ROUGHLY EDITED COPY

2017 USBLN20th ANNUAL NATIONAL CONFERENCE

ORLANDO, FLORIDAAUGUST 20, 2017

RISING LEADERSHIP ACADEMY BUSINESS ETIQUETTE DINNER 5:30 P.M.ET

Services Provided By:Caption First, Inc.P.O. Box 3066Monument, CO 801321 877 825 5234www.captionfirst.com

***This text is being provided in a rough draft Format.  Communication Access Realtime Translation (CART) or captioning are provided in order to facilitate communication accessibility and may not be a totally verbatim record of the proceedings.

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>> Hello everyone. Can I have your attention? Hello Rising Leaders. Hello honored guests. Hello mentors. Hello corporate partners. Thank you. I'm Maggie Roffee USBLN, and I have a quick announcement and then we will bring Jill Houghton to the microphone. Do not put on your name tags. Don't worry about your name tags. Do not put them on. Keep them on the table. This is going to be a totally instructional evening, and you will be instructed on everything from the napkins -- so leave the napkins where they are, and leave the name tags where they are. Jill, you're going to wait a few minutes? Two minutes. Okay. We're going to give Jill two minutes. You can talk for two minutes and then we'll begin.

>> JILL HOUGHTON: Good evening. Good evening. Hello! I'm not used to standing in one spot. This is kind of hard. First of all, I'm supposed to give you an instruction not to worry about filling out your name tag yet because that is part of what we're going to do this evening when we're learning about etiquette. So just hold tight on the name tag. Did I get that right, Maggie?

>> Yes: Not going to fill them out at all. >> JILL HOUGHTON: Stay tuned for more direction. The

suspense builds. All right. So who had an incredible day today? [ Cheers and applause ]>> JILL HOUGHTON: You guys are the rising leader class of. >> 2017! >> JILL HOUGHTON: Rising leader class of?

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>> 2017! >> JILL HOUGHTON: Who had a great day today? All right.

Excellent. You're in for quite a treat, because we're going to have an etiquette dinner tonight, but before we do that, we get to acknowledge some companies. It just keeps getting better. Some awesome companies that are here. You know why? Because they are committed to including people with disabilities across their business. With that I get to introduce to you to begin with Mr. Steve Johnson who is the executive vice president for corporate affairs for American Airlines. Mr. Steve Johnson, thank you American Airlines.

[ Cheers and applause ]>> Good evening. On behalf of nearly 110,000 employees at

American Airlines, we are excited to partner and celebrate you all as Rising Leaders. Give yourselves a round of applause.

[ Applause ]. >> American Airlines is one of the largest in the world and

was recently named air transport's airline of the year for 2017. During our 90-year history, we've created more than 900,000 jobs worldwide and we would not be able to create that workforce without a strong commitment to diversity and inclusion. That leadership and inclusion is heralded from the top down from our CEO Doug Parker. Just the other day, Doug recommitted our stance against hate and divisive behavior in the wake of the incidents in Charlottesville. We'll be donating a complete house bill to that community. Additionally, Doug has committed American Airlines to the CEO action plan for diversity and inclusion where we pledge to support more inclusive workplaces. This commitment has led us to rework our trainings and extend on our unconscious bias, and leading into conversations around diversity and inclusion including those with differing abilities. We proud ourselves on continuing to provide access to all. As we know, this is not a social action, but yet a business imperative to have the likes of your talent among us at American Airlines. Congratulations again. Soak in this experience and best of luck in future endeavors. Thank you so much.

[ Applause ]. >> JILL HOUGHTON: Thank you, Steve. Thank you American

Airlines. Now you know what he looks like. There's two people right here from American Airlines, so seek them out.

Next up, we get to acknowledge USAA. We are joined by Patrick Sturtevant, a software systems engineer. So thank you USAA. Patrick, do you want to come up?

>> Thank you everyone for joining me. My name is Patrick Sturtevant. I'm with USAA. I have the pleasure of being with you this evening. Just a teeny bit about me. This is my second USBLN and I'm so excited to be here because I get so much motivation

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and so much energy when I come. I was born blind and had some vision until I was 14. I've had no vision for 37 years. I find vision loss just a simple thing as an inconvenience. And I love the life I lead. Let me first also talk to you about this presentation. You guys are very lucky tonight. You are the very first large group that Patrick has presented to outside of USAA. For over five years, I get lots of opportunities to speak to our employees. I've never gotten to speak outside, and I'm excited to have you guys with the first group that I get to speak in front of. So if I screw up a little bit, hopefully you'll understand. Tonight I'm not here to give you a polished speech. I'm here to give you great stories. I hope you like stories. In 1922, 25 military officers got together at a hotel in San Antonio, Texas. They had a problem. They were in the military, they kept moving around. Automobiles were still kind of new, insurance was new for automobiles and they couldn't get insurance because they were considered high risk because they traveled so much to protect our country. They got together and decided to take care of themselves and they formed USAA, United Services Automobile Association. We are not stock owned, but owned by our members. Very important difference in corporate America. Since our founding in 1922, we continue that aspect of our heritage by continuing to care for our members. We started with 25, and we've grown to 12 million members. We started with a handful of employees and currently have grown to 32,000 employees. We started off as an automobile insurance company, and over the last 95 years have grown into a financial services company who likes to think we're trying to go into a digital company, providing innovative digital solutions for our members. We're worldwide with international offices in London and Frankfurt as well as across the U.S. We have major facilities in Phoenix, San Antonio, Austin, Dallas, Colorado Springs, Tampa Bay, Florida, and Chesapeake. So if any of those are near you, you're near a major USAA office, which I think is a good thing.

One of the other unique things about USAA is while we have over 32,000 employees, over 5,000 of them work at home. Many of those with disabilities, that the only way they could be included and continue to have their job is to have that flexibility of working at home. Our work-at-home region is the largest region growing in our company. I'm very proud that we're flexible enough to allow those who need to work at home that ability.

USAA was founded on four major principles, service, integrity, loyalty and honesty. I get up every day thinking about those as I go to work. I have the most exciting job. I wake up every morning ready to go to come serve our members. Our members are very important to us. They're the military. They get up every day and serve us, protecting our country. Although I come from a

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military family, being blind I wasn't allowed to join the military. The next best thing was to go work at USAA. Where although I'm not in the military, I get to serve the military every day to ensure their families and our service members are well taken care of when it comes to their financial needs.

Our mission at USAA is to provide a highly competitive wide range of products to the military community to ensure they're financially well taken care of. I mentioned our mission because I use it a lot at work. When I talk to people about inclusion, our mission is to take care of the military community and their families. Our mission is not to take care of able-bodied military men who have 20/20 vision and can walk on two feet and shoot a gun. It's to take care of the military community which includes able-bodied, people with disabilities, their family members, all people in the military community. Therefore, that promotes inclusion. Whenever I'm dealing with a group of people at work who aren't quite sure why accessibility is kind of important, I always bring them back to our mission statement and remind them for us to be successful at the mission will require us to include everyone, and that includes people with disabilities.

Over 30 years ago Patrick graduated from college. This is 1987, this is before ADA, and USAA reached a hand out and asked me if I would like a job. I went to USAA asking for an internship and they turned me down. They said, we're not going to give you an internship, not interested. We just want to hire you. What a forward looking company in 1987 to hire me and several other people way back then, and it just keeps growing. At USAA we have an ERG for our veteran community. They put on very interesting activity once a year called Zero Day which allows us to reenact the first day military members joined the armed forces which includes getting up at 4:00 a.m., going out on a soccer field, doing calisthenics and finishing it up with a 1.5 mile jog. When I first heard about the people doing this -- this was about five years ago -- I wasn't very active. I was used to sitting behind a computer. I saw them doing this, and I thought these people are crazy. Three years ago, I finally had that epiphany where if I didn't do something, I was going to get ill and I better start exercising. I started working out a little bit. One day they announced this zero day activity again and I said I need to test USAA's ability to be inclusive. I'm going to raise my hand and ask if I can do this. Guess what? They said yes. Oh, boy, did I get in trouble a lot by those sergeants. I continue five years later, continue going around the company testing us for inclusion. I must say I'm very impressed with what the inclusiveness that I see, and on those rare occasions when Patrick doesn't see enough inclusion, people are always interested in hearing from him how we can be more inclusive to

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fill the holes where we have some inclusion gaps. It's always exciting because we are so into inclusion.

Just a quick known about USBLN. Remember I told you I was going to tell you stories. Last year, my first year, I must thank Frances West who got me interested and allowed me to come here. Last year I'm starting the USBLN journey. They announce, does anyone have an accessibility concern. I'm dumb. I raise my hand. Someone comes over and asking, what's your problem. I tell them, I'm having trouble getting into my hotel room. This is the Marriott, I thought they were inclusive. That key, I don't know which way to stick it in there. Within about 30 minutes, they said show up at the registration desk and we'll mark it for you. They did and everything was great. I forgot all about that until yesterday when I showed up at the Ritz and go to check in, and I give them my name and I ask for my keys. The lady says, by the way, Patrick, make sure you see here, we marked your key, slide the key in this way and you'll have no problems. Talk about inclusion and they remembered. I'm so impressed with the Marriott Corporation and the Ritz staff. Marriott knows how to be inclusive. Almost three years ago, I founded USAA's diversity business group, also known outside USAA as an employee resource group called due Nam miss. It's creek and stands for powerful, capable, mighty and able to do anything. It promotes the full engagement of people with disabilities and we are now over 3,100 in size and we continue to grow. My biggest problem right now is reminding people that you can join our group and you don't have to have a disability. That's my biggest problem. People think you've got to be disabled to join. Talking about testing inclusion, through our work with Dunamis, I got the honor to meet our CEO and had a 30-minute meeting with him about issues I wanted to work on. One of them was a top-down message which I'm sure a lot of you know about. I had the opportunity to sit with him in his office and chat about things we could improve upon. I went out on a limb and asked him a question. I said, would you mind, Mr. Parker, would you consider going under blindfold for half a day and experience what it's like to be blind at USAA. He was very honest with me. He said, Patrick, let me think about that. He thought about that. Two months later at our enterprise-wide D&I summit, he got up on stage and said, Patrick, I finally got a decision on your country you asked me two months ag gee, yes, I'll go under blindfold. He was a smart man. He thought about it for a while. I'd like to let you know in February, Stewart Parker went under blindfold for about six hours, and he had an amazing experience. About a month later, town hall, enterprise-wide, he got me up on stage and talked about it. Talk about a change in our enterprise when our leadership, our CEO talks about inclusion for disabled. Very

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proud of where we're at at USAA. I want to quickly go through a couple things and let you continue on your training. Innovation is very important at USAA. From our new voice-guided deposit and mobile which allows people that are blind to take a picture of a check and deposit it into their banking account. By the way, did you know that the ability to take pictures of checks, you see it on TV, it's old news, right? We invented that over ten years ago and were the first to make it accessible to the blind. This year we had a big innovation challenge for accessibility, to try to make beautiful navigation a priority at USAA. I'm very proud to say that we've got backing now to start working on prototypes of an indoor navigation system for all employees. The office building I work in is 5 million square feet. Finding conference rooms, whether you're blind or sighted, is a challenge. We're realized solving problems for people who are disabled a lot of times solves problems for everyone. So why not just do it.

USAA, like I said, is big into technology, and we are growing. We need people from all backgrounds, from business people to IT folks, if you would be interested in an internship or working full time for USAA, please reach out and look at our career page USAA.com. I'll be here through the conference through noon. I invite you to chat with me. I'd love to talk with you and learn more about your experience at USBLN, or if I can be of any assistance to you, I'd be happy to talk to you. Thank you very much.

[ Applause ]. >> JILL HOUGHTON: Thank you, Patrick and thank you USAA.

You're going to have lots of people hunting you do, especially, wow, this growth of telecommuting is awesome. So, are we ready? Come on, we're ready! I want to do two things that aren't on the agenda. Then I'm going to introduce the woman that makes all the magic happen. I want to acknowledge that we have Camille Chang Gilmore in the room. Camille is the VP of human resources, cardiac -- hold on. Interventional cardiology, chief diversity officer, Boston Scientific. She is our Rising Leaders track chair. I wanted to call out Camille up here. You're going to get to know her. I want to call out that in the very back and to my right in the far corner we have Andy Imparato, from AUCD. Andy -- if you don't know him, you need to know him. He's a man of the people, a leader. He used to work for Senator Harkin. He was the former CEO of AAPD. A real rock star and friend to the USBLN, in the back corner. For those of you that haven't been with us, we are filled with alumni in this room and corporate partners coming out of our ears, in addition to 110 Rising Leaders. I get to introduce the woman that makes it all happen, Keri Gray, the director of our Rising Leaders initiative. Do you love her? Give her some love.

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[ Applause ] >> KERI GRAY: I know you're seeing a lot of me. I'm so

excited for this meal because I think many of you know some important conversations, important relationships are formed over dinner, and so I get to introduce the person who is training us today. We have Ms. Christine Lancaster. So Christine Lancaster teaches and trains students, professionals, executives and interested individuals in business etiquette, international protocol and fine dining seminars. Her participants learn the value of proper etiquette and protocol as well as bringing civil and dignity to their interactions with others. Ms. Lancaster graduated from the protocol school of Washington in October of 2000 and is certified to teach business etiquette and diplomats. She's taught numerous students, professionals and administrators at Clarkston university, State University of New York and saint Lawrence university. She has trained senior corporate executives and sales representatives in small businesses. She's traveled overseas with private clients, training in some of Europe's finest hotels and restaurants. I'm so excited. I had a conversation with her earlier. She's absolutely amazing. You're going to love this dinner. Real talk. Welcome, Ms. Christine Lancaster.

[ Applause ]. >> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: I'm in awe of this audience. I've

been here for about 48 hours. You take my breath away. Thank you so much for investing in yourself this evening, for tools that will not only help you be a better dinner partner, but also you get to be a better hostess. You get to take better care of people that enter your home. It's a real privilege to be here. I am humbled by your own greatness, truly. I left the room last night thinking I have just left a room full of almost 100 people that are nothing but committed to each other's success. I am committed to yours. I will tell you stories throughout the evening while you're eating, I'm going to be telling personal stories and the value of what knowing this information does. So I hope you enjoy your meals. I will coach you on how to begin, how to address each course. And then if you don't mind, I will tell you personal stories, some very embarrassing about myself. But all, just know that knowing this makes a difference.

As we begin our meal, there is an appropriate way to enter the chair. This is true for men and women. I fell in love with this fabulous man, John Lancaster over 34 years ago. John is a paraplegic. So he does not enter the chair this way, and clever for him, he brings his own chair to the table. When able, you're to enter where the left side of your hip entering the right side of the chair. So you would go, in down.

Next, we're going to take a look at the map of how this

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evening is going to go by looking at your place setting. Don't be daunted by two knives, two forks, because each has a purpose. Once you remove napkin from the tabletop, it never touches the tabletop again until you're leaving the restaurant. If you must leave the table during the meal, you would simply put your napkin on your chair, shove your chair in. In a very fine restaurant. I've been to Emeril Lagasse's restaurant with John in New Orleans. It was very nice. You come back to the table and there's a fresh napkin. I immediately felt among my own. I will tell you that was -- John was a holdout taking my etiquette course. He just thought he was very smart and very clever and really who needs to know that. After watching a blender for a couple of years after doing this course, I said it's really time you do this course. We go to Nola's and he takes my hand and goes, babe, I got it. They treat you differently when you're really well behaved at the dining table, don't they? Yes, they do. This is a dinner course. We are using dinner napkins. Once you take the napkin off, because it's dinner, you'll leave the napkin folded in half, and the fold will go at your waist. You will find that useful should you have to remove something from your mouth that you just know should not go down. I'm also going to begin the evening with a general toast, and this way everyone gets to drink. We're toasting the evening, a very engaging evening. There will be two people walking around with a microphone. Any time you have a question, interrupt and ask. Nothing is too stupid to ask about. We will all lift our glasses, take a sip, the evening has begun.

Ladies, blot your lipstick before you go to the table. Best not to leave a mark of lipstick on the glass if you can avoid that. Now, also handbags. What do you do with your handbag? Dorothea Johnson who is the founder of the Protocol School of Washington, D.C., a very exquisite behaving woman said, you should go to dinner with a small handbag. It remains on your lap. Now, in a business setting, that's quite different. If it is a large handbag, first of all, you want it out of the way of the server. Dorothea was having lunch in Washington, D.C. and a young man left his briefcase to the side. The server tripped over the briefcase, the lunch went all over everywhere but the table. So anything that you are bringing to the table, make sure it's out of the way of the server. If we look at the place setting, we realize we have a salad course to come. We then have a main course to come. The wonderful thing this evening are the two spoons at the top. You'll be learning how to remove a strawberry with the greenery on top, cut the greenery off and have it go to your mouth, hopefully. If you don't do it right this evening, there's nothing wrong with that. I make mistakes all the time. But I'm giving you the tools. We will be dining continently this

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evening, which means the knife and the fork will be in your hand -- most of the evening. For people that are right-handed, the fork will go in your left hand. Put the end of the fork in the palm of your hand. The index finger goes along the spine of the fork. I'd like you to kind of go like this. The you feel the power? Feel that power. When it's getting a little flimsy and awkward, remind your, bottom of the fork in the palm of your hand, finger along the index -- excuse me -- index finger along the spine of the fork and get that power back and control. The knife will be in your right hand. Again, base in the palm of your hand. Index finger on the spine, and can you feel it? You now have control. Basically you're going to stab with the fork. It goes in tines down. Cut the piece with the knife. It will enter your mouth tines down. I prefer continental dining for many reasons. That reason is because it slows you down. It takes 20 minutes for your head to know your stomach is full. We Americans are not known for our fine dining skills. We are not. We are not. Justin Dart sent my husband John Lancaster and myself to Paris to work with a small committee where the United Nations. We walk into this room on the Champs-Elysees, and I know I'm saying that improperly probably, but they had the salads already in place. John rolls in. He gets to the place setting, he starts playing with the salad. From the republic of Czech, the gentleman goes, and you're the Americans. Yes, we are. There's value in waiting until your host begins the meal. You're Rising Leaders. The information you learn this evening become leaders at your next dining table. Know that all the food passes to the right. Many a family dinner there's been collisions in my home. And occasionally I will still stand up and go, stop the madness. Let's just stop it. You will pass to the right.

Now, I married John Lancaster 34 -- 33 years ago. John, being a paraplegic that he is, John had also been married twice. Not long each time, and he asked me to marry him and there wasn't a doubt in my mind to say yes, but then I kept thinking perhaps there's something about disability I don't understand. That's perhaps bigger than a bread box for this relationship. I rented a wheelchair for a week. John would go off to work -- he was executive director of the governor's office on issues of disability for Maryland. I cheated a lot. When I would cheat, something inside me said, you'll have new patience for all of this. Love was so great. The love was to great. So that's a little story on my love story which continues, by the way.

So the meal is beginning, we are ready for salad. I would like to tell you my personal story now while the salad is being served. I'm not a college graduate. I grew up in incredibly deep poverty. There was no running water, no flushing toilet. When people make the comment, oh, God, who lives in that tar paper

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shack, that was me. That was me. Friends didn't really want to come to my house. They didn't quite know what to do with an outhouse. My parents did -- people say, oh, it must have been so dysfunctional and awful. No, my parents loved us, but they did not know. They had eighth grade educations. They had love for their children. They didn't know how to tell their children education is a freedom out of this poverty. Poverty is my passion. Issues of inclusion, disability, are my passion.

Not long ago, Tavis Smiley and Dr. Cornell West did a poverty tour across this country. Clarkson University is in my back yard. They have an incredible diversity department. I went to them and said, let's bring Dr. West to Clarkson University. He came. He gave an incredible speech about poverty, and I gave a reception for him. I said, I grew up in such poverty. He looked at me and he held me, and he looked into my eyes and he said, and you didn't choose that, did you? No, I did not choose that. That's how I grew up. That is not who I am. I had the obligation, though, to pass on all tools in life that I know, to eliminate what seems to be a class system that I always had in my head, people with manners, you must have come from this incredibly wealthy home, my goodness. John told me -- we were going to the White House to have tea with Barbara Bush and the Queen of Sweden. I had already been to the governor's house. This little girl from Slate Hill Road that sat on the steps of her parent's home, I told my parents, some day I'm going to call you from the White House. They told me they had thought their next call was to be, she needs help very badly.

I started crying and told John, I can't do that, I don't know how to behave in that situation. Bless his heart. He said, I knew you were going to have that meltdown. I do have meltdowns once in a while, but he knew this one was coming. He said, I have a number for you to call. It was the state department of protocol. How many of you have ever been on the phone with someone that you could swear on the other end of this phone is an angel? I was crying and said, I'm just not going to go. He told me I should call this number, but I'm really not going to go. She said not going for you is not an option. What she said was, I will tell you what to wear don't to the color of your hose. I will tell you how to greet Mrs. Bush, the Queen of Sweden. You don't have to worry. It's before 5:00. You don't have to curtsey. Thank God, my hand and eye coordination is really not all that good. So the conversation was -- she was fabulous. At the end of the conversation, I said to her, I want to ask you, where did you go to know what you know? She said, I went to the Protocol School of Washington, D.C. I said, I promise you that will be my next call. I will give this information to everyone so that that playing field and mystery around manners can be removed. This is

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learned behavior. I'm looking at the finest and the brightest, the most successful people in these corporations, you are world leaders. As I said, I'm not a college graduate, but I am smart enough to sit with you, behave beautifully and listen to everything I could possibly learn from you. Was that great? Thank you. He just made me look so good.

By the way, 45% of humanity is uncomfortable socially. That's a given. 75% of humanity is uncomfortable when you're in a room with strangers. I've been teaching manners 20 years, and I have to tell you, my heart is beating so fast, I can't believe that microphone isn't picking it up.

But I also wanted to teach manners in a different way, as in the real world. I've been with many presenters that, they deliver the information. I want to give you the stories because that's real life stories. By the way, we went to the White House. What the young lady did not tell me was the secret service goes through your handbag. Now, this will come up a few times during the evening. I told you I grew up with no running water and no flush toilet, right? I'm fascinated with flushers. I'm fascinated. I love going to beautiful bathrooms. I see the most extraordinary people in bathrooms. And I make extraordinary requests in the bathroom. I'm in the Willard Hotel in Washington, D.C. If you're familiar with Helen Thomas, she was the senior White House correspondent for seven presidents. In the front row, the red dress, willing to ask the hard questions. Now -- okay. I do get a little star-struck and all the manners seem to float out of my head. So I was in awe. It's Helen Thomas. She's washing her hands. I go, oh, my God, it's you. It's you. I just went -- I just want to say thank you so much for asking all those difficult questions, but in such a way I know what you're asking and you're requiring them to answer. Thank you so much. Those of you that know Helen Thomas, she looked at me and goes "who are you? Who are you?"

I asked boldly. I said I'm Christine Lon Castor from Potsdam New York, I'm on the board of State University of New York, would you ever considering coming to to be commencement speaker? That fast, that fast. I knew I had a window. She looked at me and said, of course I would. Okay. I thought it was of course like, okay, let's meet for lunch on Tuesday, and I'll never call you to give you the time. No. I wrote a letter to Helen Thomas and she stayed in my home for three days, three days. We're sitting on the deck at our home, and she said you can ask me anything you want, but I get to ask you about the wheelchair ramp. It was during President Clinton's impeachment. There were a few questions. But there were also -- I said, what was your low moment as a senior White House correspondent? It was the day I had to cover Caroline Kennedy's hamster was missing. She said it

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was an all-time low. But she said, now I get to ask about the wheelchair ramp. I said my fabulous husband, John Lancaster, a Vietnam Veteran, came home in a wheelchair. This is a woman that immediately started crying and said, a low time in our country, a low time.

She also told me to always stand in your own authenticity. My grammar is not always perfect. My intelligence, as I said, not as a college graduate, but life experiences that always seem to amaze me, and I've learned how grace gets you through so much, but to be honest, etiquette is the art of making everyone around you feel comfortable. To that I add, but don't sell out your values. Someone at your table is telling a joke that's so inappropriate, some people laugh to survive the moment. They don't know what to do with that. I've learned that doing nothing is a very powerful response. Great power in the pause. Protocol are the rules around that. For instance, meeting the queen of Sweden before 5:00, don't curtsey, that's a rule. Meeting the Duke and Duchess of York in London -- she was flirting with my husband, to be honest. She was. There were hundreds of people in that room, and she was talking -- the Duchess of York, she never took her eyes off my husband, to the point where the whole room went, who is he? She came over and said to him, I feel I just had to meet you, you look like such a character. Being John, the loving husband he is, he said, actually, she's the character in the family.

Are salads all in place? Does anyone not have a salad at this point? We're good. I'm going to show you how to do the salad now continental style. Stories to come. So you are going to -- again, have your fork in your hand, Tines down, knife in your right hand. If this is too uncomfortable for anyone, if you are a left-handed person, simply switch hands. The important thing at this point is get the food to your mouth as easily as possible. So you're going to stab with the fork. I find shoving with the knife is a good thing. It enters your mouth tines down. When dining continently, your wrist will always remain on the table. That is something that began in the 1700s. They wanted to make sure you didn't have weapons up the sleeve. I think they're thinking of reinstating that rule in places myself. You keep the knife in your right hand. -- I had. You had to to do the state department dinner part. It wasn't easy, but they added something, fresh peas, unfair, unkind. It takes practice, but this is the place, even if your food falls, please give it a go this evening, give it a go. It's nice because it stops the flurry of activity. With American-style dining, you're cutting with the fork, you're putting the knife on the plate. Then you're switching the fork to the right hand or to the left hand. There's a flurry of activity.

Camille just asked a great question. What do you do if you

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drop something? You would simply fold your napkin over what's there, don't forget to do the fold, because otherwise it could stain your dress. If it's an olive with a pit, it could roll. People can slip. Does anyone need more help, that I could walk around and assist?

>> [ Off mic ]. >> You would keep your knife in your hand all the time. The

fold should be at your waist. >> I had a question. If you need to put down the fork or the

knife at some point, where do you put it? >> I would love to tell you. Because you don't want to have

those instruments in your hand every second. So this is a valuable piece of information for you. You never want the server to become part of your evening. So what you're learning is the silent service code. What you do is simply cross the blade of the knife going toward you, and the fork with tines down and making an X on your plate, just like Camille. Like a kiss, perfect, perfect.

>> Christine, we have a question down here. >> When entering a restaurant with cloth napkins, if you

forgot to take gum out of your mouth, what's the proper way to dispose of the gum.

>> If you've already gone gotten to the restaurant and forgot to take the gum out, what's the proper way to take it out?

>> Thumb and forefinger, out, to the napkin or the side of the plate.

>> I'm just curious. Am I doing this correctly, and what's wrong with doing it this way? Is this just not proper when I'm done evening? Is it not polite or does it mean I'm not satisfied with my salad course? What does it mean if I leave my silverware this way?

>> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: It has nothing to do with your satisfaction of the food. What you're doing is letting the server know you're just resting, you are not done with your salad when it is like this. Also, you never need to eat everything on your plate if you don't want to.

Now, there is another position. >> For food you can't stab, are you supposed to take the

knife and put it on top of the fork, or should you turn it over -- can you turn it over?

>> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: If you can't get it on the back of the fork, quietly turn it over.

>> How are you supposed to hold the fork to turn it over, like that?

>> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: Yes. There is a position I will tell you now that is how to tell the server you are done with your salad. I want you to picture 10:00, picture 10:00. Picture 20

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minutes after 10 on the clock. So the fork tines down. The end of the fork would go at 10:00. The base of the fork would be at 4:00. Yes, parallel, the knife, with the blade facing the fork. 10:20 on the clock. What you've just told the server without even speaking to him is, I have finished my salad.

Picture yourself at an interview situation, you do not want that conversation with the server to be part of your meal.

I would like to go over the resting position, resting position. You just told the server, please don't take that salad. I'm not done. That is picturing a big X on top of your salad. That means don't take it. I'm not done. If a server comes to take your salad, even though you have the X, take a stand. No thank you, I am not done. I'm resting. When you have finished your salad again, picture 10:20 on a clock, where the top of your fork would be tines down at 10:00, the base would go at 4:00. Your knife would be parallel. Does anyone need me to come over and share that with you? Raise your hand if you need me to come. I am like Mrs. Doubtfire. Help is on the way.

This is saying you're resting, not done with the salad. This you told the server you're done.

>> Christine? >> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: By the way, if it's not 10:20,

you're close enough. Yes. >> Hi, Christine. I just have a question. You told us how to

use a fork and knife, how to tell the server I'm done and how to tell the server to take the plate. What happens if you want more? Do you put it to the side?

>> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: You're asking for seconds on the salad, aren't you? That was very diplomatic. Impressive actually. I'm sorry. There are no seconds to the salad. You're done. I can see this. I can see this happening now. You are done. You are so done. We're going to go like that. Now, you must remember there are little cafes here, so you can always go afterward if you're still hungry. It's important to remember, this is not your last meal. What is also important is when you're going to an interview situation, I told you my hand and eye coordination is not great. Probably ordering the twirl spaghetti is not good for me, but you could order shells, accommodate yourself. Because a lot of times, when you're having a dinner like this, there are many people to be served. There are budgets involved. Time is an issue, too. So what we are doing is serving three courses, which is really quite enough. Remember I told you, it takes 20 minutes for your head to know your stomach is full. Now, my husband John would argue with that.

Did you notice we have not had bread yet? >> Yes, we did. >> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: I love it. Yes. I know you're

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hungry. But you know what? It's really improper to sit down at a restaurant and start eating the bread. I know, disappointing, disappointing. The bread is to be served with the main course. How many times have you ordered -- well, you sit down at the restaurant, you get your beverage, they bring the bread. You haven't even looked at the menu yet and you're starving. So you're ordering a lovely meal. You've just ordered the perfect meal. But now you've started eating the bread. It could be 20 minutes before your dinner comes. 20 minutes, ate the bread. Ooh, feeling a little full, and now I've got all this food coming. Treat yourself, be patient. It's worth the wait. It's worth the wait. Now, when the bread does come -- this was very disappointing to John, too. By the way, I tell stories about him all the time, but I do have his permission to do that. On the really bad ones, though, I just say "a friend." So when the bread does come, if it is in a bread basket, one of the Rising Leaders at the table, take the basket and start passing to the right. You've just shown people you're quite savvy. The bread will go to your bread plate. The butter, when that comes, the butter if it's a pat of butter, you put that pat on the bread plate, and the debris. Aye yai yai, the debris. Everything is wrapped. Everything is wrapped. You've got the sweet and low wrapper, the bread wrapper. I'm old school. I'd prefer, just pass the butter plate and let's put the butter on the plate. Unwrap the butter, the pat would go on your plate, but also so would the wrapper.

Also, you do not get to cut the roll in half, butter both sides so at a moment's notice you can get it here, no. You butter one bite at a time, and you don't get to move your bread plate, like I am so hungry, this is such a reach, my God, I don't know if I'm can make it, I'm moving this plate here. No, no. Your bread plate remains where it is. You break it off. You butter one bite. It enters your mouth. Can you see how it slows you down? It does. But the beauty of being slowed down, you get to have incredible conversations with each other. Remember the day when we would sit with each other, look at each, have conversation instead of looking at our devices and tapping in? Really. There's so much to be said for civility and the human contact. People tell me all the time, don't you love the digital age? I do. It's wonderful technology. At your company, look at the miracles that happen with technology. Patrick, you shared some of those things. American Airlines, you move people all over the world all day. It's wonderful technology, but I've seen the human price. We've stopped talking to each other. You should be making eye contact in a conversation 40 to 60% of the time to who you are talking to. When you are low vision or blind, make that 100%. You want to follow the noise and the voice so you can stay engaged. No worries. But this can go creepy fast. It can go very creepy. It

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can. Hello, Daniel. How are you? I want to show you how it can go creepy so fast. You should also be making about 12 to 15 inches between the person you're talking to. Daniel, would you be willing to share with me this experience? Good evening, Daniel. It was nice to meet you today.

>> Nice to meet you as well. >> And where are you working? >> I am going to San Francisco State. >> Oh, nice. Daniel, are you feeling the creepy? >> A little bit. >> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: Step away. I use my elbow, I start

here and go to here. If it's more than 12 inches, that's fine with me. That's fine. I was at a cocktail party in Washington. A very significant person came up and he was getting closer and closer, and I kept going yes, and he kept going yes. Sir, I hear no music. We are not dancing now. Not now. It's an uncomfortable feeling really. Salads can be removed at this time.

By the way, don't shove your plate away when you're done. You know how some people want that plate, get it right out of my sight. I'm done with this. Take this now. That's fine when you're alone, but when you're with others, it's respectful to keep it in place until all have finished.

>> This might be a silly question, but during these formal dinners or formal dinner meetings, how do we ask to excuse ourself from the table to go to the restroom or if I have to leave for some other reason, how do I go about doing that?

>> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: Fabulous question. What do you do if you have to leave the table during the meal? What do you do if you have to leave the table during the meal? Can you hear? Can you hear me now? What do you do if you have to leave the table during the meal? You would simply put your napkin on the chair, shove your chair in, and what you did is more of the silent service code. You just told the server, they're not leaving the restaurant. Also, if there is a speaker or you're in the middle of the entree meal, you could say to the person on your right or left, I'll come back, I'm coming back, don't let them take my plate or it's fine to have the plate gone.

>> If you're in a wheelchair, what do you do with your napkin?

>> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: Fabulous question. My husband and I have come to the decision, you would grab your napkin in the middle and lay it to the left of your fork. Don't be surprised if they have a fresh one for.

No, no back of chair. >> I have a question about food allergies. I'm gluten free.

I'm gluten free. So I usually have to ask if it's gluten free. If the bread isn't grew ten free, I don't eat it. If the bread is

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being passed, when is the appropriate time for me to ask. Is it appropriate for me to not take the bread, is it that offensive?

>> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: You're always welcome to ask the server when they're delivering the bread basket. If they are unsure, try to remember it's not your last meal and just pass on the bread.

>> So it's not impolite to not take something, though? >> Not impolite at all. >> We have a question about when you're at like a luncheon

with a potential employer. Who orders first and what do you do if they don't order a salad but you would like a salad?

>> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: Would you say the first part again, please? This is a great question.

>> So you're at a luncheon with a potential employer. Who orders first?

>> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: Who asked who to lunch? >> Good question. >> Let's say the employer invited you to lunch. We'll do

both scenarios. I invited this whole table to lunch. >> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: This is very valuable because the

potential employee may not know, number one, what is good at this restaurant, number two, how much money should I have them spend on my lunch. You should find out from human resources first, do they pay for your lunch or shall I have to pay for my lunch and get reimbursed from you. So I would say, you should ask the employer, what do you recommend? Also, if she says I recommend the shrimp cocktail, oh, appetizer. You could let them know I'm having that or they already know you ordered an appetizer. If you don't know the same appetizer, you know the price point of an appetizer you can get. If it's your first interview, don't break the bank.

>> What if we are in a situation that we have to serve ourselves, is it okay to put the salad and the main meal on the same plate? If you're in a situation where we have to serve ourselves, is it okay to put the salad and the main meal on the same plate?

>> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: Yes, definitely is okay. >> Why are the bread and butter on opposite sides of the

table -- why is the bread and the butter on opposite sides of the table?

>> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: Design flaw, just make sure both get passed. Thank you so much. That is a great question. Occasionally when you go to a fine restaurant, the bread and butter will -- excuse me, the butter will already be on your bread plate, too.

>> I had a question. Oftentimes I will see people, gentlemen, who will -- okay. I won't even ask.

>> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: Gentlemen and ladies, don't ever do

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this. My husband, my husband, he'd always do this. No. We do not need bibs. It's okay with lobster. They put a bib on you. It's kind of like, like returning to familiar territory. You can be very childlike. No flipping of the tie, no.

>> So I have a question about sharing meals. So how do you do that if you're at an etiquette dinner.

>> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: Sharing meals has become very popular. Are you referring to ordering a meal to share? Would you please ask your question again? It's a great question.

>> Can everyone please quiet down. >> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: Brilliant. >> Okay. Thank you. So my question was, if you order a meal

and you want to share it or if two people order two meals and they want to split them, how do you do that if you're at an etiquette dinner?

>> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: Fabulous question. First of all, let's start with the scenario you've ordered -- you've each ordered a meal, and now you want to taste -- oh, my God, I want to taste what's on your plate. Please, please, may I touch your fork? Please don't do this, may I take some of that? No, no, it's mine.

But what is appropriate, you could always take your bread plate and pass it over and say would you share a piece of that with me. When you want to share a meal and you know straight away that you want to share a meal, I have no problem saying to the server, please divide that meal in the kitchen. That way it will save me from ruining your table cloth. Is that helpful? Good, good. Microphone coming.

>> Okay. So I'm wondering if what I did when I first ordered -- thank you. I'm wondering if what I did when I ordered my meal is impolite. I ordered a hot tea at the beginning of my meal. Is that impolite?

>> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: Of course not. >> So you can have it with a teapot and everything. >> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: Yes. >> What's the proper way to hold a teacup, is it supposed to

be like this? >> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: The important thing is don't put

your pinky out. >> I thought it was supposed to be out. >> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: No, no, no. >> Like this? >> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: That counts. That's good. >> Should I hold it with two hands? >> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: You just did it fine. >> Or should I go like this. >> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: Whatever way makes it get to your

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mouth comfortably. It's always good to put the tea bag in the pot.

>> I have a question. For men with dress coats and ties, where should they be on the meal? Should they be on the chair or tie down in front?

>> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: Tie should be down in front. >> Underneath the napkin? >> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: Your napkin is in the perfect place,

yes. You must be careful. >> Does the coat go on back of the chair? >> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: Regarding wearing a jacket --

please, if we could lower the volume, voices, that would be great. What do you do with a jacket if you're a gentleman? Is it appropriate to hang it on the back of a chair? The etiquette rule is you would not remove your jacket if your host has not. You would not remove your jacket unless your hostess has. When you're going to a place and you're not sure of what to wear, too late to call human resources or anywhere else, dress up, don't dress down.

I believe the entree has been served. Do all have the entree.

>> Chris, we have one more question. >> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: Yes, Maggie. Of course. >> I think you answered my question. But I was wondering,

once everyone at the table has been served, how do you begin eating?

>> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: You're Rising Leaders. It's all right to begin the meal, once everyone at the table has been served. It's also all right to have your bread now. Enjoy that bread, one bite at a time.

Once your table has been served, feel free to begin eating. >> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: I know have more stories. As I told

you, again, low voices, please. I live in Potsdam, New York. I'm a person who asks boldly. At Potsdam College of New York, part of that college is Crane School of Music, one of the finest music schools in the country, one of our prides -- we've graduated four of the metropolitan divas. Renee Fleming, Stephanie Blythe. Stephanie Blythe who has become a dear friend, Maggie Lattimer, music theater, Lisa Broman. Every one of these Alums that I have mentioned come back to my village, my college to give master classes to some of the finest opera students in the country free, because they believe in the arts. They believe it's their time in life to pass on the information they have, to help people network, to do exactly what's happening here. Networking is a beautiful tool. As I told you. I was the first board member that is a non-college graduate because I was asked -- because I love asking boldly. I'm committed to the success of every student

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seeking a higher education and those that are not, I will help you find the career you want and put you in touch with the person that can help you achieve your goal. So remember how I met Helen Thomas in the bathroom? Rent any Fleming was visiting. I'm not an opera aficionado. I don't know composers really well. I don't even know what they're saying when they're singing. But I am wise enough to know, these voices are a gift and you learn to love the music, the music. Renee Fleming is in the bathroom. I said to her, I would love to give you, when you return to this college, I promise you, I will give you a reception and invite my entire community. I will pay for everything. So my community does not have to buy their way in to hear your voice. She said I'll do it. A year later I was -- Stephanie Blythe, a graduate of Crane School of Music. She's a very full-figured girl. When she went to Crane School of Music she was bullied very badly because of her weight. She was going to be an English teacher. She joined the Crane chorus, and then the bullying kept coming, and it kept coming Stephanie would go to her room, let's not tell the world this. Stephanie would smoke pot in her room trying to just get out of the bullying. So her English professor knocked down the door and said you would always be interested in English. You love literature, but your voice, Stephanie, your voice is a gift to the world. He got her in to Crane. Stephanie was one of the youngest college graduates, undergraduates that was hired by the metropolitan opera like that. She is amazing. I told you I don't know a lot about opera, but she's become a dear friend. When she came to town, she spent a month in my home, I was running a tourist home. I would wake up every morning listening to this, A-A-A-A. I won't go any further. Stephanie, we were having breakfast anti a month ago where Maggie and Larry stayed when they graced our village. She said, Christine, stop apologizing for no college education, stand in your own authenticity and give these tools away. It was in that moment -- I'm telling a story on myself. I just turned 70. Do you know at 70 years old, at that very instant Stephanie said that, I felt, I am worthy. It's all about encouraging each other, bring the best out in each other in being yourself, just being yourself. I sometimes am in awe John Lancaster married me. Frankly, ladies, there was a line. There was a line. But I also know how committed he is to my success. It's been a match made in heaven. John is on the board of an organization called handicap international. In 2011, handicap international won the Conrad Hilton humanitarian award for their work in the world. I encourage you to Google that non-profit. They make a difference in 70 different locations around the world. This also got us invited to the philanthropy forum where the award was given in California.

>> So when you're meeting a royal, you would never extend

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your hand first. Remember, I told you you're at a social advantage when you extend your hand first giving your first and last name. Perhaps going over to someone standing alone at a reception. They may have social anxiety. You can give them an emotional gift. So you're being bold, you're walking over. It's Christine Lancaster, extend my hand. In turn, they will give their first and last name. All of a sudden you're in conversation. You just gave someone a gift. You may find out something about that person you don't want to miss. So we're at the philanthropy forum. I'm very excited because there is a princess there. Former princess of Pakistan. Who oversees orphanages in the world. Again, very excited, very excited. Walk right up, extend my hand. You know what Dorothea said, Dorothea Johnson, the founder of the Protocol School of Washington, she said when you put your hand out and they don't, keep moving, keep moving. I kept moving, I kept moving. I broke a rule. I broke a rule.

The following year we were invited back to the philanthropy forum. She came up to me, extended her hand. I thought how kind, how kind. I wanted to tell you, let's never do public shaming to each other, please, please. You're going to remember people in your life for good reasons and for bad reasons. I ask you to be the encourager.

My high school years were very, very painful. Painful not because I was not a good student or didn't want to learn. I was so distracted by the bullying, I didn't want to go to school anymore. It was too painful. I've met royalty. I've been in the presence of presidents. I'm so humbled to be doing that. I'm moved to tears most of the time. But if you ask me right now, I can remember lots of things. I remember lots of people who I will never forget are the name of the three people that made me cry every day in the eighth grade. Your words matter. Make them count. There are many things in life that may break your heart, bring to you to your knees. But let's not do that to each other. That's my little rant about that. Yes, Patrick. The spoon? We haven't gotten there yet. The spoons are your dessert treasure. You're just going to have to hold out. I'm sorry.

My husband is on the board -- quiet voices, please. My husband is on the board at the United States Institute of Peace. For many years I thought the only thing we had were war colleges. Washington, D.C. now houses the most beautiful Institute of Peace. A brief story. You have to be vetted. He was appointed by president Obama to be on that board. You must be vetted. The vetting process was one year. They go back so far, you would president even believe it.

The FBI came to Potsdam New York, they spoke to the people we gave them as reference to, they spoke to people we did not. At

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one point Agent Alvarez said -- we had a wonderful apartment in Hanoi Vietnam from 2000 to 2004. It was at the time John Kerry was running for the presidency of the United States. John went to the American Press Club. My husband does enjoy a glass of wine or two or three. An Associated Press person walked over to him and said, we would like to know what you think of President Bush. My husband shared fully. He shared very fully.

The next thing you know, there was an article in "The Buffalo News," "The Washington Post" about John's opinion. Agent Alvarez said to him, regarding the conversation you had in Hanoi in President Bush, is there anything you would like to say ability that? He said I stand by every word.

When you are using your e-mails, social media, I can't tell you this too many times, clean up your Facebooks. Make sure before you hit that send button it's something you're willing to explain. Make sure.

A young man after one of my tutorials said, wow, I think if somebody read my e-mail, they might think I'm a bigot. What can I do about that now? Nothing. I think you owe a few people apologies and clean it up. Humanity is going to screw up in life. We're human beings, but how you clean it up is everything. Own it. Learn from it. Learn the lesson, share the lesson and move on. It's a way to keep growing, keep evolving. Changing your opinion does not make you flip-floppy. What it does is may say you're a person willing to listen to a side of a conversation that changes everything. It takes a mature person to admit that, grow where that and share that same lesson with others.

>> We have a question. Is it okay if we ask now. >> Good evening, Christine. >> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: Good evening. >> A question that came up from other people at the table

and myself, how would one insert sugar into -- you may have covered this, also, but stirring the sugar. Is that appropriate and how would you stir the sugar?

>> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: Oh, gosh, we're talking more debris, more wrappers, more wrappers. You would put the sugar in. Actually, you would take one of your dessert spoons to stir it around. It's quite all right. Then you could return the spoon to the saucer, but just know in your head you're going to need that spoon again for some extraordinary act with a strawberry. Any other questions so far?

>> [ Off mic ]. >> What if you have a disability that affects your hands and

you're served chicken for your meal and you have a difficult time cutting it.

>> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: With the knife and the fork, yes. After this evening you know that it's proper to cut it with a

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knife and a fork. But I also say, accommodate yourself. You're in for the fine dining experience. So what works for you. If you need to pick it up and make it work, you're fine.

>> What I've actually done in some of these fine dining experiences, I've asked the server if they can take my meal back and cut it and have it brought out.

>> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: It's the best way. Ask the kitchen to help you. You know what? They want to help you. They want you to come back. Thank you for that question. It reminded me to let people know, it's absolutely all right for you to ask for any assistance you need. They want you to enjoy the dining experience. We don't sit at the table and judge what is happening on each other's plate. That's wrong. That's something different.

If something is sticking between your teeth. Being on the board of the state university part of my role

was to take major donors to beautiful dinners. The extra part of it is it's always all right to ask them for extra money. That was not my strong suit. When it comes to removing something in your mouth that's on your teeth, I boil it down real flat. This is an issue of trust, ladies and gentlemen, an issue of trust.

The woman that was with me that night removed herself to go to the ladies room. We've now had first course, second course. She's in the ladies room, what if she went like this to put lipstick on. Oh, my God, there's first course. She didn't tell me. I say it's an issue of trust. As Dorothea of Johnson would say, perhaps someone has that happening at your table and they don't want to go in the ladies room and you see it happen. What I say is in the spirit of friendship, because God knows I would want someone to tell me, you have salad on your teeth. You have debris on your teeth or around your mouth. Let's commit to each other's success right down to the basics.

>> I wanted to say -- >> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: Quiet voices, please. >> I wanted to ask if you needed to go to the restroom to

take the food from your teeth, you may not know exactly where it is.

>> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: If you take the napkin to your teeth and try to remove it that way, it's wonderful if it comes off. If it does not, I would say it is still there and you'll go to the restroom to remove it, yes.

Are you finding this information valuable? Yes? Good, good. May I ask for quiet voices, please? >> We have a request. Account you hear me? To lower the

voices just a minute. We have some questions I think. If we can, just keep the voices lower so we can hear, we'd appreciate it.

>> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: Before I take the next question, we are coming up upon my

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favorite part of the evening. Once the dessert -- the entree plates are all removed, the dessert arrives. We are now at the point of toasting. This is the point where the toast is given to the guest of honor. So listen very carefully to this. The toast will be given to the guest of honor. The guest of honor is always seated to the right of the host. Once I give that toast, it is the responsibility of the guest of honor to return the toast. It does not have to be to the person that gave it. However, to be a savvy guest at a function, after the toast has been given by the guest of honor, the floor is then open for toasting. I encourage you to do some of that this evening. We do not need reasons to acknowledge each other. We no longer need to be so stingy with that acknowledgment. Acknowledging someone is free. So the hostess will toast the guest of honor, the guest of honor will return the toast. At that time the floor is open for toasting. I encourage you to do that this evening. Also for your information once the dinner -- the evening has ended, I will be outside. I will take your questions for as long as you have them. It's my honor to be in your presence. Get comfortable and used to toasting. It's a valuable thing to know. Now, there's a question I should answer somewhere. Anywhere? We're good? Okay.

This is a great question. -- Patrick, may I put these in the finish position, please. I think they want to take your plate. It's quite all right. I forgive you both.

When it comes to giving a toast, Dorothea Johnson had three great rules, make them sincere. Again, quiet voices, please. Your toast needs to be sin veer. Sincere.

>> A question over here. >> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: They also need to be brief, brief. >> I really should know this, but why is it called the

toast? >> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: I have no idea. >> I'm in good company. >> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: Yes, you are. There are many things

I don't know. >> Ms. Lancaster, what should one do when you don't like the

taste of something that's in your mouth.

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>> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: You would simply bring the napkin to your mouth, dispose of what's in your mouth, into the napkin, but then fold the napkin so you don't want that debris on your dress. Okay?

The third piece of advice from Dorothea who rules my world, her words, don't be humorous, don't be humorous. It takes a really good comedian to do that I think. How many of you have been to a situation, a wedding comes to mind, and they're toasting the bride and groom. All of a sudden, the person giving the toast feels compelled to tell a childhood story that's very embarrassing to either the bride or the groom. Trust me.

Also with a toast, it is impolite to drink to yourself. When I toast the guest of honor, the guest of honor will not drink. If you're uncomfortable having attention on yourself or hearing acknowledgment, this is your moment to let the acknowledgment in, let the acknowledgment in. It's a very powerful feeling. When the toast is given to you, you do not drink. If a toast is given to the entire room, we do not drink. We're being toasted. You can but really you shouldn't:

>> I have a question. At an event like this or another reception type of event, how do you politely ask others to be quiet whether sitting at your table or one nearby?

>> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: You ask loudly. >> That's fair. >> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: You ask loudly. I hope you don't

feel like I'm screaming at you to have quiet voices, but you know what? I'm relatively soft spoken. I feel like I've been screaming at you all night, but it's important you hear my information. Yes.

>> What would be the correct subject matter of the toast? We've gone through the nos but what can be toasted?

>> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: The subject matter of a toast, you can toast an event, an event. If you toasted, not necessarily people in the room, but USBLN, we will all drink. We are attending the event. A person, a person you feel is worthy of acknowledgment. There are good reasons, they will come to you. If you are ever a person that says, wow, I'm not really getting thanked very much, wow, nobody is really appreciating me. I'm really putting a lot out there, too, you know what? You may not be -- you're not hearing acknowledgment at that point even if it's being given. That's not a make from out there. It's a red flag for you to say take a moment, I need to start acknowledging people.

>> [ Off mic ]. >> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: Yes. Goody gumdrops, huh? Here is

where it goes wrong at a wedding. I've been to a few. The bride and groom keep drinking every time someone toasts them. The next

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thing you know it's a wobbly evening. >> KERI GRAY: I'm so sorry. This is Keri. We're going to

have to stop taking additional questions. If you have more questions for Christine, I'm sure she'll be more hand happy to answer after the dinner. But we do have one more section we need to cover. Please, if you have questions, please meet with her right after the dinner. She'll be happy to talk more.

>> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: Thank you so much, Keri. The dessert will come. On top of the dessert, you'll see a

strawberry with greens on the top. This is a fabulous thing if you feel like trying it. You're going to take a spoon and take the strawberry off the top, bring it down to the plate. Your spoons -- one spoon will hold the strawberry in place. The second will be the knife to cut the greenery off. It's a beautiful thing. It really is.

>> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: At this time I would like to raise your glasses, please. I have the privilege -- hello. Quiet voices, please. I have the privilege of toasting our guest of honor this evening, Ms. Camille Chang Gilmore. Your commitment to this organization takes my breath away. One person can make a difference. Your 20 years' experience in human resources, amazing. Human resources are underutilized. People like you bring it to the forefront. Your commitment to inclusion is a remarkable legacy you have. Thank you so much, Camille. We do not clink! No, no, no. The clinking started in the Shakespearean days, but the gosh lets were out of stone and metal and the liquid would pass back and forth so you would know there was no poison. We don't need to do that here.

>> Good evening everyone. Christine, thank you so much for that humbling toast. I'm truly honored to be here and I've learned so much. I'd like to also take the opportunity to provide the toast, and I want to ask everyone to raise their glasses to toast Jill Houghton. At president and CEO of USBLN, Jill embodies what is amazing about this organization. Her creativity, her spirit, her passionate approach to inclusion of people with disabilities is a catalyst for change. Change that is helping companies like Boston Scientific and many others recognize how we drive business performance by leveraging disability inclusion in the workplace. Jill has helped me to understand that the word disability is our own self-created baggage, that it carries with it the expectation of can't when in reality we should embrace the inspiring word within the word which is ability. The ability is not what they or we can't do, but what we can do and will do no matter what the size of the task. The key to assessing willing talent is our ability to judge people to how they perform when they say yes, I can, and yes, I will, because they're not focused on the baggage, but rather their ability. Each day, USBLN

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encourages us to put people on a collision course for our task and our skills, creating the opportunity for each person to say with dignity, yes, I can, yes, I will. And the talent in this room truly demonstrates that.

So join me in a toast to Jill in recognition of her and the team's unwavering dedication to support the advancement of people with physical and non-apparent disabilities as they, too, represent the next generation of leaders. To you, Jill.

>> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: Beautiful. To Jill. >> I'm Kevin Webb, director of Mitsubishi America

foundation. I'd like to offer a toast so some people aren't here and some who are. Rana Elwood hired me at Mitsubishi 12 years ago. She was a mentor to me, among many others in my life, of course. She was a true mentor that taught me about the foundation that I worked for, the company I worked for and interacting with Japanese business executives which dinners usually start much like here, but they kind of develop throughout the evening. That's one piece of advice with a business dinner, is to watch what the hosts do and join with the hosts, not overindulge, but join with what they do and learn from them and make yourself kind of at home with them. That's one of the things she taught me as my mentor. The other thing she taught me, of course, was interacting with the disability community and learning about the disability community introduced me to many, many, many, many wonderful leaders and young leaders. That's one of the things I've really enjoyed working my job, helping young people with disabilities be fully included in society, is meeting young leaders, seeing them develop, seeing them grow into people like several of them here at this table. I won't mention names there. I do want to say thank you to mentors. As Rising Leaders, you've been matched with mentors and I know all of us have had mentors throughout our lives. So mentors.

>> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: The mentors would not drink. We're loving you. We acknowledge you. Thank you.

>> But I would challenge that everybody is a mentor in their own right.

>> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: I stand boldly corrected, sir. It was a pleasure. Thank you for correcting.

>> Good evening. I'm Jenny Lay-Flurrie and I have the privilege of raising a toast to mentees. This one is the most important clearly, everything and all things. That's sarcasm, sorry. Am I allowed to do that at an etiquette dinner. I do think -- I'm a mentee. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the mentors who caught me so much and going into this journey with the right open mind, curiosity and the ability to learn as we go through. You're going to hit bloody obstacles, guys. All of us do. It doesn't matter where you are in your career. I do think

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that learning from the folks in this room and the many, many others you're going to meet in the next few days could not be more critical. So I bow to you for being in this room in the first place, and then for going through this in the way that you are. And I can't wait to meet more of you in the next four days.

Before I raise the glass, can I teach you one British etiquette which is the royal wave? Can we get that right. It's my hand vertically up in the air and you just move, pivoting from the elbow. None of this nonsense, just a direct queenly wave. Perfect. Love it. With that, let's raise your glasses to the mentees. Thank you both.

>> KERI GRAY: Now we have two toasts by our rising leaders. >> Good evening. My name is Trinay Reid. Tonight I would

like to make a toast to everyone within the USBLN and also the corporations that are here tonight. It's much gratitude to be here. The corporation's dedication to being here and taking time out from their family and friends to be here is very powerful. I think the main thing to touch upon tonight is when we look at the word disability, taking that dis out of the disability and looking at the ability. You guys have proved within these last few days and these upcoming days that you definitely forecasted your abilities and you let your abilities shine. I'm looking forward to a wonderful few days with you guys and getting to know you more on a more personal basis, and I appreciate everyone here that put this together, and I appreciate this night, having dinner with all of you. Thank you.

>> KERI GRAY: We have one more. To my left which is your right.

>> Hi, guys. I would like to toast for Keri Gray. Terri gray, for being such a great, great person to coordinate this event for us. It is not easy, so I would like to thank her, thank her from my heart, from my soul and it feels like crying, crying right now. Thank you. Thank you so much, Keri. Thank you.

>> KERI GRAY: All right, people. I'm making my way to the front so you can see me.

>> I'm Michelle Simmons with the office of inclusion with hair Khan airlines. I want to toast Patrick who not only spoke about USAA for the good work they've done there. He's handled this etiquette dinner with grace and humor, not being able to see what any of us are doing, but he has been a wonderful dinner companion, so I wanted to toast him for his good humor, and just sitting over here and trying and doing his very best. So to Patrick.

>> KERI GRAY: I want to thank our trainer today, Ms. Christine Lancaster. Thank you so much. Thank you. I definitely learned some new things, some things I was not trained on, so I appreciate that. So this concludes the formal program for today,

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and dessert will be served now. If you want to stick around and grab dessert, feel free to meet some new folks in the room. I have one announcement, Amy Adeca and Chloe Melnick and James Trout and Sarah Murphy, are you in the room? So I need to see you right now. As soon as I conclude, if you can meet me right here. You're not in trouble. It's great. I just need to see you. Other than that, this concludes the formal program. Thank everyone for coming out today. Thanks our sponsors again for this meal and you all have a good night. Thank you.

Test test test test test test test test test test test test test test test test.

>> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: >> CHRISTINE LANCASTER: When it is time to leave the

restaurant, it's now time that your napkin can touch the tabletop again. You would grab it in the center.

I would like to end with this. I've told you the right knife and fork to use. I've given you great tips to get through a meal in a very proper fashion. I ask you to be incredibly responsible for your kindness, your respectability and grace to others. Take that with you. Thank you.

[ Applause ]***

This text is being provided in a rough draft Format.  Communication Access Realtime Translation (CART) or captioning are provided in order to facilitate communication accessibility and may not be a totally verbatim record of the proceedings.

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