Workshop 1b:

Relationships do they change because of a stroke?

Peter Saddington

and Alison Towner

Relationships and Strokes

Peter SaddingtonAlison Towner

Sex and Relationship Therapists

A time of Change Transition Thinking about relationship Thinking about the family What next? How do we talk about this? What can we do?

Reactive DepressionYou are: Going Through major change like bereavement or redundancy In the morning you feel Overwhelmed by your circumstances sad or even tearful. You feel disbelief and

sometimes anger What you tell yourself I can’t believe this is happening: Why me? I’m falling apart. Everyone else

copes. I’ll never get another partner/job/home. I’ll never be well again. My life is over

Risk of full-blown depression  It is perfectly normal to be upset by stressful, negative life events. Usually

these feelings will pass. If however you feel you’ve been down too long, it might be helpful to seek advice

What you need to do If feelings seem to be getting worse, you may need help to arrest the negative

mood Discuss what has happened with your GP who will offer you advice on medication and whether a talking therapy would help.

Psychological DepressionYou are    Having health problems, Issues to do with health In the morning you feel Tired sometimes despite having slept. Overwhelmed weak, tearful and

frightened What you tell yourself What’s happening to me? I feel strange can’t cope: I feel ashamed: I’m weak

no one understands Risk of full-blown depression Health changes can lead to low mood but once you have established the

physical cause of your symptoms your mood should improve. The good news is that ageing is not a predictor of depression.

After 45 moods tends to improve. It is age plus ill health you have to watch for depression

What you need to do If you suspect problems with your health are causing you to feel low, see your

GP.

Roles in the relationship

Partner

Patient

The Relationship

Carer

I’m OK,you’re not OK

I’m not OK, you’re OK

I’m OK,you’re OK

Roles Patient – can often be bewildering can

also be angry Carer – can appear angry / frustrated

likely to be worried Partner – Can see past the changes but

might also be sad

The family

Individual

couple

family

What next?

Frequent concerns:

relationship roles

personality and moods

communication skills

How do we talk about this?

Communication is key to coping with change

BUT

About 1/3 of stroke survivors have difficulty speaking or understanding what others say

Strategies to help relationships

1. Think about everyone’s perspective

2. Consider different roles

Strategies to help relationships

3. Increase self-esteem

4. If present, treat depression

Think about your intimate relationship

Prepare to communicate:What to say

(“I” phrases):How do I feel?What do I want?

A good time

A relaxing place

Think about your intimate relationship

Find ways to hug, kiss and handhold

Plan for intimacy

Think about your intimate relationship

It may be difficult,but you can find new waysto be intimateemotionally and physically

Professional help Relationship counselling Sex Therapy Family counselling

Discussion groups

Refreshment, exhibition and room check in

What next?