WARM-UP

Listen to Horton Hatches an Egg

Answer Handout Questions during reading

How does this Dr. Seuss

Video Book relate to building a

marriage?

DISCUSSION

How could strong relationships with family and friends strengthen a marriage?

What activities do you enjoy doing with your family that you hope your future spouse might enjoy doing with them as well?

WARM-UP

How long do you think is necessary for an engagement?

What type of marriage ceremony would you prefer?

CHAPTER 8

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CHOOSING T

O MARRY

CH

I LD

GU

I DA

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E

WHAT QUALITIES CAN YOU BRING TO A MARRIAGE?

Ability to give and receive love

Ability to express empathy

Emotional stability

Decision making skills

Flexibility

STRENGTHENING YOUR RELATIONSHIP

The ability to give and receive love is vital to a happy marriage.

Empathy= sharing inner thoughts and feelings, understanding the other’s feelings.

Emotional stability comes with maturity.

Flexibility= being willing to change within a relationship.

Shared decision making skills will help a couple make decisions that match their priorities and help them reach goals.

ARE YOU READY FOR MARRIAGE?

Am I able to unselfishly give love?

Am I able to receive love?

Am I sensitive to the hurts and needs of others?

Am I willing to try to see and experience the world from the other person’s point of view?

Can I recognize my own emotions?

Can I accept my emotions and control them?

Can I express my emotions without hurting others?

Can I accept differences in a partner?

Am I able and willing to adjust to change?

Do I usually respond logically?

EVALUATING A RELATIONSHIP

Many factors can affect a couple’s marital relationship such as: age, finances, and common interests.

Communication, decision making, and conflict resolution can also affect the relationship.

Friends and family can also affect the future of a relationship.

AGE AT MARRIAGE

The link between age and marital success is related to emotional, mental, and social maturity.

Marrying during the teen years can add more stress to a relationship.

Give yourself time for personal growth.

What age do you want to get married?

WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN COMMON?

Researchers who have studied marriage relationships have formed a principle called homogamy.

This principle suggests that people who have many similarities are more likely to have a satisfying marriage.

You will most likely be attracted to someone who is similar to you.

Dating websites use this principle to match couples.

SIMILARITIES

Interests= common interests can help a relationship grow.

Goals and values= may include children, parenting, education, career expectations, religious beliefs.

Similar backgrounds= family customs, social/economic expectations, etc.

DIFFERENCES

Complementary qualities= when differences benefit a relationship.

Race= couples in an interracial marriage may face challenges, family and friends may support/reject the relationship.

Religion= differences should be discussed before marriage, may not become an issue until children are born.

COMMUNICATION

A couple needs good communication for sharing their personal thoughts, feelings, and desires.

If either person feels ignored or unaccepted, the relationship will not grow.

Good communication skills can help a couple clear up misunderstandings, make joint decisions, and solve problems in a marriage.

DECISION MAKING AND PROBLEM SOLVING

As a relationship grows, you will be faced with making important decisions together.

Identify the issue and talk about choices.

Evaluating your skills for problem solving and settling differences before you consider marriage is important.

Wait until your emotions cool down to resolve differences.

Use I statements to express observations, thoughts, and feelings.

Disagreements are normal, sensitivity should increase.

There should be fewer arguments and fights as your relationship grows.

Your skills for negotiating should increase.

FRIENDS AND FAMILY

Your chances for a successful marriage are increased when family and friends approve of your marriage partner.

Family support can be a source of friendship, counseling, or financial help.

The approval of friends can increase satisfaction in a relationship.

Couples who choose to marry without approval of family and friends face more challenges.

REASONS FOR MARRYING

P O S I T I V E

Mature love

Intimacy

Companionship

Commitment

Satisfaction

N E G A T I V E

Infatuation

Give in to make other person happy

Avoid loneliness

Financial security

Next step in relationship

Escape from other problems

Pregnancy

ENGAGEMENT

Engagement= the final stage in the dating process leading to marriage.

Signifies the start of a couple's plans for married life.

Usually begins with a formal announcement to family and friends.

Length of engagement may vary from months to years.

Chandler & Monica

Jamie & Aurélia

MARRIAGE ROLES

Roles= particular patterns of behavior for daily living.

Common roles of a marriage partner include being a friend, companion, cook, bill payer or nurse.

Complementary roles= each person takes on a role that supplies what the other person lacks.

Role sharing= a way of handling responsibilities, a couple works together to carry out a task.

WORKING TOGETHER AS A COUPLE

Finances are a major area of conflict within a marriage.

Develop a spending and saving plan.

Decide who will pay bills and make certain purchases.

Choose housing that you can afford.

Plan for the future and discuss your career goals.

Discuss having children and how you will raise them.

Discuss family obligations…who will you spend holidays with?

PREMARITAL COUNSELING

Often couples consult a counselor or religious leader to discuss readiness for marriage, expectations for each other, skills for communication, skills for making decisions and problem solving.

Money management is also discussed as many marriages experience conflicts related to finances.

Most marriage counselors recommend an engagement of at least 6 months-2 years.

BREAKING AN ENGAGEMENT

Some couples may discover they are not ready for marriage.

A broken engagement is better than an unhappy marriage.

MARRIAGE LAWS

In the U.S. marriage is a legal contract.

Both parties must enter the marriage contract willingly, or by mutual consent.

Check laws in your particular state.

Most marriage laws specify certain physical requirements, minimum ages, licensing necessities, and legal officiates.

MARRIAGE CEREMONY

Ceremonial wedding= performed by a religious official, couple may celebrate by sharing gifts to help establish the new home.

Civil ceremony= family members and a few friends witness the couple's vows taken before a judge or public official.

Vows= statements that specifically express the couple’s commitment to each other.