The Magic of Making Up

Most relationships start out in a way that it

seems like there are fire works every time

the two people are together.

Both of you just can't get enough of each

other, you both enjoy the times you two

spend together and can't wait to do it all

over again.

There is some kind of chemistry developing

between the two of you, that just seems to

bind and fuse the two of you together.

The more you spend time with each other,

the more the sparks just seem to fly. When

you get together more and more people

tend to notice the chemistry between the

two of you.

Does this sound oh so familiar to you?

Some relationships get past that chemistry and the momentum

wanes, you both get past the “honeymoon period” and in fact both desire to spend less time

together. Many strive to get that chemistry back that first made

them feel so wonderful. Unfortunately, many times the relationship eventually ends. However don’t lose hope, you

can win your ex back if you can understand what happen to

dilute the chemistry between you two and find ways to fix it.

I have had many people come to me because their relationships

have/or was about to fail. In the 18 years that I have worked with

couples I asked each person do you want to win your ex back. Roughly 97% of them stated that they did.

So the first step I took was to explain to them that there are five big relationship killers that ruin

most love relationships. We worked to discover which ones if not all of them were having such disastrous effects on their love relationships.

The 5 biggest relationship killers

that you should be looking for and working on to win you ex back is as

follows:

Most people enter a relationship with a deep fear of rejection, and

this fear motivates various forms of controlling behavior on their part.

Controlling behavior includes many forms of attack, such as blaming, anger, rage, violence,

judgment, criticism and ridicule of the other. Controlling behavior

always results in resentment of and the emotional distancing from the person attempting to control the other because of their own fear. Sadly, this behavior brings about

the very rejection that it is meant to avoid from their lover.

Many people enter a relationship with a deep fear of losing

themselves. The moment they experience their partner wanting more of their time, they respond with resistance – which usually takes the form of withdrawal, a form of coldness to the other,

forgetfulness of things or dates important to their other, and

procrastination about decisions involving both of them. When one partner is controlling and the other

is resistant the relationship becomes immobilized.

Partners in this kind relationship system feel frustrated, stagnant, and

resentful.

Many people enter a relationship believing that it is their partner’s job to fill their

emptiness, take away their aloneness, and make them feel good about themselves. When people have not learned how to take responsibility for their own

feelings and needs, and to define their own self-worth, pull

on their partner and others to fill them with the love they

need.

Most people who feel empty inside turn to substance and

process addictions in an attempt to fill their emptiness and take

away the pain of their loneliness. They tend to use one or more of the following: alcohol and drug abuse, over-eating or spending money, gambling, and focusing

most of their time on work. All of these are used as ways to fill the emptiness and avoid the feelings of failure, inadequacy, rejection and engulfment by their lover that they secretly feel. Again

sadly, they are all ways that shut out their partner.

Many people are acutely aware of what their partner is doing that is causing relationship problems, but completely

unaware of what they are doing. For example, you might be very

aware of your partner’s resistance or withdrawal, but totally unaware of your own

judgmental behavior. You might be very aware of your partner’s anger, but completely unaware of your own compliance. You might be very aware of your partner’s addictive behavior,

but very unaware of your own enabling them to stay with that behavior. As long as your eyes are on your partner instead of

on yourself, you will continue to believe that if only your partner changed, everything would be okay.

What can you do to change this and bring that

chemistry back?

So if are the victim of one or more of these 5

relationship killers or if you have suffered from the effects of projecting them

on to your lover...Don't worry there is help and a way to win your ex back

too. Click on the following link and begin the process

to win your ex back.