YearsofSummer:Lily’sStory

By:BethanieArmstrong

Copyright©2015BethaneArmstrongAllrightsreserved.

ISBN-10:1508518947ISBN-13:978-1508518945

Thisisaworkoffiction.Allcharactersarefromtheauthorsimagination.Anysimilaritiestorealpeople,places,or

eventsisentirelycoincidental.

Nopartofthisbookistobereproducedwithouttheauthor’spermission.

DEDICATION

Toallofthosethathaveknownfirstlovesandthenfoundtruelove.

~~~~~~~

There is always thatonepersonwhocomesinto our life and wedon’t know why, butthey had a purpose.When they are gonewerealizetheyarenot

who they seemed, butour lives wereenriched by theirpresence. Could wehave beenentertainingangels?

Prologue—

Summer, I lovesummer.Ithasalwaysmeant

good times to me. My kidsareoutofschoolandwehavethe best time. Summer is aseason of fun, vacations, andtons of family and friendstime; no pressure to doanything, but whatever youwanttodo,becauseyouhavethe time todo it! Youneverwantsummertoend.

The one problem, allthings that have a beginningwill eventually have anending. Time can be so

short. Not all things areforgotten with time. Evenseventeen years later, I stillwonder, occasionally, whatmight have been? My lifenow, though, is so muchbetter,andmorethanitcouldhave been. I am blessed.Thereareplansforeachofusand no one knows wherethose could take you, untilyougetthere.

I am happily marriedandhavebeenforlongerthan

I everknewhim. I havemyfourbeautiful childrenwhomI would never have knownhad things turned outdifferently.Idon’tregretmylife. I regret some of thethingsIdid,butwhodoesn’t.We are not perfect, nor doesanyoneexpectustobe.

My husband ofsixteen years knows that; Icould not live without him.HeisthegreatestmanIhaveeverknown,besidesmyDad.

My husband is the besthusband and father. He putsupwithmylittlequirks,andIhave plenty of them, believeme. He does the sweetestthings for me. He alwayshas. There are timeswhen Iwanttobesomadathimandthen he’ll say somethingfunny and I’ll laugh at himand then Igetmadbecause Icannotstaymadathim.Iamsurehedoesthatonpurpose.Hehasnever liked toseeme

sadorupset.He took me, even

though he knew I wasbroken. My heart was theBerlinWall—builtuptokeepothers out—but once hebroke the first piece he keptchipping away until I couldlovehimfully. Hewasverypatientwithmeandstillis.Ilove him more than I haveeverlovedanyoneinmylife.Heismyonetruelove.

Ididhaveafirstlove,

though. My name is Lily.Thisismystory.

Part1:Jace

Chapter1

College, most fun Ihaveeverhad.SororityRush

and Frat Parties, crammingfor tests, dorm-room living,andhim; thosewerea fewofmy favorite things. I wasyour typical college co-ed.Knew what I should havedone, but never really did it;had more fun than shouldhave been allowed. Still Imade it, but I could havedonesomuchbetter.

Imetsomeonethen.Ihad never met anyone likehim. Hewasa truesouthern

gentleman, right down to thecore, of course all of thefraternitywere. Most ofmycollege guy friends were inthat fraternity. That is thewaywe started, the southerngentleman with a bouncer’sedge.Thewaywehappened;it’shardtoexplain.

There was this guythatIwasengagedtoo,buthewasn’t good or nice.Hewasone of their pledges. Thewhole fraternity black-balled

himifthattellsyouanything.The southern gentlemanwitha bouncer’s edge led therevolt.

At that time I didn’tknow why, I didn’t knowanyone knew about whathappened that night inChance’s room, besides hisroommate.SuddenlyIhadanescorteverywhereIwent,butI didn’t know that was whythey were there. I didn’tknow the things that Chance

wassayinghewantedtodotome,butevidentlytheydid,hedid live on their hall. Ithoughthewouldgetover it,buthedidn’tliketolose.

*******Spring came, it was

sunny and warm. Spring inAlabama was one of myfavorite seasons. The firstdayithitseventydegreesthequad of Main Hall waspacked with guys and girls,

mostly girls because it wasthe main girls’ dormitory.Many of my friends and Itook advantage of the springweather. I had brought ablanketwithmeandspreaditout right in the middle of asunny patch. I brought abookwithme,butdecidedtowatch people instead. Theonly problem, I wasn’twatching behind me. I wassuddenly shadowed. Irecognized that shadow and

whippedaroundquickly.“Chance,whatdoyou

want?” He had this angeredlookonhisface.

“Lily, we need totalk.”

“Ihavenothingtosaytoyou.”

“Well,Ihaveatontosay to you.” He bent downandgrabbedmyarmandtriedtopullmeupoffmyblanket.

I shook him lose.“Back off Chance!” He

grabbed both of my armsthen.“Letmego!”This timeI couldn’t get loose. Hepulledmeoffmyblanketandletgoofoneofmyarmsandstarted pulling me away. Istruggled against him andwas all of a sudden flankedbytwoofthebiggestguysinthe fraternity. One wasChance’soldroommateDaveand the other was Jace.Chanceimmediatelyletgo.

“Noharmguys, I just

wantedtotalktoher.”Jace corrected him.

“The harm’s already beendone, don’t come near heragain. I already told you ifyouhurtheragainI’llbeyourworst nightmare. Do youwant to take that chance . . .Chance?

I was dumbstruck. Ihad not told anyone whathappened—I felt stupidbecause I trustedChance. Abetrayed glare flashed across

my face.Davewas the focusofmyglareandJaceandIgotstartedonthewrongfoot.

“Why can’t youmindyourownbusiness,Jace?!”

“Hewastryingtohurtyouagain.”

“Which you shouldhave never known! I am abig girl I can take care ofmyself.” I glared at DaveagainbeforeIwalkedoff.

I was hurt andembarrassed and Chance of

course loved it. Hissmugness was off the chart.Anythingthatmadehimlooklikea“bigman”herelished.Ihatedhim;hemademesicktomy stomach. Iwished hewould take a short leap offthetallestbuilding.Thethingwas he would probably befine; his big fat ego wouldprobably cushion the fall. Iwanted theearth toopenandswallow me. Angry tearsburnedmyeyes.Ijerkedmy

blanketoff theground. Herecame Chance. “So, Lily,what say you andme . . .” Igave him a look that shouldhaveburnedhimat the stakeifhewastiedtoone.

“Stay away fromme!” I ranbacktomydormroom as I heard my sororitysister and roommate, as wellas my best friend, Chelsea,calling afterme. “Lily,waitup.”

I could just feel Jace

staringafterme.Iwastedthattime I could have had withhim. However, I was in nostate at that moment to eventhink about that; although Ithinkaboutitnowandrealizethere are reasons for thingsthathappen.

Tears streamed downmy face, surprisingly Imadeitbackinonepiece.Mytearswere blinding me to say theleast.IfinallyrealizedwhyIsuddenlyhadescortsallover

campus.Thewholefraternityknew; I don’t know if theyknew exactly, but I wasn’tsure. That just made memore self-conscious. I sowanted this semester to beover.Ithoughtaboutquittingand picking up my coursesbackhomeatoneofthelocalcolleges, but again knew Iwas in no state tomake thatdecision right then. Chelseacame into our room andfoundmelyingacrossmybed

soaking my pillow with mytears.

“Lil...Jacewasonlytryingtohelp.”

Chelsea knew whathad happened, because shewastheonethathadtocomebackandpickupthepiecestoputmebacktogether.Iwasabasket case the next day andsometimes I still jump at theslightest noise. She beggedmetogotalktosomeone,butI felt toomuch like an idiot,

because I trusted the wrongperson. I was making it . . .sometimes. However, thesoonerthatsemesterwasoverand all thatwentwith it, thebetter I would be. Chancewas going to flunk outanyway.

He was a spoiledrotten brat whose Mommyand Daddy gave himanything he wanted. I hadbroken off our engagement.His mother even had the

nerve to callme and askmewhat happened, because shethought I was “good” forhim. The next time I sawhim, he had a new leatherjacket. He had the audacitytocometomeandshowittome and say, “Mom and Dadgaveittome.Theyfeltsorryfor me because you threwyourringbackinmyface.”

My mouth gapedopen.Helaughed,hethoughtitwasfunny.Iwasrepulsed,

because not only did he lie,buthemademelooklikethebad guy. All those thoughtsrolled around inmy head, asmystomachrolledwiththemmakingmewanttovomit.

“I hate him, I hatehim,Ihatehim!Whycan’thejust leave me alone?” I beatmy pillows, I wished it washisface.

Heavingsobswrackedmy chest as I thought aboutall the lies he had told about

me. He even tried to turnsome of my friends againstme,thosethatwerenotinmysorority. They never reallyknew what happened, until Itold them. I’ll never forgetthatcall.

*******...SiennaandLynette

were takenbyhis charm justlike I was pulled in at thebeginning. I say beginning,because the longer I stayed

with him, the more of himcameout—the truehim—myfear caught me, though. Hehad hit me before because Iwouldn’tgivein.Ithoughthewouldtrytoseriouslyhurtmeif I ever broke it off. It’samazinghowrightIwas.Hekept on trying to get to melike he did that day on thequad; trying to force me tocomewithhim.

Sienna and Lynettehowever,weren’taroundhim

enough to ever see the truehim,sohemadethembelieveitwasmy fault. Theycalledmeonenight,becausehehadgone to their dorm to getthem to “help” him get meback. He must have toldthemthesamelieshetoldhismother, claiming I hadthrown his ring back in hisface and gave himno reasonwhy Iwanted toend it. Thephone conversation wentsomethinglikethis:

“Lily,whatdidyoudoto Chance? He came to uscryingbecauseyoubrokeoffthe engagement and youdidn’t give him a reasonwhy.Lil,heissosweet,whywould you want to break upwith him?” I could just seehim in that room with hissmugsmileacrosshisface.Itmademewanttohurthim.

“What did I do tohim?Youhavetobekiddingme. He pulled you in didn’t

he? Sienna, where is henow?”

“Asleep on Lyn’sbed.”

Yeah right! Asleep?Notlikely.

“What do you meanpulledme in? Do youwantme to wake him up so youcantalktohim?”

“You know what,Sienna;Idon’tcarewhatyouorLynette dowith him.Youcan shove him out your fifth

story window if you want. Idon’t want to have anythingtodowithhim.Ifyoubelievehim then that is up to you.Howcouldyoutrusthimoverme, especially sincewehaveknowneachothersincejuniorhigh. I’ll let you go. Don’tbothercallingback.”

I hung up, before thetearscouldgivemeaway.

Chelsea just lookedatme dumbfounded after thatcall.“Lil,you’regoingtolet

thembelievehim, you’re noteven going to fight foryourself?”

“Chels, what’s thepoint? They already believehim over me and they knowme,andhaveknownmesinceseventhgrade.”

“Lily this is not likeyou.Usuallyyoufightwhensomeone lies about you,whereisyourfight?”

“Gone . . . I havenothingleft tofightwith,”as

the sobs took their placeagain. “He took it all awayfromme. This is all a gameto him,my life is a game tohim.Healwayshastowin.Iam tired of fighting a losingbattle. Hewants towin, I’lllethimwin.”

“Well, when Siennaand Lynette see you in classtomorrow,theywillknowthetruth.Youhavethemarkstoproveit.”

“They still needed

proof though, they believedhimfirst.I’mdonehavingtoprove myself. I shouldn’thavetoprovemyself.”

The next day in classthey saw themarks, and stillhad to askwhat happened tome. I ignored them;Chelseapoked me hard in the backandwrotemeanote . . .Lil,tell them. Tell them whathappened. Evidently Siennasaw what Chelsea wrote onthe note, because she wrote

onebacktome.DidChancedo that to you? I answeredher note with one of mine.Yes,Chancedidthistome.

Chance must havefigured out that we werepassingnotesabouthim. Hesat two seats in front of meandhealsomusthavefiguredout what it was about,becausehegotup fromclassandleft.Hehadnotwonthisbattleyet.Myguessisheleftclasstoplanhisnextmove.I

saw Jace three rows overfrom us and he waved, notrealizing, since I didn’t turnmy face to him, that I had abruise over my leftcheekbone.Chelseahaddoneanamazingjobcakingontheconcealer too. Unless youwere standing right next tome you never would havenoticed.

If I could just get ridof the memories, I would befine,right?

Lying on my bedcrying over what had justtaken place on the quadbetween me and Jace, DaveandChance,keptbringingthememories back. I was tiredof the memories. My headwasreeling.Ihaveneverfeltso much hate, towards oneperson, in my life. He wasstill trying to ruinwhatever Ihad left, because he had notwon this battle. That madehim angry. He never lost,

and losing, he believed, wasout of his league. He wasthatarrogant.

Chelsea pulledme upoffmypillowandhuggedmeto her. Everything had beengoing on for too long, sinceJanuary, and itwasMarch. Iwas so ready for it to beover. It seemed like newthings kept creeping upthough.Itwouldn’tleavemealone because Chancewouldn’tleavemealone.

The phone rang.Chelsea went to answer it.“Hey Jace . . . well I don’tknow. . .okayI’llaskher.”She put her fingers over thespeaker of the phone. “HeyLil, Jace is in the lobby. Hewantstoknowifhecancomebackhereandtalktoyou.Hesounds really upset. Dave iswith him too. They bothwanttotalktoyou.”

Well,whatdid Ihaveto lose, it seemed like

everything was publicknowledge now anyway. Ifelt like the whole campusknew. Thememory of thatnight made its way to thesurface.

*******. . . Chance luredme

outofmyroomonenightbyturning on the charm andsaying he justwanted to talktomeaboutsomething.Iwaswaryofhimeven thoughwe

were still engaged at thattime. He had been trying—trying to make me give in.His only reasoning was,‘we’re getting marriedanyway’. I kept refusing.The first time I refused wasthe first time he ever hitme,but I didn’t end it then,should have, but didn’t. Hewastryingtogetmetotakeawalkwithhim,which shouldnot have been any big deal,butIjustdidn’treallywantto

walk with him for somereason. Majorly bad vibes Iguess, because somethingwasjustnotright.ItoldhimIwould rather go to his dormorbacktomine.

We went back to hisdorm—that made him angry—ashetriedtogetmetogivein again, andmy refusal senthim over the edge. He hadthis vicious bite to his tone.“Youdon’tgetit,doyou?Noone ever tells me no, I get

whatIwantandIwantyou.”That is when he shoved medown,andstruggleasImight—hehadmepinneddownonhisbed.Hedidn’tcareabouthowmuchIpleadedwithhimtostop.Iknewthenheneverreallylovedme.Theringwasjust an ownership symbol.He attacked me in his dormroomandknockedmearoundacoupleoftimes.IstruggledagainsthimasI triedtofighthim off. Had Dave not

walked in when he did I amsureitwouldhavebeenmuchworse.

Luckily though, Davedid walk in, and caughtChance holding me atknifepoint where I was. HeyelledatDave togetoutandDave wouldn’t move. DaveyelledatChancetoletmego.He wouldn't fight ChancebecausehewasafraidChancewouldhurtme.

It distracted Chance

justenough.Chanceletgoofme, but not because ofDave’s request.He threw theknife he had atmy throat, atDave. It stuck in the bulletinboardbehindDave'shead.

I couldn’t tell youwhetherhewas trying tokillhimornot.ThestateIwasinat that moment wassomething I had never feltbefore. AlloutpanicensuedandIranoutofhisroomandacross thequad,not stopping

untilIwaslockedinmyowndormroom.

Ididn’tknowwhathewas going to do to Dave. Ihoped Chance didn’t hurthim; I hoped Dave hurtChance, but I just wanted asfarawayasIcouldgo.Iwasconcerned about Dave, butmy fear overshadowedeverythingelseatthattime.

Chelsea came in toseeingmecurledup inaballin the corner ofmy bed that

night, she seemed veryrelieved. I had pressedmyself up against the wall,mascara streaked down myface from all the tears, andthe bruises that he hadmadeonmy cheek,my throat, andmy arm were beginning toturncolors. That’swhenshehad to put me back togetherpiecebybrokenpiece.

. . . Those memoriesbrought about more tears. Istill couldn’t believe I had

trustedChance.Ihaveneverfelt such hate for anotherhumanbeing. Iwas relievedthough, the next day I sawDave in class, seeminglyunscathed.

*******Chelseawasstaringat

me. Shesnappedher fingersinfrontofmyface.“EarthtoLily.” Ipulledmyselfoutofmynightmareand turnedmyattentiontoher.

“Oh, sorry Chels,what?”

“Lily, is it okay formetogogetJaceandDave?”

I nodded my head.Shefinishedtheconversation.“Okay, I’ll be down in aminute.” Then she hung upthephone.

She looked at me.“Lily, at least go clean yourfaceup.Youdon’twantJacetoseeyoulikethis.”

“Chelsea, why should

IcarehowJaceseesme?”“Then do it for me,

please?”“Fine,I’llgocleanmy

face.” I stared at myself inthe mirror and although thebruises were gone, the scarshe had left behind were stillthere.

I went into the suiteroom; it was a sink inbetween two dorm rooms.Four girls shared it. By thetime I came out of the suite

room, Jace and Dave werewalkinginbehindChelsea.Iwalked over to my bed andsat down on it and pulled apillowintomylap.JacesatinmydeskchairandDavesatinChelsea’s.

Dave opened theconversation. “Lily, first letme say I am sorry. I shouldhave been up front with youto begin with. I didn’t justseewhatIsawwhenIwalkedinto the room that night. I

heard you pleadingwith himwhileIwasoutinthehall.Ialmost walked right by theroom and then I heard theterror in your voice and Iknew I had to stopwhateverwas about to happen.” Iwatched Jace wince as Davesaidthat.Whatdidhecare?

“Well, I should thankyou for that, because if youhadn’t walked in when youdid . . . let’s just say that itwould have been a very bad

situation. But why did youtell everyone else before yousaidanythingtome?”

“Because, well, Ididn’t think you wantedanyone else to know, but Ialsodidn’twantourfraternitytobeassociatedwiththelikesof him. I wrestled withwhetherornot to tell anyoneelse forweeks, but I decidedsomeone needed to be told.TheywereallwonderingwhyI moved out of Chance’s

roomanyway.SosinceIhadmoved inwithJacewhenhisother roommatemovedout, Ifeltlikehedeservedareason,sothat’swhenItoldJace.Hetold everyone else at ourmeetingthenextweek. Thatis when we black-balledChance.”

“I see.” I looked atJace then. “Is that why atleast one of your fraternitybrothershassomehowwalkedwithmeanywhereIwent?”

He smiled so warmlyatme.“Lily,Iwantedyoutobesafe;Davedidtoo.That’sall and I apologize for theincident this afternoon. Canyouforgiveus?”

I couldn’t help butsmile back and the anger Ihad felt toward both of themdissolved in that instant. Ishouldhavecluedinthen,butIdidn’t.“Hmm,canIforgiveyou for wanting me to besafe? I don’t know; that’s a

tallorder.”Jace laughed; I liked

thewayhelaughed.Ihadn’theardhim laughmuch,but itwas a warm, jovial laugh.His eyes were such a warmshade of gray I had neverseen before. They remindedme of wispy clouds in asunnysummer skyandwhenhelaughedtheyalmosthadapurplecasttothem,butwhenhe came in they had a graycast to them, like he was

upset about something, andhe was, but I didn’t know aperson’s eyes could showtheirmoodthatintensely.Hewasgenuine. Icouldn’thelpbutforgivethemandasangryas I was with them thatafternoon all of that kind ofwentaway.Davejustkindofsmiledinadefeatedway.

I never understoodthat,notthen.

Jace was looking inmy eyes as I was looking at

his, but I didn’t realize thatuntilheremarkedtomeaboutmy eyes. “Lily, you havereally pretty hazel eyes.” Iblinked myself back toreality,semi-embarrassed.

“Thank you.” That isall I could say. I lookedquickly back down at mypillow, following the stripeswithmyfinger.

Chelsea walked thembackout and cameback intoour room with a grin a mile

wideacrossherface.“Oooo,Jacelikesyou.”

“Oh please, Chelsea,he is just a very chivalroussouthern gentleman andwould do anything to helpanyone.”

She blinked veryintentionally and used herSouthern Belle accent.“Especially a damsel indistress, chivalry is not deadma’am.” I walked over andshoved her onto her bed and

webothlaughed.Itfeltgoodto laugh again. Somethinghad changed, I just didn’tknow how much. I reallydidn’tknowhowmuch.

Chapter2

The next day asChelsea and I got ready forclasswedecidedtoeatintheCafeteria for breakfast. Weboth had English first classthat morning—so did Jace,Dave, Ty, and Chance. Wewereallinthesameclass.

Chancewalkedinandsawme,Iignoredhim.Right

after he walked in, Jace,Dave, and Ty came in. Allthree of them saw Chanceheading towards me. Mybreath caught in my throat,then. Jace, Dave, and Tyimmediately brought theirbackpacksandsetthemdownonthetablewithus. Chancemade a b-line for the othersideofthecafeteria.

Jace winked at me,Chelsea elbowed me andwhispered in my ear, "Told

you so."A fewminutes laterthe guys brought theirbreakfast traysandcameandjoined us. Then Tuck (shortfor Tucker), who was Ty’sroommate(TuckerandTy,T-squared) came in shortlyafterwards and joined ourtable. Tuck hadEnglishwithus too. Jace sat next to meand Ty sat next to Chelsea.Davesaton theother sideofJace, and Tuck on the otherside of Ty. Something

occurred to me at thatmoment, even thoughhehadsaidityesterday.

“Dave, did you sayyou were rooming with Jacenow?”

“Yeah, moved in acouple of weeks after thebeginning of the semester,why?”

“Nothing, just aconfirmation.” Somethingelse then occurred to me.Someone was not telling me

thetruth.Jace looked at me

confused. “Did you hearanythingwesaidyesterday?”

I looked down at thetable, feeling self-conscious.“Yes,Ijusthadsomethingonmymindrightbeforeyoutwocame in yesterday, kind ofmade everything else get alittle blurred in theconversation.Sorry.”

Chelsea kicked meunder the table. I looked at

her questioningly. She keptmoving her eyes fromme toJace to getme to see “I toldyou so”. I kicked her backand gave her a diminutiveshakingofmyhead,signaling“No way”. Jace was neverone to have a steadygirlfriend; he had manygirlfriends,butneverasteadyone. I looked down at mywatch.

“Uh-oh, guys, we areabout to be late.” Everyone

looked at theirwatches; cell-phones weren’t that popularyet. We all jumped upquicklyandtookourtraysupand then headed for class.Wemadeitjustintime.

Itookmynormalseat,although we didn’t haveassignedseats,IalwayssatinthesameoneandChelseasatbehindme. Jace sat in frontof me, and Dave and Ty saton either side of me. TucksatinfrontofTy.WhereTy

was sitting,Chance normallysat. That made Chanceangry.Hehadtofindanotherone. I smiled. Chance waslosing!

He didn’t give upthough.

*******Jace all of a sudden

startedspendingalotof timewithme. Ididn’tunderstandwhy, but I enjoyed thecompany. I still had a lot to

work through though. Heknewthat;Iguessthatiswhyhekeptitonafriendlylevel.Later that day after myclasses were over and JaceandIwentourseparateways,Idecidedtoventureouttothequad again, because it wasanother beautiful day. Theonly difference this timewould be staying closer topeople. I hoped that wouldkeep Chance away—yeahright.

Chancewaslosing,hedidn’t like to lose. I shouldhave knownhewas going tofight to the end. Of coursethat day he took a differentapproach. He was not hisusualmean and hateful self.Hewashismanipulativeself.

ThistimeIdiddecideto read the book I broughtwithme.IwasreadingGonewiththeWind.Iallowedthatbook to take me out of myworldforamomentandletit

pullmeintotheworldoftrueSouthern Gentlemen. I wasreminded of Jace—mySouthern Gentleman friend,with a bouncer’s edge. Ilaughed at that thought,because of the picture itcreatedinmyhead.

“Hey Lil, somethingfunny?” I froze as I pulledmy gaze from my book andChancewasstanding in frontof me. He kneeled down tomeandIscootedbackonmy

blanket quickly, but notwantingtomakeascene.

“Why can’t youleave me alone?” I saidquietly, menacingly. He satdown on my blanket,uninvited. “Are youdisappointed you didn’t getthechancetokillme?”

He turned on thecharm—it made me sick.“Aw, Lil, baby don’t be thatway.”

“Quit calling me Lil,

that is only reserved for myfriends, and I am not yourbaby.”

“Lily (at least helistenedtothatmuch),Iwantyou back. Please give meanother chance. He pulledtheboxwithmyringinitoutofhispocket.Pleasewillyouputyourringbackon?Iloveyou.”

Ifeltthetearscomingup hot inmy eyes as I filledwithanger. Atone time that

mighthaveworked,asstupidas that might sound. Thistime it didn’t. As I foughtback the tears it made meangrier. “If you loved me,you would have neverphysically hurt me. We arethrough,Chance.”

He jumpedupoff theblanket and yelled. “We arenot through! We are stayingtogether!!!”

Scene? I didn’t careanymore. I jumped up and

yelled right back, whichcreatedaveryhugesceneonthe quad. “We are through!Wearedone!Ihateyou!!!”Icringedbackashe raisedhisfistatme.Thepeoplebehindme gasped loud enoughwhere I could hear them andtheyweretenfeetaway.AsIprepared to get punched,mySouthernGentleman’svoiceIheard. He was right behindme.

“Chance, I wouldn’t

dothatifIwereyou?”“Oh,andyou’regoing

tostopme?”“If I need to I will.”

Jace had no fear. You havetounderstandthatJacewasareally big, purely muscularguy. Chance, although hehad a little bulk muscle tohim,wasnomatchforJace.

Fear was thick,drippingoffChance. Itmademe happy. With narrowedeyes,justbarelyliftedcorners

of my mouth, my armscrossed over my chest, mysmilewasevilandmenacing.Hislookthrewdaggersatme.

Jacedidn'tlikeit.“Don’t look at her

disrespectfully Chance, youmight better turn around.”Thegood thingsaboutJace’sfraternityweretheywereveryprotective of their fraternitybrothers and their friends,which luckily included me.Chance turned around and

looked at the five guysstandingbehindhim.Hewasstupid, he antagonized them,startingwithJace.

“Soyouafraidtofightme by yourself, you had tobring your idiot frat brotherswithyou.”

It seemed as ifhundredsofeyeswerestaringat thescene,withnonoiseatall. If I didn't know better itwasasiftimehadstopped.

Jace was very

composed and gave away noclues that the antagonismworked.Idon’tthinkitdid.

“No,Chance,Iamnotafraid of you. If you wouldrather it be justme and you,I’mgoodwiththat.Tywouldyou escort Lily back to herdorm please and the rest ofyoucangoon,we’llbefine.”

I looked at Jace likehe was crazy. “What?!!Jace,no,don’tbestupid,I’mnotworthit.”

Then Jace looked atme incredulously. “You areevery bit worth it. I don’tlike it when my friends getmistreated. Ty take herback.”

Tuck picked up myblanketandfollowedTyasheescorted me back to myroom. Time seemed torestart, itwas so strange as Ibeggedthemtoleavemeandstop Jace. "No, go stop him,what if he gets hurt.” They

kept pushing me, howevernicely,backtowardmydormroom. “Please, stop him! Idon'twanthimtogethurt.”

“Lily, Jace can takecare of himself, don’tworry.”

I turned around tolook back at the quad. Therestof theguyswere leavingasIsawJaceandChancefaceoff. I couldn’t tell youwhathappened next. I was tooworried about Jace. I didn’t

giveacareintheworldwhathappened to Chance. Isecretlywishedhewouldbeathim to a pulp and as I stoodinmydormroomIwished itfacedout to the front insteadofovertotheside.AtleastIcould see what washappening, but right then Ijustpacedbackandforth.TyandTuckstayedwithme.

They chuckled. “Lil,would you calm down? Jacewill be fine. Honestly,

Chance isnomatchforhim.What makes Jace angriestright now is thewayChancehas treated you. Girl, whydidn’tyoutellanyofuswhathe had done to you? Wewouldhavetakencareofit.”

Ididn’t answer; I justclimbed up in the middle ofmy bed and sat there,wondering why I was soworried about Jace. It wasweirdthewayitfelt. Iknewhecouldtakecareofhimself.

Isatthereandwaited.Chelsea walked in followedclosebehindbyJace.Iwassorelieved.Ilookedhimover.Itdidn’t look like he had beenhurt. Why, all of a sudden,were things he was doingaffectingme?Wehadalwaysbeen friends, well, at leastsince I met him when Istarted college. Iwasn’t surewhat I was allowing tohappen.I’mnotsureIwantedthattohappen,soIkeptiton

a friendly level, when rightthenall I reallywanted todowas run to him and hug himlike he had been on somelong tour of duty andhehadfinallycomehome.

I wanted to knowwhat happened, but I didn’twant to know whathappened. It was likeChelsea readmymind. “So,Jace,whowon?”

Jace laughed. “Thepansy ran off. I figured he

would once everyone left.He’s all big and bad on theoutside, but a coward on theinside.Heonlyacts thatwaytowardLily,becausehe likesto see her scared, whichmakesmereallymad.”

TyandTuckandJaceshared some kind of hiddenknowledge as they looked ateach other. Jacewas angry.“I wish I could havepummeled his face. Iwouldhave felt better. I’m sorry,

Lil,butuntilheleavesI’llbehanging around you quite abitmore.I’llfeelbetteraboutit,anyway.”

The way he said thatandwhat it implied gavemewarmfuzzyfeelings.Iwouldbe happy to have him forcompany. I smiled a littleshyly, but still wasn’t sure Iwas ready for what this wasscreamingatme.AsamatteroffactIknewIwasn’treadyfor this. Ikept itgoingona

friendly level. “Thanks Jaceyou’reareallygoodfriend.”

“Anytime, sweetie.By the way he dropped thiswhenheranoff,doyouwantit?”Jaceshowedmethelittleblue velvet box that heldmyengagementring.

“You can throw it inthe trash for all I care. Itnevermeant anything to himbut ownership anyway”—yeah,definitelynot ready forany kind of a relationship

rightnow.ThewayIreactedseemedtomakeJacehappy.

“Well you could gohock it at thepawnshopandat least get some money forit.”

“Why in the worldwould I want anything thatever belonged to him, he’dprobably twist it all aroundand say Iwasonly after himforhismoney,makingmeoutas thebadguyagain. Like Isaidgothrowitinthetrash,I

don’t want anything to dowithit.”

Hehelduphishands.“Okay, okay, dropping thesubject.”

Idon’tknowwhateverhappened to the ring. Hemighthavethrownitaway.Ididn’t care. I wanted noreminders of Chanceanywherenearme.

“Well, gentlemen,let’s be on our way.” Ty,Jace, and Tuck walked

towardsthedoor.JaceturnedaroundandspoketoChelsea.“Chels, what time are youtwogoingtodinner?”

“Idon’tknow,wearesupposed to join Brianna,Hayley, and Jillian, and Ithink Nina is coming too.Hangon,letmecallthem.”

Chelseapickedup thephone and then pulled themback in from the hall. Jacelooked at me and grinned.His smile could melt

glaciers. Ty and TuckgrinnedatJace.Icouldhavesworntherewassomekindofhidden message in theirsmiles.JacecamebacktomydeskchairandsatdownuntilChelsea was off of thephone. “Jace, I couldn’t getthem, I think theyare still inclass until four. I’ll tryaround4:15 and thenwhen IfindoutI’llgiveyouacall.”

“Ok, Chels. See youtwolater.”Hestoodupfrom

the chair and kissed me ontop of the head. Shocked?!Youbetterbelieveit. “We’llmeet you for dinner. Daveand John will probably joinus. Mike might too. RiderandShawnprobablywilltoo.Seeyougirls then.” Chelseawinkedatmeassheshutourdoor and escorted the guysout.

Whatjusthappened?Iwasn’t sure, but I thought Iliked it. I found myself

actually looking forward todinner for a change, insteadofdreadinganotheronslaughtof Chance. I started gettingmore excited, because thatmeantthatifthereweremoreof the fraternity around us,Chancewouldnotbe. Imayget through a meal for oncewithout loss of appetite. MymomalreadyclaimsIamtooskinny.

I had lost a ton ofweight in the past four

months, like about twentypounds,almosttothepointofbony. I couldn’t help it,mynerveswereshot,whichmademe unable to eat, unless Iwanted to be sick. Lemon-limesodakeptmegoing.

Iwaslookingforwardto SpringBreak. I needed abreak, but this year I wasn’tgoing home until later in theweek. Our sorority sponsorinvited us to her three-storybeach house at Seaside for a

retreat.Thereweretwentyofus going. She and herhusband were going to bethere.Theyweregoingtobehouse-parents for that time.We were going to be rightacross the street from thebeach. I couldn’t wait; wewereleavingintwoweeks.

Allofa sudden IwasalmostsadthatIwasn’tgoingto be at school still. Jacecame to mind. The grin hegavemethisafternoon,made

mewanttomelt.Iwonderedwhat he was doing overSpring Break. That wasansweredatdinner.

Briannacalledand letus know they were going tomeet us at 5:45. Chelseahandedme the phone. “CallJace and let him know whattime.”

“Why can’t you,you’re the one holding thephone.”

“Areyouchicken?”

“What...No,I’mnotchicken.”

“Then call Jace andtell him.” She had an evilsmirk on her face as I tookthephonefromher.

I dialed Jace’snumber. He answered.“Hello.”

“Hey, Jace, this isLily. We’remeetingthemat5:45.”

“Okey Doke, we’llseeyouthen.Bye,Lil.”

“Bye, Jace.” I hungup, glaring at Chelsea.“There,areyouhappynow?”

She kind of bouncedaround me with her excitedlittle girl trill. “Jace li-ike’sLil-ly,Jaceli-ike’sLil-ly.”

“Will you stop,Chelsea?Sowhatifhedoes.He has never had a steadygirlfriend in his life I’m sureof it, especially on thiscampus.”

“Well dear sister, he

has never met anyone likeyoueither.”

“Chels, I don’t wantthis right now. I justwant afriend.”

“Lil, even he knowsthat, he’s not going to tryanything right now. Hekissedyouthough.”

“On the head, in agestureoffriendship,willyouplease quit trying to readthingsintothis?”

“You don’t have to

readthingsintothis.EvenTyand Tuck saw that thisafternoonanddidyouhappento see how excited he wasthat you didn’t balk at hisoffer to hang around more.He’ssweetonyou.”

“Chelsea, enough.Leaveitalone.”

“Okay, fine, just gotouch up your make-upbeforedinner.”

“Chelsea, you’redriving me crazy. Please

stop.”“Lily, I’m your best

friend, I just want you to behappy, especially after themess you just came out of.No guy should ever treat agirl thatwayandIknowthatJacewouldn’tdothattoyou.I believe you would be sohappywithhim.He’sagreatguy. I went to high schoolwith him, remember.Although you’re right aboutthe steady girlfriend, I think

youaretheexceptiontothat.He really likes you. Jaceknows what you‘ve beenthrough. Just give him achance, please. He won’tpush his way in; he wouldrathertakehistime.”

Something gnawed atme,Ineededtoask.“Didheever give a reason why henever had a steadygirlfriend? I’m just curious.I bet he could have had hispick.”

“True, he could have,butmostofthegirlshedatedjustdatedhimbecauseofhisposition in high school orrather positions. He was thePresidentoftheSGAandthestar pitcher on the baseballteam, star lineman on thefootball team—all that rolledintoone.”

“But he doesn’t playonourcollegeteam?”

“No,hewasofferedascholarship to somewhere

else,butasheputit,onetimewhen I asked him—‘Iwouldrathermakeitonmyowninasmall college, and build myown reputation, than onlymake it because I likedsports.’ Althoughhe did gethurt senior year in football,that might have been part ofhisdecision.”

“Aww,blesshisheart,whathappenedtohim?”

“Messeduphisknee.That took him forever to get

over, but still, all the girlsogled over him. He reallyhated shallowness and thatwas all the girls he dated inhighschool.”

“Chels, how do youknowsomuchabouthim?”

“BecauseIwasoneofthe not shallow ones; wenever dated, because thatspark was just not there, butwewerereallygoodfriends.Still are and that is why Iwanthimforyou.PleaseLil,

justgivehimachance.”Tears started welling

inmyeyes.“Iwouldliketoo,but I just can’t right now.Too much has happened.Maybe it’s better that hedoesn’tspendmoretimewithme, I’ll only bring himdown.”

“Lily,I’mgoingtoletyouinonalittlesecret,ifyouhaven’t figured it out yet.He’s seen everythingChancehasput you through, through

Dave’s eyes. Why else doyouthinkheaskedtherestofthem to help? Dave movedout of Chance’s room,because he couldn’t stand tosee what Chance did to youallthetime.Jacehadalreadyfiguredoutwhatwasgoingtohappen.Heonlyhopedthatitwouldnotbeasbadashewasafraidof,andDavewalkedinthatnight just in timeoryouand I both know, as well asJace andDave,where it was

about to go. I know that iswhy you were so messed upwhen I found you curled upin the corner of your bed.”Then she started crying andcameover tomeandhuggedme. “I am so glad I foundyouthatnight.”

I felt it coming,something I had never toldanyone about, but it wasabout to tumble out of mymouthandChelseawouldbeblown away, but for some

reason I couldn't stop it.“Chels...heheld...aknife...tomythroat...thatnighttoo.Ithought...Iwasgoing...todie.”

“Oh, Lil, howhorrible, I, I . . .” She wasspeechlessasshejustheldmetighter and let me do what Ihadneededtodoforsolong.

I—broke down. Icried like I hadn’t, but Ialways needed to. EveryemotionthatIhadpennedup

came through—the horriblefear, the hurt, the guilt, theworthlessness—all werethingsIhadkeptlockedup.Iguess that’s why Chancecouldgettomesoeasily.Heknewwhat he had done, andseemedtoenjoyit.Iguessitgavehimabigpower trip toequalhisarrogance.

Jace was right.Chance liked to see mescared. It was almost like itturned himon. That iswhat

serialrapistsarelike;theyareturned on by their victim’sfear. That iswhat that nightwould have turned into hadDave not shown upwhen hedid—Isawit,IsawitwrittenalloverChance’sfaceandinhis eyes. They were almostmaniacal; and the really badpart was, as long as Chancestill walked this campus thatpossibilitywould still exist. Iwas suddenly exulted overJace’soffer and I didn’t care

whereitled.After I had my huge

cryout,Iactuallyfeltbetter.Chelsea was right there, andjustletmecry.Shedidn’ttrytomakeanythingbetterortellmeitwouldallbeokay.Shejustletmecry.Iappreciatedherforthat.

When I finished, shesmiledatme.“Feelbetter?”

“Yeah,Ireallydo,butpromise me you won’t tellanothersoul..."Iswallowed

hard"...theknife.”“I promise. Now go

fixyour face, they’recomingto get us in about fiveminutes.”

“Who’scomingtogetus?” I was hoping for adifferentanswer.

“Brianna and theothers, and then we aremeeting the guys at the backdoor and walking with themfromthere.”

I silently allowed that

to make me happy. “Oh,okay, they don’t think agroup of girls can make it ahundred feet to the cafeteriabythemselves.”

“They do, they justdon’t want anyone elsegettinginourway.”

“Oh, I see . . . this iseithergoingtodrivemecrazyor—at the least—becomeveryannoying.”

Brianna knocked onour door and off we went.

Sure enough, as we walkedoutthebackdoor,therewereour personal body guards,waiting, posing as friends. Istarted laughing quietly atthat thought. Jace turnedaroundtolookatme.Hejustsmiledandshookhishead.

“It’sgoodtohearyoulaughagain,Lil.”

Chapter3

Our cafeteria was thebest. It was owned byMorrison’s, theearlyninetiesversion of PiccadillyCafeteria, but it was set upwhere you could go throughthe hot-plate line, the saladbar, the soup and sandwichline, or the pizza and pastabar.Thefoodwasfantastic.

I looked around thecafeteria, not hoping to seeChance, but hoping forenoughwarningifhedecidedtopresenthimself. Heneverdid, although I ate dinnernervously. Jace nudged meintheshoulder.“Calmdown,Lil, you’re going to causeyourselfanulcer.”

I wasn’t sure if Ihadn’t already done that.Chelsea kickedme under thetable again, motioning her

eyes inJace’sdirection,“areyou going to talk to him ornot?”—subtletywasnotoneofherstrongpoints.So,Ididexactly what she wanted metodo.

“Jace, what are youdoing for fun over SpringBreak?”

“Me and my cousinsare going to my Mom andDad’s condo at Seaside andenjoy the beach.” Chelseaand I both looked at each

other at the same time andthere shewas—matchmakingatitsbest.

“Wow, Jace, what acoinkedink, our sorority isgoingtoSeasideforaretreat.We’re leaving Friday beforespring break, after classes,andstayingthroughTuesday.Howlongwillyoubethere?”

“Thewholeweek,weleave Saturday. I told myparents I would just meetthemdown there itwouldbe

easierthandrivingallthewayback home and then backdown again. I’m stayingFridaynightatthefrathouse.Hey maybe we could gettogetherdownthere.”

Chelsea had her“Bingo” grin on her face asshe looked at me. “Lil thatsoundslikefun,doesn’tit?”

“Sure, maybe we canworksomethingout.”

Jace figured out whatChelseawas trying todoand

he just looked at the wallacross from his line of sightandshookhishead.Thenanevil grin spread across hisface. “Hey Chels, Ty iscomingwithme.”Shefroze,because Ty was sitting rightnext to her at the table. Sheglared at Jace and Ty’sreaction was just about thesame.

It was no secret thatthey both liked each other,but they were both too

stubborn—neither wouldadmit it. I had to stifle alaugh, so I pretended tocough. Jace didn’t; helaughed out loud. Then helooked at her. “If you can’ttake the heat, get out of thekitchen.” She nodded herhead inagreementanddidn’ttry anything else that night.Jace did ask us about theretreatthough.

“So is this retreat abusinessaffairorpleasure?”

Chelsea answeredhim. “Both, we’re going tobrainstormaboutrushandtryandgetthingssetforthatandwe are going to have anallottedamountof timetogoto the beach, but businessbeforepleasure.Mrs.Harperwillletusknowwhenwegetthere.”

“Oh, okay, well, doyou seriously want to try toget together? I cangiveyouthe number to my parents’

place and you can give us acall andwe canmeet on thebeachorsomething.Whatisyourcurfewgoingtobe?”

I answered that,“Normally she likes us allback inplaceby ten, shehasroll call, and we have tocheck inwithhereachhour.She really is a mother henwhenitcomestous.”

“That‘s good though.She just wants to make sureallofhergirlsaresafe.Sodo

youwanttoornot?”Ty andChelsea and I

all agreed with Jace. Wewould try to get together atthe beach. I had an idea.“Jace, how many of yourcousins are going to bethere?”

“Probably about tenplus me and Ty. Oh, thatreminds me.” He looked attheothersideofme,atDavewho was happily engaged inconversation with Brianna.

“HeyDave, areyougoing tobe able to come to SeasidewithmeandTy.”

“Oh, yeah, Dad ok’dit.”

“Cool, Tuck, whataboutyou?”

“Naw man, we’regoingtoseemygrandmotherinTexas.Sorry.”

“No big deal, maybenext time. Mikewhat aboutyou?”

“Yeah, I can come.

Do you mind if I ride withyou? I’ll just skip my lateclassFriday.”

“No need to do that,we aren’t leaving untilSaturday. You’re going tohavetosleeponthecouchatthehousethough.”

“Finewithme.”Thenhe went back to hisconversationwithJillian.

“HeyJohn,yougoingtocometoSeasidewithus?”

“No,sorryman,going

toseemyDadinTennessee.”“Not a problem.

Maybenexttime.”“Jace,howbigisyour

family?”“Two brothers and

twosistersonmymom’ssideand three brothers on myDad’sside. Weall trytogettogether once a year at thebeach,sometimeswemakeittwice. Why what was youridea?”

“A beach bonfire,

wouldn’tthatbefun?”“That’s a great idea.

Do you think Mrs. Harperwouldmindlettingallofyoucomedown?Wearerightonthebeach.”

“I think we won’tknowuntilweask, of coursethat is another two weeksaway. She’ll be at ourmeetingthiscomingSunday.We’llaskthen.”

We chatted happilyabout possibilities the rest of

dinner and told our othersororitysistersaboutitonthewayback to thedorm. Theyseemed to think that Mrs.Harper would let us, as longas she could come too. Wewould just have to wait andask.

The next day wasThursday.Ihadthreeclassesand then was debating onwhether or not I was goinghome for the weekend. Ichecked my change; I had

plentytowashmyclothesifIstayed over the weekend.This weekend promised blueskiesandperfectquadsittingweatherwhereyoucouldjustenjoy it. I could wash myclothesandreadmybook,butif Chance was going to beherethenIdidn’twanttobe.Chelsea came in from herfirst class, she was debatingtoo.

“Hey Lil, are yougoinghomethisweekend?”

“I don’t know, areyou?”

“I haven’t decidedyet.”

“Wellatleastwehavealittlewhiletodecide.”

The phone rang.“Hello?”ItwasJace.

“Hey Lil, are youreadyforclass?”

“Yeah,why?”“I’m in the lobby,

wouldyoumeetmehereandI’llwalkwithyoutoclass?”

“Okay, sure, I’m onmyway.”Ihungup.

Chelsealookedatme.“Whowasthat?”

“Jace, he’s in thelobbywaitingonme.I’llseeyouatlunchChels.”

I walked out toChelseasinging,“Jace li-ikesLil-ly.”

I followed back with,“Chel-sea li-ikesTy-y.” Sheblushed.“Seeyalater.”Irandown the hall to the lobby,

feeling lighter than air. Afeeling I hadn’t had in awhile, a very long while. Imet him at the door and offwewent. Walkingdown thesidewalk with him feltnatural;therewasnopressurefrom him about anything.We walked and talked ourwaydowntoComerHall.

I sawChancewaitingon me at the doors until hesaw me walking with Jace,then he ducked into the

building. I began to getnervous. I had to walk intothe building by myselfbecause Jace’s class was inthebuildingacrossthestreet.As soon as I walked in thedoors,IwasstartledbyDave.

Ijumpedashegreetedme. “Good morning, Lily,howareyou?”

“You startled me. IsawChancecomeintoo.”

“WellChancedecidedto leave since his class was

not in this building.” I tookthat to mean he made himleave. Dave and I hadcreativewritingtogether,soIwasverygladtoseehimeventhoughhestartledme.

Sitting there, listeningto the teacher, a huge panicattack was about to overtakeme.IsuddenlyfeltlikeIwasabout to come unhinged,unable to breathe right, but Iknew Chance could bewaitingon just that. Ibegan

to think that is why he didwhathedidthatmorning,justso he could see mefrightened. He liked fear,especially fromme. I startedhyperventilating as I thoughtabout other things. Davenoticed and knew he neededto getme out of class, so hedid. We must have lookedodd walking out of class,becauseDr.Gardenerstoppedus. "Mr. Jameson is sheokay?” He quickly came up

with a story. “Dr.Gardener,Lily is having an asthmaattack,sheforgotherinhaler.I’mtakinghertogogetit?”

I felt like Iwasabouttopassout.

“Yes, Yes, Mr.Jameson,please,takeher.”

I was gasping for airas Dave walked me out ofclassandoutsideintothecoolspring air. He sat me downonthebenchesoutside.“Lil,whatisgoingon?”

The gasping turnedinto uncontrollable sobs.Dave sat there with his armaroundmyshoulders.“Why.. . does he keep . . . comingback...atme?Whycan’t...hejust...leavemealone?Iwanthimtowalkoutofmylife and never return. Whycan'the just leavemealone!Ihatehim!Ihatehim!Ihatehim!” More uncontrolledsobs surfaced. Dave didn’tknowwhat todo,butneither

did I. He just sat therewithmeuntil I cried itout,whichtook me about twentyminutes.

“I’msorry.”“No need to

apologize. Go to thebathroomandcleanyourfaceup so we can get back toclass.” I did and then wewent back to class. Therewere a million stares in ourdirection, it seemed, as wewalked back into class. I

wondered if everyone hadheard me screaming aboutChance. Dr. Gardenernoticedandclearedherthroatrather loudly tocall theclassbacktoattention.

I felt like an idiot.Why did he keep making mereact that way? Class wasdismissed and I wanted tocurl up into a corner anddisappear. Dave and Iwalked silently out the door;hewentontohisnextclassas

Jace picked upwithme. HeandIhadsociologytogether.Thatwasournextclass. Wewalked quietly acrosscampus. He broke the ice.“Wow, you sure are awholelot less happy than youwerethis morning. What’s goingon?”

I stared down at theground and didn’t answer. Ijustshookmyhead.Ifeltthewarm sun on my back. Ilookedupattheskyandwas

reminded of Jace’s eyes andfound myself staring intothem. They were a dark-castgray. “Jace what has youupset?”

He bluntly answeredme.“You...Lily.”

Our hands brushedagainst each other—mine byaccident,hisIdidn’tthinkso.He tookmyhand lightly,butIcouldtellhewantedmore.Ijust smiled at him andresisted what I wanted to do

at that moment. I could feelthat this was more of mysafetynetthananything,butIdidn’t let go either. RightbeforewecametothedoorofJeterHall, therewasChance,waiting on me again itseemed. His eyes wentdirectly to mine and Jace’shands.Iwasscaredandtriedto let go of Jace’s hand, buthe didn’t let me, if anythinghe held it tighter, andwhispered in my ear. His

breath smelled likepeppermint, “Don’t beafraid”.SuddenlyIwasn’t.

A hundred shades offury crossed Chance’s faceand flamed in his eyes, but Ifeltno fear, for the first timeinmonths.Chancecouldseethat, and I could tell itmadehim angry that he couldn’tscare me anymore, becausethat ishowI feltwhenIwaswith Jace. Chance suddenlyhadhis leverageonmetaken

away.Jace pulled me

directly to the door whereChance was standing. Theyglared at each other andChance spoke menacingly.“Jace, you’ll regret this. I’llmake you regret this.” Heturnedandranofftohisnextclass.

Wesatdowninclass.What purpose it served formetoevenwalkinthatroomIhadnoclue. Mymindwas

so far from sociology. Mymind kept running throughthings and wouldn’t stop.WhydidIallowJacetokeepholdingmyhand,whywasn’tI able to let go? I startedrunning the future possiblescenes in my head. I wasscared again, but only forJace, but he seemed notbothered by anything at all.Heseemedalmosthappywithit.

I took notes, but I

couldn’t tell you what Iwrote.Theclocktickedawayslowly. I wanted class to beover,butIdidn’twantittobeover. I didn’t know whatChancewasgoingtotrynext,butIwasquitesurewewouldfind out later. I still hatedhim. I still wanted him toleavemylife,andnevercomeback. I wondered if I wouldever be granted that. Iwondered if I could ever benormalagain.

Class finally endedandJaceandIjustwalkedoutof the room to outside. Ournext class was in the samehalltoo,U.S.History.Ilikedit so much better thanWestern Civ., my freshmanyear.Nowifmypersonallifewould just clear up. Jacewalkedmeoutsidetoapicnicbenchandwesatdown.“Lil,I’msorryIgrabbedyourhandearlier,Ijustdidn’twantyoutobeafraid.”

“It didn’t bother me,Jace, and it made meunafraid, so I guess youaccomplishedthat.”

“Well good, I washopingfor that.” Hegrinnedandlaughed.

Ilookedathimlikehehad just told the biggest lie,becausehedid.Healsoknewthat I knew he just lied, butwhat he did nextwas just sosweet and gentlemanly. Hetookmyhandbackandkissed

it. “Lily, I know you don’twant anything but a friendright now—I’ll be that—aslong as you will have me. Iwouldliketostickclose.Areyouokaywiththat?”

I had to testsomething, but believed Iknewwhat theanswerwouldbe.

“Jace . . . What if Isaidno?”

“Then I will politelystay in the background, as

closeasyouwantme tobe.”Hisanswerdidnotdisappointme.

“Youwould really dothatforme?”

“I would do anythingin the world for you, evenwalk a tightrope between theEmpireStatebuildingandtheSears Towers and I amdeathlyafraidofheights.”

I laughed. “Jace youdorealizethosebuildingsareindifferentstates.”

“Yeah I do. TheEmpire State Building is inNew York and the SearsTowerisinChicago.”

“That would be amightylongropeoveraverylongdistance, but youwoulddothatforme?”

“Inaheartbeat.”This time I couldn’t

help myself. I hugged himlikeIknewIwanted,butnotin that way—not at thatmoment.He understood that.

“Jace,as longasyoucanputup with me, stick around aslong as you like, as close asyoulike.”

He hugged me sotightlyandtookmeinlikehewas trying to remembereverythingaboutme.Thenhelet go ofme andheldmebymy arms in themost genteelwayandlookedintomyeyes,deeply, like hewas trying toseemysoul. I couldn’thelpbut lookdeeply intohis eyes

too. He was the mostbeautifulhumanbeingtome.Almost too good to be true.There was something else tohim. Iwish I could have putmyfingeronit.

“Thank you Lily, Iwon’tletyoudown.”Iknewhewouldn’t.

He kissed me, on theforehead, I was surprisinglydisappointed. He saw thatanda laughing sparkle inhiseyes gave his hopefulness

away.Iwasbeginningtoseeusasapossibility.Iwrappedmyarmsaroundhiswaistandburied my face in his chest,because I couldn’t wrap mymind around that thought—yet.

After class we metChelsea, Dave, and Briannafor lunch. Ty was going tomeetusthere.WalkingtotheCaf he took my hand again,this time purposely. “Is thisokay?”

His hand felt good inmine, but . . . friend, I keptreminding myself. “Friendsholdhandssometimes.”

“Lily if you’d ratherme let go I will.”Surprisingly the answer thatwas inmyminddidn’t comeoutofmymouth.

“No...I’mokaywiththis.”IwasevenshockedbywhyIcontinuedtoallowthis.

“Good, you knowwhatIjustrealized?”

“What?”“That I don’t know

your middle name. What isit?”

I blushed. “Well it’snot exactly a fit for me, Idon’tthink.”

“Tellmeanyway.”“It’sGrace.”He wore this adoring

expression across his face; itmade me a little self-conscious,likehedidn’tthinkitfitmeeither.“Ithinkitfits

you perfectly. Grace underfireiswhatitremindsmeof.You have been through somuch,butsofarhaveseemedtocomeoutontop.”

You know, I’m notsure what came over me atthat moment, but I felt asudden urge to tell himeverything,likeIwantedhimtoknowtherealmeandwhathehadenlistedfor,becauseIreallydidn’tthinkheknew.Ikept it to myself though. I

needed someone that wascloser than a friend, but notclose enough to be anythingelse at that time—although Ithought that’s what I wantedwithhim.

Ofcourseat that timein my life when everythingwas happening, I thought itwouldbedangeroustofallforhim, believing it would onlybe on the rebound. Patiencehath no man like Jace, notuntil later. Then there was

another.****

Tymetusat thedoorof the Caf. “Hey guys let’sgototheSUB(studentunionbuilding) and eat. The SUBwas set up similar to a road-side diner; they servedhamburgers, hot dogs,chicken fingers, and thingslike that. It was basically afast-food restaurant. Besidesthelittlerestauranttherewerepool tables, arcade games,

andasmallmovietheatre.Itwas basically a place forstudentstohangout.

We all walked in thedoor and there was Chance,talking tooneof themilitaryrecruitingofficersthatvisitedcampusoccasionally.Ifroze,Jacetookmyhandtighterandpulled me on through thedoor,Ifeltmyfeargoaway.I suddenly felt courage; Jacehadthateffectonme.

I walked straight

through even though I couldfeel Chance staring a holethroughmyback. Iwasabletoignorehisstareandnotbeafraid. Jace seated me inbetweenhimandTy.Ifoundout later he did that for areason. We all sat andenjoyedourlunch.IhadonemoreclassafterwardsthatTyhadwithme,soIfiguredoutthat Ty was walking me toclass.AtthesametimeIfeltsad because Jace wasn’t; his

classwasontheothersideofcampus. I had to keepreminding myself—friends,justfriends.

We were about toleaveandChancecametothetable.“Lil,canItalktoyou.”

I was angry; heseemed to have forgottensomething. “Lil is reservedformyfriends,whomyouarenotapartof.”

Jacemovedinmylineof sight. “Chance I don’t

thinkshehasanything tosaytoyou.”

Chance was stupid.HeshovedJace. “Getoutofmyway!”

Badmove.Jacestoodup.Ithoughthewasgoingtohit him. He didn’t. “I willnever get out of your way.Shehasnothingtosaytoyou,nowBACKOFF!”

“Why don’t you lether be the judge of that . . .Jace?”

Jacewassoangry,buthe never raised a hand topunch him like I knew hewantedto. Iwantedhimto!“Fine, I will let her be thejudgeof that.” JacesatbackdowninthespotChancewasabout to take. I had a smirkacrossmyface.

“Lil...”“-ly...”Isaidtohim.“Fine...Lily.”I was so infuriated at

thatmoment.“Ihavenothing

tosaytoyou.”Jacegrinned. “I tried

totellyou.”“Will you shut up,

Jace?”“No,leaveheralone.”Chance ignored Jace.

“Lily,IjoinedtheMarines.”The answer I gave

was not the answer hewanted. “Good, I hope theyship you out of the countryanddon’ttrytofindmewhenyou get out, because I hate

you and I neverwant you tocomeback.”

“Lil,that’snotfair!”I lost it, but not in

tears in anger. I stood upquickly, Jace moved out ofmy way and I let Chancehave it. I didn’t care whoheardme, I didn’t care whatsceneImade.Thewordsjustflewoutofmymouth.

“How dare you tellmewhat'snotfair!Wasitfairfor you to physically hurt

me?! Was it fair for you topretendyou lovedmesoyoucould own me?! I am notsomething you can own! Ihateyou!Youmakeme sickto my stomach! I hope youget sent to war and nevercome back! You meannothingtomebecauseInevermeantanything toyou!Havea great lifeChance and I amsogladIwon'tbepartofit!”

Iwas breathing reallyhard and I felt the tears

coming. I stopped them; Ihadneverbeenabletodothatbefore.

Chance just stared atme. I think he was waitingonme tocrysohecouldseethat he still affected me,because that meant he couldintimidatememore. Ididn’tcry,even the tears that I felt,inthatsplitsecond,driedup.He was speechless. Hemoved out of Jace’s way sowecouldgetoutofthebooth

and rested his hands on theend of the table and lookeddown. Chance had finallylost.

We walked out thedoor of the SUB and as Ipassed by the window, IlookedatChance. Hedidn’tsee me looking through thewindow.Hehadsatdownatthetableontheoppositesideof where I was sitting, withhis face in his hands and Icould tell he was crying. I

felt bad for amoment, and Ireallydidn’twanthimtodie,but I did want him to knowhowmuchhehurtmeall theway around and thatwas theonlyway I knew how to putthat forth tohim. Thesixofuswere silent on theway toournextclasses.Jacehandedmeoff toTy, after he kissedme on the head. Chelseawalkedwithusand InoticedthatsheandTywereholdinghands. I smiled, I was glad

one of them or both of themhad let down their guard. Iwasveryhappyforthem.Typut his arm around myshoulders.

Iwasn’tsurewhatmyfeelingswereat thatmomentor where they were at thatmoment.They seemed to getlost in the shuffle. I knewwhat I said in the SUBprobably shocked everyonesitting at the table, but itshocked me too. I didn’t

think I had the courage tostand up against him, but forsome reason I felt bad fordoingit. Iwouldneverwishdeath upon another humanbeing,nomatterhowvileandeviltheywere.Iguessthatiswhy I felt so bad. Asmuchas I hated him, I didn’twanthim to die. I prayed for achancetotakethatback.

*******My classes ended for

the day and it was anotherbeautiful day. It was 72degrees thatday. I rememberthat because I looked at thebanksignacrosscampusas Ilaid theblanketon the lawn.Iknewwhat Iwasdoing. IfChance was going to try tosay something, he’d pick thequadtodoitifhesawmeouthere.Iplacedtheblanketinaspot further away frompeoplethanIprobablyshouldhave, considering the past

fewdays,butIwantedhimtoapproachme and I knew thefurther away I was frompeople, the more likely hewastocome.Istillsatinthesunthough.

I decided to lay out.My pearlywhite legs neededsome color, especially if Iwasgoingtothebeachintwoweeks. I first put on somesunless tanning lotion, sowhen I donned my short-shorts my legs would not

blind anyone. It tanned justenough to give me somecolor. I started on mystomach and the sun feltwarmandcomforting,beforeIknewitIfellasleep.Idon’tknowhow long I slept,butavoicewokeme.“HeyLil.”

I jumped up startled.It was Jace. “Lil, what areyou doing? You’re justinviting trouble.” He lookedme over and grinned. “Ofcourse, Imaybe the trouble.

Youlookreallygood.”I blushed and then

giggled. “Sorry, I’m justtryingtogetsomesunforthebeach.Ionlyhavetwoweeksbefore the retreat; I don’twant to look like a ghost.”Thistimehelaughedoutloudandthenturnedabruptly.

Chance was standingthere.“HeyLily,canwetalkforaminute?”

“Whatabout?”“Let me rephrase

that.MayItalktoyou?”Wow, this is new; he

isaskingpermissiontotalktome, insteadofdemandingmyattention. I sat up andcrossedmy legs. Jacemadehimself comfortable on theend of my blanket andobserved as he stretched outon his side and propped hishead. “Again, I ask, whatabout? Whatdoyouwant totalktomeabout?”

“May I talk to you

alone?” Yeah, right, that'snothappening.

Jace started with ajolt. I held my hand up tohimtogethimtostop.

“No, you can eithertalktomerighthere,asis,ornotatall.”Jacelaydownonthe end of the blanket andclosed his eyes. I was nolongerafraidofChance.

“Lily, do youmind ifIsitdown?”

“No, go ahead.” I

scooted a little closer to Jaceas Chance sat down. Jaceplacedhishandonmyback.I was not scared of Chance,then, but I still didn't trusthim.

Chance spoke andimmediately made me mad.“So, he is theoneyoubrokeupwithmefor.”

“Not that it is any ofyour business, but we brokeup threemonths ago, and heis just a really good friend

who cares about whathappens to me, unlike somepeople.” Chance just shookhishead.

“Lily, not that itmeans anything to youanymore, but I’m sorry. Ishould have never tried toforceyouintosomethingyoudidn’t want and I’m sorry Ihit you and I’m sorry I haveacted like such a jerk abouteverything.”

“Anythingelse?”

“Yes,IamsorrythatIhurt you so badly that youwishIweredead.Thatwasaslapin theface,butIknowIdeservedit. I leaveforbasictraining in two weeks andfrom there I have to go toadvancedtrainingandthentocleanupDesertStorm.I’llbehonest; I really hope youdon’tgetyourwish.”

Jace put a littlepressureonmybackbecausehe knew what I wanted to

say.“Chance,Iapologizeforsaying I wanted you to die,because I really don’t wantthat tohappen.” Chancehadthis gleam in his eye like hewas about to hear somethinghe really wanted to hear.Again he was disappointed.“I do, however, want you towalk away frommy life andnever try to come back in,because you will be sorelydisappointed. You killedanything I ever felt for you

whenyouhurtmeandIknowexactly where things wouldhave ended up if Dave hadnotwalkedinthatnightandifyoudenyityouwillbelying.Idon’twantyoutoevercomenear me again. Don’t try tocall, don’t try to write, justleavemealone.Ifyoucannotattend to my requests then Iwill know you never oncecared about me. I want topretend that we neverexisted.” I saw tearscoming

up in his eyes, me, I feltnothing, no emotionswhatsoever between me andChance,thoseweredead.

For the last time hespoke.“Lily,Ireallyscrewedupdidn’tI?”

“Yeah, Chance, youdid, and that’s putting itlightly.” He reached for myhand and I put both of thembehind me and leaned backon them. I wanted him toknowthatImeanteveryword

I said. I said one last thing,“Stayawayfrommeandstayoutofmylife.” Hestoodupfrommyblanket,stareddownat me one last time, as ifsearching for some spark ofpossibility,but findingnone.He finally realized it wasover. Henoddedhishead ina final blatant understandingand jogged off. I never sawhimorheardfromhimagain.

I floppedback flatonthe blanket, feeling

emotionally drained. I putmy sunglasses on and laidthere letting the sun rechargeme. I felt like a solar panel,butitfeltgoodjusttosoakupthe sun and lay there withJace, who surprisingly hadnotsaidanything.Thetowerclock chimed on campus itwas four o’clock. Chelseawould be out of class aboutthat time. Fifteen minuteslater here she came. I heardhercallfromacrossthelawn.

“Hey Lil!” I saw herpulling Ty across the lawn,holding his hand, in a muchcoupledmanner.

I sat up propping onmyelbowsandpokedJaceinthe ribs. He jumped andopenedhiseyes.“Lookatthehappycouple.”

He propped on hiselbows then and laughed.“Theyfinallygaveintoeachotherdidn’tthey?”

Ilaughedthen.“Took

‘em long enough.” Thenwebothhadagoodlaugh.

Chelsea had broughther own blanket, becausewithJaceandmeontheoneIbroughtout,ourswasfull.Athought flitted across mymind...ours.. .Ilikedtheway that sounded. I pushedthatthoughtaside.

“Hey Chels, y’allgonepublicnow?”

“Ha Ha, Lil, veryfunny.”

“Yeah Ty, last time Imentioned something aboutit, you went all postal onme.”Jacestartedlaughing.

“Yeah, Jace, goodone,HardyHarHar.”

“Wellwhataboutyoutwo,Mr.BigShot.Y’alllookallcozy.”

“Just soaking up thesunTy,nothingmore.”

Itwasfunny,Jacewasalways so controlled.Nothing ever got to him or

rather he never showed ifanythingdid. Hewasjustsolaid back, like he was justtaking in life however andwheneverhecould.Hedidn’twaste time doing anything.He was the most patientperson I had ever known, atthattime,especiallywithme.

Chelsea laid out theblanket she brought for herandTyandthenwasserious.She poked me in the leg.“Have you had any run-ins

withChancesincelunch?”I started to answer,

and then she took a littlepostal curve, herself. “Lily,please tell me you didn’tmean that you wanted himdead. That is sooo not likeyou. Why did you saysomethinglikethat?ImeanIknowheisprobablythemostevil person on earth to youright now, but what ifsomethingreallydoeshappento him when he goes off.

You’re going to feel like it’syour fault.” Then Chelseastartedcrying.

That blew my mind.“Chels why are you crying,didyoulikehim?”

“No, that’s just it, Ihatehim,butifafteryousaidthat, something happens tohim, you’ll never be able toget over it, and I want youhappy Lil, not regrettingeverypartofyourlife.”

ItookChelsea’shands

and looked at her. “Chels, Ireally am okay and gettingbetter.”

She lookedatmeandthen at Jace. He shook hishead, no, in answer to herunasked question. “Chels,you’re right, I didn’t meanwhatIsaidwhenItoldhimIwantedhimdead. Istillhatehim, well maybe hate is toostrong of a word now, but Istill highly dislike him, but Idon’twishdeathonhim.He

came out here earlier beforeyouwereoutofclass.”

“And you were byyourself?”

“No, Jace was outheretoo.Ihadfeltbadabouttelling him I wanted him todiewhenwhatIreallywantedwas him to just stay awayfrom me and never try tocome back. I told him thatandbelieveitornotIthinkheagreed. Itwaskindofoneofthoseunspokenpromises,but

this time itwasgenuine. Hewill never come back;becauseIaskedhimnot to ifhe ever cared for me at all.So don’t worry I am notgoing to regret my life overhim,honestly,he’snotworthit.” Jace and Ty werelisteningintentlytomineandChelsea’sconversation.

Chelsea gave me herseriouslookagain. “Lily,doyouthinkheeverreallycaredaboutyouatall?”

Thenmytearsstarted;Chelsea, as my best friend,was trying to give meclosure. Dave happened upabout that time and just satdown on my blanket too.Jacewassittingtherewaitingonmyanswer,aswellasTy,as I swiped a few tears thattumbledoutofmyeyes.“I’dlike to think he did at onetime, he might have evenloved me for a split second,but the hardest part about all

of this was the way it feltwhenheacted likeheownedme and he acted like he hadthe right to pushme around,no matter how much I pledwith him. Hemademe feelworthless,evenbeforewhat,"I pointed to Dave, "he cameinto that night. You knowwhatelse, I actuallybelievedhim. I am still having a hardtime not believing that. IwanttoknowthatonedayI’llbehappyandcanputmypast

fully in thepast,butIalmostfeel like that is not going tohappen.”

The next thing I saidkindofbroughtout reactionsI wasn’t expecting. “I wantto live a normal life with anormal husband and normalkids and the white picketfence in front of the three-bedroom house and a dog inthe backyard, preferably agolden retriever.” Everyonelaughed; Ihoped itbroke the

tensionthatwaslaidthickonus at that time. Then DaveandJacegavemeanofferingof comfort. It was strangethat they both felt the same.Dave’s hand rubbed myshoulder and Jace’s handrubbedthesmallofmyback.IrealizedthattheybothcaredaboutmeandwantedtomakesureIreallywasokay. Theymade me feel like I couldtrust them both. They weretwovery importantpeople in

my life, neither of whom Iwouldeverforget.

Then Dave had someinformation.“Lil, Iamgoingto tell you one more thingaboutChanceand then Iwillhappily drop the subject andnever bring it up again.When I was on my way outhere earlier I happened towalk by his room and hisparents were there helpinghimbox thingsup. So,buckup sweetie, smile more, you

are prettier when you do,you’re going to be fine andI’m sure true happiness willfind you.” Spoken like thetruepersonheis.

I startedcryingagain,buttheywerehappytearsandI hugged Dave. He and Jacewouldbegreatasroommates,truedowntotheirveryhearts.“ThanksDave,youaresuchagoodfriend.”

“Anytime sweetie,anytime.” He and Jace

punched fists together andthenheletmego.Theclocktowerchimedfiveo’clock.

IsawBriannacomingacross the quad and Davestood up to greet her. “Isanybodyreadyfordinner?”

In chorus, “Yeah.”Weallgotupoff thegroundand shook out our blankets.We walked back into thedorm and everyone followedChelseaandme toour room,because it was the closest.

We dropped off the blanketsand pulled out our ID’s fordinner. Jace took my handagain, as Brianna and Davetook hold of each other’shand too and of course Tyand Chelsea. It gave mewarm fuzzy feelings insideknowing that all of myfriends seemed very happy,and for the first time inmonths, I did too. I guess itwas the spring weather thatbrought out the closeness of

everyone. I knew one thingthough—I neverwanted it toend.

Chapter4

Noneofuswenthomethat weekend because Jaceand Dave’s fraternity washaving a cookout after theintramural games, and theyinvitedseveralofusfromthesorority, actually whoeverstayedthatweekend.Wehada blast. It was an unofficialmixer.Wealljusthadagood

time.Later that night Jace

walkedmebacktothedorm,andrightbeforeIwalkedintothemaindoorhestoppedme.“Lilwhatareyougoingtodowhen you get back to yourroom?”

“Probably get ashower and read my booksome.Why?”

“CouldIpersuadeyouto come on a walk with meinstead?”

“Yeah, just letme gograba jacketandmeetmeatthesidedoor.”

“Wait, here, you canwearmine.”Heproceededtotakeoffhispulloverjacket.

“But Jace, thenyou’llgetcold.”

“Trust me; I am veryhot-natured. My long-sleeveshirt will be plenty. Nowcome here and let’s get thisonyoubecauserightnowit’sstillwarm.”

I walked back downthestepstohimandhepulledthe jacket over my head andpulled my hair out of theback, rather slowly. “Youknow you have really prettyhair. It’s really thick andwavy.Isitadarkred?”

I felt electric currentsrunning through my body inthe form of chills as he ranhis fingers through my hairvery slowly pulling it freefrom the jacket and letting it

fall back down my back. Ishivered, then he turned mearound and I looked into hiseyes, because there theywere. They were a purple-cast gray which told me hewasveryhappyrightnow.Itmight sound pompous, but Icould only attribute hishappiness to my presencesince there was nothing elseandnooneelsearound.

I had to pull myselfout of my thoughts for the

moment because they weregoing places that I knew Iwasnotreadyfor,soIlookeddown.“Actuallymyhairisadark red-brown; kind of likemahogany wood; that wouldmore match the color of myhair.”

He had not heard aword I said and I startedgiggling. He looked at mewith this shocked expressionlikehejustthenrealizedIhadsaid something and then he

grinned and blushed despitehimself. “I’m sorry.Obviously, I wasn’t payingattention. What did you sayagain?”

“You askedme aboutthecolorofmyhair.”

“Right, yeah, darkred.”

“It’s more of a darkred-brown, more likemahoganywood.”

“Well, Lily Grace, itsuits you perfectly.” I still

don’tthinkheheardanythingIsaid,butatleasthewasabletocoveritwellthistime.Webegan walking down thebrick sidewalk. I had myarms crossed over my chestand his arm was around myshoulders.

Iwondered. “Am I introubleorsomething?”

“What, why wouldyouthinkthat?”

“Because you usedboth my first and middle

name.Iusedtoonlygetthatfrom my mom when I waslittle and I was about to getintotrouble.”

He laughed. “Oh,well no, you’re not introuble.Ijustlikethewayitsoundstogether,doyoumindifIcallyouthat?”

“No it won’t botherme;Ilikebothofmynames.I always wanted everyone tousebothofmynames,butnoone ever did. But you can

useLil or Lily too; I answertoanyform.”

He laughed his joviallaugh that I could seemyselfgettingusedto. “WellthenIwilljustmixthemupandusewhatever I feel like using onanygivenday.”

“That sounds like agoodidea.”

Again I had to stopmythoughts.Ididn'tneedtoget used to it, not now,anyway. Then I started

asking myself why I didn’tneed to get used to it andcouldn’t give myself a goodenoughreasonwhy,buttherewassomethingthatgnawedatme.Itseemedsonaturalwithhim and I didn’t have to putonafront;Ihadnoreasontodisbelievehissincerity.Whywas I trying to keep myselffromfeelingwhatthiswas?

“Lily, you seem likeyouhavealotonyourmind.Please,tellmewhatitis.I’m

here,talktome.”“Jace, please don’t

take this wrong, butwhy areyoudoingthis?”

“We’re friends; that’swhy.”

“Okay, let me re-phrase this, again just listen,don’tgetmad.”

“IpromiseIwon’tgetmad.”

“Whyhave you takensucha special interest inme,you’vedonethissincebefore

Thanksgiving, when I wasstillengagedtoChance.”

I could tell he wasstarting to get angry and Ithoughtitwastowardsme,soIcringedawayfromhimandstarted backing off. I wasscared. I was out in themiddle of campus at nightwith no one around. Tearsstarted coming up hot in myeyes. He saw that and cametomeandtookholdofme.Iwent stiff, the only defense I

everhadwithChance.“Jace, please, don’t

hurtme,whatever it is I did,I’m sorry, just please let megobacktomydorm.Iknowyou can out run me, justplease don’t hurt me.” Myeyes were closed; I wasbarely able to breathe.“Pleaseletgo.”

“Lily . . . sweetie . . .stop, I am not going to hurtyou,but Iwould love tohurtChance rightnow.” The last

part came out as an angrygrowl, he was so furious.“Comeoverhereandsitwithme, and please calmdown, IswearIwon’thurtyou.”Mybreath hitched, and I openedmy eyes, still wary, as I lethimpullmeovertothepicnicbench on the quad of theeducationbuilding.

He wiped the tearsfrom my face. “There issomethingyouneed to knowLilybell(newname,hehada

tonofthem),andtheproblemis I don’t know if I can getthroughitwithoutwantingtorip Chance’s head off, soforgivemeaheadof time if Igoballistic.IpromiseIwon’thurtyou. Theotherproblemisthat,IknowwhatI’maboutto tell you is going to hurtyoumorethanwhatyouhavebeenledtobelieve.”

MyeyesmethisforamomentanditwaslikeIreadhis mind. I gasped. “He

planned it, didn’t he; heplanned it down to the mostminute detail didn’t he. Hewanted to hurt me.” Icouldn’t breathe. “He wasplanningtorapeme,toprovehe was in control, when Iwouldn’t give in he hit me.Dave didn’t just happen by,hewas looking forme. Jacehow many people werelookingforme?Chancetriedto get me to follow himsomewhere else.” Jace just

stared at me, anger waspulsing from him; he didn’twanttosayanything.Iwentat him; I knew he waskeepingsomethingfromme.

“Jace! Tell me! Howmanypeoplewerelookingforme?”

He hesitated.“Eleven,plusmeandDave.”I started hyperventilating, IrealizedthenhowcloseIwasto possible death, but . . . Ilooked at Jace and he gave

me his full attention.“Something kept telling menot to follow him off wherehe wanted to go, so I wasinsistent that we go back tomydormorhisdormtotalk,which iswhat he claimed hewantedtodo.”

Jacestaredatme.Hecame instantly back to meandwrappedmeinhisarms.Ididn’twanttobeletgo.“Iam so sorry, Lil. I tried; Itriedtofindyoubeforeitwas

toolate.”Tears exploded from

my eyes, as I tried speakingthrough them. "How didanyone know what he wasgoingtotrytodo?"

Jace held me tighter,andwalkedmeback towardsthepicnictable.Iwasfeelingasheavyaspurelead.

“Jace . . .” I couldbarely whisper. “Was heplanning to kill me?” Thetruthfinallycameout.

Heputhisforeheadtomy forehead and kissedmine. Thenheputhischeektomycheekandkissedittoo,buthestoppedthereandthenansweredmyquestion.“Lilythat is what we couldn’tfigure out. We didn’t knowwhat exactly he was capableof. That is why Chelseacalled Dave. It must havebeen in between the time ittook for you and him to getback to his dorm, because

Dave said Chance was goneand Chelsea couldn’t findyou. We were all scared todeath. Chelsea took Jillianand Brianna and Hayley andwentsearchingforyou.ThenJohnandIandDave,afterhetoldus thatChancehadbeenbragging about hitting you,makingsureyouknewhewasin control. Then we told Tyand Tuck and then they toldMikeandJakeand thenJaketoldMarkusandShawn.Lil,

wewerescouringthecampusfor you. We didn’t knowwhere youwere orwhat hadhappened; we didn’t knowanything, and that was theworstpart.”

“Jace, why didn’tanyonetellme?”

“Because Chancehappened to mention in theshower one night to anyonewhowas listening,how . . .”Jace started gritting his teethandhisangerstartedbuilding,

so I assumed itwashim thatheardthisfirsthand.

Itookhishandandhiseyeswelled,IhadneverseenJace come that close to tearsbefore.Itrippedatmyheart.“Howwhat,Jace?”

“How he couldn’twait to see how scared youwouldgetandhowhewouldmake you believe you wereabouttodie,becausehelovedto see fear. It gave him arush,betterthandrugs.”

Istartedfreakingout.That is when I realized thateverything had been keptfromme to try and keepmesafe,sothatIwouldshownofeartoChance,whichseemedtomakehimstronger.Thatiswhy Jacekept tellingmenotto be afraid, because he . ..wasafraidformylife.

I fell apart. He triedto holdme together. I criedfor hours. I would calmdown and then start thinking

about it and Iwould start upagain. Hesat therewithmeuntil dawn, when I wasfinally able to completelycalm down—holdingme andalmost crying with me. Wewatched the sun come uptogether, I had been up for asolid twenty-four hours,neverhad Idone that before,andJacestayedrightwithmeand would not let me bealone.Hewalkedmebacktomy dorm and droppedme at

the door. “Get some sleepLilyGrace.Iloveyou!”

I smiled back at him,“I know, thank you.” I havenever felt so emotionallydrained than I did thatdawning. I didn’t even get ashower. I fell into my bedwith Jace’s jacket on. Itsmelled likehim.Thatwas acomfort.Islepttheentiredayin between nightmares ofChanceanddreamsofJace.Icould not tell youwhatwent

on that day. I heard peoplecoming in and out of mineand Chelsea’s room, shedidn’tmakeitbackeitherlastnight, but I knew she wassafe, because she was withTy. I thought I heardconversation, a sentence. “Ithink I will just stay withher.”Istilldidn’twake.IlaytherenotknowingifIwantedto wake, missing someonethat had suddenly become soimportant to me since last

night.My mind started

waking before my body didandIfeltashiftinmovementonmybedthatwasn’tmine.Istartedmoving.IfeltstiffandsorelikeIhadbeenbeatuporrunamarathonthatIhadnottrainedfor.Imovedgingerly.Then last night startedcomingbacktome.IrealizedI had been in the cold toolong last night, but I didn’tcare.Theonlypart I allowed

myselftorememberwasJace.I was still partly asleep andmy thoughts turned intowordsinmysleep.

“Jace.”I feltawarmhandon

mycheekandIheardatendervoicewithsweetpeppermintybreath. “I’m right here,sweetie.” I slowly openedmy eyes, and they hurt, buttheyrestedonJace’sfaceandhe immediately smiled. Itwas warm and caring and

genuine. “Hey pretty eyes,howareyoufeeling?”

“Jace . . . okay. Myeyeshurt though.” They feltred and puffy. “How longhaveyoubeenhere?”

“About two hours. Iwas waiting on you to wakeup.”

“Whattimeisit?”“Four o’clock.” I sat

upandrealizedthatIstillhadon my clothes fromyesterday.

“Wow, I bet I lookrough.”

“Yeah, you kind ofdo,but inanendearingway.I tellyouwhat. Gogetyourshower, I know you’ll feelbetter then and I will leave,youcancallmewhenyougetout and get dressed and wewillgotodinner.Iknowyouhavetobestarving.”

I panicked. “No,pleasedon’tgo.Juststayhereand wait on me to get

through. Please, please don’tgo.”Iwasbegging.

He took hold of myarms carefully. “Lily, calmdown.Yes, okay, Iwill waitonyou.Don’tpanic.”

I don’t know why Isuddenly felt panicky. I feltlikeifhe lefthewouldnevercomebackand Iwantedhimto come back; I needed himto come back. I walked intoour walk-in closet/dressingroomandtookoffmyclothes

and pulled on my bathrobeand grabbed my showerbasket and towel andwashcloth.

I walked out and helaughed. “Well don’t youlookcute?”

“Promise you’llstay?”

“Ipromise;Iwon’tgoanywhere. I’ll be here whenyougetback.”Hesmiledhisgenuine smile, and I knew Icould trust him, no matter

what. I walked out the doorand down the hall andclimbedintheshower.

Itfeltsogoodtohavethe warm water run downover me and feel like it wascleaning every bad memoryand getting rid of the onesthatwould hurtme, yet verymuch fill my head with thegood memories of the hereand now. I showered forthirtyminutes.

By the time Imade it

backtomyroom,mybedhadbeen straightened he had putbooks back on their shelfwhere they belonged, myschoolbooksmostly.Hehadalsopulledmeoutsomethingtowear. It looked really cutetogether.Wow, he was goodat cooking (found out lastnight), cleaning and pickingout clothes, even for me.Wait a minute. “Jace youwent through my clothes inmycloset?”

“Did I do somethingwrong? If I did, I didn’tmeantoo.Iwasjusttryingtohelp.” He was really upsetthat he might have offendedme. Definitely something Iwasnotusedto.

I laughed at him.“No, you didn’t do anythingwrong, I am just not used tosomeonetreatingmethewayyoudo.”

Istillhadmybathrobeon and he pulled me down

into his lap. “Well youshouldbeusedtothat.IwishI had killed him when I hadtheopportunity.”

“Jace, I’m glad youdidn’t. Iwouldhatetocomevisityouinjail,knowingthatitwasmewhoputyouthere.”

“Lil, you would havebeenworthit.”

“Okay, new rule. Nomentioning of the past, ever,if it makes either of usunhappyorangry,agreed?”

“Agreed.” As muchas he wanted too, he wassweet enough to realize thatafter last night’s revelationabout Chance that it wasgoing to take more time, sohekissedmeontheforeheadinstead of the lips. “Okay,Lily,getyourself together. Iamabouttostarve.”

I took the outfit hehadpickedoutformetowearand went into the dressingroom and changed. When I

walked back out, I looked atthe outfit he had picked outthatIhadputon.Itwasmoreof a date ensemble, than ahanging out around campusoutfit. “Jace why do youhavemedressed like this forsupperattheCaf?”

He grinnedmischievously. “BecauseLily Grace, you and I aregoingtothemoviestonightintown. We aremeeting up atthe Caf with Chels and Ty,

and Brianna and Dave. Thesix of us are going to themovies after we eat. Howdoesthatsound?”

“Itsoundslikefun.”“Well then let’s get

going.”“JaceIhavetoputon

my makeup, give me aboutfiveminutes.”

“Okay.” Then he satback down on my bed andwatched as I put on mymakeup.

“I know you must bebored, but thank you forstayingandwaitingonme.”

“I don’t know whereelseIwouldgo.”

We made our waydown to the Caf andmet upwith Ty and Chelsea, andBrianna and Dave. Afterdinner we went to themovies. I pulled out mymoney; Jace stuck it back inmypurse.“Mytreat.”

“Only if you let me

getthepopcorn.”“Okay,fairenough.”I really couldn’t tell

you what the movie wasabout; I was too busy tryingto battle with myself overwhether I should let this goany farther with Jace. ThenJace looked at me and tookmy hand and everything elsewent out of my mind. IdecidedIdidn’tcareandthatwhatever happened wouldhappen.

Chapter5

The next two weekswentbyuneventful.Jaceand

I became closer and I foundmyself falling for him, but IdidnotwantthatyetorratherI didn’t want to admit thatyet. Itwas getting harder tobe around him because I feltmy defenses wavering.Maybe they were supposedto,butIwasn’tsureIwantedto let them go yet. So, Icontinued to pretend that Ididn’t want more from Jacethan just a friend, but henever once was upset with

me. I appreciated him forthat.

Spring Break, I wasexcited because I was goingtoget togo to thebeachandalso because I was going tobe able to see Jace while Iwasthere.BeforeweleftthatFriday he gave me thenumber tohisparents’condoat Seaside. Mrs. Harperdecidedweallcouldgotothebeach bonfire as long as sheand her husband were

allowed to attend also. Thefunny part was that Mrs.Harper knew Jace’s parentsandthatbecameevenmoreofa point in our favor, becausewe were going to be able tostay out at the bonfire untilmidnight insteadof theusualteno’clock.Icouldn’twait.

Chelsea, Brianna, andJillianrodewithme.Idroveagrandamandithadaprettybigtrunk.Itwasagoodthingtoo; tryingtopackfourgirls’

things for a four-day trippacked my poor little car tothe gills. I just prayed wewouldn’t have a flat.Everyone chipped in for thegas and we were off. Westopped for drinks and asnack and gas only once andby the timewemade it thereitwas around six that night.Mrs.Harperandherhusbandhad already begun preparingdinner. After we all foundour spots to sleep we went

backup tohelpwithdinner.Wewerehavingtacosalads.

Four other girls hadmade it there before we did,NinaandHayley,BrookeandJessi.Wewereeachassigneda task tohelpwithdinner. Iwas in charge of writingnames on cups. For somereason everyone alwayspicked me to write thingsbecause I was an educationmajor and they most of thetime wanted the dot letters

that teachersare famous for.Anyonecouldhavedonethat,but it was always me. Westayed busy for most of theevening and everyone wasthereby7:30,soweateaboutthat time. After dinner wewere in charge of cleaningup. Wehad toput away thefoodandcleanthedishesandthings like that. Itwasn’t toobad with the twenty of ushelping.

Things started

calming down and most ofthegirls,exceptus,hadputina movie and were watchingit. I had too much time tostart thinking about Jace notbeinghere. I startedmissinghim badly. I had becomeusedtotheideaofhimbeingaround andme being able totalk to him whenever Iwanted. I needed some air,so I ran down to where wewere going to sleep andpulled out my fleece jacket

and put it on. It was myfavorite,lightgraywithADPiembroidered in light bluewith violets on either end ofthe words. I came back upand told Mrs. Harper that Iwas going outside to sit andlistentothewaves.

“Lily that is myfavorite thing to do when Icome out here. If you willlookinthelittlestoragecloseton the deck there are somecampchairswithfootrestson

them.Comehere.”I followed her out to

the deck and she showedmewhere the camp chairs were,and then she pointed outwhere the best place to sitwas.“ThanksMrs.Harper.”

“Anytime, enjoyyourself. By the way, overthereinthatgroupofcondos,the thirdone from the end isMr. andMrs. Masters’. Wedecided to have the bonfireonTuesdaynightkindoflike

a grand finale before we gohome.I’mgladyousuggestedit.Enjoyyourtime,tomorrowwe get down to RUSHbusiness. Sydney has comeupwith some great ideas forthis year. Don’t stay out toolate.”

“Okay, thank youMrs. Harper.” She squeezedmy shoulders and went backin.Ilookedoveratthegroupof condos. They didn’t seemtoofaraway,butIsowanted

Jace to walk out the backdoor of that third one fromthe end. I missed him somuch I began to cry. Then Iwondered if he missed mejust as much. I shouldn’thave,butIdid.Iwantedhimtomissmethatmuch.Iguessthatwasselfishofme.

We hadn’t spenthardly any time away fromoneanotheroverthepasttwoweeksunlesswehadtogotoadifferentclass,orneededto

study. Butmost of the timewestudiedoutonthequadonmy blanket. I am sure manypeople already considered usacouple.Ilikedthatidea,meand Jace as a couple. As Ithought that and sat therelistening to the waves for acouple of hours a flicker oflightcaughtmyeye.Ilookedtowhere I thought I saw thelight and it wasn’t where Iwas hoping it was comingfrom. That made me

extremely sad. I knewthough,thathisfamilywasn’tplanning on coming untilSaturday, so was he, Dave,Ty, andMike. I leaned backagainst the back ofmy chairand looked up at the crystalclear night sky and saw amilliontinylittlestarsandthebig full moon. It was sorelaxingandbeautiful.Iheardthebackdeckdooropenandlooked and saw Jillian,Brianna,andChelseacoming

out thedoor to joinme.Mrs.Harper showed them wherethechairsweretoo.

“Hey Lily, we werewondering where you hadgoneofftoo.”

“Well you found me.There was too much noiseinsideandIwantedquiet.”

“So you could thinkabout how much you missJace?” Chelsea knew mewell.

“Maybe,but Iwanted

tohearthewavestoo.”Jillian offered her

opinion. “Lil why don’t youjust let yourguarddownandallow something to happenbetween you and Jace?Honey, Chance is gone, youdon’t have to worry abouthim getting in the wayanymore and you know aswell as I do that Jace isabsolutely nothing like himandifImaybesobold,Jaceis head over heels for you,

don’tyouseethat?”“Jillian, do you have

anyideahowmuchIwanttodothat?”

“No, I don’t, andlatelyyouseemtobepushingJace away. It would notsurprise me if he was at thefrat house wondering if youstillwanthimaround.”

“What? Jillian whatareyoutalkingabout?”

Chelsea piped upthen. “Lily,whatJilliansaid

is true. He asked me theotherdaywhatwasgoingonwith you and even askedmeifheshouldstickaround.”

“What, no, that’s notwhat Iwant. I dowant himaround,morethananything.”

Briannaaddedhertwocents. “Then my suggestiontoyouwouldbetoletChancego. He is gone. You don’tneedtokeepyourdefensesinplace, because if you doyou’regoingtoloseJaceand

you know that, unless that iswhatyouarehopingfor?”

“No, I don’t want tobe without him.” I startedcrying again. “He reallythinks I don’t want himaround.”

They all three, at thesametime,said“YES!”

At that moment Iresolved to myself that assoon as I could I would callhimtomorrowtomeetmesowecouldtalk.Ineverwanted

toloseJaceandespeciallynotbecauseIwasactingstupid.Ilooked at the three of them.“Okay, tomorrow I will talktoJaceassoonasIcan.”

Chelsea reached overtosqueezemyhand.“That’sthe girl I know, welcomebackLily.” I felt happiness,for the first time in a longtime and it was because ofoneguy—Jace.

*******

We came in aboutmidnight and took ourshowersandwenttobed.Wehad a huge day ahead of ustomorrow. I was sure wewere going to start workingon themovesforourskitsorat least start acquaintingourselves with them. Weelectedofficers though,andIwas voted secretary onceagain because they somehowthought I had the writingskills todo it. OurPresident

stepped down because shewas about to graduate andNina was voted the newpresident. Jillian was votedhistorian and Brianna wasvotedvicepresident.Chelseawas re-elected rushcoordinator, because shewasso good at it and our newcabinet stood in front of thesorority.

Chelsea startedhandingouttheskitswewereto familiarize ourselves with

andwebrokeoff intogroupsto decide who was going toplay which parts. Chelsealoved doing that and that isprobablywhyshewaselectedevery year as rushcoordinator. We ate lunchand then worked about twomore hours and then Mrs.Harper,whowaspleasedwithourprogress,gaveustherestoftheafternoontogoplayonthe beach, after she gave ustherules.

“Now, girls, I wanteachofyoutomakesureyouknow where your groupmembers are and check inwith me, every hour. Youcan designate a checker andsend only one back tome oryou can each individuallycome and check in,which iswhatIprefer,butIwillleaveituptoyou.KeepacheckonthetimeandIwanteveryoneto return to the house by sixfor dinner and then you can

have free time the restof theevening. Now, Iknowsomeof you have friends that aregoing to be on the uppercornerofSeasideandyouareallowed to see them, butagainyoumustcheckinwithmeeveryhour. Curfew isat10:30. I fully expect you tobe somewhere in the vicinityof this house by that time. IhavespokenwiththeMastersand have told them of myrulesalso.”

Sheeyedme,Chelsea,Jillian, and Brianna and wegave her a nod ofunderstanding and shereturnedonetous.

“Now,girls,gohavefun.” Wedidour littlecheerand then we went andchanged.

There was a phonedownstairs and I called Jaceafter I changed into myswimsuit and cutoff denimshorts. He answered.

“Hello?”“HeyJace,it’sLily.”“HeyLil.”Therewas

an edge of hesitation in hisvoice.

“Areyousettledin?”“Yeah, we made it

hereaboutanhourago.” Hestillhadanedgeofhesitation.

“Jace, doyoumind ifwetalk?”

I heard a not-so-niceword under his breath, andthenheansweredme.“Okay,

wheredoyouwanttomeet?”“Juststartwalkingout

your back door and youwillseemewalkingtowardsyourcondo. I’ll see you in aminute.”

“Okay,seeyouthen.”I had no idea how to

dothis,Ihadthefeelingrightnow he thought I was abouttobreakupwithhimand thefunny part about that is wewere not even officiallydesignated a couple yet. My

mind floundered, I felt like afish that had washed up onthe beach and couldn’tbreathe.Isowantedthis,butwas going to have to leteverythinggoinordertohaveit. Can I do this? I had noidea.

As I started out thebackdoor, I knew Brianna,Chelsea and Jillian werewatching from the windowthat lead out to the hot tub.They wanted this for me as

much as I wanted this forme. I made my way downthe stairs and started throughtheyardasIsawJacein justhisswimtrunksandtank-typeshirt.Hehadsometantohimand was walking down hisbackdeckstepsandIthoughtmyheartwasgoing to thrumout of my chest. Everymuscle on him rippled underhis shirt as hemade hiswaytowardsme, but hewas veryhesitant. I was right; he

thought Iwas about to breakup with him. That almostmademe smile and I almostgiggled. He hadmissedme,butwasnotsurehowthiswasgoingtoturnout.

It seemed to takeforever tomeet upwith him.We finally did. “Hey Lilybell are y’all off for the restoftheday?”

His eyes were thedark-cast gray whichconfirmed my suspicion.

“Yeah we are. Jace, what’swrong?”

He looked at me astearswelled in his eyes. Hewas fighting them back ashard as he could, actuallyabout to cry. “Lily, whydon’tyoutellme?”Wewerestanding at a midpointbetween the back yards, hehadhisarmscrossed in frontof him, and hewas trying tolook over my shoulder tokeepfromfacingme.

“What do you wantmetotellyou—thatImissedyou so much last night Icried.” I placedmyhandonhisfaceasalonetearescapedhis sad eyes and I wiped itgently away. I whispered."Jace,pleasedon'tbeupset.”Iplacedmyotherhandonhisface and tookmy finger andtraced his cheek down to hislips.“TellyouthatIhaveletall my defenses down andthat I feel dangerously

vulnerable right now.” Ibrought his face tomine andlookeddeepintohiseyes,asIsmoothed a curl off hisforehead. He began tosmile.“TellyouI’vewantedtodothistoyouforawhile.”I kissed him—soft and long—knowing this is what Iwantedand Iwaspretty sureitwaswhathewantedtoo.

Ibrokethekissgentlyandlookedintohiseyes.“DoyouacceptmeforwhoIam,

Jace?”He held me tightly

and whispered in my ear.“Everycentimeter,no stringsattached, I hopeyouhavenoregrets.”

“Don’tgivemereasonto.”

“IloveyouLilyGraceAldridgeandIknowyoulovemetoo.”

I did not deny that, Ijust held him closer andfound myself crying, hoping

one day I could say “I loveyou too”. Right at thatmoment though, he knew itunspoken and that wasenoughforbothofus.

Frombehindusonhisdeck I suddenly heard abunchofcheersandwhistles.Heand Iboth laughedaswestood there holding eachother. “You ready to hit thebeach.”

“Yeah,let’sgo.”Jace looked up at his

deck and yelled. “Hey youlosers, did we come for thebeachornot.”

Hoots and hollerscamebackinanswerasaboutfifteenguyscamestampedingdown the deck stairs. I wasafraiditwasgoingtofall,butamazingly it didn’t. BriannaranouttomeetDave;ChelsearanouttomeetTy;Jillianranout to meet Mike. Theycaught up with me and Jaceas the rest of the guys had

already hit the beach. Therewerevolleyballnetssetupallover the place and Briannahadbrought aFrisbee andofcourse there was the ocean,but thewaterwasstilla littlecoldformesoJaceandIjuststayedattheedgeandtriedtobeat thewaves. Acoupleoftimes they caught me on thebackandmanweretheycold,but then Jace would pull meagainst hiswarm chest and Iwould be all warmed in no

time.WeallcheckedinwithMrs. Harper like we weresupposed to andhad thebesttime.

Sixo’clockcametoosoonandwehadtopartwaysfordinner,buttoldthemtobelooking for us out in thebackyard around eighto’clock. Then we couldspend a little more timetogether. Some of the othergirls had made friendsquickly with Jace’s cousins

and looking around the yardyou could see little groupssittinghereandthere,liketheeight of us were, justchatting. Suddenly Mrs.Harper appeared with tikitorches and she sparselyspaced them around the yardin and amongst the manydifferentgroups.Sheclaimeditwasbecauseofmosquitoes,butnonewerebiting. Itwasbasicallytoshedalittlemorelightoneveryone.

Jace laughed. “Sheseems to think a bunch ofcollege guys are nottrustworthy.”Wealllaughedaboutthat.

Hisparentscameovertoo and it was funny. TheyandMr. andMrs.Harper saton the deck and watched uslikehawks,butnothingcouldreally be said because all ofus girls were still in andaround the vicinity of thehouse. Again 10:30 came

way to soon andMr. Harpercalledcurfewandallthelittlegroupsdispersed.Jacekissedme goodbye, Dave did toBrianna, Mike did to Jillian,andTydidtoChelsea.Someoftheothergirlswerehavinga spring fling of their own.Wecheeredourway into thehouse as Mrs. Harper calledroll.Wewereallthere.

Then she gave us alittlewarning. “Iamgladallofyouseemedtohaveagood

time today, however, don’ttrytosneakoutofthishousetonight, I will have thesecurity alarm on and everywindowanddoorisequippedwith one. So if any of youwere planning that, first ofall, you will no longer be apart of this sorority, andsecondly I will never allowanythingofthisnatureagain.IbelieveIcantrustallofmygirls, don’t provemewrong,nordisappointme.”

“Yes, Ma’am, Mrs.Harper.” It sounded like alittle kid chorus saying goodmorningtotheirteacher.

*******The next three days

went pretty much the same.No one set one toe out ofline.Tuesdaynight,thenightof the bonfire was abittersweet time for me andChelsea and Brianna andJillian. Tomorrow we would

headhomeandspendtherestof spring break with ourfamilies,butJaceandTyandMike andDavewere stayingatthebeach.

The bonfire began at7:00 and the flames werefairly high. Our group ofeight stuck together andreally didn’t say much, Ithink all of us were a littleupset that we were going tohave to part ways, but as Isaidinthebeginningallgood

things will eventually end,and it was only a few daysbefore we would see eachother again. Then we couldget back to a regular routineandbeable toseeeachothereveryday.

Jace and the rest oftheguyswere sittingon logsthathadbeencarefullyplacedaround the fire. I was sittinginthesandinfrontofJaceashe played with my hair. Hewouldbraiditandthenmake

aropetwistinitandjustletitfallthroughhisfingers.

He kissed me on topof the head and rested hischin there. “What’s on yourmindLilyGrace?”

“Probably the samethingthatisonyours.”

“Ibetnot.”“You’re not thinking

how we aren’t going to seeeachotherforfivedays?”

“Actually no, I wasthinking how happy I am to

be with you and what thefutureholds.”

“Jace, what do youthinkthefutureholds?”

“I don’t know andwhatIdon’tknowwon’thurtme.”

“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”

“Well think about it.How can you worry aboutsomethingyoudon’tknow?”

“Youcan’t.”“Exactly my point,

whatgoodisittoworryaboutsomethingyoudon’tknow.”

“Nothing, it does nogood.Areyouworriedaboutsomething,Jace?”

“Not anymore. Oneday at a time is all we willtake.”

I was confused. Ididn’t know what he wastalkingabout,soIletitdrop.Allanyonecouldeverdowastake one day at a time,because we’re never

promised tomorrow. I neverrealized how true that was,notthen.

Thenextmorning,thefourofusgirls,packedupmycar to head out. Jace, Dave,Ty,andMikecame toseeusoff. But Jace wanted to dosomething before we left.“Lily, come with me andmeet my mom and dad. Imeanttodoitlastnight,butIhadalotonmymind.”

“Okay,whynow?”

“Becausewe’re neverpromised tomorrow.”Iwasalittleawestruck,that’sexactlywhat I was thinking lastnight. He looked deep intomy eyes, searching me,before he took me into thecondo and introduced me tohismomanddad.TheywerereallynicepeopleandIcouldsee where Jace got hissouthern gentleman’spersonality from. His dadwas just likehim. HisMom

was really sweet too. Aftermeeting them he took mebacktothecar.

“Lily, do you stillhave the number to thecondo?”

“Yeah,why?”“Please call me when

yougetinsoI‘llknowyou’resafe and call for Brianna,JillianandChelseatoo.”

“Okay, I will.” Thewords just tumbled out. “Iloveyou.”

Jace had this grin amile wide. “You mean thattoo,don’tyou.”

I could no longer lietomyself.“Yes,Ido.”

“I love you too LilyGrace. I’ll see you Sunday,Good Lord willing. Becareful.” He kissed megoodbye and Dave, Ty, andMike kissed their betterhalvestoo.Weheadedhome.

The rest of SpringBreak was very lonely,

although I enjoyed spendingtimewithmyparentsandmylittle sister. Imadea specialpoint to do things with her,knowing that I probablywouldn’t be coming homemuch for the rest of thesemester.

Iplannedonspendingall my spare time with Jace,for some reason I felt theneed todo this. Ihadcalledhim like he asked when Imadeithomeaswellaswhen

Chelsea, Brianna, and Jillianmadeithomeandcalledme.So everyone knew thateveryone had made it safelyhome. Ihate toadmit it,butwhen Sundaymorning rolledaround and I knew that Iwould see Jace that night Icouldnotwaittogetback.

Iwent to churchwithmy family and then when Icamehome,Istartedpackingup and getting my clothestogetherthatIhadwashed,so

Icouldleave.Ally(mylittlesister)criedas Iputmystuffin the car. Shewas a juniorin high school and reallyhated to see me leave to goback. IpromisedIwouldbebackatleastonceamonthtosee her, because I hadexplained to her about Jace.She understood, because shehadalittleboyfriendthatshebelieved she couldn’t livewithout. Hewas the captainof the basketball team, and

reallygoodtoo,collegeswerealready looking at him forscholarships. Sheknewtheirparting was coming, butchosenottothinkaboutit. Itold her I loved her and mymomanddadaswell,putmythingsinthecarandmademywaybacktocampus.

I didn’t know whattimeJacewascominginsoIresolvedmyself that I wouldhavetobepatientandwaitonhim to get back. The funny

partwas;hewastheonethathadbeenwaitingonmeattheside door of the dorm. Ipulledupandhewasthereatmy door, opening it toimmediatelygrabmeup in ahugebearhug.

“Lily,Imissedyousomuch.”

“I missed you too.”Then he kissed me. All Icould say was WOW! It’samazing what three littlewords can drive a man too,

especiallywhenunprompted.Hehelpedmeunloadmycarand get things put away andthen we caught up on whathadhappenedinthepastfivedays.

“You know Lily, meand Dave and Ty and Mikeenjoyed ourselves, but youhave never seen a moremiserablebunchofguysafterthe four of you left. Wealmost left too, but myparents talkedus intostaying

and by the way, they lovedyou.”

I suddenly realizedsomething. “Jace you knowwhat, I don’t even knowwhere you live or ratherwhereyourparentslive.”

“You know, I don’tknowwhere you live either.That’s funny, I can tell youeverything about you exceptwhereyoulive,soyoufirst.”

“Okay, I live inHuntsville.”

“You’renotserious.”“Yes, that is where I

live.”“IliveinDecatur.”“Noway.WhyhaveI

never seen you around backhome?”

“Probablybecausewewere never looking for eachotherandwewereindifferenthigh schools. DidyouknowDaveisfromDecaturtoo?”

“You know what’sfunnier?”

“What?”“That it never

registered with me whenChelseasaidyouandshehadgone to high school togetherthat youwere fromDecatur.Talk about not listening, buthow come she nevermentionedDave?”

“Because Dave andshe never really got to knoweach other until they startedhere, and his family movedtherejustbeforehestartedhis

freshman year in highschool.HeandIwereonthefootball team and baseballteam together. His two littlesisters go to Decatur Hightoo.”

“Where was he fromoriginally?”

“He was fromCorner.”

“You know, mygrandparents lived there. Iwonder if my mom and dadknowhismomanddad.That

iswhere theygrewup. Ibetthey do. Corner is a reallysmalltown.”

“Just ask next timeyouseeDave.”

“I think I will.Anyway, that is so wild thatwe lived twenty minutesaway from each other andnever knew the other existeduntilcollege. Hey,youwantto go sit on the quad? It isniceandsunnytoday.”

“Yeah, that sounds

great.”I went to my closet

andgrabbedtheblankettogosit on the quad. The dayswere longer, so we still hadsome time before the sunwentdown. Hefollowedmeout and of course noteveryonewasbackyetsothequad was rather sparse withpeople. We spread out theblanket and sat down andcontinuedourconversation.

“So tell me

something.”“Whatwouldyoulike

toknow?”

“Chelsea said youwere the star pitcher on thebaseball team, star linemanon the football team, andpresident of the SGA. Whydid you never have a steadygirlfriend? I’m sure youcouldhavehadyourpick.”

Jacestarted laughing.“RemindmetotellChelseatokeep her mouth shut nexttimeIseeher.”

“Don’t be mean, Iaskedherthesamequestion.”

“Oh really, and whatanswerdidshegiveyou?”

“She said that younever had a steady girlfriendbecauseallthegirlsyoudatedwere shallow and only likedyou for the positions youheld.”

“She’s absolutelyright.”

“Jace, you pickedthose girls, so if you didn’tlike shallow girls why didyoudatethem?”

“Lily, I never wantedasteadygirlfriend,ever.”

That was kind of aslap in the face. I almoststarted crying. He saw it.Then he put his hand on theside of my face. I pulledawayfromhim.

“So, Jace, what am Ito you? A fly by nightromancewho youwill dumpthenextchanceyouget?”

He looked reallyupset. “No, I neverwanted a

steadygirlfriend—until Imetyou. Suddenly I couldn’tstand the thought of us nothaving a chance, because ofChance.IlikedyoufromthemomentIsawyou.Therewassomethingdifferentaboutyouand believe me I really triedto stay away from you andthen I heard Chance in theshower that night braggingabout what he was about todotoyou.Ialmostkilledhimthen.Thethoughtofsomeone

purposely trying to hurt youangeredmemore than I everthoughtpossible.Itriedtoletitgoandmakemyselfbelievethat he was just talking,trying to make himself lookgood. Why he thought thatwould impress people isbeyondme.Alliteverdidforthoseofusthatknewyouandknewhimwasmadeuswantto hurt him before he everhad the chance to hurt you.Then that night Chelsea

called Dave and said youwere not in your roomwhenyou should have been andDavecalledmeand told thatto me, I panicked, I was abasket case, and all kinds ofhorrible thoughts wentthrough my head. I thoughtwe were going to find yourbody somewhere in a remotelocation on campus. Icouldn’t stand the thought ofyoubeingdead.”

I flinched when he

said that. Tears startedcoming up in my eyes, butnotforme,forthethoughtofwhat that put him throughwhen no one knew where Iwas.Iplacedmyhandonhisface trying to comfort him.“But Jace, here I am, I’mfine.”

“Yes, you aredefinitely fine, but I said allofthattotellyouthis.Ihavenever met anyone like youand after that scare I wanted

to be a part of your lifesomehow. Your friend orboyfriend or just Jace, theguy you like to spend timewith. Imade it a point to bearoundyouwheneverIcould,whether it was sitting in thedesknexttoyouinclassorinfront of you in class or evenbehind you in class. I justlikedbeingaroundyou.Theneverything with Chancehappened, by the way I’mglad you broke off your

engagement.”I laughed he was

beingsoveryhonestwithmeand it made me feel like hereallymeantthathehadnevermet anyone likeme, and notjustapickupline.Itookhishand. “Well, Idon’tplanongoing anywhere, so youmayjust be stuck with me, untilyou find someone else torescue.”

He choked up andthenclearedhisthroattofight

it back.He seemed so sad atthat moment. He pulled meinto his lap. “Lily bell, nomatter what happens; therewillneverbeanyoneelse forme except you, no matterwhathappens.”

The way he said thatgave me chills. I had thefeeling he wasn’t telling mesomething, but I decided notto think about it and justenjoy the time we had witheach other, all along keeping

inmind—onedayatatime.

Chapter6

Jace and I becameinseparable.Theonlytimeweweren’t together was whenwe didn’t have the sameclass.Afterrealizingweonlylived twenty minutes away

from each other we decidedto go home twice a month.We would ride togetherswapping out cars on theweeks we were home. Thatallowed my little sister tohave the car some too. Allywasthrilled.

The first time I tookJacehometomeetmyfamily,Ally was in awe of him forsome strange reason. Whenwe were eating dinner onenightduringthatweekendshe

scared everybody at thetable. “That’s it; I knowwhere I know you from.”ShewastalkingtoJace.

“You know me fromsomewhere?”

“Yeah, you were likethe star pitcher on DecaturHigh’sbaseballteamandstarlineman on their footballteam, who passed up a fullscholarship toAU.WHYdidyoudothat?”

I glared at Ally.

“That is none of yourbusiness Ally, you are sonosy.”

She looked down atthetable. “Oh,yeah,Iguessyou’re right thatwasnosyofme.Sorry.”

“That’s okay, do youwant me to tell you why, Idon’tmind.”

“Okay, why did youpassupthefullscholarshiptoAuburn?”Iwasevencuriousabout that. I knew what

Chelseahadtoldme,butthatdidn’tmakesensetome.

Jace went into hisstory.“Thereweretwoofusup for the scholarship, meand my best friend Trace.We both tried out for it, butforsomereasonhisgamewasway off that night and hemissedit,butthatsamenightImessedupmyknee,tearingtheACL.”Heshowedusthescarsonhisleg. “Theyweregoing to give it tome, but I

bowed out because, one, Ididn’twant to get hurt againlikethat,manthatwasrough,andtwo,hewasnotgoingtogettocollegewithoutitandIdecided to go to a smallcollege and make my ownwayratherthanbeknownforthe scholarship I held. Theygaveit tohimandasfarasIknow,thelasttimeItalkedtohimhewasdoingwellandinpre-med. That iswhyIgaveupthescholarship.”

My mom and dadwere blown away, not tomention me and Ally. Mydadbrokethesilence.“Well,Jace, that was very noble ofyou and so you ended up atUM.” Ohno,dadwasaboutto go into his what do youplan to do with your lifespill.Icouldn’tsayanythingI could just try to give himwarning with my look. Hecaughton.

“So Jace, what are

youmajoringin?”“I’m majoring in

sociologytobeacounselor?”“High school or

elementaryschool?”“High school

preferably, but I am notopposed to elementaryschool.”

“Wellyouknow;Lilyhere is majoring in earlychildhoodeducation.”

“Yes Sir, myroommate Dave is majoring

in Elementary Education.They have had some classestogether.He is fromCorner.Lily toldmethatbothofyougrewup inCorneralso. DidyouknowanyJamesons?”

Jace purposely pulledthe conversation away fromhimself, I could tell he wasgetting uncomfortablebecause my dad had calledhim noble, then I understoodwhyhenever really told thatstory to anyone, but it was

like he wanted me to knoweverything about him, Allytoo. I believe he would’veliked to have had her for alittle sister. I never saw thatcoming to be, though, Icouldn’t understand why.ThenIremindedmyself—onedayatatime—onceagain.

MomansweredJace’squestion. “Yeahwewent tohigh school with someJamesons. David Jameson,he had twin sisters, Sherry

and Shelley, and the girl hewas with at the time wasMaryAnnCharles.”

“Thatwouldbe them,David and Mary AnnJameson.”

“Well what a smallworld. You said they had ason,yourroommate,Dave?”

“Yes Ma’am andDavehastwolittlesistersthatgo toDecatur high. They’retwinstoo,aboutAlly’sage.”

Ally spoke up then.

“I have met them before,friends of friends, HannahandHallieJameson.”

“Rightagain, theyarehissisters.”

Wow, it wasdefinitely a small world. Idon’t know why I didn’tknow any of that. Oh well,nowIdid.

After dinner thedoorbellrang.ItwasConnor,Ally’s boyfriend. He hadcome topickherup for their

date.Theyweregoingtothemovies and Jace and I weregoingovertoseehisparents.ThatwasFridaynight.

Saturday Jace and Iwent to the space and rocketcenter. The day wasabsolutely gorgeous. Thatnight we ate dinner with hismom and dad and I met hisnephew. Hewas about ninemonths old. I had met hisbrotherbefore,hewasseveralyears older than Jace, but I

had never met his sister-in-law or nephew. Her namewas Laney and the baby’sname was Shane Grey(named after Jace’s brother),they had a little girl too, hername was Tessa. For somereason littleShaneGrey tookto me. He reached for meandItookhimandheplayedwithmyhair.Itfeltsosweetwith his little baby hands inmy hair. Jace just looked atme and grinned really big.

“You’re loving that aren’tyou?”

“Well who wouldn’theisprecious.”Westayedacoupleofhours.

“Well I hate to breakup the fun, but I need to getLily home. I’ll be backlater.” He kissed his momgood-byeandhuggedhisdad,tookShanefrommeandgavehimbacktoLaneyandkissedher goodbye. Tessa huggedhis leg. Then he shook his

brother’shandandweleft.He looked tired.

“Jaceareyoutired?”“Yeah, I don’t know

what is more exhausting,going to classes andwalkingall over campus, or cominghomefortheweekends.”Webothstartedlaughing.

“Yeah I know whatyoumean; Ican’twait togetback to campus Sunday so Icanrest.”

“Speaking of that,

what time do you want toleavetomorrow?”

“I’ll have my stuffready around one o’clock. Isthatokay?”

“Yeah, I’ll pick youupthen.”

“Okay,doyouwanttocomeinorheadbackhome?”

“I love you, but I amexhausted I think I’ll justheadbackhome.”

“Okay, I love youtoo. Be careful and call me

whenyougethome.”“Waitaminute;that’s

myline.”“Please, I want to

make sure you’re back safeand didn’t fall asleep at thewheel.”

“Okay, Lily bell I’llcallyouwhenIgethome.”

“Thank you.” Wekissedgoodnightandheleft.

As Jace pulled outConnorandAllypulledin. Isat on thedeck stairs towait

for her. She didn’t know Iwas there. I watched howsweet Connor was to her, Ijust hated that he and shewould have to part when hewenttocollege.However,allgood things must eventuallyend. Somehowtonight Ihadthe feeling that Jace was notalways going to be around. Ireally didn’t know what thatmeant,butItriednottothinkabout it. It did bring me totears though. I had to keep

repeatingtomyself,“onedayatatime,onedayatatime.”

Allycameupthedeckstairsandsatwithme. “Lilywhy are you crying? Jacedidn’t break upwith you didhe?”

“No, nothing likethat.”

“Thenwhat?”“Ally this is so

complicated, it’s hard toexplain.”

“Tryme, I’mnot that

muchyoungerthanyou.”“Okay, do you ever

get“feelings”aboutthings?”“Yeah,Ido,why?”“BecauseIjusthavea

feelingthatJaceisnotalwaysgoingtobehere,likeonedayI’m going to wake up andhe’ll be gone. It just scaresme,that’sall.”

“Well Lily, therewasthis girl that once toldme toenjoy things while they lastbecausewe are not promised

tomorrowandshealsosaystotakeonedayata time.” Sheand I laughed, because I hadtold her that the last time Iwashome.

“Iloveyou,Ally!”“Iloveyoutoo,Lily!

Youarethebestsisterever.”We kissed each other on thecheek. “Are you coming tobedsoon?”

“Yeah, I’ll be theresoon.”Shewalkedbackintothe house and I sat there a

littlewhilelonger.Thenightwasclearandbeautifulanditgave me a sense of calm.WhatevertimeJaceandIhadleft I would gladly take. Ijusthoped...Iwaswrong.

Jace came and pickedme up and we left for UM.When we made it back andafterwe unloaded everythinghecamebacktomyroomandboth of us just collapsed onmybedandfellasleep. Thisweekend was more

exhaustingthanawholeweekof walking back and forthacross campus for class. Iwas glad we would not begoing home this nextweekend.

We slept for a coupleof hours and woke uphungry. “Well I lovedwaking up next to you, butI’m about to starve. Whattimeisit?”

I looked at my clockand itwas six o’clock. “It’s

sixo’clock,theCafisclosed.YouwanttotrytheSUB.”

“How about Subwayintown?Feellikewalking?”

“Yeah, that soundsgood.”SowewalkedtotownandateatSubway.

A few minutes laterChelsea, Brianna, and Jillianshowed up with Ty, Dave,and Mike. “Well hey guys,y'allwanttojoinus?”

“Sure, but let’s gograb that table over there,

there’salittlemoreroom.”Weallorderedandsat

down and ate. We had allgone home this weekend.They seemed about asexhausted as we were.Chelseastartedlaughing.

“Chels, what’s sofunny?”

“We are in ourtwenties and we are actinglike grandmas and grandpas.I hate going home over theweekends, it is so

exhausting.IcamebacksoIcould get some rest.” Thenwe all laughed, because wewere all feeling the sameway.

“Yeah,Iknow,soarey'allgoinghome thiscomingweekend?”

A resounding chorusof “NO” rang through theroom.Wewerealllaughing.We were one tired bunch.When we were through withsupperweallwalkedbackto

mineandChelsea’s room. Itwas closest to the doors.Everyone stayed and talkeduntil about ten and theneveryone started yawning.We said our goodbyes andthen partedways. Whenwefinallymadeittobedwehadnoproblemfallingasleep.

Aprilflewbyandthenit was nearing finals time.OurEnglishfinalwasapaperand ten compare/contrastquestions on various things

we had read throughout thesemester.Ihatedit,butmadeit through fine, so did Jaceand the others. Jace and Iworkedonsociologytogetherandcamethroughwithflyingcolors on that final and wedidwellontheresttoo.

Bring on summer.Jace and I spent themajorityofour summer together. Wewent to the beach with hisfamily and we went to thebeachwithmy family. Two

beach trips in one summer.Wehadablast. Onthefinalevening before we weresupposed to head home Ifound myself wandering outinto the backyard of hiscondo and brought myselfback to a place in mymemorywherewebeganoursummer. I stood on the veryspot where I committedmyself to Jace for the longrun and went back throughthat day of Spring Break

when I finally realized whatJacemeanttome.Ijuststoodand stared at the stars andagain the moon was full. Itwasabeautifulnight.Allofasudden his strong arms werearound me. “Taking yourselfbackLilybell?”

“Yeah,Icouldn’thelpmyself. Jace, I’m so gladwe’retogether.”

“I am tooLilyGrace,I hope you never have anyregrets.”

“AtthismomentJace,I regretnothing;pleasedon’tevergivemereasonto.”

“I am trying my bestto make sure that doesn’thappen. I love you so muchLily, you are somuch a partofme.”

I knew that and heknew I felt the same wayabout him, but I couldn’tshake the feeling thathewasnot going to be with mealways.Ijustblurteditout.

“I feel the same wayaboutyouJace,butwhydoIhave the feeling that you’renot going to be aroundforever?”

“Lily that is aridiculousquestion. Are anyof us going to be aroundforever?”

I laughed, despitewhat I was feeling at thatmoment.“No,Iguessyou’reright. None of us will bearoundforever.”

“Then let’s make apact.”

“Okay,whatabout?”“Let’smake a pact to

makethemostofeverydayasif it were our last together.Will you do that? Will youmakethatpactwithme?”

That felt like theonlythingIcoulddo.“YesJace,Ipromise tomake themost ofeverydayI’mwithyou.”

“That’s my Lilybell.” Then he looked deep

into my eyes and kissed melong and passionately. I feltit;Ifeltthelongingtobewithhim to share everythingwithhim, but being the southerngentleman that he was,looked at me and said, “Iwant you to have no regretsLilyandyournameisaspureas the white flowers itrepresents. I won't take thatfrom you. I love you andlove should never have anyregrets.”

I leanedintohischestand cried as I wrapped myarmsaroundhim.

“Lilybellwhyareyoucrying?”

“Jace, I feel like onedayI’mgoingtowakeupandyou’llbegone. I’mscared togo to rush camp, because Idon’t know if you’ll be herewhenIreturn.”

“Lily, if it is withinmy power, I will be. Don’tgive up on me. Expect what

you want and somehow Iknowitwillbefine.Youarekeeping me where I am.Believe that with all yourheart.Promiseme.”

“Okay, Iwill promiseyou. I expect you to be herewhenIgetback.”

“ThenIwillbe.”He gave me his best

Jace smile and I knew itwould be okay for now. IwonderedwhathemeantbyIamkeepinghimwhereheis.

ItwaslikeIwasamissionorsomething.Italwaysseemedthatwaytome.Ididn’tquiteunderstandthat,butIletitgo.I didn’t want to waste anytime I had with him onsomething I didn’tunderstand.

The next Monday Ileft for a week long rushcamp in Savannah, Georgia.Brianna’s grandparentsowned a little bed andbreakfastthere.Theyallowed

her to use the place becausethis was a slow month forthem.Chelsea,me,andJillianrode with Brianna. Ourcaravan of about six cars,each having a sign with oursorority letters on it, madeour way to Savannah,Georgia to the Bremlin Bedand Breakfast. It wasbeautiful.

I had always heardthatSavannah,Georgiawasabeautiful old southern city

lost in the modern society.They had their own waysabout them and it screamedoldsouth, likeGonewith theWind old south or at leastwhere her grandparents bedand breakfast was. Therewereporchswingsallaroundthe wrap-around porch,weepingwillowsscatteredthelawnaroundtheedge,ahugebrickbarbequepitwas in thebackand thebeautiful charmof an antebellum south two-

storymansion held its grace.There were ten rooms andfive bathrooms. Each roomheld twodoublebedsor fourtwin-size beds. I broughtmycamera and took pictures soJace could see how beautifulthis place was. I thought ofhimandmyheartachedandIfelt tears fighting to come tothe surface. I didn’t try tofight them back; I knew Iwould feel better if I cried.Today was free day and we

weregivenfreereignofwhatwewantedtodo.IdecidedtowriteJacea letterandmail itto him. Wouldn’t he besurprised?Isatononeof theporch swings and beganwriting.

DearJace,I sit here in this beautiful

placeandIthinkofyou.Myheartachesbecauseyouarenotwithme.Iloveyoumore than words can ever say. I wishyou were here so I could share thebeautyofthisplacewithyou,butsinceyou’renotIamtakingpicturestoshare

withyouwhenIcomehome.ItfeelslikeIamamillionmilesawayfromyouandIcannotphoneyou.Thisplaceonlyhasa pay phone. I didn’t bring enoughquarters. I wish I had. Just hearingyour voice right now would make mefeel so much better. I hope you arekeeping your promise to me, that youwill be there when I come home,because I am counting on that. Everymoment I amaway from you feels likeaneternityandwe stillhave fourdaysto go. Good Lord willing we will behome Friday afternoon and I fullyexpectyoutobestandingtherewaitingonmewhenIpullintothedriveway.Wehave to go back to college in a weekand then Rush is on, the rush to geteverythingready. I look forward to the

timesonthequadwithyouandmejustsitting on our blanket and watchingpeople. I will feel better knowing thatallIhavetodoispickupthephoneandcallyou.Iloveyou.Iwillseeyousoon.

YoursForever,LilyGraceI folded the letter and

addresseditandmaileditoffthat next day at lunch. Itwould probably get thereThursday.Todaythoughwasonly Tuesday. We still hadthreemoredaystogo.Iwasglad that Rush practice kept

us so busy. That gave meless time to think of Jace,although he was still in theback of my mind and at theforefront of my heart. Ourschedule was rigid andpacked. Chelsea haddefinitely done her job. Webarely had time to breathe.We actually had to exercisebefore we began to get ourmuscleswarmed up, becausesomeofthedancestepswererigorous. If I didn’t know

better I would have believedChelseawasbringingsomeofher dance line training intoourskits.ThemoreIthoughtabout it the more I realizedthat is exactly what she wasdoing,butthatisalsowhywealwayshadahugenumberofgirlswanting to be anADPi.Some of them lasted andsome of them didn’t but wehadsomany. Eachnightwewere tired and barely able tokeep our eyes open through

dinner.Itwasamazingtoseethatmanycollegegirlsallgetinbedbynineo’clockat thelatest, butwealsohad togetup at the crack of dawn tostartpracticing.

It went that way thewhole week and then Fridaydawned, and although wewere up, Chelsea, as well asMrs. Harper, and Sydneywent easy on us because wehad done such a tremendousjob that week. We ran

through each skit one lasttime and it was almostperfect. Chelsea hadwrittenup—well toldme towriteup—the schedule for the weekbeforerushweekandshehadcopiesmadeandgaveone toeachofus.

“Sisters, don’t losethese, they will be yourlifelinetheweekbeforeRush.IamproudofallthatwehaveaccomplishedthisweekandIwill see you in two weeks.

Get ready! We are going tohave the bestRush yet!”Weall cheered and then went toget our things; we had tocheckoutbyten.

We all thankedBrianna’s grandparents forthe use of their place andpacked up the car andtraveledhome.Icouldn’twaitto see Jace, and Chelsea,Jillian, and Brianna werelooking forward to seeingtheir guys too. We also

couldn’twaittogetbackintothe normal routine of atypical college day and thatwould only be one moreweek.

I had left my car atBrianna’s house and so hadChelsea and Jillian. So theywould be ready for us to getinto and head home. Ithanked Brianna and jumpedin my car after I pulled mystuff out of her trunk andthrew it in mine. In twenty

minutes I would see Jace. Ihad to keep myself fromspeeding home. I pulled intomy gravel drive and creepedmywayslowlydowntheroadand turned intomy drivewayand there was Jace and Allytoo.HehelduptheletterthatIhadmailedhimandassoonasIparkedhewasatmydoorabout to rip itoff thehinges.Wecouldn’tgettoeachotherfastenough.Hepulledmeoutof the car and I jumped up

and wrapped my arms andlegs around him as he spunme around.Youwould thinkwehadn’t seen each other inayearinsteadofaweek.

“Oh Lily, I missedyou so bad. I didn’t think itwaspossibletomissyouthatmuch.”

“Jace, I missed youtoo.Imissedyousomuchithurt.Don’teverletmego.”

“Iwasn’t planning onit.”Heletmedownandthen

we kissed more passionatelylong than we ever havebefore. He pulled awaygently and mouthed “noregrets”. I understood whathewassayingasAllyclearedher throat really loudly. Ialmostforgotshewasthere.

“Well sis what am Itheevilwitchwithawartonhernose?”

“No, Ally, I missedyou too.” I went to her andhuggedher.

“I’m glad you’rehome. He (pointing to Jace)has been bugging me andConnortodeath.”

“Where isConnor? Idon’tseehiscar.”

“He went to get himsome lunch. I had alreadyeaten by the time he cameoverandJacehadtoo.”

I looked at Jace.“How long have you beenhere?”

“About two hours. I

was hoping you had leftearly.”

“Youwereabletobugmysistertodeathinamatteroftwohours?Ithinkthat’sarecord.”

“Well I just missedyousomuchandaccordingtothis(hehelduptheletter)youfully expected me to bewaiting in your drivewaywhenyoudroveup. Ididn’twanttodisappointyou.”

I kissed him again.

“Definitely nodisappointmenthere.”

“Good, so what doyouwanttodofirst?”

“Can you help meunpackmycar?”

“Imostsurelycan.”Ipopped the trunk and hecarried my suitcase andovernightbagintothehouse.Two more weeks and thenour junior year of collegewouldbegin.

*******We were sitting on

my deck stairs. That lastweekofregularsummerwentby fast and by the time itcameformetoleaveagainhecouldn’tstand it. “Ican’tbewithout you Lily, I amcomingwithyou.”

“Jace, the only dormsopenrightnowarethedormswithsororitiesinthem,whereareyougoingtostay?”

“I’ll stay at thefraternity house. It’s only fora week, well, actually threedays. They are openingcampus Thursday. Then Icangetintomyroom.Doyoumind?”

“DoImind if Iget tosee you during a week Inormallywouldn’thave,nowthatisastupidquestion?”

“Good, I was hopingyouwouldsaythat.”

“Why would you

doubtthat?”“I don’t know; I feel

like I am bugging you todeath.”

“Why?”“It’s just Ihavenever

felt this way about anyonebefore and I want to spendeverywakinghourwithyou.I would even be driving mecrazy.”

JOKINGLY, I said,“Well then why don’t youjustmarrymeJaceandget it

over with?” (Although Iwanted nothing more in theworldthanthat.)

He actually thoughtaboutit.“Youknow,Icouldfindmeajobandaplaceandwe could get married and Icouldfinishcollegelater.”

I looked at himdumbfounded. “Are youserious?”

“Well, yeah I’mserious. I love you, Lily, Ican’timaginemylifewithout

you.”Then I found myself

saying no to him. “Jace,wecan’t do that right now. Weboth need to finish collegeand then find jobs and thenmaybe,butyouknowaswellasIdowecan’tdothatnow.”

Reality hit him in thefaceashissmiledropped,andwas replaced by defeat. Inever would have thoughtwhatwastobe.

“Yeah, you’re right;

we can’t get married rightnow. I just wish there was away.” He looked up to thesky and choked up as tearscameintohiseyes.Hedidn’twant me to see that I guess,even though Idid anyway. Itwasasifhisheartjustbroke.It scared me the way hereacted.

“Jace,whatisit?”He looked deep into

myeyes.“Doyoupromisetostandbythatpactwemadeat

the beach before you left forrushcamp,nomatterwhat?”

“Yes, I promise withallmy heart to stand by thatpact. I love you, Jace. Icannot imagine my lifewithoutyou.”

His answer wasstrange. “I sincerely hopeyou never have too.” Theway he answeredmade tearswellinmyeyes.

“Lily Grace, pleasedon’t cry; Ineverwant tobe

thereasonforyourtears.”“Then stop saying

things like that, Jace. Theyseem so final. We promisedtomake themostof the timewe are together. All thatmakes me feel is we don’thave any time left, almostlikeyouaregoingtobreakupwithmeorsomething.”

“Well you are verywrong there. I‘m afraidyou’re stuckwithme for therestofmylife.”

He never mentionedthe restofmylife. I tried toskirt around that and pretendthatitwasjustaconfusionofwords, although somethingnaggedatmethathemeantit.I just wish I knew what hemeantbyit.Icouldn’tfathomthe possibilities it held. Ididn’twantto.

Chapter7

RUSH—anyone thathas ever been a part of thisyearly Sorority event knows

what I mean when I sayhectic and exhausting. Eachnight Iwouldgo tobedrightaround ten when I reallywanted to be in bed by nine,but Jace and I needed to seeeachother.Itrenewedmetoan extent, but I would be sogladwhenRushwasover.

Jace stayed at thefraternity house for the nextthree days after Iwent back.Thursday the bookstoreopened and after morning

Rush practice Jace met meandheandIwenttobuyourbooks for the next semester.He worked during thesummer, part-time, for hisDad's business to buy hisbooks and things. It was anarchitecture firm. That iswhatJacedideverysummer.He made pretty good moneytoo. He assisted on drawingplansandthingslikethat.

*******

Heandhisdadwereagreat team. Theywere reallyclose. That was a big thingwithJace,hisfamily.Hewasclose to all of them. I couldtelltoo.Itmademelovehimthat much more, becausefamily was a big thing withme too. Sometimes whenJace and I were together hewouldtalkabouthisplansforus and I loved hearing them,but Ialwayswondered in theback of my mind if those

planswouldevercometobe.Hesaidhecouldn’twaittobeAlly’s big brother. That ishow we spent much of ourtime, making the most ofeach moment we hadtogether. Dreams arebeautiful, but sometimes youchase them and can’t catchthem, because they are gonesosoon.

*******RUSH WEEK—Jace

knew that I would be busyuntil about nine every night,but he requested that I savehim at least an hour eachnight. Wewould spend thathour either on the quad orwalking the campus, eventhough I was exhausted. Ifelt,however,thatIowedhimthat much, because eventhoughIwasbusywithRush,I knew he was sitting in hisroom or at the fraternityhousemissingmeasmuchas

I missed him. Thankgoodness Rush Week wasalmostover.

The final Rush, thebig choice day, Jace hadcalled me and asked me tocome by his room when Icame back from the Pledgeparty at Jessi’s house. Allrushees were on the quadalong with every sorority.This was a big deal; peopleeven came to watch,especially the guys from the

fraternities, all thefraternities, and Jace wasfront and center and it washard to keep my mind onwhat was going on, I wasnervous about our meetinglater.Ithoughthehadfinallydecidedtobreakupwithme.Itriednottothinkaboutthat.It was Chelsea’s turn to callour choice girls. She calledouttwelvenamesandeachofthegirlsseemedsoexcitedtobechosenbyus,theFirstand

Finest, pluswewere a reallynice down-to-earth group.ADPi’swereknownforthat.

After the excitementdied down we all took ourcars to Jessi’s house. Eachcar was required to take atleast one pledge; they werenot allowed to drivethemselves,sotencarspulledup in Jessi's monstrousdriveway that went with hermonstrous house. It wasbeautiful. They had a pool

and everything. It remindedme more of a country clubthanahouse.HerDadwasadoctor.

This was a get-to-know-you party. We weresupposed to make small talkwith thenewgirls andget toknow who they were. Itended up being fun, but thepressure was tremendous. Iwastrulygladwhenitwasallover, but nervous aboutseeingJacelater.Bythetime

we made it back it wasaroundfiveo’clock. ChelseawenttoseeTy,Briannawentto seeDave, and JillianwenttoseeMike.

I brushed my teethandmademywayacross thequad to see Jace. I still hadmyADPi jersey on from theparty. I walked in and Jacewas waiting on me. “Tookyou long enough, I sawBrianna, Jillian, and Chelseaand thenexpected to seeyou

right behind them and youweren’t.Ithoughtyoumighthave decided againstcoming.”

“Jace cut the smalltalk,what’sthisabout.”

He grinned. “Comewalkwithme.” He tookmyhand and led me out of thedorm and across the quad. Ifelt a little less nervous. Hehad a smugness about himandIknewhehadsomethingup his sleeve. We walked

across to the educationbuildingandsatonthepicnicbenchwherewedidthatnightback in March when webegan.Wehadbeentogetherseven months. “Lily GracecanIseeyourchain?”Iworeagold rope chain aroundmyneck that held my ADPilavaliere.Ipulleditupoutofmy shirt and showed it tohim.

He laughed. “Wouldyou mind taking it off for a

minute?”IdidandheslidtheA∆πlavaliereoffofmychainand gave it to me. “Youknow I don’t wear jewelry,butIwantyoutowearthis.”Heslidhis∆Xlavaliereontomychain in itsplaceandputitbackaroundmyneck.

I started crying. “Doyoumeanit?”

“Yes, I do. I amyours and you are mine. Iloveyou,LilyGrace.”

“I love you too,

Jace.” We sat there for amomentineachothers’arms.

He had committedhimself to me and I wasthrilled beyond allimagination. As the dayswentbythingsjustseemedtoget stronger between us, wenever went back on our pactto make the most of eachmomentwehadtogether.Wespent Thanksgiving togetherand Christmas break. Myparents loved him and my

little sister Ally just adoredhim. He was very good toher.Hisparentslovedmetoo,but had since March of lastyear at our spring breakretreat at Seaside. This yearthoughwewerenothavingaretreat during spring break,but his parents had stillplanned to go to the beach.TheyinvitedmeandAllyandDave.

*******

Dave needed a breakaway from campus; he andBriannahadbrokenupanditreally hurt him, because hehad fallen for her. I didn’tknowwhy at first, but Iwastheonehecametoo,althoughI understand that fully now.At that time, he claimed hejust needed a friend, whomknew Brianna well, to talkthroughthingswith.Ithoughthe was looking for a fewanswers, andDaveand Ihad

become really close sinceJaceandIhadbeentogether.I thought I helped himunderstand the reasoningbehindit.

Brianna had beentrying to transfer to SamfordUniversity because of theirlaw program there—she wasworking towards becoming alawyer. She finally receivedher acceptance letter andknew she was going to haveno time fora social lifeonce

she started on her lawdegree. She was not as inlove with Dave as he waswith her, but she caredenough about him to set himfreesohecouldfindsomeonewho felt the samewayabouthim. All I can say to that is“WOW”.

Ally needed sometimeawaytoo.Sheknewhertime with Connor wascoming to an end. It wasMarch and he was trying to

prepare her for their parting.They had both mutuallydecided that since they wereboth going to be on twoseparateendsofthestatethatthey would part ways anddate others and that if theyweremeanttobe,theywouldbeintheend.Iwassoproudofmylittlesister.Thatwasaverymaturedecisionthatshehad made, and although ithurther, sheknew itwas forthebest.

Dave and she becamefriends that time duringspring break and they hadsome fun together, but shewasthesameageashis littlesisters so that is what heviewed her as, just anotherlittle sister. I thought it wassweet.Myboyfriendandoneofmybest friendsabsolutelyadored Ally, but I have toadmit she is absolutelyadorable. Cute, cheerleaderwithdarkbrownringletcurls,

petite and loved life, stilldoes. No one was ever astranger to her or has everbeen a stranger to her. Isometimesworriedabouther,as little as shewas. Shewastough though. I just hopedthatwhenshewenttocollegeshe would not run into aChance. Iwould have to killhim then, something toldmeJaceandDavewouldberightbehind me too if that everhappened.

*******We spent that spring

breakatthebeach.Thatwasawhirlwind of a week. Onenight Jace askedme to comewalking with him on thebeach.Itwasalittlechilly.Istill had his jacket from thepreviousyearandhepulleditovermyheadbeforewewentwalking. I had invitedDaveandAlly to join us, but theysuspiciously decided to stay

in.AsJaceandIwalkedoutthe door everyone sittingaround the table had amysteriousgrinontheirface.I also noticed Jace had thatsamemysteriousgrin.Iknewhewasuptosomething.

We started walkingdown the beach. It wasbeautiful. The stars weretwinkling; the moon wasbrightandfull.Itwasouroneyear anniversary since westarteddating.Iwashappyas

a clam and Jace seemed thatwaytoo.

“Lily, do youremember that day last yearwhenyouwereontheretreatand you finally decided togivemeachance?”

“Yes I do, and lookwherewehavecome.”

“I’ll have to admitthough Lil, you had mescared. I thought you wereabouttobreakupwithme.”

“Jace we weren’t

officiallydating,howcouldIhavebrokenupwithyou?”

“Well, it might nothavebeenofficial,butwehadbeendating.”

I laughed. “Yeah, Iknew that. We have had somuchfun togetherandI loveyousomuch,Jace.”

“I love you too, LilyGrace Aldridge. I waswondering if you would dosomethingforme.”

“What do you want

metodo?”“Well actually it is

somethingIwanttodo.”“Okay,nameit.”“Funny you should

mentionnames,because. . .”He turned and facedme andthen got down on one kneeandreachedintothepocketofhis shorts and pulled out alittle velvet box. “I want tochangeyours.Lilywouldyoudomethehonorofbecomingmy wife.” Then he opened

the box and pulled out thering. “Lily Grace Aldridge,willyoumarryme?”

Tears started floodingmyface. Iwentdownonmyknees in front of him andkissedhim.“Yes,Iwouldbehonored to become yourwife.”

He took tight hold ofme and whispered into myear.“Youhavemademethehappiest man alive rightnow.” Hetookmyhandand

put the marquise diamondring on my finger. It had aslightlywiderbandanditwasbeautiful. There were littlemarquise diamonds on eitherside of the big one and it fitme perfectly. I startedlaughing. Jace staredatme.“Lil, what are you laughingabout?”

I looked at him. “Itake it this is why Ally andDave chose to stay at thecondo?”

“Oh, that, well yeahDave knew that I wasplanning to do this. I alsocalled your dad and askedhimbeforeweleftandbytheway, yourmom is thrilled todeath. Ally knew it wascoming.ShethoughtIwoulddo it back at Christmas andadmitted she wasdisappointedwhenIdidn’t.”

“Jace,Ihadnoclue.”“Of course not, you

weren’t supposed too. It

wouldn’thavebeenasurpriseif you did. Are you happy,LilyGrace?”

“Happier than anyperson on the face of thisearth.”

“Good, that hasalways been my goal, tomakeyouhappy. All Iwantisyourhappiness.”

There was somethingstrange to the way thatsounded. I pushed it out ofmy mind. “So, do we keep

walkingordowestayhereonourkneesinthesand,orheadbacktothecondo?”

“Let’s head back, weare going to have gamenight.It’sablast.”

We walked in andAllyambushedme. “Letmesee,letmesee.”

Ishowedhermyring.“Oh,Lily, I amsohappy foryou.Sowhenisthedate?”

Jace answered. “Notuntil after college, that gives

us a year to plan thewedding.”

I looked at him as ifhe had just won the NobelPrize. “Lily I want you tofinish school so you willalways have your degree tofallbackon.IwanttodothesamesoIcanaffordforustolive. Who knows, we couldendupatthesameschool.”

“That’s true. Wedon’tknow,butthankyouforthat. So do youwant to get

married in July orAugust ofnextyear?”

“Let’s say July, thatwillhopefullygiveusenoughtime to find jobs since webothgraduatenextyear.”

“Okay, then July itis.”Iwassoexcited.

The rest of springbreak we had the best time.AllyandI,andJaceandDavereallyhad fun,and I felt likeAllyandDavebecamereallygood friends. That made me

incredibly happy for somereason. I didn’t know whatthe reasoningwas though. Iknew he would never dateher,butatthesametime,oneneverknewanything,becauseone never knowswhere theirlifewilltakeaturn.Onedayyoucanbelovinglifeandthenexteverythingcanberippedawayfromyou.

*******JaceandIhadnewsto

tell people when wereturned. The first person ItoldwasChelsea,onlyfittingbecause she was my bestfriend.

“Lily, oh my gosh,that is so great. See I toldyoutogivehimachance.”

Jace, of course, wassitting there as I was tellingher and she ran to him andhugged him. “You better begood to her, I know whereyoulive.”

He laughed. “YeahandyouknowIwillbegoodtoher.”

“Yes, Jace, I know.NowIhavesomenewsofmyown.”

Shepulledoutachainfrom under her shirt and shehad been given Ty’s ∆Xlavaliere. Iwassohappyforher. We both had a greatspring break. The onlydifference was, hers wouldlastforever.

*******Jace and I were in

love, as deep as love couldbe. April andMaywere twoof the best months of ourlives.Wespenteverywakinghour together. Our momentswere precious. We neverfought or made each othermad. As a matter of fact heand I both made the Dean’sList that semester.Next yearwould be our senior year in

college and after that wewould be married. Thosewere the things I so lookedforwardtoo.JacehadalreadydecidedtoaskDavetobehisbest man and did before theendof term. Wehungout alot together that summer,meandJaceandDaveandAlly.

It was a terrible daywhenAllyhadtotellConnorgoodbye. They decided itwouldbeeasiesttodoitaftergraduation and spend the

summer apart so they couldgetusedtotheidea.Mylittlesistercriedfortwodays,Ifeltso bad for her. I couldn’timagine having to tell Jacegoodbye.

Luckily Dave andJace being the big brothertypes made sure Ally wasokay and theywould tell hereverything would be okayand if it was meant to be itwould be. They were greatwith her. I made sure she

knew the same thing, butcoming from them versescoming from me made itmorebelievable toherand ifthat helped her then I wasgrateful to them for that.Junecame.

Davehungoutalotatour housewith us andAlly.Jace and I would go out ondouble “dates”, but it wasmore like an including in ofDaveandAlly.Jacewasthatkind of person. If he knew

someone just needed to havefun he was not opposed tothem coming with us, ofcourse neither was I andalthough I was worried thatAlly would fall for Dave, itwasn’t happening. In Augustshe would start UNA andthen she would have time tothinkaboutwhatshewanted.Right now Dave was just apersonwhomshehadagreattimewiththatfilledavoid,soIwasnotopposedtothat.

*******July came . . . but

didn’t last long. A yearbefore we were supposed toget married, I only needed ayear.Itwasthemonthbeforewe startedback to college. Itwas going to be our senioryearincollegetogether.Iwaslookingforwardtotherestofthe summer with Jace. Wehad been having a blast sofar. This was just the next

monthofus,right?Welovedeachother, loveconquersall,right?

Thereareother thingsthat end up conquering all—thingsthatwehavenocontrolover, things that are morepowerfulthanany.

Plans of providenceareoneofthosethings,andasfarasIcantell,theonlythingthat CAN conquer all. Whenyour plans don't mesh withprovidenceitwillpullyouup

short.Itwilltakeyourbreathaway. It can leave yougasping for air because youjust don’t understand. It canalsomake you see things forwhattheyare.Itisimpossibleto prepare yourself for everyhuman’s inevitable endwhether they are ninety ortwenty-one.

It was July fourth ofthatyear.Wehadplanned togo see the fireworks and wetookDave andAlly with us.

The show began at nine andwe found ourselves a greatlittle park where you couldsee themgreat and feel themeven greater and you had noproblem hearing them. Werode in Jace’s truck so wecould let the tailgate downandsit inchairs in theback.It was going to be fun. Ialways loved watching thefireworks.Istilldo.

Jace was overlyemotional that night. I never

understood until later. Hepulled me into his lap andheld me close like he didn’twanttoletmego.Therewasmusic on the radio thatwentwith the fireworks show; hesat there with tears in hiseyes. I had a great fear ofasking himwhatwaswrong,because I had the feeling Ididn’twanttoknow.ThatiswhyIdidn’task,sometimesIwish I had and other times Iwas glad I didn’t. I don’t

think I would have knownhowtoreactifhehadtoldmethe truth. I somehow had abadfeelingthatmylifethatIhad planned with him wasabout to fall through myfingers like sand on thebeach. Fitting that I wouldusethatanalogy.

It seemed like all ofourwonderfulmomentswerespent at Seaside on thebeach.Myhearthadanacheto it that night thatwas hard

toexplain. Heheldmyhandandstaredat theengagementring he had given me. “Itlooks so beautiful on yourhand Lily Grace Masters.”He wanted to hear his lastnameattachedtomine,thatiswhy he said it, because hewasn’tevergoingtohearit.Istartedcrying;IhadafeelingI knew what he was doing.After the fireworks we puteverything back down in thebed of his truck, put the

tailgate up, and headed forhome.

It was bittersweet. Iloved spending thosemoments with him; everymomentwasablessingthatIwould have never had if Inevergavehimthechance.Iloved him with all of myheart then and couldn’t bearto imagine anything withouthim. It was late, aroundelevenbythetimewemadeitback through the traffic to

home. Jace droppedme andAllyoffandDavedrovebackhome. Ally went on in, sheknew somethingwasn’t righteither and she left Jace andmealone.

“Lily Grace, I wantyoutoknowhowmuchIloveyou and I always will. Youare beautiful and smart andyou have a heart thatencompasses the world andyou allowed me to take partof that. Thank you! I will

neverforgetyou.”I knewhewas telling

me goodbye. It hurt; morethanwords can ever express,because it wasn’t justgoodbye for now, it wasgoodbyeforever.

How do you handlethat when you knowwhat isabout to happen and there isnothing you can do to stopit? You try to delay it. Itried,andthemoreItried,themore I felt him slipping

away. I didn’t want himslipping away. I couldn’tlose him; we were supposedtohaveafuturetogether.

“No, Jace, stay herewith me, don’t go home. Iloveyou,Ineedyou.”

“I love you too Lilybell. Neverforget that!” Hesemi-ran to his truck, lookedback at me, and came backand kissed me. Tears filledhis eyes, and with that heleft. He walked out of my

lifeforever.IwatchedhimashedroveoutofmydrivewayandIwantedtogoafterhim,but somethingkeptmegluedto the spot where I wasstanding;thatwasthewayhewanted to leave me and Iknew that. I wanted toremember Jace just like hewas. One of the mostamazingmen I had ever hadthechancetobesoimportantto. I started fillingmy headwith our good memories,

because I didn’t want toremember him the way hejust left. Whydoeslifehavetobesocruel?

I drug myself up thedeck and just went back tomy room and sat on the bedlooking out at the beautifulstarry lit sky thatwassoeviltomeatthatmoment.Sittingtheremyhearthurt,Iletoutalittle gasp. It is hard toexplain, but I felt him goaway. I knew at the exact

moment he left this earth atthe hands of a drunk driver.Don’taskmehowheknew,Idon’t know, but he did andwe made the most of everymoment we had together. Ifelltomybedandcried.Allycame and held onto me as Iwaited for the call I knew Iwas going to get. She criedwithmeandhurtwithmeandprayedwithme.Ihaveneverfelt pain that great in myentire life, every breath I

took,hurt,everymovement Imade, hurt, every emotionexplodedand tookmybreathaway. I know what it feelslike to have a broken hearttenfold because mineshattered. Deep ripping sobsexploded from my throat. Itburned and ached andtightened. Ally held metighter trying to keep metogether.Thephonerang.Itwas two a.m. It was Jace’sbrother,Grey.

“Hello.” I barelywhispered.

“Lily, sweetie, I havesome...”Hisbrotherstartedcrying and then composedhimself to tell me . . . “badnews.Jace...washit...bya . . . drunk driver . . . he’sgone...helovedyou...I’msorry.”

‘He loved you, I’msorry.’ Those words rangthroughmyhead as I felt allmywilltolivemeltaway.

I could barelywhisper. “I’m . . . sorry . . .too.” That was all I couldsay. I hung up the phone.Then everything exploded asI wailed.“NNNNOOOOOOO!!!!”Mom andDad came runningdownthehalltomyroomandburstinthedoor.

Ally answered beforetheyasked.“Mom...Dad...Jace...isgone.”

IheardMomsay,“Oh

Dear God.” Then she cametome and heldme andAllyandcriedwithus.

Dadcameandheldallof us, but kissed me on thehead.“Ohbabygirl,Iamsosorry.”Daddidn’tcry,butheheldallofhisgirlsandletuscry; trying to comfort us thebestheknewhow.

IfeltlostwithoutJace—our year of summer hadended.

Part2:After

Prologue—

How do you livethrough something like that?Ialmostdidn’t.Nothingwashappytomeanymore.Itriedremembering things that Jace

andIdidtogetherandtriedtoturnthoseintohappiness,butwith those thoughts it onlybrought about more pain,becauseourplanshadbeensoabruptlydestroyed.Idecidedto turn everything off.Feelings, I could not feel.Tears,Icriedbutdidn’tfeel.I was awake for three daysstraight,becauseeverytimeItried tosleephorrible imagesfilledmymind.Ididn’twanttoseethoseimages. Ihoped

it was instant and he neverknew what happened. Howdo you come to grips withsomethinglikethat?

Ittookmemonths,butIhadawonderfulfamilyandan even more wonderfulfriend. My little sister Allyturned intomy caregiver andmybestfriendturnedintomysavior. He was determinedthat I would be okay. Hecared about me more than Icould have ever imagined at

that time.Hewas asgenuineasJace,butfarmore.Hewasgentle and kind and when Ineeded hope, he was theregiving it to me and tried tokeep me going, because hecould not bear to see me inthe state I was in. He evenhad to leave me for a shorttime because he couldn’thandle it, but I never knewthatuntilmuchlater.

Chapter8

I didn’twant togo tothefuneral,butforcedmyselfto.Allywas therewithme. Ihadshutdownallfeelingandemotion, because it hurt toomuch. Tears fell but I didn’tfeel them. I didn’t go nearenough to the front to evensee the casket. I couldn’thandle that, it was closedanyway. I spoke to hisMom

and cried with her withoutfeeling the tears and I alsospoke to his brother, Grey,and cried then too withoutfeelingthem.Hisdadwasthesame aswell as his sister-in-law. Iheld littleShaneGrey,of course he wasn’t so littleanymore,hewasalmost two.Tessaclungtohermom’sleg.I wondered if either wouldever remember their UncleJace. I remember thinkinghowunfairthatwas.

Several of hisfraternitybrotherswerethere.Chelsea and Ty came, theyhad become engaged. Ilooked down at the ring onmyhandand thenAllycameand held that hand. Tearsfell,Istilldidn’tfeelthem.Ididn’twantto,becausethenIwouldhavetoacceptit.Asitstood now, I didn’t have toaccept it. Ally knew I wasmessed up, but she tried herbest to just be with me and

help me until I decided toaccept it, which as it stoodnow,would be never. Brickby brickmy heart started re-building the wall where noone could get in. It wasslowly sealing whatremainingmemoriesIwantedto keep. I had blocked outourlastnighttogether.Ithurttoo much. I was slowlybecomingice—icethatwouldnevermeltwithoutwarmth—Ihadnone.

The funeral started.Hymns were sung, prayerswere prayed. I was evenmentioned in some. I washoping Jace would show upand yell April fools in July,but henever did. The songswere just mulling together, Ihadtoleave.Icouldn’tattendthegravesideservicebecauseI would have to watch himbeing taken out of my lifeforever. AsIwalkedout thedoor with Ally keeping up

behind me, I saw Dave; itlookedlikeheneededairtoo.I justkeptwalking tomycarandAlly, I could see, turnedand pleaded with Dave withexpressions of “help” andDave caught on. I don’tknow how. First hewent tohug Ally and then he cameafterme.

“Lil, you need tostop.” The way he said Lilreminded me of Jace. Davetouched my arm—a feeling

broke through as a tearescapedandthistimeIfeltit,a knife cutting so deep thebladecouldn’tberemoved.Ifelt like I was bleeding out.The feelings had to bestopped;Ididn’twanttofeel.Feeling, hurt. It hurt terribly.Iwasable tostop thefeelingandwalkedfastertogetawayfromhim.ThenDavecaughtup to me and touched myshoulder. It felt the same asJace’s touch, which sent me

over the edge. I jumped inmycaranddroveoff,leavingAlly behind. My mind wasgone.

I don’t know howlong I drove or how I endedup where I did. This placewasbeautiful though. Itwasnothing but an open field. Istopped my car and climbedout. It smelled of bakingwheat,asweetnuttysmell.Ilookedoutandsawaman,anolder man; he looked like

Jace’sDad. Iwalkedtowardhim, but he disappeared. Isaw a woman then; shelooked like Jace’s Mom. Iwalked toward her and shedisappeared too, just as Ireachedher. Iwalked to themiddle of the field and justsat down, for some reasonthis was a comfort. I feltpeaceful,angelspiritsfeltlikethey were surrounding me. Ifelt Jace’s presence. Ithought I heard his voice on

the wind, whispery, “Justholdon,Lily,justholdon.”

I didn’t want to holdon. I wanted something totakemeaway,awayfromthehurt, away from theindescribable pain, awayfromexistence.

Back home, they hadsent search parties after me,but I didn’t know. The oneswhofoundmewereDaveandAlly. They saw my car offthe side of the road, I was

toldlater.Ihadfallenasleepin the middle of that fieldbecause I had not slept inthree days. I guess I neededthat sleep. I felt someone liftmeandhewas strong. It feltlikeJace,butIwastoooutofittoknowthetruth,soinmystateofmindat thatmomentthat is who it was to me. Iwrappedmyarmsaroundhisneckanddreamedforweeks.

*******

Ididn’tfullywakeupforseveralweeks;IguessyoucouldsayIwascatatonic.Mylifehadnomeaninganymore.I must have eaten because Ididn’t starve to death. Poorlittle Ally. Here I wassupposed to be the big sisterandhadturnedintotheinfant.Ally never left my side; shemighthaveevenbeentheonethat made sure I ate or mayhave even fed me, I don’tknow.

Dave would come byto check on me and Ally.Dave would come to myroom and talk to me, justabout things, nothing inparticular; I really didn’tnoticehimexceptinafog. Ihadneverbeeninsuchastatebefore. I spent most of mydaysinbed,sleeping,becauseI didn’t know what else todo. Chelsea had come by tosee me, but I didn’t knowabout it. Mom andDad had

withdrawn me from UMbecause they knew I couldnever go back there.Everywhere I would turnwouldbeamemoryof Jace.I still wore my engagementring. In my state of mind, Istill believed Jace was goingtocomebacktomarryme.

Davehadwithdrawnfrom UM too, because hedidn’twant togoback to theroomthatheandJaceshared.That was only part of the

truth. Hewas going to pickup his classes for his senioryear at UNA. Ally wassupposedtostartUNAtooinacoupleofweeks,aswellasDave’slittlesisters.Shewasgoing to live in the dormseven though she didn’t wantto live on campus, butMomand Dad agreed that sheneeded to get away from thehouse that had becomenothingbutamausoleum.

Whenitcametimefor

Ally to go to college, Iwantedtobethereforher,sofor the first time in severalweeks, I came out of myroom.Everyonewasexcited;they thought I had made abreak through. Each. Step.Hurt. Each step jostled myheart until I thought it wasgoing to turn to liquid andpourrightoutofmychest. ItriedmybestandIhopedmybest was believable enough.Dave came and helped Ally

and his sistersmove in, theywere in the same dorm. Hesawme,butknewwhyIwasthere, so I could be there forAlly.

Hemade it a point tocomespeaktomethough.Hemade conversation. “Well,heyLil. It’sgoodtoseeyouout.”AllIcoulddowassmileand nod, not feelinghappiness that usually goeswithasmile.Iwastrying,butthe trying made everything

hurtworse.I kept myself calm; I

wantedAllytoremembermeas the sister that loved her,becauseIknewshelovedme.Iwroteherarecommendationletter for ADPi and let themknow that she was a legacyandtoldthemmychapterandUniversity, Imailed it to theADPi chapter there. ShewasgoingtogothroughrushwithDave’ssistersandacoupleofher friends that had come

from high school. We hadhermovedinanditwastimefor goodbyes. I had madesome plans, so I knew thismightbethelasttimeIwouldseeher.

Ihuggedher. “I loveyou,Ally.”

I think she knew. “Ilove you, Lily. I’ll see youwhen I come home in acouple of weeks.” Her lookwas pleading. It caught meoff guard so I put my plans

off, knowing I couldn’t dothat to her right now. Shehad just left Connor and thelossofJaceaffectedher too.Icouldn’tdothat tomylittlesister.Irodebackhomewithmy mom and dad, with myhead laid over against thecool window, eyes closed,silent in thebackseat. Theydidn’t say anything to meeither.Iwentbackhomeandwent back to my room andclimbed in bed again. I had

cried all my tears out Ithought, but moving Ally inbrought back a flood of thelastyearwithJace.

Icurledup intoaballand let the pain have me. Itwas like receiving thathorrible call all over again.Dave showed up, he wasn’tgoing to live on campus, sohe didn’t have to move in.Mom and Dad let him in. Itriedtokeepmypainassilentas my tears, but Dave knew

me, we had become bestfriends before Jace passedand part of that was stillinside me somewhere,although the pain I wasfeeling at that moment hadengulfed any ounce ofhappinessthatIhadleft.

Dave walked intomyroomandkneeled at the sideofthebedIwasfacing.“Lil..."Hestartedsmoothingmyhair away from my face.“Lil, don’t do it. You’re my

best friend, I can’t lose youtoo. Think about what Jacewould do knowing you tookyourownlifebecauseofhim.You can’t do that. Thinkabout Ally. How would shefeelwhenshecamehomeoneweekend and you weresuddenly not here anymore.Youcan’tdothattoher.Shehas stayed and nursed youand you would repay her bytaking your life. That is notfair to her. Not to mention

what it would do to yourparents.Lily,don’tdoit.”

I realize this is goingto sound selfish and harsh,but I closed my eyes anddidn’twanttohearanymore.He knew it. I turned awayfrom him and turned off myemotionsoncemoreandwitha kiss on my cheek, Daveleft. He didn’t come back.MomandDadtriedtogetmetotalktosomeone,ashrink,acounselor.They evenputme

inthehospitalforacoupleofweeks. The doctor I had putme on somemedication, likethreedifferentkinds,becauseI took three different pillsevery morning. Mombrought them to me beforeshe left forwork. Mom andDad couldn’t stay with me,and Ally was at college.Dave was no longer comingaround.ThatwasAugust.

Ally had beenaccepted into ADPi; she had

calledme thatweek ofRushand toldmewith an edge ofrelief to her voice, because Ihadansweredthephone.Shecamehomethenextweekandshe told me how much shewasenjoyingcollege. I triedto sound chipper. She toldme about all the people shehadmetduringRush,andallthefriendsshehadmade,andthatthereweretoomanyboystocount.Septembercameandwent.Everythingkeptgetting

worse. Suddenly it was

October.Iwasleftaloneandsunk deeper into the worstdepressionIhadeverbeenin;Irefusedtotakemyringoff.ItwastheonlythingIhadleftof him. Then I rememberedhis jacket. I moved off mybedandtowardsmycloset.Iremembered it smelled likehim, butwhen I found it theonly thing I could smellwasmyperfume.

Everything about himwasgonewith thewind.Thetitle of my favorite bookbecame likedaggersstabbingme over and over. Jacewaslikeaforcethatblewthroughmy life and left me withunfathomablepain.Istillhadmyringandthelavaliereandat that moment I wanted todie. The pain was entirelytoo great for me to handleanymore.IwantedtobewithhimandtheonlywayIknew

how was to make myself bewith him, forgetting thatsuicideisacoward’swayoutand if he was in Heaven,which I could not believeotherwise, I would not bethere with him. My mindwasn’tfiringcorrectlythoughandGod knew that. I prayedbeforeIleft.“DearLord,I’mcominghome,pleasehelpmenot be afraid and helpme toknow thatmy familywill nolonger sufferbecauseofme.

AMEN.”I wrote Ally a letter

and left it on her bed. Shewas coming home that day.She had made a ton offriends. I was glad for that.Maybe they could be to herwhat my friends had alwaysbeen to me. Mom and Dadwere at work. I left them aletter too. I climbed in mycar and drove to this place Iknew, rightly called Lover’sLeap. I used to not

understandwhatdrovepeopleto commit suicide, butnow Idid.

Ittookalittlewhiletoget there. I parked andclimbed out of my car andwalked to the edge, but Godheard my prayer and knew Ione day wanted to be inHeavenandmadesureIhadaway to get there. I lookeddown over the edge; it wasbeautiful to see thecity fromthere. Everyone that ever

jumpedfromtheresawthatastheir last sight before theytook their lives and I wasabout to become one of thenumber. I stood on the flatshelf rock and spread myarmsand juststarted leaning,feeling myself about to fall;from behind me I heardsomeone yelling and running—Ididn’tcare.

“LILY DON’T!DON’TDO IT!!” I stoppedmyself because that sounded

just like Jace and thensuddenlyIwassnatchedbackfrom the edge and fell to acrumpled heap on top ofsomeone,and their touch feltjust like Jace and theircolognesmelledjustlikeJaceand they were muscular justlike Jace, but wasn’t Jacegone?

That thought was ashock to my system. I heldmy breath as reality sunk inand the fog lifted from my

eyes and the knowledge ofeverything finally hit home.The person holding me thatjust saved my life—wasDave. God gave me a wayout, inmoreways than one.All of a sudden I felt thingsagain and it hurt. It hurtworse than I ever thoughtimaginable, because I finallyhad to let everything go.Dave sat right there on theground with me and just letme cry, he made me feel

things again, even though Ididn’twanttofeelthemagain—histouchwouldnotletmestop—it was like he washolding the floodgateopened. His arms werewrapped around me and heheldme tight as I fell apart.“It’sokayLily,justletitgo.Justletitgo.”

I did. Every emotion,every feeling—I spokethroughtears.“Why...whydidheleaveme?Whydidhe

allow me to love him? Heknew . . . he knew it wouldnot be forever, but he mademe believe that it would beforever.Howcouldsomeonelielikethat?”

Davestrokedmyhair;there was strong emotion inhisvoice.“HelovedyouLily,more than words could everexpress. He loved spendingtime with you and beinganywhere with you. It wasyouLily,allalong.”

“But . . . he . . . leftme.Hehadnorighttomakeme believe him!” I wailedand screamed. The pain wassogreatandsodeep.

“Lily, look atme.” Idid andhis eyeswere full oflife, somewhere I longed tobe—fulloflife.Heplacedmyhead on his shoulder as herockedmeandheldmeuntilIcould calm some. Dave’stouch was soft, gentle, hisfingers combed through my

hair. Gently he tried to helpme see Jace’s perspective.Quietly he spoke. “Are yousaying he had no right to behappy?”Ihadcalmedsome.Iansweredhimwhispering.

“No.. .everyonehastherighttobehappy.”

“And Jacewas happywith you, would you denysomeone happiness, whetheritcostyousomethingornot?”

“No...Iwouldneverdenyanyonehappiness.”

“Lily,wereyouhappywithhim?”

Istartedcryingagain.“Yes . . . I was happy withhim.”

“Do you regretanythingyouhadwithhim?”

“No. . .but itwassoshort.Helefttoosoon.”

“Shhh, Lily, I’mgoing to tell you somethingthata friendofmine toldmeone time. Sometimes anamount of time we spend

with someone we care aboutwas given to us for a reasonandwearesupposedtomakethemostofwhattimewearegiven and 99.9% of the timeitmakesusabetterperson.Itmayteachustolovebetterorbe a better friend or it mayjust give us a taste of whatour true love will be like.”Dave smiled, he has a greatsmile.

(Looking back now,all I could say to that was,

“Wow.” He quoted that,word for word. Those wereexactly the words I said tohimwhenhecametomethatdayheandBriannabrokeupandtohavemywordsturnedaround on me like that wassurreal,butverytrue.)

The tears slowed andthen just became drips. Ibeganwondering something.“Dave, how did you findme?”

“Believe it or not, by

accident. I took the scenicroute home fromUNA for achange and saw your car. IknewwhatthisplacewasandI knewwhat youwere abouttodo.Ihadtostopyou.”

“Why did you stopme?”

“I already told youthat back in August. You’remy best friend, and I can’timagine what it would do toAllyoryourparents.Didyouthinkaboutthat?”

Mybreathhitchedandsputtered. “No . . . I haven’treally been thinking aboutanything...exceptways...to stop the pain.” My tearsstarted falling again and myvoice began to rise. “Iwantthe pain to go away . . . Ican’t stand it. It hurts tobreathe...ithurtstomove... everything hurts.” Davecomforted me. More tearsfell.

Dave reached towipe

them away. “Lil, if I couldtake this away from you Iwould. I can’t stand to seeyou this way. I have animportantquestiontoaskyouthough.IfIletgoofyouareyougoingtorunbacktothatrockandjump?”

“No . . . I promise Iwon’t.”

“Good, now let’s getyouhome.Don’tthinkabouttakinganydetourseither.Mymaingoal rightnowis toget

youhome.”DavemadesureIwas

inmycarandhefollowedmehome. I pulled up in mydriveway, he pulled in rightbehind me, blocking me in,andAllywasalreadyhome.Iremembered the letter I leftonherbed.Iwonderedifshehad read ityet. If shehad, Ifelt horrible. I walked intothehouseandAllymetmeinthe den as Dave came inbehindme.

She ran to me andhugged me and fell apart.“Oh,Lily,Iwassoscared. Icamehomeandyourcarwasgone, I knew what you haddone. Then Iwalked in andsaw the letter. I didn’t evenread it. I didn’t want toknow. Lily, don’t ever dothat again. You have somuchlifeaheadofyou.”Shepulled me to the couch andsatdownandDavewentandsat down in my dad’s

recliner.“Then I went and

looked in Mom and Dad’sroomandyouhadleftaletteron their bed too, what wereyouthinking?”

Istartedcryingagain.“Iwasn’t thinking . . . aboutanything . . . except makingthe pain stop. Everythinghurts, Ally, I can’t get awayfromit...andIfeltlikethatwastheonlywaytoescape.Iwanttonothurt.IwantJace

back.”Ally became angry

with me. “JACE IS NOTCOMING BACK, LILY!He’sdead,he’sgone.”Itfeltas ifAlly had slappedme intheface.Ifellapartagain.

“I . . . know . . . buthow...doI...lethimgo?”

She pulled me to her—my precious little sister—and leaned my head on hershoulder and just let me crywhile she spoke, softly and

calmly. “You start over,Lily. Jace didn’t take yourlife with him. You are stillhere.YouknowwhatIthankGod for everyday—that youwere not in that truck withhim. That could have easilyhappened.”

Dave cleared histhroat; he sounded a littlechoked up. “Lily, I havethoughtthesamething.Allyis right;youcouldhavebeeninthetruckwithhim.Iknow

you wanted to be, but thatwasnottheplan,Lily.Thereare other plans for you. Ifyou were meant to be withJace,youwouldhavebeeninthattruckwithhim,don’tyouknowthat.”Davecameoverto the couch and sat on theother side of me as I stillleanedagainstAlly.

Dave placed his handonmyarmandthenmovedafewwispsofhair away frommyeyes.“Sweetie,youhave

your entire life to live. It’swaiting for you. You neverknow what could happen.You made plans. Youwanted tobea teacher. Youwere about to start yourstudent teaching. There issomethingmoreout there foryou than Jace, and hewouldwant you to claim it. I canonlyimaginetheabilitiesthatyou possess, and thepossibilities that come withit. Youweremeant to carry

on,notcrumpleup inaheapandbedefeated. Ihaveseenyoucomethroughthingsthatmany people couldn’t haveandyetyoukeptgoing.”

Dave’s eyes were alitwith determination for me.“Lil, you can keep going. Iknowyoucan.It’llbehardatfirst, but themore you push,thebetteroffyou’llbe.Don’tyou want to accept thatchallenge? You may be theonly light in a child’s day

once you start teaching.Every life experience teachesus something. Hewanted toshow youwhat life could belike when you found thatpersondestined just foryou.That’s the only explanation Ihave,andhefoundhisinyouLily.” I burst into tearsagain. Ally cried with meandDavehuggedusboth.

They allowed me tocalmdownagainandIsatupandleanedagainstthecouch.

Ally looked at me. “Lily,nowthechoiceisyours.Areyougoingtogobacktoyourroomandforgetyoueverhada life or are you going toreclaimyourlife?Theballisinyourcourt.”

Dave and Ally bothwerewaiting formy answer,like their next movesdependedonwhatmyanswerwould be. I realized at thatmoment that not only had,what had been happening to

me, affected my life, but itaffectedeveryoneelsearoundmetoo. Iwasactuallybeingselfish.Davewantedhisbestfriend back.Allywanted herbig sister back so she couldgo back to being the littlesister again. My mom anddad wanted their daughterback. I was suddenly facedwith an important decision,one that affected manypeople.

Istartedaskingmyself

abunchofquestions.CouldIgo back to school withoutflunkingout?Woulditbetoohard?DoIhavethestrengthtodowhatneedstobedone?I knew the only way toanswerthosequestionswouldbe to try, and if not formyself,thenforallthepeoplethat caredaboutme. Iowedthem that much. WellactuallyIowedthemsomuchmore, but that would be astartingpoint.

I started crying again—so very afraid. SomehowDave knew. “Lily, I’ll helpyou; I’ll be there for you. Ifyoustumble,I’llcatchyou;Iwon’t let you fall. Lil, Iknowyoucandothis.”

I took Dave’s handandAlly’shand.“Aslongasyou two will be there, IbelieveIcandoit!”

Dave hugged me. “IknowyoucandoitLily.I’llpick you up a transfer

application and financial aidapplication Monday whenI’mthereandIwillhelpyouget everything together soyou can be enrolled byJanuary,nextterm.”

Allyhuggedmenext.“Lily you could room withme, Amanda will be movedup on the ADPi hall nextterm.”

“Ally, I appreciatethat, but I believe I am justgoingtostayathomeinstead

of the dorms. I’ll get astudentloanandfinishpayingfor college myself. I wantyoutoexperiencedormlife;Ihave already had my fun.Why don’t you move up totheADPihalltoo?You’llgeta much better feel for thesorority life. IdidandIwasglad. It’s thebest funyou’lleverhave,butdon’tforgettostudy.”

Ally started crying.“There’s my big sister,

alwayslookingoutforme.”“And I’m sorry you

hadtolookoutformeforsolong, but I appreciateeverythingyouhavedoneforme.” I suddenly heard anoiseandAllypanicked.

The garage dooropened and we heard MomandDad’scarspullin. “Canwe promise each other thatthis day is never spoken ofunless it is referred to as thedayIcameoutofmyroom?”

We all agreed. Allyran toMomandDad’s roomand snatched the letter offtheir bed. She ripped it upintolittletinypieces,threwitaway in the kitchen garbage,and dumped some food ontopofit.ThenshecameandsatbackdownwithDaveandme on the couch, right asMomwalkedupthestairsandinto the den. Shewalked intomesittingonthecouchandherfacelitup.ShesawAlly

too,andofcourse,Dave.Shecameandkneeled

in front of me. “Lily, babyhow are you?” I smiled forthe first time in a long timeandfeltit,itfeltgood.

“I’m making it . . .getting there slowly, but onedayatatime,right?”

“Yes my sweet girl,onedayatatime.”

She hugged Ally.“OhmypreciousgirlIamsogladyou’rehome.”

“Me too Mom,” asAllyanswered.

Then she went andhugged Dave. “How haveyoubeen?Ihaven’tseenyouinawhile.”

“Yes Ma’am, I’mdoing fine, just happened bytoday and thought I wouldcomeseeLilyandAlly.”

“Wellhoney,I’mgladyoudid. Youought tocomebymoreoften.”

“I thought I would if

that’s okay with you andCoachAldridge.”

“Oh yes, honey, thatwouldbefine.Asamatteroffact,wouldyouliketojoinusfordinner?”

“I thank you, but noMa’am; I would like to takeyour girls out to eat tonight.MayI?”

“Wellofcourse.Youthreehave fun. Gopaint thetown.”

Davewasserious.He

wantedtotakemeandAllytodinner. I wasn’t sure I wasready for that. I startedfeeling panicky. Dave tookmyhandandsqueezedit.

Dad came up thestairsnext.Hesawmesittingon the couch with Dave andAlly.Hecametome.“Lily,babygirl,howareyou?”

“I’m okay Dad . . .gettingthere.”

“Well you keep ongetting there. I’ve missed

you.”Then he spoke to

Ally. “How’smy little babygirl?”

Ally answered. “I’mgoodDad.”Hekissedheronthehead.

“Did school go wellthisweek?”

“Yes Sir, I made an“A”onmyhistorytest.”

“That is fantastic.Keepupthegoodwork.”

Then Dad spoke to

Dave.“HeyDave,howhaveyoubeen?”

Dave reached up toshakeDad’shand.“I’vebeendoingwell,thankyou.”

“It’s good to see youaroundagain,Ihopewe’llseeyoumoreoften.”

“Yes Sir, I’ll bearoundmore.”

“Good, what bringsyouherethisevening?”

“Actually, I wouldlike to take your girls out to

dinner, if that’s okay withyou?”

“Well, sure. Have agood time.” ThenDadwentto fix a pot of coffee whichwas his normal routinewhenhecameinfromwork.Itwasgood to see not much hadchanged since I had beenabsent. Everyone seemedhappier to see me up andaroundmorethananything.Inever realizedhowmuchmylifeimpactedeveryoneelse.

Davepattedmeontheleg.“Seehowimportantyouare,Lily.”

I just nodded myhead.

“Okay,Lily andAlly,youtwogetyourselvesreadyand I’ll be back around fiveo’clock topickyouup. Youwant Mexican or Italian fordinner?”

Ally and I bothanswered at the same time.“Mexican.”

“Okay, I’ll see you atfive.Don’tbelate.”AllyandI laughed. I was a littleshockedthatI laughed,but itfeltgood.Davesmiledashewalkedoutthedoor.

*******I walked back to my

roomandsatonmybed,asIreached up to scratch myneckIfeltthegoldchainandthe little Greek letters thathung from it. Then I looked

atmyhandatmyring.Inordertostartover,I

had to let go of the past. Iknew Jace was not comingback, the thought broughttears back to my eyes, but Iallowedmyself to feel it thistime and the pain wastremendous. I sat thereholding myself together as Isatontheedgeofmybed. ItookseveraldeepbreathsasIrocked myself, trying toregaincontrol.Avoiceinmy

head, that wasn’t Jace thistime, but Dave, saying, “Iknow you can do this.” Iclosed my eyes and let thatfillmymind. ItgavemethestrengthIneededtodowhatIneeded.

Ally came into myroom.ShesawwhatIhadinmy hand, the little blackvelvet box my ring was in.She put her arm around myshoulders as I opened thebox.Itwasemptyofcourse;

therewasnotaweddingbandbecauseJaceknewthiswouldnever happen. He justwanted to make me happy,even though it probably hurthimtohavetoleavemewithunanswered questions. MyhandstartedshakingasIheldthe little box, Ally took itfrom me and held it while Islowly removed myengagement ring and thenplaced it to rest in that box.Then I removed my chain

fromaroundmyneckandslidthe little lavaliere off of mychain. The lavaliere stood inthemiddleof thebandof theringasIclosedthebox.Theboxwentintomycedarchest,nevertoberemovedagain.

Ally hugged me andlet me cry, because I justneeded too at that time. Asmy tears slowed Iremembered my lavaliere. Iplaced it back on my chainand put my chain away,

becausethatwasapartofmeonly and now of my sister,Jace never claimed that. Ifinallyknewhisreasoning.ItwasmystartingoverandthatiswhereIdecidedtobegin.

Chapter9

Ally helped me getready and then I sat andwatched her get ready. Iwas

actually looking forward todinnerandsowasAlly.Dadhadgivenussomemoneyforourdinnerandhesaid that ifwe chose to go out and dosomething else thatwas fine,but tocall. Heseemedmorenervous about us going outthanhehadeverbeenbefore.I guess he thought I wasgoing to crack, but at themoment Iwas feeling a littlebetter than I had in a verylongtime.

Iheardatruckcomingdownthedriveway.Ilookedand itwasDave. Ally and Istarted out the door. Dadstoppedus.“Youtwowillbepatient if Ihave to tieyou tothe couch. If he is a propergentlemanhewillcometogetyou, youwill not go tomeethim.”

Ally and I rolled oureyes. IknewDadwouldnotbe disappointed in Dave.Sureenoughhecamejogging

up the deck steps and evenknocked,he’dneverdonethatbefore, normally he justwalks in. Ally and I startedtogetupandgo,Dadgaveushis “Dad look” and we satbackdown. Dad lethim in.“Dave, son, good to see youagain.” Dave looked atAllyand me and he just smiled.Major brownie points scoredwith Dad. Not that he wastrying;he just knewhowmyDadwas.

“Thank you sir.” Heshook Dad’s hand. “Ladiesshallwe.”

“You girls have fun,call if you decide to gosomewhereelse.”

“ByeDad,”AllyandIboth said as we walked outthedoor.

Dave‘s truck was bigenough to fit three people inthe front. Daveoffered eachofusanarmandofcoursewetookit.Heescortedustohis

truckandopenedthedoorforus. Allypushedme in first.“Just in case you decide tobail you won’t be able to.”She joked, but was seriousbecause she was concernedaboutmestill,especiallyafterwhatIhadtriedearlierintheday,soIdidn’targue.

“I hope you two canenjoyyourselves,Ireallyhatetobeathirdwheel.”

“Lil, we’re doing thisfor you. You need to have

funagain.”“Ijusthatetoimpose,

Dave,that’sall.”“Imposition, no way.

I get to have two verybeautiful girls on my armstonight; I think I’ll sufferthrough.” I busted outlaughing. It felt good. Allylaughed too and then lookedatDaveandsmiled,hesmiledback. “Don’t worry, Lil,you’llbejustfine.”

When we made it to

the restaurant, he opened thedoorforusagainandescortedus both in. The waitressseatedus.Itfeltstrangetobeout amongst people again; Istartedfeelingnervous.Davesatinthemiddleofhisbooth.Ally and I sat in one boothtogether. I felt them, I feltthem coming. Tears startedwellinginmyeyes.Icouldn’tblink them back quickenoughandthenthepainthatcame with them engulfed

me.Davetookholdofmy

hand from his side of thetable. “It’s okay Lily, deepbreath, come on you can dothis. I’mrighthereandsoisAlly. Deepbreathsuntilyouhave control.” I closed myeyes and kept thinking tomyself.It’sokaytohurt,it’sokaytofeel.Youcandothis,Lily. Except that last partcame through in Dave’svoice.Ikepthearinghimsay

that to me in my mind. Itmademestronger. Acoupleof more deep breaths and Iwas able to regain control.“There you go, that’s theway.” A few tears drippeddownandDavehandedmeahandkerchief.

I laughed a little. “IthoughtDadwastheonlyonethat carried a handkerchiefanymore.”

Dave looked a littleembarrassed.“It’ssomething

I picked up from my dad.Normally I don’t, but Ithought I might need totonight.”

Ally wasmesmerized. “Aww, you’resosweet,Dave.”

Dave just shruggedhis shoulders as I took thehandkerchief from him andblotted at my eyes, noticingthatmymascaradidn’trun.Ilooked at Ally. “I putwaterproof on you; I thought

youmightneedit.”“Thanks, Ally, you

are thebest.” Then I lookedat Dave. “You both are thebest.”

“We are here tocelebrate you being out ofyour room;you’vebeen in itfor three months. I didn’texpect you to be instantlyokay.It’sgoingtotakesometime,Lily.Iunderstandthat,butIamhereforyouandyouknowAlly is too. Whatever

happens let it happen. Ipromise we won’t think lessof you.” I smiled some, asmoretearsmadetheirwaytothesurface.

“I love you guys.Thank you forunderstanding.” I squeezedboth of their hands. Thewaitress brought salsa andchips and Dave ordered acheese dip. All throughdinner tears would escapesometimes and I just let it

happen.Ithelped,andhavingAlly and Dave there helpedtremendously. I mostly justsat and listened while Allyand Dave carried onconversation afterconversation. They were sogoodwith each other. It waslike they had known eachotherforyears.Ithoughtthatthey would be great togetheras a couple. Dave, on theother hand, probably wouldnot agree with me, because

Ally was his sisters’ age, sohepicturedherasjustanotherlittle sister. Through dinnerDavewouldlookatmeeveryonceandawhile,Icouldtellhewastryingnottomakemeuncomfortable, but he wasalsotryingtomakesureIwasokay. I knew neither one ofthemwasexpectingmetobeapartoftheconversation,butI could also tell theywantedthisnighttodomegood.

Tonight though,

afterwards, what is going tohappen to me? I will go tosleepandthenightmareswillcome. Will all this be fornothing?Ididn’tknow.Iwassuddenly afraid for the nightto come. Things startedgoingthroughmymind.WhatkindofnightmareswillIhavetonight? Will I see things Idon’t want to see? I startedfreaking out. My breathstartedcomingingasps.

“Ally, let me out.

Please letmeout.”The tearsstarted coming. “Letme out.Allyletmeout.”Ihadtogetout of there, I needed air. Icouldn’t think straight. Allymoved as I ran out the door.Davecameafterme.

He caught up to meandtookmebytheshoulders.I fell into him and cried.“Lily,calmdown.It’sokay.”I wrapped my arms aroundhimandhewrappedhisarmsaroundme.Hemademyfear

goaway.“Lily,you‘regoingto be okay. I know it’s hardright now and inmyopinionyou are doing fantastic. It’sokaytoletthefeelingscome,the nightmares too. It’s okayto let them come too, but inthe middle of them realizeyou’regoing towakeupandyoucanstopthem.It’sgoingto be hard at first, but youwillgetbetter.”

I was dumbfounded.“Dave how do you know

what’sgoingoninmyhead?”He looked at me

sympathetically. “Lil, I havea confession to make. Thereweretimes,duringthosethreemonths that youwere lockedinside yourself, that I cameby and all I did was sit inyour rocking chair in yourroom, as you slept, and Iwatched you. You didn’trealize Iwas there,but Isawwhat would happen to youwhen the nightmares

happened. It killedme to seeyou go through that. Youwould wake up screaminglikesomeonewaskillingyouand I couldn’t do anythingaboutit.”

“Dave, why wouldyou want to? Why wouldyouevenbother?”

“Lily, I care aboutyou. I cannot stand it whenthingshurt youorupsetyou.Friends are supposed to lookoutforeachotherandIwant

you to allow me to do that,please.IknowIcanhelpyou.I have seen you at your bestandatyourworst andall theavenues in between. I knowwhoyouareandIknowwhoyou can be, and the personthatyoucanbe isstill there.It’s just covered with otherthings right now. I want tohelp you find your strengthagain.”

Istartedcryingagain.“Jacewasmystrength,Dave,

andhetookitwithhimwhenheleftme.”

“Lily, that is whereyou’re wrong, and I’ll proveit to you. Answer me onequestion.”

“What?”“Who made you go

outtonight?”I smiled up at Dave,

hewasrathertall.“Idid.”“Exactly, now come

onandlet’sgofinishdinner.I have a feeling that Ally is

rather anxious at themoment.”

Dave and I walkedback in andAlly looked likeshehadbeencrying. I camein and stood at the booth.“Ally,I’msorry.”

“No, don’t apologize;I just want you to be okay,Lily. That’s all. I guess Iexpected too much fromtonight.”

Ally stood up andmoved so I could sit back

down.“Ally,allIaskisthatyou don’t give up on me,please. Don’t give up onme.”

“Lily, I wouldn’tdreamof it. I knowyou arestill in there somewhere. Iwant to helpyouget back toyourself.”

“Well thatmakes twoofyouandIreallywanttogetbacktomyself.Ijustneedtostart.”

Dave looked at me,

concerned. “Lily, it’s notgoing to be good for you tobe at home by yourself; thatwill only send youbackwards.What canyoudoto keep yourself out of yourhouse and away from yourbedroom?”

“IcangotothelibraryorIcangotothestore,Icanfindsomething.”

“Wait, I just thoughtof something, something yousaidalongtimeago,IthinkI

canmanageit,too.”I stared at Dave

suspiciously. “What didyoujustthinkabout?”

“I’m allowed to havesurprises aren’t I? Whosebirthday is the week afternext?”

“Mine, Dave you’renot going to get meanything.”

“WhosaidIwas?”“I just know that

look. It’s your sneakyDave

look.”“Now, Lily, I am

shocked thatyouwouldevenaccuseme of being sneaky.”Dave grinned. He hadsomethinguphissleeve.

I just dismissed it,because he wasn’t going totell me and I wasn’t in thestateofmindtofightandwin.He looked at me. “You’lllove it, trustme.”Hehuggedme.

He paid for dinner,

wouldn’t let us help out andwalked us back out to histruck and drove back to ourhouse. I had been trying tothinkofawaytotalkhimoutof giving me a present andcouldn’t.SoIjustaskedhim.

“CanItalkyououtofit?” He pulled into ourdriveway and climbed out ofthetrucktoopenthedoorforme and Ally, before heanswered.

“No, you can’t, so

don’t try. But in the meantimeIwantyoutodoseveralthingsforme.”

“What things,Dave?”Iaskedaswemade itup thedeckandsatdownatthetableandchairsthatwerethere.Hestartedlistingthings.

“First, you are notallowed to go to bed unlessit’s to sleep at night. I wantyou to get out of bed everymorningandeatsomekindofbreakfast and get yourself

dressed.”Mom opened the

doors onto the deck andbrought out a couple ofdifferent creamers, somecoffeeinacarafe,andcupstopouritinto.

“Thank you, Mrs.Aldridge.”

“You’re verywelcome, honey.” Momwalked back in and Davecontinued.

“Second, Idon’twant

you spending more than twohours at a time inside. Now,I’m not saying you have toleavetheproperty,butIwantyou outside in the autumnsun.It’snottoohot.It’sfairlycomfortable. If you don’t doanything but sit out on yourdeck, that’s fine, but I wantyou out of the house.Watchthe way nature plays aroundyou. It’s amazing what anexperience that is, especiallyif you concentrate on what

they’re doing. Nature is notchaotic, it’s neatly orderedandyou’lldiscoverthatifyouspend time and watch it.Thirdly,I’mgoingtocallyouaftereveryclass IhaveandIexpect you to answer thephone. If you don’t, then Iwill automatically think theworst and leave campus tocomeandfindyou.”

“Dave,you’regoingalittleoverboardaren’tyou?”

“IfIam,thensobeit.

I want you to be okay. Theonlyway I canmake sure ofthat is to dowhat I’m goingtodo.Imaybugtheheckoutofyou,butIdon’tcareaboutanythingbutyourwell-being.If you feel the need to, thenyoucantellmetoshoveoff.Iwill never bother you again,becausebythenI’llknowthatyou’reback to theLily that Iknew. I’llhaveaccomplishedwhatIsetouttodo.Doyouunderstand?”

“Yes Sir.” Then Isaluted him. He laughed. Ilikedhislaugh.

“Lily, I’m veryseriousaboutthis.Iwanttheold Lily back and I will doeverythinginmypowertogether back.” There was anunspoken reason under thatand it made me feel good,when I realized it later. Hewas my best friend and bestfriends look out for eachother.

He wasn’t going togive up and honestly,underneath it all, I didn’twant him to. He continuedwithhisrequirements.

“Lily, be prepared toseemehereeverydayafterIgetoutofmyclassesandI’llknowwhetheryouhavedonewhatIasked.Thenwhenyoustart next term it won’t stophere. I toldyou Iwouldhelpyou and I know it’s going toberoughgoingthosefirstfew

weeks, but I believe you’restrong enough to handle it. Ihave faith in you and I willseeyougraduateandbecomethe best teacher anyelementary school has everhad to walk through theirdoors. You’reoneofakind,Lily, and being that rareyou’regoing togive thekidsyou teach, hope, that theywould not have hadotherwise.Ican’twaittoseethat.”

“Dave,whatifitrainsand I can’t go outside.Whatdo I do then?” I wasn’tjoking;Iwasserious,becauseeverything he saidwas right.Beingbymyselfinthehousewasnotgoing tobegoodforme,andIreallywantedtogetbetter. IwantedmebackandthewayDavewas talkinghecouldhelpmegetthereandIknewIcouldn’tdoitalone.

Ally who had beensilent the whole time that

Dave was talking offered asuggestion. “I have an idea,Lily. How about on thosedays, you come to campusand hang out with me, orDave even. All of thebuildings that our classes arein have really nice lobbiesand places to sit. You canbringabookandsit there,oryou can stay in my dormroomorsomethinglikethat.”Ally looked at Dave. “Whatdo you think about that,

Dave?”“I think that’s a great

idea. You would be out ofyour house, and you couldseewhereyourclasseswillbeheld. I think that’ll work.How do you feel about thatLily?”

Ireallywasn’tsure.Ididn’tknowifIwasreadyforthatyet. Davetookmyhandandsqueezedit.“YouwillbefineLily.”

“Can we cross that

bridgewhenwecometoitordoIhavetoplan?”

“We can cross thatbridge when we come to it.Don’tworry.”

*******Over the next two

weeks, Dave was better thanhiswords.Hecalledtocheckon me after each class andbrought me everything Iwould need to get a transferfromUM toUNA. He even

brought me the financial aidapplicationandhelpedmegeteverything filled out. I wasdetermined to finish collegeon my own, without helpfrom Mom and Dad andstaying at home andcommuting to classes wouldtakeabigloadoffofthecost.Davepersonallydeliveredallof my information to theappropriate parties. He wasamazing.

I did keepmy end of

the bargain and dideverythinghewantedmetoo.He even bought a pager(which was popular at thetimeforcommunication)soIwould have away of gettingin touch with him if I everneeded to. He helped memore than anything.Hegavemesomethingmore.

Afewdaysbeforemybirthday, he called, but hecalled to talk to my mom. Ithought that was really

strange.Henormallycalledtotalk to me. I’ll admit I wasevenalittleupsetbythat.Ofcourse, he only talked to herfor aminuteor twoand thenshebroughtthephonetome.

Dave was funny.Whenhewouldcallmeafterhisclasses;itwaslikehewascallingforareport.Hewouldask me what I observed thatday,and thendecidewhetherhe was satisfied with it, andalways ended our

conversations with onequestion.“AmIbuggingyouto death yet?” That alwaysmade me laugh. I alwaysanswered no. Truth was henever buggedme. If hewaslookingtogetoutofwhathehad committed too, he wasnevergoingto,buthewasn’tlookingtodothat.

It was Friday. MomandDadweregoingtohavealittle birthday party for mewhen they came home from

work. Ally was cominghome and Dave had comefromhisclasses thatdayandjusthungout.IthoughtIkepthearingapuppywhine, but Ididn’t believe it, unless oneof the neighbors had a newpuppy. I just dismissed it. Itwasn’t a cold day; it wasrather mild, highs in theupper fifties, closer to sixty.Thewindwasn’tblowinganditwassunny.Davelookedatme. “How long have you

beeninside?”Ilookedatmywatchithadalmostbeentwohours and I was feeling alittle melancholy, feelingsleepy.

“It’s been about twohours.”

“Has your mail runyet?”

“Yeah,probably.”“Let’s go get the

mail.”“Dave,I’mtired.”“Sorry, Lil, don’t

care. Time to get up andmove.”

Iwhined. “Dave.”Hetookmyhand and pulledmeupoffthecouchandtookmeoutside. We went out thebackdoorandthesunshinehitme square in the face, but itfeltgood.Ijustkindofstoodthere and let it warm me.Davelaughed.

“I told you so.” Icouldn’thelpbutlaughtoo.Icould feel myself getting

better, stronger even. I stillhad days when my emotionswould control me, but thosewere becoming less.Sometimes ithappenedmanytimes in one day, sometimesnoneatall.Thatwas just thewayitwas.

*******OnthedaysthatIhad

one of those very emotionaldays, somehow Dave wouldknow and he would just be

there, giving me hope,helpingmetorealizethatthiswould get better and then hewould stay with me for therest of the day, at least untilMom and Dad came home.Hewould forceme togetupandmove.He andAlly bothmade me promise that Iwould never go off and tryanything again if I ever hadthose days. Dave would talkme through times like thatwhenIpagedhim.

If it was raining, hewouldwalkwithmeoutinit.We never did the going tocampus on rainy days,because there were timeswhenmybeingalonewasjustbad and Ally and Dave bothwere afraid that I might gointo emotional meltdownwhen both of them were inclassandneithercouldget tome. Imagine the rumors thatwould start. Ally AldridgehasaninsanesisterandDave

Jameson has a crazy friend.They would be ostracized. Ithought about that, but theyneverdid.Istilloptedtostayat home during rainy days,andonmybirthdaythatyear,Dave gave me something totake care of on those rainydays and also on the sunnyonestoo.

*******Ally pulled up as we

were getting the mail out of

themailbox.Sherolleddownher window and leaned out.“HappyBirthday,sis.”

“Thank you.” Wekissed each other on thecheekandshedroveondownthegraveldrive.

Dave pulled me toohim, by squeezing myshoulders with one of hisarms. “Happy Birthday bythe way, I just realized Ihadn’ttoldyouthatsinceI’vebeenhere.”

“That’s okay, it’s justanotheryear.”

“Yes, another yearyou have been granted tomake something of. Are yougoingtomakesomethingofitorletitslipby?”

“Definitely makesomethingofit.”

He kissed me on theside of the head. “That’smygirl.” I let that sink in anddecided I liked it, so Ididn’tsay anything to him about it.

We helped Ally unload hercar and carried the thingsupstairs. I took her clothesandstartedtheminthewash.IhadbeguntodothisthelasttimeshewashomeandMomstartedaskingmetodothingsfor her around the housewhileshewasatwork.Itkeptmebusy.Ienjoyeditandfeltlike Iwas slowly pullingmylifebacktogether.

MomandDadshowedup a couple of hours later

withMexicantakeoutandanice cream cake for mybirthday. We ate and hadcake and of course everyonesung happy birthday to me.Then Dave excused himselfand I heard him go out thebackdoor.“Mom,wheredidDavego?”

“Hesaidhe’dbebackinaminute.”

“Oh, okay.” I justwaitedonhim tocomeback.A few minutes later Dave

camebackin,becauseIheardthe back door shut. Hewalkedintothekitchenwithabox that wiggled and it wasrather heavy. It was a hugebox.Hesetitatmyfeet.

“Happy Birthday,Lily.” I opened it and thisperfect little golden retrieverpuppypoppeditsheadout.Ithad the biggest brown eyesand a giant pink bow arounditsneck.

“OhDave . . . When

didyou...Howdidyou...It’sjustbeautiful.”

“Well it is actually agirl,hencethepinkbow,andher name is Sunshine. Herregistered name is SunnySummer Sunshine. She’sthreemonthsold.”

“She is so precious.Youremembered thatdayonthe quad.” I picked her upand held her to me. It wasloveatfirstsight.

“Yes, I did, sorry I

couldn’t get the house foryou, but I opted for thegolden retriever in thebackyard instead.” I felt thetears, but Sunshine wouldn’tletthemcome.Shelickedmeall over my face and Icouldn’t help but laughinsteadofcry.

IreachedtohugDave.“Youareamazing.Thankyousomuch.”

Dave laughed.“You’re very welcome.

Everything you need for heris in your basement. Youonly have to provide thebackyard.”

“Dave, shemusthavecostafortune.”

“Lily,nothingismoreimportant to me than yourhappiness and I thought shecould help when Ally and Icouldn’t be here. Friendshelp friends. That is just thewayitworks.”

“But Dave you have

donesomuchforme...”He put a quieting

fingertomylips.“And I would do

infinitelymore if that’swhatittakes...”

There was anunspokenphrase.

Chapter10

Sunshine became mydistraction. Dave knew whathewasdoing.SuddenlyIhadsomethingtotakeupmytimeand I didn’t have toremembertogoouteverytwohours,becausehousetrainingagoldenretrievertookmeoutevery two hours, rain orshine. She was surprisinglyeasy to train though.

Sometimes I wondered ifDavemadeuptherulesintheHousetraining Guide fordogs. Maybe he did. Itwouldn’thavesurprisedme.

I kept the cordlessphone withme because 90%of the time I was outsidewhenDavecalledinbetweenclassestocheckonme.Ieventook a trip to a new petsuperstorebymyselfandwasabletotakeSunshinewithmeand she picked out her some

toys and I bought them, ofcourseIhadtoletDaveknowwhereIwouldbesohedidn’tfreak out if Iwasn’t there toanswerthephone.

Sunshine and Ibecamebestbuddies.Shewassosweet.IcanhonestlysayIloved her. She spent thenights on my bed with meandifshehadtogooutinthemiddleofthenightshewouldwake up and lick me in thefaceandIwouldtakeherout.

She was more precious thananything.

*******One afternoon when

Davecamein,hefoundIhadfallen asleep on the couch,and Sunshine of course waspiled on top ofme. Shewasfive months old and stillpuppyandshelickedmyfacetowakemeup.Davewasoutthat day for the start ofChristmasbreakandAllywas

on her way home forChristmas break too.Sunshinefinallywokemeupand I saw Dave standingthere.

“Well don’t you twolookallcuteandcozylaiduponthecouch?”

“Sorry, I must havefallenasleep.”

“That’s fine, sowhat’re we going to do forthe next two weeks, wellthree weeks actually. You

startinJanuary.Didyousignup for your classesyesterday?Itriedtofindyouand I must have missed youorsomething.”

“Yeah,Isignedupformyclasses.Dave,whataboutSunshine?Shemissedmesomuchyesterday.”

“Well I thought youwouldtakeherwithyou.”

“Dave, I can’t take adogwithmetocampus.”

“Yeah, you really

can.”“Explain how I could

dothat.”“Lilydidyoureadany

of the papers I brought withher?”

“Well,no,why?”“Wherearethey?”“In my room, on my

bookshelf.”“Go get them for

me.”I didn’t know what

Dave was doing. I couldn’t

figure out why the paperswere so important other thanher AKC registration. Ipulled out the envelope andbrought it to Dave. Helooked in the envelope andpulledoutaletter.“Youneedtoreadthis.”I tooktheletterand read it. The letterheadread “Therapeutic Pets, Inc.”and gave the address andphone number andeverything.Ireadtheletter.

DearSirorMadam,

LilyGraceAldridgeisthe owner of a Therapeuticpet in training. Federal lawgrants rights to owners ofservice animals. The dog isregistered under contractnumber 59021136. If youhave any questions orinquiries as to Dog #21,Sunny Summer Sunshine—AKA Sunshine, pleasecontact me at once. Thankyou,ShelleyJameson.

Dave looked at me. I

wasstunned.“Theletterisinyour file at school too. AuntShelleyhaditwrittenup.Itisalegalandbindingdocument.Sunshine is a service dog intraining, but you’re trainingher for yourself. Have younoticedhowattunedsheis toyouandhowwhenyougetupshe’srightbesideyou?”

“Well, yeah, but Ithoughtthatwasjustbecauseshewasagoldenretriever.”

“Wellitisanditisn’t.

AuntShelleyonlyacceptstopof the line Labradors andGolden Retrievers as herservice training dogs. Shetests them with personalitytests and other things anddecidesfromtherewhetherornot she can accept them intothe training program.Sunshine was three monthsold when I gave her to you,becauseshehadbeentrainingfor a month. Aunt Shelleytrains dogs to work mostly

with elderly people, but shealsotrainsthemtoworkwithpeople . . . now don’t takethis wrong . . . but withpeople who are dealing withdepression and panic attacks,andthelike.IexplainedyoursituationtoherandshefoundSunshine for you. Pleasedon’tbeangrywithme.”

“You mean I get totake her with me to classes?She can stay with me atschool?”

Dave looked at mefunny. “Well, yeah, you’renotmad?”

“Dave, how can I beangrywithsomeonewhohasgiven me my life back,service dog or not. I had noidea what you were doingwhenyougavehertome,butshe has been such a blessingand to have you care thatmuchaboutmetowanttodothat for me. I don’t havewordstoexpresshowIfeelat

themoment.There are not enough

good words in the Englishlanguage to express myfeelings towardyou.YouareaGod-Send.

I’m able to smile andlaughandenjoymylifeagainand it has taken me sixmonthstogetjustpartofthatback.HowintheworldcouldI be angry with you?” Ireached around his neck andhugged him. “I can’t thank

youenough.CanIrepayyoufor her, please? She had tohavebeenexpensive.”

“Actually, Lily, AuntShelley gave her to me. Shesaid if I would train her foryou,Icouldgivehertoyou.So Sunshine didn’t cost meanything. I’m so glad you’regetting better Lily. Iwas soworriedaboutyou.”

“Dave, can I benosy?”

“Sure,goahead.”

“How much wouldSunshine have cost if youweren’tfamily?”

Dave grinned.“Upwards of two thousanddollars. Puppy and trainingandall.”

“Ohmyword.”“Yeah, so take good

careofher.”“YouknowIwill.”“Okay, Lil, we need

tochat.”“Aboutwhat?”

“About next term. Ihad a two-fold reason forgetting Sunshine for you.One, I won’t be on campusnext term. I start my studentteaching at HuntsvilleElementary, and two,Sunshine is a working dog.Sheworksforyou.Thereareafewrulestohavingone.Noone is allowed to pet her,exceptyou.Peoplemakethatmistake all the time. Mostpeople know that if it’s a

service animal they’re to askfirst, but somedon’t. I knowthat next term is going to bedifficultforyouandprobablyif you ever haveoneof yourpanicky moments, Sunshinewill know it before you andthatmightscareyou,but justlet it happen. Sunshine willhelp you. . . .You’re havingone right now aren’t you.” Ijust stared at him. I couldn’tget past Dave saying hewasn’tgoingtobeoncampus

nextterm.“Do you see what

she’s doing to you?” I tooknotice thenofwhatSunshinewas doing. “See how she’sforcing you to pet her headandnuzzlingyoutofeelher.Touch her and watch whathappens.”

Ididwithbothofmyhands and she put her frontpaws across my lap and laidher head down. “Lil, rightnowshe’s trying tokeepyou

calm, now let her feel yourpulse, lay your neck againsther head, like you werehugging her. I did and shestarted licking my neck. Ihave never been one to likebeing nuzzled by a dog, butSunshine was surprisinglycalming tome. I don’t knowif it was her rhythm or thesoftness of her tongue, butwhat she was doing wasworking. I had my mind onher and felt my panic edge

away.“That’s how she

works.”“Dave do I have to

giveherback?”“No, you don’t have

togiveherback.Sheisyoursfor life. Now come JanuaryI’ll go pick up Sunshine’sservicedogvestandharness.Neither will hurt her. Theyarebothsoft. Herharness isjust a normal harness with ashorterclothloopleash.The

week after Christmas you’llfinish training with her atAuntShelley’sclinic.”

I almost panickedagain, but Sunshine calmedmedown.

“Don’t worry, Lily;I’llbecomingwithyou. I’vebeen working there everysummer since I was sixteenand when I started college Istarted working there onevery break we had. I haveseen these dogs at work and

it’s amazing.Whenshe’snotworkingshecanbeanormaldog,whensheisworkingsheknowsit,especiallywhenshehas her service dog vest andharnesson.Lily,IknowyoucandothisandwithSunshinebeing there I won’t feel asnervous leaving you alone.”MytearsstartedandSunshinewas right there, calmingme.Shewastrulyagifteddog.

“Dave,Ididn’trealizeyou weren’t going to be on

campusnextterm.I’mafraidofyounotbeingthere.”

He sat on the couchwithmeandtookmetohim.“I know Lil, but you’ll beokay. I promise you’ll getbetter. It just takes time toheal.”

“Dave,whatdoesthatmean for us? Are thingsgoing to change? Will I seeyoulikeIdonow?”

“Yes, it will only belater in the day than you’re

used to, but I’ll still be hereevery day. That will notchange. Do you mindshowingmeyourschedule?”

“No,I’llgogetit.”I stood up and

Sunshine was right therewalkingwithme.Now that Iknewexactlywhatshewasitmade me understand hermuch better. I believed thatduring the night when shewould lickmyface to letherout, that she really didn’t

need to go out. She waskeeping me from having mynightmares about Jace,because there had not beenanysincemybirthday.

I began questioningthings, things about Jace. Ipicturedhim inmyheadas Ithoughthisnamewithout theall out emotional war thatnormally came with thosethoughts. Would he havedone this for me had thingsbeen turned to where it was

DavethatIlost?Iwasn’texpectingthe

feelings that came with thatthought. Thatthoughtforcedme tomy knees and broughtan onslaught of emotion farworsethanIwouldhaveeverimagined. The thought oflosing Dave instead of Jaceturned into an emotionalmeltdown,tothepointwhereSunshine was actuallywhimpering and trying tocalm me. I fell back against

my bookshelf and wailed.Sunshinestartedwhiningandlaid her body completely inmy lap. Dave came runningintomy roomandsawme inthe floor. Hecamedownonhis knees to me. “Lily girl,what’s wrong?” I threwmyarmsaroundhisneck.

“Please, Dave . . .pleasedon’teverleaveme.”

“Lily, I wasn’t eventhinking that; please tell mewhat’swrong.”

All I could do wasrepeat the same thing.“Pleasedon’teverleaveme.”

He suddenly had thisveryworriedlookonhisface,like hewas going to have totell me something he wouldrather not, fearing what itmight do to me. He lookedme in the eyes completelyconfused, but promised me.“Okay, I won’t ever leaveyou.” It was strange what Ifelt at that moment, I didn’t

recognizeit.Sunshine sat next to

me and laid her head upagainst my heart and rubbedherheadundermychinuntilI took my arms away fromDave and put them aroundher. Dave sat there in thefloor with me and justsmoothedmyhairawayfrommyface.

I couldn’t facehimatthat time; I had to get thatimage out of my head that

haddemonicallytakenover.Ijust held Sunshine and laidmyheadonher. I closedmyeyeswillingmymindtostopseeingDavedeadinacasket.

He soothingly spokeme through it; although I’msure he thought what hadcaused my outburst werethoughtsofJace.Hecouldn’thavebeenmorewrong,but Ididn’twanttosayanything.

Sunshine startedlickingmy face. I could feel

mecalmingdown.Davewasrubbing my arm. His touchfreed my mind and thathorrible image left mythoughts, because it wasn’treal,buthe,sittingtherewithme,was real. Jacewasgone.Davewasnot.

Part3:Healing

Prologue—

How did I heal? Mybestfriend,Dave,foundmeastarting point; her name wasSunshine.Beginningwasthehardest part of healing,

becauseonedayyoucanfeelfine and another day youdon’t. It’s an up and downprocess.Thegoodpartaboutit is once I started, thingsbegin to get easier. I didn’tcry asmuch. I didn’t hurt asmuch. I began to see thingsforhowimportant theywere.Ibegantoseehowimportantthe people in my life wereand how much my healingwould mean to them. Bestfriends are like that. They

sometimes know you betterthanyouknowyourself.

They want you betterin more ways than one andonce you find your startingpoint theywillgetyouto thefinish line. Never give up,because the more you moveforward, the more thingsbecomeclear.

Chapter11

After I calmed down,Dave tapped me under thechin and made me look athim.Hiseyeswerered.Thatoutburst of mine must haveupsethim.“Lilygirl,areyou

okay?”I was able to smile.

“Yeah, I’m okay.” I meantit.“DaveIapologize,Ididn’tmeanforthattohappen.”

“No, that’s okay, youjustscaredme.Ididn’tknowwhat had happened.” Hestood up and pulled me upfromthefloorafterIletgoofSunshine.

I handed him myschedule. We walked backinto the den, Sunshine was

right there with me. Isuddenly appreciated hermore. She was my lifelinewhen Dave couldn’t be withme.

“Lily, it looks likeyou’llbethroughwithclassesbythetimeIamthroughwithmyday. Weshouldgethereaboutthesametime.”

“You’re comingstraight from teaching to seeme?”

“Well, yeah, unless

youdon’twantmetoo.”“No,that’snotit.Just

...whyDave?”“Lily, I’ve told you

before,you‘remybestfriend,and the only place I want tobe.WhereelsewouldIgo?”

“Home . . . you havetakensomuch timewithme,doyoueverseeyourfamily?Whataboutyoursisters? Doyoueversee them?I’msuretheymisstheirbigbrother.”

“Lilyareyoutryingto

getridofme?”That hit me wrong

and I burst into tears. “No, Ilovetospendtimewithyou,Ijust feel like I monopolizeyour time. I feel like I’mkeeping you away fromyourfamily.”

He semi-laughed andsat down. “Lil, we need totalk. First of all don’t worryabout me and my family. Isee my sisters every daywhenI’matschool,becauseI

eatlunchwiththemeverydayand Ally too. She, Hannah,and Hallie have becomepretty good friends. They’reall in the same sorority, didyouknowthat?”

“No,Ididn’t. IguessIshouldpaymoreattention.”

“Well you’ve hadquitealottodealwith.Theyknowallaboutyou.Betweenme and Ally they get anearful. YouknowtheyknewJace. They used to secretly

wish he would take aninterestinyoungergirls.”

I actually laughed atthatandhisnamedidn’tbringthe onslaught of pain that itused to. There might havebeenatwinge,butthat’sallitwas.

“They like you eventhoughthey’venevermetyouand they told me to tell youthey were sorry about whathappened if you were everabletoacceptit. Theylosta

friend like that one time,except she was in sixthgrade.”

I gasped. “Oh howhorrible.” Sunshine wasinstantly up under my handand when I touched her Iguess she realized that Iwasokay, because she lay backdown. “Dave, tell me aboutyour family. I don’t know athingaboutthem.Iknowyouhave twin sisters, but that’sallIknow.”

Hesmiledlikehewasglad I asked. “We’re justyour typical Americanfamily.”

I started askingquestions. “What does yourDaddo?”

“Dad’s a doctor, aGP.”

“What’saGP?”“General Practitioner.

He and Mom were marriedtheir sophomore year incollege. She worked,

teaching,andputhimthroughmedschool.She teaches firstgrade and has for severalyears. When I was born shebecameastay-at-homeMom,because Dad had finishedschoolandhadbeenworkingIguessaboutayear.Thenmysisters were born three yearslater. Mom went back towork when Hannah andHallie started seventh gradeand has been teaching eversince.That’saboutit.”

“Isyourmomtheonethatinspiredyoutoteach?”

“Yes and no. YesbecauseIsawhowmuchsheenjoyed her job, and nobecause I was in a peerreading group in elementaryschool, we read with theyounger kids, the ones inkindergarten and first gradeandIrealizedhowmanykidsstruggled to read, it wasdisheartening, so I chose togo into elementary education

because I believe I can teachtheminnewways.Waysthatrequire a teacher to teach tothestudents’strongpoints.”

I knew what he wastalking about. “You meanhow some kids learn byhands-on,andsomearebetteratauditorylearningandsomebyvisuallearning.”

“Yeah, that’s whatI’m talking about. All kidslearndifferentlyandIbelieveif I can tune into how each

kid learns then they will besuccessfulinmyclass.”

“Ibelieveyou’rerighton themoney there. I thinkyou’ll make a great teacher,Dave.YouhavethepatienceofJob.”

“I wouldn’t go thatfar.”

“Iwould,ImeanlookatwhatyouhavedoneformeandIwouldhavegivenuponmemonthsago.”

He laughed. “Well

Lily, I don’t plan on givingup on you, so you might aswell get used to the idea ofme sticking around. Exceptfor one thing I need to tellyou.”

“What?”“We’re going to my

grandparents’ house inCorner for Christmas. We’llbe gone Christmas Eve andChristmas Day and we’ll beback thedayafterChristmas.So I won’t be here for a

coupleofdays.However,I’msure you’ll be fine and I’llcall you each day and thencomeseeyouwhenIgetbackhome. Sunshine’ll be hereand I’m sure you’ll have agreatChristmas.”

Tearswelledupinmyeyes. Sunshine was righttherenotallowingme tocry.“I believe I’ll be fine too.Daveyou’re thebest. I don’tknowhowIwouldhavemadeit without you. You are my

lightinthedarkness.”He laughed, a little

embarrassed. “I’m reallyglad you’re better, Lily.Keepitupandyou’llbebacktoyourselfinnotime.”

“Dave I have aquestion.”

“Sure,whatisit?”“WhenI . . .getback

to myself . . . will youdisappear?” I caught Daveoff guard and he thoughtaboutit,likehewantedtosay

somethingandthensmiled.“Lily,we’ll cross that

bridge when we come to it,okay. Right now my onlyconcern is you. I want youback to the Lily I knew andI’llmakesureyougetthere.”

I heard Ally’s cardrive down the gravel roadand pull in. “Well it lookslike everyone’s home withthe exception of Mom andDad.”

“Yeah, but they’ll be

in soon. Do you think theywouldmindifItookyouandAllyouttodinner?”

“No, but you don’thavetodothatDave.Wecanjuststayputhere.”

“No, I want to.There’ssomeoneI’dlikeAllytomeet.”

Iwas a little excited.“Really,who?Isitaguy?”

Davelaughed.“Yeah,I think she already knowshim, but I want to introduce

them.Ithinkthey’dlikeeachother.”

“Dave,you’replayingmatchmaker;that’ssosweet.What’shisname?”

“HisnameisSam,wecallhimSammy,buthehatesitwhenwedothat,becauseitsoundstookid-like.”

“Oh,sohe’sfamily?”“Yeah, he’s my

cousin. He’s Rushing myfraternityinthespring.”

“AretheonesatUNA

asniceastheonesatUM?”“Yeah, about the

same, just down homecountry boys. I really thinkshe’lllikehim.”

“Why are you tryingtofixherup?”

“I have my reasons;that’swhyIwanttotakeyoutwoouttonight. I’minvitingSamtoo.”

“Doesheliveclosetoyou?”

“He lives about three

streetsover.”“Howoldishe?”“He’s Ally’s age.

Don’tworryhe’sareallyniceguy.”

“Well if he’s relatedtoyouheisaniceguy.”

“Whatever, you don’tneed to put people too highuponapedestal, theyhaveatendency to fall off. Doyouthinkshewouldgo?”

“Well, she doesn’treally like tobesetup,but it

would probably be better totell her, because then shewouldthinkthatit’snotasetup.”

“Okay, that wasconfusing. Here she comesdoyouwant to tellherordoyouwantmetotellher?”

“You tell her, she’dprobablyacceptitbetterfromyou.”

Ally walked in theback door. “Dave, you’rehere,howareyou?”Thenshe

went and kissed him on thecheek. Surprisingly, thatmade me jealous. I wasshocked at that thought.Then I realized Dave’sreasoning behind invitingSam. Ally was falling forDave, but he didn’t feel thesamewayabouther.Icaughthis eye and understood as Ibent my head down andpretendedtoscratchmyhead.I felt bad for him and her. Iwasn’t so sure the thingwith

Samwasgoing toworkafterseeing her act that waytowardsDave,buthewantedtotry,soIlethim.

“Hey Ally; I want totake Lily and you out todinner to meet my cousinSam. Will you come withme?”

“Sure, sounds likefun. Want to do Italian thistime?”

That actually soundedgoodtomeandIagreedwith

Ally. “Yeah, let’s do Italianthistime.”

“Okay, let me callSam.CanIuseyourphone?”

Ally was bouncingaround. “Sure, I’ll goget it.”Wow,Allyhasitbad.Ileanedback against the couch andSunshine jumped up therewith me. I couldn’t help butgrinatDave;hewasallantsyabout the situation. I startedgiggling.

Heglaredatmeashe

whispered. “Lily, this is notfunny. I can’t date her.”Wewalked down the back deckstairs to unload her car forher.Shecouldn’thearus.

“Why not? She’sprettyandsmartandcuteandalotoffun.”

Then he gaveme thislook that I knew. “Oooo,there’ssomeoneelseyoulikeisn’tthere?”

“Well . . . yeah, butI’mbidingmytime.”

“Why? Does she likeyou?”

“I’m not real surewhatshethinksofme.”

“Well, Dave, give itsometimeandifit’smeanttobeitwillbe.”

“That’s what I’mcounting on.” He smiled atmeinaweirdwayandshookhishead.

“What are youshakingyourheadabout?”

“Nothing.I’llfigureit

outoneofthesedays.”“Whatwillyoufigure

out?”“Women and girls in

general.”I started laughing.

“Yeah, that’s every man’sdream,tofigureusout.”

Allymetusat thetopofthestairswiththecordlessphone.Daveputthephoneupquickly in between him andAlly after he dialed Sam’snumber.Shehadapoutylook

on her face. She definitelyhad a crush on him. Thiscouldgetbad.IhopedDave’splanworkedforAlly’ssake.

“Hey Sam, this isDave. You want to go outwith me and a couple offriendstonight? Okay,great,we’re going to Roberto’sItalianFare...good,I’llpickyou up around five . . .Youremember me telling youaboutLily...yeah,itwillbeher and her sister Ally . . .

okay,seeyouthen.”Dave hung up the

phone.“Lil,I’llbebyaround5:30 to pick you two up. I’llhave Dad‘s truck.” Then heran to his truck before Allycould ambush him again. Ilaughedsohard. It felt reallygood to laugh like that.Sunshine’s tail was waggingtoo;shemusthave thought itwas funny too, because itlookedlikeshewasgrinning.Have you ever seen a dog

grin?I thought about the

lasttimewewentoutandthe,I don’t know, panic attack Iguess, that I had, andwondered if I would be abletotakeSunshineinwithme.Ibelieved she needed somekind of vest and harness todeem her what she was sotheywouldletherin.Ilookedat the time. It was 4:30. Ineeded to get ready. Allywas in the shower, so I just

didthebestIcould.Iwasn’tgoing to have time to take ashower. I pulled out mycurlingironandfixedmyhairthatway.ThenIjustkindofthrew on some make-up.Sunshine followed meeverywhereIwentandwouldjust sit next to me when Istopped. By the time IfinishedMom andDadwerehomeandIletthemknowourplans for the evening. Imeant to call Dave and ask

him about Sunshine, but ranout of time. I was going tohave to leave her behind. Ididn’twant to, Iwasafraid Iwould need her. I startedfeeling panicky and almoststartedcryingIkneeleddownnext toSunshine and putmyhands around her and thenleanedontopofherheadandshewentintoworkmodeandnuzzled me until I calmeddown. I didn’t realizeMomand Dad were watching, but

afterIfeltmyselfcalm,Idid.Iturnedaroundandlookedatthem andAlly was watchingtoo. I felt a littleembarrassed.“Sorry,shewasworking.”

Ally was the first tocome over. “So when didDavetellyou?”

“Today, I didn’trealize that’s what she wasfor, but she really does herjobwellandIthinkshe’sthebest dog ever. So all of you

knew?”Mom answered.

“That’swhatDavewantedtotalktomeforthatdayshortlybefore your birthday. I toldhim itwouldbeagreat idea,but he didn’t want to sayanything to you, because hewas afraid you would beangrywithhim.”

“Yes, ma’am, he saidthattometoo.”

“You didn’t get madathimdidyou?”

“No,ma’am. He hasdone so much for me Icouldn’t possibly be mad athim.Didyouknowthathe’sworkedupathisAunt’splacewith these dogs everysummer and every breakwhen he’s been in college?He said he would go totraining with me when itstarted the week afterChristmas. I’m lookingforward to that and then shewillbea full-fledgedService

Dog. I’llbeable to takeheron campus with me. I’mreally nervous about goingback to classes, but at leastI’ll only have a few left andthenstudent teachingandI’llbedone.”

Ally smiled. “Willyoucomehavelunchwithmeeveryday;I’llhavetoadmitIhave been a little jealous ofHannahandHallie.Iwantedyou to be there too. Theywere able to show off Dave

and I was kind of the fifthwheel, but they were reallynice about it. They neverexcluded me. May I petSunshine?”

“Sure,rightnowshe’sjust my pet.” I kissed her.“Aren’t yougirl?” Then shelicked me right up my facefrom my nose. Mom, Dad,willyouwatchherwhileI’mgonetonight.Shelikestogoouteverytwohours.”

“Of course honey.

She’llbefine.”I heard Dave’s Dad’s

truck coming down the road.It was a huge Dodge CrewCabduallydiesel.Itsoundedlike it too. Dave pulled inandjoggedupthestairsanditlooked like Sam was behindhim. Sam was tall and thinwith sandy-blonde hair andthe prettiest eyes you haveeverseenonaguy. Allyranout the door tomeet him. Iheard her on the deck. She

threw her arms around hisneck, he returned theaffection. “Oh my gosh,Sam, I had no idea that youwere the Sam, Dave wastalkingabout.”

“Nokidding,Ihadnoidea you were the Ally hewas talking about. It’s goodtoseeyou.”

“Thanks, it’s good toseeyoutoo.HowdidyoudoonthatEnglishpaper?”

“Ididokay; Imadea

“C+”.Whataboutyou?”“Uhm...an'A'.”“Way to go Al.” I

wasalittlesurprisedthatAllylethimcallherAl; shehatesit when I call her that.Dave’splanjustmightwork.

Dave walked aroundthem and had a grin a milewide across his face. Helookedatme.“Toldyouso.”Then he called Sunshine.“Sunshine, heel.” Sheimmediately was at the

forefrontofDave’sattention.He pulled some kind ofyellowvest lookingthingoutof his backpocket andput itonher. ItwasmarkedSDIT(Service Dog in Training),then he pulled a matchingharnessoutofhisbackpocketand put it on her. Shewentinto workmode immediatelyandcameandsatrightnexttome.

“Okay, Lily, shewon’t get out of sitting

position unless you hold herlead. Reach down and pickup her lead off her back andwatch what happens.” I didand she immediately raisedher haunches off the floorready to walk. “Now whenwegettotherestaurantyou’llneed to guide her under thetable and tell her ‘down,stay’. That makes her liedownandwaitforyoutogiveher next command.The onlytimeshewon’tdownandstay

iswhenshesensessomethingfromyou or you pick up herlead and start walking. Youthinkyougotthegist?”

“YeahIthinkIgotit.”“Good give the down

stay command in a firm butgentlevoice.”

“Down . . . Stay.”She did and I let go of thelead.

“Good job Lil, you’llhavethismasteredbeforeyoustartbacktoUNA.”

Thatthoughtmademejittery and Sunshine wasimmediately up and leaningonmyleg.Shesensedthat.Ikneeled down and touchedher with both of my handsand she down stayed againbecauseshesensedthatIwasokay.

“Awesomejob,Lil.Itwon’t take you anytime totrain with her. I think shewas made just for you, butremember when she has her

vestonshecannotbe treatedlike just adog. Youhave tokeepherinworkmode.Youcanpatherandrestyourarmsonherandstrokeherfur,butyoucan’tplay fetchwithheror rub her belly or anythinglike that, when you take thevestandharnessoffyoucan.Just remember those thingsandyoushoulddofine.Youreadytogo?”

“I think so.” Momsmiled,handedmemypurse,

and we left with Sunshine. Ipicked up her lead and shewas immediately up andready to go. Allywanted tosit inbackwithSam,soIsatin themiddlewithDave andSunshine was on thepassenger side and buckledin.IlaughedIhadneverseenadoginaseatbeltbefore,butshe sat there like shebelongedandDavepattedmyleg and left his hand restingthere.Ididn’tmoveit;Ieven

kind of liked it there. AllyandSamwerehavingthebesttime in the back seat justtalking.FormeandDave,thebest friends’ idea wasblurringinmymind.

Chapter12

ParkingDave’sDad‘shuge truck took a couple oftimes,hefinallypulleditinto

thespace,butheparkedthreespaces down from any cars.Davejumpedoutandwalkedoverandopenedmydoorforme. He unbuckled Sunshineand said “heel” and shejumped out of the truck andheeled. Then he helped meoutofthetruckbytakingmyhand as I slid out of whatseemedlikeafivefootdrop.SamdidthesameforAlly.

I was concerned thatthey would not let Sunshine

in so I voiced that to Dave.“Dave are they going to letherin?”

“Yeah,they’reserviceanimalfriendly,I’llbetyou’llsee why, while we’re here.One other thing you need toknow. You’re probablygoing to get stared at, butdon’t worry. It’s onlybecause most people wishedtheyhadoneoftheirown.”

Ilaughed,hemademerelax. “All you have to do

Lily is remember thosesimple commands fortonight. Everything will befine. You ready forSunshine’sdebut?”

“As ready as I’ll everbe.”

“You’ll do fine, trustme.” Then he kissedme onthe forehead, as he huggedme to him. I didn’t flinch, Ieven enjoyed that. Ally andSam were too busy laughingtogether to notice. Thatwas

probablybest.“Okay, Lily, pick up

the lead.” I did and she wasready to work. I felt ratherconfident.Itwasfunnywhatwasgoingthroughmymind.“Ihaveadogandyoudon’t”,in sing-song form. DaveofferedmehisarmandItookit. I had Dave in one handand Sunshine in the other.Shestayedrightwithme.WewalkedinandDavehadmadereservations for four. Yes

peoplestared,but thehostessthat seated us paid noattention, or rather, seemednot to. She seated us at ourtable. “Your server will bewithyoumomentarily.”

“Thank you.” Ianswered for everyone. Iguided Sunshine under thetableinbetweenmyrightfootandDave's left foot, becausethere was no table standthere. I looked at her bigbrown eyes and love for me

wasjustsparklinginthem.Ialmost cried and she nuzzledmy hand. I put both of myhands on her neck, so shewould know I was okay. Ilooked into her eyes againand said, “Down . . . Stay.”She did that exactly. Daveseemed proud of me and herested his arm on the boothtopbehindme.Irelaxedandleanedback.

A few minutes lateran older Gentleman came to

see us. He was very Italianandhehadaservicedogwithhim. It was a Chocolate lab.“I was informed by ourhostess that we had anotherservicedogamongus. Ihadtocomeout togreetyouandwelcome you and your furrycompanion. This is for laterwhen he or she is notworking.”

“She, her name isSunshine.” He handedme asmall wrapped package with

a dog sticker on it. “Thankyouverymuchforthegiftforher.”

“You are verywelcome. This is Hershey,”as he pointed to his dog. Ialmost laughed and tried notto,buthecaughtme.Hehada warm twinkle in his eyeswhenhesmiled. “Iknow;Idid the same thing when wewere introduced about fiveyears ago, but very fittingname for a chocolate lab

don’tyouthink.”“Yes Sir, I do, very

fittingname.”“Idon’tknowwhereI

wouldbewithouthimthough,definitely not the owner of afive-star Italian restaurant.Enjoyyourmeal.”

“Thank you verymuch,Sir.”

“Of course, ofcourse, if you decide to,dessertisonthehouse.Havea wonderful evening.

Lawrence, come take thesecustomers’drinkorders.”

“Yes sir.” And ourserver showed up, as Iwatched Mr. Roberto, I amassuming, and his chocolatelab service dog, Hershey,walk off. We ordered ourdrinksandourserverwenttogetthem.

“Dave, Sunshinedidn’t even flinch when thatotherdogcamearound.”

“Because she’s

trained not to. While in hervest she has a job to do,which doesn’t includenoticingotherdogs. By theway, you’re doing greattonight.I’mbeginningtoseetheoldLilyagain.”

“And, Dave, thatmeans...”

“That means that I’mbeginning to see you comeback to yourself. That’s allthatmeans, and itmakesmeveryhappytoseethat.”

We both lookedacross the table, and DaveandImightaswellhavebeeninvisible.AllyandSamwereenjoying themselvessomuchthatwecouldhavewalkedoffand they never would havenoticed.DaveandIlookedateach other and grinned. Ibelieve he had found a goodmatch for Ally or at least itseemed like it from myviewpoint. Our server camebackwithourdrinksandthen

tookourorder.I needed to know

more aboutwhat I could andcouldn’t do with Sunshinewhen she was working.“Dave, this dog treat Mr.Roberto gave Sunshine, howcomehe said itwas for laterwhenshewasn’tworking.”

“Well think about itLily,Dog’sonlygetfedoncea day even just as pets.Nothing is supposed todistract them while they’re

working.”“Can’t I give her

water during the day whenshe’swithmeatschool?”

“Oh, yeah, you cangivethemwater,butthat’sit.Asamatteroffact theyhavecollapsible water bowls thatyou can buy to take withyou.Justgetheroneofthoseandstick it inyourbackpackalongwithawaterbottleandthat should work and youhave to clean up after them

too. Make sure you havesomething for that. Butyou’ll learn all abouteverythingyouneed toknowwhenthetrainingclassbeginsweek after next. I’ll beworkingthereduringbreaksoI’m going to be your co-trainerforSunshine.”

“Oh,thatsoundsgreatto me. So I’ll get to spendevenmoretimewithyou.”

“Looksthatway.”“You don’t sound too

excitedaboutit.”“No, Lily, it’s not

that, it’s just that Iwonder ifonceyou’rebetter,you’llnotwantmearoundanymore.”

“Dave, that’s dumb.We’re best friends whywouldn’t I want you aroundanymore.”

“Idon’tknow,IguessI’mjustparanoid.”

“No, actually you’rejustDave,andyou’rejustmybest friend, and you just

won’t give up on me. Iappreciate that more thananything,soaslongasyou’llstick around you’re stuckwith me. I’m afraid you’rethe one that will get tired ofhaving to pick up my piecesand put me back together.I’m afraid you’ll give up onme.”

He kissed me on thehead.“WellIguesswe’lljusthave to be happy where wearerightnowwon’twe.”

“Yeah, I guess so.”He pulled me to him andhugged me. “One day at atime.”

Chapter13

When Dave drove allofusbacktomyhouse,Allyand Sam exchangednumbers.Davenudgedmein

thearmashesatdownonthecouch with me and thenSunshine stood there waitingfor her next command, shestillhadonhervest,harness,and lead. I reached down totakethemoffofher,thensheshookherfur.Itwaslikeshewas removing her workmode. I put everythingbetween me and Dave andpatted the couch and shejumpeduptherewithmeandwasjustmypetonceagain.

“Sunshine, you weresuch a good girl tonight.You’re the best dog in theworld.” I reached down andhugged her and kissed herandshelickedmeupmyfaceagain.Shelaidthereandfellasleep. I laid my hand onDave’s leg. He gaveme hisattention. “Dave, thank youso much for everythingyou’vedoneformeandgivenme.IjustwishIcouldrepayyouforwhatyou’vedone.”

“Continue to getbetter and continue to bemyfriend and that will be morethanpaymentenough.”

*******Davecameoverevery

day, after working at theclinic, until he left to spendChristmas with hisgrandparents. Sam had cometoseeAllyeverydaytoo,andhe went to his grandparentswith Dave. I found out that

Sam’smomwasDave’sdad'ssister. Sam’s last name wasCarlton. Not that it reallymattered,butitansweredwhySamandDavedidn’thavethesamelastname.

Sam and Ally had atleast three classes togetherand in their discussions thatnightatdinnerfoundoutthatSam had wanted to ask Allyoutforawhile.Allyofcoursewas thrilled, because shewantedhimtoaskherout.So

they pretty much becameinseparable during theholidays.Davewas glad thathisplanhadworked.He toldmehedidn’twanttohurtherfeelings. I appreciated that,but secretly wondered whothe girl was that he was sohungupon.Really.

AllyandIhadagreatChristmas. Sunshine evenenjoyed the festivities. Shewas given a couple ofpresents too. I even let her

have a sample of ChristmasDinner.Ihadbeenreadingupon service dogs, things youcan and can’t do with them,afterIhadgivenhersomeofChristmas dinner and thenworriedaboutherafterIreadyou shouldn’t do that. IdecidedthatIwouldneverdothat again. Davehadboughta bag of Blue Wildernesspuppyfoodwhenhegaveherto me and after reading,decidedthatIwouldkeepher

onthatfood,becauseshewassoimportanttome.

ImissedDave,buthecalled like he said he wouldandatleastIwasabletotalkto him and after all it wasonlyacoupleofdays. Iwasso excited when he cameback home. It was aSaturday.

I heard him comingup the stairs and dashed outthe back door with Sunshineatmy heels and jumped into

hisarms.Hewasn’texpectingthat, and quite frankly Iwasn’texpectingmyselftodothat, I was ratherembarrassed.ButDavebeingwho he is just took it instride, catchingme in ahugehug.“Wow,ifI’dknownI’dgetthatkindofhomecoming,I’d leave more often.” Hesmiled, I love his smile.“Howareyou,Lily?”

I was very honest.“Nowthatyou’rehere,much

better.Imissedyou!”He gave me a

different brighter smile. “ImissedyoutooLily.”Hebentdown toSunshine andpettedher.“HeySunshinegirl,howare you?” She licked him inthe face. “Have you beentaking care ofLily forme?”She walked to me and satdownrightnexttomyleg.

I smiled, “Does thatansweryourquestion?”

“Yeah, it does.

Sunshine heel.” She walkedtohimandsatdown.Hebentdown and petted her again.“Good girl. Take care ofLily.”Shewalkedbackoverto me and sat down next tomy right leg. I realized thenthat he was giving her acommandbothtimes.

“And you did thatbecause...”

“To make sure shehadn’t lost anything she hadbeen taught. Have you been

out anywhere with herlately?”

“No, not since dinnertheothernight.”

“Well, how aboutlunch?Areyouhungry?”

“I guess so,wheredoyouwanttogo?”

“I was thinkingZaxby’s, do you like theirfood?”

“I don’t think I’veever eaten there. How longhavetheybeenouthere?”

“SincelateOctober.”“Well,thatexplainsit.

WhatelsehaveImissed?”“I’ll tell you what.

Since you have kind of beenlocked away, why don’t Idrive you around and showyou what’s happened aroundtownsinceyouhavebeen...howdoIputthis.”

I put my hand on hisarm.“Truthfully.”

“Okay . . . since youhavebeenill.PutSunshine’s

gearonandwe’llgo.DoweneedtobringAlly?”

“No, she’swaitingonSam. He’s coming by inaboutthirtyminutes.”

“Welldoyouwant towait on them and see if theywanttogowithus?”

“Dave, do we alwayshave to have someone withus?”

That caught him offguard,butinapleasantwayIbelieve.Hegavemehissmile

andthenlaughed.“Wellno,Ijust thought you would bemorecomfortable ifsomeoneelsewentwithus.”

“It doesn’t matter tome. If you’re uncomfortablewith just me, then by allmeanswecanwaitonthem.”

“No, I’m good withjust you and me. GetSunshine’s gear on her andlet’sgo.”

“Okay, are you goingtocomein?”

“Yeah,Iwill in justasecond. Go ahead and getSunshineready.”

I turned to go in, butsomething toldme not too. Iasked a stupid question.“Dave if you’re worried thatthe girl you like is going toseeustogetherthenwedon’thavetogo.”

He laughed. “That’snotitatall.”

“Thenwhatisit.Youlook upset about something.

Pleasetellme.”Davetookholdofmy

shoulders. “Lily, there’ssomethingIreallywant,andIdon’tknowifI’mwastingmytime on it or not. I wouldreally like to think I’m notwastingmytime,butI’mnotsure. I think I see somethingthere, but I’m not ready foranotherBriannaincident.”

“Once bitten, twiceshy, right?” At once mythoughts turned to him.

“Dave,Ihaveanidea.”“What’sthat,Lily?”“How do you feel

aboutawalk in thebotanicalgardens? I know that there’snotmuchinbloomrightnow,but it’s a rather large placeand there are plenty of trailsto walk down and it’ll bequiet.We can walk and talkandthereareswingstositonand little ponds with rock-wallstoplayon.Whatdoyouthink?”

He kissed me on topof the head. “I think that’s agreat idea, but can we getsome lunch first. I’mstarving.”

“Okay, sure, but onlyif you will let me pay.” Hestarted to argue with me.“Please.”

“Compromise,I’llbuymineandyoucanbuyyours,willthatwork?”

“Okay, fair enough.Does Zaxby’s allow service

dogs?”“Yes they do, trust

me; I’ve searched out theplaces service animals areallowed. Go tell someonewhere you’ll be, so theywon’tworry.”

I went and toldMomand let her knowwhereAllywas getting ready to go andthen put Sunshine’s gear onher. As Dave and I walkedout, Sam drove up. Wewaved as we walked down

thestairs.“WellitlookslikeyouwererightaboutSamandAlly.”

“I love being rightabout things. It makes iteasier tobe right aboutotherthings.”

“Davethatjustsoundschauvinistic.”

“Maybe it is, but IhopeI’mright.”

We climbed into histruck and I slid into themiddleandputSunshinenext

to me. “Lily, I boughtsomething for Sunshine.Look in theback. It’s in theChristmasbag.”

“Aw, Dave youboughtherapresent.”

“Yeah, go ahead andopenit.”Ididandinitwasadog-sizedbackpack.

“I didn’t know theymade dog-sized backpacks.That’ssoneat.”

“Open the pack.” Ididandinitwasacollapsible

water bowl, a water bottleand little booties for herpaws.

“Aw, you boughtwhatI’dneedforcampus,butsomething tells me she’s notgoing to like the littlebooties. She has big furrypaws, which should beenough.”

“Yeah, I know, but itcame from New York andyou know how much snowthey get in the winter, so

someservicedogownersputlittle boots on their dog’spawstoprotectthemfromtheelements.”

“Oh, well I guess Iunderstand that. But, wereally don’t have elementsdown here in Alabama,except the occasional twoinches of snow or the icestorm which shuts downeverything anyway. Peoplein New York laugh at uswhen that happens.” Dave

startedlaughing.“True, but they’re

there if you want to usethem.”

“Maybe I might trythem just to see what shethinks.”

“Whatever you wanttodo.”

We pulled intoZaxby’s parking lot andparked. He heeled Sunshineandthenhelpedmeoutofhistruck; luckily it wasn’t as

highashisDad’s.IpickedupSunshine’s lead and she wasupandreadytogo.Thistime,though,insteadofofferinghisarm,hetookmyhand,likehewouldhissister’shand,but Iliked it. It fit mine. I couldtellthathewasnervousaboutdoingthat.IguesshethoughtI was going to freak out orsomething. I didn’t and thatpleasedhim.

We walked in and ofcourse immediately were

stared at, it mademe a littlenervous,butsoonIwasfine.Sunshine didn’t react thattime;shewasgettingused tomy differences and waslearning when she needed toreact and when she didn’t.Wewerebehindthreepeoplein lineand Inoticed thatonelittle girl kept staring. Italmost made me paranoid.Sunshine was sitting next tome waiting patiently. Thelittlegirlwhomusthavebeen

about six, reached out totouch Sunshine. Her Mompulledherback.

“Nohoney,thatDog’sworking right now, we can’tpetthosedogs.”

Iwassurprised.Davelooked down at me andwinked. The little girl justlooked at me and smiled.“Youhaveaprettydog.”

“Thankyou.”“What’sitsname?”“Her name is

Sunshine.”“Oh,it’sagirl?”“Yes,she’sagirl.”“We have a boy dog

at home, all he does is runaround and bark at squirrelsall day, or birds. There’s abird that likes to sit in a lowbranch on our tree andmakemy dog mad, because hecan’tgethim.”

I laughed. “Soundslike you have a good dogtoo.”

“Yes, ma’am. Doesyour dog ever get to play ordoes she work all of thetime?”

“She gets to playwhenshe’snotworking.Shejustgetstobearegulardog.”

“Well I’m glad; Ithink all dogs need to play.I’mMiranda.”

“MynameisLilyandI agree with you, all dogsneedtoplaysometimes.”

Her mother had

picked up their food and shewaswalkingtoatable.“ByeMs.Lily,haveagoodday.”

“Thank you Miranda,youtoo.”

Davekissedmeonthehead, and then whispered.“Now that’s theLily Iknow,keepitupandyou’llbebacktoyourselfinnotime.”

I put my arm aroundhis waist and hugged him.Thenwewereup toorder. Iplacedmineandpaidforit.I

had to let go of Sunshine’slead to get tomywallet, butshe just sat there and didn’tevenmove, until I picked upher lead again. Then Daveplacedhisorder andpaid forit.Theyputourfoodoutandhe took both trays and wewent and sat down. I guidedSunshine up under the tableand said, “Down . . . Stay.”She did and we enjoyed ourlunch.

Throughout lunch I

hadnoticed a couple of littleboys. They looked to beabout three and four, theywere very active. Dave hadnoticedthemtoo, itwaskindof hard not to. We finishedlunch about the same timetheydid.Davetookourtraysandcamebackandabout thetime I guided Sunshine outfrom under the table andturned to get my purse theysaw her and ambushed her,she froze and didn’t even

attempt to bite them. Theyhad run away from theirparents.Davehandledit.

“Whoa, whoa.” Hegently pulled them off ofSunshine. “Be careful somedogs might bite if you scarethem.” That immediatelymade the little boys backaway. “Thisdogisaservicedog, she’s working rightnow.Shehastobecarefulsoshe can work like she’ssupposedto.Shecanonlybe

petted if she doesn’t have avest on and thenwe have toask before we can pet her.Okay.I’mgladyoulikeher,though.”

Their parents caughtup to them and apologized amillion different times.Daveansweredthattoo.“Noharmdone.Haveagoodday.”

Iwas so taken by thewayhehandled that I almostcried, which I thought wasridiculous, but he did that so

easily. All I didwas panic.Hewassogoodwiththelittleboys.Ifeltatearescapeandthen laughed slightly. Davegave me an embarrassedgrin. Thenhe tookmyhandandweleft.

“So on to thebotanicalgardens?”

“Yes, that’s what Ithought, but if you’d rathernot, then I understand. Bytheway,youweregreatwiththose little boys. You are

definitely going to make agreat teacher. So tell mesomething. You want toteach, so what are youspecializingin?”

“ElementaryEducationandMath.”

“You like Math?WhydidIneverknowthat?”

“Probably becauseyouneverasked.”

“I guess I have beenprettystuckonmyself.”

“No, Lily, that’s not

what I meant, I don’t knowyour specialty area either. Ijustknowthatwehadalotofclassestogether.”

“Are you doingElementary or EarlyChildhoodEducation?”

“Early ChildhoodEducation.”

“I thought you wereElementarylikeme.”

“Just out of curiosity,why elementary education,mostguysdohighschooland

coaching.”“Honestly, I don’t

have the patients to teach agroup of teenagers that havebad attitudes. That’s all thathighschoolis.Iknow;Iusedtobeoneofthem.”

“Idon’tbelievethat,Idon’t see you as one of thekidswithabadattitude.”

“Okay, then what doyouseemeas.”

“One of the kids thatwas reallypopular andhada

tonoffriends.”“Lily, remember that

pedestal I toldyounot toputpeopleon?”

“Yeah, what aboutit?”

“Iwaspopular,butbystatus,notattitude. Iused topickfightswith theopposingteam’s players, because Ithought I was better thaneveryoneelse.”

“Noway, I still don’tbelieveyou.”

“Believe what youwill, it’s the truth, ask mysisters. They didn’t like mevery much when I was inhighschool.”

“Okay, but they loveyou now; Ally told me howthey like to show you offwhen you go eat lunch withthem.”

“Maybenow,butI’vechangedalot.”

We pulled into theparking lot of the botanical

gardensandweallslidoutofthe truck. Sunshine wasready to go. I had my littlegray ADPi sweatshirt jacketon.ItwasthefirsttimeIhadwornitsinceJace.ButlikeIsaid thatwasapartofmeheneverclaimed. Curiositygotthe best ofme, aswe startedwalking.

“Dave, what madeyouchange?”

“I don’t think youwanttoknow.”

“Yes,Ido.”“Okay,butpreparefor

thatpedestaltobeshattered.”“Whatareyoutalking

about?”“I’m really afraid to

tell you, you’re not going tolikeme.”

“Davejustspititout.I know who you are now.That’sallthatmatterstome.”

“Okay . . .” HehesitatedlongerthanIwantedhimto.

“Dave,justtellme.”“Okay . . . Okay . . .

remember that friend . . . ofHannah and Hallie’s that Itold you about . . . that waskilledwhen shewas in sixthgrade. . .becauseofadrunkdriver.” The way he wastalking I knewhewas tryinghardnottobreakdown.

A feeling of horrorcame over me, as I thoughttheworst. I stopped dead inmy tracks and Sunshine

stoppeddead too andpushedherself up againstme. Tearscame into my eyes, I almostcouldn’tbreathe.“Tellme...youarenottheone...thatkilledher.”

“I can honestly tellyouthatIwasnottheonethatdid, however . . . I wouldhavebeeninthesamecar...withtheonethatdid...hadInot been sick that nightwithstrep throat.” He waited formyreaction.

Luckily therehappenedtobeabenchaswewerewalkingby. Ihad to sitdownandSunshinewentintoworkmode. I suddenlyknewwhat had happened, and Ilookedathim.“Yourfriendswere killed too, weren’tthey?”

A flash of memorycamebackasIrememberedaday in high school wheneveryone was talking aboutthehorribleaccident thathad

claimed the lives of threefrom Decatur High and onefrom one of the localelementaryschools.Myheartached for Dave. He had lostthree of his friends in highschool because of drunkdriving, his sisters had lostoneof theirsandthenhelosthis roommate to the samething and his best friendalmost tookher lifebasicallybecauseofthesamething.

I looked at Dave. He

was staring down at theground and I could tell hewas crying. Through tears Iheard him finish his story.“Myparents...didn’tknow.. . I hung outwith them . . .theythought...Iwasagoodkid . . .Mysistersknew . . .that’swhytheydidn’tlikeme. . . I was always thedesignated driver . . . whenwewentout...Idon’tknowwhy. . . I wasn’t in the carwiththem...Istilldon’t...

I could’ve saved all four ofthem.” I don’t think he hadevertoldanyonethatbefore.Myheartbrokeforhim.

Icouldn’tstandtoseeDave hurting like he was. Ilet go of Sunshine and wenttohimandwrappedmyarmsaroundhimandheldon. Heheldontometoo.

“Dave . . . I’m gladyou weren’t in that car . . .you couldn’t have doneanything and you would’ve

become one of the oneskilled. You weren’t in thatcar because there were otherplans for you. If you hadbeen in that car . . . yoursisters would have hatedthemselvesforhatingyou.Ifyouhadbeen in that car . . .Chancewouldhaverapedmeand no telling what else. Ifyouhadbeeninthatcar...Iwould have jumped off thatrock. You did save fourpeople...justoneofthem..

.yousavedtwice. Yougaveme my life back and youbecameclosertoyoursisters.Ifyouhadbeeninthatcar...none of that would’vehappened. Your sisterswould be devastated and Iwould be dead. Don’t yousee . . . that’s why youweren’tinthatcarthatnight.. . or the best way I knowhow to explain it, anyway.Plus you would’ve neverbeenable to teach thosekids

that you’re going to be thebestteachertoo.”

I took Dave’s handandledhimbacktothebenchwith Sunshine followingclosebesideme.Hewasstillcrying. “Lily . . . how canyou not hateme . . . for thetypeofpersonIwas?”

“Because I know thetype of person you are andthe past is exactly that, thepast.Itshouldnevermakeitsway into your future. How

long have you been holdingthat as part of you, becauseit’s not part of youanymore?”

I realized, as tearsflowed over again, that heldtrue forme too. Iwhisperedthe rest. “Just like Jace isn’tpartofmeanymore.”Ispokealittlelouder. “Heispartofmypastandshouldnotmakeitintomyfuture,becausethepastispast.”

Dave had a teary

smilethatlituphisfaceandIgentlyplacedmyhandonhischeek and wiped the tearsaway. I could tell what hewantedtodo,butheoptedfora triumphant embraceinstead. I felt it; it feltwonderful, as the first pieceofmywallbrokeaway.

Part4:StartingOver

Prologue—

Starting over, wow, IneverthoughtI’dgetthere.Itactually took me a whilelonger than the day at theBotanicalGardens.Therewasmuch to overcome. One of

the main things was the fearof “will it happen again”.Dave never faltered. He wasdetermined that I continue toget better, because hesomehowknewthatwouldbethe turning point. He’s likethat.

I reallywanted to getcloser to him, but I was soafraid he would be snatchedoutofmyhands,soIkeptmydistance. Although, in theback of my mind, I knew it

would be hard forme.Therewere some things that wereharder, like allowing myselfto feel that vulnerable againand letting myself get thatclose to someone again.Fearwas my biggest enemy, butthen, there was Dave—myrock—andhedidn’tgiveup.

Chapter14

DaveandIspentalotmore time together,especiallywhen it came timeto certify Sunshine as a full

Service Dog. The next twoweeks before term startedwere spent at his AuntShelley’s clinic, TherapeuticPets, Inc. Dave worked withmeuntilIfeltlikeIhadeverycommand down to a tee.Sunshinelovedit. Itwaslikeher dream was to be myservice dog. She workedhard for us. Dave taught herto follow his commands too,wasn’t sure why, but he hadhis reasons, so I never

bothered to ask, nor did Icare. In my opinion she wasparthisdogtoo.

After our visit to theBotanical Gardens, hechanged. Heseemedhappierthan I had seen him in awhile. There could’ve beenmany reasons for this, but Ibelievedthebiggestwaswhathe told me about. He said Iwastheonlyonehehadevertold that too. I was glad toknow that he had not told

Brianna, because she wouldhavejustputhimdownforitandhedidn’tdeservethat.

Our last trainingclasswith Sunshine fell on aFriday,theFridaybeforetermstarted. Theyhadalittletestto see if she remembered allher commands and his AuntShelley agreed that she waswell-taughtandwellcaredforanddeterminedshewasreadytobeafull-timeServiceDog.The training ended with a

little graduation ceremonywhere she received her newvest labeled “Service Dog”andanewharness.Bothwerefluorescentpink.Shegavemehercertificateandafewlittlegifts tobeused forherwhenshewasonthejob.Davewasproudofusboth.

Aunt Shelley alsogavemealettertotaketomydoctor, as well as a letter ofcommendation formy doctorto see. She sent a new letter

with me about Sunshine’snew upgraded status that Iwas to take to the registrar’soffice Monday when I wenttoschool.Thenextstopwasmy Doctor’s office to get acertified letter stating that Ineeded Sunshine, because ofmypanicattacks.Ihadbeenon somemedicine since Jacepassed, but after Dave gavemeSunshineIstoppedtakingit.Shewaslikeareplacementformymedicine.TheDoctor

wrotetheletterandIreadit.LilyGraceAldridgeis

my patient. She is undertreatment for a chronicmedical disability. LilyGrace Aldridge uses aService Dog to assist her inmanaging this disability andshe has my support in doingso. It is my professionalopinion that Lily GraceAldridge’s Service Dog ismedically necessary. Pleaseaccommodate her and her

Service Dog as requested.Sincerely, Dr. JamesEdwards.

After reading theletter,IwishedIcouldcorrectitbecausemynamewasusedtoomuchin it,butIcouldn’tandIhadtotakethatwithmeto school Monday. When ItoldDaveIthoughtmynamewas used too much in it, helaughed. He tookme to thelibrarysoIcouldmakecopiesofall the lettersandkeepthe

originals. I started gettingnervous about going toschool. Iwasafraid Iwouldhave a panic attack in themiddle of a class, but that’swhy Dave brought meSunshine, so I would feelmore at ease. He was moreafraidformethanIwas.

*******That morning I woke

upat fivea.m. Allyhad leftSunday, she rode with Sam.

They had become an item Iguess you could say. IwishedDavewould showupand takeme to school, but Ihad to do this on my own,well,meandSunshine. IhadboughtmybooksSaturday.Ichecked my schedule andfolded it back up and madesure I had the right book. Ipacked my notebook too. Ineeded to leave around six-fifteentogetthereontime.Ialso packed Sunshine’s

backpackthatDavehadgivenher, put her gear on her, andthenwewereoff.

I was glad I hadapplied for the highestamount of student loanspossible.Iwasgoingtoneedit tobuygas.ThegoodthingwaspartofmycourseswouldtakemetostudentteachinginKindergarten.Iwasgoingtobe at Jones ValleyElementary, beginning inMarch, in one of the

Kindergarten classrooms. IwouldbedoingthatMonday,Wednesday,andFriday.

I was really lookingforward to that and they hadalready been informed andthe students told aboutSunshine. The teacher Iwasgoing to be with even wroteme a letter and said shewaslooking forward to theteaching opportunity thatcame with me. She wasgoingtodoaunitonService

Animals in the Communityand Sunshine would be aperfect addition to theclassroom. The teacher'snamewasMrs.Graylee.

Until then,however, Ihad classes to go to,beginning with ECEtransitiontostudentteaching.ThatwastheonlyclassIhadonMonday,Wednesday, andFriday,butitlastedalmostallday, from 8:30 to 1:30. Itwasbrokenintosections:unit

development, lesson plandevelopment, and statecurriculum implementation.Basicallywecametoclassallday andworked in groups todevelop a unit, make lessonplans for that unit, andmakesure all areas of the statecurriculum were covered,from math to social studies.We were given six weeks todo this. I was surprised athow easily I fell right backinto college. That day was

nothardatall.We were given a

forty-fiveminutelunchbreak.I went to eat with Ally;Hannah and Hallie werethere. I was finally able tomeet them in person afterhearingDavetalkaboutthemso much. Sam had joinedthem too. Ally was soexcited that I had come andSunshinejustlaidthereonthefloor on her mat that I hadbought her, because Iwasn’t

surehowdirty the floorwas,plus it gave her a place tobelong.Shereallyseemedtolike her mat, it was kind ofcushiony, so it wasn’tuncomfortable, and it waspink.

Too soon it was timeforme to go back to class; Iwas really enjoying the visitwith all of them. I kissedAlly goodbye on the cheekand said I’d see hertomorrow. She and Sam

walked out holding hands. Ithoughtitwassocute.Iwashappyforher;Ijusthopedhestuckaround.

I walked back intoclass and sat down at thetable. The rest of my groupcame in shortly after that.Therewerefourgirlsandtwoguysinourgroup.Itwasme,Janey,Trisha,andLaney;andthe guys names were BradandJosh.Thatdaywehadtocomeupwithathemeforour

unit. We were to brainstormaboutwhatwecoulduseasatheme. I was surprisinglyrelaxed and spoke easily tothe others in my group. Wedecided on Animals of theWorld, from backyard torainforest. We each had tocome up with a lesson planfor every part of the statecurriculum, which when youadded them up was thirtylesson plans per unit, so wedecided this was a month-

longunit.Wehad to turn inour

individual lesson plans typedand bound for our grade.Thenwehad tomake copiesof our lesson plans for theothersofourgroup.ThelastweekinFebruaryweweretopresentourunitinfrontoftheclass. It was fun and I metsomenewpeople.

WhenclasswasoverIhad to go to the registrar’soffice to find the exceptional

needs office and turn in mypaperwork for havingSunshine with me. I feltbetterknowingthatallofmyteachers would know abouther. Tomorrowwas going tobe a challenge. I had twoclasses, both an hour and ahalflong.Theyweren’tgoingtokeepmebusylikemyclassonMonday,Wednesday, andFriday.Ihopedforthebest.Iput Sunshine in my car andclimbedinanddrovehome.

When I pulled inDave was waiting on me. Ilovedthat.Heopenedmycardoor and helped me out andthen let Sunshine out of theback and took her vest andharness off. She ran acrossthe yard and rolled all overthe grass. Dave and Ilaughed. “So how did yourclassgotoday?”

“Itwent great. Therewere no problems and I metsome new people. We’re

working in groups to do aunit and lesson plans thatincludethestatecurriculum.”

“Oh yeah, I did thatlastsemester. ELEtransitiontostudentteaching,Iactuallyenjoyed that class eventhough it lasted all day. Itkeepsyoubusy.”

“Yeahitdoes.” Daveand I walked back up to thehouse. He had his armaround my shoulders. Icalled for Sunshine.

“Sunshineheel.” DaveandIstoppedsoshecouldcatchupand then the three of uswalkedintothehouse.

It was rather chillythatdayandIstartedapotofcoffee.WhenIcamebackin,Davehadfallenasleeponthecouch.Ilaughedandwenttopoke him in the side. Hejumpedandwokeup.

“Dave was today sorough that you are givingout.”

“No, I just didn’tsleepwelllastnight.”

“Whynot?”“Ijusthadalotonmy

mind.”It looked like I was

goingtohavetopullitoutofhim.“Suchas...”

“Honestly?”“Yes,honestly.”“I was worried sick

aboutyou.”“Aw, Dave, I had

Sunshine. She would have

beenabletohelpme.”“I know; I just felt

like I had thrown you to thewolves, because I wasn’tthere and you couldn’t havereachedmeifyouneededme.ThesoonerIgetthroughwithstudentteaching,thebetter.”

“Dave, I’ll be okay. Ineed to learn to handle thismyselfanyway,wellbetweenme and Sunshine that is.Please trynot toworryaboutme.”

“Yeah right, fatchanceofthat.”

“Okay, let’s changethe subject. Tell me abouthow teaching went today.What teacher’s roomareyouin?”

“Well, did I tell youthat they had to change myassignment?”

“Whatdoyoumean?Are you talking about whatschool you were assignedtoo?”

“Yeah, they had toplace me at Jones ValleyElementary.”

“No way, are youserious?”

“Yeah,why?”“HangonI’llbe right

back.” I went back to myroomandpulledoutmyletterofassignment.ThenItookittoDave.“Readthis.”

Hetookitandreadit.“Awesome,soyou’llbethereinMarch.”

“Yeah, Monday,Wednesday,andFriday.”

“Wellgood, so Ionlyhavetoworryaboutyouforafewmoreweeks.”

“You don’t have toworry aboutme at all. As amatter of fact, I wish youwouldn’t.”

“Lily, I will just tellyou now, I am a verypersistent person, but I willdo what it takes and I willprobably annoy the heck out

ofyou,butgetusedtoit.”“You will do what it

takestodowhat?”“I will let you

determine the answer to thatquestion.”

That actually madetotal sense to me, but itwouldn’t have to anyoneelse. “So I am thedetermining factor to thatquestion?”

“Lily, you alwayshavebeen.” Hegavemehis

great smile and I couldn’thelpbutsmileback.

“So by allowing youto worry about me, wheredoesthatputyou?”

“Inaconstantstateofstress, but I’ll take it just toknowyou’reokay.”

“DaveIdon’twanttobethecauseofthatforyou.Idon’twant to cause anythingfor you.” Tears startedcoming up, welling in myeyes. Sunshine was

immediatelythere.Isatdowninthefloor

next to her and wrapped myarms around her and justcried into her fur. Myreaction was way overboard,but I remembered thathorrible image of Dave thatcame into my mind justbefore Christmas that scaredhim bad enough that hethought something hadhappenedtome.Thethoughtthat came with it was, “I

don’t want to kill him too”,that is the cause I wasthinking about. It reallyconfused him. He came andsatinthefloorwithme.

He smoothedmy hairback. “Lily, I was justjoking. Sweetie, you don’tcausemestressallthetime.Ilike being with you and Ithoughtwe had fun together,and there are mostly goodthingsaboutus,asfarasIcantell.Whathasyousoupset?”

I hesitated. Then Itoldhim.“Idon’twant...tocauseanything...tohappentoyou.”

“Oh. . . Isee. Comesitwithmeandlet’stalk.”

He pulledme back tothe couch. “Sunshine, takecareofLily.”Shejumpedupon thecouchand laidherselfacrossmy lap. I stroked herfurwhileDavetalked.

“Lily...doyouhaveanyideahowmanytimesthat

has gone through my headover the past several yearsand especially since lastsummer. I wondered if Icaused everything to happen,ifI’mlikeabadluckcharm.The more I thought aboutthat, though, the more Irealized how ridiculous thatwas. I’ve had more goodluck on my side than Irealized,wellactuallyit’snotluck, it’s more likeprovidence. You made me

realize that the day at theBotanicalGardens.Youwerethe first one I had ever toldthat too, Inever toldBriannabecause I didn’t feel like Ishould,butIfeltlikeIshouldtellyou,thenyougavemetheanswers I had been lookingfor. The more I thoughtaboutthatthemoreIrealizedhow true that was. I couldhaveeasilybeeninthattruckwith Jace, just as easily asyoucouldhave.Icouldhave

been in that car with myfriends that night, but therewere other things that wereplannedforme.Youwanttoknow something elsestrange.”

I looked up at himfrom Sunshine’s fur that hada wet spot in it where mytears were dripping. Hegently wiped them away. Ilovedthewayitfeltwhenhetouched me. He was socaring.Ileanedmyfaceinto

his hand and then gave himmy attention. “Lily, I almostdidn’t come to UM. I hadplannedtogotoTuscaloosa.JacetalkedmeintocomingtoUM.”

“What?”“Jace talked me into

coming toUM, forwhateverreason. I think I know thereasonnow.”

“Dave, I have aconfessiontomake.”

“What could you

possiblyhavetoconfess?”“Do you remember

back in December, when Iwas in my room and Iscreamed and you thoughtsomething had happened tome?”

“Yeah, I thought youhad thought about Jace insomehorribleway.”

“Well, not exactly. Ihad Jace on my mind, butrightalongwithyou.”

“What about me,

Lil?”“I started thinking

about, if the situation hadbeen reversed, would Jacehave done the things youhavedoneforme;andwhenIthought that this horrible . ..” I started crying. Thefloodgate opened. “. . .Image . . . of you . . .” Icouldn’t saydeador Iwouldhave screamedagainbecauseI felt it coming. “. . . Youweregone . . . andyouwere

just lying there . . . in thathorriblebox.”

I went hysterical andSunshine actually didn’tknowwhat todo. I justkeptrepeating, screaming, “Youwere gone, you were gone.OhmyGodyouweregone.”IgrabbedholdofDave’sshirtwith both of my hands.“Please don’t do that tome.Please don’t do that tome.”Then I just sat there andscreamed and tried tomuffle

it with my hands. Screamsand tears were all I couldproduce at that moment.Dave grabbed hold of myarms andpulledme in to hischest andwrappedhis strongarmsaroundme.

“Lily,baby, I’mhere,I’m not going anywhere.Pleasecalmdown.”

I was still goinghysterical. Dave held metighter. “Lily I’m here, I’mhere! Honey, I’m here!

Bring yourself out of it. It’snot real. I’m here. Whatyou’re seeing is not real.” Ihad my eyes squeezed shuttryingtowillmymindtostopthe horrible image and itwouldn’t stop. I felt like Iwas being pulled away fromsomething. “Lily, open youreyesandseeme!”

When he yelled, itscared me, enough to bringmyself out of my mind. Myeyes popped open and I

looked at him as mybreathing sounded likesomeone who had just run amarathon. His voice wasquestioning. “Lily, do yousee me? I’m here. I’m notgoinganywhere.”

I started touching hisface,becauseIdidn’tbelieveit. It was like I was living anightmare and didn’t knowwhatwasreal.Ilookedinhiseyes and they looked as redasmine felt. Then I fell into

him and just cried. He justheld me and kissed myforehead, like I was a baby,as I soakedhis shirtwithmytears.

I must have criedmyselftosleep,asIsattherewith him, because the nextthingIknewIwaswakingupon my bed, with a quiltthrownovermeandSunshinepressedasclose tomeasshecouldpossiblyget. Ihadmyarmdraped over her like she

was a big teddy bear. Ilooked in the corner of myroomandsawDavesittinginthe rocking chair. He waswatchingme.Hewalkedoverto me and brushed my hairout of my face as he sat onthesideofmybed.

“Hey, Lily girl. Areyoubetter?”

“It was bad wasn’tit?”

“Yeah, it was prettybad.”

“Daveyoudon’thavetostayifyoudon’twantto,Iunderstand.”

“Well your parentsalready invitedmefordinnerandIaccepted,soitwouldberudeformetojustleave.”

“Do they know whathappened?”

“I told them whathappened, not all the details,butenoughfor themtoknowthat you had a problem afteryoucamehome.”

“IguessyouthinkI’minsane,don’tyou?”

“No, I don’t thinkthat, I know you’re stillhealing and it’s not thememories anymore, it’s theafter effects of a trauma likeyou’ve been through. Youbeginthinkingeverythingyoucare about is going to betaken away from you. It’shard to determine thedifference between realityand dreams sometimes. The

good thing about it is it willgetbetter.”

I sat up. “When? Ifeel like everything is goingtoslipthroughmyfingers.”

I startedcryingagain.He pulled me too him andheldmeandjustletme.“Lil,theonlythingIcandoistellyou I’mnotgoinganywhere.Iknowthatdoesn’thelprightnow,butthat’sallIcando.Iwish I could take this awayfromyou,IwishIcoulddoa

millionotherthingsforyou.”“Dave,justdon’tgive

uponme,please.”“Lily, I’ve never

given up on you, nor do Iplan to.Youmean toomuchtoometodothat.”

“You‘re going to gettired of picking up thepieces.”

“How about you letme decide whether I do ornot, okay? Don’t make thedecisionforme. Ifyou’re in

this for the long run, then soamI.”

Again I had to ask.“Dave, why do you keepcomingback?”

“Lily, why do I haveto keep answering thatquestion? You already knowthe answer to that questionand until you can answer itfor me I won’t answer itagain.”

“But, Dave, I don’tunderstand. I’mnotwhoyou

used to know. I’m broken. Imayneverberightagain.”

“You’re right, you‘renot the Lily I used to know,because the Lily I used toknowwas in lovewith Jace,andIwasherbestfriend.Canyouhonestly tellme that I’mstill just your best friend,because I can’t honestly tellyouthat."

He seemed to almostsay something, but decidedagainstit.

"Lily, I told you I’dlet thatbeyourdecision,andIwillstandbythataslongasyou’ll keep me around,because I may bepresumptuous, but I don’tthinkyoucanhonestlytellmethatI’mjustyourbestfriend.Before you make thatdecision,however,Iwantyoutobehonestwithyourselfanddecidewhether the feeling isthe result of me being yourrescuer or me being

something more. I’ll keepcoming around until you tellmeotherwise. Iwantyou tobe happy and I will dowhatever it takes to get youthere,nomatterwhat.”

Translated, 'I wantyou to be happy no matterwhat it costsme.' But as hesaid, he wanted me to behonestwithmyselfaboutwhyhe was whatever he was tome.Ihadsomethingtothinkaboutandwhenhethrewthat

in my lap it reallymade methink. So, thatnightafterheleft I started a journal, but itwasmoreoflettersIwrotetomyself. I started back withthedayDavestoppedChancefrom hurting me, because inorder to determinemy futureI had to come to grips withmy past and it was hardbecause I had to allow all ofthose feelings to re-surfaceand if I didn’t I could neverhonestly answer Dave’s

question.I wrote the letters in

myjournalaccordingtowhatfeelingsIfeltonspecificdaysIremembered.Ihadfoundabrand new compositionnotebookthatwasinmydeskandthatbecamemyJournal.I entitled it Letters to MyFuture, By: Lily GraceAldridge. I would write thedate of when I wrote it andthe date when it actuallyhappened, sometimes

specifically, some generally(month and year). Somewere long, some were short,but every one of them wasvery therapeutic. The firstoneIwrote:

January16,1993onJanuaryof1991

DearLily,

Something happenedtoday that hurt you. Youwerescaredandyoucouldn’t

getaway.Chanceshowedhistrueself today. Youknewhewas capable of it and that iswhyyouheldon for so long,because you were afraid.You know you should’vebroken it off the first timehehadeverhit you,and if yourparents ever foundout aboutit you know they would bothprobablybeinjailrightnow.That’s why you never toldthem. Dave saved your lifeand you know that, you and

he both know what would’vepossiblyhappenedhadhenotwalkedinwhenhedid.

What do you thinkmade him move in withJace?HehasprobablyheardmoreaboutwhatChancedidto you than you realize.Chance liked to brag aboutthings like that. Do youbelieve that the only reasonDave hung out with you somuch was because he wasonly trying to protect you.

You don’t believe that for aminute and you have alwaysknown what gave Dave thedefeatedlookthatdayinyourdormroom.Heknewhehadlost his chance again to bewhat he really wanted to beto you. You know there hasalwaysbeensomethingabouthim, but you could never putyour finger on it. You knowhow you feel when you’rewith him. Why do you keeppushingittothebackofyour

mind? Don’t push it to theback of yourmind anymore.Allow it to come forward.You know you’ll be happy.Do you have your answeryet?

Love,LilyThenextletterIwrote

was theway thingswere thatday Chance left my life forgood. I started realizingthingsasIwrotetheseletterstomyself.

January 20, 1993 on Marchof1991DearLily,

Chance took himselfout of your life. I know youwere happy, but I also knowyou were glad that you hadthe chance to take back thefactthatyousaidyouwantedhim to die. Jace and Davewere both there. They bothcomforted you, they truly

cared about you. Youmentioned exactly how youwanted your life to besomeday in the future. Doyou remember what yousaid?Yousaidyouwantedanormal life with a normalhusbandandnormalkidsandthethreebedroomhousewiththe white picket fence and adog in the backyard,preferably a goldenretriever. Who rememberedthose things even a year and

a half later? You know theanswertothat.Davedidanddo you remember what hesaid to you on your birthdaybackinOctober?Hesaidhecouldn’tgetyouthehousesohe opted for the goldenretriever in the backyard.WouldJacehaverememberedthat? While you two weretogether did he evermentionthat? You know the answerto that too. Whohasalwaysbeen there for you and did

things because of you? Youknowtheanswer to that too.Dave did those things evenbefore Jace passed, notbecause he passed. Do youhave your answeryet?

Love,LilyI didn’t write in my

journaleverynight,justwhenmemoriescametome.Someofthosememoriescausedmepain and of course Sunshine

was right therewithmeeachnight I wrote inmy journal.ThethirdletterIwroteinmyjournal was about the timeDave came to me afterBriannabrokeupwithhim.

January31,1993onJanuary1992DearLily,

Dave came to youtodaybecauseBriannabrokeupwith him. Youweremad

at her, but why? You knewher plans to go to LawSchool. You also knew thatshe didn’t plan on keepingDave. You also know that’swhyyouwerealwaysleeryofher andDave together. Youdidn’t want him to get hurt,buthedid.Whydidhecometo you? He had his otherfraternity brothers to talk to,but he chose you instead.Yourememberwhatyoudid?Youputthingsnicelyastothe

reasonBriannabrokeupwithhim. Doyourememberyourwords you said to him,because he turned themaround on you later? Writethose down right now andremember the two times youheard them. The first timeyouheardthemyousaidthemtoDave:

Sometimes an amountof time we spend withsomeone we care about wasgiven to us for a reason and

we’re supposed to make themost of the time we’re givenand 99.9% of the time itmakesus a better person. Itmayteachustolovebetterorbe a better friend or it justmay give us a taste of whatourtruelovewillbelike.

The second time youheard themDavewas tellingthem to you, that day youalmost took your life. I amglad you lived because youcouldn’t have seen your

future if you hadn’t. This iswhatDavesaidtoyou:‘WellLily I am going to tell yousomething a friend of minetoldmeonetime.Sometimesan amount of time we spendwith someone we care aboutwas given to us for a reasonand we’re supposed to makethe most of what time we’regivenand99.9%ofthetimeitmakesus a better person. Itmayteachustolovebetterorbe a better friend or it may

just give us a taste of whatour true love will be like.’What has your time withDave felt likeLily? Canyougive that up? Is he thesomeoneyouhavebeengivenan amount of timewith or ishewhatyourtruelovewouldbe like? Ask yourself again;whydidhecometoyou?Doyou have your answeryet?

Love,LilyIcontinuedtowritein

my journal on the times Iremembered things. I alsoslowly realized that I waslosingmyfearof losinghim,because I realizedhowmanytimes providence had put ustogether. That knowledgehelped alleviate my fear,because I somehow knew Iwasn’tgoingtolosehim.

Theonemajor time ithit home was when Iremembered theday I finallycameoutofmyroom(which

is the only thing it isknowingly referred to as). IwroteinmyjournalthatdayIremembered. I cried as Iwrote this entry, because ofwhatIalmostdidtoDave.February 10, 1993 onOctober5,1992DearLily,

How could you eventhink about doing that toyourself?LuckyforyouDave

just happened by. Imaginewhat it would have done tohimhad he pulled up a littletoo late. Do you actuallybelievehehappenedbyatjustthat time because of luck?Noyoudon’tbelieve that foraminute.Youweremeanttobe saved that day and Davewastheonethatwasmeanttodoit.Doyourememberwhathappened the moment hetouched you? He made youfeelagainandheallowedyou

to get rid of those horriblethoughts and feelings thathadpoisonedyourmind. Hesat with you on the ground,Lily,andletyourtearspour.

Why do you think hewastheonethatfinallymadeyoufeelagain?Doyouthinkthat was just happenstance?Do you actually believe forone minute that Dave hasbeen there for you becausehe’s just a good friend? Ifyou do then you are

unbelievably naïve, he didn’teven realize what washappening until later, but heknewbeforeyoudidorbeforeyou acted like you did. Godsaved your life through thehands ofDave for a reason.Don’tyou thinkyouought tolisten fora change? Doyouhaveyouransweryet?!

Love,LilyThe more I wrote

down things the more things

became clear. Dave was notwithmejustbecauseofJace.Dave had been with me allalong because we belongedtogether. He was the onewho saved me from Chancebecause he saved me forhimself but he didn’t knowthatthenandneitherdidI,ormaybehedid. He savedmylife that day in OctoberbecausehewassavingitsoIcould be with him and GodmadesureIwassaved.Dave

came into my life, not byaccident, but by default,becausehewasmeantformeall along. There was oneother journal entry I wroteafter I realized this and thelast one that I wrote in thatnotebook. That notebookbecame something else. Mylast journal entry was aboutour time at the BotanicalGardens.

March11,1993onDecember

26,1992DearLily,

Do you remember theday after Christmas of lastyear?DoyourememberhowyougreetedDaveashecameup the stairs after he hadbeenaway fromyou foronlytwo days? I know yourememberhowitfeltwhenhehuggedyou likehedid. Youknow itwasn’t really a hug.He held you for a moment

because he missed you andyou did the same to him.Then you went to theBotanical Gardens. He toldyou of his troubled past, hehad never told anyone thatbefore. You saw how muchhe still hurtabout it andyouleftyourcomfortzonetogivehim comfort, because youcouldn’t stand to see howmuch pain that still causedhim.

You helped him that

day not because you felt theneed to repay him, butbecause you felt the need totake that away from him ifyou possibly could, just likehewantstodoforyou.Admitit;ithurtyoutoseehimhurtlikethat.Youwanttoalwaysbethereforhim,wheneverheneedsyou. What else couldyou call that? Do you haveyour answer yet?! I believeyoudo.Nowaskyourselfthisonemorequestionand Iwill

leave you to whatever yourlife brings you. Can youhonestly tell Dave that he isstill—just your bestfriend?

Love,Lily

P.S. You loveDave,now letithappen.

I had known this all

along, there were just thingsthat kept cropping up andtherewasnoreasontodenyit

anymore. Dave was myfutureandnowallIhadtodowasclaimit.Chapter15

I had decided aboutDave. He came to pick meand Sunshine up that Fridaymorning,becausehehadbeendoing that since I startedmyKindergarten studentteaching. We were at thesame school. It was fun toride to “work” with him. Icould see that happening inthe future. That day wasabsolutely beautiful, it wasaroundseventydegreesatthebeginning of the day, but all

of the news channels weretalkingaboutthemonumentalsnow storm we weresupposed toget thatday. Ofcourse my mom and Dave’smom went into Alabamasnowmode.Theywenttothestore to get bread and milkandpeanut butter. For somereason that was the normwhen anyone in Alabamaheardthewordsnow,butthissnowstorm was different.They said to expect snow in

the range of feet instead ofinches.

Itwas rather exciting;Alabama had never seen thatmuch snow before, at leastnot inmy lifetime.Wewereallwaitingwithanticipation.If it held true they wouldclosetheschoolsearlytoday.Davehadalreadyok’ditwithhis parents and my parentssince he was taking me toomy student teaching, andwould have to drop me off

first before coming home,that if itwas toobadforhimtogetbackoutontheroadhewas going to sleep on ourcouch.

Our parents hadbecome friends again sincethey were friends in highschool. It was rather weird,but they had the best timetogether. Hallie and Hannahand Ally had become reallygood friends and they werenow full-fledgedmembers of

Alpha Delta Pi. They hadtheir initiation ceremony theweekbefore.IgaveAllymyADPi lavaliere and chainwhen she came home thatweekend, andMom andDadandSam’smomanddadtoldthem to immediately comehome after their last classunless the roads were bad.They came back earlybecause UNA had closedcampus that Friday morningin reaction to the coming

snowstorm.DaveandIstillhadto

gotoschoolandbetherelikeregular teachers until theydecided to close school. Ofcourse that’s what wewouldbe doing when we did startteaching full timeanyway. Isecretly hoped that the roadswouldbetoobadforDavetogo home so we could spendmore time together. Ihad totalktohim.Ihadtotellhimof my decision since I was

thedeterminingfactorforus.He stayedaround like

he said he would. He wasbetter tomethanIbelievedIdeserved, but he never gaveup on me and I was sothankful for that. I neverhadany hysterical fits again, butthe lastingeffectswerepanicattacks. I still had thoseoccasionally. I had one thefirst day I started in theKindergarten class. Mrs.Graylee was fantastic. She

watched me get up and shesawtheneedtoleave,writtenallovermyface.

We agreed by letterthatwhen I needed to get upand leave (she never knewwhat for) I would just do itand if the children askedquestions, she answered bysaying, “Ms.Aldridgehad totake her dog out.” Thatwasthe truth becausewhen I felttheneedtoleaveIwentrightout thesidedoor,next toher

room, and sat on the stepsuntil I could calm down andcomeback in.The great partabout it was that Dave stillhadhispagerandifIneededhimhewouldbeabletoleavehis classroom and come helpme, luckily I never was thatbadoff.

We made it to theschool that morning and thecallhadcomedownthepike.Schools were going to closeatnoon.Isignedinandtook

my pass and Dave did thesame. Sunshine even had apass and I had to sign her intoo. All the schedules werere-arranged because everygradehadtoeat lunchbeforeschool let out. The daybecame hectic and I startedfeeling panicky, because Iwas worried all the kidswould not get home in timeand I was supposed to beteaching that day. Luckily itwas at the beginning of the

day and all I had to do waswalk out. Mrs. Graylee sawme and she did the morningroutine as I walked out thedoor. For some reason Davewasdownonthekindergartenhall,hisclassroomhedidhisstudentteachinginwasonthethirdgradehall.

He saw me leave outof my classroom. “Lily, areyouokay?” Hecaughtup tome. He saw the expressiononmyface. “No,you’renot

okay.” He walked out withmeanddidn’tdoanythingbutsit there and let Sunshinework. “It’sa little toohecticthismorning isn’t it.” I justnoddedmyhead.“It’sprettyneat though, all of the kidsare excited. They are goingto get a half snow day atleast. Lily, I have aconfession; I’m hoping thatthe roads are too bad formeto go home after I drop youoffthisafternoon.”

I started laughing. “Ihope they are too, I reallywantyoutobeabletostay.”I looked up from Sunshineand felt calm enough to goback in and Dave had hisgreatsmileacrosshisface.

Heofferedhishandtohelpmeup.ItookithopingIwould getmy timewith himlater, because I knew thiscould be his school that hetaught at full-time. I didn’twanttoruinthatforhim.He

walkedmeback tomy roomand headed back to thirdgrade hall. I watched himstop by the lunchroom, Iassumed he ended up downon kindergarten hall becausehe needed to get somethingfromthelunchroom,probablylunchcountsheets.

Kindergarten hall andthe lunch roomwerebothonthe same hall. Iwalked backinto the classroom and satdownatthefrontoftheclass

to begin their morningwelcome. I fell right into itand it was like nothing hadhappened that morning. Ilovedteachingkindergartenitwas so much fun. The kids’eager little faces looking atyou as if you held theknowledgeoftheworldinthepalmofyourhands.

Lunch time forkindergarten started at 10:00and normally it starts at10:30. I wasn’t hungry, so I

just sat down and guidedSunshine under the lunchtable. She laid down on hermat under the table andseemed content as could be.After lunch, the rest of thedaywentbyquickly.Wedidmath and daily reading andthen the bell rang to gohome.Wehadtositwithourclass until the last child wascalledtogohome. Thatwasabout12:15.

Dave came down to

meet me, as usual, andevidently Mrs. Graylee’scuriosityhadtakenthebestofher. “Ms. Aldridge, I’mgoing to be nosy. Are youand Mr. Jameson married?”Dave turned fifty differentshades of red and I’m sure Ididtoo.

“No, ma’am. We’renot married, we’re just veryclose.”

Mrs. Graylee had asense of humor and she

joked, but she couldn’t havebeen more right. “Well ify’all aren’tmarried then youneed to be.” She looked atme and laughed. “There areseveral single girls here thatwouldliketopickhimupandtakehimhome.”

DaveandIbustedoutlaughing right along withMrs.Graylee.“Youtwohavea great spring break. Ms.Aldridgewewill seeyou theMondayafternext.”

“Yes, ma’am, I’ll behere.” Something stuckwithme after Mrs. Graylee saidthat about the single womenthere. Dave walked me toohistruckandhelpedmegetinandputSunshinenexttome.Whenheclimbed in Ihad togethim. “So justhowmanysingle women are trying togettheirhandsonyou?”

He laughed. “NonethatIknowof.”Hehadtogetme back. “Why, are you

jealous?”“Maybe. They might

have some competition ontheir hands.” I said that asserious as I could and hedidn’t say anything else onthewayhome.

While driving downthe road you could see snowpiling up already. It wasstarting. I began gettingexcited, because it startedsticking to the roads and itamazed me how quickly the

temperaturebottomedout.It dropped from

seventy to thirty in a matterof four hours. That had tohavebeenarecord.Daveputhis truck in four-wheel driveso itwouldhandlebetterandwe slowly made it to myhouse.IwasgladtoseeAllyalready home and Sam hadmadeithometoo.MomandDadhadcomehomebecauseof schools letting out earlytoo.Theyworkedatthehigh

school.DadwasacoachandAlgebra teacher and momwasanEnglishteacher.Davewalked me inside and thenturnedtoleave.Momstoppedhim. “Your mom called, shewants you to stay put here.You’resleepingonourcouchtonight.”

I almost wanted toscreamIwassohappy.Momhad started a fire in thefireplaceandIwentandmadepopcornformeandDaveand

Ally and then Ally made ushotcocoa.Davestayedintheden. I wasn’t sure why. Iwalkedbackintothedenwithbowls of popcorn for us.Dave had taken Sunshine’sworkgearoffsonowshewasin family dog mode and shelay in front of the fireplaceand had fallen asleep. Shelooked so peaceful andcontent lying there. Allyturned on the TV and ofcourse the weather was the

huge news story for today.All thechannelsweretalkingabout the snow. The mainweather person for our areasaid it could be as deep asthree feet in the morning. Isodidnotbelievethat.

Suddenly, Dave tookmy hand. “Could you comeoutsidewithmeaminute?”

“Okay, what’swrong?”Hedidn’tanswer,hejust led me outside. He puthisbigcoatonmesoIwould

staywarmandtookmedownto his truck. He put me inandwenttotheothersideandturneditonsowewouldhaveheat.He stared atme. “Davewould you please tell mewhat’sgoingon?”

“Actually Lily, Iwould prefer you tell mewhat’s going on. The wayyou said that on the wayhome from school soundedlike you were serious, andwhen your mom said my

mom told me to stay here,youseemedecstatic.”

“Well I was ecstatic,because I really needed totalktoyouandIwasafraidIwouldn’tgetthechanceforafew days. Do you rememberwhat you said tome back inJanuary, the day I startedbacktoschool?”

“Yeah, I wanted toknow if you could stillhonestly call me just yourbest friend and Iwanted you

to decide why or why notbecauseI left thedecisionuptoyou.”

“Wow, you’ve got agood memory. I bet youthoughtIhadforgottenaboutthatdidn’tyou?”

“Actually yes, Ithoughtyouhadforgotten.”

“Well I didn’t. Afteryou threw that in my lap, itreally made me think aboutwho you were to me, so Istarted a journal. Well

actually it’s full of letters Iwrotetomyselfaboutcertainthings,certainsituationsthatIhadbeeninvolvedinoverthepast couple of years thatinvolvedyou.”

He gave me thisquestioning look. “What aretheyabout,Lily?”

“Would you like toread them, because it wouldbe easier, and I think youwouldunderstandmythoughtprocessbetterifyoudid?”

“Okay, I’ll readthem.”

“They’re up in myroom.Canwegobackin?”

“Yeah.Letmegetmybag.”

“Youpacked?”“Mom told me too

justincase,andIreallydon’twant tocomebackout in thecoldtonight.”

“Okay,let’sgo.”He helped me out of

histruckandwewalkedback

upthedeckstairsandintothehouse. Sunshine was stillasleep in front of thefireplace. He took his baganddroppedit inmyrockingchair in the corner of myroom. I pulled out mynotebook. He came and satonmybedwithme.

“There are about tenletters in there. Five of themwill really stand out to you;especially the last one and Ihopeoneofthemdoesn’thurt

your feelings. It’s aboutBrianna.”

“Oh . . . Okay.” Hereadthetitle.“LetterstoMyFuture, By Lily GraceAldridge.Ilikethetitle.”

Hewashesitantaboutreading them; I guess hethought it was like my diaryor something. “Dave, pleasereadthem.”

“Okay.” He beganreading. It took him a littlewhile to read through them

all.Icouldtellwhenhecameto the five I told him about,except when he came to thelast one, he just held thenotebook open and stared atthepageforawhileandthenheturnedtothenextpageandsaw itwasblank. He turnedbacktothelastwrittenpage.Hefinallylookedupfromthenotebook tome. “Lily, whyistherenothingaboutJaceinhere except that little bit atthebeginning.”

“Dave read the titleagain and then think back towhat I said to you about ourpaststhatdayattheBotanicalGardens.”

Hedidn’thavetoreadthe title again, he simplyquoted it. “Letters to MyFuture, and that day at theBotanical Gardens you said,‘the past is exactly that, thepast.Itshouldnevermakeitswayintoyourfuture’.”

“Dave if you

understood that at all youknow why Jace is notmentioned anymore in thoseletters. Iwasnevermeant tohave a futurewithhimor hewouldstillbehere.Irealizedwhathewastomeanditwasnothing like what you are tome,youevensaid ityourselfthat day you pulled me offthat rock.” He flinched as Ibroughtthatpicturebackintohismind.

“Explain that please.

What did I say to you? Idon’t remember what you’retalkingabout.”

“Okay,youneversaidit directly, but you said it ineverythingyousaidtomethatdaywhilewesatthereontheground. You were trying tocomfort me, which I verymuch appreciate, but Dave,Jaceliedtome,okay;maybenot intentionally, but still.Everything he ever did wasfor himself, not forme. You

even told me that when yousaid, ‘It was you Lily, allalong’.ThenyouaskedmeifI thought he had no right tobehappyandIdisagreedwithyou, because everyonedeserves tobehappy . . .butnever at the cost of anotherperson.

Heeventoldmeatthebeginningthathetriedtostayaway from me. I honestlywishedhehadjustkeptitasafriendthing,becauseitwould

not have been near as hard,but he allowed me to lovehim,whichifheeverdidloveme to begin with, knowingwhat he did—I still don’tunderstand how he knew—thenheneverwouldletitgetasfarashedid.Daveoneofthe things he always said tomewas ‘I hope you have noregrets’, tell me he didn’tknowanything.”

Dave gently took myhand,caressingthebackofit

with his thumb. “I can’t tellyouthatbecauseyou’reright;he knew something wasgoing to happen to him, buthow do you know he didn’tloveyou?”

“Dave he might havethought that, but you knowthe old saying, ‘if you lovesomeone set them free’ henever did that.” I took hisother hand and we sat thereholding each others' hands. Ihave three very serious

questions for you and Iwanthonest answers, completehonesty.Doyoupromise?”

“Youmaynotlikemyanswers.”

“I don’t care. Likeyouranswersornot,completehonesty.”

“Okay, you have myword.”

“Okay, the day youpulledmeoffthatrock...”

He flinched again.“Will you please stop saying

that,Iwouldratherforgetthatimage.”

“Okay, that day, youasked me if I would denysomeonehappiness,nomatterwhatitcostme.Youweren’ttalkingaboutme,wereyou?Remember, completehonesty.”

He looked at meshocked, and thenanswered.“Yesandno.”

“Explainthatplease.”“Yes,because Iknow

the type of person you are,and if you knew Jace wasdying you would have givenhim anything he asked for,whether ithurtyouornot. Ibelieveyouwouldhavedonethatforanyone.”

“Includingyou?”“Includingme.”“Good, now answer

therestofit.”“No, because I have

alwayswantedtobeapartofyour life from the day Imet

you. Then I saw how happyyou were with Jace and Idecided to let it be justfriendsbetweenus,aslongasI had a part in your lifesomewhere.”

“So in essence, yougave up your happiness forme.”

“That sounds like Iwasallnoble,thatisnotwhatI was. I started datingBrianna, was that noble ofme?”

“Dave,you’rehuman,everyoneofuswants to feelneeded and loved. So youstarteddatingBrianna,whyisthatsobad?”

At that point Davestood up, he was mad.“Because I fell for her andaccordingtoyourletterinthisnotebook, she nevermeant ittogoanywhere.”

“Which brings me tomy next question. Why didyoufallforBrianna?”

“You’re going tothinkIamsoshallow.”

“IbetIwon’t,tryme.I told you I have beenthinking a lot about manythings. Don’t forget,completehonesty.”

“Iknow...Okay...Iwantedsomeonetohelpmeforgetaboutyou.”

“Diditwork?”“For a while, then I

felt like I had betrayed youandthat’swhenthingsstarted

gettingrockybetweenmeandBrianna.”

“Dave, I was withJace, how could you havebetrayedme?”

Dave actually becamereallyangry.Hesemi-yelled,not at me, but if Jace hadbeensittingthereDavewouldhave punched him. “By notstopping him when I couldhave!”

Finally,thatwaswhatIwaslookingfor.

“You knew, didn’tyou? Jace had told you hewasn’t going to be there forme,didn’t he, butyoudidn’tstop him because you knewwhat it would do to me if Iknewthetruth,becauseithadalreadygonetoofar. That iswhy you came to me afterBrianna. Youwanted to tellme the truth then, butcouldn’t, soyouoptedforan‘I need a friend’ talk, right?Dave that honestly never

made any sense to me. Bythe way you’re a good actorthough. I never would haveguessedyouknewanything.”

“Lily, don’t. What Ididwaswrong.IshouldhavetoldyoueverythingIknew.”

“AndriskmethinkingyouwerejustjealousofJace.What happened was best,Dave. I wouldn’t havebelieved you if you tried totell me. Have you everthoughtaboutthat?”

Hegavemeashockedlook again. He had calmeddown. “No I hadn’t thoughtof that.” I walked over tohim and took his hands andbroughthimbacktositonmybed. Tears started cominginto my eyes. Sunshinewalked into my room andjumpedonmybedandcameandlaidherheadinmylap.

“Lil,areyouupset?”“Alittle.Dave,Ihave

onemorequestiontoaskyou

and I’m not sure I want theanswer,butI’lltakethatrisk.IhavetoldyouwhoIfeellikeyou are, and no, I cannothonestly call you, just mybest friend. You’re not justmy rescuer either, you’re somuchmore.ButmyquestioniswhatamItoyou?Becauseaftereverythingyouhavejustread and everythingwe havejustdiscussed, itmightcauseyoutoquestionyouranswers.I have to take Sunshine out

please sit here and thinkabout everything before youanswerme.”

I walked out of myroom as tears flowed downmy cheeks, because I wassure he had changed hismind, but it’s better to haveloved and lost than never tohave loved at all, right? Iknowit’sacliché,but itwasverytrue.

I pulled my largefluffy coat out of the coat

closetinourhallwayandtookSunshine out. It is going tobe hard, having him heretonight,orat leastI thought.The snowwas coming downharder and harder. It hadstucktothedrivewayandthesidewalks and the yard.Therewere about two incheson the ground already.Sunshineranoutintotheyardand I followed her. Shelooked atme confused. Shehadneverseenthiscoldwhite

stuff falling out of the skybefore and she was trying tocatch it. She was funny towatch. When she wasthroughIjustkindofstoodintheyard.Itwaspeacefulandbeautiful, but cold, kind ofthewayIfeltatthatmoment.

I couldhonestly say Iwasatpeacewithmyselfovermy past, and the time I hadspentwithDavehadmeantsomuch tome, but therewas acoldlumpinmychestatwhat

his answer might be. Theonlythinginquestionwasmyfuture.

I stayed out forawhile, and let Sunshine runaround until she was tired.Shemetme at the bottomofthe stairs; about another inchof snowhad fallen. I startedback up the stairs and Davecameout.Hehandedmemynotebook. “Read the lastentry.”

“Dave,Iwrotethelast

entry,why do Iwant to readit?”

“There’sanewentry.Readit.”Itookmynotebookand opened it to the lastentry. Dave had goodhandwriting;ofcourseheisateacher. I read what hewrote:

March 12, 1993 onSeptember 1989 to October1992

DearLily,I sat in class behind

you today. It was English101. I really hated English,but youmade the classmorefun. I started talking to youthat day. You seemed like agreatperson.Ireallywantedto get to know you better.There was something aboutyou. You rushed ADPi Iwatchedandsawhowexcitedyou were when they calledyourname.Iwonderedwhat

youthoughtofDeltaChi’s.Iplanned on rushing in thespring. That was the onlyfraternity I wanted to be apartof. Theyallseemedlikeniceguys.

September of 1990 Iwas so glad to be gettingback to campus, myroommate had decided torushin thespring. Heaskedyou out Lily, before I did.Now,afteryoudatedhimforsix months, you were

engaged. It happened overthat summer. I didn’t trusthim though.Youwerepretty,buthelikedtoownthingsandyou would just be anotherpretty trinket on his shelf. Ihatedhim,butwasitbecauseI was just jealous or did Ireally have a reason not totrusthim.

January of 1991Chance tried to hurt you. Iknew he was no good. Iwanted to kill him when I

walked into our dorm andstopped him. I was so gladyou got away. I have neverseen you more terrified thanyou were that night. I wasjustgladIshowedupwhenIdid.Icanonlyimaginewhatwould have happened. ImovedinwithJace.Ihadtotell him so he could helpmewatch out for you. I hopedyou didn’t get mad. Severalbrothers agreed that theywouldhelp takecareofyou.

Allofthemwereyourfriends,including me. You didn’trealize I had told anyone, Ihopedyouwouldforgiveme.

March of 1991 I wastoo slow again. Jace wasdating you; maybe I shouldjust give up on you and datesomeone else so I can forgetabout you. I thought I’d askBrianna out. She was one ofyour sorority sisters. Whoknewwhatwouldcomeofit?

September of 1991

Jace told me something thatdayandIdidn’tknowwhattodo. I was afraid he wasgoing to hurt you withoutreally meaning to. He knewhe was not going to bearound forever. He told mehe had always believed thathe would die young and hefelt like there was not muchtimeleftforhim.Thatwasablowtothestomach.Hewasgoing to crush you if thathappened while you were

together. I need to tell you,butI’mnotsurehow.

March of 1992 Icouldn’tbelievehewasgoingto give you an engagementring. Did he not know whatthiswasgoingtodotoyou?Hekept sayinghe lovedyou,even if he did, was that theway to treat someone whomhe knewhewasnot going tobe there for. False hopeslead to nothing but emptylives.Howcouldhedothatto

you?July 5, 1992 His

brothercalledmeat2:30thatmorning. I didn’t even haveto answermyphone to knowwhat it was about. No goodcalls come in at 2:30 in themorning. He had called youtoo, Lily. I prayed Godwould take care of you,becauseIknewwhatthiswasgoingtodotoyou.Icriedforyou, youwere the only thingonmymindatthatmoment.I

have never cried for anyonebefore. Iknewyouwouldbedevastated. What do I do?Do I call you and check onyou? Would this evenregister? You neededsomeonerightthen.Iguessedyour family would be therefor you, but we had becomesoclose.Ireallydidn’tknowwhattodo.

July 7, 1992 I havenever seen a more destroyedperson than you, Lily. The

funeralwasnotgoodforyou.I had to even get up andleave,because I sawaLily Ihadneverseenbefore.Itcutme to the heart. I saw youwalkoutwithyoursisterasIwas standing outside. Allypleadedtomeforhelpasshepassedby. I tried togetyoutostopLily, I tookyourarm,but it was like you couldn’tstand my touch. You ranfromme and jumped in yourcar and left Ally standing

there.Thatwasnotlikeyou.I knew something was badwrong.

I took Ally home andhoped to see you Lily whenwe made it there. Youweren’t. You were missing.AllyandIjumpedbackinmytruckandwentdowntheroadyou left on from the funeralhome. We drove two hoursand ended up in HazelGreen.Webothsawyourcaroffthesideoftheroad.Isawyou lying there, you honestlylooked dead. I feared theworst. I bent down to pick

you up and have never feltsuchreliefas Ididwhenyoureached your arms aroundmyneckandheldon.

August 20, 1992 Ihelped move my sisters andAlly into their dorm today.Lily, youwere there, but youweren’t there, you were stillin bad shape. Things hadgone from bad to worse. Ifinished helpingHannah andHallie move in and I leftstraightforyourhouse.Your

parents let me in and Iwalkedinyourroom.Iknewyou had something bad onyour mind, I was afraid youwere going to take your ownlife.Ipleadedwithyounottodo anything and you justturned away from me. Thathurt.

I couldn’t come backto see you anymore, I didn’twanttoseeyouinsuchabadstate.Youbrokemyheart.Ikissed you on the cheek

fearingthatIwouldneverseeyou again and I just had toleave. I drove around forhours.IhatedJacefordoingthat to you and you aren’tsupposed tohateanyone,butwhat he did, there was noexcuse for. He broke you intheworstpossibleway.

October 5, 1992 Imissed you Lily. I called tocheckonyoueverydaywhenyour parents came home,because Iknewyouwerenot

in a state to pick up thephone, because of what thelast call you answeredbroughtyou.Iwasextremelyworried about you today forsomereason.Imayjusthaveto come see you, because Ican’t stand not knowingaboutyou.Somethingtoldmeto take the long way home,becauseIneededachangeofscenery.AsIdrovedowntheroadIsawyourcar.Ipulledover and panicked as I

jumped out of my truck.“Please don’t let me be toolate, please don’t let me betoo late.” I turned into thelittlethicketoftreesandthereyou were about to throwyourselfoff.

I yelled at you andstarted running hoping tocatch you before youplummeted to your death.Something made you stopyourself. I jerked you off therock; I hoped I didn’t hurt

you. You looked me in theeyes for the first time—actually seeing me—after somanymonths.

Isawthepaininyoureyes,itwastremendous,butitwas no reason to take yourown life. I hurt for you. Icouldn’tstandtoseeyouthathurt.Iwantedtobethereforyou the rest of your lifewhenever you needed me. Ionly knew of one way to dothatandthatwastostickwith

you for the long run, nomatter what it cost me. Theonly thing I caredaboutwasyou,Lily,andyouarestilltheonlythingIcareabout.Whatelse could you call this? Icannot honestly tell you thatyouarejustmybestfriend.Icantellyouthis.Youaremybest friend, my companion,someone I have told thingstoo that I have never toldanyone else in my life. Youmakeme feel like I can trust

you no matter what. I saidthere was something aboutyou the day I met you inEnglishthatfirstdayatUM.Nowyouknow.

Love,Dave

P.S.Iloveyou,Lily.Areyougoingtoletithappen?

I answered Dave the

best way I knew how. Iclosed my notebook andwrappedmyarmsaroundhim

and kissed him, and thenSunshinecameupand lickedusbothfromourchinstoournosesseveraltimesinarow.I placedmy hand on Dave’sfacegently.

“Dave, thank you forlovingmeasmuchasyoudo,because I love you just asmuch,youaremybestfriend,andmydestiny.”

The snow reallypicked up then and it wasalmost blizzard like. It was

getting colder by the secondand the wind startedblowing.DaveandIstoodupand went back in withSunshine right behind us.Mom hadmade a big pot ofchili for dinner. Ally and Imadethegrilledcheesestogowith it. We all sat andenjoyeddinnerandIcouldn’tstop smiling. My future hadsuddenly become muchbrighter.

*******Momleftthefireplace

going all night, because itwas keeping the cold away.After dinner Dave and I satcuddledonthecouch.HehadablanketthrownovermeandSunshine laid on me. Thewind was whistling downthroughthechimney.Ithadareally eerie sound, but I feltsafe where I was. I was sowarm and felt so good that I

fellasleeponDave.Hewokeme up a little while later.“Lil, go get ready for bed,you’reexhausted.”

“But I’m so warm,Dave heat and Sunshine heatwith me sandwiched inbetween, I don’t want tomove.”

“I’ll tell you what.Go ahead and go get yourshowerandwhateverelseyouneed to do and come backand we’ll re-sandwich you.

Thatwayyou’ll be ready forbed,ifyoufallasleep.”

“Okay, fine, I’mgoing.”Ipulledmyselfoutofmy warm spot andimmediately Sunshine tookthat place and lay up againstDave. She loved him too. Iwatchedashe justpettedherand she adored him. I knewshewould end up being partDave’sdogtoo.Iwenttogetmyshower.

When I had my

pajamasonandIwalkedintothe den everyone wasintensely watching a movieandthelightswereout.Davesaw me come in and movedSunshine over so I could sitback down where I was. Hethrew the blanket back overme and Sunshine ploppedherselfontopofme.

Whatever moviethey were watching wasfreaky.Ihadtohidemyface.I couldn’t watch it. Dave

laughedquietlyatme.Hehadhis arm around me and wascovering my eyes when thescary parts would come on.Hehadseenitbefore.Idon’tknow what the name of itwas, I can’t remember. ThepartIrememberishowcloseDave and I were that nightand how I wanted to staytherefortherestofmylife.

It was late when themoviewasoverandthewindwashowlingandDad looked

outside. “The snow ispilingup.Itlookstobeaboutafoot.Ihopeourroofwillhold.It’ssupposed to snow throughtomorrow.Dave it looks likeyou will be here a while,maybe you and the girlswon’tkilleachother.”

The three of uslaughed at that. I didn’t seethat happening. I could seeDad hoping for that, becausehe wasn’t blind to thecoziness of me and Dave.

They knew that things hadchangedbetweenus,buttheyweren’t stopping it either. Ibelieve theywere happy, butwary.Allywouldjustlookatusandgrin.Ibelieveshewassecretlyhoping thatSamandDave would be cousins andbrothers-in-law. I thoughtabout thatand laughed.Davecaught me. “What’s sofunny?”

I looked at Ally andgrinned, she knew I knew

what she was thinking. Shecouldn’t help but grin back.We both shrugged ourshoulders in an agreement of“youneverknow”.“NothingDave, just knowledgebetweensisters.”

He looked betweenme andAlly. “I don’t thinkI’ll ever figure women orgirlsout.”

Dad came over andclapped Dave on the back.“Son, it’s best not to try.

Twenty-five years ofmarriage and I still have noclue and I am surrounded bythem.” Everyone laughedthen.

ThenDadgavetheallcall. “Well ladies andgentleman I am turning in.Sleepwell.”WhenDadwentto bed everyonewent to bedifwestillhappenedtobeup.Mom handed me the sheetsfor the couch where Davewouldbesleeping.

“Dave go ahead andget ready for bed. Thismakes out into a sleeper; doyou want that or just thecouch?”

“If it’s not too muchtrouble I would like thesleeper.”

“Okay, go ahead andget ready and I’ll have itmade up for you when yougetout.”

“Thanks Lil, I’mgoingtogetmeashower.”

“Okay, I laid out atowel and washcloth for youonthecounter.”

“Thanks.” He shutthedoorandIheardthewatercomeon.

Imade up the sleeperandbroughthimaquiltandablanket, not knowing whichhepreferred.

Sunshinehadtakenupresidence in front of thefireplace once again andwasas content as she could

possibly be. I went andturnedbackmybedandtookoneofmysetsofpillowsintothe den for Dave. I had afull-size bed and I took mypillows and placed them inthe middle; that is normallywhere I slept and dependingon Sunshine’s mooddepended on which side ofmeshechose tosleepon.Ofcourse that could changesince Dave was here. Shemay have chosen to sleep

with him. I heard the watershut off as Iwas readingmybook. I had turned off myoverhead light and had myreading lamp on. Davewalked out of the bathroomand toldAllygoodnightandthencame intomy roomandwhispered. “Can I have agoodnight kiss?” I couldn’thelpbutsmile.Ilovehearinghimsaythat.

“Ofcourse.”He kissed me and

everythingwentawayforthebriefestofsecondsandIwasin my own little world thatwas a good world. It feltwonderful. More pieces ofmywallbrokeaway.

He gently broke thekiss and whispered in myear.“Iloveyou,Lily.”

“I love you more.”Hesmiledandithadchangedto a warm smile full ofadoration. All I could saywaswow. It’s amazing how

quicklythingschange.I was getting sleepy,

so I turned off my readinglamp and slid my pillowsdown to my bed from myheadboard. IheardSunshinejump in bed with Dave, buthe also didn’t want her inthere with him. “Sunshine,takecareofLily.”Iheardherjump down off his bed andmakeherwayintomyroom.Hewasn’t used to a big dogsharing his bed, but I sure

was. She jumped up onmybed.Thatnightshechosemyleft side. I turned over anddrapedmy arm over her andhuggedhertoome.Shegavemegoodnightkissesandwenttosleepverycontently.

Isleptwell.Idreamedall kinds of good things, nonightmares;ofcourseIhadn’thad any of those sinceSunshinehadbecomepartofmy life. She kept themaway. In the middle of the

night as I was peacefullysleeping, I heard a giantWHUMP. It shook mybedroom. Sunshine barkedand I screamed; everyonecamerunningdownthehall.Ally must have screamed atthe same time, because DadraninthereandMomranintomyroom. Davestood in thehallway. “What was thatnoise? It was incrediblyloud.”

Dad investigated. He

took the flashlight outside tolook and then we heard himyell, “WHOA” and anotherloudWHUMP.Daveranoutthedoor.“CoachAldridge?”

“I’mokay!”WeheardDad yell back and then heandDave both came back inthrough the door. As welistened we heard thingssnapping and popping andhittingthegroundwithathudorawhump.AllyandIwerefrozen where we were. The

power had gone out and ourgeneratorkickedon.Itwassoloud and everything soundedlike it was about to comethrough the roof of ourhouse. Iwasscared todeathandIfeltitcoming.Sunshinedidtoo.

Dave called toMom.“Mrs.Aldridge?”

Mom answered. “IknowDave,butIneedtogetmy girls out of their roomsfirst.Iwantthemawayfrom

thetrees.” Momhadholdofme and Ally and Sunshinewastryingtogettome.

Dave called toSunshine. “Sunshine heel.”She heeled but she didn’twant to. She was antsywanting to get tome. Momledusintothedenandletgoof me and Dave dismissedSunshine. “Take care ofLily.” Sunshine wasimmediately up under myhandandIcamedownonmy

knees to her, because theygaveoutonmeandIjustsatonthefloorandshewasrightthere next to me and Iwrappedmyarmsaroundherand just cried as she nuzzledme togetme to calmdown.She rubbed her head on meandnuzzledmeuntilIcalmeddown as she listened to oreither felt my heart beat,because her earwas right upagainst my heart. Momallowed Dave to handle the

situation and observed whathedid.

“Lil, it’s okay, you’resafe.”

HestrokedmyhairasIheardanothertreefallanditmademejumpandcrymore.“Shh, it’s okayLily. You’regoing to be okay.” I wasfinally able to calm downenough after several deepbreaths.

“There,that'smygirl.. .areyoubetter?” Inodded

myheadyes.“Good, I think your

DadmadeyouandAllyabedin their room. You’re goingto be away from the trees.They won’t fall through theroofonyou.You’regoingtobeokay.”

I nodded yes again.He took me into Mom andDad’s room, but didn’t saywherehewasgoingbecauseIwould have panicked again.Hewent to the other side of

the house and brought backour blankets and pillows offour beds for me and Ally.Dad had blown up the twofullsizeairmattressesthatweused for tornadoes when wehad to go to the basement,and put them in their roomfor us to sleep on. I calmeddowntherestof thewayandwas able to sleep andSunshine never left my sidefor therestof thenight. Shewassuchagooddog.

The next morning weall woke up. The generatorwas still going so our powerhad not returned, but thegenerator was big enough torun the entire house exceptfor the air conditioner anddryer. We were set. Momleft the fireplace on and wehad the heat from that too.As long as our generatordidn’tgooutweweregoodtogo. The snow was blowingall around the house. It

definitely looked like ablizzard and I had to takeSunshineout in it,but itwassodeepIdidn’tknowhowfarshe would sink and I wasafraid her paws would gethurt.ThenIrememberedthedogbootsthatcamewiththatset that Dave bought her forChristmas.Iputthemonher,she didn’t like them. Shewalked funny, but she leftthemonanyway.“SunshineIpromiseI’lltakethemoffyou

whenyoucomebackin.”Davehadgoneout in

itanddugapathforher.Thesnow was three feet deep insome spots but mostly twofeetdeep.MomgavemeandDave giant trash bags to putover our legs so they wouldstay dry. Sunshine followedthe path that Dave had dugforherandhehadclearedoutalargerareaforhertodoherbusiness. Itwas a dog-sizedsnow tunnel. He stood out

there with me because youcould still hear the snappingandbreakingoftreebranches,but we were in a clearingwheretherewerenotreesthatwere tall enough to reach useveniftheydidfall.

I was still paranoidthough, I kept looking intothe sky expecting treebranches to fall from theclouds. Dave kept me fromflipping out. As soon asSunshine finished she came

backthroughthesnowtunneland followed me and Daveback up the deck stairs. Iopenedthedoorandletusallin as snow blew in with us.Sunshine was happy to getthelittlebootiesoffher.Shestarted sniffing the air. Itsmelled so good when wewalkedin.

Wesmelledbaconandbiscuitsandcoffee.Momwasmaking scrambled eggs tooand gravy to go with the

biscuits. All of a sudden Iwas starving. I made me acup of coffee and I madeDave one too and Ally hadalready made hers. I pulledout the plates and we allmadeourplatesandsatdownintheden.Itwaswarmestinthere.

Dave had alreadymadeuphisbed.Helaidtheblanketandquilt andpillowsdownontheairmattressesinMomandDad’sroomforthat

night too. The roads wereclosed for four days, fromSaturdayMarch thirteenth toTuesday March sixteenth.Dave stayed with us throughTuesday andwent home thatWednesday. Luckily it wasspringbreak thatweek sonoschool days had to be madeup.

Dave stayed at homethat Wednesday and alsoThursday. He called methough, but I really missed

him. I could tell he missedme too. I whiled away thetime looking through oldpicture albums, pictures ofwhen I was little and Allywasababy.Iwasthrownintofits of laughter by what Ifound.Itwasreallyneattoo.IhadtoshowMom.

“Ohhowfunny.Ihadforgotten about that. Youwere in four-year-oldkindergarten,Ibelieve,mighthave been five-year-old

kindergarten. Thatwas rightbefore we moved toHuntsville.”

Dave came back overthat Friday and brought hissisters with him, as well asSaminhisDad’shugepickuptruck. Sunshine stayed in thefloor of the truck andwe allwent out to eat and to themovies.Itwassomuchfun.

I really liked hissisters. I had come to knowthem pretty well since I

started UNA and I came toknow Samwell too. If I hadto guess whether Sam andAlly would end up gettingmarried then, I would havehadtosayyes.Theyweresoin love with each other. Itmade me happy to see howhappy Sam made my littlesister. Connor was nothingbutamemory.

Chapter16

April and Mayflew by and Dave and I hadbecome inseparable rightalong with Sunshine. Heworked at his Aunt’s clinicthat summer while he waslooking for a job. Late Juneone came open at JonesValleyElementary.“Lily,do

youthinkIshouldgoforit?”“Yes, the principal

said he would hire you if ajob ever became available.They were so impressed byhow you taught, Dave, whynotgoforit?”

“You don’t thinktheywerejustsayingthat?”

“No, I don’t.Davealltheycansayisno.Justtryit. It might just be the onewaiting for you. You havealready gone through the

massinterview, justdoit.” Ihandedhimthephoneandhedialedthenumber.

“Mr. Handley . . .DaveJameson...youwere?Yes, sir . . . I was callingabout that . . .Yes,sir,whendo you want me to come?Tomorrowat 10:00 . . .Yes,sir,I’llbethere.Thankyou.Goodbye.”

I started gettingexcited. “Well, what did hesay?”

Dave looked likehewas in a state of shock. Iwavedmyhandinfrontofhisface. “Hello, Earth to Dave.ComeinDave.”

“Oh,sorryLil.”“Well what did he

say?”“He said he was

trying to find my number tocallmetocomeinterviewforthat third grade position.Getthis itwasthesameteacherIwas in therewithwhen Idid

my student teaching. Hedecided to retire. I know hesaid he was contemplating itwhileIwasteachingthat lastmonth,butwow.Heevenlefta lot of the stuff in hisclassroom.Or at least that iswhatMr.Handley said.Lily,ifIgetthisjob,basicallyallIwould have to do is walk inand take over the classroomand its contents. That wouldbe fantastic. I wouldn’t havetospendalotofmoneytofix

up my classroom. Doesn’tthat sound good? Myclassroom.”

I giggled becauseDave was acting so funny,but Iwasaboutasexcitedashewas. They loved thewayhe taught and Mr. Freemanwashighlyimpressedbyhowwell the students learnedunder him. He gave himstraight A’s for everything.Dave made President’s Listforlastsemester.Ihadmade

theDean’sList again. Davewassoproudofme.Itmademefeelgood.

That day after hegot off the phone with Mr.Handley he walked with metogetthemailwithSunshinetagging close behind. Wereceivedaweddinginvitationfrom Chelsea and Ty. Theywere gettingmarried on July25th. Dave just kind oflooked at me waiting on meto cry I guess, but I didn’t

feellikecrying.Iwashappywith my life. There wasnothingtocryabout.

He tookmy hand.“Lily,areyouokay?”

“Yes, whyshouldn’tIbe?”

Dave tried his besttoskirtaroundit.“Well...Imean . . . uhm . . .”Hewasabout to sweat. I had to lethimoffthehook.

“You meanbecause Jace and I were

supposed to get married inJulyofthisyear?”

He looked at mesympathetically. “Wellyeah.”

“Dave is Jacestandingherenow?”

“No.”“Whois?”“Me,but. . .okay,

fine.Doyoueverthinkabouthimanymore?”

I placed my handon Dave’s face and touched

him gently. “No, I don’t. Ihave what makes me happyandhe isstanding in frontofme.” Ipulledhis face tomegentlysoIcouldlookintohiseyes. I love his eyes. Hekissedmelightlyonthelips.Ittickled.Igiggledalittle.

“What are yougigglingabout?”

“Your kiss tickledmylips.”

“Oh it did, huh.”Hestartedkissingmeagain.

“Want to go to thepark?”

“Yeah, that‘s agreat idea. Let’s go to thepark.”

Theridewassilentuntil I started gigglinghysterically. Sunshine juststared at me. If you haveeverhadadogtojuststareatyou,andyoucanseethe“sheis absolutely bonkers” lookwritten all over the dog’sface,itreallyhitshomewhen

yourdogiswithyoubecauseyou’re crazy and then shelooks at you like that, yeahnot a warm fuzzy feeling.Dave sawhowSunshinewaslooking at me and then hestartedlaughing.

“Now that’s sad.Sunshinethinksyouhavelostit and that is sayingsomething.” I startedlaughing hysterically again.We went to the back mostswing and sat down as I

calmed down from mylaughingfit.

“Lily, will youpleasetellmewhatyouwerelaughingsohardabout.”

“No, I won’t. Itcankeepuntilmuchlater.”

“What?”“Never mind

Dave.”“Okay . . . Can I

talktoyouaboutsomething?”“Iamallears.”“Okay, if Iget this

job...”I interrupted. “I

think you already have thejob. The interview is just aformality.”

“MayIfinish?”“Sorry,goahead.”“Lily, if I get this

jobthereissomethingIwantto do, but I don’t know if Ishould.”

“Okay, when indoubt, don’t.” Dave lookedatme like that’s notwhat he

wantedtohear.“Lily, there’s

something that I need toknow and it may open oldwounds, but I still need toknow. Forgive me ahead oftime.IfJacewasstillaround,would this be happening?”He pointed between him andme.

Ilookedathimandsmiled. “Yes, it would, butthe circumstances would bedifferent.”

“Would you mindexplainingthat?”

“Okay, first of allJace and Iwould never havemet.Hewould have been ona fullBaseball scholarship atAuburn. You and I wouldnever have met at UMbecause Jace is the one whotalked you into coming.Where are your parentsfrom?”

“Corner, but youknow that, because your

parentsaretoo.”“Okay, go with

that. Our parents are fromCorner. They went to Highschool together and werefriends. How old were youwhen your parents moved toDecatur?”

“Hannah andHallie were in seventh gradeso Iwas sixteen. Whatdoesthatmatter?”

“You have neverasked me how I got to

Huntsville, among otherthings.”

“Are you madbecauseIdidn’t?”

“No, but there issomething extremely ironicthat I found out back inMarch. I wanted it to be asurprise and then I forgotabout it until you asked meaboutJace.”

“Okay Lily, I loveyou, but you’re driving mecrazy.”

“Humorme,thisisreallyneat.”

“Okay, fine. Lily,how did you end up inHuntsville?”

“We moved thereaftermygrandparentspassed,just before I startedElementarySchool.”

“Wheredidyougotoelementaryschool?”

“Blossomwood.”“I’veheardthat’sa

reallygreatschool.”

“I know it waswhen I was there. Allyenjoyedittoo.”

“Okay,nowgettingbacktowhyIamaskingyouthese questions. Why am Iaskingyouthesequestions?”

“Dave did younotice anything about whatwejustdiscussed?”

“So you lived inCorneruntilyouwerearoundfive andourparentsgrewupinCorner.”

Ifinallysawthingsclick. “Oh, sowewerebothliving in Corner for the firstfiveyearsofyourlife.”

“Right, now keepgoing,you’reboundtofigurethis out.” I was having somuchfunwiththat.

“You’re going tomakemefigurethisoutaren’tyou.Don’tIgetanyclues?”

“Yes I am and ifyou get stuck I have a fewcluesforyou.”

“Okay, so what isthebigdeal aboutbothofusliving in Corner at the sametimeatsomepoint?”

“Dave, just think.Domostkidsgostraight intofirst grade when it comestime for them to startschool?”

“Well no, mostkids go to kindergarten ofsomesort.”

“Okay, there, Igaveyouareallybigclue.”

“What doeskindergarten have to dowithus?” You know what wasfunny. He had forgottenwhat this conversation beganwith.

“Lily, what startedthis?”

I started laughingagain.“Dave,Ineedtoshowyou something, but it’s athome and what started thisconversation was you askingme if Jace was still around

wouldwebehappening?”Dave lookedatme

embarrassed.“Ohyeah,nowI remember and youanswered yes, just not withthesamecircumstances. Areyou about to show me howthat’spossible?”

“Yes,butIneedtoshowyousomethingathomeand that should answereverything else, besides, it’sbeginningtorain.”

The curiosity was

killinghimwhilehedroveushome. I loved it. He keptglancingatme Iguess togetanideaofwhatIwastalkingabout, but I never gaveanything away. “You’re notgoingtotellmeareyou?”

“No, then itwouldn’tbeasurprise.”

“Oh, so now thishasturnedintoasurprise?”

“Yes, Ievenhad itwrapped.”

“Thisisagift?”

“Of sorts, youprobably won’t even careonceIgiveittoyou.”

“Whydon’tyouletmebethejudgeofthat?”

“Okay,butI’mstillgoing to try to make youguess.”

It started pouringdownrainasweweredrivinghome. It was really hard tosee, and I started panicking.Dave knew it. “Lily, it’sokay, we will be okay.

Sunshine take care of Lily.”Shewasimmediatelythere.Itook several deep breaths totry and calmmyself. Iwasableto.Itdidn’tgointofull-fledge panic attack. Itmademe feel good that Iwas abletocontrol it. Davedefinitelydidn’tneedthatwhiledrivinginthepouringrain.

“That’s my girl.You’re going to be okay.”Sunshine stayed across mylap until we made it home.

Dave heeled Sunshine out ofthe truckand thenhelpedmeout. He tookme and kissedme. “You did a great jobcontrolling that and thankyou. I would have pulledover under the next bridge ifthere was one. You know Iwould have. There was justnowhereformetogo.”

“I know, but thankyouanyway.Okaynowbackto our discussion from thepark. Do you know why

kindergartenissignificant?”“No, and you’re

notgoingtotellmeeitherareyou?”

“Not until you arecompletely out of guesses.So do you want to startguessing now or would youlikeaglassoftea.”

“Iwouldlikesometea, please. Okay, so youlived in Corner for the firstfiveyearsofyourlife.Ilivedthere too during that time.

Every child goes tokindergarten of some sortbefore they start elementaryschool. Wait aminute. Areyou saying that we went tokindergartentogether?”

“Yes, I knew youwould figure it out. Wheredidyougotokindergarten?”

“Some church, Ican’t remember the name ofit. It was a Baptist church Ibelieve.”

“Okay, do you

remember anything aboutthat? It was a really longtimeagoIknow,butIdidn’tremember it either exceptvaguely.”

“Lily, you’rekilling me here. Will youplease tell me what you’retalkingabout?”

“Okay, you askedme if Jace was still herewould we still be what weare. My answer is yes,because of this.” I handed

him a small wrappedpackage. “Before you openthat, remember you said orrather wrote that there wassomething about me whenyou sawme that first day inENGLISH101?”

“Yeah,why?”I pointed to the

little package. “This shouldhelpyoufigurethatout.”

He began openingthepackage.Iwantedhimtobe as surprised to see it, as I

was to find it. He wasgrinningandshakinghisheadasheopenedit.Heopeneditupside down and when heflippeditover,thelookonhisfacewas priceless. “Noway,Lily this is us, but we werelikefiveyearsold.”

“I know; howironic is that? We weresweetheartsinkindergarten.IfoundthepicturewhenIwasgoing through some oldpicture albums back in

March, the day after you leftto go home after thesnowstorm.”

He was still inshock.“Wow...Imean...wow...how...”

“. . . could youforgetthat?”

“Well yeah, that isunbelievable. Did yourememberthis?”

“Only vaguely,until I saw the photograph.Then when I saw it I

remembered that we were atKaty Midships house on aclass Easter egg hunt. WewereinK-5,andyouheldmyhand and we hunted Eastereggs around her backyard.Then I remembered youtaking me to sit in herbackyard swing. I alsorememberedthatyoutoldmeIwas pretty and I told you Ilikedyourhair.Thatiswhenyou kissed me on the cheekandMomjusthappenedbyat

thattimewithhercameraandcaughtyoukissingmeonthecheek with me having thesurprised little girl face.Then I was mad at youbecause you left me in theswing andwent to playwiththeboys.”

Dave laughed outloud. “That is the part Iremember now that youmentionit.Youweresomadatme.”

“Wellwhatdoyou

expect? You kissme on thecheekatthetenderageoffiveandthenrunoffonme.Thatwasn’tnice,Dave.”

“I was five, whatdoyouexpect?”

I was jokinglyserious. “I expect you tospend the rest of your lifemakingthatuptome.”

Heansweredmeina jokingly serious way. “Iacceptthatchallengeandwilldo that to the best of my

ability.”Therewasapromisesomewhereinthatphrase.

*******The next day was

Dave’s interview with Mr.Handley. He was sonervous. He came by to seemefirsttogetmyopiniononhis interview outfit. Wow,didhelookgorgeous.Hehadon a light blue, long sleeve,button-down shirt, a silvery-tan tie and khakis. I would

have hired him on looksalone. I kept my fingerscrossed for him, but I had afeelingthiswouldbehisnewposition. Hewasgoneaboutthreehours.

I started gettingworried about him and thenabout five minutes later hepulled into the driveway.Reliefwashedoverme.Imethim out on the deck withSunshine standing right nexttome. Compared to Dave I

lookedlikeMs.Country-girl.I had on denim shorts and awhite-cotton blouse and flip-flops, an Alabama girl’ssummerwardrobe.

Dave ran up thestairsandgrabbedmeupandspunmearoundandSunshinedancedaroundwithustoo.Ihopedthatbythewayhewasacting; he either had a reallygood interview or somethingbetter.Hesetmebackdownand lookedmeover. “Wow,

you look really beautiful,especiallyinwhite.”Hegavemeastrangelooklikehewasimaginingmeinsomething.Ihad a feeling I knewwhat itwas. Itmademe happy, butscaredmeatthesametime.Itook the attention away frommyself.“So,howdiditgo?”

“How would youlike to help me celebratetonight?”

“What are wecelebrating?” IwashopingI

knewtheanswer.“Well actually we

are celebrating two thingstonight? By the way I’mgoing to need your help fortherestofthesummer.”

“Okay, what twothingsarewecelebratingandwhy are you going to needmy help the rest of thesummer?”

“First we’recelebrating a future—that isbecoming clearer and

clearer.” He brushed mycheekgentlywithhisfingers.“Secondly we’re celebratingthe newest member of theJones Valley Elementarythirdgradefaculty.”

Iscreamed.“YOUGOT THE JOB!! THAT ISFANTASTIC!!” I flitted tohim and hugged him. “So,you’regoingtoneedmyhelpfor the restof the summer toworkonyourclassroom?”

“Exactly, can you

helpme?”“Of course, I

wouldn’tdreamofbeinganyplace else. Can Sunshinecometoo?”

“Ofcourse, Idon’tthink you could leave herbehindanyway. NotbecauseIdon’tthinkyoucanmakeitwithout her, but because shehasbecomeapartofyou,andI love every part of you.Especially, thewayyou lookinthatoutfit.”

“So, how are wegoingtocelebratetonight?”

“Well dependingon how you feel about it,there is this really nicerestaurant, you have to dressup, but I have been dying totake you to it. I have onlybeen there once for SeniorProm, but it is a Japaneserestaurant called KOBE. Ithasgreat foodand theycookit infrontofyouifyouwanttositatthegrilltablesoryou

canchoose tositoff . . .atatable for two . . . in a cozycorner . . . where no one isaround.”Helookeddeepintomy eyes and caressed myface. He was searching forsomething. I knew what itwas. AllIhadtodowasactupon it, but if I was honestwith myself, there was noaction required, because itwouldhappeneventually andwhat did itmatterwhether itwassoonerorlater.

If I was honestwith myself I never wouldhave started dating Jace tobegin with and Dave wouldhave never started datingBrianna and we could havebeen together two yearsearlier, so why not go aheadandlet ithappen. Therewasno fear of losing himanymore and had not beensince March. I gave myselfthe time I needed tounderstand that back in

January and February as Iwrote all of those Letters toMyFuture.Ifoundmyfutureduring that snowstorm and itwas confirmed for me theThursday Dave stayed athome.Myfuturewasshowntomebyremindingmeofmypast through that onephotograph. TheLordworksin mysterious ways. Waymore mysterious than youwouldeverguess.

Chapter17

I knew what he was

looking for. I allowed it tocome through; I had nothingto lose and everything togain, with just one smallemotion—trust. IknewwhatItrustedandthatwaswebothhad been led down certainpaths in life that crossed atcertain points. Each one ofthose points had asignificance just for us andthefinalstepwouldleadtoa

new beginning. My life hadbeengiven tome,saved,andrenewedbyoneman—Dave.

I looked deeply intohis eyes and he sawwhat hewanted to see. If I coulddescribe the way that felt tome Iwould, but there are nowords. He was mine and Iwashisfornowandforever.Hebecameratheremotional.

“I loveyou,Lily,youarethekeytomyfuture.”

I cried as I said

something only he wouldunderstand. “I love you too,Dave. My life is yours anddon’t ever leave me in theswing again to go play withtheboys.”

“I wouldn’t dream ofit Lily girl. Something tellsme I’ll have more fun withyou anyway.” Weembracedeach other strongly and justheld on. “Now, Lily I wantyou to do a couple of thingsfor me. Go take a nice

bubblebathorsomethingthatwill help you relax, hotshower, whatever. Then Iwant you to find a dress,preferably something likeyour blouse, because youlook so beautiful and I amgoingtocomepickyouupina coupleof hours. Iwant toshow you my classroom,where you’re going to bespending the majority of therestofyoursummer,andthenwe’ll go to dinner. I will

makereservationsforus.Doyou want a grill table or atablefortwo?”

“Definitelya table fortwo.”

“Okay,kissmeandgogetready.”Ididandheleft.IbelieveIfiguredoutwhyhewasgoneforthreehours.Hejust needed that job and mypromisetomakehisdecision.

I went to start me abubble bath. It was sorelaxing. Sunshine joinedme

in thebathroomand I startedtalking to her like she washuman. I started gettingnervous because I startedthinking about what if.“WhatifI’mwrongabouthisplans for tonight? I don’twant him to see medisappointed. I am resolvingnottobedisappointedifwhatI think about his plans iswrong. As long as we’retogether that is all thatmatters. RightSunshine.” It

was funny, she barked inagreement. “Sunshine, youlikeDavedon’tyou,youmisshim too when he’s not here,don’t you?” She looked atme with her deep sparklingbrown eyes as she rested herhead on the side of thebathtub. I reached topetherhead with a hand full ofbubbles. I believed heranswerwas yes. I stayed inthe tub until it started losingits warmth and then decided

to get out. I put on mybathrobe and walked to myroom to get ready. I had anhourandfifteenminutes.

As I walked into myroom, the summer afternoonsun was streaming throughmywindows. My roomwaspainted yellow, so with thecombination of the sun andmy sunny yellow walls, itwaslikewalkingintothesunitself. It was warm andinviting. I didn’t close my

blinds because no one livedbehindusandIdidn’twanttoshut out the sun. So I wasgetting ready with mywindowswideopen.

Sunshine jumped uponmybedandlayacrossthesunbeam that was there andthe sun reflected off of herblonde-redfur.Itshimmeredand made her look like afurryangel insteadofadog.Shelookedupatmewithherpreciousbrownadoringeyes.

She loved meunconditionally, just likeDave loved meunconditionally.

I went through mycloset;Ihadtheperfectdressinmind.Itwasawhiteeyeletsundress that tied around thebackofmyneck. Itwas thesamematerialasmyblouseIhad on earlier. I also pulledout my strappy white heels.That would add about threeinches tomy height, but still

no match for Dave’s 6’2”perfect muscular buildconsidering Iwasonly5’4”.Iputmydressonandstartedmy make-up while mycurling iron warmed up. Idecidedtoputringletcurlsinmyhairwithoutfluffingthemoutandpullingalittleofitupinasmall twistcrownwithamini-clip at the back of myhead. That took a littlewhile.

IheardMompullinto

the basement from herworkshop she had that dayand when she came up thestairs,Igreetedher.

“Hey Mom, how didyourdaygo?”

“It went fine. Lily,you look beautiful. I take ityouandDavearegoingout?”

“Yes, ma’am. Guesswhat,Dave got that teachingposition he interviewed fortoday.”

Momwashappy.“Oh

honey, that is wonderfulnews. I know he’s excitedandIknowyou’reexcitedforhim.”

“Yes, ma’am. Heaskedme tohelphimgethisnewclassroomreadyovertherestofthesummer.”

“I know you will beglad to help him. Lily, youknowhowmuchhelovesyouright.”

“That kind of cameout of left field, but yes

ma’amIknow.”“Doyoufeelthesame

wayabouthim?”“Yes,Mom,Ido.”“Lily,youknowallhe

waswaiting onwas a job sohe could take care of you.Youknowthattoo,right?"

“Yes ma'am, I knowthat too and I couldn’t behappierthanIamrightnow.”

“Are you going to letithappen,baby?”

“Yes, ma'am. I love

him.”“Pleasedon’ttakethis

wronghoney,butwhataboutJace?”

“Mom, Jace is just amemory from my past, onethat I will never forget, butneverpullforward. Thepastis the past and should nevermakeitintoourfuture.”

Mom hugged andkissedme. “That’smy girl.I’mveryhappyforyou.”

“I’m happy for me

too.Iloveyou,Mom!”“I love you too

honey.”Dave must have

already talked to Mom andDad. How elsewouldMomhave known about thosethings? I wonder when hedidthough.Ohwellitdidn’tmatter. Iwent to put onmyshoesasIheardDave’struckcoming down the road.Sunshine heard it to. Iwentto get her gear and put it on

her and waited in my roomfor him to come in. I heardhimjoggingupthebackstairsandheopenedthedoor.

“Lily,areyouready?”“Coming.” I called

back. As I walked into theden he saw me. His eyessparkled beautifully. Theyremindedmeofthesungoingdownoverthewater.

“Wow . . . You lookbeautiful.” He had changedout of his shirt and tie and

into a short-sleeve summerbutton down thatwas yellowandlightblueplaid.Hetookmy hand and right when hedid someone snapped apicture. I wasn’t surewhether itwasAllyorMom,butIdidn’tcareeither.

“You ready to goLily?”

“Sure let’s go.” Hetook my hand and led medown the deck stairscarefully. I climbed in and

thenSunshinejumpedinnexttome.Weheadedoff.

First stop was JonesValley Elementary. Mr.HandleyhadevengivenDavea key to the school so hecould come in and out towork on his classroom as hepleased. Evidently Mr.Handley had a lot ofconfidence in Dave to givehim that much freedom thatsoon. But why not, he wasmore trustworthy than

anyone. He walked me backto his classroom andeverything had been takendownoffthewallsandstoredin boxes. Each box waslabeled with what was in itand marked “donate toschool”. Sunshine sat downwithout being told and I juststarted walking aroundlooking at everything. I feltlike I was dreaming, but itwas his dream. I was sohappyforhim.

“Lily, I feel like I’mdreaming, but instead of justdreams, it’scoming true. Sowhatdoyouthink?”

I walked over to himandwrappedmyarmsaroundhisneckandlookeddeepintohis eyes holding his gaze sohe could see my heart. “Ibelievewithallmyheartthatyourstudentsaregoing tobetalking about you and sayingwhatagreatteacheryouwereto them for years to come.

That iswhat I think. This iswhere you belong in allaspects.”

“Do those aspectsincludeyou?”

“As longasyouwanttokeepme.”

“How does foreversound?”

“Better than anythingIhaveeverheard.”

“I know you meanthatandIhavesomethingforyou, but I will understand if

you’renotreadyforitnow,Iknow you will be one day.Holdoutyourhand.”

I held out my handand in it he placed a bluevelvet box. He was teary-eyed.Hepulledhisdeskchairaround fromhisdeskandsatdown.

I let that little box sitthere in my hand. I couldn’topen it. Tears came into myeyesandthefearcameback.AmIgoingtoloseDavetoo?

The fear came backwith a force I wasn’texpecting. I couldn’t fathomlosinghim;hemeansmoretome than Jace ever did. Hecaresaboutme.He’snot justout for himself. He’s moregenuine than my Dadpossibly.Itwascrazythewayhe knew me so well. Heknew my fear would comeback when he gave me thebox, and I didn’t. He lovesme. He knows every aspect

ofwhoIam.Ilovehim,whywas this so hard. The nextthinghespoke,itwaslikehereadmymind, right down tothedefinitivemark.

“Lily, I don’t knowwhen forever is, but I doknow you cannot live yourlife scaredof it. Iknowyouhavetomakethemostof theforever you have. I want todothatwithyou.Pleaseopenthebox.”

My hand shook as I

listened and did what heasked.Itwasbeautiful.

“Oh,Dave . . . it’s sobeautiful.”

“Just like you, but doyouseeanythingdifferent?”

I reached to touch it,but didn’t. “Lily, it’s notgoingtobiteyou.”

AsemotionalasIwasfeelingrightthenhemademelaughandIwantedtobemadathim,butIcouldn’tbe.

“Okay, I’ll pull it

out.”Hepulleditoutofthe

box and then separated thetwo rings that only lookedlike one. Then he explainedtheir meaning to me in hisownwords.

He held up theengagement ring. “Lily, thisone with the pretty sparklything on top of it is onlytemporary. You are markedby ownership with this onealone and I have seen more

thanoneofmyfriendsendupgetting it back or giving itback and it means nothingbasically until you add thisonetoit.”

He held up thewedding band. “However,whenyouaddthisonetooit,it becomes a symbol offoreverandthatyoubelongtosomeonewholovesyoumoredeeply than his own life.Lily, I love youmore deeplythanmyownlifeandImade

sureIplacedthemtogetherinthe box so you would haveyour forever, knowing I plantobeapartofthat.”

The wall around myheart fell completely away.ThetearsIcriedwerenothingbuthappytears.HepromisedmeforeverandIfullytrustedthat he would be there,becausehesaidhewould.Heistruedowntohisverysoul.“Now, will you be my wife,trusting that I will never go

back onmy word and livingforeverwithme?”

“Forever is a bigpromise,Dave.”

“Lily, that’s all Ihave.Willyouacceptit?”

“Yes, I will be yourwife and belong to you,knowing that forever awaitsus. I have a questionthough.”

“What’sthat?”“Could we throw a

fewkidsintheretoo?”

“I think we might beable to manage that, rightalongwiththethree-bedroomhouse and the white picketfence, and we already havethe golden retriever for thebackyard.” Sunshine perkedupher ears. “Howdoes thatsound?”

“Betterthanperfect.Iloveyou,Dave!”

“I love you to Lilygirl! Will you wear theengagement ring since you

know you have the foreverthat goes with it? Speakingof that, read what I hadengraved on the weddingband.”

I held the weddingband in the light where Icouldseeit.“Nowtoforever—LGAtoDJJ(DavidJordanJameson).Oh...Dave,thatissoperfect.Waitaminute.It takes like a week to havewedding bands engraved,how long have you had this

set?”“Well, first of all it’s

notaset. It justhappenedtowork with the weddingband.”

“You bought theweddingbandfirst?WhatifIsaidno?”

“Then I would havehad a beautiful reminder ofwhat we had and I neverwould have married anyoneelse.”

“You’reserious.”

“As serious as I canpossibly be, but you didn’tsay no, and as you said,forever awaits. I can onlyimagine what it might hold.Will you wear theengagementring?”

“Yes, Dave it’s sobeautiful.”

I held out my handand he slipped it onto myfingerandkissedmyhand.Itwasawhitegoldbandwithasingle round solitaire

diamond. Thebandmatchedlikeitbelongedtogether.

“It’sbeautifuljustlikeyou Lily. Thank you, youhavemademe so happy andmygoalinlifeistomakeyouashappyasIpossiblycan.”

Part5:New

Beginning

Prologue—

Fromthatmomentmylifetookonanewbeginning.There was no more lookingback only looking forward.Therearesomethingsthoughthat are totally unexpectedthat amazingly explainmanythings. Dave and I had beenput together in so manysituations. Some we didn’teven know about, but there

were those working in thebackground for us that evensurprisedme.

I truly had no clue.Hedid.

Chapter18

Dave’spromisemeantthe world to me. I wasdefinitely looking forward tothe future. Iwanted to finishcollege though and get a jobbeforeweweremarried.

“Lily, if that’s whatyou want then that’s what Iwant. I’m glad you want tofinish. I was afraid youwouldn’t. Areyou ready fordinner?”

“Definitely, I amstarving.”

We drove to therestaurant as I sat andadmired my ring. “Do youlikeit?”

“Yes, very much, butI like the person that comes

with it much more. YouamazemeDave.Youalwaysknowexactlywhattosayandexactlywhattodo.”

“Lily, you do thesameforme.Yourememberthat day at the botanicalgardens?”

“Yes.””Do you have any

idea how long I had that onmymind,thequestionofwhyIwasn’t in that car? I neverputtwoandtwotogetherlike

youdid.Youclaimthatthereisadrivingforcebehindus;Ihaveneverbelievedthatuntilyou explained things so wellto me two days ago. I hadtotally forgotten everythingabout Kindergarten. I meanthatwas eighteen years ago.Everything we had beenthrough together and the factthat I knew there wassomething special about youthe first day I met you inclass. Kindergarten never

even registered. It was astrange feeling when I sawthatpicture.Bytheway,I’mgoingtoputthatpicturerightin the middle of my desk.Thankyou for putting it in aframe.”

“You’re welcome. Ithought you might want tokeepit.Ievenmademyselfacopy of it and put it in aframe on my dresser. I stillcan’tgetoverthefactthatwewere sweethearts in

Kindergarten. We werealways meant to be Dave orwewouldn’thavestartedthatyoung.”

“I will have to agreewithyou.”

We made it to therestaurant and had the mostwonderful dinner and ofcourse great conversation.Sunshine was just as contentas she could possibly be,exceptwhenshecaughtsightof the flames coming from

across the restaurant. Shejumped,butIpettedheruntilshe calmed down and thenshewasfine.

After dinner we wenttoalocalparkthathadalakeinthemiddleofit.Therewasa walking track around thelake. I had taken my flip-flops to have a change ofshoes if my heels startedhurting my feet. It was agoodthingtoo,becauseDavedecidedtogowalkingaround

that lake. I tookmy strappyheelsoffandputonmygoodolestandbyflip-flopsandwewalkedaroundthelakeinthefull moonlight for an hour itseemed.Wewalkedoutontothe pier Gazebo and sat onthe benches and looked outover the water. The moonwas sending shimmerysparkles over the water andthey reflected into Dave’seyes, which were green witha hint of amber in them.

Minewerealmostexactlythesame, exceptmine hadmoreamber in them. I wonderedwhat color our children’seyesweregoingtobe. I justsmiledtomyself.

“What are youthinkingaboutLily?”

“Your eyes and howthemoonlightcomingoff thewater is reflecting in them.Dave what do you think ourchildrenwilllooklike?”

“You know what’s

funny I have thought aboutthatoff andon. Ipersonallyhopetheylooklikeyou.Youare so beautiful Lily.” Iblushed.

*******The next two weeks

we spent working in hisclassroom.Mr.Freemanhadtaughtinthatclassroomforawhile. There were dustbunnies on top of dustbunnieshiddeninthecorners

andshelvesandclosetsinhisclassroom. We started thereand cleaned from top tobottom. Then we took Mr.Clean and a bucket to washthe desks off on top andbottom. The seats and thebook racks on them werecleaned too. Sunshinehappily napped on the floorwhile we cleaned until wepulled the vacuum out. Shenever liked the vacuum evenwhen I used it at home she

barkedat it. Shewould faceoffwithitlikeitwasgoingtogether. Itwasactuallyquitecomical.

Oncewefinishedwiththebasiccleaningwewenttolooking through the boxesanddecidedwhattokeepandwhat to give to the school.Dave had such great ideas.His students were definitelygoing to prosper in hisclassroom.

We went back to my

house that day and we wereboth exhausted. It was July7, 1993. Dave had beenrather antsy that day. Iguessed he thought I wasgoing to fall apart at anysecond. It was the one-yearanniversaryofJace’s funeral.It had crossed my mind acoupleoftimesI’mnotgoingtolie,butitdidnothingmorethanmakeme thankful that Iwasn’t buried with him onthat day. Dave of course

couldn’treadmymind,sohefinallycouldn’tstandit.

“Lily, honey, are youokay?”

I answered honestly.“Yes,I’mfine.Why?”

“Do you notremember what today is, ofcourse thatwouldn’t surpriseme,butdoyouremember?”

“Yes, Dave, it wasone year ago today that wewereatJace’sfuneral. Whataboutit?”

“Lily, I know it hascrossedyourmind.”

“Yes it has, but Idon’t feel like crying aboutit. It has nothing to dowithmy future. The only thingthat it has made me think isthe fact that I am so glad Iwasnotburiedwithhim thatday. Then therewould haveneverbeenus.”

Dave flinched at thatthought. “WellI’mgladyouweren’tburiedwithhimtoo.

Pleasechangethesubject.”“I hear themail want

towalkwithmetogetit.”“Yeah let’s do that,

your walls are closing in onme.”

“What do you meanbythat?”

“I mean what wasrunning through my mindwas all those times that Icametoseeyouandyouweresocatatonicandlockedupinyourself. I tried so hard to

getthroughtoyou.”I realized at that

momentDave needed to talkabout that time, because itbrought bad memories forhim that had to dowithme.“Dave,Itellyouwhat.Let’sjust go sit at the table underthe umbrella on the deck.You need to talk about thattime and I will give youmyfullattention.”

“Thank you. That’sall thathasbeenonmymind

today. I have never been soworriedaboutyouthanIwasat that time. I felt like eachtime I leftyour side itwouldbe the last possible time Iwould see you and man thathurt.Thathurtmemorethanyou could ever know. I sawthis precious, beautiful girlwasting away in front ofmyeyes. Lily do you have anyidea what happened duringthattime?Doyourememberanythingaboutit?”

“No, I’m sorry, Idon’t. Do you need to tellme?”

Tearswelledupinhiseyes. “Yes I do. It hurtmesobadtoseeyouinthestateyou were in. Honey, therewere timeswhenAllywouldcall me crying her eyes outbecause of what washappening to you. Webecame really close, becausesheandIbothwantedyoutoget better. There were days,

when your parents had to goto workshops they couldn’tmiss,andtheywouldcallmetohelpAlly.YourMomandDadcouldn’tstandwhattheywere witnessing. They triedso hard to get you to comeoutof it. It took somuch totake care of you. They putyouinthehospitalforalittlewhile. Do you rememberthat?”

“I do remember that,they were hoping it helped

me,butIfeellikeitmademeworse.”

“It did. That’s whytheybroughtyouhome.Allywould just need to leavesometimes and she nursedyou so well. It killed her tosee you the way you were.She would call me on thosedays she couldn’t get you towake up, because she wasscared. I was able tosomehowgetyoutowakeup,but I know you don’t

remember any of that. Iwould comeover and talk toyou about a lot of nothing,becauseat least Icouldgetareactionoutofyou. Iwouldoccasionally get a weaksmile, but at least that wasmore than just the screamingand tears, but there werethosedaystoo.”

Istartedcrying.IhadnoideaIhadbeenthatoutofit. “Dave I am so sorry. Ihad no idea I was that bad.

HowdidIgetthatbad?”“Sweetie,I thinkyour

doctor had you on toomuchmedication. At least that iswhat your Mom and Dadbelieved.TheycalledmyDadwondering about themedicationsyouwereputon,youwere takingsomuch.Atthetimeyouweretakingfourdifferent kinds of medicine,and I think he even had youon valium, but I don’tremember.Dadeventhought

itwastoomuch;sotheytookyou off of some of it.” Ididn’trememberhalfofwhatDavewastellingme.

“Ally made sure youtook care of yourself. Shewould sit in there with yousometimes when you weretaking a shower, because shewas honestly afraid youwould slit your wrist withyour razor. Thereweredayswhen you would get up andjust turn on the shower and

let the bathroom turn into asauna. I don’t knowwhat itdid for you, but you weremostofthetimealittlemoretalkative to me when youwould get out. There werealso those days where youwouldbeinnothingbuttearsand climb back into bed andnot talk tome. Lily thatwasthemosthorribletime.Ihopeyou never go throughanything like that again. Ihated Jace. When I think

about what he put youthrough I still hate him. IwishIhadthegutstoaskyouout before he did, I reallywantedtoo,buthebeatmetoit.Youwouldhaveneverhadtogo through that if Iwasn’tsuch a coward. There aretimes I hate myself for notstoppinghim.”

I had to get Dave tostop. “Dave, stop.” I tookhishandsashedeeplyclearedhis throat. “Dave, stop

beating yourself up. Look,I’m here now and I’m fine.Weareengaged,we’regoingto getmarried. We’re goingto be a family. There’snothing standing in our wayanymore. I’m so sorry I putyouthroughthat.”

“Lily,itwasn’tyou,itwas Jace. It makes me soangry. Heknewwhat itwasgoing to do to you, but hedidn’t care. It was like hewantedtoalwaystakecareof

himself before evenconsideringanyoneelse.InawayhewaslikeChance.”

“Dave, I know youhateJace,butIdon’t,becausehe never treated medisrespectfully or wrong ormean. I honestly believe hethought what he was doingwasokay.Henevermeantforit to turn into anything.” Ihadtotryandexplain.

“Dave . . . Jace and Imade a pact when we were

together thatwewouldmakethemostofeachmomentwehadtogether.That’swhathewas doing. He knew hedidn’thaveallthetimeintheworld, but he wanted toexperience everything hecould in that time and I justhappened to be the girl thathe liked. The last night wewere together, he realizedwhat he had done and herealized what was going tohappen to me, there was

regret written all over hisface.Ifhewereherenow,hewould be apologizing fromthedepthofhissoulforwhatI went through, so pleasedon’thatehim.Hateleadstothings,badthings.Itcanruina person. So please let thisgo.Thepastisthepast...”

Dave finished mysentence. “. . . and it shouldnever make it into ourfuture.” He pulled me intohis lap. “Lily, I love you so

much.IjustwishIhadaskedyou out that first day inEnglish101.”

“Well it doesn’tmatter now; because I’myours forever and forever iswaiting.”

Chapter19

I believe Dave feltbetter after talking to me.There was so much that hehadbeenholdinginandIfeltso bad for him. I neverrealized how bad off I was,and why he hung around asmuchashedid; Iunderstandnow,butdidn’tthen.

I knew he was there

most of the time. Maybe hewas right, maybe the doctordid have me on too muchmedication, but the factremained that I was okaynow.Therewasnothingthatcould ruin our future and hehadpromisedmeforever.

“Dave,doyouwanttowalkwithme toget themailordoyouwanttostayhere.”

“I’llcomewithyou. Ilove walking up the graveldrive hearing the gravel

crunch under my steps.” Hetookmy hand and ledme tothemailbox.Ipulledoutbills,magazines, and some strangelooking envelope. It had noreturnaddressonit,butitwasaddressed tome.Wewalkedbackdowntothehouse,thenwent into the kitchen and Ipoured Dave andme a glassoftea.

I sat down with themail and put the bills inMom’sbillbasket and stared

at the envelope I washolding. Dave saw what Iwasholding.

“Lil,what’sthat?”“I’mnot sure,but it’s

addressed to me. I guess Ineed to find out.” I beganopening the envelope andinsidewasanotherenvelope.I let that fall out of the firstand gasped. It was Jace’shandwriting. I was honestlyscared to death to open it.Davewasshockedtoo.

“Whoa. Lily, honey,are you okay?” All I coulddo was nod my head yes. Ipicked up the envelope andturneditoverandontheflapwas written, in Jace’shandwriting, if anythinghappens to me, please sendthis toLily. Islowlyopenedthe envelope and pulled outthe letter. I guess I wasexpecting his ghost to comeout.Itwasafewpageslong.Dave read over my shoulder

asIreadit.ItwasdatedJuly3,1992.

July3,1992MySweetLilyGrace,If you are reading

this, I’m sorry. Pleaseforgive me. I knew my timewasnear.Ican’texplainit,Ijustknew.

I’m sorry foreverythingIputyouthrough.Youdeservedsomuchmore.I lovedeverymoment I spentwith you. Iwas in lovewith

you and Iwill take thatwithme. You are one of a kindLily Grace, thank you forallowing me your time. Iwish we could have hadlonger.Ineverlovedanyonebutyou.

This may open newwounds,butmyprayeristhatyouhavefoundhappiness.

I stopped reading andtookDave’shand.HekissedmeonthesideofmyheadasIcontinuedreading...

Lily, I knowI left youwith no understanding orexplanation, but it wasbecause I couldn’t. I didn’tknowhowtoexplainit.

Iwanted to spend therestofmylifewithyouandina sense I did, but I reallywanted to marry you. Youare perfect and beautiful. Iwill honestly say I hope youdon’tcare. Iwantyou tobehappy. That is all I everwanted,becauseIknowIwas

veryhappywithyou.Iwasselfish.IknewI

should have never startedanything with you, but I’msorrytosayIdon’tregretit.TheonlypartIregretiswhatitdid tooyou. Ishouldhavenever put you through that.You made my life completeLily. Thank you, I willcherish that always. I hopeyouhavenoregrets.

The day of our lastdate Iknowwhat Iamgoing

to have to do, but I have afeeling you already havesomeidea. This isnothowIwanttoendthis,Lily,butI’mgoing to make you sufferenough with what I havealreadydone.IknowtheendisnearandIdon’twantit tobe. I’m sorry I’m going tomake you cry. That wasnevermyintention,butIalsonever intended to fall sodeeply in lovewithyou. Youwere better than I ever

deserved.LilyIdidsomethingto

try and make this not be sohardonyou.ImadesureyouandDavebecamereallygoodfriends,because I knowwhatyoumean to him and I hopeyou see things for what theyare. If you are honest withyourself you know what hemeans to you too. I get thefeelingy’allknoweachother,but you don’t remember.Give Dave a chance. I

believehelovesyouLily.I honestly hope I’ll

see you again someday, butby then the world will haveended, because no worldcould survivewithout you. Ihope this causes you notears.IftheLordgrantsmeaplace I will look forward toour reunion one day. UntilthenmyLilyGrace,mayyourlife be all you ever wantedand may true happiness findyouandtakemyplace.

ForeverYours,JaceI didn’t cry. I was

totally in shock as to howmuchheknew.Itwasalmostlike he was my angel orsomething,but in theprocessofdoinghismissionhefellinlove with me and was neversupposed to do that. Itseemedagainsttherules.Hedid however point me in theright direction—towards

Dave.Istilltothisdaydon’tknow whether Jace was anangel or not. He sure did alot of things an angel woulddo and—for him to knowwhat he knew—what otherwaycouldyouexplainthat.Ihadnone.

Chapter20

After receiving thatletterfromJace,itgavemeakind of closure. There wasstill something I needed todo. I guess Dave had thesame idea because oneweekendaboutamonthafter

thatletter,Davecameovertoget me. He had Sam withhimtoo.

It was semi-early inthe morning, around eighta.m. Sunshine was lazinghappily in the sun streamingthroughmywindowontomybed.Shejustbarelyliftedherhead to see who it was andwhen she saw Dave she laidback down, because she wasenjoyingherselfsomuch.

“Lily,we’re going on

a road trip. I believe there’ssomethingyouneedtodo.”

I was still in mypajamas. Ally was barelyawake, rubbing her eyes, butwoke up fully when Samgreetedherwithakiss.

“Sam, what are youdoingheresoearly?”

“We’regoingonatripwithLilyandDave.”

“Why can’t they gobythemselves?”

“Trust me, they need

us there too. Getupandgetready we have a four hourtripaheadofus.”

I looked at Dave alittle dumbfounded. “Davewherearewegoing?”

“You’ll see when wegetthere.It’sasurprise.”

“Goodsurpriseorbadsurprise?”

“Dependsonhowyoulook at it. We are taking atripbacktothefuture?”

It was funny. Ally

and I both were standing inthe den. “Huh . . .what areyou talking about?” It waslike she and I rehearsed thatbecausewesaiditperfectlyinunison.

“You’ll see when weget there. Just don’t bemadatme,okay.”

IlookedatSamthen.“Sam, what is Dave talkingabout?”

“Like he said, you’llseewhenweget there. Both

ofyougogetdressed. DaveandIwillwaitinhere.”

“Okay.”Ally and I went back

to our rooms and before weshutourdoors, just lookedateach other and shrugged ourshoulders. Ipulledoutsomecapris and a semi-dressycotton blouse, because Ididn’t know where we weregoing.Iputonsomesandalsinstead of my flip-flops. Iopened up my blinds and

lookeddownin thedrivewayand Dave had brought hisDad’s truck. If we weregoingonafour-hourtripthatthingwasgoingtodrinkgas.I put some money in mypurse and then reached forSunshine’sgearsoIcouldputit on her. Shewas raring togo when she saw that gearcomeout.

I threw on somemake-up and just pulled myhairupintoaponytail.Dave

liked my hair in a ponytail.Sunshinehadhergearonandwas waiting on hercommand.“Sunshineheel.”

She jumped off mybedandplacedherselfbesideme.Ipickedupherleadandwalked out of my room andwent across the hall andknocked on Ally’s door.“Ally,areyouready?”

“Yeah, just aminute.”Afewsecondslatershe opened her door and

walkedout.Shedressedkindoflikeme,becauseshedidn’tknow how she should dresseither.

“Lily, do you knowwherewe’regoing?”

“I think I have anidea,butI’mnotpositive.”

“Where do you thinkwe’regoing?”

“I think we’re goingbacktoUM.”

“Are you okay withthat?”

“Yeah, I’ve beenthinking about doing thatsince I got that letter fromJace.Ineedtorevisitmypastso I can put it completely inmy past andmove on to thefuture.That’swhyDave saidwe’re going back to thefuture.We’regoingbacksoIcan make a clean break andmoveontothefuture.”

“Lily, I’m not surethat’sagoodidea.”

“I know it’s a good

idea,Ally, andwith you andDave and Sam there it willmake it easier. I just wishChelsea and Ty could betheretoo.”

“Thatwasyourgroupwasn’tit.Italwaysusedtobeyou and Dave and Jace, andTyandChelsea.”

“Yeah, well Briannawas normally with us too,untilsheandDavebrokeup.But after that, those you justnamed were who was in our

group. We always used tohang out together. It is soweird to think about thatnow.Itseemslikeahundredyearsago,butitwasonlyliketwoyearsago.”

IheardDadcalldownthe hall. “Girls you need togetgoingify’allaregoingtomake it back by tonight.Comeon.”

Evidently Dave hadtold Dad where we weregoing.Iguesshewouldhave

too. Dad wouldn’t just lethim take us off somewherewithouttellinghim.

Davesawuswalkintotheden. Hecame tomeandkissed me and Sam did thesame with Ally. We allclimbedintothetruckandsodidSunshine.Shewasreadyforatrip.Shelovedridinginanyvehicle.WehitI-65andheaded south. “Dave we’regoing back to UM aren’twe?”

“Yeah,Lil,we are. Iknow you need to do this.You’ve wanted to do thissince last month when youreceived that letter, haven’tyou?”

“Yeah, you’re notmadareyou?”

“No, I think it’s agood idea. It holds way tomany memories for you andyou need to get closure forthosetoo.”

“Dave,you’resogood

tome.Iloveyousomuch!”“I love you too, Lily

girl.” We held each other’shandashedrove. It tookusabout three and a half hoursto get there. We parked ontheoutsideofthecampusandwalked in through thesidewalkgates.Thesmellofmagnoliatreesfellacrossmynose. I looked on the mainquad and you would notbelieve who I saw sittingthere on a blanket. It was

Chelsea and Ty. She and Ispotted each other and wewalked towards each otheruntilwemetinthemiddle.

We embraced eachother.“Chelsea,Iamsogladyou’re here. Your weddingwasbeautifulbytheway.”

“Lily,Imissedyousomuch.Howareyou?”

“I am actually doinggreat,Chels. Iwantedto tellyou something at yourwedding, but everything was

sobusyaroundyoutwothatIdidn’tgetachanceto.”

Dave came up behindme. He had asked them tocome. I just knew it. “Ty,Chels, how are you? Iappreciateyoucoming.”

Ty answered.“Anytimemybrother.”Theypunchedfists together. “Lilywas telling us she had somenews.Whatisit?”

Dave wrapped hisarmsaroundmeandliftedmy

left hand as it rested in hispalm.“Thisisthenews.”

Tyhuggedme. “Lilythat is awesome news. I amreallyhappyforyoutwo.”

Chelsea came to menext. “Oh . . . Lily, I’m soglad. If anyone deserveshappinessit’syou.”

“Thanks Chelsea. Ireally am happy. Youremember Ally, my littlesister.” I reached behindmeandpulledherupwithme.

Chelsea rememberedherandhuggedhertoo.“HeyAlly,howhaveyoubeenandIseeyouhavesomeonewithyou.”

“Yeah, this is myboyfriend, Sam.” AllyreachedbehindherandpulledSam up with us too. “He’sDave’scousin.”

“Ohhowcool. Allinthefamily.”Wealllaughed.

*******

We walked all overcampus that day and as IwalkedthroughIrememberedall the places significant tome and Jace and they onlybrought up sweet memories,not pain. Sunshine walkedwithme.

Then I alsoremembered all of the placesthat were spots in mine andDave’s lives. WewalkedbyComerhallandIrememberedthatdayhehelpedmeoutof

class when Chance was stilltrying to get to me. I alsoflashedbacktothedayIfirstmet him inEnglish 101withDr. Parker. I laughed tomyself about that because itwas at that point that Daveand I knew there wassomethingabouttheother.

Hecaughtme. “Lily,what are you laughingabout?”

“Ourfirstdaywemetin English 101 with Dr.

Parker.YouandIbothkneweach other, but we hadforgottenwhenandwhere.”

Chelsea piped up.“What are you talkingabout?”

I went into the storyof me and Dave beingchildhoodsweetheartsandthepicture I had found of thebothofus.Allyhadn’theardthat either. We all laughedabout that. We walkedaroundacoupleofhoursand

even stopped and sat at thepicnic table on Wills hallquadwhereJaceandIsatonnumerous occasions, bothgoodandbad. Sunshinewasright there with all of us.Jace didn’t matter anymore.EachplacethatIrememberedsomething about us was justthat, a place—a place in mymemory. That iswhere Jaceand I started, but thatwas it.We were never meant tofinish. Davewasmy key to

forever.I held hands withmy

first love there and my trueloveheldmethere.Thethingis my true love is all thatmattered anymore. Me andDaveandTyandChelseaandAlly and Sam sat there andtalkeduntilaboutthree.

We walked out byNapierhallwhichiswhereheandJaceroomedon the thirdfloor. If I had known thenwhat I know now, there

wouldneverhavebeenaJaceand me. There would onlyhave been a Dave and me.Our timing though isnothingcompared to Providence.Providence will always winout. We left around three-thirty that afternoon aftertelling Ty and Chelseagoodbye. They had anapartment in Birmingham.Tywasbeginninggradschoolsoonforhisphysicaltherapistdegree. Chelsea had her

nursing degree and wasputtingTythrough.

We promised to keepintouchasweleftforhome.Davehadholdofmyhandinthetruck.“Lilygirl,howareyou?”

“I am truly fine.Thankyou for doing that forme, and thank you forbringing Sam and Ally andcalling Chelsea and Ty. Itwasgoodtoseethemagain.”

Poor Sunshine was

wornout.Davehadtakenhervest and harness off and shelay in the floor of the truckjustsnoozingaway.

“You are verywelcome, honey. I thoughtyou might want to do that,and I thought it would beeasier having family andfriends around. You seem tobe stronger when you’resurrounded by people wholoveyou,andIloveyoumorethan anything in this world.

So when do we get to be apermanent part of eachother?”

“HowdoesMarch12,1994soundtoyou?”

“Ithinkthatwouldbebetter than perfect, the oneyear anniversary of me andyoubeing together like Ihadalways wanted. I love thatidea.”

“Hey Ally, leaveMarch 12 opened for meplease. Iwantyou tobemy

maidofhonor.”“Lily, do you mean

it?”“OfcourseImean it.

I wouldn’t have said it if Ididn’t.”Shereachedovertheback of the seat and huggedmearoundmyneck.

ThenDave spokeup.“Hey Sam would you be inourweddingtoo?”

“You better believe Iwill. Canyouwork itout towhere I can escortAllyback

downtheaisle?”“I think we can do

that. Don’t worry. We’llmakeithappen.”

“Thanksman.Ireallyappreciatethat.”

Ally squeezed myshoulder from behind asanothersisterlyunderstandingpassed between us. I wouldthrowhermybouquetandgetDave to aim my garter atSam.SomethingtoldmethatSamwouldwillinglycatchit.

*******I began my student

teaching two weeks later atJones Valley Elementary infirst grade. I missed mykindergarteners though.Dave drove us to the schoolevery day. He would comeand pick me up everymorning right along withSunshineandthatbecamethewayitwasfromthenon.

I finished my student

teaching that December andwas given a job to work amaternity leave at JonesValley Elementary. Withthose two goalsaccomplished, which is whatI wanted to do before Daveand I were married; that leftmefreetoplanourwedding.Letters toMyFuturebecameourweddingplanner,becausethatwasmyfuture.

We were married onMarch12,1994,theSaturday

before Spring break so wecould go on our honeymoonduring spring break and nothave to take off work. Itworkedoutbeautifully.

We had our weddingat the Botanical Gardens intheirOriental garden. Itwasjust the right temperature. Itwas about 70 degrees. Allywas my Maid of Honor andDave’s sisters, and Chelseawere in our wedding too.Dave’s groomsmen were Ty

and Sam. His Dad was hisbest man. Dave looked soamazing in his tux and oureyes met as I was walkingdown the sidewalk to him.HegavemethegreatestofallDave smiles and as Dadreached Dave and theminister asked “who givesthis woman to be joined tothis man,” Dad placed myhand in Dave’s andwhispered to him. “Takegoodcareofmybabygirl.”

Dave answered. “Iwillsir.”

Dad spoke a littlelouder in answer to theminister’s question. “Hermother and sister and I.”Sunshinewasevenallowedtocome to the wedding.Everyonestaredatthedoginthe seat next to Mom andDad. Sheevenhadaspecialwhite bow around her neck.Itwasthemostamazingday.

This all seemed so

surreal. I never thought Iwould be so happy. I amthough. We said our vowsand he kissed me and theministerintroducedusasMr.and Mrs. David JordanJameson. I could havefloated down the aisle I wasso happy. True happinesshad found me and truehappiness had found Dave;now,ontoforever.

Wemetandgreeted Idon’tknowhowmanypeople

at the reception. There weremany though. It all had beensuchamagicalday.Wewerebothsweptupineverything.Iat last had found my truehappiness and my one truelove. The funny thingwas ithadalwaysledbacktoDave.WestartedinKindergarten.

Sam and Ally wereengaged that summer. TheyweremarriedinDecemberofthat year. Chelsea and Tywereblessedwithababyboy

the following January. Daveand I are living our happilyeverafter.Webothendedupstaying at Jones ValleyElementary. He stayed inthird grade and I kept thattemporary job that I had. ItaughtKindergarten.

Epilogue—

So, that’s thestory. Istill sometimes wonder whatJace really was. There wasalwaysapresencetohim.Atleastintheend,ifhewasmyguardian angel, he led medowntherightpath,becauseIhaveneverbeenhappier,andDave and I are going onseventeen beautiful and

amazing years. It’s amazinghowtimeflies.

Dave is still teachingthird grade and he has hadmanystudentsover theyearscomebackandthankhimfornot giving up on them,because every other teacherhad. All the new parentswant their child in Mr.Jameson’s class; I guess youcould say he is a legend inour area. I am so proud ofhim.

Sunshine came toschool with me until I nolongerworked.Ididn’treallyneed her for what she wasoriginally given to me, but Ijust couldn’t stand to leaveher at home. Shewas still agreat comfort though. Shewas more like a securityblanket thoselast twoyearsIworked. My studentsabsolutelyadoredherandshelikedbeingaroundthemtoo.I taughtkindergarten for five

years.Iquitworktobecomea stay-at-home Mom whenourchildrenwereborn.

Dave and I wereblessedwithourfirstchildren(twin boys) in October of1999—Jordan and Jacob.Wow, talk about a proudDaddy. He definitely was.Three and a half years laterwe were blessed with oursecondsetof twins,girls thistime—Caroline and Claire—inMarch of 2003. They are

his sweet baby girls. It wasthe day after our ninthanniversary. Yes, we wereblessed with two sets oftwins, hence our fourchildren.

Summer begins inthreedays.Ilovesummer.Ican’t wait. Dave will behomeandoursummeroffunwillbegin. It isgreathavinga husband who teaches,because he gets the summersoff too, unless he has a

workshop to attend or thingsto do at the school. He hasbeen there longenough tobesecond in command if thePrincipal is not there. Heloveshisjob.

Daveisalsointolittleleague baseball; well I saylittle league but our boys arealmost eleven, and they areupforthestatechampionshipagainthisyear,andofcoursehave been the past threeyears.Daveisagreatcoach.

Hemakessure theyhavefunwhilethey’relearningtobeateam andwork together. Hedoes not tolerate badattitudes. Hisfavoritesayingis “Bad attitudes lead to baddecisions. Teams don’tsurvivewitheitherone.”

I sit outside on myporch swing and watch mykidsplay in theyard in frontof our three-bedroom brickhouse. They’re throwing theFrisbees for our two golden

retrievers—Summer andSammy.

Sunshine lived to theripe old age of fifteen andblessedandgracedourfamilyeveryday with her presence.Summer and Sammy camefrom the same bloodline asSunshinedid.Weknewtheyweregoing tobegooddogs.Theywere brother and sisterandwespecificallycalledthebreeder of them and boughtthem from her, because we

wantedsomepartofSunshineto stick around with us.SummerandSammyare twoyearsold.

Sam wasn’t toohappy when we gave one ofourdogshis samename. Sothey bought them a littleWhiteYorkieandnamedher,Lily. I laughed when theytoldmethatandsodidDave.Sam and Ally have twochildren Jared and Amy.Jared is Amy’s big brother.

He was born when the boysturned two and Amy wasborn a couple of years later.SheisolderthanCarolineandClaire,byaboutsixmonths.

I still can’t believehow fast time has gone by.DaveandIhavebeenmarriedfor sixteen years. I amwaiting on him to get homebecausetheboyshaveagametonight and we are all goingtowatch.Theboysarereallygood. Jordan is the pitcher

and Jacob plays first base.Jacob is theback-uppitcher.I believe they inherited theirfather’s talent for baseball.We’re going out to eat afterthe game. I hear his giantSuburban coming over thehill. So do the dogs and thekids. It’s funny to see themlook with anticipation at theroadinfrontofourhouse.

It’s just an accessroad, never busy. The onlypeople thatcomedownitare

usandtheneighborsthatliveup the road—Sam andAlly.We went in together to buythefouracresweliveonandhad an access road put in,actually it’s just a graveldrive.Webuiltourhousesontwoacresapiece.

Mom and Dad areretired and traveling andlovingit.DadboughtahugeRVwhen he retired and toldmymomthattheyweregoingtotravelandasofnowIthink

theyhavebeenineachofthe48 contiguous states at leastonce.

You know, it amazesmehow thingswork out justright.Ishouldn’tbeamazed,but I am. Itnever failsonceprovidence has been put intomotion.Daveishome.

“Hey Honey, how’smybestgirl? Areyou readyfor summer? I sure am.Summer,Sammy,heel.Boysgogetyouruniformson.”

“Okay,Dad.We’llbereadyinaminute.”

“Girls, are you readytoo?”

“YesSir.Dadcanwegeticecreamafterdinner?”

“We’ll see. Lil, willyou get the water coolerready?”

“Sure will, you needto go get your uniform ontoo.”

“Lily don’t forgetyourshirt.”

“Iwon’t.”Okay, I know that

sounded funny, but I have ateam jersey that has “Jordanand Jacob’s Mom” on it.That is what he was talkingabout.Bothofthegirl’shavesistershirtsjustlikeit. Theyare into cheerleading and ofcourseIamtheirsponsor,soIwork that end. We all haveteamjerseysfortheirfootballteamstoo.

I love my life, and

Dave andmy kids justmakeeverything better. Ally andSam and Jared and Amy arecoming too. Mom and Dadusually stay in town untilbaseball season is over sothey can see the boys play.Thentheytraveluntilfootballseasonandthencomebacktowatch the girls cheer. Whenfootball season is over theytravel from October toDecember, come home forChristmas and New Years

and then leave out untilMarch when baseball seasonstarts again. They are thebest grandparents ever andDave’smomanddadaretoo.Ourchildrenaresospoiledbythem.

His sisters are abroadwiththeirhusbands. They’reall a part of this group ofdoctorsandnursesthat travelto third world countries toprovide medical attention topeople in those countries.

We hear from themoccasionally. I think they’recoming home this summerand staying put for awhile.They have been traveling forfour years straight. I betthey’rereadytocomehome.

Well,wehavetogetready to go. I’m lookingforward to having a greatsummerandwealwaysmakethemostofeverymoment.

Each moment is ablessinggiven toyou. Make

it count for all its worth.Learnthatinlifeandlifewillbe more meaningful. Enjoyit!Lifeisagift!

Enjoy the

entire four-booksaga:

They Walk

Among Us—Saga of“TheChosen.”

By Morning’sLight—book1

AcrosstheFields—book2

Beyond theGate—book3

Years ofSummer:Lily’s Story—Prequel

Bethanie is a

full-time Mom,homeschoolingparent

to her children, andwhentheclockstrikesmidnightheralteregotakes over—BethanieArmstrong, Author.She enjoys writingstories that prick atthe heart of herreaders as they laughandcryalongwiththe

characters. She livesin Alabama with herhusband,twochildren—ages thirteen andeleven, a frisky felinenamed Scarlett, agiant GermanShepherd namedEmber, and a littleRat Terrier, named

Charlie that believeshimself to be a giantamongdogs.