was intensely awake.Think of it! All my life Iíve been worried about the people in thisworld, never realizing they were nothing other than my own mind. Absolutelynothing here except my mindómy own colorful, vibrant thoughtsin the form of bushes, insects, light, cloudsóeverything.

What a fool Iíve been, worrying and fretting. There was nothing toharm me and nowhere to run to. Every single minutest part is me. Iívemade up this tense drama. There are no separate people, no separatehouses, no teachers, no enemies, no problems. Theyíre all my own creation.The whole universe is laughing.The whole universe? I had thought it so vast, unmeasurable. Yetitís only a thought: changing its colors and shapes and sounds and feelingsprecisely as I want.Thatís it! As I want. That which causes this scene to change is mydesire. There are three things: my consciousness, my desire and theexpression of my desire. Nothing else.No. It isnít even that complex. Whatever I see is my desire itself;there is no internal or external. Whatever I desire, I immediately experiencebecause my desire is my thought which is my world. So onlytwo things: my consciousness and its momentary ever-changing whimor form.How curious! How funny!A desire arises: I must never come down from this state. I writeabout my realization in a notebook.But wait. Again Iím playing the fool. How quickly I forget. Thereis nothing outside of me so how could I ìeverî ìcomeî ìdown?î Thereis no down or up except in my imagination. Happy or sadówhat thehell? Just me, everywhere I look, sometimes sparkling, sometimeslaughing.Another thought comes: This is what the yogis called bliss. The oneness.The truth. What has always been and always will be. Always, becausetime is also my creation. Past, futureówhat a scam. What a clevertrick Iíve played on myself. Just one entity and nothing else. No way33to go outside of it. I cannot die because ìIî was never born. Iíve alwaysjust been changing form.How can I explain this to anyone else? To my friends or my familyor my teachers in Portland? You moron! They were all just my thoughts.Even the skyscrapers and the tense exams and the baseball I droppedand the car from which I fell when I was four years old and China andthe President and the TV. What a joke! Perfect, absolute, without aloophole.And ìGod.î That thought, too, is my own creation. Not a badthought, that one. Because God is all thisóthis game. Yes, I am God.But not only this little body or these passing thoughts. No no. Everythingis me, is God. ìGodî, ìGuruîóI made them up just to suit mystory.Ah, nothing to worry about and nowhere to go. Ah ... ahh ... ahhhhh........Later. Very little light left to write by. The sun is setting now. Iímshocked: so much ìtimeî has passed! Insects are humming but theydonít sound so friendly anymore. Itís getting cold, very cold. Well, yes,itís all me, but no need to antagonize myself.I start to shake nervously. Pulling myself together, I arrange myblanket in the tent as cold air pushes against my neck and up my shirtsleeves and pant-legs.Yes, itís all me but itís cold. And Iím not feeling so great. Well, itdoesnít matter. Iíll tolerate it and go on untilóuntil what? Hmm. Itís

all me alright, but where am I going? I still havenít answered that. Andwhat, by God! what will I do now?Itís getting so cold so fast that I wonder if I will be able to sleep atall.WHAT A FOOL IíVE BEEN


CHAPTER 3

Just Love MeSeven teachingsPortland. 1971. Today I wrote some doggerel, trying to catch thenitty gritty of my experience over the last two years during which Ipassed through seven teachers and groups.5

I met a religious grouphitch-hiking through the state of Unease(Which group matters littleópick any one, reader, as you please.)Their perfect scripturepreached love of God and man,and unswerving devotionto its holy Plan.Although their Hero was long dead,they tried to live by what Heíd said:ìBe saved, follow my words.Sinner or thief,ye shall go to Heaven.Just hold My belief.îI likedtheir service programsfor the sick and hungry,5 After the experience I had in 1969, I could not help but feel more and more thepresence of an infinite Being. I didnít like the word ìGodî because of the hundreds ofconnotations and dogmas it inferred. But there was no way past the limitation of words.The development of my feeling for God was too gradual to describe, so please excusethe gap in my explanation.35their will to suffer,and their monastery.ButThe goal of heavenwas finally just an escape.The poor first must pray,or donít get even a grape.Superiority to other groupsmade no real sense.Before words of criticismthey built a fence.Moving on.I experiencedgroup after group nonstop.Probing, searching,not just to window-shop.Though the teachings turned progressively better,each one contained some dogmatic fetter.

You must excuse meif I was wrong,I had no choicebut to move along.The second grouptaught concentrated calm.They said no needof any other balm.The third aimed to kill desire,strengthening harmony and will-fire.Meditating on Nothingís power,they forgot the Devotional Flower.The fourth was joyous,full of life and mystical.But too much ritualand doctrine: theistical.JUST LOVE ME


The fifth was potentfor oneís mind and physique.Though Divine love andselfless service were weak.The sixth seemed devotionalin dance, work, prayer and food.But as the goal was paradise,the teaching itself was crude.The seventh was healthy and loving.They spoke without prejudice.Their meditation was subtle,yet I felt something amiss.Within my heart I spoke to Him,ìGod, I donít know where to swim.Though Iím not content(yes, somethingís absent),if You show no other road,the seventh will be my abode.îIn humility I took this stand.At last perhaps Heíll give His hand.Spiritual communesIíve just completed one month visiting several spiritual communesin Canada and the USA, and Iíve decided that the best place for mewill be the one in California. Honestly, Iím not completely satisfiedwith my present technique but there seems to be no better alternative.Itís up to God. If He doesnít give me anything better itís not my fault.Anyhow, the place in California should be OK. Iíll be able to managemy finances through a little farming and house-keeping. And there willbe plenty of time to meditate. So, tomorrow itís on to California.Last on the listBefore leaving Portland, I attended the public lecture of an Indianmonk of the spiritual movement Ananda Marga. He was called Dada6.6 Ananda is Sanskrit for bliss, and Marga means path. So Ananda Marga means ìthepath of bliss.î The meditation teachers who are men are called Dada, and the ladies are37

Because it was his first time out of India, his accent was so thickthat I hardly understood a full sentence of his speech. Furthermore, Iwas not impressed with the Margis, so I wasnít attracted to join thegroup. Nevertheless, I wanted to meet this saint, just to tell him myplan. Unfortunately, my name was put at the bottom of the waiting listbecause I had no interest to learn meditation, only to talk. Seventy peoplesigned up to learn, so probably Iíll have to wait one or two days.Initiation: clash and cohesionThis morning, at last, I walked into Dadaís little room in the yogahouse. He prepared to teach me.ìExcuse me, Dadaji,î I said. ìI did not come for initiation.îìThen what do you want?î he said.ìI only want your opinion regarding my plan.î I took a couple ofminutes to explain about my spiritual search and decision to go to theCalifornia commune.ìSo what do you think?î I asked.ìItís okay,î he said.I sat quietly, waiting, but he added nothing more. Had I killed mytime waiting to meet this man?ìAh ... I donít know how to say this, Dadaji, but you see I waited twodays to meet you. Is it possible that you could add something more?îìAre you sure you want me to speak more?î he said. ìYou may notlike what I have to say.îìPlease, please, go ahead.îHe then gave me a ten minute lecture about the difficulty of performingmeditation twenty-four hours a day, that I was living in thisworld and enjoying the benefits of othersí labor, but I was not thinkingto contribute anything to the society, except for some vague hope thatmy meditation itself would add to the worldís positivity. Why didnít Iconsider doing social work during the hours when I would not be doingmeditation? Couldnít I see that commune life escaped the urgent needsof the real world?called Didi. Dada means elder brother, and Didi means elder sister. Except for someelderly Dadas and Didis who are family-people, all are renunciate monks and nuns.Besides teaching meditation, they remain busy organizing social service programs.Later I came to know that this particular monkís full name was Dada Yatiishvarananda.îJUST LOVE ME


When he finished, I said, ìNow let me see if I got you straight. Inshort are you saying that I should leave my present practice and, instead,join Ananda Marga?îìYes.îìWow, thatís not what I expected! I have to go and think about itfor a while.îI left him, and went to the meditation room. I sat down, determinedto get an answer to his proposal.I did deep and long meditation as best as I knew, but no answer came.I asked God, but no answer came.I asked my present guru, then I asked the guru of Ananda Margafor an answeróbut nothing.Several hours passed. Due to my regard for social work, I leanedtoward entering Ananda Marga, but otherwise nothing was clear. Atlast, still uncertain, I stood up.My concentration had been so intense that I hadnít noticed that

lunch time had come and gone. I walked onto the lawn, where Dadajiwas sitting with a large group of new people.ìIn the future, it will be you, the young people of today, who willbe the leaders. You carry an awesome responsibility because our worldneeds dramatic changes if it is to survive. Who knows, maybe he willbe the future American president.î As he said this last sentence, hepointed at me.In that moment my mind flew out of control; I no longer knewwhat I was thinking. My ears pounded, and my head swam. Dadaji continuedto speak, but I understood nothing more.After some time, when my head cleared, I had taken a decisionóImust not be selfish. I should not only perform meditation, but also dosocial work. I should join Ananda Marga.Within an hour I was again sitting with Dadaji, taking the initiation.I then performed my new meditation and felt very pleased.A friend of mine, Chris, had also learned the meditation. Now itwas time for him to leave Portland, and return to his university inEugene. As I stood outside waiting for him, my brief euphoria abruptlyended, and turned into a confused depression.When he saw my dark face, he asked, ìWhatís the matter? Onlymoments ago you were the happiest guy in the world.î39ìWhat have I done?î I said. ìFor years now Iíve been switchingfrom path to path, and guru to guru. Iím like a leaf floating whereverthe wind blows. Will this never finish? Why did I do this? Am I reallyfollowing Godís will, or just my own ego? Iím so mixed up I canít standit.î I started weeping.He put his arm around my shoulders, and together we walked towardthe bus station. I went on speaking in such a pitiful manner, thatChris also began crying. When we reached the bus I said to him, ìOh,what am I going to do? Iím lost, lost.îìI donít know,î he said. ìI donít know anything.îAs the bus drove away, he waved from the window. Our two faceswere bathed in tears.Under the early evening darkness, I slowly walked toward the yogahouse. I had left all my gear there, having no other place to stay andno idea where else to go. A drizzle was falling, adding to my sorrow.Suddenly, like a bolt of lightning, my mind lit up with a thought:ìGod has no interest to trick anyone.îìOf course! Why am I worried?î I thought. Though the sun was gone,it seemed like daytime. ìThe reason I entered Ananda Marga was tosacrifice myself in helping others. What more can He expect from me?Nothing. Surely if I do my best, it is earthly perfection in Godís eyes.îOne moment I had been in hell and the next moment I was flyingback up to some blissful heaven. I have no explanation for it but I knew,somewhere deep inside, that the changes I had just gone through weredestined to affect my thinking and my outlook for the rest of my life.All I could do was my best. The rest was up to Him.My step was light, as I headed toward the yoga house full of a newhope.From the moment I again walked into the house, I began workingfull-time for Ananda Marga.Babaís status

Subconsciously, Iíve still been feeling slightly troubled about havingleft my previous guru for the Ananda Marga guru: Shri ShriAnandamurti, also known as Baba.7 Last night I had a dream:7 In India, many holy men are called Baba, meaning beloved one or loving father.Baba had also one more name: P.R. Sarkar, which was His legal name. It was in thisJUST LOVE ME


I was looking down a stairway but I could see only two or threesteps. The rest were covered by mist. I hesitated, afraid to walk downinto that cloud, but then went ahead. Nothing was visible on eitherside. After taking a few steps, I saw a book on the stairway. It was abook Iíd never seen before of the group which Iíd left to join AnandaMarga. Opening it, I saw a photo of their guru. On the next page wasa photo of the guruís guru. Turning the pages, I saw photos of theirancient tradition of gurus.Further downstairs another book appeared. I walked down andpicked it up. It was the book of Ananda Margaís guru.ìFor the first time Iíll see Babaís photo!î I thought. I opened thebook full of curiosity. But instead of seeing a manís image, my eyeswere dazzled by a brilliant golden light streaming out of the page.ìHeís greater than any other,î I thought.Then I woke up, feeling blissful.The last vestige of uneasy feeling about having left my previousguru was gone.Freedom through givingTonight, during a meeting of the yoga houseís residents, the financesecretary said, ìThe rent is due tomorrow, and we are $180 short. Doesanyone have an idea what to do?îSince I had exactly that amount in my Portland account, it seemeda cosmic sign, and a small test for me.Before I could think twice, I quickly said, ìTo the penny thereísprecisely $180 in my account. Iíll give it to you tomorrow.îEveryone cheered, and the finance secretary said, ìBaba solves ourproblems every single time. I always worry, but He always does it.îThough I had more money back in Chicago, this donation madefully according to capacity left me totally free.Releasing selfishnessToday I completed my first week in Ananda Marga. At first, Iídhad a little difficulty adjusting to the new meditation technique. Myconcentration was poor. A few days ago, however, a fresh seed germilegalname that He wrote books about social and economic philosophy. Only spiritualphilosophy came under the name Shri Shri Anandamurti.41nated. I learned a spiritual chant and dance called kiirtan, which makesit easy to concentrate on God.8

I see that until now my purpose in being on the spiritual pathótorealize Truth or Godóhas really been for the sake of myself. Plainlyspeaking, it has been selfish.Kiirtan is a way out of that selfishness. Itís a dance of surrender toGod, a dance of giving Him myself. Singing of Him, dancing for Himónothing for me.During my first kiirtans I was sometimes self-conscious, thinking,ìAm I doing it right? What will others think of me doing this dance?îBut soon I overcame that, and, after I sat for meditation, the flow continued:

for Him, not for me.A big burden is being released, a burden I didnít even know I carried.Whenever I do kiirtan nicely, selfish thinking stops or almost stops.But not by suppression. Where ìHeî is, automatically my ìIî is not.Who or what is He? I donít know. Occasionally during kiirtan ormeditation I get scared Iím losing myself to something unknown andI draw back. How silly! Thereís nothing to lose except my selfishness.Midnight messageLast night I went to sleep at 11:00 in a second-story room of theyoga house. The other bed next to mine was empty.About midnight I was awakened by a voice. By the moonlight comingthrough the window, I could see a man lying in the other bed wearingwhite pajamas. He told me to get up and tell everyone that no onewas to go to sleep until theyíd done their second meditation.Though surprised, I stood up unquestioningly and walked out ofthe room to the stairway. Looking down, I saw only one brother, Brian,sitting on the sofa.8 Kiirtan is the practice of singing Godís name while dancing. In Ananda Marga, thechant is ìBaba Nam Kevalam.î Here Baba means ìdearest one, God, most Beloved, ordivine Fatherî, Nam means ìnameî, Kevalam means ìonlyî. While dancing, one holdsthe arms high, and steps from side to side, touching the big toe of one foot next to theheel of the other foot. Kiirtan is a purely devotional practice for the purpose of bringingoneís mind into a concentrated spiritual state before beginning silent meditation.Because it enhances the practice of meditation, it is best to dance kiirtan before everymeditation whenever practical, whether alone or in a group. It is the single practicewhich provides the greatest assurance against developing superiority complex, inferioritycomplex, or other harmful complexes of ego.JUST LOVE ME


ìI donít know quite whatís happening,î I mumbled down to Brian,ìbut, ah, there was a man on the other bed in my room, and, oh, pardonme, itís all so strange, maybe it doesnít make sense, but well, anyway,Iíll repeat what he said: ëNo one is to go to sleep until theyívedone their second meditation.í Thatís what he said. So excuse me, andgood night.îAs I was talking, Brian was looking around, unable to find the speaker.In the end, as I turned toward my room, he glanced up and saw me.When I entered my room, I looked at the second bed. Nobody.But a powerful oscillating energy pervaded the air, walls, floor, furniture,everything, and made me feel dizzy. It was as if the room hadbeen mystically transported onto an ocean-going ship, which bobbedup and down as it moved over powerful waves. I lay down, bewildered,and merged into that vibration. Within seconds I fell asleep.In the morning, Brian came up to me and said, ìThat was incrediblelast night.îìLast night? What?î I said. My mind was blank.ìYou donít remember? Really strange! I was sitting alone late lastnight, feeling exhausted and a bit sick, thinking, ëI just canít do mymeditation tonight. Baba, donít mind. Iíll go to sleep.íî As he said this,my memory clicked and it all flashed back.ìYeah, I remember now!îìWell, anyway, as I started to get up I heard your voice, but couldnítunderstand where it was coming from. In fact, I thought it was Babaísvoice! And what He said through you made my whole body shake untilI mentally threw myself at His feet. After that, when I looked up and

finally saw you, well, I was shocked again. Of course I went to my roomafter that and did long meditation.î9Clean-shavenToday for the first time I saw a photo of Baba. I was stunned. Itwas the same man who was in my room three nights ago. I had alwaysimagined that Baba would have a great beard and powerful eyes. But9 In order to receive Ananda Marga initiation, two disciplines are required: meditationat least twice daily, and participation in the weekly group meditation. The student isfree to experiment with many other practices and exercises, but the most crucial one isregular meditation.43the man who had been in my room, and who I now realized was BabaHimself, was clean-shaven, wore glasses, and appeared more like a gentlemanthan a yoga master. Yet He is a yoga master, I have no more doubt,and more powerful, I see, than I could have ever imagined.10

A challengeOklahoma. About 600 Margis from all over America are attendingthe retreat here. I participated in a meeting with 70 persons whowanted to work as full-time volunteers. I volunteered to go to Mississippi,which is one of the few states yet unstaffed. Mississippi is infamousfor being the state having great racial hatred between blacks andwhites. It will be an interesting challenge to introduce universalism tosuch people.......Jackson, Mississippi. I arrived yesterday with one other new volunteer.Last night we slept peacefully under a bush.We havenít a single friend, reference or contact.Because there is a shortage of houses, the real estate companies allsay that it takes from three months to one year on the waiting list beforeone can rent a place. Nevertheless, we found an agency today thatmade an exception for us.Itís a small house, but itíll keep the rain out better than a bush.What did I say?I gave my first lecture on yoga today at the university. Since nothingwas planned, I completely depended on Baba to guide me.There were forty students plus a few teachersóall from the Departmentof Psychology. After they introduced me, I stood dumb beforethem. Ten seconds, twenty seconds passed. I began to swear and mentallyscreamed at Baba, ìWhy arenít you giving me any ideas?îBaffled at His unexpected non-cooperation, I started speaking something,anything. As a few awkward words emerged in a slow nervous10 Though Baba recommended that men should keep at least two-inch beards so thatthe normal temperature of the related glands is maintained, He nevertheless shaved.Under the demand of social conditions a man may have to shave. Babaís appearancedemonstrated that there is no spiritual difference between renunciates and family people.The same potential enlightenment is everyoneís birthright, even for those who arecompelled to moderately compromise their lifestyles.JUST LOVE ME


stutter, I thought, ìBaba, help me!î Suddenly an intangible wave rolledover me. The fear evaporated, and words began to flow. I spoke forone hour. At the end everyone applauded enthusiastically.While we were walking back to our flat, David (the other volunteer)said, ìWow, that was perfect! They all seemed totally absorbedin your words. And so amazed, they couldnít ask a single question after

your speech! Afterward I heard several people saying they felt youspoke straight to their inner needs. Where did you get such ideas?îStill excited from the experience, I said, ìBefore I try to answeryour question, can you answer one of mine? What did I talk about? Idonít remember a single sentence.îGraced by disgraceOne of the new Margis asked me if I knew that some of the neighborswere disturbed by our yoga house, and had complained to ourreal estate agent.ìNo,î I said. ìWhatís their grievance?îìThey said itís disgraceful that both blacks and whites are cominginto this house together.îI laughed, and said, ìWeíre already having a good effect on the neighborhood.îJust love meA friend invited me to a seance yesterday conducted by a lady whoclaims to be a spirit medium. At the seance she entered into a trancewhich enabled her to ìchannel the spiritî by automatic writing. Sheinstructed me to mentally ask a question without speaking it aloud.Though I do not believe that the spirits of the dead are able to communicatefrom a bodiless condition, still I admit that a ìmediumî maybe in touch with the unconscious mind, and thus may reflect otherwiseunrevealed information.I thought, ìWhat should I do about the trouble Iím getting everytime after meditation?î For some weeks Iíve felt terribly exhausted atthe end of meditation, and usually have to rest a few minutes afterward.The ladyís hand wrote, ìDo not worry. It is not bad. It will end inten days.î......45Ten days later. The problem of exhaustion continued unabated,though I didnít give a single thought to the mediumís message.Yesterday I went to the University of Mississippi in Oxford to begina three-day lecture program for which I had been invited. Beforegoing to deliver my speech, I did meditation. As usual, I became sleepyduring meditation. But this time the fatigue was so great that I foundmyself sleeping on my back without even intending to lie down.Angry with myself, I sat up to resume meditation. After a shorttime, I again fell asleep and had a powerful dream:I was in India with a small group of American Margis. We weresitting in an auditorium together with hundreds of other Margis. Babawas on the stage, speaking. One by one, He called our names, askingeach of the Americans to come on stage to be welcomed and embraced.When He had called every name but mine, I became frustrated.Then Baba walked off the stage and came over to me. He raised hisfoot and slowly pushed the sole of His shoe toward my face. As Iwatched, terrified, Babaís form changed: He became the most abominableinsect that I could imagineócomplete with claws and fangs.I wanted to run away, but was frozen in fear. Though I tried toscream, nothing came out. Then I heard a voice coming from nowhere:ìJust love Me.îMy fear broke a bit as I wondered about the voice. Again it came,ìJust love Me.î I followed its command, and tried to love Baba in the

form of that hideous insect. Gradually the insect disappeared and wasreplaced by a faint white light. My love grew deeper, and the light becamebright and warm.For a moment my love subsided, and the black bug began to appearagain. This time, however, I felt no loathing, and easily rekindledmy love. The light returned, far brighter than the sun, though it didníthurt my eyes. All my anxieties drowned in an endless bliss.I awoke and thought, ìI must never forget this lesson. Everyoneand everything is His manifestation. Even the worst and vilest forms.îI feel that this dream has released some deep, old tension. Last nightand this morning the problem of exhaustion after meditation didnítappear. Exactly ten days after the medium gave her message.JUST LOVE ME


CHAPTER 4

You Have To Work For Your RealizationThe plan to leave Ananda MargaJackson. 1972. I have decided to leave Ananda Marga. Why? Toanswer this, I put another question: is it correct to meditate on theidea ìI am Godî? Day by day I am convincing myself of this statement,though honestly I know nothing. My purpose in following aspiritual path should be to go beyond my limited beliefs and realizethe truth. Whether or not the idea ìI am Godî is right or wrong, Idonít know. Maybe this idea also is just a belief.I shall go to an uninhabited place, leave all my worldly possessionsbehind, and throw myself open to Being. Before joining Ananda MargaI did this sort of exercise several times. But this time it wonít be for afew days only. Why should I trap myself with any kind of dogma?Unfortunately, I am bound to stay in Jackson three more weeksbecause Dada Yatishvarananda is coming here, and Iím responsiblefor setting up his programs. As soon as his visit is finished, Iíll leave.......Three weeks later. Over the last ten days, I havenít done AnandaMarga meditation. I simply sit four times daily, trying to think of nothing.When he arrived today, Dada Yatishvarananda said, ìYour face isdrained of light. Whatís troubling you?îìDadaji, I want to leave my post just after your visit is finished. Tocontinue would be hypocrisy.î I explained my dilemma, and why I hadto go.He tried to help me, but nothing he suggested did any good. Finallyhe said, ìWe will do all of our meditations together for threedays, and your questions will be answered.î I doubt it.47During these three weeks, though I had no personal interest in thework, I did it efficiently. One hundred and fifty people came to thelecture tonightóa grand success. Is it possible that I was efficient notdespite my non-interest but because of it, because of the absence ofanxious expectation?......Two days later. Today was Dadajiís final day here. Iíve been so busythese past three days that Iíve had no time to worry about whether Iímcorrect or incorrect. But just before Dadajiís departure, I had nothing

to do for a few minutes except sit and wait for him to get ready. It wasthen I noticed that I was feeling fine, very fine. What happened? I donítknow. But I told Dadaji, ìIíll stay at least a few more days ... to findout the cause of my good feeling.î......Two days later. Today my intellect caught up with my feelings andI understood. I had been thinking it was a dogma and blind belief tomeditate on ìI am Godî. But in fact I donít even know what is ìIî,what is ìamî, and, though Iím aware of an infinite Entity, I certainlydonít know what It or ìGodî is. These words, this systemóitís not thepoint. Even if I try to think of nothing and be open, itís also a system.We cannot avoid walking in some sort of direction, both physicallyand mentally.My purpose is clear. Ananda Marga stands for self-realization andservice to others. It is trying to do good in every conceivable manner.So Iíll continue with it, unless and untilóunless and until what? Plainlyspeaking, I think nothing could ever cause me to leave, unless I foundthat Baba Himself was false.The curtain opens on a great dramaFebruary. A mind-wrenching circular arrived from our office inWichita. Baba is in jail in India. It states:Though Baba was arrested on 29th December, we delayed to informyou in the hope that He would soon be released. But itís takingtime. Together with four workers, He is charged with conspiracy tomurder. Of course itís a frame-up manufactured by the CBI (CentralBureau of Investigation) to crush Ananda Marga. The ideas and ac-YOU HAVE TO WORK FOR YOUR REALIZATION


tivities of AM have always been a direct threat to public figures whohunger for personal power without concern to benefit the society....The sole direct witness is Vishokananda, an ex-Dada who claimsto have been one of the murderers. Instead of being in jail, however,he is free and enjoying luxurious living standards. His evidence is acceptableaccording to a fluke in Indian law which permits a criminalto testify against others, in which case he is called the Approver. Accordingto the discretion of the court, the Approver may be releasedand richly rewarded for his cooperation.The four so-called murder victims found in a forest are unidentifiable.The post-mortem cannot even determine if they are male or female....There is not one piece of authentic evidence in the case, and thereforeour lawyers expect Baba and the co-accused to be acquitted verysoon....Baba is not only unperturbed by His incarceration, He was clearlyprepared for it. When the police came to His house on the 29th toarrest Him, they proposed that they wait a few hours for Him to arrangeHis suitcases. He replied, ìI was expecting you, and am alreadypacked. Let us proceed without delay.îStrange as it may sound, I am encouraged by this news. If the CBIis prepared to undergo such trouble to try to stop us, it proves AnandaMarga is doing excellent work. It goes without saying that the prosecutionwill eventually fail. This drama promises to be interesting.All night all rightA few days ago, I read an inspirational book that mentioned the

mindís capacity to maintain the continuous repetition of mantra evenwhile sleeping. Tonight while lying in my bed, I concentrated on mymantra as I fell asleep.In the morning I had a wondrous experience. I had not the slightestof my normal tiredness on waking, and instead felt as if I was simplypassing from one state of mind into another. I could distinctly recallthe presence of my mantra all night, as if it was playing a witnessingrole throughout all of my dreams. Because my awareness was identifiedwith the mantra, I had watched my dreams as a kind of spectator.I am beginning to tap into an entity of infinite perspectives.49The Lord resorts to extreme measuresAnother volunteer, Paul, has been working with me these last fewweeks. Today he left for India to undergo training to become a Dada.I thought it was a mistake, and tried to tell him so, but he refused tolisten or talk about it.Paul has a wife and two small children who live in New York. Hedid not divorce his wife, but only left her for the sake of the spiritualwork. I donít like this. I even asked him directly once, ìPaul, whatabout your wife and children? Are you thinking to communicate withthem?î He gave me such a scowl that I dared not mention it again.Throughout his stay here, his behavior was strange. He was almostalways silent, and barely helped except physically. When he sat in meditation,he moved constantly, often groaning in psychic discomfort.Surely he is suppressing much. On the other hand, it does seem heloves our mission, and wants to do something noble with his life.......Two months later. I received a long-distance telephone call todayfrom a government officer in Washington D.C. He said, ìDo you knowMr. Paul Stockman?îìYes.îìHe wrote your name in his passport in case of accident, and, well,heís had a serious one.îìWhere? What happened?îìHe was found unconscious, suffering from head wounds and a concussionin an alley in New Delhi, India.îìOh God.îìHis wallet was gone, so we guess that he was attacked and robbed.îìWhat do you mean ëwe guessí? What does Paul say happened?îìHe doesnít remember what happened. In fact, ah, he doesnít rememberanything. The doctors say he has almost total amnesia.îìWow! How...îìAnd thatís why Iím calling you now. Heís in a hospital in NewDelhi, and we would like to know if he has any family to whom heshould return. Itís preferable he receive treatment near his own home.îLuckily I happened to have his original address in New York Cityincluding his wifeís name. I read it to the officer, and asked him to informme when Paul arrives in New York, and in which hospital heís staying.YOU HAVE TO WORK FOR YOUR REALIZATION


......Five days later. Paul arrived in New York yesterday. I called himat the hospital. Heís still a bit weak, but said that small bits and pieces

of his memory have returned so that he can vaguely remember me andhis family. His voice, however, sounded different. He always used tospeak in an artificially subdued manner. Today, though his voice wasweak, it was, nevertheless clear and unrestrained, except due to theuncertainty of his memory.The end of our talk was interesting.ìIím thinking to go to India soon,î I said. ìMaybe I can pass throughNew York on my way.îìThatíll be great!î he said.ìDid your wife visit you yet?îìYeah.îìAre you thinking to return ... to your home soon?îìThe doctors say I may be able to leave within a week or so.îìYou mean youíll go home then?îìOf course. Do you suggest any other place?îìNo, no, thatíll be perfect.îI donít think he caught my delighted surprise. Here was a guy whowas so sincerely and forcefully running the wrong way, that the onlymeans by which Baba could correct him was a knock on the head.Heís the problem, Heís the solutionIíve run out of money. When itís happened before, Iíve always takena short-term job: as a taxi driver, an accountant, a government censustaker, a manufacturer of alfalfa sprouts, a Santa Claus handing candyto children in a department store.But this time itís different. We have two major social service programswhich will collapse if I withdraw from them in order to earnmoney. First we are busy arranging a public concert to raise funds forthe famine-stricken population of Bangladesh.11 Second is a twice-weeklycooking class for poor people, to teach them how to prepare nutritioustasty food on a minimal budget.11 This program turned out to be the largest outdoor-concert ever held in Mississippiuntil then.51Iíve told my problem to nobody, except Baba, and to Him I saidand say, ìI am working for You only, offering everything for You. Thisyoga house is Yours, and these projects are Yours. I shall not jeopardizethe projects by taking a job. If I donít have money to pay for thecenter, itís Your problem, Baba, not mine. If I end up in the streethomeless, itís okay for me; it might even be interesting.îThereís no trouble getting food because Iím receiving governmentfood stamps.......Three weeks later. The rent is due tomorrow, and I still donít havethe money. Baba, be careful. Itís Your loss not mine if I canít pay therent. That will be a good lesson for You.......Two days later. I suppose any moment the real estate company willcall me, and ask for the rent. Iím ready to leave. The jokeís on You,Baba.......One day later. Today a letter arrived from Chris. Since he went toEugene to study nine months ago, Iíve had no contact with him.He writes: ìEveryone at the university here was fed up with the movies

arranged weekly by the University Cultural Affairs Office. So Larryand I began booking first-class films on our own. We charged our audiencesa nominal fee, thinking only to recover our expenditure. Withoutexpecting it, we pulled in some profit. When I was thinking whatto do with this money, I suddenly thought of you. Iíve got a feeling youcould put it to better use than anyone I know.îInside was a check for $210, exactly enough money for the nextthree months rent. As I walked to the real estate office I laughed. Goodjoke, Baba.An ancient yogi makes troubleDadaji is here for his second visit. Again, plenty of people are attendingthe lectures and learning meditation.One man, about 50 years old, came to our door, saying, ìI saw thesign on your house: Ananda Marga Yoga Society. What does it mean?îHe had never heard of yoga. I took a few minutes to explain a littleto him, and he immediately wanted to learn.YOU HAVE TO WORK FOR YOUR REALIZATION


ìI think itíll be better,î I said, ìif you first attend a lecture and readsome of our books. You donít know what youíre getting into.îìBut this is my only chance. Tomorrow I go out of Jackson for onemonth. Please leave the risk to me.î Hesitantly, I agreed to schedule ameeting with Dadaji.Immediately after his initiation he did long meditationónearly onehour. Then he came to me and said, ìI must see Dadaji again.îìIím sorry, Dadajiís doing his own meditation now, so youíll haveto wait.îìBut I have an appointment; I canít wait. Iíve got a problem withthe meditation. At least let me explain it to you.îìIím not qualified to deal with these matters.îìLook, youíve got to listen!îI shrugged my shoulders.ìFrom the first moment, my meditation was very pleasant. But aftersome time a tall bearded Indian dressed in white appeared in my mind.îHe demonstrated the sitting position of the Indian which was a yogaposture for doing higher meditation.He continued, ìI was doing meditation on the mantra which Ilearned from Dadaji. But the Indian man in my mind was loudly repeatinga different mantra.îHe told me the ìdifferent mantraî. It was strange and unknown tome.ìA conflict rose in me,î he said. ìI didnít know which mantra touse. It created a heavy tension, which was painful. Finally I decidedthat since my meditation had led me to the vision of this Indian man,I should follow him. So I started repeating his mantra. Immediately Ifelt wonderful, as Iíve never felt before. Do you agree that I am doingthe right thing?îI did not agree. ìIn my opinion you should continue only with themantra you learned from Dadaji. I believe this vision is coming fromyour distant past. Perhaps from past lives. But Iím not sure, so pleasetelephone me tonight, and in the meantime Iíll ask Dadaji.îDadaji agreed with me, so when the man called, I suggested he continueto follow Dadajiís instructions only.

......53Next day. The man I wrote about yesterday is a traveling salesmanwho sells equipment to farmers. Tonight he called again saying, ìIímfinding the meditation experience too taxing. That Indian yogi still appearsevery time I sit and loudly chants his mantra. What should I do?îìAs we already told you, please keep on struggling.î Of course thatwas easy to say, but.......Next day. The salesman called again late tonight. He said, ìAs usualthe yogi entered my meditation this evening. This time, however, itwas absolutely hellish. He applied such a power on me that it seemedunbearable. Somehow I continued with my mantra. Just when I thoughtI would explode if I continued even one second longer, he exploded!His clothing, flesh, blood, even bones burst apart in every directionónothing remained except a bright blissful luminosity. It was beautifulbeyond words. I felt that all my worries and fears were gone. Did Imerge in God?î......Two weeks later. The salesman called me again. He said, ìI feelguided. Almost every farm I go to I find either the husband or the wifeis particularly interested in meditation. And so I teach him or her theuniversal mantra12 . Is it okay?îìItís more than okay,î I said. ìItís perfect.îNow I understand why this man had such difficulties in his meditationótostrengthen his mind for the work of reaching these farmerswho would otherwise never come in contact with Ananda Marga.New education techniquesAll of my social service responsibilities were taken over today bya new volunteer who will soon replace me. On a whim I visited a localprimary school to see if I could help in any way. By their shabby clothingit was obvious that the children were from poor families. Almostall of them were black. A secretary in the administrative office toldme I was free to look around. As I walked through the hallways I heardchildren talking, laughing and yelling through every door.12 The universal mantra is Baba Nam KevalamYOU HAVE TO WORK FOR YOUR REALIZATION


When I entered a classroom for nine year-olds, I found nothing shortof chaos. Not only were all the children busy in loud games of theirown, ignoring the teacher, some were chasing others around the room,knocking over chairs, desks, whatever got in their way. Meanwhile, theteacher was sitting at her desk, reading something. I approached her.ìExcuse me, maíam,î I said, ìI wonder if there is any way I couldhelp you.îShe looked up, surprised. ìWell, thatís right kind of yoíall,î shesaid to me. ìAlrightee, thank yoíall. Iíll just be on down to the loungefor a cup of coffee, and yoíall can take over the class.îBefore I could express my astonishment, she stood up and left theroom. The students didnít even notice.I looked at all of them, sat down at the teacherís desk, and closedmy eyes. As I thought of Baba, an idea entered my head.ìChildren!î I said loudly above all their racket.

Most of them spun around and shouted, ìYes!îìWould you like to play a game?îìYes!îìOkay. Come and sit down near to me.îImmediately they all ran forward, pushing and knocking againsteach other, laughing and arguing over who could sit nearest to me. Adesk was knocked down, and a new fist-fight erupted for a few moments.ìThis is a very special game you never played before. Are you sureyou want to do it?îìYes!îìBut you have to be very different than usual to play it. Can youreally do that?îìYes!îI dropped my voice low and said, ìYouíll have to be very very quietto play. I donít think you can do that. Do you really think you can playthis special game?îìYes!î they yelled in a whisper.Two boys pushed each other. Pointing at them, I said, ìYou twocan play a different game, itís okay. You go over to that corner, andplay your own game.î55The two jumped up and ran to the far corner of the room. For aboutten seconds they pushed each other. Then they sat down and looked atthe rest of us.ìNow, I want you all to close your eyes for a moment.îThey all shut their eyes. Taking advantage of the situation, one boypulled the ears of another boy, who turned around and pulled thepig-tails of a girl.ìOpen your eyes,î I said. I directed the two pullers to go and playtheir game in the corner. Like the first two, they ran at full speed tothe corner, were raucous for a few seconds, and then sat quietly lookingat us.ìNow, this time when you close your eyes, I want you to imaginesomething that you like more than anything else in the world.îAgain they closed their eyes. No sound, no movement. Even theboys in the corner closed their eyes.After about ten seconds I said, ìOkay very good. Open your eyes.What did you see?îìChocolate cake!îìMary Sue!îìA miniature electric train!îTheir answers went on until I heard ìPresents around the Christmastree!îìStop!î I said, holding up my hand. ìYou all did very nicely. Letístake one of these: presents around the Christmas tree. I like that too.Have any of you seen snow?îìYes,î they all said.ìHas anyone never seen snow?îSilence. Even though Jackson is a hot place, I guess theyíd all seensnow, at least on television.ìOkay, great. Now letís all think about Christmas, boys and girls.Yes, close your eyes again. Good. Now imagine itís really Christmas,and youíre sitting at home in front of the fireplace because itís cold

outside and itís snowing. You feel nice and cozy by the fire, and youlook out the window and see all that snow falling. And itís so beautiful.Lots and lots of white white snow. Now your body becomes verysmall, and very light, and you float out the window, and youíre float-YOU HAVE TO WORK FOR YOUR REALIZATION


ing in the snowflakes, and you feel so happy and light and white. Andyou go higher and higher in the beautiful snowflakes, and youíre allalone. And then you see the sun shining. And you float toward the sun.Itís great, itís fun, itís beautiful. And youíre flying toward the sun, ridingon the sunís rays. And everywhere is light and light and more light.And your body is full of light. And your mind is full of light. Andyouíre becoming a ray of light. And you mix with that light, and enjoyit. Ah, itís so beautiful, and you feel better than ever in your life, andso quiet and peaceful and happy. And you feel that you love everybody.And you feel youíre a ray of love. Itís so beautiful. Youíre sobeautiful and loving and love, only love, only love...îToward the end my voice became softer and softer until it fadedaway. I meditated with them for about fifteen seconds. Then I openedmy eyes. They were all pin-drop quiet, sitting with eyes closed, includingthe boys in the corner.ìOkay,î I whispered. ìVery good. Open your eyes slowly.îMost of them opened their eyes, though a few kept them closed.Their eyes glistened, and their faces shone.ìYouíre very beautiful children,î I said. ìYouíre so full of love. Ilove you, and Iím sure God loves you too. And Iím sure you love everybody.So ... what do you like to say now?îìI love everybody,î one boy said.ìMe too! Me too! I love everybody!î came a chorus of voices.Just in that moment the teacher appeared at the door. Her eyesopened wide, and she raised her arms.ìI canít believe it,î she said. As she walked in, the children lookedat her, and started chitchatting lightly between themselves. She cameup to me.ìHow did you manage to get them like this?îBefore I could answer, the school bell rang.ìAsk them,î I said.......Yesterday and today I went again to that school. The same teacherasked me to come to her classroom, saying that her children had beenmuch quieter and nicer after my visit. But I told her I wanted to tryother classrooms.57I did more or less the same in two more classes with good results.But for todayís class I also taught them to sing Baba Nam Kevalam. Itwas even better, because thereís hardly anything kids like more thansinging.All the teachers in the school heard about these programs, and manyof them requested me to come to their classrooms.When I told them Iím leaving Mississippi this week, they were disappointed.Donít move!As I began morning meditation, a thought crossed my mind: ìI shallbe inflexibly rigid. No matter what uneasiness I feel, I shall not move.î

Until today, each and every time I practiced meditation, I inevitablyshifted my weight or my legs a few times. Though I knew I shouldnot move, I never adhered strictly to the system.This time, however, when itching asked for scratching, nervous tensiondemanded release, and pain shouted for reliefóI did not give in.Though it was very difficult, I didnít move even a fraction of an inch.Slowly, all the mental and physical chatter lessened, and finally ceased.My mind sunk deep into meditation, and I achieved a consciousnesspreviously unknown to me.A simple, effective technique: donít move a muscle! Isnít it oddthat I didnít try it before?Instant blissOn the Greyhound bus north. Iím traveling to Chicago. From ChicagoIíll go to India to meet Baba and try to find out whether or not Ishould become an acharya13. The Jackson center is now in the handsof another volunteer.......Chicago. One week later. My sisterís getting married this week. Theceremony will be at our house, and scores of near and distant familymembers are either here or on their way.13 Acharya is the formal title of the teachers of Ananda Margaóthe Dadas and Didis.Acharan means conduct. Acharya means one who teaches others through his or herpersonal conduct.YOU HAVE TO WORK FOR YOUR REALIZATION


Yesterday, two of my cousins and I went to a public meeting of anIndian spiritual movement just starting in America. The main attractionwas the mother of the guru, together with the two leading teachersof the movementóall of whom are supposed to be living saints. Theguru is still in India. The lecture had already started when we arrived.We slipped in at the back of the room, which was packed with about200 people. The teacher who was lecturing turned toward me and stared.He kept his eyes fixed on me even while singing. But was he reallylooking at me? To find out, I moved to other sides of the hall. His eyesremained glued on me until the endóabout one hour.When the lecture finished, I was curious, to say the least. Aboutten disciples were there, and it seemed all had noticed the teacher staringat me. They also seemed to be wondering why. I requested an interview.The teacher said to me, ìWe are leaving Chicago just now. Cometo the airport, and we will talk there.îTogether with several disciples, my cousins and I drove to the airport.After checking in, the two teachers and the mother took me aside,alone.ìWho are you?î they asked.ìIím going to India in a few days. Iím an Ananda Margi.îThey laughed uproariously. I was shocked.ìOh, Ananda Marga! Violent, dangerous people! You must havenothing to do with them.îI asked for the source of their malicious information. They spokeof various so-called scandals, but added nothing convincing.Then they said, ìWhether you believe in Ananda Marga doesnít matter.The important fact is we give you Cosmic Knowledge instantly.You will see Light and hear Music.î

ìOkay. Please give me the initiation here now,î I said.ìNo, no. You meet us in Denver. We will hold big seminar there.You must join and then you receive initiation.îìIím going to India. Why should I change? How can I know if yourKnowledge is correct or not?îFor twenty minutes they tried to persuade me.At the end of that time, two sentences finally struck me: ìWe areopening doorway to God. You should at least try.î I couldnít deny that.59I immediately canceled my flight to India, and re-booked for Denverreasoning that I could always go to India later if their promisesproved empty.In the evening, I arrived home with my cousins. They were excitedand I was inspired. Everyone was pleased when they heard that I wouldbe staying in America. Only my father was frustrated.ìHow could you change your mind so easily?î he asked. ìLookslike your commitment was not so deep as you made it out to be.îAs the evening wore on, a strange feeling developed. Somethingwas wrong, though I had no idea what. ìWhat is it, God? How am Ifailing You?î I thought.Confusion overtook me. Struggling to get free, the anxiety only increased.I asked Baba and God to save me. At last I fell asleep, fullyprostrate, praying for guidance.When I woke up this morning at 6:00 a.m., I was still lying in thesame position. I had been dreaming and the meaning of the dreamseemed unmistakably clear. Thrilled to the bone, I jumped up to phoneDada Birendra Lal.14

I quickly told him about yesterdayís experience. Then I told himmy dream:ìDadaji, I was in India in a room with about forty or fifty people.Baba sat in the front, facing us and speaking. We all knew thatBindeshwari was in the next room. You know, the Bindeshwari whodied and was brought back to life by Babaís touch, and who now hasmiraculous psychic powers.îìYes, yes. I know him very well.îìWell, we could hear many persons in that room being affected byBindeshwariís touch on their foreheadsóthey were shouting, sighing, andgasping as they entered into high states of consciousness. It seemedthat each of us in the room with Baba was thinking, ëI wish I were thereí,14 At this time there were three Dadas, or acharyas, in the USA. One was a renunciate(Dada Yatishvarananda, the Dada who taught me meditation), and the other two weremarried. Dada Birendra Lal was a family man, employed in Chicago as an engineer.In the beginning years of Ananda Marga, all the acharyas were family people. Therenunciate or monk system only came later. The two family acharyas were from theoriginal group, and thus had long experience on the spiritual path. While maintaininghis normal family responsibilities Dada Birendra also guided our Chicago meditationgroup. The third Dada, also married, lived and worked in Philadelphia.YOU HAVE TO WORK FOR YOUR REALIZATION


as we all looked at the wall separating us from ecstasy. Only Baba wasunimpressed. He turned toward the wall and yelled through it, ëWillyou little children please be quiet!í In that same moment I woke up.ìDoesnít it show, Dadaji, that Baba doesnít give much importanceto such psychic phenomena? Surely it would be worse than a waste oftime for me to go to Denver, just running after occult experience. I

think I have to give myself to God, not try to get something for myself.Isnít is so, Dada?îìIn 1955,î Dada replied, ìone devotee said to Baba, ëWeíve receivedeverything by Your grace, Baba. Why donít you give bliss to everyonein the world right now? Why wait?í He said, ëI have not come to giveinstant bliss. That would defeat the purpose of life. Your purpose is torealize love-for-everyone-and-everything. You have to work for that.íîI canceled the ticket for Denver and re-booked for India.15

Donít thank meOn the way to India I spent one day in New York City. I arrangedto meet Paul at a bus stop near his house. When I stepped off the bus,he was standing about 150 meters away. When he saw me, his face litup with a big smile. In Mississippi I had never seen him smile evenonce. He ran toward me and we embraced.The first thing he blurted out was, ìYouíll never believe it! In thelast days Iíve been strongly desiring to do meditation, but couldnít remembermy mantra. Just now as I saw you, I suddenly remembered it!Thank you, thank you, thank you!î15 Though Bindeshwari did clinically die, according to yoga it is possible that he neveractually died. Yoga says that death is a process in which ultimately both the nerve cellsand fibers die. There are, however, some cases in which only the nerve fibers die, butthe nerve cells continue to live. Doctors declare that person to be clinically dead. Thismight have been Bindeshwariís situation.Baba did several times demonstrate that a person whose nerve fibers were dead butnerve cells alive could be restored to life, a phenomenon which medical science hasnot yet understood.Bindeshwari had some ability to raise the consciousness of others by his touch. Itis a common occult power which is accessible to advanced spiritual aspirants. Thoughthis same occult power was displayed by Baba innumerable times, He often explainedthe science behind it, together with the dangers inherent in misusing the power.61CHAPTER 5

HomeSickness and depression: catalytic agentsNew Delhi, India. May. The latest news regarding Babaís court caseis that there is no news. The strategy of the opposition is obviously todelay in the hope that over time Margis, Dadas and Didis will becomefrustrated, and gradually our mission will crumble. They cannot understandthat such difficulties only make us stronger.Weather is super hot. Fantastic mango milk shakes. Drank four inone go.......(Next day, on the train to Patna) ... and became sick as a dog. Inever experienced before such strong diarrhea and nausea. An IndianDada with long black hair and a thick beard (like almost all Dadas)tried to help but there was little he could do.......Patna. Iíve been so sick that I could neither stand up nor sleep. Itísblistering hot. My head is totally spaced out. To top it off, nobody isallowed to meet Baba in the jail.The fact that I cannot see Baba only adds to my depression andconfusion. Iíve come to India to determine my lifeís direction, perhapsto become a monk, but how will I manage to clear up anything withoutmeeting my guru? Now many doubts arise.Today during one of my half-unconscious periods a Dada said,

ìPack your things and come with me. I will take you to the properplace.îHOME


Without thinking, I obeyed him. Later he introduced himself asDada Svarupananda.Now I am on a train heading for a place called Ananda Nagar.A mystic landAnanda Nagar, Purulia District. The journey lasted overnight duringwhich I fell asleep for the first time in four days. This morning wearrived at a tiny station in the Indian countryside. No one got on oroff except the two of us. One station attendant met us; otherwise therewasnít a soul in sight. The station signboard said Pundag. My body isstill very weak and it took all the effort I could muster to begin walkingover what seemed like an endless desert.When we got down, Dada turned to me and said, ìWelcome toAnanda Nagar. This is the most spiritual land in the world. Thoughour global camp office is in Patna, Ananda Nagar is the permanentcentral office of Ananda Marga.îAs I looked around me, the air broke in sparkling waves. Was itthe heat waves, my delirium, or something mystical? No grassójustbarren land, big and small rocks of all shapes strangely juxtaposed,and a few scattered, hardy trees.After walking for some time, a long building appearedócrude, undecorated,painted dirty white. A couple of small boys were hitting adilapidated rag ball back and forth, using tree branches as bats.ìThis is the primary school,î Dada said. ìMost of the children areinside studying.îWe walked on until we came to a well. He pulled up a bucket.ìDrink this water,î he said. ìIt will help you to get your healthback.îI doubted it, but drank. The water seemed to contain the same sparklingquality as the air, full of ... what? life? I looked inside the well.A few frogs jumped here and there at the bottom.Farther on, a similar building came into view. ìThis is the highschool,î he said. Concrete steps led us to the second (and highest) floor.We entered a room furnished only with a primitive chair and a plainwooden table with some scattered papers on it.ìThis is my room. Youíll stay here for a few days.îClearing the table, he covered it with a bed sheet. I lay down in theheat and fell asleep.63Vanishing cloudsFor the last two days Iíve rested, randomly walked short distances,ate rice and boiled vegetables, and drank plenty of well-water. I guessthe frogs didnít contribute anything harmful to the water because myhealth returned today.This afternoon Dada Svarupananda and another Dada took me toa slightly distant spot within Ananda Nagar. We sat down under anold tree with a thick, weathered trunk.We sang kiirtan for a short time and then started meditation. Oneminute, two minutes, three, four, five ... the time passed, but not a singlestray thought appeared to bother me. At last one thought bubbled up:

ìAh ... so thatís what concentration is!îPerhaps two hours passed in nearly unbroken concentration. It wasby far the deepest meditation Iíve ever experienced. The few momentsof wandering thoughts contained some of my doubts about AnandaMarga and becoming a monk: the risk inherent in commitment, thecondemnation by those who donít understand, uncertainty aboutwhether or not Ananda Marga is really a selfless, purely spiritual mission.But in the light of a suddenly opened mind these concerns appearedtrivial. Like tiny wisps of clouds that disappear in the brilliantsun and blue sky, my doubts vanished.When I finished meditation, I told the two Dadas about my experience.They smiled warmly and said, ìThe area around this tree is a TantraPiitha. Several highly developed Tantrics achieved liberation while doingmeditation here. A strong vibration remains, which affects any personwho meditates on this spot. There are seventy-eight such TantraPiithas in Ananda Nagar.î 16

As I write now in the late night by lamplight, I feel changed. A fewsmall doubts still linger, but I have hope that even without seeing BabaI may be able to reach the clear understanding I seek.16 Tan means crudeness; tra means liberation. So Tantra means the practical science bywhich one gradually becomes free from crude consciousness. There is a short articleintroducing Tantra in the appendices.HOME


Transcendental coreNoontime. Walking together with two Dadas across a limitlesssandy expanse of stray underbrush, without a building or a tree in sight.Grit crunching under our sandaled footsteps, echoing in our silence.The droning of a myriad unseen insects combining together to createthe sound of endlessness. The sun particularly intense, penetrating myskull, frying my brain. Gradually my thoughts dissipated. Though myfeet moved on, my mind slipped ... swam ... forgot ... mindlessly walkingwithout time ... nothingness....Suddenly I awoke from my numbness. Awake, yet without any bearingsor reference points.Where am I? I thought. Who are these two people? What year, whatage is this? And who am I?I looked at them and at the land around, but understood nothing.I struggled to find any association.Then I felt my memory jar and gradually seem to return. Thesetwo with long black beards and swaying robesóholy men. This landóPalestine. This ageóthe age of Jewish and Christian patriarchs. I becamecalmer. A minute or so passed like this.But who am I? I thought. I looked down at my clothing. Shocking!These strange clothes did not fit my memory. Again I was thrown intoconfusion.Ah, yes, of course, I thought, as the idea of the real present returned.Ananda Nagar, India, two Dadas, I, an American...How strange...I was amazed at the mistake into which I had momentarily slipped.Yes, these Ananda Marga acharyas might as well be ancient religiousholy men....A fresh understanding dawned. Another doubt was dislodged! I inhaled

deeply in relief: by merging my lifeís energies into Ananda MargaI was not leaving the religious heritage inherited at the moment of mybirth. Rather I was returning to its spiritual essence, full of the originalvitality which existed before the religious dogma seeped in and eventuallytook over.I am not turning away from my lineage. This Tantric path is thetranscendental core from which every religion arises.65Message of an unknown DadaI am in Benares today for the start of a three-day spiritual festivalled by the venerable Dada Shivananda. In the absence of Baba,Shivanandaji is serving as His representative, and his discourses willchannel Babaís vibration. About 10,000 Margis are attending, and theenergy is high.It is also in this ancient spiritual city that we have our training centersfor creating new acharyas. Our philosophy argues against the superstitiousidol worship of Hinduism, but I agree with the Hindus thatBenares has a singular atmosphere suitable for spiritual practices. Hindusbelieve that a bath in the Ganges River purifies them of sin, andcauses them to rise to heaven at the time of death. We share no suchbelief but that does not stop us from enjoying meditation near the riverbank, sometimes within smelling range of the cremation pyres. Surelythat smell reminds us how precious every living moment is and howfutile it is to fear death.Though my experience in Ananda Nagar has freed me from mostof my doubts, I still hesitate to pass over the threshold into a new life.If only I could have met Baba.......Two days later. Today was Dada Shivanandaís culminating discourse.When he concluded his talk a wave rolled through us all, generatingsighs, shouts, shivering and other occult symptoms. A thrill shook theheart region of my chest and left me awed.Afterward, the Margis dispersedóexcept one man who remainedabsorbed for several hours in deep meditation, indifferent to the brutallyhot sun. Eventually another Margi held an umbrella over the maníshead, but it was too late. After he came out of his trance the man sufferedfrom sunstroke, though he didnít seem to care.A few minutes after the discourse, while I was still strongly feelingits effect, an unknown Dada approached me and asked, ìWhy haveyou come to India?îìI had two reasons. One was to meet Baba. So far that hasnít beenpossible. Second, after meeting Him I hoped to decide whether or notI should go for wholetimer training.îìYou could not do the first. Why not go ahead with the second andstart the training?î He did not wait for my reply, and quietly walkedHOME


away. It was in this moment that I decided to at least visit the trainingcenter. Whether I will stay or not I donít know.HomeBenares training center. As I passed through the doorway onethought and one thought alone grabbed me and echoed through mymind: ìI am home! At last Iíve come home!î

So itís fixed. From today my lifeís direction is clear.The training center is a three-room building near the hub of thecity. In one room the thirty-five trainees study, eat and sleep. The secondroom is for group meditation and class. Living conditions areextremely cramped. Many of us also sleep in the meditation room andoutside. For bedding, each person has a single blanket spread directlyon the cement floor. A third small room is for the two trainers. Theìkitchenî is outside: a mud oven and an area of beaten earth for cuttingvegetables and rolling flat-breads. There is no running water. Thewell in the courtyard is used for drawing water for all purposesócooking,cleaning, bathing and toilet functions. The toilets are deep-dug,i.e. without flush system: one outhouse for all the trainees, while theother inside the house is generally used only by the trainers. The courtyardis a mere twelve by nine meters.The sistersí training center is in some other section of Benares. Oneof our trainers visits them daily to give classes.GuidelinesToday I was handed a list of the conducts rules that we must followas monks, such as:* Practice meditation at least four times daily. One should not eatwithout having first done meditation.* Practice asanas twice daily.* Do not sleep on a soft bed.* Leave all sorts of luxuries.* Observe fasting at least four times every month. Fast without foodor water from sunrise to sunrise on the prescribed days.* Do not consume meat, fish, eggs, onion, garlic, mushroom,caffeinated beverages such as tea and coffee, cocoa, alcohol, cigarettesor other intoxicants.67* Silence should be maintained at least thirty minutes daily. Duringthis time one should not read, write or similarly divert the mind.* After completing the initial study of Ananda Marga philosophy,one should also try to study all other philosophies.* One should practice forgiveness and magnanimity of mind.* Keep aloof from criticizing, condemning or mudslinging. Avoidall sorts of groupism. Do not criticize any country.* Keep free from hatred, anger and vanityóincluding vanity of culture.* By becoming an ideal person, inspire others to become good.* Attract others by your sacrificing nature.* Try to remove the pain of others, and do not talk of your own trouble.* Accept all sufferings as rewards..........and literally hundreds more. Some of them are for all Margis,others only for renunciates.For me they are not rules but guidelines for gradually achieving asaintly life.A different training than expectedFood is simple, but due to the cooking technique and lack of nutritionalbalance I am again thoroughly ill. The water is also surely unsuitablefor me. Of course it doesnít help that this is the hottest timeof the year. We are eating basically only disk-shaped flat breads, skinlessbeans, white rice, and green chilies which burn my mouth. The

cooking duty changes daily among the trainees. Most of them are impatientwith the large amount of work involved in preparation, so theyusually make the flat breads very thick and do not cook them completely,and frequently undercook the beans also. Sometimes we receiveìdrumsticksî in our food collection from generous though poorvegetable venders. They are called drumsticks because they are mostlyfiber. They are usually cooked together with the beans. We chew themto get what we can out of them, then spit them out. Besides the occasionalpotatoes and eggplants, we do not see other vegetables, and neverany fruits, except lemon water and one small banana per trainee themorning after fasting. Because we fast without food or water four daysper month, we each receive four bananas per month.I am trying to overcome my continuous diarrhea by cleaning outmy system. Iím staying away from rice and, on the suggestion of sev-HOME


eral Indian trainees, eating large amounts of chilies. But it just seemsto get worse.17

When it rains we have to sleep on our sides because there is notenough space inside for all of us to sleep on our backs.Iím afraid that my poor health and the difficult living conditionsare affecting my state of mind. Iím so wrapped up in my own personalproblems that Iím unable to relate nicely to the other trainees.Our daily routine consists of meditation and kiirtan four times, yogaasanas twice, morning and afternoon classes, cooking and cleaning duties,and self-study. At present I am trying to memorize about 150 conductrules, learn Prout18, memorize seventeen Sanskrit sayings whichdefine the essence of Prout, and learn some basic Sanskrit and Bengali.This is proving difficult because my body is so weak that Iím usuallyon the verge of sleep, and my knees are aching from sitting all day onthe floor. There is only one chair in the classroom, and throughout theday a competition goes on to sit in it. I rarely win.Nose noise and tasty talksLast night I spoke to one of the trainers.ìDadaji, my nose has been heavily blocked with mucus for severaldays now. Itís almost impossible for me to practice pranayama(alternate-nostril breathing meditation). What should I do?îìYou say almost impossible?îìYes.îìThat means itís possible. So you should continue the pranayamaregularly. Rather, the pranayama that youíve been doing twice dailyshould from now be increased to four times daily.îToday I followed his directive. Not only does the pranayama takeme much longer than anyone else, and cause my head to spin, but thesound of my nose is extremely loud, and disturbs the other trainees17 Much later I came to know from Dadas that hot spices should be strictly avoided bythe patient of diarrhea. The chilies were the worst thing I could have consumed. Ofcourse they did succeed in cleaning me outóperhaps one or two thousand times. If Ihad eaten rice I might have been able to regain some sort of equilibrium.18 Prout is an acronym which stands for the ìProgressive Utilization Theoryî. Propoundedby Baba in 1959, Prout is a system which provides for the rational development anddistribution of all of societyís material and mental resources. It is radically differentfrom either capitalism or communism. See the appendix for an introduction to Prout.69during meditation. I am thus compelled to practice meditation in the

adjacent room.My nose may remain blocked until I get out of here. The psychosocialgap separating me from the trainees has now been increased bya physical gap.......During lunch we were served the usual drumsticks, indigestiblebeans and thick, partially cooked flat breads.I sighed and murmured, ìYuck. Again.îìYou think itís only tough for you,î said the brother sitting next tome. ìDo you imagine that this sort of food and life style is normal forthe rest of us? In my family home we had thin delicate breads fried inpurified butter every day, vegetable dishes of many tasty kinds, fruits,yoghurt, hot milk, and various milk sweets. You think youíre so special.îìNo! I never said anything like that.îBut he had already turned away to talk with another person.A trainee makes troubleOne of the Indian trainees, Santosh, is always happy and affectionate.Though most of the other brothers donít speak to me, he oftendoes. He plays at reading the lines in our hands, and likes to discussour personal lives. Nevertheless I donít like him much.This afternoon we were all performing group meditation when yellingand scuffling suddenly erupted from the corridor. I jumped up tosee two trainees forcefully slapping Santosh, while one of the trainerslooked on. Santosh was screaming in Hindi, ìPlease let me go! Iímsorry! Iím sorry!îI was shocked. Running forward, I grabbed the two trainees andtried to push them away.The trainer touched me on the arm.ìPlease donít disturb now,î he said.ìBut, how dare they? Heís our brother!î I said.He pointed at an open suitcase on the floor, saying, ìDo you recognizeany of the papers there?îAs the beating and yelling continued, I looked at the suitcase whichwas full of notebooks, letters, envelopes and crumpled papers of allHOME


sorts. Suddenly I saw one crumpled envelope addressed to me. It wasa letter from home which I had received, read and thrown away. Ibecame even more confused and looked at the trainer.ìSantosh is a spy from the CBI (Central Bureau of Investigation),îhe said. ìOver the last few days heís made a nice collection of interestingdocuments, including several diaries stolen from my office desk.Fortunately we discovered the matter just as he was about to go outwith the suitcase.îìBut heís a trainee, and wants to become an acharya. How could...?îìThings are not always as they seem to be.îìAnyway what can the CBI gain from our documents?îìNothing. We really have nothing to hide. But the CBI is achingto find something they can use to create trouble for us.îThe trainer catches my vibesAccompanied by an Indian trainee, I went to the market area tochange some of my travelersí checks into rupees so I could make a

donation to the training center. It was understood that I wouldnít spendany of the money except for the cost of the rickshaw. But when wepassed a fruit stall we could not restrain ourselves from enjoying a fewbananas. Though most people would consider this of no consequence,for me it was tantamount to stealing, and I immediately felt guilty.When we returned to the center the trainees were eating lunch, theusual tasteless gook. Looking at their pitiful condition, I felt sheepish,to say the least. I submitted the account to one of the trainers, DadaN, and covered up the expense for the bananas. After that I felt so glumthat I could not join the meal, and walked around the building in atortured state of mind for half an hour.Finally I couldnít take it any longer. I knocked at the door of thetrainer who had not come out since I spoke to him.ìYes. Come in.îìSir, Iím sorry. Very sorry.îìWhat is it, my boy?îìI have a mistake to admit, and I want to ask for punishment.îìBananas, huh?îìWhat! How could...?îHe only looked at me calmly, with a tinge of a smile.71ìAnyway, Dadaji, I feel very bad.î I half-heartedly added, ìCan youplease give me punishment?î I expected him to direct me to fast orsomething similar.ìI think youíve had enough punishment already during the last halfhour. Better that you just return to your studies.îGoing out, I wondered how the trainer could know. I asked theother trainee if he had mentioned our indulgence to anyone.ìOf course not,î he answered nonchalantly. ìYou think Iím anidiot?îWhat for?The same trainer called me into his office today.ìSit down, my boy.îI sat on a chair facing him. With his eyes half closed, he entered asemi-trance condition, pointed his two index fingers at me, and beganrotating them in small circles. I felt a bit uncomfortable.ìThereís some problem with your knees, isnít it?î he said in a distantvoice. I nodded.ìPerhaps you had an accident or major operation on them whenyou were young?î He must have been seeing the colored auras aroundmy knees since I was wearing pants as always.ìYes. When I was sixteen years old a crazy doctor operated on myknees declaring that he would correct my bow-leggedness.îìAh,î he said softly. ìYou see.î He became silent. I felt even moreuncomfortable.ìAlright, you can go now.îIíve never liked the blatant exhibition of occult power. Thereís nothingmiraculous in it, and usually it is misused merely to impress others.19

19 In 1974, I received a letter from a friend in India mentioning that this Dada left hisacharyaship. My friend wrote: ìI was shocked, considering that Dada N wrote the firsttwo comprehensive books on Prout, and appeared so highly developed. But severalworkers told me that Dada Nís loss of confidence was surely a direct result of themisutilization of his personally gained powers. He remains a Margi, and intends to

marry. Itís a pity. Though I respect the family path as spiritually equal to the way of therenunciate, for Dada N it is clearly unsuitable. I wonder if he may remain in confusionfor many years to come.îHOME


Going downNo word short of emaciated can describe my physical condition. Ihave nothing to hang onto except my bone-dry determination to followmy spiritual path and become an acharya. Meditation is extremelydifficult; my mind wanders incessantly. What occupies my mind moreduring meditationómy spiritual ideal or the thought of ice cream-chocolate-crunchy granola cereal-peanut butter-fresh fruits-milk shake-a swimin the sea-a clean quiet room-and a soft bed? Though I try not to thinkof such things, they bombard me whenever I close my eyes.......Iíve never been so thoroughly depressed in my entire life. The diarrheahas become amoebic dysentery, my eyes have turned yellow dueto hepatitis, and my nose is continuously blocked. The severe pain inmy belly does not allow me to stand up straight or walk properly.Everyone else gets up at 4:30 each morning, but I get up at 3:30 to usethe outhouse. This sometimes takes the full hour, and the effort leavesme soaked in perspiration. Iíve totally lost my sense of humor and asa result all the Indian trainees dislike me. There are only three otherWesterners hereótwo Americans and one German. They are also sick,but not as bad as I. They are able to relate to the Indians to some extent,but I talk only to them. By and large, the Indian trainees believethat I am faking much of my sickness, so they are unsympathetic. Thetrainers, however, are concerned and send me to different doctors fromtime to time. None of the medicine helps.Though I frequently fall asleep while studying, somehow Iíve learnedenough of the course material to pass most of the tests of the first halfof our syllabus. Among all the trainees, my knowledge of Sanskrit wasthe worst. Oddly enough, I was the only one to pass the Sanskrit examthis time. On the other hand, I thought that my understanding of Proutwas better than anyone elseís, yet I was the only one to fail the Proutexam. The examiner, who visits once monthly, is a very senior Dadanamed Acharya Dasaratha. Obviously, he considers more than mereintellectual knowledge.......The second part of my training has begun. I have to learn the spiritualphilosophy in depth, including the principles of many other ma-73jor spiritual and religious orders of the world, memorize and be ableto explain the meaning of about 100 Sanskrit shlokas (aphorisms)related to Ananda Marga spiritual philosophy, memorize by sound onlyabout 400 other Sanskrit shlokas, and be able to demonstrate and explainall the important yoga postures. The most difficult part is the400 Sanskrit shlokas because I have no idea of their meaning, and willsurely find it perfectly boring.20

......An Indian brother, Amitabha, is in charge of shopping and runningerrands in the city. Twice heís accompanied me to see doctors.This morning, I was leaning against the well, waiting for someone to

draw water for me, when Amitabha approached me with a worried look.ìYouíre very sick, brother,î he said.ìWhatís new in that?î I said.ìI thought you were faking it. But last night it was raining so I hadto sleep near the latrine. Baba, I think you stepped on me or over mefifteen or twenty times rushing to pass stool. Come on, you better liedown and Iíll bring another doctor.îìDoctors are useless. Besides, my nightly visits to the latrine havebeen going on for a long time. You simply didnít know about it. I toldyou and everyone else that my systemís broken, but no one believed me.îA crucial lessonToday will surely prove a red-letter day in my personal history.Just before the morning class started, I was still in bed, completelydepressed. On his way to class, the trainer, Dada Japananda, stoppedto talk to me.ìI think you are very ill this morning, no?îìYeah,î I moaned.ìIs it impossible for you to attend class?îìYeah.îìThen donít worry. Rest now, and we will arrange the doctor later.îIn fact, with a bit of pain I could have gotten up and joined theclass. So it was a lie. I simply didnít want to do anything.20 Soon after I completed my training, the number of shlokas that had to be memorizedby Westerners was sharply decreased, and translations were added.HOME


At the same time I felt guilty for not getting up. So I pulled myselfnear the classroom door. Lying on my stomach, unable to see into theroom, I listened.ìYou there,î the trainer said apparently to one of the brothers inthe class. ìStand up. Tell what Sanskrit shloka you memorized sinceyesterday.îìIím sorry, sir. I did not learn any new shloka.îìWhat? Nonsense. Sit down. You,î he said to another trainee, ìstandup. What shloka did you learn since yesterday.îìIím sorry, sir. I also.îìStupid. Lazy fellow. Sit down. What about you?î he said to a thirdtrainee.ìIím sorry, sir.îìWhat is this! Are you all simply killing the time here? Anyonewho learned any shloka since yesterday stand up now.îSilence. Tension-filled, fear-laden silence. Surely no one stood up.Ten seconds passed. I leaned nearer the door, straining to catch whatwas happening.Suddenly a huge banging sound startled and shocked me. Goosepimples rose in my skin. It was the fist of the trainer, which he hadpounded a single time with great force on the classroom table.ìYou worthless bloodsuckers! Worse than animals! At least animalsmake no claim to serving others. But you, you hypocrites, youpretend to have dedicated your lives to serving mankind! Bah! Yourest nicely in this house, passing the time comfortably day by day, whileyour spiritual father lies suffering in a prison cell without even a fanor any other sort of normal comfort! While He undergoes penance to

demonstrate the ideal sacrifice for society, you all couldnít care less,bound up in your personal likes and dislikes! Hypocrites, parasites!Iíll have nothing to do with any of you. I wonít see your faces unlessand until you change your ways!îHe stomped out of the classroom without noticing me still lyingnear the door.I stood up immediately.I have no right to be depressed, now or ever, I thought. How can Iserve anyone, how can I expand myself, how can I do anything of anyvalue if I am sad? From this moment I shall never again indulge insorrow.75I picked up my towel and walked in an almost normal gait to thewell. For the first time since my troubles began I did not care aboutthe pain in my stomach. Ignoring my weakness, I pulled up a bucketof waterósomething which over the last few weeks I had believed Icouldnít do.21

A beggarís lifeBecause of my positive mental outlook, my health has improvedgreatly. Though I still suffer from dysentery and hepatitis, most of thepain in my stomach is gone, and I can stand up comfortably. My senseof humor hasnít fully returned, but at least Iím able to be pleasant withthe other trainees.Until now I couldnít do one part of the training due to my ill health:SPT22. The trainers were afraid I would collapse if I did. My feeling,however, was that the training would strengthen rather than weakenme. I argued again and again that merely pacing up and down our littlecourtyard was not enough for me. Yesterday they reluctantly consented,and today my SPT began.I now use only two large pieces of white cotton for clothing. One Itie on like a loose skirt. The other piece, draped around my upper body,doubles as a bag for collecting vegetables whenever I go out begging.Deprived of soap, comb, toothbrush and paste, I use ash, dirt and waterto clean my body, and twigs from the neem tree to clean my teeth.Perhaps the greatest difficulty is the lack of shoes or sandals, becausethe road is blistering hot.Each morning I go from door to door, begging for vegetables andflour. I utter only four words: Hari aum tat sat, meaning ìThe originalcosmic Word of God is That unchanging Truthî. I may speak these21 Since that day, I have never known depression for more than a few minutes at a time.I attribute this to the simple determination not to accept sorrow, combined with variousTantric practices which strengthen the mind. Of these practices, the most importantis kiirtan. On the other hand, the devotional sorrow that one may feel in relationto God or guru can be a good thing.22 Sadhana piitha training. Sadhana means spiritual effort, and piitha means a pointwhich is spiritually charged (like the special meditation spots in Ananda Nagar). SPTis an exercise in poverty, silence and begging which each trainee undergoes for at leastone week. The temporary identification with the poorest of the poor is in itself said tobe an illuminating power point for spiritual realization.HOME


words three times to any person. If someone should repeatedly insistthat I provide a justification, I may explain. But after that I may notaccept any donation from him. Generally, two hours of begging is sufficient.From the money I receive, I buy a small clay cooking pot and

a bit of cow dung for fuel. Whatever remains is turned over to the trainers.I cook only those foodstuffs which are directly donated.Though the experience is difficult, I donít care; I am pleased that Iam finally allowed to do it.......A week later. Today was my final day of SPT. While taking off andburning my beggarís dress, one thought pounded over and over in mybrain: I must not forget the difficulties of our brothers and sisters wholive like this. The work for societyís upliftment is meaningless unlessthose who are lowest rise up.Besides this, Iím more confident now of being able to accept anydifficulties I may undergo in the future due to human-made or naturalcatastrophes. Ironically, the exercise was exactly what my body needed.My diseases go on, but the walking has given me energy which I lackedthe last two months. Because of the silence and simple life style, meditationis also stronger.One strange element: though all SPT trainees complain that thestreets burn their feet, I didnít feel the slightest trouble.I remember the incident of one brother who said to our guru, ìBaba,I am weak. Please give me more power so that I may better do Yourwork.îBaba replied, ìThereís no need to ask. First use up whatever poweryouíve got. Then you can be sure the Supreme Consciousness will grantyou more. And when your tractor is so broken it can no longer be refueled,He will give you a new tractor.îThe force of sweetnessIt was announced today that the four westerners plus a few other traineeswill soon commence ìfield trainingî. We will leave the training centerfor about one week. Each of us will travel to a different city to holdlectures and meetings on meditation and yoga for the general public.When I heard the news, the first thought to pop in my mind was,Finally, a chance to get some sweets! Though I know I should not think77of such things, the idea of sweets keeps coming and coming. Truthfully,Iím not really trying to control my mind, because I enjoy thinkingof the sweets. I wonder if such crude thinking is common for peopleundergoing intense yogic training.......My field training is in Mokamo, a city of about 100,000 people. Itis a half-dayís train ride from Benares. Ananda Marga has a large groupof active members here.When I arrived at the station, I was met by the local Ananda Margaleader. His name is Madhusudan, which is an ancient name of LordKrishna. Everyone calls him ìMadhuî for short, which means ìsweetîor ìhoneyî. I found this an intriguing coincidence, considering my intenselonging for sweets.Before starting a tight schedule of lectures, Madhu wanted to introduceme to some of the leading Margis in the city. First he took meto the house of a high school teacher. As soon as we entered, the manjumped up and said, ìI shanít be a minute. Take rest please, and Iíll beright back.îWhen he returned he was holding a small cardboard box, which heplaced on the table in front of me. ìOpen it,î he said, ìand please enjoy

the contents.îThe box was full of burfióexpensive milk-sweets! I was so excited.Pretending to be calm, I first offered the sweets to the teacher and toMadhu. Madhu said, ìOh, no no no. These are just for you.î He addedin a soft voice so that the teacher would not hear him, ìAnd it is betterthat you eat them all, otherwise he may be offended.î I nodded, maintainingmy composure, but I was internally thrilled and delighted.Within five minutes I finished the boxóabout a half kilogram.After some short discussion, Madhu and I left for the house of anotherMargi, a police officer. When he saw us, he also stood up andasked us to wait a moment for him. Like the teacher, he returned witha cardboard box and opened it for me. It contained gulab jamanóslightly different but equally rich milk sweets. ìAm I dreaming?î Ithought. Again they refused to accept any for themselves, and I wascompelled to eat everything. Now I felt totally satisfied.We went to another Margiís house and the same sequence of events!Another half kilogram of milk sweets. Too much! But again their cus-HOME


tom forced me to finish it. ìBaba, what are you doing to me?î Now Ifelt a bit ill, with a heavy stomach and a hyped-up, sugar-stimulatednervous system.We went to another Margiís house where I was offered my fourthbox of milk sweets.ìI canít possibly eat it,î I whispered to Madhu.ìBut you must,î he hissed. ìDonít cause any embarrassment.îStrange how biting his tone seemed to be, almost heartless, as if heknew that I had been improperly desiring these sweets, and now mustpay the price. But I hadnít mentioned these thoughts to anyone.Slowly I forced myself to eat those sweets also. I felt like vomiting.After this visit, he insisted we go to another house, but I refusedpoint-blank.In the future, I must try to avoid concentrating on any crude desires.It seems that meditation causes their manifestation.Logic beyond logicThe field training keeps me hectically busy, and I love it. The internalenergy built up in Benares is finding its expression. Usually Igive three or four lectures daily for different schools, clubs, and civicorganizations. It seems like everyone in the city knows that Iím here,and they all want to see the westerner who teaches yoga. Iím not yetauthorized to teach personalized meditation techniques, but Iíve beenteaching the Baba Nam Kevalam mantra to crowds of up to 2000 peopleat a time.I usually have very little advance notice of whom Iíll be speakingto, nor do I prepare my lectures. My talks are all spontaneous. Becausesome people attend more than one program, I also make sure eachtalk is unique.Today I was brought to the main university. Before giving the lecture,the organizers ushered me into a meeting room in which therewere about forty professors.ìWhoís the audience this time, Madhu?î I asked.ìYou will be speaking to the combined faculty and students of threedepartments: logic, ethics and metaphysics.î

ìI see.î At that time I was in such a flow that my intellect was barelyfunctioning. I was slightly baffled trying to understand the meaning of79each of these three words. ëLogicí was okay, ëethicsí was half clear, butëmetaphysicsí left me in a cloud.I turned to converse with the professor sitting next to me. After afew minutes, I nonchalantly came to my real point.ìYou know in the west,î I said, ìmany words carry different meaningthan in India. Here at this university, what do you mean by theword ëmetaphysicsí?îI grasped little of his complicated reply. But at least I memorizedhis words ìthose dimensions that transcend purely physical analysis.îìDadaji,î another professor interjected, ìall of us would like toknow the title of your discourse today.î His voice was loud enoughthat everyone suddenly stopped their personal conversations to listento my reply.Without thinking, I said, ìI will talk on ëThe Absolute and EternalRelationship between Logic, Ethics and Metaphysicsí.îThere was a gasp of many voices throughout the room.ìNo one has ever spoken on such a topic here, Dadaji. It shouldbe extremely interesting.îNow I was occupied trying to deduce the meaning of my title. Butbefore I could figure out even the slightest connection, the door opened,and one man announced, ìGentlemen, let us proceed to the lecturehall.îThe organizers brought me onto a stage. I faced about 500 studentsand teachers. One man spent five minutes lauding praises on me. Duringthat time I tried to divine something of my subject, but could onlydraw a blank.Then it was my turn to speak. From the moment I started, I had noidea what I was saying. The words I used were complex, and the sentencestructures and relations between those sentences were even morecomplex. I was totally lost, but went on speaking enthusiastically. Severaltimes the audience interrupted me with applause, though I didnítknow what they were appreciating. At the end, they gave me a longand loud standing ovation.The main organizer told the audience, ìWhen Dadaji first told thetitle of his lecture, many of us wondered what he would speak. I daresay that we are now fully satisfied with his explanation. Nevertheless,you are now welcome to ask questions.îHOME


One student stood up and asked something. God knows what heasked; it was far beyond my understanding.ìInstead of replying,î I said, ìwhat would you think if here andnow I were to teach you all something which will answer all the questionsyou have related to this topic?îEveryone applauded. I taught them Baba Nam Kevalam meditation.Then I escaped.Accelerating zealBenares training center. Each time we have group meditation, adifferent trainee leads it. Today was Vimalís turn. Heís a very simplefellow, which, in his case, carries two meanings. On one side heís devotional

and affectionate, but on the other hand he often falls intotrouble. Once, when Baba was passing on a road, Vimal threw himselfin full prostration at Babaís feet. Normally this might be an understandablyhumble or even spiritual act. But as rain had only just letup, Vimal rose to his feet covered with mud. While Baba pretendednot to notice, Vimalís face was illumined with a broad smile.Today while leading the kiirtan, he gradually became more andmore enthusiastic, jumping higher and wider, and thrusting his armstoward Babaís photo. As he sang Samígacchadvam before meditation,he accented each word with heartfelt emotion. During the silent meditation,he was not so silent, uncontrollably blurting out ìah!î and ìoh!îand ìBaba!î with such explosive force that no one could help but beamused. Afterward, he could barely get through the singing of the GuruPuja, breaking into tears repeatedly.At last came the point for him to lead us in the Supreme Command.23 His emotions were so strong that he could not stop himselffrom leaping up, lifting his fist high in the air, and shouting with fullfanaticism, ìTHE SUPREME COMMAND!î With these words, he23 a) The ancient Sanskrit verse, samígacchadvamí, is sung before group meditation. Itcomes from the Rk Veda, composed about 15,000 years ago, and meansóLet us movetogether, let us sing together, let us come to know our minds together, let us share likesages of the past, uniting ourselves in intention and mind. b) Guru Puja, performedafter meditation, is more than a songóit is a spiritual practice by which one offers oneísstrongest attachment or ego to the infinite Entity, and ultimately offers oneself. c) TheSupreme Command was written by Baba. It contains the most essential guidelines for aspiritual life.81collapsed on his back, falling upon some of us. Of course, we burstinto laughter. But he did not hear our response. His eyes were closed,and he remained in super-consciousness (samadhi) for about two hours.Devotees each have their own unique way.Passing by chanceOver the last weeks, my health has again crumbled, to the pointthat I can barely walk. But I never complain, and I accept the troublesas a help to solidify and increase my realization. Still itís hard for meto jokeómy mind needs much more expansion.Studying is a tiring task. The 400 meaningless shlokas are the worstpart. Ten days ago I passed both the Prout and spiritual philosophyexaminations, but have yet to fully memorize the shlokas. Every timeI look at them, my head spins. Sometimes I think I forget more thanI remember.Difficult as it is, the studying has its own meritóto discipline themind even while feeling exhaustion and discomfort.......October. I really have no idea how I managed, but by crammingand by the Lordís grace I learned enough shlokas to pass the exam.There were many I didnít know, but by ìchanceî the examiner quizzedme mostly on the shlokas I had learned. Of course I will soon forgetthem, but it doesnít matterómy concentration has been improved radicallyby the exercise.The second phase of my training is completed. I will go to Patnafor the third phase. Perhaps itís just in timeófor my health.Pandemonium with a purposeThough Ananda Margaís permanent global office is in Ananda Nagar,the global camp office is presently in Patnaóit is here that Baba lies in

a poorly ventilated, inferior jail cell. Patna is a half-dayís bus ride awayfrom the Nepal border. It is an ordinary congested Indian city filledwith poverty, filth, and hidden mysticism.How can I describe our global office? It is certainly not like thestereotyped image of a yoga school or spiritual centeróbeautiful, calm,immaculately clean, organized, disciplined class programs, healthy foodHOME


shared collectively, everything moving according to fixed schedule, anda staff who reflect only profound inner peace. Rather, at first glance itappears to be the direct opposite. The three-story concrete building isoverflowing with paper work, maintained in shabby, irregular files. Oldoffice equipment in various stages of disrepair occupy much of whatwould otherwise be our living space. Scores of Dadas and Didis dressedin every shade of orange scurry about, struggling to fulfill unannounced,urgent social work targets. They say the number of workers increasesto four or five hundred at the time of their monthly meetingsósomehoweveryone adjusts. In every room, nay, in every corner, differentschedules are followedómany work throughout the night and get little,if any, sleep. Irregularity of meals due to the pressure of work is thenorm rather than the exceptionóa common example of a hurried mealis peanuts, puffed rice and a banana.Yet there is something wonderful here! One hears conversationsand sees documents concerned with medical clinics, cheap kitchens,disaster relief, philosophical publications, cultural clubs, poor studentsíbook cooperatives, anti-exploitation movements. At any moment, inthe midst of the apparent chaos, there is someone singing devotionalsongs, and someone else sunk in deep meditation. In between the paperwork they practice their yoga postures. Their enthusiasm, their laughter,their disagreements, their unperturbed concentration amid constantdistractionsóit all clearly demonstrates the Tantric spirit, the zeal tofight against any difficulty for the upliftment of self and society. Whocan enjoy this? Somehow I do.Here is where Iíll finish training. I arrived today with another traineewho passed the second phase with me, a German named Praveda.Our trainer is a highly elevated Dada. Some say he naturally exudespower to those who sit in meditation with him. Recently he completeda 40-day protest fast which was the first of its kind in AnandaMarga. A demonstration against the injustice of Babaís incarceration,it gained widespread newspaper coverage, if nothing else.Our coursework consists of copying and memorizing various notebooksconcerned with our spiritual and organizational functions. Thetrainer will also give us regular classes.Living conditions are slightly better than Benares. We twowesterners are staying in an Ananda Marga studentsí hostel 500 meters83away from the global office, and living space is sufficient. We receivea small weekly allowance with which we purchase and prepare ourmeals. I guess Iíll be able to save money while still eating in a way whichfor me now seems luxurious. Today, for example, we breakfasted ontomatoes, puffed rice and yoghurt. I canít help but feel it seems God-sent.Invisible devoteesNew Delhi. I am here to extend my Indian visa, and then Iíll go

back to Patna. Ravindra and Sadhana, a devoted Margi couple, haveinvited me to stay in their house during my stay in Delhi. Ravindra isthe head care-taker of the Delhi Zoo, so their house is in a quiet areanear the Zoo.Today I was alone in the house. While meditating in the small roomwhich they keep solely for that purpose, I heard people singing kiirtan:Baba nam kevalam.ìWhat is this?î I thought. ìSome other Margis have come?îI broke my meditation, stood up, and walked out of the room inthe direction of the kiirtan. But after taking a few steps outside theroom I couldnít hear the kiirtan anymore. I went outside the house.Only birds were singing.ìStrange,î I thought, and went back to resume my meditation. WhenI sat down, immediately my mind became concentrated.A few minutes later I again heard people singing kiirtan.ìMaybe some Margis are playing a trick on me,î I thought. ìButthis time Iíll catch them!î I jumped up and ran toward the singing.But once more, the voices disappeared without a trace. Everything wasperfectly peaceful.Scratching my head, I went back to meditate. After a short while,the kiirtan appeared again.ìIt must be inside my head,î I thought. Partially ignoring the kiirtan,and partially enjoying it, I went on with my meditation. The kiirtanalso continued. Perhaps twenty or thirty minutes later I noticed it wasno longer there.A couple hours later, Ravindra and Sadhana came home.ìWere you comfortable in our house when we werenít here?î askedSadhana.HOME


ìYes,î I said. ìBut I had a peculiar experience in your meditationroom. I heard people singing kiirtan again and again, but nobody wasthere.îThe two of them immediately started laughing.ìItís a common experience in that room,î Ravindra said. ìWhenour meditation is deep, we often hear that kiirtan. A few other Margishave heard it too.îìWell then, at least itís nothing to worry about,î I said. ìDo youknow the explanation?îìInvisible devotees, I suppose,î said Sadhana.Though we all laughed, I felt her idea was not far from the truth.Baba exposes my secretPatna. A Filipino Dada who was held in the same jail as Baba forthe last nine months was released today.He was standing in the corner of a large courtyard surrounded byseveral other workers and Margis. When he saw me approaching, hesaid, ìYou must be Dharmapala.îI was surprised because we had never met.ìHow do you know me?î I asked.ìOh, Baba spoke of you many times.îI became even more surprised.ìWhat did He say?îìHe said that it was good to see some nice American boys like you

becoming acharya.îìAnd did He say anything negative about me?îìWell...once when He was talking about you, He said, ëUnfortunately,that boy never does his asanas24 in the evening time.íîI was shocked. Though I accept that Baba is omniscient, I neverexpected He would notice and expose such mundane things about meeven when I was not present. And I am sure absolutely no one couldhave noticed I was not doing my asanas because I always shift fromroom to room during the evening since coming to Patna.Iíll never miss my asanas again, except when it is impossible to dothem.24 Asanas are physical yoga postures which purify the body, and to some extent also themind, by harmonizing the glands, hormonal secretions, blood circulation and nerves.85Apparent injusticeOver the last several days my trainer has been complaining toPraveda and me that his greatness is misunderstood by others, and thatmany Dadas are jealous of his spiritual accomplishments. Itís true thathis behavior is apparently eccentric: suddenly inducing high states ofmeditation in some of the foreigners who sit near him, frequently secludinghimself alone for many hours in a locked room, eating vastamounts of food, and being so moody that he changes his plans everyday. He often denies us classes due to ìmistakesî which we never committed.Nevertheless I believe he is highly elevated, and that each ofhis strange actions have some underlying benevolent hidden purpose.The attack by the other Dadas has now gone to an extreme. Theyhave long been requesting him to move away from the foreignersí quarters,and stay in the main central office, but he has always refused. Todaytwo workers picked up all his belongings, and transferred them toa room in the central office. He was adamant that he would not shift,and remained in his room which was empty of everything except theblanket on which he sat.A few hours later they also physically carried him away.Iím astonished at this injustice!A decisive meetingWe have been regularly visiting our trainer in his new room. Hecontinuously talks about the wrongs being done to him, how immaturethe other workers are, and how much they have yet to grow intheir spiritual insight. Of course, I agree with him.Tonight I heard that a small committee was discussing what punishmenthe should be given. I could not believe it and became angrywhen others told me it was suspected he has indulged in conduct whichwas wrong for an acharya. I felt it my duty to vouch for his innocence.The committee meeting was on the top floor of the four-story building.I ran up, anxious to arrive before it was too late. Panting, and afterbarely knocking, I opened the door. Another shock. Instead of threeor four persons sitting there, about 50 or 60 orange-clothed Dadasturned their faces toward me. They were also surprised at my intrusion.ìExcuse me...ah, youíre having a meeting...îHOME


ìYes, of course itís a meeting,î the gray-haired Dada standing infront said, gently smiling. ìWhat do you like to say?î

ìAh...well...pardon me but I heard you were discussing the matterof my trainer.îLaughter came from all sides of the room. I was frustrated and felteven more angry. How dare they take my trainerís case as a joke?ìGo ahead,î the elderly Dada said, also chuckling, ìand speak yourmind.îDetermined to make my point, I blurted out, ìI have been withhim hours every day, and I am sure that these charges are all wrong.His character is pure and blemishless, and he couldnít make such amistake.îThe Dadas exploded with laughter. Some even rolled on the ground,laughing so hard. I was utterly confused by their response.ìThank you very much,î said the grinning elderly Dada. ìWe willkeep your opinion in mind.î The laughter increased, and I walked outof the room, more frustrated than ever.An hour later all the workers came downstairs. One of them withwhom I am close, came to me and said, ìBrother, we were not talkingabout your trainer. That was a general finance meeting.îDanger of the third stageTwo days later. In the early hours of the morning, while everyonewas sleeping, my trainer left. No one knows where heís gone, or at leastno one says.......Ten days later. What a naive fool Iíve been. Today it was confirmed:three days ago my trainer left India. While departing, he announcedhis intention to get married. It seems that heís been planning this movefor a long time, having already arranged his passport and visa.The Dada who had tried the most to help him commented to me,ìMany times I told him not to engage in self-aggrandizement. He hadsuch a bloated egoóhe thought he knew more than anyone. In Tantra,such people either see their mistake, or they make even bigger blunders.For a short time heíll be sky-high happy. But when he comes downon his feet again, heíll feel he cheated himself. He wonít be contentunless he does full-steam meditation and social service. That sort of87lifestyle is a full-time commitment. It canít be adjusted with a family.His only path is to be a monk.î25

......[Authorís afternote: Many persons come and go on the spiritualpath. Even after a few years of effort some Margis may give up their25 The fact that a senior Dada engaged in deception and violated his vows is no causefor doubting spiritual ideology. The way of Tantra is sometimes very difficult. The pathcuts deeply through narrow-mindedness and selfishness. While self-realization andstrength to serve the society grow ever greater, the consequences of making mistakesalso grows. To continue moving past countless temptations and also past all oneís inevitablemistakes, the only saving grace is found in the humility cultured by devotion orlove for Guru. That humility does not allow superiority or inferiority feelings to develop.By thinking ëI know myself. I shall never fall from my pathí, aspirants fool themselves.They are in great danger because they depend upon ego. Whereas those whothinkóI know nothing, I only want to do what Guru or God wants me to doóthey risehigher and higher after getting up from each fall. But these humble ones do not knowthey are higher. They know nothing.The Tantric organization provides the structure for everyone to try their best, andallows aspirants to err again and again if they are willing to admit their mistakes and tryto rectify themselves.My trainer had entered the ìthird stageî of spiritual development at the time of hisdownfall. In the first stage one feels difficulty to concentrate, and also may be challenged

by his or her family or friends. In the second stage, some concentration isachieved, and a little bit of bliss is experienced. Obstacles are more internal than external.In the third stage, one-pointed concentration enables the aspirant to achieve someoccult power, but the mind is not yet merged in the infinite entity. I quote one of Babaíswritings:ìThere is quick progress, no doubt, in this third stage, but there are strong possibilitiesof degradation also. At every step one must move with vigilance. In this stage thespiritual aspirants acquire some occult powers, but these powers may be dangerousafter a certain progress. There is every chance of misuse or abuse of those occult powersas a result of which one degenerates.... ëThe spiritual path is as sharp as the razorísedge, it is really inaccessibleíóso say the realized persons. Human beings will have tomove on, but in this stage they cannot move a step forward unless and until they developa high-grade conscience. For this they depend solely on the grace of the Supreme....In this third stage, if there is devotion, one can easily move forward withoutany difficulty; but a person who has no devotion, whose heart is as dry as a desert, willfind it impossible to progress.îIn the fourth stage oneís mind becomes inextricably concentrated upon the SupremeBeing. Then all psychic problems cease, and only external difficulties confrontthe aspirant. But there is no possibility of downfall because the thought of Guru is constantlypresent. Baba writes about this stage: ìWhen a person attains an exalted state ofspirituality, he or she can bring welfare to millions of people, and they can do so dueto the grace of the Supreme Consciousness.îHOME


spiritual practices. They may continue to accept Ananda Marga as anexcellent way, but they do not have the strength to continue. What isthe cause? Some believe our most important practice is meditation.Others think it is service. Still others think that the key lies in thebalance between these two. And there are others who say that the onlyguarantee lies in following all the disciplines, though I do not knowanyone who does that.I noticed one vital point among the acharyas who gave up theiracharyaship, and among the Margis who stopped practicing meditationótheyall had one thing in common: they did not regularly practicekiirtan when they were alone. By meditation or by social workone may develop the ego of accomplishment or of failure. Whereaskiirtan, the singing and dancing to Baba nam kevalam, is free of egoisticambition. It is a purely devotional practice. It is a dance of surrenderto Guru and God.My trainer hardly ever sang kiirtan. He used to say, ìOnly thosewho are weak-minded need kiirtan. My meditation is very powerful,so I donít require such singing.îBut Baba says otherwise: ìThe nucleus of devotion is not to be foundin the heart of the dry yogi. Rather it is located in the hearts of thosewho are practicing kiirtan. If you want to develop devotion, when youhave 30 minutes time for spiritual practices, spend 20 minutes inkiirtan, and 10 minutes in meditation.îSome say, ìItís alright to do kiirtan. But it should be natural andunforced. I do it whenever I feel like it.î I think that is a mistake. Kiirtanis the means to receive inspiration. So it is most beneficial to performespecially when one is depressed or otherwise not inspired. Silent meditationis a hundred times more valuable if it is begun with a clear andhappy mind. Thatís why kiirtan is a must before meditation, unless theenvironment does not permit it. If, after doing kiirtan for 10 minutes,you still do not feel uplifted, continue it. It may take 20 minutes, oreven 30 minutes. But eventually it works because it reminds oneselfagain and again: thereís nothing to worry aboutóeverything is only theexpression of cosmic love.]

8926 The orange color represents fire: the fire of sacrifice.

CHAPTER 6

The Master of Testing, Caringand Hocus-PocusChanging into something more comfortablePatna. 1973. At last, my training is finished! That which was saidto be impossible without meeting Baba finally happened: Iíve becomean acharya. Of course simultaneous with being pleased at proving theimpossible to be possible, I still carry in my breast the unfulfilled wishto be with Him physically. Well, never mindóthe omnipresent, omniscient,omnipotent Guru is in my heart. I donít need to meet Him.Anyway, my feet have been itching to get on the road where I can getinto some real service and spiritual adventures.And where will that be? The answer also came today: Australia.Officially Iím already the ìMelbourne Regional Secretaryî. It comesas a bit of a surprise; I imagined my posting would be in Africa orAsia. But thatís fine with me. Anywhere will be a relief from this trainingwhich overtaxed my patience. It will simply be a different sort ofchallenge than I expected.I should add that replacing my civilian clothes with an orange turban,and orange and white robes has given me inexpressible satisfaction.My robes automatically awaken within me a dynamic spiritual mood.They feel so natural. In comparison, my civilian clothes feel like astage-costume, worn only to play a role in the ìnormalî social drama.This uniform also serves as a symbol, which will constantly remindme to try to serve others spiritually and socially. At the same time itannounces to others: Here is someone who wants to serve you.26

THE MASTER OF TESTING, CARING AND HOCUS-POCUS


Baba promises His supportToday Dada Ramananda, Babaís personal assistant, told me a beautifulstory. It happened about two years ago, before Baba was in jail.At that time, hundreds of thousands of people were suffering fromfloods. Baba sent Ramanandaji to serve the people. Dada had no resources,so he appealed to the Margis for support. They made a teamwhich provided daily food for about 500 people. He felt those benefitedwere like a small drop in the ocean of suffering, and so he constantlyworried about how to increase his service.After a few days, a big spiritual function was held by Baba.Ramanandaji did not want to leave the suffering people, so he was theonly Dada who did not attend. Baba sent someone to fetch Dada. Healso informed His assistant, ìWhenever Ramanandaji arrives, even ifit is in the midnight, he must immediately come to me.îWhen Ramanandaji came to the function, he was told to go to Babaísroom. He was nervous that Baba would be angry and punish him dueto so little service.On entering the room, Dada found Baba pacing back and forth.Baba spoke to him using a strict tone, ìDonít disturb me right now.You sit in the corner.î So Ramanandaji was put on his guard for anunpleasant experience.When Baba sat down, He said to Dada, ìOkay, now you call all the

Margis and wholetimers who are near.îRamanandaji thought, ìBaba will give me punishment in front ofothers.î Dada brought about ten people only.Then Baba, who was wearing His undershirt, told Dada to bringHis shirt. Apparently so that He could further formalize the punishment.Baba said, ìIn my pocket is my wallet. Give it to me.îBaba took out ten 100-rupee notes, saying, ìRamananda, this is myphysical help for your relief work. I know what you were thinking. Butyou should not worry. Whoever serves suffering humanity withoutthought of getting the slightest personal return has my blessing, andwill get everything needed for doing that service. It is my promise.îRamanandaji happily accepted the money, but did not use it, becausehe felt those notes were something very special, having comefrom Babaís hand. He had never before (or after) seen Baba handlingmoney. Anyway, from that moment, donations came in a large flow,91and he increased the flood relief work such that many thousands wereserved every day.[Authorís note: Years later, I mentioned this incident to Ramanandaji,and asked him if he still had the notes. He told me that when theaccident happened in Bhopal causing the greatest leak of gas ever experiencedin India, he went there and used that 1000 rupees to purchasethe food for those people in the critical ward of the temporaryhospital. All of them finally survived. Many of them believed theysurvived because the food had come from a monk. They never guessedthe real explanation.]Selfless determinationCalcutta. I was instructed to come to this so-called worst of cities toawait my plane ticket to Sydney. It is a complicated place: overwhelmingcongestion, filth in almost every direction, noise, business, poverty,a smattering of modern technology, the desire for money, the desire forescape, the desire for development, and the desire to transcend it all. Itísgood medicine for whatever remains of my spoiled suburban syndrome.The house where Iím living is in South End Park, and itís specialbecause Baba often stayed here. I suppose it is also a little cleaner thanthe average, but itís hard to say for sure, owing to the dim lighting,which I canít say makes it any more quaint. Of course anywhere otherthan the training quarters is an upward move for me......During the afternoon I heard a faint knock. When I opened thedoor, I saw a Dada who Iíd met once before. Thin and pale, he stoodon the doorstep seemingly uncertain whether to enter or not.ìWell, come in,î I said, ìand get out of the sun.îSuddenly his knees crumbled, and he was lying at my feet.ìDadaji!îBut he didnít reply.Shocked and confused, I ran inside the house to get help. I founda boy who had some sort of cleaning duty. Together we ran to the door.ìDadaji, Dadaji,î the boy cried as he rubbed the Dadaís forehead,which was covered with sweat.The Dada slightly opened his eyes, and then closed them again. NowI noticed he was still breathing, though irregularly.THE MASTER OF TESTING, CARING AND HOCUS-POCUS


Together we carried him inside and I ran to get some water.By the time I came back, the Dada was sitting up, leaning againstthe wall.ìI must have fainted,î he said weakly.ìIíll go find a doctor,î I said.ìNo, donít do that. I think it was just something I ate, or didnít eat.Too much work to do today.î He struggled to stand up.ìDadaji, you need a doctor. Please rest,î I said.But he insisted, and in a few minutes he was gone.I felt bad for him, inspired by him, and selfish all at the same time.Whether his behavior was right or wrong, I want to have the same selfless,determined spirit.A little dirty moneyThe itch still remains to be on the move and working. On top ofthat, my financial situation is precarious. The office in Patna gave meonly a train ticket to Calcutta and 150 rupees (about US$10). I wouldnítfeel so bad spending the money at a miserly pace, but for the feelingthat Iím not being properly sociable. Everyday I buy only the exactamount of vegetables I need, then eat a modest, self-cooked meal alone,consciously ignoring most of the opportunities I have to share it withwhoever else happens to be around. But if I share the little Iíve got,the money may not last until my ticket arrives. God knows when thatwill be. Of course, Iíve got to be practical, even if it looks a little greedy.......Today I was alone in the house. Everyone else was out participatingin a demonstration to protest Babaís imprisonment and the persecutionof Ananda Marga. About two or three thousand Margis werethere. I was instructed not to attend because I might be picked up andquestioned by the police, and blacklisted from entering India.A knock on the door (this time a solid knock). Two youths smiledat me. They were perhaps twenty years old.The tall one said, ìNamaskar. We are Margis. May we come in?îìOf course,î I said, happy for the company. I took them into themain room, and we sat down on the floor (a foregone conclusion, therebeing no chairs in the house). We talked back and forth about our origins.They were from a nearby village.93I asked them if they knew any devotional songs. They looked ateach other, spoke between themselves in Bengali, and burst into arhythmic song.Then they asked me to sing something, which I did.ìNow, how about some meditation?î I said.ìYes, meditation is good,î the tall boy said.ìFine. Iíll go for half-bath first, and then you two can do half-bath.îìThank you.îAfter about two minutes in the bathroom, I returned.ìAh, Iím very sorry,î the tall boy said, ìbut I think we have to leavenow. We did not tell our mother that we would be away so long.îìYes, and it looks like rain,î the other said.ìWell, thatís too bad. Canít you just stay for a short meditation?îìNo, weíve really got to go...îAs I stood up with them, I suddenly had a thought: ìMaybe they

arenít really Margis, and they stole my money.îWe walked toward the door. I thought, ìNo, itís impossible. Themoney is deep inside my bag in a secret place, and theyíd never find itin such a short time.îThey left. The thought that they might have ripped me off kept naggingme. But I thought again and again, ìI mustnít be so cynical andnegative.îFinally, just to still my doubts, I checked my bag. My wallet was gone.I ran to the door. Of course they were long gone, and untraceable.ìWhat a damn fool I am! What an ignoramus!î I sat down thoroughlybefuddled, bemoaning my situation. What was I to do now?The peculiar thing is that even in the midst of this crisis I kept thinking:ìHow intricately I calculated my food needs, hardly sharing a leafof spinach with anyoneóand now my little dirty money is all gone. Everyonecould have nicely enjoyed together with me.î......On the plane to Hong Kong. In the last two days Iíve come to theconclusion that the robbery happened as another lesson to teach meto depend on Him rather than on my little self. Having no money, Iwas forced to depend on hand-outs.Call it coincidence if you like, but yesterday my ticket to the Philippinesarrived. There I will meet my higher authorityóthe Dada whoTHE MASTER OF TESTING, CARING AND HOCUS-POCUS


will supervise my work in Australia. Without a penny in my pocket Iboarded the plane. A businessman sitting next to me asked the meaningof my uniform, and that led into a long discussion about yoga.At the end of the flight I mentioned to him that I had no money.Without any hesitation he gave me five dollars, which was much morethan the stolen money. Having been poor so long, I was elated withthe first donation I ever solicited.Big task for a small boy?Manila, Philippines. My posting is the South Pacific Sector27 butIíll stay in the Philippines for a few weeks because my Sectorial Secretaryis here in Manila with temporary visa complications. As I am hisonly subordinate, it means I shall be working alone for some time inthe South Pacific sector. If anyone were to say, ìSounds like a prettybig task for a new boyîóI would say, ìIím Babaís boy. Big or small,itís all the same for me.î......The dysentery which I caught almost one year ago in Benares isstill ravaging my intestinal system. In an effort to clean it out, Iíll beeating only raw fruits and vegetables for at least a month or two.Urgent and unurgent mattersIíve been working during these three days with the Southeast AsiaSectorial Secretary, Dada Adveshananda.28 Adveshanandaji is an interestingman. He doesnít care for anything except maximum workingspeed, and that too he does with a smile. A man without a system. Isuppose he even races through his dreams at night.While walking through town today with him and two local full-timers29,I said, ìExcuse me, Dadaji. Part of your turban is hanging out.îI was running to keep up with him.27 For organizational purposes, Ananda Marga divides the world into nine sectors. The

South Pacific includes Australia, New Zealand, Papua New Guinea, and most of theSouth Pacific islands.28 Southeast Asia Sector includes the Philippines, and the rest of Southeast Asia fromThailand down to the edge of the South Pacific Sector.29 Local full-timers are volunteers who work full time for Ananda Marga, usually for aspecified period of time, and who follow a yogic discipline during that period similarto that prescribed for acharyas95ìWhatís that you say, my little one?î He seemed always to be thinkinga hundred things at once, and one needed to be very direct to getthrough to him.I repeated myself loudly in his ear.ìAcha, I got you,î he said. He turned to one of the full-timers, saying,ìRamdas, youíve got a scissors with you, donít you?îWe were still walking in top gear. Ramdas handed over the scissors.Adveshanandaji instantly cut off the protruding orange strip, andthrew it in a garbage can as he passed. In the next moment he turnedto the other full-timer to talk about an urgent matter.Youíre the programI asked Ramdas today to tell me something about Adveshanandaji.He told me that Dada had worked most of his life in India. During aone-year stint in Europe, he traveled incessantly, often passing the nightssleeping in telephone booths. During that time he initiated into meditationmore than 1000 people.He arrived in the Philippines two years before. He openly statedseveral times, ìMy main work here is the creation of Dadas and Didis.îOne time he instructed a local full-timer to prepare to travel to adistant Philippine island to start Ananda Marga there. That full-timerspent more than a month earning sufficient money for the trip. WithDadaís permission, he went to his posting, taking two days to go there.After arriving at the island, he found a telegram addressed to him:ìReturn to headquarters immediately. Adveshananda.îThe full-timer returned as quickly as possible. When he enteredthe Manila yoga house, he ran up to Adveshanandaji.ìDadaji, Iím here!îìHmm. What?îìYour telegram ... so I came like lightning. Whatís the program?îìAh, yes. Youíre the program. Good work.îìDadaji, is there some urgent work for me or...?î But it was toolate for further questions. Adveshanandaji had already turned to someother matter.Ramdas added: ìRecently that full-timer went to training to becomea Dada, so I guess it worked. Dadaji breaks our attachments left andright.îTHE MASTER OF TESTING, CARING AND HOCUS-POCUS


I asked for another example of Adveshanandaism.Ramdas said, ìOne time about 600 Margis were collected togetherfor an all-Philippines retreat. Two days into the program we were havinga 24-hour kiirtan. About half-way through the kiirtan, Dada mountedthe lecture stage, held up both of his hands and yelled, ëStop the kiirtan!íEveryone was shocked, but we stopped.ìAdveshanandaji stood there visibly vibrated. He said, ëDharmaMaha Samelan (DMS) will now be held!í Everyone was even more

shocked. Baba personally allocates His representative for this speciallyplanned event. Of course no one had planned that this present programwould be a DMS, and so, well, simply speaking, it could not bea DMS.ìBut there stood Adveshanandaji, his eyes closed, his hands heldup. The room became totally silent, everyone filled with excitementand expectation, as we awaited the ëDMSí speech.ìInstead of a speech, however, Adveshanandaji began speaking overand over, ëBaba, Baba, Baba...í He became louder and louder, and superintense. Then we were all yelling ëBaba! Baba!í Several Margis collapsedin samadhi30. I never felt anything so strong in my life.ìI think about ten Margis volunteered to go for wholetimer trainingafter that.îBaba starts fastingApril. Word came today that Baba has begun a protest fast overthe lack of inquiry into the attempt on His life in the jail by IndiraGandhiís government. At present He is taking only two small glassesof orange juice per day. 3130Samadhi means a state of complete absorption. There are many kinds of samadhidepending on the psycho-spiritual level of the person. In the higher forms of samadhi,one feels oneness with the Cosmic Mind, or an all-consuming devotion for God orGuru.31 In February of 1973 the prison doctor administered Baba a strong dose of poisonwhich he had passed off as a special ìmedicineî. Baba temporarily lost consciousnessand when He awoke, He was blind, His brain seared with pain. This condition lastedfor several days, after which He partially regained His sight. Babaís vision remainedsomewhat impaired until the end of His life. The doctor, who was certainly hired forthis nasty work by higher officials of the Indira Gandhi government, soon afterwardsgave up his profession, but this did not save him from becoming permanently paralyzedin the same hand by which he gave the poison to Baba.97An orchestrated accidentSydney, Australia. Fresh, young, curious, cleanóall are qualities ofthis relatively new country and its people. I arrived two days ago inthis world which seems open-minded to the ideas of yoga and Tantra.Ananda Marga is a new and small group here. There are a handfulof Margis in each of several cities.I know Iím going to enjoy this country.......Today a letter arrived from Ramdas. He writes:Something terrible has happened. A small accident happened inthe car in which Dada Adveshananda was riding. The driver requestedDada to wait alone in the car for an hour while he assisted the passengersto go home by other means.Shortly afterward, a man approached Dada and asked him to leavethe car.ìWhatís it to you if I sit here?î said Dada. The man walked awaysilently.After a few minutes he again came back and said, ìReally, sir, Ithink you should move.îìYouíre a nonsense fellow,î Dada said. ìLeave me alone.îAnd again a few minutes later he came and said, ìIím sorry to disturbyou, sir, but...îìGet out of here!î Dada yelled. ìIf youíre sorry to disturb me, thendonít disturb me.î The man left.A few minutes later a big construction truck smashed into the car.

Dadaji was thrown out of the car, and dragged underneath the truck.It was awful. The construction people together with the ambulancepeople pulled him out of the wreck. He was unconscious and his legswere smashed. At least he did not die, though even for him it was ashock.In March, Baba dictated a number of letters to the governor of Bihar state complainingabout the attempted murder and demanding a judicial inquiry. When Babareceived no reply He took the further step of writing the governor and many otherofficials, and informing them that He would not eat until His poisoning was properlyinvestigated and there was an improvement in His living conditions and those of theother Margis in the prison who were being detained under conditions far below theminimally acceptable standard for political prisoners.THE MASTER OF TESTING, CARING AND HOCUS-POCUS


He is still in the hospital but will probably be released in a wheelchair.The doctors say he may never be able to walk again, and he laughsat them. Yes, heís already recovered his aplomb.Most interesting, however, is Dadaís own self-analysis. He says, ìEveryonewas always telling me to slow down, and be a little systematic.But I wouldnít listen. Baba Himself knew that even if He told me directly,I wouldnít listen. This was the only way that I could learn mylesson. Ah, the grace of Guru is unfathomable.îAs to that man who tried to warn Dada, no one ever saw him again.Dadaji says, ìIt was surely Baba in another form, just trying one lasttime to constructively cure me of my egocentricity. In my case, however,there was no way except destruction.î......The dysentery is still with me. Iíve been following a fruits-only diet,and going to naturopaths, chiropractors, colon-therapists, and the like,but nothing works.How I tolerate it, Lord only knows.Psychic power attackBrisbane. Iíve been invited to make a house-call tonight under peculiarcircumstances. The residents are nine young men and women, anormal sort of communal living arrangement. It seems they are troubledby an ìoutside force.î Theyíve already called upon a Christian priestand a Buddhist monk to help them but neither visit satisfied the group.The priest did an ineffective exorcism, and the Buddhist monk counseledthem to ìignore the illusion.î Whatever the problem may be, itwill at least be enjoyable to watch Baba solve it.......They were a normal group of kids in their late teens and early twenties,except that they all looked haggard and emotionally strained. Withoutexception, each had facial skin sag.ìLetís come to the point,î I said. ìTell me the problem.îThey all started nervously speaking at once.ìPlease, thereís nothing to get excited about. Every problem existsfor a good reason.î I pointed to the boy who looked the least out ofcontrol, and asked him to explain.99ìDadaji, all of us in this house are so tired. Every night for the lasttwo months a Psychic Power attacks us between 2:00 and 3:00 in themorning.îìItís terrible!î

ìI canít take it another night.îìYouíve got to help us!îìWhat does the Psychic Power do?îìI donít know how to describe it exactly, but it seems to be moreor less the same for all of us. We wake up with our minds racing, fullof fear, imagining the worst things emerging from the shadows. Untilnow nothing much has happened externally, but our minds go nuts forabout half an hour or an hour. Sometimes things fall off shelves, orthe walls shake, or a door slams. Whether we sit down, lie down, talkor try to be silent, it doesnít matter. We feel like we are going crazy.Then it stops. But who can sleep after that?îAfter that they all chipped in little tidbits of experience, but thecommon nightly phenomena appeared to be approximately as the boyhad described.I closed my eyes, thought about Baba, and quickly understood whatto do.ìIím going to sleep in your house tonight,î I said. ìWhen the PsychicPower hits, wake me up.îìNo need. It will wake you up before we get to you, Dadaji.îìPerhaps. Anyway, we will do a meditation exercise together, andbecome one hundred percent positive. In that state of mind, no blackforce can have any effect. If your minds are weak, if you have fear,then bad people with a little bit of power can easily control you. Butwe will concentrate on the most beautiful and positive entity, the infiniteentity: God.îThen I explained the Baba Nam Kevalam mantra. We sang it togetherfor a couple of minutes, and did one minute meditation.ìTonight we will do it together as long as necessary.îSoon after, we went to sleepóat least those of us who could sleep.In the morning the rising sun woke me up. I went downstairs tothe dining room, and found everyone there.ìWhat happened? Why didnít you wake me up? Or didnít the PsychicPower hit last night?îTHE MASTER OF TESTING, CARING AND HOCUS-POCUS


ìOh, it hit all right,î one of them said. ìBut you were sleeping sonicely that we decided not to wake you up and to first try singing themantra without you. And it worked, Dadaji!îìImmediately!îìLike a charm.îìYeah, the very moment we started singing, the Power disappeared.We were so happy that we continued singing for a long time, and thendid meditation.îìVery peaceful, beautiful.îThey were all smiling, the sun streaming in through an open window.Suddenly there was a loud knocking on the door. We all jumpedup and ran to see who it could be at such an early hour.A lady was standing on the doorstep. She had long, uncombed blackhair, deep shadows under her eyes, and a wrinkled black dress.She pointed her finger at me, and said with spit coming out of hermouth, ìI hate you!î Then she slammed the door shut as loud as shecould.

Two of the boys opened the door and went after her.A minute later they came back. ìShe drove off in a car with nolicense plates.îìAnyway, she wonít bother you anymore,î I said.......After the psychic power incident one month ago, I visited the housea couple times more. I explained our spiritual philosophy in a littledetail so that they could understand the undefeatable power of Godíslove. They all learned and regularly practiced meditation after that.Today the boy who seemed least out of control entered our localfull-timer training course.I am convinced that the lady we saw was experimenting on this groupof kids with some kind of psychic power, trying to take over their mindsor something. At the moment that they all started singing Baba NamKevalam, her evil intentions probably reflected back on her with multipliedstrength. She must have suffered badly that morning.Water cureMelbourne. Two weeks ago I was reading through Babaís healthbook Yogic Cures & Natural Remedies to find a treatment for one101Margi brother. How many scores of times had I looked at the chapterson digestive disorders? But this time one instruction made me pause:ìThe patient must drink small amounts of water as frequently as possibleótotalingat least four to five liters per day.î I had tried everythingto cure myself. Why hadnít I tried following that simple directive?Since then Iíve been drinking a little water, up to half a cup at atime, about every fifteen or twenty minutes, except during and just aftermeals. AndóLord have mercy on this body!óit looks like my old friendDysentery has finally left me.By now my intestines are probably completely shot. I have absolutelyno appetite so I make sure my meals are separated by at leastfour to five hours.All in all, my health problems have challenged my practice of contentedness.If I can maintain contentedness while Iím this sick, I guessI can maintain it just about anytime, anywhere.Is this part of the meaning of Ananda Marga, the ìpath of blissî?That no matter what happens, good or bad, it helps spiritual development?An itchy test cum educationFour months later. Sydney. 1974. One week ago in New Zealand,I visited my higher authority, Dada Sumitananda. At the time, a littleeczema appeared on my nose. He suggested that I fast on herbal teasand pure fruit juices for a few days to clear out the excess toxins. Thefast would give the toxins a chance to come out.Well, they sure did come outólike a parade on Madison Avenue.Now my whole body is covered with the eczema. It itches terribly.Though I look terrible, I continue my normal touring, and also continuethe fast.......Two weeks later. Brisbane. The eczema has become worse. Itís nowa thick brown cake, cracked and oozing pus. I have to change my clothesat least twice a day. Though I try my best not to scratch, the itch is sogreat that I unknowingly claw myself. I wear gloves to control my handsduring sleep. Sometimes, however, I wake up to find that Iíve unconsciously

taken off the gloves and had a good scratch.THE MASTER OF TESTING, CARING AND HOCUS-POCUS


Doctors are of no use. From today Iíve stopped even the teas andjuices, and now drink only mineral water. Anyway, I donít have anyhunger.Still my lecture tour continues. I donít know what the public thinks,because I donít talk about my condition, and neither do they. In anycase, there are still plenty of new people asking to learn meditationand yoga.Itís all so bizarre.......Three days later. Yesterday, a group of Margis invited me for a dayísouting to a lake. While I was telling stories to the Margis, a drunk suddenlyinterrupted us, saying, ìMan, ah you a Yoogy?îOne brother answered him. ìYes, he is.îìThen howís comeís youís got all that gook all over yur body? Whakind oí Yoogyís got sooo yecchy? Huh? Howís you goin explaain?îìItís a test Iím undergoing to strengthen my mind.îEverybody was silent. The drunk stared at me like his eyes weregoing to pop out.ìWell I like dat,î he finally said. Coming over to me, he shook myhand, again exclaiming, ìI like dat!î Then he walked away with a cheeryjaunt.The Margis also liked dat.......Ten days later. Adelaide. About a week ago the eczema started toget a little better. But the progress was so slow that I finally lost faith,even in the water fast. After one month of fasting I gave it up and startedto eat fruits. Within two days I became 50% better. Iím astonished. Howcould eating help me more than fasting?One possible answer is that the elimination of toxins was haltedwhen my system switched gears in order to digest food. But a morelikely reason, I feel, is that my mind no longer required such an intensediseaseóenough was enough.......For nearly three months Iíve eaten only fruits and raw vegetables.Still, the eczema did not become more than 75% better. A few daysago I hit another ìenough-is-enoughî point. I started eating bread,103cooked foods, sweetsóeverything. Within two days my skin was completelyclear (though I still have no appetite).Thanks, Baba, for the education in nutrition, fasting and mindgames.32

......[Authorís afternote: An Indian Margi, Chandra Prakash of Patna,told me a similar story, which he had rarely mentioned to anyone else.In 1983 and 1984, at the age of 34, he started feeling a constant painin his intestines. Whenever he ate even the smallest amount of food,he vomited. Thus he was compelled to stop eating. Finally, for a periodof four months, he drank only fruit juices and a little milk. In thethird month he underwent medical analysis. The doctor told him thathe had intestinal tuberculosis and prescribed medicine. After fifteen

days of treatment, Chandra Prakash could no longer stand the intensereaction produced by the medicine. He went to another doctor whotold him that the diagnosis of the first doctor was wrong, and that infact the sickness was cancer of the colon. He said that an operationwould have to be performed within three days, and sent the patient tothe appropriate section of the hospital. But the doctor in that sectiontold Chandra Prakash that he would have to wait six days before theycould perform the operation. In the meantime, further tests were conducted.On the fifth day, Dada Shraddhananda (who became presidentof Ananda Marga in 1990) arrived at Chandra Prakashís house unexpectedlyand said, ìSomehow I felt you were in trouble, so I came.îWhen Dadaji heard that an operation was intended for the followingday, he said, ìNo. You must not undergo that operation. If you do, itwill kill you. In fact you have no real illness. You should only havefaith in Baba, and you will be cured.î Accordingly, Chandra Prakashdid not go to the hospital. Some days later he heard that the last testshad been inconclusive. A few days after that, he went to Ananda Nagarto attend the semi-annual spiritual festival with Baba. At the end of32Besides teaching yoga and meditation throughout the entire period of these fluctuationsin my health and appearance, I also helped to organize our first service projectsin Australia ó a permanent soup kitchen for derelicts, two full-time non-profit foodcooperatives, and a kindergarten according to Babaís neo-humanistic education system.The kindergarten was registered with the Sydney city government under the nameìSunrise Schoolî.THE MASTER OF TESTING, CARING AND HOCUS-POCUS


the festival, as usual, Baba gave a blessing which begins, ìMay everyonebe happy, may everyone be free of illness....î In the middle of theblessing Chandra Prakash stood up angrily and said, ìWhat You say,Baba! I have been suffering for two years, and You say everyone shouldbe healthy!î Without waiting for the end of the session, he stampedout of the hall and marched over to a food-stall. He purchased six platesof pakora (deep fried potatoes and flour), a plate of milk-sweets, andfinished it off with a glass of tea. He then walked back into the halland announced to his father how he had broken his four months offasting. The old man was shocked. A few minutes later, ChandraPrakash ran out of the hall again, this time to vomit. After vomiting,he entered the hall again and announced that he was cured. From thatmoment he was never again troubled by the slightest digestive ailment.]No need to trouble HimHobart. Today I delivered a general introductory lecture to the staffand students of a local high schoolóover 2000 people. While waitingin a separate room beforehand, I was shivering due to the chilly weather(itís winter here) and also due to my nervousness before the talk. Asusual I thought about Baba in order to calm myself.Then a thought occurred. ìWhy am I troubling Baba to calm mymind? I should simply think of Baba, give my mind to Baba, let Himspeak through me, and not care what He does to me.î I continued tothink of Him, but without asking for anything except to be His channel.I was alone. The vice-principal came to fetch me. Though I was perceptiblyshaking, she said nothing. Then I stood before the audience,still shivering. I was determined not to ask Him for anything exceptthe proper words. Throughout the speech I trembled like a song-bird.Afterward, while returning to the yoga house, a full-timer who was

sitting in the audience said to me, ìDada it was an excellent lecture.But thereís one thing I donít understand...îNow I was sure that he would criticize me for shivering.ìHow could you be so perfectly calm in front of thousands ofpeople?îI was surprised. ìPerhaps we each perceive the infinite Entity onlyin the way which is suitable for our own evolution. So thereís nothingto worry about.î105He was satisfied with my answer, even though I meant somethingdifferent than he understood.The aura of His lovePerth. Today I gave a lecture to the Parapsychology Club of Perth.When I stood up in front of the audience, I had no idea what I wasgoing to speak about. As usual I thought, ìBaba, Baba, Baba...î Theflow came, and I began to speak.After the formal program was over, several people came up to meetme. One lady said, ìDada, before your lecture I was enjoying just lookingat you. You had a beautiful blue aura all around your body, likeIíve never seen before. Of course you know that such blue means cosmiclove.îI casually shrugged my shoulders.ìBut in the few seconds just before you started to speak, the bluelight suddenly became so bright that I couldnít tolerate it. I closed myeyes but the aura was still there. Could I ask what you were thinkingabout at that moment?îìI was thinking about my Guru,îAnandamurtiji...the essence of love.......Auckland, New Zealand. I have a new posting: Wellington RegionalSecretary, responsible for New Zealand. The nature of the people hereseems as gentle as the sheep for which this land is so famous.Baba admits a fraction of His knowledgeChristchurch. A newsletter arrived from India today explaining thelatest developments in Babaís court case. Here is an excerpt:ìThe judge asked Baba one of his usual questions: ëIn what languagewill you address the court?í (In India there are forty major languages,so it is often necessary to arrange translation.) Baba replied,ëAs I know over 200 languages, I can speak in whatever language thecourt prefers.í The judge was shocked by Babaís answer, and could notspeak. After waiting a few moments, Baba politely offered, ëPerhaps itwill be most convenient for the court if I speak in English: strict OxfordEnglish.í The judge readily agreed.îTHE MASTER OF TESTING, CARING AND HOCUS-POCUS


Though Babaís statement was surprising, I believe it was modest.Many workers declare that He surely knows all languages. I speculatethat His not admitting this vast knowledge is in accordance with Hislong-standing habit never to directly refer to His own omniscience. NeverthelessHe spoke the truth because He said ìover 200 languages.î......Nelson. There are some signs that I may soon be transferred to anotherregion. In that light I am happy that before my going, we have

succeeded to open the Nelson Sunrise Pre-school. Twelve children arealready attending.An all-violins orchestraNandi, Fiji Islands. 1975. Today Iím reminded of Milarepa, the greatTibetan yogi. His guru, Marpa, ordered him to wander continuouslythrough the mountains, never staying in any place more than three days.We Dadas are not much different. Not only do we constantly travelfrom city to city, but our postings can change at any moment. One daywe are in New Zealand, the nextówho knows? Fortunately, I enjoy thissort of life.My posting is now Suva Regional Secretary, responsible for the FijiIslands.......Lataoka. At night the mosquitoes are thick as pea soup. Wheneverwe do evening meditation I have to keep my entire body covered, includinga light cloth over my head.This evening, however, during group meditation, I became fed upwith the cloth on my face. It was one problem or the other. For once,why not let the mosquitoes have their way?After taking the firm determination not to move, I took the clothoff my head.One mosquito landed on my nose and took his dinner. He calledhis friends, and they made it a party. ìHey everyone, no charge! Banqueton the nose,î they whined. They didnít seem interested in any otherpart of my face.My nose began to itch tremendously. But I refused to move. Mymind flew back and forth between my meditation and the festival onmy nose. The violins rose toward a crescendo, while the itch turned107into a downright pain. I felt like a hundred party-goers in tuxedoes andblack evening gowns were dancing on my pink beak.My mantra was striking like a hammer in my head, while the painturned into a constant throb. The human snout converted into a vibratingvermin paradise. For all I knew, it might have been flickeringbetween red and blue like an electric clown-nose. The throbbing becameso intense, tears came out of my eyes.Suddenly two things happened simultaneously. My nose turned numb,and my concentration dropped deep within. I became obliviousónot onlyto my nose but to everything except the meditation.When the meditation ended, I turned around to give a talk to everyonethere.ìOh, Dada! What happened to you?,î they exclaimed, shocked.My nose had doubled in size.I laughed and proceeded with the talk.33

Tropical feverAn epidemic is sweeping the island. Now Dinkar (our local fulltimer)has caught it. The symptoms are high fever and acute body pain.Many have died, and everyone requires hospitalization for at least acouple of weeks. I suggested to Dinkar that he try to cure it in a yogicway. From today he will follow a fruits-only diet, and practice certainyoga postures. Otherwise he is resting in our hut.......In only five days Dinkar was cured. I believe it could have been

quicker except that he broke his diet once by eating a few biscuits. Inany case, the Margis and other friends are very surprised he could overcomethe disease without medicine and in such a short time.......Nandi. Now Iíve got the sickness! Today I ate only papaya. Thoughbed-rest is recommended, I am practicing yoga postures in double quantity,and keeping up with all my normal work. Of course I keep myface far away from anyone elseís to avoid contaminating them. Being33 19 years later: The most interesting thing is that for many years after that not a singlemosquito bit me on my face. In the last few years perhaps four or five mosquitoes havenibbled my face a little, but none have yet dared to prick my nose.THE MASTER OF TESTING, CARING AND HOCUS-POCUS


continually on the move makes me sometimes feel very weak, but atleast it keep my mind high.......Two days later. Lataoka. Yesterday I stopped eating and only dranklemon-water. And today I observed full fast without water. I almostfainted several times while working but my mind was unaffected. Tonightthe fever left me. Though I am still weak, I am sure the virus isout of my system.......One of the Margis is a newspaper editor, and he wanted to print anarticle about my overcoming the disease in only three days. I told himI didnít want any publicity until my residence visa was secured.Indira Gandhi plays her role in the cosmic drama27 June. Recently there have been ominous developments in India.Two weeks ago the High Court in Allahabad found Prime MinisterIndira Gandhi guilty of election fraud. Because it was just a matterof time before she would have been impeached and lost her PrimeMinistership, yesterday she declared a federal state of emergency.Martial law was imposed. I fear the worst.......4 July. Today I received a phone call from Sydney. YesterdayAnanda Marga was banned in India. Mrs Gandhi declared twenty-sixorganizations to be illegal. Of these, one was Ananda Marga and twelveothers were organizations directly and indirectly related to AnandaMarga, such as Renaissance Universal (a club for intellectuals) andvarious Prout groups. It seems that all of our institutions in India wereclosed, and that all of our Dadas, Didis and well-known Margis havebeen arrested. Our Central Office is being shifted to Katmandu, Nepal,with an assistant Central Office in Denver, USA.My own reaction is mixed. On one hand Iím horrified. Many of mybrothers and sisters may have to suffer severely. Perhaps some will evendie before this episode is finished. But at the same time I feel the banningwas inevitable, and will eventually turn to our advantage. Surelyit is a part of Babaís planning. Ananda Marga is a revolutionary movement,albeit a peaceful one and the corrupt will not give up their powerwithout a fight.109Furthermore, Tantrics must be able to undergo any sort of trial.And nothing teaches better than direct experience.Thatís why I remain not only optimistic, but am, indeed, positively

inspired by these events.Money: a mere game for HimNandi. No matter what happens in India, our normal work everywhereelse must continue.Whenever Dinkar and I run out of money here, we are unable tolook to the Margis for assistance because most of them are very poor.So we resort to taking the rounds of the shops, requesting donations.The shopkeepers usually each give a dollar or so.Today when we entered the city center, imagining how our piggy bankwould soon be bulging, a shopkeeper approached and said:ìPlease donít mind my words. Havenít you noticed that many ofthe merchants have started to avoid you?îìDo you mean...?îìYes,î he said, ìtheyíre tired of giving you donations.îI thanked him, and he left us.Both Dinkar and I were stunned.ìThe last thing we want to do is offend them,î he said.ìSure. From this moment we wonít ask a dime from them.îìThen how will we exist?îìThatís Babaís problem. We just have to do the work.îThere was an uneasy silence between us. Then I exasperated Dinkarfurther by saying, ìAnd todayís the day we have to send our monthlyfive dollars to the sectorial office in Sydney. Itís our duty, and no matterwhat our own situation, we must send the money.îìBut weíll then be really stranded!î he said.ìFrom my side Iím going to send $2.50,î I said.ìWell ... I think we better save my $2.50 for emergencies,î he said.ìSuit yourself.îHalf an hour later when we got to the post office he had changedhis mind and we sent the whole five dollars.We have $4.20 remaining which weíve decided to use only on busfares and other organizational expenses. And there is no food in ourlittle hut, isolated halfway between Nandi and Lataoka.......THE MASTER OF TESTING, CARING AND HOCUS-POCUS


Two days later. Having not eaten since yesterday noon, we visitedour only relatively wealthy supporter, Senator Sharma. He was kindenough to donate large sacks of rice and potatoes.......Four days later. In our hut in the countryside between Nandi andLataoka. I was working on an article for our first newsletter when Dinkarinterrupted me. ìDadaji, do you expect the money to simply fall fromthe sky?î He was feeling desperate, with only $2.60 in the cigar box.ìMaybe. Itís up to Baba how He wants to solve this problem. Iímnot worried.î The truth was, I was also getting pretty tired of our starchydiet. When would this test end?Ten minutes passed as we worked in silence. My mind drifted toBaba. Suddenly a thought entered: Sell advertising in the newsletter.I told Dinkar. He was skeptical. I said, ìIt was not my idea. Iímsure Baba put this thought in my head, so Iím sure it will work.îWithin five minutes we made the plan: first weíll quickly finish andprint ten sample copies. These will be shown to prospective advertisers.

The ads will be in their own separate section at the end. Dinkarcan also draw illustrations upon order. Weíll tell our clients that fivehundred copies will be printed.......Five days later. Babaís advertising scheme was successful far beyondour expectations. We made enough money to fully support usfor the next few months and even pay for our plane tickets back toNew Zealand when our visas expire.We have the duty to work as sincerely as possible. And He has theduty to provide the means for getting it done. Sometimes with a dab ofextra whipped cream on top!My will against HisWellington. Our visas expired in Fiji, so we are back in NewZealand.......We are receiving reports verifying that all of our workers and outstandingMargis in India are either in jail or in hiding. I continue mywork, confident that everything will happen according to His wish.......111Christchurch. On the bus today I thought, ìWhat is the use of workinglike this unless I can see Baba? If I canít see Him in India, thenIíve got to make Him come here... Iíll fast until He comes to me. Iknow Heís got the mystic power, and if He wants to use it, He can easilydo so.î So I stopped eating or drinking from that moment. If I die orget sick itís His fault. I have every right to see Him.But I will continue all my normal work, and not tell anyone. If myhigher authority comes to know, he might order me to stop the fast,and I would be compelled to comply.......Nelson. The first day was a normal fast. But the second day washeavy. Today, my third day, the body seems to have adjusted a bit, anditís not so bad. Of course Iím damn thirsty. Anyway itís no problemfor me. Let the suffering come, let sickness comeóit will just speed upHis coming to me.......Auckland. Fifth day of the fast. Babaís very clever. The more I wantto suffer, the more He protects me. Five days now without water orfood. Some people would have died by now but I donít feel bad at all.Itís impossible.Though my bodyís okay, my mind is wild with thirst. Iíve been havinguncontrollable visions of waterfalls during meditation.Whatís He doing? Why doesnít He come?Anyway Iíll fast to death if He refuses me. That will teach Him nicelynot to play with me.Due to my traveling, nobody knows Iíve been fasting so long. EverywhereI go, the Margis think that Iím doing only a one or two-dayfast.......Wellington. Eight days now. Youíll be in big trouble, Lord, if I die.It will cause all sorts of complications here, and I donít care. Youíreto blame.You have to come and see me.

But thereís one problem: Iím not suffering enough. Though my headconstantly hurts and all the parts of my body have shrunk, I still donítfeel anywhere near to death. Actually itís a bit of a drag. Just at the timethat I donít want protection, that Trickster is somehow fortifying me.THE MASTER OF TESTING, CARING AND HOCUS-POCUS


But Iíll out-trick Him in the end.......Next day. I was wrong. Heís the master in hocus-pocus. Of course.The full-timer answered the doorbell this morning. The person atthe door said, ìNamaskar. I donít know why, but I suddenly got a strongfeeling from Baba to fly here for a surprise inspection.î He laughedand entered the room where I was sitting.It was my higher authority who had been in Australia for the lastnine months. On seeing me, he was shocked. He immediately understoodthat my state of mind and body were far from normal.ìSo ... my Lord ... youíre the cause. You must be the reason whyHe told me to come here.î His voice was sharp. ìWhat are you doingto yourself?îI smiled without replying.ìYouíre doing long fasting, arenít you?îMy shiny, shrunken head nodded.ìHow many days already?îìEight,î I said.ìWith or without water?îìWithout,î I smiled.ìBaba! Youíre crazy. You couldíve died. Whatís the purpose of this?îìThatís my own matter.îìBuddha fasted 40 days, and he still couldnít get realization. Youidiot. You wonít get anything except very sick.îHe asked me to please stop. I refused.Then, as I feared, he formally ordered me to break the fast.......I didnít get exactly what I wanted. But I did confirm for the umpteenthtime that He does have omniscience, and He does have power,but He uses it as He sees fit. Not according to our wishes or demands.And I did find out that this body has the capacity to fast withoutwater much longer and much more easily than I expected. Contrary toDadaís forecast about my getting sick, I feel completely healthyóbetterthan in a long time. This may be useful information for the futurewhen different catastrophes hit our little planet, and we cannot get thefood or water we think we need. Even then, those of us who have sufficientmental power can continue serving humanity.113The violins test a new (already strong) MargiTonga Island. My responsibility in the South Pacific Sector is comingto an end; I will be transferred to another sector. Itís not yet clearwhich one. In the meantime Iíve been directed to travel through theSouth Pacific islands, ending up in Hawaii, where I will be sent a ticketto Denver. Since the Emergency began in India, Denver has been functioningas our temporary Central Headquarters #2.Two days ago I arrived in Tonga, which is less touched by ìcivilizationîthan any other place Iíve visited. Iím staying in a thatched hut

with a family of thirteen. Usually one member of each large familyhas a job. The rest enjoy their simple life at his expense.And enjoy they do. Many of the adults are child-like, playing gamesall day. They have no sense of personal property. If anyone leaves abicycle outside a shop, he can expect a new caretaker will assume responsibilityfor it by the time he comes out of the shop. If a car isparked for a few minutes without a guard, all of its removable partswill be efficiently removed by the time the driver returns.Almost every evening they ceremoniously pass around a coconutshell filled with a slightly intoxicating liquor made from a root likecassava. The ceremony gradually breaks down as singing, dancing andother sorts of pleasures take over. Their songs are sung in four or fivepart harmonies, the dances are rhythmically perfect, and as to the otherpleasuresówell, thatís when I always go for a stroll.......Though the people are simple, some are interested in meditation.Iíve initiated a few, and have been watching to see their sincerity.Late in the afternoon I went to the beach to meditate with one ofthe new initiates, a nineteen year old. During our meditation, the sunset. Mosquitoes came upon us in huge swarms. Though tolerating theirattack, I briefly opened my eyes to see how my friend was doing. Hisnearly bare body was now clothed with a layer of mosquitoes, yet hesat stock-still. We remained another half hour.As we left the place, I asked him, ìHow was your meditation?îìSíwas allrait. Síwas verry good.îìWhat about the mosquitoes?îìDem was sommmm probalam. Bí God was greater.îTHE MASTER OF TESTING, CARING AND HOCUS-POCUS


The king pushes his weight aroundToday being Sunday, I went to church. I had heard the king regularlyattends a particular church, so I chose that one, hoping to get aneyeful. Until then, the closest Iíd got to him was the sound of his dailymotorcade, that is, the sound of scores of car horns blaring. Whereverhe passes, the people make the same comment: ìDa kiinís gonna iíspectëis pigfaarm!î Then they roll on the ground with laughter.I was able to get a front row seat, immediately below the royal balcony.Shortly before the service started I got my eyeful alright. Heísrenowned as the fattest king in the world, well over 400 pounds. Hewas so big it seemed he could not support his own weight. While walkingand huffing and puffing, he was assisted on either side by attendants.......Though the king is obviously a devout Christian, Iím sure he allowedhis eyes and mind to wander sufficiently to notice me last Sunday.The proof lies in my receiving today an official notification that Imust leave this island within twenty-four hours. The only explanation,according to all the informed people with whom Iíve spoken, is thatthe king does not want any religion except Christianity propagated inhis land. Needless to say, though Iím not teaching religion, my turbanand orange uniform do create a sectarian appearance.Heís a clever one. He waited all week to have the notice deliveredto me at 6:00 p.m. today. It is Friday, and all government offices areclosed tomorrow so Iíll have no opportunity to appeal within the allotted

time limit.All of my new friends are outraged. For the first time I see them insomething other than a joking mood. But they also are helpless. Theking is known to be a stubborn man, and no one knows what to do.Out of desperation, a radio interview was arranged for me tonight, topublicize the injustice of the leave-order.The disc jockey himself was upset with the king, and gave me a fullhour on the air. But when the program finished, he shrugged his shoulders,then embraced me and wished me well in my travels.A nice ViceWestern Samoa. While traveling to teach meditation and yoga, I neverstay in hotels. If I have no place to stay, I remain in a congested public115spot, and wait for a sympathetic person to offer me a spot in his house tospend the night. Even if someone wants to donate money for a hotelroom, I gratefully refuse. One way or another, I eventually meet a nobleperson, and it invariably leads not only to a corner on the floor for myblanket, but also to someone keenly interested in spiritual development.And he or she usually introduces me to others with similar interests. Myreal purpose, which is not to eat and sleep, is thus automatically fulfilled.Facing such a predicament here, I took my stand in the midst of abusy crowd in the central marketplace. After two hours a young ladyapproached me. She was about twenty years old.ìSir, is there any way I can help you?î she asked. The quality ofher English showed she was well educated.ìI am a teacher of meditation and yoga,î I said. ìI want to meetpeople who are interested to learn, and, as Iíve just arrived, I also haveno place to stay.î Usually I come right to the point.ìMy father has always been interested in such things. Let me introduceyou to him. Iím sure heíll also offer you a room.îShe led me to her car. So she was not only educated, but also atleast a little wealthy.Her house was so big I could not see where it ended. Walking pastthe servants and through several rooms, we reached the library, wherea large, bulky man sat reading. He looked up as she entered and smiled.When he saw me, his smile broadened.ìIíve brought you a yogi, Daddy,î she said.He rose and offered his hand, ìI am thrilled to meet you, sir. Iívebeen waiting for your visit.îIntroductions were made. Among other things, he mentioned thatonly two years ago he had completed his term as the Vice-president ofWestern Samoa.......These three days were packed with engagements. My host introducedme to scores of the countryís upper-echelon who were keen to learnyoga. Most of them had health problems, for which I prescribed yogaasanas and appropriate diets. Some of them, including my host, arealready improving.The most exciting programs often come last and then end prematurely.Today I received a telegram ordering me to leave immediatelyfor Denver, from where I shall travel to my next posting: Europe.THE MASTER OF TESTING, CARING AND HOCUS-POCUS


CHAPTER 7

DeterminationDedication personifiedStockholm, Sweden. 1976. My new posting is Regional Secretaryfor both Stockholm and Oslo Regions, otherwise known as Scandinavia(Finland, Sweden, Denmark, Norway, Iceland and Greenland). It isalready clear to me that the people here are more gentle than NorthAmericans, Indians and Australians. In my experience, only NewZealanders compare. The Scandinavians are also extremely openmindedand interested in anything new.I have four full-timers in my office here in Stockholm to assist mewith my work.......I donít think Iíve ever met a person as sincere as Suresh, one of myfull-timers. Whatever he does, he does wholeheartedly, with full concentration.Since I introduced the daily schedule for the full-timers inthe office, he has followed it strictlyóto the minute. While doing yogaasanas, he carefully refers to the clock, and when the allotted time isfinished, even if he has not completed his exercises or the final deeprelaxation, he jumps up, puts on his clothes and begins the next scheduledwork. Likewise, at the end of meal time, even if half of his food isstill on the plate, he gets up from the table. With work, meditation,sleep or any activity, he maintains the same punctuality. Needless tosay, it was beginning to get on everyoneís nerves.A couple of days ago I walked into the bathroom while Suresh wastaking a bath. He had his clock there also. When the scheduled time wasup for bathing he put on his clothes even though he hadnít dried himselfyet. I think there remained a bit of unrinsed soap on him as well.117ìSuresh,î I said, ìthe schedule need not be followed exactly to theletter. It should rather serve as a guideline, which may be adjusted in minorways throughout the day to suit the needs of our work or meditation.îìReally, Dadaji?î As he stood there, soaking wet, staring at me forseveral seconds, I felt like he was inputting this new attitude into hisbrain, deleting the erroneous elements of the old one.ìI understand clearly,î he said.From that very moment his timing has became, well, perfect. Yes,I can say ëperfectí because his schedule adjusts with everyone, withoutwasting any time. Quite amazing!......Suresh continues to amaze me. Since I first arrived, heís done everythingwith complete concentration and seriousness. Never laughing,never showing any mood. If he makes any mistake, including mentalmistakes unknown to the rest of us, he punishes himself by doing fiftyor a hundred tic-tics (stand-and-squats while holding ones ears), or bypressing his forehead to the floor.34 Iíve been wondering what I coulddo to encourage him to be more human. Yesterday, unable to think ofanything more subtle, I just told him bluntly , ìSuresh, you neednít beso serious all the time. Itís good to laugh sometime.îìReally, Dada?î Again staring, re-programming.ìHumor and happinessî I continued, ìoften help us to communicate,help us to be in His flow.î

A pause. Then he started to laugh. ìHa, ha, ha! I got your point,Dadaji.îFrom that moment heís become a thoroughly pleasant, smiling person.A unique devotee.Whoís helping?Oslo, Norway. Iím surprised that there are hundreds of homelessor otherwise impoverished people in this wealthy country. The Margis34 ìTic-ticsî have a wonderful place in the history of Ananda Marga. If any Dada orDidi committed a mistake, they would often be instructed by Baba to perform somenumber of tic-tics in front of Him. At such a time, He sometimes commented, ìThisrectification exercise will not only exhaust your negative reactive momenta, it will alsobe good for your health.î Later, when Baba began correcting the mistakes of Margis,they too could enjoy this novel method of recovering oneís mental balance.DETERMINATION


organized a weekly soup kitchen. The very first day, a few of the recipientsactually danced with joy to receive the vegetarian food from us.......Copenhagen, Denmark. For the last three weeks, sister Kunti, afull-timer, has been searching single-mindedly for a suitable house torent for our yoga center. This morning, though disheartened by heron-going failure, she set out to try again.She took a bus into the city. After a few minutes, an old lady boarded,walked directly to Kunti, and sat down next to her. The ladyís face wasfull of both wrinkles and tenderness.ìNowadays many young people are misusing their energy,î she said.ìI am happy to see that you are a different type.îShe spoke in Norwegian, which is Kuntiís mother language. It wasodd, even bizarre. How could she know that Kunti was from Norwaywhen Kunti had not yet spoken a word?ìThe task is elephantine,î the old lady continued. ìThe speed mustbe accelerated. Donít you also think so, my dear?îAs the woman stared in Kuntiís face, a transformation occurredinside the busóit seemed to billow like a river. Instead of waves ofwater, however, the air itself and the colors around were rippling, vibrating.An unidentifiable mixture of sound waves inundated the atmosphere.Kunti could no longer comprehend what was happening.She also joined the sea of vibrations.At last the lady said, ìAnd I think you are looking for something.Isnít it, my dear?î The bus stopped. ìPerhaps you will find it here.Letís get down.îHer ankles barely able to support her legs, Kunti stepped outsidewith the lady. Without speaking a word, the lady, smiling sweetly,pointed at the building. Still lost in the cosmic current, Kunti enteredthe building.ìIs there a flat to rent here?î asked Kunti.ìYes,î said the manager. ìBut how did you know? The ad has notyet appeared.îìAh, one moment, please,î Kunti said. She walked back outside.The old lady was gone, never to be seen again.The flat was perfect, and we took it.119Rendering possible the impossibleOslo. Vishvabandhu and Sulocana, a married couple, have worked

like mad people to start a public food cooperative. Obliged to quicklypay off the loan they took for the project, speed was compulsoryóinplanning, renting, construction, ordering, and publicity. Within a meremonth they did everything. Today the shop opened in the center ofthe business district. It looks beautiful.Vishvabandhu said these words at the ribbon-cutting ceremony:ìTantric spirit made the impossible possible again.îConsidering that they hadnít a drop of experience in this line, Iagreed fully with his statement.The United Nations gets a taste of Tantric resolveStockholm. Yesterday, just as I arrived in Lulea, Karan phonedme from my Stockholm headquarters. ìDada, you wonít believe this!îhe said. ìSuresh is publicly threatening to commit self-immolationwithin one week unless the government requests the United Nationsto discuss Babaís case and Gandhiís banning of Ananda Marga! Heísgoing to burn himself to death!îìWhat are you talking about? Let me speak to him.îìGladly, except that heís in hiding. He made his announcement bytelephone to the government and the media. He called me also, butrefused to tell from where.îAfter asking many questions and receiving few clear replies fromKaran, it was obvious that I had to return to Stockholm immediately.Just as I hung up the phone, it rang again: a reporter from the localnewspaper.ìSir, do you think Stan Eklofís threat is real or simply drama?îìIím believe itís real. It fits with his all-or-nothing attitude. Thatíswhy itís so urgent to take all possible steps to stop him.îìDo you have any idea why heís taking such a desperate step? Ishe alone in this escapade?îìTwo or three weeks ago Mr Sarkar specifically suggested thatAnanda Margaís case be presented to the United Nations. I supposethat when no one took the initiative, Stan decided to act. Though Iunderstand and of course agree with his sentiment, his strategy is wrongand horrifying.îDETERMINATION


After completing the interview, I set out for the station. Lulea is inthe far north of Sweden, an overnight train journey to Stockholm. WhenI reached my office this morning, Karan greeted me, ìDadaji, a bigarticle together with a photo has already appeared on the front page ofthe Lulea paper. The phone is ringing off the hook with reportersótheyíre impatient to meet you.îìThereís no time for that yet.î Throwing my overcoat on the chair,I sat down at the phone to begin the work of trying toótrying to what?save a life? Yes...but surely life or death was in Babaís hands, not mine.ìAlright, Lord, use me as You see fit,î I thought.An hour later I was at the office of the United Nations.ìThis is a totally unprecedented affair,î said the chief representative,Mr Johanson, a typically polite and self-composed Swede. ìHow can youexpect the Swedish nation to agree to present the case of a convictedmurderer to the United Nations because of a suicide threat? It will bebetter that you convince Mr Eklof of the futility of his undertaking.îìI donít think heíll back down, sir. It is his nature. Heís totally sincere

and ready to sacrifice everything for what he believes in.îìI understand. But you are asking for something impossible.îìIím not asking for anything, sir. This is Stanís demand, not mine.Iím simply concerned that you understand his determination. I donítwant him to die a needless death. You have the power to rescue him.îìSweden cannot condone an act which boils down to terrorismóalbeit in this case the victim and the terrorist are one and the same.îìI donít agree with his tactics either, but his purpose is not destructionof the state or any other kind of violence. He only wants justice;that the case of a great and persecuted humanist be rationally presentedto a global peace-making organization.îìBut his method...îìSir, canít you at least discuss the matter with your staff?îìDiscussion itself is not impossible... But at the same time you must try tocontact Mr Eklof and persuade him not to immolate himself.îìIt goes without question that Iíll do everything I can to stop him.But I know him too well, so I have more hope in your efforts. By theway, you know I donít have his phone number...îìIíll make a formal request to two or three leading radio stationsto repeatedly air your request for Mr Eklof to call you,î he said.121We fixed an appointment to meet again the next day.......This evening all three stations frequently announced:ìThis is an urgent message for Stan Eklof, the man in hiding whohas threatened to immolate himself if the case of his convicted Indianguru, PR Sarkar, is not presented by the Swedish nation to the UnitedNations: Mr Eklof please telephone your headquarters in Stockholmimmediately.î......Next day. Suresh called this morning.ìWhere are you?îìI canít say, Dadaji.îìItís a wonder that nobodyís recognized you. Your photo was shownon TV.îìHa, ha! I guessed no one would notice me.îI told him about the inflexibility of the United Nationsí representative.Then I requested him to compromise, to give the authoritiesmore time and to return to press his demand in a respectful manner.ìSorry, Dadaji. Iím committed to this path.îìBut...îìLet His will be done! Iím more than ready to die if itís needed.Rather Iím expecting to die.îI continued trying to convince him to alter his stand, but it was nouse.ìAlright, Suresh. I understand your position. Iíll try my best to persuadethe UN people.îìDonít worry, Dadaji. Everything is Baba. Itís all His drama.îI asked him to call me regularly, and hung up.......This afternoon I met again with Johanson.ìDid Mr Eklof agree to give up his desperate gamble?îI told him of Sureshís unyielding attitude, then added, ìAnd from

your side, Mr Johanson, is there any news?îìWell...I...you see...îìI understand. You did not even talk about it with your staff, right?îìNot exactly...îDETERMINATION


ìMr Johanson, very little time remains. If Stan kills himself due toour negligence, we wonít be able to sleep peacefully for the rest of ourlives.îìBut he has no right to try to force the governmentís hand like this!îWas Johanson losing a bit of that typical Swede imperturbability?ìAt least you can try to discuss it with your staff. Iíve been trying.What about you? Besides, who can say whatís really proper and improperin this immoral world? You cannot imagine the extreme sufferingof Mr Sarkar and our hundreds of workers who are inside ofabominable Indian prisons. And all completely unjust.îìThatís not the point! Mr Eklof is trying to blackmail us.îìPerhaps the term is correct. If so, itís a minuscule crime comparedwith what the Indian government has been doing to us. Anyway, letísleave this aside. Our task is to overcome this impasse. Please, Iím beggingyou to at least discuss it with your staff. Can you do that, MrJohanson?îHe paused. ìAlright...Iíll do it...How many days do we have left?îìFour.î In fact five days remained, but I thought it better to keepan extra day in my hand.We agreed to meet again the next day.......This evening Karan spoke with Sureshís parents. They are sick withworry. We invited Mr Eklof to accompany us to tomorrowís meeting.......Next day. ìI have an offer to make,î said Johanson. ìPlease tellStan that if he calls off his threat to self-immolate, then we are preparedto discuss with him the possibility of presenting Mr Sarkarís caseto the United Nations. Of course there are many complex details thatneed to be clarified before we can make a final decision as to whetheror not it fits the protocol of the UN.îìI understand you,î I said, ìand appreciate your proposition...îìGoodóitís the most we can do...îì...but unfortunately I doubt Stan will accept it.îThere was an uneasy pause. Then Sureshís gray-haired father startedspeaking in Swedish to Johanson. Karan, who had until now been translatingfor Mr Eklof, now translated for me. ìHe says that itís a fineproposal, and surely Stan will have to reconcile himself to the fact that123the Swedish government is stretching its rules to the limit on his behalf.Heís very thankful to Mr Johanson.îìI agree with you, Mr Eklof,î I said. ìWhat both of you say is rationaland correct. But, please excuse me for saying this, Stan is preparedto immolate himself for this issue. He is certain to want somethingdefinite before relenting.îìHe must understand this is the absolute maximum the governmentcan offer,î Johanson said. ìNow his fate rests with you, Dada. Youhave to convince him.î

I shrugged my shoulders and sighed, saying, ìIíll do my best.î......After leaving the UN office, we took a taxi together with Sureshísfather. On the way, he suddenly exploded. ìWhoís side are you on?îhe yelled. ìI think you prefer my sonís death to the reasonable optiongiven by Johanson! You are the cause of all this horror! You donít reallycare about Stan!î He went on screaming similar things, giving me nochance to reply, until at last he broke down weeping into his hands.Karan and I grimaced in pain. He gently rubbed Mr Eklofís back.We drove in silence, except for the sound of the old manís sobs.The taxi arrived at his house. Just before he got out, I said, ìPleasebelieve me, Mr Eklof. I love Stan deeply.îMr Eklofís face showed exhaustion. He gave a weak smile, turnedand walked toward his house.I felt awful. I felt so bad for Mr Eklof that I had physical pain inmy heart.......Later Suresh called again. ìYou people are working so hard. AndIím here in hiding, carefree and enjoying my meditation. Dadaji, I hopethese days are not too tiring for you all. Rest assured that Iím happy,happier than ever.îìBut you know, Suresh, if you donít accept the governmentís offer,you may be doomed. They insist this is the limit.îìI understand, Dadaji. I expected it might be like this from the momentI first announced my resolution. If I die, it will provide just theright sort of shock to humanity.îìSuresh, you can do infinitely more for humanity if you go on livingand serving.îDETERMINATION


ìI donít know, Dadaji, and I donít care. I feel deeply that Iím doingexactly what Baba wants. Iím receiving His immeasurable graceevery moment. The entire cosmos seems to be His smile, especiallywhen I do meditation. So I have no doubt.îìIf you think like that, then what are we to do?îìWhat you are already doing is perfect. Please continue your efforts,unattached to their results. In the end it will happen accordingto His whim.îìSuresh...îìI know itís harder for you all than for me, but I shall accept nocompromise.î......Next day. ìDamn it,î said Johanson, ìheís asking for the impossible.îìI know,î I said. ìHeís fully prepared to die.îìCanít you provide any further lead as to where Eklof might be?Our investigators say theyíve already checked every imaginable link, andnothing remains except to search every house in the country.îìNo. No further clue. And I already told you that finding him isimmaterial. Wherever you might keep him, however you try to restrainhim, youíll never dissuade him from his resolution. I tell you, thereísno other way. The only real solution is for Sweden to present Mr Sarkarís

case to the United Nations.îHe didnít reply. We sat in silence for one or two minutes.ìSir, thatís enough for this morning. If possible, please be in youroffice this afternoon, as I may need to call you.î......Johanson did call this afternoon, and completely astonished me.After hanging up, I waited impatiently for Suresh to phone. Thirtyminutes later the phone rang. It was him.ìThe Swedish governmentís decided to put Babaís case to the UN!îI blurted out. ìCan you believe it, Suresh? Congratulations!îìTato Baba, tato dharma. Tato dharma, tato jaya,î he said quietlyand calmly. ìWhere there is Baba, there is righteousness. And wherethere is righteousness, there is victory.îìI want to see you as soon as possible, Suresh. We should meet MrJohanson also. Which is closer for youóour office or the UN office?î125ìI can meet you in the lobby of the UN office,î he said. ìItís onlya few minutes walk from where I am now.îìYou crafty fellow! Exactly where have you been staying?îìIn the apartment of an old friend. By ëoldí I mean heís more than80 years old. And he never reads the newspaper or listens to the radionews. I told him my house is being painted. Ha, ha!î......Before I left, Karan called Sureshís father. When he heard the news,he burst out, ìOh, thank God! Thank God!î He cried a bit, and thensaid, ìPlease accept my apology for what I said in the taxi yesterday.Without your efforts I think my son would have died.î......After waiting for ten minutes or so in the UN office lobby, I beganto feel a bit nervous. Suresh should have arrived before me.Another man had also been standing there for a long time. Mighthe have seen Suresh? I approached him. He smiled.ìFor Godís sake, itís you, Suresh!îHe ripped off his false mustache, took off his bogus spectacles, andburst out laughing. We embraced each other, weeping like babies.His invisible handOslo. Talk about no experience. Itís one thing to start a food cooperative;but itís an entirely different ball game to open a public printingpress without the slightest knowledge. There lies the faith of thedevotees. Bhagirath and Arjuna are confident that their enterprise willbe successful. Isnít it wonderful that all of our projects offer on-the-jobtraining? And most of them do so without any trainer! Unless you countthe Supreme Trainer.......Copenhagen. Soup kitchen opened for poor people.......Stockholm. Service projects are multiplying like rabbits. TodayAkashi opened a health-food cooperative. It has an atmosphere thatcould be created only by such a refined lady.I havenít physically seen Baba yet. Neither have most of the Margis.Still, I know Him intimately and so do most of the Margis. Part of thatDETERMINATION


35 A few years later, both hands of this judge became permanently paralyzed.36 Two years later a book was published entitled Tales of Torture, which documentedscores of cases of Dadas, Didis and Margis who were severely tormented physicallyand mentally by the jail officers. The twenty-two months of emergency in India werenotorious for innumerable human rights violations.comes from kiirtan and meditation, but honestly I think that itís mostlythrough service that we really get to enjoy His company. I see Baba inmy work, in the eyes of the people I meet, in the constant helpful ëcoincidencesíthat occur every day, in the struggles that test me and helpme grow. After all, what else do I have? Though He insists on deprivingme of His physical presence, I still have the right to demand thatHe shows Himself to me in my daily life. Of course, I would forego allthat in a moment in exchange for letting me just once have His personalcontact.An embassy becomes a guerrilla theaterCopenhagen. Due to the imposition of martial law in India, Babaíscase, which was already a travesty of justice, has turned into an unambiguousfarce. Not a single witness from Ananda Margaís side was permittedto testify. By kangaroo-court, Baba has now been declared guiltyof all charges. At first the judge declared the sentence to be the deathpenalty. Later, fearing Baba might be seen in the same light as Socratesor Christ, he changed his mind, and converted the sentence to life imprisonment.In a way this alteration allows us to feel a certain sort ofcomfort.35

My spiritual father is unquestionably suffering while fasting foryears in a cell devoid of all conveniences. At the same time, thousandsof my Indian brothers and sisters must also be undergoing daily agonyin scores of other prisons as they refuse to give up their commitmentto Ananda Margaís cause.36

In the face of this horror, however, I remain calm, even inspired.Though it may seem heartless, Iím convinced Baba is causing the wholedrama to take place according to His plan. Sometimes great sufferingis necessary though it is difficult to accept and even more difficult tolive through. Despite the horror, despite the difficulties, I have faiththat everything will turn out for the best.Rather than give into despair or anger, it is far better to keep a coolmind, and actively protest the conditions in order to help the public127to become more conscious. For Margis, the norm these days are publicdemonstrations, letter-writing campaigns, and meetings with influentialfigures throughout the world. Even though respected and sometimesfamous individuals and organizations have investigated our cases,and have objected in detail to the flagrant injustices taking place, theIndian authorities remain unaffected. The Canadian representative ofthe International Commission of Jurists made a lengthy report spellingout how appalled he is by the bias against Ananda Marga. And ahigh-ranking Queenís Counsel from England pointed out over 200loopholes in the prosecutionís position in Babaís case. We have unquestionableevidence that the Foreign Office in Delhi sent several anti-Ananda Marga information packets to Indian ambassadors and embassystaffs of the world. The embassies have been instructed to distributethese packets to government officials in their respective countriesso that Ananda Margaís development may be impeded.Accordingly, we continue to protest every way that we can.

Today we had a special meeting.We informed a reporter of the biggest Danish daily newspaper ofour intentions. Seven of us gathered this morning at the Indian embassy.The reporter also came, but he refused to come inside with us.He said he would get the news after we came out.It was chilly weather, so we were all dressed in full length coats.The first Margi entered alone, and began reading an Indian newspaperin the reception room. After a few minutes, a second Margi went insideand studied the visa application forms. Gradually, one by one,the rest of us entered and engaged ourselves in inconspicuous behavior.The usual staff were there, together with a handful of other people.Then one of us gave the signal. In a flash, we all jumped up, pulledsigns from under our coats and launched into a long series of chants,like ìOut with martial law!î, ìArrest Indira Gandhi!î, ìFree Babanow!î, ìRelease political prisoners!î, ìAnanda Marga demands justice!îand so on.The staff was shocked. The lady employees began screaming at thetop of their lungs. Some dove under tables. Clearly they thought theywere under some sort of attack ó perhaps that our continuous chantswere the prelude to a spray of machine gun bullets or something. Theyscreamed non-stop. I was really sorry for them, but I knew they wouldDETERMINATION


recover within a few minutes. Well, to be honest, while one side of mybrain was in pain, feeling compassion for these hapless souls, the otherside, excuse me for saying, felt like laughing. I wonder if God oftenfeels something similar when He views our melodramas.In the midst of this, the Indian ambassador himself appeared at thetop of the stairs. I feared for his eyes which looked like they mightdislodge themselves from their sockets. Before that could happen, however,he and two or three of his aids galloped down the stairs and witha roar, started raining their fists on our innocent bodies. One of theMargis deftly pulled out a camera, and snapped it again and again. Whentheir attack failed to stop our parade, the ambassador flew into a rageat our camera-man, and tried his level best to expose the film by seizingthe camera and throwing it to the floor. Though we were quite civil,I should even say polite (considering his discourtesy) in fulfilling ourtask, he pushed Kunti toward the door, utilizing every drop of theadrenaline which was pumping through his bloodstream. Perhapsworrying that some harm might be done to the door, a male staff memberopened it, and the ambassador succeeded in tossing Kunti out. Thereporter was standing there. Catching just the right moment, he snappeda photo.I am sure that the ambassador must have rejoiced to see the photoon the front page of the newspaper this evening. His face wore a frozenvicious scowl while he was thrusting Kunti onto the sidewalk. Of course,she had on her best expression of childlike astonishment at his uncouthbehavior. The article was perfect, nicely detailing the injustice perpetratedby the Indian government on Baba and Ananda Marga.One day when the unscrupulous Gandhi regime has its downfall,the embassy staff may even feel thankful to us.Fate twistingVerona, Italy. All the Dadas and Didis of Berlin Sector are gathered

here for several days of meetings. A visitor is also here: my father.Itís the first time Iíve seen him since I left home over four yearsago. These past few days weíve taken every chance we could to get awayfrom the others and talk.Today I initiated him into meditation. We were sitting on a blanket,under a bright sky, getting ready to begin when he started laughing.129ìWhat makes you laugh in this serious moment?îHe swallowed his mirth and said, ìIím sorry, sonny boy. But theirony is too much. In all truth, I admit I came here to convince you togive up this life, and return to America. But here I am, perched like aholy Hindu, about to acquire the esoteric knowledge from you. I thoughtI would convince you, but instead, youíve convinced me.îScandinavian zeal1977. During this period I have been initiating up to 200 personsmonthly. An immense amount of new service projects also started, includingthree free kitchens, a touring art exhibit, a touring drama group,yoga classes in three prisons, two kindergartens, a herb farm, and regularpublication of two magazines.DETERMINATION


CHAPTER 8

Personal ContactIndira and her emergency both finishMarch 1977. Indira Gandhiís ìemergencyî in India ended today!She over-estimated her popularity. She permitted elections to be heldand lost by the biggest landslide in Indian history, receiving only a fewpercent of the vote. Already reports are coming in that all our workersand Margis are being released from jail because Ananda Marga is legalagain. They tried to crush us, but our movement has only beenstrengthened through facing and overcoming their persecution.Now it only remains for Baba and a few specially accused workersto be released. With the new Janata Party government in power I amhopeful that their cases will soon come up for appeal.......I remember something very interesting. Over two years ago, Babaissued a warning from prison: ìAfter six months a crisis will occur inIndia. All Margi families should store sufficient cereals and basic necessitiesto weather a period of two years.îAt the time we all thought He meant an earthquake or war was coming.Six months later Indira Gandhi announced the emergency, and mostof the fathers in Margi households throughout India were thrown injail. The Margi mothers and children were left to fend for themselves.Thanks to Babaís warning, however, most of them had stored sufficientfood for this period, which turned out to last for nearly two years.37

......37 Another story was later told by Brij Bihari through Dada Pranavatmakananda. Ithappened in 1971, when Brij was Babaís attendant during the short time that Babawas in the hospital. While entering the bathroom, with the door still half open, Baba131Reykjavik, Iceland. Rainjan and Vimala have opened a health foodcooperative. This country hardly knows the expression ìhealth foodî,and our shop is the first of its kind. Nevertheless, even on its first day,

the shop was already full of customers.The bones of the immoralists will shakePatna, India. This is now the third time that Iíve been to India sincebecoming an acharya. Hundreds, perhaps thousands of Margis have visitedBaba in Bankipur Prison.38 Only five or six Dadas from aroundthe world, including me, are on a special prison black-list which doesnot permit us to enter His cell. Though Iíve applied many times forvisiting privileges, the prison authorities always refuse. Twice Iíve metwith the prison superintendent, only to receive the same reply.For some reason we select few are considered dangerous. Itís surelydue to the misinformation that commonly fills secret police files. Oneof our Norwegian Margis was able to gain access to Interpolís filesthrough the help of a relative who works in Norwayís undercover agentsection. When he checked my name he found numerous false statements,including one declaring that I am sending $5000 every month by banktransfer to a revolutionary fund in America. The fact is that Iíve neversent even one penny to America.Today I decided to appeal directly to the Governor of the State ofBihar. When I arrived at the State Office, I explained that I was a Margiseeking an interview with the Governor.ìThe Governor is now out,î the receptionist said, ìbut Iíll see ifyou can meet the Vice-Governor.îShe left and came back after a few minutes.ìIím sorry, Sir. The Vice-Governor is too busy today.îìHow about tomorrow?îìIt wonít be possible,î she said.nonchalantly said, ìIn 1975 our organization will face a severe crisis. Even if you travelmiles and miles, you will not meet anyone who will admit to being a Margi. It will beone of the most testing periods of the Marga.î Without further comment He closed thedoor. Brij mentioned the episode to several other workers and Margis then, but no oneknew what to make of it.38 Though Ananda Marga was by now legal and again functioning in India, Babaís casewas still not resolved. The new Janata government ordered the courts to retry all casesdecided during Gandhiís rule of martial law. This process was, of course, taking time.PERSONAL CONTACT


ìAlright, I can wait a few days. Just set the time.îìIím sorry, sir. Please donít mind, but he just doesnít want to meetyou.îI thanked her and walked out. After waiting outside for fifteen minutes,I walked in again. While the receptionist was diverted by anotherperson, I walked by her unannounced.Because I moved with seeming confidence through the halls of thebuilding, no one questioned me. Having no idea where his office was,I entered one corridor after another until I finally found the properdoor. Several people were sitting on a bench, waiting. I joined themwithout a word.A few minutes passed, and then the door opened. Someone cameout. Before the door closed, I stood up and walked inside.It was a big room, decorated in rich aristocratic fashion. TheVice-Governor was sitting alone at his desk.He was clearly surprised to receive a visitor without prior notification.ìHow can I help you, sir?î Perhaps because I was a foreigner histone was respectful.

ìI am sorry to disturb you,î I said softly. ìI am a Margi seekingpermission to visit my Guru, Shri P.R. Sarkar, who is presently inBankipur Jail.îHe started shaking slightly.ìYou should follow the normal channels with the prison authorities,î he said.ìI have already exhausted those. Thatís why I came to you.îìOnly the Governor himself can deal with your case. Heís in Delhi, soyou can contact him there, please. Thank you, and good bye.îìIn this situation, sir,î I said, ìit is you that should call him. Besides,I have information indicating that you have full power in hisabsence to take such minor decisions.îìI cannot tolerate your indiscretions,î he said, trembling a bit more.ìI absolutely will not make any such decision on your behalf. So pleaseleave.î He pushed twice or thrice a button on his desk.ìSir, I remind you of the law of karma,î I said. ìFor every actionthere is a resulting reaction. So you should be very careful in your dealingsregarding Shri Sarkar.î133Now he was shaking with abandon. ìGet out! Get out!î Though hepushed repeatedly on the button, no one disturbed our pleasant conversation.ìAre you familiar, sir, with Ananda Margaís philosophy and dynamicsocial work? I think not, and I believe they demand your attention.îBy now he was unable to think rationally. Rather, he was sweating,shivering and madly swatting the button.The door opened with a bang. Two men rushed in.ìGrab him! Grab him!î the Vice-Governor yelled.I was standing still, but they jumped on me like I was wild coyote,each one grasping an arm of my dangerous body.ìTake him out! Take him away!îIn a few minutes the three of us arrived at the nearby police station.I sat down while my two captors talked with the police for a minuteand then left.ìYouíre under arrest,î a policeman said.ìWhatís the charge?îThey talked between themselves. Then the same man, clearly theofficer in-charge said, ìWe donít know.îìWell, if you canít tell me, then Iíll just be leaving.î I stood up.ìNo, please, sir. Wait. We shortly find out charge.îOne man went out the door.After ten minutes he came back, saying, ìYou charged with attackingVice-Governor.îìThatís unmitigated poppycock.î I know that Indians who are uneducatedbow their heads to such language. ìI didnít even touch him.Iím going.î I moved toward the door.ìWait, please wait, sir!î Again the man ran out.On returning, he said, ìVice-Governor changed charge to threateningattack.îìTommyrot and claptrap,î I said. ìI was merely discussing philosophywith him. I canít waste any more time here.î Again I started toleave.ìWait, sir! Just a minute, please!î

They talked among themselves.PERSONAL CONTACT


The officer in-charge gave me a feeble smile. ìCharges dropped, sir.Please no mention anyone.î......Just after returning to our Central Office, I ran into three Margibrothers on their way for a visit with Baba. Without mentioning whathad just happened to me, I asked them to please pass my namaskar39

to Him.Later, coming out of the jail, they told me their story.They took the trouble to express my regards to Baba, and on doingso, Baba Himself namaskared with His hands, and then said,ìHmm, Dharmapala... Just see, just see. Though my boys and mygirls are not yet perfectly following 16 Points, the immoralists are afraidof them, and literally shake in fear.40

ìBut when my boys and my girls really adhere to 16 Points,î He continued,ìthe bones of the immoralists will shake. You understand?îHe jabbed at His own thigh, smiling broadly, saying, ìThe very bonewill shake.îSamadhi or not?Having gone to all possible lengths to gain permission from theauthorities to meet Baba, I set upon a new plan, a violent one. Thistime I was determined that nothing would stop me.Taking permission from the guards, I entered the office of the prisonwarden. I was well known to him due to my numerous attempts in thepast to gain permission. He politely invited me to be seated. One otherman was also sitting there.ìI want to tell you, sir,î I said, ìthat this week I met the Vice-Governor,and he also refused my request to meet Baba. So Iíve decided thatif your response to my last-ditch request is negative, then I shall physicallythrust you people aside and enter His cell by brute force.î I knewthat Babaís cell was only a few meters away, and that no locked doorstood in-between. Out of respect they never locked the door of His cell.ìSir, sir, you must not think such things. You know I am deeplysorry that I cannot allow you to enter. I would lose my job. I, too, ama devotee of Baba, so please believe me about my limitations.î39Namaskar is a hand gesture which means ìI respect the divinity within you with mymind and heartî.40 16 Points is a summary of the most important practices suggested for all Margis.135ìHow can you say youíre devoted to Baba? If it were so, then youwouldnít be afraid to take such a minor risk. You know my heart isbreaking to see Him.îìWe here know all too well about Babaís power and omniscience.But I am helpless due to my duty.îìThis is just a load of nonsense. I am going to break through now.îI started to get up.ìWait! You donít understand our realization of Baba.î He turnedto the other man. ìDoctor, please tell this gentleman about the experienceyou had the other day.îThe doctor cleared his throat. ìUsually, I attend Baba every morningat 11:00. But three days ago I was busy all morning and had to

delay my visit until 3:00 in the afternoon. When I approached the cell,I got a shock. Baba was sitting in meditation, but He was not sitting onthe cot. He was floating about three feet above it! I couldnít believemy eyes. All my thoughts disappeared, and I stood there, simply staringat him. How much time passed I donít know. But I slowly becameaware that His face was changing. He had become Lord Shiva! Tremblingwith fear, I ran back to this office.îìI can attest that he was shaking like a leaf when he dashed in herethat day,î said the warden. ìI thought he was having an epileptic fit.îìWell, I donít care for your explanations or your experiences,î Isaid. ìIf you wonít give me permission to enter Babaís room, then Ishall proceed there in my own way.îJust as I started to rise again, a third man entered the room. Thewarden turned to me, saying, ìPlease! Wait at least a moment while Ispeak to this officer.îWhile the warden was occupied, I closed my eyes. Without theslightest effort I dropped into deep meditation. Losing awareness ofsurroundings, I saw Baba smiling sweetly. He was holding me in Hislap. Stroking my head repeatedly, He said, ìMy dear Dharmapala. Thereis a very good reason why I am not allowing you to meet Me ... a verygood reason.îI became lost in His smile ... His voice ... the feeling of His soft hand.The next thing I knew, I heard a voice saying, ìHeís in samadhi.îI thought, ìWho is that? And who is he talking about?îGradually I remembered where I was. Ah, itís the warden speaking... speaking about me, I thought.PERSONAL CONTACT


I parted my lips, thinking I would say, ìNo, Iím not in samadhi.îBut instead of these words, only incoherent mumbles issued from mymouth. I opened my eyes, and tears fell out.ìWait until you come into normal mood,î the warden said softly.He looked at me with a new gentleness.A few moments passed while the warden was speaking to the thirdman. I stood up, and all three of them clearly became apprehensiveóon their guard as to what I would do.ìPlease reconsider...î the warden started saying to me.I cut him off by doing namaskar with my hands, and said in a breaking,feathery voice, ìItís...alright...now.îAlmost simultaneously, all three of them dropped their jaws in surprise.They were speechless as I walked out of the office into the outercourtyard.There in the sunlight stood Babaís personal assistant together withanother Dada. They knew of my intention to somehow get into Babaíscell today. On seeing my shining, tearful face, they exclaimed, ìYouíveseen Baba!îI didnít know whether to say ìyesî or ìno.îTranscending drugsHuskvarna, Sweden. Our first three residents moved into our newrehabilitation project today. They are all drug addicts. The city governmenthas given us a free lease on the building with an understandingthat we would establish a halfway-house for drug addicts.We only accept young men who demonstrate an interest to improve

themselves. In that case, it is not overly difficult to cure them. Our staffjoins them in practicing meditation to gain inspiration and will-power,vegetarianism and fasting to eliminate body toxins, yoga postures tobalance the hormones, and social work to provide a sense of personalvalue. The system appears sound, but the most important ingredient isloving care. Enforcing external discipline has little worth in itself.A few years ago one of our workers first demonstrated this processby curing some heroin-addicts in Berlin.Playing with danger ó an unsolved riddleThis is my first visit to Bergen, Norway. Last night I stayed in theflat of a brother named Trond, a friend of a friend. He turned out to be137a bit ëdifferentí. It was late when I arrived and he was keen to go tobed, so he showed me a couch where I could sleep. Since I never sleepon a soft bed, I instead arranged my blankets on the floor in the cornerof his bedroom.I was sleeping deeply with a cover pulled over my head when somethingwoke me up.What is this? I thought. I felt a pressure on my leg, but could notidentify its source. Instantly I regained full alertness. Now I was bothcurious and anxious.The pressure was relieved, only to be felt again a moment later onmy waist.The oddest thing! I thought. Is it that fellow up to no good? Then,the pressure still against my waist, a second unstable pressure camedirectly on top of my body.Thereís no mistaking itósurely itís a person. At first he was walkingaround me, and now heís walking on top of me! Whoever it wasmust not have been expecting anybody to be lying on the floor.Though it may be my host simply sleep-walking, I thought, itís morelikely a thief moving in the dark. He took another step, this time onmy shoulder. I lay there, unmoving, and thought out a quick plan.Now! I thought, my heartbeat quickening. Quick as a flash, I sat up,simultaneously thrusting the blanket off.ìUhh!î he exclaimed, clearly shocked that he had been walking ona person. He bucked off of me. I saw his eyes widen in fright as he rantoward the door. Without losing a second, I grabbed my pocket knifefrom my nearby shoulder bag and dashed after him into the adjacentroom.Our scuffle created quite a noise. My host sat up in his bed. ìHey!Whatís this? Whatíre you doing?îInstead of replying, I shouted to the thief in the most threateningtone I could muster, ìCome out! I know youíre here!î I couldnít seeanyone in the darkness.ìWhat?î Trond yelled. ìWho is it?îI turned on the light and looked all around. Nobody. But there wereonly the two rooms. And there was no way he could have gone out thedoor of the flat.PERSONAL CONTACT


ìItís a thief, or something!î I said to Trond who was still sitting inbed.Holding the knife tightly in my fist, I threw aside the curtains, the

chairs, tables, everything the thief might use for cover. Nothing. Nobody.I was dumbfounded. By now Trond had come into the room. I toldhim in detail what had happened.ìDo you have any explanation?î I said.ìNo. Itís pretty strange. Maybe you imagined it all.îìImpossible. After feeling his first step, I was wide awake.îìOdd...îìWhat? Did you ever experience something like this before?îìNo, no. Surely not.îWith nothing further to speak about, we awkwardly went back toour respective sleeping places. A few minutes passed.ìAh, Dada,î he said softly. ìIn fact something out of the ordinarydid happen to me a few nights ago.îìTell me.îìI was fast asleep when I was awakened by someone pressing mybody in different places. I threw my blanket off, and saw someone jumpaway and run into the other room.îìBut thatís exactly what happened to me!îìWell...I...I donít know...îìWhat do you think it was?îìNo, no, no...îìWhat?îìNo. Nothing to speak about. Letís go to sleep.îHe refused to talk any more.......This morning, while I was doing meditation, Trond left the house.After meditation I walked into the second room and looked around.Middle-class conservative furniture...a small orderly collection ofbooks...a few slightly gaudy decorative items...andówait a momentóIlooked at the titles of his books: History of the Occult, Science of Magic,Psychic Power Unleashed, Hitler and the Spear of Destiny, Dictionaryof Necromancy, and many more titles referring to the black arts. Whatkind of a person...?139Surely the fellow was dabbling in occult power. That might explainlast nightís phenomena. The being who walked on me last night wasnot human, not even physical. Thatís why he could disappear when Ichased him.It seems my host may have developed some psychic power, thoughitís clear he was not in control of that power. He, too, was affected byit. On one hand he didnít want to talk about it, but on the other handhe wanted help.Because he did not confide in me, however, and because I have toleave today, it will have to remain an unsolved riddleóat least for now.I could help him, but only if he asks.Unfortunately there must be countless other people like him, playingwith dangerous powers, hardly knowing what they are doing, learninga few spells and concentration techniques and materializing latent forcesfrom their subconscious minds before they have the morality, purityand mental strength to control themselves. What to do? Nothing, exceptto continue to develop spiritual and social qualities. At the propertime society will need and demand the expression of such God-centeredqualities.

Within or without?Stockholm. After walking alone this afternoon up a small hill risingabove the buildings and highways of the city, I sat in a natural bouldergarden. Surrounded by urban chaos, this site offered itself as a Tantricoasis. Inspired, I resolved not to budge a muscle during meditation.About half an hour later, it began to drizzle.A test, I thought. I shall not move.The rain grew stronger, until it became a heavy downpour.I can change my clothes anytime, I thought, but not my mind.It lasted five or ten minutes, then stopped completely. Again I becameaware of the distant sound of cars creating their usual but eeriecosmic wind tunnel effect in my brain. Otherwise the only other soundwas the mournful crowing of nearby birds.My concentration increased until I was no longer conscious of mywetness.After some time a new, high pitched sound appeared far away, perhapsa kilometer or so. Was it a dog barking faintly? Then a littlePERSONAL CONTACT


louderóyes, a dog. Somehow that dog seemed to have something to dowith me from the moment I heard it. The barking became still louder.I supposed it was coming toward me.Even if it attacks me, I wonít stir.Closer and closer the unfriendly bark came. Why? I could not guess.Then it was on my hill, yelping.He is going to attack. I donít care. Itís a test. If Iím hurt or killed,itís Your problem, Baba.The dog was now almost on me. His barking was so loud and viciousthat it hurt my eardrums. He was so near to my face that I couldfeel the heat of his breath, and its stink also. I sat bolt upright, unmoving.My mind flickered back and forth between the thought of mymeditation and that of the dog.A few seconds later, the noise ceased. A pause. Then I heard hisfeet, as he turned and walked away from me.Not allowing myself to wonder how or why it happened, my concentrationdived inward. I enjoyed the rest of meditation.When I opened my eyes I looked at my watch. One hour and twentyminutes. I started to rise to my feet, and, what? How could it be? Therewasnít a drop of rainwater to be seen. Everything was bone dry, includingmy clothing.Could it be the rain was a figment of my imagination? And thedog also?I laughed and walked down the hill.......Orebro, Sweden. Every time I receive a circular, a letter, or, liketoday, a phone call with news from India, I experience the same feelings.First my heart flutters with hope for a positive verdict, then asinking feeling comes when I find out that thereís been no real progress.Then the agony of longing for Him increases until it becomes a sharppain in my heart, my face gets hot and a few sighs escape. Finally, Itell myself that thereís nothing to worry about, that He knows exactlywhat Heís doing, and that itís all just a drama with so many ups anddowns that it only seems like it will never finish, yet it will in fact one

day surely come to a happy ending. Then I mentally prostrate to Him,leave everything to Him, and grimly turn back to His work. After afew minutes Iím back to normal, encouraging others, smiling and workingwith as much zeal as I can muster.141Unknown to everyone, my normality also includes a constant dullpressure at the back of my skull and in the core of my heart where Ibury my yearning to see Him.Work while working, meditate while meditatingStockholm. 1978. A few days ago, Dada Krtashivananda arrivedfrom India, full of news. Subconsciously I prepared myself to go throughmy usual sequence of hope, disappointment and frustration. This timeI never made it past hope. Babaís case is on a steadily rising list ofcases to be heard by the court. Something concrete should happen anytimesoon. Even as I write this I still feel that nervous flutter of anticipationin my heart.He was also full of stories. Iíll mention two of them.The first happened many years ago during a meeting with the margiis:BABA: Do you all want to hear the Cosmic Sound?MARGIIS (about twenty): Yes, yes, Baba!BABA: Do deep meditation now. (After a few minutes silence Babaasked one Margii) What did you hear?MARGII: I heard the sound of the Aum, Baba.BABA (pointing to others): And you ... and you?OTHER MARGIIS: Yes, Baba ... and I ... and I ...(One by one, each Margii says he or she heard the cosmic soundAum.)BABA (pointing to Krtashivanandaji): And what about you, littleboy?KRTASHIVANANDA: Iím sorry, Baba, I didnít hear anything special.BABA: Yes. Now you alone, do dhyana (higher meditation). (Aftera minute) Well, then?KRTASHIVANANDA: Iím sorry, Baba. I still could not hear anything.BABA: I told you to do dhyana. Instead, you are thinking of yourmissionary work. When doing meditation you should not think of work.Now do meditation again. (After another minute) Hmmm?KRTASHIVANANDA: Yes, Baba. At last I heard the Aum.BABA: Just see. Just see.PERSONAL CONTACT


The other story began with a meeting in which Baba assured all theworkers that He would never allow any of them to starve. He promisedthey would receive at least one meal daily. So, no need to worry.Krtashivanandaji wanted to secretly test Baba. During a walkingjourney which took seven days, he maintained silence. He neither carriedany food, nor asked anyone. Once each day, however, a differentstranger approached him and asked if he needed food. He acceptedwithout saying anything. This happened every day except onceófastingday.......June. Some real news today: Babaís case has started. The prosecutionis presenting its evidence now. Of course, the defenseís argumentswill follow.

I can hardly stop thinking about Baba. My mind rolls uncontrollablybetween states of expectation, anxiety, awe (of His cosmic strategy),a desperate craving to see Him, and, occasionally, little flashes offear.Itís Babaís problemI called my higher authority today and told him, ìDada, ten of theeleven full-timers in my region want to go for acharya training.îìVery good.îìSo I am planning to send all of them to acharya training this week.îìAll of them?îìYes. Why not?îìAre you crazy? If you empty your region of full-timers, all of thework will collapse. Just send two for now. Then perhaps each monthyou can send another.îìLook, if Baba wants to help, thereís an local full-timer trainingsession coming up in July. Besides, I thought our most important workis wholetimer creation.îìThatís right but...îìAnd if I delay in sending some of them, they may lose their inspiration.îìDonít be a fool.îìIf any problem comes to the region, itís Babaís problem. He hasto take care. I am sending all these brothers and sisters for Him.î143ìYou idiot! I wonít permit you to send them all at once.îìDada, excuse me for asking, but is that your suggestion or is thatyour order?î I asked.ìWell, of course it is not my order. But youíre absolutely not to doit. Do you understand?îìYes.îI knew that he couldnít give such an order because creating newwholetimers is our first priority. In this case, I am technically free tomake my own decision. Certainly he is right from the standpoint ofnormal logic. Perhaps I am a fool, but it will be a fine Tantric test forBaba to take care of His own work. Iíll send them all to the Swedenacharya training center as quickly as possible.......July. News from Patna: The defense has started presenting theirarguments.Only You know, Baba, what will happen, what Youíve planned. ButIím sure part of Your plan is to make me mad for You.......Timmern, Germany. The only full-timer left in my region isDhruvadev, who doesnít want to become an acharya. As expected, myhigher authority was furious. Baba, You have to help.Today, the new Berlin Sector full-timer training session started here.I am the trainer together with another Dada. Itís a one-month program,and the biggest weíve ever held. Ninety Margiis are attending. Thirtyof them are from Scandinavia. Of course, most of the trainees are onlyhere for the experience. Letís see how many He inspires to becomereal full-timers.Free at last!Todayís news!!!! What news!!!! Itís the happiest day of my life!!!!

Baba is released!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!After seven years of imprisonment and over five years of fasting,He is vindicated, absolved of guilt.The true criminal is Indira Gandhiís administration. By using deceit,bribery, corruption, intimidation, torture, defamationówhat tospeak of a total ban against Ananda Marga and imprisonment of allMargiis and workersóMrs Gandhi and her cohorts have tried their bestPERSONAL CONTACT


to finish off Baba and Ananda Marga but they have failed miserably.History will document all the steps that the forces of Nature will takeagainst the real sinners. We need do nothing against them, nor can wehate them. Though they are full of negativity, they too are unwittingtools of Godís play.My beautiful Baba. I still have not physically seen Him. They sayHeís withered, emaciatedómaintained only by His psycho-spiritualpower. Now His fast will finish, and He will surely regain His robustconstitution. Clouds cannot long overcast the sun.And I will see Him at last!!! Like Him, I have also waited theseseven years.(Yes, Iíll go to India. But first I have to finish the local full-timertraining session which is going perfectly.)Guidance from afarTimmern. 8 August. Iíve been tortured by asthma for many nights.Deep within, I donít mind. Itís an interesting test. But itís my duty totry to cure it, so I have experimented with many remedies. YesterdayI even began a cure recommended by our local Margii doctor Sukumarin which I must twice daily cleanse my intestines by drinking my urine.I did it yesterday but found it so repulsive that I discontinued it today.Baba Himself would have to instruct me to undergo this treatment beforeI would take it up again.......Ten days later. A circular arrived from India, highlighting manynew points given by Baba. For me, the most interesting one is that Hecriticizes Indian Prime Minister Moraji Desaiís daily health-habit ofdrinking his own urine. Desai often openly declares its curative value.Baba, however, says urine is the most crude substance one can ingest.The circular is dated 9 August. This means He directly caught mythought, ìBaba You have to personally instruct me if You want me toresume this cure.î But instead of telling me to resume it, He forbid it.Of course thereís no way that news of my experiment could havebeen conveyed to Calcutta.......[Authorís note: About two years later, I had an experience whichparalleled the above one. It also happened in Germany:145ìAbout two weeks ago the Dadas and Didis came from all overthe sector for RDS. To break the tension one evening, a few of us wentto a movie. Once there, it was certainly our duty to maximally enjoyourselves, and eliminate the greatest possible tension. Accordingly, welaughed our heads off.Little did we know that the local district secretary of AnandaMarga was also present in the same theater. The next day he complained

to our higher authority that ëThe Dadasí behavior was unsuitable foracharyas.íToday a circular came from India with a few new conduct rulesfrom Baba, including: ëAcharyas must not go to public movie theaters.íWithout going into details, Iím one hundred percent sure that noone reported our pleasurable evening at the movies to India. Consideringthat the circular was dated the day afterwards, I believe this isyet another instance of Babaís sticking His adorably ethereal nose intoour personal lives. Having an all-knowing guru has both its advantagesand disadvantages.î]......Full-timer training ended today. Congratulations, Baba! You inspiredten of the thirty trainees from Scandinavia to become full-timersóexactlyfilling the gap created when the previous ones left to becomingacharyas.Another perfect work by the Mystic Sculptor.Ten for ten! His blessing is clear: He likes, no, He loves this kindof noble risk.Before leaving for India, I will place all the new full-timers in thefield.Yes: my flight is booked for India, and this time I will see You.Nothing can stop our meeting now....Unless You play some last minutenasty trick. Donít You dare do that, Baba! Not this time, please.Having fun with a bad manCopenhagen. After we finished kiirtan and began group meditationthis evening, I felt something evil in the air. Though I had never stoodup during group meditation before, today I made an exception. I quietlywalked into the front room which serves as our cooperative restaurantand community center. Mainjula was sitting there.PERSONAL CONTACT


ìDid anything strange happen just now, Mainjula?î I whispered.ìNo, Dada...îìHave you been completely alone?îìWell, a man came in. He looked around for a couple of minutes,and left just before you came in.îìWho was he?îìI donít know his name. He was Indian and has been here a fewtimes before. He has a mustache, and...îìI know,î I interrupted. ìIíve seen him several times recently. Heísthin, has a sharp chin, and beady eyes which he shifts around as hespeaks. He expresses an exaggerated interest in meditation and yogathough heís never tried to learn.îìYeah, thatís him.îìWhat was he doing just now?îìNothing.îìHe must be a very bad man. His very vibration strongly disturbedmy meditation. If you ever see him again, please tell me.î......Two days later. This morning I was so late for my Aeroflot flightto Moscow that the plane had to be delayed a few minutes only forme. Who could believe that I would be late for a flight that was takingme directly to Baba. But there was so much to take care of before I

left. I had to be either responsible and late, or irresponsible and on-time.Does He always have to make such last minute dramas?Once they rushed me aboard, the stewardess escorted me directlyto my seat.With all the hurry, I didnít notice the passenger sitting next to meuntil I had already put on my seat beltóit was the same Indian man whohad disturbed my meditation two days ago. I was astonished, but immediatelyunderstood the connection. Surely he was a member of the CBI(Central Bureau of Investigation in India) with instructions to followme. How could he be foolish enough to reserve a seat next to mine?Damn, I thought. Is this yet another of Babaís tricks to keep mefrom seeing Him?ìNice to see you again,î he said with a derisive smirk on his face.ìWhere are you going?î I asked politely.ìTo Delhi, of course.î147ìWhat takes you to Delhi?îìTo meet my family. And where are you going?î He was still wearingthe same arrogant grin. Confident that I was also going to Delhi,he no longer had anything to hideóin contrast to these last days duringwhich he had shadowed me in Copenhagen.ìTo Dacca,î I said bluntly, staring at him. The look on his faceabruptly turned to bewilderment when he realized that he had miscalculated.ìAnd though I appreciate your recent concern for my security,î Icontinued, ìI canít figure out what you hope to find out from me. Nevertheless,youíll have to excuse me because my curiosity is less thanmy repulsion for this kind of game.îI stood up and moved to another seat. Something tells me this manmay soon lose his job. But itís not my duty to look after his security.Personal contactCalcutta. Oh, Lord, my heart pounded as I waited for You upstairsin the Jodhpur Park office. Would You be like my dreams? WouldYou smile as Iíd imagined? How would You treat me? What wouldYou say? They said You would come soonónow, what delays You? Afterwaiting seven years, seven minutes was agony.Thirty workers lined up in the corridor. Some gossiped or hummed atune. But not a sound could pass my lips; nothing could enter my mindexcept the thought of You; my heart wept, jumped, ached...ìParampita Baba ki jai! Victory to Baba!î Suddenlyóthere Youwere! Alive. Breathing. Walking towards me. Not a vision or a dreamthis time. You took over my eyes, my mind. Every muscle, every nerveleaned toward You as You moved down the silent row. Oh, God! Thatfor which I was bornófulfilled. If, in that moment I had died, and fallenat Your feet I would have been satisfied.You gave me a passing glance. You saw me. I was stunned. I didnítneed that, but You gave it. Everything which follows in my life will belike toys for an infant already suckling its motherís breast.You walked into Your room. The door closed. I remainedóa puppetwith a head full of sawdust.Then excitement, voices echoing meaninglessly down the corridor,one sound pierced through the din: ìThose who have not yet had Per-PERSONAL CONTACT


sonal Contact, come here.î I drifted toward Dada Ramananda, Babaíspersonal assistant. Only Indian workers and full-timers were aroundhim.ìWhat, you?î he said to me. ìYou havenít had Personal Contactyet?îìNo, Dadaji.îìAll these years?î Without another word he turned sharply, openedBabaís door, and went in.Within seconds he reappeared, grabbed my shoulders, and shovedme through the door. ìGo in!î I stumbled, and caught myself whilethe door shut behind me.I looked up. You sat alone on Your bed, smiling. I threw myself atYour feet, extending my arms until I was an arrow piercing the target.ìSit up, my boy.î You spoke to me! Was I dreaming? Tears beganto flow from my eyes. Oh, what would You say now? I had waited sevenyearsóBaba!ìWhat is your name, my boy?î Whatówas this a joke? You knewnot only my name, but everything, everything about me, more than Iknew about myself.I smiled and said, ìDharmapala, Baba.î How silly.ìAnd what is your posting?îOh, come to the point, Baba, I thought. Talk to me personally, notlike someone You never met!Again I smiled. ìRegional Secretary of Stockholm and Oslo Regions,Baba.îìAcha. You know you made some mistakes in your past.îI smiled, saying, ìYes, Baba.î Now, surely You would go into detailabout my personal history.But no. It was not to be. A few minutes passed, some more wordsabout correcting myself, about becoming a model for others. Threatenedpunishment with Your stick, the stick whistling through the air,and stopping just before touching me. An oath. Formalitiesóall formalities.Finished. Again I lay at Your feet, and then left.I had waited seven years for You to ask me my name and my posting?My heart sank. I am nothing special to Baba, I thought. The bloodrushed to my head. Did I only imagine His greatness all these years?149Dumbfounded, I stood again outside Your door, but this time therewas doubt. Doubtóugly and dark.But I had little time to brood. Ramanandaji went inside Your room,then came out quickly and said, ìPersonal Contact is finished today.Get ready for darshan.îDarshanóto see: a time when all were invited to see You, or beseen by You. We all rushed up to the roof.Already about 200 people were sitting there. Following no oneísexample, I moved to the front, and sat immediately in front of Yoursofa.Why had You talked like that to me? I felt cheated. Okay my workhas been for humanity. But it was also to please You. And You didnítcare. Iím just another piece from Your toolbox.You came and sat down. We danced kiirtan in front of You.Still Iíll try to please You, Baba.We danced, we sang, we sat down, and You began speaking.

And then, what? You looked deep within me, Your eyes twinkled,Your lips turned in a smile, You put Your hand to my face, You gentlypinched my cheek, saying, ìYes, yes. And what do you say, my little boy?îI was speechless, smiling back. You lightly slapped my face lovingly.Ecstasy!I am special to Him! He loves me!If my smile had been any bigger, my face would have broken.You went on talking. Glancing at me again and again. And againYou pinched me and lightly slapped me.Though hundreds of others were there, we might as well have beenalone. This time You were personal to the extreme. Oh, Baba!You left. Again I was baffled, but this time it was sweet chaos. Whydo You play such games? Clearly You love me. But in the PersonalContact itself, You said nothing interesting, and did nothing memorable.Afterward, only afterward, You were so loving, beyond my imagination.Why?Slowly I began to understand. Personal Contact is spiritual. Purelyspiritual. It doesnít matter what happens experientially. Experience isnot spiritual, it is mental. You did what You wanted during the PersonalContact. It will have exactly the proper unique effect on me, unrelatedto either understanding or misunderstanding.PERSONAL CONTACT


And I knowóYou want me to tell others that Personal Contact ispurely spiritual. Not to expect anything. You will do only what is necessaryto deepen our consciousness, which is beyond any objective phenomena.My head spins. My samskaras rise up, dance, and accelerateto the speed of life.YouóTantra GuruóYou care only for that spirituality.And You pinched me, You slapped meówhy?ójust to please me. Youalready did what You wantedóand then You did what I wanted.You clever One. I ... love ... You.41

His magic stickIt seems that all of historyís great Tantrics had to undergo eithergreat suffering or great austerities. Buddha lived as an ascetic and laterfasted for forty days. Krishna was born in jail and persecuted throughoutmuch of his life. Jesus embraced poverty, was tormented throughoutthe years of his missionary work, and underwent the harshest tortureon the cross. 7000 years ago, the first known Tantric guru, Shiva,had the habit of thrashing his leading disciples with a burning stick.Baba is no different. After seven years in prison, a poisoning thatwould have killed anyone else, and more than five years of fasting, Hehas picked up the work of building His mission and running the organizationas if He had merely gone out for a walk, and like Shiva He isa fierce disciplinarian.[Author note: Before I explain about todayís reporting session withBaba, I want to write a little introductory material. Two or three years41 The diary refers to samskara. For every action there is a reaction. Until the reactionoccurs, the unexpressed reaction awaits expression. This unexpressed reaction is termedsamskara. Sooner or later it must be expressed. Every thought is also an action, and islike a seed sown in the mind, changing the mind from its original equilibrium. A reactionis needed to return to that equilibrium. When the mindís balance is disturbed, anopposite expression of an equivalent quantity of energy is thus required. If there is adelay in time, ìequivalent quantityî takes that into account, and often requires a greater

suffering or pleasure in order to balance the original disturbance. It is something likeinterest accrued in a bank account over time. Due to psychic suppression or repression,a person may have difficulty expressing samskaras. One may have mental blocksor fear. This causes a slowing down of spiritual development. Such blocks are to someextent inevitable in every person because of our human weaknesses. Because the verypresence of Baba caused a strong stir in everyoneís mind, Margis and workers alwaysexperienced an increase in the speed of expression of their samskaras just after seeingBaba. This was especially true when one had personal contact.151before I joined Ananda Marga, I began reading spiritual books. Oneof the first was the biography of Milarepa, the most famous Tantric inthe history of Tibet. Milarepaís guru, Marpa, severely tested him evenbefore giving him initiation. The guru alternated between ignoring him,treating him brutally, and making fun of him. Milarepa was orderedto build a house of stones. This back-breaking work took him manymonths. When he completed it, the guru ridiculed him, and told himto build it again in a different way and in a different spot. This happenedsix times. Besides treating Milarepa severely, the guru even pretendedto be drunk. Finally Milarepaís despair overcame him. He lefthis guru and went to another teacher. A few days later he realized hismistake, returned to his guru, begged forgiveness, and pleaded for theinitiation. The guru replied, ìIf only you had built one more house,your ego would have shrunk to the proper size. You would have burnedmost of your karma. After initiation you would have achieved liberationwithin a short time. Now I am forced to give you initiation, butyou will have to practice meditation and austerities for many years toget your self-realization.îFor the next years, Milarepa lived in below-freezing conditions withoutclothing, ate no food except nettle soup, and practiced long meditationin lonely mountain caves. During this time, his guru died.Milarepa persisted until he achieved his goal. He then gradually createda large school of disciples. In his later life, though he underwentpainful diseases which were said to be beyond the endurance of normalhuman beings, he was always in a blissful mood.From that young age I understood the spiritual path gradually demandsgreater and greater commitment. The goal is reached only ifone is prepared to sacrifice everything for God.Tantric scriptures specify that a true guruís relationship with a disciplemust swing according to need from strictness and strong punishmentto intimacy and affection.There are similarities to this concept in many traditions having elementsof Tantra. Both Chinese and Japanese Zen owe their originsdirectly to Tantra. One of the most renown Zen masters, Linji Yixuan(in Japanese: Rinzai), who lived in the 9th century, was famous forusing anger to awaken his disciples. He said, ìSometimes a shout islike the precious sword of the Diamond King; sometimes a shout isPERSONAL CONTACT


like a golden-haired lion that creeps forward in a crouch; sometimes ashout is like a lure stick with a tuft of grass dangling on the end; sometimesa shout is not used as a shout at all.îEkido was a particularly severe teacher. His pupils feared him. Oneof them on duty, striking the gong to tell the time of day, missed hisbeats when his eye was attracted by a beautiful girl passing the templegate. At that moment Ekido, who was directly behind him, hit him

with a stick and the shock happened to kill him. Ekidoís attitude remainedabsolutely unchanged by this incident. After this took place,he was able to produce under his guidance more than ten enlightenedsuccessors, a very unusual number.Of course, I do not condone such a killing, and rather consider thatit may have been due to Ekidoís carelessness. I simply mention it todemonstrate that harshness from the side of the teacher is a normaltechnique, and does not necessarily indicate a loss of control. As faras I know, Babaís punishments never produced any permanent harm.Yet another example concerns the master Inzan, who showed nodistinction to his disciple Gisho on account of her sex. He scolded herlike a thunderstorm. He cuffed her to awaken her inner nature. Afterher enlightenment, Inzan wrote a poem in her honor:This nun studied thirteen years under my guidance.In the evening she considered the deepest koans,In the morning she was wrapped in other koans.The Chinese nun Tetsuma surpassed all before her,And since Mujaku none has been so genuine as this Gisho!Yet there are many more gates for her to pass through.She should receive still more blows from my iron fist.Now I turn back to Baba. There are many stories about His reportingsessions, the countless displays of His spiritual power and love,and the punishment He metes out to His workers. A reporting sessionwith Baba is always something extraordinary. For those who never experiencedit, no words can adequately describe it. From the organizationalstandpoint, it serves as an occasion for Baba to examine our workoutput, and give guidance for improvements. More significantly, it is atime for us to be close to our guru, and for Him to stir into our hearts153whatever spiritual ingredients we need. Part of His method for doingthis involves stimulating different emotions in us, like shame, fear, love,anger, anxiety and compassion. His techniques for doing this changeconstantly and continuously. All of our work targets are difficult andoften impossible, thus giving Baba plenty of opportunity to isolate thereal causes for our failures. And those causes are always psychic weaknesses.In one way or another, by subtle indirect methods, He bringsout these weaknesses, and then helps us to overcome them.I want to add something more still about Babaís incomparable abilityto alternatively love and scold us. For this purpose I take the libertyto quote from an article by Dada Sarveshvarananda, a previousGeneral Secretary. He writes:Baba was as strong as thunder in dealing with evil or immoral actionson the one hand, and as tender as a flower bud in dealing withrighteous or moral actions on the other. Actually, I never felt Babaísanger was in any sense like that of an ordinary person. Usually if someoneloses his temper, his blood pressure rises, his face turns red andhe loses all mental equilibrium. But Baba was always in control ofHimself. He would show anger and displeasure to make us realize ourfaults and goad us on towards inner and outer perfection. I always feltthat He was playing a role with His anger for us because, in the nextmoment, He could be light-hearted again ó laughing and making uslaugh. ... Truly, we were not so unnerved by His anger as one mightexpect. Even though that anger blew through us like a devastating storm,

we knew that soothing rainfall was sure to follow. The severity of theprolonged reproofs and condemnation we had to face during our reportingsessions, pierced through our minds like arrows and made uscompletely heartbroken. We would then be hopelessly rejected. Butwhen the reporting was over, He would change completely. He wouldcall us and shower loving caresses and sweet, calming words on us.This love, this affection, was so sublime and touching that all the humiliation,dejection and agonies we were experiencing a moment beforewere instantly gone. ... Baba once said to me, ìNo matter howhigh a position a person attains, he or she will always need a strictguardian to answer to for his or her deeds ó good or bad ó who willgive him or her proper guidance in lifeís journey. That guardian willPERSONAL CONTACT


also be a perennial source of inspiration. That is why I have a responsibilityto be very strict in my discipline and duties. But it is not my realnature. My responsibilty compels me, against my wish, to be harsh withyou.î Infinite affection was His real nature. What we saw in the way ofanger and fury was nothing but a camouflage to an inner ocean of loveand affection for all. ...Further, hereís a story of Dada Tapeshvarananda:In 1984 I was a Central worker. During a few days that the GeneralSecretary was absent, I had the duty to give most of the reports toBaba. In the collective sessions, Baba gave me terrible punishment, asif the whole blame of the organizationís defects was mine.After one punishment I felt so wounded, both physically and mentally,that I wanted to distance myself from Him. I decided I wouldnot sing Prabhat Samgiit, and that I would do only organizational work,since that was all He seemed to care about.So that night when Baba returned from fieldwalk, I intentionallyavoided Him, and was not there for singing together with everyone else.I heard that Baba asked, ìWhere is Tapeshvarananda?îSomeone answered, ìBaba, he was just here, but maybe he is busysomewhere.îAfter eating His dinner, He called me. I could not avoid, and hadto go to His room. I did not look at Baba, and kept my eyes downwhile I answered His questions.He asked, ìHow did you like that song I gave yesterday, Tumi amardhyaner dhyeyo? Did you learn it?î I was silent.ìYou cannot remember?îìNo, Baba, I did not learn it.îìWhatever you remember, even one or two lines, you sing.îThen I could not control my tears, and started crying. I said, ìBaba,I did not learn the song, I cannot remember any line.îìWhy?î I could not reply.He said, ìYou see, I understand, you may feel that I only punish you,I only torture you. But you donít understand that when I am punishingyou, my inner intention is not to torture you, but to purify you. You mayfeel externally that it is torture, that it is humiliation. But spiritual purificationcomes after suffering, torture and humiliation.155ìThe main enemy on the spiritual path is ego, and ego can bepowedered only through these three processes of suffering, torture and

humiliation. You may feel bad, but you donít know how happy I amwhen I see that you are successfully passing all these sufferings andtortures, because bliss and the supreme Ananda comes only after that.Ultimately in the spiritual world, nothing is suffering. There is onlyyou moving toward the spiritual bliss.ìDo you know why I asked you about that song? The last line says,ëI am weeping. Is that what You want? If that gives You pleasure, thenI will go on weeping only for You.íîSo after this big build-up about Babaís stricness, letís turn to whatreally happened today:]I had heard stories about reporting sessions before Baba, the punishmentHe metes out to his workers and the countless displays of Hisspiritual power and love; today I had my first real taste during a sessionwith the education department.The drama went as follows:GENERAL SECRETARY [GS]: How many schools were startedlast month in your region?RANCHI REGIONAL SECRETARY: Three, Dada.BABA: Why only three? How many of your diocese secretaries arepresent here?REG. SECY.: Four, Baba.BABA (frowning and squinting): Then why not four schools? Nonsense,rascal. Who is the worker that didnít start a school?DIOCESE SECRETARY (stepping forward uneasily): Myself,Baba.BABA: Is there any justification for such gross inefficiency?DIO. SECY. (stammering): I try...tried my my best, Baba.BABA: Tried! Stupid. One does or does not do. To sincerely try isto do. So no need to keep the word try in your dictionary. Ranchi regionalsecretary, come forward! (The reg. secy. steps in front of Baba.)Due to your inadequate supervision, this jewel-of-a-boyís potentialitywas not fully utilized. Hands up! (The reg. secy. lifts both arms straightup.) Animal! Only eating and sleeping! (Baba hits His stick againsthis side. The reg. secy. jumps up involuntarily.) Wasting your time andPERSONAL CONTACT


misguiding your workers.(Baba beats a him bit more, as the reg. secy.mutters ìBaba Babaî and leaps from side to side.)DIO. SECY. (moving closer to Baba): No, donít beat him, Baba!Itís my fault.BABA (pausing with the stick and speaking in a calm, dignifiedmanner): No, itís not your fault. It is due to your supervisor. (He turnsto the reg. secy. and strikes him again.) Idiot, lazy fellow!REG. SECY. (speaking to the dio. secy.): Say something concrete!DIO. SECY.: Baba, Iíll start a school within one month.BABA (hits the reg. secy. again): One month! One month! Do youthink that the suffering humanity can wait for such listlessness and lethargy?DIO. SECY.: One week, Baba! Iíll start the school within one week!BABA (halting with the stick): Did you hear what the boy said, GS?GENERAL SECY: Yes, Baba. He said he will start a school inone week.BABA (taking out a handkerchief to wipe the sweat from His brow):

Yes, take a note. If a school is not started within one week, then furthermeasures will be required.REG. SECY.: Baba, I will properly supervise him.BABA: Yesss...Surely most people would be horrified to see such a display of angerand force. But I was full of inspiration. Here was a man-making guru,capable of molding His disciples for the benefit of society.After leaving the room, the RS joked and laughed, his face suffusedwith joy, though the marks of the stick were still visible. It made meeven more curious to know the inner effect of His stick.Later I got a chance to ask one senior worker how everyone toleratedBabaís abuse. He said, ìWe know from Tantraís long traditionthat the guru has the responsibility to uplift his disciple from animallifeto warrior-life to divine-life. To achieve this, the guruís behaviorwill have to fluctuate between extremely bitter and extremely sweet.And it varies for each disciple.ìMore importantly, Baba instructed us how to deal with subordinateworkers. He said that for every ten parts of strictness we use, wemust give at least eleven parts of love. In His case I feel like all the157strictness He employs cannot compare with His boundless love. Babaísexistence is only for us. He does nothing for Himself. It doesnít matterif someone else believes Iím right or wrong about Baba, because thatísmy daily experience. Thatís why no amount of severe punishment canshake my relationship with Him.îAfter the Dada left I remembered a story I had heard about SwamiShivananda. One of his disciples once asked him a question, ìGuruji,your teaching is beautiful for all of us who are practicing yoga andmeditation. Your mission also benefits thousands of sick people whocome to our medical clinics. But what about the rest of the humansociety, the millions and billions who suffer from poverty, ignoranceand injustice? Can you not do something for them? Can you not pleaseguide us to help the entire society?îShivanandaji answered, ìWe must only help the rest of sufferinghumanity indirectly. To serve them directly would require a vast organizationwhich would crumble under its own weight. My workers wouldquarrel with each other and destroy whatever was created. No, I amnot the man to do that work.îI believe that Babaís greatest contribution to history is the creationof a Tantric organization to serve the entire human society, an organizationbased on renunciate workers. Because renunciates prefer to liveoutside of normal social disciplines, the subtlest psychology is requiredin training us. More importantly, we have to overcome our petty differences.We have to move together as one great family. For this purpose,Baba belittles our egos by chastising us, and encourages our soulsto unfold by loving us.Awakening latent qualitiesI did not have to wait long for my own personal experience. TodayI, too, felt the touch of His stick.BABA: What is your post?ME: Regional Secretary, Stockholm and Oslo Regions, Baba.BABA: How many new kindergartens or primary schools did youopen in the last one month?

ME (feeling very proud): Two kindergartens, Baba.BABA: And in that same period how many permanent welfare centersdid you start?PERSONAL CONTACT


ME: Ah, none, Baba.BABA: Do you think the number is adequate?ME: No, Baba.BABA: Are you proud of your work?ME: No, Baba.BABA: Should we all praise you?ME: No, Baba. You should punish me.BABA: Yes, you deserve punishment. Hands up! (I raise my hands.Baba strikes me on my right side. I am surprised by the intensity of thepain and jump slightly.) Are you properly utilizing your time as a worker?ME: No, Baba. (As He goes on hitting, I involuntarily think, Babaloves me. He is doing this only because He cares for me. Both my mindand body settle down as I look into His eyes. Instead of reflecting anger,those eyes are compassionate.) I will do better, Baba, much better.BABA: What does he say, GS?GENERAL SECRETARY: He says he will do much better, Baba.BABA (switching over to hitting me on my left side): This reply isnot sufficient.ME (Though the pain is real, I feel my mind diving deeper into Him.):I shall work every second of every minute, Baba. (More blows) I will notthink for my own petty self. I will become an ideal man.BABA (turning the edges of His mouth upward, His cheeks dimpling):GS, he does want to be a good boy. Yes. (Waving His stick towardthe side of the room) Go, stand there on the side.I went and joined the Dadas who had already received treatment.Amazingly, the intense pain was almost completely gone. Rather, I wasfeeling overwhelmed with the strong desire to serve humanity to my utmostcapacity. And my affection for Baba was so strong that it seemedto be physically pressing out against my breast.Right, not wrongMahindra used to serve as one of Babaís bodyguards. When he heardthat I had just begun to experience the stick, he told me a story fromthe time that Baba was in jail:My old friend, Awadhanath Prasad begged me to arrange a meetingwith Baba. He told me he had done something bad with a lady who159worked in fields under his supervision. He had committed other sinstoo.When we entered His cell, Baba immediately yelled at Awadhanath,ìWhy did you come? Animal, pig!îìI came due to Mahindra.îìMahindra, why did you bring this nasty boy?îìBaba, please help him.îìBring me my stick.îI looked around cell but I couldnít find Babaís stick, so I borrowedthe constableís and gave it to Baba. Right there in front of prison guards,Baba beat Awadhanath. Then He told him to rub his nose on floor,which he did until it bled.

Afterward, when we went outside, the CID [Central IntelligenceDepartment] wanted Awadhanath to file a case against Baba for beatinghim but he refused. ìHe is my guru! What He did was right, notwrong!îAfter that he became a completely pure and exemplary man. Henow spends all his spare time doing social service.Power comes from difficultiesMargiis and workers are present from all over the world. Just think!When Baba was arrested in December, 1971, there were Margiis inonly five countries. Now, seven years later, Ananda Marga is active inover eighty countries.The Tantric guru and his disciples always gain power from theirdifficulties. Every effort made by the Gandhi regime to destroy AnandaMarga eventually resulted in strengthening our mission.This reminds me of two statements Baba made while still in prison.The first was during the emergency rule, when He was convicted by akangaroo court and sentenced to life imprisonment. In that seeminglydarkest of moments, He turned to His attorney, smiled, and wrote onHis message board: ìNow the tables will turn.î42 Soon after, IndiraGandhi lost her power, and our workers and Baba were vindicated.The other occurred at the end of the emergency, when the banagainst Ananda Marga was lifted and our workers were released from42 For many months during His imprisonment, due to the after-effects of his poisoning,Baba was unable to speak; He communicated by writing.PERSONAL CONTACT


jail. Many of them had undergone great suffering. This was especiallytrue of those who the authorities had physically and psychically punishedin an effort to obtain written denunciations of Ananda Marga.Babaís comment at that time was ìThe workers have passed throughthe blazing crucible. Their iron has been forged into steel. Previouslythey (Gandhi and others) believed Ananda Marga to be a dangerousbaby snake. Now, thanks to them, it has become a fully grown snake.î......Stockholm. After working as the Scandinavian regional secretaryfor nearly three years, I have now been transferred. My posting is to asection which previously did not exist outside of India: Volunteers ServiceDepartment or SD. Today I begin my duties as the European ChiefSecretary of SD. The programs of SD include physical social servicesfor the needy, survival training, security, relevant higher philosophy,and training in basic service-skills such as first aid. Among the meansfor providing this training are weekend SD camps, which also encouragecollective discipline and unity through group exercises. In additionto all of this is a sub-section called Spiritualistsí Sports and AdventuresClub.I think Iím going to enjoy this new job.161CHAPTER 9

Kapalika MeditationAvadhutaCalcutta. Today I was informed that Baba is considering my applicationto become an avadhuta.43 What is the meaning of avadhuta?

Ancient scriptures give the following differing descriptions:* Avadhutas and avadhutikas have given up lust for worldly things;their speech is simple and straightforward, and they always live in thepresent.* Though their bodies may be smeared with dust, their minds arealways pure. Even if they do not care much for meditation or concentration,they are always in the state of Cosmic Thought.43 Since becoming acharya, I had been working as a brahmacarii, i.e. a monk who teachesthe six basic lessons of meditation. I had not yet learned a higher Tantric meditation,called kapalika, which is taught only by Baba directly. This meditation is performed ina graveyard or cremation ground between the hours of midnight and 3:00 AM, at leastonce monthly during the time of the new moon. The eerie, death-shrouded atmospherehelps to manifest oneís latent fears and baser instincts while the lonely silence encouragesdeep concentration. By this practice, the aspirant rapidly gains control over thelower self. At this time, Baba also gives the initiation which follows the brahmacariistage, called avadhuta (or avadhutika for Didis). In Ananda Marga, the brahmacarii wearsan orange shirt, orange turban, and a white lungi (sarong) or pants, while the avadhutawears an orange turban, orange shirt and orange lungi. The uniform is a compromisewith the pressing need of modern society for such workers; historically an avadhutawas a naked yogi covered only by ashes, unattached to pleasure and pain, and rarely,if ever, was seen in society.In India, the word Kapalika is much misunderstood. Many people believe it refers toblack-magic left-hand Tantrics who appear totally wild: drinking wine, eating humanflesh, engaging in sexual rituals, and so on. It is nothing other than an injustice to theTantric tradition when people act in this way and claim to be kapalikas.KAPALIKA MEDITATION


* They have given up thoughts concerned with solid, liquid, luminous,aerial or ethereal factors. They do not fear death, nor are theycontrolled by the darkness of ego.* They are free from all worldly fetters. Their lives are pure frombeginning, middle, to end. They always remain in the state of bliss.* They have no attachment, even for such qualities as patience andcourage. They worship neither Shiva (Consciousness) nor Shakta (PrimalEnergy), but remain absorbed in the ideation of Brahma (infiniteGod), like a second Maheshvara (a name of Shiva, father of Tantra).During the seven years of Babaís imprisonment no worker becameavadhuta because the initiation required privacy. Furthermore, in theseven thousand years since Shiva founded the Tantric cult no non-Asianhas learned the kapalika practice. Thus something special, somethingnew, is in the works.The testFour of the candidates being considered by Him are non-Indian.He called us individually into His room. We were told that He wouldtest our readiness for the kapalika training.It was different than any test Iíve undergone. Iíll explain only partof it.He called me first. As with Personal Contact, I was alone with Him.But whereas before He sat in a comfortable unassuming posture, thistime He was erect, permeated by an intense transcendentality (how elseto describe that mood?). As He spoke, the images He described becameas real as the room itself.ìYou are in the cremation ground in the dead of the night...î He said,a fire burning in His eyes, ìeverything hides behind a blanket of darkness... vultures flap their wings ... a muggy breeze shivers your spine ... fromsome unknown corner echoes ëhooot ... hooot ... hoootíówill you be afraid?îìNo, Baba.î

ìVery good,î He brought His solemn face close to mine. ìAnd ifyou plunge deep, deep down into silence ... only leaves minutely rustlingin the breath of shadows ... your heart beats slowly ... slowly ...slowly ... when suddenly! what hey? scores of faces, nay, skulls are allupon you! raining like arrows on your head! scowling, grating theirteeth, hissing, wailing!ówill you be afraid?î163ìNo, Baba.îìVery good. But, then, how will my boy react if I tell him to takeoff his clothes and move in the streets without inhibition? Will he do it?îìYes, Baba.îìThen, go and do it. Now.îImmediately without a flick of hesitation, I stood up and startedfor the door. As my hand reached the door handle, He said, ìStop!îI turned and faced Him.ìVery good. Very good. Now tell me ... how many blades are inthat fan?îIn that moment nothing could have been more strange than such acommon question! I looked up at the ceiling-fanóthe blades turnedlazily, barely merging into each other. I tried to count them.ìI think...there may be three, Baba.îìYou think, or you know?îìI...I...think, Baba.îìThe answer is wrong. You should have said, ëBaba, may I turn thefan off so that I can properly count the blades?íîI laughed, while He smiled broadly. The ìtestî was finished.He placed His hand on my head, then I embraced Him, and reluctantlyleft, an extraordinary energy vibrating through every vertebraeof my spine.......Next day. We four were given the thick ìSenior Acharya Diaryîtoday and told to copy it. After doing so, we must pass the senioracharya exam, another prerequisite before receiving kapalika initiation.For various reasons the time is short, so thereís no time for sleep untilthe copying is finished. Then we will have to cram for the exam.......Two days later. It was 4:00 a.m., and we were immersed in the endlesscopying. Dada J dropped his pen, and still mindlessly went onwriting with his finger. A little later when he fell off his chair, hisshocked expression made us split our sides laughing.......Two days later. I am in the biggest hurry, because I, alone amongthe four, must attend a workersí meeting in Delhi on the 11th. Beforethat I must pass the exam, which covers not only the material in theKAPALIKA MEDITATION


diary (which I finally finished copying today), but also all the materialin Babaís book Yogic Treatment, and advanced spiritual and social philosophy.I started taking the test today, but the examiner failed me rightaway because I had not memorized any of the Sanskrit shlokas in thediary. There are forty shlokas, each having at least four lines. I wonderhow I can manage it.......

Next day. So far I have only been able to memorize seven shlokas. SoI failed again. My mind seems blocked. Perhaps itís due to exhaustion.......Next day. This morning my mind inexplicably shifted into cosmicgear. Within forty minutes I had memorized the remaining thirty-threeshlokas. I was amazed, having never before experienced this sort ofphenomenal mental power.The examiner, however, didnít seem surprised. After passing meon the shlokas, he went on to the other subjects, and one by one I passedthem.In the evening, Dada Tadbhavananda (a senior worker) who was scheduledto fly with me to Delhi came to the room and spoke to the examiner.ìYouíve got to pass this boy quickly or weíll miss our flight.îìDonít try to pressure me,î said the examiner nonchalantly. ìNowfinally letís turn to Caryacarya.î44

ìWhat!î I exclaimed. ìI didnít know weíd be examined onCaryacarya. How about just forgetting it, Dadaji?î I hadnít studiedthe book at all.ìI wonít make exceptions for anyone.îSuddenly the electricity went out.ìSomeone find some candles,î the examiner said.We all searched around, but couldnít find any.ìHey, youíve got to pass him now!î said Tadbhavanandaji to theexaminer.ìNothing doing.îA few minutes passed, and still no candle appeared.ìFor Godís sake,î yelled Tadbhavanandaji, ìweíve got to leave thisminute for the airport!î44 Caryacarya is a book on social and spiritual functions165ìAlright...î said the examiner, grudgingly. ìGive me your diary.îI gave him the book and heard him scratch his signature in the dark.A few seconds later the electricity came on again, just as suddenlyas it had gone out. Our eyes blinked in the bright light.ìVictory to Baba!î roared Tadbhavanandaji. ìBabaís grace. The taxiíswaiting!îYes, it was a novel sort of grace that made the lights fail instead of me.A special kind of attentionDelhi. Although it was only two months since I last saw Baba, itseemed like two eons. I had an extreme desire to see Him again. Becausethere were only about fifteen persons this morning when He walkedinto the room to give His talk, it seemed almost a private audience.He sat in the chair which was immediately in front of me. We allsat on the floor looking up at Him expectantly. He gazed at each of usbefore speaking, with one exception: me.Baba, look at me, I thought. But He did not.Instead He started speaking. Usually while speaking He rarely looksat anyone. But this morning He smilingly turned His face right andleft, melting each heart with His affectionate and highly personal glances.But He didnít look at me.Why? I thought. Did I do something wrong?Although He spoke in English, I was so perturbed by His behaviorthat I couldnít understand a single word. His tender, doe-like eyes rested

momentarily on each and every face, but when He turned His gaze towardthe center, He either lowered or raised His eyes just when Hewas about to look at me.Iíve done some horrible sin, I thought. The anxiety made my head warm.Perhaps ... perhaps it was those harsh words to my office secretary?No, noóthat wasnít very serious. Perhaps it was because I ate sweetsunnecessarily? Ah, but He hardly cares for that...It went on and on: everyone thrilling to the play of His eyes, Hisrefusing to look at me, and my speculations continuing to bubble, heatingmy spine, tensing my body. What great offense had I committed inthese last two months? My thoughts tripped over each other, trying tofind the answer. Though the air wasnít hot, and everyone was comfortablein the fanís breeze, I was sweating and shaking, feeling hotter andKAPALIKA MEDITATION


more confused with each passing moment. My thinking galloped atsuch a pace that it went out of control. My head burned and my heartached as I stared at this indifferent Baba, tears coming out of my eyes,wondering, wondering.Suddenly a single thought burst out through the forest of confusion(and these were the exact words): That He ignores me is in itselfa special kind of attention.Before the meaning of this sentence could even register in my brain,Baba interrupted His speech, sharply swiveled His head around, turnedHis face directly toward mine, and smiled. I distinctly heard Him say,ìYes,î though His lips didnít form the word. He kept His eyes glued onmine for a long momentóperhaps five or ten seconds.Gradually the significance of His message sunk into me, and I smiledback, mentally telling Him, Oh itís beautiful, Baba. Thank you. By thetime He resumed His speech, my soul was swimming in relief and joy.After Baba left the room, several of the workers and Margis whonoticed what had happened came to me, and asked, ìWhy did Babatreat you like that today?îI told them what I had experienced, then added, ìAs to why I wasgraced with this lesson today, I donít know. But I hope to rememberforever that when Iím feeling alone and neglected, even then, especiallythen, He is giving me exactly what I need.îDada Shraddhanandaís dry smileDuring an official workersí meeting at which Baba was not present,a serious discussion was held concerning the twenty-eight departmentsof ìAnanda Marga Generalî. Eventually we came to Tribal & BackwardPeopleís Welfare Section (TBPW).One Dada from Berlin Sector said, ìIn my sector there are veryfew countries having tribal people. Yet we receive general targets fromCenter applicable for all regions. How are we to respond to TBPWtargets in those countries without tribal people?îThere was silence as the workers from Center were thinking whatto reply. Then the eldest worker of our mission, Dada Shraddhananda(about 70 years old), said in a dry voice, ìIn those countries wherethere are no tribal and backward people, the first work of the TBPWsection will be to create tribal and backward people.î167In that sober atmosphere, it took a few moments for us to catch his

point. Then we all roared with laughter.45

Wise, wiser, wisestPatna. After completing the Delhi workersí meeting, Baba traveledto Patna, and we four followed Him. We are still waiting for confirmationon the kapalika training. Meanwhile, we are attending the workersímeetings with Baba.During such meetings, Baba commonly singles out one worker forscoldings. Although the targeted worker gains the greatest benefit, weall gain some psychic profit by witnessing these scenes. After all, it isHis duty to help us diminish our complexes of fear, shame, inferiority,superiority and so on.The past few days it was usually Dada T who received Histongue-lashings. (Though T is a senior worker, and recognized as one ofour best, he nevertheless becomes as nervous as anyone when bearingthe brunt of Babaís ìvenomî. This in itself I find amazing, because outsideof such sessions, T is a superbly confident manóhow skillful Babais in drawing out our deepest hidden instincts.) In front of about sixtyworkers, T was instructed to give his work-done report. Fully expectingto be rebuked somehow, he was uneasy even before starting to speak.He stood on Babaís left side, reading aloud, ìAh ... Baba ... todaythe tri-offices were increased by seven ... rather ... yesterday there were186 block-level tri-offices ... and today there are 194, ah ... excuse me192 ... and regarding bi-offices ...î45 This entry is included to give a glimpse into a lesser known aspect of Dada Shraddhananda,who later became Ananda Marga president in 1990. He once told me thatBaba personally taught him many things on the science of humor, and that he wasthinking to compose a booklet on the subject. Over the years, I occasionally asked himwhen he would write that booklet, but he never had time.Some months ago, I again asked him about writing that booklet, but he avoidedresponding. Instead he switched the subject by saying, ìI once met a man living in avery cold region north of India. I was curious about his daily lifestyle, so I asked himabout his usual time of prayer, what sort of clothes people there commonly wore, whatsort of food he ate, what times he rose in the morning and retired in the evening, andso on. When I asked him when he usually took his bath, he replied, ëI usually take mybath in May or June.íîAnyway, if he would ever grab a few hours to make a draft of the booklet, I wouldoffer to edit it.KAPALIKA MEDITATION


Baba squinted His eyes, contorted his upper lip, scratched His head,and, looking to His right at His personal assistant, said in a high nasaltone, ìWhatís this? What does he have for a head? What say you? Doeshe have a brick for a head? Doesnít he know how to speak?îDada T was sweating profusely.Closing His eyes, Baba motioned at him using a limp left indexfinger, and said, ìGo on. Go on. Donít waste the time of all these finegentlemen here.îI was sitting immediately in front of Baba, about two feet from Him.It may sound cruel, but I was thoroughly enjoying the drama. In anycase, it was for our development.ìAh ... well ... regarding bi-offices,î said T, ìin 10,337 blocks therewere 178 covered today ... ah ... rather yesterday ... bringing the percentageto 2% ... and today ...îBaba yawned politely but conspicuously, then gave a wink and asmile toward the workers on His right.ì... and today ... there is an increase of seven, bringing the percentage

to 2% ... what? ... yes, itís still 2% ...îBaba creased His cheeks into dimples as if He would smile, butfrowned simultaneouslyóincongruous and thus humorous for usóturnedtoward T and said bitingly, ìArraay, read your report correctly. Youare wiser enough.îImmediately I thought, ìWiser? Baba should have said, ëYou arewise enoughí.îLike a rubber band snapping back, He turned His face to the frontand thrust it into mine, saying, ìWiserónot wise. Wiser than you!î Hehad caught my thought precisely!I exploded into laughter and could not stop laughing for severalseconds. Two Dadas tried to restrain me, but Baba clenched His teethtogether, turned the corners of His lips into a tight smile, jutted Hischin out and nodded knowingly at me, making the whole scene all themore jocular.He affects us, He helps us, He loves us with even the slightest movesHe makes, and with each word He speaks.Seeing GodWe are staying at the home of an Indian lawyer, Ranjan Dwivedi,and his American wife Parashakti, both of whom are great devotees of169Baba. Early this morning, Parashakti told us the Baba-dream she hadlast night.ìI was sitting in an auditorium in the middle of an audience, andjust next to me sat Baba. On the stage, different spiritual groups weredemonstrating their techniques of meditation.ìThe man representing the first group closed his eyes and beganmeditating. Within moments, his body was vibrating, rotating in circles,and making slight jumping movements. At the same time he made gruntingsounds.ìI turned to Baba, and said, ëBaba, why canít we experience thatwith our meditation?í He didnít reply, but only smiled at me with aglint in His eyes.ìThe next man began meditating, and soon he was levitating highabove the table on which he had been sitting.ìI looked at Baba and complained, ëBaba, that never happens to usin our meditation.í Again, no response except a glint in His eyes.ìThe third man breathed rapidly, shook violently, and fell backward,banging his head on the table. He lay there in a trance. Severalpersons carefully picked him up and carried him through the aisle ofthe audience, moving toward the exit. Before they could take more thantwo or three steps, the man awoke, sat up and exclaimed, ìIíve seenGod! Iíve seen God!îìI said to Baba, ëThis is too much, Baba. Why canít we have suchvisions?íìAs the group carrying the man passed by us, he was still saying,ëIíve seen God! Iíve seen God!í Then his eyes suddenly lit up brightlyas he said, ëAnd there He is!í He pointed at Baba, again saying, ëThereHe is!íìThatís when I woke up. Well, Dadas, what do you think of that?îshe said.We smiled glintingly.......

While Baba was in jail, Parashakti met Him many times. She hadalso spoken to most of the other visiting Margis and workers. We askedher to tell us about some of the extraordinary incidents that occurredduring those visits. One of the stories went like this:A Margi from Africa was in a visiting group. He had an intensedesire to hear Baba speak his native language, Swahili. Baba talked inKAPALIKA MEDITATION


turn with each of the Margis present in His cell. When he came to thisbrother and asked a question, the brother replied in standard Swahili.Baba said, ìEh? What did you say?î The brother had to change hisreply into English. After more conversation with everyone, Baba askedhim another question, and he again replied in Swahili. Again Babafeigned not to understand. Finally, when the guards announced thatthe time was finished and everyone was offering their respects to Baba,the Margi approached Baba with folded hands, begging, ìPlease, Babasay something in Swahili!î Baba smiled at him and said in that brotherísexact local dialect of Swahili, ìI am a stupid person. How can I speakin Swahili?îMental yo-yoYesterday morning the General Secretary told us, ìWait at theDwivediís house. It is likely Baba will call you for kapalika initiationtoday.î Today was the last possible day remaining for us to learn thekapalika, because it requires at least three days practice after initiation,and we must leave for Europe in four days.We did nothing but wait all day. The clock struck 7:00 p.m. SoonBabaís evening darshan (spiritual talk) would start, and if we went onwaiting we would miss that also. We put on our turbans and were preparingto leave just as a motorcycle roared up the driveway.ìWhere have you good-for-nothings been?î yelled Dada Ramananda,Babaís personal assistant. ìBaba has been requesting to see you since5:00! Nonsense! Now itís too late.î And he was off before we couldeven comment.Of all the injustices! We had simply followed the order of the GeneralSecretary, and now were being severely penalized.ìWhat shall we do now?î asked one Dada. ìGo to Babaís darshan?îìBabaís darshan is every night,î said another. ìBut as long as thereísthe slightest chance that Baba might teach us kapalika, I think we shouldstill try.î We all agreed and set out for His house.Just as we arrived at Babaís house, He came out of His door, walkingtoward the car. We ran up to Him, and did prostration at His feet.ìOh itís those scoundrels. I waited for them since 5:00. They wastedmy valuable time. The buggers.î The car-door slammed, and He droveaway.ìAt this rate weíll never receive initiation,î said one Dada.171ìItís just His game,î I replied. ìHeíll play it however He likes.Thereís no value in being anxious.î I canít explain why, but I did notcare when or whether we might learn the kapalika. If He wanted toteach me I wanted to learnóotherwise not.We were still talking in this vein when again we heard the sound ofHis car.ìStrange!î someone said. ìThe darshanís over so quickly.î

The car parked, and Baba stepped out. He spoke in Bengali to thosewith Him. As He came a little nearer to us, though He pretended notto be speaking to us four, He changed to English and said, ìA completelyunacceptable arrangement. Due to this carelessness the darshanhad to be canceled! A most pitiable condition. A shame and a sham.îThe others walked with their heads down, playing the embarrassed role.When He was close enough, we again did prostration, and He said,ìWhat, these boys are still here?î Our hopes lifted...ìHave they not done enough harm?î ...and then shattered. ìI waitedfor them since 5:00, and they didnít even have the common courtesyto respond to my call. Wasting my time. Nonsense, nonsense.îWe were still laying there when He entered the house.ìWeíve got no chance,î said one Dada.ìOn the contrary,î said another, ìHe may have canceled the darshanand disappointed 700 or 800 people just so He would have time toteach us.îA minute later we were called into Babaís room. He lay on Hisbed, being massaged by a local family-acharya.After we did our prostrations, Baba began to speak in a serioustone. ìI summoned you boys here for the purpose of telling you I wonítbe able to teach you the kapalika since you were so undisciplined notto come at the scheduled time.îNow up, now downóHe was playing our minds like yo-yos. Therewas an awkward silence as we hesitated between leaving and ... andwhat? I struggled hard to think how to get us out of this quandary.One Dada spoke slowly, ìAh ... Baba, excuse me ...îBaba sat up slightly, as if He were waiting for this, saying, ìYes,yes, what do you want to say?îìAh ... I donít mean to put anyone else in trouble, but we were instructedto wait in Ranjan Dwivediís house until a messenger conveyedyour call. No one came until 7:00.îKAPALIKA MEDITATION


Now even Baba looked hopeful, saying, ìYes, it may be, it may be.Perhaps Ramanandaji was so busy that the matter passed him by.î Heturned to the acharya massaging His feet, and asked, ìWhat do youthink? Shall I believe them and instruct them the kapalika?îComing out of a deep concentration on the right foot, the acharya,eyes misted by his mood, said, ìMy thought, Baba? Oh, I think youshould not teach them.îI was shocked. Though I highly respect this Dada, at that momentI felt like grabbing him by the shirt, shaking him hard and yelling, ìWhatkind of stupidity are you speaking?î But I did nothing. Meanwhile, hecalmly scrutinized us.ìPerhaps you are correct,î Baba said. ìPerhaps. But we should besure. Hold the big toe of my right foot.îThe acharya complied.ìNow what do you think?î Baba asked.ìThey are telling the truth, Baba.îìAlright,î He said. ìI accept your judgment.î He turned to us. ìButyou boys here, are you interested to learn?îWe gave the obvious reply. He dismissed the acharya from the room

and we got down to business.As to the initiation itself, there is little to sayóit is secret. I canonly comment that for the next two hours that room, for me, becametransmuted into the infinite macrocosm saturated with mystic potency,outside of which nothing existed.Baba told us that during the initial three daysí practice we wouldburn 50% of our reactive momenta concerned with fear, shame andhatred; after which we would have to work on the remaining halfówhichexplains why those who learn kapalika appear undeniably brighter fromthe very first week......We performed our first kapalika meditation at midnight. When wecame back, Dada Ramananda was waiting for us. According to Babaísinstruction, he gave us our new names. I am now called AcharyaDharmavedananda Avadhuta. Veda means ìdeep knowledgeî. So, asBaba later told me, Dharmavedananda means ìhe who attains the supremebeatitude through deep knowledge of the path of righteousness.î17346 At that time there were four such centers in the world: Benares, Nepal, the Philippinesand Sweden. The Sweden program had been started several years before byDada Dhrtibodhananda. The training center in Nepal has since been closed and newones opened in Africa and India.

CHAPTER 10

EmpoweredI become a different manYdrefors, Sweden, 1979. Today I took up my temporary duties hereas acharya trainer.46 Dada Dhrtibodhananda has been reposted backto India. His replacement will come ìas soon as possibleîóbut exactlywho that will be and when is unclear. In the meantime, I am to keepthe ship afloat.We have two buildings, five minutes walk apart from each other,which separately house the sisters and brothersóabout forty traineestotal, mostly from Europe, North America and South America. Weare deep in a lonely but beautiful forest in southern Sweden, idyllicfor meditation and self-development.Just after I arrived, I was sitting with Dada Dhrtibodhananda, anda senior avadhuta, Dada K. There was a knock on the door and a Germantrainee entered, looking sad and confused.ìExcuse me, Dadas ... I want to go home,î he said. ìI for my motherworry...îìYes, alright...,î began Dhrtibodhanandaji.ìSorry for interrupting you,î I said softly, ìbut now I am the trainer,so Iíll have to handle the matter.î I turned to the trainee. ìPlease waitoutside, and Iíll call you. I came only five minutes ago, so I need a bitof time.îHe went out and shut the door.EMPOWERED


ìDonít imagine that thereís any way that brother can become anacharya,î said Dada K. ìBetter to release him immediately. This talkof his mother is just an excuse; he knows very well that the organizationis ready to look after her needs. He simply feels insecure.îìYes, heís been depressed for days now,î said Dhrtibodhanandaji,

ìIím sure heís finished.îìI respect you both highly,î I said. ìBut whether I like it or not,Baba has now entrusted me with this duty. So I shall see for myselfwhen I speak to him.îìTry if it pleases you,î said Dada K, ìbut thereís no hope.îI was feeling different than I had ever felt in my life. The changewas both odd and sudden. From the moment Iíd arrived, there hadbeen a kind of buzzing in my brain, though my perception was sharp,abnormally sharp. (As I write these words, it is now late night, and thebuzzing continues. For the first time in my life I feel in total commandof myself, able to follow perfectly all our disciplines, both physicaland mental. It is clear that He has directly empowered me with thecapacity to properly guide these trainees. I am a different man now.)We continued speaking for half an hour, then I left the room todeal with the German brother. He was sitting on a bench with his headbetween his knees. I had met him several times before. I rememberedthat he was sometimes high-strung and at other times very calmóanindependent type, with a character of his own.I put my hand on his back and said in a low voice, ìBrother...îHe raised his head. His eyes were red, and tears were streamingdown his face.ìDadaji, please ... let me leave....î His voice choked.ìI wonít stop you from going. But...î My head was empty. Abruptlya thought appeared. ìBut first consider one simple question: will Bababe happy if you leave?îHe stared at me. After a moment, his crying stopped, and he said,ìNo, He wouldnít like it.îìThen, what do you really want to do? Do you want to please Him,or do you want to do something else?îìOf course I want to please Him.îìThen, how about staying another few days? You can leave anytime,but once youíre gone itís difficult to come back.î175ìOkay,î he said, sitting straight. ìIíll stay. At least for a few days.î47

The Problem-Maker is also the Solution-GiverCircumstances compelled the two Dadas to leave rather hastily soI was unable to get a comprehensive picture of the trainees or the trainingcenter.I called in the office secretary and asked him how much money wehad in the account.ìIím sorry, Dada. I donít have any money.îìWhat do you mean? Is there no money here?îìWell, if you donít have any, and I donít have any, then maybe thereisnít any,î he said grinning. A typical response of a devoteeóto smilein the face of a giant problem.ìYeah, well, thanks,î I said. ìPlease leave me for a while so I canthink.îI sat alone looking at the walls of my room. But I didnít feel alone.My head was still buzzing pleasantly, and I had the uncanny feelingthat I was inside Babaís breast. I felt pure, unafraid, and sure that Hewould solve any and every problem.This roomís messy, I thought. Before thinking of anything, I shouldclean it up.

After working for an hour, I opened a cupboard. It was full of thetraineesí legal documents and other personal effects. While putting thesein order I came upon a wallet stuffed with 700 Swedish kroner. Therewas no identification.Could this be Babaís little help? I thought.I questioned the trainees but no one knew its owner.Thanks. But of course thatís only a start.......Two days later. This morning a Norwegian brother approached me.ìDadaji, I need your advice. A few weeks ago the postman delivered4000 kroner to me. But when he wrote up the account, instead of subtractingthe amount, he added it. So, I now hold a credit for 8000 kroner.What should I do?î47 The proof of this pudding lies not only in the fact that he later became acharya, butthat presently, i.e., more than ten years later, as an avadhuta, he is a top-class workernamed Dada Vijaksarananda.EMPOWERED


I started laughing and he joined me, guffawing with gusto.ìUsually I would inform the post office of their mistake,î I said.ìBut in this case we better not make it too hard for Baba to help ustide over our little crisis. If they want to give the money, Iím willing totemporarily accept it ó and pay it back to the post office later. If suchan act causes me to undergo some negative reaction for the benefit ofthe training center ó so be it.îAnd so our piggy-bank became full.......Three days later. ìDadaji,î said an American trainee, ìI never expecteda tax rebate from last year, but today 9000 kroner arrived forme. Please take it for the training center.îA bit excessive grace, Baba, but ... whatís that You say? ... no, itísno problem, no problem. Weíll be glad to accept it... (After all, younever know if tomorrow Heíll enjoy Himself thoroughly by smashingour car or something like that.)Tantric cowsEvery time I walk between the brothersí and sistersí training centers,I get a supra-aesthetic thrill from the landscape. On one side ofthe street is a dense forest, packed with eerie vibes. On the other side,adjacent to the brothersí house, is a large cow pasture, which is dottedwith giant boulders of interesting shapes that I can only label Tantric.I feel so happy here.The cows, too, are special. Whenever the brothers sing kiirtan, alltwenty cows mosey over toward our house and crowd themselves inthe tiny corner of the pasture which is closest to the meditation room.There they remain chewing their cuds for the duration of each kiirtan,even daily akhanda kiirtan.48

48 Akhanda means long. Akhanda kiirtan is always performed in multiples of three hours,for example 3, 6, 9, 12, or 24 hours. There is no limit to how long it continues. Thedancers participate according to their interest, or in some cases certain groups areassigned certain times. Generally, everyone who participates becomes greatly inspiredby the end of akhanda kiirtan. It is common that new meditators who have never beenable to concentrate effectively will come to know for the first time what a tranquil mindfeels like during long kiirtan. Even physical problems and difficult mental problemsare often mysteriously overcome through the immense positive energy generated byakhanda kiirtan.177

Thought becomes matterToday while eating lunch in my room, I opened my closet to getsome corn chips but unfortunately they were finished.I wish I had some more chips, I thought.Immediately there was a knock at the door.ìCome in.îìDadaji, I just came back from collection (of donations from thefood shops in nearby towns), and I thought you might like these.î Heheld out ten bags of corn chips.......Next day. While resting in my room today, I was thinking, The scenehere is perfect. Not only am I content in being able to follow yogic disciplineand morality in detailóalso my meditation is first-class, I getmore than enough spiritual company, time for studying and discussingphilosophy, excitement and drama (at least one or two of the traineesface some sort of personal crisis daily), maximum kiirtan, a beautifulenvironment, and excellent food. There must be something Iím missinghere ... for example, there must be some food Iím not getting ... well,itís true thereís no dried fruits.Then I left for the sistersí house to give a class. As I walked in theirdoor, a visitor, Didi Ananda Prajina greeted me.ìDada, I expected to go to India, but my plans have changed. I wasgoing to bring this with me to give to some Didis, but now Iíd like togive it to you.îShe handed me a three kilogram bag of raisins.......Next day. Tonight, before going out to do my kapalika meditation,I thought that it would be nice to eat something a little special to preparefor tomorrowís fasting. Of course there was nothing but the usualstuff. Then I went to the graveyard together with trainee Dhyanesh.When we came back, it was 1:30 a.m. Everyone was sleeping exceptDhyanesh and I. Again I had the same thought, It would be niceto have something a little special, but....Immediately Dhyanesh said, ìDadaji, would you like to have somethinga little special?îI laughed. But instead of telling him the cause of my reaction, Isaid, ìSure. But I suppose thereís nothing but the usual stuff.îEMPOWERED


He raised his eyebrows, saying, ìWell, I was on collection today.Perhaps youíd like to see what I saved in a cupboard in the kitchen.îHe ran off, only to come back a minute later with a honey-dew melonand two packages of vanilla eclairs covered in whipped cream.ìOnly at this time of the year do the Swedes make these specialcream cakes,î he said.......Two days later. Between breakfast and lunch on the day after fastingI usually drink a lot of water. Just before leaving my room to go tothe sisterís house for class this morning, I thought, They never offerme more than one glass of lemon-water. Rather than ask for more, Ithought it would be better to drink some extra water before I left. WhenI arrived at their house, I took my seat. In front of me, where they hadalways placed one cup of lemon-water, there were two cups. I was

shocked.I pointed at the cups, mumbling, ìTwo ... thereís two....îIt wasnít just a matter of two cupsórather, it was my sudden realizationthat any slightest whim Iíd had over the last few days had beenimmediately fulfilled.ìWhatís the matter, Dadaji?î said one sister. ìI thought perhapsone glass of lemon-water was not enough for you, so thereís also a glassof fresh apple juice.îìNo, no. Itís good,î I said. ìThank you very much.îThatís what I said. But what I thought was: Occult power. The powerto immediately get whatever I desire. I must not use it. From this momenton, as long as I am trainer, I shall not permit myself to wish foranything. Occult powers are a dangerous temptation on the spiritualpath. While the Avidya Tantrics (black magicians) aim for such powers,we Vidya Tantrics steer clear of them. Our goal is only to serveGod.49

49 Avidya is the extroversial or centrifugal force causing attraction for external objects;it leads to ignorance or illusion. Avidya Tantra consists of practices designed for theattainment of occult powers. Vidya is the introversial or centripetal force which causesattraction to the Supreme Nucleus; it leads to knowledge, understanding or correctperception. Vidya Tantra consists of practices which help the aspirant surrender toGod, and ultimately become one with God. Vidya Tantra says: Morality is the base,intuition the means, and life divine the goal.179Grace in the form of painOver the last few days I have kept my mind free from the slightestunnecessary wish. But today another problem arose. Shortly before a24-hour kiirtan was to finish, I was standing in my room. From nowhere,and without any apparent cause, a sharp pain stabbed withinmy stomach.I sat down, but the pain continued. I laid down, but it grew worse.Since I had to end the 24 hour kiirtan, I reluctantly left my roomto join the trainees. When we sat for collective meditation I pulledmyself into the corner where no one would see me sitting in agonywith my knees doubled against my chest. My suffering only increased.Worst of all, at the end of the meditation I would have to give aninspirational talk. How could I manage?The moment came to speak, and as soon as I began, the pain instantlydisappeared. I told spiritual and humorous stories for forty-fiveminutes. Everyone, including me, thoroughly enjoyed it.The very moment I finished speaking, however, the pain returnedwith increased intensity. It was so bad I couldnít eat.Now it is night as I write. The pain is still present, though slightlydecreased. I hope it will be gone by tomorrow.......Two weeks later. The pain in my stomach did not finish the nextday, nor the next nor the next. Today, it left as unexpectedly as it came.I did not tell anyone, except the trainee who assists me, and I instructedhim not to mention it to others. It was not the sort of trouble whichcould be cured by medicine or treatment. Rather it was a test I had toundergo as a result of successfully controlling myself in this ideal spiritualenvironment.The clearest indication of this was the fact that every time I had aclass to give, or an important meeting to attend, the pain ceased.

No height is too highDada Dhruvananda, the new trainer, arrived today. Together witha charge hand-over, I gave him an account with more than 10,000 kroner.Though the mental condition of most of the trainees had been uneasywhen I first arrived, it now seemed that everyone was happy.EMPOWERED


ìHow could you manage so well?î he asked.ìBaba did everything. I did nothing.î As I said this, I felt somethingsneak back inside me from my previous normal flawed self. Ichecked for the buzzing in my head, but could not find it.Now, having resumed my previous duty, I am again an ordinarymonk.No Tantric aspirant should think that high spiritual states are beyondhis or her reach. Whatever is needed, He gives us. Though it comesonly by His grace, and not by our own efforts, we must constantly strivefor perfectionóotherwise we would be unsuitable to serve as His channels.......There is word that Baba may soon travel outside of India. They sayHe will come to Europe and nowhere else. I donít know whether ornot to believe it. It seems too good to be true.181CHAPTER 11

Eye of the HurricaneEmbarking on an unreal dreamStockholm. April 1979. The Mainz office called today. Babaís tripis definitely on! He will be coming together with an entourage of 10 orso Dadas, Didis and Margis. They say Heíll stay for a month, touringSwitzerland, Germany, Sweden, Holland, Spain, France, and Italy. Aschief secretary of the Volunteers Service Department Iíll be in chargeof Babaís security and many other aspects of the program. DadaKarunananda and I will be the main organizers.From today my main duty is to get ready for the tour. Somehow thewhole thing still feels unreal to me. Like a dream.......Lyon, France. May. Baba was scheduled to arrive one week from todaybut so far He and two other Dadas still do not have their passports.After all our planning we are still not sure if they will come or not.This is typical of course. Eleventh hour dramas are His invariable style.Though my mind leaves everything up to Him, my stomach sings adifferent tune. It often heaves like a volcano about to erupt.......Frankfurt, Germany. Today Dada Karunananda phoned with newsthat Babaís party has left Calcutta for Bombay and were out of touch;there was still no official word about their program.ìSo are they coming to Switzerland or not?î I asked.ìI guess so, but, but...îìThereís nothing sure.îìRight.îìWhat about the Central Office?îEYE OF THE HURRICANE


ìThey also donít know whatís going on. But dare we tell that to theMargis? If maximum Margis are to meet Baba in Geneva they need tostart traveling now.îìYet another cosmic clash. Thanks, Baba.îFor a few seconds neither of us spoke as we weighed the alternatives.ìWeíve got to announce that Babaís definitely coming,î I said.ìRight.îìItís the only practical thing to do. If weíre wrong, thatís His problem.îìYah,î said Karunanandaji, ìand maybe about 1000 Margisí problemtoo...îìAnyway, if we guessed right, nobody will ever know.îìAnd if we guessed wrong, Iíll say it was your fault,î he said, laughing.ìThanks.î Though I didnít know whether or not he was really joking,I also laughed. Why not?ìI always keep my wordîGeneva, Switzerland. 6 May. Hundreds of Margi brothers and sistersswarmed throughout the Geneva airport today, seething with anticipation,their paper-thin patience stretched taut, waiting for a manwho was not only the center of their lives, but who most had never yeteven seen. Some sang devotional songs, some danced, while others gossipedbut there was no way to disguise the tension. Three brothers scaleda wall up to a large window sill, and stared through the window lookingonto the runway. Even those sitting in meditation contributed tothe electrifying anxiety.For the umpteenth time I rehearsed the security.ìVolunteers, attennnntion!î I yelled.Sixteen uniformed cadetsóeight brothers and eight sisters in twoperfect linesósnapped their backbones straight and thumped their staffson the floor. Though some could barely speak English, all clearly understoodthe martial commands.None of them, however, understood one thing: perhaps Baba wasnot coming. I caught Karunanandajiís eye, which flickered as he casta thin grin in my direction. He could still afford to smile.If Baba was coming today, the plane now arriving was the only possibleflight. I stood toward the back of my volunteers, confident that183at least these sixteen would play their role properly if He came. Butwould He?ìBaba Nam Kevalam!î screamed one of the Margis hanging on thewindow viewing the runway. ìHeís here!îThose sitting in meditation jumped up, as everyone (including the generalpublic) pushed toward the door of the customs and immigration area.ìYou fool!î yelled another Margi on the window. ìThat isnít Baba.îA painful groan issued from scores of lips.Waiting ... now only silence from those up on the window ... thedoor from the customs area opened, and two passengers came out ...then a few more ... still no Baba ...An Indian dressed in white and wearing glasses came outóa briefhesitation as many thought, ìIs that Him?î, and thenóîBaba, Baba,Baba!î all were yelling, all were running, all were excited to the breakingpointóit was Him!At the top of my voice I shouted, ìVolunteers, attennnntionî! but itwas no use. I was wrongóthe cadre did not obey, and instead added to

the melee, wildly rushing toward their guru. And there I was, standingnear the back of the hall, while the hundreds of Margis zeroed in on theman I was supposed to protect. What an idiot I was! I tried to push myway forward, but others were equally desperate. Madness, pure madness.For a split second I could see Baba smiling through the crowd, standingnext to several Dadas and Margis who had come with Him fromIndia. Then the stampede hit. Oh God, what were they doing to Him?Adrenaline pumped through my veins. I elbowed my way between twoMargis, then more, pushing myself forward.In the front, near Baba, I saw a strange windmill of hands and feetrapidly breaking the air, deterring the Margis. Baba Nam! It was DadaRamananda, Babaís personal assistant, jumping left and right, forcefullyrebuffing the Margis, thrusting them away from Baba.Then somehow I was there next to Him. I couldnít believe He wasstill smiling, as calm as the eye of a hurricane. I joined Ramanandaji,driving the Margis away, clearing a path for Baba to walk to a chair,next to Karunanandaji.He walked slowly, majestically. In any case, He couldnít have walkedrapidly, because His legs were still not fully recovered from the yearsof suffering in the prison. Karunanandaji had a smile like a cherub.EYE OF THE HURRICANE


Baba sat. At last the sixteen volunteers recovered their senses andtook their pre-planned places.Baba then spoke His first words, ìYou see, I have kept my word.Two years ago I promised to visit Switzerland at the first opportunityI would get. Now I have come. I always keep my word.îSeveral brothers and sisters came forward wearing colorful uniformsspecifically for performing yogic dances.Baba leaned toward Karunanandaji and said, ìThe color of the uniformsis not proper. You must take care. Even if an ant dies a prematuredeath, the entire balance of the Cosmos is affected.îìNext time it will be perfect, Baba,î Karunanandaji said.I smiled. It was Baba in true form.Paradise and the invisible wallFiesch, Switzerland. About 700 Margis are present in this scenicmini-village of chateaus and meeting halls, surrounded by mountains,pine trees, and green grass, graced by a shining sun, and bathed in pureair. It seems idyllic, especially when I think that Baba is also here. Theprogram will last one week, then we travel to other cities.In the light of this paradisical atmosphere, one aspect of the Margisíbehavior certainly appears oddóat least by normal social standards.Their mad desire to touch Him has continued unabated since the timeHe arrived in the airport. This tense situation has at least one goodresultóit compels the security team to be on their toes. While accompanyingBaba in and out of the hall, the volunteers, both brothers andsisters, hold their sticks horizontally, creating a sort of mobile protectivefence around Him. Baba Himself seems to enjoy this frantic game.He sometimes pauses in His walk to smile at certain Margis or offer afew encouraging words. In those times the enthusiasm of the Margisgrows higher, and the volunteers hold onto each othersí sticks, furtherreinforcing the fence. In some cases the onslaught is so severe that Ialso have to join in the defense squad, straining against the shoving

and pulling. Though I am particularly vigilant to see that Babaís movementis undisturbed, I wonder whether our efforts at security are sonecessary. I observe repeatedly whenever we are not swift enough tostop some movement of hands or feet or a rebounding stick in Babaísdirection, there is an invisible wall that protects Him, allowing Himto be totally unconcerned with the chaos only inches away from Him.185Daily dramasBy now Iíve settled into a regular daily schedule: an early morningmeeting with the security volunteers, checking meal arrangements forBaba and the Margis, organizing the Personal Contacts of differentMargis with Baba, checking the program in the main hall, seeing tothe security at the houses of Margis/workers/Baba, etc. The greatestmeticulousness is demanded in the security for Babaís twice daily fieldwalks and darshans. My own meditation time is abnormally short, butI donít care because I see Guru directly many hours a day. As for eating,thereís even less time, but the Didis in Babaís kitchen usually savetwo or three big spoonfuls of prasad50 for me which more than suffices.Having almost nothing else to eat, I have near-perfect conditionsfor gauging the phenomenal power of prasad.Today while driving to the field walk I listened to the following conversationbetween Baba and Bodhishvar, who is a leading Swiss Margi:BABA (pointing to a vineyard): Bodhishvar, what kind of grapesare those?BODHISHVAR: Iím sorry, Baba, I donít know.BABA: Well, are they red grapes or white grapes?BODHISHVAR: They are white grapes, Baba.BABA: Are they good for making wine?BODHISHVAR (smiling): I donít know, Baba.BABA (speaking gently): Why donít you know? You should knoweverything. Yes, they are excellent for making wine. Their name is (a Ger-50 Food touched by a spiritually elevated person is called prasad. In the physical contactof any two entities some energy is always exchanged. This is especially so betweenhuman beings because their consciousness is easily altered by environmental circumstances.The effect is more noticeable when one of the parties is the guru, whose onlypurpose it to uplift the minds of others. If the guru touches an object which is afterwardtouched by his disciples, they derive benefit. Food is the most powerful prasad becausethe disciple ingests it and metabolizes much of its energy. Prasad can also be created bykeeping it for a certain length of time in the middle of a kiirtan/meditation program.Though prasad is well-known and accepted among yogis, it is only recently that scientificexperiments began to verify its effects. These experiments, however, now comeunder the category of microvita medicine rather than prasad. Generally microvita researchis performed with simple water. Later in this book the idea of microvita is elaborated.By the way, the opposite of prasad is easily recognized. The reader may also havefelt itówhen a cook is angry or depressed, the diners may become uneasy or sick aftereating that food.EYE OF THE HURRICANE


man name I donít remember). They are grown primarily in (about fouror five areas with German and French names that I donít remember).They have a specially sweet taste, as opposed to (about three or fourtypes of other grapes that I also didnít know). Is it not a fact, Bodhishvar?BODHISHVAR: Well, Iím not an expert like you, Baba.BABA: No, no. Your Baba knows nothing. (Looking at me also)You boys are the ones who must know everything. What do you say?(In reply, we simply smiled as charmingly as we could.)

......Every day I choose three or four brothers to enjoy the field walkwith Baba. The sisters often protest but I am under instructions fromRamanandaji and other Dadas to only permit brothers according tothe Indian system. The sisters have requested that their desire be expressedto Baba many times, but the Dadas refuse, considering such achange impossible. Itís my opinion Baba prefers that new initiativescome from our side, rather than by His direct suggestion, so He hashad to manage this problem in His own unique way...Today, halfway through the field walk, He was resting in a chair witha few brothers by His feet (the security and myself remained standing).I thought everyone was entranced by the talk, but then Baba turnedto Bodhishvar, saying, ìBodhishvar, you are feeling sad about something.îìYes, Baba.îìWhat is it? Say, say.îìBaba...îìYes, go ahead.îìItís my wife, Anchala....îìYes, donít hesitate,î Baba said. ìSay whatís on your mind.îìWell, Baba ... every day I go with You for field walk, and she criesand cries, Baba, because she also wants to go ... Canít she also come?îWithout the slightest hesitation, Baba said, ìWhy not?î, and beamedas if He were just waiting for this question.Ramanandaji and I immediately looked at each other with a mixedexpression of surprise and delight.ìThank you, Baba!î said Bodhishvar.Later we met with the Didis and set up a new system where the numberof sisters would equal the number of brothers on field walk. Wealso made plans to add sister volunteers to the security arrangements.187Hiding His knowledgeThis morning, on the way to the field walk, I asked Abaniish ofNorway, who until five days ago had never before seen Baba, ìBrother,what do you think of Baba now?îìItís funny,î he said. ìI donít know why ... He hasnít done anything atall special ... He looks and acts just like a sweet old man ... I donít knowwhy, but I love Him.î He gave a big smile like a child. ìI feel ... I feellove for Himójust like a father. No, even more than for my father.îìItís a normal reaction,î I said. ìAbsolutely normal.î......We drove high into the snow covered Alps. While walking, Babasaid, ìLife on our planet started in these Alps. At that time the surroundingswere very hot. Life began only up in the mountains at zerodegrees centrigrade ó the necessary temperature for the process to start.îAfter walking in silence for a few moments, Dada Abhidevanandaasked, ìBaba, is it possible that life came to the earth from another planet?îìWhy not? Why not? According to my opinion, life came from theplanet Mars. Today Mars is a dying planet.îLater He commented that the first human civilization was also inthe Alps.We returned to the cars and started back. Just after turning a corner,we saw several uniformed persons putting away a big parabolicshapedmachine. One of the Margis in my car, an engineer, said, ìThatís

a sound-detection device used over long distances by the secret policeto pick up conversations.îAnother Margi added, ìDo you think itís possible that Baba specificallyintended that interplanetary talk to be overheard by them?î......During evening darshan, after a devotional song, one brother suddenlystood up in the middle of the crowd. In the otherwise silent room,his words in Italian had a shocking effect. Before he could completeeven one sentence, Dada Japananda rose, pointed his finger at the man,and told him forcefully to sit down. Obediently the man collapsed tothe floor. I recognized him. It was Parimal from Parma. He was previouslya brilliant physicist, tragically struck by a disease which had neces-EYE OF THE HURRICANE


sitated an operation on his brain. Since then he had turned abnormal,to say the least.In the momentary excitement, Baba looked at Dada Ramanandaand me. (Ramanandaji was sitting next to Baba, while I was standing.After the security fiasco at the airport, I had decided to remain closeto Baba whenever He was out of His room, directly rather than indirectlysupervising the volunteers ñ†though admittedly I took this decisionnot solely out of consideration for security.) He looked at us andasked, ìWhat is it? Whatís happening?îìNothing, Baba,î Ramanandaji said. ìThe man is crazy.îìWhat do you mean ëcrazyí?î Baba said. ìLet him come to the front.Come on, my boy,î He said, waving Parimal forward.As he hobbled forward, everyone could see his balding, deformedskull. He launched excitedly into an Italian soliloquy.Now this will be interesting, I thought. Since Baba knows all theworldís languages, we should be able to see first hand how He repliesto a tongue that He hadnít been exposed to before. All the Margis leanedforward similarly watching for Babaís reaction.But it was not to be as we hoped. Instead, Baba spoke to the Dadaposted in Italy: ìJapasiddhananda, give me the translation in English.îThough everyone was silent, many looked disappointed. They mayhave been thinking, Was it only fiction, this story that Baba knows alllanguages?Japasiddhanandaji started the translation, ìBaba, he says the titleof his story is titled Baba with the Baby on the Farm.îParimal appeared inspired as he spoke, enthusiastically dramatizinghis discourse. I observed that some of the Germans and Dutch lookeddisillusioned, seeing Babaís apparent dependence on the translation.But the Italians and those who understood Italian (including me)could not help but notice that each time Parimal spoke a humorousline, Baba smiled before the translation was delivered.[Authorís note: Some months later when I visited Parma, Italy, Ifound a changed Parimal. Previous to this experience with Baba, hehad been in a near-constant state of confusion. While I was in Parma,however, I saw that he was still excited about Babaóthat he was alwaystalking about Baba. Instead of being in a state of confusion, I felt hewas in a spiritual state. A few months after that he died.]189DMC night

This morning, during the daily meeting of our thirty-five securitycadres, I had the uncomfortable task of asking for a volunteer to stayand guard Babaís house during the DMC speech and varabhaya mudra.51

ìWhoever sacrifices himself for the welfare of others is guaranteedBabaís special grace,î I said. ìI know youíve all come here lookingforward to the DMC speech. Nevertheless, Iím sure at least one of youwill selflessly relinquish his rights for the sake of the others.îMy words met only silence. No one moved. A few seconds passed,and then one brother stepped forward. It was a young Margi from Ireland.ìThank you, Sundara,î I said. Honestly, I felt sorry for the lad.......Usually on DMC day Baba holds a special meeting of avadhutasto discuss some interesting matters and to bless us. This evening theanswer to one question was, for me, especially imbued with mysticalsignificance.By then twenty minutes of the meeting had passed and the air waselectric.ìEach avadhuta has a singularly extraordinary role to play,î Hesaid. He paused and then asked, ìWhat is the purpose of the avadhuta?îWe could not answer. We could not even speak.He gave His own reply, slowly: ìThe purpose of an avadhuta ... is ...to exist.îAs all the nuances of this statement gradually sunk into my heart,my spine shivered, then shook strongly.......51 DMC is an abbreviation for Dharma Mahachakra. Maha means ìgreat,î and ìdharmachakraîmeans group meditation, so DMC literally means ìthe great group meditation.îIt consisted of a series of formal darshans by Baba over a few days. On the last eveningof the gathering, Baba would end His discourse with a special mudra, His varabhayamudra. ìVaraî means boon, and ìabhayaî means fearlessness due to feeling completelyprotected. So ìVarabhayaî can be said to mean ìblessing of fearlessness, or blessingwith protection and without fear,î and mudra means ìmeaningful hand gesture.î Thiswas the greatest attraction to Dharma Mahachakras. Almost everyone felt their consciousnessexpand dramatically as an immediate result of this mudra, and Margis often becameabsorbed in the supreme state, losing awareness of the external world or experiencingecstatic bliss.EYE OF THE HURRICANE

190 TRAVELS WITH THE MYSTIC MASTER52 Kaoshikii is a yogic dance which helps cure over thirty diseases, while generally exercisingand energizing the body. It is especially beneficial to women, but also valuablefor men. Tandava, a powerful jumping dance, stimulates the male hormonesóit shouldnot be done by women. It was invented by Shiva 7000 years ago. Statues and paintingsof Shiva often depict him in this dancing pose. Tandava is the only yogic exercise whichstimulates all the bodyís glands. It even invigorates the brain. Shiva encouraged hiswarriors to perform tandava because it also helped in rousing their courage. A skull ora snake is held in the left hand while dancing to symbolize death. In the right hand adagger or burning torch is held to symbolize life. The dance is a struggle between lifeand death, between dynamicity and staticity. Of course, life is the victor. Baba oncesaid, ìYou should learn it in a disciplined way. Tandava represents life and vitality. Tantrais a cult of life, it is not a cult of death. You should be strongóphysically, mentally andspiritually. Lord Shiva says that all your expressions, all your manifestations must bebased on present tense. So Tandava is the starting phase of Tantra.îImmediately before Baba gives the daily darshan speech, kaoshikiis demonstrated by a few sisters, and then both kaoshiki and tandavaby a few brothers.52Because it was DMC night I felt something special in the air. Nevertheless,the announcement in the dark surpassed my expectation:ìTonightís tandava will be performed by one hundred brothers!î Withina single shocking moment one hundred torches burst in flamesóthe

dancers leapt high in the eerie light, chanting BABA NAM KEVALAMat ear-splitting volume.Guruís lips curled slightly in pleasure, His eyes burned, and Hisbody shifted into a powerful pose. Soon after, in that mood, He gavethe DMC speech.......Late at night, standing outside Babaís house, I heard fragments ofseveral Margisí discussions about the DMC.ìNever before was my mind so concentratedî ... ìI thought my headwould break, it throbbed so stronglyî ... ìWell, I felt nothing, but somehowwas still inspiredî ... ìHe was beautifulî ... ìThese things are toosubtle to be analyzedî ... and so on.Just before I went inside, Amita, a middle-aged lady from Norway,said, ìAnd none of you saw it?îìWhat?î they said in chorus.ìI was sure everyone saw it...î she said.ìSaw what?îìThe smoke coming out of His hands during the mudra. It completelyfilled the hall.î191Sacrifice paid back 100 timesToday is our last day in Switzerland. Baba consented to hold a specialmeeting with the brothers and sisters who had worked as securityvolunteers throughout the week.All stood at attention, forming a perfect line, facing Baba. I stoodin the front together with the Didi in charge of the sister volunteers.One brother came forward and garlanded Baba with a wreath made ofgreen pine needles.ìI regret to have troubled you all,î Baba said. ìYou sacrificed yourcomforts. You nobly sacrificed your time for the sake of assisting me andserving your Margi brothers and sisters. For this I humbly thank you.îHe spoke a bit more, then slowly walked over to the line. As hepassed each cadet, He looked into their faces. At the end of the lineHe came to Sundara. Baba removed the wreath from His own neck,placed it on Sundara, and then patted the top of his head. At thatmoment the blood rushed to Sundaraís face, and he looked so highthat I would not have been surprised if he had collapsed in spiritualecstasy. I think he remained standing only out of a sense of duty.Afterward Sundara said, ìWhen Baba touched me, it was the highlightof my life. He paid me back a hundred times over for missing DMC.îRevealing His knowledgeGeneva airport. Once we entered the doorway of the immigrationhall, we were at last free from the emotional mass of Margis. Therewere fourteen of us, eleven from India, plus economist and best-sellingauthor Ravi Batra, Karunanandaji and myself. While waiting, Baba satin a chair. I stood next to Him.From nowhere, several Italian Margis appeared. Without formality,they abruptly sat on the floor at Babaís feet, smiling with full gusto.One of them named Vikranta stood up, saying, ìBaba, can we singYou a song?îìYou are most welcome,î He said.Though the melody was sweet, I could hardly follow the meaningówhich I thought strange in light of my grasp of Italian. I understood

only that it was a love song.Vikranta stood up again, ìBaba, I want to explain the meaning inEnglish. The dialect is from Venice; itís different from normal Italian.îEYE OF THE HURRICANE


Ah, so thatís why I couldnít understand it, I thought.As Vikranta gave the translation, he visibly savored every momentwith Baba.Babaís eyes turned misty. He said, ìYour song was ambrosial. Thetranslation was likewise excellent. Excellent. But would you mind if Iwere to add a little something to your interpretation?îìOh, please, Baba, yes, yes!î They were excited.Then Baba translated the song again, completely, line by line, givingdetailed and charming explanations for the difference between Hisversion and that of Vikranta.The plane was called. As we walked away, leaving behind thetearful-eyed Venetian devotees, I thought of the difference between thisexperience and the one a few days ago with Parimal.Berlin wall and the swastikaWest Berlin. Our field walk today took us to the infamous Berlinwall which divides Western democracy from Eastern communism.Baba stopped, looked at it, and said, ìThis wall symbolizes the brutalsuppression by Communism of human liberties. It is a kind of artificialmadness. In the near future you will all see this wall crumble pieceby piece, stone by stone. East and West Germany will be united as one.îThen He added, ìIn 1941, Germany came under the influence of astar called Magha, a bad star. Magha causes disruption and breaks intopieces the object on which its projection falls. Now its effect is finishing,and soon a good time is coming.îAfter that He explained the swastika. He said the literal meaning ofswastika is ìa condition of goodness which will continue to exist.î Thusit means victory. He drew our swastika, which He said is positive. ThenHe drew the reverse swastika, and said it is negative. He warned us neverto use the negative swastika because it brings complete annihilation.The Nazis mixed these two swastikas, often using the negative one.Conscious sleepTimmern, West Germany. About 200 Margis are collected for Babaísthree-day program in Timmern.53 The vibration has always been highhere but Babaís presence has raised it another level altogether.53 Timmern is a small village near Braunschweig where we have our local full-timertraining center.193Several Dadas and Margis were enjoying the talk with Baba in Hisroomóuntil a high pitched sound from the hallway disturbed us.What in Godís name is that? I wondered.It grew louder and clearer. ìBaba! Baba! Baba!îBodhishvar from Switzerland stood up. ìBaba, thatís my wife!îShaking His head in the Indian style of agreeing, Baba said, ìYes,she has a small problem. But thereís no need to worry. Go out,î hetold him, ìand softly uttering your guru mantra, hold the thumb ofyour right hand against her ajina chakra (on the forehead), rotating itslightly back and forth for a few seconds.îAfter Bodhishvar left the room, Baba said to us, ìThe explanation

for her behavior is simple. In her past life she committed an actionwhich terribly disturbed her mind. Now she is desperate for any kindof contact she can have with me. Though Bodhishvar will succeed inassuaging her this time, her intense yearning will express itself againwhen given the opportunity.îIn that moment the screaming ceased.Afterward, I heard that Anchala not only became immediately quietwhen Bodhishvar placed his thumb on her forehead, she also closedher eyes and entered a meditative state.......In the night, after all were sleeping, Ramanandaji called me andanother Dada to Babaís room. Just as He was falling asleep we startedto massage Him. We were silent, deeply enjoying an experience whichtranscends description. After about two hours the other Dada left mealone with Baba.At one point, when Baba had been snoring continuously (it wasmore of a soft purr than a snore), He suddenly broke His snore, turnedtoward me and said, ìWhat time is it?îì3:30, Baba.îìAccha,î He said54, and immediately started snoring again.It seems, I thought, that only Babaís body is sleeping, while His mindis fully conscious.I continued the massage, thinking about this. About twenty minuteslater, just as I was thinking, Is His mind really awake? I wish He54 Accha means ìokayî and is common to many of the Indian languages.EYE OF THE HURRICANE


would give me some confirmation..., He again suddenly broke His snore,turned toward me, and said,ìWhoís there?îI smiled, saying, ìDharmavedananda, Baba.îìAccha,î He said. His eyes twinkled at me as He chuckled softly.Within a moment He returned to His snoring.Accha, I thought.......[Authorís note: Years later, Babaís adopted son, Kinshukji, commentedto me: ìThough Baba lies down and closes His eyes, He, ofcourse, never really sleeps. Rather, whenever He appears to sleep foran extended period of time, we all become cautious. We know thatHeís actually making plans. Usually, immediately after that supposedsleep, He introduces new, complex working schemes for us.î]Devotees get their wayEveryone was talking about it: ìWeíve got to convince Baba to holdDMC.î ìIf our devotion is strong enough, Heíll have to give DMC.îìTimmern is the best place for DMC, so why not?îPerhaps Baba had started it all when He commented this morning,ìOur Timmern program is like a mini-Fiesch.îWhatever the cause, the excitement was so contagious that no onecould avoid it.As we came out for His evening field walk, the Margis crowdedboth sides of the sidewalk, leaning as close to Him as the securityvolunteers permitted. Like a faithful shield, I was close on His heels.Baba was shining, immaculate in His white dress. In a clear voice

that everyone could hear, He said, ìIt seems a fine night for DMC...îAs the Margis yelled ìVictory to Baba!î and other exclamations ofpleasure in reaction to Babaís words, He continued speaking in anundertone that only I could hear: ì...they say.îI turned toward the Margis, thinking to clear up the misunderstanding,but they were so excited they would not have heard me. In thesame moment, I saw it was Babaís play.During the field walk, Babaís mood was different than Iíd ever seen.He was normally very loquacious during his walks. Tonight, for thefirst time, He walked in silence.195Our footsteps echoed in the air, the wind providing the only audiblebackground to our thoughts. Without the distraction of speech,we sank deep into a spiritual mood.Halfway through the walk, Baba pointed at some distant tall trees, colorlessin the faint night light, waving like feather-fans in the wind. ìSeethe Cosmic Wave,î He said slowly. It was His one and only sentence.It was a unique field walk, which in a way I enjoyed more than anyother.When we returned, we entered the darshan hall. I was shocked. Itwas fully decorated in DMC style, with flowers, leaves, colored papers,a new colorful cover for Babaís couch, and a special ornamentalarrangement behind the couch. The Margis were singing devotionalsongs in full-throated fervor.Even before the speech began, it was clear that Baba was in a specialstate of mind. His demeanor was unusually dignified and transcendental.When He spoke His first words, ìThe subject of tonightís discoursewill be...î, I saw some of the more senior workers cast glances at eachother, recognizing His common opening for a DMC speech.The Margis shivered with excitement throughout the talk, as if anelectric current was running among them. I waited for Him to give thevarabhaya mudra (gesture of blessing).He never gave it. Personally I didnít care, but I wondered how theMargis would react. Had they not all day nurtured an expectation whichHe had not fulfilled?Someone asked Him for permission to perform Guru Puja.55 Heagreedósurprisingly, as this was usually performed only after DMC.I alone accompanied Baba downstairs to His room. When He enteredthe room, He said to me, ìGo back up and tell everyone that tonightísspeech was not DMC, but DMSóDharma Maha Sammelan. DMS hasthe same psycho-spiritual effect as DMC, but the varabhaya mudra isnot shown.î Just see, Guru has to follow His own system; while at thesame time the devotees have their way to compel Him to follow theirown desires. Of course they can only force Him up to a certain point.56

55 Guru Puja is a mantra sung together with gestures in which the devotee offers his/herego attachments to the guru.56 Afterward I came to know that the last, and perhaps only time that Baba had personallyheld a DMS was in 1962 in Begusarai, Bihar, India. So it is clear that Baba consid-EYE OF THE HURRICANE


When I went upstairs, I found all the Margis in an exuberant state,singing songs and dancing kiirtan. I climbed on the stage, took the microphone,and told everyone that I had a message from Baba. After aminute or two they calmed down and I repeated Babaís words.

They didnít careóno one seemed to be affected by my announcement.As soon as I finished speaking they immediately resumed theircelebrationósinging and dancing in spiritual ecstasy.The sixth pointBabaís darshan topic tonight was Shivaís Seven Secrets of Success.At its conclusion, I took Baba downstairs, saw Him into His room,and then entered Ramanandajiís room, just next to Babaís. In a fewmoments I was joined by three or four other Dadas. One sister broughtin a huge bowl of round milk-sweets, a small fraction of what had beenprepared in honor of Babaís last darshan in Timmern. I sat alone, thinkingof Baba, and eating slowly.After eating two of these extremely tasty balls, I was lying on myside, looking at the bowl, contemplating whether or not to eat a thirdone. In that very moment, I saw the handle of the door turn and inwalked Baba! He was dressed in the simple white undershirt and greenlungi that He wears only in the privacy of His own room. He walkedover to me. I sat up, smiling. With a sly grin on His face, He said tome, ìAnd remember ... the sixth point is a very difficult point to follow.î Without giving me a chance to reply, He turned and left the roomas suddenly as He had entered.I lay on the floor, laughingóShivaís sixth secret of success was controlover food.Freedomís limitThis morning, just before our departure from Timmern, Baba calleda meeting of Dadas and Didis. After beautifully reciting a few poemsof Indiaís greatest poet, Rabindranath Tagore, He asked each of us toexpress something of how we were feeling at the moment. One Dadamentioned how sad everyone felt having to leave Timmern. Baba repliedby telling a story:ered this Timmern program something special. While Baba was in jail, a few avadhutashad the duty to conduct DMS. Since Babaís passing, DMSs have been conducted onlyby the President.197ìA great sage Kanva lived alone in a forest. He loved to help people.So he often took it upon himself to go to the town, find sick and helplesspeople, and bring them back to his hermitage to care for themuntil they recovered. He was well known for this generosity. One daya mother came to Kanva and left her baby girl, Shakuntala, under thesaintís benevolent care. Kanva raised Shakuntala until she was oldenough to be married. At this time King Dushyanta arrived, andclaimed Shakuntala as his queen. As she was preparing to leave, Kanvafound himself gripped with feelings of despair. He thought, ëI am arenunciate and a yogi. I should be free from the emotions of affection.íîBaba asked, ìWhy was he having these feelings? Although he wasa sage, he was living in the world, and thus bound by the relative factor.Now all of you boys and girls are doing meditation to be free ofbondages. Being here in the world, however, it is impossible to denybondage.îBabaís way of speaking was so gentle that everyone wept.A deer devoteeHannover, West Germany. While driving today, an odd event occurred.I was in the car just behind Babaís. As the road passed througha field of chest-high grass, I saw a deer suddenly emerge next to Babaís

car. For about 200 meters it ran alongside of the car. To do this it hadto run at a great speed, while at the same time jumping high in the airwith each step in order to get through the tall grass. At the end of that200 meters, the car turned and the deer followed, continuing to runwith Baba for another 150 or 200 meters. Then the car acceleratedgreatly, and the deer fell back, unable to keep up.Babaís nephew, Paltu, was in that car. Afterward I said to him,ìDid you notice that deer?îìOf course.îìAnd did Baba comment anything about it?îìNot directly. But He was surely thinking about it. For several minutesHe had been discussing German architecture, when, without warning,He began to talk about animals. I could not understand why Hehad changed the topic. And then He was talking specifically of deers.The speech on deers must have been going on for half-a-minute whenthat deer appeared. All of us in the car stared at it, except Baba, whoEYE OF THE HURRICANE


went on speaking without turning His face in the animalís direction. Iwanted to ask Him about it, but He gave me no scope to speak.îWill we ever know the cause of this unquestionably mystical event?In the light of todayís experience and also Babaís story about Kanvaand Shakuntala I am reminded of an old mythological tale. A saintwas alone in the forest performing austere spiritual practices. He haddetached himself from all worldly affairs, and was approaching his entrythrough the gates of liberation when he discovered an orphaned babydoe. Compassion compelled him to rescue and then care for the creature.As months turned into years, the doe grew into a deer, and withoutrecognizing the change in his mind, the saint gradually developeda deep attachment for the animal. One day the deer accidentally jumpedoff a cliff, falling to its death. The saintís heart was torn. A few dayslater his final moment also came and his last thought was of his beloveddeer. Accordingly, he could not gain liberation, and instead wasreborn as a deer, which passed most of its life in the company of yogis.Perhaps the story is not so fictional after all.Revolutionary changeYesterday, after leaving the cars, we approached a road having nosidewalk.I said to Baba, ìIn Germany, Baba, since the cars drive on the rightside of the road, it is better we walk on the left, into the traffic, so wecan see any danger before it comes.îLike a child, Baba complied.This morning a similar situation arose. Again I started to explainwhere we should walk.Baba interrupted me, saying, ìI am an excellent student. If I hearanything, even once, I remember it forever. I clearly remember eachand every perception since the moment of my birth. So, thank youónoneed to repeat yesterdayís lesson.î......This afternoon Baba was speaking about society. ìAs long as thereis animality in man, there will be war. War is the blackest spot on humancharacter. Fight is the essence of life, but war is something brutal....You may expect some change in collective psychology from after

the year 1980, and a revolutionary change by the year 2000.î199Heaven in hellRotterdam, Netherlands. A light rain was falling this evening asour entourage approached the apartment building which houses ourthree-story Rotterdam yoga center. While still standing on the street,momentarily waiting for the local Margi to come forward to unlockthe door, Baba muttered something which undoubtedly was meant onlyfor my ears.He said softly, almost unnoticeably, ìWhat hell is this?îIt was not the sort of question to which one tries to reply, so I wasleft wondering about His meaning.......Next day. I believe I now know a little of the meaning of Babaísrhetorical question yesterday. To begin with, the stairways in this houseare winding, narrow, and insufficiently lit. As the two snake-like streamsof Margis continuously ascend and descend, they unavoidably pressagainst each other. Though about one hundred of us squeeze and adjustin inappropriately small rooms and hallways, no one minds. Thereis too much excitement in Babaís presence for anyone to care aboutsuch matters.Nevertheless I am constantly reminded of the spiraling passagewaysentering and departing from the different levels of Danteís hell.Then there was the water. It stopped in Babaís bathroom. Since Hedid not complain, it was only discovered when a Margi cleaned Hisroom. For a man who bathes three or four times daily, this was a greatinconvenience. Yet He politely tolerated it.After the water was repaired, He commented, ìThis is the first timein my life that I had to use a bathroom without water.îHis silent patience with the clumsiness of our arrangements deeplyaffected me.......Today Baba mentioned that tandava (Shivaís dance) should be donewith proper paraphernalia. In the left hand there should be either be askull or a snake to represent the force of destruction or death. Theright hand holds a dagger or burning torch to represent the power ofdiscrimination or life. He specifically added that the snake should bea living, poisonous snake. We took this as a cue. Two hours later Melvinwas purchasedóa beautiful, healthy, poisonous snake.EYE OF THE HURRICANE


The next darshan proceeded smoothly until it was time for the brothersto perform tandava. Viirabhadra (whose name means ìthe bravestface of Godî) jumped fiercely up and down and side to side. In hisleft hand, Melvin violently twisted and spit. Some Margis were thrilledwhile others were horrified as they watched the snake bite Viirabhadraíshand again and again. Rather than holding the snake just below thehead as he should have, he was holding Melvin in the middle. Bloodbegan to drip from his hand. Still the dance continued, the room reverberatedto the chant of Baba Nam Kevalam and the rhythmic thumpingof the dancersí feet. Meanwhile Baba entered one of His powerfulTantric moods. He looked on with a calm intensity. The snake musthave bit Viirabhadra thirty or forty times; blood flowed like water

dripping from a tap.At last the chanting stopped and the dancers halted. Though Babaíswords, ìVery good. Very good,î were normal, His voice was deep andpenetrating. Afterward He said nothing about the snake, but we weresure He was pleased. I was concerned for Viirabhadra, but he was inspiredto the depths of his being. Fortunately the snakeís poison sackshad been removed.I shall carry the snake with us everywhere from now on. The bloodwas a wonderful touch, but as Tantra has nothing to do with masochism,I will instruct the dancers to hold our undulating friend by theneck during the dance in order to avoid its fangs.......On field walk one sister asked Baba, ìWe have so many complexeslike fear, shame and so on. How can we get rid of them?îBaba said, ìShall I tell you the secret? Kiirtan.î......Next day. Since most of the volunteers here are totally inexperienced,I personally had to stand guard-duty just outside the door toBabaís room while He was giving Personal Contact. Anchala (the wifeof Bodhishvara) was hovering around the door, clearly agonized overthe impossibility of her entering Babaís room.57

At one point I had to use the upstairs bathroom so I requested anotherDada to cover for me. A few minutes later I heard a loud yell,followed by continuous shrieking. The sound came from downstairs.Alarmed, I sprinted forward. The screech became louder. Someone ap-201peared at the top of the stairs, running toward me. It was Anchala! Andthe scream ìBaba! Baba!î was coming from her. She dashed past me.Confused, I went down to Babaís room. Immediately several workersjumped on me saying, ìYou fool! You idiot! How could you be soincompetent?î and so on.ìStop, stop!î I said. ìI donít know what this is all about. What happened?îìPlaying innocent, huh? As if you donít know that Anchala forcedher way into Babaís room!îìWhat?î I was shocked. I turned toward the Dada to whom I hadpassed my duty.ìIím sorry. She was too fast...or, rather, I never expected...îìJust tell me what happened.îìThe brother who was receiving Personal Contact finished, andcame out. I ... I wasnít paying proper attention.îìObviously.îìSuddenly I heard Baba yellingóso loud that I think my hair stoodon end. He shouted, ëGET OUT OF HERE!í I turned to look throughthe open door and saw Anchala still lying there fully prostrate withher head and outstretched arms under Babaís bed. She jumped up likea rabbit hearing a shotgun, and ran out.îìI saw the rest,î I said.Could this be the last episode in the ìEscapades Of Anchalaî?Lingua francaAmsterdam airport. The corridors in this airport seemed exceptionallylong. Yet Baba avoided using the moving sidewalks and escalators.I asked Dada Ramananda if there was any special reason that Baba

walked up the stairs rather than using the escalator? .ìHe said that escalators make people lazy,î Ramanandaji replied.......While waiting for our plane, Baba told me to sit next to Him. Wediscussed several subjects. One of these concerned some hearsay aboutwhich I had wondered.ìBaba, is it true that You will make a world language in the future?î57 Until this date, Baba had never given Personal Contact to a woman. It was only somemonths later that He started Personal Contact for women in small groups.EYE OF THE HURRICANE


ìA language suitable for all citizens of this globe will be constituted,yes,î He said.ìThen is it any use for us to learn Esperanto?î58

ìThere is no need to study Esperanto, because the global languagewe make will be superior. It will be convenient for all peoples. Yousee, the founders of Esperanto, though well-intentioned, committed twomajor errors. First, it is based primarily on European language roots.Asians and others thus feel it burdensome to learn. Second, it waspropagated mostly among the intellectual community.ìOur lingua franca, on the other hand, will have its roots both inboth Occidental and Oriental languages, including Sanskrit. No onewill feel difficulty to assimilate it. It will first be popularized amongfamous leading personalities, so its spread around the world will proverelatively easy.îThe key to our heartsStockholm, Sweden. Since that first chaotic experience of Babaísarrival in Geneva when the security went haywire, our other airportarrivals have been relatively calm and orderlyóthat is, until Sweden.A few hours drive south of Stockholm lies the only wholetimer trainingcenter outside of India and Nepal. Considering that these youngmen and women trainees pass all their time in the depths of a sereneforest ashram, who could imagine that they would go so berserk whenthey saw Baba? My security forces were completely unprepared forthe wild and rapid advance they made toward Him, shouting, ìBaba!Baba! Baba!î Again Dada Ramananda went into action, his whirlingarms creating a mean defense. But this time it was far from enough. Itlooked like Baba would be swamped in the mad rush of His devotees.Suddenly, as if on cue, though indeed it was totally spontaneous, allthe workers in the entourage encircled Baba, joining hands. Only by afierce muscular effort were we able to keep Him from being swamped.His smile was particularly maddening for these trainees, most of whomhad never physically seen Baba even though they had already fully dedicatedtheir lives for His mission.......58 Esperanto is a language made by philologists, who hoped it would serve as the languagefor international communication.203Two days later. To a normal mind, Babaís actions often seem illogical.But there is a purpose behind every word He speaks, everyflicker in His eyes, every tilt of His head. What is the explanation behindHis odd conduct here in Sweden? Due to the presence of the trainees,the devotional wave has been highóyet Baba has refused to give darshanfor three days. Every morning and every evening their hearts pound

with anticipation, only to fall into frustration and despair each timeBaba fails to appear.Finally this evening, at the time of His last scheduled darshan, Hedirected His car to drive to the big hall where all the Margis sat. Theirhappiness when they saw Him enter was so strong that many of themwept uncontrollably.He keeps the key for releasing our devotional longing by constantlyvarying His behavior in unexpected manners, and by secretly and silentlytouching our hearts, even when we are totally away from Hisphysical presence.EYE OF THE HURRICANE


CHAPTER 12

As Per SystemìItís a miracleîValencia, Spain. Because Ananda Marga began here only two yearsback, our local organization is not yet strong. There is no large yogahouse. Our living quarters and program facilities had to be arrangedin a Catholic church on the outskirts of the city.We arrived in the late evening. Without any experienced local groupto help, the arrangements were particularly taxing for me. Baba demandsmaximum speed. He instructed me that all workers were to meetin His room in one hour. Besides passing along this order, I also hadto see to the general security, the kitchen, the program plans, the darshanroom, and the workersí roomsónot to mention dealing with the streamof workers and volunteers who bombarded me with questions abouttheir respective responsibilities.In the absence of properly experienced security volunteers, I wasforced to post a guard at Babaís door who was, well shall we say, moreoccupied with spiritual than practical concerns.It was almost time for the workersí meeting when a ruckus occurred.Running to Babaís room, I saw one of the priests stalking out, swearingto God in Spanish, and saying that he would call the police; hewouldnít be restricted within his own quarters. He was at least a bitdrunk. The guard looked on helplessly. I glanced into Babaís room.He was sitting calmly, unperturbed by the intrusion. When He saw meHe instructed me to call the workers to His room immediately.Within a few minutes everyone arrived. He said to us, ìIt is theduty of the guest to ensure the hostís comfort in every possible way.Our presence causes some inconvenience to our host. As gentlemen205we are to fulfill our duty in the proper way. We should therefore leavethis place immediately. We should not stay here another moment.î Heturned to me and said, ìPlease thank the priests for allowing us to behere for this hour.îI was dumbfounded. It would be difficult enough to find facilitieson short notice for such a large groupóbut add to that Babaís specialneeds: a room with an attached bath, a nearby room for His personalassistant, a call-bell, space for darshan, a kitchen for Him plus a kitchenfor the workers, etc. The challenge was mind-boggling. And it was evening.Another priest appeared. The drunkard had been only a subordinate;this was the head-priest. I told him we were leaving, and conveyed

Babaís thanks as directed. He pressed his palms together and said inSpanish, ìPlease, please excuse this great disturbance! Father Carloswas out of his senses. I request you to stay on!îHopefully, I passed his words back to Baba. He replied, ìAgain youmust thank him, but we have to leave.îO, Baba... how could You? I thought. How in the world will we immediatelyfind another place?Baba was already packed. He started walking with Ramanandaji towardHis car. It was late night. My mind turned blank in bewilderment.Just at that moment the Dada appeared who had made the originalarrangements to stay at the church. ìPerhaps I know a house whichwill be adequate. Your car and Babaís should follow mine.îI was astounded. ìBut how is it possible?îìIíll tell you later.îAfter a half hourís drive we arrived at a suburban duplex. Dada ledthe way upstairs. We entered the room which would serve as His bedroom... then the attached bathroom ... looked at the call-bell ... theadjacent room for Ramanandaji ... the darshan hall, which was adequate,albeit small...Baba turned to us, saying with a smile, ìItís a miracle that you couldget it ready so quickly.îAfterward I asked that Dada, ìWhatís the secret?îìOnly a mistake,î he replied. ìI first booked the duplex for ourprogram, and even prepared the call-bell. Then the church became available,so I left this place. In my haste, I simply forgot about it and neglectedto cancel it.AS PER SYSTEM


ìNo, no, thatís not the secret,î he added. ìThe secret is that bothproblems and solutions have the same source.î59

Typical intricaciesNotes of all Babaís talks during field walks have been taken by Dr.Patak, but this morning the doctor could not come so I was requestedto do the note-taking. Though Baba always speaks informally whilewalking, I tried my best to transcribe word for word. So these notesare special because of their relative completeness. They cover threedays. These three daysí talks were more or less typical of His ìusualîstyle, that is if it can be said that He has a usual style.60 Notes fromthe first field walk follow:ìWhy do oranges grow here?î He asked. No one answered. ìIt isbecause of the Mediterranean climate. The flora and fauna are Mediterraneanhere. The sweet scents here are also due to Mediterranean climate.Roses and sweet peas are only scenting in the north. It may be thatthere are some medicinal herbs growing here because the climate is sohot. All of them belong to the Calendula family, having yellow flowers....ìThe name of a small stone or pebble in old Latin is rockin. Similarlya small man is mankin in English.îHe requested us to search for a particular herb. It was difficult forHim to look for it because His vision was impaired by the poisoningin prison. One Dada picked up a leafy plant. ìIs this it, Baba?î59 The next day Baba mentioned that something similar had happened to Him twicebefore in India. On one of those occasions, He was brought to the home of an extremelywealthy man. As He entered the house, the owner himself was cooking foodfor Baba. Baba refused to stay, however, saying the man had earned all of his money

by immoral means.60 Just near the time of publication, I saw a manuscript for another soon-to-be printedbook called ìShri PR Sarkar on Historyóa Guidebook for Future Historiansî. It is basedon notes compiled by Acharya Ragunath during the field walks of Babaís two-monthtour of northeast India in 1984. Those informal talks were even more complex andacademic than the ones He gave in Europe. By the word ìinformalî I do not mean talkswhich were given without prior research or systematic preparationóbecause Baba gaveall of His talks without the slightest preparation. The only characteristic of His so-calledformal speeches was in His method of giving a series of speeches on related subjectsover a period of days, weeks or months. On the other hand, His informal talks followedno rule.207ìNo, this is not the herb which I requested. Nevertheless, this alsois a valuable herb. It cures liver problems, dysentery, and other digestiveailments.îHe told the herbís name in old Latin, Sanskrit, Russian, modernLatin, old Hebrew, and several other languages. One Spanish sister thenasked, ìAnd in Spanish, Baba?î He looked at her, laughed, and toldits name inóArabic! I knew that the motivation of this sister was onlyto test Baba.......Babaís bedroom and the darshan room are on the second floor. Theweather is hot, so the windows are left open.Throughout the entire darshan we could hear the singing of Baba NamKevalam coming from the street outside. After Baba finished darshanand was returning to His room, He asked us, ìWho was that singing?îBodhishvar stepped forward. ìIt was my wife Anchala and four othersisters.îìHuh, what do you say?îìIt is their way of protesting, Baba. Only brothers can receive PersonalContact from You. They feel that sisters also should be able toreceive Personal Contact.îBabaís face suddenly lost its softness. ìNo one has the right to makedemands on me regarding Personal Contact. It is my personal matter.Neither can the organization dictate to me, nor can any individual orindividuals force me to give Personal Contact except as I so please.îHe raised His voice slightly. ìDo they have any idea of the inner meaningof Personal Contact? I assure you, they cannot understand it. There isgood reason why I give Personal Contact to some and not to others.Do you know that Shri Aurobindo gave such Personal Contact onlyone time in his life? And that too was while he was standing on a balcony,and the individual was down below. No, they do not and cannotunderstand the significance of Personal Contact.îWithout waiting for any reply from our side, He turned and walkedinto His room. Just as we were wondering what to say to each other,the door opened and Baba reappeared.ìTell those five ladies that they are henceforth permanently expelledfrom the organization. This is my strict order. No one should makeany representation on their behalf. If any Dada or Didi appeals forAS PER SYSTEM


them, then that very Dada or that very Didi will likewise be expelled.îAgain He disappeared.We were shocked. Bodhishvar said, ìOh, no!î Others said, ìIt istoo extreme!î ìHow could He do this?î Yet there was nothing to do

but accept it. He left no room for any sort of initiative from our side.The girls were still singing kiirtan. Someone approached them, andthey stopped singing, keen and hopeful to hear Babaís comment. Whenthey heard His order, they swooned and wept pitifully.How could Baba be so cruel?For the rest of the day and much of the night the five of them satsilently on the steps outside.......More notes from this eveningís field walk. It was dusk and we werewalking on a beach outside the city.ìThe old Atlantis is now underwater except for parts of Spain, Portugal,Ireland and Iceland.îBaba suddenly stopped walking, and asked, ìWhat was that?îI directed my torch light at our feet. Due to the dark I had not seenit, but a small animal had run in front of Baba and now sat in front ofHim.I said, ìA small mouse, Baba. No. A shrew.îBaba laughed. I felt that Baba knew exactly who that shrew hadbeen in a past life, and that the shrew had wanted Baba to touch it, oreven kill it by stepping on it. Though He refused to do so, I felt Hestill blessed it. We side-stepped the shrew and walked on.ìDharmavedananda, what is the name of this sea?îìMediterranean, Baba.îìWhy is it called that?îìIt means middle-earth, Baba.îìAnd is it the middle of the earth?îìIt depends how you look,î I said, ìsince the earth is pear-shaped.îìCan there be a middle?îìNo, I donít think so, Baba.îìYes. There can be no middle. But the ancient people thought thiswas the middle of the earth because for them the earth was only Semiticand Alpine. There are big waves. Why is that? The Arabian Sea doesnot have big waves.î209ìBecause the Mediterranean is deep, Baba?îìNo. Because it is shallow.îNext day. Notes from this morningís walk:ìThis hillock is not an ordinary place. What is the direction of thesea? Is it not east?îìYes, Baba,î replied a Spanish Margi.ìI remember one old story,î Baba said. ìIn the Medieval stage whenthe Romansóthis means over 2000 years agoówhen the Roman empirewas on its pinnacle of glory, they came here crossing the Mediterraneanon the east to conquer Iberia. A fierce battle was fought.îHe pointed to a concrete slab about 150 meters away. ìPerhaps thisis the place, and that monument commemorates the battle.îOne Margi ran over to the slab, looked at it and ran back.ìItís true!î he said. ìItís a monument about the Roman battle!îThough we were all impressed with Babaís omniscience, He didnítpay attention to our astonishment and went on speaking like a professor.[Authorís note: From this point Baba explained at some length aboutthe history of the Arab and Moslem movement throughout the world.For readers who are interested, this piece may be found in the appendix

Technical Talks by Baba or with Baba; the article is titled ìOn thehistory of the Arab and Moslem movement throughout the worldî.At the end of that explanation He said:]ìStrengthen yourselves in north Africa. We will attack from Spainwith love. But we shall say to them we are not your born enemies. Theywill say, ëWe hate you.í We will say, ëWe love you.íìFrom Gibraltar move southward. Gibraltar is actually Spain, butit was given to England as part of a dowry. Historically, ethnologically,culturally and economically Gibraltar is a part of Spain. Now, know alittle history. Here also the Romans attacked Iberia in the B.C. period.But at that time there was little difference between Italy and Iberia.The Iberian language is also a part of the Latin language, which diedout 500 years ago. (I am not sure He said ë500í years ago.) RegardingOriental-demi Latin and Occidental-demi Latin: 1300 to 1400 yearsago Oriental-demi Latin became French and Italian; Occidental-demiLatin became Portuguese and Spanish. Portuguese is just like a dia-AS PER SYSTEM


lect. Spanish and Portuguese people each may think, ëThe other isspeaking a dialect of my language.í In the future, Spanish and Portuguesewill come closer together and both will be benefited for properdevelopment. Forget the last 700 years of historyóthey come from thesame stock. The old land of Basque, i.e. Spain and Portugal, were asingle people....ìRoman pirates came from that part. What is the meaning of pirates?Sea robbers.îHe started talking about agriculture.ìWhat are the main vegetables here?îI missed writing a few vegetables that He said. Then He continuedì...potatoes, beans, brinjals, and onion of white color or gray color?Garlic has no seed. But in the case of onion, the seed or root will work.This land is of what sort?îNo one knew.ìYou are cultivators and you do not know? The land is green, andthus fit for cultivation of vegetables and fruits of Mediterranean culture.îOne Margi said, ìBaba, do you know that here they use more organicand natural fertilizers than artificial?îìI know the entire agricultural history of Spain.ìSweet lemons can grow on the rocky soil here, not oranges. Whatis the difference between the two? The skin and grain of the orangeare loose. But you cannot easily remove the skin of the lemon. Amongstlemons are sweet lemons as big as oranges, which can be convenientlygrown on rocky soil. The lower portion (He pointed downhill) is suitablefor oranges. Up here is good for sweet lemon.ìIs the ground black or a bit red? It is latterite, a bit redólookinglike brick. There is much calcium in it. It is suitable for sweet lemonsand grapes. Vineyards are good in the hill area because of the latteritesoil. Is this area more engaged in agriculture or horticulture? Horticulture.You may get proper saplings from Israel of sweet lemons. Arethere any pineapples grown here?îìNo, Baba,î someone said.

ìPineapples may also be successfully grown here in the summerseason. The winter variety may not grow well here because pineapplescan not stand chilly climate. There is a ready market for these fruits in211north Europe. Now they are imported from far away. In the winteralso you can grow them in glass houses. This is particularly applicablein southern and eastern Spain, and southern Portugalótaking advantageof the fine weather during the summer.î......Later in the morning, Baba announced that the expulsion of threeof the sisters was withdrawn, and that they should be accepted backunconditionally. Anchala and one other sister were, however, ìto remainindefinitely outside of Ananda Marga.î Hearing this, Anchalafell into deep despair. She and the other sister cried loudly, and tearsfell profusely from their eyes.......Just before evening darshan, Baba asked Ramanandaji, ìHave thosegirls properly learned their lesson?îìYes, Baba. They will never again repeat such a mistake. And everyoneelse clearly understands that Personal Contact is your personalaffair.îìYesss. Then the sentence against the last two is also to be lifted.They may again rejoin the organization, if they so wish.îThis evening the five protesters were all on their best behavior:sweet and polite to their utmost. Their eyes shone like those of smallgirls.......[Authorís note: Many years later I heard of an incident witnessedby Dada Yatishvarananda. It occurred in India preceding the time whenBaba started to give Personal Contact to women in small groups. Allthe members of one family were devoted Margis. The daughter wasadamant that she must get Personal Contact from Baba. She sat outsideBabaís room performing long meditation. Dada said he never sawany Indian sister with such determination and fighting spirit. Severalbrothers were called for Personal Contact. Of course she was not called.She continued doing meditation. The Personal Contacts finished, andit was announced that all should proceed for Babaís darshan in theadjacent hall. Though everyone else left, she refused to go for darshan,and instead continued meditation. In the darshan Baba said, ìForParama Purusha [Cosmic Consciousness] boys and girls are exactlythe same. In the case of Personal Contact, however, I give it to theAS PER SYSTEM


boys directly. For the girls I use a different style.î At that moment,everyone heard the sister scream ìBaba!î Her parents jumped up andran out of the hall, anxious for their daughter. They found her lying onthe floor, with a blissful expression on her face. Not knowing what todo, they again entered the hall. Baba said, ìSocial conditions compelme to use this style when dealing with the girls. When she regains normalawareness, you should massage the joints of her body, and then giveher hot milk to drink.îA few hours later, Dada Yatishvarananda asked her what she hadexperienced. She said, ìI was very angry with Baba. Due to anger I

became fully concentrated in thinking about Him. Suddenly my mindsoared out of this world, and through the Cosmos. I saw all the starsand galaxies, and finally entered into ecstasy beyond description. I becameone with Baba. So I donít want Personal Contact anymore.î]......Next day. Valencia airport. My note-taking continued even withoutrequest:While waiting for the flight, Baba said, ìThe Bay of Basque wasoriginally a part of Atlantisóthatís why it is so shallow. Wherever thesea is shallow, there are big waves. The Pacific Ocean is very deepóinsome places more than six miles deepóand the waves are small in size.The man who knows little talks tall.ìThere should be cultural, geological, zoological and other surveysaround the coast of Iberia, because some new clues may be found aboutAtlantis. But that is only feasible if Iberia gets economic help for thesurvey from such an organization as the UNO, because it requires hugeexpenditure, and Spain is too poor. Physically I come here for the firsttime, but mentally I have been here before.ìJust after taking a hot drink, you must not take a cold drink. Butthe reverse can be done. The former disturbs the nervous systemóthenerve fibers cannot tolerate the change. So, rules should be followedin each and every sphere of life. Since the time I left the military departmentin (1940-something), I am not wearing socks. It is my system.If I use socks then my head will be heated. If I take onion I willfeel feverish. Garlic likewise makes me sick. Everything must be doneas per system. I did not feel any difficulty while I was barefoot in thesnow in Switzerlandórather my feet were hot. Create a system. I did213not take any food for 5 years, 4 months and 2 daysóand I did not feelany difficulty. When the special medical team came from Delhi, thedoctor said, ëBabaís heart is stronger than ours.í There was no shortageof memory, nor problem with the brain. My memory is perfectsince I was a one-day-old baby. I remember everything. All of this isby your grace, by your mercy.ìFor philological surveys, you will have to go to remote villages tostudy the vocabulary used by them. Tape-record their intonation. Ifyou go northward from London, you will hear different intonations.îHe spoke the words lake and gold in about ten different Britishintonations proceeding upward from London.ìYou will have to go to villages, undergoing the pain of such travelóbooks will not help much. You will have to study the rocks, the undergroundand above-ground water. Study the language of the bullsóthe bovinelanguage. A farmer of south India uses a particular commandingtone to bulls. The tone used by farmers in England and Scotland is different.And the bulls understand only the language of their own corner.îBaba demonstrated the difference between the tones used in northand south India.ìThere are twenty-two pronunciations of the letter ëaí in English,five in Spanish, and two in French. You will have to go deep into thesource of intonation. So philology is not an easy subject.ìThere are many special customs in Spain. For example, bull fighting.In Latin bull is torus. Only in Spanish exists the word torear, whichmeans bull-fighting. One constellation of the zodiac is Taurus or bull.

The first is Aries, which means sheep. The second is Taurus.ìIf I get sufficient time, I may do something to help the culturallife of Iberia through Renaissance Artistsí and Writersí Association.Due to the Ananda Marga organization I hardly get any time. Youmay form Renaissance Universal clubsóit has immense possibilities.And we should try to do something regarding the capacity of the vocalchords, through which we express our feelings. The scope of talkingis less than that of feeling. If you are stuck with one pin, you sayëOh!í If you are stuck with two pins, you also say ëOh!í Language failsto express the difference. And if one finger is cut, then too you sayëOh!í Feeling is far deeper than expression. Similarly, one tear dropmay come in the case of both one or two pins. So tears do not exactlyAS PER SYSTEM


express the feelings either. Tears are physical, ëOh!í is verbalósuch pointsalso come within the range of philology.îBaba explained the names of some Margis present.ìLiilananda means the bliss that Parama Purusha [Cosmic Consciousness]feels when He creates this universe. When He does not createanything He enjoys bliss within Himself and is called Nityananda.Liilavatii means the energy which dances along the movement of creation.The vital energy used in pleasing the Lord is called Arjuna....ìIn 1969, when I first went to Manila, they sang Spanish songs. There,all educated people know Spanish. Before World War I, Spanish wasthe official language. After that the Philippines came under Americaand the official language became English. Most of the Margis knowsome Spanish. Our Filipino acharyas have been posted in SouthAmerica because they know Spanish.ìSomething has to be done now about Esperanto. Before Esperantois established, our people should learn at least broken English as auniversal link language. It is a necessity. Esperanto had immense possibilities,but there were no big supporters....ìAre there any special arrangements to study Indology or Egyptologyor Sinology in Spanish universities?îOne Margi answered, ìMaybe in Madrid, Baba. But these thingsare better to study in Germany.îìIn Munich there are several branches of humanities. The first linkwas studied by Max Mueller. He studied Vedic and modern Sanskrit.In his time he was an authority.î......On the plane. Even here my notes continued, trying to catch Babaword-for-word.ìThe same style of octave is followed in Spain as in the Far Eastand China. Here the music contains a blending of oriental andoccidental tunes. Music is not of standard European style....ìFor Iberia, the past was bright, the present is cloudy, and the futureis full of sunshine. I love the people here very much.îIn relation to the priest who lost his temper while we were in themonastery, He said, ìA man in missionary service should try to keephis brain cool.î215Doctor Pathak commented that the Spanish word salida is closeto the Bengali word chalo.

Baba joked, ìIn an English class (in India), the teacher said, ëIfyou wish to pronounce cholera with a hard ìchî sound, then Ch-olerachale!îí [meaning Go away cholera!]ìThe name of the old mixture of Spanish and Portuguese was calledthe Iberian language. Even today, some of the Spanish dialects varymore from standard Spanish than from Portuguese. If the EuropeanCommon Market system were extended to all countries of Europe, thenSpain and Portugal would both be benefited.îAs Baba spoke this sentence I wrote benefitted in my notebook.Though He could not see what I had written, He said, ìDharmavedananda,what is the spelling of benefited?îìB-E-N-E-F-I-T-T-E-D,î I said.ìNo. Though the rule is that a short sound gets a double consonant,this is an exception, and there is only one ëtí. There was a man namedRainjan Chaterjee who had an MA in English, and was very proud ofhimself. Shailapati was not proud. Rainjan spelled benefited with twoëtís, and Shailapati questioned him. But Rainjan was sure of himself.ìShailapati said, ëOkay. You can spell benefited with two ëtís becauselately in Bankipur there has been a number of incidents of dacoity.So two ëtís is good for security.î(Afterwards I looked through my notebook and found this to bemy only careless spelling mistake in twenty pages of notes. Just seehow nicely Baba caught me.)He continued, ìEnglish replaced French to lead the world because:A) It has the flexibility to accept words of other languages like rajaand jungle. B) Its grammar is more simple than that of French. Theverbs do not change according to the number and gender of the nominativecase. And the nominative does not change according to the gender.C) Book-French and peopleís-French vary with each other. So whatshould be taken as the standard?ìSee how English ate up Scottish, Welsh and Irish. By the samereasoning, Hindi is not popular throughout India due to its grammaticalcomplication.î(This ends my detailed notes from three days of His informal talks.)AS PER SYSTEM


Nothing beyond infinityLyon, France. Though we have a yoga house here, the Margis deemedit unfit for Babaís stay. Instead, they arranged a hotel suite for Him.Baba hammered His words into Dada Ramananda. ìHave I comehere to stay in a hotel? Am I a bag of luggage to be stored away betweendarshans? Nonsense!î He steamed. ìYou are the culprit here.You approved the schedule and all the facilities. See to our shifting tothe jagriti (yoga house) immediately. I shall not unpack my bag here.îI felt bad because it was not really Ramanandajiís fault.ìBut, Baba, there is no attached bath for you there. It will be highlyinconvenient.îìIt will be highly inconvenient, highly inconvenient,î He mimickedin a high falsetto. ìI am not here for a vacation! I am here to work andbe with the Margis. If we are not out of here in five minutes...î andHis voice trailed off into a mumble.It was a fact that there was no attached bathroom for Him in theyoga house. Setting up a portable toilet next to His room solved part

of the problem. For bathing, however, He had to walk through almostall the other rooms to reach the bathroom near the front door. Margisand workers were of course sitting everywhere. Considering that Hetakes a full bath at least three times a day, this was indeed an inconvenience.Yet Babaís mood could not have been sweeter.......Two days later. The Didi in charge of His kitchen handed me a basketthis morning containing three thermos jugsówater, juice and milk.Because I was extremely busy preparing for the field walk, I passedthe basket to one of the security volunteers, and requested him to bringit to the car.During the field walk, Baba drank nothing. After returning, He requestedmilk. Moments later, a distraught Ramanandaji came to me.ìWhat did you do to the milk?îìNothing. Whatís the matter?îìWhen I offered a cup of it to Baba, He smelled it and said, ëItísgone sour.í Iíve seen this sort of thing before. It happens only when thefood or drink for Baba is handled carelesslyódisrespectfully.îìBut I think Didi, myself and the guard were all meticulous.î217ìIt was a great problem. When Baba refused the milk, I suggested thatanother cup would be prepared. But He said, ëIt will violate our time schedule.So leave it.í This is very, very bad. Thatís why I want to find thecause. You have to check it and report to me within thirty minutes.îUnable to imagine the cause, I spoke to Didi and the guard, butboth claimed their behavior had been proper. I sat down to think. Aminute later, the guard came back, saying,ìDada, do you think that anything might have happened becauseof where I put the basket?îìWhat? Didnít you carry it directly out to the car after I gave it toyou?îìYes, but no, well in fact, as I was bringing it out the door, I rememberedmy hat. I put the basket down near the door, and ran backto fetch my hat. But it was only a minute, Dadaji.îìShow me exactly where you put it.îHe pointed to the dusty area packed with everyoneís shoes.I understood, and went to Ramanandaji.ìThis is surely the explanation,î He said.ìWill you tell Baba?îìWhat for? He knows everything. Rather He caused this incidentto happen just to teach you.î......During the darshan, Baba said, ìSuppose that a gentleman is undergoingfasting and secretly in a closed room he takes chocolate. Theman says to himself, ëNo one will know! Nobody will know!íîAt this moment one brother abruptly exclaimed, ìOh Baba!îBaba continued, ìNot soóhis unit cognition will know that Iívetaken chocolate, and similarly the Cosmic Father will also know thatin a particular room that unit body takes chocolate secretly. That unitbody is still thinking, ëThe fact that I took chocolate on fasting day isnot known to anybody.í Itís known to everybody, nothing is secret.ìNow suppose Anchala is thinking like this: ëThis night I will notjoin general darshan and I will sing Baba Nam Kevalam just on the

footpath.í But Anchalaís thought waves will be known to the SupremeFather also. The Supreme Father says, ëOhh! Anchala is thinking likethis. Issue a banning order saying Anchala wonít be allowed to attendgeneral darshan.í Nothing is secret.îAS PER SYSTEM


Afterward I asked the brother why he had reacted so suddenly toBabaís words about chocolate.ìBecause He described what happened to me and the exact wordsI was thinking on the last fasting day.îFollowing the darshan, Baba said, ìEverything in this universe isthe mental creation of the Supreme progenitor. As long as His mind isthere, you are within His mind. He cannot say, ëGet out, get out of here!I donít want to see your face!í He cannot say this. Because in that caseyou can ask Him, ëOh Lord, You say, ìGet out!î, then where am I togo? It would be within Your mind.íîNow Anchala said, ìOh!îBaba looked at her, continuing, ìëAnd, Lord, if You say, ìGet out!Go beyond the periphery of My mindî, then certainly, Oh Lord, Youare not infinite. Because there is something beyond Your mind. So justto maintain the prestige and dignity of Your name, You are to toleratewhat I do and what I think. And thatís why it is Your duty to guide me.I am Your son, I am Your daughter. I am to do according to Your dictates.íî......Just before evening darshan, several Indian avadhutas and I weretogether in Babaís room when He said, ìI am now going to tell a story.But I prefer to speak in Bengali. If I were to tell it in English, it wouldlose some of its charm and much of its humor. Do you mind,Dharmavedananda?îìNo, no, Baba, of course I donít mind.îìGood. Afterward, Vijayananda will translate the story for you.îI did get the translation, and will explain below. But during the talkI had my own experience.Baba was in a chair, while we sat on the floor at His feet. He wasserved a large glass of lemon-water. A cloth napkin was tucked underHis chin, which made Him look a bit child-like. Since I did not understandmuch of what He said, I paid attention only to His physical actions.As He spoke, He gradually brought the glass closer and closerto His mouth. Just as He was about to drink, He said something whichmade the Dadas laugh. He also laughed and brought the glass backdown without drinking. Continuing, He again moved the lemon-water219toward His mouth and just as He was about to drink, He came to anotherfunny line and, laughing with everyone, He again brought thedrink down. He did this repeatedly, which made me laugh every time.At the end of the story, the Dadas were laughing so hard that some ofthem were rolling on the floor holding their sides. At last He broughtthe glass to His lips and, giving me a wink, drank the entire contents.As to the story (keep in mind that this translated version is missingmany of the subtle Bengali nuances and all of His body-language),it concerned His army days before Indiaís independence from GreatBritain. Since Baba was a corporal, the privates in His platoon frequently

complained to Him about their selfish sergeant. The food the privatesgot was very poor, while the sergeant ate well and never shared a crumbwith them.One day, Baba said to the sergeant, ìSir, I know this jungle areawell. I passed part of my youth nearby. I want to advise you about amost important point.îìYes, go ahead,î the sergeant said. ìIím all ears.îìThere are dangerous jackals roaming here. They are capable ofkilling a man and taking him for supper.îOpening his eyes wide, the sergeant said, ìThen what shall we do?Are there any precautions we can take?îìGenerally these jackals attack in the middle of the night. Beforeattacking, however, they make a slight coughing sound. If we hear thatsound, we must not alert the animal to our presence by moving. Doyou understand?îìCorporal Sarkar, I depend on you to get us through this regionalive.îìDonít worry, Sir. For maximum security, it will be best that I sleepin your tent.îìBy all means, please do so.îThat night Baba slept next to the sergeant. About 3:00 in the morning,Baba woke him up, and whispered, ìListen.îìWhat is it?î exclaimed the anxious sergeant.ìShhhh, quiet,î He said.A soft cough could be heard.ìIs it...?îAS PER SYSTEM


ìYes, itís surely a jackal,î He whispered.ìOh God! In the Name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit...îìQuiet,î hissed Baba.Another sound was heard.ìI say! Whatís that?î said the sergeant. ìIt seems heís entered mysupply tent!îìShhh, quiet, Sir, please.îThen a clicking sound.ìBy God, I think heís getting right into my tiffin box!îìSir, youíll give us away,î whispered Baba.ìWhat ho! I can hear the rustle of my bag of channa chura (spicysnack)!îìDo keep quiet, Sir.îìI say! It sounds like heís taking my satchel of dried fruits and nuts!îìSir, please.îìOh Lord, Iím sure thatís the sandesh (milk sweets)!îìYouíll get us killed, Sir.îìOh heaven save me, the cakes!îBaba grabbed his shoulders, whispering, ìGet a hold of yourself,Sir! Youíve absolutely got to hush up. Donít even move.îThe sergeant lay there, unmoving. But his eyes were filled with horrorhearing the sounds from the supply tent. At last, there was silence. Tenseconds, twenty seconds...The sergeant jumped up, saying, ìHe must be gone! Iíll just see...î

He ran out.ìOh, Mother Mary!î he yelled from the supply tent. ìThat jackalístaken every last drop of my eatables! God damn him!îBaba walked in, saying, ìSir, really. How can you care for such asmall matter, when here we stand alive?îìOh damn, damn, damn. Youíre right, but...î and mumbling beneathhis breath he went back to his tent.Baba looked in, saying, ìSir, better I survey around, to ensure thecreatureís really gone.îìVery well,î sighed the sergeant.Then Baba went to the privatesí tent to join them in their well-deservedfeast.......221During the darshan Baba said, ìIn the prehistoric world, on thisglobe of ours, the first language that was spoken was about six millionyears ago. The language came, but the intellectual standard was verypoor. At that time even the forefathers of present human society, thoseapes and proto-apes, were not here. Modern humans came about onemillion years ago. They had language but at that time their intellectualstandard was also very poor. As the intellectual standard was low, thevocabulary was also very poor. Even amongst the developed species ofapes, the vocabulary is about 600 words. And in the most undevelopedspecies of humans, the vocabulary is a little more than 900. Whereasin the modern French language, the vocabulary is more than 4 lakhs,i.e. 400,000.î......Next day. It was 9:00 a.m. I was in the workersí room, resting onmy back with my eyes closed. Nearly a month had passed, and nowonly three days remained of His program in Berlin Sector. I was exhausted.Thoroughly and totally. Having had minimal sleep, minimalmeditation, minimal food, and maximum stress during this period, Ithought, How can I continue for another three days? I love Baba andeven love this work, but itís too much. Would that this were the last day.Iím sooo tired. Iím too tired to even move my hand. I canít even move amuscle. Nothing can possibly make me move now.Just in that moment someone said, ìBaba!îThe room rippled with excitement and surprise. Suddenly realizingthat Baba had entered, I jumped straight to my feet within a fractionof a second.Baba walked up to me. He gave me that mischievous smile whichshows His dimples but not His teeth. Though He said nothing, I distinctlycaught His thought: Nothing can possibly make you move, huh?The great good of deportationMilano airport, Italy. June 4. There were thirteen of us in Babaísentourage. We passed through immigration procedures normally; allthe passports were stamped for entry into Italy.Just as we were beginning the customs check, an official ran up tous. ìPlease! Iím sorry, please let me have your passports again!îWithout the slightest idea of the cause of this abnormal treatment,we collected our passports and gave them to him. We walked back withAS PER SYSTEM


him to the immigration area, and watched, horrified, as he stampedall the passports again. Over the entry permits he stamped ëCANCELED.í He gave no explanation and requested us to sit down.All of us were running in different directions, talking to any andevery officer that we could find, trying to get an explanation, and reversethis shocking mistreatment. I felt especially responsible becauseI was the only one of the group who could speak Italian.After a few minutes of this pandemonium, I suddenly became awarethat Baba was acting in a way I had never seen before. He was sittingalone, looking at nobody, and turning both forefingers and one foot insmall circlesósurely mudras to manipulate the circumstances. The actionwas similar to that Iíve seen done by other Tantrics who were tappingsome occult power (Afterward I tried to imitate the movements,but could not). I understood that He was in full control of what washappening, and wanted it to proceed exactly as it was. Knowing that nothingI could do would affect His plan, I straightway sat down next toHim. Under the influence of His energy, I became calm and meditative.After another hour, we were led to a shuttle bus. Everyone was talkingexcitedly, except for me. I stood next to Baba who appeared completelyserene. We got on a plane and flew back to France. At no pointdid any official offer an explanation for our deportation.......When we arrived back at the Lyon airport, I telephoned the yoga house.Only one Dada and three full-timers were there. All the other Margishad either gone home or were traveling to Italy for Babaís program. Ofcourse that Dada was shocked, but he arranged three cars to fetch us.While waiting for the cars, I stood next to Baba, offering what littlesecurity I could provide.Ignoring my intention, He said, ìSit down, Dharmavedananda.îLike a small boy, I happily put my stick down and sat next to Him.As He turned to speak to me, He accidentally brushed His hand againstmy shoulder and said, ìOh, pardon me.îI laughed and said, ìYouíre welcome to do it again, Baba.îHe smiled. I was happy, together with my Baba, oblivious of whatevercomplications we were undergoing.ìTell me, Dharmavedananda, what is the great good which will comeout of this deportation.î223I was surprised at his question. I thought for a moment and thenreplied, ìI donít really know, Baba. But I suppose the hundreds of devoteeswho were waiting for You in the Milano airport are now frustratedand disappointed. Theyíll surely feel very bitter toward their own government,and they will better understand how corrupt their system is.As a result, theyíll be much more encouraged to work hard for theestablishment of a society guided by spiritual morality.îHe said, ìYes, you understand a little something.î......The cars arrived. Baba entered one car and I entered another. Forthe first time in several hours I was separated from Him. For the firsttime, I started to think in a normal way.As we drove down the highway toward the yoga house, I turnedgloomy. My mind sank deep within itself, and in that moment I rememberedthe thought Iíd had in the morning while lying on the floor:

How can I continue another three days? Would that this were the lastday. Oh, why did I think such a stupid thing? Now here it was happeningaccording to my idiotic wish. His flight to Bombay was alreadyfixed for the evening.I was so sad that I started to weep softly. I thought, Baba, I missyou already. Then I thought, Please, You have to give me one last chanceto be alone with You again. Please, when You call someone to massageYou, let it be me. This thought ran on uncontrollably until we arrivedat the yoga house.As we entered, the place seemed deserted compared with how ithad been when we left that morning. Already most of the decorationshad been taken down, and in every corner lay the remains of a yet uncompletedcleaning effort.Baba entered His room. I sat on the floor alone, alone with mysorrow. After a few minutes He came out and went for His bath.When He returned to His room, I continued to sit alone, sure thatHe would soon summon me.Ramanandaji came out, saying, ìKarunanandaji, Baba is calling youfor massage.îWhat was this? I was so much into my own world that I never consideredHe might call another worker. I became distraught and dismayed.AS PER SYSTEM


A moment later though, Karunanandaji opened the door and rushedout saying, ìDharmavedanandaji, Baba is calling for you to come also.The electric fan is not working for some strange reason, so you shouldfan Him with, with...î He didnít know what to use as a fan.I grabbed a newspaper, ran into His room, and started fanning Himwith it. Meanwhile, Karunanandaji also came back to do the massage.Baba was in a blissful state. I was now as high as I had been down afew moments before.At first Baba was in a quiet mood. He began speaking about thesuffering He and His mission had undergone from the very time ofHis childhood. But His voice carried no resentment. It had all beennecessary and ultimately good.Then He returned to the present. ìWhat is the cause of this deportation?îìI believe the Indian government fed bad information about AnandaMarga to the Italian government,î Karunanandaji said.ìWell, it may be, it may be,î Baba said with eyes half-closed. ThenHe opened His eyes and said, ìBut it may be a religious institution.îHe told the exact name of that institution.We were both surprised. Though He said ìit may be a religious institution,î we understood Him to mean that it definitely was that institution.ìYou see those priests,î He said, ìthey teach the people to think, ëIam a sinner, I am a sinner. Lord, save me, I am a sinner.í Thus theyinfuse inferiority complex. Even if one is not a sinner, praying likethis, identifying with sin, he or she will become a sinner. Todayís youngpeople donít like this approach.ìWhereas Ananda Marga gives a revolutionary call to the youth.We say that everyone should think, ëI am the son or I am the daughterof the Supreme Father. Lord, no matter what Iíve done, You have to

take me on Your lap.íîHe was silent for a few moments. Then He sat up, looking seriousand said, ìWhy do they fear us?îBy His word they, we understood He was no longer talking of anysingle religious institution, but rather of all the people and groups thatfear Ananda Marga. The question was rhetorical, so we didnít try toanswer.225ìThey fear us because we are better than the Hindus in philosophy ...better than the Christians in social service ...better than the Jews in orthodoxy ...better than the Buddhists in morality ...better than the Moslems in social equality ...better than the Jains in asceticism ...and better than the Communists in mobility. Thatís why they fear us.î......In the evening some of the local Margis came. As usual, a largeprocession formed, accompanying Baba to the airport. But this timeHe was not traveling on another leg of the journey. He was leaving us.I was so involved in the arrangements that it again slipped my mindthat the final moment was approaching. I remained busy until Bababegan the passport check. Though I was not flying, I somehow managedto enter the passengers-only area.I walked next to Baba in silence. As each moment passed, I becamemore heavy-hearted. Finally, He and the others entered the gateto board the plane. I forced myself to smile at Him. He smiled backand gave a slight wave of His hand. Then He turned the corner and wasout of sight.I walked some distance to where I could be alone and cried.......Next day. In the mid-morning, completely exhausted from the tour,I sprawled out on the floor and fell asleep. Dada Vedaprajinanandatold me afterward,ìWhen I walked by what I thought was a near-mindless Dharmavedananda,I was surprised to hear you talking in your sleep. You calledout, ëWhere can we take Baba tonight for fieldwalk?íìJust for fun I decided to answer you and said, ëWe can take Himalong the Rhone River,í thinking that would be the end of it.ìBut, still sleeping, you replied, ëNo, we canít take Him there. Hewas there yesterday!íî......Today Dada Karunananda told me, ìWhen we were still in theMilano airport, but it was clear that all our efforts would go nowhereand that we would surely be deported, I asked Baba: ëBaba, they donítAS PER SYSTEM


allow us. What we should do?í Baba said, ëWhat can we do? We willgo back.í Then He put His hand on His nephew Paltuís shoulder. Hewas a bit tired and said, ëThereís nothing wrong with the people of Italy.There is something wrong with the government.í I said, ëBaba, Iím sosorry. We could have organized better for You.í But Baba said to me,ëWhat did you say? Sorry? Why sorry? You should never be sorry. WhenI was leaving Bombay I decided that I would give thirty-five discourses

during this tour. The thirty-fifth discourse was completed last night inLyon. So I knew that I would not be able to speak further in Verona.Still I came here up to Milano airport. And I am going back from here.There is some reason why I came and why I am going back.íîConfirmation of Babaís ëguessíTwo weeks later. Mainz, West Germany. The news from Italy: Todaybrother Markendeya and a few other Italian Margis completed theirefforts to find out the cause of the deportation of Babaís tour group.At an early stage of their investigation they were able to confirm thatthe original request for the deportation had indeed come from somewhereinside the religious institution named by Baba.The official in that institution who conveyed the request to the Italiangovernment told them he had only performed his duty, and did notknow the reason. He was ordered to do so by a higher religious official.The Margis then met that higher official. He directed them to aneven higher officer from whom he had received his order. This upwardrelay continued until they were led to an inner circle around the supremeauthority. At this point they were told by the very highest officialthey met, ìI am sorry. I am not permitted to give you any moreinformation regarding the source or the reasoning behind this process.î227CHAPTER 13

Visaless TravelIncreasing bliss, increasing struggleVerona, Italy. August. New news! What a wonderful surprise. Babawill be coming to Europe again! And after such a short gap. MaybeHe will come often. Wouldnít that be a delightful dream!Of course, knowing Baba, the struggle I experienced during His firstvisit will only be greater this time. So goes the path of bliss.He is scheduled to come first to Greece with a complete entourageon September 19th. This time it will be a ten day program. TonightI already started calling all over the continent to begin preparations.I even had to call Iceland.......Hannover. 16 September. Another of His sudden games: at 3:00 inthe morning I received a call that the timetable for Babaís Europeantour had been pushed forward, and that He is to arrive in Athens theday after tomorrow. Three hours later I was on a southbound train togetherwith two other Dadas.I almost feel like saying, ìThis is too much.î But I wonít becauseHe knows what Heís doing.......Next day. Athens, Greece. When we arrived at the station this morning,we were met by a new Greek Margi.ìNamaskar, Dadas!îìNamaskar. Whatís your name, brother?îìI Giriish! Trip good?îìIt was okay. Traveling is a big part of our life, you know.îìYah hah!îVISALESS TRAVEL


ìGiriish, you must be excited that Baba is coming.î

ìBaba! Oh Baba! Was beautiful!îìYes, itíll be beautiful. I guess youíve never seen Baba before,Giriish?îìOh Baba! Was so beautiful!îìYes. Is His coming still fixed as planned?îìYes! Coming! Yesterday! Beautiful!îìNot yesterday, Giriish. The word is tomorrow.îìComing yesterday! Coming yesterday!îWe ran to the station telephone, and called the yoga house. It wastrue: Baba came and left yesterday! How could this be?We walked to the yoga house, still hoping there was a misunderstanding.There we met Dada Shaktinath.ìYesterday the phone rang,î said Shaktinath. ìThe party said, ëI amDada Ramananda, and we are here with Baba in the airport.í I said,ëYeah, sure. Who is this really?í He said, ëBelieve me, Iím Ramananda.We came a little early.í I was shocked, but I ran to the airport with twoGreek Margis. I was the only Dada here. I was excited, but also worried:nothing was prepared yet. Not even their visas.ìBy the time we got there, Baba and all the Dadas and the Didiand Margis in His group were outside the airport waiting for us.ìAfter we paid our respects to Baba, I asked, ëNo trouble with thevisas?íìëNo, no trouble,í Dada Ramananda said. ëWe didnít get any visas.íìëWhat? How did you get out of the airport?íìëI still wonder that myself,í Dada Ramananda said. ëI had hopedyou brothers could arrange something for us. But Baba took the initiative.We were waiting inside the immigration building when He walkedout one door and waved for us to join Him. I guess we never wouldhave been able to get the visas. Without Babaís lead we couldnít haveentered Greece.íìThen we took Baba to the yoga house. Though nothing had beenproperly arranged yet, He didnít seem to mind. He was very affectionate.After a few minutes, Dada Ramananda told me that Baba wouldlike to bathe and rest. The yoga house was not suitable so then we wentto Jayantaís house. Though everything was hodge-podge, Babaís moodwas perfect, and so was the darshan in the evening. Early this morningthey all left for Egypt.î229We three Dadas were completely frustrated. We went to the beachfor a swim. It was my first leisure-break in months.......When I arrived back at the yoga house, I received a phone call fromDada Karunananda.ìBaba will be arriving in Iceland tomorrow evening from Cairo.You should immediately fly there.îìWhat? Itís not possible! Are you sure?îìWhat can I say? Ramanandaji called me just now with that information.Iíve booked my flight to arrive in Reykjavik this evening.Donít be late.îìBut Iíve only got about $200, and the flight will surely cost morethan $1000.îìThatís your problem.îWhen I told the other Dadas, they had a good laugh.

ìThereís no money among the Margis here,î said Shaktinath. ìThisis one of the poorest units in Europe.îìThereís no time and thereís no way youíll make it,î another Dadasaid.ìWeíll see,î I said.After about twenty phone calls, and the usual incredible coincidences,I jumped in a taxi. It was thirty minutes before the departureof the only appropriate flight. Brother Sandiip met me at the airport.As he handed me the money, he said, smiling, ìFor me is too much,Dada. But I love Baba.îìYeah. So do I,î I said, thanking him with a hug.......Reykjavik, Iceland. We were rushing like mad to get everythingready in time for Babaís arrival when the phone rang. It was DadaRamananda.There would be a change, he said. They would arrive the day aftertomorrow.The phone almost slipped from my hand as I thought about thepart of my fare that was ìwastedîóI could have gone by train at leastas far as Copenhagen, and saved about $500. Well, I suppose this wasa good exercise for developing surrender in Sandiip. And in me.......VISALESS TRAVEL


Two days later. Even though we had two days to prepare, we werestill anxiously making last minute arrangements when the phone rang.It was Ramanandaji.ìThereís been another change,î he said. ìWe will come tomorrow.î......[Authorís note: I later heard the story behind Babaís delay. Thatmorning, Baba and His entourage were in transit at the Copenhagenairport. Without visas, they could not come out to meet the Margis.By the goodwill of the immigration authorities, however, a special exceptionwas granted, and the Margis were able to enter the transit areato enjoy His darshan for two hours.The plane took off for Reykjavik. But after thirty minutes in theair, the captain announced that difficult weather conditions had suddenlydeveloped. The flight was diverted to Oslo.In my opinion the highest kiirtans of Europe are found in Oslo. Ihad wondered why Baba chose not to visit there.Of course, the group had no visas to enter Norway. All the Dadasexpected to either stay in the transit hall, or otherwise follow the instructionsof the airlines. Baba, however, was of a different mind. Withoutconsulting any of them, He headed for immigration. One of theworkers said, ìBaba, excuse me, we have no visas for Norway, so itwill be of no use to go through immigration. We might try to speak tothe highest authority here.î But Baba paid no attention. He simply stoodin the passport line. Their protests unheard, the others also fell intoline. When they saw the officer stamping an entry permit in Babaíspassport everyone was astonished. They could hardly suppress theirlaughter as one by one they were all similarly admitted into Norway.Just after the last Dadaís passport was stamped, however, the officer

seemed to wake up.ìWait a moment,î he said. ìLet me see your passport again. ...Whatís this? Thereís no Norwegian visa! No no, this is very bad. Allof you Indians, give me your passports back.îìAh, but we have friends here in Oslo,î said Dada Ramananda. ìBeforeyou cancel the visas, allow us first to call our friends. Perhapsthis can be straightened out.îìThis is highly irregular,î said the officer. ìWait here.î231A higher official was approached, telephone calls were made, andseveral unbelieving, shocked Margis came to the airport. As the negotiationsproceeded, Baba sat with the Margis and gave a mini-darshan.Eventually it was decided that Baba, Ramanandaji, and Didi AnandaPrajina would be permitted to enter Norway. The others would haveto stay in a hotel arranged by the airlines.The exuberant Margis and their three guests drove to the house oftwo Margi couples: Manohar and Jyotsna, and Abaniish and Hansa.When Baba entered the bedroom where He was to stay, the bed wasstill unmade from the previous night. It seemed He could not havecared less and was in good humor.That evening scores of Margis packed into the little house. Thoughthe facilities were unsuitable for Baba to give darshan, the air was fullof excitement and devotion.The next morning Baba returned to the airport. In the airport itselfHe gave darshan for one hour, thus fully satisfying everyone. (Eventhe Dadas who had stayed in the hotel were satisfied, having convincedthe airline officials to grant them free of charge ìa few shortî internationalphone calls.]Spiritual motivation onlyBaba fixed Iceland as the site for the only DMC program in Europeduring His tour. Iceland is perhaps the most difficult point forEuropean Margis to reach. And it is certainly not considered a resortisland. Moreover, there are fewer Margis in Iceland than in most otherEuropean countries. Though He hasnít explained the reason, we guessthat there must be a spiritual cause. Certainly there is something distinctiveabout this island of the midnight sun. Some mystics have writtenthat Iceland is one of the earthís highest energy centers. Though Ifeel they may be right, I donít really know. But at least Baba did saythis island is one of the few portions of the ancient land of Atlantiswhich is still above water.This reminded me of a story about Baba from some years back. Arich Margi had a personal problem and desired Babaís help. When hewas admitted for personal contact, he secretly carried with him a substantialquantity of gold, thinking to offer it to Baba. When he enteredGuruís room, he was shocked. Rather than sitting on His bed as usual,VISALESS TRAVEL


Baba was sitting on a huge pile of gold coins. Baba said, ìDo you thinkyour riches mean anything to me?î The values of the common personand a Tantric guru are quite different.......Upon returning from field walk Ramanandaji noticed some bloodon Babaís foot when he was taking off Babaís shoes.

ìBaba, what is this? When did You get injured?îìIt has been troubling me for several days.îìBut Baba, You didnít mention it before.îBaba did not reply. Ramanandaji picked up the shoe and lookedinside. He found a nail protruding from the sole.ìBaba, look at this nail! Why didnít You tell me? We could havefixed it or gotten new shoes.îHe smiled. ìI did not want to disturb you.îìSo You destroyed Your foot! Oh, look at it! There must have beenso much pain. Now You disturb me anyway! You should have told methe moment the problem came!îStill smiling, He said, ìRecently I absorbed a large quantity ofsamskaras while giving personal contacts.61 It was necessary thatPrakriti62 express at least a little something in the balance. If I had informedyou of the nail in my shoe, you surely would have eliminatedmy discomfiture. But then Prakriti would have had to devise anotherform of compensation.îSecret connectionA dozen workers were in Babaís bedroom today, laughing our headsoff at His jokes.At one point, He looked at Dada Rudreshvarananda, who is Frenchby birth, and started speaking in his mother tongue. Though the rest ofus understood next to nothing, Rudreshvaranandaji was so tickled byBabaís French mirth, that he literally rolled on the floor in laughter.Later I came to know that Baba was making absurd comparisons be-61 Here Baba refers to the fact that during personal contact He relieves disciples ofcertain samskaras, (reactive momenta or unexpressed reactions) which most impedethe individualís spiritual development.62 Prakriti is commonly defined as ìNature.î More precisely it is the operational principlecausing Cosmic Consciousness to express itself.233tween the objects and the people in the room. This French session wenton for perhaps ten minutes.Afterward I asked Rudreshvaranandaji, ìHow was Babaís Frenchpronunciation?îìBetter than my own. Baba spoke with a perfect Paris accent,whereas I was raised far outside of Paris. I think even His vocabularyexceeds mine.îìBut how could He know so much French?îìHe surely has a secret direct connection with the Cosmic FunnyBone,î Rudreshvaranandaji replied.Lost in His shoesToday was DMC day, and brother Jyotishvar from America had aninteresting experience to recount afterwards.ìI arrived in Iceland three weeks before DMC. Together with a fewothers, I worked everyday to prepare for the great event. We worked hardpainting, cleaning, organizing, and furnishing Babaís quarters. Althoughit was fun to do, few people seemed interested in the project, and Iwondered if there would be much of a turnout for the DMC. However,as the day of Babaís arrival drew near, Margis began to appear.When the Dadas arrived, they began asking for a volunteer to guardBabaís house during the DMC (which of course meant missing theDMC), but strangely enough no one was the least bit interested. Evenafter Babaís arrival, no one could be persuaded to take the duty. Dada

Dharmavedananda, the security in-charge for Europe, asked me to doit. I adamantly refused. I had been working on Babaís house for weekswith little support of the local Margis, and was frustrated that everyonewas coming at the last minute to see Baba and was not willing todo any service. Ultimately the Central Dada said I would have to takethe duty since I had already attended several DMCs. I was very upset,and even tried to hire some black-belts from the nearby karate schoolto guard instead of me. But all to no avail.By DMC time, I was crazy with anger. I was fighting with everyone.When the last person left for the program, the silence becameunbearable. I was consumed with anger and loneliness, and paced backand forth outside Babaís room like a caged tiger. Finally the pain becameintolerable, and I burst into Babaís room.VISALESS TRAVEL


Even though I had helped put the room together, I was stunned bywhat I saw there. The room and all the furnishings were pure whiteówith the exception of the orange lines of a very large pratik (AnandaMarga symbol) that hung from the wall, several orange objects thatBaba likes to have on his night table, and one orange rose in a clearvase. The room smelled strongly like perfume, though I doubt any actualperfume was used. The vibration was so thick you could cut itwith a knife. I approached the bed and smelled Babaís pillow; it had apowerful perfume-like smell. Then I noticed one item in the room whichwas not white or orange: Babaís shoes!I sat on the floor in front of His shoes in meditation position andstared at them. They were black Indian slippers with pointed toes andwere very well worn on the inside. I wondered, ìHow did Baba leavethe house with no shoes on?îThen temptation struck, and I put my hands in those shoes andclosed my eyes. Needless to say, I began to have a very strange experience.It was disturbed after a few moments, however, by a commotionoutside. I hurried to see what was going on, which was the least I coulddo considering I was supposed to be guarding the house. I was shockedto find all the Margis returning after what could not have been morethan ten minutes! What had happened? Then Babaís car pulled up asthe Margis crowded into the house shouting slogans. Had Baba refusedto give DMC; why was he back so soon?Baba got out of the car and walked toward His room where I wasnow standing dazed and confused, trying to look official without muchsuccess. Just as he got to His door, he stopped and turned around. Thecrowd became very quiet, and Baba said only this: ìI think everyoneenjoyed the program?îìSo he did give the DMC!î I thought. ìI must have been lost along time in His shoes.îThen with the Margis still in a hush, all eyes glued on Baba, Heturned His head to the left and, face to face, he looked into my eyesand smiled a melting smile that said: ìYou thought you could do somethingwithout Baba knowing?î23563 Even at this time some countries were still confused by the Indian governmentísnegative propaganda about Ananda Marga. Such countries refused visa applications ofany known member of Ananda Marga. Three years later I personally met a Britishimmigration officer. He told me, ìItís quite true that our governmentís policy was previously

to refuse entry of any foreign national who was known to be a member of AnandaMarga. Due to recent revisions in our information, however, the policy has been revised.Restriction on entry by Ananda Marga members no longer applies.î The Britishgovernment eventually became so positive that our London kindergarten receivedappreciation letters from government-affiliated bodies and received government grants.The game called moneyLate yesterday afternoon Baba asked us, ìBy what route are we travelingto Frankfurt tomorrow?îDada Karunananda replied, ìWe will fly via London, Baba.îìWhat? Nonsense! Change the flight! The United Kingdom refusedmy visa application, so I shall not visit there.îìBut, Baba,î Karunanandaji pleaded, ìwe will only pass in transit.îìIt doesnít matter! I wonít even touch my toe on that land. It is myfixed policy not to visit any country which rejects my visa applicationunless and until that countryís government formally invites me.î63

When we left the room, several of us held a quick meeting.ìThe tickets will have to be rebooked via Copenhagen,î Karunanandajisaid. ìBy that route the additional cost for eleven tickets willbe about $5000. Where are we going to get that kind of money by tomorrowmorning? Our account is already finished.îThere were plenty of intelligent ideas between us:ìAnybody know any millionaires?îìWe could ask the government.îìAre the banks still open for negotiating a loan?îìWe could ask Baba what to do.îìLook,î one of us said, ìBaba never tolerates any talk of moneyproblems.Besides, if He creates a problem, He also has a solution waitingto be found.îThough not a single good option had arisen, we remained optimistic.A few minutes later while I was talking with an older Margi sister,a brother named Alexander, whom I had initiated just three days before,interrupted us.VISALESS TRAVEL


ìIt sounds like you have a big financial problem, Dadaji.îìWell, yes, but you shouldnít be worried about it. Iím sure weíllsolve it somehow.î I didnít want this new Margi to be bothered by ourproblem. But he was persistent.ìHow much do you need?î he asked.ìItís okay. You neednít be concerned.îìJust tell me, Dada.îìAh, about $5000.îìWell ... thatís a coincidence. I just sold my house for $15,000. Imade the budget for spending $10,000, and was wondering what I woulddo with the other $5,000. Now I know.îI objected, but he insisted.As we were leaving this morning, Alexander flashed a big smileand said, ìI feel like Baba created this problem just so I wouldnít usemy extra money in selfish pleasures.îI wasnít sleeping!According to what others later told me, on the flight to Frankfurttwo Didis were sitting in front of Baba. Looking back, one of themlaughed. She elbowed the other, who also turned around and burst out

laughing. Babaís curiosity aroused, He also glanced back over His shoulder.And there I sat. Due to exhaustion I had fallen asleep during meditation.My head was tilted back and my mouth was wide open. Thatmouth has an immense capacity to stretch itself. (When I was a child,some of my friends called me Snake-jaw). Baba also grinned.One Dada said, ìHow about pouring some water in?îA Margi next to me, Mr Rathi, said, ìI can deposit a cardamom seed.îBaba said, ìLetís put a rasogula in his mouth.î64

Rathiji dropped a cardamom seed in my mouth. Rudely awakened,I sat up sharply and said, ìI wasnít sleeping! I was meditating.îEveryone exploded with laughter, including Baba.Ever gratefulFrankfurt airport. Because Germany was not in the original tour plan,no visas had been arranged. This time Baba did not try to slip throughImmigration. Instead, He suggested we approach the authorities to grant64 Rasogula is a popular Indian milk-sweet.23765 Though Baba never again came to Europe, this experience had two values. Besidesindicating the places where Prout may want to concentrate in the future, Baba alsoshowed me that codification is one of the easiest systems to use for memorization. Iused this system innumerable times since then.an exception. Though an application seemed unlikely to succeed, theguru suggested it, so we proceeded. The authorities in the airport immediatelytransferred our request to a higher government body. Whilewaiting for the reply, they kindly arranged a VIP lounge for Babaís rest.We wanted to provide a snack for Baba. Unfortunately there wereno cooking facilities so we were forced to order from the catering service.I was anxious about how He would react to a commercial fooditem. I offered Him some blueberry yogurt and Baba commenced toeat it directly from the plastic container.ìItís excellent,î He commented after the first spoonful.ìMighty tasty,î He added while eating more.ìIíve never dined on such a succulent yogurt,î He said, polishing itoff completely. He smiled at me.This was one of the few times I ever saw Baba eat more than a fewmouthfuls of a food item. I had never seen Him finish anything before.He always left most of His meal for the Margis to enjoy as prasad.I felt that He ate all the yogurt just to please me.At the end of the meal we received the news that the visa applicationswere granted.The customs officer who stamped our passports said, ìYou are verylucky people. Exceptional treatment.îBaba replied something to the effect that it was not luck. Rather itwas an indication of the good nature and open-mindedness of the Germanpeople. At last He said, ìI shall be ever grateful to the Germannation.îDouble-blessingFrankfurt. During the morning field walk, Baba said to me, ìPerhapsmy next trip in Europe will cover four places. Because I wantyou to remember these places, I am giving you a code, Dharmavedananda:DDNN. Finland ends in D, Greenland ends in D, Lisbon endsin N, Dublin ends in N. Will you remember?îìYes, Baba,î I said. ìBut why did You select these places?îìThese four will later prove to be hot-points of Prout.î65

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......At the end of Babaís informal morning darshan, He permitted collectiveguru puja to be sung (offering of the ego through singing mantrawith gestures). He usually allows it only at the most important programslike DMC, so we were happily surprised.During His afternoon field walk in a huge park, Baba suddenly requestedthat we change direction. This was the first time in my experienceHe had ever altered our route. I became upset because about150 Margis were waiting for Baba in a pre-planned spot. DadaRamananda and some other senior Dadas were with them. Hoping toavert a major disappointment, I requested a guard to run ahead andinform them of the change.Alas, it was too late. By the time we arrived at our new destination,only about forty Margis had been quick enough or clever enough tofind us. The senior Dadas also had not arrived. Surrounded bysweet-smelling flowers, and in the absence of the usual officialdom,Baba gave a beautiful darshan. At the end one brother requested thatwe be allowed to do guru puja.ìIt was already performed this morning,î Baba replied smiling.ìYes, Baba, but may we please do it again?îBaba became a little serious, and said, ìOnce is enough.îìPlease, Baba.îBaba looked around. If Ramanandaji had been there, he would surelyhave stopped the Margis from pressing Baba. I understood that Babadid not want the puja to be done, but I would be endlessly condemnedby these Margis if I interfered now.Perhaps Babaís position was similar to mine, in that He did notwant to be remembered afterward as being stingy. Or perhaps He foresawthe inevitability of this scene, and for that reason had changed ourcourse to avoid the larger cast of characters. Or had He all along planneda double-blessing? In any case, He finally gave a silent nod, and webegan singing.During the puja, Babaís usual practice is to return our offeringswith certain hand-gestures. This time, however, the gestures were differentthan any I had ever seen. Unfortunately most of the Margis hadtheir eyes closed, and did not see this special display. But it is my habitnever to close my eyes in Babaís presence.239Bakerís doughSeptember 27. This morning before the start of reporting, four ofus slipped into Babaís room.ìMay we?î someone asked Baba.He gave a wave of His hand, and we all started to massage Him;one on His right arm, one on His left arm, the third on His right leg,and the last on His left leg. As the other workers filed in for the meeting,we four continued ploughing into His flesh.I remember in particular Dada Sarvabodhananda smiling broadly,showing his charming teeth the entire time, his fingers almost dancingon Babaís right arm.At one point, Baba said, ìI feel just like bakerís dough.îEveryone laughed. But we carried on with our kneading.

Is His apparent pleasure sometimes not real pleasure, but ratherjust a means to allow us to increase our relationship with Him?Failure becomes successOther than laughing at His joke, I hardly smiled during that massage.I was feeling melancholy; this was the last day of Babaís tour. Mostof the time in Iceland, and here in Germany, I had been busy arrangingsecurity, darshans, field walks, transportation etc etc. Though I wasoften with Baba, it was usually together with other Margis and workers.I wanted to be alone with Him.Thatís why today I decided to stay near His room as much as possible,to catch whatever chance might comeóeven if it meant neglectingmy duty.Most of the morning and afternoon I was present just outside Hisdoor, which was almost always open, permitting me to see Him. Asthe hours went by, however, I was slowly consumed with an awkwardfeeling. On one hand I wanted to be alone with Him, but couldnítmanage it. On the other hand I was disregarding my duties and had noidea what problems might be arising.Finally it was time for the last field walk. I hoped it had been organizedproperly without my supervision. But when I accompaniedBaba outside I found a complete mess. Not only were minor detailsout of orderóeven a car and several guards were missing. I moved intoVISALESS TRAVEL


high gear to make emergency arrangements, hoping that Baba wouldnot notice the chaos. Of course He had to noticeóit was obvious toeveryone. Todayís lack of arrangement was a singular fiasco.Yet He criticized nothing. In this worst of circumstances, He pretendedeverything was normal. He was even kind to me.Was He generous because I was already despondent over His imminentdeparture? Perhaps. But one thing surely contributed to Hismagnanimity: He understood that I was deeply affected by the failure;and that I was determined never again to neglect my duty for the sakeof a personal desireóno matter how sublime that desire might be.On the outside, failure. On the inside, success. Every mistake canbe soóshould be so. But when itís your mistake, itís not too wise to tellanybody about your inner success.If you want to eat moreFrankfurt airport. After we checked in we found out that our flightwas delayed. I sat with Baba, undisturbed by anyone else. In the wakeof both my incompetence and my realization, He fulfilled my wish tobe alone with Him. At one point in the conversation, He began speakingin a light-hearted manner.ìRegarding Dr Pathak,î He said, referring to the Margi who satout of earshot, ìthough he is retired, back in India he owned an importantclinic. Now he believes he is my doctor.î Baba used such atone that it sounded ludicrous. We laughed together, like two happypeas in a pod.ìIn fact, I am his doctor, though he does not know it. I told him afew days ago, ëYou see, doctor, we shall soon be leaving Europe, andgoing to South America. Here in Europe we may find the best cheesesin the world. There, however, cheese is in scarcity. So during our sojournhere, you should consume maximum cheese.í He followed my

prescription to the letter. Now he is suffering from belly-ache, due toan overdose of cheese.ìCan you see all the food protruding from his bulging shoppingbag? He said he is collecting souvenirs to present his family in India.But we know better.îHe paused and stopped smiling. As my chuckling died away, Hesaid, ìRemember: if you want to eat more, eat less.î......241The flight was called. We stood up to walk toward the gate.ìWhere are Dadas J and N?î Baba asked.I ran here and there to look for them, but couldnít find them anywhere.Baba was getting worked up over their irresponsibility. He turnedto Didi Ananda Karuna and said, ìWhen they appear, you should givethem a piece of your mind.î Then He said to one Dada, ìYou musttell them that they are not monks but monkeys.î And to another Dada,ìYou are to make such a hubbub that they never forget this august moment.îThough Baba looked angry, we all enjoyed it. I went to the airlinesdesk, and arranged for an announcement of the two miscreantsí names.A few minutes later they appeared, running. I rushed to meet themand asked, ìWhat delayed you? Baba is furious.îThey grinned sheepishly. ìWe were looking for white chocolate.îWith a flourish and a show of victory, they whipped several bars outof their handbags for me to see.I accompanied them to the gate, where Baba and the others werealready walking toward the shuttle-bus, leaving me behind. As thoselast two Dadas boarded, I could see everyone playing their roles, fiendishlyattacking the hapless pair. The vehicle started moving. Baba waggedHis finger at them, and shouted loud enough to make the bus momentarilyswerve.A few seconds before the bus disappeared from sight, Baba brokeHis scolding just in time to turn toward me. He smiled, and His eyestwinkled as He gave me a small wave of His hand.VISALESS TRAVEL


CHAPTER 14

Become an Ideal PersonBetter not trouble Cosmic MindWales, United Kingdom. 1980. Today at the breakfast table, I commentedto some Margis, ìPerhaps I have a special blessing from Baba.In the nine years Iíve been working for Ananda Marga, Iíve never misseda train, bus or plane. Even when I arrive at the station late, the trainsand buses in those cases are also late.îìWhatís the explanation for this, Dada?î a sister asked.ìWell, itís surely not my own power. If I werenít working for dharma(righteousness), Iíd miss the bus just like anybody else. Simply speaking,the Cosmic Force protects those who serve It.îìHow about some more apple pie, Dadaji?î she said.ìSure, thanks.îìBut, Dada,î my host, Karun said, ìthereís no time for more pienow. Your train for Liverpool leaves in just twenty minutes.î

ìNo problem,î I said. I ate the pie at a leisurely pace.We left after about ten minutes. Since we were late, Karun droveme by motorcycle as fast as he could. Still, we arrived one minute pastthe scheduled departure time. We sat down on the platform to wait forthe late train.Five minutes passed in pleasant conversation. Then as one ladywalked by, I asked, ìExcuse me, do you know how late the train toLiverpool is?îìItís not late,î she said. ìIt came on time and left on time.îìWhat?î I was shocked. ìHow can that be?îìI think itís not unreasonable, sir,î she said, and started to walkaway.243ìDada, thereís always a first time, you know,î said Karun. ìI toldyou not to eat that pie.îìNo!î I said, jumping up. ìThere must be a way. Excuse me again,îI said, running after the same lady, ìbut do you know any other way toLiverpool? Iíve got to be there by 6:00 this evening for a lecture.îìWell, my husband sometimes takes a morning bus to Liverpool.But thatís surely left by now.îìWe have to try!î I said. ìWhere does it go from?îìIt leaves about seven kilometers from here. Straight down that road.But I tell you, itís already too late.îìThanks! Letís go, Karun!îI pulled Karun onto the motorcycle. Even as we rode off, he protestedat the futility of it. ìI tell you, that pie did you in, Dada,î hesaid. ìApple pie yanked you off the path of Dharma!îAbout three kilometers down the road, we spotted a bus on theside of the road. ìStop the bike!î I yelled.I ran to the bus, and leapt inside.ìIs this bus going to Liverpool?î I asked.The driver had his head underneath the steering wheel, and wastrying to see something. ìDonít bother me, buddy.îìPlease, just tell me, are you going to Liverpool?îìWe will, damn it, if this bus ever gets going again.îI laughed and said, ìDonít worry. Iím sure it will start soon.îJust as I said that, he turned the key and the engine roared.As the bus drove off, I stuck my head out the window. ìThanks forthe pie!îKarun yelled at me, ìYou lucky stiff!î......Ten days later. Oslo, Norway. I was busy until late last evening, reviewingthe meditation lessons of a few Margis. Abaniish knocked onmy door.ìYouíre going to miss your train to Stockholm, Dada,î he said.ìI never miss. Donít worry.îBy and by, I got ready. Once in the car, Abaniish drove like mad.When we arrived at the station, Abaniish and the other Margisjumped out and ran. I walked.ìDada, hurry up!îBECOME AN IDEAL PERSON


ìBaba will take care,î I replied.

But just as the platform came in sight, the train pulled away.I stood there flabbergasted.ìDada, why didnít you run?î Abaniish said.ìThereís no time for talk now,î I said. ìWhereís the next stop?îìWell, Lillestrom,î he said. ìBut itís too far away. Itíd be out of thequestion to try and catch up with the train.îìI donít care!î I said. ìWeíve got to make it.îI ran toward the car. Abaniish laughed, and came after me slowly.When he finally got to the car, he said, ìThereís no way, Dada. Justadmit you missed it.îBut I insisted, so reluctantly he drove. All the way to Lillestrom hekept saying, ìThis is crazy. Itís impossible! Weíre just wasting our time.îBut I pushed him to drive faster.Twenty-five minutes later, as we came near the Lillestrom station,we saw the train also approaching. ìI canít believe it!î Abaniish said.ìItís like a movie!îAs the car screeched in, I threw the door open, sprinted to the train,and jumped in, out of breath. Then, anti-climactically, the train remainedthere for a few minutes. The Margis jogged up, clapping their hands.ìCongratulations, Dada,î Abaniish said. ìAny parting remarks forthe fans?îìYeah,î I said. ìThough we Dadas may not have to worry aboutcatching our trains, itís still better to arrive early.îDue to their laughter, perhaps they didnít hear me add, ìI got yourmessage, Baba. Twice in ten days is enough.îA great force behind your workReykjavik. I am staying with a family whose daughter works on theAmerican military base. Yesterday, when I asked her how I could enterthe base, she shrugged her shoulders and said, ìItís impossible, Dada.Unless youíve got special permission.îìThen how do you get in?îìI take the staff bus.îThis morning at 7:00 I donned civilian clothes and walked alone toan unmarked bus-stop. When the bus came, I boarded; no one askedfor either identification or fare. I suppose the driver and employeeswere too sleepy to notice me.245The bus cleared the check-point at the main gate of the militarycomplex. Inside the base, it made a number of stops, dropped off passengers,and negotiated two more security posts. At its final stop, deepwithin this strange land within a strange land (treeless Iceland itselfreminds me of nothing short of the moon), I stepped down.I looked around, wondering where I might find my destination. Pickingthe area where the buildings were packed together most densely, Imaneuvered between jeeps, top brass and sentries. Perhaps because Iwalked as if I knew where I was going, no one questioned me.When I had sufficiently penetrated the maze of match-box woodenstructures and concrete cubes, the moment for my biggest gamble arrived.I approached a passing officer.ìExcuse me,î I said.ìYes, sir. How can I help you?îìIím a bit lost. Can you tell me where the anti-insurgency trainingsection is?î I asked, wondering if there was any such place.

ìWho did you want to meet there?î he asked. Beautiful!ìThe chief training officer,î I said.ìThe man dealing with that material has an office not far from here.Let me have a look at your pass to make sure you wonít have any problemsaccessing the area.îWithout hesitation, simply depending on Baba, I said, ìI donít haveany pass.îìWhat? Then how did you get onto the base?îìI just walked here, and no one stopped me.îìAstonishing! Iíve never heard of such a thing before! Excuse me,sir, but can I know your purpose?îìIím a social worker, and I have an interest in developing a course todiscipline my staff. I think thereís much to learn from military discipline.îHe looked at me intently. ìExcuse me for saying, sir, but you looka bit like Jesus Christ.îìMany people say that...îìYou entered without a pass! I canít get over it. Well, perhaps thereísa special force behind your work. Letís go to my office. Iíll issue youa pass myself.îAfter completing the formalities, he telephoned the training sectionand arranged a jeep to take me there. When I got down from thejeep, a soldier met me, saying, ìCome this way, sir.îBECOME AN IDEAL PERSON


He led me to the office of a man introduced as a two-star general.ìSir, in what way can I be of service to you?î the general asked.ìIím responsible for training social workers,î I said. ìIn my experienceIíve found two qualities missing in many of our cadre. One youíllsurely appreciate, and the other, well I donít know. First, I want mymen to be systematic and to move together as a disciplined work force.I want to help them kill whatever tendencies they have toward disorder.Each of them should develop the ability to both lead and follow.Secondly, though Iím not sure youíll like this, Iíd like them to acquiresome of the qualities of the American armyís enemy: the guerrillawarriors.î He stared at me, giving me no inkling of his feelings. ìAsyou know better than I, the revolutionary armyís make-up is differentfrom that of regular troops suited for conventional warfare. Regulartroops are usually drafted or primarily interested in the economic andsocial benefits of working in the army. Guerrilla soldiers, on the otherhand, receive minimal pay. They mix with the general population,breathing in and out the problems of the common people. They faceconstant temptation to give up their fight and return to the security ofnormal life. So they must be fully aware, ideological, self-willed, creativeand, above all, inspired.îìIím impressed, Mr ... uh, sorry, what was your name again?îìJackson.îì... Mr Jackson. Really impressed, both with your straight-forwardnessand with your sincere intentions. And I do understand. Yes, indeedI do. Youíve put your finger on one of the labyrinthine problemsof the military forcesóhow to encourage fighting zeal and individualinitiative, while at the same time maintaining strict lines of order anddiscipline. Yes, Iím sympathetic and will try my best to help you. Yours

is a truly novel approach to social work. Can you wait here a fewminutes?îìSure.îWhen he came back, he had a two-foot pile of books in his hands.We spoke a bit more, he praised me again, and ordered a jeep to returnme to the main gate. From there I took a taxi. Once inside thecab I started looking through the titles of the books he had given me.Great! I thought. Books on discipline, morale, understanding guerrillawarfare, physical training, collective psychologyóperfect. But whatís247this? He must have become over-enthusiastic when I said I wanted tohelp our cadres kill their undisciplined habitsóhe included a book titledRifle Training.What spoils ecstasyFredrikstad, Norway. I am guiding an adventure-camp here. Lastnight I had a dream:I was sitting on the floor in the front of a large auditorium. A fewthousand Margis were present for Babaís darshan. In the midst of Hisspeech, He turned His face directly into mine and spoke to me.His sweet words acted like an exotic aphrodisiac, making me losemy head. I found myself throwing my arms around His neck. Babawas a magnet of love, and I an iron doll. I was so strongly attracted toHim that I unintentionally pulled Him off the stage, and we began toroll on the floor in a tighter and tighter embrace. My face was buriedin His and I could see nothing. A burning-bright white spiritual firecoursed through me. I was consumed by a feeling beyond all the joyand sorrow I had ever known.In the midst of this ecstasy, a whispering thought entered my mind:What will all the people think?Embarrassed, I slightly withdrew my face from His. But I still sawnothing, because He had caused the lights to turn off. We were in completedarkness, and no one could see us anyway.Still feeling Him in my arms, I thought, What a fool I was to worryabout the thoughts of others!In that intense bitter-sweetness I awoke. For a long while I laythereóawed.Every problem is no problemBirmingham, England. It was the Sunday night of a weekend seminar.Dada Sudiipta approached me around midnight, just as I was aboutto go to sleep.ìSorry, Dharmavedananda. I forgot to give you this letter from DadaJapananda.îDada Japananda, one of my higher authorities, was in dire financialneed for his work in Africa, and was begging me to bring to Indiasome assistance for him. It was a great clash for me, since I didnít haveBECOME AN IDEAL PERSON


any extra funds and was scheduled to leave for India the followingWednesday. If I had received the letter in proper time, I might haverequested donations from some of the Margis at the retreat.Now everybody must be asleep, I thought, and early tomorrow morningmost of them will leave. I wonít have any chance. What am I to do?Baba, any ideas?

Suddenly I saw the face of an Irish brother who was attending theretreat: Sundara.Must be my own imagination, I thought. Heís just a poor student.But the image persisted so I walked down the hall. I found all therooms dark; everyone was asleep. Except ... in the last room a lightwas on. I looked in. Someone was reading with his back to the door.As I walked up to him, he turned to face me.ìGood evening, Dadaji.î It was Sundara. I felt like I was dreaming.ìSorry to disturb you, brother.îìNo, no problem, Dada. What is it?îìWell, I doubt you can help, but, you see, a Dada needs financialhelp for his work.îìHow much does he need, Dada?îìAbout four hundred pounds.îìWell, I just received the check from my summer job, but itís backin Corkó in Ireland.îWithin a few minutes everything was fixed. He agreed to wire themoney to me in London on Tuesday.No higher purposeBack in Calcutta. When I arrived at the workersí meeting today,the General Secretary approached me.ìWhatís this, Dharmavedananda? Youíre here again?î he asked.ìWho gave you permission to attend the workersí meeting? You knowonly Sectorial Secretaries are to come.îI had wondered when he would notice that I had come to everyworkersí meeting over the last few months. I pulled a paper from myshoulder bag. ìPlease, read this Dada.îìWhat is it?î he asked.ìItís a photocopy of a circular you sent out eight months ago. Seepoint #17, please.î249He read aloud: ìAll chief secretaries of every trade from all sectorsare to attend senior workersí meeting every two months. Hmmm ...But not a single other chief secretary of any other sector paid attentionto this item. It was a technical point dictated by Baba.îìAnd?îìWell ... but ... everyone understands such a directive is not to betaken seriously unless it is repeated. And ... well ... Dharmavedananda,isnít it expensive for you to come to India every two months?îìSure itís expensive. But what do I care if it gives me the chance tosee Baba? Somehow He always arranges the money for me. Are yousaying I shouldnít come? Are you going to approach Baba to changethe order?îìNo no.î He smiled. Then patting me on the cheek, he said, ìVeryclever,î and walked away.As long as Iím the Service Department chief secretary I shall attendevery workersí meeting unless and until Iím specifically orderedto stop. As long as duty does not conflict, what purpose is higher thanto be with the guru?Useless fellow, useless stickìYour work is far below the mark!î Baba yelled at one of the seniorworkers of Delhi Sector. ìGive some justification, stupid!îUsually this Dada was sharp and active. But today he was silent in

front of Baba, grinning like a five year old boy just complimented byhis father. His turban was lop-sided, he stood off balance, and in generallookedówhat can I say?óhe looked drunk.ìIdiot fellow!î Baba continued. ìOnly two schools opened under yoursupervision over the last two months! Donít you deserve punishment?îBaba readied His stick.ìSay, say! Have you become a mute animal? Nonsense, do-nothingdonkey!îNormally, anyone undergoing such treatment from Baba becomesfearful, or at least sober. But this Dadaís eyes only glittered as he innocentlystared at Baba. At first we were all a bit uneasy, waiting for Babaísstick to come down with a whirring slap. Now the scene took on a comicnote. This Dada was clearly in another world, enjoying Baba immensely.ìFoolish fellow. Useless fellow. Leave him to his dream.î We all smiled.BECOME AN IDEAL PERSON


In the next moment, Baba was castigating another worker whotrembled under His onslaught.Innovation approvalToday I approached Dada P, an old worker, with a difficult questionregarding my meditation. I had discovered a new innovation inmy technique, and wondered if it was right. Dada gave no clear reply,but essentially discouraged me.Somehow I wasnít satisfied.A few hours later we were having darshan with Baba on the roofóabout two hundred Margis were there. During part of the kiirtan, Babawas sitting with His face down. Without intending it, I suddenly andspontaneously thought, Baba, if I should use this new method in mymeditation please look up now.In that exact instant, He broke His downward stare, looked up atme, and gazed into my eyes for about twenty seconds. Then, withoutlooking in any other direction, He again cast His eyes down.Could anything be clearer? Without telling anyone, I continuedusing the technique with full inspiration.Greatest hindrance to universalismFive of us were sitting together with Baba in His room late lastnight when the electricity failed. Someone lit a candle. Baba spoke ofmystical matters, and then of the future. At one point He asked us aquestion, ìWhen the spiritual-moralists gain power, when they are ina position to directly influence the society, what is the first majorinitiative they should implement ?îWe speculated for a few minutes but our guesses were all unsatisfactory.Baba answered His own question. ìThe first and foremost changethey should execute is the elimination of the passport and visa system.This system is the greatest hindrance to the establishment of universalkinship.îMaking ideal humansIn todayís reporting session all the district in-charges of the northarea of the Indian Sector were present.251A district in-charge who was about thirty-five years old stood inthe front. Baba asked him, ìDo you know you are suffering from tuberculosis?î

ìYes, Baba.îìDid you seek diagnosis and treatment by a medical doctor?îìYes, Baba.îìAnd did it help?îìNo, Baba.îìWhy didnít you take the help of any Dada?îThe Margi looked down and was silent.ìAnd why do you still secretly continue your nasty habit with thatlady?îBabaís words sent a shock through the room. The Margi quicklyshuffled his feet and simultaneously sighed. He was so embarrassedthat he looked ready to die.ìDo you think Baba cannot see?îìNo, Baba ... Baba knows everything.îìDo you deserve punishment.îìYes, Baba.îìTake off your shirt. Yes. Now come closer.îBaba raised His stick in the air and brought it down with a snappingsound below the ribs on the right side of the man. Once, twice,three times. The Margi winced slightly.ìTurn in the other direction.îHe beat him now thrice on the left side.ìIf you correct yourself, and reinvest that misutilized energy in socialwork, you will become a new man. An ideal man. What do yousay?îHe stood up a little straighter and said, ìBaba, I will be an idealman.îìEh, what did you say?îIn a forceful voice he said, ìBaba, I will be an ideal man!îìHave you all heard his words?îWe all said, ìYes, Baba.îìGS Dada, take my stick. Now, touch it to his chest. Yes, and twistit back and forth.îAs the General Secretary turned the stick, the man suddenly tooka deep and long breath.BECOME AN IDEAL PERSON


ìNow do the same at the opposite point of his back.îAgain the Margi took a strong breath.ìHow do you feel now, my boy?îìI feel very good, Baba!îìHave you had any x-rays taken?îìYes, Baba.îìTomorrow go to the hospital and have another x-ray made. Youwill see that your disease is now 80% cured. It will soon become completelycured if you strictly follow the Sixteen Points (of physical, mentaland spiritual health). What do you say?îìI will be the ideal son of Baba!îìYesss.î Baba gave a slight wave of His hand.After paying his respect, the Margi stepped back into his place.Without further ado, as if nothing had happened, Baba continuedthe reporting session.

Tonight as I sit here writing, I think back that after reporting we allleft for lunch and hardly a further word was spoken about the incident.This sort of experience with Baba is so common that it no longerdraws our wonder. For us it is no miracleóit is simply one of Babaísways to increase our commitment to Sixteen Points and guru. And forthat Margi, well, who can say why he attracted Babaís grace?The world is the mindGoteborg, Sweden. This morning, while taking the ferry fromAlborg, Denmark, I read one of the Don Juan books by CarlosCastaneda. Though I have some doubt about how completely factualhis books are, they at least partially reflect the mystic teachings of thenative Mexicans. Those teachings have something in common withTantra, and I suppose they are derived from the ancient Tantra. I becameabsorbed in his idea that each personís perception of the worldis simply a projection of that personís own mindóso absorbed that Idid not notice the clock as the ship approached land. Only when I lookedup from the book and saw the passengers jammed near the exit did Irecall the short time I had to reach the train station after the shipísdocking. If I waited for all the passengers to leave before me, I wouldsurely miss my connection.253With my mind still engrossed in the bookís idea, that everything Isee is the projection of my own thought ó I stood up and walked towardthe back of the crowd of waiting passengers. At least one thousandpeople were there. Though I neither spoke nor made the slightestgesture, the impatient packed crowd divided for me. They did so keepingtheir backs to me. It was unnaturalólike the Red Sea parting forMoses. I was able to move forward without hindrance. Just as I arrivedat the gate of the ship, it opened, and, without breaking my stride,I was the first to walk off. It was like a movie or a dream. I made thetrain just in the nick of time.The experience was a minor one. But itís philosophical implicationshave been following me and rippling my thought-waves ever sincethat sunny day in California.66

66This refers to the experience in 1969 in Chapter 2, in the entry entitled ìNo Outsideî.BECOME AN IDEAL PERSON


CHAPTER 15

Lord Shiva Never Did ItThe one and only answerVerona. 1981. According to Tantra, there are no accidents. Life is aseries of incidents, each with its own cause and meaning.When I first attempted to analyze the causes behind my mistakes,my injuries and the injustices inflicted upon me, I accepted the usualexplanation: ìWrong thoughts and wrong actions beget painful reactions.î And for those who practice meditation, the interval betweencause and effect is usually short.As a spiritualist, Iíve learned to see every problem as an opportunityfor growth. Iíve learned to stop what Iím doing when I make anymistake and focus on the source of the error within me.Over the last few months my analysis deepened. Behind every personaldifficulty, I found not only some previous mistake, but more importantly

I found the absence of Cosmic ideation. Whenever I forgotGuru or God for more than a few moments, I hurt someone or hurtmyself.During these last months, every time I made even the slightest mistake,I noticed I had forgotten my mantra.67 Each mistake helped alertme to my uncontrolled ego-centered thoughts.So, what happened today? While busy in the yoga center, runningfrom one activity to another, I was joyously singing Baba Nam Kevalam.At one point, I dashed into the bathroom to wash a few clothes. After67 The constant internal repetition of oneís personal mantra is one of the essential Tantricpractices. It helps to calm the mind of the aspirant and eventually helps to ensconcehim or her in continuous Cosmic ideation.255wetting and soaping my clothes, while still singing, I started poundingmy soaped shirt in the sink. I didnít know that the sink had not yetbeen fully installed. Suddenly, it tipped over and fell on the floor. Asthe basin broke, a big piece dove into my bare foot.The noise alarmed two or three of the Margis, who thrust the dooropen. They found me lying on the floor, stunned. Blood gushed out ofmy foot.The cause of my shock was not, however, what it appeared. Whilethey fussed over my injury, I hardly paid attention to it. Rather, I muttered,ìI canít understand...î I couldnít grasp how I could make such ablunder even though I was singing Baba Nam Kevalam. Suffering mayhappen while one is in Cosmic ideation, but careless mistakes cannot.It doesnít figure... I thought.Then a flash. I jumped up, almost slipping in the pool of blood.ìIíve got it!î I blurted out. The Margisí eyes bulged as they stared atme, thinking Iíd gone nuts. Crazy or not, I had the answer: Though Iídchanted spiritual words, I hadnít been aware of their meaning. It hadonly been a jolly tune for me, without any feeling. My thoughts hadsimply raced, immersed in meóonly me.A psychic implosion! Feeling alone is the key to harmony. Actionsand words may be sublime, but if the feeling behind them moves inanother direction, thereís no value. Though many times I heard or readsuch philosophy, this simple careless accident was the clear proof.No need to engage in complex psychological interpersonalmind-games. No need to fret over conflicts between a thousand doísand doníts. Only remember: Him. The one and only Answer.......Even at the hospital, as the doctor completed sewing the stitches, Icontemplated His grace. When the moment of truth arrived, i.e. the timefor paying the bill, I said, ìConsidering that Iím a monk, any discount?îThe doctor paused, then said, ìI hope you learned a lesson fromthis accident. Will you be more careful next time?îìDefinitely, Baba,î I said. I felt like Baba was speaking throughthe doctor.ìOkay,î he said, smiling. ìItís free, sir.îI looked at what shall surely remain a nasty scar, and thought, ìMylittle beauty, may you serve as a constant reminder, like a string permanentlytied on my finger.îLORD SHIVA NEVER DID IT256 TRAVELS WITH THE MYSTIC MASTER

The thing of churchWarsaw, Poland. I am the first worker to visit this country. ThoughIíve been here only a few days, I received the following surprising commentfrom a newly interested person: ìI like Ananda Marga very much,Dada. And Iím sure many Poles will have the same feeling as me. Ipredict that within a few years, thousands of people will be practicingmeditation in this country.î Indeed, their interest in parapsychologyis far beyond what I imagined before coming here.Nevertheless, the common personís knowledge of spiritual terminologyappears shockingly limited. A typical communication-hitch occurredlast evening when I spoke with a few young people. The conceptof God arose in my talk.ìWhat God is?î one of them asked.ìWell, how do you define it?î I replied.ìI have idea not. I know this word not.îI was surprised. His English was not perfect, but at least he shouldhave known the word.ìDoes anyone here understand the word God?îThey all shook their heads.ìGod is the endless energy, the beginning, the end, the purpose, themind of our minds. All the religions talk about God....îìOh!î One of them interrupted me. ìThe thing of church, youmean?îìWell, thatís one way of defining it,î I said, laughing.It was both very funny and very unfunny.......Budapest, Hungary. Last night I wanted to go to a graveyard to domy kapalika meditation. The young artist who was my host guidedme to the nearest cemetery, and left me there unceremoniously a littleafter midnight.When I entered, I was astonished to see tombstone upon tombstone.There were so many thousands of them that they leaned againsteach other. They careened in every conceivable direction, borderedby waist-high grass. Even in the daytime I would have found it difficultto make my way to the center of the tangle. Many stones werecracked or covered by moss. Even for an experienced graveyarder likeme, it was spooky on this cloud-covered night.257Since I was keen to withdraw my mind from these surroundings,my concentration peaked more quickly than usual.In the morning, during a Spartan breakfast, I asked, ìAre all thegraveyards in Hungary so small and crowded like the one I went tolast night?îìOh, that one is special,î the artist said. ìIt was for Jews.îI raised my eyebrows. ìWas?îìWhen Jews couldnít move their homes.îHe meant the ghetto.ìThey couldnít go outside their area, but they still had babies. Theystill died. More and more and more. And no place to go.îìAnd now where are they?îìA lot went to Israel. And a lot died. A lot.îCosmic confidenceBelgrade, Yugoslavia. After a successful three-week tour in Poland,

Hungary and Czechoslovakia, I arrived last night in a communist countrywhere I can wear my uniform. I breathe a relative freedom here inYugoslavia which was absent in those other regimes which suffer underthe heavy hand of their Overlord. There, I find the people believein socialist theory, but despise the dictatorial presence of the Sovietarmy, and the strangle-hold maintained by the Soviets over their education,international trade, spirituality, culture and mass media.My decision to risk wearing my uniform in Yugoslavia was influencedby a comment Baba made some time ago, that Titoís governmentwould not obstruct Ananda Marga.I stepped out of the train in Belgrade without an address or phonenumber. As usual in this situation, I went to a crowded section of thecity, arriving around 11:00 p.m.No doubt I was an eye-catcher. Many people stopped to inquire ifI needed anything, but no one had any extra space in which I could stay.Several people offered to pay for a hotel room, but I politely refused.One of the couples spoke to me in fluent English. ìWe wish wecould help you. Itís so late, and soon no one will be here. But we haveno room.îìDonít worry,î I said. ìAt the right moment someone will comealong. Iím dead sure. Really donít worry. Itís just a tiny test for me.îAs they walked away, they looked back anxiously.LORD SHIVA NEVER DID IT258 TRAVELS WITH THE MYSTIC MASTER

Five minutes later, they returned. The young lady said, ìYour extraordinaryconfidence inspired us. So we came back.îìWe decided to stand here until you find a lodging,î the man said.ìWeíll also help you in asking people passing by.îìThanks,î I said.As we stood there waiting for the right person, they asked aboutmeditation and yoga. Eventually one of their friends came. He had aspare room, and we all went there. By the end of the evening we alreadyhad the base for our new meditation unit.And so it goes. Everywhere.The great analysisCalcutta. August 2. Since June, for the first time in Ananda Margaíshistory, Baba has been calling all workers and Margis from all sectorsto Calcutta. I arrived today. In total, several thousand people have comeor will come.The program is called dharma samiksha. Samiksha means ìanalysisî,so dharma samiksha means ìanalysis of oneís adherence to theright path.î During dharma samiksha, Margis and workers standone-by-one in front of Baba, and He comments on their good and badbehavior. The Sixteen Points for physical, mental and spiritual developmentis especially relevant to this analysis. I was allowed to stay inthe room continuously, so I had the opportunity to witness many cases.Brother J from the Netherlands, who Iíve known for two years,stepped forward. Baba sat on His couch, looking over His shoulder atthe wall.68

GENERAL SECRETARY (GS): What is his name and posting?DADA FROM EUROPE: He is J, district in-charge from Holland.GS: Who is your acharya?J: Dada Maetreya.

GS: What work did you do over the last six months?J (nervously): I arranged nine initiations, opened one Peopleís NightSchool, and started one Spiritualistsí Sports and Adventurersí Club.68 Baba rarely looks directly at anyone. When He does, we feel a special energy orshakti. Indeed a single glance from Him is often enough to satisfy any Margi who mayhave traveled thousands of miles to meet Him.25969 Sentient food is food which is good for both body and mind.70 Static food is food which is harmful for either body or mind.71 Hah means ìyesî.GS: Acha. Are you following 16 Points strictly?J: Yes.GS: How about your meditation?J: Yes, Dada.GS: How about fasting?J: Yes, Dada.BABA: GS, ask him about food.GS: Are you taking only sentient food?69

J: Yes, Dada.BABA: Eh? What did he say?GS: He said ìyesî, Baba. You are not taking any static food?70

J: No, Dada.BABA (turning to look just over Jís head): Eh? What nonsenseare you speaking?J: No, no, Baba. Only sentient food.BABA (slightly angry): Tell the truth!J: No, Baba, I ... ah ... oh, Baba...BABA: Do you deserve punishment?J: Yes...BABA: Stretch out your palm. (J holds his right hand palm-up infront of Baba.) How many shall I give you?J: Ah ... ah ...BABA: 10, 20, 30...?J: 20, Baba. (Using His stick, Baba strikes Jís open palm ten times.)BABA: Stretch out your left palm. (J does so, and Baba strikes itten times also.) You must never again intentionally harm your body.Do you understand?J: Yes, Baba.[Baba then explained a number of points to J about improving hismeditation and service activities.]BABA: Now stand straight. (He sweeps His eyes from Jís feet tohead, and down again.) Vijayananda, make a note.DADA VIJAYANANDA: Hah, Baba.71

LORD SHIVA NEVER DID IT260 TRAVELS WITH THE MYSTIC MASTER

BABA: Karmasana, Gomukhasana....[and some other yoga posturesI forget.] (Speaking to J:) Afterward learn them from Vijayananda. Nowcome close, my boy. (J approaches Baba, who opens His arms, andthen embraces J, taking him on His lap.)J: Oh, Baba! (He starts weeping.)ANOTHER DADA (after a lapse of a few moments, speakingsoftly): Come, come...(J leaves Babaís lap. He lies on the floor in front of Baba, handsstretched out toward Him in the traditional position of respect to the

guru. After a few seconds, he gets up, and moves toward the door.)GS: Next.......After a few more dharma samikshas, we all left Babaís room.Brother J approached me. ìDadaji, may I speak to you?îìOf course.îìI have to tell someone, or Iíll burst.îìMy ears are open.îìWhen Baba pressed me, I denied eating any bad food. I was justtoo embarrassed to tell the truth in front of all the Dadas and Margisthere. As for Baba, I knew that He knew, and also that He understoodwhy I was lying, and even Iím sure He did not mind, because He knowsour inner motivation. But, well, Iíve got to tell someone.îìGo ahead,î I said, ìIím your brother.îìWell, three weeks ago, I was feeling so much clash. I was fed upwith everything that was happening to me. Out of an impulse, I wentto a take-out restaurant and purchased a box of fried shellfish. I atethem alone in the yoga house. Afterward I felt so bad I vomited.îI laughed loudly.His eyes opened wide, and he said, ìDada, how can you laugh? WhatI did is very bad.îìPerhaps, but itís not the end of the world. Weíve seen mistakes ahundred times worse.îìReally?îìOf course. And anybody whoís spent much time around Baba getsused to it. This is Tantra. Up a lot and down a little, up a lot and downa little...î261Compelled to helpYesterday Dada Parameshvarananda arrived from the Philippinesfor dharma samiksha. He had been suffering from leukemia for a numberof months. The doctors had declared it incurable, though they didnot say how much longer he would live.Three days ago, on the day of his planned departure for India, hefainted and did not recover for several hours. By that time, his officesecretary had canceled the flight reservation. When he regained consciousness,Dada became angry at his secretary. ìWhy did you cancelmy flight? You should have forced me to wake up, and put me on theplane. Iíd rather die in India than here.îHe flew the next day to Calcutta, suffering all the way. Though hehad never asked Baba for anything before, this time he could not helpbut think, ìPlease, Baba, help this body.îFrom the Calcutta airport, he took a taxi alone. When he arrivedat the Central Office, he found Babaís Personal Assistant, DadaRamananda, standing at the gate.ìBaba told me to wait for you here and bring you to His room.îìBut how did He know I was coming just now?îìIn the same way He knows everything,î replied Ramanandaji, helpinghim upstairs.Dada entered Babaís room and prostrated.ìHow are you?î Baba asked.ìIím fine.îìAre you sure?î

ìYes, Baba. Iím fine.î Thinking that Baba knows all, he saw no reasonto express his problems.ìYes. Yes. Very good,î said Baba. ìNow Iím busy, so I will see youagain later.îToday it was Manila Sectorís turn for general reporting. Parameshvaranandajicame forward.ìYesterday,î Baba said, ìI asked this boy how he felt. He told mefine, even though this fool will die within 24 hours. He has a diseasewhich is so advanced that it cannot be cured, and will kill him by tomorrow.(Turning His face toward Parameshvaranandaji, He continued)Stupid, idiot, why didnít you tell me long ago about your prob-LORD SHIVA NEVER DID IT262 TRAVELS WITH THE MYSTIC MASTER

lem? If you had told me even six months ago, I could have simplyprescribed certain yogic postures and diet to cure the problem. Now,scoundrel, you are going to die.îìBaba, please save him,î ìGive him another chance,î said a fewworkers.For a moment, Baba sat in silence. ìIt is true that he has given hiseverything for my mission. He never cared for himself, only thinkingfor me. So ... I am compelled to help him. In this case, medical scienceis incapable, impotent. The only means of assistance is spiritualpower. Alright. I will save him from the jaws of death.îBaba began lightly touching Dada with His stick. He graduallytapped it on every part of his body. At the same time, He narrated Dadaíslong medical history, how he had suffered from typhoid fever, anothertime from mild tuberculosis, and so on. Afterward, Parameshvaranandajitold me that some of the diseases Baba mentioned he hadforgotten, but all were 100% correct.ìI always took care of him, though he didnít know it,î Baba said.ìIn natural ways, I saved his life repeatedly. But this time, his irresponsibilityis excessive and extreme.îBaba held His stick against Dadaís chest. For forty minutes, Babapressed the stick, not moving it from that spot. Dada later said that atthat time such power entered him that he felt he could easily crossmountains.ìNow I have purified his body. I withdrew all the cancer cells. Hewas scheduled to die within 24 hours. But his time has been extended.Within ten days he will recover all of his previous strength.î72

Even Lord Shiva Never Did ItToday Baba mentioned that dharma samiksha is a one-time affair.Dharma samiksha on such a grand scale was never done before byany spiritual master, and Baba will not do it again. He is showing alittle bit of His meticulous guardianship and a little bit of His intimateknowledge of each and every Margi, personally and specifically,one by one. He said, ì7000 years ago, Lord Shiva thought to conductsuch a program, but never did it.î72 From that moment, Parameshvaranandaji started feeling much better. Ten days later,doctors declared him fully cured.263I wonder: why never before? And, even more curiously, why neveragain? Is it because Baba did not come to prove Himself to the world,but rather only to get His work done?

Yes, even Lord Shiva never did it. This sentence expressing Babaísuniqueness could be applied to much more than dharma samiksha. Ithink of 5000 songs...an organization of both renunciates and familypeople in almost every country of the world...the Prout movement...thesystematization of Tantrathe mixture of intense spiritual practice withsocial action...His detailed guidance in many diverse fields.... Unfathomable.Treat him very wellOne of the Margis receiving dharma samiksha today was Rajpal,an Indian. At one stage of the analysis, Baba said, ìYou have a questionfor me, isnít it?îìYes, Baba,î he said. ìAbout my son...îThough in that moment, Baba did not give him time to continue,he afterward explained to us that he intended to ask about the causeand cure of his sonís attitude toward him. Almost since the boyís birth,the son had scorned and mistreated his father. It was Rajpalís greatestworry, because he dearly loved his son. Even though the boy beganpracticing meditation at the age of fourteen, he still expressed disgusttoward his father.The problem was not a public one, and therefore Baba could nothave heard of it. Nevertheless He said, ìI know. I know everything.The world is mysterious. That which happens today may be the resultof events occurring long ago. In your present life itself you will findthe cause of your present trouble. Many years ago you took a 500 rupeeloan from an old man who was not wealthy. But you did not repaythat loan, even when the old man was sick. Do you remember?îìAh ... yes ... Baba.îìThat old man was very angry at you, and he finally died still feelingangry at you. He was reborn as your son. So your son hates you.Otherwise his behavior is gentle toward everyone else. Now what shallyou do?îìI donít know, Baba.îLORD SHIVA NEVER DID IT264 TRAVELS WITH THE MYSTIC MASTER

ìYou must treat him very well. Give him solace whenever possible,serve him in sickness. Whatever he needs, give it to him. Beyond that,the only remedy is meditation.îLong range wordsThe treatment that Baba gave to Keshava from Germany was peculiar.After the General Secretary took Keshava through a typical set ofquestions & answers about 16 Points, Baba proceeded to speak to himin Sanskrit. Keshava didnít mind; he understands very little Englishanyhow. Some of the Indian workers who could understand Sanskritsaid that Baba was speaking about the law of action and reaction. Atthe end of the session, Baba took Keshavaís head in His hands, and,rubbing it affectionately, said in English, ìMy poor boy ... my poorboy ...î.No one could understand the meaning of this, including Keshava.Nevertheless, Keshava was so inspired he decided to go for acharyatraining.[Authorís note: Keshava became an acharya, and then an avadhutawith the name Gunaragananda. In 1991, I spoke again to Gunaraganandajiabout his dharma samiksha. His bewilderment about the meaningof Babaís words ìmy poor boyî was apparently resolved when he

had a serious car accident while in the Sweden acharya training center.He nearly died in the accident, and needed many months to recover.Severe scars remained. I say ìapparently resolvedî because afew years later, as an acharya, he had another accident in a car in Venezuela,in which the car flipped over several times, killing the driver.Gunaraganandaji was thrown a few meters away from the vehicle, eventhough he had been sitting in the back of the two-door car. Again ittook months for him to get back on his feet. Hardly had he recoveredwhen there was another incident. This time it was in Ananda Nagar,where he wandered into the jungle far away from our central quarters,fell asleep after doing meditation, and was attacked by tribal people.They stabbed him repeatedly and stole the little money he had.He told me, ìBabaís words in dharma samiksha helped me to keepgoing ahead even during these worst experiences. I accepted the sufferingas a part of my spiritual path. I believe that during dharma samik-265sha Baba foresaw my death, and changed it into a series of accidents,which allowed me to go on working for the mission.î]Not your faultBrother G from the United States stood in front of Baba. After somepersonal talk, Baba said, ìYour mind is unnecessarily disturbed aboutthe past. You made some mistakes of a sexual nature.îGís face suddenly became very red.ìYeah ... yes, Baba,î he mumbled.ìWhen you were younger you had some misunderstanding aboutthe relationship between men and women.îHe stared at the floor, saying, ìYes, Baba.îìBut it was not your fault. As a little boy you were simply influencedby your environment.îG looked up at Baba. He sighed deeply, smiled slightly and said,ìThank you, Baba.îìNo need of thanks,î Baba said. ìI merely convey to you the unadulteratedfacts. You were unaware. Unaware.î......G approached me after the session, wanting to get something offhis chest.ìI never told anyone, Dada,î he said, ìbut since you were presenttoday, I want to tell you that ... that before joining Ananda Marga, Ihad ... improper sexual relations.îHe watched for my reaction. Seeing none, he continued, ìEventhough Iíve been doing meditation for a number of years, itís alwaysbothered me; Iíve always felt guilty. But now Babaís freed my mind.When He said it wasnít my fault, something let go inside me. I feel solight now; I wouldnít be surprised if I started to fly!î......Another episode from dharma samiksha:BABA: Throughout your life you have had one obsession, one greatestfear. What is it?MARGI: Ah ... (apparently confused and unable to reply)BABA: In your previous life you were a priest of common status.His duty kept him fixed at one temple. He often thought, ìHow canthe idol I worship be God? God cannot be limited to a statue. So howLORD SHIVA NEVER DID IT


can I find God?î He studied and searched for the answer. But onemorning, before he could come to a clear understanding, a snake bithim as he was picking flowers to offer to the goddess. Lying in thegrass, in great pain, he thought, ìIf there is a God He must save me.Or at least He must properly guide me in my next life.î Thinking that,he died. That is why you are here today. And that is why you fearedsnakes so much that you even imagined snakes where they were not.But from today, that fear will no longer trouble you. Now, my boy, areyou satisfied?MARGI (smiling): Yes, Baba. Very very much.My dharma samikshaI stood before Baba for my own dharma samiksha. After passingthrough the normal preliminaries, Baba commented, ìHe has somesincerity, but it was better before.î I was mystified by this statement.While analyzing my physical condition, He said, ìThere is weaknessin your Vishuddha Chakra.73î The asanas He prescribed werealmost completely different from what I had expected. This was becauseI gave little importance a minor operation I had on my kneeswhen I was sixteen years old, and to some weakness in my waistóbutit seems Baba considered these defects to be critical.The most beautiful element of my session, however, was somethingI am unable to adequately describe. It was how He looked at me andhow He touched me. His eyes penetrated far into my soul. From thatmoment until even now as I record this memory, I have been feelingan extraordinary sort of ecstasy. Toward the end, He embraced me insuch a way that every cell in my body burned with excitement. I lostconsciousness of everything except Baba Himself. I was so happy thatmy mind stopped functioning except for the thought Baba, Baba, Baba.Iím not sure how long I had been sitting in His lap, when I suddenlybecame aware of someone pulling me off of Baba, saying, ìCome on,others are waiting, you know.î I fell into prostration in front of Him,and then had a hard time struggling to stand up because my mind wasalmost out of touch with my body.73 The fifth chakra, located in the center of throat267[Authorís note: Years later I add two comments in retrospect. First,I still cannot understand what He meant by my being ìbetter before.îDid He mean my meditation, my dynamism, my devotion, my work,all these things, or something else? I donít know. In any case the effectof His words is that I always feel like I do not express my full potentiality,no matter how much I try and no matter what I do. And yet Idonít feel any inferiority complex because Baba did not compare mewith anyone else, only with my previous self. Thus His comment hasnever stopped pushing me.Second, though I had no recognizable trouble with my throatbefore my dharma samiksha, I have often had problems with it eversince.]Important to us, unimportant to HimDada A, born in the Philippines, received dharma samiksha. WhenBaba referred to Aís secret weakness, he became so agitated that hesoiled himself. All of the Dadas in the room saw a little bit of his diarrheadrip onto the floor. I suppose he had stomach trouble, and could

not control himself.Babaís personal assistant, Dada Ramananda, said quietly in Bengali,ìBaba, the boy soiled himself.îBut Baba seemed not to hear. He went on dealing with Dada A.After a minute, the General Secretary said something similar toBaba. Again Baba paid no attention. Some of us whispered betweenourselves. But Baba continued, unruffled.When at last He took Dada A upon His lap and lovingly huggedhim to His breast, Ramanandaji spoke again in Bengali to Baba aboutthe feces. Baba lost His smile, and replied in Bengali, ìWhat? Whydidnít you tell me before? Immediately clean up the floor! He mustnot stay here another moment! Nasty, nasty!îTwo Dadas pulled Dada A out of the room, though he didnít careónot only because he hadnít understood the Bengali, but also becauseBaba had finished the dharma samiksha, and blessed Dada A withHis embrace. Rather Dada A was so ecstatic, he must have been unawareof his own dirtiness.We all laughed into our hands. I loved Him even more for pretendingnot to hear until the session was finished.LORD SHIVA NEVER DID IT268 TRAVELS WITH THE MYSTIC MASTER

You winMadhusudan, who was my guide in Mokamo during my field trainingin 1972, stood in front of Baba for dharma samiksha.BABA: If you are following 16 Points you should step to the rightside. If you are not strictly following, step to the left. (Madhu beginsmoving right.) Wait. Do you have a shaoca manjusa? (A small bottlecontaining water, which is used for cleaning oneself after passing urine.)MADHU: Yes, Baba.BABA: But do you use it regularly?MADHU: Yes, Baba.BABA: No, it is not true. You have not been regular in usage.MADHU (in a strong firm voice): Yes I was! (He again starts steppingright.)BABA (to other workers): Do not allow him to move right!MADHU: But Iím following 16 Points!BABA: Two days ago you were in Patna at Dag Bangla CharahaCrossing at 9:30 in the morning. You passed urine but did not use yourshaoca manjusa. Is it not?MADHU (laughing loudly): You win, Baba. (He steps left.)BABA (smiling): Just see, just see.A secret revealed leads to freedomBrother M stood before Baba.BABA: Before becoming a Margi, were you a worker for the Communistparty?M: Yes, Baba.BABA (chuckles, then says): How was the character of your fellowworkers?M: Very bad, Baba.BABA (a little indignant): And what about your character, my boy?M: My character was good, Baba.BABA (a little angry): Tell the truth.M: Iíve made no such mistake, Baba.

BABA: You are lying.M: No, Iím not lying, Baba!BABA: Come forward for atonement. (As M slowly begins steppingto the front, Baba leans forward with His stick.)269M (slightly stepping backward): No, Baba! I did nothing!BABA (in a strict tone): Turn around, and look to your rear.M (Turns his face around. He sees something which we do not see):Oh, Baba!BABA (in a threatening tone): Need I say anything more aboutwhat happened on 1st April?M: No, Baba! (He throws himself in prostration at Babaís feet.)BABA: That will not suffice. Come to your feet. (M stands up. Bababeats him several times.)......Afterward, when M was asked what he saw, he said, ìDidnít you allsee her? When I turned around, I saw my lady friend dressed in a blacksari. She was a secret, burning in my heart.î Then he smiled, saying,ìBut now Iím free.îBeyond criticismSister Aruna from northern Sweden stood before Baba. After goingthrough the formalities of her name, duty, and so on, the GeneralSecretary began asking her about 16 Points.Baba interrupted, saying, ìThereís no need to question her abouther conduct. She is trying her best.îWe were all astonished. This was the first case of any Margi beingdeclared uncriticizable.I looked at Arunaís face. Instead of noticing the expansion of egothat such a comment would have caused in almost anyone else, shelooked unselfconsciousóher eyes glistened with tears. She was lost inthe ecstasy of being with her Baba.......The flow of dharma samiksha has been different from PersonalContact. Over the past few years I saw many reactions to PersonalContact. My own Personal Contact was a case in point. But everydharma samiksha without exception resulted in unparalleled inspiration.Babaís remarks were so individualized, both in rebuke and inpraise, that each Margi was fully satisfied. The majority of us couldconfirm that He knows our most closely kept secrets, and knows everywave of our mind and body. I am sure that each and every Margithought something like, ìHe cares for me. He loves me.îLORD SHIVA NEVER DID IT270 TRAVELS WITH THE MYSTIC MASTER

In the last weeks, Baba gradually became sick. Today, August 24,the strain of altering our mental and physical condition reached thelimit. He announced that the dharma samiksha program is now finished.Conflict with a dancer of darknessLucknow. After the flood of feelings generated by dharma samiksha,todayís experience served as an ideal epilogue. But first somethingabout yesterday.Yesterday I left Calcutta by train for Delhi. Shortly before Delhi,a bridge collapsed; how, I never came to know. From that point on,the train moved backward to access a different route. But the speed

was so pathetic that a distance which ought to have taken one hourtook over twenty. At one rural station, while having a brief walk onthe platform, I heard a sudden mixture of shouts and screams. Rocksflew through the air. The women and children ran to get back into thetrain. Not having the vaguest idea of the cause, I joined the ladies inretreat. As I jumped inside, I looked back in time to see a rock strikea man in the forehead. The scene was dotted with tiny pools of red blood.As the ladies madly pulled down the iron shutters on the windows,I asked, ìWhatís happening?îOne of them replied, ìThe passengers are protesting that the trainis taking so long.îIndia: everything is hereófrom the crudest vulgarisms to the subtlestsublimities. This leads me into describing todayís episode, thecherry on my dharma samiksha cake.Tonight was the third night of the new moon. I was busy the firsttwo nights and this was the last possible night for doing my kapalikameditation. I had no choice but to break my journey here.This was my first time in Lucknow and I had no idea where I couldfind the cremation grounds ó the place for burning the dead, which isalways located on a river shore. My questions raised a few eyebrows,but ultimately led me to a quiet corner of the city where I met theservant of a rich businessman. His master was out of town, so he invitedme to rest in his humble quarters. He said he would show me thecremation ground at midnight.In the meantime, this illiterate man became intrigued by my talkof meditation. I initiated him. We meditated together, and had a simple271supper. Later, in the dead of the night, he led me toward the river. Aswe came closer and closer, however, his legs seemed to drag.ìSir, thatís it ... there,î he said, pointing a shaking finger at the darknessat the end of the road.ìVery good,î I said. ìBut donít call me Sir.îAfter walking some steps, I noticed he was lagging behind. ìComealong,î I said. ìWhatís the matter?îìSir ... ah, Dada, donít no go, Sir. Bad ... verry bad ...îìNonsense. Thereís nothing to be afraid of.î I continued walking.I heard him start panting.I arrived at the gate. He hung back about ten feet, shaking.ìPle ple pleazzze, Sir ... no, no!îìIf you donít want to come in with me, itís no problem. You can goback to your house, and Iíll go in alone.îìReally, Sir?îìYes, sure. Why not?îSaying, ìOkay! Okay!î, he spun around and took to his heels, sprintingback down the road so fast that he reminded me of a character ina Charlie Chaplin film.I turned back to face the gate. I noticed the total absence of sound.Even the leaves were silent. It was, somehow, artificialótoo sudden.This may be interesting, I thought.I passed through the gate and began walking down the grass-coveredsteps in the pitch darkness. I could only feel my way forward.Slowly, slowly...A yell came from below! I halted to listen. A manís voice, harsh,

threatening. I knew enough Hindi to understand his unmistakable warning:ìDonít dare to enter! Get out of here!îAn Avidya Tantric, I thought. A lover of the dark force. A personalpowerseeker. A black magician.Yes this will really be interesting, I thought, smiling.I stepped down: one step, two, three...Again he shouted, with a guttural force I had never encounteredbefore. ìIíll kill you, you madman! Begone! Begone!î He swore at me,using very dirty language.My mind was calm. I was a bit surprised how I was taking it. Thiswas to be a challenge arranged by Babaís grace. I went on thinking ofHim, confident that no power could be greater than His.LORD SHIVA NEVER DID IT272 TRAVELS WITH THE MYSTIC MASTER

I walked further, and at last was the bottom of the stairway.ìIíll murder you!î he screamed so loudly that I was momentarilystunned. Then I think he added, ìAnd drink your blood! And eat yourflesh! And swallow your bones!îI had heard that some Avidya Tantrics can consume an entire humanbody in one sitting. It is one of their systems for extracting powerfrom other Tantrics.To hell with you, I thought clearly. I felt he could hear my thoughts.And perhaps it was so. For, as I continued on, he made no furthersound.His voice had come from the darkest corner of the place. In thatdirection, nothing was visible. In other directions though I could perceivevague shapes, I was unable to recognize anything. Then I saw afaint red light. It was the dying remains of a fire, a few embers. I walkedtoward it, feeling my way forward with my sandaled feet.What was that? A movement near the fire ... what? ... a pair of ...yes ... a pair of eyes. I walked nearer. What? Not two eyes, four. No,more.... Many many eyes. Fantastic! I went on walking, thinking of Babawith each step.Then I made out a form: a dog. No, there were many dogs. Scoresof them. Maybe thirty or forty. As I drew closer, I could see their eyesgleaming with excitement. They were eating the last remains of a deadbody. Their teeth glistened. They growled menacingly, facing me. I feltI could hear their thoughts: Donít come forward anymore!To hell with you too, I thought in reply. I continued moving towardthem now that I could make out a path which passed near the fire. IfI moved in any other direction God knows what I might have fallen into.They growled louder. Though my body moved on, my thoughts stoodstill, contemplating Guru. I passed in front of the dogs. They snarledand bared their teeth but let me pass.As I walked on further, I heard the bubbling of a river. I walked upto it, and put my materials on the sand. This was my spot. After preparingfor the meditation, I started dancing Shivaís Tandava to increasemy courage. Immediately the man yelled and the dogs barked. Witheach step, I leapt high in the air, laughing in transcendental pleasure.Then I sat. At last, undisturbed by any sound, I easily slipped intodeep meditation.273When I finished, I walked back toward the fire. The dogs were still

there.But this time something was different. They looked mad. Theirmouths hung open, saliva dripped from their teeth. They growledloudlyóvery loudly. Perhaps they were angry that I had succeeded inthwarting their efforts to stop me.Seeing no alternative way, I continued walking toward them. Theybegan moving here and there, and ... what? They assumed an ominousshape. In the front was one dog, then two dogs, then three or four, thenmoreóit looked like a triangle or a wedge pointed at me. Suddenly,they charged, growling furiously. Though I was still thinking of Baba,He put another idea in my brain: Iíll kill the first dog, I thought.In the very next moment after that thought, even before my hand couldreach toward the knife which was in my pocket, the lead dog jumpedinto the air and let out a human-like scream. He somersaulted backward,smashing into the other dogs. Some of them screamed, others barked inlow voices, as they fell apart from each other, confused, hurt, scattered.I watched it all, from a point deep inside, not from my normal wakingconsciousness. The dogs looked away from me, whimpering, crying,and lost.I walked on, came to the stairs and climbed out of this bizarre world.The man and the dogs had fallen into silence. Coming up onto theroad, I didnít bother to look back.......Delhi. I mentioned yesterdayís episode to an old Dada here. Hesaid, ìYes, those dogs were real dogs. But they were controlled by themental power of the Avidya Tantric. Itís a common phenomenon. Heuses them for many purposes, including both protection and attack.When you thought to kill the first dog, the man surely caught yourthought, and was terrorized. If you had killed that dog, who was movingon the thought currents of the man, it would have caused him greatharm. It might even have killed him. Thatís why there was such a reaction.Anyway itís Babaís play. He arranges such experiences for thosewho need them. If we surrender to Him, we pass the test. Of coursethe tests never stop. But, then, neither does His grace.îLORD SHIVA NEVER DID IT274 TRAVELS WITH THE MYSTIC MASTER

CHAPTER 16

You also Have to PlayPeopleís movementManerbio, Italy. 1982. The Margis have uncovered a major case ofgraft and corruption, and have organized a movement to try to stopitóProut in action!74 In a few months the local government plans to closethe Manerbio hospital and shift its facilities to another town. The onlyreason for the move is the financial benefit it will bring to the host ofcompanies involved in the construction of the new hospital. The loserswill be the people of Manerbio, who will lose their hospital.Sister Damayanti is the leader of this fledgling movement, alongwith her husband Jiivananda and two other Margis. Over the last fewweeks many volunteers have helped them to distribute leaflets and collectpetition signatures. Today they held their first demonstration. Itwas a grand success. Over 4000 people came and joined in the march.......

Two months later. By now, the ìSave Our Hospitalî movement hashad four demonstrations, with up to 8000 participants apiece. A fewdays ago an incident occurred which showed how much the local peoplehave come to trust the Margis: During a village meeting held in amarket place, speakers expressed their opinions about city conditions.At one point, a well-known priest said, ìWe have to encourage more74 At this point in time, Prout peopleís movements outside of India were still a novelty,i.e. such work had only just begun. Though Margis were the leaders of these actions, theparticipants were primarily non-Margis. The actions were of two main typesópositiveconstructive programs and anti-exploitation drives. For example, I had recently participatedin initiating a mass-housing action in Holland, and an anti-pornography drivein Norway. In India, Prout peopleís movements had already begun many years before.Some had the support of hundreds of thousands of people.275the involvement by the young people of our city. Just see what goodwork is being done by those leading the Save Our Hospital movement.îFrom the crowd one women yelled back, ìSi, noi crediamo piu inquei giovani che in te!óYes, we believe more in those young peoplethan in you!î Another yelled, ìPerche voi preti non avete fatto nienteper salvare il nostro hospetale tanto tempo fa?óWhy didnít you priestsdo anything to save our hospital long ago?î Someone else added, ìTegiusto stai saltando sul populare vagone della banda!óYouíre just jumpingon a popular band-wagon!îAn incident happened today which also demonstrates the movementísstrength, but in a shocking manner. After a morning meeting inone section of the city, the Margis drove to another meeting in a differentpart of town. Damayanti was so inspired she sang Baba NamKevalam the entire way, about thirty minutes, over the loud-speakersystem mounted on the carís rooftop. At the foot of a hill leading upto the meeting site, the carís engine died. After the Margis got out ofthe car, a man opened the hood to check on the cause of the failure.He discovered a bomb lodged there! Because Damayanti had beenusing the amplifier throughout the whole drive, the weak electricalsystem was sufficiently over-taxed to cause the engine to die, leavingan insufficient charge for the bomb to explode.Though the lives of the Margis were obviously saved by the graceof Baba, this experience shook them up. They had not understood theextent of the danger they faced from opponents of their movement.......Two weeks later. Today the local government announced its decisionnot to shift the hospital. A big party will be held by the publichonoring Damayanti and the other leaders of the Save our Hospitalmovement.Over the last weeks Damayanti and Jiivanandaís meditation becameirregular. They gave more importance to their social work than to theirspiritual practices. As a result, their behavior became more aggressiveand egoistic. Fortunately, through discussion with acharyas a few daysago, they recognized this loss of balance ó and they re-started theirspiritual discipline.It is surprising but true that those who work more also need to meditatemore.YOU ALSO HAVE TO PLAY


A desperate attack

Luxembourg. 1 May. There is news from Calcutta. It is so outrageous,so abominable, so heinous that I find it difficult to write.Yesterday morning at 6:30, our workers were attacked while comingby taxis to our Calcutta headquarters. Seventeen Dadas and Didiswere killed in an atrocious manner. The same vicious tactic was usedin each case. The attackers stopped the taxis at railroad crossings,pulled our workers out onto the street and first beat them with ironrods to make them helpless. They then blinded them by throwing acidin their eyes, gouged out their eyes with knives, stabbed them repeatedly,and finally doused their bodies with petrol and burned them.Over the last few weeks, the Communists prepared the public forthis attack by holding small street demonstrations and claiming thatour orphanages and schools are full of children we stole from theirparents. In response, we approached both politicians and newspapersto show the documentation of all the orphans under our care. Wechallenged the demonstrators to produce even a single parent with acomplaint against us. Instead of responding to our documentation, theCommunists tried to drum up further hostility by repeatedly shoutingover loud-speakers ìBeware of the Ananda Margi child-lifters!îOnly when the attacks occurred did anyone recognize that the demonstrationswere part of a strategy to protect the true villains. At yesterdaymorningís press conference, Communist politicians claimed thatthe violence was the spontaneous result of mob psychology, and thatthe attackers were parents and local people.From the first, however, the public and the media unanimouslyrejected this explanation. The claim that it was a spontaneous uprisingwas patently absurd. How could a spontaneous uprising happensimultaneously in three separate locations, using identical methods?The local police were also responsible. For one hour after the attacksthey refused to initiate an investigation, even though their station waswithin 200 meters of the incidents.The attackersí true intentions become clear once you add the factthat our Central workers come to the office by taxi at just this hourevery day. Only because Baba requested a special meeting the previousnight was their schedule different yesterday. The mobsters planned277to kill the Central workers, but instead the victims were all schoolteachers coming for a teachersí meeting.75

......It may seem strange, but the Communists fear our moral integrityand low-budget social work. In comparison they know that their governmentlooks corrupt and ideologically backward. Our legal sectionhas filed cases but the attackers have already absconded through policecomplicity. Since we well know that the West Bengal governmentwill never make any investigation, we are demanding an inquiry bythe federal government. Considering that Ananda Margis have neverengaged in violence, and that we have been victims of numerous personaland property attacks by the Communists, one would think at leastthe federal government will cooperate. But I do not expect cooperation,because the federal government is as corrupt as the state body.In the face of these assaults, and without hope of government orpolice assistance, should we give up our social work and our socialmovements, and join the under-the-table diplomacy which rules the

country?Or should we gain strength and inspiration from the understandingthat the corrupt are bound to attempt to destroy those who are noncompromisinglystriving toward goodness? The answer is obvious.Necessary insight and intuitionCalcutta. Several court cases are going on, most of them initiatedby Ananda Marga to protest oppression by local communists or otherpoliticians. While informing Baba of the progress of these cases, oneworker asked Baba for guidance.Baba replied: ìOurs is a missionary work. You are all working forlong and have sufficient experience. Must I give suggestions on eachand every petty matter? It gives me much pain. If you all are simply75 Since apparently Baba knew the attack would occur, the question may arise why Heallowed the school teachers to fall into the trap. Why does Baba (or for that matterGod) allow anyone in the world to suffer or die? I believe that suffering can often be apositive force in the path of spiritual awakening. We are born in order to realize lifeíslessons. Suffering and death are vital for that realization. Why Baba freed some peoplefrom certain suffering, and did not free others, is a far too complicated matter for me.The deep psycho-spiritual needs of both individuals and the society are involved. SurelyHe had His plan, and followed it.YOU ALSO HAVE TO PLAY


sincere with your meditation and 16 Points, you will get the necessaryinsight and intuition. This applies to all workers.îHe requested this statement to be made known to all workers.Just wordsAnanda Nagar. During afternoon reporting, one-by-one we stoodin front of Baba, undergoing His scrutiny. When it was my turn, Heexposed some of the defects of my work, and then began beating mewith His stick.The General Secretary said to me, ìGive some explanation.îUsually workers reply by saying something like, ìI will do my workbetter, Baba,î or ìI tried my best, Baba, but couldnít get the publicísresponse,î or ìBaba, Baba, Baba!î or some other unimpressive statement.Generally He continues the beating for some time.But I said spontaneously, ìI am lazy and selfish!îHis whopping became softer.ìI am stupid and insincere!îThe beating stopped. ìWhat do you say, my boy?î Baba said.ìI will change my ways and not waste a single solitary moment!î Isaid decidedly.ìYesss. Very good.îAfterward, one Dada said to me, ìThose replies to Baba were veryclever.îìBut I meant it,î I said.......During the night reporting that same Dada came under Babaís stick.Immediately he said, ìIím worthless and slothful!îBeat beat beat.ìIím egoistic and not industrious!îBeat beat beat.ìYes, yes. We know that,î said Baba.Beat beat beat.ìBut Iíll become a perfect worker, Baba!î

Beat beat beat.ìJust words. Just words,î said Baba.Beat beat beat.The Dada looked at me. I shrugged my shoulders.279ìBaba, Baba, Baba!î he said.The beating went on about double the normal time for him.Penniless in the ArcticNuuk, Greenland. 1983. I was the first worker to visit this Arcticcolony, the biggest island in the world. Previously I worked in the southernpart, but this is my first time in Nuuk, the capital city. I have nocontacts here and no return ticket. Back in Denmark I purchased around-trip ticket from Copenhagen to Sundre Stromford. For a bit offun I only brought enough money for a one-way ticket from there toNuuk. Iím scheduled to be here for ten days. In the meantime Baba,youíll have to create enough Margis to pay for my missing plane fare,and my daily expenses. To add some spice to this brew, one of the DanesI met today said, ìGood luck to you. Itís a rare Eskimo whoís mind isnot lost in booze, dancing and motorcycles.îThe winter is harsh here. Half the flights usually get canceled dueto bad weather. As I walk through the streets, I sometimes have to grabonto a tree to stop myself from being blown over. It once took meforty-five minutes to walk a distance which should have taken fifteenminutes. Coming back, I needed only five minutes ó I was almost flying.Even the women wear pants here, so I am doubly unique in myorange lungi, which billows in the wind like a full skirt. I donít knowwhy I remain warm even while trudging through deep snow.Nuuk is called ìthe big cityî, though its population is a mere10,000. In total, Greenland has a population of about 50,000, of which80% are Eskimos and 20% are Danes. By World War II the majorityof Eskimos had converted from nomad-life to town-life, though notout of preference. The shift was primarily to assist doctors who werefacing difficulties trying to protect the people from diseases caused byìcivilizationî.Since it is my policy not to stay in hotels while teaching meditation,Baba kindly arranged for me to ìaccidentallyî meet a man whoinvited me to stay in his house. (One way or another, no matter whereI am, He always provides a house for my stay.) I began setting up lecturesimmediately.......Next day. While walking in the snowy streets, I was surrounded bya group of about twenty teenage boys. They were a rowdy bunch, itch-YOU ALSO HAVE TO PLAY


ing for a fight. When they began pushing one another, it became clearthat their real intention was to get around to pushing me. They werekeen to test this strange man with a turban.Later I came to know that itís considered comical in Greenlandwhenever anyone falls down in the snow, especially if one gets hurt.When they were just about to fling themselves into me, I had aninspiration. ìI say! Do any of you know a good song to sing?îA few of them knew enough English to understand me, and theyfell into a parley. Seconds later they burst into an Eskimo tune, complete

with gesticulations. That completed, I requested another song,and they complied with increasing enthusiasm.Then they demanded a song from me so I regaled them with mylatest frozen version of Baba Nam Kevalam. I made them sing it togetherwith me, and soon we became fast friends.By evening, word had gone around about that fine Dada fellow.Coldest coldLast night I had to perform my kapalika meditation. The only graveyardis dead-center in the middle of the town, flooded by electric light,so I opted instead for a tiny dark peninsula where long ago the peopleused to bring sick babies who would be left in the cold for some hours.If they survived, they were considered strong enough to deserve care.If they died, that proved they were better off dead.Before beginning meditation I already felt chilled to the bone dueto the freezing breeze. The wind was so strong that it tore off my lungi,which I had to dive to catch. Before I could grab it, the sea almostclaimed it, and in the process I slipped on the ice just on the edge ofthe water, a dark mass of heaving waves. In the last moment, my footcaught on a jutting piece of ice, stopping my fall. I slowly edged myway backward a few feet, and arranged for my meditation without benefitof cover or blanket.After a minute or two I no longer noticed the intense cold. Indifferenceto temperature is a common experience for those practicingkapalika meditation. Thirty minutes later, when I had finished, I againbecame aware of my body, which began shivering so strongly that Icould not hold my equipment. Hardly able to stand, I dragged myselftoward a nearby house especially arranged for my stay on this night.281After crossing the threshold, I laid thawing out on the floor about tenminutes, before moving toward my room.The next morning I was fine. No matter what difficulties I faceduring meditation, I never seem to fall sick.......We had group meditation this evening. Because no one moved evenslightly, and because there was heavy snow around the house, we experiencedcomplete soundlessness. Impressive, especially considering itwas their first such meeting.Nothing unlikelyDuring my previous visit to southern Greenland a good number ofpeople learned meditation. I didnít think to contact any of them, however,because the only way to travel between cities in winter is by plane.Yesterday, my first initiate down there had a strong thought of meand Baba. On the strength of that feeling alone, she flew here hopingto find me.When she saw me today, she was just as surprised as anyone elsethat her intuition had been correct.They say for the devotee nothing is impossible, or even unlikely.Faith and fortuneA unit committee was formed tonight, selected from among the fortyMargis who have learned meditation in the nine days since Iíve beenhere. The prediction about Eskimos lacking interest in meditation waswrong. About 80% of these new Margis are Eskimos, exactly reflectingtheir proportion in society.

I spoke to the most inspired sister, ìI donít have money for my returnfare to Sundre Stromford. And I have to leave tomorrow evening.îìDada!î she said. ìWhat are you going to do?îìNo, no,î I laughed. ìThatís my question to you.îìBut Iím just a student...îìCan I see your tongue?îShe stuck it out.ìIt looks like a healthy tongue. Perhaps it will be of some use inasking the other Margis for help. But donít press them. They shouldonly give according to their feelings.îShe flashed a big smile and immediately left the room.YOU ALSO HAVE TO PLAY


......Next day. That sister ran up to me late this morning, saying, ìDada,look! We collected half of your ticket money! Here, please take it.îìThanks. Just see how Baba helps.îìYes. ... Now what are you going to do to get the rest?îI laughed and said, ìAgain, thatís my question to you.îìBut ... I already asked everyone for money.îìWell, how about going back to them, and asking for ideas how toget the rest?îìBut the airlines office closes in just four hours.îìIf you do your best, Baba will arrange everything. And remember,no pressure!î I said.......When at last she proudly presented the necessary amount for myticket, we only had time to run to the airline office and slip in thedoor as it was about to be locked.Whoís depending on whom?Oslo. Today was the second and closing day of a skiing weekend thatI had organized here in the Norwegian Alps as part of my regular sportsand adventures program.76 This was only the second time Iíd been skiing.The first time was earlier this winter when I conducted a one-weekouting in the Swiss Alps. Norwegians are a people said to be born withskis on their feet. We held racing competitions. To allow me to participate,they gave me a liberal handicap of one minute on each run.Toward the end of the day, in an effort to see how fast I could go,I ordered my feet not to turn inward, i.e. I would not allow myself toslow my downhill speed. I was soon moving faster than anyone elseon the mountain. It was exhilarating. The only problem was that I hadnot yet mastered sharp turning. Because I could not turn around eachof the skiers I was passing, I had to yell at those in front of me, ìLookout! Look out!î Once they saw me they jumped out of the way. A neat,albeit, self-centered system.76 At this time I was working as sectorial secretary of the Spiritualistsí Sports and AdventuresClub. Two or three times a month we conduct weekend outings in differentregions of the sector. These programs ranged from mountain climbing, horseback riding,boating, forest hikes, and sports matches on up to full scale training camps teachingrelief skills, first-aid, self-defense, survival skills and higher philosophy.283At last I came to the final turn, sure that I had cut at least two minutesfrom my previous best time. As I rounded the corner I had a shock.Directly in front of me was a group of about thirty students, surrounding

their teacher, who was lecturing them on some subtle point whichdemanded their full attention. When I yelled ìLook out! Look out!înone of them heard. Within a moment I was on them. At the last momentthey noticed me and scrambled out of the way. One of them, however,was not quite quick enough. My skis latched onto his; my head continuedforward while he was thrown down; and then my feet, still wearingthe skis, flipped over my head as I flew through the air over a fence.While most of the route is open, fences are erected only where thefall is precipatedly steep. Thus, as I merrily winged my way over thatfence, thinking of Baba, I was blissfully unaware that I was courtingsweet death. What trouble some of us children make for our Father.He was compelled to save me by arranging my head-down-feet-up fallin a tree in such a way that my skis caught in the branches; I finishedmy route hanging upside-down with the top of my skull a few centimetersfrom the ground.Throughout the weekend a fourteen year-old lad had taken a specialinterest in me; we usually skied together. This time, however, Ihad left him far behind in my flakes. Now, as he caught up, he saw medangling from the tree, and shouted, ìWow, Dada! Howíd you do that?îìIíd prefer to tell you a little later,î I said. ìNow howís about lendingme a hand, brother?îIt was nearly as dangerous getting me down as it had been gettingthere, but after a few minutes of nerve-racking efforts, my young friendhad me back on my feet. Unbeknownst to me, the entire escapade, includingmy brief flight, had happened in plain view of the 200 or soskiers who were waiting for the ski-lift. I was met by loud applausewhile finally skiing down to the bottom.The only explanation I can think of why He bothers to save suchzany people like me time and again, is because normal conservativepeople are unwilling to lead this sort of Tantric lifestyle in which onenever knows what will happen next. Baba simply has no alternative.Entertainment at government expenseParis. Last night, while traveling in a train and sleeping alone in asix-seat compartment, I was woken in an unprecedented manner. AYOU ALSO HAVE TO PLAY


strong flash of light hit me directly in the face. Immediately I openedmy eyes, sat up, and saw a man still holding a camera. Without evendonating a few francs for the privilege of taking my portrait, and withoutoffering a smile, he turned on his heels and high-tailed it out of thecompartment. And I, without any idea as to what I was after, jumpedup, and ran in pursuit. As I James-Bonded my way down the corridor,I passed a man walking in the opposite direction. Arriving at the linkbetween two cars, I suddenly thought, What a dope I am! That was thecamera-man, throwing me off his scent by acting opposite my expectations.I swung around, and raced back, just in time to see him disappearthrough the door leading to the next car. I rushed forward andturned the door handle, but he had locked the door behind him.Well, Iím not so easily deterred, I thought, and dashed back to myroom, opened my bag, and took out the key used for the doors betweencars. (Because I spend so much time on trains, it is convenient to havethis key.) Hurrying back to the locked door, I opened it, and enteredthe next car.

Though I looked at everyone in that car, I could hardly guess whichof the apparently sleeping suspects was the real spy. Full of wonder,but not downcast, I returned to my cabin. Iíd given it a good try, butonce again those fellows had gotten the upper hand. I laughed at whatexpense and trouble they were going to in building up their files onsuch a carefree, harmless guy. They consider me a dangerous radical,not realizing the true nature of the spiritual revolution for which I amstruggling.You also have to playCalcutta. Today, during reporting, Baba divided the Dadas into twogroupsóERAWS (Education, relief and welfare section) and TRIO (aconglomerate of the three other major trades). I took my place withthe rest of the Trio group.Baba instructed each group to condemn the members of the othergroup for insufficient speed in our work. Since criticism is a natural lowertendency, everyone passionately threw themselves into the allotted task.I stood directly in front of Baba, two feet away from Him. The otherDadas, all Indian, yelled accusations back and forth in Hindi andBengali. Since these languages are not my forte, I remained silent, preferringto feast my eyes only on Baba. For about ten minutes I did285nothing but stare at Him, entering into a higher and higher state ofmind. Meanwhile the room was filled with emotion-laden vocabulary.Babaís expressions varied throughout, shifting from frowns to smilesto head-nodding to ìHere here!î and so on.All of a sudden He looked straight at me, then pointed and said,ìAnd you! What are you looking at?îI laughed loudly, then said, ìIím looking at my favorite person.îìEh, what do you say?îìIím looking at You, Baba.îìNo, no, no. You also have to play the game. You are not exempt.îImmediately, without waiting for any further prodding, I turned awayfrom Him, and, looking at the ERAWS workers, I said loudly, ìYouare all just like a bunch of dirty ants, not using a drop of your potentiality;you only swim in the muds of staticity, becoming more and moregrimy with each passing day, enjoying your useless existence, and speakinghighly of how you moved a few twigs and leaves here and there;and then jumping on the nearest sugar cubes and licking and lickinguntil you become sick and have to fast (ëwell itís fasting day, and wehad to fast anyway,í you say), and proud that you move from place toplace, diligently making a mess everywhere you go!îWhile I was speaking, everyone was laughing, and Baba said, ìJustsee ... Just see ...îìIn short,î I said, ìthe pigs who roll in filth are better than you,because in the end at least they provide a bit of protein to themeat-eaters.îI swung back around to Baba. He stuck out His chin and pursedHis lips, saying, ìYesss. Rightly said.î He waved His hand at the others,and again they started up. I was left to return to my silence, anddived even more deeply into my contemplation of Anandamurtiji.......This reminds me of a story of a brother who visited Baba in thejail some years ago.

He was an Indian named Rajesh, who was by nature mild and quiet.After Rajesh was with Baba in His cell for five minutes, the guard said,ìTimeís up. Youíll have to leave now.îìRajesh,î Baba whispered, ìthe rule permits you ten minutes. Tellthem strongly not to disturb us.îLooking at the guards, Rajesh said softly, ìPlease donít disturb us.îYOU ALSO HAVE TO PLAY


The guards laughed. Then one of them said roughly, ìNow get upand get out, young man.îìRajesh, you have to shout at them,î Baba said.ìPlease donít disturb us!î Rajesh said in a louder voice.The guards didnít look pleased. The leader said stiffly, ìYou haveto follow what I say. Now leave!îìI told you to shout,î Baba said. ìYouíve got to do it much louder.îìYou have no right to stop me now!î Rajesh yelled. ìYou are violatingthe rules, and you are infringing on morality!î Later he said thatin all his life, he had never raised his voice so loud.ìYou cannot criticize us!î said the guard. ìGet out now, or we willtake physical action against you.îìRajesh, youíll have to use all your force and all your anger,î said Baba.Rajesh stood tall, pointed his finger at the guards, and with burningeyes, and a blasting voice shouted, ìGet away, you animals!! Orelse youíll have to suffer forever!!îWithout another word, the guards all lowered their heads, turned andslipped away, tripping over each other, leaving Rajesh and Baba alone.ìWell done, my boy, well done,î Baba said.InterventionToronto, Canada. Iíve been assisting another worker here who is strugglingto receive political asylum. I had some doubt if our approach wascorrect or not, so I called Calcutta two weeks ago. I asked Dada Ramanandato explain our strategy to Baba and to let me know His response.When I called back a week ago, Ramanandaji said, ìIím sorry, Babahas been too busy, and there was no scope to ask. Call me again in afew days.îThree days ago I again called Ramanandaji and he said, ìThereís stillbeen no chance. Please call later.î His tone told me that he didnít want tospeak to Baba about it. I was desperate, and thought, ìBaba, please help...îToday I called Dada Ramananda, and he said, excitedly, ìA funnything. Honestly, I was hesitating to ask Baba. But just after your lastcall, Baba came out of His room and asked, ëWho was that on the phonejust now?í In all these years, He has never once inquired about phonecalls. I told Him your name, and before I could begin to explain yourquestion, Baba said, ëYes, I know what they are trying to do there. It isgood. Tell them to continue their efforts.íî287Itís certainly impressive that Baba knew what we were doing withouthaving any objective information, but I give more importance tothe fact that if He had not personally intervened we would never havereceived a reply.Bathroom powerOulu, Finland. I am staying in the home of a man to whom I taughtmeditation only yesterday. This morning, after he took his shower, he

approached me and said, ìDada, I felt an extraordinary vibration inthe bathroom just now. Did you cause it? Did you practice any specialbathroom-meditation?îìDid you hear anything while I was in the bathroom?î I asked.ìNo. Should I have heard something?îìI mean did you hear any sound coming from the bathroom then?îìNo. I was in my bedroom while you were bathing. Itís too far awayfrom the bathroom for me to hear anything.îìThen Iím surprised. Yes, I always chant a special mantra when Ifinish my shower. But I never expected someone else might notice theafter-effects on the bathroom itself.îìIt must be a powerful mantra! What is it? Please teach me!îThough I usually only teach this mantra to people whoíve been meditatingfor a good while, here was a man who was thirsty for experience,even in the bathroom. So I explained, ìWhenever we take a shower, itíslike a fresh start. Incantation of the bath mantra inaugurates our comingday, immerses it in God. I love the feeling. While still wet, we face thesun or any other source of light and chant this mantra together withsome special hand gestures .î Then I taught him the bath mantra.77

77 The bath mantra itself goes like this:Pitri purushe byo namaha, rishi devebyo namahaI pay my respect to the ancestors, I pay my respect to the pioneers and wise peopleBrahmarpanam, Brahma haviThe offering is Brahma (Infinite Consciousness), the object offered is BrahmaBrahmagnao BrahmanahutamThe One to whom the offering is made is Brahma, the person who is offering is BrahmaBrahmaeva tena gantavyamThe goal of the offering is BrahmaBrahma karma samadhina.When the work of Brahma is done, samadhi (self-realization) will result.YOU ALSO HAVE TO PLAY


CHAPTER 17

Forgetting and RememberingNot an ordinary bodyCalcutta. 1984. Whenever Baba walks downstairs for field walk,He always passes by a door behind which I often stand. I keep thatdoor open a crack so that I can see Him. He usually stands there forsome time, talking with two or three workers. I feel He does it just toplease those of us looking through the crack.Today, however, He passed the crack without stopping. I saw Himfor only a few seconds. Immediately after He left my field of vision, Iclosed my eyes and sat for meditation. A surge of energy rose in mybody, halting only at the crown of my head, where it continued pulsatingthroughout a half hour of meditation. When I opened my eyes, thepowerful vibration ceased.......One week later. Over these last days I have been grabbing any opportunityto see Baba, even for a brief moment. Immediately after seeingHim, I do meditation. The throbbing experience invariably returns.This is my own personal proof that Babaís body is not like those ofother people. Merely seeing His body induces a spiritual change in me.Now I understand the true value of both physically seeing Guru, andmentally imagining Guru.

Yes, I understand. But how useful is it to explain this to others?......When I mentioned my realization to Dada Amalvikashananda, heremembered an experience which he had in front of the same door. Avery different sort of experience.28978 The Far East Asia sector consists of Japan, Taiwan, South Korea, Hong Kong, Macao,Mainland China, Tibet, Mongolia, North Korea, Asiatic Russia, and the five Asiancountries of the previous Soviet Union. Because the last ten countries occupy 90% ofthe geographical area of the sector, yet were, at this time, under oppressive communistregimes, we were only able to work openly in ten percent of the sector.ìA few weeks ago,î he said, ìBaba smashed my ego just beyondthis door. I was standing there and talking with Him. He shouted atme about my poor work. I was so embarrassed, thinking that everyonewas hearing. So very softly, I said to Him, ëBaba, excuse me, but maybeitís better you rebuke me inside the house; the neighbors are listening,and they may get the wrong idea.íìBaba raised His eyebrows and said sharply in English, ëPrestige,huh? Prestige...íìHe let His words sink into my brain. Then without going inside,He went on shouting at me, with only one differenceóHis voice tripledin volume.îNew cultures: adapt or clash outTokyo, Japan. After eight years working in Europe, Iíve been postedto the Far East Asia sector as the Public Relations Secretary, with additionalduties as Medical Secretary and Publications Secretary.78

Though our head office is in Tokyo, our greatest number of Margisare in Taiwan.This posting is interesting for me from a cultural perspective. Itmay also have a radical psychological effect on me because Orientalhuman relations are completely different from what Iím used to. Untilnow I could get away with being individualistic, forcefully determined,even blunt and ambitious. Not so here. These qualities are generallyunacceptable among Japanese, Chinese and Koreans.[Authorís note: Such changes in myself did not come as easily as Ihoped. Though it did not take long for me to properly alter my externalbehavior, the more important development was a mental one.Orientals rarely directly say what they intend to communicate; mostof them are more sensitive on the feeling level. So the mental changeI had to undergo to live and work with them related to becoming moresilent and attuning my intuition. It was such a deep process that, evennow years later, I donít feel I have completed it.]FORGETTING AND REMEMBERING


......Three months later. Public Home Concert program held for the publicin the yoga center this evening. The program included mime, Indiansitar music, and modern dance.79

Bad stimulates goodTrain from Delhi to Calcutta. A song inspired by yesterdayís trainjourney in an over-crowded second-class wagon:Riding on an Indian train,people sleeping brain to brain.Heads and feet in touch all the night,

their minds adjusting more or less right.Itís terrible to see men packed like sardines,sharing their chapatiis and beans.Itís terrible to see men resting in filth,only to enrich those with the wealth.Refrain:Lovers of life reject the status-quo.Those who accept donít want to grow.Just now thereís no room to doubt:weíve to open to the flow of Prout.Those stinky lousy capitalistsóin their faces they deserve flying fiststo save them from the path of ruin,or else mankind will be destroyed soon.But donít you worry, Jimmy or Joe,thereís purpose in this painful show.79 This was the first of our Home Concert series, which continued on a monthly basis forseven years. Renaissance Artists and Writers Association (RAWA) became well known tomuch of Tokyoís progressive community because of these special programs. I say specialbecause in all of Japan, RAWAís concerts were the only informal affairs at whichthere was no smoking or drinking, at which the performers knew they would be watchedwith full attention, and after which fine vegetarian meals were served during whichpeople had an opportunity to socialize.291Realization comes out of clash.So pity the man with excessive cash.RefrainBad is made to stimulate good,without which weíd not know what we should.Without black thereís no thing as white.Without love who could notice manís fright.To answer to the eternal callweíve to polarize almost allóso mediocrity becomes far less,and purpose comes from our unending stress.Prout, Prout:to get rid of all the doubt.Shout for Prout,and spout for Prout,bout for Prout.Come out for Prout.Do you like it, my boy?Ananda Nagar. 1985. Dada Yatishvarananda told me a story fromhis days as a regional secretary in India. Baba was making a tour ofsouth India, and Dada was accompanying Him. Many local Margis cameto meet Baba at an airport where His flight was in transit. In an informalmood, Baba asked one mother to pass her young son to Him. Babatook the boy in His lap. Dada was standing behind Baba, and was verycurious because he had never seen Baba treat a child in this way. Babasmiled, then gently grasped the boyís lips, and sweetly said, ìYes, yes,my boy.î The child became excited and shouted, ìBaba! Baba!î Immediatelythe mother and most of the other Margis began softly crying.Dada said that he thoroughly enjoyed the scene, though he had noidea what caused their tears.

Shortly after, Baba and Dada were called for their flight. Babaíssecurity guard delayed slightly and then met them inside the plane.When he sat down, he said to Dada, ìDo you know what really happenedback there?îFORGETTING AND REMEMBERING


Dada said, ìNo. Tell me.îThe guard said, ìAfterward, I asked the mother and other Margis,who were all completely thrilled. They told me that even though thatboy was four years old, he had never uttered a single sound. They believedhe was completely mute. Though it seemed Baba made no specialeffort, He made the child speak.îAt this moment Baba turned His face toward Dada, and said, ìDoyou like it, my boy?îFighting samskaraTokyo. Virendra from America is here. He is one of only tennon-Koreans in the world who have the top black belt of a Koreanmartial art called Kok Sul Won, the traditional self-defense methodused by guards of the Korean royal family. Before becoming a Margi,Virendra had a job as a bouncer in a California bar. He had to dealdaily with tough rowdy drunks.When I worked for Spiritualistsí Sports and Adventures Club inEurope I often arranged self-defense training at our weekend camps.Over the years I experimented with different martial art systems. Isearched for an instructor who could teach enough in a few days to beof practical use for our students, but I was unsuccessful in that search.I put the problem to Virendra, and he worked out a series of movementscovering the most common situations which arise during confrontationson the streets of our violent world. Of course I asked himto teach me the course. This is the first time Iíve been able to reallylearn self-defense.......One month later. I have been practicing Virendraís defense techniques.As a consequence, Iíve been itching for a situation to test mynew skill. But I thought it unlikely; Iíve had no need to physically fightanyone for many years. Today, while passing through Shibuya, I raninto a Margi who sells paintings on the street. He had to go somewhereso he asked me to watch the paintings.Soon after he left, another street-seller appeared. He was a Frenchfellow, and a head taller than me.ìGet your stuff out of heere,î he said. ìThis is my place.îìTheyíre not mine,î I said. ìIím just guarding them for a friend.Heíll be back soon.î29380 The physical world directly reflects the needs of oneís mind. A seasoned spiritualaspirant usually remains busy in dealing with responses to very old needs. When sucha person creates a fresh strong desire for anything, that desire is bound to get fulfilled.Usually it happens sooner rather than later. Conscious desire is dangerous, however,because it is contrary to the path of selflessness.ìI don giive a damn! Move iit, or Iíll destroy all these paintings.îMy heart start beating faster. Would I get a chance to use my newskill?ìIím not moving, brother,î I said, staring him in the face. ìAndyouíre also not going to touch the paintings.î

ìYou wanna fight, huh?îìNo, I donít want to fight,î I fibbed. ìBut if youíd like to fight, Iímready.îHe rolled up his sleeves, flexing his muscles. I stood motionless,and centered myself as Virendra had taught me. Suddenly he rushed atme. He lifted his hands to grab my shirt-front and throw me on theground. But as he did so, I raised my arms in between his, caught hiswrists, stepped to the side, and pulled him forward in the same directionas his momentum. He fell in a heap on the ground, skinning hishands and knees. Fantastic! It was so easy!He jumped up, clearly shocked that such a small guy could triphim like that.ìSo! You reeally wanna fight, donít you?î he shouted.A crowd began to gather around.ìI told you,î I said evenly. ìIím not interested in fighting. Itís up toyou.îHis eyes shifted nervously as he said, ìAre these paintings reallynot yours?îìOf course not. My friend will come back soon.îìOkay,î he said softly. ìLet us wait for him.îThe crowd dispersed. I offered him a seat.The Margi took a long time to come back, so the Frenchman andI got to know each other. He had many personal problems, and endedup by asking me to teach him meditation.I admit I shouldnít have desired this sort of confrontation. Butsometimes the wild child inside me gets the upper hand. I was luckythis time that Baba didnít punish me for my foolishness.80

FORGETTING AND REMEMBERING


Non-stoppable devoteesCalcutta. Among the different gifts I brought for Baba this timewas a bottle of chocolate Horlicks powdered-malt mix.81 Today I washappy to see Dada Keshavananda prepare a big glass of the Horlicksfor Him.A few minutes later, Dada came out of Babaís room. He put thehalf-empty glass on a table.ìDid Baba enjoy it?î I asked.ìOf course.îìDid you mention my name?îìOf course.îìThank you. Now, how about a little prasad (spiritually vibratedfood)?îìWhat?î he said. ìDonít be silly. You know wholetimers canít takechocolate.îìCímon, Dada. Itís prasad. No problem.îìNo way.îStarting to advance toward the glass, I said, ìPlease, Dadaji.îìNo. Youíre not permitted.îìWell, Iím just going to take it,î I said, moving closer to the glass.ìNo. Donít touch it.îìIím taking it.îìNo! It will ... what are you doing?îìDrinking it of course!î

ìYou drank it!îìOf course.îEven in the case of Dadas, boys will be boys......[Authorís note: This reminds me of an incident that occurred whenBaba was in Germany. At 10:00 a.m. on a fasting day. Dada Karuna-81 Dadas and Didis are not permitted to eat mildly stimulating food like chocolate, nonherbaltea, coffee and Coca Cola. Baba, however, did not follow such a restrictionbecause He wished to provide a living example not only for renunciates but also forfamily people (who are permitted to eat such things in moderation). For the samereason, He also shaved. However, He fasted four times a month like a renunciate, andof course completely refrained from consuming such foods as meat, fish, eggs, onion,garlic, mushroom, alcohol and narcotics.295nanda and I were waiting for Baba in His house. We were alone whenwe noticed four glasses, each with a small amount of orange juice. Obviouslythis was the remains of a pre-dawn drink Baba had taken in preparationfor fasting. We grinned at each other, and, without exchanging aword, each picked up a glass and bottomed-up. Then, laughing with glee,we proceeded to the third and fourth glasses ó merrily breaking our fasts.Actually, I didnít really feel as if I had broken my fast, since the orangejuice was pure prasadónot food. I didnít feel the slightest twinge ofconscience. To the contrary, even now looking back so many years, Istill derive a certain pleasure from the simple devotion that guided us.]Real life dramaDuring our global reporting sessions, Baba has a fixed order inwhich He calls the representatives from the different sectors of the world.At present I am representing Hong Kong sector, which is always thefirst sector to be called. (In Ananda Marga, the Far East Asia sector iscalled ëHong Kong sectorí.)The session began:BABA: How many district in-charges came from the ladiesí sectionof Hong Kong Sector?GLOBAL HEAD OF WOMENíS WELFARE DEPARTMENT:Ah... ah...BABA: Speak up.GLOBAL HEAD WOMENíS DEPARTMENT: Ah... none, Baba...BABA: Haat! What nonsense? Let the lady representative of HongKong Sector step forward. (Silence. No one moves.) What is this? Isthere no representative even?GLOBAL HEAD WOMENíS DEPARTMENT: I ... Iím sorry,Baba. She did not arrive yet. (In fact, all the Didis of all sectors exceptHong Kong are present. There is no question of ìyetî.)BABA: What a sorry scene. Stupid, nonsense. Then let the malerepresentative of Hong Kong Sector step forward. (I move to the front.)What is the excuse? (I remain mum.) How can you justify such nefariousbehavior? (Though I am silent, and nothing could be more awkward,nevertheless Iím enjoying His attention. Any attention is betterthan none.) And how many district in-charges are present from the maleside of Hong Kong Sector?FORGETTING AND REMEMBERING


ME (unhesitating, with a clear voice, head unbent): Zero, Baba.(An abrupt silence rolls over the room. Everyone holds their breath,

expecting an onslaught from Baba. Sure enough...)BABA (shouting at such a volume it can be heard well beyond theclosed door): What?! You foolish idiot! Scoundrel rascal! Then whatwas your purpose in coming here?! Have you come just to enjoy yourself?!Just to kill our time?! You have no right to be here! (PointingHis finger toward the door, He shouts at ear-splitting volume:) Getout!! Get out!! Get out just now!!!ME (speaking quickly): But, Baba, district in-charges are on theirway from Taiwanóthey will surely be here any moment. (Though thisis a possibility, it sounds like a common, lame excuse. Everyone inthe room remains super tense.)BABA (turning His head from side to side, squinting His eyes, pushingHis lower lip out, and speaking in a radically opposite voice, thatis, softly and slowly): But ... donít they know? ... Donít they know thatthey are to arrive here by the 30th? ... GS Dada? (Confusion reigns inthe room due to Babaís sudden mood change.)GENERAL SECRETARY: Yes, Baba, they must know. (Silenceas Baba turns His head again and again.)BABA (in a low, almost inaudible voice): Alright ... and ... ManilaSector ... what is your status?After receiving Babaís spiritual force, my mind was so blown thatI could not think what to do next. Several Central workers motionedme to fall back into line. The session continued on a low key.A few minutes later, Baba signaled the end of reporting. After theDidis and sisters left the room, we performed Madhur Sadhana infront of Baba.82 Then He left the room. Immediately, four or five Centralworkers came to me and asked, ìWhat happened? Just when we weresure you would be out on your ear, and all of us would have to stepforward to give explanation for your indiscipline; just when we thoughtthere would be a thick drama complete with punishment; just then,Baba changed His mood and let you go. He saved you, Dharmavedananda.î82 Madhur Sadhana is a special spiritual practice which includes kiirtan. It is done onlyby acharyas. Didis and Dadas perform it separately.297ìI donít have any idea,î I said. ìMy district in-charges really arecoming, you know.îìSure, sure!î they all laughed, not believing me.Two overseas workers then walked up to me. Expressing surprise,they said, ìHey, what? Youíre still here? But Baba told you to get out,didnít He?îNow I laughed. The tension and impact created by Babaís shoutinghad been so much that these two workers had not even perceivedthe exchange afterward between Baba and me about the Taiwan districtin-charges. These two must have been in shock.I was about to leave the room when Babaís personal assistant,Keshavanandaji, re-entered. ìDharmavedananda, Baba just asked meto collect any further information on the Taiwan district in-charges.îìI donít know,î I said uneasily. ìThey were ... supposed to come bynow.îìBaba mentioned that they may now be somewhere between Nepaland India.îìIt could be,î I said. ìI donít know.î

ìAnd He wants an investigation made.îI laughed nervously. What was this all coming to? Was He planningto catch me on another day about my so-called missing Margis?I sighed, thinking, He will do whatever He likes. And what He likes isperfect.......Three days later. Twice daily Baba has been asking for any reporton the Taiwan Margis. At last today information arrived from northernBihar near the Nepali border. The four Taiwan Margis really arethereóbut they are in jail! Getting Indian visas in Taiwan is an extremelylong process, and to avoid being late, they came without visas, tryingto cross the border without being seen.Surely Baba saw their situation in that same moment when He suddenlychanged His mood in reporting.......Three months later. Tokyo. 1986. Today I spoke by phone withTaipei. The four brothers and sisters who were arrested in India arrivedback home a few days ago. After their ordeal, they received aFORGETTING AND REMEMBERING


heroís welcome. They spent three months being shifted from prison toprison in northern Bihar. For part of that time they were held in theBankipur Jail in Patna where Baba had stayed. For one month theyfasted on only water and juice to protest their imprisonment. Duringthat time, they had special experiences of Babaís graceóbrother Keshavaeven had a few visions of Baba in his cell. Toward the end they all hadthe clear intuitive foreknowledge of the exact date that they would bereleased. Though they were unable to enter India, their risks and sacrificesled to some colorful moments. Dare I say the spiritual benefitwas even greater than if they had passed undisturbed into India andphysically met Baba?Dream tranceBenefit concert held on behalf of our work in Burkina Faso, Africa.550 people attended. By the collection from this program a medicalcenter will be built.83

......I had a dream early this morning:After walking through a pasture alone with Baba, we stood outsideHis house. He told me, ìIt will be highly useful for you to engage inthree activities. The first is writing. Your writing will enable you tocontact many leading personalities. And that is your second work: tomeet such leaders. For example, university presidents,....î His voicetrailed off, so I could not catch the other examples.At that moment a few workers and Margis joined us.ìI know some leading musicians who might perform for our benefitconcerts,î I said.ìThatís nice,î Baba said.Brother Naviin, a Margi musician said, ìI would love to hear thoseperformers. Baba, a few years ago we arranged a large concert in theUnited States, but....î83At this time the work in Burkina Faso was only just beginning. It took several years togain the trust of the poorest tribal people of this poorest African country. At the timeof publication the project was established in twelve villages, providing training for thelocal people to construct wells, build irrigation systems, establish grain storehouses,

and provide basic medical services.29984 Prabhat Sangiit were His ìSongs of the New Dawnî. He usually composed a few daily.Eventually Baba composed 5018 songs, all within a space of only eight years.ìYes, I know,î Baba said, smiling. ìI was there with you, and itrained. Better to make such programs indoors.îBefore He could mention the third activity, we all went inside Hishouse, and then into His office. He sat behind His desk and said tome, ìWell, come here now. My son should get something.îI walked up to Him, and He gave me a tap on the top of my headwith His knuckles. I thought, Now letís see what I feel. But there seemedto be no special sensation.He directed me to sit down, and then said, ìNo need of any morewords.î He placed an egg-shaped bag over my head. I understood Hewas deepening my spiritual awareness. Gradually the breathable airdecreased, but I didnít mind because I knew Baba was in full control.Thinking this, I entered a trance in which all thought was suspended.I awoke in that condition.Serenading GodCalcutta. I and about twenty other Margis were singing PrabhatSangiit to Baba.84 He interrupted everyone to speak to me. Pointing toHis throat, he said, ìWhile singing, you should keep your mind concentratedhere.î I was surprised because when I was a child our singingteacher instructed us to project from the chest. Perhaps it is becauseBaba is more interested in the beauty of the sound than the volumeof the voice. Or perhaps He meant that psychic concentration ison the throat chakra, but physical projection should be from the chestand lungs.A few days earlier He said, ìThose who regularly sing kiirtan graduallydevelop a sweet and melodious voice.î Is the reason simply practice,or is it (as I believe) because the kiirtan singer is not trying toimpress anyoneóonly to serenade God?Luminous beingsTokyo. Six of us were sleeping (on the floor as always) last night inthe large room of the yoga center. About 3:00 in the morning I sat up,saying, ìWhereíd they go? Whereíd they go?îMy voice woke Dada Ravindranath. ìWhere did who go?î he asked.FORGETTING AND REMEMBERING


Suddenly becoming aware of him and the other Margis, I said, ìYoudonít know but there are other beings in this house who are even moreabsorbed in music than you.î (Ravindranathji usually plays PrabhatSangiit several hours a day on his electric keyboard.)ìWhat do you mean?î he said, his curiosity peaked.In that moment a thought strongly entered my mind: I must notspeak more or I will forget everything I saw. So, I said, ìOh, itís nothing.îDada Nityashubhanandaís voice floated over from the other sideof the dark room, ìItís not nothing.îUnwilling to be deterred from my silence, I laid down and slept.In the morning, after rising, Ravindranathji said, ìDharmavedananda,what did you experience last night?îìWhat do you mean?î I said. ìI slept all night.î

ìNo, no, donít you remember?îIn that moment the memory returnedóand with it, a bolt of inspiration.Funny, I would have indeed forgotten it all if he hadnít questionedme.ìAs I lay sleeping,î I said, ìI felt an indescribable vibration whichwoke me up. I looked around, and saw scores, maybe even more thana hundred little people. They were pressed against each other, andagainst these two walls (which join in the corner where I slept). Thosepersons were far from ordinary. They were of many colors, sizes andfacial expressions. But all had large heads with small bodies. Especiallyminuscule were their arms and legs. I am sure they were luminousbeings.ìI looked at them, and they looked at me for several long minutes.I was super-awake. The ones here were all siddhas or gandharvas (seefollowing footnote). For that reason I said there were some who weremore absorbed in music than Ravindranathji.îNityashubhanandaji then added, ìJust before you spoke last night,a wave of energy rolled into me also, waking me up. Thatís why I satup to do meditation. And thatís why I knew what you saw was not nothing.î85

85 Occasionally Baba would give demonstrations exposing the presence of such beings.At those times He enabled one or more Dadas to perceive these subtler beings. Thiswas the first time I had seen them so clearly and in such number, though I had experi-301Forgetting and remembering1987. I had a dream last night:It was set in the future; Baba was an old man. I was together withhundreds of devotees who I didnít recognize. We were high in the mountains,seated around a small bowl-shaped valley. In front sat the twoforemost leaders of Ananda Margaóa man and a woman. I knew neither.Baba sat behind us all, simply looking on without participating.Everyoneís attention was absorbed in listening to the two leaders, whosewords I cannot remember.I too stared at those leaders, until a thought entered my mind: Iíveforgotten Baba.Turning around, I saw that Baba had already left His seat.What is this? Oh, where is He? I thought.Then I saw Him, off in the distance, together with two or threeMargis. He was climbing the highest mountain peak.What a fool I am! Now Iíve lost this chance to be with Him.I saw Him pause by an outhouse. It appeared to be occupied, andHe waited. As I jumped up to run after Him, I thought, I wonder whatis the protocol here. Will anyone try to stop me?No one noticed me, and I was free. But after running a few steps,I remembered that I hadnít put on my sandals. So I ran back to lookfor them among the hundreds of other sandals.enced them countless times before in other ways. The yogis explain that a luminousbeing is an entity which has an elevated consciousness like a human but is differentbecause its body is made up only of light, gas and ether. It contains no solid or liquidconstituents. Just as every being is born to fulfill its own needs along its own evolutionarypath, so it is with the luminous being. In its previous life, a luminous being was ahuman who concentrated on a single desire such as the propensity to accumulate wealth(yaksa), or to develop artistically (gandharva), or to gain psychic experiences throughmeditation (siddha). To satisfy that desire, its primary activity as a luminous being is tointensify the environmental vibration in the field of spirituality or culture or beauty oreconomics or whateveróaccording to its special need. Its range of activities is limited

compared with humans. It is said that spiritually conducive place and many other placesof intense activity attract luminous beings who enjoy or maintain or increase the energy.People who frequently practice kiirtan may distinctly hear other voices singing kiirtan.It is so clear that we often feel compelled to open our eyes, turn around and see ifsomeone else has joined the kiirtanóonly to discover that no one else is there. But theyare thereóour physical eyes are simply unable to see them. The reader will rememberan earlier entry about this.FORGETTING AND REMEMBERING


If I donít find them soon, Iíll go without shoes, or take someone elseís.In that moment, I looked down, and saw my sandals on my feet.How strange. What was this except Babaís play?I ran to the top of the peak but Baba was gone. Thinking that Hemust have walked down the other side of the mountain, I dashed downthe slope with my heart in my throat. On the way I encountered one ofthe mountain-folk devotees, a big fellow. He grabbed my arm, and ranat double my speed. As I struggled down the path with him, I wonderedhow I could keep up. Then a second giant devotee appeared andtook me by my other arm. I laughed at this further play of Babaís, asI half-skipped, half-flew downward. They joined my laughter.Then I saw Baba far below, just as He turned a corner and movedout of view. The three of us went even faster, the branches whipping inmy face so that I had to cover my eyes with my shoulder. I knew it wasnot only His play, but also a test that I must pass before I meet Him.Again and again He appeared momentarily, then disappeared aroundanother corner.At last I saw Him standing in a fresh green field, surrounded by ascore of devotees. The two giants released me, and I ran forward, thinkingto embrace Baba. Something made me stop, however, as I came tothe circle of devotees. I joined the circle around Him with the others.He wore a heavenly smile, and looked at us in a way that drove me mad.We are each His Radha, playing Krishna Liila, I thought.86

As we danced, a young boy stepped out of Babaís body, holding aglass of juice. He tossed drops of that juice toward us, which we caughtin our mouths. Then the boy materialized some small milk sweets,which he also threw to us. It was prasad, and I tried my best to catchit in my mouth.Oh, again Iíve forgotten Baba, I thought, and turned to look at Him.But before my face could turn enough to see Him, I woke up.Forgetting ... remembering ... forgetting ... remembering... Is it Hisone and only Game?......86 A mythical scene of Krishnaís childhood had Him in just this predicament, surroundedby many dancing girls, including Radha, His favorite. The myth represents the ideathat the entire Cosmos is the play of God, and that every entity is knowingly or unknowinglyrevolving around the Cosmic Nucleus. Those who are aware of this gravitate quicklytowards Him through the force of mutual love.303Yesterday evening I criticized a worker, even though other workerswere also present. Afterward I regretted my behavior. While fallingasleep, I pleaded to Baba to free me from this sort of nasty psychologicaltendency.Toward morning, I had a dream:A Margi sister committed an error. In front of others, I chided herrepeatedly for her mistake. Eventually I lifted a stick, and, while stillreproaching her, softly beat her on the head. She was thoroughly embarrassed.

From behind a curtain I heard Babaís voice calling to her to comeimmediately. She left me and walked over to Baba. I felt very bad aboutwhat I had done.After a few minutes she returned. I asked her, ìWhat did Baba sayto you?îìHe was angry with me,î she said, ìbecause I silently tolerated yourpublic criticism of me.îBefore I could ask her anything more, Baba again called her out ofthe room. And I woke up.Now is what mattersI had a long dream about Baba, but the beginning of it remainsclearest:I was in a room with other workers. Baba appeared at the door andentered. I wanted to prostrate before Him, but as no one else did so, Irefrained. A few moments passed as He walked through the room.I am late in offering sastaung pranam (prostration), I thought.Maybe itís no longer proper to do.... But devotion knows no time. Thenand there I performed prostration.Baba gave me a beautiful smile, which made me thinkóThe delayhad no importance for Him. Rather it was spiritually perfect.After undue hesitation, why should we hesitate even more?Spirituality for allRegular classes started for thirty mentally handicapped women.87

They suffer from Downs syndrome and autism. We are teaching them87 As it turned out, almost all of them became positively enthusiastic. In general, mentallydisadvantaged people love guided gentle movement which does not require tooFORGETTING AND REMEMBERING


yoga postures, kiirtan, and a little meditation. Though some peoplehave expressed doubt that such people could respond to yoga, many ofthe women were clearly interested during the class.......Four months later. As it turned out, almost all of them became positivelyenthusiastic. In general, mentally disadvantaged people loveguided gentle movement which does not require too much coordination.At the same time, the hormonal balance of their glands improves,making them physically and mentally calmer. Some of them even enjoythe deep silence of meditation. Permanent results of course taketime to achieve.Good inspires, bad strengthensCalcutta. I was standing in the middle of the main downstairs roomof Babaís house in Lake Gardens, surrounded by scores of workersand Margis, when one of my higher authorities, Dada M, walked in.Baba had been angry with him for not arranging a series of lecturesfor the Margis. Since Dada considered this my duty, now he was angrywith me. This was a surprise for me. He shouted at me in such a voicethat all the others in the room stopped their conversations, and turnedto look at me. I saw no value in arguing, so without reacting or becomingnervous, I simply replied again and again, ìYes, Dada ... Yes, Dada...î. After a minute or two, he ran out of steam, and left in a huff.Immediately two Central workers approached me, and one said,ìDharmavedananda, I didnít know that you were such a seasonedworker.î

ìWhat do you mean, Dada?î I said.ìM yelled at you in such a way that it would have embarrassed evenan elephant. But you took it as cool as a cucumber.îI smiled. ìWell. The credit doesnít go to me. It belongs to anotherhigher authority I had for one and a half years. He constantly beratedme and hounded me to the point that my nervous system can now standjust about anything.îmuch coordination. At the same time, the hormonal balance of their glands improves,making them physically and mentally calmer. Some of them even enjoy the deep silenceof meditation. Permanent results of course take time to achieve.305We laughed together, and I added, ìItís the beauty of Tantra, youknow, that we can benefit from every situation. The good momentsinspire us, and the so-called bad moments strengthen us.î......Soup kitchen started for homeless people in the Shinjuku area. Todaywe served 50 people, almost all of them men. During the programwe were approached by two Christians who told us they had the responsibilityto check if any of these people require medical attention.They requested us to inform them whenever we encounter such cases,because they are only able to check every two or three months, and itoften happens that people suffer immensely or die in between thesevisits. Though the government allocates a reasonable amount of moneyto help disadvantaged people like the physically and mentally handicapped,the homeless people are neglected. They are considered an embarrassment,and both the public and the authorities tend to ignorethem.Most people are surprised to hear that there are a few thousandhomeless people in Japan. Almost everyone believes that the homelessare irresponsible, lazy alcoholics. Even some of the Margis thinkso. But the truth is far different. Most, or perhaps all of them had greatsuffering when they lived within the normal society. They were rejectedor abused, and then in most cases became sick. We found them on thewhole to be gentle and polite. Though drinking is common, few of themare alcoholics. It is presently beyond our capacity to establish a permanentcenter for the homeless, but at least we must find out theirdirest needs, and not allow them to suffer unduly.88

88 Over the years that followed, our volunteers probably did save the lives of at least afew very ill people who we took to the hospital.FORGETTING AND REMEMBERING


CHAPTER 18

Even for the Poorest of the PoorLike a mountain springCalcutta, 1988. This morning, I left my notebook in the reportinghall just outside Babaís room. Side-stepping the security guard, I ranback up the stairs. When I was about to burst into the room, I had ashockóBaba Himself was sitting there with three workers. I slammedto a halt on the stairway, and pulled back just enough to see, but notbe easily seen.Within a moment, I guessed their purpose: Baba had composed anew song and He wanted them to record it.This was a sight extraordinaire, a private matter seen by few. I held

my breath, hoping I wouldnít be noticed.Though they spoke in Bengali, I caught the gist.ìIíve composed a new song,î Baba said. ìDo you want to hear it?îHe sat in His big chair, they at His feet.They turned to each other saying, ìI donít want to hear it. Do you?îìNo, not me.î ìAnother time, Baba.î They giggled like children playingwith their father. He also laughed.ìWell, Iíll sing it anyway,î He said.ìNo, no, Baba!îHe put His finger to His lips to silence them, and began singingonly one sound: ìNa na na na na na na na na....îAfter He finished, He asked, ìHow do you like the melody?îThey looked at each other, smiling. ìNot very good.î ìI wouldnítsay one of Your best.î ìDonít You have anything better?îThen He sang the words. At the time, I felt He was like a mountainspringóeffortlessly and naturally singing without hesitation or thought.His voice was different than I had imagined, different from His speak-307ing voice (which is slightly nasal). He played with His voice like an instrument,perfect controlómellow, unstrained and pleasing. He had no writtennotes. They feverishly scribbled as He sang, trying to write every word.89

When He finished, there were no wisecracks. They were movedby the song, moved almost to tears. He waved His hand, and they begansinging. At first their voices didnít perfectly reflect the melodyóeach sang in his own way. But as they continued, the differences diminished,and they fell into the true tune.At this moment, the cook was walking by the stairs. Seeing me, hecame close, whispered ìgo away,î and shooed me away with his hand.I had no choice but to leave. I walked down the stairs. A few secondslater, the coast clear, I silently came back up.Now Baba explained their mistakes, while they buried their faces intheir notes, correcting them. Again the three of them sang, as Baba noddedin approval. Even though I didnít clearly understand the songís meaning,by the time they came to the final notes, I, too, felt their ecstasy.They did prostration, and I knew Iíd better get moving to avoidmore detection. As I dashed out the main door, the security guard raisedhis eyebrows but didnít try to stop me. I looked back and saw the threeworkers walk into General Secretaryís room, where I knew they wouldmake a rough tape-recording of the song to ensure the melody wouldnot be forgotten. Later it would be recorded it again by a skilled singerwith instrumental backing.90

The Krishna connectionTokyo. ìOne of the gurus of the Hare Krishna movement is in Japannow,î said Dada Ravindranath. It was ten oíclock in the morning. ìDoyou want to go together with me to see him?îìIíve already had plenty of contact with that religion,î I said. ìYougo without me.î89 All of Babaís dictation and darshans similarly appeared spontaneous yet perfect. Hedictated as much as possible for His books ó several hours a day. He even dictatedwhile shaving. Afterward, when reviewing manuscripts, He only corrected the mistakesof the transcribers, and never needed to alter any of His own words.90 Several times a day Baba called these or other workers to record His new songs, evenin the dead of the night. He summoned them whenever inspiration struck Him. Eachsong was profound and beautiful. Here I will give just one example. It is the roughtranslation of song #1494: (continued on next page)

EVEN FOR THE POOREST OF THE POOR


One of my closest friends joined Hare Krishna nearly twenty yearsago when we were in college. At that time he and I shared an apartment,and were practicing another yoga technique. We planned tobecome teachers of that technique and open a school in Portland. Whenhe shifted over to worshipping Krishna, he tried his best to convinceme to do likewise. A few months later I found Ananda Marga, and welost track of each other. After that, I encountered the Krishna groupin a few other places, but never asked about my friend.In the afternoon, while Ravindranathji was at the Krishna temple,I took a shower. As usual, I was singing Baba Nam Kevalam. I suddenlyhad a vision of my old friendís face, and a thought clearly passedthrough my mind: He is their guru now.When Ravindranathji returned, I told him about my vision andasked him to describe the guru.ìItíll be easier if I show you their magazine,î he said, ìbecause theguruís picture is there.îHe opened it to a full page color photoónot only was it my oldfriend, but the facial expression was precisely as I had visualized whiletaking my shower.......Without informing my name in advance, I went to the temple today.After their ceremonies, during which the devotees garlanded myfriend, he turned toward me, walked over and we embraced each other.ìAfter hardly thinking about you in years,î he said, ìsomehow thismorning I remembered you, and thought you might come.îWe had a lot to talk about.......In the fragrant breeze and sweet garden of my mindCome silently, Oh Lord of my heart.No one will know, I will meditate on You in my mind.Your silent movements will be imperceivable.In the depths of my thoughts I made a garland,And have coated each and every petal with sandalwood paste.Sitting in contemplation, I have forgotten to sleep.Celebrating Your arrival, my mind shivers.Incense, lamps and decorations are not needed.My mind strives to merge with the Cosmic Mind.In meditation, in mantra, in joy, in enchanting rage, in tunes of loveI paint myself with Your colors.309Before his departure from Tokyo, I once more visited my friend,the Hare Krishna guru. After doing Hare Krishna kiirtan together, wesat down to eat. The conversation turned to the books we had giveneach other three days ago.ìI read your guruís book, Namami Krishna Sundaram,î he said.ìFor him to write such things, he would have had to have most intimateknowledge of Krishnaís pastimes and Krishnaís thoughts. In fact,he would have had to be Krishna in a past life!îìPerhaps,î I said, shrugging my shoulders. ìIt would be interesting,wouldnít it? But then, who am I to know such a thing? Unfortunately,He doesnít talk much about His past, what to speak of His past lives.îA rain of graceChiba, Japan. A good number of Margis, Dadas and Didis participatedtoday in a program for about seventy-five handicapped people.

This time we had a special experience seemingly orchestrated by BabaHimself.All of the disabled people were wheelchair dependents. Along withvolunteers from other service groups, we went by trains and buses to abunch of greenhouses full of bright strawberry plants, where we enjoyedpicking and eating. After that we moved to a park for our picnic.The Margis were in charge of the entertainment.Maheshvara of Denmark is a professional clown and dancer. Hehad the whole congregation laughing, until it began drizzling. It lookedlike the picnic and our fun would get spoiled. At that point, everyonestarted moving toward the shelters ó everyone, that is, exceptMaheshvara. He laughingly scolded the crowd for having little faith inthe will of the Supreme Being. ìCome back! Come back, and be brave!It is our Cosmic Fatherís duty to inhale this rain and keep our feastalive. He doesnít dare fail us, or else weíll stop believing in Him!î Hearinghis words, the crowd hesitated, and mumbled among themselves.A few started returning to the field ó and then all came back.Maheshvara shouted, ìCímon, Baba. Show your stuff!î As he continuedwith his show, the light drizzle also continued, but soon ceased.For two hours we remained there, laughing, eating, singing and playingmusic together. All that time the sky was dark. From time to timea few more drops fell.EVEN FOR THE POOREST OF THE POOR


The program finished and we all filed into the buses. As we droveaway, the drizzle again started. Windshield wipers wushed back andforth at their slowest speed.The buses arrived at the train station. It took a few minutes to pushall the wheelchairs inside the station building. Exactly the moment whenthe last chair came under the overhanging, the sky burst open. The verynoise of the downpour was overwhelming.All of us stood there safely under the roof, gaping at the scene. Surelynot a single one among us doubted that we had witnessed a show ofCosmic grace.The unsuppressable living tigerCalcutta. Today is the 10-year anniversary of Babaís release fromjail. Dada Vijayananda gave a talk explaining a little of Ananda Margaíshistory up to the time of His release. Here are my notes from this talk:From 1955 to 1961 there were few rules in the organization. Allthe acharyas were family men and women. The work had only a littlespeedónot great speed. Nevertheless, B.M. Malik of the Central Bureauof Investigation wrote in his book, ìI was instructed by Nehru tobe vigilant on two organizations and on a particular man. The organizationswere the Communist Party and the Jan Sangh. And the manwas P.R. Sarkar.î That was in 1955, at Ananda Margaís inception.In 1961 the first training center was opened. The speed began toaccelerate. The first avadhuta was initiated on 19th May, 1963óBabaísbirthday. At that time the trishula (three-pronged pitch-fork of Shiva)was carried by avadhutas, and only later was the lathi (fighting stick)introduced.In the early years, I asked Baba if He would have Ananda Margado service activities or not. He said, ìWait. All will come.î Then, atthe 1963 DMC, Baba took some tattered pieces of paper from His

pocket. It was the Ananda Marga blueprint He had written at the ageof sixteen (twenty-six years before). From that paper He declared thebeginning of the Education Relief and Welfare Section (ERAWS). ThenHe said, ìDo something.î But for six months, no one had any clearidea what to do. At that time, Babaís mother did not want Him to writeat night, so He had to write in secret by flashlight. In that way He wrotethe ERAWS guidebook. Then we understood what to do. Accordingly,311on 1st January 1964, the first two grammar schools were opened inJamalpur and Ananda Nagar. Over the years, Ananda Marga startedmore than 1500 schools. But that first opening ceremony in Jamalpurwas simply performed in the presence of the Service Department volunteers,one mother, two students and one snake. Due to the snake,the next day they brought cots for sleeping.On 5th March 1967, came the attack on Ananda Nagar duringwhich five of our workers were killed. After that, the Communistsstarted a strong vilification campaign against Ananda Marga. They toldthe Hindus that Ananda Marga was from East Bengal, and was a Moslemorganization. They told the Moslems that Ananda Margis werefanatic Hindus. They told the tribals that Ananda Marga had come totake their land. They killed goats and pigs to show that Ananda Margisate meat. But young people understood our vitality. Two years later,eighteen of our opponents were put in jail for culpability in the AnandaNagar incident. From that point many began to understand that AnandaMarga was very strong.Mr Roy and three other important barristers made an allianceagainst Ananda Marga. They sent many letters to Indira Gandhi topoison Ananda Margaís reputation. They stressed, ìThis man P.R. Sarkaris dangerous, knows many things and can do much mischief. He is buildinga powerful organization. So no time should be wasted in strikingagainst him. Yet remember, if you want to make a case against AnandaMarga, you must be very careful, because the Margis always find theloopholes.îOn 29th December 1971, eighteen charges and six murder caseswere filed against Ananda Marga. The following points were highlighted:1) Ananda Margis believe in violence.2) The source of their funds is doubtful.3) Ananda Marga has connection with the American CIA.4) Ananda Margis are not morally honest.All eighteen charges were dismissed from the court, and the sixmurder cases remained. Ultimately we were exonerated on all thosecases in 1978.Babaís fast lasted five years, three months and two days. Duringlong stretches of that time He took only orange juice twice daily; andduring much of the time, during the so-called Emergency rule of mar-EVEN FOR THE POOREST OF THE POOR


tial law, He took only water. After martial law ended, He took twocups of curd water daily.The then prison superintendent told me, ìBaba is too extraordinary.Napoleon could be tackled in jail, but this living tiger cannot bedealt with.î Baba gave all the jail officials a hot time, demanding thatthey perform their duties properly. The top prison official came to see

Baba, thinking that it might be his only chance to see this great yogi.Baba covered Himself fully with a cloth, so the officer was not evenable to see Babaís face. Baba charged him, ìYou are the Jail Magistratewho received my letter, but you took no step on my complaint.îThe official was embarrassed. Then Baba started calling him nameslike ìfilth, swine, rubbish fellowî and so on. The man became so angryhe had to rush outside, breathing heavily.When announcement of the life-sentence verdict against Baba wasgiven, He was on a stretcher. He simply smiled and said, ìNow thetables will soon turn.î One month after that, Indira Gandhi decidedto hold general elections. It was her greatest misjudgment. A convulsionmoved throughout the country because so many poor, innocentpeople had suffered under martial law. Especially terrible was SainjayGandhiís program of forced sterilization of sixteen year old slum boys.Mrs Gandhiís opposition, the Janata Party, received the vast majorityof the vote. Late that night, Mrs Gandhi called her three top militarychiefs, and ordered them to continue the Emergency. But they recognizedwhat consequences could follow, and refused to comply.On 3rd August 1978 at 6:00 a.m., all the offices and shops withinsix to seven kilometers of the Bankipur Jail in Patna were closed. About7000 Margis arrived the previous night, and were joined by another10,000. This sea of people clogged the streets for two kilometers. At1:10 p.m. Baba was brought out on a stretcher. His weight had droppedfrom 72 kilograms to 46 kilograms. He had also performed a yogiísfeat of suspended animation. The usual yogi who lives on air does notmove at all. Excepting a stretch of eight days, Baba did not restrict Hismovementsóthough for one year He did not speak, and only wrote ona board. After His release, He remained four months in a wheelchair;His ankles and knees were too weak to provide support.......313Usually Babaís darshans are appropriate for compilation into bookform. For example, His Sunday darshans serve as chapters in ShabdaCayanika, an alphabetic encyclopedia, packed with original stories andinformation concerning the derivation of thousands of words.Today was different. Since it was the 10-year anniversary of Babaísrelease from the jail, His speech was special. It being rare for Him totalk of His personal life, I quote the translation of the darshan here inits entirety:We did not mean to harm anyone. But when adharmic (unrighteous)people use force against you, you must act in self-defense. Thisis not himsa (violence), it is pratirodha (self-defense). Those who opposedus met a pathetic end and have now merged with the soil.People who follow unrighteousness believe they have the right todo anything they want. One lady thought she could do anything shewanted with her power. When no reaction comes immediately, sinnersthink they can get away with more. But gaining power, going up, doesnot mean that they are getting elevated. Like the Indian washermanwho raises the clothes high over his head, they go up very high only tocome smashing down.91

Some people say that for every action there is an equal and oppositereaction. But I do not say that. After time, the reaction is greaterbecause it comes with interest.

Three thousand five hundred Margis and workers were arrested bythe government. All were innocent, yet the political leaders felt no guiltat all in using their power against these innocent people.In jail, the Central Bureau of Investigation authorities harassed mein every way. For example, there was a rule that when I met with visitorsthe officers could be present, but not within hearing distance. Onetime, though, a new CBI man stood very close, silently listening. I askedhim who he wasóhe replied that he was newly appointed. So then Iasked him his name and address. He became nervous and could not91Eventually Indira Gandhi was killed by her own security guards, and her thoroughlycorrupt son, Sainjaya Gandhi, died when his private plane crashed. One day beforeIndira Gandhiís death, Baba asked the meaning of the word assassination. He said thatit came from one ass on top of another ass, and on top of that is I, and on top of thatis the nation. Indiraís other son, Rajiv Gandhi, then took her place as Prime Minister,and was later also assassinatedófinally ending that familyís influence on India.EVEN FOR THE POOREST OF THE POOR


reply. So I shouted and abused him until he ran away. Then the otherofficers, who clearly were aware of this plot, began to criticize thatman in order to appear innocent.But I had bit down so hard while scolding him that two of my falseteeth broke. The next day, two specialists came from the governmenthospital to replace the broken teeth. I asked them, ìHow is it that theseteeth broke so easily?î They replied, ìBaba, they are only plastic, theyare fragile.î But according to the prison regulations, the treatment ofthe eyes and teeth of prisoners is their own responsibility, not thegovernmentís. I knew these specialists had been sent because the officerswere feeling guilty at what they had done. So I asked them, ìHowcan I chew my food every day with teeth given by the sinful government?î Then my personal assistant, Ramananda suggested that if wepay them for the work it would be alright, so I agreed.When I was released, there was such a long processionódo youremember? The jail authorities, seeing the crowds waiting, told me thatthey would also be willing to undergo imprisonment if such a processionwould be awaiting them on their release.I faced so much trouble in the jail. When I was released, I couldnot walk. To go to the toilet I had to hop on my hands like this (Hedemonstrated). I had to use a wheelchair. I remember that my eldersister brought me two luchis (small fried breads) and vegetables, butafter my long fast I could only eat half of one of the luchis with greatdifficulty.I do not want anyone to undergo the same trouble that I did. Butin the struggle for dharma (righteousness), if some trouble comes, youshould accept it. If you pick a flower, you may be pricked by its thorns.Your consolation is that your struggle will surely end in victory. Ourpath is klista/aklistaóinitially there is trouble, but in the end there isno trouble.Dharma is the cause of victory. Intelligent people should take thehelp of Dharma. If you want to go to Jammu, you should take a seaton the Jammu express trainóautomatically you will reach there. Similarlyyou should follow the path of Dharma and surely you will bevictorious.315Four problems to extinguish

This incident occurred during the district in-charges reporting sessionof the North Area of the Indian Sector.Baba called forward brother Ram Chandra. I was surprised becauseI knew this man tried for several days to arrange his personal contactwith Baba, but without success. Because he had failed to establish aschool, he was ineligible. He was also an arrogant fellow, with an argumentativenature.BABA: Fix your mind at manipura chakra (the navel center). Nowraise it step by step. To the anahata chakra (heart center). To thevishuddha chakra (throat center). To the ajina chakra (third eye)...Now, are crude or subtle thoughts coming?RAM CHANDRA (standing with eyes closed): Only subtlethoughts, Baba.BABA: Now, take your mind downward. Vishuddha ... anahata ...manipura ... svadhistana (genital area) ... muladhara (bottom of thespine). How is your thought now?RAM CHANDRA: Baba ... material thoughts are coming non-stop.BABA: Again take your mind upward ... Wait. Whatís there at thekidney?RAM CHANDRA: Iíve throat trouble, Baba.BABA: No. The cause, the initial cause lies in the kidneys. Due tomalfunctioning in the kidneys, toxic air rises up causing complicationin the lungs. Whatís that at the anahata chakra? Did you ever haveany violent experience in the area of your chest?RAM CHANDRA: I received a blow there when I was a student.BABA: Do the doctors tell you there is any medical problem?RAM CHANDRA: They say I have a peptic ulcer.BABA: Then why didnít you ever check it with Dada Vijayananda?RAM CHANDRA: Well, well ... I thought I had tuberculosis.BABA: Thatís no answer. In fact, TB is there, but itís only developedone or two percent. Now, should I give punishment to you aloneor in front of others?RAM CHANDRA: Itís up to you, Baba. (He suddenly does prostrationat Babaís feet.)BABA: Stand up, my boy. Kinshuk, take my stick. (Kinshuk isBabaís adopted son.) Touch his left side. (Kinshuk touches his handEVEN FOR THE POOREST OF THE POOR

316 TRAVELS WITH THE MYSTIC MASTER92 I inquired about Ram Chandra a few months later. A Dada who knew him told mehe had not only been completely cured, he had also become a model for all the otherMargis. Each day after completing his normal job, he would dedicate several hours forsocial work. The units under his guidance were becoming more active, and a primaryschool was started.to RCís left side.) No! You must not touch with your hand, only withthe stick!RAM CHANDRA: It burns where he touched me.BABA: Now touch him with the stick. (Kinshuk does so.) Howdoes it feel?RAM CHANDRA: Oh ... itís very very soothing.BABA: I have a pet buffalo I brought up with much care. He canenter in any oneís body, which is called Parakaya Pravesh. He can alsoenter anyoneís mind, which is called Paramana Pravesh. I keep thisbuffalo always with me. Without him, you boys and girls would suffera lot ... This boy should have at least contacted the proper persons to

ask about his problems. You must all be careful of four things: 1) sickness2)†enemies 3) debt 4) fire. Whenever any of these arise, you mustextinguish them completely or they may come back. Let it be as a principlein your lives ... My buffalo has the eight occult powers and knowseverything ... You must receive some punishment. What will it be?RAM CHANDRA: Any punishment, Baba.BABA: From now on you must be a good boy. Accordingly fromtoday, you are completely cured. 92

Key to the keyThis incident happened during the reporting of North Area fulltimers.BABA: Is there any will power in the protoplasmic cell of a plant,animal or human being? (No one answers. Baba points at one brother.)You, my boy, come forward. (He walks in front, does prostration, thenstands.) As you were walking forward, did you feel any twitching inyour back?FULL-TIMER (his face showing anguish): Yes, Baba.BABA: As you were walking up the stairway, you felt pain in yourback. Just upon entering the gate of this house, you felt pain. As yousat and stood for your last meal, you felt sharp pain. As you stood up317from your last meditation there was discomfort. You could not practiceyoga postures properly for the last eight days due to the same problem.Can you clearly remember each and every one of these moments now?FULL-TIMER (smiling): Yes, Baba.BABA: Should we thank my flying buffalo? Yesss. Parama Purusha(Cosmic Consciousness) has the key of everyoneís mind. Only He hasthe key, and no one else. Whenever He likes, He can take away anycapacity at any time. If a man holding a Ph.D. can speak three languages,He can take away the capacity for speaking one or two or allthree languages, as He likes. So what should a human being do? Heshould surrender to Parama Purusha.... Kinshuk, touch the lower middleportion of this boyís back with my stick. (Kinshuk does so.) Is thetwitching pain now finally gone?FULL-TIMER: Yes, Baba!BABA: In fact there is no will power in the protoplasmic cells ofplants, animals and human beings. For the expression of will power,the periphery of the doer ìIî feeling must be greater than the peripheryof the done ìIî feeling. Nevertheless, you should not forget thatthe will power of Parama Purusha is omnipresentóeven within yoursmallest protoplasmic cells.Capitalism wonít doDuring a reporting session:BABA: GS Dada, come forward. Now, just walk across the roomin the manner of a procrastinator. (The General Secretary begins towalk slowly, then hesitates, then walks again, looks around, hesitates,walks a little more, and so it continues. We all laugh.) Yesss. GS Dais walking just like the procrastinating progress of capitalism. Youknow, poor people cannot contest elections in capitalist countries, forthe simple reason that one needs to run up a high bill in any successfulcampaign. Will such capitalism, will such so-called democracy, solvethe aching problems of the people in due time?......Part of Babaís speech to a group of Margi doctors:

ìAs physicians, you must start service cooperatives. These are neitherin the arena of producers nor consumers co-ops. Rather they areEVEN FOR THE POOREST OF THE POOR

318 TRAVELS WITH THE MYSTIC MASTER93 For thousands of years yogis have declared consciousness to be the fundamentalelement of all entities. Only Baba, however, went into detail on this subject and clearlyexplained the concept of microvita. Microvita are subtle living emanations of the CosmicConsciousness. They serve as the building blocks of matter and life. Though severalbooks by Baba and Margis elaborate the subject of microvita, they remain a mysterywhich is gradually unfolding through various sorts of research. A footnote cannotadequately explain microvita.a subtle form of cultural co-ops. These can be called Physiciansí ServiceCo-ops. Doctors should research microvita, both positive andnegative, although they are more concerned with negative.93 Each andevery day, several diseases come to this planet through inferential mediafrom different celestial bodies. In the course of study, you should findout whether there can be a coincidence between the characteristics ofmetazoic cells and multi-cellular protozoic cells in the realm of physicalityand in the psychic sphere. This will help you to find medicinesfor newer and newer diseases. You are not acquainted with many diseaseswhich are yet to come to this planet. If you do this research, youwill find medicines for those ailments yet to come.ìIn the future, neither Communist mania nor philosophical phobia,but humanity and intellectuality will rule the earth.îWill-power Parama Purusha styleBABA: Kashishvarananda, hold out your right hand. Now,Keshavananda, you smell his hand. What do you smell?KESHAVANANDA: Sandalwood, Baba.BABA: Now smell it again.... What do you get?KESHAVANANDA: This time itís jasmine, Baba.BABA: Now smell his back.... What is it?KESHAVANANDA: Rose, Baba. (I am a few meters away, buteven I smell it now. It is very sweet. I suppose everyone is catching it.)BABA: Shall we allow the smell to continue? If we do, then whenKashishvarananda goes for missionary work, the public and Margis willwrinkle their noses and say, ìWhere is that smell coming from?î (Lookingat two Dadas on the side of the room who were unable to answera previously asked philosophical question:) You boys, which scent doyou want to come from your backs?TWO DADAS: Whatever Parama Purusha wants.319BABA: Their answer is an intelligent one. This is a demonstrationof will-power Parama Purusha-style.After we left the room, the sweet rose scent on Kashishvaranandawas still perceivable by anyone who cared to approach his back.......I donít remember the cause of Babaís comment during the reportingsession. I think it was regarding a newspaper article which quoteda government minister bragging that the tax-payers had saved much bythe cancellation of a construction plan. Baba said:ìIt reminds me of Sharmajiís wifeís reply. While coming home fromwork, Sharmaji ran after the bus and just missed it. He continued running,almost caught up, when again it drove away. In the same way, hemissed it again and again. At last, Sharmaji walked in the door of his

house and announced to his wife, ëA big part of our financial problemsare solved. I ran after the bus, missed it again and again, until Ifinally arrived homeóthus saving my bus money.í Mrs Sharma replied,ëIím disappointed. Why didnít you run after a taxi and save more money?íî......An interesting story is circulating here. A few days ago, one Dadawent to a village in northern India where no other worker had previouslygone. He found many people already practicing Baba NamKevalam meditation. When he inquired who had taught them, he wasintroduced to a poor, illiterate villager. This man had been a devoteeof Krishna and Shiva, but he thirsted for a proper guru. Because hecould not travel, he prayed for the guru to come to him. Baba appearedat his house, and initiated him with a mantra and technique, exactlyaccording to our system. Baba also taught him all the 16 Points practicesof Ananda Marga, including tandava and kaoshikii dances. ThenBaba instructed him to teach Baba Nam Kevalam meditation throughoutthe surrounding villages. The point of interest is that Baba was inCalcutta all the time.Soon afterward, this Margi began teaching this simple meditationto a few other villagers. He also spoke out against idol worship andcastism which created a large number of enemies for him in the strictHindu community. One Hindu severely beat him with a stick. The Margiyelled at him, ìNow surely God will punish you.î As the beating con-EVEN FOR THE POOREST OF THE POOR

320 TRAVELS WITH THE MYSTIC MASTER94 There are many other stories of Baba appearing in two places at once. I hope otherworkers and Margis will write their own books about Baba, and mention their personalexperience on this subject.tinued, a snake appeared and bit the Hindu. The Hindu dropped thestick and ran to the village center where there was a doctor and also ablack-magic Tantric. The doctor had no antidote so the black Tantrictried to use a mantra, but the poison remained. As the manís bodyturned progressively bluer, the black Tantric told him, ìYour onlychance for recovery lies in your returning to the Margi for his blessing.î He ran back to the Margi and was told to dance kiirtan, singingBaba Nam Kevalam, with his arms held upward. He did as instructedand gradually the blue color gradually left his body, but remained inhis fingertips. Then the Margi said, ìIf you take a vow from the heartto propagate Ananda Marga, the rest of the poison will leave.î TheHindu did so and became cured. After this incident, hundreds of villagerslearned meditation.After the Dada returned with this story, two other Dadas were sentto the area and confirmed its veracity. Today, Baba was asked for Hiscomment, but He only smiled.94

Anandamurtiji came to serve the massesThere was heavy flooding when we arrived at our Tiljala headquartersyesterday. It had been raining heavily since yesterday afternoon.Baba arrived only that morningóperfect timing. From the main roadto our office it is a distance of about one kilometer; I had to walk withmy luggage on my head. The water level was up to my waist. As I wasentering, there was a stream of villagers leaving, temporarily abandoningtheir homes, taking with them whatever belongings and food theycould manage.

When I reached our building, some villagers were seeking safetyfrom the rain in our four-story office. The Dadas told them they wouldsoon be arranging relief materials, but there was no more space in thebuilding. It was true. The place was packed with about 500 Margis dueto various meetings Baba had called.Soon after, our electricity and water systems stopped functioning. Thewater level rose up to my chest. We had not prepared any special foodstocks, and that evening we consumed the last of our meager supplies.321No one can enter the area now except by swimming or rowboat.Boats, of course, are very few.With all this trouble, one might expect a tense atmosphere amongthe workers and Margis. But the level of inspiration seems higher thanusual; everyone is taking it as an interesting test.From the moment I came, Baba has been holding meetings in Hishouse as usual. To get there I have to swim, and the water is filthyóanoil slick covers the surface. I keep a dry uniform in a plastic bag undera chair in His house. During the meetings, He never refers to the floodor our present difficulties. For Him, difficulties is something normal.Outside of our meetings, He takes hourly reports on the progress ofour relief programs for the village people. At first we didnít even havefood for ourselves. Then a small boatload of beaten rice and unrefinedsugar arrived. This has been our only food. Our relief workers are providingthe same food to the flood victims, and also helping them set uptemporary shelters on the road. By this evening, the number of recipientsincreased to 18,000. Government assistance has still not arrived.......Three days later. This afternoon the rain finally stopped. Most ofus stood on the roof as we watched Baba board a boat, which thenslowly negotiated its way between the flooded houses. A few Dadasswam beside the boat. At that very moment the sun came out; it wasbeautiful. A thought passed through my mind: Anandamurtiji came toserve the masses. Even the poorest of the poor will reap the benefit.A dog joined the Dadas swimming near the boat. When they shooedhim away, he climbed onto a rooftop sticking out of the water. Fromthis vantage he wagged his tail and watched Baba.A few thousand villagers stood on the road watching Babaís boat.For most of them, it was the first chance to get a close look at thisman whose fame had spread throughout the world. As His boat pulledup and He stepped out, the villagers maintained complete silence,holding their hands together in namaskar pose. Everyoneís eyes wereglued on the Peopleís Guru. The dog too was caught in this collectivetrance. Only at the moment that Baba slipped out of view behind abus, did the dog stop wagging his tail and retire from his post.Baba had instructed some of the workers, including me, to followHim after the relief work was regularized to His other house in centralCalcutta.......EVEN FOR THE POOREST OF THE POOR

322 TRAVELS WITH THE MYSTIC MASTER95 Later a book was printed of Babaís agricultural ideas called Ideal Farming.Next day. We are now in central Calcutta. I heard that at last thegovernmentís relief team arrived in Tiljala. The villagers were so frustrated

with the slowness of government help that they shouted, ìWewould have died without the assistance of Ananda Marga!î To demonstratetheir anger, they dumped the first delivery of government foodinto the flood waters.......Two days later. We sometimes hear suspicions voiced regardingthe source of Ananda Margaís finances. So how did we get money forthese relief operations? Food, medicine and miscellaneous assistancefor 18,000 flood victims is no small matter.Though our relief department promised the public their minimumnecessities, our relief teams had almost no money in the beginning.Practically speaking, the guarantees we made to serve the needy publicfully depended on Babaís grace. That might seem foolish, but wehad faith that He would provide what was required. The team leader,Dada Ramananda, personally approached Margis and workers for donationsfrom the first to the last day. A few days ago, I gave him asmuch as I could, but when he left my room, he said, ìItís still far fromenough. I really donít know how weíll manage tomorrow.î When I sawhim the next day, he smiled at me. ìYesterday, shortly after I met you,I ran into one of the richer villagers, who owns a car which we savedfrom the flood waters. I expressed our financial problems, and he gaveme enough money for an entire dayís supplies. In relief work, we areforced to count on at least one or two miracles a day.îImproving agricultural and industrial productionDada Vijayananda gave a class today explaining many of Babaíssuggestions about how to increase agricultural and industrial production,especially in developing countries. Excerpts from my notes notonly provide some practical ideas, but also show Babaís concern forovercoming poverty.95

[Authorís note: These notes are somewhat detailed. Interested readersare referred to the article ìOn increasing agricultural productionîin the appendix Technical talks by Baba or with Baba. At the end of323this class were a few points of general interest regarding improvingthe industrial output in poor regions:]Baba supports the idea of synthetic fibers. He warns that Bengalwill soon be in danger because it is too dependent on jute fiber andanimal hide. Due to synthetic fibers, the jute industry will soon be athing of the past. Hundreds of thousands of people will lose their jobs.Baba explained that it is better to convert to the production of jutewool.Jutewool is a combination of jute and wool. He does not appreciatethe slogan from the days of Mahatma Gandhi ó ìscience is the monsterof civilization.î Rather, for all those in danger of losing their jobsBaba proposed a demand: ìLet every sub-division have a jutewoolindustry, and let the weavers be supplied with power looms. Therebyboth the farms and the weavers will receive the proper wages.îIn India paper is expensive because it is imported. To improve thepaper industry, He gave a list of twenty good plants. These include bamboo,different kinds of grass, and mesta jute sticks.Bran is usually wasted simply as a fuel. Part of the bran is good formanufacturing oil, and the rest should be used as an element in makingcement (along with lime).Until now politics has dominated the economy. But economics

should dominate politics. If any politician does little to improve thepeopleís living standard, then he should be dismissed.[Authorís note: A few days later, Baba gave a number of points towhich all Margi district in-charges must pay attention when makingtheir planning. These points may be found in the article ìGrassrootsplanningî, located in the appendix Technical talks by Baba or withBaba.]EVEN FOR THE POOREST OF THE POOR


CHAPTER 19

Working 24 Hours a DaySaving plantsDelhi, 1989. Today, as I arrived at the airport with three large boxescontaining my sectorís quota of 600 plants , I was compelled to undergoa complex customs process.96 Two officials insisted that twelveof my plants were forbidden by law. Because these happened to be mymost expensive plants, I was sure they were lying, with the intention ofselling the plants afterwards. Officers commonly indulge in this sortof corruption. My argument to keep the plants thus fell on deaf ears.They had already removed the expensive plants, and I was awaitingtheir final okay to leave. When their backs were turned, I silently exchangedcheap plants for the expensive ones. A moment later, theyhanded me the authorization. As quickly as possible, I made my waythrough the rest of customs, and jumped into a taxi. Just as the taxiwas pulling out, I noticed one of the officials run out and anxiouslylook around.96 Since 1981, each of the eight sectors outside of the Indian sector, and each of the tenregions inside of the Indian Sector was required to deposit about 600 plants monthlywith the Calcutta office. In addition, each time any worker reported to Calcutta, she orhe was required to personally deliver a number of extra plants. In total, about 13,000plants were brought every month.The plants were not brought arbitrarily, but according to specific lists provided byCentral Headquarters. These included seedlings and small cuttings of flowers, vegetables,medicinal herbs, fibers, spices, cosmetic plants, plants on the verge of extinction, fruittrees and other trees. For example, at the time of this entry, Hong Kong sector wasrequested to bring Acasia Triacantus, Taiwan Calmanis, Serissa Foetida, Yellow Palm,Calamis Formosana, Cryptomeria Japanica, and Japanese Cherry. Calcutta would thendistribute the plants to different Master Units of India, and to some extent overseas.Now our botanical gardens rank among the largest of India.325Languages of the world[Authorís note: In todayís workersí meeting, Baba spoke at greatlength about languages around the world. He frequently spoke on thissubject. Even when speaking about something else, He commonly wenton linguistic detours, explaining the derivation of important words. Iinclude these notes not because they are exceptional, but to give anexample of a lecture on His pet subject.. However, the matter is highlytechnical and so the reader is referred to the article ìOn the evolutionof languages throughout the worldî in the appendix Technical talksby Baba or with Baba.]Philosophy becomes realityCalcutta. A few days ago, while taking the train from Delhi, I satnext to Dada Devashraddhananda, who is working in the USA. Thoughhe is a dynamite worker, he couldnít help but mention to me about hishealth problems. He said, ìIím suffering so much for so long, I donít

know how I can take it any longer. Why doesnít Baba free me fromthis hectic lifestyle of constant touring and post me to supervise a farmon a Master Unit, or something like that?îìWhy do you worry?î I said. ìBaba knows everything, and is treatingyou and all of us perfectly. When He wants to cure you, He will.Otherwise we have to simply keep tasting the fruits of your past actions,whether they be sweet or sour.î I knew my words were blunt,but here was an elevated man who would understand my meaning.ìYouíre just speaking philosophy,î he said, ìand Iím suffering.îHearing this, what could I say?After we came in Guruís presence, Devashraddhanandajiís attitudechanged. Smiling, laughing, enjoying BabaóHe seemed unaware of hisown suffering.Baba called me out of line to answer a few questions. Then He alsocalled Devashraddhanandaji forward. After two or three questions,Babaís mood suddenly changed. ìDevashraddhananda, stand straight.Do you know that there is a defective functioning of your urinarytract?îìYes, Baba.î (Later, Dada told me he hadnít really known, but wasonly saying so.)WORKING 24 HOURS A DAY


ìYou should take only liquid diet in the evening. Do you understand?îìYes, Baba.îBaba told us to step back, and continued the session. I looked atDevashraddhanandajióhe was beaming a million rupee smile.Criteria for board memberBaba was listening to the report of one of the workersí boards:97

BABA: During the last one month, this board did nothing significant.Should a chair or a table be a member of this board? What doyou say?DADA WHO IS MEMBER OF THE BOARD: Perhaps weachieved nothing, Baba, but we were active, and we met regularly.BABA (getting a little angry): What do you mean to say? Should aceiling fan be a member of the board?From the perspective of ProutToday Baba expressed some points on Prout. There may be somesmall mistakes in my notes:Regarding the case of Salaman Rushdieís book Satanic Verses, i.e.,Iranís Ayatollah Khomeini demand for Rushdieís death because of thebookís criticism of Islam and Mohammed, Baba commented:Prout does not support the suppression of any popular sentiment.If it is suppressed then some people may think there is some value init. Hence suppression only helps to keep the idea alive, and it willmanifest in different ways later. If the Proutists believe that a particularpopular sentiment is harmful to the path of human progress, theyshould encourage the idea to be brought into the public light so that itmay be countered by logic and reason. A constructive alternative shouldbe presented. Thus negative energy is channeled in a positive way. Ofcourse, this does not deny the importance of legal defamation guidelines.Regarding the economic development of a nation, Baba gave six points:1) Maximum industries should be developed in local areas accordingto the availability of raw materials for local consumption. (This is

97This brief conversation is included as an example of a Baba-style criticism duringreview-meetings.327diametrically opposed to the present policy of every country in theworld.)2) Finished products which can be locally produced should not be imported.3) No country should invest significantly in industries which dependon imported raw materials.4) The first step to decentralized planning is to make an economic planaccording to the needs of the lowest level, i.e. block-level planningfor areas having about 100,000 people.5) In pure economic terms, developmental projects are those projectswhich directly and indirectly increase national wealth.6) The more government revenue is spent on developmental projects,not including the salaries of government employees, the better it isfor the countryís economy.[Authorís note: At this point, Baba went on to give a detailed explanationregarding the way for Bangladesh, one of the worldís poorestnations, to solve its economic problems. Refer to the article ìOn solvingBangladeshís economic problemsî in the appendix Technical talksby Baba or with Baba.]Go on thinking deeply[Authorís note: During a workersí meeting, Baba asked me some questionsabout microvita, the mysterious emanation of the Cosmic Mind. Itried my best to answer, and He gave some hints for further contemplationof this complex subject. About two weeks later, I was in Taiwan. Itwas 3:00 in the morning, and I was struggling to stay awake while answeringthe questions of one of our Margi scientists. Suddenly I had along stream of thoughts on the same subject. These diary entries are combinedinto the article ìOn microvitaî in the appendix Technical talks byBaba or with Baba.]Forever with HimFor about one year, access to Baba has been much more limited.Previously, Babaís door was usually open during meetings and reportingsessions. Those who couldnít fit inside His room would stand outside,looking in. During this past year, however, He has allowed thedoor to stay open only once or twice a day. At all other times, we haveWORKING 24 HOURS A DAY


had to communicate with Him by yelling under His door. In one wayit is humorous; in another itís painful.Humorous? Well, take the moments when He becomes angry(which are not infrequent). Atonement is required for those workerswho fall short of their targets or for any number of other logical orillogical reasons. In such cases, the General Secretary should beat theworker with a stick. In fact what happens is that, yes he beats alright,but he beats any notebook or book that the ìguiltyî Dada holds, whilethat Dada makes crying and sighing sounds. Pretending to be tormentedby the whipping, the Dada yells ìOh, Baba!,î ìI shall improve,î ìWeíllopen an orphanage within one week,î or whatever is the appropriatereply. Baba sometimes shouts back: ìDoes he repent, GS?,î ìScoundrel!,î ìHow does he intend to rectify the situation?,î and so on. Commonly,however, He remains silent while the drama proceeds at a Tantric

pace. If the excitement fades away, He may pipe up, ìEh, GS? Whatdoes that nonsense fellow have to say for himself?îTo an outsider it would seem absurd. But for us, because we understandat least a little of the purpose behind the drama, we tolerateitóor, as in my case, even enjoy it.A few days ago, I saw Dada Asiimananda (Central Farm secretary,one of our most elevated and respected monks) sitting alone outsideBabaís door. While Baba was shouting a long series of directives underthe door, Dada would occasionally reply through that same crack,ìYes, Baba!,î while he was busy consuming a snack. He had obviouslyadapted to the pressure. He had also found a way to adjust with beingso busy that he had no time for a meal.Personally I feel nostalgic for those days when the beating was genuine.It generated a perceivable tension, a smellable fear, which hung inthe airóand that added to the seriousness of our work. I suppose Babanow wants our motivation to depend less and less on external pressure.We must derive our inspiration from our hearts, while feelingthe pressure of our conscience.Nowadays the non-Central workers, like me, are usually invited tocome near Babaís door only a few minutes a day, and occasionally toenter. So I am constantly seeking to find new justifications for beingnear His door. For example: ìI must speak to my Central departmen-329tal secretary,î or ìI was told by so-and-so to wait here óWhat?óNo, Idonít know why.î At other times, like today, I run out of excuses andresort only to melancholic contemplation. My eyes becoming wateryand doe-like and I mutely turn them on any Dada who challenges mefor violating protocol. Though these Dadas have great responsibilities,they are still fundamentally devotees, so the doe-eyes often silence them.It was 1:30 p.m., and for some unknown cause most workers wereaway from the Cosmic nucleus. Even those who were present hadslipped away for lunch. Only one other Dada, Ganadevanandaji, remainedwith me outside the closed door.When Baba rang His call-bell, His personal assistant, DadaKeshavananda, ran from his office, opened the door, popped his headin, and said, ìYes, Baba.î Baba said nothing. The other Dada and I,crouched at the feet of Keshavanandaji, had a clear view of Him restingon His side, facing us. He appeared to be sleeping. Heís so beautiful,I thought, like the tiniest baby.ìYes, Baba!î Keshavanandaji said again. When no reply came, heslowly and noiselessly shut the door.ìYou two should not be here,î he whispered.ìAh ... but, Dada ... couldnít you? ... just this time? ...î My eyeswatered, Ganadevanandajiís mouth quivered, and we each held one ofDadaís hands.Though it was one of our best performances to date, he shook hishead. ìNo, no, I canít allow it. You know the system.îSlowly, ever so slowly, with expressions of heart-wrenching anguish,we began edging backwards, away from the Cosmic Door. Keshavanandajistood his ground, waiting to see that we would really leave.When we were just on the verge of leaving, the sound of the call-bellcut the air. Keshavanandaji reopened Babaís Door. ìYes, Baba?îBy this time we were again huddled at the Doorway, staring into

the kingís chamber. His position was the same, His innocent face abare two meters away from us. Again Keshavanandaji called, again noresponse, again without a sound he shut the mystic entrance.And again he turned on us, ìYou shameless fellows!î he yelled ina whisper. We smiled glumly, not showing our teeth, mentally pleadingfor mercy.ìNo. Out. Out!îWORKING 24 HOURS A DAY


Our heads and shoulders bent, feet dragging like lead, we tortoisedour way toward the stairway. Step by step, inch by inch, slowly, slowlyódreading to face the other world....And then again! Saved by the bell. ìWhat is this?î Keshavanandajimuttered. In a flash we were nestled behind his feet as he opened thegateway to paradise.ìBaba, kii?î he said loudly. There He lay, more peaceful than ever,unresponsive to Dadaís worn-out query. Dada turned his eyes towardheaven, then looked at us. ìAlright. Call me the moment that Babawakes up. I donít know what His game is today.î He walked away,leaving the Door open!Baba, thank you... I thought. Hardly believing our luck, but understandingìHis gameî, we sat down comfortably. Of course, His gamewas that we should have his uninterrupted darshanóto see Him withoutthe slightest distraction of reports or talks or background chatter,without even the slightest movement or change inside the room. Wegazed at His face, at His hands, at His bodyóand entered into an indescribable,transcendent dimension. My ego-centered mind drifted away,replaced by a long peaceful wave of tranquillity. Deeper, deeper, I becamelost in the thought of Him; nothing remained of me.After what seemed like measureless time, something stirred withinme, like a thin, almost invisible shadow. A feeling arose, increased andsurged upward from my stomach, tearing at my heart. Tears flowed ina steady stream, my mouth grimaced uncontrollably, my body shook,and my mind screamed, Baba! Baba! Meanwhile, He lay there, yet unmovingóaffectingme more by His silence than by anything He mightsay or do. Every muscle, every nerve tensed, as waves of emotionwracked my being. I struggled not to shout, not to move, and not tofaint. My feelings rushed like tidal waves; the blood throbbed againstmy temples; and my brainówhat words should I use?ómy brainswooned, demanded relief.... I could not think, but I knew, I am withBaba, have been so forever, and will be so forever.ìOkay, Dadas,î a soft voice said. ìYouíve been here almost two hours.îI looked up and saw Keshavanandaji. He smiled tenderly, knowingly.I didnít resist. As I got up, my legs trembled, unable to hold myweight. I held onto the wall. Ganadevanandaji also stood up. Baba,331who all this while had faced us unmoving, now rolled over to His otherside, turning away from us. It was a perfect ending as Keshavanandajigently closed the Cosmic Gate.Once downstairs and outside, we looked at each other. What didhe experience? we each thought. But neither of us asked nor spoke.We only smiled, and arm-in-arm walked silently down the road toward

the coconut-water man.His responsibility beyond the earthToday while I was sitting outside Babaís door, I asked a senior Indianworker, Dada Shubbhabodhananda, to tell me the most specialexperience heíd had of Baba. This was his story:ìIt was one year ago during a DMC tour in India. As the secretarygeneral of the Service Department, it was my duty to oversee the securityarrangements. One morning, at 3:00, I woke up and decided tocheck everything. First I made sure that the two guards were both vigilant.Then I walked around to the rear of the house. Babaís room wasthere, and the window looking into His room had the curtains drawnback somewhat. I looked in, but He wasnít there. Hmmm. Perhaps Hehad gone to the bathroom? I walked over to the bathroom windowand listened. Nothing. Very peculiar. Where could Baba have gone? Iwalked back to the big window of His bedroom, but He still was notthere. For some minutes I stood there gazing in the window, wonderingand wondering.Suddenly I became aware of the slight shadow of a figure in thecenter of the room. As I watched, the vague shape became more andmore definite. It was a man sitting in meditation. Finally I realized itwas Baba. Where there had previously been nothing, He materialized.The next morning I was full of curiosity, hoping for some opportunityto ask Baba about the night before. Baba called me in alone toperform massage. Shortly after I began, He asked, ìDo you have somequestion?îìBaba, last night, You know I was there. What was that?îHe smiled and said, ìDo you think I only have responsibility onthis one planet?îWORKING 24 HOURS A DAY


The trouble is mutualAnanda Nagar. Today Dada Svarupanandaji (the principal of ourcollege here and one of our most senior Dadas) told me a couple ofstories from his early days in Ananda Marga:After my initiation, but before I became an acharya, I visited theyoga center of the famous elderly lady saint Ananda Mayi Ma. At thattime, Baba was not well known so I did not inform anyone there thatI was a Margi.I sat together with the other devotees in front of Ma. She called meforward, and said, ìYou are very lucky. Anandamurti is the greatestguru. As for me, I will not be able to go to Him for a long long time.îI was shocked by her psychic ability to know my guru, and thrilledby her praise of Baba. ìI can convey your namaskar to Him if youwish,î I said.ìThank you. It is my wish.îLater, when I met Baba, and passed Ananda Mayi Maís namaskar,He returned the namaskar, and commented, ìYes. She is a good girl.îAnother occasion, also before I was an acharya, I was together withBaba at night. Though we were walking, His mind was obviously faraway. Taking advantage of His transcendental state, I stole two rupeesfrom His pocket. Afterward, I used that money to buy sweets andbrought them to the tigerís grave where three of us sat with Baba. Weall enjoyed the sweets. Then Baba said to me, ìYou are only a student,

and couldnít afford these sweets. Iíll give you the money.î I replied,ìNo, Baba, it wasnít my money ... I stole it from You.î Baba looked atme sternly and said, ìFrom Guru you stole? You must be punished....But I cannot give you punishment because I also indulged in the stolengoods.îDuring those early years, (Svarupanandaji continued) one couldoften see Him enter into trances and different special states of being,just like other highly elevated spiritualists. But He is not like others,because He never studied under any guru, and He passed through allHis personal realizations as a youth. After that, I mean for the last thirtyyears or so, He always appeared in total control of Himselfóeven thoughHeís busy raising the kundalini force (spiritual energy) of so many other333people. And busy making trouble for us. Well, of course, weíre alsonicely skilled in making trouble for Him.Microvita demoExactly seventeen years ago I first came to this spiritual paradise.I have to use the adjective spiritual because it is certainly not a physicalparadise. Nevertheless, even physically it is far better off than whenI first saw it. At that time it was a near-desert, without electricity orrunning water, and almost devoid of buildings. Now it is crawling withschools, welfare homes, dormitories, medical centers, small industrialplants, farm buildings, and offices. Most of these buildings have electricityand running wateróall provided by our own power plants, damns,bio-gas systems and solar cells. About 3000 of the local tribal peopleparticipate or are employed in construction, cottage industry or agriculturaldevelopment projects in Ananda Nagar. And yet, so far, thegovernment has not helped us in the slightest.The most impressive change, however, is in the natural environment.As I said, it used to be a near-desert. Its small streams wouldrun dry in the summer. Now, even in the driest time of the swelteringsummer, the river is not only running, its water is deep enough forswimming. Although in this very moment a severe drought affects allof northern India, Ananda Nagar is an oasis, full of green-leafed treesand bushes. Rain falls at least on a semi-regular basis.How did this happen? I cannot be sure. Is it the special trees andplants here, which Baba specified for attracting rain clouds? Or thesystem of rivers and drainage which catches rainwater to avoid its runninginto the ground? Or is it some sort of special spiritual grace?......(During a reporting session:)BABA: Any effect may be achieved by causing a concentration ofthe relevant microvita. And those microvita may be transported by anyof a number of different means. For example ... my boy, step forward.(A Dada walks close to Baba.) The microvita causing thermal generationmay be conveyed by the tactual factor. (Baba uses one finger to touchthe Dadaís anahata chakra or chest.) Now how do you feel, my boy?DADA: Very hot, Baba. There are waves of heat.BABA: Acha. (Baba touches him again.) And now?WORKING 24 HOURS A DAY


DADA: My bodyís coming back to normal, Baba.BABA: These microvita may also be conveyed by the ocular faculty.

(As usual, throughout the last few minutes, Baba was hardly lookingat anyone, even while speaking with particular persons. Now helooks very specifically at the Dada.) How do you feel now?DADA: I feel super hot, Baba.BABA: Do you want to go on enjoying this state?DADA: Ah (he smiles, though clearly very uncomfortable) ... whateverBaba likes.BABA (again looking in an obvious way at the Dada): It would bedangerous for your cells to remain in this agitated condition for long.That is why I am now withdrawing the microvita. Well?DADA: Thank you, Baba.BABA: No, no. It was done by your grace alone.Jumping cureThe Central Secretary of the Education, Relief and Welfare Section,Dada Paripurnananda, is a good friend of mine. Recently, Babahas been very hard on him. I feel proud of Paripurnanandaji, becauseno matter what sort of clash Baba gives him, he seems to take it nicely.Now in the middle of a scolding, Babaís mood suddenly shifted.BABA: I believe you have some problem with your knee. Is it so?PARIPURNANANDA (smiles sweetly, enjoying this change inBabaís attitude): Yes, Baba.BABA: GS Da, apply your hands to his left knee, massaging gently.(The General Secretary does so.) Is it somewhat cured now?PARIPURNANANDA: Yes, Baba. It is maybe thirty percent better.BABA: Now you should leap in the air as high as possible.(Paripurnanandaji hesitates a moment, wondering if he understood correctly,as it seems a strange way to cure a knee problem. Then, shrugginghis shoulders in surrender, he jumps almost one meter up.) Jumpagain. And again. Now, describe the condition.PARIPURNANANDA (with an enormous smile): I believe it isone hundred percent cured, Baba.BABA: Just see, just see. But do I remember hearing one little boythinking, ìBaba loves those two other Dadas. He doesnít love me.?îHmmm, did anyone think that?PARIPURNANANDA (softly): Yes, Baba, I was thinking so... but...335 WORKING 24 HOURS A DAY98 Pranavatmakanandaji reached his sector a few months later. During that time, Communismcollapsed in the whole of Eastern Europe.BABA: But what? Is it so that Baba does not love the little boywho was thinking so?PARIPURNANANDA (looking affectionately at Baba): No. Babaloves him very much.BABA: Perhaps your assumption is correct. Yes, I think it may becorrect.Global WeathermanCalcutta. Dada Pranavatmakananda told me that on 2nd June, duringa workersí meeting, Baba mentioned, ìThe panorama of the worldis going to undergo a very fast change. You all should be ready....îYesterday in Vishnupur, Pranavatmakanandaji said to Baba, ìThreedays ago You said the worldís panorama is going to undergo a bigchange. Baba, in that time so much happened. On 3rd June, AyatollahKhomeini, the revolutionary mullah of Iran died. On 4th June, Communismwas voted out of power in Polandóthe first country to reject

it. Also on 4th June, when the military attacked the peaceful protestersin Tiananmien Square, Communism stood exposed in China as asystem that can only be maintained by brute force. It seems that Yourprediction of communismís downfall is beginning to be fulfilled.îìYou wait and see,î Baba said. ìThe world will be dumbstruck towitness the pace of change. Before you reach your sector, there will bemuch more change in the world.î 98

Real dreamsDada Pranavatmakananda toled me a story he heard from two otherDadas: Nityasatyanandaji and Haratmanandaji. They were both sleepingin the same room in Sao Paolo, Brazil, when Nityasatyanandajihad a dream:He was on a field walk with Baba. At one point, their way becameobstructed by mud. Dada thought, ìIf Baba walks through this mud,His legs will become dirty.î So he lifted Baba, carried Him across,and then put Him down. Then he woke up.He noticed that their room was full of a sweet lotus scent. He wasso excited that he shook Dada Haratmananda to wake him up and asked336 TRAVELS WITH THE MYSTIC MASTER

him, ìDo you smell anything in this room?î Dada replied, ìYes ... itíslike a lotus flower ... very sweet.î After this, both Dadas forgot aboutthe incident.Nine months later, Nityasatyanandaji was in Calcutta. It was hisdaily routine to wait for Baba in the garden. When Baba would comeout of the house, Dada would sing the latest Prabhat Sangiit song. Oneday Baba turned toward him and said, ìIf you had not lifted me thatday, my legs would have become dirty.î He smiled and walked away.Nityasatyanandaji was surprised. He went on singing but could not understandwhat Baba meant. He remembered nothing.Two days later when Dada was returning to South America, he suddenlyrecalled that night and understood Babaís words. He wept withlove for Baba.At another time, Haratmanandaji was alone with Baba, massagingHim. Somebody had told him that Babaís navel area produced a specialscent. When Baba was sleeping, Haratmanandaji lifted Babaís undershirtout of curiosity. Baba woke up and said, ìNonsense fellow!What are you doing?îAgain He slept. More careful this time, Haratmanandaji lifted theundershirt. Baba woke up while Dada was sniffing. But this time Hesmiled and asked, ìWhat do you smell?îìItís sweet, Baba.îìIs it like a lotus?îìYes.îìHave you seen pictures of the mythological Vishnu which show alotus sprouting from his navel, and on top of the lotus flower Brahmais sitting, creating the whole universe?îìYes, Baba.îìIt is symbolic. Parama Purusha (the Supreme Consciousness) createsall, and His nucleus, His creative faculty is the navel. As His navelproduces a lotus smell, mythology shows it so. Do you remember thisscent?îìWhat do you mean, Baba?î

ìDo you remember when you were sleeping in the same room asNityasatyanandaji, and he woke you up? It was exactly that smell.îIt is clear that for Baba, our dreams of Him are also part of reality.337Lost in their own lies[Authorís note as a background to todayís entry: In 1982 the Tripurastate government, at that time communist, tried to crush Ananda Marga.Some of their leading politicians openly stated they would ìoust thesocio-political organization Ananda Marga.î Soon after, one of our primaryschools was bombed. A court case was filed and the judgeís decisionwent against us so we appealed in the High Court. At that time,the communists held 54 seats in the State Assembly out of 60. Most ofthe public used to treat Chief Minister Chakravorty like a god. Howcould we expect to win? But Baba said at that moment, ìWhen thesinner reaches the climax point, downfall is certain.î We sent 500,000leaflets and 200,000 posters to this small state of less than two millioninhabitants. Finally in the High Court, the District Magistrate apologizedfor obstructing our school. The High Court instructed the policeand the government agents to leave our school undisturbed. Notlong after, the communist government was defeated by the CongressParty.The West Bengal governmentís (also communist) reaction to ourwork in Ananda Nagar was similar. In 1987, Baba told us, ìThe windis blowing in your favor.î He also said, ìComplete every work immediately,as time is short.î Highest priority went to developing AnandaNagar. In short time, the near-desert scene dramatically changed. Itmust have terrified the federal and state governments to see AnandaMarga creating a beautiful community in one of the poorest areas ofIndia. If we succeeded, it would prove the governmentís inefficiencyand insincerity. The local communist party leader announced to thepress, ìJust as we drove out the Lutheran Universalist Mission, we willalso drive out Ananda Marga.î]In Ananda Nagar this year there have been almost daily attacks onour staff, destruction of our agricultural work or harm to our buildings.Ananda Nagar is about 1200 acres, and these attacks have mostlyoccurred on the outskirts. Four months ago, at midnight, the policedestroyed one of our buildings, declaring it the property of the ForestryDepartment. The police claimed they seized weapons from AnandaMarga. We denied it. They often make such claims. We are compelledto repeatedly file court charges, and eventually always win. It seems aWORKING 24 HOURS A DAY


never-ending process. By now, the general people doubt any negativenews published about us. In this case, our statement in the court was,ìWhy didnít the police destroy the building in the daytime, if it werereally the governmentís building?î We won the case.The Chief Minister of West Bengal, Jyoti Basu, became furiousóhe openly hates Ananda Marga. The step he decided on was excessive.Yesterday he approved an attack hoping to drive out Ananda Marga.The District Magistrate sent a message to Jyoti Basu, ìIf we raid AnandaNagar, we can expect a fight just like the Sikhs waged at the GoldenTemple.î They sent 1500 police and 153 vehicles to Ananda Nagar.They even brought ambulances to take care of the wounded. Apparently

there was so much propaganda against us for so long, that theopposition believed their own lies about us. They thought we had ahuge number of machine guns and explosives. But what did this overwhelmingmilitary force find? Nothing. Nevertheless, in a press conferencejust after the raid, the police claimed they discovered numerousweapons.Today our Public Relations secretary filed a court case against theWest Bengal government and police. In the history of West Bengal,no case was ever filed against top police officers. The PR secretary alsoheld a press conference, and showed the police seizure lists whichproved that they found nothing. The media representatives were astonished;they had published the false news only yesterday. Today theyprinted the true story.Working 24 hours a dayDuring the last few days of reporting, Baba did not sit with the representatives.Each time He comes back from field walk, everyone greetsHim as He steps out of the car, then those who have reporting dutyrun into the main room to be ready in case He wants to take their report.Though weíve regularly followed this procedure, our sense of despondencydeepens as the days pass and He seems to ignore us.This morning there was a feeling of resignation among many workers.ìSurely again He will not sit with us.î Our crisp readiness was soabsent that this time the main room was full of Margis and workerswho were not supposed to be there, and no one had made any effort toshoo them out.339Together with everyone else, I greeted Baba at His car. As He slowlywalked away, moving toward the side entrance, one brother approachedme. ìDada, Iíve completed the paper-work that you wanted me to do.Here it is.î I was torn between going through the documents and goingto the room, just in case this time Baba wanted our report. But ifI didnít take the papers it might make trouble for this brother. I tookthe material and quickly checked it. In this way, perhaps a minutepassed.Then I rushed toward the room. A mad scene was taking place atthe door! Margis and other workers were scrambling to squeeze out,everyone trying to get out at the same time. Though I could hear Babashouting inside, there was no way I could enter at that moment. A gapappeared, and I jumped forward, pushing violently against the others,and forgetting all politeness. Just as I reached the door those insidebegan closing it. I thrust in my arm, and then a leg, and with a burst ofstrength, pressed it open, and squeezed into the room.The very instant I entered Baba looked at me, burning me with Hisinner fire. As the last to enter, I was the most irresponsible element inthis entire brew of feckless workers. But instead of hiding behind theothers, I stepped toward the front. I love His attention, no matter whatsort.ìNonsense! Stupid! Scoundrel!î He shouted at me. ìBreeding chaos!Like animals! Idiot! Rascal!î I bathed in His force. ìHow can you wastemy time? Donít you know that I am working twenty four hours a day?îHis words stabbed at me with a power and a volume I had never beforeexperienced. Surely even the neighbors could clearly hear His voicethrough the now closed door. The other workers turned their faces toward

me, wondering how I would take this scorching chastisement. Isuppose they thought me arrogant, because instead of bowing my headin abasement, I looked straight at Baba. He was dead right, I was sometimeswasting my time and His time, but in that moment I did notcare because Baba was directing a colossal force at me, and I did notwant to miss a drop of it.He stood up from the sofa. A sinking sense of disappointment surgedthrough the workers as they understood that this opportunity for along-awaited meeting with Baba was spoiled. As He left the room everyonebecame gloomy and turned their eyes toward the floor. Every-WORKING 24 HOURS A DAY


one, that is, except me. I was elated with the shakti, the spiritual powerHe had injected into me. But, knowing the others would not understand,I neither smiled nor said anything. I was, after all, the one deservingmaximum blame.His voice echoed again and again in my mind: ìDonít you knowthat I am working twenty four hours a day?îSocietyís high expectations(During the meeting of the district incharges from Area West ofthe Indian Sector. A Margi stands in front of Baba.)BABA: GS, ask him how many full-timers he created.GENERAL SECRETARY: How many full-timers did you createin the last one year?MARGI: None.BABA (now directing his words at the Margi): How many schoolshave started due to your own efforts?MARGI: None, Baba.BABA: And could you even inspire any Margis to become BlockSecretaries within your district?MARGI: No, Baba. Iím sorry.BABA: Youíre sorry. Are you married?MARGI: Yes, Baba.BABA: Then why are you also keeping a secret wife? (Some of usgasp in surprise. Most surprised is the Margi, who rolls his eyes and isno longer able to stand still.) Haram jada! (You donkey!) Because yourlifestyle is immoral, of course you could not achieve anything. Anddue to your illicit behavior you have also contracted some seriousdisease. Is it not so?MARGI: Yes, Baba...BABA: Do you promise from this very moment to rectify yourselfand become an ideal man, serving the society with all of your capacity?MARGI: Yes, Baba.BABA: Come closer. (The Margi moves near Baba, who reachesout and momentarily touches him below the navel area.) You are henceforthcured of that disease. Do you understand that we, the membersof the collective society, maintain high expectations regarding the contributionthat you will make for the universal welfare?341MARGI: Yes, Baba.BABA: Very good.When we spoke to him afterward, he refused to tell what diseasehe had, saying only that it was something abominable. Then he went

to the bathroom. After coming out, he said, ìBy Babaís grace it iscured!îService beyond party politicsToday Baba introduced a new program called ARS: All-Round Service.Henceforth it will be a daily-report item. ARS consists of basicrelief works to be offered to the most needy people, and will be directedprimarily at the communist and post-communist countries. Babaexplained four pointsó1) ARS had to be created due to the defective economic subsistencelevel in the communist countries.2) ARS has nothing to do with party politics.3) We have to help the people down to the district level at the time ofcalamity.4) We should continue cooperation with other service organizationssuch as Red Cross and Oxfam.The Fareast Asia sector has the greatest population of any sectorsuffering under communism. It includes China, Asiatic Russia,Mongolia, North Korea and Tibet, so this new emphasis will be veryimportant for us.......An article appeared in the newspaper today about a flood in SouthKorea. Baba, to whom at least four newspapers are read daily, requesteda report within twelve hours about our relief work. I tried to telephoneour office in Seoul, but could not get through.When the deadline for reporting approached, Babaís personal assistantpressed me for the report. I told him that I couldnít get through,but he wouldnít accept this reply. Not knowing what to do, I closedmy eyes, meditated on Babaís face, and asked Him for guidance. I imaginedwhat work we should have done in Korea, and accordingly, onopening my eyes wrote the following false report:WORKING 24 HOURS A DAY


ìIn the aftermath of Typhoon Judy, Seoul Regional Secretary (DadaAlok) and Universal Proutist Intellectual Federation Secretary (DadaMahaprajinananda) organized a relief team of 12 Margis to help homelessand suffering people in the Seoul area. Already clothes have beengiven to 25 families, and food to 200 people. The team also helped toclean out and make habitable four houses so far. They will continuetheir work with accelerating speed.îSoon after the report was submitted, Baba called a meeting in Hisbedroom. During that meeting, He praised Hong Kong Sector for respondingso quickly to the flood in Korea, and encouraged the representativesof other sectors to follow this example. On top of that, Hedirected the Central Public Relations Secretary to submit the news ofour on-going Korean relief work to the Calcutta newspapers.I was thoroughly embarrassed, but could tell nobody. All this hooplaover a false report. At the end of the session, I immediately took permissionto go to the city public telephone office.This time I got the line to Seoul. Dada Alok answered:ME: Alok, itís absolutely urgent that you do something for thepeople suffering from the flood in Korea. Baba read about it in thenewspapers.ALOK: We already did a bit of relief work.

ME: Great! Iím writing it down. Tell me who did the work?ALOK: About a dozen Margis under the guidance of Mahaprajinanandajiand myself.ME: Wow! I was just guessing Mahaprajinanandaji was there.ALOK: What?ME: Nothing. How many people did you help?ALOK: We gave clothes to about twenty-five families, and food toabout 200 people.ME: Thatís incredible! Absolutely totally Baba Nam Kevalam! Didyou, by the way, did you clean out any houses?ALOK: Yeah.ME: Was it about four houses?ALOK: No, it was three houses. Wait a moment, come to think ofit, it was four houses. How did you know?ME: I love you, Baba! Somehow Baba knew all this even withoutthe telephone call. Heís reporting your work to the newspapers already.343ALOK: Whatíre you talking about? Really? But itís not such a bigdeal yet. Anyway you can let Him know that thereís a lot of peoplestill suffering, so weíll do more and more work.ME: I already told Him youíll work with accelerating speed.ALOK: Exactly.ME: We should give some more news to the papers. So try to callme with your report tomorrow and the day after also.ALOK: Will do.The peculiar business of making saintsAll the other workers were doing meditation, and I alone guessedthat Babaís door was wide open. I stood there for half an hour, lookingat Him as He talked with Dada Keshavananda. Baba was in a finemood, laughing and joking. Toward the end, Keshavanandaji gave Hima soft drink. Like a child, Baba wore a napkin tucked in at His neck,and sipped repeatedly at the plastic straw, enjoying Himself.I felt a change in the air, and knew something was coming, thoughthey still talked lightly together. Suddenly, Baba began shouting loudly,and Keshavanandaji jumped up and ran out of the room, calling theCentral workers. Baba, alone now, continued shouting. Within seconds,they all clambered into His room. Boiling with rage, He charged themwith numerous crimes. They could hardly reply. Within no time, punishmentwas allocated, and all these senior workers rolled onto theirbacks and into the shoulder stand, their legs pointed up in the air. Someof them are old gray haired men.As soon as they were so positioned, Baba returned to His drink, asif nothing had happened. He spoke mildly with Keshavanandaji, andpaid absolutely no attention to the score of workers so oddly assembledbefore Him.The workers smiled at each other, whispered together, and, knowingit would be a long session, secretly leaned their legs against the walls.Tears in our eyesToday was the last day of this monthís reporting so all the sectorialrepresentatives were holding garlands, hoping to get a chance toplace them on Baba. During these last months He had not directlyreceived any garlands, but rather accepted them only through His personalassistant. Still, we had hope.

WORKING 24 HOURS A DAY


After He returned from field walk, we quickly lined up at the sidedoor. There are two entrances to the main reporting room: the frontdoor, and the side door which Baba uses as He walks upstairs to Hisroom. He would not enter the reporting room at this late time. SinceFareast Asia ó Hong Kong Sector ó is always the first to be called, Istood at the front of the line. For some minutes He talked to us. ThenHe turned to go upstairs. We would not be able to put our garlands onHim...Then abruptly He pivoted, and walked into the reporting room.Within a moment He was seated, and I heard Keshavanandaji yell,ìHong Kong Sector!îThe narrow path back around the house to the front was blockedby twenty-six workers: two Dadas and one Didi from each of the ninesectors. I could not push them aside, but neither could I delay when Iwas being called before Baba. So I jumped. I wonder how I did it, andstill people ask me about it, but I jumped over this entire crowd ofworkers, and in no time ran through the front door and up to Baba.Keshavanandaji smiled broadly and tilted his head, also marveling athow I came so fast.Without waiting for permission, I placed my garland over Babaíshead, and draped it on His neck. His eyes glittered. All my excitementdisappeared as I became lost in His affection.ìDid you enjoy the program, Dharmavedananda?îìToo much, Baba.îìBut do you remember our days together in Berlin Sector?îHis tone made me start crying. ìJust like ... it was yesterday ... Baba.îHe smiled at me, and kept His eyes on me, though He said nothing.His eyes also teared. After some time the magic shifted, and Hedid namaskar to me, tears still shining in our eyes.From that moment my state of mind was so altered that I cannotremember anything else that happened.You will seeDada Mantreshvarananda told me that on a recent field walk hehad the following conversation with Baba:DADA: Baba, today the materialists have all the power. They haveall the manpower, all the wealth, all the technological strength. The345spiritual-moralists, on the other hand, are but few in number, havingno wealth, and almost no machinery. Excuse me for asking, Baba, butin the face of this reality, how can we expect to see the realization ofa Proutist government within any reasonable period of time?BABA (abruptly turning toward Mantreshvaranandaji): There is noone who can stop Proutís progress. It will be established within a veryshort time. (Pointing His finger at Dada) You will see.Improving bodies for improved serviceDuring reporting of Dadas, in the midst of the review of one worker,Baba suddenly interrupted him:BABA: There is a dull pain in the lower vertebrae of your spine. Isit not?DADA: Yes, Baba.BABA: Occasionally it flares into acute pain. Is it not?

DADA: Yes, Baba.BABA: Have you not experienced these symptoms for several years?DADA: Yes, Baba.BABA (looking at the General Secretary): GS Da, place your rightthumb in my palm. (The General Secretary does so, and Baba rubs histhumb between His two hands.) What is the feeling in your thumb now?GENERAL SECRETARY: It is very hot, Baba.BABA: Using that hot thumb, touch the vertebrae in the area ofhis svadhistana chakra (i.e., area of lower back). (Speaking to firstDada:) Is that the area of your pain?DADA: Yes, Baba.BABA: GS, twist and turn your hot thumb ... move slightly higher... yes ... now move down the spine ... continue ... yes ... that is enough.Now, how do you feel, my boy?DADA: I feel full of power.BABA: And the pain?DADA: It is gone, Baba.BABA: It will not return. Now, what plan have you chalked outfor the use of your improved body?DADA: I will do maximum service to the suffering humanity, Baba.BABA: Very good. Very good.WORKING 24 HOURS A DAY


Pretending to be normalBabaís voice is a nasal one. It is something peculiar. Many peoplelike that voice, but I doubt that the public would consider His voiceespecially appealing or magnificent.Thatís why, after hearing Babaís voice for more than ten years, todayI was surprised. His voice became beautiful and mellow, like atrained public speaker. The scene was appropriate for this attractivevoice, because He spoke to the Prout candidates for state assembliesin India. It was as if He wanted to give them an example how to speakto the public though He did not say it in so many words.A portion of His speech in English:ìCommunism was a utopian idea never to be materialized on thisearth. Now most of the countries have recognized this fact. So this isthe opportune moment for Prout to come. We have to propagate itamong the intellectuals. The time is come. In each and every corner ofthe earth. In each and every hearth of human soul. For this we needmore Prout cadres. Forty-eight new wholetimers in India, and forty-eightnew wholetimers overseas. Help this project. It is not enough, but forthe time being it may do something. I said twice before, the time iscome. There is no other philosophy to solve the worldís problems andquench human thirst. This election proved there is a need and a demand.The world wants you. No time is to be lost. There is dire necessity.îPerhaps each and every action of Baba is calculated for its effect.He is a full-time unpaid actor. To imagine that all these years He wasspeaking in an artificial voice. And why did He pick such a nasal sound?I can guess that He wanted us to be attracted only by His way of living,His ideas, and His sacrifice.Perhaps this is why He wears glasses, dresses simply, and appearsnormal. In the early days, before Ananda Marga was well known, it

often happened in train stations that non-Margis would approach Dadasto pay their respects, never even noticing Baba.I remember a story from many years ago:A certain Margi believed that Baba did not need spectacles, butonly wore them because His unobstructed gaze was too over-powering.One day, this Margi served Baba His meal. When he entered the room,347he saw Baba reading a newspaper without wearing His glasses. But Hewas holding the paper very close to His eyes.The shocked Margi thought, My God! Baba does need glasses! Hestood there, holding the tray of food, unable to move. Wild thoughtsentered his mind: perhaps he had over-estimated Baba; perhaps Babawas not really powerful; perhaps He was not a true guru.After thinking this for some time, he noticed that Baba was holdingthe newspaper upside-down.In that moment, Baba lowered the paper, looked at the Margi, andsmiled.Going to Ananda Nagar instead of staying with BabaEveryone is alarmed. Baba has experienced some sort of heart failure,and was admitted to the emergency ward of a private nursing home.The festive atmosphere of yesterday is now replaced by a gloomy one.......Next day. Workers and Margis have decided to hold continuouskiirtan until Baba is cured. The kiirtan has been super-high. Now againeveryone is feeling inspired.......Next day. Just after the kiirtan reached the 24-hour mark, Babasent a message from the nursing home: ìAll Margis and workers shouldproceed to Ananda Nagar for the winter program. May it be a grandsuccess. Keep in mind three points: 1) All Margis should love AnandaNagar. If any donít yet love Ananda Nagar, they should start to love itnow. 2) Ananda Nagar is the best place for Margis. 3) Every Margiísbody should touch the soil of Ananda Nagar.îThough Baba remained away, we had to follow His directives. Westopped the kiirtan, and left for Ananda Nagar.......Five days later. Ananda Nagar. As Baba foretold, our spiritual festivalwas ìa grand success.î About 30,000 Margis attended. Sixty-fivefull-timers and Margis decided to go for acharya training, and twentypieces of land were donated for making model communities.WORKING 24 HOURS A DAY


CHAPTER 20

He Sends Out a Clarion CallLittle work and all pleasureCalcutta, January 1990. Today, as Baba was leaving the nursinghome, He called all the nurses ìMaî and distributed sweets to them.They all cried. The last person at the door was Babaís doctor, Dr Sen,one of Indiaís leading heart specialists. He also treated Mother Teresa.He said, ìBaba, we all thank You for putting Your holy feet in ournursing home. But You are not a man, or even a superman. You are agod.î Then he prostrated himself at Babaís feet.

Dada Keshavananda told me that a few days ago the doctors protestedthat Baba was continuing to compose Prabhat Sangiit songs inthe emergency ward even though they had requested Him not to doany work. In one day alone He wrote thirteen songs. He responded bysaying, ìComposing Prabhat Sangiit does not require any special effortfrom my part. Similarly, whenever I write Shabda Cayanika (Hisencyclopedia), it is a spontaneous expression. Rather than consideringthese processes to be my work, you should title them my pleasures.îKeshavanandaji asked Baba what He considered to be work. Hesaid, ìWhen I conceptualized the idea of Ananda Marga, or Prout, ormicrovita, or Neo-Humanismóthese original revolutionary creationsrequired a little exertion. You may be interested to know that the workwhich occupied my effort for the longest time was the invention ofour Pratik (the symbol of Ananda Marga). It took me thirty minutes.î......A few days ago two nurses approached Keshavanandaji with a question.They said, ìEach of us separately observed Baba talking in His349sleep. Both times He said the same words: Master units. Master units.Do the words master units have any special meaning that you know?îKeshavanandaji laughed. ìYes, I know. The establishment of MasterUnits all over the globe is now our most important program. It isso important that Baba goes on creating the conducive psychic wavefor them even when His body is sleeping.î99

......The last story concerns Dr Ramesh, a specialist at the clinic. Oneday the doctor told Baba, ìYour health is not good. But I understandyou frequently scold your workers. Anger is not helpful to your cure.So I request you to refrain from such rebuking.îBaba became furious, shouting loud enough to cause everyone tojump, ìWho is he to tell me such a thing!îThe Dadas became upset, and the doctors became afraid.In a twinkle of an eye, Baba again changed His mood, and saidsweetly, ìNow, do you mean like that?îìYes, Baba,î said Dr Ramesh, shaking.ìNo need to worry,î said Baba. ìYou see, I say all such causticwords from my throat, not from my heart. It does not affect me.îHE SENDS OUT A CLARION CALL99The Master Unit program is the culmination of all other social service activities ofAnanda Marga. For simplicityís sake, until this point my diary entries referred to suchprojects as ìland communitiesî or ìmodel communities.î Ananda Nagar was our firstMaster Unit. To be considered a Master Unit, a piece of land must be at least five acres.On this land we must establish a yoga/meditation center, agricultural farm, cottageindustry, family dwellings, a self-contained system of ponds and streams, an alternativeenergy center, and a permanent service center. According to location and various otherfactors, we should also, if possible, develop a childrenís home and school, a wild animalsanctuary, botanical gardens, medical hospital or clinic, a dairy farm, and a goodnumber of welfare homes and appropriate industries. Thus, the Master Unit serves asa model community by which the public may practically experience Prout in action.Without this demonstration, Prout would be only an interesting theory, and most peoplewould not believe that the implementation of Prout is truly possible. The Master Unitis also a training ground to develop the subtle feelings and knowledge required forgaining the cooperation and leadership skills upon which a Proutist society is based.Though Baba gave the concept of Master Unit many years before this diary entry,it was only in 1987 that He began emphasizing it. During the four years beginning with1987, He gradually stepped up the level of concentration on making and developingMaster Units. Eventually, almost every Dada and Didi became involved in obtaining

land. Throughout the world we now own hundreds of properties on which we are developingMaster Unit projects. For example, in the Fareast Asia sector we have a totalof ten Master Units in Taiwan, Korea, Russia, Mongolia, Hong Kong and Japan.350 TRAVELS WITH THE MYSTIC MASTER

The creator of madnessThe doctors first gave strict instructions, and then pleaded withBaba, that He should not work for the next one month. Though it isdoubtful He can keep Himself away from work for so long, we expectthat for a few days at least He will abide by these instructions. He willnot, for example, hold darshan or workersí meetings. Many Margis arehere from all over the world who are desperate for a glimpse of Baba.Their only chance is while Baba takes garden-walks twice daily. It ispossible to look over the boundary wall and see Him. It is Babaís privatetime so no one is technically permitted to do this, but the rule isgenerally overlooked because the Margis have never been too manyat a single time, and everyone maintains silence. This stretching of therule has gone on for years.Today there were far more Margis looking over the wall than atany other time. There were hundreds, mostly from overseas. The Margisliterally climbed over each other to secure a vantage points on the wall.To see over the wall it is necessary to stand on something, usually piledbricks or rocks. The types of structures thus built were varied, and oftenwere piled too high, so that they sometimes collapsed, causing manypeople to simultaneously fall to the ground. Though knees and elbowswere scraped, no one seemed to care.In this atmosphere, for the first time, the unwritten rule of maintainingsilence was broken. The Margis could not control themselves.As Baba emerged in a wheelchair, a few weeping sounds and sighs cutthe silence. Within a few more moments, such a thrill swept throughthe crowd that Margis were crying, laughing, yelling ìBaba!,îìNamaskar Baba!î and so on. Baba smiled. He turned His face towardthe Margis, and they went wild. A Yugoslavian brother jumped overthe wall, and was immediately restrained by the security volunteers. Iwas standing or, rather, hanging down from the roof, and had a perfectview of the whole scene. It was cinematic, to say the least.As Baba concluded the walk, He was wheeled toward the final corner.It was a few meters from there that the Yugoslavian brother wasbeing held. Suddenly he broke away from the guards, lunged in frontof Baba, and prostrated at His feet. In the same moment, Babaís closestbodyguard, Pratap, leapt forward, and in a single flowing movementlifted the brother off the ground and thrust him into the distance. Though351everyone was excited by this performance, Baba was undisturbed. Hepretended not even to see it, though it happened immediately before Him.A moment later, when yet another Margi yelled ìNamaskar Baba,îHe spoke to the Margis for the one and only time, saying, ìYou are alldoing namaskar to me. One namaskar from me is enough for all.î Hethen folded His hands and, turning His body slowly around, did a longnamaskar toward all the Margis. The effect was like His varabhayamudra, His gesture of blessing during DMC. By their crying and sighingit was clear that every Margi felt it.Donít make problems out of nothingWithout reporting sessions to attend, Iíve time on my hands. Thinking

to inspire a few Margis from my sector, I escorted four of them tothe Didisí quarters where I requested a meeting with Didi AnandaBharati who everyone affectionately calls Aunty. Aunty is the first Didiand also the oldest. She is the sole teacher of kapalika meditation forDidis who are authorized by Baba to become avadhutikas. For manymonths she has been so sick that she could hardly leave her room.The five of us sat around her bed.ìHow are you, Aunty?î I asked.ìMy ëIí is fine. But, ach, this body should have died some yearsago. Baba is just keeping it around for His pleasure. Ha, ha!îShe spoke in such a way that we all laughed with her. Then I askedAunty to tell us some of her experiences with Baba. She did not wantto tell any, but due to our repeated requests, she narrated a few incidents.These stories were mostly sentimental. For example, she said,ìI used to frequent His kitchen to cook food for Him. Once I madeice cream for Him, and He said, ëMother, this is yum yum!íìI remember this sort of moment best. You know, He never hadme sit on the floor like other workersóHe always arranged a chair forme. Though I was the disciple, He was such a gentleman with me.ìCountless times I saw Him perform miracles with other workersand Margis. But I never desired that experience. I donít crave thingswhich come and go. I only want whatís permanent. So He never gaveme those kinds of miracles. Yet I know He hears the words I am speakingright now. No one can hide anything from Baba.ìYou must listen to Guru like a child listens to his teacher in school.Though Baba is against dogma, we must have blind faith in Him. ThisHE SENDS OUT A CLARION CALL


alone is surrender. The more the child surrenders, the more He musttake care.îShe turned to each of the Margis to ask them how they felt in Indiaóitwas the first visit for each of them. When it came to Taiwansister Madhaviís turn, she said, ìIím fine, Aunty.î Knowing thatMadhavi was actually sick, I said, ìYou see, Aunty, Madhavi is Chinese.So even if she has problems, she will say she has no problems.îAunty said, ìWhy should she have problems? She is a yogini, aTantric.îìBut the more we Tantrics evolve, Aunty,î I said, ìthe more problemswe have.îìNo, no,î she said. ìNo problems.îìBut look at Baba,î I said. ìHe has so many problems.îìOh, Baba. He is something different. Listen, donít make problemswhere there need be no problems.îShe gazed at me, smiling. Her last sentence, simple and obvious asit was, rang in my mind. For the first time in my life I realized that Ihad a tendency to dig up problems and complications even when theywere best left undisturbed. I will never forget her words.100

Global water crisisAnanda Nagar. June. During a workersí meeting, Baba said, ìAwater crisis is soon to strike the earth. Due to overuse of undergroundwater resources, the water-table is sinking. Furthermore, at some pointthat water will become so polluted it can no longer be processed fordrinking. This problem will dominate over most other problems in

most countries of the world. It will be the direct cause of millions ofdeaths. In many areas people will become dependent on rainwater. Internationalcommerce in water will become more than commerce inpetroleum. This crisis will come to a peak in the year 2000. Will youremember that? 2000? (So saying, Baba used His forefinger to drawthe numerals 2-0-0-0 in the air.) It is for this reason that on our MasterUnits, next to every building, a pond should be constructed to catchthe rainwater. Our Master Units should not depend on undergroundwater sources.î100 A few weeks later Aunty died.353The most powerful mudra I ever feltBabaís DMC varabhaya mudra (gesture of blessing) was scheduledfor today. In the moment that we all expected Him to give the mudra,however, He brought His hands down on the couchóso forcefully thatit made a dull noise.There are all sorts of speculative explanations. But no one reallyunderstands Babaís strange behavior.The crowd of about 30,000 was disappointed.......Two days later. There was no darshan this morning; the programwas clearly finished, and most people arranged to leave. We faced theusual problems of secretly removing the overseas Margis. The policewant to catch foreign Margis and blacklist them from reentering India.In the past, we hid them inside large trucks. But this time the truckswere delayed, and hadnít come.Two or three workers made a plan to hustle the overseas Margisinto a train during its stop in Pundag (the closest station). This planwas neither announced nor clarified, even when it came time to rushthe first batch of Margis to the train. At that time, about two or threethousand Indian Margis were also boarding.The police spotted the non-Indians, and took up the chase. Whilemost of the foreigners escaped, they succeeded in capturing three sistersand one brother. In the process, they ripped off some of the womenísclothing in a most disrespectful manner. In India such behavior towardwomen is considered outrageous. Within moments the Margiswere taken off to the nearby policebox.The Indian Margis were so angry about the behavior of the policethat they pulled out one of the track railings, rendering the train immobile.The Margis declared they would not permit the train to leaveuntil the captured Margis were released.The few hundred innocent passengers already on the train becamethe victims of this drama. Two Margis gave them a mass lecture toexplain the problem, and all became sympathetic. The Margis broughtwater and snacks for the stranded passengers.Meanwhile, back at Ananda Nagar (about two kilometers away),all the overseas workers had long before changed from their orangeHE SENDS OUT A CLARION CALL


robes to civilian clothes. Hearing that the police and local communistthugs were preparing for a confrontation, we engaged ourselves in planningand constructing a defense. We began shifting the women andchildren into more central buildings where they would be safer. In this

way, several hours passed. The tension increased, and still the trainremained. Because it was a fasting day, the strain was not only psychicbut also physical.At 10:00 p.m., someone yelled, ìI see Babaís car! Itís headed towardthe darshan tent!î Since the DMC program seemed finished, andas we were in the midst of a dangerous crisis, we could not believethat Baba would give darshan. But better run to the tent to see!By the time I entered, Baba was already seated, and a program wasindeed underway. For the first time ever, I sat in the middle instead ofthe front for darshan. Being in civil clothes, I preferred not to attractthe attention of anyone, including Baba.Because many people had already left, and the tent was half empty,the feeling was strange. But Baba was in a fine mood, joking and speakingcasually. When He finally started the formal darshan itself, the airbecame energized. By the time He had half finished, I was so concentratedon Him that I unconsciously shifted from my normal cross-leggedposition to a strained kneeling pose. Even though He spoke in Bengali,I became excited. I didnít know why. And then I thought, ìPerhapsHeíll give the mudra. How odd if itís so, but...î A few moments laterHe began singing the chant Samgacchadvam, which always precedesthe mudra. We all sat forward, astounded, waiting, tense.And He gave it. A varabhaya mudra as I had never before experienced.He used to hold the mudra for perhaps five seconds or less.But this one, how long did it last? At the time it seemed interminable.Everyone, absolutely everyone, including the small children, wereblasted. Shouts of ìBaba! Baba!î came from all sides. I also shouteduncontrollably. My hair seemed to stand on end. My eyes felt as if theywould pop out of their sockets, and my skin as if it would explode offmy body. My heart burst with feeling for Him, and my mind stoppedfunctioning, except to think Baba! Baba!At last He closed His hands, and did namaskar. Perhaps forty secondshad passed. The crowd sang Prabhat Sangiit or something, I donítrememberóI remained absorbed in looking at Him. Then everyone355stood up to dance kiirtan. I stood but could not dance. I could onlystare at Him. As the kiirtan continued, Baba slowly walked off the stage.Without thinking, I ran toward Him. The tent was so big. I did notknow where He had gone, but I lifted up one wall, dove under, and keptrunning. Sooner than I expected, I saw Baba entering His car. Volunteerguards were protecting the area with their sticks. Paying no attentionto them, I rushed toward Baba. The guards didnít react quickly enough,and I was soon past them. I rushed up to the window of Babaís carwithout any concern for the impropriety of my clothing. I was crying.The car drove away before I could touch it. I ran alongside it. Icould clearly see Baba, though He did not see me. Weeping and running.Oh, Baba! It went on a long way like that. Then the car sped up,leaving me behind.I walked slowly toward our quarters. Someone came from behindme and took my handóDada Nityashubhananda. He was also deeplyaffected. We walked together without speaking, tears welling in oureyes. When we arrived at the hostel, I excused myself and went up tothe roof to be alone in the darkness. Everyone else was still at thedarshan tent. As I sat for meditation, I heard powerful, booming voices

speaking to the crowd over the PA system.The mudra had invested everyone with such energy that an immediatereturn to normality was impossible. Remembering the stand-offat the train station, the Margis became even more excited. They couldno longer tolerate the injustice. Hundreds poured out of the tent andraced toward the station.Silence returned. I slipped deep into meditation and paid no heedto my surroundings. I was unaware when the overseas Margis returnedto the hostel. Unaware when, some time later, a great hubbub stirred.Someone ran onto the roof. ìDada, weíve been looking for you!Come quickly, thereís an emergency!îUninterested, but compelled by duty (I have been the main organizerfor overseas Margis during this DMC), I rose slowly to my feetand made my way downstairs. Three or four workers rushed up tome. ìDharmavedananda, whereíve you been? Thereís been an attack!îMy senses returned. ìWhere? What happened exactly?îìThe police went mad at the station area! They fired their rifles randomlyin all directions! Many people were hit, and some may be dead!îHE SENDS OUT A CLARION CALL


I looked at my watch. After midnight. Margis and workers wererunning here and there. A Dada told me that he was going to the hospitalby motorcycle to check on the extent of the injuries and askedme if I wanted to come. I nodded. Within minutes we were there.About twenty men were lying in beds, groaning from bullet shots.One in particular was screaming in pain. Not long after, he died. Thecondition of four others was critical.The police had fired indiscriminately. Though many women andchildren were in the crowd, none were hit. It seemed that only divinedispensation had spared them.The suffering was very real. For some reason I was inspired. Theirstolid manner in the face of agony, the history in the making of whichall were aware, and the fact that Baba chose this moment to give HismudraóI felt, I had to feel, that a noble purpose was behind us. I heldsomeoneís hand here, touched a forehead thereówhat more could I do?The doctors and nurses were caring for them, and I had still to thinkfor the overseas Margis.We went back to constructing more defenses, still discussing howto escape, taking care of some Margis who were inexperienced, helpingothers to adjust who were physically illóit was late, 3:30 a.m.; wehad been fasting in the heat all day; Margis were collapsing, closingtheir eyes, sleeping. It was enough already. I informed the guards thatI, too, would rest until the sun rose, and to wake me if there was news.Dramatic educationAt sunrise, I awoke. A few workers were talking.ìHas anyone spoken to Baba about all this?î I asked.ìJust now one Dada came with that news. Baba said, ëIím very painedby the suffering of these boys. But why did no one check with me beforerushing in front of the police? It was inappropriate.íîSoon after, the trucks finally arrived. We prepared to leave in ournormal secret manner.And what about the four imprisoned overseas Margis? After hearingBabaís comment, we decided to deal with their cases through the

courts.......357Ranchi. The evening papers ran headlines stories about the attack.Photos of the dead Dada and the four severely injured workers appearedwith long articles condemning the behavior of the police.Though this conflict may have technically been inappropriate, I feelit was a part of the Cosmic plan. The Margis now understand betterthe injustice of this government and the general public has gained furtherevidence of the persecution of Ananda Marga. We have experiencedand learned many things through this incident.Maybe I have no right to make the following comment. Nevertheless:Though Babaís words condemned the Margisí action, I feel Heknew it would happen, and perhaps on the psychic level caused it tohappen. It was obvious that Baba should have been consulted first; Ithink He speeded up their minds and made them forget to ask Him. Inorder to create various circumstances for our growth, the Tantra guruoften causes us to commit mistakes, without which the necessary conditionswould never develop.Some people may consider my opinion a heartless one. For me,however, this idea is full of love. I remember Babaís explanation as towhy Krishna engineered the Mahabharata war: ìIt was meant for populareducation. If Parama Purusha (Cosmic Consciousness) accomplisheseverything by mere thought-projection, the lessons would gounnoticed and unlearnt by others....Hence, events like the battle ofKurukshetra had to be conceived and dramatized....Nobody was sparedóeven Abhimanyu, the nephew of Krishna and son of Arjuna, was notspared. For in war between virtue and vice, the sparks of the fire spreadout on all sides.î101

Conversation on a trainNew Delhi. While coming here by train, I overheard an interestingconversation. Several educated men were discussing world politics.They spoke in English. When their conversation turned to thepredicament of communism, one of them said, ìThe strange fact is thatmany years ago the guru of Ananda Marga, P.R. Sarkar, predicted indetail the collapse of communism.îAnother man made a few comments about Baba, and finished bysaying, ìYes, in every age at least one such great intellectual is there.î101 Namami Krsna Sundaram, Ananda Marga Publications,1981.HE SENDS OUT A CLARION CALL


ìBut he also prophesied the demise of capitalism,î said a third. ìIdonít know about that.îìWell, none of us knew about communismís downfall either. Letíswait and see. If I had to wager, Iíd bet whatever Sarkar said is correct.îThey all nodded their heads. I was about to stick my neck out andsay something, when they changed the topic.The universityTokyo. A Dada returned from India today. The latest news is thatBaba has started a new program. A university is being created in AnandaNagar.Several times daily, jeeps and motorcycles arrive at the Central Officepiled high with books to be used for the university library. The

books are perused by a full-time staff of workers and Margis. One ofthe largest rooms in the office is being used for planning the universityísarchitecture, courses, staff needs, budgets and so on. They are hopingto open the university before the end of the year, and so, an enormousamount of preparation is required.102

Amnesty cooperatesA few days ago, while teaching meditation at Waseda University, Imet a few student members of Amnesty International. On their initiative,I was introduced to a local Amnesty leader who spoke fluent English.I explained that Ananda Nagar workers are facing almost dailyattacks from thugs and police. I also explained that Amnesty neverhelped us when Baba was in jail, because His case was then classifiedas a criminal case. She was sympathetic and requested me to show herproof of my allegations. Since then, we have had several meetings, andI have presented all the newspaper clippings, court decisions and otherdocuments related to the persecution of Ananda Marga in Bengal. Todaythe Tokyo Amnesty office formally took up our case and begancorrespondence with their London headquarters. The woman in-chargetold me they would insist on a proper investigation, though it may takea few weeks to get the ball rolling.102 Together with the Master Unit program, the university is one of our most importantCentral projects. It is concerned not only with academic study but also with practicalresearch on new scientific inventions and agricultural systems at Ananda Nagar.359Total shockOctober 22. The most shocking experience of my life occurredtoday.At 3:00 in the morning, Dada Artapremananda woke me up andcalled me into his office where he had been sleeping alone. His eyesbulged, his body shivered continuously, and his skin was pale. Helooked as if he had gone mad.ìI ... received ... a phone call two hours ago,î he stammered. ìIcouldnít believe it, and just sat here dazed since then. But ... but ...now another call came. So I had to tell someone.îìWhat is it?î I said.He started weeping and shaking furiously. I put my hand on hisshoulder to try to comfort him.ìBaba ... is ... gone.îìWhat! What are you talking about?î I said.His crying and shaking increased.ìDid you have a bad dream or something?îìNo. No. Oh, Baba. First Didi Hemavati called me from Korea.Now someone called from Calcutta. Itís true. Babaís left His body.îìItís impossible! I canít believe it, and I donít accept it.îìOh, I donít know what to do or what to think,î he said.ìNo, this is ridiculous. Baba couldnít have died. He said He wouldstay until His work was done. It must be something else. I am going tocall Calcutta.îìAlright.îAfter a few minutes I was able to get through. Dada Bhaveshanandaanswered.ìWhat happened?î I said.His voice was sober, slow and somewhat shaking, ìIt seems ... Baba

left.îìWhat do you mean seems?îìThe life force is gone for some hours now. No pulse. Nothing.îìPerhaps Heís in samadhi or some special state. Maybe He willcome out of it after some time.îìWell, we hope so. But ... I donít think so.îI tried to think of something else to say, but my mind went blank.I passed the phone to Artapremanandaji, and he spoke briefly in Hindi.Then he hung up. He turned to me, saying, ìWhat should we do?îHE SENDS OUT A CLARION CALL


ìWell, I simply donít believe Babaís died,î I said, almost calmly.ìBut in any case, something extraordinaryís happened, so I want to goto India immediately.îìYes, Iíll also go.îìNow we should tell the other Dadas.îìOh, I canít talk anymore.îìItís okay. Iíll tell them.îI woke up the others and brought them in the room. I felt very cold,but otherwise almost normal. After speaking a few words of introductionto prepare their minds, I said, ìTheyíre all telling that Baba hasdied.îNo one said a word. But all four of them stared at me eerily. Theirfaces all wore strange expressions, and they edged closer toward me.ìThereís no explanation,î I said. ìAnd personally, I just donít believeit.îThey could hardly speak. I donít know why, but I think they immediatelyaccepted it as true. Without saying a word, Moksanandaji gotup, took his jacket, and walked out of the house. The others wanderedaimlessly or sat and stared at the walls.I was sure there was more to the story. Unworried, I took a shower,entered the meditation room, and sang kiirtan as if it were an ordinaryday. No one joined me.At 9:00 I phoned our travel agent and booked tickets for Artapremanandajiand myself. By 10:00 we were out the door and on our wayto the airport.Sitting in the plane, I was still feeling relatively normal whenArtapremanandaji turned to me and said, ìI just remembered somethingBhaveshananda told me which I didnít tell you. Theyíve alreadyput Babaís body on the ice.îHis words hit me like a sledgehammer. ìWhat? But then ... He mustreally be ... Oh, God, no! Oh, no! Then Heís really dead!îI turned my face away. At this point I canít clearly remember whathappened, except that I went mad. A million ideas and visions passedthrough me. I thought of every possibility of what it meant for Babaand for me. I wept at my loss, wept at the worldís loss, worried for Baba,blamed Him, felt as lonely as a boat lost at sea, burned in my physicalheart, felt guilty, felt rejected, felt insane. I even thought of leaving361Ananda Marga. Why should I stay without Baba? Our mission was notyet finished, and we would never be able to complete it without Him.After about an hour, I regained my composure. It was just a test.He knew what He was doing, as He had always known. There must be

a great purpose behind it. Though I never imagined He would do sucha thing, I had to accept it. Though it was intolerable, I had to tolerateit. I would have to go ahead, and I steeled my mind for the task. I forcedit to be positive, if not happy.Throughout this time I hadnít spoken to Artapremanandaji. At thispoint I turned toward him, saying, ìIím okay now.î He nodded his head.When we reached Bangkok, we called Japan. Only a few minutesbefore, Moksanandaji had returned. After receiving the news, he hadstrayed through the streets of Tokyo for fifteen hours.He remains active without His physical bodyYesterday I received an emergency visa from the Indian embassyin Thailand. After discussing the matter with a few workers, it wasdecided that all Didis and Dadas could come. We phoned Japan, Taiwan,Korea and Hong Kong.Today at 2:00 a.m., while standing in the line for the immigrationcheck in Delhi, I befriended a Japanese tourist and translated all theprocedures for him.Just after receiving my entry stamp, an elderly official in civil clothesdirected me to the side of the room.ìYouíve come for the funeral, havenít you?î he said.ìWhat funeral?îìYou know very well. The Anand Marg funeral.îìIím sorry, I donít know what youíre talking about.îìListen. Iím an old man. Iíve seen you in Calcutta. I know youírea Margi.îìSir, Iíve never been to Calcutta.îìI donít want to disturb your program. If you admit the truth tome, I will allow you to go ahead for the funeral. Why should I troubleyou at a moment like this? But if you persist in this drama, I will haveyou deported. Now, please confirm that you are an Anand Margi.îìA what? Look, itís very late. Iím tired, and I donít know what youíretalking about.îHE SENDS OUT A CLARION CALL


He turned toward another official and directed the Japanese manto be pulled out of the line, suspecting him also to be a Margi. I wouldhave laughed internally, but I wasnít in great humor. For Godís sake,I was enough troubled, and now on top of it, I was going to get deported.Surely they would find out the truth because my suitcase containedmy orange uniform, and Ananda Marga books and documents.I had never before been stopped like this, except in Calcutta, so I hadníttaken any precautions.He asked questions for another half hour. I desperately clung tomy story that I didnít know Ananda Marga, and was following nobodyand nothing except my own nose. He didnít believe a single word. Meanwhile,the Japanese fellow was questioned by someone else.At last the old man turned to an assistant, saying, ìGo check hisluggage for any Anand Marg related items.îAs I hopelessly handed over the luggage key, I thought, Baba, ifYou get me out of this one, then Iíll accept Youíre still active, even withoutYour physical body.About ten minutes later, the assistant returned. He shook his head.ìI canít believe it,î said the officer in Hindi. ìAre you sure thereís

nothing?îìNothing,î said the assistant, shrugging his shoulders.The officer scowled. He stared into my eyes. I looked backnonchalantly, hardly believing my luck. ìIím sure youíre a Margi,î hesaid. ìBut ... youíre free to go now.îìThanks a lot,î I grunted. Then I thought, Baba, Youíre still withme! How did You manage it?I picked up my luggage, and walked to the green channel.ìDo you have anything to declare?î asked a customís official.ìOnly a small cheap camera,î I said.ìShow it to me,î he said.Opening my suitcase, I shuffled my orange clothes and other possessionsaround. The camera wasnít there, and neither was a box ofempty cassette tapes. So that was it! The assistant knew Iíd never exposehis theft.ìSorry,î I said. ìForgot I left it in Thailand.îAs the official waved me through, I looked back and saw the poorJapanese man sweating under the old manís investigation.363Losing my centerCalcutta. Thousands of Margis are here, eyes glazed or filled with tears.Because I had already adjusted myself during the plane flight withArtapremanandaji, I felt calm. I stood in a long line waiting to enterBabaís house to see His body. Next to me stood Cintamani, a Margifrom Norway. He was particularly lucky, even inspired. After not goingto India for about ten years, something had pushed him to comehere one month ago. He was blessed to experience Baba in the lastweeks of His life.We were calmly talking together when suddenly, unexpectantly, asurge of feeling rose from my chest, and before I knew what I was doing,I was sobbing. As my knees gave way, Cintamani held me up.ìItís okay, Dadaji, itís okay,î he said.Now Iíd lost my center. Nothing could console me. I dragged myselftoward the house, crying continuously.When I entered the door, I saw Him. His face was peaceful, beautiful.Immediately I felt alright. He knew what He was doing. I accepted it fully.After leaving the room, I went to the back of the line. I waited, andagain entered; again stared at Him. Again and again I made the circuit.It was my last chance to see Him, so why should I do anything else?A few hours later, a Dada approached me and asked me if I wantedto run the video camera inside Babaís house.I accepted, knowing that while it wouldnít be enjoyable, it was away to keep busy, and remain inside Babaís room at the same time.I filmed thousands of Margis as they shuffled around the body. Eachface was unique, but each was filled with anguish. Occasionally, someonecollapsed, screaming in agony. Some workers and Margis who Ihighly respected, lost all control, and acted with unconscious abandon.As for me, at first I believed I had regained my composure. But againand again, I lost it, and wept bitterly.I filmed many brothers and sisters that I hadnít seen in years. Itwas not the time, however, to say hello.Why and how He leftThe Central workers called a meeting of overseas Margis and workers.

Who was there who did not wonder why and how Baba had suddenlyleft us?HE SENDS OUT A CLARION CALL


Babaís personal assistant, Dada Keshavananda, told us about thedays leading up to October 21st:ìSince August, He was clearly in a hurry. He spent very little timealone, instead calling frequent group and individual meetings. Overthe last weeks, many times in the wee hours of the morning, say 3:00or 4:00, He woke me, and instructed me to call certain workers. Thefirst time it happened I told Him that it was 3:00, and that they wouldsurely be sleeping. He became angry, and said, If those workers arenot here within ten minutes, I shall never give them the program thatísin my mind.í Of course I got them. We all became exhausted with Hisspeed, but instead of slowing down, He accelerated. Sometimes wetalked between ourselves, wondering at the cause of His haste. No one,however, came close to imagining that He was busy putting the finaltouches on His lifeís work.ìOnly one week before His departure, Baba gave kapalika initiationto the largest number of workers ever. He requested one hundredcandidates. Because He had always been very selective in approvingworkers for this purpose, we were not prepared, and could only roundup seventy-nine. He always rejected more applicants than He approved.But this time, without even asking any questions, He approved all. Wewere bewildered at His behavior.ìImmediately after the initiations, Baba became sick. Well, at leastthat was normal. After taking on many personsí samskaras, He usuallybecame sick. And this was by far the biggest number.ìOn the last day, October 21st, His health actually improved. Itwas better than it had been in a long time. The morning was normal.He was working with the same tremendous speed that he had shownduring these last months. Though late on the previous night He hadcomposed the final two Prabhat Sangiits (numbers 5017 and 5018),He rose at 3:00 a.m. as usual to perform His spiritual practices. Later,He reviewed the work of various departments and gave instructionswhile shavingóeven this was usual for His hectic schedule. He alwaystold us, ëYou should not only be prepared to die while working, youshould even work while dying.í These words He clearly practiced.ìShortly before 2:00 p.m., He said to me, ëI want to think.í As Ishut the door, I thought, Heís never said such a thing before. After a365few minutes He called me. I believe it was during those minutes thatHe carefully reviewed all His planning, and confirmed that nothingremained to be done. He called one of the new avadhutas, and spentone hour alone with that Dada. That was the last work of Babaís lifeópersonal attention given to a young worker. After that, He said to me,ëI want to rest now.í These words also He had never before spoken.About five minutes later, He rang the callbell, and when I came, Hepointed at His chest, and said, ëHeart.íìI immediately ran for the doctors. They came quickly, and beganmassage. But as they felt for Babaís pulse, their faces became ashen.When they said, ëThe life-force is gone,í we could not believe it.î......

Dada Mantreshvarananda, the Central Public Relations Secretarysaid:ìWhy did He leave so suddenly? I remember several years ago, Babasaid, ëWhen my work is done, I will leave immediately. I wonít remaineven a single extra moment.í He wrote hundreds of books, providedsufficient guidance in every realm of work and life, fully establishedthe global structure, and, most importantly, trained the workers. Whatmore was there to do? The rest depends on us.ìYes, it depends on us. About ten days before, I think it was 12thOctober, during the reporting session, Baba asked us three times, ëCanI depend on you to carry on my mission?í We repeatedly replied, ëYes,You can depend on us.íìMany workers wondered what it meant, because the wording impliedBaba was leaving us, though no one dared utter such a thought.Then He made us take the following oath:ëAll my energy, all my mind, all my thoughts, all my deeds are tobe goaded unto the path of the collective elevation of human societywithout neglecting other animate and inanimate objects right from thismoment until the last point of my living on this earth.íìThe power was such that everyone became super-charged, and feltready to do any work.ìA few days later, Baba asked me, ëMantreshvarananda, whichPrabhat Sangiita do people generally like?í I mentioned a few songs,HE SENDS OUT A CLARION CALL


then I added more, and still I couldnít decide, and added even more.Baba said, ëIf I give you time, maybe youíll list all the songs. But dopeople like, Tumi esechile kaoke nabole nabolia cholegele?í (Meaning:You came without telling anyone, and You went back without tellinganyone.) I said, ëYes, Baba, that is a very sweet song.í Iíll rememberforever how He smiled at that time.ìAbout the same time, while dictating a book to three of usóVijayanandaji, the General Secretary and meóHe said, ëDo you knowthat all the doctors are experimenting on me? But they cannot cureme. And no one can cure me. It depends on my samkalpaómy vow ofdetermination. If I think disease, disease comes. If I think cure, curecomes. And it completely depends on me what I should think.íìThe Calcutta Circle workers meeting finished on schedule on the17th. But Baba did not give those workers permission to leave. Thisviolated His long-standing system. The Delhi Sector meeting started,and also some global workers arrived. Only on the 21st, did we realizeHe had thus arranged for maximum workers to be here for His GreatDeparture.ìOn the 20th, the night before His departure, He held a meetingfor Prout workersóboth Margis and Dadas. He questioned each Margi,one by one, taking their reports. Then He had us repeat the oath, thesame one which we had pledged in the October 12th meeting. As faras my knowledge goes, this was the first and last time He had not onlyDadas but also Margis collectively making a promise. He then explainedthe situation of the whole world, describing how demonic people aremaking efforts to destroy the social and ecological orders, while goodpeople are rapidly uniting together, preparing to fight those demons.

ìThen He said, ëSerpents are exhaling venom everywhere. It is theright moment, it is the proper moment, it is the most opportune moment.Now at this critical juncture, should we go on preaching the gospelof peace? No, no, no! So before my departure from this world, Ihave made the necessary preparation for the fight against these demons.íìHe added in verse-form: Serpents are exhaling venom everywhere.The sweet gospels of peace sound like empty mockery. That is why onthe eve of my departure from this world, I send out a clarion call to allthose in every house who are preparing to fight against the demons inhuman form.367ìWe were all shocked. What is this? Baba is departing from thisworld? Then He added, ëSo said the great poet Rabindranath Tagore.íWe all breathed a sigh of relief, believing He had simply been quotinga poem. No one guessed that in truth this was His own message, andlast message.103

ìAfter the reporting, Baba talked to me alone in His room. He askedif everyone was inspired, which I confirmed. Then He asked me whatthey all thought about the poem. I said, ëBaba, it is appropriate, andreally it is happening in each Margiís life.í He nodded His head.One last thing I want to add. Two or three weeks ago, Baba said,ëMany people may say, ìBaba, I love you.î In truth, they may or maynot love. But he who loves my ideology really loves me. Because I havemerged myself with my ideology.íî......Himanshuji, Babaís youngest brother, came to Calcutta a few daysago, together with several other family members. He said:ìI was in His room on the last night, the 20th, with some of ourfamily. While taking His meal, He spoke to us all, ëWhenever the seniorperson of the family or the guru dies, the others must be verycareful for one year, because many misfortunes may come.íìI didnít accept what He said at face-value, and said, ëWhy need ithappen like that, Baba? It will all be due only to psychological reasons,which can be overcome.íìëNo,í He said. ëThere is no scientific explanation. You have simplygot to accept it. Have you heard the phrase Maha Guru Ni Pat? Itmeans the departure of the Great Guru. It means the nearest and mostdear one leaves this world. Do you know what you should do in thatcase?íìAs we didnít know, He continued, ëFor one year, one should notmake any luxurious function, construct any special lighting or decora-103 Babaís exact Bengali while quoting Tagoreís poem was:Naíginiiraí caíridike pheliteche visíaíkta vishvaísShaíntir lalita vaíníii shonaíibe vyartha parihaísa.Vidaíy nebaír aíge taíi díaík diye jaíiDaínaver saíthe samígraímer tarePrastiita hateche yaíraí ghare ghare.HE SENDS OUT A CLARION CALL


tion, or arrange any party. Sorrow should be observed for one year.You must be very careful for one year.íìI believed He was only speaking philosophy or theory. I never imaginedwe would have to apply His words from the very next day.ìAnother point is that I used to inform Baba of the day I would

return to my home and take permission from Him to leave. But thistime, for the first time, He asked me when I was leaving. I was thinkingof leaving after two days, that is Monday, but I thought He wasasking because He wanted me to stay much longer. Since I didnít wantto annoy Him, I couldnít find any words to reply. Then in a loud voice,He said, ëIím simply asking if youíll be here tomorrow, Sunday, or not.íI said, ëYes, Baba, Iím leaving on Monday.í He said, ëIím not askingabout Monday, only Sunday.íìAt last He sang a folk song of Bihar to us. I laughed at this, thinkingHe was joking. He noticed my laugh, and said, ëItís not ordinarymusic. Itís a classical song.í The songís meaning was ëIf I will not behere any longer, my cart will still continue to move by the power ofGod.íî......Dada Vimalananda told us about an incident that explains, perhapsbetter than any, why He had to leave us:ìA few years ago, during a meeting of Proutists, one Margi asked,ëBaba, when will Prout be established?íìBaba replied, ëWhen you are perched in a fruit tree, you can onlyeat the fruits on the tree, not the ones on the ground. When you standon the ground, you can only eat the fruits which lie on the ground, notthe ones hanging on the tree. Those who will get This (He pointed toHimself), will not get That (meaning Prout society). Which one doyou want, This or That?íìThe Margis protested, saying, ëOh, Baba, We want both. We wantboth Prout and You.íìBaba said, ëNo, no. You can have only one or the other.íìHe didnít solve all the problems before He left. He left the guidelines,showed some demonstrations, and provided the force to achievethe solutions. We have to solve the problems. We have to establishProut.î......369After this story, Vimalanandaji told us another one whichexplained something about the purpose of Babaís life:In the early 1960ís, when Margis could chat intimately withBaba, one Margi ó perhaps Dasarath Dada, a family achaya ó said,ìBaba, You meditate every day even though You have no need tomeditate. What is the object of Your meditation? And, Baba, if Youdonít mind, can You tell us what is Your mantra?îBaba became quiet and then said, ìI meditate on all of mychildren throughout the world.îìAnd Your mantra, Baba?îHis mood shifted, and some profound emotion swept throughHis facial muscles as He said, ìMy mantra is Manusíoham (I am ahuman being). If I miss ideating on this mantra for even a singlebreath, My worldly existence becomes jeopardized.îWith these words, Baba took a deep breath, and His bodyshivered. The Margis grabbed His feet, rubbed them and, fearing Hemight in that very moment depart, they cried.The orange fireSince Iíve been here, the sky has been overcast. It drizzles continuouslyóaddingto the gloomy feeling. I am told that the weather was

fine until the moment Baba left on the 21st. This morning, the weatherwas still dismal.About ten thousand Margis were gathered on the front lawn in frontof the Central Office. All of us either sat or stood around the greatcement funeral pyre which has been constructed in the shape of asix-pointed star (as in our symbol). It will remain as a permanent reminderof this day. The crowd was abnormally restrained in their behavior.They sang non-stop Prabhat Sangiit and kiirtan.At noon, the pall bearers appeared, carrying an open coffin in whichBaba lay. Almost in one voice, thousands of persons let out a gasp,then a sigh. Though many wept quietly, the overall atmosphere wascalm. According to Ananda Marga system, a short ceremony to consolethe bereaved was performed in which all participated. A final GuruPuja was sung, sung with a feeling never before known.Purified butter was poured on His body, the fire lit, and thick, darksmoke rose. Exactly at that moment, two things happened. After sixHE SENDS OUT A CLARION CALL


days of continuous clouds, the sky suddenly cleared sufficiently for thesun to shine down brightly, the rays illuminating only the cremationarea. At the same time, a flock of birds dropped down from the cloudsin a V-formation, executed a tight circle directly over His body, andflew off in steep ascent.For three hours the orange fire burned. The crowd continued to sitand sing. During all that time, the sun shined brightly. At last, the firewas gone, and only the slight remains went on smoking. The sun againdisappeared, the sky grew cloudy and somber, and gradually the Margisdispersed.......Later in the evening, I was sitting alone on the roof, thinking ofnothing in particular. I felt freer than ever and full of love for Baba.For a moment, my mind looked at itself and wondered why it was feelingso peaceful. Immediately I knew: a previously unrecognized impedimentin my relation with Baba had been burned.I found that I had always harbored a fear, deep in my subconsciousmind, that something in my guru was not perfect, that some sort ofpersonal ambition or purpose may have affected Him. Though I hadnot been aware of this fear, it had nevertheless subtly affected me. Nowit was abundantly clear that He was a man who had not been guidedby even the minutest ego. His death was the final proof. Though Hehad obviously planned His final moment in detail, He made no dramaof it.The manner of His departure was in perfect silent harmony withthe message of His life.371

EpilogueIf my story were divided dramatically, my first years on the spiritualpath and in Ananda Marga would be Act I, and the period I physicallyknew Baba would be Act II. His physical departure leads me intoAct III. Act III is the most critical one, for it is in His absence that wewill see the test of His teachings, His love and the Tantric power thatHe exudes without the burden of a physical body.

A few years ago, He mentioned in a workersí meeting: ìAfter myphysical passing, Margis and workers will be blessed with greater psychicand spiritual attention than I am presently able to provide. Theywill be very fortunate.î At that time we gave little importance to Hiswords, thinking He would remain with us for a long time.Though it is still too early to know how Act III will unfold, we cantake a look at some of the earliest scenes.Continuation of His systemCalcutta. 28 October. Several newspapers reported: ìIn the aftermathof P.R. Sarkarís passing, a great power struggle flares amongAnanda Margaís Central workers, as they fight over establishing newsystems and new leadership.î As usual, the newspapers write with anauthority they donít deserve. Here everyone is aware of Babaís warningto His brother and other family members that ìAfter Maha Guru Ni Pat,the departure of the great guru, for one year you must be very careful.îNo one contemplates making major changes during this period. As theCentral Committee already exists, it is only necessary to chose a new president.Today, without fanfare, Dada Shraddhananda was unanimouslyelected for the post. From all corners of our organization, he is regardedas a saintly man, simple, straightforward, and uninvolved inEPILOGUE


political psychology or favoritism. Over seventy years old, he spent thelast years working in a small room as Central Finance Secretary andeditor of the Central newsletter.Though it has no relation to the above, now, while writing, I suddenlyremember my dream of January 1987104. Baba gave me a glimpse of asymbolic future when I should be careful not to forget Him due to thepresence of other personalities, no matter how outstanding they might be.ìWhatever happens I planned long agoîNew Delhi. November. I donít know how many Margis and workerstold me stories of their dreams or thoughts which clearly foreshadowedBabaís departure. I heard so many that it seems like nearly everyonehad some form of premonition.I recall my own experience last June in Ananda Nagar: for the firstand last time in my life I was wild to see Baba at the close of His concludingdiscourse. Then I became inconsolably depressed after my lastlook at Him when His car sped away from my sprinting feet. ThoughI was consciously unaware that it was my final moment with Baba, myheart obviously felt it.......Dada Vicitrananda told me about an old Filipina woman. In theevening of the 21st October, she telephoned him at our Manila office.ìIs there any news about Baba?î she asked.ìIím sure Heís fine, mother,î Dada replied.ìBut I know thereís some problem. Can you please call Calcutta?I cannot telephone from my little village.îìAlright, donít worry, mother.îShe called an hour later, saying, ìDid you get through, Dadaji?îìI couldnít get the line yet, mother.îìPlease. Please keep trying.îHe had not tried. Now he knew she would go on troubling himuntil he confirmed Babaís health. So he called Calcutta. He was shocked

to hear that Baba was lying in trance.104 That was the dream when I was on a mountain together with unknown Margimountain-people listening to the two leaders of Ananda Marga. I forgot about Baba,who had become an old man.373Vacitranandaji then called the old lady, and said, ìMother, you wereright. Baba is not well. He is in some sort of trance.îìNo. No. Itís worse than that,î she said.One hour later, Dada called Calcutta again, and heard that Baba wasno more. After going through his own agony, he called the old lady.ìMother ... you ... were right. Baba is ... gone.îThere was a moment of silence, then she hung up the phone withouta word.......Today I was on a train with Dada Bodhprajinananda who told methe following story:ìOn 11th August in Minali, India, I had a dream. I was in Tiljala(Calcutta). I saw Babaís body on the main stage. It was covered with asheet, lying on a cot. A huge number of Margis and workers sat in frontof Him, and everyone was weeping.ìI went near His body, though I also was crying. I lifted the clothfrom His face, and said to Him, ëBaba, You left us without proper guidanceand direction. How will we remain in this world? How will weestablish our organizational system, Prout, and a moralist society?íìThen Baba woke up, sat up smiling, and said, ëWhatever I had togive, I have given. You do more and more kiirtan and meditation. Doas much noble work for the cause of society as you can. I am alwayswith you. Go ahead.íìThen again He laid down, and the dream finished.ìI told the Margi in whose house I was staying (he is a bank manager).Also Dada Harimayananda was with me, and I told him too.They encouraged me to call Calcutta to see if Baba was alright. I called,and found out Baba had just entered hospital, and was very sick.ìAfter two months, when He really died, the thought of this dreamhelped me very much to overcome my sorrow.îThere are many such stories. But letís leave it at that for today.......Dada Aksayananda tells another story. It is a long story, but thisone will have to win the final prize for experiences showing how Babapre-planned everything.Dada said:EPILOGUE


In 1979, Ananda Marga purchased a house in Lake Gardens,Calcutta for our Marga Guru Quarters. I was then Babaís second personalassistant. I frequently had the chance to talk with Him while performingmassage. It was shortly after moving into the new house. I wasalone with Him when I said, ìBaba, at last there is a house in Calcuttawhich belongs to us. How would it be if we were to plant the groundsaround the building and make a garden on the roof?îìYou can do it,î He replied, ìbut do you know what the result willbe? If you plant around the house, the roots of the plants will damagethe buildingís foundation. If you make a roof garden, the roof will be

spoiled by water draining out of the flower pots.îWe didnít talk for a few minutes. When I looked at His face Heseemed to be sleeping. Then a thought occurred to me. I started thinkingwe should get a much larger piece of land than this with a biggerhouse. Then I could make a big garden away from the building. ThereBaba could walk and enjoy the plants and the fresh air.ìAksayananda, are you saying anything?î Baba suddenly asked.ìNothing, Baba.îìNo, no. You were telling me something.îI understood that Baba had been listening to my thoughts, so I replied,ìYes, Baba,î and expressed my thoughts to Him. Baba only smiledand kept silent. He became reserved and silent for a few minutes. ThenBaba closed His eyes for more than ten minutes. I wondered whetherBaba was angry at me because at first I had told Him that I liked thenew house, and then had started talking about getting another.Quite suddenly, Baba asked me to come near. I went close to Hishead, but Baba still did not open His eyes. I said, ìYes, Baba.îHe opened His eyes with a loving smile, and placed both His palmson my cheeks.ìYes, my son, what you thought may come true some day.î He askedme to sit in meditation pose, close my eyes, and keep my mind concentratedin my sixth chakra. He then asked me what I saw.I told Baba that I saw a grand house surrounded by beautiful treesand many plants. He told me to go further and see more. Then I heardthe sounds of hundreds of birds and saw that they were flying fromtree to tree. Again Baba asked me to see more. I told Him that I sawHim walking under the trees on a narrow path. Some Dadas were withHim. Baba asked me to go towards the house.375ìWhat are you seeing now?îìBaba, I see that the building has two parts, one on the east andone on the west. Also there are a few underground rooms.îìGo inside the western room. What do you see there?îìBaba, there are rooms but no one is there.îìGo downstairs to the underground room.îìBaba, thereís not enough light to see clearly.îìGo outside and look around.îìBaba, I see the rooms in the eastern part of the building.îìGo inside. Now tell me what you see.îìBaba, there are many Dadas and Didis there.îìGo further inside. Tell me what you see.îìThere is a door, but itís closed.îìOpen it. What do you see?îìI see You there, Baba, lying on a bed.îìAll right. Come out of the room and go upstairs. What do you see?îìBaba, there is a big function going on with many people, and theroom is beautifully decorated. Baba, You are sitting there with someother people.îìCan you recognize them?îìNo, Baba. I have never seen them before.îìIs anybody else there?îìYes. Two Dadas are doing something. They seem very busy.îìAnd what else do you see?î

ìBaba, I see a marriage going on.îìCan you recognize the bride and groom?îìNo, Baba.îìNow come downstairs. What do you see?îìA fountain.îìAnd now what do you see?îìBaba, I see you going up in an elevator,î I answered with surprise.ìGo inside again. What do you see now?îìBaba, all the Dadas and Didis are weeping.îìAsk them why they are weeping.îìBaba, I am asking them, but no one is replying. They just raisetheir heads and look at me. No one will answer.îìAsk them again.îEPILOGUE


ìBaba, they are simply weeping, and not replying.îìAll right. Come out now. Do you recognize the location of the house?îìIt is somewhere in Calcutta, Baba, but not in Lake Gardens.îThen the demonstration was over. He said, ìDonít tell anyone aboutthis just now. Keep it to yourself for now.îNot long after, I was transferred to Kerala State. In January 1983,I made my first visit to Babaís new residence in Tiljala, Calcutta. Therewas no way for me to express my inner joy at finding that what Babahad shown me a few years before was now coming true.Years later, on 11 September 1990, Baba came out of the hospitaland at midnight He called for me. While I was massaging Him, Heasked me to talk quietly about something so that He would feel sleepy.ìBaba, what you showed me in that demonstration in 1979 has comecompletely true now to the last detail. I had been wondering if the fountainwould really be built, but it had come just as it was in the vision.Lastly the elevator was installed and reality was completely like myvision. I thought now I could tell everyone.î105

ìYou are forgetting one feature of the things I showed you. Try torecollect.îI tried and tried to remember, but I could not remember anythingthat was not already there in reality. I asked Baba to please tell mewhat it was that I had forgotten.ìWhen the time comes, you will remember everything. You see,whatever happens I planned it all long ago. Whenever I take determinationfor any purpose, that thing must happen and no one can stop it.îThe next month, Baba left His physical body.Recently I went to Madras to conduct a spiritual seminar. As I gavea talk about Baba, I suddenly remembered the missing element in myvision that Baba had referred to. Yes, after Babaís passing, all the Dadasand Didis wept in Babaís quarters for two days. None of us could speakeven if we tried. We just looked at each other and wept.With You in Your roomTokyo. I miss Baba so much, that there is a constant ache in mychest. Early this morning, however, He relieved it slightly by a dreamómy first dream of Him after His passing:105The marriage of Babaís adopted son Kinshuk had also been held.377After having fieldwalk with Baba, I was with Him and several other

workers in His room in Calcutta. A few minutes passed in normal discussions,during which He smiled and joked. Then He turned to speakconfidentially to me.He said, ìWhat do you dearly want?îI looked up and saw my answer written in three-dimensional letterssuspended in the air. I read this reply to Him, without understandingwhat I was saying.Understanding carries no weight, I thought. Only feeling matters.Only love matters.Baba spoke intimately with me, ìBut there is someone else, isnít there?îìThereís no one else for me, Baba,î I said.ìWhat about that lady in your class?î He asked.It took me a moment, and then I knew whom He meant. I almostlaughed, because my feeling for her was simply as a student.ìNo, itís nothing,î I said. ìOnly You.îHe smiled. It was only playful loversí talk, and of course He knewthe truth. He hugged me tightly, and I began to cry, feeling I wouldagain soon be separated from Him.ìPlease post me in India or anywhere that I can be close to You,Baba. I want to be with You in Your room.î Now I remembered thatthis is what the three-dimensional letters said. So I added, ìThis is whatI want more than anything else.îHe didnít reply, so I embraced Him more closely, completely, andwent on crying.In this state I woke up, and indeed I was crying. My pillow was soakedin tears. I rubbed my face in those tears, and felt Him inside of me.And I knew this was His strange way of comforting meófor, thoughmy throat swelled and tears flowed, the top of my head throbbed rhythmicallyand all the cells of my body quivered with His blissfulness.Our case with Amnesty temporarily rests1991. The woman from Amnesty International called me, saying,ìIím sorry, we have not yet received a reply from our London officeconcerning your case. Iím very concerned about the persecution inAnanda Nagar, so I intend to give London a big push. I thought to askif you have any more information or documents youíd like to add.îEPILOGUE


ìIím very thankful to you,î I said, ìbut thereís been a change. Yousee, in October, P.R. Sarkar, the propounder of Ananda Marga, passedaway.îìOh, Iím very sorry to hear that.îìNo need to be sorry. Thereís benevolent purpose in everything.Since then, the daily attacks at Ananda Nagar have ceased. Itís nowcompletely peaceful, and we are free to engage in purely constructivework.îìOh, well, thatís a great relief to me.îìI might add that the violence stopped, I guess, because the communistsbelieve Ananda Marga will crumble in the absence of Sarkar.But we always gain strength out of adverse conditions. The annual gatheringin Ananda Nagar, which was concluded a few days ago, was evenbigger than usual. More than 20,000 people attended. Many were newpeople who had not even seen Sarkar. So, I wouldnít be surprised if,after watching our development for a few months or so, the communists

recommence their attacks against us.îìWell, I sure hope not. In any case, Iíll keep your files safe. Let meknow if the trouble starts up again.îìYou will see it. But I will not.îTaipei. A few days ago, Dada Pranavatmakananda interviewed MrN.C. Ganguli, an old colleague of Babaís from the Jamalpur Railwayaccounts office.106 He never learned meditation, though he held Babain highest esteem. Ganguli said that daily after lunch many of the staffwould gather around Babaís desk for discussion. Sometime in 1952,Baba was talking to them about communism. He said it was an inhumanephilosophy, and therefore would not survive for long. It wouldeventually completely disappear from the world. Not only would communismface such a fate, even the Soviet Union itself would disintegrate.At that time Stalinís nation was a powerful force, so the statementwas in every sense surprising. (Even now that communism is in trouble,106 Since shortly after Babaís passing, Pranavatmakanandaji has had a special duty whichI envy. He is incharge of collecting the accounts of Baba-experiences from Margis,non-Margis and workers. The amount of material has so far been enormous ó alreadyhundreds of video tapes. We can guess that his completed reports will contain sufficientnew information for writing scores of books about Baba.379it does not appear likely that the USSR will collapse.) So Ganguliasked, ìPrabhat Ranjan, will we see all this within our lifetime?îBaba replied, ìYou will see it. But I will not.î107

......Pranavatmakanandaji also told me of another incident from thatJamalpur office. One of Babaís colleagues clearly remembered thataround 1959, Baba told him, ìIn my family the longevity is not morethan seventy years. My grandfather and my father both died early. Sothere is very little chance that Iíll cross seventy. If I were to cross seventy,then I would personally show the world the power of my ideology.But there is very little chance of that.îBaba died at the age of sixty-nine.Why He didnít allow me to meet Him in jailKomsomolsk, Russia. Some part of the first Vedas were composedin central Russia 15,000 years ago.108 Those Aryan people migratedsoutheast, where they mixed their Vedic culture with the Tantric cultureof the peoples of northeast India. Though the Aryans were anaggressive warlike people, they were knowledgable about spiritualphilosophy.The effect of those days seems to remain here, because many Russiansare extremely thirsty for psychic and spiritual experience. I foundthem intelligent, dynamic, and usually responsible; and they are enthusiasticabout anything having an occult flavor. (That my picture ofthem should not appear overrosy, let me add that they also have a tendencytoward over-argumentation and over-intellectualization.) 109

107 Though Ganguli did indeed witness the disintegration of the USSR the followingDecember, at the time of this entry no one could confidently predict such a development.108 Veda means deep knowledge. The Vedic scriptures are the most ancient and voluminousof all the Indian spiritual literature. The Vedic writings are more philosophicaland theoretical, while the Tantric texts are more practical.109 To make this picture even more complete I should mention that I later worked inMongolia. Though most Mongolians are not so desperate for spiritual knowledge likethe Russians, they have a greater tendency toward a spiritually-centered lifestyle. Beforecommunism took over Mongolia, it was nick-named ìLittle Indiaî because of itsaffinity for spiritual culture. The people seem as simple as the renowned devotees from

Krishnaís time, who were cowherds.EPILOGUE


Ananda Marga is growing at such speed that our workers must becareful not to pass most of their time only fulfilling requests to teachmeditation or answering endless questions. The need for organizingsocial work is just as great. Fortunately, Margis of Japan and Taiwanare proving helpful in arranging medical equipment, clothing, and otherdonations. Local government bodies, clubs and organizations are alsocooperative. In fact, for every offer of cooperation that we accept, thereare many others that we are forced to reject due to our own limitations.Our new Margis hired a professional translator, who is regarded asthe foremost English speaker of Khabarovsk. When we requested herto join our meditation, she hesitated and said, ìI donít really think Iam capable of such a thing.î Eventually she did sit with us, for a fullhour. Afterward she said, ìThere must be something wrong with me. Icouldnít help crying throughout almost the entire meditation.î Imagine,this lady who had not the slightest Tantric knowledge, has alreadyhad an awakening of the spiritual force in her spine.I remember what Baba told me during a walk in Germany in 1979:ìIn the future, big spiritual festivals will be held in both Moscow andBeijing.î At the time I could not imagine how our programs could beopenly held in the two countries which most represented the suppressionof spirituality.......Khabarovsk, Russia. During a question-and-answer session with a groupof Margis, a sister said, ìIt is clear to all of us that Dadas and Didis possessimmense devotion for Baba. Some of us also feel a little love forHim. But how can we ever hope to achieve a deep communion withGuru, when we are unable to meet Him? You were lucky. We are unlucky.îBefore replying, I momentarily thought of Baba, as I always try todo before any action, and, without expecting it, a flood of energy rosein my spine. All my cells tingled as the answer thrust itself before myeyesóan answer I had searched for so long. There was that questionthat remained unanswered within me for so many years: Why had Hecaused me such intense suffering by not allowing me to meet Him duringmy first seven years as a worker? Why did He stop me that day Iwas determined to break into His Patna prison cell? Why did He pullme into a trance while sitting in the prison office during which He381psychically stroked my head and said, ìThere is a very good reasonwhy I am not allowing you to meet me ... a very good reasonî. I finallyknew the reason! It was for the sake of people who would never beable to physically meet Him, to whom I could say with uncontrivedconviction: ìRelation with Guru is a purely spiritual matter. MeetingHim was beautiful, but it carries no guarantee. Though my words maysound trite, I can only repeat, the true Guru, the eternal lover, the eternalguide, the eternal Oneóis within you. But He is a jealous lover, whowill only embrace you if you truly care for Him.îAnd when such people say, ìBut, Dada, thatís only philosophyîóthen I explain my experience. I offer my Baba story. Though it is astory which is far from finished.

EPILOGUE

382 TRAVELS WITH THE MYSTIC MASTER1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234512345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123451234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234512345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123451234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234512345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123451234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234512345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123451234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234512345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123451234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234512345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123451234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234512345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123451234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234512345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123451234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234512345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123451234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234512345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123451234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234512345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123451234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234512345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123451234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234512345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123451234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234512345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123451234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234512345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123451234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234512345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123451234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234512345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123451234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234512345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123451234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234512345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123451234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234512345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123451234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234512345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123451234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234512345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123451234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234512345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123451234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234512345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123451234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234512345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123451234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234512345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123451234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234512345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345

Prati-Saincara:Introversial PhaseSaincara:Extroversial PhaseMahat Tattva:Cosmic I-feelingAham Tattva:Doer I-feelingCitta Tattva:I-as-object feelingEtherial FactorAerial FactorLuminous FactorLiquid FactorSolid Factor

Cycle of CreationHuman LifeAnimal LifePlant LifeCosmic Mind383

AppendicesI.Technical Talks by Baba or with BabaII.Introduction to the Progressive Utilization Theory (Prout)III.Tantra, Veda and YogaI. Technical Talks by Baba or with BabaDuring the authorís meetings with Baba, some of His talks weresomewhat technical. Because readers may or may not be interested,these talks have been taken out of the main text and placed in thisappendix.On microvita[Many readers may find this entry difficult to understand. Nevertheless,it has been included to provide a slight exposure to the intricacyof Babaís philosophy. It is important to recognize that the belownotes are in no way authoritative on the subject of microvita. Theymerely reproduce exactly two entries in the authorís diary. There mayeasily be mistakes in the logic here, or in the recall of the exact phrasesof Baba.]Calcutta, 1989. During the usual workersí meeting philosophy session,Baba asked me a new question:BABA: Birth, death and reproduction are the signs of animation.

What is the status of microvita in the case of animation and inanimation?(The General Secretary waves at me. I step forward.)GENERAL SECRETARY: Dharmavedananda from Hong KongSector, Baba.BABA: What is his posting?GENERAL SECRETARY: He is PRS (Public Relations Secretary).BABA: PRS ... PRS ... acha, you mean Prabhat Rainjan Sarkar?(After our laughter finishes, He continues.) So, tell me, what is thestatus of microvita in the case of animation and inanimation?ME: Positive microvita are most important in the evolution of animateentitiesóas they tend toward consciousness. Negative microvitaplay the leading role for inanimate entities.TECHNICAL TALKS BY BABA


BABA: Positive and negative microvita influence living beings, andlife is dormant in inanimate entities. Positive microvita and negativemicrovita can only function on the periphery of inanimate entities. Otherwise,positive and negative microvita have no direct relation with inanimateentities.ME: Now I understand. Neutral microvita have the dominant positionin inanimate entities.BABA: Can inanimate be transmuted into animate?ME: Yes.BABA: What is the covert role of microvita in the process? Howdoes Cosmic Mind guide the process?ME: The Cosmic Mind does not act directly, but through the mediumof microvita.BABA: Does Cosmic Mind take the help of microvita?ME: Yes.BABA: Microvita are created in the introversial phase only.... Youmade a very good effort. (He points at His forehead, saying,) You shouldgo on thinking deeply to get the final answer.... Now come forward. (Ido so. He places His hand on my head. An indescribable blissful feelingfills my head, and then runs down and up my spine.) Heís a goodboy. Yesss.The reporting finished after a few minutes. I then immediately satfor meditation. Though the feeling He gave me continued during meditation,my wandering thoughts related only to our conversation. It occurredto me that inanimate entities consist of neutral or dormantmicrovita. The inanimate entities are gradually converted into animateentities by the effect of a smattering of positive microvita naturally emanatingfrom Cosmic Mind.......Two weeks later. Hsinchu, Taiwan. It was 3:00 in the morning. TheMargis had gone home only thirty minutes before, full of my storiesand Tantric talk. Only brother Yatindra and I were left in the yogahouse. I desperately needed to sleep, but since Yatindra (a scientist)was eager to discuss more about microvita, I thought it would be rudeto disappoint him. Though my eyes were closed and I was reclining onthe floor, I went on trying to answer his questions, my mind constantlyslipping in and out of waking consciousness.385Suddenly my body uncontrollably bolted upright. I was blasted

awake.ìWhat happened, Dada?î he said.ìI donít know. As I drifted in and out of sleep, my mind shiftedinto super-drive without warning and I understood something I never understoodbefore. Something perhaps no one except Baba understood before.îìWhat is it!î Yatindra was even more excited than I was.ìAnimate and inanimate are not interchangeable with saincharaand prati-sainchara (the extroversial and introversial phases of creation).I can see this great misunderstanding existing among our Margii philosophers.We always thought that sainchara (extroversial phase) wasthe creation and evolution of inanimate objects like ether, air, light,liquids and solids; and that prati-sainchara (introversial phase) was theevolution of animate entities like plants, animals and humans. But Iívejust seen that sainchara is the evolution of physical matter, and thatprati-sainchara is the evolution of psychic entitiesóI mean unit minds.ìNow, hereís the crux of this topic: The association of a unit mindwith a group of physical cells is what we call an animate entity. Butthe matter of those so-called animate cells is actually still in thesainchara phase. It is the unit mind alone which is in the prati-saincharaphase.îìBut thatís completely different than what weíve always imagined!îYatindra said.ìWait,î I said, looking more carefully at the revelation still eruptingin my mind. I talked at locomotive speed, while Yatindra took notes.ìThereís more. When a human being practices meditation, she or hemay convert the most subtle physical cells of the body into mind stuffóthis is one of the turning points from sainchara into prati-sainchara,from matter to mind. Of course, this is possible because everything isultimately the expression of Cosmic Mind, even inanimate matter,though its unit mind is dormant.ìNow, microvita also have minds and bodies. Their minds are inthe prati-sainchara phase; their bodies in sainchara. Of course, thebodies of bigger microvita are made of smaller microvita, but ultimatelywhen we get down to the smallest constituent microvita, we find thosehaving no solid or liquid body, only mind with a luminous body. EvenTECHNICAL TALKS BY BABA


those luminous microvita bodies are in the sainchara phase, while theirminds are in prati-sainchara.ìIn the case of inanimate entities, the minds of the microvita constituentsare inactive/unexpressed/dormant/neutral. In the case of animateentities, the microvita minds are predominantly active, and thoseactive microvita minds are either positive or negative.ìTo speak of a microvita as being positive or negative means thatthe mind of that microvita is positive or negativeónot the body. Tospeak of a human being or a goat does not mean their respective bodies,but rather the human mind or the goat mind. The associated bodiesof microvita, human beings and goats are all physical entities movingin the sanitary phase.ìListen to this: Sainchara and prati-sainchara are functioning withineach and every animate entity on varying levels. In a single human being

there may be billions of separate entities independently evolvingwithin both sainchara and prati-sainchara. Positive and negativemicrovita affect unit minds, and unit minds affect their associated physicalbodies. In that way, the body of an animate entity can become diseasedor cured of disease by microvita. Microvita do not directly affectthose bodies, but rather, the minds associated with those bodies.The individual atoms and molecules which serve as the building blocksof a living cell remain unaffected by positive and negative microvita.ìJust as a ball circling on the end of a string has both centripetaland centrifugal force (depending on oneís perspective), so saincharaand prati-sainchara come into existence simultaneously. They cannotbe separated from each other. For that reason there is no conflict thatmicrovita (whose minds are created in prati-sainchara) serve as thecomponents or building blocks of saincharic matter. But those microvitaserving to make up inanimate objects must be predominantly neutral.îYatindra threw down his notes, yelled, ìBaba!,î jumped up andstarted dancing around the room.Perhaps this is the beginning of what Baba meant when He said tome, ìYou should go on thinking deeply to get the final answer.îOne more small but interesting thought also occurred to me: Babadirected many of His books to be compiled into different series. Forexample, all His books and articles on Prout come together to make387about 1400 pages of Prout in a Nutshell having over twenty volumes.Similarly weíve got Nutshell series on Microvita, Neo-Humanism,Ananda Marga general philosophy, and so on. Margis often comment,ìOnly Baba could call this number of volumes nutshells.î Now I understand:He titles them nutshells because He wants us to think deeply,research and thoroughly expand His ideas.On the history of the Arab and Moslem movement throughout the world[The author took the following notes during Babaís fieldwalk:]Valencia, Spain, 1979. Culturally and historically Iberia was not apart of the Roman empire in the past. The creation of the Moorsí societywas a reaction to the western part of the Arab movement. Thenorthern portion of Saudi Arabia up to the northern part of Palestinewas Arabia. They were nomads and heathens. It means that they hadno faith in Godóthey were intellectually backward. But they were highlydeveloped in astronomy, astrophysics, algebra and math because the landwas desert, and under the pressure of circumstances they needed tolearn to follow the stars. At least in these fields the Arabs were notbackward.About 1400 years ago they became Moslem, and gave up the Semiticculture. Originally the Arabs and Jews were one culture. The Arabswere heathens, whereas the Jews knew a little of God. Some of theArabs became Christian 2000 years ago. 1369 years ago they becameMoslems. They expelled the Jews from Palestine and adjacent places.The Jews became homeless. They were transported to different countrieslike Great Britain and the Soviet Union.After occupying all of Palestine, the Arabs spread to the north, thatis Yugoslavia. In the east they stretched out to the Philippines in southeastAsia. In the south past Ceylon to the Maldives Islands. To thewest they came to the Atlantic, crossed northern Africa, the Sahara,Egypt, Sudan, Tripoli, Tunisia and Morocco. They destroyed the original

Egyptian culture. Those were the Egyptians who knew the science ofthe preservation of dead bodies. The present Egyptians are not the descendantsof those ancient Egyptians. Rather they are a transplanted Arabpopulation.After the western march they commenced an eastern march. Seventyfive percent of that eastern march was stopped in India. That isTECHNICAL TALKS BY BABA


why it resorted to waterways through islands up to the Philippines. Themarch could not go to China and Japan. It was checked forever. Whenthe Spanish occupied the Philippines they stopped the Arabs. In thesouthern march they could not go past the Maldives Islands. In thenorthern march they proceeded up to Yugoslavia; there the movementstopped due to extreme cold climate, where they could not show braveryand valor. Similarly the Germans were defeated when they attackedthe Russians in the winter.In the west the Atlantic Ocean stopped the Arab march. From Moroccothey went north through Gibraltar to invade Iberia. Their desirewas to move to the Bay of Basque. But it was difficult to cross thePyrenees Mountains. And they could not occupy Portugal because theArab navy was very weak. The Portuguese were strong. The people ofIberia had to fight by tooth and nail. The Arabs who came from Moroccowere known as Moors. The western march stopped after reachingSpain. Islam was restricted to these boundaries of the world.You will have to preach Ananda Marga southward of Gibraltarójust the opposite course of the Arabs. But you will not preach throughthe sword. Your message will be spread through love and social service.Love is a stronger weapon than the sword.Here there are left only a few certain marks of the Arabs in thecultural life. Otherwise the Arab presence is no longer here. Now theyare as dead as the dodo. The dodos were a pigeon group which cameto certain islands in the Arabian Sea where there were no humanspresent to kill them. Therefore they lost their capacity to fly. Their bodiesbecame bulky, as they had no need for self-defense. When people fromother countries finally went there, they caught ready meat just withtheir bare hands. The last dodo died about 100 years ago. Anythingwhich is fully dead is now called in peopleís English dead as the dodo.Something should be written regarding the cultural side of Spainóthe post-Moor culture. What was the influence of the Moors on Spain?The main population of Iberia is Caucasian of Mediterranean offshoot,with close proximity to the Italians and southern French. Their coloris whiteónot reddish-white like the Germans. Their hair is black, notgray-black like the Germans. The brownish-black skin and hair is fromthe Moors. And you will hardly find such a man today in Spain. In theanthropological life of Spain, there is little influence of the Arabs. Butin the language there remain a few distorted Arabian words.389[He gave some examples, which the author could not properly notedown.]Finally the original land of the Moors was occupied by the French.It became a colony.Strengthen yourselves in north Africa. We will attack from Spainwith love. But we shall say to them we are not your born enemies. They

may say, ëWe hate you.í We will say, ëWe love you.íOn increasing agricultural production[Dada Vijayananda gave a class explaining many of Babaís suggestionsabout how to increase agricultural production, especially in developingcountries. The authorís notes of this class follow:]Calcutta, 1988. To take care of the security and welfare of the peopleof any developing country, the production level should be increased.Bangladesh imports much of what it needs because in many areas onlyone or two crops are grown per year. Most crops should be harvestedthree or four times per year in poor countries. Poor countries are usuallydensely populated, thus every inch of land must be used judiciously.Mixed farming is required. Staple crops especially must be producedfour times per year. The priorities are in order: 1) cereals 2) oil-producingseeds and pulses 3) vegetables.Where there is little rain, seeds should first be planted for six weeksin a small field for ease of watering. Then the seedlings should be transplantedfor another 80 or 85 days in large fields. If any crop yield takesas long as four months then there must be a subsidiary crop such asoil seeds. In the same field both cereals and oil-seeds may be grown.This is an example of mixed farming. Between the deep-rooted plants,put the short-rooted oil-seed plantsóor other short-rooted plants likecloves, turmeric or ginger. In that case manure will not be neededbecause oil-seeds add needed natural elements to the land, so that itbecomes fertile. Chemical fertilizers decrease the inter-molecular spacein the soil. If you use chemicals sometimes, you must always use them.But vegetable and animal fertilizers cause no bad reaction.Pumping water from below the earthís surface is not good for irrigationbecause the water table will go down. A three inches drop inthe water table per 100 years is normal. When pumping is done, itwill increase to about six inches per 100 years. The Calcutta area isTECHNICAL TALKS BY BABA


one of the worstóit is now sinking eight inches every 100 years due tointense water pumping. The perennial rivers offer the best source forirrigation.Where the saline water-level is too high, it is better to pipe insweet-water, even if it must be done from 100 miles away. When farmingis done with sweet-water for five to ten years, the saline level willdecrease and become normal.Normally potatoes take 90 days to mature. But in 60 days it is alsopossible to harvest the potatoes and make dehydrated potato powder.Otherwise it cannot easily be preserved. Only 90-day potatoes can bekept a long time in cold storage.Rivers coming from dead mountains do not carry soil. They carrysand. In sandy areas it is best to take away three feet of the sandy soil,put a layer of polythene plastic, and put the sandy soil back. Then waterand manure will not sink away so easily. This is an example of an ideawith which Baba personally experimented. In the desert there is onlysand without even soil, so lime must be added.When land is very dry, then non-mulberry silk-worms can be produced.When the cocoons are put into water, they yield fiber for silkthreads. In two or three months, 100 silk-worms increase to 20,000.Also wool-sheep can be maintained wherever there are high hills.

Nature has given all different types of soil, and in each place somethingimportant grows. We can also create new plants for the desertand other areas of low fertility.Grassroots planningThe best planning is not done only by the high level bosses but alsoby the volunteers on the lowest local level. Then only can that planningbe realistic. For that reason, Baba gave the slogan for all Margidistrict in-charges: ìKnow the area, prepare the plan, serve the people.îDistrict in-charges coming from any part of the world were tested byBaba on the following items relating to their own districts:1. topography or natural environment, plus temperature, flora andfauna2. agricultural potentialities3. industrial potentialities4. nature of soil3915. availability of natural resources6. rivers and valleys7. block-level planning covering all aspects of social life8. how to develop the language9. participation of indigenous peoples in agricultural and industry10. rainfall11. soil erosion12. landscape13. farming in arid lands, coastal belt (saline problems)14. sources of energy15. type of irrigation prominent and possible16. name and meaning of their own peopleís movement17. international and state river links18. classical language from which local language originated19. scope for auxiliary agriculture (fisheries, beekeeping, poultry,dairy farms, horticulture, orchards)20. scope for setting up machine tool stations21. technique of farming according to nature of land, e.g. plain land,highland, lowland, arid land, saline zone, mountain zone22. ecological balance23. scope for encouraging reforestation and discouraging deforestation.On solving Bangladeshís economic problems[From the authorís notes of Babaís talk during a workersí meeting:]Calcutta, 1989. Baba explained how Bangladesh, one of the worldíspoorest nations, can solve its problems:First analyze the countryís raw materials. It sells untanned hide andraw jute (fiber for rough cloth) in the international market. It has virtuallyno metallic materials and very little underground fuel such asraw gas. The best system for such a country is barter trade.If Bangladesh were to process the hide and jute itself would itseconomy improve? These processes are complicated and costly, so itwould not be useful. Also, synthetics are rapidly replacing both rawmaterials. The jute industry is a sick industry because it cannot easilycompete. Many producers have closed, and the government has beenTECHNICAL TALKS BY BABA


forced to subsidize the industry. Thailand also produces jute, but its

jute is superior. And Thailand is not an underdeveloped nation. PreviouslyEngland processed Indian jute in England itself. After Indian independencein 1947, England could no longer purchase jute from India,so they created synthetics. It is clear that Bangladesh must change itsindustry.Japan is importing raw materials from around the world. If thosecountries become politically conscious, they will stop exporting to Japan.This will happen in the near future. Orissa is exporting manganeseand iron ore to Japan, but they will soon stop.Suppose Bangladesh stops jute, and increases rice production. Ricecan be easily grown there. Will that solve their problem? In that case,Bangladesh will become self-sufficient in food, but will not have anybasis for international commercial transaction, which will deprive itof many basic needs.What is the way out? Some advocate that jute should be mixed withartificial materials and wool. Also the jute stem can be used to makenylon. These approaches are still only the best of a bad lot. From theend of winter to the end of the rainy season is the time for growingjute. Can anything else be grown then? Only sesame, perhaps linseedalso, which has a big international market and can also be used to makepetroleum. But this is not the immediate solution. Jute must continue inthe short term, but only that amount which is needed for local industries.Raw jute should not be exported. Only finished products should beexported.To solve the problem, developmental projects should be initiatedwhich are based on the availability of local materials. Some proposethe widespread establishment of coconut plantations. The salinity ofthe soil in Dacca is insufficient. But palmira or tal (palm) can be grown.Coconut grows nicely in Nokali district. Plastic can be manufacturedfrom the husk. Jessore and its adjacent areas are also good for coconut.As to natural resources, there are hardly any raw minerals available.Non-ferrous industries can be developed. There is some gas andoil available, but not much. From where should the power come? Hydroelectricityis not possible because rivers are in the delta stage. Theymust be in the hilly stage, and must have sufficient force. To avoid393flooding, they should have many dikes like Holland, and fully utilizethe water. The very wide rivers we see now are due to deforestationand the stripping away of vines. So large banks must be constructed,and massive reforestation done. For now, power can be derived fromocean tides and from solar energy. Ocean tide energy is tapped whererivers enter the ocean. It is cheap and efficient. Solar power facilitiesare not yet sufficiently developed, but will become more efficient soon.There is not much possibility to obtain thermal poweróthe coal is tooyoung. It needs another 800,000 to one million years. But at that pointhuman beings will no longer live on this planet. Bio-gas production willhelp solve the problem of manure, which is also a chronic problem.Horticulture is also good. (He gave many details concerning beans,jackfruit, mango, etc.) Crops of the tropical zones are good. Temperatezone crops are not suitable. The quantity of fish has decreased becausethere is insufficient rotting materials due to deforestation. Beforethere was about 2400 square kilometers of forest, but now it isless than 1000 square kilometers. (Perhaps I misunderstood Him on

these figures.) Bangladesh needs large-scale reforestation and preserves.Pineapples need 60 inches of rainfall per year. The average inBangladesh is 80 inches except in one region. Pineapples give foodand also material for making cloth. Litchis and silk are both good.Cotton is not suitable. Mulberry wood is good for producing sportinggoods and also rayon. If mulberry wood is hardened, it becomes hardas iron, and can be used in construction. There can be production ofbanana chips, dried fruits and washing soap. By burning banana leavesenough sodium bicarbonate can be manufactured to serve the world.Just to distract the unsophisticated population from the governmentíslack of proper planning, the government excites the peoplethrough non-issues, like declaring Bangladesh a Muslim state. This washappened at the time of the epic flooding.Proper planning will not become a reality until the voters are educated.Even if they do not become politically educated, at least theyshould become politically conscious.On the evolution of languages throughout the world[Baba frequently spoke on the subject of language. Even whenspeaking about something else, He commonly went on linguistic de-TECHNICAL TALKS BY BABA


tours, explaining the derivation of important words. These notes areincluded not because they are exceptional, but to give an example of alecture on His pet subject.. The notes were taken during a workersímeeting. The first two paragraphs, contain His word-for-word speech.After that, the authorís notes become approximate, and may have mistakes.]Calcutta, 1989. ìBetween two points of no magnitude there is aflow of cognition. In that fluidal flow of cognition, bubbles are created.These bubbles are bubbles of ideas in the Cosmic emanation ofthe Supreme. When these bubbles touch the unit ëIí feeling, then unitideas are created as a result of close proximity to the Cosmic Ocean.These are the reflections or refractions of the Cosmic Idea. When theseideas concern the unit, the unit ëIí tries to express them through itsown psycho-physical structure. That endeavor to express its unit desiresand longings according to the capacity of its vocal cords and itshormonal secretion of these reflected or refracted ideas is called ëlanguage.í That expression within is called ëinner voice,í and that expressionwithout is called ëouter voice.íìAccording to structural, environmental, climatic and racial differences,language is expressed in different forms. There we get differentlanguages. In the expressed world, linguistic differences have a smallvalue. But in the inner world they have no meaning or impact. As faras the reflected bubbles are concerned, the language of the universe isthe same, was the same, and will remain the same forever. The languageof the inner voice is always one and indivisible.îApproximately every 2000 years there comes a major change inthe script of any particular language or set of languages. Though exceptionsare numerous, approximately every 1000 years the languageitself undergoes major change. For example, Sanskrit evolved into sevendifferent peopleís languages, and those languages later evolved into someof our current languages. Similarly, Latin, Semitic and Vedic languagesand scripts also evolved.There are eight factors which render a language complete. If any of

these are absent, then it is not a full-fledged language: 1) vocabulary 2)pronouns 3) verb endings 4) case endings 5) literature 6) intonation7) psycho-acoustic notes (having psychological effect) 8) syntax.395There is a close relationship between the racial factor and language.Where sub-races arose, language changed. There are five dominant ancientlanguages: Sanskrit, Vedic, Latin, old Hebrew, and old Chinese.Max Mueller (the great philologist) believed that Sanskrit came fromthe Aryans, who entered India from southern Russia and Persia. Infact it was the Vedic language which hailed from those areas. Fortypercent of the Russian and Persian languages derives directly fromVedic. Sanskrit, on the other hand, is originally from India. The firstVeda, which was composed 15,000 years ago was the Rik Veda. It wasin Vedic, and it was composed by those Aryans still north of India.5,000 years later the Atharva Veda was composed in India in Sanskrit.Sanskrit language gave birth to seven directions or Prakrita languagesópeopleíslanguages. These were: 1) Maghadi Prakrita 2)Saorasenii Prakrita 3) Paishachii Prakrita 4) Pashcatya Prakrita 5)Pahlavi Prakrita 6) Malavii Prakrita 7) Maharastrii Prakrita. ThesePrakrita languages started 2500 to 3500 years ago. At that time Sanskritwas the linking language. From these seven Prakrita languages,the following languages evolved:1. EasternóMaithali, Bengali, Angika, Ashami, KaosholiWesternóBhojpuri, Chatisgari, Magahi, Nagpuri2. Harivani, Bhagili, Bumdili, Aradhi, Brajabasa3. Dogrii, Punjabi, Mahari Punjabi, Urdu4. Tajakii, Ujvekii, Pastu, Kashmirii5. Sindi, Multani6. Marwari, Gujrati, Kacchi, Malavi, Mevarii, Haraoti7. Marathii, KaunkaniiBengali has the highest content of words directly derived from Sanskritó92%.Even some non-Indian languages contain a high proportionof Sanskrit. Thai is 80% Sanskrit, and Indonesian is 40%.The Burmese are a multi-national and multi-lingual people. Amongthe Indo-Burmese are Burmese, Kalciim, Mrtavan, Shan, and Arakan.Tamil comes from Dramil, which was further evolved into Northerndemi and Southern demi. The Northern is Telugu and Southern isKanada. Dravidian is of both Austric and Sanskrit origin. There arefour derivatives from ancient Chinese: Mandarin, Shanghaiise, newChinese, and Cantonese. Latin divided into three groups: Continental(including German), Oriento-demi (including French and Italian),and Occidento-demi (including Spanish and Portuguese).TECHNICAL TALKS BY BABA


Scandinavian languages were influenced by Latin and Vedic, butthey were predominantly Nordic. They are the base of the Anglo-Saxongroup. Polish and the Slavic languages are of Alpine origin. They werealso influenced by Latin and Vedic. English is a mixture of Latin andAnglo-Saxon tongues.After the formation of Israel there arose a question of the linkinglanguage in the Middle East. Would it be modern Hebrew or the otherSemitic languages? These languages resulted from both Caucasian andNegroid influences.

Most European languages have some parallelism with Vedic, butnot with Sanskrit. Sanskrit was the peopleís language until about 3500years ago. From Shivaís time (about 7000 years ago) until Krishnaístime (about 3500 years ago) the Dravidians, Austrics, Mongolians andAryans were generally united, and throughout India, Sanskrit was spoken.At that time most of the Aryans were still in the north. Their languagethen broke into the seven prakrita language groups.The first script in the world was Chinese. Later came the Indianscripts Brahmi and Kahrosthii. After 2000 years, Brahmi died, andwas replaced by Sarada in the northwest, Narada in the southwest, andKutiila in the center and in the east. Now almost every state of Indiahas its own script.Intonation pertains to the duration given to particular vowels. Forexample, the southern portion of the United States has an intonationcharacterized by a drawl. Such differences are primarily due to racialand ethnological factors.There are three major Mongolian language groups: 1) Indo-Tibetan,which is in Tibet, Nepal, Bhutan, and northern India 2) Indo-Burman,which is in Burma and east Indiaóit contains more Sanskrit, and 3)Sino-Japanese, which is in Japan, China, Taiwan, Mongolia and Koreaóithas pictorial script.African languages differ according to climate and rivers. Languagethere began in the southern portion of the Sahara. As that languagemoved further south it created twenty-seven major languages and dialects.In the northern reaches of the Sahara the main language was Egyptian.ìSemiticî originally meant north of the Sahara. The Aryans andthe Blacks met in the area of Palestine, and created the Semitic peoples.They are thus a mixture of black and white. The great original Egyptiancivilization was black. At that time, the Arabs were imposing and397militant, so they destroyed much of the culture and language of Egyptand Persia. Sixty to seventy percent of Persian is Vedic, whereas Afghaniis mostly Sanskrit.One system of classification is according to the changes a languageundergoes when there is a change in the subject. Thus there are fourgroups: 1) Changes in the conjugation of the verb are affected by boththe number and the gender of the subject. Example is French. 2)Changes in the verb are affected only by the number. Examples areEnglish and Sanskrit. 3) Changes are affected only by the gender.Examples are Bhojpuri and Maetili. 4) There is no change either way.Examples are Bengali and Dravidian. In number 4 the ìto beî verb isalso not necessaryóit is understood.II. Introduction to the Progressive Utilization Theory (Prout)Prout is such a vast concept that a reasonable introduction to itrequires an entire book. Babaís series Prout in a Nutshell consists ofover twenty books, and yet, as its title indicates, that the entire seriesprovides only fundamental principles and policies with examples. Toattempt to explain Prout in an appendix is an injustice to the theory.Nevertheless, so many references are made to Prout throughout thediary that the reader deserves some sort of explanation.1) Prout is based on Shri P.R. Sarkarís concept of Neo-humanism,which advocates a society concerned not only for human beings,

but also for animals, plants, and inanimate resources. Neo-humanismdoes not accept narrow groupisms which function as social and psychologicalcauses of exploitation. Such groups condemn and workagainst those who are outside of their own territory, clan, or beliefsystem. Exploitative political power groups and selfish economicinterest groups commonly dominate others through pseudo-cultureand the mass media. As a result, the life of the entire planet is threatenedby massive ecological destruction in the name of progress.Education and peopleís movements should help expose the dogmasand superstitions which feed such narrow-mindedness. For thispurpose, it is also needed to awaken benevolent human conscienceand the capacity for rational analysis. Ultimately Neo-humanismaims at love for one and all, a state which is founded on spiritualenlightenment.INTRODUCTION TO PROUT


2) There should be maximum utilization, rational distribution andproper balance of all physical, mental and spiritual resources. Hencethe name Progressive Utilization Theory.3) At any given time society is dominated by a specific psychologicaloutlook or psychological class. If any class becomes over-entrenchedin power, it tends to suppress progressive changes. Prout has a systemof checks and balances which discourages this tendency, andencourages a forward shift in power whenever it is needed.4) Economic planning should be de-centralized as far as is practical.The most important planning is on the lowest levelóthe block level,i.e. an area having about 100,000 people, having similar culturaland ecological concerns. Lower levels should be coordinated byhigher levels, for example, blocks by states, states by regions, andregions by nations. Coordination represents concerns of trade, transport,communications, etc. The basis of boundaries between governingareas should gradually change from historical or politicalbias, to economic, ecological and cultural factors.5) All levels of planning should follow certain economic principlesincluding the following:* Everyone must be guaranteed the purchasing capacity for theirminimal necessities including food, shelter, clothing, medical careand education.* Opportunities for employment must be provided to all.* There should be a progressive incentive system to encourage initiative,creativity and labor. Incentives may be given not only inthe form of money, but also in kind. They may include, for example,equipment by which a person can better his performance,improved working facilities, household items, or other immenities.Incentives may also be provided through special education, newjob possibilities, increased free time, cultural opportunities, recreationalfacilities, and so on.* There may always be a gap between the minimum and maximumeconomic levels. The economic vitality of a society, however, isjudged by the speed of improvement in the minimum standardof living. In a healthy society, the gap is gradually diminishing.399* Improvement in technology is beneficial to mankind when it results

in neither ecological imbalance nor loss of employment. Dueto improved mechanization, workers should benefit wheneverpossible by diminishment of working hours without loss of salary.* Ignoring psychological factors at the working place is harmful toboth the workers and their output. Therefore a portion of the budgetand management time must be allocated to ensure cleanliness,safety, equability, ecological care, and an atmosphere whichencourages initiative and creativity.6) These planning principles should be implemented within the frameworkof self-sufficient economic zones. These zones may be createdby blocks and regions joining together on the basis of economicpotentiality, ethnic similarity, and environmental features. Whenthe local people are directly working for their zoneís economicwell-being and self-sufficiency, then they become highly motivated.The local government must plan for a cooperative economy betweenagriculture, manufacturing, trade, commerce and professional services.The government will naturally be concerned for maintaininglong-term fertility of its soil and all-round ecological balance7) Such economic zones prefer the development of local resources inlieu of exporting raw materials or importing finished products. Thispolicy encourages the growth of a healthy indigenous manufacturingsector, full employment, and greater security in times of difficulty.8) Within each zone there should be a three-tiered structure of economicenterprises.* Cooperatives constitute the largest sector, including all agricultureand most industries and commercial companies. They areowned and managed by their workers. They should be profitableand competitive.* Key industries provide essential resources such as minerals, energy,large scale transport, and communication. They are managedas public utilities. Boards of directors are elected democratically,and workers participate in management.INTRODUCTION TO PROUT


* Private ventures include small-scale industries, shops and services.9) Through the inspiration provided by the multifarious incentive system,through cooperative ownership, and through economic zonalplanning, safeguards are created against over-accumulation of wealthin which vested interests hoard resources.10) Zonal planning should see that villages have sufficient cleanliness,natural beauty, wildlife, and cultural and educational facilities sothat all people, animals and plants will enjoy the process ofde-centralization. Over-populated cities must become a thing of thepast.11) Prout is not a utopian philosophy. Society is the field for everyoneísdevelopment, and therefore imperfections will always exist. Proutrecognizes the need for checks and balances on individual power.High caliber leadership consists of persons having certain qualitiessuch as* a reputation for honesty and wisdom* a history of community service* demonstrated skills in leadership, management and technical

knowledge.Such leaders should be elected democratically. Democracy, however,is only successful according to the mentality of the voters.Therefore a literate, well-educated and well-informed electorate isessential. Accordingly, the influence of the mass media and wealthin politics must be regulated.12) One of the fundamental works in establishing Prout is to stimulatewell-intentioned and capable people to participate in the leadershipprocess. It is commonly believed that power corrupts, andmore power corrupts more. If potential Prout leaders engage themselvesin intensive social work, healthy living, sacrifice for others,relevant technical education, and spiritual practicesó then they maydevelop the incorruptible qualities needed in the leaders of a societybased on coordinated cooperation.13) Prout supports the eventual establishment of a representative worldgovernment. As long as extreme disparity in wealth exists betweennations, however, world government is impossible. Only when small401countries are free of the threat of domination by big countries willglobal cooperation be possible. Solving global problems dependson establishing local economic security. Political freedom withouteconomic independence has no value. Hence Proutís policy is economicdecentralization and centralized political cooperation.14) Useful theory is generally only evolved on the basis of practicalexperimentation. Therefore the first steps in expanding the Prouttheory result from attempts to implement it in communities, suchas Master Units. As Master Units merge their concerns with thesurrounding neighborhoods and villages, Prout theory is developedand demonstrated. Practical experience is also gained through organizingpublic education programs and social movements. Suchmovements support indigenous culture, work for ecological improvement,and struggle against psycho-economic exploitation.III. Tantra, Veda and Yoga110

The many features of Tantra which distinguish it from other spiritualtraditions make definition difficult within a short space. But if weare to focus on the single most characteristic of Tantraís distinguishingfeatures, surely that must be the spirit of fight. Baba writes:ìThe main characteristic of Tantra is that it represents human vigor.It represents a pactless fight. Where there is no fight there is nosaídhanaí [spiritual effort or meditation]. Under such circumstances,Tantra cannot be present. It is impossible to conquer a crude idea andreplace it by a subtle idea without a fight. It is not at all possible withoutsaídhanaí. Hence, Tantra is not only a fight, it is an all-round fight.îTantra finds or creates circumstances designed expressly to bring out,rather than to bury oneís problematic mental tendencies. Baba said:ìA practitioner of Tantra becomes elevated and attains mastery overa hostile environment. Tantra does not accept the teaching of the Vedasthat human beings should move internally and carefully avoid any associationwith their environment.î So only if a spiritual path, at leastat some stage, deliberately seeks out fearful, demoralizing or temptingON TANTRA, VEDA AND YOGA110 Most of this article was compiled from a book of Babaís speeches on Tantra whichcarries a foreword by Dada Vijayananda and Dada Acyutananda.


circumstances in order to fight and overcome them by Cosmic ideationand by trust in the guru, does it deserve to be called Tantric. Babawrites:ìIt is not only an external or internal fight, it is simultaneously both.The internal fight is a practice of the subtler portion of Tantra. Theexternal fight is a fight of the cruder portion of Tantra. And the fight,both external and internal, is a fight in both ways at once. So practicein each and every stratum of life receives due recognition in Tantra....The practice for raising the kulakunídíalinii [psycho-spiritual energy force]is the internal saídhanaí of Tantra, while shattering the bondages of hatred,suspicion, fear, shyness, etc., by direct action is the externalsaídhanaí.îBoth the ìinternal fightî and the ìexternal fightî refer to the fightagainst internal enemiesóbut the latter uses external means to intensifythe fight. He writes:ìThe very first night that a Tantric goes to the burial ground, he isstricken with fear.... But when he returns home after finishing saídhanaí,the mind is much lighter than before. When he goes out for saídhanaíthe next night, he is much less fearful. And thus the Tantric steadilyand slowly overcomes fear. This is the applied process of Tantra whichwill help the practitioner overcome all instincts.îThough practices such as that of saídhanaí in a burial ground maybe the clearest instances of techniques designed to bring to the surfaceoneís mental propensities, such practices are not required of all Tantrics.But all Tantrics are brought face to face with their weaknesses in oneway or other. A Tantric guru assigns to his disciples tremendous responsibilitiesfor social change. The disciplesí participation in an activistmovements aimed at a just and spiritually-based society forcesthem to confront sometimes physical fear, but more routinely the fearof social censure and the fear of the overwhelming task before them.The inferiority complex is the most debilitating fear which most of usmust learn to overcome in our lives. Baba writes:ìTantra advises: Jump into your environment without the leasthesitation. Donít be afraid. Fear will leave you step by step. Tomorrowyou will not be as fearful as you are today, the day after you will be evenless fearful, and ten days from now youíll notice that you are completelyfearless.î403Tantra, though a singular science, eventually developed into fivebranches:1) Shaeva Tantra guides the aspirant to direct all expressions of oneíslife towards the inner world and finally merge into the SupremeKnowledge.2) Vaeshnaviiya Tantra is a practice of divine love, wherein the aspirantfeels that each and every entity of this universe is pervaded byGod.3) Shakta Tantra lays great stress on the attainment of power and itsjudicious application.4) Ganapatya Tantra is derived from the custom in ancient times ofdeifying the leader of the tribe. When this practice was convertedthrough spiritual outlook it resulted in the cult of viewing the groupleader as the leader of this universe.

5) Saora Tantra is derived from worship of the sun as a symbol ofthe nucleus of existence. God is the Supreme Nucleus of the entirecreation, and all unit beings revolve around Him. Salvation is possibleonly when the unit consciousness merges in the Cosmic Consciousness.Shri Shri Anandamurti synthesized these five Tantras (PainchaTantra) into a singular system by including the central features of allof them. Ananda Marga is a spiritual path where the goal is the attainmentof Supreme Knowledge (i.e., Shaeva Tantra). To attain this spiritualrank we need psychic and spiritual strength (i.e., Shakti) for whichproper saídhanaí is required. Our individual meditation, however, isnot enough to unite our being with the Cosmic Entity. For that werequire love for everyone; we need to live in joy and peace with theentire creation (i.e., we must be Vaeshnavas). When involved with theexternal world it becomes necessary to learn the secrets for introvertingthe extroverted energies so that every experience becomes spiritualand, thus, leads towards the Supreme Nucleus (i.e., Saora Tantra).Finally, collective life must be systematized, regulated and directedtoward God. To realize this objective the Ganapati system is used.Baba often spoke of having modified Tantra ìto suit the needs ofthe modern era.î He further elaborated the philosophy of Tantra alonglines which had previously been little developed.In ancient times, Aryan (white-skinned) peoples lived to the northof India. The Aryan culture was Vedic. East and south of those Ary-ON TANTRA, VEDA AND YOGA


ans, the people were non-Aryan, i.e. Mongolian, Dravidian and Austric.The non-Aryan culture was Tantric. In a long article titled Tantra andIndo-Aryan Civilization, Baba explains much about Tantra, as well as itsrelation to Veda. He also slightly refers to yoga. Extracts of that articlefollow:Usually the non-Aryans were content with little. What was developedin them was their introspective nature, which not only made themdevotees of God, but infused in them a surging love for spiritual philosophy.The religious practices of the Aryans, however, entailed performingcertain sacrifices in order to attain certain materialistic gains.That is, their religious observances were mainly ritualistic. On the whole,the non-Aryans were followers of Tantra, or subjective [i.e., introspective]saídhanaí. Of course the non-Aryans, depending on their differentdegrees of intellectual development, ranged all the way from animiststo Brahma saídhakas [intuitional practitioners whose goal is theAbsolute]; but in general, individual saídhanaí ranked very high. Thereligion of the Vedic Aryans was, as a rule, one of prayer. It did notinclude even the subtlest hint of any intuitional meditation. And herelies the difference between the Brahmavada [theory of the Infinite Entity]of the Vedas and the Upanishads on the one hand, and that ofTantra on the other.As previously mentioned, by ìnon-Aryansî no particular ethnicgroup was meant. When the Aryans first migrated to India, thenon-Aryans were, on the whole, divided into three populations. Of these,the Negro-Austric Dravidians were the most developed intellectuallyand spiritually. Their Tantra saídhanaí bore a predominance of jinaína[knowledge] and bhakti [devotion]. The next groups deserving mention

are those of the Mongolian population. In their Tantra saídhanaí,karma [service] and bhakti [devotion] were predominant. The groupswhich constituted the Austric population were almost equal to theAryans intellectually, but in the practical and spiritual spheres theygradually lagged behind due to the comparative lack of dynamism oftheir society. This Austric society was content to practice the extroversialaspects of Tantra (witchcraft, invultuation, magic, magical incantationfor evil purposes, hypnotism, etc.).Tantra flourished in Bengal due to the pervasive intermixture ofDravidian and Mongolian blood. ...405In the life of Bengal, Tantra has surrendered to Veda only with respectto language. In fact there was no alternative but to acknowledgethis defeat: The Bengalis of those days were followers of Tantra whospoke many different languages. When they decided to formulate a newlanguage of their own, they were bound to accept the language of theforeign Aryans due to its highly expressive power. The Dravidian andMongolian languages [although also a related to Sanskrit] were not soexpressive as the Sanskrit language of the Vedas. ... Due to the Vedicinfluence, particularly due to the influence of the eastern Vedic dialect,Maígadhii Prakrta, there emerged a Sanskrit-based Aryan languagein Bengal. Later on, the Tantrics of this area composed Tantric literatureusing Sanskrit and the new Sanskrit-based Bengali. ...Spiritual practice was common in the Tantric society. There is nospiritual vigor whatsoever in the lives of those who support pompous,so-called religious ceremonies, as there is in the lives of introspectivespiritual practitioners. After the Aryans came into India, two types ofpractice used to take place side by side: on the one side the sacrificialfires of the rsíis [religious leaders], characterized by the smell of burningghee [purified butter] and the sonorous refrains of those payinghomage to the manes while offering oblations into the fire; and on theother side, the non-Aryansí Tantra saídhanaí, the practice of self-controland attainment of divine power. Spiritual depth and power of saídhanaíbrought fearlessness into the spiritual lives of the non-Aryans, as befittingstaunch Tantrics. ...Here it is necessary to remember that Tantra is not a religion, buta way of life, a system of saídhanaí. The fundamental goal of thissaídhanaí is to awaken the dormant jiivashakti [unit force], known askulakunídíalinii, and, after elevating it stage by stage, to merge it inBrahmabhaíva [Cosmic Consciousness]. Tantra is a science of spiritualmeditation or saídhanaí which is equally applicable to anyone nomatter what their religious affiliation might be. Tantra is certainly olderthan the Vedas.111 Just as the shlokas or mantras of the Vedas were handeddown from guru to disciple in a genealogical tradition, the Tantra saídhanaíof the Mongolo-Dravidian society was handed down from guru to disciplehereditarily. The Vedas are theoreticalófull of ritualistic ceremo-ON TANTRA, VEDA AND YOGA111 The first Veda, the Rgveda, is dated 15,000 years ago.406 TRAVELS WITH THE MYSTIC MASTER

nies and formalisms. It would be incorrect to regard Tantra as a morerecent version of those Vedic rituals: Tantraís esoteric practices had longbeen known in the society of saídhakas [spiritual aspirants]. Its theoreticalportion was not as elaborate as that of the Vedas, which took

years and years to memorize.When the Aryans came to India, roughly during the period of theArtharvaveda, they learned Tantra saídhanaí to some extent after comingin contact with the Indian Tantrics. This resulted in the Artharvavedabeing pervasively influenced by Tantra. Even if the orthodox Vedicstry to reject the many Tantra-influenced portions of the Vedas as laterinterpolations, they will not be too convincing, for Tantra has now infiltratedinto the marrow of the so-called Aryans. Although during thepost-Vedic Buddhist era as well as the post-Buddhist Brahmanical erachanges in the religious outlook of the people were apparent, the processof saídhanaí remained Tantric as it does even today, for withoutTantra, spiritual saídhanaí is impossible.Yoga, which is the paramount factor in spiritual practices, is itselfbased on Tantra. The great Tantric Vashisítíha, when he returned fromChina after learning the Chinese techniques of saídhanaí, brought abouta great improvement in Tantra saídhanaí. He was widely acclaimed asa great yogi. His book Yogavaíshisítíha is a philosophical exposition ofthe subtle spirituality of Tantra saídhanaí.Momentarily diverting from Babaís article, it may be observed thatyoga is thus a part of Tantra, indeed the subtlest aspect of the Tantricpractice. Shiva Himself elucidated yoga, as did a number of the Tantrascriptures. Three of the other foremost authorities on yoga were alsoTantrics: Krishna, Vashistha, and Patanjali.Patanjali was the last of the line, having lived only about 2000 yearsago. Though Baba generally agrees with Patanjali, He differs on a fewpoints. Most fundamental of these concern the very definition of yoga.Patanjali wrote: Yogash citta vrtii nirodha. This means ìTo suspendthe function of thinking is Yoga.î Baba explained that it is the natureof mind to think. So it is unnatural to try to stop that thinking process.Such an effort amounts to suppression, and therefore may be harmful.On the other hand, Baba quotes and supports a definition directlyfrom the Tantras: Samíyogo yogo ityukto jiivaítmaí Paramaítmanah.407This means ìThe union of the individual soul with the Supreme Soulis yoga.î This process is founded on a natural attraction toward infinitebliss or infinite love. As one develops love for God, simultaneouslylove for all of the creation is generated. The result is creative and expansive.Upon the ultimate merging of the individual mind with theCosmic Mind, the individual thought process automatically ceases, asthere is no longer any separate individual. Such a person is aware onlyof God, and no ego remains.One of the major etymological interpretations of Tantra also parallelsthis definition of yoga. Tan means to expand, and tra means toliberate. Thus Tantra means to become liberated from all sorts of bondagethrough the expansion of oneís self. We should clearly understandthat yoga is a process of expansion, not contraction or suppression.Turning back to Babaís article:There are many who try to make a distinction between Hindu Tantraand Buddhist Tantra. This is absolutely wrong, for as I have said earlier,Tantra is one and only one. It is based on one sentiment, on oneidea. The Buddhist and Hindu Tantras express the same thing in differentwords.112

After the Aryan settlement in India a great man was born into the

non-Aryan society. Born into a Mongolo-Aryan family, this great manhad a high nose and fair complexion. He was a great Tantricóa greatyogi. The name of this Mahaípurusía [Great Person] of the non-Aryansociety was Shiva. For one man to have so many qualities and endowmentsat the same time was beyond the comprehension of the people,so He was called Guníaítiita or Nirgunía Purusía [the TranscendentalON TANTRA, VEDA AND YOGA112 On this point of the identity between these Tantras (except in their terminology),Baba gives several pages of examples.All spiritual and religious systems are adaptable to Tantra, though some systems arebetter than others, as explained in the following saying from the Kulaírníava Tantra:Uttamo BrahmasadbhaívoMadhyamaí dhyaína dhaíríaníaí;Japastuíti syaídhadhamaíMuírtipuíjaí dhamaídhamaíThis means: Ideation on Brahma or God is the best, meditation and concentration aresecond best, repetitious incantation and eulogistic prayer are the worst, and idol worshipis the worst of the worst.408 TRAVELS WITH THE MYSTIC MASTER

or Non-Attributional Person]. As the result of His Tantra saídhanaíHe attained extraordinary powers, which He employed for the good ofhumanity. It was He who systematized the science of Tantra and thusHe was the guru or the father of Tantrics and yogis. To this Self-realizedMahaípurusía there was no distinction of high and low. People of allclasses, from the highest to the lowest, were dear to Him. Irrespectiveof classóAryan, non-Aryan, Dravidian, Austric or Mongolianóallflocked to Him. He showered His grace on them all equally. As thebattles raged between the ìgodsî on the one hand and the ìdemonsîand ìmonstersî on the other (needless to say, ìgodsî meant the handsomeAryan leaders, and ìdemonsî and ìmonstersî meant thenon-Aryans in general), the non-Aryan ìdemonsî and ìmonstersî becamemore and more powerful through the blessings of this Shiva. Allthe raíksíasas and asuras [demons and monsters] were Shivaís obedientdevotees and followers. With the help and blessings of Shiva theydestroyed the might and power of the ìgods.î According to Sanskritstories, when the gods would seek the help of Brahmaí and Visíníu, eventhose two would not dare to oppose Shiva; rather they would save thegods through a compromise with Him.Shiva had such a forgiving nature, born out of His spirit of benevolence,that even the most wicked could easily draw on His kindness.That is why to everybody He became Aíshutosía (Easy to Please). Dueto Shivaís pervasive influence over their society, the non-Aryans, thatis, the Tantrics, used to worship Him as God, and according to theirrespective intellectual strata they regarded and accepted Him in Hisdifferent bearings. Just as the Aryans began to identify Shiva with theirown gods and goddesses, the kaola mahaítaíntrikas [great Tantrics inthe tradition of kulakunídíalinii yoga] began to regard Shiva as identicalwith Nirgunía Brahma [unqualified Supreme Consciousness]. Theforemost cause behind this conception of theirs was the absolute detachmentand self-forgetful bearing of Shiva, the lord of supernaturaland miraculous power. Shivaís self-sacrificing nature earned Him thename Bholaínaítha [one absolutely indifferent to his own status] amongthe non-Aryans. All were attracted to Shivaís supernatural power, Hisimposing personality, His limitless qualities and the calm, tranquil radianceof His features....

409Shivaís influence over the Aryans increased more and more. TheAryans began to feel that, being so indebted to Shiva, they could nolonger afford to disregard Him. It was Shiva who had taught them spiritualsaídhanaí, aísanas and praíníaíyaíma [meditation, yoga posturesand breath control]; the secret of good health; the science of medicine;and the developed art of dance and music. For His excellence in dancing,both the Aryans and non-Aryans used to call Him Natíaraíja, andfor His proficiency in vocal music, Naídatanu. No one has countedthe number of medicines He invented for every kind of disease. Hewas the first preceptor of the aíyurvedaícaíryas [teachers of aíyurveda,the science of medicine to increase longevity]. The asuras [Mongolians]were cured of many serious diseases due to His grace. Both theAryans and the non-Aryans thought that since Shiva knew so many remedies,He was perhaps immortal, and so they named Him Mrtyuinjaya[conqueror of death]. ...The present social system of India (which is fundamentally Tantric)was developed by Shiva.113 After accepting Shiva as God without anyreservation, the Aryans appropriated everything good of the Dravidiansand the other non-Aryans. Of course this did not diminish the Aryansíprestigeórather it enhanced it. ...Not only in India, but in quite a large part of the world, in everysphere of life, the laws and injunctions of Shiva alone prevailed for along time. Even today the civilization of modern India is intrinsicallyTantric. On the outside only is there a Vedic stamp. Or if we take theIndian civilization as an enameled ornament, then its gold is Tantric,and the enamel Vedic. ...When the Indians were about to forget the teachings of Shiva dueto their fascination with the mundane objectivities of the world, therecame another sublime entity like Shiva, who reminded them of thoseteachings. That great personality was Shri Krsínía [Krishna]. The questionas to which of the two was greater, Krsínía or Shiva, does not arise,because all knowers of Brahma are one: all are Brahma.113 Shiva was the first guru to loudly proclaim that men and women are spiritually equal.He initiated His daughter and His three wives, who all became famous yoginis. He alsowas the first to introduce the system of marriage in order to bind together father, motherand children.ON TANTRA, VEDA AND YOGA


GlossaryThe spelling of some of the Sanskrit words has been adjusted inthe text to make them easier to pronounce. In such cases, their properRoman Sanskrit spelling is clarified here. (The word Sanskrit itselffalls in such a category; its proper spelling is Samískrta.) Ananda Margais abbreviated as ìAM.îACHARYA (proper spelling Aícaírya, feminine form Aícaíryaí): Literallyìone who teaches others by his or her example.î The teachersof personal meditation lessons in AM are acharyas.ANANDA MARGA (proper spelling Aínanda Maírga): Literally ìthepath of bliss or infinite happiness.îANANDA NAGAR (proper spelling Aínanda Nagar): Literally ìplaceof blissî. An area well over 1000 hectares, which is the site of AMíspermanent headquarters. In the past many great yogis performed

meditation here.ASANA (proper spelling Aísana): Literally ìeasy position.î Physicalpostures designed to purify the body, and to some extent the mind,by harmonizing the glandular secretions, blood circulation, andnerves.AVADHUTA (proper spelling Avadhuíta, feminine form is Avadhuítikaí):Literally, ìone who is thoroughly cleansed mentally andspiritually.î Traditionally one who renounces all worldly attachments,whose naked body is covered only by ashes, and passes muchtime in cremation grounds. In AM, after the renunciate acharyalearns kapalika meditation, he or she becomes an avadhuta.AVIDYA: The extroversial or centrifugal force causing ignorance andattraction for external objects.AVIDYA TANTRA: Practices for the attainment of occult powers.BABA NAM KEVALAM (proper spelling Baíbaí Naím Kevalam):Baba means ìGod, most Beloved, or divine Father,î Nam meansìëname,î Kevalam means ìonly.î The universal mantra of AM usedfor kiirtan and introductory meditation.CHAKRA (proper spelling Cakra): Literally ìcircle.î Psycho-physicalplexi located along the spinal column. The awakening of these cen-411ters relates to the attainment of spiritual awareness or occult powers.COSMIC MIND: Cosmic Consciousness has a guiding nucleus calledCosmic Mind. It has no physical location.DADA: Literally ìelder brother.î A male acharya is commonly calledDada.DARSHAN: Literally ìto seeî or ìto see with intuition.î Disciplesrefer to being with their guru as darshan.DHARMA: Spirituality; psycho-spiritual longing; oneís original natureor innate tendency; the path of righteousness in social affairs. Thespecial characteristic of a thing by virtue of which that thing is whatit is, and in the absence of which that thing loses its identity. Thedharma of fire is to burn. Striving for self-realization and service toothers is the dharma of humans.DHARMA MAHACHAKRA (proper spelling Dharma Mahacakra):Maha means ìgreatî, chakra means ìcircleî, i.e. total literal meaningis ìthe great circle of spiritualityî or ìthe great group meditation.î A series of formal darshans by Baba over a few days, climaxingwith His Varabhaya mudra.DHARMA SAMIKSHA (proper spelling Dharma Samiksía): Literallyìanalysis of oneís adherence to the path of righteousness.î Itwas a program that Baba conducted for a few months in 1981, duringwhich He called all Margis to individually analyze their personalconduct and health.DIDI: Literally ìelder sister.î A female acharya is commonly calledDidi.DMC: Abbreviation for Dharma Mahachakra.DMS: Abbreviation for Dharma Mahasamelan. Samelan means ìgatheringî.DMS literally means ìthe great spiritual gathering.î A seriesof formal sittings by a special representative of Baba.FULL-TIMER: Short for Local Full-Time volunteer.GENERAL SECRETARY: After the President, the highest global AMauthority.

GS, GS-DADA, or GS-DA: Abbreviations for General Secretary.GLOSSARY


GURU (proper spelling Guíruí): Literally one who dispels the darkness;one who leads others out of darkness. Spiritual master orpreceptor. Ultimately the guru is a purely psycho-spiritual entity,guiding the spiritual aspirant toward oneís lifeís goal.GURU PUJA: A mantra sung together with mudras by which the devoteeoffers oneís ego attachments to the guru.INITIATION: In Sanskrit called ìdiksha,î literally ìgiving spirituallight.î Personal individualized instruction in meditation by the guru.In AM it is given through the medium of an acharya.JAGRITI (proper spelling Jagrti): Literally ìplace of spiritual development.î AM yoga centers, including group meditation hall andliving space.-JI(or -JII): Suffix added on to names. Gives feeling of respect withlove.KAOSHIKI (proper spelling Kaosíikii): Literally a dance to developthe layers (kosas) of the mind. Yogic dance invented by Baba. Especiallysuitable for females, though also good for males.KAPALIKA MEDITATION (proper spelling Kaípaílika): Highermeditation done late night in graveyard, usually taught only whenan acharya becomes an avadhuta.KIIRTAN (proper spelling Kiirtana): Singing of Godís name, withdance, done before meditation. In AM, chant is Baba Nam Kevalam.KUNDALINI (proper spelling Kunídíalinii): Spiritual energy forcewhich rises up the spine through the Chakras. One of Tantraís purposesis to raise the kundalini.LUNGI: Cloth worn like a sarong by a man. Part of the renunciateacharyaís uniform.MANTRA: Literally man means ìmind,î and tra means ìliberate,îi.e. ìa word or words which, when concentrated upon, leads to liberationof the mind from all bondages.îMARGI (proper spelling Maírgii): Literally ìone who is on the spiritualpath.î Member of AM.MASTER UNIT: Model AM spiritual community. Including agricultureand service projects.413MICROVITA: Mysterious emanation of the Cosmos. The smallest entitiesof the Cosmos. Though alive, they are the building blocks ofmatter and energy. Singular is microvitum.MUDRA (proper spelling Mudraí): Meaningful gesture of hands and/or feet. Both in yoga and Indian classical dance. See VarabhayaMudra.NEO-HUMANISM: Universalism. Babaís philosophy has three legsó AM, Prout, and Neo-Humanism. Neo-Humanism serves the needsof all ó humans, plants and animals. It is a philosophy, a spiritualgoal, and a way to overcome dogma.NAMASKAR: A mudra of greeting and parting, touching the foreheadand heart. It means ìWith my mind and my heart I respect the Divinityin you.îPARAMA PURUSHA (proper spelling Parama Purusía): SupremeConsciousness; Infinite Entity; God.

PERSONAL CONTACT: An individual psycho-spiritual experiencegiven by Baba to Margis.PRABHAT SANGIIT (proper spelling Prabhaít Samígiita): Literallyìsongs of the new dawn.î The 5018 songs composed by Baba.PRASAD: Food infused with spiritual vibrations through kiirtan orthe guruís touch.PROUT: Acronym for the Progressive Utilization Theory. Thesocio-economic theory given by Baba. See Appendix for completeexplanation.SADHANA (proper spelling Saídhanaí): Literally ìsustained effortî;spiritual practice; meditation.SAMADHI: Literally ìstate of complete absorption.î Various psychospiritualstates achieved while passing through the chakras. Onenesswith Cosmic Mind.SAMSKARA (proper spelling Samískaíra): 1)Unexpressed reaction.Consequential action or thought necessitated by a previous thought.2)That which determines oneís individuality. 3)Popularly (thoughwrongly) called ìkarma.îGLOSSARY


SANSKRIT (proper spelling Samískrta): Ancient language developedby Tantric yogis. Each letter relates to a different human instinct,and a different psychic sound. The mother language having the mostlinks with other languages.SECTOR: In AM the largest administrative division below global. Thereare nine sectors, each a continent or sub-continent.SHIVA: Literally ìsupreme consciousness.î The founder of methodicalTantra. Lived around 5000 BC. Introduced systems of yoga, marriage,medicine, dance, song and social cooperation. Proper namewas ìSadashiva.îSHLOKA: A Sanskrit verse or saying.SIXTEEN POINTS: A summary of the most important AM practices.TANDAVA (proper spelling Taínídíava): A vigorous dance for malesformulated by Shiva. Stimulates all the glands and develops courage.Symbolizes the fight between life and death.TANTRA: 1)A spiritual tradition originated in prehistoric India. Firstsystematized by Shiva. Develops human vigor to overcome all weaknessesthrough meditation and by confronting difficult situations.2)A scripture of 64 books expounding that tradition.UNIT: 1)An AM group regularly meeting for group meditation.2)ìUnit mindî is the mind of an individual living entity. A reflectionof Cosmic Mind.VIDYA: The introversive or centripetal force causing attraction forthe Supreme Nucleus. Leads to knowledge and correct perception.VIDYA TANTRA: Practices for surrender to God, and for becomingone with God. It teaches morality is the base; intuition the means;and life divine the goal.WHOLETIMER: Renunciate monk or nun whose life is committedto service through AM. Most wholetimers are acharyas.WOMENíS WELFARE DEPARTMENT: Abbreviated WWD. AMdepartment run by and for women. AM recognizes that men andwomen are spiritually equal.

WORKER: Generally refers to wholetime workers. May also includefull-timers.415VARABHAYA MUDRA (proper spelling Varaíbhaya): Vara meansìboon,î and ìabhayaî means fearlessness due to feeling completelyprotected. So ìVarabhayaî means ìblessing of fearlessness, or blessingwith protection and without fear.î Mudra means ìmeaningfulhand gesture.î In Dharma Mahachakras Babaís Varabhaya mudracaused Margis to enter higher states of consciousness.YOGA: Literally ìunion.î The paramount teaching of Tantra. Consistsof physical, mental, spiritual and social practices to increaseoneís subtlety. Ultimately unites the unit mind with the CosmicMind.YOGI: One who practices yoga.GLOSSARY

travels with the mystic master

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