uol night a retro musical

8/3/2019 Uol Night a Retro Musical

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UOL NIGHT SKETCH: A RETRO MUSICAL

SCENE 1 ACT 1

Narrator: It was a dark and stormy night. Oh wait. Someone just farted with the lights

off.

Narrator: Here we go again. In the library, two students are busy cramming for thefinals. Which by the way, is coming soon to a cinema near you. In May.

Kit Yi is studying hard when Shirlene teases her for resembling Hermione

Granger. As is well known, Hermione has a clock which can turn back time.

Shirlene: Hey Kit Yi, you kinda look like Hermione Granger from Harry Potter. Ha-ha.

Kit Yi: Yeay, Im pretty. Thanks Shirlene. (Continue to study and suddenly looked

up) It would be nice to have an object that can turn back time like her in the 3rd

movie of Harry Potter though.

(She turns around and randomly picks out a book.)

Kit Yi: My thirst for knowledge is unquenchable. Give me a random book.

Narrator: A random librarian hands her a book.

Random: My name is Random. Heres my book.

(When Kit Yi opens the book, Shirlene watches her.)

Shirlene: That is some random book. Wonder what it is?

Narrator: A strange voice booms. Kit Yi and Shirlene are bewildered and hold on to

each other.

Strange Voice: Which era do you want most, to visit?

Narrator: Screaming, they are sucked into a time vortex which spirals.

Shirlene: Whats happening?

Kit Yi: This is a case for Sherlock Holmes. (Point right index finger upwards)

Shirlene: What, you mean like the movie? (yells as they are both sucked into the spiral)


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SCENE 2 ACT 1

Narrator: With their decisive answer, Kit Yi and Shirlene were sucked into the late

18thcentury.

Because they were so clever as to mention Sherlock Holmes, Kit Yi andShirlene found themselves right in front of the final scene of Sherlock 2:

Game of Shadows.

Professor Moriarty is delivering the final lesson to Sherlock Holmes, his

sworn nemesis. He is yammering on about some fish catching techniques, for

some incorrigible reason. All math sounds incorrigible to me, anyway.

Moriarty is circling around Sherlock, who is sitting tied up in a chair. They are

in an abandoned warehouse.

Moriarty: Hah! The great Sherlock Holmes. Not so great after all huh? Without your

trusted sidekick Doctor Watson?

Sherlock: Oh shush you scumbag. What would you know about Watson? Hes the best.

Moriarty: Might I remind you I, a Cambridge professor, am way smarter than that

University of London educated Doctor Watson, who isnt even practicing

medicine anymore.

Sherlock: Says you.

Narrator: Shirlene and Kit Yi have just stumbled in and barely begun to make sense of

the whole situation.

Kit Yi: Hey, do you know exactly how tough the University of London exams are?

Shirlene: Yeah, I still havent finished Dr. Gohs SA5Q

Narrator: Outside the warehouse, Dr. Watson is attempting to free Sherlock, and finds a

cannon. At the same time, Col. Moran, Moriartys henchman, is circling

around the gates, looking out for Watson. He doesnt see him yet.

Moriarty: Hey, whats this?!! Where did you come from?

Sherlock: Good always triumphs over evil, Professor.

Moriarty: Lets see if your eardrums can triumph over this German opera!

Narrator: Moriarty begins to show them his turntable skills. He puts on the vinyl and

starts beatboxing.

(Kit Yi and Shirlene stare dumbfounded).


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SCENE 2 ACT 2

Narrator: Kit Yi and Shirlene are still staring when suddenly they hear an explosion

outside.

Shirlene: (covers ears tightly) What the hell was that?!!

(They quickly rush to the window to see the following scene)

Narrator: Dr. Watson is hiding in the shadows with the cannon, when Col. Moran snipes

from his gattling gun.

Moran: (squints through the gun eyehole, proud of his big gun) Watch it, big ones

coming! (Sees a curtain moving, and Watson reveals the cannon hes aiming

back at Moran)

Moran: Hey, thats unfair!

(Watson blasts the cannon at the warehouse)

SCENE 3 ACT 1

Narrator: After the explosion has passed, they are stumbling out of the rubble.

Shirlene: My goodness, it must be past 3 am! I bet I look like Dracula!

Kit Yi: I bet we MIGHT bump into Dracula if we dont get home soon!

Narrator: Just then, a shadow emerges from the mists.

Dracula: It is I, Count Dracula! Who dares talk about me, at this hour of the morn?

Narrator: Another figure comes out of the shadows. This one sports a cross.

Van Helsing: And it is I, your longtime enemy, Abraham van Helsing!

Dracula: Oh god not again. This is getting old.

Van Helsing: (hard of hearing) Did you just call me old?!!! Ill have you know, Ive been

serving London University long after YOU were around!

(Dracula and Van Helsing get into a catfight. Some kungfu and Chinese keongsi moves are

displayed.)

Kit Yi: You know Shirlene, I always thought Dracula was actually scary.


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Shirlene: I think the other guys scarier. Hes got a stake!!!

Kit Yi: What steak? I could use some supper right now. In high school I was quite the

King of Steak!

SCENE 4 ACT 1

Narrator: Mentioning steak, Kit Yi and Shirlene were then sucked into the timeframe of

Elvis, the King of Rock and a famous steak lover.

(Elvis, played by Random the librarian, appears and starts dancing to the tune of A Little

Less Conversation.)

Shirlene: Hey, isnt he the guy from the library?

Kit Yi: I always thought the random librarian looked like Elvis.

Shirlene: (points somewhere) Kit Yi, look, its a sign.

Kit Yi: Youre right. We must be careful of what we say.

Shirlene: (interrupted Kit Yi) the book transports us through time according to the

words we say.

Narrator: They realize they are getting a bit closer to the present day, as they have

moved forward in time. Now they need to calibrate their words to reach the

library again. However, worry was starting to set in.

Shirlene: Oh no, what if I miss the Accounting exam?

Kit Yi: (arm in arm and looking towards Shirlene) Well, that would be depressing, but

you could always go for retail therapy. Shopping; like diamonds, are a girls

best friend. Anyway, Miss Marilyn will help you out, Im sure.

SCENE 5 ACT 1

Narrator: Just then, it happened again. They moved forward from Elvis 1950s to the

1960s. They appeared in a scene from Diamonds Are a Girls Best Friend,

where Marilyn Monroe is extolling the virtues of diamonds.

Shirlene: This is bizarre. Wed better run, better do what we can to beat the clock. We

gotta beat it. (In the action of trying to run)


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Kit Yi: Err.did you really mean what you just said

SCENE 6 ACT 1

Narrator: But they were interrupted by a guy singing, Michael Jackson, unrelenting as

ever with his style, was all passionate with angst as he swaggered and belted

his song.

Xin Ying: "Owh no, they are fighting, let's run for our life" (fighting scene from 'Beat It'

MV)

Kit Yi: "All these running is making me so tired, luckily I've got my pumped up kicks

on" or "All these running is going to ruin my pumped up kicks" (Since they

were also running from Elvis scene to Michael Jackson's scene)

SCENE 7 ACT 1

Narrator: With that, the magic words brought them back to the 21st century, specifically

13th January 2012. They appeared among a crowd of people, and soon

realised where they are.

Xin Ying: "Hey, is that Foster the People?" (pointing to somewhere)

Kit Yi: (look to the direction) "Oh my god, yes they are! (Excited) I've been wanting

to see them perform live in KLCC, but the tickets were sold out. Now I finally

got the chance"

Xin Ying: "KLCC? Performing live? Does this means we are back to the present time?"

Kit Yi: (suddenly realised) "Yes!!!! We did it!! Damn, we should have visited the

future for the exam answers."

Xin Ying: "We should". (Both sigh.)

Narrator: And thats a story for another time!

END


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uol night a retro musical

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