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Validation and Borderline Personality Disorder Presented by Karyn Hall, Ph.D. NEA BPD CallIn November 20, 2011

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Page 1: Validation)and))Borderline) Personality)Disorder · Validation)and))Borderline) Personality)Disorder Presented)by)Karyn)Hall,)Ph.D.) NEABPDCallIn November20,)2011)

Validation  and    Borderline  Personality  Disorder  

Presented  by  Karyn  Hall,  Ph.D.  NEA  BPD  Call-­‐In  

November  20,  2011  

Page 2: Validation)and))Borderline) Personality)Disorder · Validation)and))Borderline) Personality)Disorder Presented)by)Karyn)Hall,)Ph.D.) NEABPDCallIn November20,)2011)

References  

 

This  presentation  is  based  on  Dr.  Marsha  Linehan’s  work  on  validation.  The  information  given  also  includes  Dr.  Kristin  Neff’s  work  on  self-­‐compassion  and  Chip  and  Dan  Heath’s  work  on  change.    Many  of  the  ideas  discussed  have  developed  through  interactions  with  my  DBT  teams  as  well  as    families  of  individuals  with  BPD  and  individuals  with  BPD,  all  who  have  generously  shared  their  knowledge  and  experiences.  

Page 3: Validation)and))Borderline) Personality)Disorder · Validation)and))Borderline) Personality)Disorder Presented)by)Karyn)Hall,)Ph.D.) NEABPDCallIn November20,)2011)

Definition  of  Validation  

To  acknowledge  and    accept  a  person’s  feelings,  thoughts,  behaviors  and  internal  experience  as  valid  and  understandable.  

Or  

To  confirm  or  strengthen  what  is  relevant,  true,  or  effective  about  a  response,  be  it  a  thought,  emotion,  physical  sensation,  or  action.  Validation  requires  empathy  (the  accurate  understanding  of  the  person’s  experience)    but  validation  also  includes  the  communication  that  the  person’s  response  makes  sense.  (Linehan)  

Page 4: Validation)and))Borderline) Personality)Disorder · Validation)and))Borderline) Personality)Disorder Presented)by)Karyn)Hall,)Ph.D.) NEABPDCallIn November20,)2011)

   What  Validation  is  Not  

 

 

 Validating    someone’s  thoughts,  feelings,  or  behavior  does  not  necessarily  mean  you  agree  with  what  he  is  thinking,  or  feeling  or  his  behavior.  

Page 5: Validation)and))Borderline) Personality)Disorder · Validation)and))Borderline) Personality)Disorder Presented)by)Karyn)Hall,)Ph.D.) NEABPDCallIn November20,)2011)

What  Validation  is  Not    (Cont.)  

Validation  is  Never  About  Lying      (Don’t  validate  the  invalid.)  

Validation  is  Not  the  Same  as  Complimenting  

Validation  is  Not  Being  Ruled  by  the  Emotions  of  Others  

Validation  is  Not  Parroting  Words  in  an  Inauthentic  Way  

Validation  Does  Not  Mean  No  Limits  

Validation  is  not  teaching,  lecturing,  or  advising.  

 

Page 6: Validation)and))Borderline) Personality)Disorder · Validation)and))Borderline) Personality)Disorder Presented)by)Karyn)Hall,)Ph.D.) NEABPDCallIn November20,)2011)

A  Few  Reasons  Why  Validation  is  So  Important  

 

Facilitates  regulation  of  emotions  

Helps  strengthen  persistence  through  difficult  times  to  reach  a  goal  by  communicating  understanding  of  the  difficulty  

Recognizes  the  truth  of  different  points  of  view  and  by  recognizing  the  other  person’s  point  of  view  you  can  both  start  at  the  same  place  

Enhances  relationships  and  can  decrease  feelings  of  abandonment  

Enhances  identity  

 

 

 

                           

             

           

           

Page 7: Validation)and))Borderline) Personality)Disorder · Validation)and))Borderline) Personality)Disorder Presented)by)Karyn)Hall,)Ph.D.) NEABPDCallIn November20,)2011)

Understanding  Invalidation  

 

Invalidation  means  that  another  person’s  emotional  experiences  are  rejected,  ignored,  or  judged.  

Invalidation  tends  to  increase  emotional  upset.  

Page 8: Validation)and))Borderline) Personality)Disorder · Validation)and))Borderline) Personality)Disorder Presented)by)Karyn)Hall,)Ph.D.) NEABPDCallIn November20,)2011)

Reasons  We  Invalidate    

We  have  a  different  world  view  

We  want  someone  we  love  to  have  characteristics  that  will  help  him  or  her  be  successful    

We  want  to  feel  close  

We  want  to  fix  what  is  wrong  

We  find  reality  is  too  difficult  to  accept  

We  are  angry  or  resentful  

We  don’t  understand  the  disorder  

 

 

Page 9: Validation)and))Borderline) Personality)Disorder · Validation)and))Borderline) Personality)Disorder Presented)by)Karyn)Hall,)Ph.D.) NEABPDCallIn November20,)2011)

Reasons  We  Invalidate  (Cont.)  

We  are  afraid  of  emotions    

We  are  overwhelmed  emotionally  

We  know  our  loved  one’s  habits  

We  don’t  want  our  loved  one  to  go  through  what  we  went  through  

We  want  to  encourage  

We  are  in  a  hurry  

We  are  fearful.  

Page 10: Validation)and))Borderline) Personality)Disorder · Validation)and))Borderline) Personality)Disorder Presented)by)Karyn)Hall,)Ph.D.) NEABPDCallIn November20,)2011)

Ways  We  Invalidate  

 

Facial  Expressions  

 

Body  Language  

 

Verbal  Statements  

 

Page 11: Validation)and))Borderline) Personality)Disorder · Validation)and))Borderline) Personality)Disorder Presented)by)Karyn)Hall,)Ph.D.) NEABPDCallIn November20,)2011)

Ways  We  Invalidate  

Blaming  

Name  Calling  

Minimizing  

Denying  Someone  Else’s  Feelings/Thoughts/Sensations  

Not  Being  Present  

Ignoring  

Discounting  goals  and  dreams  

Page 12: Validation)and))Borderline) Personality)Disorder · Validation)and))Borderline) Personality)Disorder Presented)by)Karyn)Hall,)Ph.D.) NEABPDCallIn November20,)2011)

Levels  of  Validation    (Linehan)  

Level  1:    Be  Present  

Level  2:    Accurate  Reflection  

Level  3:    Guessing  about  Unstated  Feelings  

Level  4:    Validate  in  terms  of  past  history  

Level  5:    Validate  in  terms  of  present  events  and  the  way  most  people  would  react  

Level  6:    Radical  Genuineness  

Page 13: Validation)and))Borderline) Personality)Disorder · Validation)and))Borderline) Personality)Disorder Presented)by)Karyn)Hall,)Ph.D.) NEABPDCallIn November20,)2011)

Special  Situations  

When  We  See  Identity  Differently  

Difficulty  of  the  Task  

Goals  

Progress  

Lying  

 

Page 14: Validation)and))Borderline) Personality)Disorder · Validation)and))Borderline) Personality)Disorder Presented)by)Karyn)Hall,)Ph.D.) NEABPDCallIn November20,)2011)

Skills  Needed  to  Practice  Validation  

Mindfulness  

Dialectical  Thinking  

Letting  Go  of  Any  Set  Roles  

Compassion  

Respecting  and  Accepting  Differences  and  Imperfections  

Regulation  of  Emotions  

Willingness  to  Practice  

Page 15: Validation)and))Borderline) Personality)Disorder · Validation)and))Borderline) Personality)Disorder Presented)by)Karyn)Hall,)Ph.D.) NEABPDCallIn November20,)2011)

Roadblocks  to  Success  

Judgments  

Fear  

Exhaustion  

Self  Blame  

Holding  onto  past  experiences  

Other  (roadblocks  vary  from  person  to  person)  

 


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