Unit 3 Seminar: Writing StrategiesSUSAN HARRELL

KAPLAN UNIVERSITY

Question 1On p. 28 of the first chapter in this week’s

reading, O’Rourke (the author of these chapters) says that common problems with business writing today include the following: poor organization, passive voice, unparallel structure, and jargon and obscure terminology. What do each of these mean?

Rules for clarity and concisenessAim for 18-25 words per sentence. Use

shorter sentences for clarity when describing complex ideas.

Limit sentence content—usually one idea per sentence!

Rules for clarity and concisenessUse familiar words.Use short words if possible.Use technical terms with caution and provide

definitions if needed.Use “strong” words (nouns and verbs are

strongest).Use concrete language—be specific! (avoid

words like “major” or indefinite pronouns like “this” with no clear reference).

Jargon and “legalese”Use technical words with caution, and define

for audience if needed.Use acronyms with caution as well.Avoid “legalese” terms such as “thereto,”

“herewith,” and “notwithstanding.”

Passive voiceUse active voice instead of passive voice. Passive:

The results were reported in our July 9 letter. Active: We reported the results in our July 9 letter.

Exceptions:1. If you want to avoid accusing the reader of an

action: The damage was caused by exposure to sunlight.

2. The performer is unknown: Anonymous complaints have been received.

3. If the writer does not want to name the performer: Two complaints have been filed against you.

Camouflaged verbsDon’t overuse camouflaged verbs (verbs

changed into nouns) or prepositional phrases: The press release gave an explanation for the behavior of the demonstrators. Revision: The press release explained the demonstrators’ behavior.

Cluttering phrases, parallelismAvoid cluttering phrases, unnecessary words,

and needless repetition. An example of a “cluttering phrase” would be using “at the present time” instead of saying “now.”

Avoid illogical and unparallel constructions. Not parallel: Her true pleasure is playing the piano rather than in the library. Revision: Her true pleasure is playing the piano, not reading in the library.

Expletives and redundancyAvoid expletives at the start of sentences:

There were over 4,000 runners in the marathon.

Revision: Over 4,000 runners competed in the marathon.

Eliminate redundant phrasing: She did the daily paperwork every day.

Revision: She completed the paperwork every day.

Avoid misplaced modifiersModifiers are words or phrases that describe

nouns (adjectives) or verbs (adverbs).Mary is a pretty girl. “Pretty” describes Mary/girl.A misplaced modifier occurs when the placement

of a modifying word or phrase makes the sentence unclear.

Original: We chose that song for Mary, the prettiest one in the songbook, to sing.

Mary is not the “prettiest one in the songbook”—the song is.

Revision: We chose that song, the prettiest one in the songbook, for Mary to sing.

The Paramedic MethodRichard Lanham created this method,

described in his textbook Revising ProseTargets wordinessHelps to make writing more clear and

concise

Steps for the Paramedic methodCircle the prepositions and replace with active

verbs.Circle the "is" and “have” verb forms and replace

with active verbs.Ask, "Where's the action?" and put this action in

a simple active verb. Make the doer of the action the subject.

Start fast--no slow windups. Avoid starting sentences with phrases like “I believe that. . .” or “There is/are.”

Eliminate redundant phrasing.

As you edit. . .Keep in mind that a sentence does not

have to be brief to be effective; long sentences can be worthwhile, too. Just make sure longer sentences are punctuated properly!

In fact, an essay’s sentence length and structure should vary.

Some sentences should be brief and others should be longer.

Punctuation and the “sound” of sentences should vary.

However, every word should be necessary.

Original sentenceThe point I wish to make is that the employees working at this company are in need of a much better manager of their money.

Possible revisionThis company’s employees need a better

money manager.

Original sentenceIt is widely known that the engineers at

Sandia Labs have become active participants in the Search and Rescue operations in most years.

Possible revisionSandia Labs engineers actively participate in

most Search and Rescue operations.

More examples of revisionAfter reviewing the results of your previous

research, and in light of the relevant information found within the context of the study, there is ample evidence for making important, significant changes to our operating procedures.

Possible revisionYour research results and our recent studies

suggest the need to make changes to our operating procedures.

15 tips for effective business writing Be conciseHave a planEdit carefullyRespond to reader’s

needsBe clear and specificTry to use present

tenseMake writing

“vigorous and direct”See p. 30 of the textbook

Use short sentences and paragraphs

Use personal pronounsAvoid clichés and jargonSeparate facts from

opinionUse numbers with

restraintWrite the way you talkReviseMake it perfect!!

Question 2On p. 30 of the first chapter in this week’s

reading, O’Rourke suggests that effective business communication is written like we speak. To what extent does that apply? When has someone gone over the line with being too conversational?  How do you write like you speak and yet maintain professionalism? You may want to consider the discussion on pp. 36-40.

Unit 3 project Case 2-2 Farberware Products of AmericaDispute resolution—customer complaint

about productWrite communication strategy memo to

president of Farberware describing how you plan to handle the case.

Write a letter to the customer explaining what you have chosen to do.

Write a paragraph explaining your strategies in both messages, with references from the reading.

Writing an informative memoFocus on one subjectStart with big picture, then move to detailsProvide only as much information as reader

needsGroup similar information togetherProvide a point of contact for readersAvoid overusing first person singularStick to facts

How to make memos inviting and attractive

Grab attention up frontVary sentence and paragraph length, but

keep shortUse headingsUse bullets and numbers for grouped ideas.Use parallel structure for listsUnderline or use bold type to focus on key

words, phrases, and topic sentences.Leave appropriate margins—white space

helps reader

Writing a bad news letterBegin and end on a positive notePresent the negative information clearly Maintain as much goodwill as possible by

making the reader feel as if his/her position has been taken seriously

Reduce or eliminate the need for future correspondence

Negative messagesBuffers (do not use unless the situation is

unique—don’t want to mislead reader) Reasons (only use watertight reasons) Refusals Alternatives Ending—create goodwill!

Case 2-1 Cypress Semiconductor CorporationDo you find Doris Gormley’s form letter

effective? Why or why not?In what ways does the response by T.J.

Rogers fulfill or ignore the rules for effective business writing outlined in chapter 2?

More resources on the Paramedic methodhttp://www.english.uga.edu/cdesmet/revising

prose.htmhttp://writing2.richmond.edu/WRITING/wweb

/concise.htmlhttp://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/6

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