Universals of verbal and Universals of verbal and non-verbal messages.non-verbal messages.

““To effectively communicate, we To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive different in the way we perceive the world and use this the world and use this understanding as a guide to our understanding as a guide to our communication with others.”communication with others.”

- - Anthony Robbins, Motivational SpeakerAnthony Robbins, Motivational Speaker

Chapter 6Chapter 6

Universals of verbal and non-verbal Universals of verbal and non-verbal messages.messages.

Assertive CommunicationAssertive Communication

Assertiveness: “Win Win”Assertiveness: “Win Win”

Steps for increasing assertiveness:Steps for increasing assertiveness:

1.1. AnalyzeAnalyze assertive communications assertive communications

2.2. RehearseRehearse assertive communications assertive communications

3.3. CommunicateCommunicate assertively assertively

Assertive CommunicationAssertive Communication

Stand up for yourself Stand up for yourself Express feelings directly Express feelings directly Improve relationships Improve relationships Give Compliments Give Compliments Give Criticism Give Criticism Make requests Make requests Say No / Set Limits Say No / Set Limits

Universals of Verbal and Universals of Verbal and Non-Verbal MessageNon-Verbal Message

Non-Verbal Messages are used to:Non-Verbal Messages are used to:

1.1. AccentAccent

2.2. ComplementComplement

3.3. ContradictContradict

4.4. ControlControl

5.5. RepeatRepeat

6.6. Substitute ForSubstitute For

Messages and MeaningsMessages and Meanings

Meanings are:Meanings are:

In PeopleIn People

More Than Words and GesturesMore Than Words and Gestures

UniqueUnique

Context-BasedContext-Based

Meanings are in PeopleMeanings are in People

You do not receive meaning. You You do not receive meaning. You create meaning.create meaning.

Words do not mean. People mean.Words do not mean. People mean.

Meanings are more than Meanings are more than words and gestureswords and gestures

Understand other people’s Understand other people’s meanings by your perceptions meanings by your perceptions

1.1. who you are who you are

2.2. what you are feelingwhat you are feeling

Meanings are UniqueMeanings are Unique

No two people derive the same No two people derive the same meaningmeaning

Same person can derive different Same person can derive different meanings on different occasionsmeanings on different occasions

Meanings are UniqueMeanings are Unique

As you change, you also change the As you change, you also change the meanings you create out of past meanings you create out of past messagesmessages

Check your perceptionsCheck your perceptions of another’s of another’s meaningsmeanings

MessagesMessages

Context-BasedContext-Based PackagedPackaged Rule-GovernedRule-Governed Abstract/ConcreteAbstract/Concrete PolitenessPoliteness Inclusion/ExclusionInclusion/Exclusion Direct/IndirectDirect/Indirect Gender/CultureGender/Culture

Messages are context-basedMessages are context-based

Words or behaviors have different Words or behaviors have different meanings in different contextsmeanings in different contexts

Depends on other behavior that Depends on other behavior that accompanies itaccompanies it

Cultural contextCultural context

Messages are PackagedMessages are Packaged

Parts work together to communicate Parts work together to communicate a unified meaninga unified meaning

Look at entire package before Look at entire package before interpreting another’s meaninginterpreting another’s meaning

Contradictory verbal and non-verbalContradictory verbal and non-verbal messages question credibility and messages question credibility and sinceritysincerity

Messages are Rule-Messages are Rule-GovernedGoverned

GrammarGrammar BehaviorBehavior Non-Verbal rules and normsNon-Verbal rules and norms

Messages vary in Messages vary in abstractionabstraction

General terms are abstract and General terms are abstract and specific terms are concretespecific terms are concrete

Abstract terms lead to different Abstract terms lead to different imagesimages

Effective verbal messages usually Effective verbal messages usually include specificsinclude specifics

Messages vary in politenessMessages vary in politeness

Politeness is a desirable traitPoliteness is a desirable trait Women’s speech tends to be more Women’s speech tends to be more

polite than menpolite than men

Messages vary in inclusionMessages vary in inclusion

Inclusive messages: include all Inclusive messages: include all people present and acknowledge people present and acknowledge relevance of othersrelevance of others

Exclusive messages: using language Exclusive messages: using language to exclude others outside your groupto exclude others outside your group

Messages vary in directnessMessages vary in directness

Indirect messagesIndirect messagesAdvantagesAdvantages DisadvantagesDisadvantages

PolitenessPoliteness Seeking Seeking complimentscompliments

Win LoseWin Lose Resentment Resentment & & CompetitionCompetition

Gender differencesGender differencesWomenWomen MenMen More indirect in More indirect in giving ordersgiving orders Power is ability to Power is ability to choose own style of choose own style of communicationcommunication

Indirect when Indirect when Expressing Expressing weakness weakness Admitting problemsAdmitting problems Admitting an errorAdmitting an error Emotions (except Emotions (except anger) anger) Refusing increased Refusing increased intimacyintimacy Going against Going against masculine stereotypemasculine stereotype

Cultural DifferencesCultural Differences

Many Asian and Latin American Many Asian and Latin American countries stress indirectness to avoid countries stress indirectness to avoid appear being critical or contradicted appear being critical or contradicted as a way to “save face.”as a way to “save face.”

IndirectnessIndirectness

Consider how easy it is for Consider how easy it is for misunderstandings to occur.misunderstandings to occur.

Messages vary in Messages vary in AssertivenessAssertiveness

Nonassertiveness: You win I lose; Nonassertiveness: You win I lose; passive approach to communicationpassive approach to communication

Aggresiveness: I win you lose; caring Aggresiveness: I win you lose; caring little for others’ needslittle for others’ needs

Messages Vary in Messages Vary in AssertivenessAssertiveness

NonassertivenessNonassertiveness ““You Win, I lose”You Win, I lose”

AggressivenessAggressiveness ““I Win, You Lose”I Win, You Lose”

AssertivenessAssertiveness ““I Win, You Win”I Win, You Win”

AssertivenessAssertiveness

I win you winI win you win Act in your own best interest Act in your own best interest

without denying or infringing upon without denying or infringing upon the rights of othersthe rights of others

AssertivenessAssertiveness

Steps for increasing assertiveness:Steps for increasing assertiveness:

1.1. Analyze assertive communicationsAnalyze assertive communications

2.2. Rehearse assertive communicationsRehearse assertive communications

3.3. Communicate assertivelyCommunicate assertively

Communicating Communicating AssertivelyAssertively

Describe the ProblemDescribe the Problem

State How it Affects YouState How it Affects You

Propose SolutionsPropose Solutions

Confirm UnderstandingConfirm Understanding

Reflect on Own AssertivenessReflect on Own Assertiveness