How do you feel and what do you need?

Using NVC to promote peaceful communicationin English Language Classes

ellenh@kansaigaidai.ac.jp

Overview of this session

• Who is Marshall Rosenberg and what is NVC?• Why learn or teach NVC?• Four activities • 1) Value-free observation • 2) River of needs• 3) Tree of communication• 4) Role play activity “giraffe” and “jackal”

Marshall Rosenberg

Detroit 1943

Kike!

1961 University of Wisconsin Madison phD in Psychology

Nonviolent communication basics•Say what you see/ hear/ remember/ imagine•Say what you feel•Say what you need•Say what you request

What can go wrong?

…be perfect

I’m so terrible at…..

I’m so lazy

I wish I could be like… I could never…

Why learn/teach NVC?

• NVC teaches useful skills for relating to oneself• NVC teaches useful skills and language for

relating to others• NVC can help disambiguate situations of

intercultural confusion• Interesting content• Ready-made bank of vocabulary, role play and

discourse analysis activities

What’s going to happen?

• The elephant will ask the deer if he could go across first and the deer will agree?

• The elephant will ask the deer if he could go across first and the deer will disagree?

• Something else?

• The elephant resorted to force in order to get what he wanted.

• How do you think the deer felt?

……….probably!

• Resorting to force is not a good idea because the victim might want revenge!

• What could the elephant have done to make his request more acceptable?

• Excuse me. I see that you want to cross the river. I feel so worried because I have an important meeting to go to and I am a bit late. I need to get across the river right now. I wonder if you could possibly let me go across first? I would be so grateful!

Value-free observation In at the deep end..

Which statements are value-free?

A I didn’t do my ironing on Sunday. I watched “I-San wind of the palace” and did yoga instead of ironing. My shirt is a bit crumpled.I prefer having my shirt smooth. Maybe I’ll try to do the ironing while watching TV next time.

B I look a mess today! That’s terrible. The students probably think I am a real looser. I hope they don’t think that I don’t care about looking alright for class. I have to do my ironing next weekend.

a) Now read again and highlight any labels and judgments.b) Which one do you think will make the person feel guilty?c) Which one would be more effective for getting the ironing done?

1. John was angry with me yesterday for no reason.

2. Yesterday evening Nancy bit her fingernails while watching TV.

3. Sandy didn’t ask for my opinion during the meeting.

4. My father is a good man.

5. Mana works too much.

6. Tomi is aggressive.

7. Yoshi was the first to arrive in the classroom.

8. My son often doesn’t brush his teeth.

9. Miki told me I don’t look good in yellow.

10.My aunt complains when I talk with her.

ooo

1. John was angry with me yesterday for no reason. [what did yo

2. Yesterday evening Nancy bit her fingernails while watching TV.

3. Sandy didn’t ask for my opinion during the meeting.

4. My father is a good man.

5. Mana works too much.

6. Tomi is aggressive.

7. Yoshi was the first to arrive in the classroom.

8. My son often doesn’t brush his teeth.

9. Miki told me I don’t look good in yellow.

10.My aunt complains when I talk with her.

ooo

River of needs activity

• Prepare cards with about 30 words for needs on them (eg food, friendship, excitement)

• Students mill around and pick up three of the cards with needs. They can choose needs which they have had satisfied recently, or needs which they are experiencing now.

• Students explain their needs in groups of 3.

What happens when communication is going well?

• Groups of 4: brainstorm characteristics of good communication on post-it notes

(one scribe so students have to communicate!)Whole class stick notes on a poster of a “tree”Whole class look at tree and read phrases that

interest them; repeat for “what happens when communication isn’t going well?*

Look at the picture and see if you think communication is going well!

Role Plays as giraffes/jackalsWhat would you do if you had a noisy

neighbour?

You should have told me!Kenji, a Japanese student studying in the US, shares a room in a dormitory with Mark. Mark, who has a part time job at night, usually comes back very late, around 2 o’clock in the morning. Every night Kenji is bothered by the light Mark turns on when he enters the room, and is having trouble sleeping. However, Kenji was afraid to tell Mark about it, because he thought it would ruin their friendship. So Kenji just said to him “You were late last night,” hoping Mark would realize the situation.

• Kenji was quiet for a month but finally came to the point where he couldn’t take it any more. He said “I am leaving this dorm. I’m really angry because you are such an insensitive person. Didn’t you know that I was having difficulty sleeping because of you?” Mark had no idea what he was talking about and said “You should have told me! Since you didn’t say anything, I though everything was fine!”

Situation from Heart to Heart (EFL textbook) by Kensaku Yoshida

What do you think Mark said to Kenji after that?

A) Worst case scenario?B) Best case scenario?

• You should have told me. Since you didn’t say anything, I thought everything was fine!

• No, it is not fine. I have had a terrible time because of you.

• It’s your fault for not telling me. Why didn’t you tell me?

• I couldn’t tell you because you were not here. When you are here you are always listening to music. You didn’t ask me how I was feeling!

• If you can’t communicate normally then you had better leave this dorm.

• Yes, right, I am going to leave now.

What if Mark had used NVC and tried to use empathy?

• You must be feeling….• It must have been …….. For you• Are you feeling…..• Do you really want to leave…?• Would it help if I didn’t turn on the light when

I come back?• Would you like to try and see if we can work

this out?

More about value-free observation

• Give a reason• Be specific• Show that you have a point of view (other

points of view are possible)

In class• Watching a movie and role-playing scenes

from the movie with a different outcome• Role-playing carousel: 3’s have a situation to

role play with good or bad outcome, form a 6 and show roleplay

• Studying an international conflict and preparing a presentation about how a conflict was or wasn’t solved (with or without movie backup)

• Reading sections of Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg for discussion

• Activities from Nonviolent Communication Handbook

• Connection with human rights issues especially prison, death penalty, land rights, bullying

• Journaling about communication in L1 within the family

• Studying and presenting about other methods of conflict resolution eg win-win

Thanks for comingfolks!