WHAT WORKERS WANT THEIR SUPERVISORS TO KNOW AND DO

DAN COMER

COURTNEY SMITH

B A R I U M S P R I N G S T R A I N I N G G R O U P

The Incredible Power of Parallel Process

Barium Springs Training Group

Provides a full continuum of community-based programs ranging from early intervention to post-adoption support

Training and Curriculum Development

Creator of the Six Principles of Partnership, the foundation for Differential Response in NC and elsewhere in the U.S.

Have provided training, curriculum development, technical assistance, and coaching for DR planning and implementation in NC, CT, WI and Canada

Where do you fit right now?

Who’s Here?

Role?

State?

Hopes for today?

Everyone Desires Respect

Everyone Needs to be Heard

Everyone Has Strengths

Judgments Can Wait

Partners Share Power

Partnership is a Process

Principles of Partnership

The Issues…Sound Familiar?

Stress Change Turnover

What did you hear in the video about principles and what they do for organizations?

“It is easier to produce ten volumes of philosophical writings than to put one principle into practice.” Leo Tolstoy

Leo Tolstoy

Using the Principles

Imagine we are a unit/team….

How could your assigned principle be applied in our working relationships/structure?

If we were practicing the principle, what would we see or hear each other doing?

What are examples of how your principle is working really well in your work team?

What are examples of challenges or barriers to implementing your principle?

Think about the particular principle

your group is exploring:

Inside Out Training

The trainer becomes the facilitator of a learning experience, rather than an information provider.

Through experiential learning methods, participants learn from the inside out.

People make an emotional attachment to the material, which aids both buy-in and retention.

Parallel Process

How we want workers to treat families …

Is how supervisors should treat their workers….

Is how administration should treat supervisors…

Is how the state should treat counties…

“Parallel Process speeds up any change process, and

reduces resistance to change.”

The Golden Rule:

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Good advice for living

Treat others as you would like to be treated

Respectful behavior come from considering what you would like for yourself

Examine each situation through your own perspective to determine the best course of action

The Platinum Rule:

Do unto others as they would have you do unto them.

Higher skill level Treat others as they prefer to be treated, not as you

prefer to be treated Respectful behavior comes from considering what the

other person would like, not what you would like Examine each situation through the other person’s

perspective to determine the best course of action Stephen Covey’s concept of “paying in their currency”

Change

Think back to a time in your life when you were forced to make a change.

ANALYTICAL

DRIVER

AMIABLE

EXPRESSIVE

Four Social Styles

Four Social Styles

ANALYTICAL

DRIVER

AMIABLE

EXPRESSIVE

Ask Tell

Slower pace Faster pace

Task

Relationship

Less assertive More assertive

Everyone Desires Respect

Tools for this principle:

Use the Platinum Rule

Model the respect you would like to receive

Meet people where they are (Explorer, Vacationer, Prisoner)

Look for positive intent

Be aware of social styles and adapt when necessary

Respect and incorporate ideas from workers

I'm not concerned with your liking or disliking me... All I ask is that you respect me as a human being. Jackie Robinson

Autobiographical Empathic

Filtering what we hear through our own frame of reference, personal experiences and our own agenda

Listening with the intent to reply, rebut, inform, collect information, convince, persuade, control or manipulate

Striving to get inside the other person’s frame of reference in order to really understand their point of view

Listening with the intent of seeing the world through their eyes and understanding how they feel

Two Ways to Listen

Benefits of Empathic Listening

According to Covey, next to physical survival, the greatest human need is to be understood, affirmed, validated, and appreciated. Empathic listening allows us to fulfill this need.

Resistance diminishes

Communication is more genuine

Allows recipient to work through their own thoughts and feelings; and

Create solutions

Group A Group B

View this video clip, taking note of the techniques the principal uses to portray he is concerned and listening

See if you can determine Mr. Harper’s underlying intention in the interaction

Video Task Guide-Boston Public

Internal Voice

The best way to manage your internal voice is to focus on your intent.

Your intent drives your internal voice. It will dictate the tone of the interaction and the questions you ask.

Principal Harper’s Questions

1) What can I do for you?

2) Is there anything else?

3) What would you have me do?

Technique vs. Intent- What is under the surface?

Technique

Intent

Seek First to Understand

Intent is more important than technique

A big piece of all the other principles

Everyone Needs to be Heard

Genuine listening means suspending memory, desire, and judgment – and, for a moment at least, existing for the other person. Michael Nichols

Identify a partner- (either a difficult partner or one you

work with on a regular basis)

List as many strengths as you can for that partner

Relevant to the work

Include different kind of strengths

This list is only for you

My Partners’ Strengths

Now find a partner

Locate someone with a different social style than your own; ideally, the opposite (i.e. expressive with analytical and amiable with driver)

Share your responses with your partner

Use this opportunity to gain a different perspective on strategies for addressing your unique challenges

My Plan for Focusing on Strengths

Finding Strengths by Finding Exceptions

Looking for exceptions helps

you begin to see:

When the problem is NOT occurring

When things are different, better, or going well

What is happening during those “different” times when things are better, and

How you can replicate those exception times

Scaling- The Swiss Army Knife of Tools

Epitomizes the Not Knowing Stance

Provides insight into the responder’s perspective

Easy to adapt to different subjects, issues, and stages of development

Everyone Has Strengths

Two heads are better than one

Past successes, abilities, dreams, and resiliencies.

Strengths are the key to finding solutions.

Takes more effort and intention to find the strengths in those who are the most different from us.

“It is not our purpose to become each other; it is to recognize each other, to learn to see the other and honor him for what he is.” - Hermann Hesse

Solve This!

I am going to make numbers the oldest way possible

The markers are irrelevant

You need to place yourself where you can see my hands

I am going to try to trick you

The Ladder of Inference

Judgments Can Wait

Strategies for the this principle:

• Hold judgments lightly

• Seek alternative explanations

• Not knowing stance

• Ladder of Inference

“From a worldly point of view, there is no mistake so great as that of being always right.” - Samuel Butler

Sharing Power Means-

Making sure people know what they’re expected to do

Being sure they know how to do what is expected of them

Giving people the information they need to be successful and make good decisions

Partners have the autonomy to perform their tasks

Partners Share Power

Sharing power requires:

Paying attention

Willingness to change direction

Patience

Listening

Sharing the glory

Rules of Brainstorming

State your target clearly

Establish a brainstorming group

There needs to be a designated facilitator.

Give the following instructions:

Strive for quantity

No criticism allowed

Build on the ideas of others

Talk in headlines

Consistently encourage the group

Use two recorders if you need to keep it going

Partnership is a Process

“Life is a process of becoming, a combination

of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to

elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of

death.”

Anais Nin

Tools for this principle:

Be intentional.

Pay attention.

Honor yourself and others- in any process- by compassionately applying these principles.

Thanks!

For further information, or to discuss your training or coaching needs, please email or call:

Dan Comer

dcomer@bariumsprings.org

828-432-7766