wrong reasons for getting2

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Wrong Reasons For Getting Married Francis O. Nmeribe www.successpublishers.com.ng

WRO NG REASONS for G ETTING MARRIED

WRO NG REASONS for G ETTING MARRIED

Francis O. Nmeribe

Author of

Foundation for Joyful RelationshipsGrowing from your Experiences

Action Quotes
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Preface

Our lives are made up of choices. When Iwas a little boy growing up in my village, Ioverheard my uncles wife one day lamentthat she had put her hand inside a pot full of meat and picked out a bone. She wasreferring to her hard luck in marrying myuncle.

As a growing man, a senior friend of mydecided to marry so that he would beconsidered responsible in society . In those

days, we were not in any way responsible inour manner and conduct. Every week hestole money from his company throughfalsification of documents and we spent itdrinking throughout the weekend tillmidnight Sunday. So he really had a reasonto put up an act for the appearance of aresponsible man.


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Only months into the marriage, the 18 yearold girl he married at age 42, was already

heavily pregnant. We could see that thepregnancy preceded the wedding ceremony.The usual problems ensued. I overhead themother of the girl lament, My daughter hasput her hands inside a pot full of meat and

picked bone , in reference to the quality of husband she married.

In the heat of the problems that followed thismarriage, my friend told me that he hadmarried this girl an attempt to dissuade hisyounger brother from an adulterousrelationship with the mother of his wife.

Wow! That sounds like a plethora of wrongreasons for getting married to anybody.

There are quite a number of wrong reasonsfor getting married. We would in this smallbook review six of such reasons. If youknow any other wrong reasons, add them as


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a comment in our website or my blog www.successpublishers.com.ng andhttp://marryright.wordpress.com .

These wrong reasons fly in the face of thepurpose of the marriage relationship. Theyensure that those involved in them liveunhappily ever after .

There are only two reasons for gettingmarried that support our desire and need forhappiness. They are:

Companionship, and Procreation

And these reasons need to be applied in thatorder companionship first, thenprocreation second. The good CreatorHimself made it clear in the Bible account of

creation when He said: it is not good for man to be alone.let us make a woman an help meet for him..
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There are right and wrong reasons forgetting married. The worst thing a person

can do to oneself is to marry a wife orhusband for the wrong reason. If you need help in making important relationship decisions during dating, courtship and marriage, contact Francis Nmeribe for coaching and [email protected] email: [email protected]
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Wrong Reason Number One

Marrying Out of Sympathy

There are quite a number of wrong reasonswhy people marry.

One of the wrong reasons and, perhaps,among the most prominent of the wrongreasons is marrying out of sympathy.

There are many scenarios under thissubheading of marrying out of sympathy

that relationship coaches experience in thecourse of counseling and coaching. Some of the most common ones are when the womangets pregnant as a result of premarital sexand getting married to a person just because

ones brother or sister jilted that person.Between these two extremes, are those whostart relationships with girls who are beingmaltreated by those they serve. Some men


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get involved with the neighborhood maids orrelations of their neighbours who are being

maltreated. Women fall into this kind of challenge too.

When sympathy forms the basis for arelationship with the opposite sex, it is likeplaying with a keg of gunpowder over afireplace. Sympathy is a powerful emotion.It so overpowering that it becomes difficultfor the parties involved to consider thecritical elements in the foundation for a

joyful relationship such as friendship, powerto understand other peoples mindset, etc. If the man is the one sympathizing, he is soenamored into what he sees as the GoodSamaritans job that he does not consider what stuff the woman is made off, her

attitudes, desires and mindset. He does notstop to find out what life purposes she has,what goals she is focused on and how allthese could jell into his own desires. If it is


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the woman that is sympathizing, she goesthrough the same emotions and also begins

to think that if she saves the young man, hewould remain loyal to her forever.

Findings, however, have shown that thetruth is far from what these sympathizer-lovers are thinking. If as a result of yourefforts the captive is set free, he or she willdo what all captives do, flee. Fleeing heremay not mean running away from theirsympathizer-lovers in a physical sense,though that has been known to happen withpeople who confess that the only feelingthey had was to escape the environment. Inmany instances, the sympathizer-loversbegin to act as saviours and lordships. Thisis usually resisted, first psychologically and

later verbally. And there goes your peaceand comfort.


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Marriage relationship requires that bothparties are open to each other. Open

meaning that there are no secrets in theirhearts that the other partner would not beallowed into. Once these secret feelings arethere, it produces reactive communicationinstead of responsive communication.

These sympathy missions when it emanatesfrom the premarital sex pregnancy, thewoman does not fully get happy in therelationship. This arises from the fact thatas the usual challenges appear in the scene,instead of the woman finding a good reasonto endure; she only thinks she is in a messoccasioned by the pregnancy. Some haveconfessed that if they did not get pregnant,there is no way they would end up with the

man they are married to. Instead of seeingthe usual marriage and child rearingchallenges as learning opportunities, theymortify themselves for getting pregnant.


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And some of the time, they blame the manfor putting them in the family way. Some

blame the child that resulted from thepregnancy. Hatred for a child has beenknown to have grown from such situationscreating lasting bitterness.

For the men, having not evaluated thecharacter, demeanor, temperament of theirspouse before marriage because of theoverpowering influence of the emotion of sympathy, when the woman shows her realcharacter, they are usually overwhelmed.They see themselves as having made terriblemistakes. They now live the rest of theirlives in regret, withdrawal or wickedness orunder the influence of these three negativebut powerful emotions rolled together.

It is necessary that we have it ingrained inthe tablet of our hearts that the only reasonsgood enough for marrying anybody are


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companionship and procreation. Thefoundational elements for joyful relationship

when established will help in the process of understanding these right reasons. If whilein a relationship with the opposite sex thereis no opportunity to build friendship and if an understanding of the basic purpose of

marriage is not clear to both of you, thenthere is no other reason why the relationshipshould continue beyond the next few hours.

Interestingly, many marriages out there arebased on sympathy.

Young single adults (18-30 years of age)and single adults (31 years and above)should not marry anybody for the purpose of saving face or to save somebody fromsuffering. Instead of cornering yourselves tothis quagmire, why not follow theappropriate dating, courtship andengagement practices where no sexual


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intimacy is included. There is need toremember that sexual intimacy is only

appropriate in a legal and lawful marriagecontract. You need to remember that thebasic purpose of sexual intimacy is mainlyfor procreation and to cementcompanionship.

The excitement and pleasure thataccompany sexual intercourse is purposed toinvite people to take the responsibility thatcomes with it. Any other use of sexualintimacy outside legal and lawful matrimonyis a transgression of the law. And lawbreakers must bear the full weight of thelaw. In most cases, there would be noexternal police to arrest you and no externalcourt to try you and no external prison to

sentence you. But there are internal versionof the police, the court and the prison and alarge farmland where your hard labour


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would be performed if you commit thisoffence.

What is the way to go?

Here is the way to go. Instead of focusing onsympathy, those planning to get marriedshould focus on what matters most the

purpose of marriage companionship andprocreation. Remember the good LordHimself said of Adam in the scriptures: it isnot good for man to be alone (Genesis2:18), hence He made Eve to keep him

company. Do not forget also that the sameCreator gave them a commandment tomultiply and replenish the earth (Genesis1:28). This is the creators approval for sexual intimacy in marriage relationshipwith the intents and purposes clearly speltout, though. Latter-day Saint prophets haveclearly stated that sex between a man and awoman in a legal and lawful marriage is


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ordained of God. The re are thefoundational elements that must be

established before continuing in the plan formarriage with someone. These includefriendship, mutual respect, honour, virtue,integrity, love, etc. Both parties ought toknow and understand these fully. This

knowledge and understanding would bearrelationships as the foundation of a buildingbears it. Marrying for any other reason islike standing the building on its roof. Thebook Foundation For Joyful Relationships

have these principles spelt out which if practiced would guarantee success inrelationships.

There is a foundation for the thriving of the marriage relationship. The elements of thatfoundation include friendship, mutual respect, faith in God, trust, virtue, love, clarity of purpose,forgiveness, understanding, independence, communication, integrity and honour. Any relationship wherethese virtues are not developed is bound to fail to achieve its purpose. Click on the book cover to buy orget more details.
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Wrong Reason Number Two

Marrying For Money

The love of money is the root of all evil

This is the second in the series of wrongreasons for getting married that we arediscussing. Money is critical to alldevelopment; be they scientific, social,

emotional and even spiritual. However,marriage, and I mean marriage between aman and a woman is a fundamental businessto all lifes endeavours. The only wisereasons for marriage that I can vouch for are

companionship and procreation and for me,it should be in that order. The book of Ecclesiastes in the Bible state that Two arebetter than one; because they have a good


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reward for their labour. For if they fall, theone will lift up his fellow; but woe to him

that is alone when he falleth; for he hath notanother to help him up.

In modern day scriptures, we learn a newdimension the eternal destiny of marriagerelationships. Even at this level, theultimate end is the eternal companionship of a male and a female with potential to rise togodhood.

It is on these premises that marrying for

money is situated as a wrong reason formarrying somebody. Marrying for money isa major challenge to the joy and peace in arelationship. It is perpetrated by both menand women. You are familiar with the

phrase gold digger label on some womenor men in relationships where one of them isconsidered rich and the other poor. Grantedthat it is not in all cases that a poor marries


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a rich that is gold-digging situation,however, many people, men and women at

par, have made decisions to marry anotherperson because he or she is rich.

Experience has shown that this is one of thegreatest mistakes a person could make in arelationship.

Some of the challenges we have seeninclude the fact that riches or a lot of moneyis transient. There are no guarantees that themoney would remain with the person. There

is a saying that a fool and his money areeasily parted. If the one you married for his or her money is a fool, and since it is hisor her money that brought you to therelationship, it then means that you could beout there a widow or widower with a livingspouse before you could settle down in themarriage.


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In other situations, gold diggers are easilynoted and the gold mine usually starts

behaving like a goldmine owner.Remember the sufferings that those whowork in gold and diamond or even coalmines in Zimbabwe, South Africa andEnugu-Nigeria go through. That is exactly

what would befall the gold digger. Nomatter whatever love that has beenproclaimed in the process of contracting thatrelationship, it would always wither awayeasily and the master-slave relationship

would take over.There are also cases where the two scenariosabove do not quite apply. But those in therelationship, especially the one who took thedecision, find out, and sooner than later, that

the money is not what he or she reallyneeded. The money is not able to be acaring man or woman with capacity to takecare of the emotional needs of the one.


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The pitiable condition of those who marrysomeone for this very wrong reason is better

imagined than experienced. Relationshipexperts and marriage counselors would tellyou from their experiences that theemotional trauma and devastation thatfollow the realization that the money and

whatever lures it held soon become aphantom in a painful imagination.


Here is the way to go. Instead of focusing on

money, those planning to get married shouldfocus on what matters most the purpose of marriage companionship and procreation.Remember the good Lord Himself said of Adam in the scriptures: it is not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18), hence Hemade Eve to keep him company. Do notforget also that the same Creator gave thema commandment to multiply and replenish


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the earth (Genesis 1:28). This is thecreators approval for sexual intimacy in

marriage relationship with the intents andpurposes clearly spelt out, though. Latter-day Saint prophets have clearly stated thatsex between a man and a woman in a legaland lawful marriage is ordained of God.

There are foundational elements that mustbe established before continuing in the planfor marriage with someone. These includefriendship, mutual respect, honour, virtue,integrity, love, etc. Both parties ought to

know and understand these fully. Thisknowledge and understanding would bearrelationships as the foundation of a buildingbears it. Marrying for any other reason islike standing the building on its roof.
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We all look forward to relationship with the opposite sex with much excitement. And weought to, because our lives, progress, joys and blessings depend to a large extent on how we manageour relationship with the woman and the man we elect to live our lives with. At the back of our minds isthe question of how to do it right. Nevertheless, relationship with the opposite sex has been the majorsource of our anxieties, sorrows, pain and anguish. Many people are hungry and thirsty for what is right

they need direction especially on the issue of relationship between the sexes. The definition of what isright and how to differentiate what is right from what is wrong has become a very critical issue in ourmodern times. This book is timely because it addresses the fundamental problems plaguing our society.If we all have come to accept the fact that the family is very important to the society that it is actuallythe basic but very important unit of the society where all values are to be inculcated, then, such a unit

more than any other, must be built on a very solid foundation. As dating/courtship relationship shouldnormally precede marriage relationship, which eventually creates the family unit, then, it makes somuch sense to pay attention to this book which will help to lay that solid foundation for all to achievethat peaceful and joyful relationship that we all look forward to in life.

Purchase
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Wrong Reason Number Three

Marrying Because Time Is Against MeNothing is achieved in haste.

How time flies. Ladies, as young girls, haddreams of rosy relationships with theopposite sex culminating in love, marriage,

joyful sexual experiences, childbirth andfamily life. Most of these dreams are really

virtuous. Some have dreamed of not havingany premarital sex and for those beautifulexperiences of entering into their marriedlife a virgin and the first night of sexualintimacy with their husbands on theirhoneymoon. For many these dreams cometrue. For many more, these dreams end upas a mirage. They do not just end up notrealizing the dream of a virgin marriage;


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they come to the point where marriagewould seem untenable.

As these girls grow into womanhood 18years and about, they are either lured byover-bearing and patronizing men whoconfuse them with lots of gifts or fakeaffections, which take away their virginityand let them know afterwards that it was justa game. Or sometimes, peer pressureimpress upon them that virginity is not a bigdeal after all. These young and growingwomen either get confused or decide to playthe game. One mistake and another, theylose their focus, their grace and the dream of a virgin bride vanishes. Then theopportunity to even marry in their primealso vanishes as one blunder follows

another. Before they are able to see what iscoming, they are in their thirties.


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Some got involved in academic pursuits andmade decisions that meant that marriage

must wait. Others pursued career paths orprofessions that took many years to reachthe point of settling down. In places likeNigeria, industrial action by the academicstaff and student and political unrests may

mean that academic calendars get disruptedfor several years.

For many a man, especially in the thirdworld countries, they may want to make itbig first before thinking of getting married.In some cultures, the men would still bestruggling until they are forty or more beforediscovering that the time is far spent.

At this point, they become desperate. Theywant the marriage thing to happen now. Inthis state of mind, the appropriate reasonsfor marriage are not considered as importantas being married is. In this situation, the


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foundation for joyful relationship, acondition precedent, is no longer a

consideration.Many a lady has in response to the situation,pushed the men to engage in premarital sexwith them with a view to making themdecide fast. This booty-giving usuallybackfires. But when they work and makethe man decide, either because the woman ispregnant or other reasons, you have amarriage that is entered into for the wrongreason. The attendant challenge withmarriage under these circumstances is thatthe foundation for the relationship to be

joyful is not there. It is not laid, in the firstplace. This is the time when you havemarriage of strange bedfellows outside

political philosophy.


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In most cases, it is better that someone staysingle than to get involved in this type of

relationships.Some of the challenges faced by men arethat when they finally wake up to getmarried, there is nobody within their agegroup available. They end up marryingsomeone in a different generation with them.The generation gap is usually a difficultissue to manage. While the man is probablyinterested in highlife music, the woman isinterested in rap music. While the woman isrelating with younger generation and finds ithard to accommodate the friends andassociates of the man, the man is having ahard time accepting the womans frie ndsalso.

One such man whose case came to thelimelight had within the first few weeks of the marriage indicated that the marriage


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would not work because of how heinterpreted the wifes behaviour. And it did

not work.What is the way to go?

Here is the way to go. Instead of focusing onthe fact that time is running out, those

planning to get married should focus onwhat matters most the purpose of marriage companionship and procreation.Remember the good Lord Himself said of Adam in the scriptures: it is not good for

man to be alone (Genesis 2:18), hence Hemade Eve to keep him company. Do notforget also that the same Creator gave thema commandment to multiply and replenishthe earth (Genesis 1:28). This is thecreators approval for sexual intimacy inmarriage relationship with the intents andpurposes clearly spelt out, though. Latter-day Saint prophets have clearly stated that


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sex between a man and a woman in a legaland lawful marriage is ordained of God.

There are foundational elements that mustbe established before continuing in the planfor marriage with someone. These includefriendship, mutual respect, honour, virtue,integrity, love, etc. Both parties ought to

know and understand these fully. Thisknowledge and understanding would bearrelationships as the foundation of a buildingbears it. Marrying for any other reason islike standing a building on its roof.


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Wrong Reason Number Four

Marrying For Physical Attraction

All that glitters is not gold

Physical attraction is quite important in anyrelationship. One young man once said thathe is prepared to suffer any hell in the handsof his wife, provided she is a beauty to walk the road with and make others jealous.There is a popular saying t hat the eye mustfirst eat of any delicacy before the mouth.These are various ways used to express thefeelings people have in their hearts about the

place of physical beauty or attraction,especially the relationship of the sexes.


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A lot of people have fallen for the physicalattraction trap in their relationship only to

wake up on the other side to see that theyhave been holding the tail of a gecko, anexpression indicating that one has nosubstance in his or her possession.

Physical attraction and all that is connectedwith it is the most transient of all elementsin human relationships. In one hand, itusually does not last beyond a few months ina marriage relationship. The feeling itexcites is easily overwhelmed by thedemands of marriage that very few see itafter only a few months of marriage. On theother hand, it is easily destroyed after one ortwo pregnancies for the women. For themen, lack of money easily erodes whatever

physical attraction a man brings to arelationship.


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Lots of people have been known confessingafter a divorce or other major marriage

challenges, suddenly realizing how pretty orhandsome their spouse or ex-spouse is. Thismeant that physical attraction was not ableto sustain the relationship during the periodof hardship or other relationship problems

that always arise.Physical attraction is a good garnishing forall relationships. However, it remains agarnishing and nothing more. It can becompared to the roof of a building. Abuilding does not stand on its roof. It standson its foundation.

The brain is the most important sex organ inthe human being. With this in view, the realvalue of physical attraction in a relationshipfurther diminishes. Instead of physicalattraction, can we try mental attraction? Wecan use our brain to create and improve our


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attractiveness and how attractive a personappears to us.


Here is the way to go. Instead of focusing onphysical attraction, those planning to getmarried should focus on what matters most

the purpose of marriage companionshipand procreation. Remember the good LordHimself said of Adam in the scriptures: it isnot good for man to be alone (Genesis2:18), hence He made Eve to keep him

company. Do not forget also that the sameCreator gave them a commandment tomultiply and replenish the earth (Genesis 1:28). This is the creators approval for sexual intimacy in marriage relationshipwith the intents and purposes clearly speltout, though. Latter-day Saint prophets haveclearly stated that sex between a man and awoman in a legal and lawful marriage is


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ordained of God. There are foundationalelements that must be established before

continuing in the plan for marriage withsomeone. These include friendship, mutualrespect, honour, virtue, integrity, love, etc.Both parties ought to know and understandthese fully. This knowledge and

understanding would bear relationships asthe foundation of a building bears it.Marrying for any other reason is likestanding the building on its roof.


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Wrong Reason Number Five

Marrying For Sexual Prowess Sexual intimacy in marriage is a mere garnishing

You would be amazed to know how manymarriages are contracted just because theman or woman is so hot in bed. If thestatistics reported by some surveyedcounselors and relationship coaches are

anything to go by, then the figure wouldalarm you. As alarming as the figureswould appear, it is more alarming to learnhow fast those marriages crash and the painand sorrow that trail both the crashed onesand those that are still hanging on. Myfather taught me that had I known said,even if given a hundred bags of money, hewould still come at last. Nowhere is this


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proverb more fitting than in the case of marriage contracted because of the sexual

prowess of either of the partners.Many women have lamented the way hemade love to me made me think he lovesand cares for me. Men have often beenheard saying she is so hot, she devouredme like she would not let me go out of herlife. All these have come as those involved,men and women, are licking their wounds,wondering aloud what befell them in themisadventure of their marriage decisioninfluenced heavily by the sometimesuncanny sexual prowess of those they gotinvolved with.

Sexuality is an ingrained natural traitembedded in the brain of every humanbeing. Sexual prowess can be developed bypractice. Just like the power of numeracy,this can be attained, enhanced and improved


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over time by everybody no matter theirstatus, experience or lack of it and their state

in life.Most men, when they consider marriage, theonly thing that seems to be on their mind isto be able to have access to unlimited sex.During the initial relationship with thewoman in their radar, the most importantconsideration for them is how she wouldhappen in bed. For this, they look for thingsakin to physical attraction, her curves andseveral other things than what matters.When they meet with this woman, theyshoot the aura of masculine sexualinvincibility.

For many women, when they think that theyare in love, they are actually lusting after theimagined sexual prowess of this reallymacho looking man. They are easilyinfluenced by the aura of masculinity and


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their own imagination of how hot a sexualencounter it could produce. When this is the

barometer for deciding who to marry, thenthe relationship is already doomed to failure.

Ongoing research is indicating that thelongest lasting value of a sexual intercoursesession is for a period of one hour. Theaverage is actually less than twenty minutes.


Here is the way to go. Instead of focusing onsexual prowess, those planning to get

married should focus on what matters most the purpose of marriage companionshipand procreation. Remember the good LordHimself said of Adam in the scriptures: it isnot good for man to be alone (Genesis

2:18), hence He made Eve to keep himcompany. Do not forget also that the sameCreator gave them a commandment tomultiply and replenish the earth (Genesis


39/50


1:28). This is the creators approval for sexual intimacy in marriage relationship

with the intents and purposes clearly speltout, though. Latter-day Saint prophets haveclearly stated that sex between a man and awoman in a legal and lawful marriage isordained of God. The re are foundational

elements that must be established beforecontinuing in the plan for marriage withsomeone. Both parties ought to know andunderstand these fully. This knowledge andunderstanding would bear relationships as

the foundation of a building bears it.Marrying for any other reason is likestanding the building on its roof.


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We all look forward to relationship with the opposite sex with much excitement. Andwe ought to, because our lives, progress, joys and blessings depend to a large extent on how we manageour relationship with the woman and the man we elect to live our lives with. At the back of our minds isthe question of how to do it right. Nevertheless, relationship with the opposite sex has been the majorsource of our anxieties, sorrows, pain and anguish. Many people are hungry and thirsty for what is right

they need direction especially on the issue of relationship between the sexes. The definition of what isright and how to differentiate what is right from what is wrong has become a very critical issue in ourmodern times. This book is timely because it addresses the fundamental problems plaguing our society.If we all have come to accept the fact that the family is very important to the society that it is actuallythe basic but very important unit of the society where all values are to be inculcated, then, such a unitmore than any other, must be built on a very solid foundation. As dating/courtship relationship shouldnormally precede marriage relationship, which eventually creates the family unit, then, it makes somuch sense to pay attention to this book which will help to lay that solid foundation for all to achievethat peaceful and joyful relationship that we all look forward to in life.

Purchase

Buy a copy of Foundation For Joyful Relationships and get a free copyof Wrong Reasons for Getting Married and Action Quotes .
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Wrong Reason Number SixMarrying Because Of A Family Name

Years ago, I lived in the Police barracks at

Onitsha. There was this young man fromSapele residing with his mother and astepfather close to my apartment. Anytimehe notices Ibo boys around his sisters, hewarns them not mess around with the Ibo

boys, because, as soon as they are ready tomarry, their mother would bring a girl forthem and tell them to marry her because sheis the daughter of Mr. Okonkwo. He would


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then get into a story of how the motherswould try to entice their sons to marry this

girl because she is Okonkwos daughter . Doyou not remember Mazi Okonkwo who haslots of large farm lands, palm plantation, thefirst person to ride a Whitehorse bicycle inthe village, she asks? Mazi Okonkwo has a

lot of money. This girls mother is a wellbehaved woman. She is leader of the womenin our Church.

It was so funny then and we had good laugh.

In these modern times, the parameters arestill the same except that you hear suchthings as that guys/girls father is theMinister of Education, the Commissioner forInformation, the Managing Director of thiscompany and the Chairman of the othercompany or Bank. You hear things like, hermother is a relation of the Emir or the Obi orthe Oba or the Amanyanabo of one place or


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the other. His father is a business magnetbased at Aba, Onitsha, Ibadan, Kano or

Lagos, etc. Two of his or her brothers livein the United States of America. His or herfamily name opens closed doors.

Nothing can be more absurd than basing adecision to marry someone on the abovegrounds or any other like it. The truth,however, is that many marriages werecontracted in the past and are contractedtoday and would be contracted tomorrow onthese flimsy bases. Sad as this may appear,it is, undeniably the fact.One classic example of international flavourwhere marrying a family instead of yourspouse produced a catastrophic disaster is inthe marriage between Prince Charles andLady Diana. Prince Charles was in lovewith Camilla but the Queen did not knowher family. So she vehemently opposed the


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plan and then ensured that Prince Charlesmarried Diana who is the daughter of a loyal

military officer in the Royal Courts. Therest of the story is well known to all of us.The ruins produced by that marriage is stillremembered annually. Prince Charles isnow married to Camilla after the disastrous

outing with Princess Diana.Some years back, a transportation magnetthat I worked for in the Eastern parts had hisdaughter marry the son of a money-powerfulmerchant in the same city. The marriagewhich was arranged to ensure that the twoyoung people do not bring in someone froma poor or unknown family more than for thebenefit of the two young people lasted foronly six months. This is in spite of the fact

that there were cars and houses given asgifts from both families. The greatentrepreneurial family names did not helpthe marriage but instead ruined it.


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While the above real life scenarios are at thebig time level with a lot of wealth and fame

and name behind them all, there are severallocalized incidents of marrying because of afamily name around the world today in thesmall villages and towns. The result isexactly the same.

One of the challenges faced by thosemarrying because of a family name is that alady who chose to marry a man because of his family name most times wake up to findthat she is sharing her beautiful life withblack sheep of the family. Some of the time,the poor guy is a good soul, but the usuallyoverbearing power of the head of the familyrobs the lady of an opportunity to have ahusband in the real sense as everything the

man has to do is to be cleared with the largerfamily. Sometimes, the man end up with thelittle brat of the family who has grown up toknow and feel or know nothing except that


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the family money and name is talking andhave to be listened to and waited upon.

Some of the ladies never learned anythingabout relationships and how to build a home.Their parents family lives, more often thannot, are nothing to write home about andthat is all she knows.

Marrying because of a family name is akinto marrying for money. He or she usuallyconsiders the other person as a gold digger.The one with the more powerful familyname or who considers their own familymore powerful than the other starts actinglord and master. Instead of a lovingmarriage relationship with friendship andmutual respect at the centre of it all, youhave a master-slave relationship.


Here is the way to go. Instead of focusingfamily name and circumstance, those


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planning to get married should focus onwhat matters most the purpose of marriage

companionship and procreation.Remember the good Lord Himself said of Adam in the scriptures: it is not good f orman to be alone (Genesis 2:18), hence Hemade Eve to keep him company. Do not

forget also that the same Creator gave thema commandment to multiply and replenishthe earth (Genesis 1:28). This is thecreators approval for sexual intimacy inmarriage relationship with the intents and

purposes clearly spelt out, though. Thereare foundational elements that must beestablished before continuing in the plan formarriage with someone. These includefriendship, mutual respect, honour, virtue,integrity, love, etc. Both parties ought toknow and understand these fully. Thisknowledge and understanding would bearrelationships as the foundation of a building


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bears it. Marrying for any other reason islike standing the building on its roof.

We all look forward to relationship with the opposite sex with much excitement. Andwe ought to, because our lives, progress, joys and blessings depend to a large extent on how we manageour relationship with the woman and the man we elect to live our lives with. At the back of our minds isthe question of how to do it right. Nevertheless, relationship with the opposite sex has been the majorsource of our anxieties, sorrows, pain and anguish.

Many people are hungry and thirsty for what is right they need direction especially on the issue of relationship between the sexes. The definition of what is right and how to differentiate what is rightfrom what is wrong has become a very critical issue in our modern times. This book is timely because itaddresses the fundamental problems plaguing our society.

If we all have come to accept the fact that the family is very important to the society that it is actuallythe basic but very important unit of the society where all values are to be inculcated, then, such a unitmore than any other, must be built on a very solid foundation.

As dating/courtship relationship should normally precede marriage relationship, which eventuallycreates the family unit, then, it makes so much sense to pay attention to this book which will help to laythat solid foundation for all to achieve that peaceful and joyful relationship that we all look forward to in

life.

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Some times we are too involved in planning that we waste days and months stillplanning what we want to do about a dream project or idea. Planning is very important for success.However, action is more important than all stages of on the road for success. "Nothing happens untilyou take action". (Stephen Pierce). Personal Transformation and Development teachers invite us to notwait until all the details are settled before taking action. They know that the central genus of success istaking action.

There are lots of knowledge now available in the world. Most of these are on the internet. Knowledge isnow more accessible to all. However, what is lacking that is still fostering ignorance in the midst of plenty knowledge is action. And you know what; you cannot safely claim any knowledge of somethingyou have not tried.

These quotes taken from Jones Johnson Lewis and About.com sites will help you hook up to your action verve so you can win and become successful.

Get a free copy
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When we are faced with afflictions by what means or name they come, we are easilydriven to ask why me. I have come to learn that we can harvest success and progress in life from ourlives challenges. These come with our understanding of the place of adversity in our lives and thisunderstanding develops in us the attitude of success from the hard times we face.

Most of the experiences replayed in this book brought me to a situation of many questions. Theyquestioned my authenticity, my value, the reason for the creation of the world, whether God existed.They were the source of fear, almost unbearable frustration and represented at times, the darkest daysof my life.

In retrospect, it is the same experiences that gave me proof that God lives. It is from the experiencesthat I conquered my introverted nature, learnt how to be happy, obtained answers to many of my lifesquestions. My authenticity was proven by the very situations that questioned it.

Every contact we have with adversi ty gives us again the opportunity to grow personally and professionally and to forge our character into one that will achie ve much later on.

Chris Widener, Life Success Coach, www.madeforsuccess.com

This life was designed to be a test a test to determine if we want to be part of the kingdom of God more than we want anything else.

Sheri Dew, Author of If Life were easy, it wouldnt be Hard and other Reassuring Truths

Purchase BUY A COPY OF GROWING FROM YOUR EXPERIENCES AND GET A COPY OF
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