why love is a neurochemical roller coaster
TRANSCRIPT
Why Love isa Neurochemical Roller Coaster
Loretta Graziano Breuning, PhDInner Mammal Institute
Love is a cocktail of brain chemicals
dopamineserotoninoxytocinendorphin
They release in short spurts Then they droop
That’s whylove is a roller coaster
You can manage the ups and downs, but you can’t
have constant ups because…
these chemicals evolved to motivate
reproductive success
not tocreateconstanthappiness
We’ve inherited our brain chemicals from earlier animals
Your brain is designed to promote your genes, not to make youfeel goodall the time
Love is a huge motivator ofreproductive behavior,so it triggers huge spurts of happy brainchemicals
Disappointment in love feels like a survival threatto your mammal brainso you surge with cortisol, the threat chemical
Your ups and downs make sense when you know what
turns them on in nature
Dopamineis the great feeling
that a reward is at hand
Dopaminereleases energy for the chase
New love stimulates lots of Dopamine
Dopaminedroops once you get the reward
untilyou set your sights on another reward
Oxytocinis often called
the “love chemical”
Oxytocin is stimulated by
touch,trust,birth,and sex
Oxytocin droops when you’reseparated from the herd
This causes the feeling that your survival is threatened
Serotoninis the pleasure of social dominance
Serotoninis not
aggression but a calm sense that
“ I will get the
banana ”
Serotonin is soon reabsorbed,so we are always looking for ways to stimulate more
When you enjoy the attentions of someone important,it boosts your Serotonin
Endorphin masks pain so you can do whatit takes to survive
Endorphin is “endogenous morphine”
it’s meant for emergencies,not partying
Endorphin is stimulated by pain, including exercise,
laughing and crying
When lovers make each other laugh
it’s a valuable chance to enjoy Endorphin
Natural selection built a brain that makes you feel good when you do
things that promote your genes
dopamine endorphin oxytocin serotonin
No conscious interest in your
genes is necessary
It’s not easybeing a mammal
But you canmake peace with your
inner mammalif you…
1. Accept2. Adapt3. Arrange
1. Accept• Nothing is wrong with me• My happy chemicals will
droop sometimes• It doesn’t necessarily
mean something is wrong• It means I’m a mammal
among mammals
2. Adapt
I can build new circuits
My happy chemicals are controlled by circuits I built long ago
But they don’t build easily after puberty
3. ArrangeA new circuit will buildif I repeat a new thoughtor behavior daily for 6 weeks
I can arrange my life to feednew experiences to my brain until my happy chemicals flow in new ways
for example
Don’t compare myself to others
Don’t compare myself to others
Don’t compare myself to others
Love will always be a roller coaster
But you can have a smoother ride
you can make peace with your inner mammal
Is this information helpful? share it with your favorite groups and professionals; get the free 5-day Happy Chemical Jumpstart;
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participate in the Inner Mammal Institute’sFacebook discussion group and Twitter;
read my blogs, Your Neurochemical Self and thePositivePsychologyPeople;
read book excerpts at InnerMammalInstitute.org
my books
Habits of a Happy Brainforthcoming November 2015
Meet Your Happy ChemicalsDopamine, Serotonin, Oxytocin, Endorphin
I, MammalWhy Your Brain Links Status and Happiness
Beyond CynicalTranscend Your Mammalian Negativity
contact [email protected]
learn moreInnerMammalInstitute.org
my blogYour Neurochemical Selfon PsychologyToday.com
and one more thing
Don’t compare myself to others
Don’t compare myself to others
Don’t compare myself to others
Dopamine
Dopamine makes you jump for joy when you reach a goal or get a toy. In nature, it helps find food when you need it. “Eureka, I got it!” A memory gets created. Dopamine causes expectations. Correct predictions bring good sensations. Dopamine feels great so you try to get more. It rewarded our ancestors trudging through gore. Cocaine triggers dopamine. Caution to all: Joy without goal-seeking leads to a fall. Dopamine flows when you feel like “I’ve done it.” When others do it for you, your dopamine will shun it.
Endorphin
Endorphin helps you mask the pain Of injuries that you sustain. Your ancestors escaped from predator attack ‘Cause endorphin felt good while they ran back. Endorphin feels great when it eases your pains. But only real pain makes it flow in your veins. Exercise triggers it, experts alert you. But first you must do it ‘til body parts hurt you. Endorphin receptors let opium in. So you feel like you’re safe without lifting a shin. Laughing and crying can trigger it too. But just for a moment– then the job’s through.
Oxytocin
Oxytocin makes you trust your mates. We love the bonds that it creates. Oxytocin flows when you stick with the herd. “Not me!” you may say, “I’m no bovine or bird.” But without social bonds, your brain feels alarm. This protected our ancestors from all kinds of harm. Though the herd will annoy you, the pack hurt you so. When you run with a pack, oxytocin will flow. “My pack is great and the other is nuts.” This thinking prevailed since the first mammal struts. You’re above all this foolishness, obviously. But it feels good when I trust you and you trust me.
Serotonin swells your chest with pride When you get respect and needn’t hide. Your brain feels good when you boost yourself higher. But when others do this, it provokes your ire. “I don’t care about status. It’s other who do.” But you spurt serotonin when the limelight’s on you. You are quite modest and don’t like to boast. But no serotonin flows when you coast. Status doesn’t depend on money. You can be clever or helpful or funny. But when others one-up you, your mind agitates. ‘Cause serotonin droops ‘til you lift your own weights.
Serotonin