what everyone, including you is saying to your...

AUSTRALIAN KEMPO JUJITSU

CHILD SAFETY REPORT

SOUTH EAST SELF DEFENCE

What everyone, including you is saying to your child That could be making them unsafe

CHILD SAFETY REPORT

copyright © 2017 SOUTH EAST SELF DEFENCE www.southeastselfdefence.com.au

INTRODUCTION» When we talk to our kids we tend to give them the best information available to us at the time.

» The problem is some of this information, whilst not entirely wrong can lead to confusion or even worse indifference.

» The fact is, right now this is happening around the area of child safety.

About the authorHello, my name is Allan Waddell and I am a child safety educator. I have been teaching child safety for nearly 20 years

now. I have taught in schools, after school programmes and in our full-time self-defence school on the Sunshine Coast.

I wrote a child safety programme “Survivors take action” which has been delivered to over 10000 children in over 30

schools. I wrote the programme initially because I was working with a local community policing officer delivering a 10-

week programme to teens in high schools. The schools loved the programme but with heavy curriculum pressure they

couldn’t fit in a 10week programme. It was important for them to receive this life saving information so I had to become

creative and condense age appropriate content so it could be delivered in one 45-minute class. This format is very

successful and allows me to work personally with many children in a hands-on way.

What we doThe child safety programme I deliver is a combination of safety strategies and non-violent self defence skills that could

help a young person recognize and handle a situation that involves a stranger.

The self defence skills we teach in the 45-minute session are evasion skills, how to run away effectively and some non-

violent responses to grabs.

In the safety strategies, we teach the tricks that strangers use to lure young people away from safety, the kinds of words

to say when they feel uncomfortable, appropriate touch, an understanding of pass words and code words, practical

understanding of dangerous situations and how to use our voice to attract attention, build confidence and report difficult

situations.

Our main message is around “stranger danger” but because we are teaching 5-year old’s up to 12-year old’s, the content

must be managed so as not to scare children but instead to build their awareness and understanding of situations so they

can take action under pressure.

By teaching a hands-on class rather than giving a school talk we can build some muscle memory and situational

awareness. Also, students get to feel and participate in the class helping those children who find it hard when learning.

CHILD SAFETY REPORT


The problemAs I run these classes we move through a structure that eventually ends up with us talking about strangers. I always ask

students who they think strangers are and what they look like. In the last 5 years, I am more likely to be the given the

trained answer and that is strangers are anyone we don’t know. And to say that they may be everyone other than our

family.

So, I will ask them if they have been able to keep away from strangers and the answer is always YES. “So, you have been

told to keep away from strangers and you feel like you are doing a good job”, I will say.

Now over the years I have created this line of questioning because there is a point I want to make and it is now one of the

major points I make in all child safety lectures over the last 5 years.

I ask, “are all strangers good” and of course I get the answer NO! Then I ask “are all strangers bad” to which I get a less

confident answer from no to yes to maybe. I will point out that there are good strangers and we might talk about the fact

that some of our friends were at one time a stranger, there are also good Samaritans and of course there are the bad

strangers.

I then ask them have they been to the plaza, to the movies, to the beach, to a party where they didn’t know everyone and

the answer is Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes.

To their great shock, I inform them that rather than keeping away from strangers they have been hanging out with them.

The whole safety industry is telling kids to keep away from strangers and the fact is it is impossible. What people are

really trying to say is that they want kids to keep away from the idea of a stranger so when I ask the question again I start

to get the real person they think is a stranger. Incidentally it was only prep students who gave me this kind of answer in

the beginning and the older kids were more likely to say anyone you don’t know.

So, talking to over 10000 children about child safety and asking them this question in small groups. Who do they think is

a stranger? This is what they say he looks like.

He (never a she or child), always has a beard, he has tattoos, he is wearing black, missing teeth, has bad breath, smokes,

usually rides a motor bike, sometimes has a gun or knife and could be carrying lollies.

So, in my experience when a student 4 to 12 says they are keeping away from a stranger this is the guy they think they

need to keep away from. If they saw this guy in the street they wouldn’t go near him, not in a million years. There is no

need to warn them against this guy. What they are doing is forming an image or a feeling about everything that they think

is wrong to do and putting it into one character. Now I must apologies if this describes you but I mean no disrespect, this

is what they say.

After we have got to this stage I will then say if not all strangers are good and if not all strangers are bad how will we

know which is which. The only answer I allow them to give here is their parents tell us. Mum, dad or their legal guardian is

the only person that can tell them the difference.

I also make sure that they know that their parents may encourage a friendship with someone but if they feel that there is

something wrong they should use their voice to let someone know.

CHILD SAFETY REPORT


The answerI don’t want to leave children more confused than when I turned up so it is important to give the new rule for strangers

that I developed some years ago.

The rule is simple but effective. It goes like this:

NEVER EVER ALONE WITH A STRANGER

So why is this statement better? Well this statement acknowledges and accounts for the fact that you can’t keep away

from strangers. It says and I explain it in this way.

How do I use it?If we find ourselves at the shops and mum is looking at dresses and someone comes to talk to us and they are ever so nice.

We should immediately notice that we are alone and say that we can’t talk to people alone but can keep talking closer to

mum. The person they are talking to could be another child, female or male.

Scenario ONEOr one night you are having a party at your house and your 16-year-old is in her room chilling because they are your

friends and not really her scene. One of the guests, looking for the toilet, notices her and strikes up a conversation. The

guest notices all her achievements on the wall and commends her. She feels noticed and is proud of her achievements so

this stranger has now dropped off her radar as a stranger and entered the realm of sensible people. So, need to worry but

since she was young the rule has always been never ever alone with a stranger even if they are nice. Her training tells her

to say that she is loving the conversation but isn’t allowed to be alone with people in her room. She politely asks if they

can continue the conversation downstairs near the other guests.

Scenario TWOYour son breaks down on the side of the road and a good Samaritan pulls over to help. He is so grateful for the help

and the stranger assures him he can help. Your son doesn’t let his guard down and makes sure he has clear vision of the

stranger as he is helped, always. He is thankful but obvious that he is alone. These precautions make sure that he isn’t

cornered and allows him to prepare for any negative interaction.

The reason this rule is important is that life is situational. We often tell our children to be quiet but want them to speak

up. Equally we tell them to keep away from strangers but we want them to make new friends and participate in life.

CHILD SAFETY REPORT


CONCLUSIONWhen you have a rule like don’t talk to strangers - one that doesn’t work all the time, people switch off. Just like the

smoke detector that goes off randomly or even worse has no battery in it. Everyone feels protected but the reality is that

it just won’t work when it matters.

It is up to parents to give context to this rule. I am not here to tell parents what to do philosophically but in stressful

situations the simpler the rule and the more it is reinforced, the more likely it will be used effectively under pressure.

Learning to respond to situations is the ideal way to work rather than reacting. Responding takes practice and intention

just like first responders, police, ambulance officers and fireman. Imagine if they reacted to stressful situations rather

than responding. Imagine the ambulance officer losing his cool when you are injured, starting to cry and shouting allowed

that he doesn’t think you will make it. Not the best way to deal with a stressful situation, that’s why they train.

So, it should be with kids. Talk to them but also reinforce your expectations by setting up scenarios that demonstrate

what you mean. Point out situations in real life to help them understand and tell stories from your past that will help

them build a better picture of what, for a lot, is just an idea in their head that hopefully looks like yours.

Working with strangers and child safety is a complex subject. The intention of this report is to bring this important

distinction to parents so that they could make informed judgement on how to go forward when it comes to speaking to

their child about their safety. It may be the case that you have never really had this kind of discussion with your child

so hopefully it will help. The biggest threat to someone’s safety is the thought that there is no threat. There is always

an ever-present threat waiting to trap the weary traveler. MY job is to bring these kinds of topics front of mind in my

students not so they are scared but so they feel empowered and ready to take on life.

FIND OUT MOREIf you or anyone you know would like to see our programme in your school or you would like to enroll your child in our

regular classes go to www.southeastselfdefence.com.au

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