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WALKING THIS VALLEY- Tucson Chapter Vol. 37 No. 6 November-December 2019
Upcoming Events:
The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting unites family and friends around the globe in lighting candles for one hour to honor the memories of the sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, and grandchildren who left too soon. As candles are lit at 7:00 pm local time, hundreds of thousands of persons commemorate and honor the memory of all children gone too soon.
Now believed to be the largest mass candle lighting on the globe, the 23rd annual Worldwide Candle Lighting, a gift to the bereavement community from The Compassionate Friends, creates a virtual 24-hour wave of light as it moves from time zone to time zone. TCF’s WCL started in the United States in 1997 as a small internet observance, but has since swelled in numbers as word has spread throughout the world of the remembrance. Hundreds of formal candle
Tucson Chapter
P.O. Box 30733
Tucson, AZ 85751-0733
(520) 721-8042
www.tucsontcf.org
National Headquarters
P.O. Box 3696
Oak Brook, IL 60522
Toll free (877) 969-0010
www.compassionatefriends.org
Welcome! All bereaved parents, grandparents, and adult siblings are welcome at our support group meetings. Here you will find comfort, caring people, and most of all-HOPE. Coming to the first meeting is hard, but you have nothing to lose and much to gain. For
many it is the first real step toward healing. Although it may seem overwhelming, we encourage you to come to several meetings to give yourself a chance to become comfortable. The hope of The Compassionate Friends is that those who need us would find us and that those that find us would be helped. TCF also provides information to help members be supportive to
each other. We are not professional counselors. We are bereaved families who want to help each other.
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lighting events are held and thousands of informal candle lightings are conducted in homes as families gather in quiet remembrance of children who have died, but will never be forgotten.
Every year you are invited to post a message in the Remembrance Book
which will be available, during the event, at TCF’s national website. The
Remembrance Book will be open to post a message Sunday, December 1st,
through Monday, December 9th. Photos can be posted on our Worldwide
Candle Lighting Facebook page.
Our Tucson Chapter will participate in the National Candle Lighting in Remembrance of all our Children at the Children’s Memorial Park off Oracle Rd. on Sunday, December 8 starting at 7pm. Come early and bring a jacket! You can also bring a photo or other memento to display.
The Compassionate Friends National:
Online Support information is available on the National Compassionate Friends Website at www.compassionatefriends.org. There are over 26 private Facebook groups available for parents, grandparents, and siblings. There are also “virtual chapters” through an online support community (live chats).
Visit www.compassionatefriends.org/find-support/online-communities/online-support/ for more information and to register.
Remembrance Cards
In order to receive remembrance cards during your loved ones birthday month and the
death anniversary month, you must individually sign-up, with your complete information,
for the memorial book located on the national website found under the “Find Support” tab
after clicking on “To The Newly Bereaved” (https://www.compassionatefriends.org/find-
support/to-the-newly-bereaved/).
Our Chapter wants to thank the Viscount Suite for providing a meeting room for our Steering Committee Meetings. Our Next Steering Committee Meeting will be on Wednesday, October 30 at 6pm. All Members are welcome to attend.
Photo buttons: We no longer have a button machine. We have snap together kits so that you can make your own. If you don’t see them out, just ask at a meeting.
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November Birthdays
SEBASTIAN ALDECOA RACHEL MICHELLE BENNETT
DAVID ARAOS KATERI LAURA JOANN FRANCISCO
GENNA AYUP MICAYLA JASMINE FULLER
NICK BARNETT CHARLES "BUDDY" HOLLEY
CHRISTOPHER BAYZE THOMAS FRANCIS TAAFFE II
BOB BRUMMETT TORRE LYNN CARLS
THOMAS CLARK ELIZABETH DAVIS
TOMMY DILLON ZACK EIDE
JORDAN FAULK CALEB FOSSLAND
JUSTIN MOHN JIMMIE GANIS
RICKY HAMRICK CINDY HARTRANFT
RICK IVIE SABRINA JOY
LYSANDRA LAINE NICOLE LAJALLEE
ISAIAH MARTINEZ ALEX ANDRU MENDOZA
DIEGO ANTONIO GADEA JUNIOR PHOTHONG
JESSE PLOENSE ALEXIA ROBLES
JANNELLE ROSNESS JOSHUA SHAME
EMILY RENEE SORKIN KATHLEEN TEMPONE
ANTONIO TORRES CHRISTOPHER VIVIAN
CLIFFORD WALTEIN EDWARD SAMUEL WEISS
DANIELLE WELLS-BORQUEZ KRISTEN YODER
NOAH ZACARIAS
November Remembrance Days
MARC APPLETON BEN RRELLIN KRISTIN BAILEY
RON WHEELER PAUL THOMPSON LYRA DANIELLE BARBER
JEAN E. STONE TOM BATES CINDEE TURNER
JEREMY BRIGHT RICK CASEJALUR LINDA VARGAS
LARRY CASTAÑEDA AIDON COPFER DESTRI CORONADO
JOHN CROCI TOMMY DILLON RICKY M. GRIJALVA JR.
RICK HAMILTON JEFFREY HILL JR. KELLY HUYSER
LYSANDRA LAINE MORGAN LOR MELISSA QUINN MADONNA
RYLIE MCREYNOLDS EMILY TRENT DANIEL MERENS
NIKKI PACKARD KASEY PIKE ARIANA PORTUGAL
SUSANN SALMON JANNELLE ROSNESS LANCE SENICK
ERIC ALEXANDER RUBOYIANES MICHAEL SCHNEIDER
CHADWICK "CHAD" SPALDING RAMON EDWARDO TAVERAS
DAK SCOT FREDERICK VANTSANT MICHELLE VICTORIA PADILLA
CARL WALDENSTROM CHRISTOPHER SCOTT CURTIS
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Posted on October 11th, 2019
The Compassionate Friends E-Newsletter
A sudden accident killed your child.
That terrible phone call changed your life
with no warning – you didn’t get to say goodbye –
this has to be the most terrible loss of all.
Your child died by suicide –
you feel you should have been able to prevent it.
Your guilt is devastating.
How can you live with such an incomprehensible tragedy?
You only had one child –
now you have none and your focus in life is gone.
What’s the point of living?
What could be more devastating?
You’ve experienced the deaths of more than
one of your children – will it happen again?
How does one survive this pain again?
When your baby died, your dreams died
you have few memories and you’re too
young to be suffering like this – this loss
is the most unfair.
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Someone murdered your child – an
unbelievable violation – you’re angry and your frustration
with the legal system feeds your anger.
This must be the very worst.
You’re a single parent – your child has
died and you have no one to lean on, no
one to share your grief – surely your
suffering is the most painful.
The unbelievable has happened – your
adult child died – you had invested so
much in that child – now who’s going to
care for you in your old age?
You had to watch your child suffer
bravely through a long illness –
you were helpless to ease his pain and to prevent his death –
how do you erase those horrible images?
Yours must be the greatest grief.
The truth is that the death of any child is
the greatest loss, regardless of the cause, regardless of the age.
Our own experience is far more painful than we had ever previously envisioned,
so how could we possibly comprehend what others have undergone.
To make comparisons between our own suffering and the pain of others is an
exercise in futility. It accomplishes nothing and sometimes can be hurtful to
others. To say that one type of death produces a greater or deeper grief than
another tends to place different values on the children who have died.
Each child is worth 100% of our grief, each person’s sorrow is 100% and each
loss is 100% of our being. I can’t imagine wanting to walk in the shoes of any
other bereaved parent, can you?
PEGGY GIBSON
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December Birthdays
MATTHEW ALTLAND MARC APPLETON W. JARED BLAIR
KEVIN BOOS GORDON BRYAN NICOLAS JOURDAIN BURCH
AMAN JONES LIANE WILSON SHAWN NOBLE
KATIE CLARK JASMINE COOMBS DESTRI CORONADO
JOE CRAWFORD SARAH ESPINOZA LILY FAIRCHILD
JULEE FRASER GABRIEL GALLEGOS CESAR TIZOK GONZALEZ
TYLER GROVE RAAD HALABY LEWIS HARPER
DANIEL GENE HILL CHRISTIAN LAWSON STEPHEN MAHAFFEY
DAMION MATTHEWS TRINA MCQUEEN ZACHARY ORMAN
MICHEAL PESQUEIRA JESSICA ROSE RUSSELL
MAURICIO B. SALAZAR DOUGIE SALSBURY
MISTY SCHILLING DREDAN SEGUNDO
LORI L. SMITH PAIGE JAYDEN STOUT
TAYLOR NICOLE THOMPSON DAVID THORSON
MICHAEL TWOHILL MATHEW VYBORNY
JONATHAN D WILLIAMS MORGAN WISE
JUSTIN ZEHNGUT DEVANTE CARRANZA
JOHN JOSEPH CEPIN IV MORDECAI HARRELSON
TIMOTHY ALLAN KENYON JR. HECTOR MANUEL SANCHEZ III
December Remembrance Days
IAN BEAL ANITA BECERRA
WENDY FORD JOHN GEHLEN
ELIZABETH DAVIS KATHRYN EIDE
ZACK EIDE JOEL ESPINOSA
MISSY HALL RICK IVIE
ZACHARY BOSSELER MARK CALHOUN, JR BRIAN FRAZIN
RYAN GRIFFIN GAMBLE DANIEL LEE GEIS ANDREW KEATON
ALEX GRADIAS TRAVIS KATHREIN TONY WINFIELD
SWAIN TAYLOR KOENIG DANIEL LOWE NICOLE LUBINSKI
KRYSTAL SUE MAEDL JODI MONNARD SHAUN MOORE
JAMIE MULLINS, III AARON NICHOLS MICHAEL PENA
JAMISON PESSIN JESSE PLOENSE JESUS RENE
MISTY SCHILLING ERIC SCHULTZ JOSHUA SHAME
NICHOLAS SIMS KRISTIN SMITH ERIC TAYLOR
MATTHEW TESCHNER SUSAN WAYNE BRIAN WILSON
CHRISTOPHER FRANKLIN RICHTER JULIE ANN VONDERSAAR
EDITH LAURAINE WHITSETT GLENN HARRISON WILLIAMS
RACHEL MICHELLE BENNETT CHARLES A. (CJ) GRAHAM
ZACHARY TAYLOR JONES CASIMIRO MARTIN PALAFOX
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SNOW Every snowflake that falls is unique and has its own individual design. There are beautiful patterns in each snowflake and even the tiniest of flakes have their own markings. These patterns change again and again—even after the flake touches the ground. Each snowflake is a cause for wonder, each flake is one of a kind. No two are exactly alike. Like the snowflake, our beautiful children were each unique and special; some we only dreamed about and some danced upon the earth. They filled our lives with wonder and transformed our world. We held them too briefly, but we will hold them in our hearts forever. We shall remember them always. At this time of remembering, it may help to reflect upon how our lives have been enriched by the love we have given and the love we have received from our children. Our
children leave treasures behind that time can never take away. Denise Falzon
TCF Lake Area, MI
This Might Help by Phyllis & Sam Turner
December 2001 Holidays (again)
1.Take care of yourself
*Decide whether you want to be with family.
*Allow other family members to take responsibility for various activities.
*Allow yourself the chance to choose what you want to do.
2. Give yourself a chance to change your mind.
*It isn’t important that everything be done the way it used to be done.
*Remember: you are the one who needs care.
3. Helping others will help you.
*Many members donate money in memory of their child.
*One family invites a lonely person to dinner.
4. Circumstances demand that some parents must continue the enthusiasm for their
surviving children’s sake.
*Put their names on your white board,m or on the refrigerator to remind you that they are alive
and need your love and support. (Remember, they may be grieving also.)
*Sharing holiday tasks will help you through the day.
5. How many stockings shall we hang?
*Put them all up or hang no stockings at all.
*Let your children fill a stocking with poems or pictures in remembrance of the deceased family
member.
*Let your children suggest what needs to be done. Include the family in all the decision making.
6. If you celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah:
*Open presents Christmas Eve instead of Christmas morning.
*Attend a different church for Christmas Eve service.
*Attend a different Synagogue.
Other Ideas:
*Burn a candle on all their special days to quietly include an absent child.
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ANNUAL “WALK OUT OF DARKNESS” HELD AT REID PARK ON OCTOBER 19, 2019
BY THE AMERICAN FOUNDATION FOR SUICIDE PREVENTION
STELLA SALAZAR
HAS HOSTED A
COMPASSIONATE
FRIENDS TABLE AT
THIS EVENT IN
HONOR OF HER SON
MAURICIO
“BUDDY” SALAZAR.
DEBBIE FROM OUR
CHAPTER HAS
HOSTED THE TABLE
WITH STELLA
SEVERAL TIMES.
THIS YEAR SHE IS JOINED BY HER FRIEND WHO LOST
HIS SON, TITO. STELLA BEGAN COMING TO
MEETINGS OF THE TUCSON CHAPTER A FEW
MONTHS AFTER BUDDY
PASSED AWAY IN THE
SUMMER OF 2012.
WHY WE WALK: EACH YEAR, SUICIDE CLAIMS MORE LIVES THAN WAR, MURDER, AND
NATURAL DISASTERS COMBINED. YET SUICIDE PREVENTION DOESN'T RECEIVE
ANYWHERE NEAR THE FUNDING AS OTHER LEADING CAUSES OF DEATH. IT'S UP TO
WALKERS LIKE US TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE. TOGETHER WE CAN CHANGE THE
CONVERSATION ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH AND PUT A STOP TO THIS TRAGIC LOSS OF LIFE. AFSP WEBSITE
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CRISIS HOTLINE INFORMATION
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-8255
Suicide Hotline
1-800-Suicide
Depression & Crisis Hotline 1-800-784-2433
The National Institute for Trauma & Loss in Children (TLC)
1-877-306-5256
Families Anonymous
(Addiction/Recovery)
1-800-736-9805
Al-Anon Family Groups (Addiction/Recovery)
1-888-425-2666
Post Partum Depression 1-800-944-4773
To contact the Tucson Chapter with questions on events, to volunteer, or to submit articles/poems to the newsletter please email us at [email protected]
Unless expressly stated, the views expressed in articles, poetry, etc. in Walking This Valley are not necessarily
the views of The Compassionate Friends, The Chapter Steering Committee or the Editorial Team. The Editor
reserves the right to edit any contributions.
OTHER TUCSON SUPPORT GROUPS
Information & Referral Services….
http://www.211arizona.org/
Homicide Survivors, Inc….
520-740-5729
FOOTPRINTS-
Pregnancy and Infant loss...
520-873-6590
Tu Nidito/Children to Children…
520-322-9155
Alive Alone
http://www.alivealone.org/
-for parent(s) who have lost their only
child
MISS FOUNDATION
http://www.missfoundation.org/
Survivors of Suicide……. 520-989-0467
Chapter Steering Committee
Leader: Sharon Farrell
Co Leader: Tara Chico/Donna Ruboyianes
Editor: Diane Allison
Contributing Editors: All members- contributions wanted!
Outreach/ Correspondence: Estella Salazar
Facebook: Melissa Chico, Cat Morrow
Website: Julie Shulick
New Attendee Coordinator: Cat Morrow
Library: Debbie Russell
Treasurer: Cindy Walter
Facilitators: Cindy Walter, Melissa Chico,
Tara Chico, Carolyn Manka, Kim Teschner
Regional Coordinators:
Barb & Gene Caligari, Chandler, AZ;
Denise Dean
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A National self-help, non-profit organization for families who have
experienced the death of a child
THE TUCSON CHAPTER
P.O. 30733
Tucson, AZ 85751-0733
Return Service Requested
November-December 2019
We’re sorry for the reason you’re here, but we’re
glad you’ve found us. –Tucson TCF
Tucson Chapter Meetings: CHRIST CHURCH
UNITED METHODIST 655 N. CRAYCROFT
Second and Fourth Wednesdays 7:00pm-9:00pm
November 13, 27
December 11 (No meeting Dec. 25)
January 8, 22
Non-Profit Org.
U.S. Postage
Paid
Tucson, AZ
Permit No. 2296