What is an arranged marriage?

A marriage planned and agreed by the families of the couple.

Arranged marriage1. Why do Muslims have arranged marriages?

2. What role do the parents have?

3. What happens when people are introduced to a potential marriage partner?

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Arranged marriage

What are the positives and negatives of arranged marriage?

Positives Negatives

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p1RRQehnL84

1. Your parents

know you best and

should help you decide.

4. You must love

someone before you

marry them.

2. Only the people getting married should decide.

3. If it is a religious tradition then it should

continue.

6. It is good to get

advice from lots of

people.5. If you are old enough to get married, you

are old enough to make your

own decisions.

Stronglyagree

Stronglydisagree

Agree DisagreeUndecided

1. Your parents know you best and should help you decide

2. Only the people getting married should decide.

3. If it is a religious tradition then it should continue.

4. You must love someone before you marry them.

5. If you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to make your own decisions.

6. It is good to get advice from lots of people.

Stronglyagree

Stronglydisagree

Agree DisagreeUndecided

1. "We're like any other couple."I am a girl living in a western county and this is how my arranged marriage went. After I had finished school my parents approached me and asked if I was ready to marry, I disagreed and so they left it (I was 18 - almost 19). When I was 21 I was approached by my parents again asking me if I was ready, this time I said yes. Then slowly people were asking my parents about me etc, friends of parents and others from our community.

My parents were obviously telling me who was asking about me and if i wanted to arrange a meeting with said person, I rejected two without a meeting because from what I heard I wasn't interested. the third I said yes to, he and his family came to our house and sat and talked with my family over lunch.

After a while I was sat in another room and my mum told me we should talk (me and him) so I agreed, obviously I wanted to know more about him. They left us together and we spoke for quite a while, asked loads of questions regarding character and the future. After about a week or so he proposed through family. I wasn't sure so I didn't give a reply for about three weeks after that and when I did, it was a yes.

We were engaged for a year and [are] now married. We're like any other couple now we're completely happy with each other. And we're scarily really compatible in the things we both like or don't like and agree or disagree with. As with any relationship we do argue but I can honestly only think of two times we've really actually argued otherwise we mostly have jokey fights

The following comments were made by people involved in arranged marriage

2. "Our personalities are complete opposites."We actually don't [get] along. Our personalities are complete opposites. I personally like it quiet around the home and have time to myself, but my husband likes to have guests all the time and it is really annoying. Not to mention that he is messy while I like to keep stuff clean and organised

3. "I don't think I could have found a better man on my own."I got married a month ago to a man I had only spoken to twice. Nine months later (an engagement period) we were legally married. We were in a long distance relationship on two opposite sides of the country. He visited me twice. I am 19 years old and when I tell people I'm married they are very taken aback.

Just yesterday a girl told me that my life is over. But I have to say that I have never been happier. I love my husband very much. He is kind, thoughtful, intelligent, and I don't think I could have found a better man on my own. Thankfully we got along great and had a lot of the same interests. Things we did not agree with took a lot of compromising on both sides. Another thing I'd like to point out is that when I tell people I'm married they usually assume I'm married to a 40 year old gross guy. When I show them a picture of us they always make it a point to call us a beautiful couple

4. "I had a lot of doubts about this working out, but we seem to be very compatible in many ways."I have been married for five years now. We are very happy and have a two year old daughter. I was recovering from a breakup after a serious relationship when my parents sort of forced me into meeting my now-wife.

We met and chatted for a few hours and then spoke maybe a couple of times on the phone before we agreed to get married. At that time, I had a lot of doubts about this working out, but we seem to be very compatible in many ways, more so than in any of the relationships I'd had.

I think arranged marriages can work as long as both partners give it time, and are willing to look past the small things; but then I guess that's true for any marriage

5. "I wouldn't change a thing about it."Pretty much every religious Jew I know (and myself) have gone through this process, called "shidduchim". I dated for about a month (I think we got together around 10 times and talked on the phone maybe another four or five times) and had a three-month engagement. We've been married nearly a decade and wouldn't change a thing about it.

7. "The first two years of marriage were tough."We spoke daily for a month before the wedding without even meeting then BAM we're married. At the time we were both virgins at 24 and sex was a pleasant surprise LOL. I will admit that the first 2 years of marriage was tough because we were just getting to know each other and our personalities were just soooo different.

Once we married we moved from the UAE to North Carolina for study purposes. Anyhow we've been married now for 10 years with three kids and I thank god every day for bringing him to my life. Reading back on what I write our marriage method sounds crazy but it's absolutely normal where I'm from

6. "It's been happy."I married by husband at 17. He was 25. It wasn't a forced marriage, either of us could say no. It's been 14 years and it's been happy

Dear Agony Aunt,

I am 18 years old and my family moved from Pakistan to England 4 years ago. I have secretly been seeing an English boy behind my parent’s back at college and I love him. I know that this is wrong, but I cant help my feelings.

My parents have just told me that they have found a nice Muslim boy for me to marry in Pakistan and want me to meet him. I am very confused and not sure what to do. I do not want to hurt my parent’s or boyfriend’s feelings but feel caught in a difficult situation. Please help me.

Signed,Leya Abbas

Task: Write a response back to Leya and include:

- Reasons why arranged marriages are a good thing and should be celebrated.- Reasons why arranged marriages may be viewed negatively.- Your own opinions and advice.

Multiple choice questions about Arranged Marriages

Click on link below or type into your web brower:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/bitesize/guides/z7w2fg8/test