wbi coaching fall 2014 class 5 - wholebeing...
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Posi%ve Psychology Coaching Fall 2014
Class 5 Notes
Class 6 Pre-‐Work
Lynda Wallace Course Instructor
Today’s Agenda
• Welcome and Logis<cs
• Posi<ve Psychology Primer: The Importance of Stories • Aaron Antonovsky, James Pennybaker, Laura King
• Storytelling in Coaching • Encouraging Storytelling • Problem Stories • Aspira<on Stories • Best Self Stories • Dominant Stories
• Journaling Prompt and Partner Coaching Assignment
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The words you speak become the house you live in.
-‐ Hafiz
Posi%ve Psychology Primer: The Importance of Stories
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The Importance of Stories
We are story-‐telling creatures, and the primary stories we tell about ourselves form the narra<ve arc of our lives. Aaron Antonovsky demonstrated that a strong sense of narra<ve coherence leads to greater happiness, health, resilience, and mo<va<on to take posi<ve ac<on. Three elements contribute to a strong sense of coherence. One of our opportuni<es as coaches is to help our clients to develop a stronger sense of coherence.
Comprehensibility “I understand what has happened (or is happening) in my life.” “My important life stories make sense to me.”
Manageability “I can cope with what has happened (or is happening) in my life.” “I can summon the resources I need to manage my life.”
Meaningfulness “I have grown or learned (or have the poten<al to) as a result of my experiences.” “The challenges I face are worth addressing.”
Posi%ve Psychology Primer: The Power of Expressive Wri%ng
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James Pennybaker Laura King We can help our clients to reinterpret their stories of difficult experiences in more empowering ways, and to mine their stories of posi%ve experiences for insight and pathways toward change.
Stories of Difficult Experiences For 15 minutes, 4 days in a row, par<cipants wrote about their most difficult experiences. They were encouraged to get in touch with their deepest emo<ons and thoughts regarding “what happened, how you felt about it then, and how you feel about it now.” Results: Immediate increase in anxiety, followed by long-‐term decrease in anxiety and improvement in health, happiness, and sociability.
Stories of Peak Experiences For 15 minutes, 3 days in a row, par<cipants wrote about intense peak posi<ve experiences. They were asked to imagine themselves at a peak moment in their lives and write about the experience in as much detail as possible, trying to include the feelings, thoughts, and emo<ons that were present at that <me. Really try to re-‐experience the emo<ons.” Results: Long-‐term decrease in anxiety and improvement in health and happiness.
Encouraging Storytelling
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1. Ask: “Tell me a story about . . . .” 2. Listen, leave some space, then listen some more.
4. Encourage concrete, specific recollec<ons.
• Paint me a picture. What did that look like? • I’m interested in this story. What happened next? • What was that like? • How did it feel?
5. If the story seems to have reached the point of diminishing returns: • I know I asked for details, and I appreciate your giving them, but I want to make the
most of your Bme, so why don’t you tell me what’s most important to you about this story?
Three Types of Stories Important in Coaching
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Primary Stories Primary stories embody our clients’ reasons for seeking coaching. They are the stories we are told when we ask prospec<ve clients: “Tell me your story.”
• Problem Stories • Aspira<on Stories • Trauma stories
Best Self Stories These are stories of what has gone right, when our clients have thrived, when they have felt like their best selves.
Dominant Stories
These stories are generaliza<ons that we take on as represen<ng overarching truths about our character. Uncovering them can lead to opportuni<es for growth and change.
Problem Stories
The most common type of primary story in a coaching rela<onship, especially at the beginning: stories of what has gone wrong, where our clients are stuck, or how they are struggling.
• I don’t care about my work anymore. • I’m geang a divorce. • I’ve been laid off, or I’m afraid I will be. • I’m stuck – in my career, my rela<onships, my self-‐percep<on, my weight. • I’ve become socially isolated. • I don’t know what I want. I’m confused.
Primary Stories: Problem Stories
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We can help our clients to explore these stories to find goals for posi%ve change.
• I want to find a way to transi<on to more meaningful work. • I want to build the confidence to put myself out there. • I want to learn to be kinder to myself. • I want to decide what I want in this rela<onship, my work, my next chapter.
We can also help our clients to explore their problem stories to find greater coherence (Antonovsky).
1. Comprehensibility 2. Manageability 3. Meaning
Comprehensibility: “I understand what has happened/is happening.” • By telling the story and wri<ng the story, our clients can beeer understand it. We don’t need
to provide the meaning, just the space to explore it. Manageability: “I can cope with it.”
• How did/do you cope with the problem? • What has worked/is working? • What small change could you make to making coping with it a bit easier now?
Meaningfulness: “I have learned or grown (or can learn or grow) as a result.” • What have you learned, or are you learning about yourself? • Can you imagine a way that life can improve from here, with this experience as part of it?
Primary Stories: Problem Stories
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Three more helpful ways to use problem stories:
1. Normalize the experience.
• There’s ojen a lot of shame in these stories. Sharing them with an empathe<c listener can help to normalize them and lead to the relief of feeling: “I’m not the only one.”
2. No%ce insights that can point toward solu%ons.
• The act of telling a story (rather than just rumina<ng on it) can lead to useful insights. We can listen for them and give our clients opportuni<es to explore them.
3. Help clients to find elements of their best selves in their problem stories.
• In a story about divorce, an example of courage. • In a story about stress, an example of coping skills. • In a story about puang oneself last, an example of compassion. • In a story about struggle, an example of persistence.
Primary Stories: Problem Stories
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Other Primary Stories
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Aspira%on Stories
• Future-‐looking story of posi<ve change or achievement.
• Can be a client’s primary reason for seeking coaching.
• We can get right to work on clarifying and progressing toward the goal.
• We’ll stay aeuned to problem stories if they come up, but we won’t insist on them.
Trauma Stories
• Story of a trauma in need of healing.
• If a client’s primary story is a trauma story (rather than a problem story or aspira<on story) then that is a task beeer suited to a therapeu<c rela<onship than a coaching one.
• “That’s beyond my scope, but I’d be happy to help you find someone who can help.”
Case Study: Problem Story
My Notes:
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Stories of what has gone right, when our clients have thrived, when they have felt at their best. We want to ask for these stories throughout the coaching rela%onship. We can help our clients to mine their Best Self Stories to achieve:
• Experience of posi<ve emo<ons from which to broaden and build (Fredrickson).
• Desire: I want to feel that way again, find work I can enjoy that much, build <me and self-‐care into my daily rou<ne again.
• Self-‐Efficacy based on grounded posi<vity: I’ve had posi<ve experiences/feelings/accomplishments in the past, and I can create new ones in the present and future.
• Mo<va<on: I’m willing to do what it takes, because I have reason to hope that the effort will pay off.
• Pathways: I see what I want. Here’s how I can use my strengths and resources to move toward it.
Best Self Stories
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Dominant Stories
Margarita Tarragona: Posi%ve Iden%%es
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Nega%ve generaliza%ons that someone takes on as an overarching truth about his or her character (e.g. shy, disorganized, procras%nator, dreamer).
• Rooted in a fixed mindset.
• Can be real obstacles to change by serving as “evidence” that it isn’t even worth trying to address certain behaviors, thoughts, or other areas of poten<al change.
• Uncovering and addressing these stories can lead to unexpected opportuni<es for growth and change.
Dominant Stories
Margarita Tarragona: Posi%ve Iden%%es
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Dominant stories are usually implicit, or contained within other stories. So we need to listen for them. They can sound like:
• Statements of “I am . . .” describing the self, rather than “I do. . . “ describing behavior.
• Repeated use of the same phrase, or of words such as “always,” “never,” “hopeless” to describe oneself.
• Reference to other people’s nega<ve opinions in one’s self-‐descrip<on.
• Dismissing certain areas as poten<al areas of growth and change.
Dominant Stories
We can help clients to get beyond dominant stories by:
• Poin<ng them out (“I no<ce you’ve said that about yourself before. Can we talk about it?”)
• Exploring them (“Do you think that’s really something unchangeable about you, or something you have some power over?” “How does your belief about that affect your life?)
• Asking for and really exploring mul<ple excep<ons (“Can you think of a <me when it isn’t true, or isn’t en<rely true?” “Let’s really dive into that.”)
• Asking the client to imagine an alternate story (“Given that it isn’t always true, is there a broader way we can describe you and what you do?”)
• Considering how the alternate story might change what is possible for the future (“How might that impact your [work, rela<onships, self-‐percep<on, goals]?”)
• Agreeing on specific ac<ons the client will take that are contrary to the dominant story.
• Consistently asking about and acknowledging the effort involved in the change.
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Coaching Demonstra%on: Dominant Stories
My Notes:
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Journal Reflec%on: Dominant Stories
CHOICES AND ACTIONS
COACHING RELATIONSHIP
SELF-‐INQUIRY
COMPLETE PRIOR TO CLASS 6 (10/21) Es<mated Time: 15 minutes
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Think of a dominant story that you or others tell about you, and reflect on the following ques%ons.
• How does that dominant story affect your life (for example, your work, rela<onships, self-‐percep<on, and/or goals)?
• Can you think of some <mes when that dominant story isn’t en<rely true?
• Begin to imagine an alternate story different from the dominant story. What would it look like if those excep<ons became more of the rule? Write about whatever comes to mind.
Peer Prac%ce Session: Dominant Stories
CHOICES AND ACTIONS
COACHING RELATIONSHIP
SELF-‐INQUIRY
COMPLETE PRIOR TO CLASS 6 (10/21) Es<mated Time: 1 Hour
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In this session, you and your partner will help each other to further explore the dominant and alternate stories you began to write about in your journal reflec%ons.
• Ask your partner to tell you about his or her dominant story and how it affects his or her life.
• Then ask about excep<ons to that dominant story, and about the alternate story your partner began to imagine.
• Explore that alternate story together. (“What would it look like if that story became the rule rather than the excep<on? How might that impact your work, your rela<onships, your self-‐percep<on, your goals?”)
• If you have <me, agree on one or two ac<ons your partner will take that are contrary to the behavior prescribed by the dominant story.
Partner Coaching Session Feedback Notes
Date: ___________________ My Partner: __________________________
Feedback to My Partner Three things I found helpful 1. 2. 3. Two construc<ve sugges<ons 1. 2.
Feedback from My Partner
Three things my partner found helpful 1. 2. 3. Two construc<ve sugges<ons 1. 2. My reflec<ons on the feedback I received One inten<on for next week’s session
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