uad january 2015

[email protected]

F R E EJanuary 2015

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGESTThe Most Unusual Digest in America

We want to THANK YOU for your support this past year!

Best wishes inVoted best International

Restaurant AND Best SushiRestaurant by You, via Market

Surveys of America,2 years running!

Japanese Cuisine 40 East Ave., Lewiston • 795-6888www.sea40me.com

Open Mic NightEvery Wednesday at 7pm

FREE Dessertwhen you celebrate your

birthday at Sea 40!

783-7039

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

January 20152

“New Years parades have a lot in common with Santa Claus. Nobody is awake to see either of them.” – Melanie White

Don't Honk - I'm pedaling as fast as I can.

Money in the Bank

Submitted by Jimbo

Father O’Malley answers the phone:“Hello, is this Father O'Malley?”

“It is!'”

“This is the IRS. Canyou help us?”

“I’ll do my best, saidFather O’Malley.”

“Do you know a TedHoulihan?” asks theIRS.

“I do!” responds FatherO’Malley.

“Is he a member ofyour congregation?”

“He is!”

“Did he donate$10,000 to thechurch?” asked theIRS agent.

“He will,” the Father responds.

ZippySubmitted by Jimbo

An elderly man went tohis doctor andsaid,”'Doc, I think I'mgetting senile. Severaltimes lately, I have for-gotten to zip up.”

“That's not senility,”replied the doctor. “Se-nility is when you forgetto zip down.”


Jimbo

January 2015 UncleAndys.com 3

At my age, flowers scare me. – George Burns

I'm so old they've canceled my blood type. – Bob Hope

*Registered representative. Securities offered through MWA Financial Services Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of Modern Woodmen of America. Member: FINRA, SIPC.

Ron Ouellette*207-786-3612

Lewiston

Kim Pelkey*207-786-2573

Lewiston/Norway

Paul Colasante*207-782-8823

Lewiston

Michael Courtemanche*207-783-8921

Lewiston

Dick Courtemanche207-786-3622

Lewiston

Forest Cluff*207-725-4606

Brunswick

Deb Wagemann*207-783-8804

Auburn

Art Chamberlain207-514-7003

Lewiston

MODERN WOODMEN OF AMERICA

January 2015Tuesday, Jan 6thLuiggi’s 4 – 7pm(Chapter 14437)67 Sabattus St., Lewiston$4.50 Member; 5.50 Guest

Sunday, Jan 11thKC Breakfast 8 – 10am(Chapter 7938)Columbus Drive, Brunswick$5 M; $6 G; Child / 10 free

Tuesday, Jan 13thDairy Queen 4 – 7pm(Chapter 14346)661 Minot Ave. Auburn$5 Member; $6 Guest

Saturday, Jan 17thKC Sacred Heart Bean Supper 4:30 – 5:30pm(Chapter 8609)8 Sacred Heart Place,Auburn $5 Member;$6 Guest

Tuesday, Jan 20stRoy’s Breakfast 7 – 10am(Chapter 12749)5 Washington St. Auburn$2 Member; $3 Guest

Tuesday, Jan 21stChick-A-Dee 11:30am – 1pm(Chapter 12907)1472 Lisbon St., Lewiston$8 Member; $9 Guest

Tuesday , Jan 27thApplebee’s 11:30am – 1pm(Chapter 10929)Rt. 26, Oxford$6 Member

TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RE-TURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWEDPrices, Dates and Menu are subject to change. Ifadditional info is needed, please call our office,please do not call restaurants. All activities canonly be attended at the times listed.

*************************Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked up theweek prior to the activity, Mon – Thurs9am - 4pm & Friday 9am - Noon(excluding Holidays). Call 782-1833.

783-7039


Jimbo

January 20154

Dear Luck, can we be friends in 2015 please?

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year resolutions.

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGESTis published by the first

Friday of every month byMaine Mountain Ocean

Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME.

It is distributed free through-out Central Maine and mailed

to subscribers all over theworld. Subscriptions are

$30/year. Send a $30 checkmade out to

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST to: P.O. Box 3363,

Auburn, ME 04212

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

MAILING ADDRESS:

PO Box 3363

Auburn, ME 04212

EMAIL: [email protected]

PHONE: 207 783-7039

FAX: 207 777-3898

UncleAndysDigest.com

Staff

JIMBO

Slightly Famous

TIM

The Total Package

MAGGIE

If B.S. Were a

Penny a Pound...

THOMAS

Appreciation

Marketing Guru

PAM

No Perm Needed

While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very hard to ensure the accuracy of the information in ourclient’s advertisements and our publication ingeneral, we are not responsible for vendor availability, typographical errors, technical inac-curacies, product pricing errors, or omissions.

Like our name implies, we’ll make you Smile Again!

Mike & JoeAdkins,licensed

denturists

801 Webster Street, Lewiston

514-0660

We now offer Citi Health Card • Most Dental Insurances AcceptedWe also accept Credit & Debit Cards • Not a MaineCare Provider

AFFORDABLE DENTURES

SMILE AGAIN DENTURESFREE CONSULTATIONS

SmileAgainDentures.comOr email us at:

[email protected]

Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired

on-site, usually same-day service!

Also see us for:• Full Dentures• Immediate Dentures• Partial Dentures• Rebases• Relines• Repairs• All work done in house,

including metal frameworks


Jimbo


This New Year’s I resolve to be less awesome since that is really the only thing I do in excess.

Some of us are just wired differently. And between us... I think you should sue the contractor.

783-7039


Jimbo

January 20156

A pencil is just a pen that can't commit.

Automatic doors just get out of my way. I wish more inanimate objects seemed scared of me.

I put on a layer of fat for the winter. Unfortunately, I put it on in the winter of '98.

Lisa-Marie Sasseville, IPDH

241-0667137 East Avenue

Lewiston

SassevilleHealthySmile.com

REFRESH YOUR SMILEFOR THE NEW YEAR!Live Well, Look Good & Feel Great.

Dental Hygiene & WellnessDental Cleanings

Oral Cancer Assessments

Sealants

All Ages Welcome

Fluoride Treatments

Athletic Mouth Guards

Most Insurances Accepted

No Referrals Needed

New Patients Receive

10% OFFFirst Visit with ad.

Early evening & Saturday appointments

available!

Out ’n About withCommunity Credit

Union

The Grinch limbers up priorto working the crowd at the

Chamber breakfast.

The Grinch puzzling with his over-

worked puzzler.

Community Credit Union staffers: Andrew Lunn, Jen Hogan,Grinch, Kerry Wood & Bria Duncan

As a judge in the ugly sweater contest, Jimbo awards Andrew with the title of the ugliest sweaterever. Andrew, you win a lifetime subscription to Uncle Andy’s Digest. Be sure to grab one in your

lobby each month.

Out ’n About with Community Credit Union

Young WonderSubmitted by Thomas Hill

The sight of my mothercleaning her denturesfascinated my youngson. He sat riveted asshe carefully took themout, brushed andrinsed them, and thenpopped them back in.

"Cool, Grandma!" hesaid. "Now take offyour arm."


Jimbo


You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

I can take a hint. If you hit me with it about ten times.

• 8 week challenge• 2 launches: 1st is January 12-15; 2nd is January 19-23• $60 entry fee - over $300 in prizes to top 2 finishers

• Winners based on total percentage of fat lost• Call TODAY to enter!

272 Lewiston St., Mechanic Falls • 577-5979Prime360Training.com BJ Grondin, CSCS

Group Classes • One-on-One TrainingNutrition Services • Team Training

Join our challenge and YOU could WIN!

10% Discount on Training & Nutrition Services

103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston • 333-3070 • RailsMaine.comMonday - Thursday 11am - 9pm; Friday & Saturday 11am - 10pm

• Locally Owned• Thoughtfully Sourced• Made from Scratch• Maine Craft Artisans

Our menu features a moderntwist on traditional Lewiston& Auburn favorites, alongsideinnovative railroad inspiredcomfort food dishes.

Upscale Comfort Food and Home Style Hospitality in a Historically Distinct Setting.

Reserve our function room foryour next party or

event!

When one door closes another one opens. I should really get this cabinet fixed.

Out ’n About atLogan Ames’B’day Bash

Happy Birthday,Logan!

Abby

Ava

Chrissy Ames withher dad, Reed Lizotte

They grow up so fast!

783-7039


Jimbo

January 20158

One day you're the best thing since sliced bread. The next, you're toast.

If we get rid of all the margarine the world will be a butter place.

Out ’n About atCenter Street

Dental

Delilah & Dr. Rose

MAKE(ing) A WISH come true

Center Street Dental transformed their office into a Disney palace to makeDelilah’s wish come true

Just Awesome!

Chelsi Ricker &Nikki Woodman

Brittney Bell & Katlyn Gardiner


Jimbo


A group of eavesdroppers is called a heard.

Never let a medical procedure scare you. That's what the bill is for.

There’s NO PLACE like...

Dad’s Catering Division

It’s not too early to book your spring and summer events!

345-9009 DadsPlace.info

Dad’s Place23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • DadsPlace.info

From Our Family to Yours...

Happy New Year!

We look forward to serving you in 2015!

Weddings • Summer Events • ReunionsCompany Parties

Indoors or Outdoors – We do it all!

See our coupons on the Just DarnGood Deals page

Call Diana or Larry formore info and pricing!

ResolutionsOver the Years

Submitted by Jimbo

2011 - I will get myweight down below 160pounds.

2012 - I will follow mynew diet religiouslyuntil I get below 180pounds.

2013 - I will develop arealistic attitude aboutmy weight.

2014 - I will work outevery day.

2015 - I will try to drivepast a gym at leastonce a week and eatfewer cookies.

“Deer readers, my gnuyears resolution is totell you a gazelleon times how much I caribou you!

Sorry. Bad puns. Alpaca bag and leave.”

– Greg Tamblyn

PasswordSubmitted by Thomas Hill

While a father was vis-iting his son, he askedfor the password to hisWi-Fi.

“It’s taped under themodem,” he said.

After three failed at-tempts to log on, heasked, “Am I spellingthis right? T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M?”

783-7039


Jimbo

January 201510

I don't like to be difficult but I'm good at it.

Not to brag or anything, but I got the high score on my scale today.

BEST OF THE BEST!Debbie Bodwell

Debbie Bodwell, NMLS#280336VP, Mortgage Banker

181 Center Street | Auburn, ME 04210P 207-777-1551 | F 207-777-1933

[email protected]/DebbieBodwellNMLS ID# 1760, ME Supervised Lender License No. SLM2537

Equal Housing Opportunity

Voted GreaterLewiston/Auburn’s

Best MortgageCompany for 2014!

Contact Debbie TODAY for all your mortgage needs!

Wife: “Do you wantdinner?”

Husband: “Sure! Whatare my choices?”

Wife: “Yes or no.”

JackpotSubmitted by Jimbo

The Senate is investi-gating deceptivesweepstakes practices.These companiestarget the elderly andmake them think theywill receive a bunch ofmoney,but in reality they neversee any of it.

The most popular ofthese scams is calledSocial Security.

Golden YearsSubmitted by Jimbo

I sure have gotten old.I've had 2 by-pass sur-geries, a hip replace-ment and new knees.Fought prostate can-cer, and diabetes. I'mhalf blind, can't hearanything quieter than ajet engine, take 40 dif-ferent medications thatmake me dizzy,winded, and subject toblackouts. Have boutswith dementia. Havepoor circulation, hardlyfeel my hands and feetanymore. Can't re-member if I'm 85 or 92.Have lost all myfriends.

But.....Thank God, I stillhave my Florida dri-ver's license!

NEXT Level Business Coaching . biz207-754-2003

Because Business Should Lead To Abundance

Business is no laughing matter(unless you’re Jimbo)

MATCH THE NAME WITH THE BUSINESS

Let’s make a Dill New Mexican restaurant Flantastic An old-fashioned deli A Slice Is Right Mexican desert bar Hunan Resources A pizza joint Silent but Dehli A sports bar Jockular An up-scale Mexican restaurant Spruce SpringClean A new Lewiston fast food joint Lord of the Fries A large Chinese restaurant Tequila MockinBird An up-scale cleaning firm

Business Quiz

That fun quiz was just to get you in the mood – to look at your business. If you reallylook at YOU and YOUR BUSINESS, what do you see? Are there changes/improvementsyou need to make? If you have had these challenges for a while; working too hard,managing time, cash, people or the work itself, Please give us a call. You know yourbusiness better than anybody! WE ARE BUSINESS COACHES – LET US HELP YOUMAKE IT GREAT!!

Kurk Lalemand, Business Coach; Erna Koch, CPBC; Rose Creps, Financial Analyst

Because Business Should Lead To Abundance

783-7039


Jimbo

January 201512

Mondays are the root of all evil.

If it ain’t broke, my children haven’t touched it yet.

WINTER IS HERE!

COLLISION REPAIR & PAINTING1111 Center Street, Auburn

782-6515

We are a professional collision repair and painting facility.All work is guaranteed! Free estimates!

Tasha Pelletier, Model

Center Street Dental staff with Delilah

Out ’n About at Center Street DentalMAKE(ing) A WISH come true

Center Street Dental transformed their office into a Disney palace to make Delilah’s wish come true!

’Tis the season to have your life choices mocked at the dinner table.

If you're willing to overlook an untold number of flaws I am the perfect man.

Out ’n About withthe Great Falls

Model RR Club 2014ExTRAINaganza

Anita & Moe Dube

Augustus & TavinWhite

winner of Thomas theTank Engine

Avaya Desjardins


Jimbo


I'd try to look on the bright side more often but it hurts my eyes.

I don't know what it is either, but it was on sale.

Once you start talking to dogs, it's almost impossible to go back to people.

Realistic Solutions for Your Legal Needs!Honesty. Tenacity. Courage.

We specialize in: Litigation, Divorce, Family Matters, Evictions for Landlords, Estate Planning & Court-Appointed matters.

The Law Offices of Kimberly A. Levesque, Esq.

207-440-2130 87 Essex Street, Lewiston (inside the Action Computer Services building)

Call for your FREEconsultation!

Ask About Home Visits!



Bob & DenisePurington

CarmenCoulombe

Nancy Weeks

If you can guess what’s in my hands,

you’ll win a free modeltrain ride.

783-7039


Jimbo

January 201514

I'm an adult. I don't cry over spilt milk unless it has coffee in it.

All my passwords are protected by amnesia.

Pick a Proven WinnerChoosing a Real Estate Agent can be difficult.

Choose one with a proven track record!

Rollie Heckethorn:• Licensed in Real Estate since 1988• Past President of the Androscoggin

Board of Realtors• 2014 AVBOR Realtor of the Year• Assisting buyers & sellers of residential,

commercial & investment properties allover the state of MaineOffice: 729-7297

Cell: 344-0007Rollie Heckethorn

Mike, Chrissy,Mackenzie &Logan Ames

Out ’n About atLogan Ames’B’day Bash

SalesmanshipSubmitted by Jimmy Benson

The kids filed into classMonday morning.They were all very ex-cited. Their weekendassignment was to sellsomething, then give atalk on salesmanship.

Little Sally led off. “Isold Girl Scout cookiesand I made $30,” shesaid proudly, “My salesapproach was to ap-peal to the customer'scivil spirit and I creditthat approach for myobvious success.”

“Very good,” said theteacher.

Little Debbie was next.“I sold magazines,” shesaid, “I explained toeveryone that the mag-azines would keepthem up to date on cur-rent affairs, I soldheaps and I made$45.”

“Very good, Debbie,”said the teacher.

Eventually, it was LittleJimbo's turn. Theteacher held herbreath. Little Jimbowalked to the front ofthe classroom anddumped a box full ofcash on the teacher'sdesk. “$2,467,” hesaid.

“$2,467!” cried theteacher. “What in theworld were you sell-ing?”

“Toothbrushes,” said(continued on next page)

SPRQ Studiowith Full Class schedules for the whole family!

FREE CLASS for youand a friend!

SAVE $25 on Your 1st Month Unlimited

SAVE $5 on a 10 Class Punch Card

Check out Our New Location at 181 Sabattus Rd., SabattusCheck Out Our Class Schedule By Visiting Our Website www.SPRQstudio.com


Jimbo


I may be older than dirt, but I'm still above it.

Some days, I feel like flypaper for idiots.

Where Good Skaters

Meet

Since1954

Available for private parties 12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940www.rollodrome.com

WINTER SCHEDULEThursday Nights - Ages 20+ 7:30-10pm

Friday Nights - All Skating 7:30 - 10:00

Saturday & Sunday - 1:30 - 4pm

Saturday Nights - Family Night 7:30 - 10pm

Sunday Night - All SK8 • 7:30 - 10pm

RollodromeRollodrome

Don’t spend $18+ at thebeauty salon, get your...

Marcel’sBarber Shop

54 Mill Street, New Auburn • 783-3444OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm

Mens & Boys CUTS forAll day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.

Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts

$12L K

64 Lewiston Road, Gray657-4714 • ColeFarms.com

A Maine Tradition You Can Count On!• Happy Hour 3-6pm daily• 14 Beers on Tap & Full Bar• Daily Specials• Open Mic on Wednesday Nights• Live Music on Friday Nights

Little Jimbo.

“Toothbrushes,”echoed the teacher,“How could you possi-bly sell enough toothbrushes to make thatmuch money?”

“I found the busiestcorner in town", saidLittle Jimbo, “I set up aChip & Dip stand and Igave everybody whowalked by a free sam-ple. They all said thesame thing, ‘“Hey, thistastes like dog poop!’”

Then I would say, “It isdog poop, you wannabuy a toothbrush?”

“I decided to use apoliticians method ofgiving you some crap,dressing it up so itlooks good, telling youit's free, and then mak-ing you pay to get thebad taste out of yourmouth.”

Little Jimbo got fivestars for his assign-ment. Bless his heart.

(continued from previous page)

"It's not because I'mlonely, and it's not be-cause it's New Year'sEve. I came heretonight because whenyou realize you want tospend the rest of yourlife with somebody, youwant the rest of yourlife to start as soon aspossible.''

– Billy Crystal to Meg Ryan in

When Harry Met Sally

783-7039


Jimbo

January 201516Did you know a large group of baboons is called a Congress?

God grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I will not read.

34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192 l 760 Minot Ave, Auburn • 753-0500

GreatFallsfcu.com

Great FallsFederal Credit Union

*Restrictions & qualification apply

Call Dane, Michele or Ken today!

We Have the Loan for YOU!Low Rates • Fast Approvals

It might be cold out here, but our great loans will

warm you up!

Diane & AnnabelleKeller

Gayle Flagg



Cynthia Hunnewell

"Content makes poormen rich; discontentmakes rich men poor."

– Benjamin Franklin


Jimbo


I need a new bank account. This one has run out of money.

I'm not arguing. I'm explaining why I'm correct.

I don

’t th

ink

my

inne

r ch

ild is

eve

r m

ovin

g ou

t.

A yawn is just a silent scream for coffee.

I'll remember 2014 like it was yesterday.

THOMAS BAUER, DDS, MS1 Willow Run, Mt. Auburn Ave,

Auburn

784-8587 or (888) 895-6801AndroscogginOrtho.com

2010 Lisbon Rd. Lewiston • 782-1514 • premierpoolsandspas.com



Dick Rubin &Jerry Johnston

I love Chinese food asmuch as the next guy,but you'll never con-vince me a chickenfried this rice.

Put on Your Happy

Face!

783-7039


Jimbo

January 201518

My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions.

How do they even grow a boneless chicken?

Pediatricians tend to have very little patients.

144 Riverside Dr., Auburn

Brad’s Precision Auto

ANY MAKE... ANY MODEL...ANY PROBLEM...

• Appointments required• Fully warranteed & certified• $60/hr labor rate

NO PROBLEM!

333-0364Front Row L to R: Mallory & DanMiddle Row: Penny, Marek, John, Eli & GavinBack Row: Sarah, Brad, Ryan & Steve

Happy New Year!

NOW A STATE INSPECTION STATIO N !

61 Mill Street, Auburn • 783-6927 or 1-800-834-5706Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4 • MySelco.com

Come see us at our

NEW Location!We’re now at

61 Mill Street in Auburn(in the old Pontbriand

Hardware building)

My 5 Hour Energy Drink worked for twenty minutes.

• Guitar • Piano • Bass• Voice • Banjo • Mandolin• Violin • Music theory • Brass & woodwinds

Call376-3376Today!

Main St. Music Lessons& Instrument Repair

Offering lessons in:

Authorized

Service Center

New Year’s Resolution #1: Learn to play an instrument

134 Main Street, Auburn • 376-3376 • www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com

We also sell and service all types of instruments

Starting Off Right

Submitted by Jimbo

Dear God,So far this has beengreat! I haven't gos-siped about my friends.I haven't lost my tem-per. I haven't beengreedy, grumpy, nasty,cruel, or rude. I'm verythankful. But in a fewminutes, Lord, I'mgoing to get out of bed,and from then on I'mprobably going to needa lot more help to getthrough the New Year.

740-6316

Hours: Tue. Wed. Fri. 8-4Thurs. 8-5 • Sat. 8-12

Walk-insWelcome

$10 CUTS184 Turner St. Auburn (Next to Coastal T-shirts)

hwilliamsbarber.com


Jimbo


If 2014 was a person, I’d sue him for pain and suffering and lost wages.

A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

May I have all I need and want all I have. Happy New Year!

161 Lincoln St. • Lewiston

784-7042LabadiesBakery.com

Mon. 6am-noon • Tues-Fri 6am-3pm

Every FridayBuy 1 dozen donuts atregular price ($7.50)

and get the 2nd dozenat half price!

$11.25 for both

Now Available!

Fresh Wrapped Pastries

at MARDENS! $1 OFFDozen Donuts

with coupon

Not to be combined withany other special.

Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)

✃

Out ’n About

Andy Carrierenjoying a summer day with

an ice cold Twisted Tea

Some might say I’m a little Twisted.

I say I resemble thatremark.

So far, this is the oldest I've been.

– George Carlin600 Turner Street, Auburn • 784-3434 • heidisauburn.comMon-Sat 7am-9pm

Sun 10am-8pm

HAPPY NEW YEAR!Make Heidi’s one of your resolutions, we’ll make it stick!

Includes soup, 1/2 sandwich, choice ofpotato salad, coleslaw

or chips, & pickle

Locally Owned& Operated

783-7039


Jimbo

January 201520

Every salad can be a Caesar Salad, you just have to stab it enough times.

My phone auto-corrects "killed" to "kilt." Well plaid, phone. Well plaid.

All Smiles

Lisa-Marie Sasseville Independent dentalpractice hygienist Lisa-Marie Sasseville is theowner/operator of Sas-seville Healthy Smile &Wellness. They’re locatedat 137 East Ave. inLewiston, directly acrossfrom the YWCA. They offer a range ofservices, including dentalcleaning, nutritional coun-seling, oral cancer evalu-ation, periodontalevaluations, children’ssealants and professionalstrength fluoride treat-ment. Lisa-Marie also fabri-cates custom athleticmouth guards for athletesand is a Shaklee inde-pendent distributor. Facials and teethwhitening are also avail-able at the office fromDebra Smith by appoint-ment. The office acceptsmost insurances, withdiscounts for self-paycustomers. For an ap-pointment, call the officeat 207-241-0667 or go tosassevillehealthysmile.com. You can also connectwith them on their Face-book page.See their ad on page 6.

So I called up the spiri-tual leader of Tibet,and he sent me a largegoat with a long neck.Turns out I phoneddial-a-llama.


Jimbo


Every year I make a resolution to change myself... This year I’m making a resolution to be myself!

All that extra air in potato chip bags we complain about really serves a purpose - it’s Nitrogen and prevents the chips from breaking.

Jet lag is nature's way of making sure you look like your passport photo.

“Try us once,

you’ll be a regular!”

OPEN 7 Days 6am - 8pm

SABATTUS MAIN STREET MARKET

For take-out, groceries, fresh meats, cold beer & more!

2 Main Street, Sabattus • 375-8502

Happy New Year from All of Us!

Brad, Kaitlyn, Drew, Lauren & Angela

ANY LARGE PIZZA!

$3 OFFLimit one per customer per visit

(UAD) Expires 1.31.15

ComeJointhe Family!

Out ’n About atLost Valley with

the Chamber

DanBartender at Lost Valley

Linda & JimmySimones

This food is delicious but I just

have a thing for hot dogs...

Take my pic one more time and I’ll stuff you in the

bus.

Nick & Mya

PROTECTINGWhat You Love.

What You Do.

What You Cherish..

commercial home auto recreational umbrella life health

232 Center St., Auburn

786-0417

Mon.-Fri. 8am-4:30pm

VarneyAgency.com

Kerrie RobbinsCommercial Insurance

Specialist

783-7039


Jimbo

January 201522

2014 was the first year in nine years that Pixar did not release a new film.

Tim to Jimbo: You are so old, when you were a kid rainbows were black and white.

Jimbo to Tim: You are so old, the candles on your birthday cake raised the Earth’s temperature by 3 degrees.

LuiggisPizzeria.comSince 1953

MONDAYThe Fergy

TUESDAYMeatball Subs

WEDNESDAYSpaghetti Dinners

1 meatball, salad, garlic bread, drink

THURSDAYMini Pizza

FRIDAY$1.00 OFF

Any Large Pizza

SATURDAY2 Ham or Salami

Italians

EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $5.50

SUNDAYBaked Ziti

$6.00 sm $2.50 lg $5.00

sm $3.35 w/ch $3.99lg $6.50 w/ch $7.50 $5.25

1 topping $2.992 toppings $3.99

$7.99

Mon-Sun: 9am - 10pm

Bull TalkSubmitted by Thomas Hill

Three bulls heard thatthe rancher was goingto bring yet anotherbull onto the ranch,and the prospectraised a discussionamong them.

First Bull: "Boys, we allknow I've been here 5years. Once we settledour differences, weagreed on which 100 ofthe cows would bemine. Now, I don'tknow where this new-comer is going to gethis cows, but I aint'givin' him any of mine."

Second Bull: "Thatpretty much says it forme, too. I've been here3 years and haveearned my right to the50 cows we've agreedare mine. I'll fight 'im tillI run him off or kill 'im,but I'm keeping all mycows."

Third Bull: "I've onlybeen here a year, andso far you guys haveonly let me have 10cows to take care of. Imay not be as big asyou fellows (yet) but Iam young and virile, soI simply must keep allmy cows."

They no sooner fin-ished their big talkwhen an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in themiddle of the pasturewith only one animal init: the biggest baddestbull these guys hadever seen! At 4,700

(continued on next page)

Brain Teaser TimeThe One That Got Away

Can you find seven number words hidden inthis paragraph? Underline the number words inthe phrase at the bottom.

Example: the word eight could be hidden insideone word, height, or between two words, likethis... We will ride in a sleigh tonight.

Ready... go!

Where has the fat worm gone? He was wriggling away from

my reel even before I had the hook on it! If I’ve lost him, I’ll be

sorry. This evening I came prepared with reel, line and bait hoping

to catch plenty of fish. It’s not often that a worm of ours gets away!

Answer is onpage 34. Butat least giveit a shot first!


Jimbo


I'm actually feeling pretty okay about not accomplishing anything this year.

I already know what I want to be when I get older... Younger!

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pounds, each step hetook toward the groundstrained the steel rampto the breaking point.

First Bull: "You know,it's actually been sometime since I really felt Iwas doing all my cowsjustice, anyway. I thinkI can spare a few forour new friend."

Second Bull: "I'll haveplenty of cows to takecare of if I just stay onthe opposite end of thepasture from him. I'mcertainly not looking foran argument."

They look over at theiryoung friend, the 3rdbull, and find him paw-ing the dirt, shaking hishorns, and snorting.

First Bull: "Son, let megive you some advicereal quick. Let himhave some of yourcows and live to tellabout it."

Third Bull: "Heck, hecan have ALL MYCOWS. I'm just makingsure he knows I'm abull!"

(continued from previous page)

I knew that my hus-band’s hearing had de-teriorated after ourfriend, new to the cityasked where he couldmeet some singles.

"Well," said my hus-band, "I see them inthe Kmart parking lotdiving for fries."

"Dear," I intervened."Singles, not seagulls."

Market Surveys of America, an independent survey comBest Businesses for 2014 Survey. The above winners are the r

Greater Lewiston/Auburn’s 20 th

Vote online at: BESTOFSURVEYS.COM

Indicates number of years

as winner.

#

Best Chinese Restaurant:

Chopsticks37 Park St., Lewiston • 783-6300

20

#1 Jeweler in the area:

600 Center St.,Auburn • 784-6766

Best Auto Body Shop in the area:1524 Minot Ave.,Auburn • 784-6121

Best Dance Studio:Mary Jane’s School of Dance 675 Main St. Lewiston • 946-7302

Best Pizza:95 Lincoln St.,Lewiston • 786-2020

LewistonHouse of Pizza

Best Pool & Spa Company:1975 Lisbon St., Lewiston • 783-0858

Best Casual Restaurant:

Best Insurance Agency:

541 Lisbon St, Lewiston, • 784-4029Bilodeau Insurance

391 Main St., Lewiston • 784-5435

Best CommunityBank/Credit Union:

Best Convenience Store:484 Center St., Auburn • 622-1609

Best Chiropractor:

336 Center St., Auburn • 777-1104Dr. Gerald Nadeau

Best Facial/Skin Care Salon: Healthy BeautyWellness Spa

17

15

Best Roofing Contractor:

99 Spring St.,Lewiston 784-1819

6

Best Breakfast Place:87 Mill Street Auburn

753-0171 7

13

9

13120 Center St., Auburn • 786-0715

10

6

6

6

5

Rolly’s DINER

St. HilaireContractors


5

Best Burger:

19

775 Washington St N, Auburn • 784-2110 17

Best Automotive Service:1122 Center St, Auburn • 753-0433

14

Best Banquet Facility:490 Pleasant St, Lewiston

330-3775 13

Best Landscape Company:78 Lisbon St, Lisbon353-4848

12


8

Best SportsPub:

Best Prime Rib775 Washington St N, Auburn • 784-2110

6

486 Sabattus St., Lewiston • 333-3235

Optometric AssociatesBest Eye Care Professionals:

5

YOURVOTES AREIN

#1 In Dining Excellence:

Dr. Pauline Beale, Dr. Douglas Henry, Dr. Stephen Ebersole168 East Ave., Lewiston (784-3564)

Inn & Conference

Center

mpany, is proud to announce the winners of the 20th annual Greater Lewiston/Auburn’s result of public ballots and internet voting for the Lewiston/Auburn small business community.

h Annual Best Businesses for 2014

YOURVOTES AREIN

Paid

for b

y Mar

ket S

urve

ys o

f Am

erica

Best Financial Planners: 541 Lisbon StLewiston

786-0651

5

Poirier AssociatesBestWait Staff:


Best Car Wash: 1103 Lisbon St., Lewiston333-3655

Best Day Spa:71 East Ave., Lewiston783-3321www.cassiels.com

600 Turner Rd. #3Auburn • 376-3233

Best MassageTherapy:

2

4

1

Best Attorneys:75 Park St.,Lewiston • 795-5000 3

Best Real Estate Company:1

12 Highland Spring Rd., Lewiston • 783-2016

DianeFord3


Best Mortgage Company:

186 Main St., Auburn • 800-292-4965

Best Contract Security Company:

3

40 East Ave. #2 Lewiston • 795-6888

Best InternationalRestaurant:

2

675 Main St., Lewiston782-0831

Best Place To Buy Carpet/Flooring:

3

14 Millett Dr.,Auburn • 782-3457

Best FlowerShop: 1

22 Strawberry Ave.Lewiston • 782-0670

J&S Oil/Ultra Clean Car Wash

Japanese Cuisine

Best Heating Oil Service: 3 Conant RdTurner225-3588

4

Blanchard’s Cash Fuel, INC

Best Boutique: 866 Main St., Lewiston754-3057

3

40 East Ave. #2 Lewiston • 795-6888

Best SushiRestaurant: 2

Japanese Cuisine

490 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 330-3775

Best Bar/Lounge:

2

490 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 330-3775

Best Martini Bar:

2

Best Towing Service: 940 Washington St., Auburn • 784-4619 1

Don’sTowing


Best Seafood Restaurant: 1

1Dr. James P.

Herbert, DMD


Best Buffet:1

Ann’s Flowers

Best Acupuncturist:

Best Dental Care Facility:

at the Ramada Inn

at the Ramada Inn


783-7039


Jimbo

January 201526

Jimbo to Tim: You are so old, you fart dust.

Tim to Jimbo: You are so old, you sat next to Jesus in school.

Local Radio... The Way It Should Be!

The first FM Station just for the L/A Area!!

4 WAYS TO LISTEN: Around L/A at 105.5-FM & 1240-AM,

Online at www.z1055.com & Tune-In App.

• Hear the Hits of TodayShake It Off, Stay With Me, Maps, Rude, Am I Wrong?, Animals, Try, I’m not the Only One, Boom Clap, Cool Kids, and much more!

• And Classic HitsSongs from the 80’s thru Today!

• Breakfast Club with Matty BLive interviews with local guests Monday – Friday 6-10am.

• Local News & Sports10am-2pm: “Rush Hours” with Jeremy Rush. “Retro Lunch” 12-1pm2-6pm: The “Dean” of Radio, Dave Dean LIVE weekdays.4-5pm: “Friday Free For All” featuring local artists.6pm-12am: The “Night Shift” with L/A’s own Gene Cassidy.Sat 8-11am: Z105.5 Top 30 Countdown.

Out ’n About atRails

Lewiston’s newestrestaurant

First Customer

Roy L'ItalienTeam L'Italien Real Estate

Jared Lussier Current Media

Justin NadeauGrow L+A


Jimbo


All I know for sure is one of us is right and one of us is you.

The next time there's an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"

"Aunt Joline & Uncle Bill"

Claudette Ledoux& John Pothier

Dan Earle & Susie BeckKitchen Manager



My 2015 resolution isfor everyone else togain the 50 pounds I refuse to lose.

We’re right on track!

Local Music Line-upPresented by:

FRIDAY FREE FOR ALLLive on the air every Friday 4–5pm. Tune into Z105.5FM

MAINE BLUES SOCIETYERIC FRENCH

THE BLOOD ORANGE MARTINIS

January 9th

JOEBRIEN

January 16th

MIKE WILLETTE

January 23rd

BROKEN:51January 30th

A special thanks to Eddie & Emmanuel Boucher of

EAB International (music line-up and graphics)

If the universe is expanding, why can't I find a parking space?

Out ’n About at the Grand Opening of Rails

Steve Dick & Governor Paul LePagereminiscing about their old school days and playing sports together in Lewiston

You know Steve, this might be my first appearance in Uncle

Andy’s Digest!

That’s probably because you’re such

an intravert! You needto get Out ‘n About

more!!

783-7039


Jimbo

January 201528

Jimbo to Tim: You are so old, you walked into an antique shop and they sold you.

Tim to Jimbo: You are so old, your birth-certificate expired.

Assisted Home Care II“Our Family

Assisting Your Family”

11 Bank St., Brunswick • 212-6736 • assistedhomecare.org

Assisting Families since 1997.

• Registered Home Health Care Service Agency• Private Duty Care & Staff Relief• 24 hour Personal Care and Response• Guarantee Continuity of Caregivers• Assist with Independent Living at Home

Now expanding our services to the Midcoast Region!



Fern & Heidi Langlois

Lil & Gerry Castonguay

all the way from San Antonio, TX

Marc & LuAnnFrenette

Trafton, Matzen, Belleau & Frenette

Steve & Claire DickOwners of Rails Restaurant

Out ’n About at Rails

Lewiston/Auburn is full of little gems.We’re excited to be

part of it!

When I’m not thinking about food, I’m thinking about

other things.

I really likeFern’s taste in

wardrobe.


Jimbo


Jimbo to Tim: You are so old, if you acted your age, you'd die.

Tim to Jimbo: You are so old your birth certificate is in Roman numerals.

“Affordable Dental Excellence”

Caring family dentist and specialistswith a Pediatric Dentist & Periodontist on staff!

New Patient Special$88

Includes: Cleaning, Exam, and Xrays.

488 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • 783-8800www.androscoggindentalgroup.com

Hours: Mon. 8am-5pm

Tues & Wed. 8am-7pm

Thurs 8am-5pm

Fri. 8am-1pm

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. – Erma Bombeck



Mike Bilodeau &Scott DuplissisBilodeau Insurance

Sam Davidson & Bob BouletteBob's Finish Carpentry

Sharon WhiteGeneral Manager of Rails

Mitchell & Yummy RaubesenMade slightly famous by appearing on the History Channel’s show, Downeast Dickering

Yummy, if you thought you were famous before... watch what happens once everyone sees you in the

Digest!

Stop in for lunch or dinner.

You won’t be disappointed!

Out ’n Aboutat...

You can test my patience all you want, but I’m never going to pass.

• Driveways • Porches• Patios • Steps• Walkways • Poolscapes

Assisted HomeCare II

11 Bank St., Brunswick • 212-6736 • assistedhomecare.org

“Our Family Assisting Your Family”

Now expanding our services to the

Midcoast Region!

See page 28 to learn more about

the services we offer.

CALL THE PROS

743-3891

70 Main Street, South Paris • harrisbrosrubbishremoval.com

Now serving Lewiston & Auburn!Call us for a FREE quote.

Serving: Norway • West ParisMinot • Mechanic Falls • Oxford

& NOW Lewiston/Auburn!

No Separating Required!

Join us for some Affordable FUN!

Pleasant Street Bingo Hall475 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 777-1394

$10 up to 48 cards - Games pay $50 - $100

Sunday at 6:00PMWed., Thurs, & Friday

at 6:30PM

Affordable Office Solutions | 550 Lisbon St., Lewistoncubiclesinmaine.com | 783-4820 or Toll Free 866-464-CUBE

Jackie’s Bracelets, Etc.61 Albert Street, Lewiston

333-2763jackiesbraceletsetc.com

GIVE YOUR WARDROBEA MAKEOVER

with custom handmade bracelets by Jackie

1761 Lisbon Road, Lewiston(next to the Elks Lodge)

956-1793

Like us on

Hours: Tues - Fri 10am - 5pmSat 10am - 1pm

BookkeepingPlus

QuickBooks Classes OfferedBookkeeping Services

9 Grove Street, Auburn • 782-8124


Jimbo

January 2015 UncleAndys.com 31If you robbed a kissing booth you'd make out like a bandit.

Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon

87 Mill St.New Auburn753-0171

(for take-out)

• Unusual Omelettes• Crepes• Breakfast All Day• Extensive Menu

Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily

Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!Rolly’s Diner

3 Generations: Sadie, Jordan, Ken & Rolly

It’ll be 4 generations

real soon!

CELEBRATING 21 YEARS IN BUSINESS!

Thank you L/A for 21 wonderful years! Our family

looks forward to serving you for many more!!

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. – Will Rogers

Cat: A lap warmer with a built-in buzzer.

Young LoveSubmitted by Jimbo

A Scottish lad and lasswere sitting together ona heathery hill in theHighlands.

They had been silentfor a while, when thelass said, "A penny foryour thoughts."

The lad was a bitabashed, but he finallysaid, "Well, I was think-ing how nice it wouldbe if ye'd give me awee bit of a kiss."

So she did so.

But he again lapsedinto a pensive moodwhich lasted longenough for the lass toask him, "What are yethinking now?"

To which the lad grum-bled, "Well, I was hop-ing ye hadn't forgottenthe penny!"

Trip AdvisorSubmitted by Thomas Hill

An American and hiswife were travelingaround Ireland by carwhen the tire devel-oped a slow puncture.

He managed to find asmall local garagewhere he asked theowner if they had an airline.

The owner replies, "anair line? You must bejoking; we don't evenhave a bus station!"

IF YOU CAN READ THIS WITH EASE THENYOU ARE INCREDIBLY TALENTED AT

READING BACKWARDS, WHICH IS AN INCREDIBLY POINTLESS TALENT TO HAVE.

Leslie Sweatt, Candace Frederick & Lisa Millett

Which one of these is not like the other?(Hum that Sesame Street tune)

Out ’n About at Mac’sGrill for the Dad’s Place

Christmas Party

783-7039


Jimbo

January 201532

Jimbo to Tim: You are so old it looks like the Wrinkle Fairy tap danced on your face.

Tim to Jimbo: You're so old I've seen stale raisins with less wrinkles.

10% OFF Your First Snow PlowingCommercial & Residential

FREEQUOTES

SNOW PLOWING • SANDING & SALTINGSNOW REMOVAL

Morinexcavatin

gInc.

Andy Morin207.784.8293

cell: [email protected]

Michelle Higgins, Lynn Norris & Peg MontoyaWelcome Peg Montoya to our team!

Booth Rentals AvailableTues – Thurs 9am - 7pm; Fri 9am - 5pm; Sat 9am - 12pm

232 Center Street, Auburn753-9368

(next to Play It Again Sports)

Owner/StylistStylist Stylist

Stacey ThurstonCentral Distributors

& Cathy RainorMorin's Fine Furniture

& Finishing

Sharon WhiteDirector of Operations at

Rails



Russ DillinghamProfessional photographer for the Sun Journal

Mystery PhotoWhere in the world was Russ for this picture?

Winning contestant gets a $10 gift card to Dunkin Donuts from Russ.

Ahhh... Jimbo, shouldn’t it be you supplying the prize?

The day after visiting afair, my wife was inagony.

"You know you’re pastyour prime," she said,"when you hurt all overand all you rode wasthe massage chair."


Jimbo


Tim to Jimbo: You're so old you co-wrote one of the Ten Commandments.

Jimbo to Tim: You're so old you knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

Jimbo to Tim: You're so old your social security number is 1.

Located in the building behind Dad’s Place

Hours: Monday - Sunday 9am - 5pm (closed Tuesdays & Major Holidays)

DAD’S PLACEREDEMPTION

✃

23 Pleasant St, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551

6¢on all 5¢ returns with this coupon.

(must present coupon at Redemption Center prior to counting)

UAD expires 1.31.15

Bottle Drives

Welcome!

Dad’s Redemption

MORE FOR YOUR $$MORE FOR YOUR $$

Get more for your returnsat Dad’s!

Out ’n About atMac’s Grill for the

Dad’s Place Christmas Party

Fern & Louise Roy

Sam “Babycakes” Roy

Cassie Roy

We asked Sam if she ap-proved of her nickname.

No one will everguess who I am...

"Everything’s startingto click for me!" saidmy father-in-law at din-ner.

"My knees, my elbows,my neck … "

783-7039


Jimbo

January 201534

I fainted at the doctor's office last week. It happened when they called my name within 5 minutes of my appointment time.

I have one of those unlimited cell phone plans. There's no limit to how much they’ll charge me.

It's ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity, too.

• Wheel alignment & balancing

• Complete brake work• Engine tune-up• Lube-oil-filter• State Inspections

FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED SINCE 1983

60 Minot Ave • Auburn782-6666 or 783-2026

CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE

A PROUD MEMBER OF THENAPA AUTO CARE TEAM

OUR TIRES

Scooter

$10 OFFANY Servicewith Coupon!Happy New Year!!

We can do it:



Deb & Elwood Strout

Caleb Banker

Hmmm... a newsandwich called the “Elwood”

Just a small prayer for the

Patriots to go all the way this

year!

Nate VervilleBrain Teaser Time

The One That Got Away

Answer to brain teaser puzzleon page 22.

Where has the fat worm gone? He was wriggling away from

my reel even before I had the hook on it! If I’ve lost him, I’ll be

sorry. This evening I came prepared with reel, line and bait hoping

to catch plenty of fish. It’s not often that a worm of ours gets away!

Bulleit Bourbon750ml $24.99 Save $4

BelevedereVodka 750ml

$23.99Save $6

Gold Crown Coffee Brandy 1.75L$16.99Save $3

Crown RoyalMaple/Apple

750ml$21.99Save $4

RETAIL • WHOLESALE • REDEMPTION • LIQUOR STORE

5 Locations for Your Convenience

694 Main St.

Lewiston • 782-1482

794 Sabattus St.


1420 Lisbon St.


545 Minot Ave.

Auburn • 783-2047

303-311 Main St.

Auburn • 783-9098

Sabattus Street, Lewiston Lisbon Street, Lewiston Main Street, Auburn

Minot Ave, Auburn Main Street, Lewiston

WHAT’S BREWINGAND ALWAYS NEW

YOUR BETTER BEER PIONEERS

Since 1992

ATM’s onsite & Lottery/Megabucks!

ROOPERS

LISBON ST.

Now Selling

Liquor!

George Dickel 8Yr750ml$19.99Save $2

Tullamore Dew12Yr. 750ml

$38.99 Save $7

Naked Grape3L

$16.99

Beer SpecialsCoors/Bud/Bud Lt/Lite 6pk 16oz cans .$4.99Bud/Bud Lt 16oz 18 packs . . . . . . . . .$14.99Baxter Variety 12 pks . . . . . . . . . . . . .$16.99Shipyard 12 pks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.99Twisted Tea 12 pks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.99

Wine SpecialsYellowtail 1.5L . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $9.99Cavit 1.5 L . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12.99Dreaming Tree 750 ml . . . . . . . . . . . .$11.99GFV Twin Valley 750ml . . . . . . . . . .2 for $10Naked Grape 3L . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$16.99Vueve Clicquot Brut 750ml . . . . . . . . .$49.99

783-7039


Jimbo

January 201536

TOWNLINE ANTIQUES

Buying & Selling

837-3784

Tim to Jimbo: You're so old the candles cost more than the birthday cake.

Jimbo to Tim: You're so old the Lewiston fire department is on standby when they lightyour birthday cake.

New Auburn Social ClubWishes Everyone a

Happy New Year!

New Auburn Social Club • 7 Second Street, Auburn • 782-9039

Mark Your Calander!Join Us at the United New Auburn Association Monthly Meeting on theLast Tuesday of the Month at Rolly’s Diner with Special Guest Speakers

Join us Monday, January 5th at 6:00pmFor the Inauguration of our newly elected Officer

and our Re-elected Officers!Stop in and help us welcome them!!

We would like to recognize our newly elected Officer: Fred Mitchell

As well as our Re-elected Officers: Pat Legee, Joe Walker, Heather Quintal & Mike LaPlante

Fast FriendsSubmitted by Jimbo

Two guys, one old, oneyoung, are pushingtheir carts around thegrocery store whenthey collide.

The old guy says to theyoung guy, "Sorryabout that. I'm lookingfor my wife, and Iguess I wasn't payingattention to where Iwas going."

The young guy says,"That's okay, it's a coin-cidence. I'm looking formy wife, too. I can'tfind her and I'm gettinga little desperate."

The old guy says,"Well, maybe I canhelp you find her. Whatdoes she look like?"

"Well, she is 27 yearsold, tall, with red hair,blue eyes, long legs,and is wearing a tanktop with short whiteshorts. What does yourwife look like?"

The old guy replies, "Itdoesn't matter, let'slook for yours."

No better place to be on

Super BowlSunday!

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com

Happy New Year!

Join us for our

Super Bowl Party!

$50 pp (all inclusive)

Pig Roast, Tailgate Hors d'oeuvres & includes

2 beverages of your choice! Tons of giveaways!!

Super Bowl Sunday!

Multiple Grand Prizes!• 40” Flat Screen TV

• 4 hr Casco Bay Sailing Trip

(for 4 people; includes steak & lobster dinner)

and MUCH, MUCH MORE!!

783-7039


Jimbo

January 201538

Tim to Jimbo: You're so old you knew Captain Crunch while he was still a private.

My life GPS is recalculating.

Jimbo to Tim: You're so old you knew Mr Clean when he had an afro.

Happy New YearWe look forward to serving you in 2015!

Village Inn, 165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796 Open Tuesday - Sunday • villageinnmaine.com

The Vallee Family and whole teamat the Village Inn wish to extend oursincere thankfulness to our commu-nity for their continued supportthroughout the year. We really appreciate our friendsand our guests and we look forwardto serving you all in the New Year!

Thomas Callahan



What do you call a dog with

no legs?

Doesn’t matter. He won’t

come anyway.

Laurie & Liz “Goose” Callahan

2015 is gonna be a great year!

Melissa Noel &Adam Downs


Jimbo

January 2015 UncleAndys.com 39Jimbo to Tim: You're so old you left your man-purse on Noah’s Ark.

I haven't gained weight. I'm just retaining cookies.

Do not neglectyour Septic System

For proper maintenance, it should be pumped periodically.

Liquid Waste Pumping • Portable sanitation facilities

ServiceRentalSales

We carry risers, covers,baffle replacements, septic additives.

CALL US TODAY TO SET UP AN APPOINTMENT

G.A. DOWNINGCO., INC.

111 Woodman Hill RDMinot, ME 04258

207.782.4508800.924.4500

Okay, who wants to gimme a push on my mood swing?

Remember when conversations didn't involve typing?

336 Center St. • Auburn • 777-1611 777-1611Kelley Darcy Amanda Christopher

Now offering

Brazilians!

January Special

$10 OFFBrazilians or Foils! ✃ Ex

pire

s 1.

31.1

5



Vikki Rogers &Kevin Mcbean

Cassie & DianaRoy

with mystery photobomber

Why do I get the feeling we’re

about to get photo bombed?

Q: How can youmake a library

bigger?

A: By adding morestories to it.

TriviaTime!

Q: When do baddays usually fall

apart?

A: Daybreak

Q: What cannot runalthough it has

three feet?

A: A Yard.

Q: If a dad gives fifteen cents to oneof his sons, and adime to another,what time is it?

A: A quarter to two.

Q: Where were thefirst donuts fried?

A: In Greece.

Q: What’s the quickestway to make a point in

your writing?

A: Sharpen your pencil.

783-7039


Jimbo

January 201540

Tim to Jimbo: You're so old you recall when theGrand Canyon was just a ditch.

Jimbo to Tim: You're so old you were a waiter at the last supper.

Som

etim

es, I

can

't fig

ure

out i

f I'm

in p

re-s

choo

l or

high

sch

ool.

Oh

wai

t, I'm

at w

ork.

WHENYOU’RE

TIRED OFTHIS...

GIVE US A CALL!

Servicing the Mechanic Falls,Minot & Poland areas.

JMARPLOWING

Reasonable Rates

576-4844

Fully InsuredFree Quotes

BEST OF THE BEST

Debbie Bodwell Debbie Bodwell of Residential Mortgage Services wasnamed the 2014’s best mortgage company for the Greater Lewis-ton/Auburn area by Market Surveys of America. Market Surveysof America is an independent survey company and the winnersare the result of tallied public ballots taken throughout the Lewis-ton/Auburn area for the small business community. Debbie has been originating residential mortgages for home-buyers in the Lewiston Auburn area for over 27 years. For thepast 7 years as a Vice President for Residential Mortgage Serv-ices. Have a conversation with Debbie and you immediately feelcomfortable, she is a down-to-earth person and super relatable.All important qualities in someone who is helping you throughone of the biggest investments you’ll ever make in buying yourhome. Debbie specializes in Conventional, FHA, VA and Rural De-velopment financing. She really enjoys dealing with first timehome buyers. She has been a top producer for seven years with RMS. Shereceived the Affiliate of the Year award from the AndroscogginBoard of Realtors four times. More impressive than that, she hasclosed over 14,500 residential loans in her career! Debbie would like to send out a special thanks all of the peoplewho have entrusted her to finance the biggest purchase they willever make. And also a big thank you to the Realtors for their on-going referrals and loyalty. She is looking forward to 2015 beinganother great year. Contact Debbie at RMS, 181 Center St, Auburn • 777-1551. See her ad on page 10.


Jimbo

January 2015 UncleAndys.com 41Tim to Jimbo: You're so old, the key on Ben Franklin's kite was to your apartment.

Tim to Jimbo: You're so old when you ran the 100 meter dash they timed you with a sundial.

Jimbo to Tim: You're so old when you were born the Dead Sea was just getting sick.

$10OFF

14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite AHighland Spring Road, Lewiston Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm • Fri. 8am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm

786-4311

We are a full service salon!

Any chemical service withKelly D. or Camille

Ann Kelly Sue

Lysa Kelly D. Camille

Beat the winter blues!

We wish all of our clients a Happy New Year!

Thank YOU for a successful 2014.

We look forward to serving you in 2015!

The Movie of Your LifeSubmitted by Jimbo

A man and his wifewere having a very hy-pothetical discussion:

In the unlikely eventthat Hollywood made amovie based on theirlives, they wonderedwhat stars would playthem.

"Who would you pick toportray you?" sheasked him.

He thought about it fora minute, then an-swered, "DennisQuaid."

"In that case," shesaid, "I’ll play myself."

783-7039


Jimbo

January 201542

When I was growing up, selfies were accidental Polaroids of our thumbs.

At the restaurant, a sign read "Karaoke Tonight!" Grandma studied it before asking,"What kind of fish is that?"

Just Darn Good Deals

Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)

✃

FREE SMALL BREAD STICKS

85 Center Street,Auburn • 784-8221PatsAuburn.com


✃

1/2 OFF DINNER

at the Ramada490 Pleasant St. Lewiston • 784-2331


✃20% OFF

808 Main St. Lewiston

753-3054KellysFabricConnection.com

2 Main Street, Sabattus • 375-8502

Sabattus Main Street Market

Limit one per customer per visit.


✃


✃

50¢ OFF

Grant’s Bakery525 Sabattus St. Lewiston

783-2226GrantsBakery.com


✃

1/2 PRICE PIZZA!

145 College St, Lewiston • 786-0785

Buy any small pizza,Get second @ 1/2 price!(2nd pizza equal or lessor value)

Not to be combined with other specials

InsideLewistonVariety


✃

785 Main St.Lewiston

We’re more than purses!

Wind & Fire BraceletGiveaway!

Stop in to enter our drawing towin a Wind & Fire Bracelet!

Large selection!Most are just

$25

$3 OFF ANY LARGEPIZZA!


✃

FREE Coffee or Soda

The Library Cafe49 Spring St. Auburn

784-2300AuburnLibraryCafe.com



Landon Desjardins

Larry Cannon

Jerry Johnston

“This New Years I re-solved to lead a betterlife. Now all I have todo is find someonewho will trade lives withme.”

– Melanie White


Jimbo


The larger the lake of knowledge the longer the shore of wonder.

If I knew grandchildren were going to be this much fun, I would have had them first!

Just Darn Good Deals


✃10% OFF

Total Order

770 Main St. Lewiston (Marden’s Plaza)783-4500 • SaucyPots.com


✃

FREE DESSERT

40 East Ave. Lewiston • 795-6888Sea40me.com

23 Pleasant St, Mechanic Falls345-5551 • DadsPlace.info

Dad’s Place

ONLY$5

CHICKEN CORDON BLEUSANDWICH


✃


20%

OFF34 Center St.

Auburn333-3069

yourbestskinofmaine.com

✃

Limit one per customer per visit. (UAD)

✃

$25 OFFAny service of $100 or more.

147 East Ave, Lewiston • 782-1125BerubesAutoCare.com

Complete Auto Care


✃

BOTTOMLESS BOWLINGAll-You-Can-Bowl

Wednesdays 1PM – Close2 hours only $6pp.

(shoe rental extra)

24 Mollison Way, Lewiston • 786-2695Sparetimerec.com


✃

10%

OFFAll Adult Novelties

& Lingerie(Must be 18 years old)

675 Main St, Lewiston • 804-615-7451

740 Minot Ave, Auburn783-2981

myGeorgios.com

GEORGIO’S

Just mention this ad!

BREAKFAST $3.75Includes: Egg Breakfast Sandwich (ham, baconor sausage) with cheese on fresh baked roll,

hashbrown, small coffee & a donut!



Larry & CassieRoy

Chuck Mundell& Jenn Boston

Ewwww Dad!!!Why are you picking my

polar bear’s nose?

Liz Callahan &Hailee Cote

with mystery photobomber

To kick start my New Year, I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

WWW.UNCLEANDYSDIGEST.COM

Visit us at our state of the art office at:730 Center St • Auburn (Big Lots) Plaza

783-1351

Mon.-Thurs. 7am-5pmFri. by appointment

Yen-Chang Chen, D.M.D.Dr. Chen and his staff are dedicated to providing a pleasant, stress-free visit

with results that you will be proud to show off.

auburnplazafamilydentistry.com

Same Day Emergency CareWe are a preferred Northeast Delta provider

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uad january 2015

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