work zine vol issue 4

8/14/2019 Work Zine Vol Issue 4

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EDITORS WORD

Its that time : another three weeks ,another issue.New sections of health and sports have beenadded plus your favourite columns. I truly feelsorry for the sports columnist who has to compactthree weeks of sports into one page. Excitingarticles and poetry from you to entertain you. I doencourage you to send in your articles plus half page profiles of your start-up organizations, theclassified section is for free listings. Send in your events , ads and birthday wishes for publication.Have you attended or hosted an event that struckyou? Send it in and we are sure to publish it. Toall the fasting readers, Ramadhan Kareem!!!

BUSINGE ABID WEERE

You are exchanging office gossip with Aminahwhen she suddenly gets up and runs away. A fewminutes later , she walks into the library with a

polythene from which she unrolls a matt and her Shariat. She prays. Rolls up everything again andcomes back to continue the chat. But not all or-ganizations are so open to religion at work. Whenfaith and work meet, the results are often interest-ing. Organisations are made up of people fromdifferent religious backgrounds and diversity. Thislays the background for different administrative

policy. Julius is Buddhist and practices hefaith by having high moral standards: Its what Iam and what I believe. I may lose a few deals be-cause of that but I wont lose my soul. Bettina is a born again and holds praise sessionsvery lunch time: rooms are free at the time and wedon't disturb anyone. And its my lunch break.Faridah is enjoying the holy month of Ramadhan: it doesn't affect my work and my em-

ployers respect that. but not all organizations areopen to ones beliefs. Louis was re-cently left in a moral quagmire when he was or-dered to offer a bribe in order to clinch a deal for the company: I told them it was wrong but theyinsisted. I was almost fired. I had to do it. Whatelse could I do? Doreen avoidedall that and started her own company; I don't com-

promise on my faith since I set the rules on howthe company operates. yet sometimes the pressurecomes not from upstairs. Aminah once had todefend herself against a workmate who didn't notfeel comfortable: she was saying that I make

noise yet in Islam women pray silently. luckilyfor her, the administration ruled in her favor. Jay is compounded by people who don't under-stand his faith : they keep asking me funny ques-tions about gods and not eating some stuff like

Voters oust 50 year old regime in Japan

Shisha more harmful than cigarettes

Ugandan gorillas launch facebook accounts

Semanya forced to have gender test as Bolthammers world records

International out roar as Lockerbie bomber isfreed on humanitarian grounds

Scientists capture rare onscreen of Ground-to-cloud lightning

Black contenders for governor cause mediastorm in Russia

Beggar makes 75 - 400$ a day on Sydneystreets

Fans mark 8 year anniversary of Aaliyahs death

Crisis hits Nigeria banking sector

Northern Uganda rebel conflict captured in newDC comic

The Boondocks slated for an early 2010 return

Muslims begin fasting in the holy month of Ramadhan

Oasis break up after Noel Gallagher quits band

Whitney Houston launches comeback bid

US Open starts as Murray takes No.2 spot

Martina Hingis joins dancing reality show

Nokia roars at Apple as it launches N900

Worries at facebook privacy rules loopholes

they don't how to get to Wikipedia.!!!! Sara says she is often misunderstood ; peoplethink that am a puritan nun just because amsaved. I miss out on parties. So unfair!! Emslie is agnostic and is still coming to termswith the way people react to that ; hahaha. Itsamusing that people call me a pagan. Even someclients look at me like am the devil or somethingout of horror movie. Even funnier is that I mayhave a higher moral standard then these so called

pious people. Nevertheless, some do benefifrom religious oriented people. Mark was delighted when dealing with a client fromthe same Kingdom Hall: He gave me all theinformation I needed and the records were cleantoo. Truly Gods hand!! with so many diverseexperiences , its clear that one needs to hit a fine

balance between work and Faith.. In the samevein, rational respect and reaction should beaccorded to those who choose to extrapolatetheir belief in their labours without smotheringothers.

W O R

K Z I N E

HOLY PLACE OF WORK

IN THE NEWS

Volume 1, Issue 4

S p r i n g i n g f o r G l o r y

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2nd September 2009


2/12 2 WORKZ I NE I SSUE 4 PUBL I SHE D E VE RY T HRE E WE E

ORGANIZATION IN FOCUS : ugamail.co.ug

First things first. The title has nothing to do with the musings that follow below. Or maybe it does. I was coerced into watchingthe similarly named movie and it made me think about my social life, hence this piece.I have always been a bit of a loner. To quote one of the characters in The Hangover, "...I tend to think of myself as a one-manwolf-pack...". I have never really had an issue with this and, in fact, it has fostered most of my efforts towards independencefrom my parents, siblings and peers. I can confidently attribute a portion of my short list of achievements to my natural inclina-tion towards self sufficiency.Of late, I have been strangely unable to resist the affinity for the presence of a she-wolf in my one-man wolf-pack. Don't get mewrong, in a few of my prowls in the jungle, one or two she-wolves have strayed into my pack, but evidently, none has stuckaround long enough for the hunt.

Initially, I attributed my condition to my social environment, what with staying alone and interacting only with fellow staff duringhe week, in addition to two of the four weekends in the month. This seemed a comfortable and fitting explanation. However, I have spent the last monthn London and there is no shortage of interaction with people from various walks of life, let alone the vibrant night-life and upbeat tempo of it all. Keeping

up is, in my opinion, urban warfare of sorts; yet the urge to look into her eyes re-mains.

To trot by her side, as we patrol our territory in this jungle we call life; to defend her n the shadow of a predator; to hunt and bring home the kill for her to shred to bite-size chunks; to feel the warmth of her silky fur beside me as we gaze

dreamily at the full moon; and to see the moon's reflection in those eyes. Those eyes.

A casual stroll through Greenwich Park (it's practically in my back yard) leaves me bewildered by the staggering frequency of public displays of affection.Even more alarming are the pangs that ripple through my chest as I witness these hitherto ignored phenomena. Maybe it is a side effect of getting older,or maybe I have unhealthy levels of oestrogen diluting my testosterone. Honestly, I just might seek professional advice.

Anyway, watching How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days woke me up to the reality that I need to step up my efforts to court a worthwhile female. It is not themovie in itself that has stirred me, rather, the emotion it evoked. I am now one step closer to accepting that we as humans are wired for companionshipand that maybe, just maybe, this thing called 'love' is not a figment of pop culture.

As you may have deduced, I am feeling rather incomplete at the moment. She-wolves, beware! If you stray too far from the pack, you just might end upn my one-man wolf-pack.

Yes, you.

How to lose a guy in ten days

Any business can benefit from the potential media coveragegenerated from internet advertising. An article or a click re-ferring to your new product or announcement on a prominent website will definitely assist your business in achieving its ob-jectives. It's no secret; the internet and websites are fast prov-ing to be one of the most powerful ways of advertising.

Ugamail.co.ug is Ugandas first free email service. It providesa unique forum for communication and entertainment throughthe medium of the Internet. Ugamail offers 100% free email,100% free chat, 100% free sms, and100% free job forum and 100% free dat-ing service (forum and dating servicecoming soon). Ugamail is the answer toan increasing demand for internet com-munication solutions. The public wants:

access to the methods of communication and volumes of in-formation now available on the Internet, and Access at a cost they can afford and in such a way that they aren't socially,economically, or politically isolated.

Ugamail's goal is to provide the community with a social, edu-cational, entertaining, atmosphere for worldwide communica-tion.

Ugamail is a product of Goratech Uganda Limited. Goratechdevelops, markets, and supports end user software and Inter-

net solutions, using the latest technologies to providepractical, user-friendly solutions for small and medium-sized businesses, home-office entrepreneurs, profes-sionals, middle managers and executives. The companyis a privately-owned corporation and is currently in theprocess of opening offices in different countries to bettercover new emerging markets. The company's head officeis located in Johannesburg, South Africa and in Kampala,Level 3 Jumbo Plaza, Parliament Avenue.

Goratech has since ventured into ECM/DMS system pro- jects and in conjunction with Global Bits THUTA (Oracle

certified solutions provider) is cur-rently pursuing Oracle certification toprovide oracle based solutions and ser-vices.

Today, Goratech is established in mar-ket niches that hold a great potential to

enhance how business is conducted. Our mission is toempower small and mid-size businesses with marketingcommunication services and business automation tools.Being an innovative and technology-savvy organization,we strive to help our clients reach their full market poten-tial. Goratech is continually working to improve existingproducts and services and to introduce new ones to sat-isfy SME needs.

Contact us : Tel: +256 41 7113 300, Fax: +256 41 7113100

Tendo

Miti


3/12

1.If I like it, it's mine.2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.5. If I saw it first, it's mine.6. If I'm doing or building something, all of the

pieces are mine.7. If it looks just like mine, it's mine.8. If you put it down and I picked it up, it's now

mine.9. If it's mine, it must not ever appear to be yoursin any way.10.If it's broken, it's yours.

By Herbert Crispus

Page 3 WORKZ I NE I SSUE 4 PUBL I SHE D E VE RY T HRE E WE E KS

I spent an hour and forty-five minutes on the report andhad fifteen minutes to gulp down the posho and beans Idbought for lunchdo NOT think about her highness fin-ishing off desert at Grand Imperial, dont!

She means it when she wants reports on her desk whenshe gets back. I was rushing there when I heard voicesfrom her desk. It was the Financial Officer and Chief Ac-countant. I heard her name mentioned and stopped to catch my breath.

F.A : I feel sorry for Beatrice. People like that only getthrough life on their looks for so long. The M.D is tired of her. She is inept in her duties and makes careless mis-takes.

C.A : That is little! Shes always taking out advances.For lunches in expensive places. She even took out acompany loan for her car! And her advances get larger and larger..

F.A : Most importantly, she does not deliver. The M.D issorry he hired her. None of us wanted him to, but youknow him.

C.A : I dont know whats wrong with young womenthese days. Sleeping with bosses? Youre asking for it!Now hes had her, he can fire her! And I hear he will

F.A : Oh, yes! Hes giving her the letter tomorrow morn-ing

I sat down at my desk, and the thought suddenly hit me.

You win some. You lose some.

Lindsey Kukunda

My monitor made that oh so familiar sound. Ive got mail. Iclicked on it- her highness wants the latest telephone usagereports a.s.a.p for the board meeting intwo hours!

A wave of anger, hot and boiling, came over me. What doesshe take me for? Shes my boss, shed better well bloodyknow Ive already got a workload so heavy I feel like a mother of four! I cant even juggle my sleep anymore! Who does shethink she is?

With the resignation of the underling I answered my ownquestion. She knows who she is. The Administrative Officer.And she damn sure knows who she isnt. Her Assistant.Yours truly.

I know this world is not fair. But why is it rubbed so often inmy face than others? Ive been slaving away in this companyfor three years and not so much as a promotion, let alone apay raise. I do all the work, stay longer than anyone else,sacrifice my social life ( okay, what remnants there ever wereof it!), kiss ass left, right and center.when, oh when, will I

ever be appreciated? Why does her highness live the goodlife while I who does everything-

Jessica! Stop daydreaming and get to work on those re-ports I need! Im going out for lunch, and when I return, I wantthem on my desk.

I cant even bask in self-pity for a minute without being inter-rupted! My mental grumblings continued as I watched her gracefully slide into the front seat of her Rav 4. No two door vehicles here, thank you very much! Some people have allthe luck. Of course, it doesnt hurt to be light complexionedand a Tyra Banks lookalike while youre at it

Round world

Property Laws of a Toddler (and someAdults)

FUN SITES

http://www.b3ta.com/

http://www.fark.com/

http://icanhascheezburger.com/

QUOTABLE QUOTE

Why is there so much month at the endof the money ?

Anonymous


4/12

Im Not Good with Public Displays of Affection

Just like me, you have been in situations or places,where this couple, cant wait but start on each other, Iam not good on Public Displays of Affection, I can holdhands, thats kawa, but other displays are left for thecomforts of a private place.

And because of that, I have been accused of being avery un-romantic guy. This is not nugu, but you lookat this couple, its like no body is watching what theyare doing and yet are. Some displays end up beingutterly disgusting to those watching.

Advice: Dont make out in these places- DONT!

1. Dont make out in places where others cannot es-cape, for example the Elevator at Garden city just cozyou see me, I look cool, and seem to look like I enjoywatching people make out, should not encourage youto make out in a place where I have no escape route, Itry not to look, but the mirrors and the way she is trying

to push that tongue down his throat is disgusting-shameless people.2. Please do not use that tongue during the daysucking face is only acceptable at night, when you canuse the I was drunk excuse. Just sneak little kisseswhen no ones looking. I repeat during the day, dont

Page 4 WORKZ I NE I SSUE 4 PUBL I SHE D E VE RY T HRE E WE E

tention with my newly discovered wealth. My humble pleas of having to pay for bank loans, beer budgets and lunches at finerestaurants when trying to desperately please a campus flingthat Ive nearly made it fell on deaf ears. I was soon sucked dryof my extra dime and this led me to seeking a solution.

I found it in the desire to be in a place inaccessible to my blood-hungry family sorry cash-hungry family but near enough to bothmy workplace, campus, and hangout joints. There were a cou-ple of options that is Wandegeya and Kamwokya. I chose thelatter. It was closer to Kisementi basically walking distance, aboda-boda away from work (10-15 minutes to brush away thehangover and allow me to wake at 8am). And of course closeenough but no so to campus to go there but for returns not to

be reciprocated. And best of all, far away from home for me toenable establish myself away from my ma but near enough incase poverty kicks in and I want a ka -quick 10K from my mand catch a decent meal at least once a month.

Rafayilli

I have finally located a small pad in the ghetto republic thatmay not be all o that ghetto fabulous but surely does for ones first crib out of the fine comforts of his moms home. Ihave always thought of that day when I leave home and have

no thought of ever returning. It was probably first conceivedwhen I left for varsity in August 2004 (now why do I feel thatis quite a while). Anyhow, I left for campus that fall and to meit was good riddance to overly nagging sister and mom whowere in my hair nearly all the time.

It did not take long and I finally graduated and actually had toreturn home as I no longer had an excuse of staying on cam-pus. But since the day I got myself a job I have thought of breaking free of the fine comforts of home I had come to ap-preciate once again. What with the satellite television, sump-tuous breakfasts and other homely meals, who would think of going away? I was not even paying for a thing. Talk about agreat abode!

All that changed when someone snack into my room toarrange it and came across my contract. The seven figuresalary that was my starting salary only shocked them but ledthem to pronounce that I was from then going to pay for mystay at this place I used to call home (home to me was de-fined as my mamas crib where all good things are aboundand free).

If I had only taken sometime and arranged my room, or takenextra care and hidden that contract in an accounting bookrather than my photo album, perhaps my sister would never have come across. Well I got on to become the centre of at-

Jumping Out of the Nest

use the tongue, and dont suck on each others faces.3. Dont block people from walking out of buildings or bars,

just coz your drunk and you think youre the only two peo-ple left in the world, should not make you block exits andentrances. Find a dark place, out of my way and then startdoing your thing.4. Dont pop each others pimples. I have seen that, andthats completely gross.5. Dont dress alike. Just coz you bought some football jer-seys with your names on them, should not make you dis-play yourselves at the Kampala Rugby Club walking hand-

in-hand, we have seen that you two are together and after all on her shirt she has MRS *****.and he has MR **** writ-ten on the back.6. Dont continually touch each other if youre eating dinner with others. It is very distracting and prevents people fromenjoying their meals.7. Dont feel each other up. Babie do you mind if I strokeyou down, oh, I knew you wouldnt mind

8. Dont sit in his lap and dont kiss loudly What are your feelings towards that? And hey I do not hate on you lovers,I just do mind the place and time we all display some of thatstuff.

--2009 normzo

https://www.normzo.blogspot.com

NOT Good With PDAs


5/12

GIRLS................ EXTREMELY LOUSY BUSINESS PARTNERS!

ve you ever sat down and creatively come up with a way to earn extraoney on the side? Kind of like how Bill Gates, in his boring years,ould just have thoughts of microsoft and computers and stuff, or likew Donald Trump would just, over a cup of cappuccino man'sckily bitter but pretty looking coffee-like thingy), decide to erectbuilding with his name on it, or like how Abid, due to failure to get

mployment years after graduation, and over a pot of boiled cassava,ju t cam e u p w i th th e Wo rk Z in e? w e l l I h av e .

all started when I realized that my salary, pocket money, handbagoney, wallet money, bra money, socks money, money for upkeep, hair owance, airtime money, just to mention but a few, were just noting to cut it. I decided to explore other areas from which I can

ge 5 WORKZ I NE I SSUE 4 PUBL I SHE D E VE RY T HRE E WE E

ons have gone to war over one person. This will makeonder if that person is/wasth something. It is then that one realizes that the people who arend these wars are only thinking through the fire that their legs ig-(pun intended). One wonders however that if these people (whosees we shall not mention for matters of security) call themselves the

er sex how can they be able to have men kill for them. What in-ues the most is the way they are able to milk paper out of the menhout having to sweat.

t Maria one of my weaker friends, who has kept me in the friende out of pity, but also because we have shared so many of her heart-ks together. Heartbreak in the sense that one of her many moneyding sources has let her go and is no longer interested in her. She

ne of those girls who must have been born after mastering Robertenes Art of Seduction in her mothers womb. It is because of thisshe is driving herself around yet she earns less than i do. I set outarn from her how it is that she is able to maintain a 7 figure expen-re per month yet she earns in the upper area of 6 figures. particular time it was near the end of the month and everyone was

ke apart from Maria who had bank managers on speed dial. One of managers wanted to come and visit her at her place so she sug-ed that the house was empty of supplies so she requested him toby the supermarket on his way there and get her things that would

efunded on arrival. When he reached with the said things she askedfor the receipt which he dutifully handed. The mans ego didnt letaccept the refund that Maria handed to him. I laughed this one off it was an old trick in the book.ther dry spell was soon to pass by. Maria felt a need to change her . She was driving one of the real fuel drinkers in town. These came

h a tire rating that would set one back an average 2 months salary,ourse not Maria. This took her to none other speed dial number 2.

story line was that she needed a soft loan that would be paid back months end. The money was immediately handed over. She kept itwo days and then handed it back. Speed dial number 2 claimed itpocket change and refused to accept it.only problem with this kind of lifestyle is the hunters eventually

bored and look for other meat to prey on. On the contrary my sweetia wasnt having any of it. As fate would have it she fell sick. This

off a rat race of speed dial numbers one thro twenty. Of course oneto do this with the highest level of tact. It is sad to say that this setf the speed dials (that is the fitting synonym) back a staggering 6ion. We should ask ourselves who was smiling on her way to thek with a bottom that was aching from 5 jabs.

isa Micheal

The Fairer Sex

generate income. With my hardworking self, i must say I reI worked so hard but the jobs only paid in kind, and not h(Don't think what i think your thinking! In kind i mean expensive dinners, attended cool parties, hardly benched fofor rides after a night out, and the list goes on.) I had worat getting to know the great spenders, but these were people not find joy in putting money in your hands. They instethemselves on being great purchasers. ( I must explain again

was all on a business level! To further break it down, partying with my boss on a totally business level. Let me go amention that that was my former boss. The one i have now is wt h e p a r t y i n g l e v e l Anyway the point is i was fed up. I therefore decided to get who these people that i hang with would have no problem giviand with that, i'd also get paid. I typed out contracts and search of my hot friends. Many i had thrown out, because ewants to hang around people who look worse than her so that shlooks the best, but this time, i had to put something befocouldn't live life thinking about me, me, me, me! It was moand i was going to sacrifice for him. That's what real trufriends are for. So i call up this friend of mine and decideher out for an evening drink and catch up. I knew by the timedone, my 'crew' would be ready to pick me up, and she wouldhave to come with us. So, yeah. It all went as planned. They pup in the convoy (i swear it was a convoy of range rovers andof place dodge nitro), and off we went, first for the usual, dinner, then for the real thing. The night went on well, andyou guessed, my friend and the richest in the pack started soI was happy. Finally things were falling in Three days later, she calls to tell me about her happiness ablah blah. She kept saying, i don't know if i will get money,i do, ill let you know. Im like, its all good. Meanwhiletelling the rich dude.... hmm chick likes you. But my frbetter tight mark your territory. If you don't spend on herf i n d s o m e o n e w h o w iNow the problem is here. He was totally taking my advisetelling me, and my friend was not telling me either. So kwegalosing out. Business wasn't going as well as i hoped it woukept thinking my tongue was not convincing Then one fateful day, i met her. She was at standard chatterewith another friend of ours, going to open an account. Im Ok! You must have had a really long shopping list this semesalmost believing myself when our friend blurts out.... 'hmstill on your parents' shopping dimes? This one here has abank. Not even an atm. Those ones have limits. he is an open At that point i internally lost it. I could hear my invisible me) screaming, and it was almost getting physicthere. If I had waited just 10 more minutes, i wouldn't kno

There I was bursting my arse off everyday trying to convince to spend and yet he was doing even more thanSince this is a pg read, allow me to cut the long story short i have not found a way to politely tell what happens in Two days later she takes me out for a burger. It was Sactually, and did i mention, the burger came at half To conclude.. that's what you get for sharing business wNB: THE WRITER DOES NOT BELIEVE IN ANYTHING WRSHE IS AN HONEST CITIZEN WHO IS DEVOTED TO MAKMONEY!

http://serakelz.wordpress.com/


6/12

PORTS DUMP by M.Wonges

6 WORKZ I NE I SSUE 4 PUBL I SHE D E VE RY T HRE E WE E KS

Liverpool: As one pundit put it: CLUB IN CRISIS. You wonder how accurain the season though. Apparently that observation stems from the fact that games last season but still lost the title. Apparently they are only one gamethe title again. But at the end of the day good old Arry was also left bemudominance. I was about to say Loserpool is back on track after the result athen again Benitez and his band of merry men go lose at Anfield. This gamin so many ways. To begin with Anfield has been a fortress since DecembeCarlos (who?) was Manchester Uniteds match winner. 32 games later and own goal conspired with Martin ONeals men to jeopardize Anfields statuThis game also represented the first time Fernando Torres scored in a Liverthey fail to win. But most importantly it was also the first time that Jamie Cbeen flagged offside. Oh and their blushes were yet again saved by Mr. fanagainst 10 man Bolton Wanderers who had just refused to go down.

ManU:Fourth place will be a good finish. As for champs league. Group senough. Replacing CR7 with Antonio Valencia. Even good old Arry Redkndo that. Gabriel Obertan?!?! Laurent Blanc was so relieved to rid of him thfered him for free. Dont get me started about the creaky Giggs and Scholemore than 60 minutes of football in two weeks. Birmingham had every righfrom their old Trafford visit. meanwhile Burnley.. No words. The BEASTin the Burnley goal. I think a certain M Owen should be loaned to BunamwWigan 5-0. But I dont think you can look a lot into that. I mean the two tetimes Utd scoring 30 times while conceding only 4. But I must Salute Mr. and class.How trying it is to be a ManU fan this season. Luck, luck and moonly thing that can be said about the win against Arsenal.

MOTO GP:

After the pretender Casey Stoner stopped pretending, the DOCTOR is unbagain. The dude is practically waltzing to his 6th moto GP world championhis nearest challenger is his team mate Jorge Lorenzo. But whenever the duRossi, catches him and by passes him, he CRASHES. Remember that happa lot last season? Am I seeing a pattern here? Conspiracy theory anyone?! Indianapolis and there is another crash involving a Rossi rival. Seriously a ning to develope here. Pedrosa starts on pole then he crashes in lap 4. Thisbe investigated. So here I was waiting for Jorge Lorenzo to crash then for none, The Doctor crashed out in lap 9. Well, Ill be holding onto my conspirlonger. Now the championship advantage is down to 25 points with five roThe first of those remaining races is at Misano next weekend, where Rossiyear en route to his sixth premier class title and where he is sure to enjoy hthe passionate home crowd.

TENNIS:

Andy Murray number two in the world?? Something is seriously wrong. Mciating than Safina being Womens number one. At least Federer saved us the dude in Cincinnati. Here comes the US open. My bet is on Federer and

LOCAL SPORT:

This dude Aldrine Nsubuga. Tthe dude needs to style up. I know u were podid you really think u were gonna pull off the awards move? Meanwhile FUlet Pro-line take over Nalubale FC. You guys should also style up. A very Mwajib and chaps is doing something this big and you are just trying to takWhatever the case Bunamwaya will still not win the win. BTW how does tdent get to own a club competing in the league? It shouldnt be allowed!! Ithe Rugby league coz Pirates fans are significantly bigger than me and somstay. But really tuswala! Basket ball. Its obvious. But then again it waobvious with Pirates.

Read Pharell Bells blog on ESPN soccernet. The chap is classic.

Semanya (who the editor really wanted me to write about) and more oWomens tennis next time.

Contributions are welcome but they must all first be sent to me.I refusome(sic) editor to chose for me which articles to publish and which ones ninvented sports section.

This issues update is dedicated to all the chicks. I mean you chick whthe night at your boyfriends place, the dude escorted you to the boda stageing!!

Oh yes, concerning La liga, Ronaldo scored on debut from the spot. His onthe game. Poor Pellgrini couldnt substitute him. But Kaka. Aaaah Kaka. Topening goal. Beautiful. Deportivo gave a good account of themselves ththing remains for sure. Real Madrid cant defend to save their lives. Especi

Muwonge Mathias

ll, well.. I finally get down to key boarding for the WZ. Ive neva understood what WZ ispposed to mean but its all cool. Dear Reader, I need to let u know that thinking of stuff toe is now much harder than it used to be in school. I mean, am ever distracted. Women,

oze, women again then the fruits chick. BTW did I tell u about the fruits chick?? Can uagine this company employs fifty people of which 20 are women or gals but none in theable mold? The only source of excitement is when the fruits chick arrives. Sad. Real sad. I

ve noticed with great concern that the Zine( why does it sound like Zain?) lacks some sport.hat is work without sport. It provides us with the great talking points especially since the onlyck we can verbally undress is the fruits chick.

:

humacher is itching to come back, Ferrari are desperate for him to return and Formula Onemply could not turn away a driver who is pure box office. So much that Luca Di Mon-emolo, the Ferrari president, has launched a campaign for leading Formula One teams toallowed to run three cars next year, instead of two, which would allow the Scuderia to makeeat available to their favorite German.

A overturned the suspension of Renault from the European Grand Prix, issuing instead arimand and a fine of $50,000.

anadian Grand Prix is back on the gridBernie Ecclestone said that Formula One will returnMontreal next season after a contractual dispute was resolved

oblems with the Brawn cars tyres are threatening to ruin the Jenson Buttons driver's worldampionship title challenge. But that doesnt seem to be the case with his team materichello who after 5 years pulled a move on one of the two Mclarens in front of him to winEuropean grand prix.

eanwhile insiders claim that Ferrari are set to give the iceman a big pay off to rid them-ves of him. Apparently they need to make way for the arrival of the most complete driver ongrid i.e. Alonso the ranting Spaniard. Meanwhile the dude who replaced Massa is such a

**** that the only reason he didnt finish last in the European grand prix is because 3 carsred. But even then he managed to set the slowest lap times. Even Barichello who had toke an emergency pit stop chased him and caught him in 3 laps.

eanwhile, what really happened at Spa? Q1 ended with only Kimi and Barichello as the onlymaining recognizable drivers. They were expected to fight for pole but Fisichella took it. And

weakest teams were leading the grid. No one could explain what happened after qualifi-ion but apparently the down force in sector 3 simply favored the less fancied cars. Fisi-ella is expected to be behind the wheel of a Ferrari next week according to Italian TV sta-ns. Kimi won the race. Button and Hamilton were involved in a crash at the start of the race.tain cried.

CCER:

is dude opined that the Man Utd defence against Birmingham was penetrated so manyes that it almost felt like he was in bed with his wife. I dare say I cant say being in bed withgirlfriend( I think there is a letter missing) feels the same but who knows. Who else thinks

t the Berlusconi cup is simply ridiculous?? No one? really? How I had hoped Juventusuld win it. There is this sudden fascination with the European Super league especiallyled by Madrid and ManCity spending. Apparently European clubs will find it more profitablehey created a European league and wrestled financial power from UEFA. I find it ridiculoust Abramovich is backing a UEFA plan to put a cap on clubs spending. Apparently Man City

ms are obscene.

nchester City: Talking of City, does good old Sparky have real top four contenders or mply a bunch of expensive top four rejects?? Adebayor scored in his first game. But their

shes were really saved by Given and Mr. dependable Steven Ireland. Meanwhile they havene on to grind out another 1-0 win. And another 1-0 against Portsmouth. Well the awaymes City lost last season are now being won 1-0. That is a very promising sign for them.ebayor is looking good. While Toure and Lescott are expected to do the business at the

ck.enal: 6-1 drubbing of Everton. A sign of things to come? We can only hope that the gon-have not achieved their target of the season and are now ready for hibernation. Wilshire.lshire! My God the boy is good. Teammates rate him much more highly than Theo Walcott.nger might just have the last laugh this season. And indeed the 4-1 thrashing of Ports-uth seems to support the aforementioned. Thoug Gallas antics still seem visible. And at

d Trafford Diaby scored such a spectacular that for a moment Wenger celebrated only tolize that it was in the Arsenal net.

elsea: Midfield diamond formation. That seems to be the only difference with the Mourinhole. There is talk of the aging squad thus the purchase of Sturridge but remember whatcelotis aging squad did to Man Utd at the Sansiro? The dude seems to communicate withed players better. After watching all 3 Chelsea games so far, they have borrowed well from

Germans and Mourinhos efficiency book. Everyone does there jobs and no mistakes arede.


7/12


Opportunity Knocks

If today were the day that a thunderous roar erupted from the audience,The day that a golden hand stretched from the heavens and offered you the coveted medallion,The day that you got the long awaited phone call,The day that a beautiful face finally smiled adoringly at you,The day that your opposition abnadoned the fight and fled the battlefield,The day that your long lost loved ones were found and enemies pushed into exile

Would you confidently step onto the podium or would you cower into the the fuzzy crowd?Would you say the right words or would you blabber aimlessly till she left,Would you choke with speechless emotion and fail to deliver the acceptance speech?Would you calmly deal the final blow or would you panic yourself to failure?If this were the day would you have the right suit, the right perfume?Would you be strong enough, fed enough, well enough or would you drown in the heat of the momen

If this were the night that you finally had her to yourself,The night that skeptics confided in you and strangers sheltered you,If this were the night that the DJ played your favorite song and her occupations set her free,Would you have the strength to stay on your feet and the composure to keep your rhythm?Would you have the right socks or the right shoes?Would you have the right keys, the right file or would your presentation falter before it begun?

So, as you wake up this morning or go to bed tonight be aware that any day could be the day,That you hear the thunderous roar of the crowd or behold her gorgeous shape come your way,So, be prepared for this day of victory as you are for the many dark days that precede itFor it seldom comes twice in a life and almost never thrice And when it does be prepared

Magumba Abraham Mark

Hearty Gratitude

I asked God for a blessing from Above,And he gave me a partner full of Love.I asked him for passion that wont Starve,And he offered me a Lover willing to Serve;One who is exquisite in every Curve.

Why then would I ask for anything More?Why would I find anyone else to Adore?Why would I not be rocked to the Core?And why on earth would I ever be Sore?Why would my Gratitude not surge to theFore?

I remember many weeks Back,You said you had been hit by Luck.That day we talked till it was Dark.But it was me who had the most Luck,For you, my dear, are the Ultimate Mark

The kind of person that you are, Mary;Is the kind that makes my Heart Merry,Keeps my Desire and Passion Fiery,

And Protects and Guides me like a Fairy.Thank you for Loving me this much, Mary.

Bernard Olupot

PROSE AND POETRY

Vogon poetry is of course the third worst inthe Universe. The second worst is that of the Azagoths of Kria. During a recitation bytheir Poet Master Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem "Ode To A Small Lump of GreenPutty I Found In My Armpit One Midsummer Morning" four of his audience died of inter-nal haemorrhaging, and the President of theMid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survivedby gnawing one of his own legs off. Grun-thos is reported to have been "disappointed"by the poem's reception, and was about toembark on a reading of his twelvebook epicentitled My Favourite Bathtime Gurgleswhen his own major intestine, in a desperateattempt to save life and civilization, leaptstraight up through his neck and throttled hisbrain.

HITCHHIKERS GUIDE TO THEGALAXY

ONLY A BLACK MOTHER

Can take a week of left over scrapsand make a gourmet mealCan cuss a man out, then make love to himthat night and make him feel like a king.Can wear a burgundy french roll, 3 inch heelsand a split up her thigh to work andmake it look professionalONLY A BLACK MOTHER Can wear the hell out of spandexCan raise a doctor, a world class athleteand an A+ student in an environmentdeemed by society as dysfunctional,

broken underprivileged And disenfranchised.Can heat a whole house in the winter without help from the gas company.Can go from the boardroom to the block and "keep it real" in both places.Can slap the taste out of your mouth.ONLY A BLACK MOTHER Can put a Black man and his non-Black dateon pins and needles just

by walking into the room.Can live below poverty leveland yet set fashion trendsCan fight two struggles everydayand make it look easyCan make a child happy on Christmas dayeven if he didn't get a thingCan be admired and fantasizedabout by men of other racesCan be 75 years old and look 45.ONLY A BLACK MOTHER Can make other women wantto pay plastic surgeons top for physical featuresshe was already born with.ONLY A BLACK MOTHER can be the mother of civilization

-DivaMel Mc-Evans

IN THIS PLACE

'tis true I need you-with all of my heart

I search for you wherever I can find

you've said you'll be there-wherever am at

now I ask you show yourself for I'm losing my mind

CAROL MUGABI


8/12


With the onset of the rainy season, it is inevitable to spend a couple of hours relishing the good old days of unemployment. Mornings spentsauntering out of bed and determining what to wear, what to eat,

where to go...life was a series of petty decisions on trivial matters. Lifewas glorious!I know many of you will catch yourselves in this predicament. Askingquestions like; why am I here? Will I die if I choose to go home andsleep instead of work? Cant I operate a Rolex stand from our gate athome? Short circuit all the electric wires in the building? Friends, donot despair.Being the smart person that I am, I have taken it upon myself to getyou off the whining and onto the gratitude path (If after this article, youare so overwhelmed with gratitude to me for my assistance, feel freeto express this with a gift. Abid said those things are allowed).Presenting scenarios worse than the worst case scenario, which inthis case is your job. You could be;

1. A Nigerian movie addictI am referring to that category of people that mainline, snort,get high on and abuse Nigerian movies in every way possi-ble. I have nothing against Nigerians, I mean, who are we to judge what they do in the privacy of their own country? This,however, is the issue. A person goes through the hustle of writing, scripting, editing, shooting and acting out amovie (not forgetting the energetic witchdoctor scenes).They sit down to decide the title of the movie. A title that willsell the movie, draw audience from all over the globe andput them on the map. They come up with the likes of Beyonce and Rihanna or my favourite, Do me I do you.Enough said!

2. A football fanaticI gave up my attempts of feigning an interest in football along time ago and apparently all my hopes of being a coolchick went up in flames as well. I got as far as understand-ing rules like offside and felt I was now in the metals. How-ever, I couldnt keep up with the names and the faces. BradPitt is easy to remember but when you have to point outwho Waine (oba Waigne, Wayne?) Rooney is twelve timesin one match, not to mention he might be on another teamthe next season, it turns into a course unit. Besides, theenergy required to watch a match properly as a true sup-porter should, shouting and yelling at the right mo-ment, is remarkable. I would have to inject coffee directlyinto my blood stream to keep up. Like I said, it is a hardpaper.

I think these two points will set you off on that long list of unfortunatethings you could be doing other than work. Research has shown thatthe length of the list is directly proportional to its ability to make youfeel better. So next time you feel like throwing the computer out of thewindow and running out of the office screaming obscenities at theworld, pull out your list, look at it and calm down. If that doesntwork, you can always apply for sick leave, listen to potential by Wea-sel or just quit.

Rebecca Wana Abonyo

To work or...

Bombshells, Bumps, Potholes, Basketball, Billboards, and notexactly in that order...

No sooner had I seen it, than I knew that I had my article. You see, Iregularly have writers block, except when I don't have to write any-thing, then material flows, quite easily. Sometimes matters just cropup out of the blue, and you say," This could be interesting...."

Take yesterday morning for instance; my brother informs me, AFTERseeing me brush my teeth that the kid at home had used mytoothbrush just before me. Now I wouldn't mind sharing a toothbrushwith a kid, just once, but this girl's teeth have GANGRENE, it's thatbad. The brush is in the trash....

My brother is in the mood for bombshells this week;" Sam, you re-member the sweater you lent me on Wednesday? I left it in the taxi."And he's all apologetic as if that will bring back my sweater. I wonder what is in store for tomorrow....

Pothole update: there are new square potholes on the way home. Theold patched squares are doing remarkably better than the rest of theroad? Why can't the whole road be made of patches? Let that sim-mer....

Our team at the office, DMark Power (some branding, ed) wasUganda's main hope at the Zone 5 basketball championships. How-

ever, like all Uganda main hopes, they did not fail to disappoint. Theyfailed so dismally that today's game against warriors is just a show-piece, with no real meaning to it. Ironically, the Kyambogo warriorswere the least fancied team. Maybe we're not meant to be supportingthe good teams? Anyways, they will give Power a run for their moneyin the second half of the season.

Now, back to what I saw. I'm sure you have noticed that outdoor ad-vertising has really taken off in Ug, with Billboards, Screens, Toy bill-boards, Cloth banners, Baby Billboards, Posters and other things I amnot thinking of right now. However, a few months back, a new rival tothe billboard arrived. It was...surprise...an A4 plain white paper! On itwere fantastic claims, written mostly in caps, like, GET A LOVER,LOSE WEIGHT, GAIN WEIGHT, and various other scandalous thingsthat I'm sure embarrassed parents when their still innocent kids wouldread aloud the signs...ENLARGE YOUR...private parts, let's pretendwe are timid, won't we?

Anyways, the Bureau of Standards put an end to most of the sillinessby challenging them to provide scientific proof before they could putup more of their fairy Ads. Some would be quite easy to prove. GET ALOVER, for instance. Phone call, Man comes, another phone call,woman comes, man pays, love at first sight OF MAN'S LARGE WAL-LET. Problem solved.

So I got quite a bout of the giggles when I read this one fancy ad thatcaught my attention coz it was like wallpaper on an electric pole...GETMAGIC POWERS.

I dare the Bureau of Standards to obtain scientific proof of this one...Ifact I may check it out myself. But I'll be very specific about the magicpowers, like, I want the power to make potholes vanish when I'mabout to hit them, then appear bigger for the police who are pursuingme....

Wish me luck, and, the number is very easy to remember, for all youdesperates out there looking for excitement 555 559, but I don't re-member the network. You'll have to use magic to get that one

Otaala Samuel


9/12


FEATURED WRITER : SLEEK IN HOW IT ALL AROSE

We usually scratch our heads as to where most the stuff we see girls doing comes from. Years of research and listening to grum-blings of old men has brought me certain insights. Put down that Vimto of yours, lets explore.As men, from when we first opened our eyes to the world as shrieking babies, we were taught to respect women. As we grewolder, never were we allowed to beat up girls-even when she was six foot four and doing primary 3 for her fourth time. If you,puny as you were, were found tussling it out with her, you would be punished for beating up a girl. There is a gross misuse of the word girl in that case. It got worse. The girls would recognize their status and start to enjoy it. They would actually grow intothe role. This explains why whenever youd do anything even mildly unpleasant, like fart in class for example, shed tell you I amgoing to report you to the teacher." Actually, shed say it four or five times in rapid succession for full effect.) Fearing and trembling, youd offer some amenities-like your break money. That is how the concept of guy sacrificing money and going hun-gry while girl uses that money to go do her hair arose. Only that in primary three, girls had no hair to spend on so theyd buy their Barbie doll some more accessories, like eye pencil.In primary three, the boy-girls divide was very pronounced. The sexes were at war on all fronts. On the academic front, thosewho happened to be in a class where a girl topped at the end of the term will attest to the fact that that is how women emancipa-tion started; other girls realized that a girl could actually beat a boy in something so they thought, Hey, we can do this!. Tomaintain their lead, one girl would willingly tutor another girl and after the tutoring, conversation would stray to other topics. Thatis how the concept of gossiping started; it arose from the pursuit of academic excellence. The girls wanted to lead in class, sothey coached each other and then talked about other things afterwards.When they were not at war with the boys, the girls in primary three were being very inquisitive. Being inquisitive is a very goodthing. However, it had, and still has, its downsides. It puts individuals in a tight spot. Many of the questions that arise from beinginquisitive leave one wondering, Now, how on earth am I supposed to answer that question? Questions like, Mummy, whatwere those sounds I heard dad make last night?" This asked while you and a visitor are having tea ). This trait does not die,stays alive. Later in life, the girls bring forth questions like, Do you love me?, What do you feel about me?, Do I look fat?,and Is she hotter than I am? Now you know how the concept of asking strange question arose.In secondary school, some students would couple up. More often than not, the two would be in different schools. Girl X in schoolX (work with me here ) would know that at this stage in life, her boyfriend boy Y in school Y would be experiencing a lot of hormo-nal changes in his body so she would ask about him from her O.G, who happened to be in his school. The young mans everymovement would be watched by that spy. When he sneezed, Girl X would get to know. When he coughed, shed know. Whenhe took a dump for too long, still shed know. Now, when he talked to other girls, even merely asking for a pencil and rubber, shewould get to know and write to him asking him to avoid other girls and be faithful. That is how the concept of girls keeping tabson guys arose. Today, our every movement is watched. Text messaging instantly informs the only mosquito in your net, the lightof your life that you are wearing a lime green shirt with turquoise trousers and that you are in a restaurant with an unknown fe-male doing justice to poultry (read chicken) and fermented vegetation read beer). The text also suggests that you are not reallypaying that much attention to the roasted poultry in front of you.Still in secondary school, when the two of you start to exchange mail, you foresee the embarrassment on your girlfriends face

when she opens her mail to show off to all who care to see and she finds that you write like a tipsy three year old. You em-ploy a good friend to coin the phrases that will work your way deeper into the heart of your darling. One time during holidays, yougo along with that good friend so that he can meet the owner of the heart you are terrorizing. They get along and you are glad.Some time later, the two start to exchange mail. Girlfriend recognizes the handwriting, puts two and two together and throws youout very very fast. Yes, like Bolt. That is how the concept of girl falling for your best friend arose; that handwriting man. You gottatype your mail man, type it.This particular traits origin is an open secret. Early in life, girl chances upon her older sisters copy of Peter and Jane. Readingthrough it, she likes the content and her thirst for literature is born. As time goes by, she grows weary of the Peter and Jane. Shenow reaches under her sisters pillow for that tattered copy of Mills and Boon .The copy is tattered because its been read waytoo much and it is under the pillow for reading religiously before bedtime. The girl gets her first lessons in love. These lessonsare replayed out word for word on TV, in movies, on radio, and in all soaps, Spanish, Mexican, Arabic, Hindu, all of em; roles.Same script, different crap they say. With that background, who can blame a girl for expecting a knight in shining amour? Well,this is the origin of the expectation that a guy should be out-of-this-world, romantic, caring, loving, extremely handsome, ( fthe blanks till you start yawning ).So, what about the pay for dinner mentality, how did that arise? I see you ask enthusiastically. Some other time, is my reply.What about the he has many women but I can change him concept? you ask again. Some other time, again I reply. Well,what about? you ask. Another day, I interrupt you, not letting you finish. Another day man.

http://sleekandwild.com/


10/12

It is with utmost shock that I pen thisa topic so big,

So what up with the Bafuruki? I mean, who does that? Herewe are condemning the IAAF for the racism/injustice(apparent) against Caster yet we have the same occurrencesin our backyard, only this time its not about athletics but aboutland, leadership and other rights inherent of Ugandans.Who under the sun can call a fellow Ugandan an immigrantwithin Ugandan boundaries? What is the logic behind this?Was any thought put into this? I do hope the chaps that makeEnglish dictionaries can add Uganda to the synonyms of wordslike hopeless, bleak and doomed for the future. Gosh!!! Werethe years spent on the Odoki commission and the ConstituentAssembly (CA) wasted ones? I always pride myself in the factthat I was alive when the current Ugandan constitution waspromulgated and the fact that a member of my family was partof this elite team made the spring in my bounce even morepronouncedand now this???

Then to crown it off, a government minister comes up and saysthat the Bakiga should surrender their hard-earned land to theBanyoro for redistribution. For those that know me, I come off as a committed Old boy of my school, I pride myself in thewhite shirt and grey trousers that are uniform in THE COL-LEGE that Kisubi is. For once my head was bowed in awe atmy OBs pronouncement, a person that the young boys inschool look up to, one of those that is a VIP in our society. Isurely hope he doesnt make for our reunion dinner this Friday,or perhaps he should come and so we can have the Brother-Headmaster intercede and come to his aid.

According to the Banyoro leaders, the bafuruki are the bakigathat are in the Bunyoro region. How did they get there? Well,during the 1950s, or is it earlier?, they were relocated to the

region by the colonial government with the approval of theOmukama of Bunyoro, Sir Winyi, owing to the land shortagesin Kigezi. Some say the land was grabbed by the colonialistsand given to the bakiga, some say there was a agreement.Nonetheless, years later, the Bakiga were absorbed into andbecame habitants of this area. Owing to their industrious, theywere able to prosper as they made good of what they had.Now when the indigenous, a very inappropriate definition, ban-yoro woke up to smell the coffee, it was too late. The Bakigahad taken over the local governments, town businesses, gar-dens and are now a major economic/political force to reckonwith in the region. Who can blame them? They only, with their backs against the wall, did what they had to do, they worked

hard! Now you want to take that away from them?

This Bafuruki on-going is in bad taste and we as the youthshould come out and make our stand known. We should not letthis bigotry go on unattended to, we have every right to taskour government to resolve this, to put the Banyoro leaders (dothey qualify as leaders?) in check.

Name Withheld

ERIC BAUER

Page 10 WORKZ I NE I SSUE 4 PUBL I SHE D E VE RY T HRE E WE E K

The following takes place between 11:00am and 11:30am>

First to arrive in the I.T office! [Phew! this hadn't happened since thest full moon]

Check mail and BANG! Work Zine 3 arrived! GOOD START FOR HE DAY!

I get a bright idea that would enable me perform a "miracle" on thisead hard disk... can't wait for the results!

1:00am...Uncountable errors from the hard disk miracle work!!!!!! Damn!

I receive a mail from a friend about cannibals. This was an uncen-ored picture recount of a certain human-roasting (the way you wouldave goat-roasting) event by a cannibal society in Asia. I have alwayseen strong when faced with such things [I even watched ArmstrongRIP) being be-headed] so yeah, I went through all the pictures slowlyithout worrying what effect they would have on me.

mentioned the email to a few colleagues who out of curiosity immedi-ely gathered around my desk to catch the action. I got taken up by thescussion that and forgot that my "strength" to absorb these things laymy ability to shut things out of my mind so the damn things man-

ged to get in!ow I can't stop thinking about them and I'm wondering whether I'llven have lunch!!!!!!

As I'm still trying to regain my mind control, my workmate calls mego "see something" on her computer. I'm immediately greeted with adeo of people being burnt alive [still uncensored] - remember I have-t regained my mind control yet!. This is now starting to get to me attle.

BING! Bright idea! +GO BACK TO THE WORK ZINE+

I do exactly that and..... well, the next section was dedicated to THENES WE LOST, a vivid reminder of so much!

All this in 30 minutes...I'm wondering what's next!

**********#######@@@@@@%%%%%%&&&&&&&&

omebody do something to turn my day around... I'll be grateful!

h! at least my miracle work's responding... ok, a little! and yeah, theork zine's still interesting...I think I'm getting back my mind control! I'll still post this anyway...:) :)

eba Eric

BAFURUKI


11/12

be at risk of getting the disease or may be struggling with it. Despitethis, many people do not seem to be aware of or do not understand thiskind of cancer.

Globally, and more specifically in Uganda, there is less media coverageof this deadly disease. Colon cancer treatment

Although a significant proportion of cancers can be cured, by surgery,radiotherapy or chemotherapy, especially if they are detected early, Dr Olwenyi Obbo of Mbale Regional Referral Hospital, says that inUgandas situation is complicated by the fact that, "We lack [treatment]facilities and often there are no pathologists. The drugs are expensive,not easily available and very few centres offer treatment .and many

patients come too late to hospital and often all that can be done is pal-liation which is not often available".

The above situation leaves us with no option but to encourage our peo-

ple to adopt preventive measures. According to the WHO, over 30% of all cancers can be prevented. Others can be detected early, treated andcured. Even with late stage cancer, the suffering of patients can be re-lieved with good palliative care. Like other cancers, the best preventionmeasure against colon cancer is early detection and treatment. Peopleshould be encouraged to go for regular screening for colon cancer atrecognized medical centres with qualified medical staff.

Some of the things that experts recommend in order for people to lower the risk of developing colon cancer include engaging oneself in physi-cal activity on a daily basis; having a healthy diet, especially eating avariety of fruits and vegetables daily and stopping or avoiding smokingcigarettes and taking other potentially harmful substances.

Provided by Edward Tujunirwe

ccording to the World Health Organisation , there are over 100

pes of cancer and they constitute some of the leading causes of deathound the world. Currently, cancer causes about 13% of all human deathsobally. According to the American Cancer Society, 7.6 million peopleed from cancer in the world during 2007. More than 70% of all cancer

eaths occur in low and middle income countries, including Uganda. It isso important to note that cancer may affect people of all ages, includingtuses [unborn babies]. Medical experts, however, warn that the risk for ost varieties increases with age confirming that most cancers are morekey to develop in people over 40 years.

olon cancer is a medical condition arising from the abnormal growth,ansformation and multiplication of cells in the colon. The human colon ismuscular, tube-shaped organ that extends from the end of the small bowelthe anus, twisting and turning through the abdomen [belly]. It is the last

ortion of the digestive system. Its main functions are: it absorbs water andinerals from food that we take; it concentrates fecal material; and it alsoores and controls the evacuation of fecal material from the body.

ike many other types of cancers, if left untreated, colon cancer grows andventually spreads through the colon wall to involve the adjacent lymphodes and organs. Ultimately, it spreads to d istant organs such as the liver,ngs, brain, and bones. It normally overwhelms healthy cells, tissues, and

rgans by taking their oxygen, nutrients, and space leading to the death of e victim.

ccording to WHO, colon cancer is among the first 7 most common typesf cancer that kill people worldwide, the others being lung, stomach, liver,esophagus, breast, and cervical cancers.

here are no reliable statistics that are readily available about the preva-

nce of colon cancer in Uganda. However, many people in Uganda could

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Events, Ads and everything else


12/12

VOLUME 1, ISSUE 1 Page 12

Just the other day, I was perusing through the Saturday newof a leading daily, which ever of the two is your personal fanot know but am talking about the New Vision here. Now tmy friends have unceremoniously fallen in love this sectionlonely hearts also known as meeting point, the shoe shine a

the ultimate: blind dates is appealing just to ensure I dont ftimes. Anyway lets focus here: while paying for the Fridathe throat and lungs, I occasionally visit this section simplynext to the Sports section. And alas what befell my eyes reccomprehend how a guy I talk to would get the events of awell documented in news and with photographic evidence fter. At first I thought I had seen perhaps his brother, but ahestraight talk pose was quite distinct that on second digest I was the guy I talk to, man that was not cool, especially ththe couple stood apart with that mvule tree in between, at le

close for comfort and moneys worth I purport.

I did not want my ranting to appear in the WZ, but what I spsyche just a little. So I thought I would share with you. Wethinking: how difficult is it to get that Mrs. Right? Or Mr. Rfemale or outstandingly gay. Im just addressing all orientathough the ass plot is difficult to fathom. I am not a sexist,paragraph I will stick with the straight guys. Putting things I believe in love, marriage and happy ending stuff. And amhappy when a comrade begins to cohabit, fine that means I

some man talk, but on the bright side at least I know that thguy with constant uninterrupted access to that much neededthink I lost my saved friends at this point onwards. It then bprehension when a guy I talk to would presumably get intship and be taken for a ride like a cunt. I mean how does a slike Caesar, answer your calls and am talking Monday to Mcancel your calls from your people. If this is not insecuritwhat it is. Going by the way things are, I might just jet intoup one submissive type because that stuff is not cool at all.thought perhaps face book has some hot stuff going. And othought, there is the bazaar at campus, apparently I never chtherefore my contribution to the orientation week for the nedue. Its been year waiting and I need some practice. Dont tions here, its simply a calling.

Isaac Mufumbiro

othing has ever been amusing as living and working in Kampala. We are not talking abouterenity and beauty here-it is the same city where there is a strike in the city centrehile lectures at MUK and life in Wandegs goes about as usual. Notwithstanding that the

everse is not true. You do have to love Kampala; I mean, the traffic jam, the night life,he errant weather, the dust.. But to start off modestly about the Chronicles of this nicety of ours, there was just the other day, walking on, watching the hustle and bustle of

he budding city Slowly and slowly, I inched closer to my destination, taxis and cars

making their usual contribution of traffic jam and me listening to my favourite pro-ramme over the radio from my headsets of my portable mp3/fm playerI approached aunction and conventionally in Kampala, you have to look right, left, right, then left again,hen keep looking even though you are sure that it is right to cross And while at it, up topeed lest an unsuspecting boda guy runs over you with a rugged 2 seater convertible 2-heeler. But just before I could make for the road to cross, a traffic policeman appearsght in front of me and I fall a breath short of crashing into his heavy torso. Shellhocked by the whole scenario, I am a little transfixed. And before I could react, he holds

my arm strongly and manages to tell me that he is taking me to the police. Am a littlemused by this but he is having none of it and clearly, from the direction of his conversa-on he might need a little more convincing albeit in the shape of airtime, service fee,yakula whatever they call it these days! But still amuses me to date

ake 2: Now, this oneI was not willing to be forthcoming as I thought of the implicationsut who cares, it has happened to many of us Or so I thoughtas one of my favouriteheme nights during the week, I make hard earned travel to the place and sample a snack,ith my favourite froth and in the company of friends, I try to relax my mind from theassle I have been through in the normal working day trying to achieve abnormal profitsor the shareholders. As I maximize the taste of the golden froth, a conversation startsetween me and one unattended belle who is also at the bar I am a very social personnd I do not hesitate to extend a drink to a friend or two while at the bar So she gets aood share of them at my expense, but I care less not until I announce my resignationom the night life and extend polite farewells. Nothing got me shell shocked than the ladysking me to leave back some money for the drinks she would be taking. I being the politene, I propose that we can extend the drinks on another day and time She was bluntnough, however, to suggest that I give her transport fare back home Nowam a gen-rous being, but whoever announced it out there, might have been mistaken. I managed toither out of that tight one but not after she had suggested Plan C, to go together to mylace!

ake 3: These real estate broker aka bulooka guys have their own brains. I managed toave off a small fortune and in search of real estate investment and possibly a betterabitation to move to, I contacted them. They are trained smooth talkers, no doubt! Andhis one had me convinced that he could find me a good house in kanyanya. After severalhone calls and a couple of Airtime Me2U, we reached Kanyanya where I met him. Beforee could exchange any salutations, I had submitted to viewing and touring fee and arokerage fee. After what seemed like moving around in circles, we reached the housee might have needed to see my current house for him to understand that I am trying to

move to a better place. Firstly, I could not find a clear access road that could help meeach the house. But he was convinced that the house was a keeper. He also had notealized that my interests do not point to a certain direction when I managed to discoverhat I was clearly setting myself up to be neighbor to a kibanda and mini club/brothel. Iesigned on this one and told him that the reason why I did not like the place was that Irefer to stay in a place close to Makerere campus!

here is only one way to live in Kampalajust love living in it!

wetabure Silvester HUAWEI

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