when two humans show up, they see the world differently. fundamentally, we disagree

Peace Project Version 1.0al.turtlecounseling.com

When two humans show up, they see the world

differently. Fundamentally, we

disagree..

My view.

Your view.

All relationship stuff starts here. Just two people, coming together.

At some level of detail, we always see the world

differently. We even have different

definitions for every word.

Hello people who like Peaceful relationships.

Click Space Bar to go forward. You can also click Forward key. To go back, click

Backup key.


This is a big problem!

My view.

Your view.

And I’ve found we have, and display,

three choices

Most of us seemed trained in early

childhood to fear hearing or displaying

disagreement.


My view.

Your view.

It’s your call!MasterTalk

And I’ve found we have, and display,

three choices

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My view.

Your view.


• This sends a warning or threat to anyone who may disagree. • The warning is to KEEP QUIET. • After years of training, most people experience this threat at the unconscious level. Also most people who speak in MasterTalk do so unconsciously.• However, MasterTalk is simple for an observer to notice.• I think of this unconsciously threatening behavior as the first clue to the tactics of Extinguishing Differences.

If the threat in the MasterTalk is not heeded, if listeners speak up in disagreement, proceed to the next step.

A sentence that implies there is a single truth. Only one way is right!

Stating “facts” or the “single truth”•“We’re going into town this afternoon.” •“He really liked that yesterday.” •“It is hot in here.” •“Your partner is a liar.” •“You are Bi-polar.” •“Everyone likes chocolate ice cream.”

Confronting with “facts”•“You are wrong.” •“That is not right.” •“That is not what happened.” •“You are full of errors.” •“Everything you are saying is B.S.” •“That is a flat lie.”

Asking for “facts”•“What should we do about this?” •“What is the right way?” •“What happened yesterday?” •“I don’t know.” •“What should I do about my problem?”

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My view.

Your view.


If these threats are not heeded, proceed to the next step.

ArguingInterrupting

Verbal assault.•A clear sign of emotional reactivity, defensive or aggressive. •Act of two bullies verbally putting down each other’s point of view. •Verbal jabbing attempts to get the other to give in and shut up. •Legal and common in our culture.•Often called emotional battery.•Threats, put-downs and shaming.

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My view.

Your view.


ArguingInterrupting

Domestic ViolenceSocial Brawling

Physical assault

•Act of one or more bullies physically putting down each other’s point of view. •Attempts to get the other to give in and shut up. •Currently criminal•Major threats.

•If these threats are not heeded, proceed to … Oh my God!

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My view.

Your view.


ArguingInterrupting

Domestic ViolenceSocial Brawling WAR

Remove those who dare to disagree.

•Kill them.•Leave them.•Family or culture feuds•Genocide

And this step always works!

It ends the relationship.

1


My view.

Your view.


ArguingInterrupting


A second choice that that people display.

One person cooperativelyis silent. No sharing. Conflict AvoidantPolitical CorrectnessAvoids “offending, insulting, upsetting.”

Building resentment.A pause before the explosion.

Silence gives way to slow emergence of passive aggression, talking back and arguing.

“Out of the blue,” violence erupts. Victim defendant.

DivorceSuicideMurder

Looks like PEACE. But…

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2


My view.

Your view.


ArguingInterrupting


The thirdChoice.


•People are Dialogical•Fully sharing of differences. •Requires speaking/listening skills•Patience & self-containment

Use Dialogue

PEACE

Use Communologue

•Boundaries,•Respect•Validation,•PreValidation,

• This sends a welcome to those who disagree.• It invites sharing. • It creates a sense of safety in most people, at the unconscious level.

A sentence that implies there are multiple points of view and all are acceptable.

Guided and facilitated Dialogue in groups.



Both choices 1 & 2 involve withholding, or suppressing information. This leads to increasing tension about “the unknown.” People have littlePredictive Information.

Therefore they become tense, and anxious.

People relax when they know what is going on and what will happen next. We call this Predictive Information.

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Choice 3 involves sharing everything safely and peacefully. How?


My view.

Your view.


ArguingInterrupting




Use Dialogue

PEACE

Use Communologue




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My view.

Your view.


ArguingInterrupting




Use Dialogue

PEACE

Use Communologue




“We believe that it is impossible for two people to agree on anything!” the old woman said.

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That is the chart. Let’s pause and give some examples, share some implications.


My view.

Your view.


ArguingInterrupting




Use Dialogue

PEACE

Use Communologue




“If two people are agreeing, you know one thing for sure. At least one of them is lying,” the old man said.

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My view.

Your view.


ArguingInterrupting




Use Dialogue

PEACE

Use Communologue




“100% of couples I see are pre-Domestic Violence.”

“40% of couples I see admit incidents of Domestic Violence.”

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My view.

Your view.


ArguingInterrupting




Use Dialogue

PEACE

Use Communologue




I believe MasterTalk is the primary language of our TV and radio media.

MasterTalk is the primary language of our politicians.

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My view.

Your view.


ArguingInterrupting




Use Dialogue

PEACE

Use Communologue




“Argument is the verbal form of physical battery.”

“Domestic violence is the physical form of arguing.”

“I never saw an incident of DV that was not proceeded by argument.”

Stop the trouble one step before it happens. Where? Here!

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My view.

Your view.


ArguingInterrupting




Use Dialogue

PEACE

Use Communologue




Let’s dialogue.

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My view.

Your view.


ArguingInterrupting




Use Dialogue

PEACE

Use Communologue




Al’s Beliefs

“Domestic violence intervention is primarily an educational activity. Law enforcement is part of the process.

1) All who respond to a DV incident should be well trained in being dialogical.”

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My view.

Your view.


ArguingInterrupting




Use Dialogue

PEACE

Use Communologue




2) All who work with ‘perpetrators’ should be well trained in modeling and teaching dialogue.”

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Al’s Beliefs



My view.

Your view.


ArguingInterrupting




Use Dialogue

PEACE

Use Communologue




3) All involved in the DV incident should go into training: “perpetrator” “victim” “witnesses.”

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Al’s Beliefs



My view.

Your view.


ArguingInterrupting




Use Dialogue

PEACE

Use Communologue




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when two humans show up, they see the world differently. fundamentally, we disagree

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