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Writing Section1 Writing Intro2 Prewrite3 Draft4 Revision - TodayLesson 4a RevisionEssential QuestionHow can I revise my writing to make it better?Learning Outcomes - Students will:Preview which is better? Watch a brainpop about Show, not Tell

Success CriteriaI can turn a Tell sentence into a Show sentencePreviewWhats the difference between these 2 stories?Do they have the same or different main idea?What specific differences can you find?

Tim was watching his favourite show on TV when Moby came by and unplugged it. Tim got angry

Tim was doubled up in his chair, laughing uproariously at the latest comic mishap suffered by Mr. Dingle, his favourite television character. But his smile quickly changed to a frown when his robot friend entered the room and yanked the plug from the wall.

VocabShow, not TellSuccess CriteriaI can turn a Tell sentence into a Show sentenceUsing the Writing ProcessHow Follow the writing processPrewrite Already discussed with your partner now you just have write this information down in your notebooksGoal get an idea with some detailsDraft write your storyDont worry about grammar, fancy words, etc JUST WRITE!!Goal Write Something!Revise does it make sense? Did you use the best vocab?Goal Make your words/ideas betterEdit grammar, punctuation, spelling, capitalization, etc..Goal Fix your grammarPublish Your ready to hand it inGoal Create the best piece of writing you can

Show, not Tell There will be a short quiz after the video.

4. Revision5 Tools n TipsBRAINPOP: Show, not TellWhat is the goal of show, not tell?Write 3 tips that will help you write your Show, not TellTurn this sentence into Show, not Tell: Gary was happy when he saw his favourite movie star walking down the street. Later, but think about itShow, not Tell TipsShow, Not TellSuccess CriteriaI can turn a Tell sentence into a Show sentenceTurn this sentence into Show, not Tell: Gary was happy when he saw his favourite movie star walking down the street. Write this sentence in your booksWrite a new, Show sentenceTim was watching his favourite show on TV when Moby came by and unplugged it. Tim got angry

Tim was doubled up in his chair, laughing uproariously at the latest comic mishap suffered by Mr. Dingle, his favourite television character. But his smile quickly changed to a frown when his robot friend entered the room and yanked the plug from the wall.

Turn this sentence into Show, not Tell: Gary was happy when he saw his favourite movie star walking down the street. Write this sentence in your booksWrite a new, Show sentenceTim didnt want to go to school because he had to take a test, and he hadnt studied for it. Sop when his mom woke him up, he pretended to be sickGary was happy when he saw his favourite movie star walking down the street.Gary was marching down the avenue when he watched hi favourite movie star. He was so cheerful he stopped, amazed. Laughing because he was astonished.Gary was so delighted he hugged a random lady when he glimsped at his prefered movie star drifting elegantly down 7th avenue with her bodyguards.My best friend Gary was elated when he saw John Smith, his favourite movie star, strolling down the street.Walking down the dull street on Garys face appeared a huge smile when he saw elegantly walking on the street his favourite movie star.I could see the enthusiasm is his eyes when he stared at the star watching down the avenue in Paris. He was astonished. His eyes were blotting out with astonishment.Lesson 4b RevisionEssential QuestionHow can I revise my writing to make it better?Learning Outcomes - Students will:Review Show, not Tell tipsRevise a sentence

Success CriteriaI can revise 1 draft sentence using Show, not TellPreviewDo you have any tips for showing, not telling?Show, Not TellTim was doubled up in his chair, laughing uproariously at the latest comic mishap suffered by Mr. Dingle, his favourite television character. But his smile quickly changed to a frown when his robot friend entered the room and yanked the plug from the wall.

Tim was watching his favourite show on TV when Moby came by and unplugged it. Tim got angry

Fix this SentenceIt is cold outside

Simple: The weather is freezing

Show, not Tell: As I noticed all the wool hats and gloves, I realized that winter had arrived.Show, Not TellFix this SentenceI saw my friend at the beach

Simple: I viewed my friend at the sandy beach

Using our tips, can you create a new sentence?Show, not Tell: With a rush of excitement ..Show, Not TellStarter sentence, if you wishShow, not Tell: With a rush of excitement, I bolted for Steven across what seemed like a never-ending desert.

Task: Revise the first sentence using the tips for Show, not TellUse our Show, not Tell tipsEarly Finishers Continue revising your sentences

Show, Not TellIt is cold outside

Simple: The weather is freezing

Show, not Tell: As I noticed all the wool hats and gloves, I realized that winter had arrived.

Lesson 4c RevisionEssential QuestionHow can I revise my writing to make it better?Learning Outcomes - Students will:Preview Writing quoteRevise a sentence

Success CriteriaI can revise 1 draft sentence using Show, not TellPreviewWhat do you think this quote means?

There will be a short quiz after the video.

4. Revision5 Tools n TipsBRAINPOP: Strengthening SentencesWrite 3 tips that will help you write stronger sentencesRedundantPassive vs. Active voiceModifiersHow can you strengthen this sentence: "The dog barked." Later, but think about itStrengthening "The dog barked.

"The little brown dog barked loudly."

"The wiry brown pup yelped like a siren, breaking the peaceful silence of the misty, grey morning."What are the differences between these sentences?

TaskStrengthen your sentences using the tips from the videoEx. Are you redundant/repetitive?Ex. Is it in the passive voice or active voice?Ex. Did you use any modifiers?Ex. If you read it out loud, is it clear?

"The dog barked.

"The little brown dog barked loudly."

"The wiry brown pup yelped like a siren, breaking the peaceful silence of the misty, grey morning."