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Spare the rod and spoil the child its an adage our community has lived by for years. But could physically disciplining our children be lessening their potential for growth and success in adulthood? Gloria Ogunbambo investigates.

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T hink back to your childhood. While those happy-go-lucky, carefree days bring back an abundance of memories of trying to get above the frame on the park swings or eagerly awaiting the familiar chime of the ice cream van, there are a great many that involve being chased around the house (if you were brave enough to run) before your parents inevitably caught you and meted out some good old-fashioned corporal punishment. It might not be the most socially acceptable form of parenting, but for many of us, getting a slap whenever we acted up was as much a part of growing up as anything else. But in our collective eagerness to raise well mannered children often using physical punishment as a means to achieve that objective could we be negatively infl uencing the development and potential of our children in other areas?

The acceptability politics surrounding physically punishing your child are by no means new, but the issue returned to the spotlight again this year when Minnesota Vikings player Adrian Peterson beat his four-year-old son for pushing another one of his children off a

motorbike video game. The NFL star repeatedly struck his son with a leafl ess tree branch (known as a switch) leaving him with open cuts and bruises on his hands, legs, bottom, and scrotum. Due to Petersons celebrity, the incident attracted huge attention and many labelled the player a child abuser, criticising the excessive force he used to discipline the child. Rather than submit himself to the dog and pony show that most professional athletes indulge in when their unsavoury deeds come to light, Peterson bullishly refused to express remorse for his actions. Instead, he proff ered the response of choice for most parents who choose to physically discipline their children, maintaining that while unfortunate, the incident would not cause him to eliminate whooping my kidsbecause I know how being spanked has helped me in my life. At the time of writing, Peterson is currently serving a suspension pending trial in December.

Petersons statement, especially given the glare of the media spotlight, might have shocked some but Id bet good money that very few of those people were members of the black community.

The politically incorrect truth is this: the use of violent punitive measures for children who step out of line is entrenched in our culture. For the majority of us, smacking is considered a hallmark of good parenting. I was physically punished for being naughty as a child. So were my siblings and cousins. So was Adrian Peterson. In each instance, the refrain is the same it never did me any harm. Physically? No lasting damage. Mentally? I turned out ok, I think. But perhaps, just maybe, we should consider that bruises or emotional trauma arent the only possible negative outcomes stemming from our desire to keep our children in line.

Theres a view among parents who smack their children that so long as they dont leave a mark its ok, says Roberta Davies*, a UK based social worker. Section 58 of the Children Act 2004 which comes into play when reviewing cases in which a child has been physically chastised or assaulted explicitly states that any punishment resulting in lasting physical injury cannot be justifi ed as reasonable. There is no cultural consideration. However what we often neglect to consider is the emotional impact smacking a child can have. Thats where resilience [the ability to adapt well to adversity, trauma, tragedy or stress] comes into play. Parents cant just say, I was smacked and I turned out fi ne, so my children will too. Even siblings raised in the same family can respond diff erently to physical chastisement. This athlete who was beaten, and in turn beat his child, might think

For the majority of us, smacking is considered a hallmark of good parenting.

TalkMinnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson, left, arrives for his first court appearance along with his wife Ashley Brown Peterson Wednesday, Oct. 8, 2014, in Conroe, Texas. Judge Kelly Case has tentatively set a Dec. 1 trial date for Peterson on a charge of felony child abuse for using a wooden switch to discipline his 4-year-old son. Peterson did not enter a plea, though his attorney said he will eventually plead not guilty to the charge that carries a penalty of up to two years in prison. (AP Photo/David J. Phillip, Pool)

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he turned out fine, but perhaps his sporting prowess allowed him to circumnavigate the issues arising from being beaten and get past them. When we evaluate a child, we look at the assessment framework a triangle that includes the family environmental factors, parenting capacity and the childs development

needs. That helps us get a holistic view of the likelihood of that child being adversely affected in the long run by physical punishment.

Any discussion on the subject of the long-term effects of physical discipline is an interesting one. As Ive already mentioned, I dont

think it has negatively impacted my life. If anything, it served as an occasional reminder to stay on course especially in those critical years where it would have been quite easy to be derailed. I cant imagine that anyone who knows me now would describe me as shy, lacking in opinions or reticent but at one point I was. I distinctly remember my first few weeks at my private secondary school and the fact that I had to fight very hard with myself not to feel overwhelmed and to shake off what I felt was an instinctual fear of being too visible, of offending, but mostly of seeming not as smart as the other girls. I registered the same feeling, albeit on a much lesser scale, when I started university. Could all of that stem from the fact I was beaten as child when, the majority of my white peers were not? I really cant say. What I will say is that perhaps there is something to the notion of the lasting effects of physical discipline even after the momentary discomfort abates.

Of course I was beaten as a child. Im Jamaican! says Shelly, 31. My dad once bought me Clarks shoes to wear to school, but I would switch them for some far more stylish, patent loafers when I got round the corner from my house. One day, my dad came home early from work and caught me. Boy, did I get a whooping that day and with the extension cord too. I genuinely questioned whether he loved me after that. Thats why I dont think I could smack my kids when I have them. Id rather use other measures like the naughty step or depriving them of things they like. Tisha, 28, was never smacked as a child, but smacks her six-year-old to keep him in check. I can count on one hand the times my two brothers and I got shouted at growing up. Im sure its also no coincidence that the most common complaint on my school reports was that I was had difficulty respecting authority and excluded other children. I definitely had cool parents but I was obviously a

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Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson hands a football to his son Adrian Jr. at the end of practice at NFL football training camp

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Bruises or emotional trauma arent the only negative outcomes stemming from our desire to keep our children in line.

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nightmare! Even among my friends Im affectionately known as Tisha the Diva. Clearly I craved some structure or boundaries because the thought of raising my children the same way terrifies me! Helena, 33, asserts that rather than curb her bad behaviour, smacking only hindered her development and made her fearful. I was beaten a lot by my dad. It wasnt beneficial. It didnt stop me doing bad things; it just made me terrified of him. Id get beaten for spilling water, singing or laughing too loudly, answering the phone too loudly, or watching Sex and The City even though I was 18. I can personally see how that has affected me. For a long time I shied away from any situation where Id have to state my case, speak up, be loud, or risk expressing an unpopular view even if I was justified or in the right. I definitely stand up for myself

now, but even then, it takes a lot of effort and confrontations make me really uncomfortable. Having gone through that I dont believe in raising a hand to your child willy-nilly. I dont want my child to be so afraid of making mistakes or testing boundaries that it stops her learning.

I was once out for dinner with a friend and despite being heavily engrossed in our own conversation, neither of us could help sneaking furtive glances at the family on the next table. The three children in the party were not only engaged in the same discussion as the adults but actively chipping in with their own opinions. I instantly thought about what would have happened if I dared wade in while the grown ups were talking. The scene took me back to all the times I envied my white friends growing up. I envied their stories of full-blown arguments with their parents that ended in them storming upstairs and slamming the door behind them, fully aware that no door could provide me respite from a disrespected African parent. I was envious when they, peeved that their parents had forgotten the most salient detail of an anecdote, had the temerity to interject mid-flow, and often in the presence of other adults, to set the facts straight. I wasnt so much

Isnt it time we considered that the rod might actually be the thing spoiling the child?

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envious of their bratty actions, but more the fact that I knew somehow that their desire to express themselves in whichever way they so desired would never be eroded by a fear of being labelled bad, ill-mannered, aloof, opinionated or stuck up.

The fear of a wayward child is perhaps one of the most enduring in our community. In a world where our childrens raised voices are considered aggressive; their self-confidence threatening and any display of instinctively human

behaviour deemed grounds to reprimand, or even kill them, I would be extremely hard pressed to tell any black mother or father, that trying to beat the odds of an already stacked deck by beating bad behaviour out of their child (within reason) is expressly wrong. Spare the rod and spoil the child is the proverbial ruler rapped across the knuckles of parents who wouldnt dream of striking their offspring. However, isnt it time we considered that the rod might actually be the thing spoiling the child?

Punishment is a necessary evil. Knowing that there are negative consequences for wrong actions plays a vital role in providing children with the proper framework to navigate life. Yet, given the issues we already have relating to success and achievement in our community, are we unwittingly hindering our children further by physically implementing limitations and boundaries that rob them of the ability to rally against those same things? In our haste to discipline our children, to protect them from being unfairly stereotyped, and to stamp out any semblance of bad , let us also be mindful we dont also stamp out their potential, their ability to grow and soar, their creativity, intrepidness, conviction, confidence and sense of identity. In short, all the qualities the most successful and well-adjusted adults possess.

In our haste to stamp out any semblance of bad behaviour, let us also be mindful we dont also stamp out potential, conviction, confidence and sense of identity.

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