Working Of The Eye To The Work

Richard P. Gabriel

June 13, 2020

Contents

Sad Looking . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1JGQ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2Joppa Flats . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3JGQ in Lisboa . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4In Case . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5Get Up . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6Up Helly . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7Coat . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8Travel Fear . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9Morphology . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10Unst . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11Piles . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12Up North . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13Lost Meanings . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14Hold It Right There . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15Shrine . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16Floor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17Slept Instead . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18For What . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19Fuck Them . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20January North . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21Mean . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22No Quality No Name . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23Porto . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24Again? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25Flying Low . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26Killing Road . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27Masked Man . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28Flames . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 29Polar . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30My Mama Done Tol’ Me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 31Sandness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32Sandness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33Bressay Winters . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34Bye . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 35

i

CONTENTS ii

Bye . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36On An Isle . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 37Yell . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38Foolishly . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 39Weesp . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 40That Way . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 41Cheap Sleeps . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42Dropping . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43By The Voe . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 44Tripping . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 45Pitcher Pump . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46Bath Fiction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 47Barn . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48Victoria Pier . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 49Blank . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 50Kalyna . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 51Ferry . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 52Water Fall . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 53The Road Forks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 54The Winter of 1818 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 55Traditional Salvation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 56Lerwick It Seems . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 57Looking Toward Foula . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 58Her, Here . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 59What A Body Learns . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 60Golden Light On The Lens . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 61Just Your Facts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 62Attractions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 63Again . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 64Memory . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 65Northlink . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 66Philosophy On Land and Sea . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 67Gestures & Meaning . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 68The Artist . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 69Regret in Spades . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 70Wildness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 71Sheep . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 72No Lightning, Though . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 73Ugh on Code . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 74On a Road to the Sea . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 75Every Step . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 76Big X Bugs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 77Unique & Stark . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 78Looking at Maps . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 79Marriage Place . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 80

CONTENTS iii

Calming . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 81In An Odd Key . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 82Jenny . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 83Hidden Lovers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 84Farm . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 85Bad Poem . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 86My Barn . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 87Tale of Robbers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 88InkWell Writ Large . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 89Eyes For Her . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 90On Death . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 91Full Slant . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 92A Ness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 93Homing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 94Northlink . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 95I Pray the Lord My Soul . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 96Sail Away . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 97Victoria Pier . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 98Slowly Dawning . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 99Trumpville . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 100GC . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 101Ness Bound . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 102Ships in Summer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 103You’re All I’ve Got . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 104Overload . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 105Rocked And Rolled Hair . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 106Special D . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 107Your Love Like A Taco . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 108Going Out . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 109Joy of Computing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 110Easter We Played Cards . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 111River Style . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 112Safety Factor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 113Little Hut . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 114Big Waitress . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 115Choose Grits . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 116Victoria Pier . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 117Vic Pier Glass . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 118Upriver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 119Clever Light . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 120CA . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 121What Is It About You . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 122Where? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 123My Number . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 124Duende . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 125

CONTENTS iv

The Promise . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 126All Weather . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 127Gale . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 128eMiLy Told Me About TS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 129I Let It Slip Past . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 130Cams . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 131Single Day . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 132Itchy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 133Sigh . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 134Sigh Sigh . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 135Banal . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 136OrLa La . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 137Windowing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 138Every Move . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 139You See . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 140UnSeated . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 141Very UnSeated . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 142All Sierpinski On You . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 143TeXing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 144Come As You Are . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 145Following . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 146Looking On The Harbor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 147QWAN . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 148Craziness Happens . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 149Cliff Cam . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 150Pair Length . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 151Grass . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 152Hey Baby . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 153Cleats . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 154Best Shot . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 155Puffin Cam . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 156Luck . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 157Notation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 158Rocks Village Bridge . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 159Fetlar . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 160Skip . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 161Heat Wave . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 162Bye . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 163More Than . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 164The Right Thing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 165De- . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 166Bought Normally . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 167Let Them Know . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 168My Bench . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 169With Somebody . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 170

CONTENTS v

Shetland Hire Cars . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 171Poetry . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 172Never There . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 173Without You . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 174Neverland . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 175Fivla . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 176Farewell . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 177Fish and a Walk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 178Sigh . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 179Song Bird . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 180Ma . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 181Cobbler’s Beavers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 182After Dinner . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 183Shakers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 184Shaker Urge . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 185Shake It Up . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 186Downpour Undoing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 187Brown Sugar in Newburyport . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 188Skip’s . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 189If Not A Girl . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 190Desire I Suppose . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 191Hard Shell or Fur . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 192Downstream . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 193Unloved . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 194Shit To Do . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 195Weesp Woman . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 196Riding Low . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 197Underish . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 198Late Afternoon . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 199My No Story . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 200Heroic . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 201Nobody . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 202Hat To Go . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 203News To Go . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 204Wasting A Way . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 205Fade . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 206Detailed Energy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 207Of Love Life . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 208Banked Fog . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 209Their There . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 210Her Reflection Teases . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 211Makers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 212My Turquoise Luck . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 213Light Shining Through . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 214Neve McIntosh . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 215

CONTENTS vi

Shetland Writing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 216Wake and Cry . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 217Mojave . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 218Learn People . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 219The Appeal . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 220Iconic Oak . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 221Long Journey . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 222Text Editors?? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 223Swampy Paths . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 224That Smell . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 225Unst . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 226Artful Sentences . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 227Scott Miller . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 228Take It, Louis . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 229The Tips of Lovers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 230One Such . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 231Winter Day . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 232All Helly Up . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 233Leaving . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 234Finding . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 235Dating / Dying . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 236Quick . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 237Heartness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 238Check . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 239Water Thoughts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 240Bad Trip . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 241Thule Bar . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 242Crap . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 243Crap, Crap, and Away . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 244CA Mistakes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 245What Was It All For? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 246She Sways . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 247ARG Passes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 248Ron And Mary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 249Last Skip . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 250Down . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 251Tamworth . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 252Hard September . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 253Ron . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 254Wonderful . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 255Ron . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 256Red Sunset Bologna Sandwich . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 257Fourth of July . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 258Bye Ron . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 259r6 vs r4(6) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 260

CONTENTS vii

In The Bay . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 261Tourist Iba . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 262Porto . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 263Champaign Ill . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 264Iba LoLs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 265Truck Tires Line the Docks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 266When We Say Our Last Ones . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 267Wolf Point Montana . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 268Scobey Montana . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 269Pillows . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 270How True / So Tough . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 271Preparations . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 272Quiet & Still . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 273Care Crystal . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 274Last Tumbleweed . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 275Warm Air . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 276Just Fear . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 277Made It . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 278Radio Time . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 279Hillside . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 280North Gower . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 281Over . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 282Fatso . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 283Foo on You . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 284Back & Scared . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 285Simply Complex . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 286Tens . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 287Shhh . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 288Dead Can Dance . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 289Sunset Room . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 290Crap . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 291Anger . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 292Still . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 293Pierhead Restaurant and Bar . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 294Overlays and Ambiguities . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 295Wrong Then Right . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 296Fall Ahead . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 297Cleaning Program . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 298Lonely Out . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 299Only She Admitted . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 300Like Nowhere . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 301Snooze Looze . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 302Makes Me Tired . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30370 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 304Scared . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 305

CONTENTS viii

Why I Gave Up . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 306Good Road . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 307A Thin Cup . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 308Speak . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 309No Mystery . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 310Jan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 311A Short Walk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 312Ships Lined . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 313Minneota Lutheran Church . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 314In Mistrust We Trust . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 315Hey Baby . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 316Nine . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 317Shetland Is Out . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 318Someone Like No One . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 319Living On . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 320Down the Aisle . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 321Whitewash . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 322Night Look . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 323Mystery or Puzzle . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 324Out Of Every Way . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 325JFK . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 326Ship Or You? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 327Nest Of A House . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 328Forget All About . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 329The Clutter of Fragments . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 330Hay Walking . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 331Fragments of Beauty . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 332Princess Pine . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 333Far Into Cold . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 334Snow Extremities . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 335Champaign Ill . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 336Gave Up Trying . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 337Small to Big . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 338Shetland Winter . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 339Grief . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 340Weather . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 341Tamworth in Winter 1960s . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 342Woman In A Storm . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 343The Man Who Left . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 344Three Or So . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 345Pentucket . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 346One Day . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 347Market Cross / Midnightish . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 348Tree Fixers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 349Market Cross . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 350

CONTENTS ix

By The Time . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 351Loved Me So Hard . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 352They Always Work . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 353Kathryn Cantrill . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 354Stays With Me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 355Past Stealing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 356Wedding Night . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 357Helpless . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 358Lerwick . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 359Birch Meadow . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 360Slow Place Like Home . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 361Surprise Hike . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 362The Day I Bought It . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 363Big Field . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 364Shetland New Year . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 365

Poems 2019 1

January 1, 2019

Sad Lookingevery year could be lastwill I visit great placeswrite things to admire one dayget InkWell working wellwrite papers / speakor just fade off the mapor make it to Shetland againsee my river againsee the ocean there another time

1

Poems 2019 2

January 2, 2019

JGQwhat would it be liketo settle in Shetlandwith a new life and allthat comes with itgoing from comfortableto a thinking lifea challenge every daygiving not gettingsomeone oldermore distantnot to touchnot for warmtha cold intelligencerolling over melike a rolling pinover soft dough

2

Poems 2019 3

January 3, 2019

Joppa Flatscold days by the rivereven downstream toward the oceanseabirds like white smudgesup over the churning greenblue watersomewhere after Joppa FlatsPlum Island to the souththe pink house a planned annoyanceto a rough ladynow my choices are to sittight and to wander alonelike a white smudgeover whisked wateror fly through made-up memoriesupstream to my spot

3

Poems 2019 4

January 4, 2019

JGQ in Lisboaunfolding kaleidoscope of perspectiveswide panorama of sea or rooftopstiny slit of zen glimpsesuggested hidden entrancestwists down and upthe geometric variety of publicspaces and the percentage of positiveand negative spaces

I’d be interested in your impressions

the taste of the oyster requires time and lucktourist stuff as tasteless as anywheresometimes you fall into a backwateran unassuming ordinarinessold men in dark taverns smoking likechimneys / old women shuffling alongfrom the market / straight foodgrilled sardines and nondescript white wine in pitchersnothing so prissy as counting by the glasswinter sunI found a sort of sustenancein the ordinarinessvery unspanish / quiet subdued / again I’d be

interested in your impressions

4

Poems 2019 5

January 5, 2019

In Casea noost is a Shetland wordfor a neuk o grund on the saunsthat a boat can be drawn ootfae the watter tae rest on

5

Poems 2019 6

January 6, 2019

Get Upyou write a lot of wordsonly a few are noticeddo you write more to direct themor fewer to direct themdifferent one / or do youjust ignore them and let your wordswake those ready to awaken

6

Poems 2019 7

January 7, 2019

Up Hellythe rain comes down all nightour roof is good and keeps usthe wind though would grab anything highand all there is around here is homesin the bed in the room next to mineis a woman whose idea is to thinkand talk / she builds the fire each nightit is night most of the time up herenot cold / rain and windno trees / no citiesshe likes her tea and drinks it morningsher hair down / this is the only timeshe is a woman around hereafter her bath she dressesthen she talksthen she thinks

7

Poems 2019 8

January 8, 2019

Coata lot of ways to finda lost placenot a place that has been lostand you want to regain itbut a place where you will be losthere’s whyI was in the spotlightbut people wondered whyI believed because it is Ibut now I knowthere was no whythere is no whylike just about everyoneI am no one

8

Poems 2019 9

January 9, 2019

Travel Fearthis fear of travelwhere did it ariseI am going with a wifeand two friends andI have the fear of a dreaded outcomewhat’s changeddo I have less of somethingI once had more ofreal tearspulling up coverswhat has happened

9

Poems 2019 10

January 10, 2019

Morphologybeauty of sad thingssadness of beautiful thingsthingness of sad beautysad beauty sparks joy

10

Poems 2019 11

January 11, 2019

Unstcold polar windsmoderated by warmGulf water / we shiftfrom our supper tableto chairs by the peat firein our little gesturetoward a gone pasteven when we’re coldby each other’s sideneither warms the otherit’s out of spectrumit is too late for thatit would make the wordappealing less appealing

11

Poems 2019 12

January 12, 2019

Pilesstore of bookswe browse themwe read themthen toss them on the piledating womenwe browse themwe read themthen toss them on the pilebut in both casesthere is a period whenthe warmth comes alonglike a blanketlike a warm drinkand to do it in bed

12

Poems 2019 13

January 13, 2019

Up Northno one aboutalmost / a rainy nightagain / there is the warmpart of the bedand then there’s mine

13

Poems 2019 14

January 14, 2019

Lost MeaningsI kept a notebookof what she did / she likedwhat we ate and the timeswhen she wokewhen she sleptlater when I’d lost herI put that notebookin a side table by my bedthen even later into a boxin the basementI sold the houseand left it thereto better honorthe meaning of lost

14

Poems 2019 15

January 15, 2019

Hold It Right ThereI arranged her books on my tablethe ones she was reading not long agoto understand the new things in her mindand to visualize her in-most life if there be oneI must read them all to get her as of nowshe’ll move on / I’ll move onif only time were more patient

15

Poems 2019 16

January 16, 2019

Shrineshe calledsaid come overI have a new thingto show youwhen you get herewhat I want to show youwill be on the floorin my work study roomyou will find it hard to resistfor long / I was stayingon the other side of her smallHolland town and nothing butcobblestones stood between usI dressed warm for it was wintermade sure my shoes had grippy solesit would be in the room with the photostaken by that man displayed behind glassin frames with poems he wrote of their triptogether to the north / something shewanted me to see would be on that floorthat night / I planned to knock quietly

16

Poems 2019 17

January 17, 2019

FloorI knocked but nothing happenedthe last light gonesmall lights in the small streetacross from a tiny parkone street over from a canalher little house really halfof a little house / a secondfloor cramped inher part of the street narrow bricksthis way or that / one wayor another / I knocked againshe opened the door and turnedback in before much of a helloat least she was not on the floor

17

Poems 2019 18

January 18, 2019

Slept Insteadthat night I watched her lightscome on from the little parkacross the alleyand the shrine well litI walked past her windownothing was on the floorher hair was down and she lookedwelcoming / I dodged hergaze and stepped down another alleyto the canal / went back to my flatturned off my phone

18

Poems 2019 19

January 19, 2019

For Whatshe spent five minuteson her lipsfive on the eyelashesthree on her hairalready in dressthen when it seemedshe was donetwo on her pants cuffsand one kneeyikes

19

Poems 2019 20

January 20, 2019

Fuck ThemI learned again todaymy professional life is overso never say yesto anything

20

Poems 2019 21

January 21, 2019

January Northa low sun doesn’twarm us / it never riseshigh and soon it will rainI wander the streets until I climbonto the ferry which I’ll takeover and back / just in timefor the restaurant to openand for me to have a lonemeal

21

Poems 2019 22

January 22, 2019

MeanI met her once twenty years agoshe said hello then went shoppingshe brought me back some chocolatestonight I ate with her and shewas old / her hands wrinkledlarger / less blondewhat would it meanI meanwhat would it mean

22

Poems 2019 23

January 23, 2019

No Quality No Namea woman so taken byGod / she thinksthat the beauty of livingis a hoax and the secret to lifeis gratitudeshe doesn’t worry her husbandis wearing a heart monitorand his hands shake all the timeshe ignores artsays only this one is lightthis one darkout of focus so perhaps Impressionistart is afraid

23

Poems 2019 24

January 24, 2019

Portoin Portugal womenare sturdy / beauty as hintthe species proceeds neverthelessbut something about themworks / teenage boys should learnto see and lust with suchas his guide

24

Poems 2019 25

January 25, 2019

Again?with luck homePorto in the pastAdemar a huge helpeverything is steepI’m tiredthe trip scared me silly

25

Poems 2019 26

January 26, 2019

Flying Lowtired / beat upsick / crampingthe flights home tortureevery smell made me sickLisbon to homeyuck

26

Poems 2019 27

January 27, 2019

Killing Roadif a long road’s aheadI plan the shortcutthe time to travel faris in short supplyI worry about the fawnhidden in night leaveswaiting for headlightsto show the way to death

27

Poems 2019 28

January 28, 2019

Masked ManI got sickfrom a bad person on the planeI should have had a mask

28

Poems 2019 29

January 29, 2019

Flameswatched Up Helly Aa via the Netprobably being there would makeit seem like more than it seemedremotely / I thought the real funwas people getting to fling theirtorches onto the boat / flames

29

Poems 2019 30

January 30, 2019

Polarstrange moviereal character developmentfor two / cartoons for the otherswho are assassins on killing spreesthe story needs the killers killingto make the two characters alivethe opposite of standard

30

Poems 2019 31

January 31, 2019

My Mama Done Tol’ MeI never followed my talentsnone of the three were superok photographer / lousy musiciandecent writer / instead I didwhat my mother instructed mewhich was to get a technical degreeand try to make money / exceptI was the worst employee everbecause I always played whenI should have worked

31

Poems 2019 32

February 1, 2019

Sandnessa strong gust hitting the windowscaught our discussion up shorthours of penetration endedby a block of air that startedout in the ocean that sits betweenher and me on one sideand you on the other

32

Poems 2019 33

February 2, 2019

Sandnesswhen I imagine hershe is young and opulentwhen I see hershe is a tree of late autumnat the verge of a deeper woodsand a blind and deaf winter

33

Poems 2019 34

February 3, 2019

Bressay Wintersour small croft has thick stone wallsone faces down to the oceanthe other dug into the hillsidea boxy fireplace at one endthe small bed we use at the othereverything happens here in winterthe gales / the infrequent snowwe cook small meals when the winds breakwe sit on the hillside in summerand wonder about the birds

one winter one of us won’t make itwe’re old and these islands takewhat they want / we did the samein the past / now we only wait

34

Poems 2019 35

February 4, 2019

Byeeveryone turns their backseventually / this is the fate of lifemy stance pushes awaylike a winter sunset in Unstthe darkness closes in

35

Poems 2019 36

February 5, 2019

ByeI will never hear from her againa clever way to disappeartake a long trip and promiseto get in touch on returnwhenever that is / contacting heris out / contacting me is out

36

Poems 2019 37

February 6, 2019

On An Islesmall things in the way of largea hard look at self reveals the differenceher smarts are unavoidableshe loves no one / spends all her time in thoughtfeelings flee / because of these thingsshe teases by accident / the appealof a harsh landscape makes her hard edgesappeal

37

Poems 2019 38

February 7, 2019

Yellshe stays awayshe will from now onit’s best for allit’s what we deserve

38

Poems 2019 39

February 8, 2019

Foolishlyacross the room / she readsthe fire is quiet but insistsshe directs herself at it or her bookoutside the darkness triumphsthe rain is not quite levelthe one-lane track is quiet tonightwhile the winds work uplittle swirls from the wind interruptingthrough window-side cracks and door understhe foolish think we’ll warm each otherwe warm only ourselves

39

Poems 2019 40

February 9, 2019

WeespI think of her in black and whitenot judgment / ageshe believed my photos would work better that wayinstead the colors caught her upmaybe she made a shrine of thembut she didn’t think that wayI think she was waryof a big man

40

Poems 2019 41

February 10, 2019

That Waythe next time I sit by the riverI’ll be alone / she will have nevergotten back in touch / it’s my dutyto giver her that / I suspect she’llbe surprised I gave up like thisI remember warming my hands in her cap

41

Poems 2019 42

February 11, 2019

Cheap Sleepswe booked a family roomsave money / the world celebrates couplesexcept we were the wrong kindtoo old to be just startingthe large beds were next to each otherone bathroom thoughwe will change in separate placeswe will make our night noises like loverswe might reach across the small expanseto say our goodnightswe will be like / it turns outan ordinary old coupleexactly as if we had never been oneat all

42

Poems 2019 43

February 12, 2019

Droppingshe’ll walk across the bridgeholding what’s leftlater when no one watchesshe’ll toss it overI hope the river is moving towardthe sea

43

Poems 2019 44

February 13, 2019

By The Voeafter walking down to the burnshe stopped to peek at the fish cagesshe doesn’t look for novel ideasjust ways of understandingthe mist and cold windshe had moved far from meso everything she saidif she said anything at allblew fatelessly into the windand soon a fog consumed her

44

Poems 2019 45

February 14, 2019

Trippingshe would invoke lonelinessshe cannot see peoplebecause they are not ideasI’ve wondered about herI’ve followed behind as she walked placesshe fills notebooks with questionsother notebooks with answersshe is a pursuerwhen I asked if I was pursuedshe pursed her lipsand never answered

45

Poems 2019 46

February 15, 2019

Pitcher Pumpone of our wellshad a good pitcher pumpfill up your cup or bucket and the extrawould run down a channelinto an old tub for the cowsit’s all gone nownot mine any moreit was on a small risewith a flat granite slab to stand onand granite steps leading upmaybe so the channel to the tubwould work

46

Poems 2019 47

February 16, 2019

Bath Fictionshe came out of the showerwrapped in a towelher hair in anothera smaller oneI was in her kitchenjust off the bathroommaking tea for herwhen she stood behind meshe touched my armI turned and she put her head closeinto my chestI pulled back without thoughtshe saidis it because I am older

47

Poems 2019 48

February 17, 2019

Barnclimbing the bales up to the rafterssitting atop the stacksthe smell of dried haycows in their stalls just off to the other sidethe midline of the barn is where the wagons come throughhay dust lifting up to the sunlight beamsleaking through holes and gaps in the oldold wood / what a place to writethat would be / old and oldwords to words

48

Poems 2019 49

February 18, 2019

Victoria Piernothing is happeningno one is outlights on in houses and storesare things left overthe cam is set to flit from view to viewwater drops make a JJ Abrams mosaicon one pier seabirds stand one-leggédwaiting for something to happenwind and rain / I thinkI’ll wait too

49

Poems 2019 50

February 19, 2019

Blanktoday I resumed workingon my memoir-novel / a long breakI’m going through Quux’s commentswhich are mostly technicala good way to ease into itafter I will dig deeperJenny said my grandfather was a blankI made him me / I am that blank

50

Poems 2019 51

February 20, 2019

Kalynathe way to make thingsis one bit at a timesome things can be worked outin pieces / others need the wholenessI want the words to smoothly go downI want them to fill you with lifeI want you to see them / see himsee all the hers in the storythe tangle of it I want to belike the life you have ledand are leading

51

Poems 2019 52

February 21, 2019

Ferrywatching Northlink come in7:15 or so every morningquick up the harborslow into its berththe front opens / cars emergeclockwork / from afar

52

Poems 2019 53

February 22, 2019

Water Falllittle signsshe hides themso when I point them outshe shuffles asidedenies / the question becomesto whom do we listenour trickle of humanityor the flood of reason

53

Poems 2019 54

February 23, 2019

The Road Forksok / you come to that god damned forkone branch looks normalthe other intriguingone that is smart / and everyone knows itthe other / everyone will shout in derisionbut inside you know one of them onlyis the righty one / reasonably rightemotionally right / morally rightand damn itit’s the normal oneturn that way and walk down itmaybe remember the look of the otherbut doubt this time is wrong

54

Poems 2019 55

February 24, 2019

The Winter of 1818snow suddenly melted by violent rainwater rushed down the valley of the Merrimackwith the greatest fury / tearing up icetwo feet thick / the noise and convulsions of an earthquakedriven into immense dams the ice rolled and flew aboutin every possible directionthe river raised twenty-one feetabove common high water markthe country around inundatedbuildings removed and destroyed cattle and sheep drownedruin spread on every sidethe noble bridge across the Merrimackat the Rocks Village became a total wreckits fragments were soon lostto sight in the angryand resistless flood

55

Poems 2019 56

February 25, 2019

Traditional Salvationthe work startedeach word and syllable a choreearly chapters must go down easyI read and read each sentencelooking for ways it goes wrongin sense and musicrhythms need to flow or jerk to a stop just rightmonths more to dothe work started

56

Poems 2019 57

February 26, 2019

Lerwick It Seemson a wet street off Lerwick Harborjust off the depths of a streetlighteverything is orange and grayeverything being streetlights and stoneit’s a time when small waves beaton a small patch of sand just belowshe was waiting there just off from the streetlightthe rain was hard coming down on meon her / we never talked that nighther long kiss was an ending I thinkeven though the cold pulled back that nightnear that streetlight / lingeredas she walked away

57

Poems 2019 58

February 27, 2019

Looking Toward Foulaguitars are still simpleeach just strings with a wayto make the strings sound outso when I sit alone in a fieldof yellow straw above a clambering seaon a day of wind and mistyou could wonder where the music goesyou could wonder which sounds I mean

58

Poems 2019 59

February 28, 2019

Her, Herewatching / hard to knowshe has a curiosity like old napkinsshe calls me dearest and uses mostyet intimacy is too closeI’ve tried to teach her noticingnot the same as watchingit’s the difference betweena sheep bring here and a sheepabout to be here

59

Poems 2019 60

March 1, 2019

What A Body Learnswhen you go to build your housethe land around you has a saysteep or rocky / muddy or dustyyou accommodate / you don’t toolstoo big for congenialitysome say adaptability is the abilityto force / more like the curvesof her body sliding into the crevicesof yours

60

Poems 2019 61

March 2, 2019

Golden Light On The Lensgrowing oldshe’s taken a vow ofno love / she believesrelationships take holdshe thinks sex might invadebut she’s old and everyonewho might love her is oldleave it out is the way out

61

Poems 2019 62

March 3, 2019

Just Your Factsshe pranced slowlyaround the propertylooking for any signof good ol’ beautyshe covered it alleven though the brushwas thick and fallenbranches pokeyher arms behind herback / her handsjoined like old lovers’in the end she saidget rid of it

62

Poems 2019 63

March 4, 2019

Attractionsstay at home / readlet the old thoughtscome back like small wavesfollowing a lowering tiderejection is on the menuthis year / last one and nextI presume / I am friendswith this keyboardsome way I’m the masterthe keys though pullmy fingers to themlike my lovers used to

63

Poems 2019 64

March 5, 2019

Againwhen things are not perfectnow I go a little bonkersnow the waiting gamenothing has been lostI feel losttomorrow I think

64

Poems 2019 65

March 6, 2019

Memorynot workingbut these are just photosrarely accessedI can learn to livewith them being offline a bitnot entirelyI need to keep working on a solution

65

Poems 2019 66

March 7, 2019

Northlinkalways fixing somethingmy role / I am less goodat it now / every nightI watch the Northlink come inif there is time / I am distractedfrom fixing through fixation

66

Poems 2019 67

March 8, 2019

Philosophy On Land and Seathere is a deep holein the cliff which dropsdown to a sea not readyto take it easynot far from that cliffis a croft that was situatedby a man using only his smallpick and shovel / the holeproved attractive to strangerswho then wandered by his croftto see the depth of that holewhat’s so special about the accidentsof nature that make them holdmen more tightly that the accidentsof humanity that bind men to land

67

Poems 2019 68

March 9, 2019

Gestures & Meaninga man and a woman meeton the street in Parisin Amsterdam / they pretend kissa nice gesture / warmth / humanitydo you know to whomthis has never happened?me

68

Poems 2019 69

March 10, 2019

The ArtistMiss Catherine had her full shareof feminine vanity at the ageof thirty-five she was stoutdumpy / a coarse-looking womanawkward in her movementsprovincial in her accent and mannerbut as her son was vainof his personal appearanceespecially of his handsneck / ears / so she when other charmshad vanished clung to her pride in herarms and hands

69

Poems 2019 70

March 11, 2019

Regret in Spadesa unit of regretI wish we were planning our tripagain to Shetland / longerand slower this timebut I’ve shooed her offand she’s off / I can’t thinkof another companion

70

Poems 2019 71

March 12, 2019

Wildnessthe regret of it allsummons thoughts ofhow to undo it allI harbor a sadnessthat is beyond melancholybut not quite to fearone day people will filepast a thing made torepresent me / I willbe long gone

71

Poems 2019 72

March 13, 2019

Sheeplet go of the usualand familiar / embrace surpriseseven bad ones / don’t worryall the time / work hardbut watch for wind and moving watertrace the coast / the tree topsbe alive if you can

72

Poems 2019 73

March 14, 2019

No Lightning, Thoughit rainshard every nightsometimes the drops look like snowfeel like snowit rainssteadily sometimes and the waterflows down to the burnthen out to the North Seaour roof is thatchand we worry one dayit will fall to the rainor one day it will rot to the corefor now the old woman and Ijust sleep in wool blanket covered bedswith soft downpillows but we don’tlisten to rain becausewith the thatch and the stone wallsand thick North Sea proof windowsthere is nothing to hearhere

73

Poems 2019 74

March 15, 2019

Ugh on Codethe details slow me downsometimes planning might helpyou’d think it’d be easybut the code growsthe ideas are simplebut they need to be rightand preciseand timely

74

Poems 2019 75

March 16, 2019

On a Road to the Seawalking toward the sealight mist and wispy cloudsa cool day but I was walking hardaway I thoughtfrom a wreck of a timeshe drove by / I thinkit looked like her butthe window was covered in dropsfrom the rain / from her thoughtsI thought it was herinstead the road kept onthe sea kept onup and down the scalesit all kept on

75

Poems 2019 76

March 17, 2019

Every Stepturns out I’m too simplefor the likes of hershe says men are not interestingat first I thought whata bitch but you knowevery time she speakstrue truth the correctness of itby the time it comes aroundshe’s on to the next

76

Poems 2019 77

March 18, 2019

Big X Bugssome things fixedmaybe more brokenwe hate customer service

77

Poems 2019 78

March 19, 2019

Unique & Starkstark / uniquerain in the airhe lost her for being a lonehunter on a pathhe is fated to alonebut it’s just a tv showthe writers cannot take happyhe deserved it

78

Poems 2019 79

March 20, 2019

Looking at MapsI wanted to explore morebe more in a few placesand less going everywherewe got an overview but no closeupslow clouds and all thatcool and some windgulls and seabirds everywherewhat a place to disappear

79

Poems 2019 80

March 21, 2019

Marriage Placewhat is deplorable is forgivenand who is is as wella great power bulldozed the best placeand I miss itas if a rain forest became a desertone can love eitherbut you can miss just onewho will be forgiventhis time

80

Poems 2019 81

March 22, 2019

Calmingbreezy / nothing to doit riffles the wavetopswest to east / even the bigboat moored to the pierrocks and swaysthe woman who doesn’t love meloves all these / as the windtakes over people slowly wakewomen start making the world workI just watch the wavetops riffle

81

Poems 2019 82

March 23, 2019

In An Odd Keyan accepted forma ways of putting themtogether / the stylestructure / the syntaxwhile the content slurries outthe past has strangenessthe future will have strangenessto us / we have the familiarand the boring sameness

82

Poems 2019 83

March 24, 2019

Jennyhow can she make such thoughtsstrange connections / verypostmodern / as if a fastbird were skimming an odd textand grabbing words and phraselike an osprey catches fish

83

Poems 2019 84

March 25, 2019

Hidden Loversevery day I scour a maplooking for placesfor a placeI have this dream to disappearwith people looking butnot hard / for meShetland for examplewho even knows where it iseven the BBC show doesn’t tell usenough to make every placeopen / still places to hide

84

Poems 2019 85

March 26, 2019

Farmeven as old as 15I walked the small roadsand paths of our farmto step out of the houseand still be within somethingI owned can never be matchedagain / not a small patchbut one large enough to taketime to cross / it meantI could look at each spotmany times / each timefor a long time / there were placesto hide / to doze / to runthings to pick up / treesto climb / fields to lie inall but mine

85

Poems 2019 86

March 27, 2019

Bad Poemdid I get betterstay bad / become worsemy way with words diminishedit’s like that with menwho are fresh young poetsthey become old ones of plain speechso how to go back or get betteror become unique / stifle the lossstop age / stop rot

86

Poems 2019 87

March 28, 2019

My Barnthe barn gray from ageinside white from whitewashno one knew then and around therehow old it was / framed in handhewn beamswood dowels for joinerythe walls were not solid but gappedand light would flicker on dust motesfrom the yellow straw and hayinside it smelled every way it couldfrom the dried hay and grainsthe piss / the shit / chickenscows / a pig sometimes and from the pasthorses and leather harnesses and reinsthe barn sat on a raised hillockto make making a sort of basement easya wagon / rakes / a mower stored therethe barn gone / no one knew

87

Poems 2019 88

March 29, 2019

Tale of Robberstheir appeal was robbing banksunfaithful love / the runningand getting away / the killing of copswhen banks were thought evilwhen were they notand the depression put most outof their homes and intobreak lines / Hoovervilleswhen it was over they allsurrounded the car and stolethey all went to the servicesit was a time when orderescaped

88

Poems 2019 89

March 30, 2019

InkWell Writ Largethe only other noisiness is the brushof elementary northwester and compressible flakethe woods are aesthetical glooming and heavy

the only other caroler is the difficultyof condemnable levanter and traversable Appalachiansthe forests are aesthetical necessitous and diabolic

the only other smarting is the caseof line draft and weak breakthe woods are seamed garbed and galled

the only other trespass is the shankof cagey squall and haired scrapthe bosks are thorny grim and icky

89

Poems 2019 90

March 31, 2019

Eyes For Herthe only other bunce is the dinkof small-scale foehn and crustose clastthe bosks are staid drear and hale

this is how the web is formedthe way departures go at sundownwhen we meet cinq à septin our lonely mannera woman who needs only the manwho eyes her by glanceacross what was oncea smokey room over whiskythen it’s a bunce

90

Poems 2019 91

April 1, 2019

On Deathdeath reveals our secretswithout energy to hide themthey wiggle out from under the rugsthe question will be who careswill the secrets let looseovershadow the feel of a cold handa cold cheek / a silence

91

Poems 2019 92

April 2, 2019

Full Slantwhen the ferry comes in at 7amthe webcam can take the scene as bluedoes this mean that the atmosphere is dreadedor that someone’s mood is not gooddoes it mean the camera white balance is offin this scene I see that whisked watertingled by wind and distant wavesa slantful of rain / drops on the lens

92

Poems 2019 93

April 3, 2019

A Nesswhat happens when the mysteriescome up just enough to be knownas mysteries / I meanwhen we didn’t see them we didn’t wonderthat means they weren’t mysteriesonly unknowns / how sad can it beto not know and not knowto have something wonderfulon the other side of somethingwe can’t look in back of

93

Poems 2019 94

April 4, 2019

Homingonce I was clevernot an at last thingbut a memorya once upon a time thingnow it’s all a little harderonce my mind was speed of lightnow light on the speedI hope for a trip home soonto redo my memories

94

Poems 2019 95

April 5, 2019

Northlinklittle boats going around the pointa big one coming in from the mainlandlight sneaking under clouds just past dawnand the idea of rain not far offlow tide is a such a thing to seegreen fragments of netting and seaweedmussels and seals by a shorebird peckingthey swim out / they swim awaypipes drain water into the seait’s a sight to see / it’s a dirty worldbut real to me and to the passengers on the ferrywho will meet the town hard by dawnand their rooms not yet ready fortheir long delayed sleep

95

Poems 2019 96

April 6, 2019

I Pray the Lord My SoulI never slept aloneoutside in the woodseven in a tentnever aloneI had fear and it was with meI could never get over itwhen my parents were awayand I was alone overnightI kept the knife by my bedlights on everywhereI planned that one day I wouldhave a full scale defense systemwith lights and sirensI am still nervous

96

Poems 2019 97

April 7, 2019

Sail Awayshe of course is the hard wonnonlover / too old / too turned awayto admit to anything / a friend I supposeshe doesn’t tantalize / she thinks hardthough and writes like she’s madI wonder which of us will speakat the other’s last gathering

97

Poems 2019 98

April 8, 2019

Victoria Pierthe pillars of light on the rough waterharborside between me and the roadwaya pilot boat between are yellow and bluetwo yellow three blue and one can wonderwhy / it’s the lights that make themsodium ones for yellow and the othersjust incandescent / some say blue lightsreduce crime / make a safer alleya place where lovers meet not victimsbut I’m talking the small islandswhere everyone knows everyoneand crime is a family thingthe lights though / I simply watch themover the airwaves more or lesshalf our world away

98

Poems 2019 99

April 9, 2019

Slowly Dawningideas come slowly sometimesworking on things you miss the later obviousam I slow or is it the nature of the universe

99

Poems 2019 100

April 10, 2019

Trumpvilleevery day I read crueltythat I share this world with themrequires sadness / I crave the simplicityof kindness

100

Poems 2019 101

April 11, 2019

GCwhen we figure what the rest of our lives bringssometimes it brings culling of friendswho don’t fit any more / I am about to becomeone who was culled / it can be sad

101

Poems 2019 102

April 12, 2019

Ness Boundthe nature of a short letterwritten fast but thereforewith emotions unhiddenI would read each one thriceto force those tears into the skincovering the least protected partof me

102

Poems 2019 103

April 13, 2019

Ships in Summerin Summer the lakes shimmies slowlythe motes and small bugs in the airform a rhythm of flakes / the soundsof bird and insects making their reportsin the humid midafternoon air fill mewith regret for the ways I’ve fallenhow I’ve fallen / when I’ve fallenfrom where I sit the distanceis a comfort but I must waitfor some of it to pass

103

Poems 2019 104

April 14, 2019

You’re All I’ve Gotreckoning all that’s gone beforeI find little that flattersthe field / the big rock I’d doze behindthe dust from dried haythese are my talismanswhen I picture me in a warm cottagein a cold but snowless landscapewith a woman old or youngall I picture is the big rockall I feel is the humid summer air

104

Poems 2019 105

April 15, 2019

Overloadhere’s a thoughtare beauty and simplicityunrelated / does the beautifulrequire complexitywhat else would make us staremake us wonder

105

Poems 2019 106

April 16, 2019

Rocked And Rolled Hairlooking out over Victoria Pierwhat I thought was the Northlinkheading down harbor toward Kirkwallreally was an old woman pouring gritsinto a pot of boiling water to gowith the flats of fish frying nextto it / and what I thought was the pilotboat heading back dockside was actuallyher hair slipping out of its crossed chopstickholding pattern / and what I thought was the last taxion Victoria was her assurance foodwas all she had

106

Poems 2019 107

April 17, 2019

Special DI’m sorry I loved youoh / for forty yearsand that we had those kidsI’m sorry you took the leftside of the bed when I reallywanted the middleI’m sorry I left the peanut butter jaropen when the taxi came to take you to hospiceI forgot to rent that strange bedwhere the feeding tubes and reclinerlever meet by your left elbowI’m sorry love started all thisI can fix that now

107

Poems 2019 108

April 18, 2019

Your Love Like A Tacoat noon the bells stopped ringingthough the special day was just startingyou Skyped me but I didn’t know which phoneto choose / we looked forward to those bellsbecause everything else about us we decidedto hate / even when the water is coldboats still head out to sea / to fishI had never tasted Mexican food beforeI became head chef to the best Mexicanplace in La Jolla / you laughed about thatuntil the burritos were served

108

Poems 2019 109

April 19, 2019

Going Outhuge boats offshoreducking behind light fogthey are stationed to do something bigthey carry loads that make women blushI can follow their wakes through the harborcheck the cameras for ghostsquery fish if I couldyou were on one once / you escaped

109

Poems 2019 110

April 20, 2019

Joy of Computingtrying to figure the subsymmetriesusing a genetic algorithmto outsmart a smart guybut years / no / decades laternot sure it will workbut it will take a long time

110

Poems 2019 111

April 21, 2019

Easter We Played Cardswhist / kerosene which I think was casinoBoston Nana made eggs / the fancy onesI’d pour beer for Mike until the foamwas an inch above the rim of the glasssomewhere I have a tape recording of our gameswe’d pick them up at the Lithuanian Citizens Clubin Lawrence but perhaps it was just a barthey took the train up from South Stationsometimes if the weather was goodwe’d work in the woods / cutting lumberclearing brush / kielbasi for most mealsnow everyone’s gone but meeverything’s gone but my thingstype type type

111

Poems 2019 112

April 22, 2019

River Stylesitting therein the carcold but we did not touchsince then I have dreams of my motheris this what she is / wasacross the river lights came on outsidein a lawn and cars drove down the one way roadthere was a woman there toomany across that riverinstead I put my hands in her hatthose hands and hat on her legbut we did not touch

112

Poems 2019 113

April 23, 2019

Safety Factorsome don’t understand flirtingfor example / what it isthey say / let’s do this togetherin a far off place but they knowthe official one will not come alongand make it safe / the safety comes with agetoo old / too old

113

Poems 2019 114

April 24, 2019

Little Hutyoung / I built a smallhut / a pretend one for sureit had cut branches to hint a roofand princess pines for a decent bedleading to it from the small roadin our woods was a path through brushI made with an axe / my fatherand grandfather worked at the end of that roadcutting hemlock for beamsimagine what they thought

114

Poems 2019 115

April 25, 2019

Big Waitressbefore pre-dawn the big waitressis pouring coffee / the doughnuts just arrivedare passed out / the men in her dinerwear seed caps and baseball capsthey sit hunched and at best murmurthe cooks flips everything he cookshe uses butter for lard and greaseit’s an expensive cheap place off an interstatein Kansas / not one of the major onesfarmers and truckers / men with reasons to be upthey work / the big waitress worksin a small rented room I think I’m working toojust writing this

115

Poems 2019 116

April 26, 2019

Choose Gritsthe coffee’s badthe bacon too soft / too fatthe eggs run like sad sunny daysI choose grits over hash brownsbecause North CarolinaI’m a writer with little truck experienceson of farmers I don’t farma writer in a hybrid Avalonin Western Kansastwo hours before dawnwhere’s my big waitress

116

Poems 2019 117

April 27, 2019

Victoria Pier2:20am / four peopleat the end of Victoria Piersitting on cansa calm night with just some breezesuddenly they stand and walk slowlytoward the street / a car pulls up therebacks up / waitingthey don’t hurry / one of them drops somethingthey all look down / at the car one of them talks to the driverthe webcam has panned so he’s all I can seethe car moves off / he gets in his own carthe others apparently walk awayup Church Road / butthe webcam swings around / stopping every 30 degreeswhen it gets back to the end of Victoria Pierthey are there again / this time behind a shedthey light cigs / what kind?

117

Poems 2019 118

April 28, 2019

Vic Pier Glasssuddenly Lerwick Harbor is glassed overcalm as the suncomes up / the Statsraad Lehmkuhlat the end of Victoria Piera man walks along the dockside roadhe is not alone / behind him hisshadow on a wall / in the water his reflectionthree of him there / none of me thereexcept my eyes transmitted by packetsacross the world / seabirds settlethey take it all in

118

Poems 2019 119

April 29, 2019

Upriverdays lengthening / warmingsoon I’ll be awaiting the change of tidesI’ll dine nicely / last time with herwe ate well but not oftenshe didn’t like what she saw thereit had no substance she could seeI became nothing or at least not muchthe river now heads downriver

119

Poems 2019 120

April 30, 2019

Clever Lightlight outside4:30am Lerwickthis place pushes its strangeinto you / through youyour head so different from beforeit thinks newlyblue is the light nowthe lenses are sparkling from dew or rainlooking toward the lighthouseoutside the harbor’s calmI think of her

120

Poems 2019 121

May 1, 2019

CAhe worked all his life for a strange dreamwhere he knew how to fix the world and no one else didhe was always fired / because of that I thinkhe said things over and overhe wanted to see the sun at least once a day

121

Poems 2019 122

May 2, 2019

What Is It About Yousmall streams turn to surging onespipes empty into large placeswater from winter is on its way to the oceanpeople need eyes to notice the profoundwhen you see it / others become blindthey become fools / water flows more slowly

122

Poems 2019 123

May 3, 2019

Where?sometimes I try to findplaces on the map that correspondto webcam placements / I sometimes do oksome places are hard to pin downlike from Fjara south / those weird buildingscan’t place them

123

Poems 2019 124

May 4, 2019

My Number23they call my number and I grabthe burgers and Suzie Qs / large lemonadenot much iceI load up on napkins and take the bag and drinkout to the picnic tablesI head to one under a treeI take out the burgers and tear open the bageat the Suzie Qs first / watch clouds and skysmall birds and the big lawncrows off in pine treeswhen I listen with effortI hear thunder off to the westcoming down my valleythough I live nowhere near herethen the burgers dressed in pickles and mayodid I mention New Englandlike a mysterious poem I return every yearthis is one of my stopsmayo on burgers / never had them when I lived here

124

Poems 2019 125

May 5, 2019

Duendesometimes I read my old workI wonder who wrote itso much better sentences than I can write nowit’s as if I could think fasterhad more words in my bucketJo says she’ll rent me out to herto help her with her bucketperhaps one day the three of us will feed catson the shore of a northern islandafter the gales winds die downbefore dawn bursts with surprise

125

Poems 2019 126

May 6, 2019

The PromiseI’d be there nowheading around the farm loopafter a good dinner in Merrimac Squareor perhaps a beach pizza from Merrimack Street in Haverhilldown to the river to watch bridge lights�I am filled with sadness that my lifelived up to no expectationsthat what I made is small and flawed

126

Poems 2019 127

May 7, 2019

All Weathersmall town life / streams from farmspassing through town to the riverroads designed by cows and farmersbarns for hay and winteringcoal oil stoves and heaterspot belly stoves for warmingoval carpets from woven ragswooden chairs still in use from a century agoI’ve got my rubber boots for the bad daysa straw cap for the good

127

Poems 2019 128

May 8, 2019

Galelong winter waiting for shipssupplies wearing downthe storms don’t stopslanting rain / haleheavy snow / waves poundboulders closerwe cling for warmth

128

Poems 2019 129

May 9, 2019

eMiLy Told Me About TSApril is the cruellest month, breedingLilacs out of the dead land, mixingMemory and desire, stirringDull roots with spring rain.May isA day of unmitigated beauty andBeauty of the moon.

The moon has no place.

129

Poems 2019 130

May 10, 2019

I Let It Slip Pastthe room darkened as we talkedafter enough time had passedshe was lit by the dimmest lightI was on the other side of the screenon the other side of the worldshe disappeared to get a beerwhen she came back her hair was downyes / it’s old hair but it’s white gray and some blackafter enough time had passedshe was unlit / I mentioned itshe turned on the smallest lightthen studiously put her hairback up

130

Poems 2019 131

May 11, 2019

CamsI have collapsed into myselffearful of most anythingI never expected thisso each night I watch the ferry come inwhere it’s early morningI try to pick it up on the most camsI am afraid of what would happenif I didn’t

131

Poems 2019 132

May 12, 2019

Single Daywriting / trying to figure things outtrying to work well with hershe is a hard onesmarter / wiliernot sure what it isI am cowed manifestlyI explain as best I can but it’s not so musicalhave I gone too far toward plain language

132

Poems 2019 133

May 13, 2019

ItchyI itch all overthe dry air around herehappens every yearI need lotionthe ferry comes in slowit has traveled far last nighthow many have dreams on ithow many with dry skin

133

Poems 2019 134

May 14, 2019

Sighthe beauty of the camslooking over serene spotswater with a sky tintwhat’s the temperaturecan’t say so easilyshe admits we miss itbut how does she know itto court tomorrow for jurysigh

134

Poems 2019 135

May 15, 2019

Sigh Sighevery juror’s nightmareon a panel to fill a high profile murder trialthree weeks / if seated I’d need to work nightson my essay with Jennyone way to think of ithalf of me might be better than twoof anyone else on the jurynot seated yet / better not mention it

135

Poems 2019 136

May 16, 2019

Banaleverything is banalwhen they ask I’ll tell them the nutty truthmy chops are as good as beforeI would like to stop having so many responsibilitiesI want the rainbow over the bridgethe hard girl in the back seat

136

Poems 2019 137

May 17, 2019

OrLa Latwo women dealingwith five children in a bath different temperamentsbuzzing too noisyon the edge losing patiencesilly / foolishcloudy dull / sadgolden bird well behavedoiled slipperythe words describe the mood of the womanon the left / the French phraseoh là là

137

Poems 2019 138

May 18, 2019

Windowingalmost a yearwatching Lerwick camslots of boats birds and bikesnot a single person in a windowno shadows passing by windowssunny / rainy / high winds / snowno one warming in their homesjust me watching

138

Poems 2019 139

May 19, 2019

Every Movethe more I work with herthe stranger she becomesa combo of smarts and dumbsshe undoes her hair and twirls ita white streak down the middleblack all aroundin her pjs / wondering the simplest thingswe miss similar thingsbut not ones that use the same words

139

Poems 2019 140

May 20, 2019

You Seeolder things are strongerthe Tecla tied up and ready for Faroe1917 / the Tecla is a fast sailorbuilt for the North Seaher rigging is as traditional as traditiona two mast Ketch with topsailsdifferent sizes foresailsfor light weatherheavy weather behindmore to come / like tides

140

Poems 2019 141

May 21, 2019

UnSeatedstill in the jury roomnot called up yetno one definitively seatedI go over in my head all the answersI could give / none snarkyI hope / so far they are aimedlow / I must tell them howI think / they won’t like that

141

Poems 2019 142

May 22, 2019

Very UnSeatedI made it outnever called into the jury boxeveryone who spoke crisplyeveryone with a serious educationwas eliminatedI rehearsed my answerswhich would have been complexlike how I would associate a strength of beliefand perhaps other measureswith each propositionwhich they called factsI vowed to explain that inferring intentwas abduction and hence guessingI would have infuriated them

142

Poems 2019 143

May 23, 2019

All Sierpinski On Youa grand view of small imaginationsas we step forward the landscaperepeats itself / goes innerthe lens makes for an odd shotgeometric and out of the nowherethe next inner looping createslong ago even though there was smokeeverywhere there could be smokethere is smoke nowhere becauseeverywhere was overwhelmingso small / even now

143

Poems 2019 144

May 24, 2019

TeXingdoing detail work doesn’t workwell for me / I lose attention quickI need to go over it and go over itsoon so shall shethen we’ll be finished

144

Poems 2019 145

May 25, 2019

Come As You Areeverything about the day is goodyellow and orange of the sun down lowabout to rise / some heavy clouds aboutbut no wind / calm seasa few new boats tied upthe cam swings its courseshe said we’re at the stagewhere pjs are oksuch a busy calm day

145

Poems 2019 146

May 26, 2019

Followingwe beauty of a projectis that it endseveryone involved turns awaytime to read and write

146

Poems 2019 147

May 27, 2019

Looking On The Harborwhen we talk on Skypeshe looks everywhere but at mebecause her camera is nowhere near the screenI’m on / she is looking but seems not toshe’s surprised how many Shetland poems I havesuch obsession is not herswhat does she want is a good questionwho am I another / she doesn’t appreciateI think the small sidelooks / the smallhand movements towardor the color of a sky not long before dawnthough that dawn comes slowly from a strange angleI can only write about it

147

Poems 2019 148

May 28, 2019

QWANimagine a storynow write it downis it literaturea story alone is notit needs that thing Christopher Alexander calledthe quality without a nameshall we name it

148

Poems 2019 149

May 29, 2019

Craziness Happensthe club’s chill-out areaby the entranceunder the stadiumsome hot ones / gender not so knownworld’s best techno clubthe woman with the green hatand flowered fan / in a lowcuta metal choker / I would give it upfor her / for me doing drag is a political decisionagainst the patriarchal masculine systemhe said

149

Poems 2019 150

May 30, 2019

Cliff Camthe sun’s risingor better saidlowering down the cliffto seabirds rousingand jumping to the wind to fishto soar / warm or coldwinter or summerthey are perched and nestingpairs rattle bills against each otherit’s the time of lovein middle spring

150

Poems 2019 151

May 31, 2019

Pair Lengthsimple logicnot doing well with itworry / maybe

151

Poems 2019 152

June 1, 2019

Grasswind hardly upthe wind turbine just only turningearly but the sun’s above the light low cloudsby this harbor is a special medicinethat makes hyphenated wordslike wind-voices and summer-burnedtake the medicine then laughor cry or sit by the harbor

152

Poems 2019 153

June 2, 2019

Hey Babythe Fivla’s tied upan industrial looking ferrynot usually seen in Lerwick harborwell she and I are just sittingat the end of Victoria Pier3am / time for bed / I turn to kiss herI meet her on her cheeklike this for yearsand the rest

153

Poems 2019 154

June 3, 2019

Cleatsit’s a sad songnot a dirgebut the wind’s lowthe tide’s lowwe are low by the pierwatching the rain wince downto the sailboat’s railingsthere’s a tarp over the sparkeeping them drywe’re not / we’re hatlesswe choose the words that soundbest not the ones that mean best

154

Poems 2019 155

June 4, 2019

Best Shota problem of tensepast or presentfuture? / we don’t have onethe words are just splats of thoughtand pictures in our headswe weave new ones when the olddon’t work / the lights will nevergo out

155

Poems 2019 156

June 5, 2019

Puffin Cambirds coming out of their burrowsbefore 5am to air their feathersget ready to fly out to sea to fishlike little footballs with orange feetthe puffins seem wrong / lots wrongit takes a while to get itthen the words are wrong

156

Poems 2019 157

June 6, 2019

LuckI went to danceswashed my hair before in the sinkmy mother would drivewe’d pick up Kurkjian sometimescafeteria at Pentucket and sometimesa band from HaverhillI’d dance the slow ones with Miriam Briscoeblond / where is she nowmost of the girls I loved thenare wrecks now / dead or not therewhat I thought was bad luckwas good

157

Poems 2019 158

June 7, 2019

Notationtimes goes on and sheseems less each timewe work together and itbecomes ordinary / like seeing the sunsetfor days forevershe gets olderless appealing / allure is like thatthe scope of interestdeclines

158

Poems 2019 159

June 8, 2019

Rocks Village Bridgethe bridge back thenI’d cross it every day on my bikethe planks had gapsthe asphalt stuck onto the middles of eachthe gray oily water belowthe smell of shitdead fish / I was scared each time acrosshow many years of nightmaresdozens

159

Poems 2019 160

June 9, 2019

Fetlaris it an obsessionthe desire of the faraway cold placewith a strange old woman who can neverbe anything / are the projects realmade up for the adventureI’ll have to confess it all soonnot to assuage blamebut to explain insanity

160

Poems 2019 161

June 10, 2019

Skiptonight is one of the those nightswhen there is too much work reallyto write a decent poem / life is likethat

161

Poems 2019 162

June 11, 2019

Heat Wavesweating / a tough daypower on / offthe copyeditor going a little crazyediting F. Scott Fitzgeraldhard to know what to make of itI hope it will all work outit is so hot

162

Poems 2019 163

June 12, 2019

Byeshe finally admittedwhat I knewshe doesn’t and never hastrusted me / feels uncomfortablecolleagues only seems the thingbut maybe not even thatif you know me you knowI hide from peoplewho don’t like meI think no Shetlandever again

163

Poems 2019 164

June 13, 2019

More ThanI am alone nowall work awayI want to never speakto be a comfort for myselfI will flop into the seanever returna poem like this onethat’s what I’ll be

164

Poems 2019 165

June 14, 2019

The Right Thingstill not done with this stupid essaybecause the publication cannot deal with anythingone step away / how to copewell should anyone care

165

Poems 2019 166

June 15, 2019

De-rain dumped last nightall the drains reamedI think the wind was up toowater down runnels on the edgesof steep streetsI’m warmed by a warm bodydawn was up hours agobut still in the nightnow that it’s overthe quiet is pressing

166

Poems 2019 167

June 16, 2019

Bought Normallywith the family of bookmark’s kindergarten friendsI had a barbecue in the gardenput on father’s day / wedding anniversary / various reasonssuper good meat in the air!a level of meat that will never be boughtnormally lol

thanks to the matured meat steakand the red wine marriageit was too nice

the weather is just as good as it iskids are very happy to playmy parents eat deliciousand they are very happy

it was a good saturday

167

Poems 2019 168

June 17, 2019

Let Them KnowI stand in shameand won’t forgive the humiliation that led to itshe could have been more kindinstead she got backdecide what to do

168

Poems 2019 169

June 18, 2019

My Benchnice view out to seaI would sit by that baybut expense and friend lackprevents itI am stubbornly kept in my own boxI don’t speakI hardly movelots of reasons to lookout to sea

169

Poems 2019 170

June 19, 2019

With Somebodythe sky smeared and striated by clouds4:25am / off to the left / to the westthe sun has already looped around the polethrows a pink light to the right where everythingis blue / except the bright flat fronts of buildingson the harbor / no one is moving it seemsa woman wishing for more turns from side to sideat first toward a love but in the end away

170

Poems 2019 171

June 20, 2019

Shetland Hire Carsthe small cars make the strongest stopspedals too close together make large feetstop it quick when the brake’s too closeto the clutch / those Britsand in Shetland too / not many larger carsshe rented one and thought she could drive itwhat she did those twenty minuteswas too funny / I won’t go back

171

Poems 2019 172

June 21, 2019

Poetrywe speak of it now like jokesfifty years afterhow JK lusted for CSand also NH / how he had yearned for kissesbut had no nerve / now these years laterNH is ok / CS not so much and they all laughlike puppy love and oh our youthI still feel the sting / what Sappho might callsweetbitter / at first sweet as a promiseat last bitter / a dry death

172

Poems 2019 173

June 22, 2019

Never Therea sharp morningred and orange light making the small harbor towncrisp and alertit’s old / the water is almost a mirrorflat you’d think but the curve is somewhereno one is up / the sun where it is nowis not far from where it setwe’re above 60 degrees / the mark of stubborn northwhen I look at the old photos the beauty is thereand I missed it then I think / all moreto miss it now

173

Poems 2019 174

June 23, 2019

Without Youevery evening I report the newswhat I think / what I thoughtI don’t report what she’s donebecause she’s severed what little we hadher moment to speak true / my moment toonext I’ll return to my safety placeto wander and more / I’ll visit somebut just look mostlysit in my spots / she was there oncefound it a big nothing

174

Poems 2019 175

June 24, 2019

Neverlandwhen I go there imaginingthe views are blocked and everything’s too tightlyclose by / rain greens and blocksthe sheep are on their bellies waitingI’m waiting too / I’ll never go there again with herbut without her is unimaginable / but it’s memade it so / my bad traits too tightly close bytoo wet

175

Poems 2019 176

June 25, 2019

Fivlait’s MV Fivla for nowLeirna out of service for some reasonSummer so the passenger load is highshe’ll stay there / me herewe’ll meet every week somewhereshe reminded me of the poly on the barbwirethe symbol of our lovefor Shetland and the smell of sheepthe cold fish / the smell of the Rayburnmaybe the ferry is saying something

176

Poems 2019 177

June 26, 2019

Farewellthe bridge / the suzies / the burgersthe lobster / the frappes / the tonicthe beach pizza / the jabberwockyHaverhill / Merrimac / Amesbury / NewburyportWest Newbury / Groveland / Tamworthbut the bridge and my evenings therewhat I need is a strong dose of forgottenwith you at the center / the centerbecoming a healed over hole

177

Poems 2019 178

June 27, 2019

Fish and a Walkthe river was soft todayI sat by it for a couple hoursnot hot / not coldbirds jumping in it to fisha man walking to Amesbury asked me the wayhe was happy with my answer

178

Poems 2019 179

June 28, 2019

Sighon my nervesand it’s hotmy favorite places on vacation nowwrong time / had to unfollow a friend

179

Poems 2019 180

June 29, 2019

Song Birdfog coming upfrom swampy fieldsand the edges of roadshumid I supposewith a change to coldKurkjian said don’t renewher contract / she drainsreturns nothing / she saysit’s about trust and ifshe doesn’t have itwhy should I

180

Poems 2019 181

June 30, 2019

Mathe hatdelaney’smartha’splaces to eat on 110ice cream and clamsmy mother might go therecahill’s toward Haverhilldon’t forget the tracks in the roadshe would find the world hard against herfog behind a gauze curtain

181

Poems 2019 182

July 1, 2019

Cobbler’s Beaversbeaver pond with tannic acidon the far side bullfrogs warpingit seems calm and naturalbut beaver-made / is it differentfrom man-made / two damswell engineered / lasting for decadeswith regular maintenance

182

Poems 2019 183

July 2, 2019

After Dinnershe was walking down River Streetgauze pants with the sun behind herwalking toward me / I could seeit all made sense then but nowI need to imagine the photosthat could have been had

183

Poems 2019 184

July 3, 2019

Shakersthey invented waysto save timeto make timeto worship and reflectbut never do they minglethe men with the womenthey reproduce by acquisition

184

Poems 2019 185

July 4, 2019

Shaker Urgeonly at the top of the hilldoes the setting sun invade the dwellingall those windows otherwise uselessthen / the woman yet streaming lustcan’t find the key to unlock that doorthere is no key / no doorinstead she waits for a passerbyto stop / to think / to make her childa sister and then the lust becomes motherand the hens all cluck a lock step mutter

185

Poems 2019 186

July 5, 2019

Shake It Upa day off from the drivesad all day and anxious for the wasteif I lived at CanterburyI’d be eating in silence nowwith the same sadness and anxietyno one to share withthe sunsets provoke me to angerthere always the wayback fenceand pond beyond where once we dippedin skinny and drive was under water

186

Poems 2019 187

July 6, 2019

Downpour Undoingso when the cloud burstsas no poet would ever sayit’s fast duck under a tree modeand you hope it’s summerleaves you seeif you’re near a riverthe river rising is a dosage of prettyand the sounds of heavy dripsand river sliding past banknever a better soundnormally I’d want her with mebut that’s all doneshe likes it dry now

187

Poems 2019 188

July 7, 2019

Brown Sugar in Newburyporta waitress with dreads in blondeshe’s older but notshe walks looseshe served sweether pink long skirt not from around hereI wondered about her

188

Poems 2019 189

July 8, 2019

Skip’sso many to loveno choice / no chanceher hair tightens to a tight bunbut long on her when she is sheshe loves to see methe first timethen she lovesto ignore

189

Poems 2019 190

July 9, 2019

If Not A Girlthe pretty ones go firstin various ways they go firstif you’re looking for something to lastlook to the written wordnever stop

190

Poems 2019 191

July 10, 2019

Desire I Supposea man’s desire is like a meteorlong burn through female skythen a quick stop and deep sleepa woman’s desire is like a tornadospinning to high fever / liftingeverything it meets

191

Poems 2019 192

July 11, 2019

Hard Shell or Furhow to move aheadwith a woman who teasesbut mistrustsshe digs like a gopherbut is hard as slateshe seems to wonder how places make peoplebut doesn’t know much about people

192

Poems 2019 193

July 12, 2019

Downstreamthe river rushed upstreamthose few days I sat by itit made the sounds of lovemakinglittle vortexes in a flimsy rowhow does such a tide end upstreamI haven’t seen itI suppose it’s not a wallwhen I approach her it’s like thatthe tide stops / the river onceagain flows

193

Poems 2019 194

July 13, 2019

Unlovedno one said old agewould make you unlovedI think I knew that when youngbut maturity said no thatdoesn’t make sensewell / it does

194

Poems 2019 195

July 14, 2019

Shit To Dothe last time I was thereI forgot to walk every woods roadI didn’t visit the barnI didn’t lie down in the big fieldI didn’t walk back to where Snooks was buriedI didn’t visit the princess pinesI didn’t look into the stupid crude shack I built in the special clearingI didn’t check out the blueberry patchesI didn’t do shit

195

Poems 2019 196

July 15, 2019

Weesp Womanshe knows sittingnear the bank of the Vechtthe things that made her life liveare gone / dyingshe trusts no one to tellshe whispers little tickles of her hurtlistening hard you can hear notthe words falling from her mouththe tears falling from everywhere else

196

Poems 2019 197

July 16, 2019

Riding Lowshe asks and asksI listen only halflyher time is drainingI can’t stop making mistakesI want high windhorizontal rain

197

Poems 2019 198

July 17, 2019

Underishthe bridge doesn’t carethe life near it not dearwind from somewhere else

198

Poems 2019 199

July 18, 2019

Late Afternoon5am full lightdon’t spend winter with herlike a cold highschool datea dry hump / the birds huddled into hollowsthere could be warmth / it’s the oppositenow / sight and smell

199

Poems 2019 200

July 19, 2019

My No Storywhat can it meanthe roads now paved wellbefore just oil on sandhumped in the middleI once thought symbolismwas key / fix it firstthen write the storyhow wrong was that

200

Poems 2019 201

July 20, 2019

Heroicwho writes the specmust stare into the turning heartof the most mindless readersomeone whose raw skinhas been scratched by the breathwrong makers / the words back uperase / swap as gravity erases space

201

Poems 2019 202

July 21, 2019

Nobodyvernacular winsthink locallyact locallywhen we tour Oswegoit’s an issue for realitymaking little sensethe skirt and shortsso shortthe tattoos so coveringthe skin canvas stretchedsomething wrong is something

202

Poems 2019 203

July 22, 2019

Hat To GoI’m as tired as anyonecan be while notmoving a muscleback not in geara new hat from Ireland or Scotlandmaybe andthe way it’s madeis a long way from home

203

Poems 2019 204

July 23, 2019

News To Gomy daughter engagedshe told me todayI was driving out of Portland ORshe was surprised I wasn’t

204

Poems 2019 205

July 24, 2019

Wasting A Waytears as time wearsI want to stop the irrelevancyI am unlike the ones who make historymy life was done wrongfrom start to finishI need to warn

205

Poems 2019 206

July 25, 2019

Fadeas my end approachesI note how shallowly I’ve livedhow what ordinary people loveI avoid / how joys for others are nothingfor me / my job is to lay this all outwith the time leftthe time left

206

Poems 2019 207

July 26, 2019

Detailed Energyeven thoughshe’s more human/isticshe’s less attuned to the one over thereshe’s dazzled by French wording making commonplace statementsshe sees the theory not detailsshe doesn’t know what invitations meanshe turns her back and says rub

sometimes I blur my eyes to better seethe world things / the malformed thingsshe gets strong glasses to see every detailshe misses the standing up world / she seesa different eternity / I see the big flatlandsspread before me yellows / a tangerinegreens / stilted reds among reeds and fallen leavesshe says rub

207

Poems 2019 208

July 27, 2019

Of Love Lifehere’s what love of life isceilings caved in / floors caved inwithout the destroyed no one can bearthe heaviness of new lifewhen the rain slants down slanted streetsinto shallow gutters made lovingly bythe now dead to a catchbasin shuntingto the the harbor a shout goes upa drinking song but where’s the pubwhere’s the party / maybe just the gullsor a rusty wheel / waitis she up there on the hillwaiting to wail

208

Poems 2019 209

July 28, 2019

Banked Fogthe fog thick around the docksand masted boats tied upthe strait is clogged toothe ferry needs technological meansto come to port / birds used to seeingwhere to fly and where to dive for foodare locked onto the dockson rocks above waterline / they waitwe wait for the sun to burn it awayor wind to blow it awayor God to smirk it awayanyway we put more wood on the firemore coal in the fireboxmore peat by the backstoneeverything is waiting except for the practitionersof technology and followers of schedule

209

Poems 2019 210

July 29, 2019

Their Therea place I never knewI’d heard of itbut where was itwhat did it meanto me / now I can’t dreamof anywhere elsethe high bald hillsthe stone housesislands everywherecool all yearneither hot nor coldI would live there and writebut other choices went awry

210

Poems 2019 211

July 30, 2019

Her Reflection Teasesshe appeared before mefrumpy / she said her natural elegancefought against it / latershe said she was in her pajamasau naturel / I supposed her hairwhite on top she saiddark toward the backtoward the nape of her neckshe didn’t try to absolve meor soften her critiqueshe looked away many timesI felt something but pushed it asidenow her last husband deadpracticalities surface hardI go back to the usual

211

Poems 2019 212

July 31, 2019

Makersthe story is oldtold at the hearthwhere men and women are finally equalmen make the wallswomen make the world within wallsher stuff ephemeral so archaeologistsare stumped / walls especially of stonetell stories for centurieshence menit’s not a matter of equalitybut sense

212

Poems 2019 213

August 1, 2019

My Turquoise Luckthe street curves up a narrow canyonlittle changed in a centuryway up there the sky’s still bluehere the yellow lights reflect offthe wet street / there’s a girlwalking uphill / carrying a small woven bagher broad brim hat connects to her longdark back-draping hairher knit skirt is tighther bikini top is small covering everything thereshe walked past me and I tried to ask hershe said shuddup

213

Poems 2019 214

August 2, 2019

Light Shining Throughthe north is nervousautumn approachesthe women who came and wenthave gone again / finally the aircools / up northfor some time stopspeople slow / the loop is completeplans are madepeat is cut and driedno rivulets falling downhilldawn is breaking

214

Poems 2019 215

August 3, 2019

Neve McIntoshshe is quite the beautyshe turns her accent up to hide her girl selfher heavy brows makes her form seriousshe strides across peat as ifthere are many ways to love herall distant / her arms bend backwhen I approach

215

Poems 2019 216

August 4, 2019

Shetland Writinglots of pretty green to see todaybut the fog is not far behindcold weather and winter / all thatthe time for writing is hereI am a slave to all sorts of wordssentences come and gohow to put them togetherin the green grassunder the white fogin the cold

216

Poems 2019 217

August 5, 2019

Wake and Crythe rain / the fog / the people wakinglights coming on / it takes time to liveeven in a world where everything can be hadcoming across on little boats is another way to do itcome on over and get what you needfish on the way / some shellfish toothere is one light not yet ona woman behind it still in bedhas the heavy blankets pulled upshe doesn’t know why it’s tears for hermaybe / it’s because I’m here / she’s therethe loneliness of distance

217

Poems 2019 218

August 6, 2019

Mojavethe train slows through MojaveI like the corner seat in Mama Coco’s Mexican Grill and Barnot a real name / hers / but the green chileenchiladas bite hard around the palatecerveza / they say there’s only American junkfood here / Mama knows better / she serves everyoneeven God when He’s in town / He likesthe planes they dismantle / He wondersif the spaceport will work out / mostlyhe likes the rust

218

Poems 2019 219

August 7, 2019

Learn PeopleI look for ways to programwhat I want / people have documentedthings badly / my recourse is tohack around and try thingslike wiggling the ropeto untie the knot

219

Poems 2019 220

August 8, 2019

The Appealwho doesn’t love a rusty hulka brokeback barn / an old ditchhalf filled with stenchy waterthe best of all is a ware-house with windows busted so longago there is glass dust under themand the wavy parking is seen behindwalls drooling / we all crave death

220

Poems 2019 221

August 9, 2019

Iconic Oaksome music so strangeso soft and filled with small moteslike a man walking up a slight hillto find his remaining daysmany slips on wet stones and laid-down brancheslater he sits / back to a stonewalla hard lesson to learnthe creaking insects hush the leaves already fallenunder the iconic oak / a man will findthe box holding back his future

221

Poems 2019 222

August 10, 2019

Long Journeya bit of a stormI put on a record a wife once gave mefolk songs of Maine sung during rainshe left me many years agoanyhow you don’t want to know about herthe songs go well with our evening stormI once wondered whether you would replace herthe storms are reward enough

222

Poems 2019 223

August 11, 2019

Text Editors??she’s so helplesswith computerstrying to explaintext editorswhat / implement a language / meanstalking to her over artifactsI’d rather spend the Winteron Muckle Flugga

223

Poems 2019 224

August 12, 2019

Swampy PathsI needed more time to recoverperhaps I’m slipping awayone more trip eastmaybe one to ShetlandI still can write and think I thinkI still dream of the small paths through the woodsand how me alone there is centralall the trees / all the dull and soft landmostly swamp / it was ours / it was minenow I have nothing and it feels like it

224

Poems 2019 225

August 13, 2019

That Smellwe try to learn what people meanto read gestures / to savvy lookssome figure simple rulesI take a holistic approachand use my nosenot figuratively / likeI sniff them deeply

225

Poems 2019 226

August 14, 2019

Unstthey gather around the billiards tablemany topics / none of them simplesome hard and irritablejust before voices risethe table gets loud with sharp shotsduating off rails / clacking into pocketsvoices stay low / business

226

Poems 2019 227

August 15, 2019

Artful Sentencesfacts and thoughts pile into a playgroundcalled consciousness / some just outsidewe pull on little tabs and the slitheringresult is a train of thoughtwe believed it was all rationalbut ha ha it’s just a dada clumpsuppose we say it without pruneperhaps we’re mad / perhaps brilliant

227

Poems 2019 228

August 16, 2019

Scott Millerno one wanted to sayhow he did ithow he killed himselfonce locally obscurelater nationally obscurehe wrote songs / I was his boss for yearsI gave him permission to tour and recordgave him permission / funny way to put ithe was the artist and Ia mere merchant

228

Poems 2019 229

August 17, 2019

Take It, LouisI picture myself in the backgroundhaving done the workgetting no credithidden / shythis is my thingshe is the better presenterthe more interesting writerI the deeper noticerthe less shallow ormore appropriately shallowthinker / that’s me

229

Poems 2019 230

August 18, 2019

The Tips of Loversthe deep rain piles up in the streetsplaces people made to push away the hardened worldthe light piles up under sodium lightsand nearby a wave folds over then anotherthe woman who is not beautiful kissesthe name who is not beautiful in this scenebut we love them / who can make things like thisshipyard far away in the back of the embracelights on in the stone rimmed windows hintlife is acting out tonight / a story is actedout tonight

230

Poems 2019 231

August 19, 2019

One Suchcan you imagine the lovers at the top of the worldin winter when there’s no light / the rain and galeskeep them in / in all the universe nothing is as importantas what they do in just one of those nights / I had nightslike that once / just once / then a train rushing pastput me out of them / they say people get what they deserve

231

Poems 2019 232

August 20, 2019

Winter Dayshe wants to look youngerthe small tip away from lifewhy fight / she says now her eleganceis timeless / that her young eleganceis an old elegance / she offers her mindas proof / she nods as I nod

232

Poems 2019 233

August 21, 2019

All Helly Upis this house spiritualnot do spiritual things happen herebut the house itself / the housealone aside from all eyes all sensesaway from people / I’ll leave that questionto photoshop / the photographer / photoeditormakes those decisions with color balanceand targeted lighting

233

Poems 2019 234

August 22, 2019

Leavingwhat you wantif it isn’t what she wantsit might as well not existshe was thinking it over as they talkedon the rock shelf by the North Sea lapping at its creasesshe pretended every answerfinally the last one that came to hershe said to him / after she lefthe smiled some / the wind I suppose was chill

234

Poems 2019 235

August 23, 2019

Findingtrying to find shooting locationsI’m good at it but I need mapsgood ones and photosdeduction doesn’t work wellalways / but I’ve found placesI need this for the moodCapote walking and lookinglistening / I need that tooor make it up / rain doesn’t help

235

Poems 2019 236

August 24, 2019

Dating / Dyingwe went on a dateI didn’t know she was dyingI was thinking it could be a beginningbut she was working on an endingwhy thoughwhen we were done I wanted to take her homeinstead she went for a walk / aloneby the harbor / later she told meshe thought about me / and what kindof flowers she wanted me to bring

236

Poems 2019 237

August 25, 2019

Quickthe fog came in quicksunny then cold mistbirds flying high dove lowjust barely missing the watera big harbor full of boatssuddenly needing radarthe woman waiting down the pierhas been sitting for an hourshe has a small thermos / teaI suppose / a tin of cookiesher hair’s not shiny but it gleamseverything came in quick

237

Poems 2019 238

August 26, 2019

Heartnessthe crofts on Unst / morehumanity / the earth pulls them downinto her peat heartright now fog covers everythingI’ve noticed my lifeall seventy years of ithas been as wellthe earth refuses to pull

238

Poems 2019 239

August 27, 2019

Checkfind my place and return to itfanatically / like the last possible rubone by one each thing will happenone last time

239

Poems 2019 240

August 28, 2019

Water Thoughtsat the bridge I will lamentwhat seemed like an intellectual connectionthat turned out to be just a glitchdon’t know what she would call itI would say something like a structurefallen into disuse and plenty of it

240

Poems 2019 241

August 29, 2019

Bad Tripsomething like heavy seassets our shared ship bed to swayingthrough the long cold North Sea nightfrom a place just a place to a placewe love / she and Ionce on land the world will explodewe’ll talk with cease / for now wehunker and hold like two old lovers

241

Poems 2019 242

August 30, 2019

Thule Barthe bars are open but notinteresting / this time of nightwhen the cute ones are already pairedor so the bucks thinkthe beer doesn’t run outpretzels and fried foodgame on the screenbartender’s a job requiringpatience and curiositytolerance for boredomhunger for noveltythe women all talk to you

242

Poems 2019 243

August 31, 2019

Crapas I get older things worryme more / I panic easilytonight the sewer againwe’re in a hotel nowit could be a bad weekalways on a holiday weekend

243

Poems 2019 244

September 1, 2019

Crap, Crap, and Awayif you read crapyou’re aware of the problemsolved quickly becausethe city starts responsibilityright over our back fenceand it’s freecrap away

244

Poems 2019 245

September 2, 2019

CA Mistakesstill working to figure outhow to explain how Alexander went wrongby writing code and checking it hardfor the mistakes of noticinghe made

245

Poems 2019 246

September 3, 2019

What Was It All For?I’ve been theredone some thingsI was not good at muchbut better than beginnersat many thingsphotos music writinghacking research thinkingnoticing riding bikesdriving some say making lovenot great not even goodbetter than a beginner

246

Poems 2019 247

September 4, 2019

She Swayssometimes the work goes slowlyI wonder if it’s deteriorationor just the work is hardI notice I worry harder about small thingssoon I will want someone to take chargeI am not feeling so in controlas when I knew less

247

Poems 2019 248

September 5, 2019

ARG Passeswe were strange budsmaking pizza / helping with muttswe shared a skepticism of our fieldwe played music / badly / togetherbut well enough to be paid and sometimesloved / I have tapes of himhe was maddening / so why nowwhy leave without a wordwithout a definitive hey manas the notice remarkedvery unexpected

248

Poems 2019 249

September 6, 2019

Ron And Marywho was Marywhy did she trouble him those wayswhat did he owe herwhat did she deservewas it his obsessiondid he have obsessionsshe tolerated no oneallergic to everythingwhat was happeninghow can I know

249

Poems 2019 250

September 7, 2019

Last SkipI will have just two daysto satisfy my burger needsin Merrimac this time aroundbeach pizza otherwise and the Thaiand Rainbow crowd / I supposeI’ll take it all easierperhaps a drive up to NHI will relax more / take in lessbe in the place not zoomingpast it

250

Poems 2019 251

September 8, 2019

DownI feel decay coming onI must step away from obligationsfocus on writing my endingthe agony is unbearable

251

Poems 2019 252

September 9, 2019

Tamworthrain outside on the tin roofnot a tropical rainI have the wood stove goingI’m reading / under a blanket in my soft chairI want someone to warm by meno one is hereI hear the piece of a puzzleclick into place / no one here

252

Poems 2019 253

September 10, 2019

Hard Septembereven though early Septemberstormy seas / skies unhappybirds under coverthe ferry approaches but drives forward hard / quickurging itself into the harborwhere everything awaits

253

Poems 2019 254

September 11, 2019

Ronevery time I move forwardon this Ron thing I come down limpingbecause something about it isn’t fairyounger and maybe better suited to itI’ll watch his ashes

254

Poems 2019 255

September 12, 2019

WonderfulI’m looping on something not importantI should move onthen there’s the Ron thingand going to the lab for testswonderful

255

Poems 2019 256

September 13, 2019

Ronsomeone called him super overweightsomeone else described him hunched over at his interviewsomeone referred to him as big blue for his constant attiresomeone told me he’d been laid off again and couldn’t find a jobI thought him invincible when it came to jobsI thought him ever slim or at least fithis friend seemed to me to be a witch who hated himhe became a recluse as life evaporated

256

Poems 2019 257

September 14, 2019

Red Sunset Bologna Sandwichhow much we love storiesthat start with one sceneand end with the same onedifferent in story waysI’d watch the red skies to the westdream of what I’d do once oldernow I watch the red skies to the westfrom the west of my youthful westdream of what I’d hoped to do

257

Poems 2019 258

September 15, 2019

Fourth of JulyI met with his brothershe had distanced himself from his motherfor the damage he said she dida therapist was involved it seemedand zoloft for depressionhe paid her rent in Los Altospaid to store his stuff at the Glass Slipperlived at the Extended Stayhad fifteen storage lockers to pay forno wonder no wonderhe found living too hardwe all cried all nightand all day

258

Poems 2019 259

September 16, 2019

Bye RonDave and Andy decided to start without Maryso we all spoke and I read my thingsthe fogbank had vanishedDave and Andy paddled their kayak slowlybut apace out around Johnson Pierto the near breakwater to the northMary / Jo / I walked to the end of the pierand soon they disappeareda gull got Ron’s Izzy’s bagelbut he was ok with thatand we suppose his ashes blended well with the harbor waterthey came back and we all ateRod picked up the tabwe came home and I sat therestill am

259

Poems 2019 260

September 17, 2019

r6 vs r4(6)the fog and funny cloudspasswords in the simplest codethe little clue from the clueless womanthe dog that didn’t sit right awaythe nebbish geek no one would fathomthe wind over seas in the cold of late summerwhere’d you go

260

Poems 2019 261

September 18, 2019

In The Bayhe decided I heard someone saythat having feelings was too riskyI was in a band they said he saidthey had feelings / look what it got themI was in that band / I had feelingsthey said he sounded like he wanted to be Spockthe Star Trek one / for those of you readingthis in a hundred years / whop celebratedhaving no feelings / now look at him

261

Poems 2019 262

September 19, 2019

Tourist Ibathe first Portugal Lisbon couldn’t goto the most tourist placethe street where I staythe colorful wall is standing toward the skyas it is a narrow road to the narrow paththis thin road / car and tram flyso time doesn’t stop and movesI don’t feel the danger of beingin a security sensebut I feel like I’m in a good moodcute but dirty / it was a very strange placeit might have been like thiswhen I was an image of my childhood

262

Poems 2019 263

September 20, 2019

Portothe linked buildings along the narrow streetshades of dulled pastelchunks and blemishes aboundoriginally rough stones worn downstreet numbers in cheesy plasticor 1960s metal numeralswomen here are not the prettiestbut they can work and lovethey will make everything neededthe buildings are narrow to keep down taxesthe smell of sausage is faint / bright

263

Poems 2019 264

September 21, 2019

Champaign Illthe small park / the big housewe lived like nothing else for a year thereshe was not a home builder but liked exoticsI was a timid student hoping for a lifeno such thing as computers at home thenso I read and worked problems on paperat the large table / the living roomsunk just in front / a double restaurant fridgewe lived a long cold year there and playedthen away to the land of warm dreams

264

Poems 2019 265

September 22, 2019

Iba LoLswhen I say lost metalI haven’t been able to takea 1-bit metal in the Dora walkI’m not walking too much lolyou guys are walking around10 million steps lol

265

Poems 2019 266

September 23, 2019

Truck Tires Line the Docksheavy rain / high tidethe ferry comes in anywaymaking big wavesthey slap the truck tires lining the docksbig winds and autumn is herethe peerie shop / Thule barno one in the windows no matter the time of dayno matter the day of the yeara man walks down the main streetturns up an ally / someone waiting

266

Poems 2019 267

September 24, 2019

When We Say Our Last Oneswhen I arrive it will be the last daysI picture a story like thisa guitar man loses his bass player in North Dakotathe gig trail links ahead across the northern tiertonight will be in Wolf Point just like last yearthe new bass will fly in from LAhe learns fast / the guitar man is in his motel roomrestringing his Strat / new strings every nightsnow flurries and he wonders if the gig’ll go onNorth of there the tiny but chubby dyed blondehurries through her laundry / she idols the manfrom last year / that evening she plans to wait around backthe stage area waiting for him to stop playingbut this time he won’t / he will play for his lost bass playerwho is flying out to LA to be sprinkled offVentura while the guitar player and lady singerdrink beers all day

267

Poems 2019 268

September 25, 2019

Wolf Point Montanain a stinky room in the Tip Top Motelthe guitar man is changing out his stringsBlue Steel 10s / he’s put them throughthe back of his Strat and is winding them upwith his tuning wrench / outside the lightrain has turned to heavy snow / he doesn’t knowwhether the replacement bass player will makeit today or if the gig’s still on / he’s beendozing all day so far / next door the singer’swondering why she has her own roomon the North Line she shares with himthey lost their bass player two days agoin Stanley ND / flew him back out to LAon runway 27 / aortic dissection the MD remarkeddone tuning he plays the bassman’s favorite licksthe singer dozes / up North just a bitthe wife who’s waited a year is finishing the laundryand is about to attack the cosmetics / she’s a dreamer

268

Poems 2019 269

September 26, 2019

Scobey Montanaabout to attack the cosmetics / she’s a dreamerScobey Montana / a little chubby since she marriedshe likes to horse around outside her homeshe saw them down in Wolf Point last yeara warm year with a warm light west windsliding through Scobey then / through Wolf Pointshe liked how he stood still behind the bandbut held it together with springy rhythm strokesand finger-pick–like textures / she was no music criticshe liked his white streaked flowing hairhis odd wah tone on leads / she liked how obviousthe singer’s passion for him was / how she knew/guessed the singer’shusband was unaware / she wanted to see him play tonightthe heavy snow though starting up and the timid bar ownermaybe she’d miss them / just one night / the next day Havrejust too far / she reached inside her waistbandher husband out at Brendis’s barn cleaning stallsthat upward chord move still lingering a full year later

269

Poems 2019 270

September 27, 2019

Pillowsthat upward chord move still lingering a full year latershe has the tape she made and plays it over and overmost days / she never clutched the truth of the singer’s passionthought it only part of the play the group made around the choiceof songs they played / the story they told to fit the songstogether aside from their flaws and mistakes / they were a party bandnot a concert band / in the room next door the singer wonderedhow hard the death would hit the band / hit the guitar playershe loved him sometimes / years ago on a tour / a decade lateron another / now the North Tier and here in the Missouri Breaksshe held a pillow between her legs she thought because of the coldthat came with the heavy snow and the wind from the West that wrestledthe light into dusk / she wished his arm over her side and cupping herhe did most nights and most mornings / instead if she listened hardshe could hear the plain song of the strings through the door between themnot fully closed / she knew it was closed / the guitar man had tearsthe band was his and the bassman’s / the new guy would be betterhe knew because that’s how agents worked / he needed to know the songsright now / the bass the only guy who never stopped playinghe waited for the phone and soon it rang / he let it / then the phonenext door / she would get it and fate would follow on / up North she took hopeover disappointment / she would one day run away / tonight just a drive

270

Poems 2019 271

September 28, 2019

How True / So Toughover disappointment / she would one day run away / tonight just a driveto the Wolf Point venue / like a cliché in her pickup / empty rifle mounton the rear window / he bends the strings hard so they settle into their tunersthe under-window heater pops and flits out dust smoke from an idle seasonhe thinks he’s been in this room before / he connects to the weak wififinds Living on a Prayer from the 12.12.12 concert and looks for the bass playerwhose role is a simple bottom / Jon Bon Jovi gets the early words wrongTommy used to work on the docks, Mini’s been on strike / he’s down on his luckhow true / so tough / the grumbling interplay of Sambora’s heavy rhythm introthe bass’s constant low line the drummer’s dear downbeat shade over the mistakesthe women in the front row love it more / the guitar man remembers from Wolf Point the womanwho stood off stage right eyeing his fingers / a player he thought but it looked wrongshe didn’t sway the way women do who lust for guitar men / she studied his fingerswhat the left hand did quietly on the fretboard / what the right hand did for rhythmthe bassman would be to his left in front by a little / the bassman sang so stood forwardthe singer would wander her knees deeply forward and back cranking her hips / he listenedfor the sounds of his vibrato / how deep / how wide / how like the same kind of smearpassion makes in the right bed / how he knew all these things well forgotten / how truethe walls an old yellow / the carpet bare from bed to bath / the red door locked to the outside

271

Poems 2019 272

September 29, 2019

Preparationsthe walls an old yellow / the carpet bare from bed to bath / the red door locked to the outsidefrom the next room it’s on we’ll leave in two hours / the answer the phone gavetheir rituals begin / hair body fingers stretching planning the meal / no bassman tonightthe replacement will meet them at the gig / he knows it won’t be the same / he props his suitcaselid open / does what he does / up North the woman prepares her story / the snow worriesthe details so she invents different ones / her husband is cleaning his boot treads on the boot brushnailed to the porch / after hearing her story he loads four bags of cement in the truck bedhe works his boots with a hoof pick / they live on the res / the singer strips and washeseverything / none of her is faked / she wears close black stretch pants and a loose blacklong-sleeve tunic / she begins her warmups slow and low / the darkness coming on wakes her upfully / he polishes his guitars and cases them / grabs extra string sets and picks / he’s ready

272

Poems 2019 273

September 30, 2019

Quiet & Stillfully / he polishes his guitars and cases them / grabs extra string sets and picks / he’s readyfor what matters / up North she breaks free of the ranch / heads into the flaking futureshe doesn’t let herself think it but she loves the guitar man / has read all the onlinearticles blogs tweets and the grocery store checkout-line rags / she’s read the reports of trystswith the singer but the singer is too extravagant for him / she can hear that in his playingher singing / the guitar player and bassman have been together every band and she can hearthe bassman in the guitar man’s twisting licks / they are the couple / she’s read that toothey rouse the drummer / he likes it late / their manager loads them all up minus one / they headinto town / when they play multiple nights in a town they mark down the best places / tonightit’s Wolfe Point Café / up North the wind gusts swerve her mightily but the cement bags hold

273

Poems 2019 274

October 1, 2019

Care Crystalit’s Wolfe Point Café / up North the wind gusts swerve her mightily but the cement bags holdher mind safely on the ground / this time she’ll talk to him / ask him to take her / whereverhe goes / she will wait until the last reverberation of his last note is gone / she has packedsmall things / they will buy her more later / she’ll say she can sing / the guitar player sitson a fixed seat too close to a fixed table / the burgers are dressed with mayo and options / the friescut into spirals / the bassman hated all of these fixings / he called them fixtures / he pronouncedinteresting words wrong / when he read the words didn’t sound in his ears / when leads went on he countedmeasures / when you mentioned a song the bass note names came to mind or the relative note distancesaphantasia he called it / the singer was sullen / she’s not been noticed since she found the bassman in hisbath / I thought he was alive but I touched him cold / five gigs canceled / the snow outsidecan’t care about anything / no point anthropomorphizing it / just white bits of crystal water coming down

274

Poems 2019 275

October 2, 2019

Last Tumbleweedcan’t care about anything / no point anthropomorphizing it / just white bits of crystal water coming downon the road South to Wolfe Point / the woman grips the wheel like the reins on a bull / he is nota mistake she thinks over and over then says over and over / the cement bags thump / at the café it’ssundaes for all / the drummer arrives late / waffles his thing / they jot down a set list / the guitarplayer wonders what the new bass will be able to do / the singer lingers her hand on his wristoutside the last tumbleweed bounds past / a snowplow scrapes by / the guitar player wonders whether theywill too tonight / the bassman’s back in LA heading for hunoz where / he is dead to the world / nervousfor nothing / snow has made it to six inches / the chill to 24 degrees / won’t snow much colderup North or down here they are all anticipating and regretting / they are wondering about the next ceremony

275

Poems 2019 276

October 3, 2019

Warm Airup North or down here they are all anticipating and regretting / they are wondering about the next ceremonya sundae each on the cold night / they stand for leaving and the singer clutches the guitar playeroutside they walk and slide to the manager’s van and hope the cold’s not torqued the guitars too muchhe idles the van till the heater blasts warm / the van makes it slowly toward the venuethe snow’s been crushed into wet ruts whose sides are splashed onto parked cars as they drive pastup North the roads are worse / no plows yet so the pickup is hub deep in snow / she is used to itshe pictures clutching him / the heater blasts warm / they could make it to the coastin two days / set up a home / listen to tunes all day / wrap all night / it’s betterthan it’s ever been for her / at least her dream is hers / the world near her is good atchanging the rules / good at burying her upward glances / in the distance she notes the flickeringhome lights / meals being cooked / fires in wood stoves / she could smell it if she opened up

276

Poems 2019 277

October 4, 2019

Just Fearthe fear of travel kicks inhard time to even figure out the gateboarding pass isn’t obviously for the right terminalsmall plane / then returning an issuefear just fear / afraid

277

Poems 2019 278

October 5, 2019

Made Itlast of the drives for many monthsgood day sunny day rushed daya hasty meal at the cemeterybut I visited all / crossed the bridgedidn’t go past the farm / it’s so differentonly the shape of the land is relevantI am in Ottawa

278

Poems 2019 279

October 6, 2019

Radio Timethe shape of the marriage placeis slowly restoring / I find my memoriesa little off putting / I recall the nightswhen we played out and Amy would sing her sad songthen walk off stage when I took overstepping to the back beat / what is it aboutimprovised music that each one knows what to doto make the music not static

279

Poems 2019 280

October 7, 2019

Hillsidetoday I was sore and uglyI made some points but wishI hadn’t / my stomach oksome things are hard to hearnot much / my friend didn’t believemy sense of direction / we loopedonly once though / my back

280

Poems 2019 281

October 8, 2019

North Gowerin rural Canadawatching gamethe fall is on uscool and great skybarn-like placenot sure who I amI have been passed by

281

Poems 2019 282

October 9, 2019

Overthis is my last conferencewhere I work on thingsI’m past my sell dateI have decided it’s over

282

Poems 2019 283

October 10, 2019

Fatsolady bugs trapped on the windowsill insidedropping down on peoplethe ladys are ready for fateI look at the photos and turnhard away / what shall I do

283

Poems 2019 284

October 11, 2019

Foo on YouI can’t tell you wellhow little I like myselfI am a toad / I am deathwhat have I done / I thoughtI was doing better / guessnot

284

Poems 2019 285

October 12, 2019

Back & Scaredlong views across fieldslady bugs looking for solacewarm days with Canadian nightsI am back home now but fearfor her eyesight / I cannot persuadeher it’s serious / I can hardy standmy anxiety

285

Poems 2019 286

October 13, 2019

Simply Complexwhen we write we have order in mindbut to convey we need chaoswe worship simplicity but nothingwe believe beautiful is simplebeauty requires return of attentionsimplicity bars such returnsthe purpose of beautyin continual noticing

286

Poems 2019 287

October 14, 2019

Tenshome lights / meals being cooked / fires in wood stoves / she could smell it if she opened upher windblown window / if she recalled the stories she read in plains books / if she paidattention to the movies made up in men’s minds / the bassman didn’t talk much / playedtoo much like himself / no one else you see / he saw feelings in the others and rejectedthem / the overlays and ambiguity suited him / he knew words he couldn’t pronounceso involved in his own mind he was / he dropped suddenly and it seemed like he could getup if he wanted / he didn’t want / he never played with his back to the band / with his backto the dancers / shut up and dance he told them once / the woman up North knewhe was tied to only the guitar player / not the black-leggings singer / she dodgeda curve in the road her dream covered over / she missed what she never had / she would grabthat all by the neck tonight / a neck of worn tendons / a neck of clean new Blue Steel 10s

287

Poems 2019 288

October 15, 2019

Shhhbeside me a rock from one of our stone wallsI return there every year / every day reallyI revisit / re-drive the roads the places the rivermy spots change over time / every timethis summer I sat many times bridge downriverthe river shading either up or downriverI dozed / the wind warm flowedfrom one open window to the other

288

Poems 2019 289

October 16, 2019

Dead Can DanceLocust Street Cemetery is brilliantspring summer fallthe colors / the contoursshades of colors / tall oaksit calms me to sit thereamong the dead / I especially relishHuldah E. Oikle / died 1903young / I hope someone missed himterribly

289

Poems 2019 290

October 17, 2019

Sunset Roomcormorants flying low then divinga green bridge over a dark riverI visit to assert I came furtherthan reasonably could be expectedI did good for a feeble-minded localthis makes up for my not gettingas far as my colleagues / I amsort of a nothing you see

290

Poems 2019 291

October 18, 2019

CrapI am gnashing my teethangryit will prevent thisfrom being a poem

291

Poems 2019 292

October 19, 2019

AngerI guess it’s the pile-up of insultsand disrespects / capped by not caringabout my stuff / not caring that I mightlose it / how many of the things I enjoyare less than nothing for her

292

Poems 2019 293

October 20, 2019

StillI am not over itI need to find a way to make peace with the insultsI suppose every woman I’ve been with eventuallyfeels as she does nowI am in my shell and will stay thereconvenience I suppose

293

Poems 2019 294

October 21, 2019

Pierhead Restaurant and Barwe stopped at Pierhead for a quick bitenothing to eat there but up the streeta meat pie bakery / with accompanimentwe bought some pies and then back to the barfor drinks and a heat-up / a green-haired barmaiddid it all / we should have gone when the kitchenwas working / the pies sucked / worst meal in Shetlandthe reviewers saw it differently / maybe some other time

294

Poems 2019 295

October 22, 2019

Overlays and Ambiguitiesall by the neck tonight / a neck of worn tendons / a neck of clean new Blue Steel tensethe song’s new end / bass and guitar always together / they learned togethertheir musical strangeness was the power of the band / the singer was just a warm thingon lost nights / tell me of the towns he once said / the towns are worn outthe flash flood of money out of them / the great photos of plains America display rustedtractors / caved in roofs / peeled off paint / tilted silos / old men / old womenhey baby it’s the fourth of July he sang / last slow song of the set / she cries in the darklies and greed he always said / the band’s feelings / see how that messed them upthe new bassman arrives motel-side / unloads luggage / tells his ride take me to the venuehe will use his own bass but the old bassman’s rig / he’s a pro / he rides slouchedsnow in waves flashes off her windshield / she is cold in parts / hot in others / sad

295

Poems 2019 296

October 23, 2019

Wrong Then Rightsnow in waves flashes off her windshield / she is cold in parts / hot in others / sadshe pulls over upstreet from the dance hall / snow’s risen on the parked cars / shethe other one/ wonders if the last time he pulled her down onto the bed was the last time everthe singer always waited patiently undressed under the covers while the guitarplayer hunched out the motel door to tell his kids goodnight / sometimes tell them a storyhe’s memorized or makes up about the flat expanses of old railroad land stretchingtoward the foothills / the long miles of dirt road disappearing into twilight fogthe mist / he tells his wife he loves her / and he does / he also likes densely written booksthe singer’s a light read / they are destined only for sweat and expulsion / she feelshis leads are for her / the words to the songs he picks or writes are for her / shethis one / is a romantic / the new bassman arrives / the van he’s in slides stoppedhe’s dressed in boots jeans T-shirt and a leather barn coat/ he owns two cowboy hatsbut didn’t wear one for this trip / the woman frozen in her own North world stepsto the side of the venue / peeks to the parking lot / sees the wrong bassman / newsof minor deaths doesn’t travel / it’s not them her head drops / she sees his bass caseit’s not a Fender / a half mile away slipping slow the singer and her temporary manare a tangled pair / the North woman slips back to her truck / she will make it to the coastin a day or two / she will find the sea as blue as a good thing / hope was what she imagined

296

Poems 2019 297

October 24, 2019

Fall Aheadwhen the leaves get full soon the yearpasses them up and down they fallafter their month of full glorywhich is really nothing but deathwhen everything has fallenthe nice woods and riverbanksno longer sing loud but whisperharshly all winter long

297

Poems 2019 298

October 25, 2019

Cleaning Programsometimes the simplest tasksrequire the most attentionthe big ideas are easythe fill-ins not

298

Poems 2019 299

October 26, 2019

Lonely Outthe grid of a townpredictability and orderlaid out by a plannerbut trees and odd housesmake the cement roadsseem lonely / out of placewalking our dog each nightwe’d watch people watchingTV / blue light on themthe walls a kind of yellowor light amber / in autumnthe grass faded past yellowto brown / leaves leftwe adapted to the strangenessof too much human order

299

Poems 2019 300

October 27, 2019

Only She Admittedwe sat in the car by the riverold late afternoon / November / Merrimack Riverthe sun was low and the tide was highten miles upriver from the seashe asked and I answered / it grew colderI put my hand in her cap which she has placedon her thigh / knit from New Mexicoafter it had been dark a while I wonderedhow long she would staywas something near romance here / insteadI said we should eat and we went to the only placeshe admitted on this trip / was real

300

Poems 2019 301

October 28, 2019

Like NowhereI’d like to find a place where trees relaxleaves fallen are made fast into soilwhere people used to tan their own leatherwhere red squirrels still hop from branch to groundwhere one old woman would make me thinkand another would run lotion onto my backa place just like nowhere

301

Poems 2019 302

October 29, 2019

Snooze Loozesometimes things pile upwe can’t figure out a way outright now I am sop tiredI can’t focus my eyesI can’t find words

302

Poems 2019 303

October 30, 2019

Makes Me TiredI took her to all my placeseverything revealed to herrevealed her to me / differences matterin all I was made fun ofanother day she said her trust was lowperhaps the walks on peatish hillsmeant nothing / our emotional livesso different / one harder / one harsherlove is a dim light

303

Poems 2019 304

October 31, 2019

70after a while I noticedthat my excuse for not doing something newwas / 70-year-olds don’t do thatthis means turning 70 is how I define defunctbut I hold on to Jenny / not literallybut she is older and still doingeven though we’re nothing much to each othershe can still be a beaconI can think of her as a planI will follow it

304

Poems 2019 305

November 1, 2019

Scaredwell hm / another package delivery problemwhat worries me is how such things worry meI believe I’m growing more fragile as I agesimple things through me for a loop / I needto relax more / accept mistakes better / I wantto be a regular person as I near the end

305

Poems 2019 306

November 2, 2019

Why I Gave Upbe at the center orbe far away / no need fora current deep knowledgeof the times and the factspeople at the center have fallento insanity / there are no factsjust me-centric ideology and self-interestwhen I was young the place I livedseemed open and possibilities vastnow the best tv shows are aboutthe walking dead

306

Poems 2019 307

November 3, 2019

Good RoadWest on 50 in Kansasthe sun’s down is perforating my eyesit’s dusty in this mid-Summerwheat and milo all aroundas I near Holcomb old fears penetrateinnocence shot dead point blankdid this make way for lies as factsdid Nancy die for nothinggood

307

Poems 2019 308

November 4, 2019

A Thin Cupin a day or two / he will find the sea as blue as a good thing / hope was what she imaginedhis brothers / who knew? / will get in their kayaks by Ventura Pier near sundownthe moon a thin cup above / the pier marching piles / if you were on shore watchingthe sky would start black above / turn yellow green under the pier / fade through red to blackone will carry a box by his feet / the other a bag of bagels / pelicans will linger by justabove the slight curls / once far enough they will stop and say something people brought upby religion would say but mean it something else / then the ashes will slip to the seaand a bagel last meal / the brothers will not cry because they have forgotten everythingthe guitar man will turn away from the singer in the Hi-Line Motel after Box Clubs at Boxcarsthe North woman / her bags of cement her only grip on Earth / will be parked on a beachin La Push / another res / a different song / a puzzled man behind her / ahead / the same ocean

308

Poems 2019 309

November 5, 2019

SpeakI spent the day aloneas if on a pinnacle / a woman I knowspent months hunting down deathspiking it with life / how eagershe wants to forget the thin lineI am eager for the lonely daysI will write every word of it

309

Poems 2019 310

November 6, 2019

No Mysterywhen she emerges undressedfrom the bathroom / next room / other roomthe stakes are set / I can see what the night holdsif she’s upped the heat it’s a displaynot / it’s quilts and blanketsa woman I knew declared one day that that nightwould be a new sort of night but a unique oneI went to pick her up by the riverwait she said and I sat on the settee watching the currentfrom her large soft bedroom / she emerged undressed

310

Poems 2019 311

November 7, 2019

Janwhen you see someone absent for yearsnothing good can come from iteither they will be better than they should beor worse / same for you / in this case a small insultand too much sadness / I stayed the whole timethough

311

Poems 2019 312

November 8, 2019

A Short Walksometimes the envelope is too bigfor instance hiring someone in 1985then seeing them once more in 2019lotsa yeas there / I wish I couldhave loved it better or at least moreinstead it was the awkward and sillyher life nothing like what someoneanyone would love to live

312

Poems 2019 313

November 9, 2019

Ships Linedships lined up in the Channellike cars in LA / North on the rightSouth on the left / really it’s like thisall over the ocean / I think people believeit’s a free for all / there are many boatscargo / passenger / fishing / we seek

313

Poems 2019 314

November 10, 2019

Minneota Lutheran Churchthe church that was built out in the openfar from town / perhaps on a small riseto look down on the village now is in the town’sweb and streets filled with cars are all around itall the writer’s comments about the lonelyplace / less lonely some argue / more othersmaybe are more true / less true

314

Poems 2019 315

November 11, 2019

In Mistrust We Trustloss of trust can’t be recoverednot even if I sit with her for hoursas twilight comes and goesand the cold drifts onto usand I place my hands in her wool capand it seems like she forgives meI know she cannot / I cannot either

315

Poems 2019 316

November 12, 2019

Hey Babyshe has a lover nowwhat a way to put iteven though it means nothing to meit means everything to meI thought I occupied whatever part of hercould still entertain loversneither rabbit nor pseudo loverthere is no place for meand then there’s also that trust fiasco

316

Poems 2019 317

November 13, 2019

NineI met her at Woodstock1969a line of its ownbut after all the people leftreturning to the worldwe were picking up trashthe smell of dirt and excrementvermin dead in their burrows and densbeneath the hardened mudshe focused on organicsI on paper / she was blond cendréand besides doing it literallyI fell for her / later we washed in the pondI followed her to Paris then Amsterdamshe found a Dutch man in 1979I stopped loving her in 2019

317

Poems 2019 318

November 14, 2019

Shetland Is OutI had her figured wrongI assumed I filled a voidbut she didn’t have that onethat means I did very wrong thingsnot criminal / not moral / stupidnow I need to figure whatto do next

318

Poems 2019 319

November 15, 2019

Someone Like No Onenothing that means somethingto me means anything to herI am not interesting it seemson the other hand / the timeyears ago I met her / that meetingdid not register on me at all

319

Poems 2019 320

November 16, 2019

Living Onafter hours by the riverwarm wind blowing in from the Westslight misting murmur of the water flowingsong birds lighting on branches / other typesdiving into water / splash of fishjumping for bugs / I drove off andthat’s the lesson / now matter how warmand sweet the day seems / it always endswith someone driving away

320

Poems 2019 321

November 17, 2019

Down the Aislein the bookstore I tell herthere are just three books I want to look forthe shelves carry used and newside by side / two are old and one mewshe doesn’t care what I readso she goes that way and I thisthe set of aisles she visitsand the set of aisles I doare disjoint / she drinks teaI coffee / she has decidedI am not worth lovingbut hey

321

Poems 2019 322

November 18, 2019

WhitewashI thought this was a good ideaclean out an old chicken coopand use it as a clubhousefirst / no chickens in it for decadesso it’s full of dirt and dustsecond / it is large so the chickenis most of the dustthird / the way you paintsomething like this is with whitewashthat is / calsomine or lime painta type of paint made from slaked lime(calcium hydroxide / Ca(OH)2)or chalk calcium carbonate (CaCO3)sometimes known as whitingkind of yucky / but I tried to clean it outfourth / I’m lucky I survivedbut what a nice locationwhat a great clubhouse it would have been

322

Poems 2019 323

November 19, 2019

Night Lookthe old man parked his caroff the least known roadin Merrimac / to the Westthe sky was death orangeand laced with black brancheshe walked across the stubbled brownfield toward the stonewallin that West directionstopping he knelt before the stonessome smooth some harshlaid his head on one / it was a coldtwilight in November / he was gone

323

Poems 2019 324

November 20, 2019

Mystery or Puzzlea woman finds a bench in a parkshe once had a good lovernow that he is out of her lifeshe is mourning herselfin this story it’s a rainish daysome rain some just cloudsit’s Autumn in a foreign countrythey speak a pretty language thereeven through the cold in WinterI never mentioned foreign to whereso all you can assume is some otherI never told why he is out of her lifewhen you answer these questionswe can begin

324

Poems 2019 325

November 21, 2019

Out Of Every Wayis it really about deathor is it about the passing to nothingnot the killing but the endingdeath is loss and loss is beginning to forgetforgetting is the same as nonexistencewhat remains can be only storiesstories are words / they will disappear toowho is the more cruel / existence or God

325

Poems 2019 326

November 22, 2019

JFKJFK died this day decades agoI was in the Pentucket auditoriumwhen I heard of itthe color day skits before the Masconomet gamethat afternoon at homeI drew a picture of a sniper on a piece of cardboardleaned it against the brick fireplace hearththen shot at it from ten feet away with my BB gunmy mother did not stop me’she loved JFK so

326

Poems 2019 327

November 23, 2019

Ship Or You?rain is a harsh way to disappearperhaps just the strong gust would doif you found your way to my doorwhich key would you use or wouldyou rely on me to answer / I lookat older women now / the harborhas good size boats tied upthe weather tilts them this what then thatI perhaps’d prefer sleeping in one of themI’d know what the slender movements mean

327

Poems 2019 328

November 24, 2019

Nest Of A Housemy dreams are of the partsof my house we don’t useoften we live in a few roomswith several large / sometimes dozensof other rooms closed up and onupper floors / sometimes otherpeople use them / some are strangelike abandoned chicken coops othersare part of the Art Farm Amusement Companywe thought was our backdoor neighbormy dreams of such rooms is to spend hoursexploring them and the peculiar and particularpeople I meet there / sometimes a lot

328

Poems 2019 329

November 25, 2019

Forget All AboutI pulled into the lotbehind Brown Sugar and MechanicaI intended to visit Jabberwockythe local bookstore / insteadthe dwindling light on a little lighthouseslowed me down / then the cold took overnext a light rain turned snow and I relaxedhours later I went inside for Thaijust before closing / a beautiful hostess sat meI asked her about beauty / she said it was complex

329

Poems 2019 330

November 26, 2019

The Clutter of Fragmentsa ruin is a fragmentan unfinished work is a fragmentwe perceive directly only fragmentswhich are pieced into wholesa whole leaves out more than a fragmentand so is more limiting

330

Poems 2019 331

November 27, 2019

Hay Walkingsmell of cut haysweet and lingeringmidday sun pushing out the wetthe sweetness is moistno one minds mewalking across the fieldjust mownthe lure of concord grapeson vines up an old apple treein this century there are no such thingsbut once

331

Poems 2019 332

November 28, 2019

Fragments of Beautya ruin is a fragmenta fragment admits revisitsthis so the mind can completeor re-complete itcan it be that the least beautifulmoment for anything builtis the instant of completion

332

Poems 2019 333

November 29, 2019

Princess Pinelate November in MerrimacI’d gather some peach basketshead for the woods across the streetand toward the Bicksthe pines stood alone therefor some reason it was the bestplace for princess pineI never knew that name until fiftyyears later when it occurred to me to wonderthey came up with their rhizomeseasy from the groundsometimes good mushrooms grew nearbyI’d fill two or three peach basketsabout a bushel eachI’d take them home and my mother and Iwould bend coat hangers into a circleand layer the princess pines aroundgathering their tap roots with twinewith red ribbons and pine conesthese were the best wreathesfor princess pine would stay greenfor many weeks / such love

333

Poems 2019 334

November 30, 2019

Far Into Coldit’s simple to want a quiet nightin a stone house with the windmaking things up outsidethe bed piled with blankets and quiltsdown in some of them / she besideshe is like new old stockprepared long ago for the cold night tonightable to keep up for the long night tonightshe loves the sound of wind under the eavesof branches churning / she loves warm skinwith luck no tomorrow will open

334

Poems 2019 335

December 1, 2019

Snow Extremitiesit’s snowing back home tonightI say back home but I mean Merrimactheir Santa parade was todaywhen I was a kid Santa would drive byon the back of a flatbed and wave at meeven though I stayed inside with the curtainpulled aside / snow this early is rarelike soundproofing snow pulls you into wherever you’re centered / like you

335

Poems 2019 336

December 2, 2019

Champaign Illin Illinois I learnedthe ways to be part of a pairI thought us naïve but maybe she wasn’twe made many things on our ownI was more of a maker thenI remember the leaves blowing down our streetin Autumn / when we huddled after supperout back our dog safe in his little housethe sky huge hanging above / the funnyexperiments with did with our bodiessome said there was an agendaI never saw it / still don’twe had friends

336

Poems 2019 337

December 3, 2019

Gave Up TryingI’ve seen them sit in pewscertain God sits on their altarI have sat with themI’ve held their hand in my handswhat they believe they’re doingis not the same as what I dobut we both believe the sameresults will follow on

337

Poems 2019 338

December 4, 2019

Small to Bigwhat we care about in beautyseems to evaporate as we becomemore ourselves / people movefrom the special to the profitablethe buildings once loved collapsethe scents once cherished defusethe road to the river carries fewereach day until the only thingremaining is the big box

338

Poems 2019 339

December 5, 2019

Shetland Wintersky colors are mutedthe sun is too low to fillthe sky with lighttoo far north / on too small an islandone strong gust comes from the seaflattens Winter grasswhistles the tune of window and doorleaves us ready

339

Poems 2019 340

December 6, 2019

GriefI waited for everything to settleI even stopping looking through second storywindows at night hoping to seethe one whom I missed though I searchedeverywhere for her / God gave us two giftsgrief to suffer so we knew we need otherstears to wash away grief despite its depthI didn’t know / looking through her windowwhether it was tears or a few drops of rain

340

Poems 2019 341

December 7, 2019

Weathergusts of wind / heavy rainboats banging against each other6am still dark / time to get upmilk the cows / feed the pigsopen the news from around the globethe weather report tootoday is the earliest sunset

341

Poems 2019 342

December 8, 2019

Tamworth in Winter 1960sin the tiny cabina toilet some bunks a small kitchenpotbelly stove on Sunday morningI’d pretend to sleep late on the top bunkas heat pooled just above meI remember needing to pee urgentlybut holding on holding intheir voices and soon the smellsof breakfast I’d turn back the cheap sleeping bagI used for a blanket get down get readythere just was nothing to do

342

Poems 2019 343

December 9, 2019

Woman In A Stormthe most beautiful womanever doesn’t look like itshe is what’s risen to the topwe can’t see inside her headshe is the big wave that skips offthe sea wall and drenches your bedroom windowas a storm or as a signal of the warm Summer aheadlater she is the whitecap alone along the far shorewhat you dream

343

Poems 2019 344

December 10, 2019

The Man Who Leftthe man who supported every moveevery mistake / my slow burn of learningthe one I could turn to whateverhe disappeared before the next timeI might need him / he crosseda wide harbor separating my islandfrom his / last time I saw himhe was waving / goodbye or callingfor help / it was the fourth of July

344

Poems 2019 345

December 11, 2019

Three Or Sothe three things I noticefrom my spot on the dock at nightboats shifting as waves from farawaygale force winds agitate gracefullythe water by the piera stubby car coming down to the high streetfrom the heights behind more exposed to the windleaving rain ruts behind like glimpses of dryflashing Christmas lights reflected on a tallwide window in one of the new buildings behind oldone last thing / a woman I knew twenty years agowho just as she fell asleep I laid down beside herwhen she woke / I entered

345

Poems 2019 346

December 12, 2019

Pentucketthe schoolnew when I was fivenow too old to sustainwill be replacedwait / what about me

346

Poems 2019 347

December 13, 2019

One Daythe tide came up almost to the streetboats tied up stayed tied upgale force winds / waves drivinghard to drive from one end to the otherferries taking the day offat Market Cross a couple stoppedby the tree in the determined windshe reached up and he bent down to kiss herthen off toward Victoria Pierwhere the tide was up almost to the street

347

Poems 2019 348

December 14, 2019

Market Cross / Midnightishone minute the pavement’s drytwo later it’s soakedthe woman dressed for Christmasshakes it off / she tumbles towardthe upstreet / men in yellow vestsgreet her with song and cheer

348

Poems 2019 349

December 15, 2019

Tree Fixersat 6pm they set up their ladderand messed with the Market Cross Christmas treeraining as usual / Christmas not far offthe electricity’s been on and offwind like a dream you wished not haveI wish I lived there with all the hellhappening here / cold and wetbut not everyone insane

349

Poems 2019 350

December 16, 2019

Market Crossa woman with a white dogstopped by the tourist office windowafter dark / she looked in / bent overto see something / the dog explored upan alley then pulled her awayfor just a few seconds I thinkI fell in love with her

350

Poems 2019 351

December 17, 2019

By The Timeall the songs writtenof striving toward loveor leaving love behindbecause it wasn’t rightor it wasn’t in balancethe theme of running awayof leaving and the discoveryby the time I get thereyou will know I really meant it

351

Poems 2019 352

December 18, 2019

Loved Me So Hardlike the past the tubes in my ampmake better music even if the solid-state stuffhelps out front and the digital amphelps the sub-bass / clean or musical

if only the past sounded as sultryI remember sitting on the brick hearthmy father built and kept clean with specialcleaning fluids / redpretending I would one day be a specialscientist or writer / nothappening so much / the cheap radioplaying as I went over the roadsover and over the roads

352

Poems 2019 353

December 19, 2019

They Always Workthe winter danceof late rise early setadd rain add windask the tide to riseas high as it ever haswait for the clouds to coverwrap your fingers around hersuse these to guide your sleep

353

Poems 2019 354

December 20, 2019

Kathryn CantrillWest Fork Arkansasmy friend’s former wifeI always think about how each of uswill be rememberedlike this perhaps

Kathryn was born on November 3 1949and passed away on Monday November 11 2019

I wish only that they would have saidit was a Thursday

354

Poems 2019 355

December 21, 2019

Stays With Meshe’s just at the top of the spiral staircaseshe said I was welcometo sleep there alone / instead I took the floordownstairs / in the morning I waketo her standing over me drinking teaher always-up hair down until after showersand rituals / she had no idea of me

355

Poems 2019 356

December 22, 2019

Past Stealingone by one the past diesbefore each does its past fades quicknear the end / for one thingthe stone walls were bright and suddensince then their parts’ve been stolenfor fireplaces and firepitseven though the granite stonesare covered in lichen and green mossthe walls are gray and mark important workI was smart / I stole one years back

356

Poems 2019 357

December 23, 2019

Wedding Nightonce I walked down the roadby the farm away to the westthen more west / slow at the startI went as far as I could on landfrom a covering place to moreopen then on to the sweet smellcoast of eucalyptus and tarweedof dry grass and live oaksI made it there with one womanstarting 46 years ago todaybut then a twist that made mefamous / a little / blew it apartaway / like a bad movie made of car crashesthe road does not go both ways

357

Poems 2019 358

December 24, 2019

Helplessthe little boynothing special about himhe grew up and an accidentmade him famousa little bithe brokehe thought there’ssomething special about mewrong it turned out

358

Poems 2019 359

December 25, 2019

Lerwicktoday I started at 11:30amon the tourist office webcamand sprinkled observationsuntil dark / three hours laternot a single man / nor womanno children / no carsno bicycles / no animalsno birds / just raindark windows / dark skyChristmas kept at hometurf fires perhaps at work

359

Poems 2019 360

December 26, 2019

Birch Meadowinto a birch meadowa stream cut quick into the downslopeI notice it / the water running fastsome snow on its little banksI sit down / then lie backturn on my side / the water makes a soundin the Winter we all praywhere does this water go

360

Poems 2019 361

December 27, 2019

Slow Place Like Homehow little I paid attentionback thensomething grabbed it away from factsI was proud of my small worldnothing better than alone with mehow can I have been so out of itso no place

361

Poems 2019 362

December 28, 2019

Surprise Hikea sweet and beautiful little cabinour two lives walked slowlytoward it up a river valleyon our backs what we’d needfor a week of light lovewe didn’t know the little cabinhow its chairs were situatedwhether fireplace or wood stovehow elaborate the kitchenwe knew no electricity / butindoor plumbing using a tankup the valley slope filled by a rivuletwe didn’t know about the bednot its size nor its softnesswe knew blankets and quilts aboundwe didn’t know each othernot a little / not even at allthe silly circumstance of revised lives

362

Poems 2019 363

December 29, 2019

The Day I Bought ItI decided one dayto buy my own funeralmade possible by inflationI opted for simpleI’ll leave that to you to decodethis way a call and she’s done with itdone with meand I with everything

363

Poems 2019 364

December 30, 2019

Big Fielda large field stretchingfrom road to stone walltimothy and sometimes ryecorn ever now and thenpears / apples / grapes / raspberriesa large stone / very largein its middle / a place to hide behinda little / sometimesI loved that field / it’s gonebought by someone / sold to someonethe orange sky behind tree silhouettesto the west at sunset / that too

364

Poems 2019 365

December 31, 2019

Shetland New Yearthe big celebrationswho cares about themthe small group around Market Crossa more than cool nighta scrawny Christmas tree with blue lightsat 11:40 no one is thereat 11:50 they starta few seconds before they count downthen yell and run to each otherhugs / maybe kissesboats sound their hornsmore short skirts than you’d thinkno more than a hundredthey are not part of the worldthey are their own

365