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Unit 10 Text 2

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Warming up 佛学说至善若水 , 至爱无语 , 至痛无声。

“ 上善若水”这四个字，出自于老子的《道德经》第八章：“上善若水。水善利万物而不争，处众人之所恶，故几于道。居善地，心善渊，与善仁，言善信，正善治，事善能，动善时。夫唯不争，故无尤。”

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它的字面含义是：最高的善像水那样。水善于帮助万物而不与万物相争。它停留在众人所不喜欢的地方，所以接近于道。上善的人居住要像水那样安于卑下，存心要像水那样深沉，交友要像水那样相亲，言语要像水那样真诚，为政要像水那样有条有理，办事要像水那样无所不能，行为要像水那样待机而动。正因为他像水那样与万物无争，所以才没有烦恼。

http://mmbaby.anyp.cn/blog/archive/

533221/071207000154491.aspx

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Structure of the Text

Para. 1 to 3

Para. 4

Para. 5, 6, 7

Para. 9,10,11

Part 1

Part 3

Part 2

Section1

Section1

economy

clarity

An example

Para. 8

simplicitySection2

Section2

Section3

Section3

be human

Para.9 sums up the three qualities and move to the next: be human.

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Compare and comment on the following versions on “liberty”

Version 1. “I know not what course others may take,

but as for me, Give me liberty or give me death.”

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Version 2 （ Paraphrase 1 ）

It would be difficult, if not possible, to predict on the basis of my limited information as to the predilections of the public, what the citizenry at large will regard as action commensurate with the present provocation, but after arduous consideration I personally feel so intensely and irrevocably committed to the position of social, political and economic independence, that rather than submit to foreign and domestic control, which is anathema to me, I will make the ultimate sacrifice of which humanity is capable— under the aegis of personal honor, ideological conviction, and existential commitment, I will sacrifice my own mortal existence.

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Version 3 (paraphrase 2)

Liberty is a very important thing for a person to have. Most people — at least the people I’ve talked to or that other people have told me about — know this and therefore are very anxious to preserve their liberty. Of course I can’t be absolutely sure about what other folks are going to do in this present crisis, what with ( 由于 , 考虑到 ) all these threats and everything, but I’ve made up my mind that I’m going to fight because liberty is really a very important thing to me; at least that’s the way I feel about it.

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Part 1 Introduction

Using an example of three different ways of talking about liberty to show us their different rhetoric( its choice and arrangement of words) and effects on readers and what is meant by good writing.

How does the author talk about the three versions or comment on them?

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Version 1

① line 2: familiar; ②line 4: come ringing down ③ line 5: tight, rhythmical; ④line16: bold; ⑤ line18: rousing challenge; ⑥line33: pungent, vital, moving, me

morable

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Version 2: the paraphrase Line 16:Rambling, high-flownLine 19:Long-winded, pompousLine 21:boringLine 32: lacks the qualities that make a

statement …pungent, vital, moving, memorable.

Version 3 ： a plainer versionLine 21: work betterLine 30: flat, homely, weighted down with

fatty deposits, grammatical enough

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不自由、毋宁死—— the translation 生命诚可贵 , 爱情价更高；若为自由故 , 二者皆可抛。——匈牙利爱国诗人裴多菲 , 夏衍译

自由的目的是为他人创造自由。——马拉默德 思想的自由就是最高的独立。——费斯克 tight? Rhythmical? Packed with power?

Simple?

Give me liberty or give me death ----(Patrick Henry, March 23, 1775 ).

Are there similar expressions in Chinese?

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Part 2 section 1 Being economy

Key point: Economy as a quality of good writing

1. Using quotation to help proving her point: remarks by other authors

2. a further elaborated statement line 41: In other words, economical

writing is efficient and aesthetically satisfying.

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Part 2 section 2: Quotes on Simplicity

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. —Leonardo da Vinci

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.

— Albert Einstein

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A vocabulary of truth and simplicity will be of service throughout your life

—Winston Churchill

Simplicity is the final achievement. After one has played a vast quantity of notes and more notes, it is simplicity that emerges as the crowning reward of art.

—Chopin ( 波兰裔法国作曲家 )

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Most of the fundamental ideas of science are essentially simple, and may, as a rule, be expressed in a language comprehensible to everyone.

— Albert Einstein“ 把简单的问题复杂化是找事，把复杂的

问题简单化是本事。” — 无名

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The last paragraph of Lincoln’s second Inaugural Address: With malice toward none, with

charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in , to bind up the nation’s wounds, to care for him who shall have borne the battle and for his widow and his orphan, to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations.

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我们对任何人都不怀恶意，我们对任何人都怀着善心，上帝让我们看到正义，我们就坚信那是正义的，让我们继续奋斗，以完成我们正在进行的工作，去治疗国家经受的创伤，去照顾艰苦的志士和他的孤儿遗孀，尽力实现并维护在我们自己之间和我国与各国之间的公正和持久的和平。

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The rhetorical effect of the example in the poster vs. the simple sentence in line 68 “Lights Out After Dark”.

Some more examples provided by the authors:

Line 73: translation of Bible Para 7: most memorable declarations Task: are you satisfied with the

author’s examples?

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Part 2 section 3: clarity Para 8: Topic sentence Line 90: whatever can be said can be said

clearly. Line 92: clear, orderly, readable,

understandable Line: 93: Obscure writers are usually confused Line 100-106: an analogy between good

prose and a beautiful landscape What we have learned previously: how do I

know what I think before I see what I say?

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Part 3 “ the reader over your shoulder ”principle: All writing is human.

Task: identify all expressions elaborating such a view…

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Principles for Good Writing

“ 有真意，去粉饰，少做作，勿卖弄。” —鲁迅《作文秘诀》“ 简洁是智慧的灵魂，冗长是肤浅的藻饰。” —莎士比亚 “ 成篇以后，要努力找出多余的字句来删掉。用四个字够了的地方，莫用五个字。”

—茅盾

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Some examples

紧紧蒙张皮，密密钉上钉，天晴和落雨，打起一样声。”

— 《制鼓诀》 Revised into “紧紧蒙，密密钉，晴和雨，一样声。”

Further revised into “紧蒙密钉，晴雨同声。” taken from 冠华作文网

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欧阳修是北宋诗文革新的领袖，散文列“唐宋八大家”之一。诗风与其散文近似，语言流畅自然。其词婉丽，承袭南唐词风。

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Some more examples

浪淘沙 （欧阳修）

把酒祝东风 ,且共从容 ,垂杨紫陌洛城东 ,总是当时携手处 ,游遍芳丛 .

聚散苦匆匆 ,此恨无穷 ,今年花胜去年红 ,可惜明年花更好 ,知与谁同 .

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蝶恋花（欧阳修）

谁道闲情抛弃久 ,每到春来 ,惆怅还依旧 .日日花前常病酒 , 不辞镜里朱颜瘦 .

河畔青芜堤上柳 , 为问新愁 , 何事年年有 ?独立小桥风满袖 , 平林新月人归后 .

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Clutter is the disease of American writing. We are a society strangling in unnecessary words, circular constructions, pompous frills and meaningless jargon.

— William Zinsser

http://cgiss.boisestate.edu/~billc/Writing/zinsser.htmlStrangling: squeeze the neck of a person so as to cause

deathFrills: decorated narrow strip of fabric with many folds

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During the late 1960s the president of a major university wrote a letter to mollify（平息） the alumni after a spell of campus unrest. "You are probably aware," he began, "that we have been experiencing very considerable potentially explosive expressions of dissatisfaction on issues only partially related." He meant that the students had been hassling them about different things. ( hassle: keep telling sb. in an annoying way)

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Franklin D. Roosevelt when he tried to convert into English his own government' memos, such as this blackout order of 1942:

"Such preparations shall be made as will completely obscure all Federal buildings and non-Federal buildings occupied by the Federal government during an air raid for any period of time from visibility by reason of internal or external illumination."

"Tell them," Roosevelt said, "that in buildings where they have to keep the work going to put something across the windows."