WORONIT h e A u s t r a l i a n N a t i o n a l U n i v e r s i t y N e w s p a p e r S i n c e 1 9 4 8

Pico Pal on breasts,

baring all and Turkish baths

Page 13

JEREMY LIN {19}

Brendan Forde delves into the seamy

underbelly of Chinese politics

Page 6

THE FASHIONS OF CAMPUS {16}

ADOPTION {7}

NO. 2 VOL 64MAR 1

They don’t pay their authors.

They don’t pay their

fact-checkers. And every

year, we pay millions for their

products.

But now academic journals are facing a revolt. Woroni

speaks to the ANU researchers boycotting

Elsevier, one of the largest academic publishers

in the world...

{p3}

MAR1

Commencing ANU students should “be-ware the university tosser” and avoid squan-dering the last time in their lives when they are allowed to be truly irresponsible, ac-cording to Chaser comedian Chris Taylor.

Delivering the 2012 Commencement Ad-dress to a crowd of several hundred in the School of Music’s Llewellyn Hall, the televi-sion and radio personality alerted the au-dience to the three types of first-year that should be unconditionally avoided.

The first type can be identified by its typi-cal greeting, “I’m studying Arts/Law, but only because I got the marks.” The second can often be found justifying his or her uni-

VOL 64 NO 2

versity choice by stating that, “I could have gone to Sydney or Melbourne, but ANU is much better for my degree.” The third “deferred last year to go and work at an or-phanage in Uganda.”

Extracurricular activities – not perfect grades - are the best way to experience uni-versity life, Mr Taylor said. He admitted to “stunted” academic achievement at the Uni-versity of Sydney because he was busy “hav-ing far too much fun outside the classroom.” It was through university revues that he met fellow Chaser Andrew Hansen, which in turn led to his joining the group on their satirical newspaper.

After spending his first two years after university without gainful employment, Mr Taylor landed a low-level job at Picture magazine. He was granted the job partly due to his skill at the ‘synonym test’, the aim of which was to find as many ways as pos-

sible to refer to male procreative juices. His time at the magazine taught him that even the worst experiences are valuable — aside from simply providing comedians with the best material. “Bad experiences make us better people,” he told the audience.

Perhaps fearing for the innocence of a new cohort of students unaware of the soft-porn publishing industry’s benefits, ANU Vice-Chancellor Professor Ian Young intro-duced the comedian to the lectern “with a little trepidation.”

Mr Taylor validated the Vice-Chancellor’s fears soon after. “After spending a career corrupting young minds on TV, it’s a pleas-ure to come here to corrupt some young minds in person,” he announced.

“I’m living proof that squandering your studies isn’t always a bad thing.”

Chaser funnyman Chris Taylor delivers ANU

commencement address.

Don’t be a tosser, says

Taylor

READ THE INTERVIEW P.10

BEN HENSCHKE

Despite the rain, O-Week saw large crowds at concerts, parties and other events. See inside for photos from Toga and the Full Moon

Party {p8-p9}

INSIDECONFIRM/DENY {2}

BOB BROWN {3}GONSKI {3}

BOYCOTT ORGANIC {5}SPILLARD {5}

WHAT’S ON {12}VIOLENT GAMES {14}

RAMEN {15}KISSING {15}

SHAME {17}MATT CORBY {18}

FREESTONE {20}

Kimbra // Photo by Adam da Cruz

NEWS//2

Angus MinnsUma Patel

Tom WestlandVictor WhiteNakul LeghaLisa Visentin

Zid Mancenido Liv Clark

EDITORIAL BOARD

WORONI

Marie Ngiam Richard Keys

Gareth RobinsonVincent Chiang

Jess Millen Farzaneh Edraki

Ben Henschke Tasman Vaughan

Fergus Hunter

SECTION EDITORS– Campus News– Comment– Features– Life & Style– Reviewed– Back Page– At-Large– Radio– Radio

ART DIRECTORYasmin Masri

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ANU researchers join international publisher boycott

Elsevier’s profit margin, 2010

7200academics have joined the boycott

$2081

36%ANU has been inundated with B-list ce-

lebrities in the past two weeks courtesy of O-Week and Commencement. We all know that with celebrities comes gossip and to clear up once and for all (read: exacerbate) the events of the last two weeks Woroni brings you Confirm or Deny.

Hamish Blake lured to ANU under the false pretence that he was delivering the of-ficial Commencement oration.

Host of Hamish Blake Oratory unable to control a very public tenting of the pants when Hamish Blake touches his shoulder during speech.

New Navy band members: the only people unable to pick up at ICBM.

The New Navy boys are a lovely bunch; just don’t become one of their targets to-wards the end of the night. One member tried to lure one of ANU’s finest by licking her face when she attempted to dodge his boozy kisses. Another bearded Navy asked of his playmate, “Are you just making out with me because I’m in a band?” When she answered, “No”, he followed up with the zinger, “That’s what all the girls say.” He lost her at that point.

Kimbra lives up to rumours she is a mas-sive Diva.

Apart from a Kimbra-sanctioned ban on non-New Zealand wine in the Green Room, aka the scungy ANUSA offices, sources say that Kimbra was pleasant to deal with. The award for most demanding act of the night goes to Univibes who demanded more beer from the O-Week staff and overran the ANUSA boardroom with their djembes and classic campfire sing-a-longs.

Uni student stays at the Hyatt.Following Commencement, one entre-

preneurial student decided that her current digs were inadequate and managed to score one night’s free accommodation at the Hy-att hotel, courtesy of one Commencement speaker, who will remain anonymous.

ANUSA Tickets start formingNames are being thrown around after a

successful O-Week with rumours abound of a ticket with Alex Bell-Rowe as VP and AJ Neilson as Social Officer. More names are likely to emerge, with rumours of the trium-phant return of a former President lingering on. Fuck off, it’s February.

CONFIRMor

DENYA worldwide boycott of one of the larg-

est academic publishers, Elsevier, has drawn support from several ANU researchers who are angry with the company’s pricing strate-gies and their restrictions on the free publish-ing of academic work.

To date, thirteen ANU academics have pledged not to publish with or be part of the peer-review process for Elsevier, which produces around 2000 scholarly journals, in-cluding titles like The Lancet.

The boycott, which started after a public declaration by mathematician Timothy Gow-ers, has garnered more than 7300 signatures worldwide.

ANU researcher Greg von Nessi told Woroni that his participation in the boycott was sparked by Elsevier’s support for the Research Works Act (RWA), a law currently before the US Congress, which prevents US agencies from requiring publicly funded re-search from being made freely available.

Elsevier has issued statements in support of the RWA, and has contributed financially to the two Representatives who have spear-headed the bill.

Dr von Nessi, who was born in the United States, says that he is participating in the boy-cott to draw attention to the way in which big academic publishers like Elsevier have exploited their market position to charge ex-orbitant prices for access to journals.

Publishers like Elsevier do not pay for the content that they publish; nor do they pay academics to check the work for errors and suggest improvements (a process known as peer review).

For some publications, contributors are paid; however, these payments are generally very small. In signing the petition, ANU an-thropologist Dr Michael Young said he had been asked to revise an article in an Elsevier encyclopaedia — a job which would take him one week — for the standard fee of USD $100.

Access to final published products, which has been largely produced with volunteer la-bour, is often very expensive. A one year sub-scription to Applied Mathematical Modelling, for example, costs AUD $2,027, while a one year subscription to Biochimica et Biophysica Acta is approximately AUD $19,500.

Elsevier says that prices reflect the value added by their company, including the or-ganisation of the peer review process, type-setting and other administrative tasks.

However the company makes an unusually high return on this administrative work — in 2010-11, the Economist has noted, Elsevier made a profit of over $1 billion on revenue of around $3 billion – a profit margin of 36%.

Dr von Nessi argues that this shows that the academic publishing business is akin to an “extortion scam”. He says that publicly-

funded research should be freely available to the public and that pricing strategies like Elsevier’s run counter to the culture of aca-demia.

Part of the reason why publishers like Else-vier can afford not to pay academics for their work is that academics desperately need to publish in their journals. Funding and pro-motions are generally based on publication in highly reputable journals. Dr von Nessi says that young academics in particular are under pressure to publish in “A-star journals”, which means participation in the boycott could adversely affect their career. However, he argued, academics had a responsibility to ensure the free flow of information.

What seems less clear is whether — and how — the boycott will succeed. Its aims are not immediately clear and previous boycotts have broken down over time as academics succumb to the publishing imperative.

However, alternatives to the commercial publishing giants do exist — in some fields, open-access journals exist.

In addition, public repositories of pub-lished articles are available to academics who wish to make their work available to the pub-lic, although this is not always possible for re-search that has been published in commercial journals.

Dr Danny Kingsley, who is in charge of ANU’s Digital Collection program, says that ANU’s policies towards public access to scholarship is quite progressive.

The ANU’s code of practice strongly en-courages (although does not require) that fi-nal scholarly work is placed into open access repositories.

The university also maintains a digital re-pository of work, including PhD theses and other research output, including “grey lit-erature” like working papers and conference papers, which Kingsley says can be just as

TOM WESTLAND

?

important as final articles.She told Woroni that one problem academ-

ics face in making their work available is that agreements with publishers can often take away academics’ right to publish their work in publically-accessible repositories.

Some companies, she said, use complex publishing agreements as a deliberate strate-gy to prevent researchers from releasing their work to the general public.

However, she said, a simple change to government funding rules could require the final, peer-reviewed product of publically-funded research to be made available for free.

This change, she argues, could make around 80% of publicly-funded research in Australia quickly available to the public.

Most of the boycotters, including Dr von Nessi, do not expect that this action will lead to the demise of Elsevier or commercial pub-lishing in general.

However, they hope that it will spark a de-bate about how research is published, and whether the Government should ensure that research funded by taxpayers is made avail-able to the public at large.

mean price of Elsevier journal, 2010

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NEWS// 3

Education reports tell a worrying tale

Two reports into the Australian school system have been released, and they recommend big reforms,

as Shan-Verne Liew reports.

KIDS across the country are now less literate in reading, mathematics and science than a decade ago, according to a Government report and a Grat-tan Institute report released recently.

This decline in performance may have se-rious implications for Australia’s long-term future. Australia’s primary and secondary schools ranked 3rd internationally in math-ematics, 2nd in reading and 2nd in science at the end of 2000, but, as of 2009, the country now ranks 13th in mathematics, 7th in read-ing and 7th in science.

Commonwealth and state governments have tried for years to reverse the deteriorat-ing performance in school education. But despite large increases in real expenditure on school education, Grattan’s report stated, school performance in Australia has contin-ued to decline.

“Funding is a bottomless pit. You can’t re-ally throw money at this and expect it to improve. It’s a question of how that money is spent,” said CASS Professor Larry Saha in response to school education reforms in Aus-tralia.

The government’s 260-page Gonski report argued that improving Australia’s school education would require an additional 25%, or $5 billion, in annual funding. Disadvan-

taged students and public schools, the report argued, were in particular need of additional funding.

The report stressed the importance of mak-ing improvements to areas such as teacher training and development, school leadership, career incentives for teachers, the develop-ment of innovative teaching strategies and community support.

Grattan’s report, published a week before the Gonski report, made several similar rec-ommendations, but pointed out that success-ful education reforms in the past have not always been the result of increased funding.

The report also provided examples of suc-cessful strategies in well-performing East Asian school systems, such as teachers in Shanghai who are paired with mentors throughout their career, and are also required to spend time conducting their own peer-re-viewed research on school education.

This “does not claim that the political and policymaking systems of East Asia can or should be reproduced elsewhere”, the report stated. “Each country has to tailor reform to its own system and culture.”

The Gonski report has received initial sup-port from stakeholders, but many believe that Australia’s political climate lacks the muscle to vote in these reforms. Where does that leave the children?

Aboriginal Australians hold the secret to a life of freedom and leisure — it’s fire.

An ANU researcher has challenged the idea that Australia was an untouched wil-derness at the time of white colonisation. In 1788 the Australian landscape was one that had been carefully constructed with the use of fire, according to ANU Adjunct Professor Bill Gammage.

“For over 220 years the land has been shouting at us newcomers that we’ve got it wrong. The country was not natural but made. Aborigines made it by using fire, or no fire, to distribute plants and then using plant distribution to position animals,” Gammage told a capacity crowd of over 200 people at the Australian Academy of Science’s Shine Dome on ANU campus earlier this month.

By comparing today’s landscapes with his-torical records, Gammage has shown that Aboriginal people used fire to clear sections of forest and create mosaics of grassland, open forest and dense forest on their country. Grasslands were situated on the best soils, he found, which ensured they provided nutri-tious feed that attracted animals and allowed food crops to grow. Gammage said that areas of shrub and dense forest left alongside grass-land created shelter so animals like kangaroos felt less vulnerable and were easier to hunt.

This system provided Aboriginal people with abundant, convenient and predictable food sources and gave them plenty of time

Real Aussies aren’t afraid of fireCHRIS MCKAY

SEE COMMENT, P4

Brown’s Republic

for ceremony and leisure.“About 70% of Australia’s plant species tol-

erate or encourage fire,” said Gammage when explaining why fire-centric land manage-ment is possible in Australia. He told how the system in 1788 catered for a large diversity of living things, many of which are now gone or going.

Gammage’s findings reveal that constant and repeated burning of country was com-mon practice in virtually every part of Aus-tralia in the past and largely brought bush-fires under control.

“This let people prevent the terrible killer fires which have immolated the fringes of every Australian capital in recent decades,” he said.

According to Gammage, a land manage-ment system like this could not succeed in isolated areas of Australia and therefore neighbours would have negotiated con-stantly and the system would have spanned the country, connected by common laws and beliefs.

“There are instances of farming in 1788 but people were never likely to convert to it. Fire gave too many advantages. It let people fuse the ecology and religion of an entire conti-nent into the biggest estate on earth and in-stead of dividing Aborigines into gentry and peasantry it made them a free people,” Gam-mage said in concluding.

Senator Bob Brown opened up to Profes-sor John Warhurst about his transition from monarchism to republicanism at the ANU Republicans’ first event of 2012. He was once a staunch monarchist and as a child even cut out pictures of the royal family from the Women’s Weekly.

Whilst still admiring the Queen, Senator Brown now believes that Australia should have an Australian head of state. He explained that there are many Australians talented enough to shoulder the mantle of executive leadership. Moreover, he raised the interest-ing practical point that an Australian head of state would be best placed to understand the political and social context of Australia.

Senator Brown described Greens’ policy on furthering an Australian republic, which is similar to that of the Australian Republi-can Movement. Both groups would begin

with a non-binding plebiscite asking whether Australians would like an Australian as their head of state. If the people voted yes, a public consultation would be held to determine the best model for an Australian republic to take. This model would then be put to a referen-dum.

Finally, Senator Brown recalled his shy stu-dent days and urged us to never doubt our ability to speak up and influence policy. He recommended setting up face to face meet-ings with politicians on issues we found im-portant. He recommended being enthusiastic and assertive, asking questions about what action the politician will take next, and pos-sibly taking a present along. Kids’ pictures are the best way to warm political hearts, but what to do if no young artists are to hand? Maybe try some organic eggs instead.

SARAH MOORE

Want to write for Woroni?The deadline for submissions

for Edition 3 is Wednesday 7th March

4COMMENT//

On Monday 20th February, the Govern-ment released the Gonski Review on Fund-ing for Schooling. Commissioned in 2010, it is the most comprehensive review of the system since 1973 and outlines many changes that need to be implemented in order to turn around worsening problems in the education sector. School funding is an often politically radioactive issue that is almost invariably di-vided along party lines, and this review is set to revive debate and scrutiny over this flawed system.

The system introduced by the Howard Lib-eral Government is inherently unjust and patently benefits the private school sector, undoubtedly a great success for their war on public education.

The funding system for non-government schools is based on socioeconomic status of students, to obtain a profile on the school community and its ability to support the school. The intention of this policy is to keep private school fees lower, but in practice schools have continued to raise their fees — on average by five to ten per cent per annum.

The Liberal Party argues that their policies aim to protect choice. However, this fund-ing model has seen the idea of real choice in education completely destroyed, with private schools possessing startling fortunes

and providing state-of-the-art facilities and re- sources, while public schools are unable to fund even a most basic standard of educa-tion.

The Liberal Party’s systematic attack on public education is symptomatic of their ide-ological opposition to the very idea.

The Gonski Review recommends — in brief — a funding increase of more than $5 billion, a shift to a “schooling resource standard” that allocates funding per student, increased focus on teacher quality, a system that takes into account the school communi-ty’s ability to contribute and increased school level autonomy.

According to Gonski, the review aims to deliver funding for a minimum standard of education based on “need, regardless of sec-tor and jurisdiction”, aiming to address the widening gap in education, with any changes coming into effect in 2014.

All these recommendations need to be adopted, one of the most important being the linking of private contributions to the amount of funding private schools receive. The best private schools in Australia charge around $30 000 for a year of education, and receive enormous donations.

They do not hide their fortunes, construct-ing facilities that cost tens of millions of dol-

lars. The Government’s recently introduced MySchool website has exposed that these same private schools receive $30 000 to $40 000 in funding per student, more than dou-bling their income. These extra funds are not only used to lavish students with everything they need and more, but also to offset the sizeable expenditure these institutions com-mit to lobbying the government to continue this vicious circle. In the current system, the injustice is exponentially self-perpetuating.

Public schools often do not have enough money to supply a class with a complete set of books, to perform necessary repair jobs, to meet recommended class size standards, and the list of basic tenets of quality education unable to met on.

To be fair, many non-government schools are not wealthy, which is why funding needs to be means tested and needs based.

While the equation is clearly more com-plex than this, fundamentally, schools need money to provide a good education. Public schools have very little; private schools have a lot.

The government should have no part in perpetuating this inequality, as increasing disadvantage in public schools is deepened as funding is wasted on wealthy private schools.

Justice in school funding

is GonskiFERGUS HUNTER

As a new year dawns at ANU it might pay to reflect briefly on just why it is that we come to university. Too often people can drift aim-lessly. They suffer no harm but certainly do not get the most out of the experience either. Assessing and articulating your priorities while being aware of everything, your time at university can be invaluable.

The most obvious reason to come to uni-versity is to get a degree. When you are spending $30 000 to 100 000 on your edu-cation, you want to get something for it. A solid transcript gives a lot of opportunities and imparts a quiet confidence.

The second reason would be partying, making friends and forging an identity. There is no better place than university to discover

yourself and the world. You are surrounded by hundreds of intelligent, interesting peo-ple. Everyone is open to new experiences and new friends. Youth makes us bold and keen for adventure.

In bronze position is the quest for knowl-edge. It is not common, but some out there have been drawn to university by the prom-ise of answers, or at least intellectual stimula-tion. If you give them a chance the academic corridors of this university can provide a great deal of wonder.

As something of an old hand, I would like to impart one piece of advice. No matter which of the items above you prioritise, don’t forget about the other two. A little bit of time management and sensible advice from later

year students can easily give you the tools to juggle socialising, studying and seeking.

If you neglect any area, chances are you will look back on university as something of a lost opportunity. If you did not socialise enough you will not feel like you have made enough friends for the future or given yourself the tools and knowledge to meet a great partner. If you have not studied, you will be surprised at how many doors are shut to you. And if you do not seek, you will be liable to wander for many more years until you get to grips with what you want from life.

These years are not necessarily the best in your life but they are the ones that you can live with the most intensity.

Why are you at university?MARK FABIAN

On Tuesday of O-Week, Bob Brown came to the ANU to speak about an Australian re-public. This event was a huge success; how-ever, it is worth questioning the value of hav-ing a speaker at such an event, considering that he is unlikely to be able to convince the people whose opinions will come to matter on the issue. These are likely to be the centre-right voters who have yet to decide where they stand and who will be crucial to the suc-cess of a referendum on the matter of a re-public.

It is doubtful that those who find Brown’s argument convincing would be undecided on the republic issue. This is because Brown’s appeal is arguably limited to the left wing of politics. When you look at this side of poli-tics, there is a clear established majority in both the Green and Labor parties that is will-ing to be vocal on this issue and push for a referendum.

On the other hand, people in the Liberal Party are split on the issue. Brown is clearly not the best person to convince these people, and there is actually the chance that Brown’s opinions could be detrimental. The people we republicans need to convince [to support a republic] could potentially be turned off by a speaker such as Brown. In inviting the leader of a party who many Liberals view to be extreme left, there is the risk that potential centre-right recruits to the republican cause might begin to see the republic as a left-wing concept, and something with which they do not want to associate.

These students are not likely to be readily exposed to republican discussion. As an ex-ample, the Liberal Club on campus fails to provide an adequate means for these students to engage with this issue. The club has contin-ually been dominated by conservatives and monarchists, to the extent that in 2010 their O-Week bags for new members included pic-tures of the Queen. This means that the stu-dents on campus who need to be convinced if the cause is to succeed are in an environment which is unlikely to promote dialogue on the issue.

The most effective way to make these stu-dents engage with republicanism would be for groups such as ANU Republicans to run events which specifically cater to them. It would be excellent to get republicans from the Liberal Party in to speak - such as Mal-colm Turnbull, former head of the Australian Republican Movement; or Zed Seselja, the leader of the ACT Liberals - to show that this is an issue that runs to the core of the Liberal Party. Another consequence of this is that when influential Liberals are seen to be talk-ing about the issue on campus, it could force the Liberal Club to discuss the issue more than it currently does.

The challenge is to convince swing voters that a republic is something about which they too should be passionate. By having the leader of a left-wing party coming to speak about the issue, we run the risk that on cam-pus the issue may be seen to be left-wing, and will not be attractive to Liberal-minded students. These are the people who need to be convinced; efforts to spread republicanism across campus should be focused on convert-ing them to the cause.

RICHARD KEYS

Bob Brown not the best

choice

COMMENT//5

It might not have been an episode of Ce-lebrity Big Brother, to borrow Julia Gillard’s out-dated analogy, but this past week in poli-tics has certainly made for some compelling reality television. Triggered by the release of Kevin Rudd’s tantrum blooper reel decrying the “dickheads at the embassy”, all semblance of the dignified restrained silence, which had characterised the Gillard/Rudd feud, col-lapsed in the most unedifying, disgraceful display of savage excoriation that Australian politics has ever seen. And it’s been nothing if not enthralling.

Culminating in Monday’s leadership bal-lot, the complete annihilation of Kevin Rudd has almost certainly buried the Kevenge movement beyond any hope of resurrec-tion. The 71-31 vote was the biggest win for a Prime Minister and the lowest tally for a challenger ever recorded in a leadership bal-lot. It pitted personalities against opinion polls and presented Government ministers with an invidious choice: a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” conundrum. In de-livering Gillard an emphatic endorsement, the caucus voted against their best interests, against a swathe of opinion polls that cat-egorically placed Rudd as ALP’s best chance against Abbott in a 2013 election. In fact, the Newspoll released hours before Monday’s vote placed Rudd as preferred Prime Minis-ter to both Gillard and Abbott, with a 53% to their 28% and 34% respectively. This speaks volumes – despite his public popularity, the people that have worked with Rudd in the

past don’t ever want to work with him again. For spectators, this week has proved that

there is something utterly riveting about watching two adults completely abandon all sense of decorum and descend into a vitriolic rampage of unbridled hatred on the nation’s most public stage. A fascinating implosion made ever more enjoyable by the fact that, for many Australians, the Rudd v Gillard show-down was a victimless one. On the one hand, voters were fed an image of Rudd as a mega-lomaniacal micromanager with a particular panache for playing the role of the archetypal arsehole boss. Gillard, on the other hand, continues to flounder in her public percep-tion as an uninspiring, uncharismatic leader with a streak of disloyalty so distasteful as to be widely labelled as “un-Australian”.

Therein lies the inescapable truth for Gil-lard: she has won the battle but is placed to imminently lose the war. The savagery of the past few weeks will continue to insidiously plague the credibility of her leadership. Her complicity in the total character assassination of Rudd by senior members of her Govern-ment has already been widely condemned as unbecoming of the Prime Ministerial office. In addition, Monday’s vote shows that nearly a third of her party doesn’t have confidence in her leadership. For Abbott, a more perfect turn of events is barely conceivable. The fu-sillade of insults lobbed between the Rudd and Gillard camps has produced a plethora of damning sound bites. The Liberal Party’s election campaign has basically written itself.

Rudd gets ratfucked by SpillardKevin Rudd’s humiliating defeat at Monday’s ballot may have resolved the leadership issue for the time being, but fallout from this bitter feud has caused immeasurable damage to the Labor Party brand, writes Lisa Visentin.

I’ve decided to boycott organic food. Mostly I’m just ironically flipping the prac-tice of boycotting food on its head. No, I’m not going to boycott food made from nasty, unnatural GM; I’m not boycotting food that treats animals cruelly and I’m not boycotting food made by exploited labourers in Cote d’Ivoire.

Instead I’m boycotting organic food: food synonymous with the wholesome and the natural. Food that is soaked and permeated with social responsibility and environmental sustainability.

But alas, organic food is actually a terrible idea. No one likes pragmatism to get in the way of a good moral crusade, but unfortu-nately organic food really takes the cake for environmental and social destructiveness.

This is of course the real irony. Food that gives its consumers such a sense of moral and political superiority is in fact utterly

counterproductive to the goals that seem im-plicit in its very terminology.

Even if we put aside the fact that the label “organic” is incredibly lightly regulated, the concept of eschewing agricultural technol-ogy in the hope of saving the environment is horrendously counterproductive.

Regardless of the soothing, verdant and rustic images that pop into your mind when one walks into Life Organic Newtown, the re-ality is altogether different.

The avoidance of effective agricultural techniques does very little other than to in-crease the land use required to produce the same quantity of food.

Given that one of our biggest environmen-tal challenges is the increasing scarcity of wil-derness areas, this is a pretty big deal.

If we really want long-term environmental solutions, we need better (read, less organic) farming practices that allow for more inten-sive use of land, with higher yields for smaller

areas. The whole organic movement flies com-

pletely in the face of this. The consequence being that it perpetuates the movement of humans towards the geographic limits of our ability to continue to produce the material goods that our society needs.

The worst flow-on effect of this, however, is that it is horrendously bad for people in poverty. If we want to provide everyone with cheap and plentiful food, just about the worst way to do that is to eschew the very types of technologies that increase our ability to pro-duce such food.

In fact, the main consequence of purchas-ing organic food is to ensure that agricultural land is used less efficiently, and therefore that the global supply of food is lower. This in turn raises the price of food, and makes it more difficult for the impoverished to feed them-selves.

Perhaps even more importantly, by creat-ing an organic culture in Western countries, technological innovations that make agricul-

Boycott organic food!TOM GOLDIE

ture more productive are encouraged less, and corporations will be less incentivised to invest in productivity enhancing agricultural techniques.

The world needs more food, quickly. We need to feed the hungry in poor countries now, and we need to deal with the challenges of a growing population. Strangling agricul-tural productivity with the idealistic pursuit of organic food is utterly counterproductive to this aim.

The taste benefits are spurious to say the least. What actually happens when you buy organic is that more children in India go without a meal, and more wilderness gets cleared to make way for vast industrial agri-culture.

Bring on GM, bring on pesticides, bring on mechanisation. If you want a food-secure future, we need to take steps forward. Global food solutions are probably worth losing the images of flowing rivers and tranquil trees that one conjures up whilst sipping organic chai on King Street.

Illustration by Yasmin Masri

With the periodic leadership change set to begin later this year, the lead-ers of the Chinese Communist Party

(CCP) have been careful to avoid scandal or negative publicity. Given the sensitive nature of the time, they are focused on presenting a united front to both China and the world.

But a recent scandal involving a senior provincial leader and candi-date for promotion has highlighted

significant differences in the political and economic outlook of the leaders

of the CCP.

On the 6th of February the high profile vice-mayor and police chief of Chongqing municipality, Wang Lijun, disappeared. The municipal government announced that Wang had begun “vacation-style therapy” to address ailments arising from a particularly burdensome workload.

The announcement came a week after the local government revealed that Wang was being moved sideways out of policing into a portfolio related to education, science and environmental matters.

But the announcement was met by persis-tent rumours online that Wang had fled to the consulate of the United States in Cheng-du, capital of Sichuan province, seeking asy-lum. The government responded to these rumours by blocking internet searches for Wang and his boss Bo Xilai.

Despite the lack of confirmation from government sources, the US consulate in Chengdu was apparently surrounded by hundreds of security forces.

On the 9th February the Chinese Ministry of Foreign Affairs conceded that Wang had

DIRTYBUSINESS

visited the consulate and the matter was be-ing investigated.

It appears that Wang left the consulate that same day, surrendering himself to authori-ties. An all pervasive silence settled over the affair driving speculation that Wang had cut a deal to testify against Bo.

Bo Xilai is the CCP Secretary of Chong-qing Municipality, Southwest China. Chong-qing is one of the four Chinese municipalities (including Shanghai and Beijing) which have the political status of provinces giving their leaders greater authority and influence.

As Party Secretary of Chongqing, Bo is re-sponsible for 28 million people. Bo, a mem-ber of the Politburo, is a controversial figure in Chinese politics. He is a leading member of the New Left in Chinese politics, favour-ing greater state intervention in the economy and society.

As the son of former leader Bo Yibo, the younger Bo is widely considered to be a “princeling”; a rising leader from a Chinese political dynasty.

As Party Secretary of Chongqing, Bo has introduced expanded social welfare. He came to prominence for his high-profile campaign against corruption and organised crime in Chongqing, which also catapulted Wang into the national spotlight.

Wang had been Bo’s right hand man since Bo’s tenure as governor of north-eastern province of Liaoning. Bo’s time in Liaoning was not free from controversy, but he execut-ed his role with enough competence to be promoted to national Minister of Commerce, then Party Secretary of Chongqing.

When Bo went to Chongqing, he brought Wang with him. With Bo leading, they initi-ated a campaign against corruption and or-ganised crime, resulting in the downfall of several high profile officials and business fig-ures, gaining both Bo and Wang widespread national recognition.

Bo’s adherence to the New Left has gone

beyond an expanded social security policy and an anti-corruption campaign. After his arrival in Chongqing Bo initiated a national campaign for a return to “red” values; that is, a return to the principles of the Maoist pe-riod of Chinese politics.

This campaign has manifested itself in the use of media to broadcast Maoist revolution-ary songs.

Taken together, these elements constitute what has been referred to as the “Chongqing Model”, a vaguely coherent attempt to fash-ion an alternative to the particular paradigm of capitalism prevalent in China.

The Chongqing model has been particu-larly controversial amongst liberal scholars and officials. Seeking an extension of the free market, they see the Chongqing Model as a return to the days of Maoism, with Bo as its opportunistic prophet.

Despite this, Bo’s campaign has attracted the attention and limited support of many senior leaders who have appeared at Bo’s public revolutionary concerts.

However, that may change. An open letter, released in Wang’s name, accuses Bo and his immediate family of corruption. Such allega-tions are not new, and have followed Bo for much of his career.

Many senior Chinese officials have similar clouds hanging over them. Yet Bo was once spoken of as a potential future Premier, or at least a member of the Politburo Standing Committee.

Evidence of corruption may embolden Bo’s liberal enemies in Beijing to move against him.

However, two facts make this unlikely. Firstly, given the political sensitivity of the period, no leader will want to cause the CCP embarrassment.

Secondly, Bo is one of the shrewdest and capable politicians in China. He has survived by reinventing himself. Certainly he is capa-ble of such a deft act yet.

Brendan Forde reports on the latest intrigue in

Chinese politics.

“But the announcement

was met with persistent

rumours online that Wang had

fled to the consulate of the United States in

Chengdu...seeking asylum”

 

   

NOTICE OF ANNUAL GENERAL MEETING

The Annual General Meeting (AGM) of the ANU Sport and Recreation Association will be conducted: On: Tuesday 3 April 2012 Venue: ANU NORTH OVAL PAVILION 1st Floor ANU North Oval Sports Facility (north-eastern) Corner of Barry Drive & McCaughey Streets Turner Time: 6.00pm The Closing date for Items of Business to be submitted to the ANU Sport and Recreation Association Office is fourteen (14) full days prior to the AGM, this year being close of business Monday 19 March 2012.

Enquiries: 6125 8380

Notice of Call for Nominations for2012 Sport & Recreation Council

Nominations for 2012 ANU Sport & Recreation Council open 10.00am Monday 27 February 2012

and must be submitted either in person to the Executive Officer, ANU Sport and

Recreation Association Administration Office or via email to michael.brady@anu.edu.au

before 4:00pm on Friday 9 March 2012.

Elections, if required, will be held on three consecutive days:

- on Tuesday 20 March, Wednesday 21 March and Thursday 22 March 2012,

- between the times of 10.00am to 9.00pm daily.

7

A mutual acquaintance of mine has a won-derful Tumblr blog, and the headlining quote is: “Saudade describes a deep emotional state of nostalgic longing for an absent something or someone that one loves.” This painfully defines the feeling that all adoptees feel con-stantly throughout life. It isn’t until it’s writ-ten down on paper that we can finally ac-knowledge it.

Most siblings growing up will have po-tentially screamed at each other, “I wish you were adopted!” Well sometimes there’s fact to that statement. In some domestic adoption cases, children won’t find out until they’re adults that they were adopted. But in interna-tional adoptions, it’s blindingly obvious when the parents are of different racial appearance to the child.

I’m a South Korean adoptee, born in Seoul and given up by my eighteen year old mother. In South Korea, unmarried, pregnant women were practically forced to give up their chil-dren or dishonour their family. For her, she believed I would live a much better life.

There was a period of two days from when I was born to when I was handed to the East-ern Child Welfare centre. I sometimes won-der whether she held me in that time and debated what she was giving up. She never

named me; the nurses at the hospital did. For years I held a sense of resentment. I

loved my adoptive family but I felt like a part of me was missing. Over the years this re-sentment has faded. I now embrace her sac-rifice and honestly believe someday she will find me or I her. I would wander the streets of Sydney and wonder if a passerby could be her. Where was she? Was she alive? Does she have another family? Does she think about me every day like I think about her?

Being adopted by Australians has essen-tially made me a reborn Australian. Some people believe I’m not truly Australian be-cause I wasn’t born here, while Koreans can’t understand why I don’t speak Korean or un-derstand Korean culture. As a friend of mine has said, I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. As well as dealing with being adopted I feel my identity is not my own. It’s what other people dictate it to be.

For the past nineteen years, life has been simple because it was all under the surface. I never dwelt on it because I had a good life and didn’t regret for one moment what my life had become. But the moment I started thinking about it, it hit me like a train. Some days I struggle and think what my life could have been.

Australia and New Zealand are up against South Africa in a bid to become the home of the Square Kilometre Array, a radio telescope that will see further into space than any of its predecessors.

The concept of the Square Kilometre Array (or SKA) came into being in 1990, and once a location has been confirmed, construction is due to be completed in 2024. Consisting of 3000 individual antennas and dishes, SKA will be capable of collecting the highest reso-lution images of deep space ever.

Information gathered from SKA will aid scientists in numerous areas of research, from the study of general relativity and the forma-tion of galaxies in the infancy of the universe, to the quest for extraterrestrial life. SKA will collect information ten thousand times faster than any telescope that currently exists.

The placement of SKA is vital to the success of the A$2.5 billion operation. The network of antennas and dishes requires a location that is large, flat and radio-silent (that is, free from interference from outside equipment). The Murchison Radio-Astronomy Observa-tory in Western Australia offers ideal con-ditions, and forms the headquarters of Aus-tralia and New Zealand’s bid for SKA. Half of the 3000 antennas would be situated in a five-kilometre radius around Murchison Radio-Astronomy Observatory, with the remaining antennas being spread across the rest of the continent and New Zealand. Southern Africa offers similar conditions suitable for housing SKA, potentially hosting the array of anten-nas across nine countries.

As is to be expected with a project of this scale, there are a few hurdles to be overcome. The amount of digital information collected by SKA once in operation will exceed the total amount of information on the entire internet. SKA is estimated to be capable of collecting one exabyte of data per day. An ex-abyte is 1018 bytes, or a million terabytes, so storage of SKA’s data will require more than a few external hard drives. It is hoped that by 2024, computing power will be great enough to deal with this magnitude of information.

Powering the SKA setup is also a chal-lenge, but WA’s Horizon Power is well up to the task. Horizon Power has developed a hybrid solar/diesel power plant that operates radio-silently (so it won’t interfere with the telescopic equipment) and can reliably pro-vide the energy required to run SKA. Should Australia and New Zealand lose out to South Africa’s bid for SKA, Horizon Power’s hybrid plant will not go to waste. The smaller-scale CSIRO-run project, the Australian Square Kilometre Array Pathfinder (due to be com-pleted in 2013) could use such a hybrid plant. There is also potential for hybrid plants being repurposed to provide electricity to remote Australian communities.

The decision about the placement of SKA was finalised in early February and the results are to be announced in March. Having a pro-ject like SKA centered in this country would be fantastic opportunity for Australian sci-ence (and tourism), so let’s collectively cross our fingers that Australia is chosen to become the new window to outer space.

For more information on the SKA project, check out www.ska.gov.au

IN THE LAB

ELEANOR CAMPBELL

This winter break, I’m going back to where I was born. I’m studying modern Korean his-tory and Korean language. I love Girls Gen-eration, bulgogi and a nice dosage of Korean dramas. I’m staying in a cheap hostel for twenty-six days and I plan on experiencing Seoul, not as a tourist, but a homecoming. My original intent was to go there to search for my mother, but it isn’t essential. I need to know where I’m from; where she is from.

The process of searching for birth parents is incredibly draining and painful. The amount of paper work is frustrating and usually leads to dead ends. But it’s a path I know I have to take if I want closure. I know her name, birth-place and blood type which make her seem so close. But the more I search, the further away she gets.

I was a happy child and I’m still a happy adult. I regret nothing, but the innate desire to find the woman who gave up so much will never leave me. I may never find her, or she may not want to know me; but I started this journey and I will finish it no matter how painful it gets.

If you are an adoptee, or would just like to discuss this article with Elise, please feel free to email her at monalisa_smile21@hotmail.com

Lost in translation

Elise Horspool attempts to come to terms with the cultural disorientation of being a Korean adoptee in Australia.

Overseas adoptees outside Korea between 1953-2001

148,394 3,341Number of Koreans adopted by Australians between 1969-2007

Number of Koreans adopted by Americans between 1953-2007

107,145

Looking to the skies

8OUT & ABOUT//

KIMBRAO-WEEKPhotos courtesy of Liam James and Adam da Cruz

Photo by Liam James

Photo by Adam da Cruz

Photo by Liam James

Photos by Adam da Cruz

9OUT & ABOUT//

O-WEEKTOGA

Photos courtesy of Wayne Tsai

Photo by Liam James

Photo by Adam da Cruz

Photo by Liam James

10

The Chaser is synonymous with comi-cal controversy so it’s no surprise that Chris Taylor, one of the original creators, has long enjoyed the devotion of students everywhere.

He was kind enough to offer Woroni an interview straight after his Commencement speech – an opportunity, he divulged, “not even afforded to Kyle Sandilands”.

Taylor began to answer questions with a glass of wine in one hand, only to hide it after considering the judgemental lens of Woroni’s video cameras.

“I should probably put this down. It may be a bit inappropriate.” After assurances that it would only work in favour of his “cred” amongst students he picked up the grog again and began sipping.

The conversation inevitably started with The Chaser, which was originally a newspaper that was produced in the hours after 9-to-5 via the computers of their generous bosses.

Any person who puts their name on print naturally wonders who picks it up: “it was al-most entirely unread by everyone except An-drew Denton.”

Indeed, Denton provided their first break: “he got in touch with us and suggested that we start thinking of television ideas and he offered to produce any TV ideas we had and that’s how we came up with the idea to cover the 2001 election… and we’ve been working at the ABC ever since.”

It seemed that Taylor’s life was inextricably linked to The Chaser but, as we continued, it became clear that he wanted to chase other creative endeavours.

“We always get very impatient. We’re over formats long before the audience is: we want-ed to dump The [Chaser’s] War on Everything after one season but we kind of thought it’s a format the audience seems to be liking – so we’ll go another couple [of seasons].”

But the audience’s love was not enough to persuade the hosts: “We’ve got so many ideas in our bottom drawer of other formats we’d like to do, I’d rather do a new show every year, which is suicide in TV because the audience can’t keep up with that. They want constan-cy… all my creative instincts are to do some-thing entirely new.”

Taylor was forthcoming with compliments to other comedians. “I think Hamish Blake is the most effortlessly funny person. When I saw that Hamish was here earlier I thought ‘Oh fuck’. He would’ve taken every good joke, he would’ve been so much funnier and wit-tier… the same way tall people are tall, Ham-ish is just funny.”

He was not as favourable towards the gen-eral state of Australian comedy: “There’s not a lot of Australian comedy. I think we’re being very safe and conservative with the TV shows we’re commissioning. There’s this trend in sit-coms at the moment for gentle comedies, al-most dramadies, where emotional beats are almost as important as jokes. I kind of wish

they would commission something that just had jokes in it.”

Not every Australian identity is to be idol-ised. Taylor offered his insights into Kyle Sandilands’s popularity: “I can’t attribute Kyle Sandilands’s success to anything – I am genuinely baffled by it. My sense is that it is brilliantly produced, they get great guests… They’ve set up a construct where Jackie is the every woman, [2day FM traditionally has a female audience] that’s the person you tune in to be chummy with. You bond and relate to Jackie and you bond over her exasperation over male bullies of the universe.”

Sandilands is often accused of cross-ing the line, an accusation The Chaser has also received over several of their sketches. Are there lines in humour that shouldn’t be crossed?

“Sort of yes and no. The Chaser has obvi-ously had some very public controversies. My own personal view is that its fine to make jokes about anything but its not always wise to do it in front of a national audience. If I were sitting in a pub with you right now without

microphones present I would pretty much make a joke about anything. I think humour is a wonderful way of confronting distasteful topics…. We all do it, whether we admit it or not we all make nervous black jokes at inap-propriate times in private.”

“The thing to get right when you do it pro-fessionally is not to do those sort of jokes in front of a national audience, especially a sen-sitive ABC national audience. Our worst one I guess was the Make A Realistic Wish sketch, which I still think is a funny sketch and just because the nation’s media told us it was in-appropriate, it hasn’t changed my opinion on it but I accept that they found it distasteful.”

With his wine finished, he suggested a so-journ to his favourite Canberra venue, the Lighthouse. We didn’t quite make it there, but Taylor did see the best Canberra has to offer in the delights of Mooseheads.

To see more from this interview, watch the full footage on woroni.com.au

“I can’t attribute Kyle Sandilands’s

success to anything. I am

genuinely baffled by it.”

Chris TaylorThe Interview

Top photo by Julie Melrose // Bottom photo by Ben Henschke

Uma Patel and Liv Clark sat down with the 2012 Commencement speaker to chat about comedy, Kyle Sandilands and controversy.

The Interview

Art & Culture

Cinnamon Challenge: TomMan sneezing cinnamon powderAlex Orme 2011http://www.flickr.com/photos/alexorme/orme.alex@gmail.com

12LIFE & STYLE//

BLAZE 6 Until 24 Mar, 2012 Canberra Contemporary Art Space (Gorman House) Free

If you liked grad show last year, this is grad show on crack. It’s basically a collection of great new up-and-coming artists in the Canberra region, including a few 2011 School of Art Grads. Promis-ing something a little indecent, a little troubling, some pain, but a lot of fulfill-ment, this wankwankwankwankwank-wankwank. But seriously, apparently the stuff is beaut and you’re a bad person if you haven’t been.

GROOVIN THE MOO Sun, 13 May 2012 The Meadows, U Canberra $99.90 + bf

Recently, round[about] has had this obsession with Australian hiphop dude 360. He is one reason why we’re shell-ing out for this (in)famous Canberra staple. Here are all the others: San Cisco, Hilltop Hoods, Matt Corby, Big Scary, Kimbra, Bluejuice, Adrian Lux, and all the naked drunk bogans in attendance who we’re all secretly attracted to.

CORINBANK 2-4 Mar 2012 Brindabella Mountains $139-159 + bf

This is going to be beautiful. And we mean beautiful. The mountains out here are fully sick and 3 days at a festival amongst them? What could be better? I supposed it could be if Josh Pyke, Busby Marou, Bonjah, Skipping Girl Vinegar, The Bamboos, etc were serenading you, it could be. What a lucky break.

YOU ARE HERE 8-18 Mar 2012 Canberra (Yeah, all of it) Varies

So they say this is the “indie arts and culture” event of Canberra. Must be why you and I haven’t heard too much about it yet (obvs too indie for us all). It promises to be an extravagant xplosm of art, theatre, music, design, lit, and eve-rything for a good two weeks. Last year, these are the kids who turned that old Dick Smith’s into a pop-up nightclub. Awesome. This year, expect something better.

ENLIGHTEN 2-3 & 9-10 Mar 2012 Canberra (The pretty parts) Free

The tagline is: “See Canberra in a whole new light”. I think that’s because the ACT Gov just bought thousands and thousands of different types of lights and is spending two weekends celebrating the coming of the lightbulb to this far-off town. We’ve been waiting for them since Edison first discovered them; let’s celebrate in style with late night exhibi-tions, light shows, and all sorts of live performances on Canberra’s foreshore.

BALLOON FESTIVAL 6am, 10-18 Mar 2012 Old Parliament House Front Lawns Free (unless you want a balloon)

This could be the name of a niche porn festival or it could be the BEST FESTI-VAL THAT CANBERRA HAS. It’s the yearly balloon festival, one of four, the ACT Government assures us, in the whole world. Wake up early (6am) and watch people engorge their balloons as they penetrate the morning sky.

MAMMAL 1 Mar – 11 Mar, 2012 Canberra Contemporary Art Space (Manuka) FreeDid you say crocheted phallus? Well, Helena Laisk, a resident at the CCAS, did. She also tells us that our body, with all of the parts that we like and don’t like, is respectable irrespectable, dignified, undignified, and everything in between. It’s a romp “down the hollows and in amongst the grooves that we ourselves are often too scared to explore”. Sounds gross but the wine and cheese could be good.

Write for Woroni.It's very easy.

If you have an itch to write for your student newspaper, all you need to do is send us an email (woroni@anu.edu.au). We’ll send you back a submissions guide with

all the information you need. We welcome all kinds of articles and artwork.

13LIFE & STYLE//

Aaliyah’s chant echoes off the high vaulted ceiling. It’s a chance to enjoy a sublime outer–cultural experience, but all I can think about is Aaliyah’s bare chest jiggling up and down.

No – not chest. Breasts. I may not have bared all myself, but the vision is unavoid-able: Breasts. I giggle. And to think that one hour ago, I was wandering the streets of Fez, fully clothed. A simpler time.

When Customs stamps your passport at an airport, something magical happens (besides escaping deportation). You get a free pass to break free of the shackles of your passport identity. We Australians are prudish about public nudity. And yet, on a six-month ex-change in Europe, you can leave these inhibi-tions behind.

So I pounce on the opportunity to visit a hammam in Morocco. Well, almost. I follow our guide, thinking that we’re going to a mas-seuse. We only cotton onto what lies ahead when he buys my friend and me Moroccan oil and exfoliating pads.

Yep, we’re going to a hammam. The lan-guage barrier strikes again. I turn to my friend. Neither of us wants to be the chicken. And that’s how I end up walking through a small door into a change room where BAM. Breasts everywhere.

At this stage, I am desperate for my friend

to throw me a lifeline. I am happy to be the squawking chicken, but she gets down to business. We settle for staying in our under-wear. We tell each other it’s like being at the beach. It’s not. Across the room, a lady ges-tures for us to yank off our bras. She cups her

steamy. Women and young girls sit along the wall with buckets.

They splash each other down, wash their hair, and scrub themselves raw with the ex-foliating pads. Aaliyah deposits us in a cor-ner and leaves us to our fate. We tentatively splash the water across our bodies. I tell my-self it’s not so bad.

As luck would have it, I am beside an ‘Au-thentic Moroccan Woman’. She has beautiful, smooth skin and her kohl runs down her face in a black waterfall.

She flicks my bra strap and addresses me in French. “Why don’t you take it off? Look, everyone has.” I explain that stripping in pub-lic makes me extremely uncomfortable, but it’s like trying to describe the moon to some-one who has only lived in daylight.

She shrugs and demonstrates the correct washing procedure. Exfoliation means some-thing different here. You’ve got to scrub like you’re getting the last bit of burnt grit out of a saucepan.

I’m concentrating so hard on removing lay-ers of my epidermis that I barely notice some-one unhooking my bra.

It would’ve been a good moment to reflect on the irony of being pressured to undress in a Muslim country. But instead I screech and protect my nips. “No, no, no, no, no!” This is

Illustration by Yasmin Masri

what comes from a constitutional inability to be rude.

Authentic Moroccan Woman takes my smiles to mean I am easily persuaded. No. When it comes to bodily decency, I won’t budge.

Fortunately, Aaliyah arrives and the bra barrage halts. My exfoliation does not im-press her. She pulls my arm out and scours my skin.

She exclaims at the amount of dead skin peeling off my body. Well, that’s what hap-pens when someone scrubs a cheese grater against your skin.

The situation is tense until she begins to sing. A few seconds later, the entire hammam joins in.

The singing is a harsh, guttural sound that comes from back of their throats, but it re-minds me of a Hindu chant my mother used to sing, and in that moment I think of how beautiful it is that these women have accept-ed peculiar half-dressed strangers into their private ritual, and that perhaps, really, when stripped bare, we’re all the same.

Finally. Enlightenment. Across the room, a lady looks at me and points to her chest. Yeah, not that enlightened.

own breasts and jiggles them. They bounce magnificently, but my bra stays on.

We escape the change room, our dignity barely intact. The hammam is cavernous and

“I’m concentrating so

hard on removing layers of my

epidermis that I barely notice

someone unhooking

my bra.”

Pico Pal gets more than she bargained for when she visits a hammam in Morocco

Unchain my bra

14LIFE & STYLE//

Mastubatory Wankfest 3

GAMECHAIR PHILOSOPHER

The title above is designed to outrage and offend. If you are, congratulations! (You are the 99%.)

Now, this is not some moral crusade con-demning violence in video games. Nor is it targeting specific sections of the gaming community, so as to encourage them to stop playing. All I want to do here is get some-thing off my chest: my problem with mod-ern warfare shooting simulators.

Modern warfare simulators are ubiquitous today. Everyone has seen them, heard of them or played them. So you already know the overall idea: pretend to be modern-day soldiers with guns and kill each other. That is all. Don’t pretend there’s any more to it.

Now these games are, at their best, a com-plete waste of time (much like masturba-tion, without any of the health benefits); at their worst, however, they are simply a sear-ing indictment on the state of pop culture. The ham-fisted plots that string these games together make Michael Bay look complex, and the people who compete online make Mel Gibson look friendly. So here are three reasons why these games suck: (1) they are artistically bankrupt; (2) they involve little to no intellectual activity; and (3) they trivial-ise serious issues.

So, artistic merit. One of the driving fac-tors behind the rise of video games is the fact that they recognisably contribute to art and culture. Whether it’s the art-deco madness of Bioshock or the immersive story-telling of Final Fantasy, video games are recognised as enriching our collective artistic conscious-ness.

The overwhelming exception to this as-sertion is modern warfare simulators. These games are carbon copies of each other, in every way that counts: America under threat, gunplay ensues, “Tango is down”, democracy preserved. The only discernible difference between incarnations tends to be technical: graphics get better; the environ-ment looks more realistic; equipment gets updated. In fact, I challenge anyone to ex-plain to me what makes MW3/Battefield 2 different to MW2 from a creative perspec-tive. At least shooters like Doom, Resistance or even Halo have fantasy elements. Those hackneyed fascist alien-demon-zombies make all the difference… because that’s how lacking in creativity these games are!

Moving onto intellectual stimulation. Un-like those strategizing in Starcraft II, socialis-ing in WoW, or even duking it out in DOTA, the only thing standing out for those per-fecting firearm-related homicide is that they can click virtual triggers really fast, doling out death without too much thought (which would only complicate things anyway) and with the kind of shit-talk that makes Mal-colm Tucker look like Twilight Sparkle.

What they’re missing out on is the intellec-tual challenge that makes Portal or Arkham City the masterpieces they are. You don’t need to try in warfare simulators, in either single-player or multiplayer. Single player spoon-feeds you blockbuster stupidity, hop-ing you don’t notice: move to pre-determined point, watch as Eiffel Tower explodes, move to next objective, shoot and kill it, move to defuse bomb, mission accomplished! The multiplayer experience is no better: shoot, kill, win, lose, rinse and repeat for every fol-lowing iteration. All you need to do is click.

No matter how you look at it, these games are what Twilight is to literature: you’re nev-er in doubt of what’s you’re getting: you’re numbing yourself with banality, and you’d be embarrassed to admit to your significant other that you partake in this, often.

At this point I get to the most serious charge that I level at modern warfare simulators. But first let me clarify something: I have played first-person shooters, including modern war-fare simulators. Like pornography, it is some-thing any twenty-something male will have had contact with at some point in his life. But also like pornography, these games skew our understanding of something important and turn it into an entertaining fantasy, simulta-neously diminishing its impact and increas-ing our desire for it.

This is where the root of my dislike for modern warfare games comes from: they trivialise the deployments of our armed forc-es, and validate every pimpled teenage runt’s belief that they’re hare enough to understand the stress of war. Well, tough shit: you’re not good enough to fight for our country, you’re not resilient enough to go to Iraq/Afghani-stan, and you’re sure as shit not smart enough to survive there.

Now I’m the first to concede that I don’t meet those standards. But then, I don’t play jerk-off ‘fantasy warfare’ that allows me to psychically masturbate to a ‘tough-guy’ im-age of myself. This is where modern warfare games can’t be rationalised, because that is what they’re designed to do. And often, they go one step further. In MW2, you get to mas-sacre civilians in an airport. This is not ob-ligatory by any means, but it provides players with the opportunity to massacre civilians. The separated emphasis is deliberate because they let you be a terrorist. The violence here goes beyond the zany antics of GTA/Saint’s Row, and it goes beyond the stylised gore of Mortal Kombat. These shitty games encour-age people to think that soldiering is enter-tainment open for participation by anyone while war can be enjoyed from living rooms. As far as I know, that’s a sentiment shared by long-time Call of Duty fan Anders Behring Breivik. He might see this as more of a posi-tive than I do.

JIMMY BAI

The “The Next James Blake” label was used for just about every electronic artist in 2011. Sydney’s Oliver Tank, however, is one who not only meets the high benchmark, but surpasses it to create his own gor-geous niche of down tempo electronica.

The six-track EP captures the languid stillness of a summer’s night with sparsely constructed slow burn-ers that linger long after the synth has washed over you. “Last Night I Heard Everything in Slow Motion” is a soaring standout, seeping into your consciousness with an enchanting string arrangement and a layered crescendo that will have you replaying the song end-lessly.

Tank’s strong vocals, mostly distorted (but then again, unprocessed vocals are so pre-Pitchfork), fea-ture strongly, as do harmonies with Fawn Myers, adding a powerful emotional depth. Featuring high production values and a deft hand at arrangement which belies his youth, it’s no surprise the EP featured on NPR’s 5 Best Bandcamp Albums of 2011 and most certainly heralds Oliver Tank’s arrival as 2012’s “Next James Blake”.

It’s time to add this Swedish duo of Maria Lindén and Fredrick Balck alongside meatballs as the Scan-dinavian country’s greatest exports. In one of the best releases from 2011, Hearts delivers pulsating shoegaze lined with soothing doses of melancholy and heartbreak.

Opening track “Winter Beats” builds on a bed of crisscrossing keyboards and synths, yet it is just a precursor to the wall of beautiful, shimmering noise that hits you on the title track, “Hearts”. The swoony synths of “Pulse” and “Wired” are reminiscent of an edgier M83 sound, building into tempestuous storms that lift the spirit and overwhelm the mind.

A constant is the kick drum which beats at the core of this album, and crucially adds movement and power to the woozy guitars and airy vocals. Sure, the formula can get repetitive at times, but with a prod-uct so deliciously good, so majestic, the Swedes can do no wrong.

Oliver TankDreams EP

2011

I Break HorsesHearts2011

HIG

H R

OTA

TIO

NNakul Legha on what’s at

the top of our playlists this week.

15LIFE & STYLE//

I have a brachial-plexus injury to my right arm. In layman’s terms, I have nerve damage and can’t use my entire right arm very well. It doesn’t stop me doing much – but it is most certainly a disability.

The first question that many people will ask me about my arm is whether I am left handed. This is always a question that leaves me bemused, because I have no conception of left and right handed.

My injury is from birth. The notion of hav-ing two working arms is entirely foreign to me. I often wonder what on earth I would do with another arm. It just seems like such an obscene luxury. Like having two Ferraris.

I am left-handed because that’s the hand that works. Interestingly, being solely left-handed is the most disabling thing for me. Have you ever tried buying a left-handed bread knife or scissors? How about looking for a camera with buttons on the left? We live in a world of products designed by right-

handers, for right-handers. Most lefties learn to deal with this as mild

annoyances and swap hands. For me, right hand bias is the difference between being able to use a product and not use a product. Next time you are looking at a new product, have a think about the biases in the construction. They can be hard to see, but once you start looking, you’ll find them.

But my arm is not at all useless. Many of my friends find that it is an excellent bag hook and coat hanger. During summer it is perpetually cooler than the rest of my body, which makes for great in-built air condition-ing. It also kinda makes me look like a T-Rex. Which is legit.

Christopher Karas is the Disabilities Of-ficer for ANUSA. Any questions or con-cerns regarding disabilities can be directed to sa.disabilities@anu.edu.au

You have just moved into your new share house with a couple of friends. While the living room has amassed five couches, all of which have seen better days, the kitchen still lacks the bare essentials.

In particular, there is only one fry pan. It is your fry pan. Your fry pan gets a fair amount of use due to the fact that the student diet consists solely of chicken and bean stir-fry and bean and chicken stir-fry.

Now, you are a generous person. You are more than happy to share your fry pan with your housemates. However, it does start to niggle at you that your housemates never clean your fry pan after they use it (note: placing the fry pan in the sink does not count as cleaning).

After the first week, the niggle turns into an annoyance. After another couple of weeks, the annoyance turns into a frustration. After another month you are blinded by rage.

One of your housemates has a new girl-friend. You are happy for him since she seems

like a lovely person. The new girlfriend starts to stay over.

Before you know it, she has become the fourth housemate in your three-bedroom house. You do not have a problem with it except the new girlfriend drinks your semi-skimmed milk. Without replacing it.

She also watches Mel and Kochie in the mornings when you insist upon getting your news from ABC24.

Finally, you have noticed a 22% increase in the water bill that you suspect is due to her preference for long hot showers. You are not mean spirited. You just want the girlfriend to contribute her due.

At what point is it okay to raise an issue with your housemates, and at what point do you just bite your tongue?

It is a question that plagues many share-households. After all, each one of us has our peculiarities, such as religiously placing the cutlery downwards in the dishwasher for a better clean, that make us feel at home. But

DISH IT UP

MARCEL DELANY

Ramen aroundTo outsiders, Japan can be an inscrutable

country wedded to old, unabashedly “ori-ental” customs, like calligraphy or gazing at cherry blossoms. Either that, or Japan is seen as inscrutably wacky.

In my experience, the weird is plentiful. But “tradition” is to most ordinary Japanese akin to something from primary school that was absent-mindedly fun, like finger paint-ing. For these people, tea ceremony is not a demure, ritualised expression of feeling or cogent philosophy. It is something burrowed into the back of your mind so you can look respectable at your wedding.

These days, aesthetic perfection and medi-tative calm comes in a bowl of soup. Eaten in five minutes. Standing up. Slurping as noisily as possible.

Japanese rituals have evolved. And in their respective evolutionary chains, in terms of grace, intelligence and meaning, I would argue that tea ceremony is analogous to the troglodyte, and ramen to the race of man.

So to instructions. In the five minutes of eating your ramen, observe the following:

The pork should be sweet and succulent. The ramen master has a choice: cheek or belly. The cheek is more delicate, thinly sliced and riddled with spidery lines of fat. But the belly has more gumption – it gives the ramen extra power.

The eggs must be soft-boiled. There can be no chalky yolks. Once again, there is a choice. Chicken, duck, or quail eggs. These choices are crucial. A wrong move can disrupt the tonal balance of the ramen orchestra.

The noodles themselves must be firm but without bite. A hint of elasticity is ideal. The best way to test this is to shovel as many of them as possible in your mouth at once. If you want to do that again, and again, then the noodles are delicious. If not, then they are ordinary. This is why you can judge a ramen place by the loudness of the slurps.

Finally, and most importantly, there is the soup. Do the pearls of fat on the creamy sur-face glisten as the bowl is placed in front of you? Does the broth smell sweet and nutty and porky and slightly chickeny? Does the broth have great depth, so that one mouthful might be a meal in itself, except that there are many more mouthfuls to come?

When I came back to Australia after my exchange, I knew that I would not be able to find ramen, so I decided to make it myself.

This was no disaster, but it was not a great success. While the pork was delicious (belly braised for two hours in a broth of Chinese five spice, plus mirin, soy sauce, brown sugar, sake and garlic), and the eggs soft boiled, the noodles were store-bought and chalky.

Most disappointingly, the broth was too thin. I have faith in the recipe, but seven hours of braising pork leg bones, trotters, and a chicken carcass is not enough. The authori-ties demand at least 24 hours of extraction. My aromatics (which shall remain secret) did provide a little depth, but could not com-pensate for the thin soup. Oh well; $10 is not much to pay for a shot at perfection. I’m defi-nitely trying again soon.

the fear of breaking that fine balance of per-sonalities in a share house causes most of us to stay quiet.

The answer lies along a fine line, one that constantly tests our emotional intelligence. It requires us to ask ourselves whether the issue (downwards-facing knives) will fester, plac-ing at risk that sacred feeling of homeliness, or if it is a compromise one can make for the peace of the share-household.

If you do decide to mention the issue, a few tips: start by repeating what you want done (turning the knives downwards). If your housemates are obtuse, then you can always crack a joke.

If all else fails, you can speak to your house-mates, but start with a light remark before jumping into the heavy duty. If in doubt, remember that you too pay the rent, and so you also have a right for that sacred feeling of homeliness.

HOUSEMATES RUTH CHRISTIE

MOSTLY ’ARMLESS CHRISTOPHER KARAS

KISSING LIV CLARK

Last Friday night, one of these young writ-ers had her face licked. It was not by a canine or even a young child. A dog licking your face is bad at the best of times. No, some young man, when told he would not be receiving any kisses, thought it appropriate to lick back.

This got us thinking about kissing and the various styles men use to lure us in. Every-one thinks they are a good kisser. If you were told you weren’t, you would be offended and laugh it off. But realistically, not everyone can be, or is, good at the art of kissing. And here are the four top reasons why.

1. The ResterThis guy is always lazy. He sticks his tongue

in your mouth only to leave it there, as if it is a vacation for his tongue. This is not OK. This is the type of guy who will entice you back to his room and make you do all the work only to fall asleep mid-way, or worse, before you have received any pleasure benefit.

2. The Overeater Oh boys, don’t try and eat a lady’s face. Too

much saliva, liquid and bad alcohol breath does not make us want to take you home. It makes us wonder how bad you must be in bed. It also makes us think of excuses of why we need to go home like ‘my parakeet needs to be fed.’

3. The Jabber Yes, your tongue might be the strongest

muscle in the body, but this does not mean that you should use it as a weapon. The Jabber is always the classic macho man. He is try-ing to prove his strength with his tongue. But we have eyes, we can see that you spend six tragic hours a day at the gym. You don’t need to prove it to us.

4. The GoldfishThis is by the far the worst. You get all excit-

ed, you’re about to kiss, and then all of a sud-den someone is treating you like an onboard

oxygen mask. It’s all lips, no tongue and zero chemistry. It makes us have flashbacks to our first boy/girl disco. It wasn’t good then and it’s not good now. A little bit doesn’t go astray.

5. The Perfect KissThis is rare and when you find it, even if

it is on the dance floor at Mooseheads, you should keep on kissing. The perfect kiss starts off slow and gentle. You have to feel it, the first moments are crucial because it determines whether tongue can or cannot be used. If there is no connection, head to different sides of the Mooseheads floor. But if the spark is there, the tongue can be great. It needs to be mutual, not a lot and not too little. The hands are a difficult one, but used wisely can make the first kiss even better. A hand on the cheek or the back of the head can make an unattrac-tive guy seem suddenly handsome. Finally, the eyes. Do not open them when you’re kiss-ing for fear of making awkward eye contact. There is nothing worse.

BREANNA McLELLAND

16LIFE & STYLE//Harry, ANU CollegeAn outfit of brilliant con-trasts; from the red and blue saddle shoes to the check patterned trousers which are a world away from the clean, business like cardigan and white shirt combination. The boldness brought a smile to our weathered, cynical faces.

Emma, Financial ManagementChannelling the classic patterns of Missoni, this is an outfit ready for Canberra’s unpredictable weather. Tights with sandals is a point of contention for many but this student is definitely going places in comfort.

Kai, Organiser, Food Co-opMustard’s been overdone

this season but the red velvet jacket gives it a fresh

twist. Paired with the coy smile… could you ask for more? Shame she was too busy to stop and chat; but we couldn’t let her out of

our sight.

Rebecca, Exchange Stu-dent from UC IrvineFloral on floral? Woroni doesn’t usually agree. But this bubbly, Psy-chology/Life Drawing Californian surprised us with this earnest and cheerful take on patter clashing and dreary Canberra weather.

CAMPUS STYLE

Talitha, ArtsA cape of shiny, silver velveteen. What more is there to say?

Louise, Adjunct Fellow RSHAAlready resplendent in bold floral print, it was the clever pairing with pink saddle bags and a sheep skin seat cover that caught Woroni’s eye. A scholar, a researcher and a style icon to boot.

Pictures: Yasmin MasriWords: Nakul Legha & Zid Mancenido

17REVIEWED//

The Book of Lost Things finds its roots in the familiar territory of family politics, but throws its readers into a fantastical world of fairytale, seemingly from nowhere.

It follows a young boy, David, who is grow-ing up in London during the build-up and breakout of World War Two.

But it doesn’t really follow his life in the world that we know, but rather in another world, where the imagination can bring all things, great and terrible, to life.

The twists, turns and surprises that Con-nolly weaves are both inventive and intricate. The way in which David’s fantasy world is de-scribed makes readers feel as if we are there too, without letting the story deteriorate into long, sluggish descriptive passages.

This is fast-fiction that doesn’t stagnate. Fans of more nuanced narration may strug-gle with the book’s child-like prose, but it is Connolly’s storyline, not his adverbs, that makes The Book of Lost Things a rollicking good read.

The story contains almost all of the most loved (or hated) fairytales in some form or another.

Tales we all know well have been re-imag-ined and reinterpreted into darker, distorted shapes, and whilst they still carry messages

from ages past, Connolly’s retellings are sur-prising and razor-sharp.

This is the element of the book that is most impressive - the imagination that has gone into unpicking and reconstructing these well-known stories, and the clever ways in which they have been woven together.

At times, as David’s adventure progresses, Connolly’s carefully crafted tapestry of sto-ries is undermined by his clunky narration, which can be unpolished and forced.

The experience of following along this journey with David is dulled considerably when all of the realisations and epiphanies to which the novel builds are spelled out pat-ronisingly clearly.

It is like climbing a stepladder to have a closer look at a intricately daubed painting, only to have someone else pull it off the wall and hit you over the head with it.

However, despite Connolly’s occasional tendency to labour his point, the childish narration and the opportunities for dramatic irony that it provides maintain the novel’s charming tone, tempering the violence and adult themes that drive the plot.

This is a book that can be enjoyed on many levels. Its plot zig-zags through an incredibly rich world of imagination, while communi-

–BRENDAN FOSTER & JESS MILLEN

–SCOTT BOLTONYou can find more of Scotty’s reviews at

http://scottyandsean.wordpress.com/

cating a myriad deeper, darker messages that permeate all dimensions of reality and fan-tasy.

Coming across stories half-remembered from childhood is a lot of fun, and seeing the zany ways in which Connolly has contorted these universally-recognisable characters and plots is a delight.

In some editions, there is a large collection of notes at the end which examine the origins of all the fairytales that have been revisited in the novel.

Celebrating stories and the power that they wield in reality, The Book of Lost Things is an easy read, with bite.

For every dramatic swordfight, there is very real grief and pain. For every playful bending of a fairytale, there is its sinister, disturbing counterpart.

It is clumsily constructed, like a piece of furniture with exposed screws and just-visi-ble globs of drying glue, but it’s a joy to read despite its less-than-elegant prose.

Any fans of Pan’s Labyrinth or Angela Cart-er’s short fiction will enjoy this book – there is something about these stories that keep us all coming back for more.

Fairytales Revisited

Films are often pure entertainment for audiences, a means by which to exit their own reality and enter into another. However, films can be more than this, morphing pieces of art, exploring for a short time the life of an individual. This is certainly the case for the Steve McQueen directed film, Shame.

Michael Fassbender stars as Brandon, who for all intents and purposes is a cool, calm and charismatic business executive living in New York. However bubbling beneath this collected exterior is a tempest of emo-tion and craving, as Brandon lives with a sex addiction. Things appear to be under con-trol until a visit from his sister, Cissy (Carey Mulligan), causes him to feel cornered and he starts to unravel.

Shame is a stunning piece of cinema. Eve-ry aspect of this film is perfectly crafted to draw the audience into the lives of the two main characters. The dispassionate Brandon is a stark contrast to the emotionality of his sister Cissy. Fassbender and Mulligan are mesmerising in their respective roles. With the slightest inflection in facial expression or tonal changes, Fassbender and Mulligan show diverse emotions and create palpable tension.

The stand out of this film, however, is the way in which director Steve McQueen has crafted the film. The subject matter is con-fronting and emotive, but he is able to take the audience on a journey into this man’s life and tempt them further with each passing

This is most probably the most useless re-view you have ever read – useless because the film is no longer screening in cinemas. Yet, in spite of its limited screening, it is a remark-ably useful film.

The film is a documentary about a quintes-sential New Yorker named Bill Cunningham. Bill is the New York Times street style photog-rapher. While most of us associate street style photography with The Sartorialist and the plethora of street style blogs that Schuman has spawned, Bill is an unknown name. But Bill is the original arbiter of everyday style. He began snapping in the 1960s and, as an octogenarian, he still hops on his bike, in his (highly unfashionable) blue workman’s shirt to photograph the outfits featured on 42nd street to Fifth Avenue.

Many might dismiss this documentary be-cause it is set exclusively in the fashion world; it certainly is an 84-minute feast for the fash-ion eye. But it goes much further than that, exploring the meaning of fashion, or, as Bill likes to call it, “our armour against life.”

Early in his career, Bill wrote an article fea-turing ordinary women wearing clothes from the catwalk. Unbeknownst to Bill, his editors changed his copy, angling the piece to mock the ordinary women. Bill was so upset that from that day he has refused any pay cheque, in order to retain creative control and cele-brate the fashion of ordinary people.

And so Bill has come to exemplify New

BOOKS

The Book of Lost ThingsJohn Connolly

Atria Books, 339pp

FILMS

Shamedirected by Steve McQueen

101 minutes, rated R18+moment. McQueen’s camera work dynami-cally and artistically presents the subject mat-ter to the audience. He pushes the limits of audiences’ comfort by drawing out the length of a shot to force the audience to experience the intensity of the moment.

Despite the weight of the subject matter, I found this film enthralling, enigmatic and beautiful. The experience is certainly an emo-tional one, with little relief from this intensity throughout the length of the film. It is, how-ever, a journey worth taking.

Shamefully good

All style in the Big Apple

York and its undying belief in egalitarianism and democracy. While The Sartorialist now almost exclusively shoots models outside fashion shows, Bill remains on the streets. Indeed, dismissing a swarm of paparazzi Bill proclaims, “I’m interested in the clothes, not the people.”

His irreverence towards all manifestations of power becomes increasingly stark through-out the film. While he photographs the rich and famous at high society galas, he lives in a tiny flat crammed with filing cabinets and a bed erected on milk crates. He never touches a morsel of food at the galas, preferring only burgers and coffee from cheap diners.

Yet Bill is even more of an essential New Yorker because there is a hint of a contradic-tion in his mission to capture the “everyman”. While New York considers itself the land of opportunity no matter your race or religion, it is simultaneously the city of the wealthy and powerful.

And Bill too is powerful, so powerful that even the great Anna Wintour, editor of US Vogue, admits that everybody “gets dressed for Bill.” There is even Bill’s turn of phrase, constantly calling people “kid” and “child,” which surely invokes some kind of power-play.

Bill Cunningham: New York is an incredibly useful film because it is not just a about fash-ion, but about the contradictions of a great city and a great man.

Bill Cunningham: New Yorkdirected by Richard Press

84 minutes

–RUTH CHRISTIE

18REVIEWED//

Ever heard of Jeremy Lin? Well, he’s a hum-ble Asian-American Harvard graduate with a Bachelor of Economics.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot, he’s also now the star point guard of the NBA franchise the New York Knicks. He is now a hero in the world-renowed Madison Square Garden in what is becoming one of the greatest stories in sports today.

As a scrawny, 5ft3, 55kg freshman he was called to the varsity team of his high school, much to the worries of a few schoolmates due to his size. However, he proved himself, play-ing very well as their point guard.

“I first met Jeremy when he was in fifth grade, coming to basketball camp in the sum-mer. Obviously he was very, very small, but a very good player – very good instincts, very good feel – and his leadership stuck out,” his high school coach Peter Diepenbrock said.

Lin led his high school team in Palo Alto, California to the state title. He was All-State first team and player of the year in Division 2 for Northern California.

Yet, no Division 1 basketball programs gave him a college scholarship. So, he went to Harvard, which gave him a spot on the team (Ivy League schools do not offer athletic scholarships).

Whilst at Harvard, being the only Asian-American in the roster, Lin was the brunt of many racist epithets.

He was also the first player in Ivy league history to record at least 1,450 points, 450 re-bounds, 400 assists and 200 steals. He gradu-ated in Economics with a 3.1 GPA.

Lin again was undermined, this time by the teams of the NBA who disregarded his col-legiate successes. Jeremy Lin was undrafted in the 2010 NBA draft.

The Dallas Mavericks saw his talent and

Unperturbed by rain, hail or thunder, ANUSA’s Full Moon Party on Friday proved to be a worthy conclusion to this year’s O-Week as over two thousand ANU students braved both stormy weather and liver damage to enjoy a night of music, dancing, and just a little bit of lunacy.

Ajax set the tone for the night, igniting the crowd in defiance of the pouring rain. Our spirits refused to be dampened by the miser-able weather. Even as the rain pelted down harder, the crowd roared louder, reveling in the thrill of the elements with yells that ri-valled the rumbling thunder. New Navy only added to the teeming frenzy with up-beat, ef-fervescent indie-pop, beating a pulse to the crowd’s tribal rain dance each time the band left their instruments to hammer out rhythms on various pieces of percussion set-up about the stage.

But, to be perfectly honest, I was slightly apprehensive before Kimbra’s performance. Although I adore Kimbra – the jazzy tones of her debut album could be heard wafting out-side my bedroom door for months - an album like Vows does not generally lend itself to live performances. Over-produced in parts and dominated by synthesisers, simple reproduc-tions of music like this on-stage can feel one-dimensional and lackluster.

I am ecstatic to admit I was wrong.In truth it is on stage, and not in studio,

that Kimbra’s songs come to life. Performed live, each and every track is invigorated by her vibrant, ardent stage presence and a back-

ing band so hip and so ridiculously cool that Kimbra had no hesitation with taking a back-seat and dancing off centre-stage to pumping, extended instrumental breakdowns.

Even through glasses obscured by hun-dreds of tiny raindrops, Kimbra’s perfor-mance was stunning. The woman was an absolute knock-out in her glamorous, red dress but her beauty lies in her unmatched vocal ability. A mesmerising balance between power and vulnerability, Kimbra can blow away audiences with a fierce intensity dur-ing “Settle Down” one moment, then convey unbounded hurt with “Two Way Street” the next. Haunting and reminiscent of the late Nina Simone, Kimbra raised chilling goose-bumps during “Plain Gold Ring”, layering in-tricate melodies by loop pedal that filled Un-ion Court with palpable, agonising sorrow.

Friday night’s audience was also unbeliev-ably fortunate to witness a new song, never before performed on stage. Far heavier and edgier than her previous releases, “Come In My Head” again displays her musical versa-tility. The song featured guitar riffs bulked on distortion and drums thrashing out rock and roll beats while still maintaining Kimbra’s signature blend of jazz and pop. Perhaps it represents a change in her musical direction but what’s certain is that the twenty-one year old has a bright future ahead of her. ANUSA will be hard-pressed to bring a more dynam-ic, more astounding entertainer to our cam-pus again.

–PRATHAM RATHORE

Settling down in Union Court

It’s not often that you get a chance to wit-ness an up-and-coming performer with rap-idly rising popularity in a relatively small and laid-back setting, but this is exactly what Matt Corby and his “Secret Garden Tour” brought to Canberra.

Being given an opportunity to see him per-form live in such an exclusive and intimate event was an amazing opportunity to see what all the fuss was about.

His soulful voice and depth of talent have left a mark on many people. Now, it was Can-berra’s turn.

We funnelled in through the side entry of a “secret” location in Deakin as daylight faded, clouds rolling in as a warm afternoon threat-ened to turn into a very wet evening.

Everyone waited patiently, buzzing with ex-citement as they sat on the soft, grassy back-yard in inner-suburban Canberra, claiming a small portion as their own for the evening.

A small stage was set up to one side of the yard for the performances of the evening; the minimal lighting proved a soft and flattering backdrop for the performers.

An amazingly talented local musician by the name of Natalie Magee opened the even-ing with jazz-infused melodies.

The term “support act” does not do justice in this instance. The rich quality of her voice soothed the crowd, all visibly captivated by her graceful and heartfelt performance.

Next on the bill were the Avaberée girls, consisting of Genevieve, Aimee and Irena. Originally from Brisbane, this was the first time they had come to Canberra.

They engaged well with the crowd, speak-ing of their desire to go on an adventure through city and find a mystical “big foun-tain” which they had heard would occasion-ally pop up in Canberra.

The mix of folk and soul with their own unique twist was truly breathtaking. They sang one beautiful melody after another, each song showcasing the flawless harmo-nies they could produce.

Already, the performances that had pre-ceded the main act had left the crowd in awe, and when Matt Corby himself walked on stage, his presence instantly hushed the crowd to silence.

Rain was beginning to fall, gradually be-coming heavier as he performed, but the crowd remained absolutely silent with nary a complaint.

To try to capture the essence behind his voice is not an easy task, but I can whole-heartedly say that it is fascinating, complex and absolutely brilliant. His energy was un-forgettable.

His rendition of The Black Keys’ “Lonely Boy” was particularly notable, with an ener-getic and powerful tone that made the song his own. Despite the rain continuing to fall, everything this young man did was amaz-ing. We were blown away.

One person I spoke to after the night had said, “I was so wet and cold, but it was worth every second.”

Without a doubt, it was one of the most amazing events I had attended in a long time, and any Matt Corby performance is a must-see, without a doubt.

That said, it was the lesser-known musi-cians who stole the show and left the crowd open-mouthed. It was a privilege to witness a sample of the talent that is brewing all around us.

–RUTH CHRISTIE

Ben Latham on Kimbra’s spectacular O-Week performance

Treasures of the Secret Garden

Kimbra // Photo by Liam James

LIVE MUSIC

19SPORT//

Ever heard of Jeremy Lin? Well, he’s a hum-ble Asian-American Harvard graduate with a Bachelor of Economics.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot, he’s also now the star point guard of the NBA franchise the New York Knicks. He is now a hero in the world-renowed Madison Square Garden in what is becoming one of the greatest stories in sports today.

As a scrawny, 5ft3, 55kg freshman he was called to the varsity team of his high school, much to the worries of a few schoolmates due to his size. However, he proved himself, play-ing very well as their point guard.

“I first met Jeremy when he was in fifth grade, coming to basketball camp in the sum-mer. Obviously he was very, very small, but a very good player – very good instincts, very good feel – and his leadership stuck out,” his high school coach Peter Diepenbrock said.

Lin led his high school team in Palo Alto, California to the state title. He was All-State first team and player of the year in Division 2 for Northern California.

Yet, no Division 1 basketball programs gave him a college scholarship. So, he went to Harvard, which gave him a spot on the team (Ivy League schools do not offer athletic scholarships).

Whilst at Harvard, being the only Asian-American in the roster, Lin was the brunt of many racist epithets.

He was also the first player in Ivy league history to record at least 1,450 points, 450 re-bounds, 400 assists and 200 steals. He gradu-ated in Economics with a 3.1 GPA.

Lin again was undermined, this time by the teams of the NBA who disregarded his col-legiate successes. Jeremy Lin was undrafted in the 2010 NBA draft.

The Dallas Mavericks saw his talent and

gave him a shot in their summer league team, but he was dropped.

The Golden State Warriors then signed Lin as a free agent and he finally had a chance to play in the NBA. However, after just over a season and hardly any game time, he was waived by the Warriors. The Houston Rock-ets picked him up but dropped him again only two weeks after.

“There were nights where, I was just...actu-ally was just reduced to tears,” Lin said, “I just couldn’t take it anymore. What really hurt was that I thought I had the ability to do it.”

Then the Big Apple came knocking at Lin’s door. The New York Knicks gave him a spot on their roster.

However, he was not guaranteed a per-manent contract, so with this insecurity, he was reluctant to buy an apartment and slept on his brother’s couch, then his teammate’s couch. He spent most of the time on the bench for the Knicks, getting little to no game time at all.

On the night of February 4, 2012 the New Jersey Nets visited the Madison Square Gar-den.

With the Knicks’ offense looking sluggish, an unheard of Harvard graduate, stood on the sideline ready to give one last shot to im-press his club.

“I’m going to go out there and play my brand of basketball. I’m not going to change anything and if it doesn’t get me where I want to go then I can live with that,” was what Lin was saying to himself that night.

“But one thing I know is if I go down, I’m going to go down fighting.”

Lo and behold, Linsanity was born. New York was looking for a player like this to reju-venate them and he did not disappoint.

His fighting spirit showed as he cut

through the de-fense of the Nets, grabbing assist after assist, basket after basket, finishing with 25 points, lead-ing the Knicks to a rare win.

The humble Harvard-grad couldn’t even come to grips with what happened that night.

“This night, it just hasn’t really sunk in yet to be hon-est,” the Knicks’ number 17 said. “It’s like I’m still kind of in shock about everything that happened but I’m just trying to soak it all in right now.”

People who thought the first game was a fluke were soon to be proven wrong. The 6ft3 200-pound player finished the game with 28 points and 8 assists, leading the New York outfit to a second straight win.

If that wasn’t brilliant enough, nobody could have predicted what happened next.

Facing off against the legendary Los Ange-les Lakers, and star guard Kobe Bryant, Jer-emy Lin was the starting point guard for the Knicks at home.

Signs where Lin’s name was integrated into every cliche in the book such as, ‘I gotta fee-LIN’ and ‘All I want to do is LIN LIN LIN’,

filled the Madison Square Gar-den. Everyone was watching to see if this brilliant streak would continue.

Jeremy Lin just couldn’t be stopped that night, bagging 38 points (the most any Knicks player has scored this season) and seven assists with every basket sending the crowd and his teammates into a frenzy.

The New York faithful were practically worshipping the

new kid on the block, and Lin was enjoying every minute of if.

“You can fall as fast as you rise, that’s just the reality of the situ-ation. I just want to make sure that I’m not doing a disservice to my team my milking all the attention and trying to be on the cover of everything because at the end of the day that’s not what I love. I love basketball, that’s my passion.”

Since Linsanity began, Lin has lead the Knicks to nine wins

out of eleven games, scoring 263 points and bagging 101 assists. He

went from absolutely nothing, to a hero. He’s providing an inspiration to all Asian-

American kids out there aspiring to become athletes only to fall short due to certain ste-reotypes.

But Lin does not only represent the Asian-American community, he represents all un-derdogs out there in this world. People can relate to him. That’s what is so great about his story and about Linsanity. That is the reason that we love sports.

Ben Latham on Kimbra’s spectacular O-Week performance

Kimbra // Photo by Liam James

LINSANITYJoshua Chu-Tan with the amazing story of the NBA’s hottest new star

JAMIE FREESTONELETTER FROM PLANET EARTH

Dear Gzorgax, I should really write more often. How is

your planet going? What’s it like having three suns? Is Gzorgax a common name in Gliese 667 or were you teased growing up? Anyway, as you may know, people are getting pretty steamed up about this whole gay marriage thing here on Earth’s sunniest, funniest na-tion, Australia.

About two-thirds of Australians now sup-port equal marriage rights for same-sex couples, although apparently it’s still highly traumatic for most parents who discover they have gay children. I guess people use most of their everyday emotional largesse on complete strangers and reserve their special inhumanity for those they love.

The argument against gay marriage is pretty unimpeachable: allowing marriage between a man and a man or a woman and a woman would change the definition of mar-riage. If there’s one thing this culture is en-thusiastic about finding awful, it’s words that change meaning over time — like culture, enthusiastic, awful and all other words. The queer thing is that people are quite gay about changing the meaning of most words about human relationships, just not marriage. Ran-dom.

So the thing that has people, especially re-ligious people, so mad is that you can’t just come along and legally change the defini-tion of marriage. Well not again anyway, not since it was last changed by religious people. Judaism and Islam changed what marriage meant from a perfectly good institution used to allow females to be traded as commodi-ties within and between tribes, to some crap about one man and several woman under God’s love — which, depending on your mood, sounds either saccharine, or kinky; while I’m on it saccharin should mean a sug-ar substitute and kinky should mean it has bends in it. Then Christians came along and ruined some of the fun and said it had to be one man, one woman, under one god. In fact Christians seem obsessed with the idea of only having one of each thing at a time — it’s like they’re playing relationship sudoku.

Meanwhile our Labor government will al-low its members to take a conscience vote on the issue later this year. A conscience vote is when members of the House are given spe-cial dispensation to vote on an issue accord-ing to what they believe is right and virtuous. You can see why this is an unusual event. Ordinarily our elected representatives who are paid to serve the populous are strongly discouraged to acknowledge, or possess, a conscience.

Personally I’m actually hoping for a tight-ening of the definition of marriage even fur-ther, so that it allows me to marry myself. Maybe Christians will see that a natural ex-tension of their views and let me do it.

Yours earthily, Jamie.

Dear Aunty Flo,Before moving into my residential hall, I’m staying with my auntie and uncle for a while in the dodgy end of town. (It starts with Q and rhymes with Queanbeyan.) They’re lovely people who have been very generous to me, but there is one problem. A lot of what they say is the kind of devastating racism that seems to have been polished in ad-vance, as though it were a comedi-an’s punch-line or the State of the Union address. Is there a way to deal with relatives like these without spark-ing a family crisis?Stupefied. Families are a tricky business, aren’t they? Tolstoy once famously remarked that each unhappy family is unhappy in its own particular way – but then again Tolstoy was a sexual predator and had a beard about the size of Lichtenstein, so what would he know, the dirty Slavic pervert? I think the best advice on relatives came from Arnauld Almeric, who said: “Kill them all; the Lord will know his own”, and though I be-lieve he was talking about eleventh century here-tics, I can’t help but think that he got the idea from some family squabble or other.So my advice to you, Stupefied, is to stop mooch-ing off your uncouth relatives and move into your residential hall, from which vantage point you can make snobbish observations about their odour, their pronunciation and their racial manners in the family Christmas letter you will send them.Love, Aunty Flo. Dear Aunty Flo,I’m a first year student and I have a problem. Since arriving in Canberra, I’ve yet to make a single friend. I have difficulty striking up conversations at parties as it is, but I haven’t even been invited to a single one of those! How do I break into the social scene?Isolated The first mistake an amateur Canberran socialiate can make, in my opinion, is to sit around and wait for an invitation to a party, barbeque, housewarm-ing, or Young Liberal hunting trip. By far the best approach, I think, is to simply walk around the sub-urbs with a slab of beer (or, in the case of the Young Liberals, with a bottle of something expensive and tasteless) and wait until you hear the sounds of reveling emerging, as it were, from the hedges.Enter with poise and confidence, deposit your alco-hol at the front door, and move onto that stage of the evening popularly referred to as “breaking the ice”. In Canberra, this generally just means asking other people when they plan on leaving Canberra.Love,

Aunty Flo

HOROSCOPE

On Mondays you will whinge relentlessly because it is Monday and that is what your disappointingly second-rate genes have pre-disposed you to do. On Tuesdays you will sigh with mild discontent and your work colleagues will nod, partly out of sympathetic agreement but mostly from sheer bewilderment at that cardigan you still insist on wearing. Wednesdays will be plagued with the inces-sant drone of your voice harping on about humps and hump days and humping because you are the first person to realise Wednesday falls in the middle of the Western five-day workweek. Nobody will like you on Thursdays. Yet, by Friday your friends and family will be resigned to the fact that this is just who you are: a terrible human being. It’s not your fault. After all, you are a Pisces.

Mystical brown man Nakul Legha looks ahead at what the year holds for you...

Pisces (18th February - 20th March)

Hi there! I’m Tom!Like my ethnic friend Nakul, my passion

lies with raising awareness. Specifically, I am passionate about raising awareness as a strat-egy for action and for making sure that people are aware of all of the really bad things in the world.

It makes me so sad to think of all of the po-tential activists out there in Australia who live in abject ignorance of raising awareness.

Awareness is one of the most fundemental rights of every human right and I’m commit-ted to raising awareness of raising awareness until we can live in a world where everyone is aware of awareness.

Long term, some of my other goals include the introduction of free range coffee beans in all cafés in Canberra, and finding a date.

GAY MARRIAGE

ONEOAKCOALITIONWelcome to our campaign...

Got a quandary you’d like Aunty Flo to solve? Send a

little letter my way at woroni@anu.edu.au! Until next time, ducks, stay fabu-lous, clean your fingernails, and never let the neighbours

borrow your fine china.You never know where their

hands have been...

JAMIE FREESTONE

Hi there! I’m Nakul!Though I am not plagued by white guilt, decades

of exploiting the fruits of democracy, a Eurocentric education and Western decadence have instilled within me a strong sense of loyalty to the colonial cause. I am concerned about Africa and the many bad things that are happening in that country. Sim-ilarly, I am passionate about raising awareness of The Poverty, a terrible affliction for which there is no known cure. However, with enough awareness-raising campaigns, we hope to raise awareness of this issue so people become aware that it is an is-sue of utmost awareness. In my spare time, I enjoy hierarchical organisational structures designed to entrap me in a cycle of endless, time consuming and thankless devotion, and chocolate. Fair trade, of course.

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