Why understand TA?

Why understand TA? People are OK as long as each person has validity, importance and

equality of respect.

Everyone (with only few exceptions) has full adult capability to think.

People decide their story and destiny.

The aims of TA is problem solving as opposed to avoidance or passivity and learning to make the right choices.

The ultimate objective of TA is ‘You are OK,  I am OK’.

Mastering TA empowers you with Tactful Awareness!

TA

Is a model for explaining why and how: People think like they do People act like they do People interact and communicate with others like they do

TA published works can be found in the following books: Games People Play (Dr. Eric Berne) I’m OK - - You’re OK (Dr. Tom Harris) Born to Win (Dr. Dorothy Jongeward)

Are psychologists first, being students of ‘people’, sensitive to feelings and emotions, not anxious to rush into engagements until they know the kind of person they are dealing with.

Understand people: Because they are different. What appeals to one person may

not work with another. They must buy into you before what you propose.

Are excellent communicators Emphasis is on the ‘body language’ and not the literature!!

Most Successful People . . .

TA

Has 4 life positions: I’m OK; you’re OK I’m not OK; you’re OK I’m OK; you’re not OK I’m not OK; you’re not OK

Individuals need to feel adequate (satisfied)

Is based on: Ego Drive

Distinct Ego states

1) Adult

2) Parent

3) Child

TA

Adult Ego State

Relating as equals Reasons dominating Emotions

Decisions made on Logic Computations Probabilities etc.,.

Parent Ego State Telling others ‘WHAT’ or ‘HOW’ to do.

Caring Shouldering Responsibility Working to Succeed Anger Fault Finding Etc

are all found within the Parent Ego state.

Parent Ego State Nurturing Parent

Sympathetic, caring views.

Eg: Let me show you …………………

Critical Parent Fault finding, judgmental, conflicting views.

Eg: Questioning, Comparing, Know it all, Do as I say approaches.

Child Ego State Being submissive, throwing temper tantrums and flaunting

authority. Distractible Fun Shy responsibility Taking/following instructions Curiosity Explore Child-like examples

ImpulsiveSelf-centeredAngryFearful

HappyPleasure seekingRebellious

CuriousEager to please

Child Ego State Natural

Pleasure seeking, Happy State

Adaptive Taking/Follow instructions, Good desciple

Rebellious Curiosity, Break away from norm, Creative

Ego Portraits People have favorite, preferred ego state, depicted by

larger circle in a diagram

Parent Adult Child

P

A

C

P

A

C

P

A

C

Human Interaction Analysis

A transaction = any interaction or communication between 2 people

People send and receive messages out of and into their different ego states

How people say something (what others hear?) just as important as what is said

Types of communication, interactions1) Complementary2) Crossed3) Ulterior

What Does That Mean?

This morning, Ram said to Sita, “Why don’t I take you to dinner tonight?” To explain what Ram meant, likely depended on how he asked the question.

Intonations: It’s the Way You Say It!

Placement of the emphasis

Why don’t I take you to dinner tonight?

Why don’t I take you to dinner tonight?

Why don’t I take you to dinner tonight?

Why don’t I take you to dinner tonight?

Why don’t I take you to dinner tonight?

Why don’t I take you to dinner tonight?

Why don’t I take you to dinner tonight?

What it means

I was going to take someone else.Instead of the guy you were going with.I’m trying to find a reason why I

shouldn’t take you.

Do you have a problem with me?Instead of going on your own.Instead of lunch tomorrow.Not tomorrow night.

Types of transaction

Complementary

Crossed

Complementary ‘Transactions’

Interactions, responses, actions regarded as appropriate and expected from another person.

Parallel communication arrows, communication continues.

Example 1: # How much time do you have?

# I’ve got 10 mins.

P

A

C

P

A

C

Example 2:

P

A

C

P

A

C

# You’re late again!

# I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.

Single response

Complementary ‘Transactions’

Crossed ‘Transactions’ cont’d

P

A

C

P

A

C

Interactions, responses, actions NOT regarded as appropriate or expected from another person.

Crossed communication arrows, communication breakdown.

Example 3: # You’re late again!

# Yeah. I know. I had a flat tyre.

Crossed ‘Transactions’Example 4: # What time is it now?

# There’s a clock on the wall, why don’t you

figure it out yourself?

P

A

C

P

A

C

Implications of TA

Develop strategies based on Ego situations

Try for the ‘Best’ communication exchange Responding in ‘complementary’ manner Most effective decisions are always in adult to adult transaction

Strokes or positive interactions are extremely important Greet with a smile (first interaction) Touch (handshake, pat on back) Give compliments whenever possible! Listen more than talk!

Become a ‘Response Able’ Person Recognize you cannot control others behavior. But you can affect

their behavior by the way you respond to them

Remember you control your own behavior and thoughts.1) Keep things in perspective

Don’t sweat small stuff Give it test of time Ask if it’s happened before Distinguish what can be changed from what can’t Focus on haves vs. have nots (only 10% of people in the

world know what want)

2) Have realistic expectations Life is not fair or perfect Bad (good) things happen, usually don’t last forever Things don’t always go according to plan People don’t always act as you’d like (remember ego state

explanations)

Emotions

State of Mind

Happiness, Sadness

Excitement, Anxiety External

Energy

Internal Energy

Optimism , Pessimism

Pleasure, Grief

TA on Mind & Emotions

Process

People

Product

Inter-dependence

Work streamlined Quality

TA Provides for Inter-dependence

C

P

A A

Fear

Respect

EQ

IQ

QI

Response Ability Knowledge

95% of normal humans have scores of 70 -

135

TA Helps to Build Emotional Intelligence

Work Life Balance

2

Use TA to Deal with Difficult Customers

Keep ‘adult’ ego state in control of yourself. Don’t get defensive, argumentative, emotional. Don’t take it personal. (Most problems comes from this!) Move cautiously, stay cool, remember complementary

transactions and strokes. Do not need to take continued abuse. (TA does not

mean take abuse!!!!) If handled well (e.g. did not embarrass customer, allow

them to take something out on you), can turn out to be positive later.

TA Sales Quotes:

When a relationship is right, details are negotiable

When tension is high, details become obstacles.

Rule #1:

The customer is never wrong.

Rule #2:

If the customer is wrong, read rule #1.

TA Sales Rules: