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IndividualSelf-Control

Individual Self-Control

Unit ChapterUnit Chapter

Chapter 2 Personal Behavior

In Your Home andCommunity

AdvocacyWith your classmates, write a manual orhandbook to promote good character in yourschool. The handbook should promote thecharacter traits of trustworthiness, respect,responsibility, fairness, caring, and citizenship.

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PersonalBehaviorPersonalBehavior

Lesson 1 Common Courtesies and Etiquette

Lesson 2 Managing Stress

Lesson 3 Behaving Positively

Lesson 4 Mental and Emotional Health Care

Lesson 5 Avoiding and PreventingViolence

Chapter OutlineChapter Outline

Think about relationships you admire.They might be between your friends, family members, orneighbors. Explain what you admireabout the relationships. What seemsto make them work so well?

Quick WriteQuick Write

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74 CHAPTER 2 PERSONAL BEHAVIOR

CommonCourtesies andEtiquette

11LessonLesson

Etiquette versus MannersDuring your high school years, JROTC experience, and life

after graduation, you will often interact with people. When youknow the rules of proper etiquette for a variety of socialoccasions, you will feel more relaxed and confident in thesesituations. You will also have the chance make a good impressionon others.

Proper social conduct and behavior are important elements inyour character development. Although this lesson concentrates onthe etiquette and manners required at the cadet Military Ball, theinformation here will carry over into other aspects of your life.

Etiquette is a code of behavior or courtesy based on rules of apolite society. Manners are socially correct ways of acting asshown in widespread customs. Manners are based on kindness,respect, thoughtfulness, and consideration. The rules of etiquettemay vary with the changing times, but good manners are timeless.

As you read about the rules of proper etiquette and the practiceof good manners, remember that social etiquette and goodmanners are nothing more than common courtesy, sincerity, andconsideration for others. It is important to treat others in the sameway we want others to treat us. This is the very foundation onwhich a polite society is built.

Social IntroductionsIntroductions should be simple, direct, and dignified, and the

act of making them should be a formal occasion. They should bemade whenever people gather socially, even for a short period oftime. Introductions should be made automatically andimmediately when discovering that two people do not know eachother. You may make these introductions or have someone else do

What do you think aregood rules andpractices for courtesyand etiquette? Make alist of at least sixthings that you do tomaintain courtesy andetiquette in youreveryday life.

Quick WriteQuick Write

LEARN ABOUT...• making introductions.• dining etiquette.• handling social

invitations.• formal, informal, and

casual wear.• writing thank-you

notes.• public courtesies.• hygiene and

grooming.

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LESSON 1 COMMON COURTESIES AND ETIQUETTE 75

it—if custom demands, as in a formal military reception receivingline—but you cannot neglect an introduction without running therisk of being rude or negligent. There is nothing mysterious aboutmaking introductions, unless you do not know what to do.

Introductions in a Formal SettingIntroductions at a formal reception, such as at a cadet Military

Ball, may often include a receiving line. A receiving line is a groupof people, including the host and honored guests, who stand in lineand individually welcome guests attending a function. It iscustomary, and often mandatory, that all cadets and their guests gothrough the receiving line upon arrival. The people who would bein the receiving line include:

• The host (Senior Aerospace Science Instructor (SASI) orcommander of the unit holding the reception)

• The spouse or guest of the host

• The ranking honored guest, with his or her spouse or guest

• Other dignitaries with their guests

At a reception, such as at the Military Ball, which people attend as couples, thelady precedes the gentleman through the receiving line. The gentleman, whether or nothe is the Junior ROTC cadet, introduces the lady first to the Cadet Corps Adjutant orother corps representative, who often announces the names of all attendees to the host.A lady or gentleman attending without a partner should introduce himself or herself tothe adjutant. Even though the adjutant may be a friend of yours, do not shake his orher hand. The adjutant will announce your name to the host as you step in front of himor her. A simple, pleasant greeting and a cordial handshake are all that is necessarywhen moving through a receiving line. Save lengthy conversation for later. Shouldyour name get lost in the line, repeat it for the benefit of the person doing the greeting.

In the absence of an adjutant, the woman still precedes the man through thereceiving line. The man introduces her first, and then introduces himself directly to thehost. After you have gone through the receiving line, you may proceed to the servingof refreshments or conversation with other guests and await the signal for the nextevent. If the receiving and dining rooms are separate, do not enter the dining roomuntil the signal to do so is given.

For the remainder of the event, you will be responsible for making introductions asyou move around the room and during dinner. The following guidelines explain whatyou need to do.

Making Personal IntroductionsWhen making a personal introduction, avoid using elaborate phrases. Remember

that introductions should be simple and direct. The most generally acceptedintroductions are “Colonel Smith, may I introduce Mrs. Foster?” or “Colonel Smith, Iwould like you to meet Mrs. Foster.”

VOCABULARY• etiquette• manners• receiving line• dignitary• place card• monopolize• R.S.V.P.• stilted

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The general rule is that you introduce juniors to seniors (this applies to age andmilitary rank), gentlemen to ladies, and so on. However, the degree of formality usedwhen making the introduction depends on the position of the persons involved or thesolemnity of the occasion. To introduce two people who are not near each other, youwould typically take the junior to the senior, the young lady to the older person, thegentleman to the lady, and so on.

When introducing someone to a dignitary, a person of importance or someonewho holds a high office, mention the dignitary first to show respect for the office he orshe holds. Be sure that you use the correct formal title for the dignitary when makingthe introduction. A few more common titles include:

• Introduce doctors, judges, or bishops by their titles.

• Introduce members of Congress by Senator or The Honorable.

• Introduce a Catholic priest by Father and an archbishop by Your Grace. SomeProtestant clergy use titles such as The Reverend, Pastor, or Doctor; however, othersprefer to be addressed as Mr., Mrs., Miss, or Ms. Ask the individual how he or sheprefers to be introduced before making the introduction.

• Introduce military personnel by their rank. For example, when introducing yourguest to one of your JROTC instructors, you might say “Sergeant Allen, I would likeyou to meet Miss Jones.”

If the situation arose where you had to introduce a teacher to a parent, you woulduse the teacher’s name first. For example, “Major Cooper, I would like you to meetmy mother, Mrs. Eastern.” If both of your parents were there, you would introduce thewoman first and then the man, such as “Major Cooper, I would like you to meet myparents, Mrs. Eastern and Mr. Eastern.”

If seated, you should rise to acknowledge an introduction and remain standingwhile other members of the party are being introduced to one another. When beingintroduced to ladies or gentlemen who are seated, you need not rise if rising mayinconvenience others at the table.

Introductions in Informal SituationsWhen introducing two people whom you know very well and who have heard you

speak about the other, you may be more casual. For example, to introduce a cadetbuddy to your sister, you might simply say, “Susie, this is Pete.” In this example, it isperfectly acceptable to make the introduction using the first names of both people.However, do not use the first name of an adult, a senior, or another important personwhen introducing that person.

Methods of Making IntroductionsWhen making an introduction, speak each name slowly and clearly to be sure the

names will be understood. When you are being introduced to someone, make a pointof listening to the other person’s name. Not remembering a name is a common failing,which is easy to forgive. However, forgetting a name is not an excuse for not making

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an introduction. If you forget the name, or did not hear it, ask—with an apology—theperson to restate his or her name. Then use the name several times in conversation tohelp you remember it. If necessary, ask for the person’s name—with appropriateapologies—before starting an introduction to another person. For example, “I beg yourpardon, sir (or ma’am), but I have forgotten your name. Thank you, sir (ma’am).Colonel Smith, I would like you to meet Miss Jones.”

When you are introduced to others, it is proper to return a courtesy such as “Niceto meet you,” “Hello,” “I am really glad to meet you,” or “How do you do?” Whenyou introduce others, don’t walk off and leave the two people staring at each other. Asthe person who made the introduction, you should either say something about eachperson to get a conversation started or excuse yourself so that you and your guest cancontinue to move about the room or participate in some other event.

To start a conversation, mention something of common interest to both parties. Forexample, “Major Davis, I would like you to meet Michael Knight. Major Davis is mySenior Aerospace Science Instructor, Michael. Sir, Michael hopes to enroll in JROTCnext year.” Before moving from the person whom you just introduced, your guestshould respond with “Good-bye, I am very glad to have met you,” or something to thateffect.

When leaving a group, it makes no difference if you wereintroduced or just included in their conversation;you politely and quietly saygood-bye to anyone whohappens to be looking at you,without attracting the attentionof those who are unaware thatyou are leaving.

When in doubt whether twopeople have met, it is perfectly fineto ask. Be sure to address the seniorfirst, using a courtesy such as“Colonel Smith, have you met MissJones?” If they have not met, makethe introduction. Usually, most peoplewill consider your question as equalto an introduction, and will proceedwith “how-do-you-do?” The important thing is tonot assume that people know each other. There isno harm in introducing people who have alreadymet, but it is inconsiderate to have strangers together without introducing them.

Cadets sometimes assume, in error, that every cadet knows every other cadet. Donot hesitate to introduce cadets if you are not sure they know each other.

FIGURE 2–1.Remember to introduce your friends if youaren't sure they have met before.

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In certain situations, you may find it necessary to introduce yourself to anotherperson. If you are next to someone you do not know and no one is around to make anintroduction, it is perfectly fine to introduce yourself. Use a greeting such as “Hello, Iam Tom Frazier,” while shaking that person’s hand. Do not say, “What’s your name?”A good reply to you would be “Ted Wentworth, nice to meet you.” It is then up toboth people to start their own conversation.

When and How to Shake HandsWhen gentlemen are introduced to each other, they typically shake hands. Ladies

who are JROTC cadets also shake hands during introductions. However, as a moregeneral rule, whenever a lady or gentleman extends her or his hand as a form ofgreeting, the receiving party should extend her or his in return. Nothing could be ruder

than to ignore a friendly gesture. At theend of the introduction orconversation, those who were drawninto it do not usually shake handswhen parting.

A proper handshake is brief, butthe clasp should feel firm andwarm. Maintain eye contact withthe person whose hand you areshaking, as shown in Figure 2–2. Do not shake a handviolently, grasp the hand like avise, keep the handshake goingfor a long period of time, oroffer only your fingertips.

When being introduced to alady out-of-doors, a gentlemanin civilian clothes may

remove his hat. In addition, agentleman will ordinarily removehis glove to shake hands unless he

is a member of a color or honor guard. If a gentleman is confronted with a suddenintroduction when he has gloves on and it is awkward to remove a glove while theother person has her or his hand outstretched, it is better to shake hands with the gloveon with no apology. You would also use these rules as part of general public behavior,even in casual situations.

Dining EtiquetteTable manners are an important part of social conduct. Proper manners around the

table are not just reserved for special occasions; you should use them whenever youdine. Relaxed politeness is the key to any dining situation. When you know what to do,you can relax and enjoy yourself. This section will help you learn the rules of the table.


FIGURE 2–2.A JROTC cadet shakes hands at a Military Ball.

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Manners and Courtesies before EatingA gentleman does not sit down until all the ladies at his table are seated. He can

help with the seating by holding the chair—first for his guest, then for other ladiesnear him if the ladies outnumber the men. He does this by pulling out the lady’s chairfrom the table far enough for her to move easily in front of it. Then, as the lady sitsdown, he gently pushes the chair under her until she is seated. When all ladies at thetable are seated, he may then take his seat by going around the left side of his chair.Posture at the table should be straight, but not stiff.

If a lady leaves the table at any time, the gentleman who seated her rises. When thelady returns to the table, her escort or the gentleman who seated her rises and repeatsthe courtesies mentioned in the previous paragraph.

The polite dinner guest will not touch anything on the table, not even the napkin,until after the blessing (or invocation) has been said or until it is obvious that therewill be no blessing. Then you may pick up your napkin and partially unfold it on yourlap. Do this unnoticeably—do not unfold a dinner napkin completely or above thetable.

A Formal Dining Table SettingAt a large dinner, there may be a vast array of silverware at the place setting,

including one or two knives, two or three forks, and two or three spoons. A formaltable setting is shown in Figure 2–3. If you have any doubt about the correct piece ofsilverware to use for a particular course, you generally start with the outside piece ofsilverware and work inward. If you end up without a spoon or a fork, it is fine to askfor a replacement.

BUTTER KNIFE

DESSERT SPOON

DESSERT

FORK

WATER

GOBLET

SOUP

SPOON

NAPKIN SALAD

FORK

DINNER

FORK

DINNER KNIFEBREAD

PLATE

FIGURE 2–3.A place setting can be confusing if you’re not familiar with it.

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Specialized pieces of silverware include: the butter knife, soup spoon, dessert forkand spoon, iced tea spoon, oyster fork, and fish knife and fork. The number of piecesof silverware indicates the number of courses to expect. For example, a six-coursemeal might include soup, fish, sorbet (a fruit-flavored ice served to cleanse the palate,or clear your taste buds), salad, an entree, and dessert. The placement of the silverwareindicates the order of these courses.

Styles of EatingThere are different methods, manners, and courtesies of eating, depending on the

situation. You should be familiar with the proper use of silverware, how to eat withyour fingers as well as with a soup spoon, the differences between American andEuropean styles of dining, and more.

American vs. European Styles of EatingIn the American style of eating, food is cut as shown in Figure 2–4. Hold the fork

in your left hand, tines down, with your index finger on the back of the fork. Securethe food being cut with the knife, which is held in your right hand. Cut in front of thefork, not behind it. After cutting no more than two or three bites of food, place theknife on the plate and transfer the fork to your right hand. This is called the “zigzag”method.

When not using your knife and fork, place them together across the top of yourplate as shown in Figure 2–5. This is the resting position. When you have finished themain course, place the knife and fork beside each other on the dinner plate diagonallyfrom the upper left to lower right, or from the 10:00 to the 4:00 position. This is the“finished” position and indicates that your plate may be removed.

FIGURE 2–4.American style of eating.

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In the Continental orEuropean style, hold thefork in your left hand andthe knife in your right hand.Cut and eat with your fork,tines down, while stillholding it in your left hand.The knife can remain in yourright hand throughout themeal to cut food or to helppush bits of food onto the fork.Only one bite of food is cut andeaten at a time.

When not using your fork, restit diagonally on the left side of theplate with the tines down and closeto the center of the plate. Rest theknife diagonally on the right side ofthe plate with its point toward the center of the plate. When finished, place them asdescribed in the American style with the fork tines down.

Proper Use of SilverwareVarious rules govern how to use silverware properly. These rules include:

• After you use a piece of silverware, do not place it back on the table.

• Do not leave a used spoon in a cup; place it on the saucer.

• Do not leave a soupspoon in a soup bowl. You may leave it on a soup plate if one isprovided; otherwise, place it on the dinner plate when not in use.

• Do not lay a knife with the handle on the table and the tip of the blade on the edgeof the plate. This also applies to the fork.

• Leave unused silverware on the table in its proper position.

How to Eat Finger Foods and SoupWhen eating soup, the motion of the spoon should be away from you while filling

it. Sip from the side of the spoon; do not slurp. If it is necessary to tip your soup bowl,tip it away from you. If your soup is too hot to eat, let it sit until it cools; do not blowon it.

Bread, rolls, biscuits, nuts, fresh fruit, olives, celery, radishes, raw carrots, cookies,and small cakes may be eaten with your fingers. Place finger foods on the bread plateif there is one. If there is no bread plate, use the salad or dinner plate.

As seen in Figure 2–6, break your individual servings of bread, rolls, and largebiscuits into small pieces before buttering and eating them, one piece at a time. Do notcut these items. Buttering and eating a whole roll or whole slice of bread is also notappropriate.

FIGURE 2–5.Resting position, American style.

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Proper Use of NapkinsYou should not tuck the

napkin under your belt orwear it like a bib. Napkins

are for dabbing lips, catchingspills, and covering sneezes.

Do not use a napkin to blowyour nose. Never lick your

fingers; always use your napkin.

Before taking a drink of water orany other beverage, wipe your lips

with your napkin to avoid leavingsmears on the glassware. One quick,

light pass with the napkin should beenough.

If you must leave the table duringdinner, say, “Excuse me, please,” with no

explanation, and place your napkin on your chair. When leaving the table after dinner,place the napkin on the table in loose folds to the right of your plate. Do not refold,crumple, or twist it. Always push your chair to the table when you leave it.

Basic Table MannersThe following list includes hints about table manners. Follow each one in any

dining situation.

• If place cards are used, do not move or remove them. A place card is a name cardfor a formal dinner. In addition to showing the specific seating arrangement, placecards are used to make guests feel welcome and to help people get to know oneanother in large social settings.

• Take small bites. Large mouthfuls of food are unsightly. Do not chew with yourmouth open or make loud noises when you eat. It is not polite to talk with food inyour mouth.

• If you burp, say, “Excuse me” (to no one in particular) and continue eating. Do notmake a big deal out of it.

• Hats, gloves, cameras, purses, sunglasses, and so on do not belong on the table. If itis not a part of the meal, do not put it on the table. Hats and gloves belong in thecloakroom. You may place cameras and purses under your chair.

• Your hands should go no farther over the table than is necessary to eat and to passthings. Between courses, place your hands in your lap or at your side. Do not placeyour elbows on the table.

• If you cannot easily reach something on the table, ask for it to be passed to you. Say“please” and “thank you.” If you are the one passing something, place the items onthe table for the person to pick up. When passing salt and pepper, pass themtogether.

FIGURE 2–6.Break bread, rolls, and biscuits with your fingers beforeyou butter them.

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• If food spills off your plate, you may pick it up with a piece of your silverware andplace it on the edge of your plate.

• If you drop something, leave it on the floor until the meal is over; then pick it up. Ifa piece of your silverware falls onto the floor, pick it up if you can reach it and letthe server know you need a clean one. If you cannot reach it, tell the server youdropped a piece of your silverware and ask for a clean one.

• Do not season your food before you taste it.

• Hold a long-stemmed glass with the thumb and first two fingers of your right handat the base of the bowl or on the stem.

• It is not appropriate to ask for a “doggy bag” during a formal occasion.

• Do not scold or correct a server. Make any complaints to the person (cadet) incharge of the ballroom arrangements.

• If food gets caught between your teeth and you cannot remove it with your tonguewithout being too noticeable, leave the table and go to the restroom where you canremove the food in private.

• At the end of dinner, after the host and honored guests have departed, make surethat you say good-bye to everyone at your table before departing.

Conversation During MealsConversation is an important part of social interaction around the table. It is perfect

for the enjoyment of good companionship and a pleasant meal. A few important tipsinclude:

• Try not to talk too quickly or too slowly.

• Keep the conversation light. Small talk includes casual, unofficial, interesting thingsin everyday life, such as the weather, music, upcoming events, movies, or sports.Keep topics of conversation safe and non-controversial. Avoid discussions aboutreligion, race or politics, or any controversial issue. Avoid health issues, off-colorjokes, and gossip.

• Answer respectfully when addressed.

• Be mindful of engaging in conversation with a person who has just taken a bite offood. Remember, do not talk with food in your mouth.

• Loud voices or laughter can be disturbing to others. Do not yell; use a pleasant toneof voice that can be heard only at your table. Do not use profane, abusive, or vulgarlanguage.

• Be a good listener. Give others a chance to talk. Do not monopolize a conversation.To monopolize means to take exclusive ownership or control. Pay attention to theperson speaking by making eye contact; do not look at other people when someoneis talking to you.

• Do not interrupt. Allow the other person to finish what he or she is saying beforespeaking. If you and another person start talking at the same time, give way quicklyin a friendly manner with a simple “Go ahead, please.”

• Do not ridicule or laugh at an unfortunate remark or someone’s mistake. Although aperson who makes good conversation does not contradict someone in a socialsetting, it is okay to disagree. In those instances, start by saying, “I disagree withyou because,” and state your reason.

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Handling Formal Social InvitationsWhen you are invited to attend a social event, which could be a short afternoon

visit, a dinner party, or a Military Ball, you have certain obligations that you mustobserve as a guest.

You must understand the invitation: what you are invited for, where it will be held,when you should be there, and what you should wear. A written invitation will usuallyspell out most of these things quite clearly. Certain things are implicit in an invitation,as you shall see.

R.S.V.PR.S.V.P. comes from the French expression “Repondez s’il vous plait,” which

means “please reply.” R.S.V.P. means that you must reply to the hosts to let them knowif you can or cannot attend the function to which you’ve been invited. On manyinvitations, you will see R.S.V.P. followed by a telephone number. In this case, thecourtesy of a prompt reply by telephone is required to permit the host, hostess, orplanning committee to properly plan the event. Call within two or three days to acceptor decline the invitation, and make your call between 9:00 A.M. and 6:00 P.M. Do notinvite someone else unless the invitation clearly indicates the number and names ofthose invited.

Several variations on R.S.V.P. are coming into widespread use, especially oninformal invitations. One variation is “R.S.V.P. Regrets Only.” This notation meansthat the host or hostess is expecting you unless you notify him or her that you cannotcome. If you can accept, you need not reply. Make sure to be there on time.

FIGURE 2–7.Cadets and guests seated at aMilitary Ball.

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If your plans for that day are unsettled, do not pass this problem on to the host orhostess. It would be much better to decline the invitation than to give a complicatedaccount of your social schedule. Even if the other arrangement or engagement isuncertain, it is best to decline the invitation. After you have declined, do not call backif your plans change.

When declining, it is enough to say to the host or hostess that a conflicting duty orsocial engagement prevents you from accepting. You can turn down an invitationbecause you do not want to go. However, use good judgment for the invitations yourefuse.

Most written invitations will indicate exactly where the function is being held.Some invitations may include a small map for your convenience.

If the invitation is telephoned to you, repeat back all of the important informationto be sure there is no misunderstanding when you accept the invitation. If you mustfirst check your calendar before answering, get all the details and explain that you willcall back as soon as you have looked at your schedule. Thank the caller for theinvitation, make sure you have the phone number, and promise to call right back.Make sure you call back as you promised.

After you accept an invitation, if an illness or an absolute emergency prevents youfrom attending, call the host or hostess immediately with regrets and apologies.

Invitations to dinners, receptions, and weddings will usually give a time. Fordinners and receptions, this is the time at which you should arrive; do not arrive earlieror later. Plan your timing so you can be punctual. The time on a wedding invitation isthe time the ceremony begins; allow enough time to be seated before the ceremonybegins.

If you are invited to an open house from 3:00 P.M. to 6:00 P.M., you may arrive anytime after 3:00 P.M. and depart before 6:00 P.M. You are not expected to stay the entirethree hours. After a dinner party, you should stay at least an hour. If you do not, ithints of “eat-and-run” rudeness.

Formal, Informal, or Casual Wear?The invitation may specify what you should wear. For example, an Air Force Junior

ROTC cadet would most likely wear a semi-formal dress uniform to the cadet MilitaryBall. In this situation, male guests should wear a suit, while female guests should weareither short or long evening attire.

Some invitations may simply indicate that the dress is formal, informal, or casual.Be sure that you understand what these terms mean. If you are in doubt, ask the hostor hostess what to wear when you call to R.S.V.P. As a general rule, use the followingguidelines:

• Formal: For gentlemen, a suit may be acceptable, although a tuxedo or uniformequivalent is preferred; for ladies, a short or long evening gown may be appropriate.

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• Informal: For gentlemen, asport coat and tie isappropriate; for ladies, adress appropriate fordaytime wear or a nice pantssuit is acceptable.

• Casual: For gentlemen, niceslacks and a sport shirt isappropriate; for ladies, asundress or nice pants andblouse is appropriate. In somesituations, jeans or shorts and anice shirt or blouse may beacceptable.

Responsibilities to the Host

When attending an open house or asmall dinner party, seek out and greet your host orhostess immediately upon arrival. A crowded roomshould not keep you from properly greeting your host andhostess. You should also delay getting any refreshments until after you have properlygreeted the host and hostess.

Because the host and hostess are in charge, let them run things. As a polite,unassuming guest, you can help by making conversation and joining wholeheartedlyin whatever activities are planned. You should not sit when other guests are standing inyour presence.

Before leaving, you must thank your host and hostess for a wonderful time. Even ifthere are still dozens of people present, you must seek out the host and hostess to saythank you and good-bye.

Thank-you NotesBe sure to write a thank-you note within two or three days, but no more than a

week after you have been a guest at someone’s home. A thank-you note should behandwritten in ink on nice writing paper. It is best to use stationery sets that providematching paper and envelopes. Be conservative in the choice of color and design.Plain white is always acceptable. The requirements for a thank-you note include:

• Spell out the month—the 3/9/06 format is not used socially. This date would bewritten as March 9, 2006. Place the date in the upper-right corner, just below thefold line on the informal notepaper.

• Make sure the margins are large enough—leave about 1.25 inches on the left sideand about .75 inches on the right, depending on the size of the paper.

• Place the salutation, such as “Dear Mrs. Elliott,” at the left margin.

FIGURE 2–8.A cadet in semi-formal dress uniformreceives an award at a Military Ball.

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• Indent only the first line of each paragraph. Align the rest of the paragraph with theleft margin.

• Place the closing about as far to the right as the date at the top of the page.“Sincerely,” or “Sincerely yours,” with your first and last names, are acceptableclosings. Do not use “Yours truly,” and use “Love” only for a family member orclose friend, followed by your first name only.

• Do not use “Cadet” or your cadet rank in your signature.

• Place your return address on the envelope, not under your signature.

The thank-you note should be at least three paragraphs long. The first paragraphexpresses your thanks specifically and in detail for the occasion. The last paragraphbriefly summarizes your thanks. One or more paragraphs in the middle can be on anytopic you choose about the occasion you attended. Be careful not to invite yourselfback in your thank-you note!

How to Express YourselfWhen expressing yourself, be yourself! If you do not normally speak a stilted or

flowery language, do not sound that way in your note. Stilted means stiffly orartificially dignified or formal, pompous, or lofty. Sincerity is far more important thaneloquence. For example, “I was overwhelmed by the sumptuousness of the repast inyour exquisite domicile” is pretty silly from most people. “I enjoyed the dinner inyour attractive home” sounds much more natural. If you particularly enjoyed the soupor if the chocolate cream pie was out of this world, by all means say so in your note.

Sincerity is the first rule in social correspondence. Simplicity is the second rule.You can hardly go wrong with a few simple and direct statements about the things thatpleased or amused you. Write just as you would say it to someone you know verywell. Also, use correct grammar and spelling, and keep it neat.

The thank-you note is an individual responsibility. If more than one of you enjoyeda dinner party at someone’s home, it is not proper to send one thank-you note. Each ofyou should write your own note.

If you are on the planning committee for a Military Ball, you should also sendthank-you notes to the special guests, the organizations that sponsored the event, andthe organizations that provided services and entertainment.

Addressing Thank-you NotesMake sure that you use a block style when addressing the envelope. Include the

proper title with the name (such as Mr., Mrs., Miss, Dr., Colonel, MSgt, and so on).Place the city, two-letter state abbreviation, and zip code on the same line.

Place your return address on the front top left corner of the envelope. You may usean address label. You may also include “Cadet” in your title, but not your cadet rank.For example, Cadet John C. Scott is acceptable, but Cadet Captain John C. Scott is notcorrect.

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Public CourtesiesLife is full of ways to show courteous behavior toward others. This section

describes just a few ways you can act in a thoughtful and civilized manner.

Telephone CourtesyThe telephone is a valuable time-saver and an effective means of communication.

Here are some tips for proper telephone usage.

Avoid calling others during meal hours. If you are in doubt, ask the person you arecalling if this is a convenient time, and offer to call back later if necessary. Let thephone ring at least six times to allow the person to reach the phone.

Identify yourself when placing a call. Unlike talking to someone face-to-face, theperson on the other end of the phone may not recognize your voice until you identifyyourself. While talking on the phone:

• Be polite. This applies to any conversation.

• Speak slowly and clearly. Do not eat, drink, orchew gum.

• Do not sneeze or cough into the receiver.Turn your head or excuse yourself.

• Do not carry on a conversation withsomeone in the room while talking onthe phone.

• Call back immediately if you getdisconnected and you placed thecall.

• When answering a call forsomeone else, say, “May I askwho is calling?” This soundsbetter than “Who is this?”

No matter how careful you are youmay still dial a wrong number. Whenthat happens, apologize to the personwho answers. That person is notinterested in hearing a story about how you misdialed, just tell him or her “I’m verysorry to have disturbed you,” and hang up. Then make sure you have the correctnumber, and try again. It is rude to hang up without an apology.

When leaving a message on an answering machine, clearly state your name, thedate and time of your call, and a brief message. Leave a phone number only if youneed to be called back.

FIGURE 2–9.Cadet using a cell phone.

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Special Cell Phone CourtesiesBecause cell phones can be used virtually anywhere, cell phone users need to

remember common-sense courtesy. Results from a nationwide survey show thatwireless users need to improve their phone etiquette and put people before phonecalls. A few tips to follow:

• Use of wireless phones is prohibited in most schools and at school functions.

• Use of wireless phones during social gatherings or appointments is not appropriate.

• Do not place a cell phone on the table during a meal. It is considered impolite tomake or receive cell phone calls during a meal.

• Do not drive and use a cell phone. If you need to have a conversation while driving,be sure to pull off the road while talking.

• Do not use a wireless phone when it will inconvenience or disturb others.

• When in public places or at gatherings, limit your cell phone use.

Assisting the Elderly and DisabledIf an older woman or gentleman wants some support, it is appropriate for you to

offer your arm. The cadet does not offer his or her hand. Hand holding in public is notappropriate and is considered a public display of affection, which is improper when inuniform. A cadet may offer his or her hand only when it is not practical to offer thearm, for example, to help an elderly lady or gentleman out of a car. Offer your handpalm up, and do not force it upon the person to whom you are offering it. Withdrawyour hand as soon as it is no longer needed.

When walking with a lady, a gentleman may walk on the curbside, or on her left ifthere is no curb.

Opening Doors for OthersIf a gentleman arrives at a door first, he should open it and allow others to pass

through. If a lady arrives at the door first and opens it, the gentleman may hold thedoor for her to continue.

If you are driving or riding to a social event in a privately owned vehicle, open thecar door for your passenger to enter first on the right side of the car. Then go around itand take your seat, either behind the wheel or in the back seat beside your guest.When you reach your destination, walk around the car and open the door for yourguest if he or she has not already exited the vehicle.

Being Responsible for Your GuestDepending upon the nature of the social occasion, cadets should inform their guests

about the traditions and courtesies of the occasion before arriving. For example, forthe Military Ball, cadets should inform their guests about appropriate dress, conduct,the receiving line, traditions, and so on. Remember, if you invite a guest, you areresponsible for your guest’s behavior. If you have duties to perform after you arrive atthe social, arrange for someone else to act as an escort for your guest until you arefree. Introduce your friends and ensure that your guest is cared for.

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Respect for Authorities and Senior CitizensBy this time in JROTC, you should not have any difficulty showing respect to

military seniors; in fact, it should be automatic. You should also show respect forelders, as well as parents, teachers, and others in a position of authority. In short, youshould treat all persons with the utmost respect.

Because it is unacceptable to use slang or poor grammar, such as “yeah,” “nope,” or“uh-huh” to a JROTC instructor, it is also socially rude to say these things to others.

You may also encounter situations when seniors address you by your first name.Although this may be flattering, you should never address a senior by his or her firstname, unless that person specifically asks you to do so.

Chewing GumYou may chew gum in public as long as you do it in a non-offensive way—quietly

and inconspicuously. Do not chew gum in formal situations, at work, if you are a hostor hostess, or if you are around food.

Waiting in LineIn public places, do not make a lot of noise with friends that might upset other

people.Do not push ahead of anyone. Wait your turn in line to go though a door, into an

elevator, or onto an escalator.

PolitenessUse “Please,” “Thank you,” “You’re welcome,” “Excuse me,” and “I’m sorry”

naturally and sincerely in conversations. Say “Excuse me” if you accidentally brushagainst someone. You can also say “I beg your pardon,” but do not use the phrase“Pardon me.”

Hygiene and GroomingCareful attention to all aspects of personal hygiene will help you be welcome in

social situations. Be certain that you are well groomed every time you make a socialappearance. One dirty or untrimmed fingernail may seem like a small thing to you, butit may be the basis for a negative impression. You never have a second chance to makea first impression. The following are just a few of the basics you should already bedoing to make sure your appearance is up to standards.

• Make sure your hair is clean, neatly trimmed or styled, and combed at all times.

• Shower daily and use deodorant as part of your daily routine.

• Brush your teeth and floss daily. Try to brush after meals.

• For young men who already have to shave: if it is necessary for you to do so onceor twice a day to be presentable, then do so.

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Good grooming is an individual responsibility. It should not be necessary for aninstructor or a senior cadet to tell you to maintain proper personal hygiene.Additionally, cadets must make sure that their uniforms are clean, pressed, andpresentable.

FIGURE 2–10.Cadets clean uniforms before colorguard duty.

CHECKPOINTS

Lesson 1 ReviewUsing complete sentences, answer the following questions on a sheet of paper.

1. What is the difference between etiquette and manners?2. Explain why it is important to present a good appearance at all times.3. Compare American-style dining with European-style dining.4. Give three examples of proper dinner conversation topics.5. Give three examples of improper dinner conversation topics.

Applying Social Skills6. Pretend you are taking a date to your Military Ball. Write a role-play

showing how you would introduce your date to your SASI.

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