understanding love and romance
TRANSCRIPT
Ngee Ann Ngee Ann PolytechnicPolytechnic
UNDERSTANDING UNDERSTANDING LOVE RELATIONSHIPSLOVE RELATIONSHIPS: : LOVE & LOVE & INTIMACYINTIMACY
UndestandinUndestanding Love and g Love and RomanceRomance
Function of Function of DatingDatingDating is a process where people meet socially
for the purpose of forming a relationship.
Six functions Recreation Companionship Emotional Intimacy Mate Selection Socialization Status Achievement
Understanding Love and Understanding Love and RomanceRomance
1. Proximity. The closer two people
live or work and the more they interact
with each other and become familiar,
the more likely they are to become
friends or lovers.
Factors that determine the Factors that determine the formation of relationships formation of relationships
Understanding Love and Understanding Love and RomanceRomance
2. Physical attractiveness. People of similar attractiveness tend to pair
off. This applies particularly to love relationships.
Factors that determine the Factors that determine the formation of relationships formation of relationships
Understanding Love and Understanding Love and RomanceRomance
cross-cultural dating seems to be increasingly acceptable.
Understanding Love and Understanding Love and RomanceRomanceFactors that determine the Factors that determine the formation of relationships formation of relationships 3. Race & ethnicity:
4. Religion: similar
religious beliefs
and values.
Understanding Love and Understanding Love and RomanceRomanceFactors that determine the Factors that determine the formation of relationships formation of relationships
5. Same social class: same social class as theirs or women prefer to “marry up” and men “marry down”.
Understanding Love and Understanding Love and RomanceRomanceFactors that determine the Factors that determine the formation of relationships formation of relationships
6. Age: within their age range – with the man generally being two
to five years older than the woman.
Understanding Love and Understanding Love and RomanceRomanceFactors that determine the Factors that determine the formation of relationships formation of relationships
Concept of Concept of courtshipcourtship
The Open Courtship: Relationship Marketplacecouples have the freedom in their choice of life partners.choose their future partners based on personal
characteristics and financial resources.people have a “market value” based on their assets and
liabilities.
Understanding Love and Understanding Love and RomanceRomance
The Open Courtship: Relationship Marketplace•Traditional partnership
Men: superior position - financial security & statusWomen: nurturer – domestic, child rearing,
attractiveness.•Equal partnership
both partners playing similar roles: educational, social status and earning power.
balance in emotional support and a mutual willingness to share child-care and household chores.
Understanding Love and Understanding Love and RomanceRomance Concept of Concept of
courtshipcourtship
Balance their busy lives with jobs and personal life.
Increasingly, options like meeting online and introduction services in addition to the traditional personal introduction are becoming more popular, especially with the professionals.
Variances in Variances in Dating Dating
Understanding Love and Understanding Love and RomanceRomance
The three methods of meeting people include: Personal introductions, meeting online and introduction services
Variances in Variances in Dating Dating
Understanding Love and Understanding Love and RomanceRomance
Triangular Theory of LoveTriangular Theory of Love
Passion: Passion: physical arousal and desire, sexual longing and any strong emotional need.
Commitment:Commitment: decisions to devote oneself to a relationship and to work
to maintain it.
Intimacy:Intimacy: warmth, understanding, communication, support and sharing
Understanding Love and Understanding Love and RomanceRomance
Where are you now?Where are you now? Understanding Love and Understanding Love and RomanceRomance
• Discussion Question: Does love last? Why doesn’t romantic love last for most people?
Understanding Love and RomanceUnderstanding Love and Romance
Nanyang Polytechnic
Nature of Romantic Love and Nature of Romantic Love and Companionate LoveCompanionate Love
Understanding Love and Understanding Love and RomanceRomance
Romantic Love/Passionate Romantic Love/Passionate LoveLove
Frantic type of attraction.Sweeps people off their feet.
Sense of instability and passion. Emotional highs and lows.
Sexual attraction: important ingredient
Understanding Love and Understanding Love and RomanceRomanceNature of Romantic Love and Nature of Romantic Love and
Companionate LoveCompanionate LoveCompanionate LoveCompanionate Love
romantic love will gradually fade in intensity and companionate love will start to develop.
calmer, more stable kind of love
building greater emotional closeness, love and commitment to the partner.
Understanding Love and RomanceUnderstanding Love and RomanceNature of Romantic Love and Nature of Romantic Love and
Companionate LoveCompanionate LoveCompanionate LoveCompanionate Love
can be present during the romantic stage
partners notice each other’s imperfections.
may experience boredom and disappointment.
Companionate LoveCouples build a more
realistic picture of the relationship by cultivating a companionship that is very much necessary for long lasting love.
Understanding Love and RomanceUnderstanding Love and RomanceNature of Romantic Love and Nature of Romantic Love and
Companionate LoveCompanionate Love
Infatuation vs LoveIt’s infatuation when there
is:• Compulsion to be with
the person• A feeling of lack of trust• Extreme of emotions• Willingness to take abuse
or behave in destructive ways
Understanding Love and RomanceUnderstanding Love and Romance
Checklist when I Fall in LoveChecklist when I Fall in LoveKnow that it is a common human experience.Maintain your normal routines and friends.Do not become exclusive with the person.Your exciting feelings and passion will subside
with time.Falling out of love is normal too!Talk with closer friends/mentorLoss of intense attachment will passEngage with your favourite activities.Tell yourself that deeper love is worth waiting for.
Understanding Love and RomanceUnderstanding Love and Romance
Tell the person you are breaking up with in person.Find a safe & private placeChoose a time when you will not be interrupted. Expect resistance.Avoid blaming yourself or the personGive yourself time to grieveSeek a trusted mentor or counsellor to talk about it, if
necessary.
Tips For Tips For Healthy Break-UpsHealthy Break-Ups Understanding Love and Understanding Love and RomanceRomance
Distinguish b/w immature Distinguish b/w immature and mature loveand mature love
Immature Lovea crush, characterised by
thinking, feeling and behaving in very passionate ways
preoccupied with each other, passionately aroused, extreme of emotions,
paint a very rosy and unrealistic image & expectations of the other person.
Understanding Love and Understanding Love and RomanceRomance
Distinguish b/w immature Distinguish b/w immature and mature loveand mature love
Immature Love feel they can’t survive
without the personattracted to their
partners’ physical appearance
think that jealousy is the same as love
feelings of unworthiness if breakup
Understanding Love and Understanding Love and RomanceRomance
Mature Loverealistic views about their partners, shows the person love and respectrelationship has grown from friendship to love. attracted to their partners’ qualities of being kind, loyal and caring.
Understanding Love and Understanding Love and RomanceRomanceDistinguish b/w immature Distinguish b/w immature
and mature loveand mature love
Mature Lovehave asked important questions about their partnerhave more self esteem, liking themselves more. able to work out conflicts and disappointments.enjoy the company of their partner and they feel at ease with the person and vice versa.
Understanding Love and Understanding Love and RomanceRomanceDistinguish b/w immature Distinguish b/w immature
and mature loveand mature love