The Withdrawal Factor-

Triggers Which Make Men Withdraw

To many women, one of worst possible things that a man can do, from a

relationship standpoint, is the act of giving them the cold shoulder.

A cold shoulder response from a man, is basically a woman’s worst

nightmare being written straight from a horror story itself, because it basically appears to shut down ALL of a woman’s ability to do ANYTHING about that reality.

Ultimately, what it means, is that many women find themselves utterly powerless in the face of a man giving them the cold shoulder, to such an extent that they often times freak out, or break down under the pressure

of trying to figure out what is going wrong, with little to NO communication from their man either, about that reality.

It means that the MAIN function which you need to understand your man, the situation, and relationship, is now completely shut down. What function is that? The function of communication.

It means that you don’t know what’s going on, and THAT idea alone, is one of the freakiest things that a woman ever has to encounter when in a relationship, and many women ultimately feel paralyzed and even tortured,

therefore when a man starts to shut down any communication, by withdrawing completely.

What the Withdrawal Factor will therefore teach you, is this:

You will learn the ins and outs of why it is that men withdraw, what to do about that, and how to therefore prevent it in the future.

Learning this, means that you will no longer feel powerless, paralyzed or

completely shut off from your man and the situation, anymore, after this. In fact, learning how to utilize the Withdrawal Factor in your favor, can

actually help you to completely break through any cold shoulder treatment that your man may be giving you currently, or may possibly attempt to project onto you in the future.

So pay very close attention, therefore, to the information which you are about to learn, because it will be the difference between a man who communicates, and is open with you, and a man who completely shuts himself off from you, in your relationship future.

So what exactly is the Withdrawal Factor?

The Withdrawal Factor is basically a guideline into the male mind, that shows you exactly what is going on, when a man starts to pull away, and thus, also shows you therein what to do about that reality, to quickly bring a man back to you.

The first thing, therefore that you must learn about the reality of men withdrawing is this:

Rule #1: Men never withdraw for no reason, at all. They always have a justified reason to do this.

So what kinds of reasons could be floating around that make a man feel justified in pulling away?

Well, although it might seem like there could be a billion reasons for a man

suddenly deciding to give you the cold shoulder, you might be surprised to learn that there are actually only TWO reasons. Yes, you heard that correctly, there are just two simple reasons why a man withdraws in a

relationship. They are as follows:

Withdrawal Reason #1: He is dealing with something INTRA-personal, that does not pertain back to the relationship.

Intra-personal, in this case, means that your man is dealing with something INSIDE of himself, hence the term ‘intra’-personal, because it’s

within himself. It is therefore not a problem that is related to you, and this very same problem, has NOTHING to do with your relationship either.

What do I mean by that?

Well, imagine for example, that one day you are having stomach cramps. Your throat is sore. You feel groggy, and your head is spinning. You just want to lay in bed, and get some rest. You can barely even give your man any attention or time at this stage, because you are just so sick and tired.

Should your man, under this circumstance, come in and blame himself for that reality? Is that something that he caused, personally?

The simple answer, is that no, he didn’t cause you to feel sick like that. It’s

nothing personal against him, and it’s nothing that he did personally either, to cause this reality. Thus, this withdrawal reason is a lot like that example.

Sometimes a thing will happen internally or externally to your man, wherein he will want to take some personal time or space, to either manage it, solve it, or to heal.

In this instance, it has NOTHING to do with you. You are not at fault for this, and you have done nothing wrong to cause it. But, due to the nature

of how that personal thing affects your man, he still does have to withdraw or take space to handle it.

Now in this instance, a lot of women will want to come in and baby or mother their men, and feel sorry for them. A lot of women therefore, want

to come in and help their men out of the problem, and I will explain why this only causes a man to withdraw for a second reason, in just a bit, but know for now that trying to ‘help’ your man out of a personal problem, in

the way that you feel is right, almost always causes MORE problems and MORE withdrawal from your man. This, therefore leads me to my next point:

Withdrawal Reason #2: He’s dealing with something EXTRA-personal, that pertains back to the relationship.

What does ‘extra-personal’ mean exactly? Well, extra-personal refers to a

man’s relationship with something outside of himself. So in essence, extra-personal in this case, means YOU. It means that he is dealing with something that you are causing.

Now it may sound childish for a man to deal with a potential problem that

you are causing for him, or in the relationship, by withdrawing, but there is actually a very sound reason why a man would want to withdraw.

You see, a man can either fight something, or he can run away from it. But he can never do both.

Thus, there is always an intense choice going on within a man, to choose

between whether or not he wants to fight that thing. But here’s the kicker… most men don’t want to fight something.

Fighting something takes emotionally energy, and pulls away from their strength, because now they are investing HEAVILY into something that they found to be problematic in the first place.

This is why men almost always choose the ‘flight’ response.

What is the ‘flight’ response?

Well, there is something known as the fight or flight response. This response follows a simple model, that suggests that when we are facing

adversity, adrenaline kicks in, to either make us want to stay, and fight it, or to want to run away, and avoid it.

Now I want you to know something very simple, and I want you to learn it

rather quickly as well, in all of this. What is that simple thing?

It’s the fact that men will almost ALWAYS take the easy route, when given a choice between something hard, or something easy, in a relationship.

This means that if a man feels like he is having an extra-personal problem, he will take the easiest route to ‘dealing’ with that problem.

But here is where things get tricky, because there is a secret about men that many women don’t actually realize or know.

What secret is that? It’s the Emotional Avoidance Secret.

The Emotional Avoidance Secret is a reality that every single man is

stuck in, when it comes to how men handle a woman’s emotions, especially if her emotions are negatively projected.

You see, when it comes to emotions, men are on a whole other playing field, than women are on.

This is even true, when a man is dealing with his own emotions, and is

especially true when he has to account for the emotions of another person, especially in a relationship.

Emotions to you, as a woman, are typically seen as the good guys. You use them to share, communicate, and understand the world around you, and

you especially use them when you approach your relationship, to gauge how you should react, or act therein.

So for example, if you are feeling sad, in your relationship, you will use that feeling, to gauge how you should react. So you might express to your

man what is making you sad, therefore, and thus you have shared that emotion, to communicate to your man, something that you’d like him to understand.

Thus, as a woman, you feel good, communicating, sharing, and understanding through your emotions.

Men, however, DO NOT, feel that way. In fact, if anything, they feel

horrible trying to communicate and understand based on their emotions alone.

Why is that?

Well, it’s all in the mental programming of a man. What mental programming is that?

Well men are designed to be creatures of logic. Not only this, but men are actually pegged into this reality from an early age, as they are taught, from birth not to be TOO emotional.

Now this may offend you, but it’s the unfortunate reality of society: men are taught that being emotional, means that they are acting in a way that is unmanly, and thus is more feminine.

Men are told to leave that reality up to women, and to let women have all

the fun therein. They are therefore, told to bottle up their emotions, and to manage them in a completely different way, than women do.

This does not mean, however, that men aren’t allowed to feel at all. Men are allowed to feel, but the spectrum of emotions that they are allowed to

openly express is rather limited, and a man must often hold in the BULK of his emotions, only revealing slight tidbits of them, one little piece at a time, so as to not appear to be too emotional or irrational.

You see, if a man were to become this huge cry baby, out of nowhere,

balling his face off, because something upset him, would people really take him seriously? People might feel sorry for him, but most people, including women, would think he was pathetic.

This is why men strategically bottle up their emotions, and only release little tidbits, so as to not lower the level of respect that others may be able

to show them. Men do this, so as to uphold a certain image that they have of themselves, which makes them feel validated as a man.

Men therefore learn to value respect, on an extremely high scale, so much so, that they would even choose respect over love, because respect at

least ensures that their integrity is intact, and that they are not being seen as pathetic, emotionally.

Love, however, doesn’t 100% guarantee that reality for a man, so he could disregard love, therefore, but could never disregard the respect angle.

So why am I saying all of this, and what does all of this have to do with the fact that men withdraw?

Well, it has everything to do with the fact that men withdraw, and it completely encompasses the two withdrawal reasons I gave you earlier, to such an extent that it actually AFFECTS both of those realities in a HEAVY way.

You see, the Emotional Avoidance Secret actually causes men to withdraw, if and when they feel pressured, emotionally, either internally or externally.

As noted, men are on a completely different playing field when it comes to

emotions. They are taught to not release their emotions heavily. This means that all of the emotions must sit inside, almost like a volcano, building up, and building up, until finally they erupt.

But as you have just learned, men don’t ‘erupt’ like women do. When a

man emotionally erupts, do you know what he does?

He withdraws, and turns inward, thus projecting that internally.

A woman however, would seek companionship, and turns outward, therefore projecting externally.

The best example to describe this phenomenon, is when you feel bad,

because if you feel bad, you most likely want somebody to come hold you, and comfort you, whereas if man feels bad, he wants people to leave him alone, and he doesn’t want to be touched even.

Why do men respond like that, instead of seeking comfort externally?

Well it all comes back to what I’ve been saying so far. Men simply have a lower emotional threshold.

What does that mean?

Well, it means that men ultimately, pull away from anything that they feel triggered by.

Why do men do that?

Men have to do this, because again, they aren’t exactly allowed to release

their emotions normally like women can. Men are seen as being weak, if they do this, and secondly many men HATE doing this, because they prefer a logical approach.

Logic in this case, means that a man doesn’t let his emotions dictate the outcome, or his reaction to something.

So the only thing a man can do then, if something is triggering him emotionally, is to step away from it.

This is why men often step away from things when they feel emotionally triggered, in an attempt to remove the ability of the trigger itself, to affect them.

Now as I mentioned earlier, there are two triggers that cause men to pull away, emotionally, and thus physically.

One of those triggers, is when a man is dealing with a personal issue, that he is trying to resolve. As noted, this is a problem outside of you.

Some examples of such problems include, but are not limited to times when a man:

Is having a work related problem, that is stressing him out, is demanding a lot of him, or is challenging to solve.

Is having a personal problem, such as trying to work through one of

his own personality flaws, or thought patterns that he finds is getting in his way of trying to function.

Is having financial problems, and therefore is trying to work on figuring out a solution, so that he doesn’t always feel taxed with a

financial burden.

Is not feeling good enough as a man, because perhaps he isn’t able to provide everything for his family, or his life that he wants to be

able to.

Etc…

Basically what these examples of personal withdrawal point to and mean is

this: if there I something that he doesn’t have a solution to, the thought of that problem will loom in a man’s mind, until he figures out a way to even remotely begin working on solving that problem.

You see men absolutely hate being stuck in a problem, where they either

feel, helpless, powerless, or lost. They in the very least, need to feel like at least SOMETHING is being done about that problem, or as though something CAN be done to solve the problem.

But as you know in life, everything is not always clear, and not every problem is simply black and white. Sometimes an immediate solution or remedy is difficult to figure out, or find.

This is why men sometimes withdraw or take space, in that moment, from you in a relationship. Again, in this has nothing to do with you at this stage, but it’s something that you need to know, and be aware of, because it does affect you, and involves you none the less.

In these instances, you’ll notice that a man withdraws without really telling you why. There is no real rhyme or reason to it either.

That’s how you can tell when a man is withdrawing for an intra-personal reason. You can tell again, because your man almost always will offer you none of the following:

No verbal discussion occurs as to the fact that this is going to happen.

No clear communication occurs that even remotely tells you or

directly explains the fact that he is even struggling intensely internally. (You basically won’t know this, in other words, until he

either pulls away, or tells you AFTER the fact.)

No physical signs appear that suggest he was in fact struggling,

except to see him pull away very strongly, out of nowhere.

He’s becomes a lot more inside of his head, than usual.

He begins talking less, and starts giving you one word answers.

He fails to engage in anything you say, and it’s as if he cannot listen to anything you are saying anymore.

He even struggles to understand what your point is, anymore, and

wants you to get to the point more quickly now, even when you are trying to do that, he still can’t seem to grasp the importance of what you say now.

He retracts into an intense zone and need for personal space, far

more than usual. If you touch him or go near him, he gets snarky or annoyed.

He becomes irritated easily, and becomes impatient with you, but

never explains why, even if you ask him if it’s something you’ve done wrong.

The things which your man used to be “OK” with, now start to annoy

him.

When you try to get answers, he gets mad at you, and even pushes

you away harder, to the point of even demanding to be left alone, and arguing with you over the smallest of things.

He only engages in one thing at a time now, which means that you are most likely ignored and avoided.

You find him avoiding having to explain to you why it is that he is

pulling away, or you find him unable to do that, no matter how hard you push for an answer.

When you ask him if it is something that you did or said, he can’t seem to clarify, or if he does, he only tells you that it’s nothing that

you did, but still fails to tell you what it is then, that is bothering him so much.

You find him struggling to laugh, or exhibit any strongly positive

emotions, no matter how much effort you put into it, and you even

notice that the things which normally soothed him, he now suddenly is annoyed with.

So the main theme here, when it comes to a man’s intra-personal

withdrawal periods, is that: A) A man will avoid explaining the behaviour, reasoning, or purpose behind it.

B) A man will grow irrationally irritated, even with the things that normally soothed, comforted, or helped him.

C) A man will have more and more internal dialogue, and less and less external communication, even when you try to push for answers.

Now, in these moments, the reason why a man withdraws when he is

dealing with intra-personal problems, is because, as I noted earlier, he’s trying to problem solve. You see, when a man encounters an intra-personal problem, the idea of that problem will rattle around in his head, and it will drive him almost mental, as he tries to look for a solution.

Emotional pressure will build up, as he further tries to work through the problem. The reason, therefore, why a man withdraws in these moments, is because he can ONLY handle one thing at a time at this stage.

This is why he pulls away from you in the relationship, at this point,

because he cannot handle this intense internal battle that is going, AND your emotional needs, wants, and projections at the same time.

What makes matters worse, is that this behaviour often freaks women out, so they try to push the guy for answers, or reasoning, as they suddenly

find him acting extremely strange, and cold. In that moment, however, a man will only feel pushed even more to withdraw further, as he will then

start to feel an internal push, AND an external push, and the pressure he feels from all angles, again, causes him to try to take down the trigger.

In this case, a man cannot take away the internal trigger. The intra-personal problem still has not been resolved. He is TRYING to work on it.

He is trying to fix it, and he is trying really hard to get rid of the problem. So that’s not something that he can remove right now, pressure wise.

But, what he CAN remove, is the external pressure, that is coming from the relationship, and from you. This is why a guy gets irritated, and turns on

you even, the more you try to help him out of it, or the more you try to get him to explain what’s going on as he withdraws.

What happens in that moment, is that YOU become the trigger, and you

become a level of pressure that he feels he can at least control or limit. So he ultimately limits YOU from being able to reach him on a deeper level so that he doesn’t feel like he has everything piling in on him, emotionally at once.

Now this is not something that you, as a woman, should take personally. Quite the opposite actually, because it doesn’t mean that a man hates you, dislikes you, or doesn’t appreciate the fact that you simply just want to know what’s going on.

It just means that your man actually only needs one simple thing from you, that you are either forgetting to give him, don’t know you should be giving him, or need to be giving him.

What simple thing is that?

He needs some room to breathe. He needs some ‘elbow room’ so to speak.

What exactly is ‘elbow room’? Elbow room is a level of personal space, that a man needs, in a

relationship, when he is dealing with an intra-personal problem. Elbow room, means that you give him the room to actually work his way through the problem, without encroaching too closely into his personal space, and

without emotionally invading that very same space, that your man needs in that moment.

So the solution, and the key here, when your man is experiencing an intra-

personal problem, is to not overwhelm him emotionally, or physically. You must therefore, respect the intense boundaries that your man is putting up, even if they seem extremely unreasonable, and even if he hasn’t explained them just yet.

Why must you do this?

Well, again, he can only handle ONE thing at a time at this stage, and the intra-personal problem will always take precedence over EVERY OTHER THING, in his life, when he is dealing with that thing.

I know it may sound selfish that a man would prioritize an intra-personal

problem above any other problem, or concern he should be dealing with, but to help give you some perspective, I want you to imagine that you have an extremely bad foot pain going on.

I want you to imagine that this foot pain is so excruciatingly bad, that you

can’t even get up and walk, or move. Even just slightly moving your leg, without putting pressure on it, sends spikes of pain throughout your entire leg.

Now imagine that your man starts coming to you, demanding that you must walk, because he needs you to get up and do something for him.

But you know that if you even just remotely move your leg, that it will hurt

beyond reason, yet your man keeps on pushing you to just get up and stand on it, and walk already.

What do you think is going to happen then?

Are you going to listen to him?

OR are you going to want to tell him to buzz off, and leave you alone?

Well in that instance, you are probably going to want to tell your man to

buzz off. Why? Well, the main reason, is because you are having a problem, that you can’t

immediately resolve, and he’s coming in telling you to fix that, by doing the very thing that you know would hurt the most in that moment.

That’s the same problem that men have going on, when they are dealing

with an intra-personal problem. Many women want to come in and mother their men to death, and smother them, when they realize that a man is having a personal problem.

They want their men to talk ALL of it out, extensively, and to be open

about it, but that reality to a man, is exactly like asking him to stand on his foot, when it’s only going to hurt more.

In a moment when a man is dealing with an intra-personal problem, talking about it and explaining it externally, is a lot like standing on a foot that just

wants to ache more. Now I know this sounds strange, and many women would just love for their men to just spit it out, and be open about it, and get it off their chest, but the men who do this, realize rather quickly that it doesn’t solve their problem.

You see, men don’t feel good talking about their problems, especially intra-personal problems. This is why they almost exclusively NEVER explain what is going on to you, never tell you what is wrong, and never even try to hint that something is wrong either.

This is why a lot of women often start to blame themselves during this moment, because the man is not communicating that his reason for

withdrawal is actually not her fault, but she has NOTHING to go off of, except his behaviour, so it’s hard for a woman not to blame herself in that moment.

But let me make something clear for you, right now when it comes to this reality. Men don’t do that, to hurt you, and they definitely don’t do that to make you feel like you should be blaming yourself either.

They do it, to actually avoid feeling worse, and to avoid taking that feeling out on you. They pull away not only for themselves, but for YOUR sake

too. They know that if they start to tell you about what is wrong, that you will come in, wanting to offer your advice, ideas for solutions, and more…

But the thing is, men don’t want that from you. I know that sounds rude,

but this is why men avoid telling you what is wrong to begin with. They don’t want your solution. They don’t want you to come in and solve it for them.

Why is that?

Well that takes away from their ability to be a man in the first place. You see, men feel manly, when they problem solve, and when they fix things on their own.

They don’t feel like a man, when a woman comes in, and tries to fix everything for him.

This is true, because the base of a man’s core, is one that has him leading, providing, and guiding in his lifetime, on a very intense scale. That is the

core makeup of a man. Thus, part of the sub-core makeup is problem solving, and logical reasoning.

A man has to be able to problem solve, and use logical reasoning to be able to be a leader, and a provider. Thus, it’s ingrained deeply in a man’s

core, to actually feel validated when he solves a problem. It makes a man feel powerful. It makes him feel in control.

It makes him feel like a man, ultimately.

This is why men get EXTREMELY irritated with a woman, when she starts to come in with the “200 Questions” game, wherein she starts asking him

tons and tons of questions as to what it could possibly be, or she starts to ask tons and tons of questions as to what the solution could be.

A man doesn’t want that from his woman. What he wants, instead, is for her to respect his boundaries and his elbow room. He wants her to

recognize that this is something he needs to do himself, but he can’t do it if she’s breathing down his neck every step of the way, and nagging in his ear, every other moment about it too.

Now I know that this kind of emotionally COLD behaviour drives you mental, as a woman! I know. Men even know this too, but in this moment, a man CANNOT help it.

He is not thinking EMOTIONALLY in this moment, but rather has closed off

his emotional logic, and has turned on his rational logic, to an intense scale. This means that he will brush off any intensely emotional reality, in this moment, rather rapidly, and very coldly.

It means that he doesn’t have the time, patience, or even understanding in

this moment, for anything emotional. This is why men get irritated, or grow irritated during this stage, of intra-personal problem solving.

Men grow irritated, again, because they have completely shut down their emotionally logical brain.

Why do men do that, when they are experiencing an intra-personal problem?

They do it, because their emotions are already too intense to handle, and

again, because their emotional threshold is extremely low, in the first place.

What you could handle emotionally, a man would practically die, internally, trying to deal with. So just remember that, just because you can

emotionally handle something, and just because you value sharing things, emotionally, it doesn’t mean that a man does, at all times, and a man

especially doesn’t find that reality useful when he has a personal problem going on, internally.

So what happens at this moment, is now you are aware of the fact that your man is going through some pretty intense things, that have nothing to

do with you or the relationship, and that he needs to resolve on his own, privately.

But that means, that it completely conflicts with, and contradicts with

everything you know, need, and desire as a woman, especially from a relationship standpoint.

What do I mean by that?

Well as I mentioned earlier, as a woman, you understand your world, by communicating through your emotions, and even just by communicating how you feel in general.

If a man suddenly cuts off communication, it means that you are left in the dark, as you struggle to figure out what it is that is going wrong, and you

ultimately might end up blaming yourself as you look for the answer to his sudden coldness.

What this means, is that there will be a conflict, as you try to find balance in your own world, because now your man will have effectively pulled the rug right out from underneath you, without any sort of rhyme or reason.

Naturally as a woman, you are going to want to push back on your man, to find a level of comfort and understanding again.

But what I want you learn however, in this moment, is that you CANNOT do that. Now I know it will be hard for you not to. It will feel confusing, lonely, and difficult at best, but there’s a reason why I am telling you, that

you cannot push back on your man in this moment, even though you will feel a strong motivation to want to do that.

Why shouldn’t you push back on your man, if he does that to you?

Well, the first reason, is as I noted, because your man can only deal with one thing at a time, and he will ALWAYS chose the internal problem to deal with, before he chooses an external problem.

So if you push back, he will pull away harder, based on that reason alone. Again, remember that you cannot ask him to stand on a leg, and to run with a leg, that is already hurting a ton, in the first place.

But there’s another reason why you should not push back on your man, as

well. What reason is that?

You see, the MORE you push back on him, and the LONGER you push back on him, the MORE time it will take for him to solve the problem internally, and the LONGER it will take, for him to fix that problem.

It ultimately means, that your man will be avoiding you longer that you can bear. It means that he will be ignoring you, getting irritated with you,

refusing to communicate or explain himself, and worse… for an even LONGER period of time.

Obviously, due to how difficult this period is, for the BOTH of you, you are

going to want to HELP him reduce the amount of time that he needs to be stuck in that kind of a zone in the first place.

The key here, therefore, is to help your man reduce the amount of time that he actually has to spend, solving an intra-personal problem, so that he

can get back to opening up to you again, sharing with you again, and loving you again the way that you want.

I cannot stress enough, once again, how important it is to remember the fact that your man will always have an inter-personal problem at the top

level of his priorities, when one does arise, and that the better you become at helping him out during that moment, the faster this very same problem can go away.

The longer you take to help him, and the more you try to fight him, to

explain himself, give you answers, or change his behaviour… the more time he ultimately has to spend resisting you, instead of actually just

concentrating on fixing the REAL problem, so that he can return to prioritizing the right things again.

Remember as well, that intra-personal problems ARE important to him, even if you don’t think they are a big deal, or even if you think they

shouldn’t be bothering your man as much as they do, you must NEVER tell your man, that you think this.

That is basically like disrespecting your man, for that very same ache in his leg, and is like making fun of him for having a pain in his leg. He didn’t ask

for that pain. Just remember that. But it’s there, and it bothers him, and he is trying to fix it. He can’t always help the things that bother him, and he

can’t always help the intra-personal problems that he ultimately sometimes has to face.

Sometimes those problems arise because of his core makeup as a man, and he has to stop and deal with them, to feel like a man, or to feel whole

again. Thus, you must never make fun of that, and must never belittle that reality. If it’s important enough for your man to quite literally stop all other enjoyments in his life, just to deal with it, it’s deserving of your respect, and should be taken seriously.

Now having said all of this, there are 3 simple things that you must do, in the moment that your man is having an intra-personal problem. You must

do these three things again, because you want to help your man OUT of it, and don’t want to push him further INTO it.

Doing this, is the difference between having your man get more and more distant and irritated with you, as he refuses to explain any of it, and having

your man instead, take some space only to come back to you with an intense level of appreciation, admiration and love again, after.

So what are those 3 things that you must do, when a man is dealing with an intra-personal problem? There are 3 stages that you must follow, when

you react to a man in this situation, and they are as follows:

Stage #1: Don’t take it personally. This is basically like a peace offering. You don’t add fuel to an already intense fire by coming in and

blaming yourself, or blaming him either. You just recognize that this is something that you didn’t cause, nor did he. It just happened, and you recognize the fact that nobody is directly to blame for this, at this time.

You didn’t say or do anything to cause it. In fact, you’ve been great, but

this thing is outside of you, and he still does need some time to really manage it and deal with it. Again, that’s nothing against you, he just needs to take that space to deal with it himself, though, to feel justified as a man.

This means that you do not start asking him, if it was something you said,

or did, that caused him to withdraw. This means, instead, that you simple accept that it’s really got nothing to do with you, and therefore detach from any idea that it might somehow be your fault.

The problem with taking it personally, is that you either end up blaming yourself, or you blame your man. ALL blame must be removed from the

picture if you actually want to help support your man during the times when he is dealing with an intra-personal problem.

The last thing that your man wants in this moment, is for you to start blaming yourself, and for him to have another emotional burden on his

plate. He also doesn’t need you to come in and blame him for doing something that he felt he had to do, to fix something that was eating him up inside.

No man wants to be blamed for being a man, or behaving like a man, nor do they want to have to face a firestorm of guilt, when they are already emotionally taxed.

Thus, it’s extremely important not to take it personally, and to emotionally withdraw from the idea that you or your man have done something wrong, or that somebody should be at fault for something.

Again the behaviour your man is exhibiting in this moment is not designed

to make you feel guilty, and it is not actually designed to punish you. It feels that way, but the behaviour is there to help your man quickly

concentrate on the root problem, so that he can resolve it, and solve it as fast as possible

The behaviour therefore, is there, to cause good to come out of the ‘bad’.

Remember that it’s not a bad thing, in this case then, so that you don’t cause unnecessary blame.

Stage #2: Give your man his elbow room. This means that you must back away, emotionally, and physically.

What do I mean by that?

I mean that you quite literally take space, and give him room. You don’t come to your man in this moment, with any needs, requests, or desires,

from your end. You actually back away, and withdraw as well, but you only withdraw from projecting any of your personal needs onto him at this time.

Again, he can only handle, manage, and problem solve ONE thing in this moment, because he has tuned up his logical side. His logical side, when it

is tuned up, has no patience or ability to handle emotional reasoning in that moment, so he really is helpless, and cannot help you in that moment to give you what you want on a personal level.

Don’t think that he doesn’t want to do that, again, as you know with step #1. You shouldn’t take this personally. It’s not that he doesn’t want to do it, it’s just that he cannot.

Again, remember that you don’t want to come in, asking him to stand on a leg that he just can’t even barely move in the first place. Don’t come in asking him to walk on it, and run on it, or carry you on his back either, using that same leg. He just can’t.

It doesn’t matter how badly he could want to in that moment either, because until or unless his intra-personal problem is resolved, he won’t be able to move, for you, like you need him to.

So the key here, in this step is to take it easy on him, and to try to manage

some of your needs, personally, on your own during this timeframe. To make it easier to handle and manage, motivate yourself to do this, by

reminding yourself from time to time that your man is doing his best, but that he needs some time to solve his problem, before he can come back and help you again.

Remind yourself, as well, that this isn’t personal, and that normally he does try to help you with your problems.

I know that sometimes when a man withdraws, a woman can ultimately end up feeling so hurt by that behaviour alone, that the result is she feels

extremely needy after this. To help curb a potential bout of neediness, when you find your man pulling away for an intra-personal reason, you

must remember to remind yourself, and to motivate yourself NOT to project that neediness onto your man.

He will be more than happy to deal with your needs, after he has finished resolving his internal conflict, but until that moment, again he is rendered incapable, so back away, give him his elbow room.

Doing this shows your man that you can offer him a level of respect, when

his is the most vulnerable, and when he needs it the most. That respect is

shown in your emotional maturity, as you give him a reasonable amount of space to actually work on his problems, and he will feel extremely appreciative of this reality.

A lot of women, unfortunately, don’t actually do this step, and avoid it. As noted, many women will feel a very strong and intense pull, when a man withdraws for an intra-personal reason, and they will, as a result, begin pushing back hard, to prevent him from leaving them.

That kind of behaviour makes a man feel completely misunderstood, and all alone, when he actually just needs you to understand that he just needs

some time, and some elbow room. He needs you to understand and ‘get’ that it’s not your fault either.

He simply needs you to respect the fact that he has personal problems too, and that sometimes he needs the room to handle them and deal with

them, and that this is something he must do as a man, to find purpose, and feel value therein.

Respecting this reality, ultimately, helps a man to feel extremely connected to you, and it also helps a man to see you as a high quality woman,

because not many women are actually capable of stepping back, when they feel a man pulling away.

But remember, pulling away, is not the same thing, as SLIPPING away. He’s not leaving YOU, he’s just leaving the immediate external reality, to

deal with something internal. Remember that he hasn’t gone anywhere, he’s still there, and he will come back when you finally give him the room to do that.

Stage #3: Offer him comfort, in knowing that you are still there to

support him, should he actually need external help. As woman, who cares for your man, you are going to want to come in, swoop in, and mother your man, in the moments when you find out, notice, or realize that he’s dealing with an internal problem.

You will feel bad for him. You will want to comfort him. You will want to help him out of it. All kinds of nurturing ideas and feelings will flood

through your veins.

You are going to have to mostly ignore that reality, unfortunately, when a man is dealing with an intra-personal problem.

Why is that?

Well, again, your man needs you to respect the fact that he must resolve this internal conflict, and deal with it on his own.

Again, that’s nothing against you, and your problem solving abilities, but a

man feels like you are emasculating him, when you come in, trying to do everything for him, on his behalf.

He needs to feel like he is adequate, and like he can bring value. He needs to feel like he is capable, like he is useful, and like he has power, as a man.

That’s what makes him a man in the first place, is all of those feelings

being validated. It’s when those feelings are validated, that a man can feel as if he truly is a real man in the first place. It’s not just about him physically being a man, therefore, but is also about him internally feeling like a man.

That’s why it’s important again, to respect his need and ability to problem solve, and to not step on his toes as he tries to do that.

This means that even though you want to come in and smother him,

mother him, and comfort him to death, as you try to lovingly help him in a nurturing way, that you should AVOID doing this, until after.

You can reward him all you want, like, and desire to your heart’s content, once your man has resolved his intra-personal problem, but he will find it

extremely annoying, and actually distracting, and even rude, if you try to do this, while he is in the middle of trying to resolve an internal conflict.

Again, help him validate his male ego, the right way, when he is vulnerable

like this, by giving him the room, and respect, to resolve the problem on his own.

The reason you must do this, is because otherwise it feels like you are trying to FORCE your helping hand on him. Again, you never asked him if he wanted it. You never even offered it.

You just came in, like a bull in a china shop, and plowed your way into his problem, without even first considering what it was that he actually wanted.

That’s just like a mother who keeps on pushing food on her kids, even after they have eaten a second helping, and are clearly full. But the mother is sitting there, still saying “no, please have more! I don’t want you to feel

hungry later!”.

Meanwhile the kids are growing agitated, as they realize that their mother doesn’t get that they actually were full to begin with, and they realize that

she just doesn’t care either way. She just wants to feel validated herself, in being a mother… but at the expense of her kids’ emotions, and feelings.

So you don’t want to be like that. You don’t want to be the ‘mom’ in your relationship with a man. He doesn’t want a mother. He already has one.

Your job, therefore, is to not come in, trying to force feed your man, your help, comfort, and support. He knows it is there already. He knows you are

capable. In withdrawing, he is not trying to cause you to doubt your ability to do that either, but is just asking for you to respect his ability to do that for himself, instead.

Now this doesn’t mean that you cannot OFFER a helping hand, or support. It just means that you cannot force it, and cannot dump that nurturing level of concern on your man.

You must only ever OFFER it at this stage, and must let your man know that it’s there, but must not try to force it upon him.

So how do you show your man, that you want to offer him a level of support, comfort, and even help, should he desire it?

You REMIND him, that it’s available, and leave it at that.

How do you remind a man that your help, support, and comfort are available?

You simply state this:

“I just want you to know, that I am here if you need me. I am just going to give you some space right now, to let you work through everything, but know that I am here none the less.”

You see, you must actually CLEARLY indicate to your man, WHY it is that you are taking space. In stage 2, I told you that you must give him some elbow room, but the finalization of all the steps, is where you actually verbally communicate to your man, WHY it is that you are going to do that.

Verbally communicating this to your man, lets him know the following:

A) That you respect this boundaries and needs, and understand him.

B) That you are not punishing him with the space, but rather are trying to help him, thus he doesn’t have to feel like you are just mad at him, but rather will understand that you actually care, and are just concerned.

And

C) That you are there, should he actually need your input, advice, comfort or more. It’s basically a comforting factor, that helps him to feel at ease

now, in taking the time to solve his problem, without having to worry about whether or not you will actually help him do that.

If you do not verbally communicate this to your man, once again, he will NOT get the message that you are actually doing this for HIS benefit. He will instead assume that you are only withdrawing for your own benefit.

Remember that men are NOT mind readers. He will not just magically get the message of why you are withdrawing, if you don’t actually let him know.

You must also be careful, in explaining your reason for withdrawing, so

that you don’t blame him for his actions, and so that you also don’t go on and on in your explanation.

Make it short and sweet, so that he knows you aren’t going to emotionally

burden him, and instead gets the message that you simply are giving him a respectful level of elbow room.

Doing this, again is the difference between a man who further becomes irritated with you, and a man who actually appreciates you.

Now, once you have done this, your man will be able to come out of his

problem solving stage a LOT faster, because you would have effectively gotten off his back, and would have given him the room to completely concentrate on it, so that it’s effectively resolved.

It’s important to note, however, that this doesn’t mean that your man will fix every problem within the next 5 minutes, after you have followed the 3 stages detailing how to handle a man’s intra-personal withdrawal.

You must be patient after this. What you need to know about this, is that when the problem is resolved, your man will come back to you, and will tell you what was going on.

It means that you don’t actually have to pressure him for explanations or answers, because he will actually answer you, once he has resolved the problem.

I know that it can be annoying to wait for an answer or explanation, but

this is why you must again, learn to not take it personally either. He will be more than willing to explain everything, after the fact.

Why do men wait until after the fact to explain things?

Well they don’t feel comfortable talking about something that they feel is intense, internally, until after they have resolved it. Once they have

resolved it, they become comfortable with the problem, because it’s no longer eating away at their core. Talking about it is easy after that, and explaining what was going on, is easier too, because now they have clarity therein.

Remember that a man closes off his emotionally logical side, during moments of problem solving, with intra-personal problems. It means that they actually CANNOT talk about how they feel about something, or about how that thing is making them feel, in that moment.

They would have effectively suspended their ability to do that, which explains why many men fail miserably to respond to a woman, when she asks him what’s going on, or what’s wrong.

That’s why they give short, almost one word responses, up until they feel that the concern is actually resolved.

Now of course, a timeline of WHEN that concern or intra-personal problem is going to be resolved, is another issue. But for that, there is actually no

clear answer. It can completely depend on the kind of intra-personal problem that a man is having.

If it’s a financial issue, for example, it could take quite a while for a man to resolve the problem, until or unless he feels that the financial concern itself is at LEAST being managed.

Sometimes, a man will face a problem that does not have an immediate

resolve, and in those moments, understand that a man is then looking for at least a way to start managing the problem, in the very least, and until

he finds some way to manage it first, he can’t really explain what is going on to you.

So a man doesn’t always need to have a complete solution, before he can

come to you, and talk about what is going on. Sometimes he just needs to see that something is at least in the works to solve it, or make it manageable.

That’s all a man is really trying to do in his problem solving stage, is he’s trying to make it manageable emotionally for himself again. Once he has

done that, he can more than openly accommodate your need for information, details, and more.

So the key here, again, is to just be patient. Sometimes it’s not an immediate fix, but understand that it’s not a ‘forever’ kind of an issue

either. As long as you give him the elbow room, understanding, and acceptance that he needs during that period, he will be able to resolve any problem a lot faster.

Again, once it is resolved, HE will come to you and will let you know what was going on, UNTIL that moment, the ONLY thing that you can do, is just remind him that you are there, if he needs you, and to then

keep a respectable level of distance, to prove that you mean what you say as well.

That having been said, there is one other kind of withdrawal, which men create in a relationship, that you absolutely must know about, because this kind of withdrawal affects YOU, and actually is caused by you.

I mentioned earlier, that this kind of withdrawal is called EXTRA-personal withdrawal.

Extra-personal withdrawal refers to something that is happening OUTSIDE of your man, in the relationship.

This means, that it’s either something that is going on within the

relationship dynamics itself, or, it’s something that you are doing, that is causing him to withdraw.

This kind of withdrawal is extremely deadly, because almost every single woman, when faced with this form of withdrawal, does the WRONG thing, and thus, only makes things worse in her relationship.

Unlike intra-personal withdrawal, this kind of withdrawal is NOT the kind that you should ignore, avoid, or step back from.

In fact, you actually have to do the EXACT opposite in this case. But before you can do anything about this level of withdrawal, you first must understand the causes, and then secondly, what it looks like in motion, to recognize it when it is happening in the first place.

So what causes extra-personal withdrawal from a man, in a relationship?

Well, the ONLY cause of extra-personal withdrawal in a relationship, from a man’s end, is if and when, you react negatively to something.

What exactly do I mean, therefore, when I say ‘reacting negatively’?

Well, a negative reaction, basically means that you project your emotions, feelings, and thoughts negatively back at your relationship, or your man.

What this means, is that your actions, are inadvertently pushing your man away.

Now this is NOT to be confused with the idea that YOU as a person, are

causing this. I will explain in just a bit what I mean by that, but for now understand that there is a difference between you as a person, and your actions.

Your actions are what you do, but they are not who you are. It’s therefore important to learn to understand the difference, so that you don’t always take things so personally.

But coming back what I was saying about negative reactions, and you, basically what this ultimately means, is this:

If a man is withdrawing from you, it means that something that you are doing, saying, or conveying to him, from your end of the relationship, is

unacceptable to him. Likewise, this is true if something that you are saying, doing, or are conveying in the relationship itself, is unacceptable to your man as well.

Basically, it means that some of your actions are unacceptable to a man.

Usually, those actions are always negative however, so a man almost NEVER refuses to accept a positive behaviour. A man, almost exclusively finds your behaviour or actions unacceptable, if they are negative.

Now I am going to have to explain what a negative behaviour actually is,

because many of the behaviours and actions that women take in a relationship, are actually negative, and the problem is therefore this: most

women don’t realize that many of their actions in a relationship, are actually negative, and aren’t truly positive.

I will of course clarify this, with examples in just a bit, but for now I’d like to first clarify what it means, however, when I say that a man is finding your actions or behaviour to be unacceptable.

When I say that something that you are doing, is unacceptable to a man, I don’t just mean that he’s come in out of the blue, and has decided to be completely stubborn, and to completely refuse to accept you, or your

behaviour. NO.

By the time a man has come in and decided that your behaviour or actions are unacceptable, he has almost ALWAYS tried to reason with you, BEFORE this point.

This means that a man only ever reaches a level of unacceptability, in a

relationship, if and when, that you are doing one, or ALL of the following:

You refuse to listen to reason, because you get defensive when he tries to bring up the behaviour or action that is bothering him.

You fail to understand the message that he is actually trying to

convey, because you twist his words around each time he tries to

discuss it or point it out.

You continue the behaviour, because he keeps on catching you doing

it.

You are try to defend the behaviour, because you argue with him

every time he tries to point it out.

Etc…

Basically the main theme that a main sees over and over again from your

end, by the time he has reached a level of unacceptability with you, is that

you basically want to: A) Defend the behaviour.

B) Argue the behaviour.

And then,

C) Assume that he should understand where you are coming from, instead trying to understand where he is coming from.

Ultimately what this equates to, in a man’s mind, is that you want to make everything about YOU. It means that it becomes about how you feel, what you want, how you want to act, how you want things to be, and more.

It means that a man starts to feel as if he CANNOT even communicate with you, and cannot get you to understand his side.

So this is EXACTLY the moment where a man begins to withdraw, but he doesn’t do this immediately. He does this over a period of time, and tailors that level of withdrawal depending on your reaction.

The heavier your reaction, and the MORE your reaction resembles the above points, the MORE strongly your man will pull away, because he will feel as though trying to discuss anything with you is futile, if you don’t even want to listen to him remotely.

So from a man’s perspective, on his end, he is actually giving you MANY chances to actually resolve the problem. He even steps back in hopes that you will figure it out, and come to terms with what he is trying to say, on your own.

But unfortunately, many women never do that, and most women only EVER do that, when a man takes things to the extremes.

What do I mean by that?

Well most women ONLY ever listen to critical feedback from a man, on their behaviour or actions, once he has taken things to the extremes.

Why is that?

Well, that’s because women take that feedback so personally, that they don’t recognize he is not attacking, insulting, or criticizing them as a

person, but he is instead trying to point out a behaviour that he’d like them to change.

So ultimately, this leads to a vicious circle which is exactly as described, where the woman in the situation ends up getting defensive, argues the

point, and then starts to complain about how her man just doesn’t understand her.

This only fuels another vicious cycle where the man feels like the woman is making it all about herself, and where she is completely overshadowing his

concerns, or his feelings in the relationship, by making it all about herself time and time again.

It means that the ONLY person who does wrong in the relationship then, is your man.

That’s not a fair way to play the relationship game, and it’s not a healthy way to actually conduct your relationship in the first place.

You have to be able, as a woman, to take responsibility for your half of the

relationship, which means that you must be able to accept critical feedback.

There will be times when something that you are saying, or are doing, is really affecting your man.

But here’s what you need to TRULY understand about men. They don’t convey their feelings in the same fashion that women do. If something is

really hurting a man, he won’t come to you and say “Hey, this thing you are doing is hurting me so much. I am so sad about it”. No.

That’s how WOMEN talk to WOMEN. Men, however, when they are feeling

bad, as you have learned with the reality of INTRA-personal withdrawal, try to resolve the problem using logic.

This means that they won’t come to you and tell you how they are feeling

in a way that you expect. They actually will come to you, and will tell you what they don’t like, rather critically, and they may even tell you what they want you to do to fix that reality, but they won’t really explain too heavily what their feelings are surrounding that.

You see, the reason that men don’t do this, is because they feel that in telling you that they have a problem with something, that it should be clear, that it is in fact hurting them in the first place.

Again, it’s not like they just woke up one day, and decided to be mean toward you, and grumpy, or really critical. No. They hate having to resort

to telling you what they don’t like about your behaviour, or actions. They hate having to come in and tell you that something is wrong.

They hate it, because most of the time when they try, you don’t

understand where they are coming from, and secondly, they hate it because they want things to run smoothly, just like you do.

Men dislike causing problems. That’s exactly why they withdraw when they

feel like everything is just too big of a problem. They withdraw, to prevent themselves from being emotionally dragged down by that problem.

This is again, another reason why men withdraw from you in a relationship. They do it when they feel like you are burdening them too much.

Now earlier, I spoke about something called negative projection. I explained that almost always, when a man withdraws, it’s because you are negatively projecting something.

I also mentioned, on the same token, an idea that women don’t actually

realize they are negatively projecting either, and often times think that what they are doing is a good thing.

I’d like to now address those two statements, by explaining to you, exactly

what that looks like, and what it means.

When you negatively project something, it means that you are ultimately projecting negative emotions into the mix.

Now negative emotions, are not exactly what you think they are. Negative emotions, are any emotion that causes or expresses extreme sorrow, anxiety, or pain.

So those emotions could be anything from sadness, loneliness, anger, feelings of rejection, jealousy etc…

But what I’d like you to learn about negative projection, is that a GOOD emotion can be turned into a negative projection, if that emotion is being answered or fulfilled in a negative way.

The best way to explain how this works, however, is through an example.

So let’s say, that for example, in the relationship, you need to feel desirable to your man. You value the idea that your man finds you to be desirable, and you want him to want you, and need you.

You have a core value, therefore, that sees value in acceptance itself.

Now many women share this same core value, and many women, mean well in those desires.

I mean, after all, you just want to feel a little loved, a little appreciated, a little desirable. How can that be bad?

It’s not bad, on its own. You see. Men don’t even mind that reality,

because men have similar needs. But it can become bad, if for example, you start to feel lonely, and this

emotion therefore causes you to start asking your man everyday, if he loves you, and if he really does find you to be attractive?

Next thing he knows, you are calling him a lot, just to seek his company, to

the point where now he feels overwhelmed. Then you start trying to spend every waking moment with him, as you try to feel more and more loved, appreciated, and desired.

But over time, you start to actually just look needy.

So here you thought, you were just doing the right thing, and you were only trying to have your needs fulfilled, but in your man’s eyes, he is feeling smothered, overwhelmed, and worse.

So that is an example, of how a GOOD intention, or a good emotion, can become negatively projected.

In other words, if you have a need, a want, or desire, you must be careful not to negatively project that onto your man.

It’s those negative projections that force a man to withdraw, because he feels overwhelmed by the pressure of it all.

Now I mentioned that I would tell you exactly what kinds of negative

reactions women have around a man or create in a relationship, that can cause a man to withdraw. I’d like you to know now, that negative projections are in fact, a negative reaction to something going on.

You see, when you project something onto your man, or into your relationship, whether positive or negative, you only ever do that, as a

reaction to something that is going on. It could be a reaction to something that is happening inside of you, or it could be a reaction to something that your man is doing outside of you.

The negative reactions that you have to things that are going on inside of

you, are the ones that freak a guy out the most, because they almost always involve heavy but negative emotional projections.

As you’ve been learning so far however, men have a very low emotional threshold, so there is only so much that they can deal with emotionally, ESPECIALLY from an external source, before they feel like they are overwhelmed.

When a man starts to feel overwhelmed, he will withdraw, to prevent the ‘trigger’ from affecting him. In this case, the trigger is you, and your behaviour, so a man will pull away, to stop you from making him feel overwhelmed.

Since I have been mentioning the fact that many women are actually unaware of the fact that they are reacting negatively, I’d like to take out

the time to point out some very common negative reactions and projections that women have, to an INTERNAL problem.

What this means, is that there are things that go on inside of you, that you react to, and those things, as noted, almost always are reacted to in an

emotional way, which means that if you are reacting to them negatively, you will ALWAYS be pushing your man away.

So what are those things that you react to internally, but project negatively back to your man, in a relationship?

There are three major things that affect every single woman internally, which are as follows:

Your insecurities- this is basically a lack of confidence in yourself,

in one way or another. Your insecurities, therefore are basically the things that you are not comfortable in, have doubts about, or are

uncertain about within yourself. These involve things that you are not secure in, as an individual, inside of yourself.

Your self-esteem- this is your level of self-respect, and level of self-worth. Your self-esteem is basically the value that you award

yourself as an individual.

Your core needs- Your core needs are the things that you value,

that improve the quality of your life, when fulfilled. It’s basically the things that you feel you need, to have a good life, outside of your basic needs.

Now these might seem like small things when they are laid out like this, and they might seem overly simplified, but understand that each of these three internal things is rather expansive. Your self-esteem can change who

you are as a person, as can your core needs, if either should waver on their level of fulfillment.

Your core needs, as well can be rather expansive. Likewise with your insecurities. They can be expansive as well, because self-doubt and uncertainty can be never-ending.

So these 3 concepts are nothing to think lightly of, because they have the power to affect every fiber of your being, and they influence every aspect of your life, on a daily basis, including how you react, to your man, and how you approach your relationship.

This is why it’s important to be aware of them, because they almost always influence a negative emotional reaction.

This might sound strange, but very rarely, do you ever have a negative emotional reaction, as a result of another person. Almost every single

person, only ever reacts negatively to something, if they feel that any of the 3 components I just listed, were compromised first.

As an example of this, let’s say that somebody decided to label you as

something negative. Let’s say that this person is a complete stranger. Maybe they called you stupid. Maybe they called you fat, ugly, poor… or

worse.

It doesn’t really matter what that person called you, however, because the ONLY reason it would ever bother you, is if you were not secure or confident in yourself, in that area to begin with.

If somebody called you dumb for example, and this bothered you, and you

felt the need to react to it, it would only be, because you felt the need to prove that you were not.

But why would you feel the need to prove that you weren’t, if you believed you were intelligent to begin with?

You wouldn’t need to do that, if you were actually secure about that idea.

The only reason you would ever react to something like that, would be if you felt that one of your own internal belief systems was compromised first.

It could be one of your core values. It could be something related to your self-esteem. Or it could be something related to an insecurity.

Either way, if you are reacting to it, in a way where you are trying to prove the other person wrong, or where you are confused as to why the other

person would think that, it means that you seek the other person’s validation therein.

So it’s not actually the fact that somebody said something mean, that bothers you. People can say anything, positive or negative.

But if you find yourself reacting to that, it means that it’s not what the person said, or even did, that is the concern… it’s actually something deeper that is fueling your response.

Again, those 3 things which I mentioned earlier, that affect you internally, are almost always guilty of almost every response you have, but they are almost exclusively guilty for every negative response that you have.

This is true, no matter if it’s a stranger, or even somebody you know now,

that you are responding to, but it gets even worse, the MORE that you know somebody.

You see, the closer you get to somebody, the MORE you start to expect that person to understand, respect, and even acknowledge your 3 internal

realities. You start to expect your man, for example, to begin fulfilling your core needs. You expect him to respect your core values as well.

You also expect him to understand and soothe your insecurities.

But you also need him to validate your self-esteem.

The closer you get to somebody, therefore, the more you expect of them, in that reality, because you also reveal more of that reality to them, as time goes on. You therefore, become vulnerable to that person.

This means that the other person starts to learn all of your weaknesses, and they can either protect that reality, or they can use that against you.

Now the same thing goes on, in a man’s reality too. As you learn his

weaknesses, you can either use them against him, or you can protect him, because of it, instead.

So why am I saying all of this?

Well it all ties back into how you react, again, around your man, and in the relationship. It’s that ‘reaction’ that either makes a man stay, or makes a man withdraw.

This is why you have to pay attention, therefore, to the 3 factors that I mentioned, which affect you as a woman internally.

Those 3 factors, are especially relevant in a relationship situation, because

they can cause you to become a rather extremely needy woman, without realizing it.

They can cause you to project negatively, even without realizing it. Earlier, I gave an example of how, you might want to feel desirable as a woman. You may want to feel as though you are lovable, are wanted, and are desired.

This is a very common core need that many women have. But some women try to fulfill this need, by negatively projecting it onto their man.

How do they do that?

Well do you remember how earlier I mentioned that women can react

negatively to the 3 internal factors, and that these factors can fuel a negative reaction?

Well, if you have an intense need to feel loved, wanted, and desired… but you feel like that need is not being met, you might start projecting negatively onto your man by doing some, or all of the following:

Calling him a lot

Spending excessive amounts of time with him

Telling him how much you need him and want to be with him Seeking his approval, and attention any chance you can get

Fishing for compliments, to feel further validated

Etc…

After a while, this will ultimately make a man start to feel as though you are the most clingy woman on the planet however, as he starts to feel like you are extremely desperate for his time, attention, and affection.

So you meant well. You just wanted to be loved, but it’s your REACTION to this, that turned out to be negative, and it’s that REACTION that ultimately turns men off, and makes them withdraw.

The key here, therefore, is to pay attention to what your core needs are,

and to what you value. Now I realize that you might not even realize what all of your core needs are, so it’s important to actually start to make a list,

of the things that you feel you cannot live without, and therefore must have, to feel like you have quality in your life.

You must therefore start to form a very clear list, that you can lay out, of the things that you actually value, and cannot compromise on. You should

even try to organize and prioritize this list based on the things that are the most important, and the things that you can have fulfilled later, so that you can start to see exactly what it is that you need, and want, on a very deep level.

You should carry out this same task, over into the remaining 2 factors that I mentioned earlier, which were your sense of self-esteem, and your insecurities. You should also clearly start to lay out what each means to you, and how it affects you as well.

It’s important to do this, so that you can start to recognize when one of those factors is being affected in your relationship, or when one of those factors is being triggered negatively. Again, it’s not what is happening to you, that is the problem, but it’s rather how you react to something.

This is why you must pay attention to that reaction, and should learn, from here on out, to carefully watch your reaction to things, ESPECIALLY in the

relationship, because there will be MANY times that you will feel triggered to react negatively to something.

Relationships will test you, even on the best of days, which is why you first

have to solve the problem from the inside out. You do that, again by first recognizing what it is that is even going on inside of you, by looking at

what you truly value, how you view yourself, and where your deepest insecurities lie.

It’s important to look at your insecurities as well, because they often trigger negative responses in a relationship, because they are sore spots,

to begin with. It’s important therefore to learn to recognize when you are reacting based on an insecurity too, so that you can start to pay attention to the TRUE reasons behind your reactions.

Why do you need to do that?

Well, when you start to pay attention to the true reasons behind your

insecurities, you can actually start to see what it is that you ACTUALLY want. When you start to see what it is that you ACTUALLY are looking for, you can quickly come in, and can therefore prevent an intense reaction, to

can instead come in and directly deliver your true concern, in the relationship, to your man.

So, it’s when you are negatively reacting, that your man starts to pull away. Thus the first step to changing that, is to look at why you are

negatively reacting, and you do that by looking inside of you, to see what is triggering the reaction, or what need is not being met to make you feel like you have to react.

The second step to fixing this reality, so that your man doesn’t feel like he

has to run for the hills from you, comes in how you react to the external reality, in your relationship.

You see, you can actually mostly control your internal reaction. So you

basically can change how you react to what is going on inside of you. You do that by following the reality that I just laid out for you, of paying

attention to your 3 core factors, and by watching your reactions therefore to them, when they trigger you.

But there is an external reality, which consists of your man’s reaction, to

whatever it is that you are doing or saying. This is an external trigger, that you ALSO are going to be reacting to, and responding to.

It’s important to note that men pay attention to BOTH your internal reactions that you project onto them, and your external reactions that you project onto them.

Men have to pay attention to them, because again, you are projecting that onto your man. It’s not exactly like it’s something he can ignore. If you are having an external reaction to an internal insecurity, obviously he’s going to be noticing it, as you project that onto him.

But here’s the thing. Men need you to deal with MORE of your 3 internal factors, than you normally do. A lot of women expect men to come in and resolve their 3 internal factors, but that’s actually your job to come in and work on those things.

A man can only help you, but he can’t fix, or DO those things for you. That’s why such projections really annoy a man, because they make him feel like you are dumping your emotional load on him time and time again.

So that tells a man that you can’t handle yourself.

But the reason why you also have to watch how you react to a man, and not just how you react to yourself, is because your reaction tells a man, whether or not you can handle him.

This is something which you can influence and control, equally, as well, by controlling your reaction to him in the first place. Now I know there will be

times when a man tests you, or when he pushes your buttons, or when a man is really confusing.

What a man needs in those moments, is not for you to flip out on him, and to freak out either. He needs you to be more patient, more understanding,

and he needs you to be CALMER when things aren’t going your way, or when things aren’t going as expected.

You see, if you always react strongly to your man, when things aren’t working out in the relationship, it comes across as this, on his end:

You keep on trying to be understood without showing a willingness to understand.

It basically almost seems, from a man’s perspective as if you don’t want to

take responsibility for your side of the deal, and as though you only want to blame him. This leads me, therefore to my next point, which is what one

of the MAJOR differences between intra-personal and extra-personal withdrawal actually is.

A lot of women confuse intrapersonal withdrawal, with extra-personal withdrawal. But there is actually a huge difference between the two, including in how they function.

One of the major differences, of course, as you have learned so far, is that with intra-personal withdrawal, nobody is at fault, and more importantly, you have done NOTHING wrong to cause it.

Extra-personal withdrawal, however, is completely fueled by things outside of your man, which means that now it’s directly your fault.

There are, however quite a few other stark differences between the two

kinds of withdrawal, which once you learn what they are, will help you to recognize when your man is withdrawing for personal reasons, or when

your man is withdrawing because of you, or because of something you are doing.

What differences are those?

Well, when your man is withdrawing because of extra-personal reasons, he will exhibit the following behaviour:

He will directly blame you for something, verbally, by pointing out

your behaviour, flaws, or actions numerous times, and will tell you exactly what he doesn’t like about that. (Whereas with intra-personal

withdrawal he won’t even tell you if you did something wrong, in fact, he will avoid even explaining anything. With extra-personal withdrawal, he explains EVERYTHING multiple times, before he

withdraws, however.)

He will lose his patience with you, and with certain things, slowly, over a period of time (Whereas with intra-personal withdrawal, he

loses his patience instantaneously).

He ONLY remains annoyed with specific things that you are doing.

(Whereas with intra-personal withdrawal a man begins to get annoyed, even with the things that he used to love. So he becomes

annoyed with everything, but with extra-personal withdrawal he only gets annoyed with CERTAIN and very specific things.)

He is outside of his head, which means he is talkative,

communicating, and even answers your questions. (Whereas with

intra-personal withdrawal he is more inside of himself, and actually refuses to answer your questions.)

He gives long winded explanations or answers. (Whereas with intra-

personal withdrawal he gives one word responses, or avoids answering altogether.)

You can see him growing agitated and pulling away a lot more slowly, and over a longer period of time. So there will be physical

signs of this, such as starting to avoid certain subjects at times, getting mad at you more often, and avoiding speaking to you at

times, he starts to keep secrets or stops explaining himself to you

etc… (Whereas with intra-personal withdrawal, there are no physical indicators of the withdrawal, it happens rather suddenly, with no

physical warnings.)

He listens to EVERYTHING you say rather aggressively, and may

even twist that back on you, or might use that against you later. This means that he hangs upon EVERY word you say. (Whereas with

intra-personal withdrawal he struggles to even remotely pay attention to or concentrate on what you say, because he is distracted

internally.)

He understands you, but doesn’t ACCEPT you in this moment. So he

could get what you are saying, or your reasoning, but he will refuse to simply accept it. (Whereas with intra-personal withdrawal, he actually fails to find the ability to even remotely understand you, and

actually fails to get your point at all, even in simple things.)

When you ask him if it’s something that you did or said, he either

directly tells you that it was something that you did, or he gets huffy, and throws a disappointed attitude your way, which is another

indicator that yes, it was something you did. He will be irritated that you don’t get that you are doing something wrong still, and you will

HEAR this in his reaction, and his tone. (Whereas, with intra-personal withdrawal, he refuses to tell you if it was something you said, and actually is rather dry about it. You don’t hear, an irritated, or

disappointed tone in his reaction or response. If anything, with an intra-personal withdrawal, a man is only irritated that you even asked

him, because you clearly didn’t get that it wasn’t you.)

Etc…

Thus the main theme of all of the points above, when it comes to the signs of extra-personal withdrawal, is that your man MORE than goes out of his way to aggressively make it clear to you, that it is something you did.

This means that a man never just leaves you, without first attempting to explain to you, what it is that you did to cause this.

Now a lot of women sometimes FEEL as if their man left with no warning,

out of nowhere, with extra-personal withdrawal, because over a period of time, their man will slowly start to shut down, and will close himself off

from them, until finally he just completely removes himself from the situation.

But it’s important to remember that with this form of withdrawal, a man

ALWAYS tells you what is wrong, before he leaves. He ALWAYS lets you know what it was that was annoying him, bothering him, or upsetting him.

Now he might do that through the form of criticizing, arguing, or nagging… but another problem arises here, in that many women don’t recognize

when a man is simply just trying to tell her that he wants her to change something.

Allow me to explain…

In one of the bullet points above, I mentioned that a man will directly blame you for something, verbally, by pointing out your behaviour, flaws,

or actions, when he is withdrawing because of something extra-personal. What I’d like to note about this, is that most women don’t actually recognize why a man is doing that, because they see it as an attack.

You think that your man is just being mean. You think that he’s telling you all of these rude things, to hurt you. You think that he’s just being a jerk.

See, that’s the problem, you are taking it personally, in the WRONG way, which means you never actually see the TRUE message that your man is trying to pass onto you.

Do you really think that men LOVE being a jerk, and being mean, ON PURPOSE with the women that they care about?

If you think that, you have to re-evaluate your thoughts, because NO man

would want to be put in the position to become the bad guy, all the time, around a woman that he actually cares for.

Men, therefore, have an extremely hard time, when it comes to having an

extra-personal problem, because it means that they either: A) Get pegged as being the ultimate bad guy and jerk.

B) Get blamed for simply trying to voice a concern, or problem they were having with their woman, or in the relationship.

And C) Never actually get heard, understood, or acknowledged properly for

their concern, because all of their words get twisted around in the wrong way, or get taken the wrong way.

What’s important to learn, about all of this, therefore, is that when a man is attacking you, he’s not actually attacking YOU.

What is he attacking, then?

He’s trying to get you to change YOUR ACTIONS.

He’s going after your behaviour. It’s the behaviour, and the actions, that he’s struggling with.

A lot of women, again, take that criticism, or take his honesty, and turn it into something extremely personal. But if a guy is telling you that he is hurt

by something that you are doing, or that something you are doing annoys him, he isn’t saying that as an attack on you as a person.

Remember that he CHOSE you. He likes you, and maybe he even loves you, depending on how long you have known him, but either way, he actually likes you as a person.

It’s just some of the things that you are doing, are frustrating him, confusing him, annoying him, or worse.

This is why it’s important to learn and accept that a man can only be SO accepting of your behaviour and actions, before it becomes overbearing.

Men don’t want to be treated like piñatas, where you whack them over and

over, as you try to get the candy out from inside. Eventually he’s going to come back and ask you to stop hitting him upside the head with your emotional stick.

Again, from his perspective, it looks like this: You are coming at him, blindfolded, with a huge bat in your hand. You are aiming directly at him. You hit him a few times.

He tells you to stop.

You keep going for the candy inside, and hit him some more.

Now he’s really going to need you to stop.

But now when he tells you that what you are doing is causing him pain, you come back and complain, and say something like this: “Oh, how could you say that about me!? I can’t believe you’d say something like that! I am

so hurt!”

Meanwhile your man is sitting there thinking this: “You’re the one who hit me with the stick lady! What the heck!?”.

There is NOTHING more annoying to a man, than when a woman cannot

recognize what it is that he is asking her to be responsible for, and thus, she twists everything back on him, when she should actually be looking at her own actions, instead.

It basically means that a man will feel like he can NEVER resolve any conflict that he has with you, or in the relationship, because you never allow him to directly just say “hey, stop hitting me with your bat…”.

This is EXACTLY what causes extra-personal withdrawal, is the moment where a man starts to feel like ‘trying’ to explain himself is futile, as his woman keeps on taking his concerns FAR TOO personally, and thus twists them into something they were never meant to be.

Again, if a man is asking you to stop hitting him with your emotional stick, as if he were a piñata, it’s not because he hates you. He just hates what you are DOING.

Remember that you can love a person, but you can hate what they are doing.

Likewise, your man can love you, but he can dislike what you are doing.

This doesn’t mean that he thinks YOU are a bad person, it just means that he needs you to re-evaluate your behaviour, because it’s hurting him.

It’s actually just his way of WARNING you that he can’t handle much more of your behaviour, and it’s his way of trying to point that out to you, and that’s his way of trying to ask you to change.

This is why I mentioned before that you must try to reduce your negative

projections, by first looking into what might be causing them from INSIDE of you, because most of the time, a negative action, or reaction only happens as a response to an insecurity being brought up inside of you, or as a response to a need that you feel must be validated further.

Your man, however, cannot read into that. He just can’t read your mind. He can’t figure out, if you are blaming him for something, or if you are behaving poorly in the relationship, that there is a deeper reality going on.

All he is seeing, is negative, negative, and more negative. He gets the pain of it all, and then on top of it, gets no real rhyme or reason to it all.

That’s when a man comes in and starts to criticise you, to try and get the

behaviour to stop. This is why it’s important as noted to look into what triggers ANY behaviour

that a man is asking you to stop in the first place. Thus, instead of taking it personally, and feeling bad that your man is pointing out something that

he doesn’t like, learn to recognize the fact that your man is actually just pointing out the behavior, and is asking for you to help HIM as well.

Thus the key to doing that, is to actually look within to see what might be causing the behaviour that your man is pointing out. Failure to do this,

means that your man will always feel like you argue every point, and he will feel like you just don’t listen.

He will also end up feeling as if you only want to make the entire relationship about your feelings, and your wants, when he equally has needs and wants, and boundaries as well.

It’s important not to make your man feel as if this is a one –sided relationship. So take responsibility for some of your actions, and reactions, and furthermore start to look into what is fueling them, by internally looking into what it is that is actually going on inside of you.

Learning to do this, means that you start to take some of the pressure off of your man, to fix you, and that you instead again, take responsibility in the right way.

Remember that if a man feels too pressured, in the wrong ways, he will

pull away, and one form of pressure: negative emotional projection, always makes a man withdraw.

Negative emotional projection, of course comes in the form of either projecting your insecurities onto your man, of projecting your neediness

onto him, of arguing with him on every point, of always being defensive, of taking everything too personally etc…

Again, he doesn’t want to feel like the entire relationship is this intense uphill battle. As you learned with intra-personal withdrawal, you have to be supportive of your man in the right way.

You can’t come in, trying to smother him emotionally, even if you mean well, that will come across in the wrong way to a man.

Likewise, you can’t come in, smothering him with negative emotions. This means that you can’t be overly:

Jealous Needy

Attached

Manipulative Controlling

Insecure

Doubtful/Uncertain

Negative Dependant

Expecting

Obsessive Etc…

The key therefore to all of this, is to start getting a grip on your emotional

projections. Regardless of whether or not your man is pulling away from you, because of something you did, or if he is pulling away from you because of a personal reason outside of you.

Either way, when you are dealing with a man, you have to be careful how intensely you unload your emotions onto him, even if you mean well,

because a man does not have the same emotional threshold as you, and he ESPECIALLY has a low tolerance for negative emotional projection.

It’s important to remember as well, that almost every single time you are

projecting negatively, such as when you are being controlling, obsessive, insecure, or jealous… it means that you need to look inwardly, instead of externally.

Remember that you only truly react to something, if something deeper needs to be looked into, because it’s that deeper need, which fuels the reaction.

Again, it’s not what is going on in the relationship, or what your man is doing, that makes you react negatively, emotionally. It’s what your

insecurities, self-esteem, and core needs are saying, that make you react strongly, and when you find that you are reacting strongly, you need to bring that inward, and work on that from your end.

Doing this, will help prevent your man from withdrawing in the future, especially when it comes to extra-personal reasons. It means that he won’t

feel the need to run away from you all of the time, because you will finally be taking responsibility for your own half of the relationship, and for your side of the deal.

There is one more thing, therefore that you must do if you want to prevent

your man from withdrawing from you, in an extra-personal way. You must learn to listen, and accept.

As I explained earlier, a lot of women want to argue, fight, deny, and defend their side of the mix, when a man is trying to explain his feelings when it comes to your behaviour.

If a man starts to feel like you won’t even listen to him, that’s the exact moment that he will pull away more strongly, and will ignore, avoid, and even leave you. He does this again, because he feels like you are

completely refusing to even listen to his side, and he feels that you want to make it all about you.

This is why you must learn to listen, so that when a man is bringing it up

the first time, you get it. This prevents a man having to re-criticize or explain the same thing 10 times over, in hopes that you would simply understand his need.

Listening means that you don’t cut him off when he’s trying to explain

something to you, even if what he is explaining is painful, hurts, or seems harsh… remember that he is not doing that, because it’s fun for him. He’s

doing it, because you have been hurting him in some way, with that behaviour, and he’s trying to get you to look into it, on a deeper level, so that both of you can be happy again.

Ultimately, if you are reacting negatively, it means that you are not happy somewhere either, if you think about it. So it is justified for a man to point that out, because it means that now you are unhappy, and on top of that are making your man unhappy too.

Is that a fair deal?

Obviously not.

That’s why it’s important to learn to listen to your man when he is trying to convey a concern to you, and you do that again, by not taking it

personally. By secondly, not cutting him off, and by not instantly jumping to your own defence.

The only step left after this, is for you to actually work on the behaviour that he is asking you to make a change in, so that he can feel as though

you are not going to overstep his feelings, or disregard them, by doing the same thing over and over again.

A man just wants to reasonably know, in this moment, that you are going to try and change the behaviour, or work on the behaviour that is causing him problems in the first place.

A man is more than happy to help you work on things too, if you make it possible for him to do that in the first place.

You make it possible for him, again by not projecting negative emotions onto him, and by not taking things personally, and by lastly, learning to

accept responsibility for your own actions and roles in the relationship, and toward your man.

The Conclusion:

So to tie everything in together, into one final conclusion, the biggest reason why men withdraw is, because things get too emotionally intense.

Sometimes this is because of your actions, but sometimes this is outside of you.

The best course of action, for both realities, however, is one that involves

you toning down your emotional projections, by backing away from externally reacting toward your man’s actions. Instead, turn that reaction

inward. Know that it’s OK to feel an emotion, but it’s not always OK to project that same emotion, even if you feel it’s a good one.

In the case of a man withdrawing, it’s almost always a safe bet to withhold your emotions, or to tone them down, when dealing with a man in that

circumstance, so that you don’t end up causing him to push you away further.

Again you always want your man to feel like he is in a place where he can

communicate with you, and where he can come to you in confidence. A man can never do that if he feels like you are creating an intense emotional storm in his presence.

The key, therefore is to be as emotionally calm around your man as

possible, especially when you find him offering you critical feedback, or when you find him withdrawing for intra-personal reasons.