wisdom of the longbeards
TRANSCRIPT
Wisdom of the Longbeards
@cote – http://cote.io
30 Jan 2015
Slides: http://bit.ly/BeardWisdom
Conclusions
• Now is a good time to invest in beards as we have not achieved peak beard yet
• Listen to your elders: use scissors• Pick a style, and stick with it• Commit, and own it• Cash in on your assets, ignore your weaknesses• Ignore people, focus on you• You are part of a tribe, conform• When no one can see your smile, let them assume you’re always
smiling• It is by will alone that you’ll turn a shit-show into a magic-show
2@cote
BUT FIRSTSECOND, LET US GIVE THANKS
3@cote
“’Why don’t you leave your nuts in the office?’”
Pay attention.You are about to see a master in action.It happens fast.Don’t blink.
4@cote
Hello!
@cote
http://cote.io
SoftwareDefinedTalk.com Podcast &co.
I’ve worked in development, strategy/M&A, as an industry analyst, and marketing at places like BMC, Dell, RedMonk, 451 Research, and now Pivotal.
6
Also, I have a beard*
* Since I was 16. 7@cote
As far as “Nordic culture”…
• I got nothing.• My people are Texan, American,
Québécois, & Irish, in that order.• I’m really good friends with Silva, a
Finish lady. (That count? [Did you know passengers can drink in the car in Finland? What the fuck is our problem in America? (Jesus!)])
• I’ll wear this hat.• (Let’s move on.)
9@cote
WHY YOU SHOULD CARE
10@cote
Anecdotal evidence points to the power of beards
Source: Matt Baker, as you can see. 11@cote
Beards are popular
Time
Pop
ula
rity
of
be
ard
s (n
=7
43
,05
4)
12@cote
Beards are popular
Source: the only movie you ever need to see.13@cote
Profit == “buy for $2, sell for $5”
Source: "Hype Cycle for Cloud Application Infrastructure Services (PaaS)," Yefim V. Natis, Gartner, July 2012.
Burn, invest, commit
“You’ve got to be in it to win it.”
C.R.E.A.M.
“My baby’s hungry.”
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But we’re far from peak beard (0.734592 probability)
but…
“Plateau of productivity”* We are here, climbing the slope
* The only reason I did this whole presentation was for this screenshot-joke. Reveal in it! (Also, why not one star?) 15
Disclaimer: any relation to reality and strategy in the technology sector is strictly coincidently. This is just a talk convincing you to grow a beard. I don’t actually know anything about computers. There’s probably some typos. RedMonk just found me in a glacier and defrosted me.
(Miss, another Dewar's!)
16@cote
WISDOM
17@cote
Listen to your elders
• David Burns, genuine Austin tech hippie
• His advice: use scissors• Lesson: sometimes you kids
should really get the fuck off my lawn. (I have removed myself from many lawns, to happy results.)
18@cote
Pick a style, and stick with it
Source: “A Christmas Fucking Miracle,” RTJ; @colinmcnamara; the Internet. 19@cote
Commit, & own it*
*Unless it’s against your culture, or whatever…and that’s cool…
Source: Interview magazine; "[H]ands down, the dopest producer ever that anyone would ever want to be, ever" -Dr. Dre!
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Source: Kingpin. 21@cote
Cash in on your assets, “ignore” your weakness
• What is your unique strength?
• Three books, in order:
– Understanding Michael Porter
– The Lordi^Hs of Strategy
– Competitive Advantage
Source: DocStoc, those books. 22@cote
Ignore people (esp. “dad”), focus on you
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Corollary: the tyranny of opinion
• Make sure to have one, otherwise you’re apathetic (my super-power!)
• Beware of survivor bias. Failing assholes rarely make headlines; successful assholes often do.
Bonus:
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When no one can see your smile, let them assume you’re always smiling
26@cote
If you can’t grow a beard, shave your face
• Otherwise, you look stupid.
• Respect.
27@cote
Do the shit out of it. Commit, every time, beard or no
Light-table of Amazon Prime presentation, tell that story.
We’ve renewed each year since,
without discussion.
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It is by will alone that you’ll turn a shit-show into a magic-show
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CONCLUSIONS, AGAIN
30@cote
Conclusions
• Now is a good time to invest in beards as we have not achieved peak beard yet
• Pick a style, and stick with it• Commit, and own it• It is by will alone that you’ll
turn a shit-show into a magic show
• Cash in on your assets, ignore your weaknesses
• Listen to your elders: use scissors
• Ignore people, focus on you• You are part of a tribe,
conform• When no one can see your
smile, let them assume you’re always smiling
Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XgLhhifX5mY31
