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Dissertations and Theses City College of New York

2011

Yemoja De Pwe Mi O (Yemoja Calls Me) Yemoja De Pwe Mi O (Yemoja Calls Me)

Camille Adams CUNY City College of New York

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Yemo ja De Pwe Mi O

Yemo ja Cal l s Me

CamilleAdamsThesisPoetry

YemojaDePweMiO

(YemojaCallsMe)

TableofContentsCreation 1

Rememberme,YourAuthenticity 2

Knowledge 4

Invocation 6

Okuti 7

Bound 8

Yemoja’sMessage 9

Warrior 10

Odeibiijademole(Movebeyondstrife) 11

Egun–SoundTheBones– 12

ToYemoja,YorubaandYonder 15

GuidedByTheSea 16

Poet’sHouse 17

Promise 18

Inside 19

OmoYemoja 21

DearYemoja 22

Re‐Lease 25

SinglePath 26

Soliciting 27

LayNot 28

Remember… 29

Memory 30

TheDrum 33

Disen’power 35

Emancipation 38

TheUniverse 39

Return 40

CreationYemoja,thesilverorbiceyepeeringoutofthetiltedinkbottleskythathasspilleditsblackness.Shealsothiscoast‐bound,wavingdarknessoverwhichthemoon‐mirroredtrainofherpearlescentdresstrailstotheearth‐huskedsandthatfailstosoundherhushedapproachatthebirthofthesilver,ovaleggsappearingunderthegiantturtle’stail.AttendantYemoja–moon–sea–motherofall–thesenewancientliveshail.

Rememberme,YourauthenticityHere,relegatedtotherecessesofyourlifelivednowindisharmony,I,yourself,insilencewait.WhenMummywentawayshe whocametotakemyplace,seekingbywhichtoearnlovehermotheroncegavefreely,cajolingdramaticsandthesestupidantics– tobatgeishaeyelids,togive girlygiggles,egosand erectionssuckedtooearlytostroke–learned.Book‐loving,Austen‐quoting,veganlifestyle‐preachingandintothequietretreatingmewouldhavebeentoonerdyforyourfriendsclungtosodesperately you clubbednightly,andskimpily dressed,thebetter

promiscuitytopractice thatyoupretendedpleased you andafter agreeingtotheconditionsforyouraunts’acceptance(finally) you,yourreluctance tomake JesusChristyourpersonalsaviourdenied, andwentalong seekingtheirfavour inHiswater,whereyoufeltthegreatspirit ofYemoja,originofallourYorubanOrisas, YourMother,werebaptised.

Comehere,silently,Icallyoutoregain, puttingasidethisplethoraofpersonas– Lettinggoofthediva, theneedtootobeanentrancer,toentertain, exorcisingChrist‐believertojustbe,meagain–goodenough,remember.

KnowledgeInthewateryousawmeunskinnedasIreallyappear. Myhead,tied,wasnotthereasonthat–baptising–youcouldnotseemyblack,coiledhair.ItwasdonningabluedressinYemoja’sbosom,thedrums,bells,andincensethatdrewfrommyframemyskinnamingmehuman.Myscalesreflectedwasyourconundrum.Whatwereyoubaptising,snakeoryoungwoman,inthewaterwhereyousawmytrueformexpectingonlytoseemyvocation.Iwithdrewtoseeyourconfusionandyourdisgustwrittenacrossyourfaceyouwhohaddunkedawomanintheoceanandwasseeingunderthewavesasymboltoyouoftreacheryunfurlinginmyplace.Howconfusedyoumusthavebeenyouwhohadunfortunately‐inquisitively‐justseen

awomanunsheatheaserpent.NowyouhavediedjustasIhavecometoknow

tenyearslaterwhatthatexpressiononyourfacemeant.

InvocationThepriestesscallstotheEarth:“Cleave!Callforthyourmagic,andhavemereceive.Iamreturned.Letyourforgeburnawaymyremainingskinanddeemmespirit.MistressofWind.VenturerfromTheSea.ConchshelltoElements,Icall.ThisserpentrevivesMemory.

Okuti

Iamtheserpent.IbearYemoja’smessage.

Iamtheserpent.Throughmesheaddresses

you.Inmydreams,throughmywords.Listen.Andknowwhoyou’veheard.

I

amYemoja’ssnake.Liveschangeinmywake.

BoundThisisaroadIhavewalkedmanytimes,timespastandtimespresent.Idonothopeforafuture,mysoulistiredofthisadventure,theliving,thedying,thegrowth,thecrying,thevyingforreturn.Iwantinthislifetimetohavelearntthelessonsthatwillaffordmestay,tohaveperformedthedeedsthatwilltakemybreathawayfromthefleshthatbindsmetoaworldofpain,guns,murder,selfishness,greed,ignorance,unlove,hunger;allperpetuatingneedofknowledgeIbringtothissphere.Except,Idonotwanttobehere.GrantmerestinOrun,insunshine,inWater’sbosom.GrantmerestamongthetreesgrantmeprivilegeasAncestor,tocomeandgoasIplease;letmeinspiredreams.LetmeteachasSpirit.Butbeforethis,Imustremindmypeopletoremember–theirdead,theEgun,tohonour,theOrisastosupplicate,theEarthtovenerate,theshacklestosublimateunderremembrance,reclamationofourworth.BeforeIreturn,Imustfulfilthedutiesofthisbirth.

Yemoja’sMessageIcamefromOrun(foryou)IcamefromyourprayersIcamefromTheSea(foryou)IcamefromyourtearsIcamefromTheEarth(foryou)IcamefromyourcallIcamefromthedance(foryou)FromwhereyourfeetfallIwasbirthedfromTheFire(foryou)IcameforyourmemoryIwasbornefromDream(foryou)IcametoshowyourealityIcamefromTheBlade(foryou)IcametomakeyoufightIcamefromTheMoon(foryou)IcametogiveyousightIcamefromTheWinds(foryou)IcomeonthebreezeEmanjahhassentme.IcomefromTheSea.

WarriorRiseinthepowerofTheDarkMoonShewhohasmanyfacesStraponthebattlegearofOgunteShewhothefightembracesWieldtheswordroundyourheadShewhothebattlecallsSurveythelandbeforethekillShetowhomdutyfallsHearthechargeofTheDarkenedSkyShewhoseesthelightCallforthTheMoonthatlivesinsideShewhomYemojahasgivensight.

Odeibiijademole.(Movebeyondstrife)Whenintuitionasksyoubeoppositeofeverythingwithyoureyesyouseedoyoudobattlewithyoursoul?Areyoupreparedforthetollobedienceofeitherroadexacts?Theignore‐acneofthosereadilyasserting"facts"ofhowlifereallyworks.OrcanyouhandledisappointingMemory?Theunremittingadmonitionsof"thisisn'twhoyou'resupposedtobe!"Andwhenneitheroffersreward?Andyou'releftinTheWindtunnel'svoidwhichthendoyouchoose?Whatareyoupreparedtolose?Respectofthosearoundyouwho,hadtheybeentruewouldhaveofferedencouragement,supportoftheendowmentofagiftthey'dalsofeeltheneedtohaveexpressedtotheworld?Orany"promise"ofsecurity,surrenderingtotheswirlofOya'sskirtsdancingthoroughlythroughyourlifecomingtoresemble,notthedeliveranceofanyblessing,butachainofunendingstrifeasShedestroyseverythingev‐e‐ry‐th‐ingandnothingisleftstandingbutthecallbeforewhichidoldoyoufall?

Egun–SoundTheBones–AwakeTheAncestors.AlertThemtomyneedforanswersthatIcannotgetpassEsu’sconfusionthatIamexhaustedandaloneinYemoja’smission,thatIamafraidtotrust,thoughIknowIamrightandstrugglingtoacceptthiscarvingofmylife,afraidtotrustsofullyinmydreamsexcept,howelseshallYouspeaktome.AmIabsolvedfrom,–abovesome’suseofshells,nutsandchains.YourwordplainwhenYouspeaktomedirectly.DoInotneedOduorcommunity.Ismyseeking“oftheflesh”sincemylifecannottrespassYemoja’sdesign.AndthusmyneedtowakeYouisbutfigmentofananxiousmindYouhavewarnedmetodivorce,leadingmealreadyinYourordainedcourse.

CompulsionMySeaisliterallycallingtome.EverytimeIcompleteataskShecomestodemandratherthanaskIrememberHome.Sheleadsmeondowntheroadpastthecurves,anurgetogo,torundesperatelytothebeckoningwaitingSea.IthoughtprioritwasborneofmyowndesiretoreturntothelandofmybirthbutnowIrecognise,shiftingperspectivefrommyeyes

thatsawmeassubject–arbitrator–theonlyonewithagency,thatisHeritisShe,itisYemojacallingtome.

ToYemoja,YorubaandYonderbeenlostinwhiteman’slandtoolongit’stimeformetogoonhomeIhearmyoceansinghersongit’stimeformetocomeonhomemysoulachesfortheplacewhereitbelongsIknowit’stimetopushonhomebeenstrugglinginvain’nameuhbeingstrongbutmyspiritpleadsformetogoonhomethereisnothingtobegained,andnorewardindenyingtimedonecometogoonhomeI’llmakemywaytohershores’forelongcuztimedonecometogobackhomesaltwatertearsshallmeetmyownEmanjahgreetsherchildcomehomerockedinherarmsmysoul’llbebornetotheplacemyAncestorscallourown.It’stimeforme.I’mgoingHome.

GuidedByTheSeaOpenyourarmstome,OmoYemojaandI, quitesafely,willcarryyouacrossourwater.Youlongforyourhome,itisinyourheartandnotlost.DomyworkherefirstandIwilltakeyouhome.Itisminetoo.ButyouIown,andtogetherwewillwrite.Iamyourmemory,yourguideandyoursight.Seethroughmyeyeswillinglyandblessedwithsuccessandthethingsweloveyouwillbe.Mydaughter,ownme.

Poet'sHouseIwillgototheriverunboundfromDreamandthereaskwhatShewouldhaveofme.Yemoja,yourchildwritesbetterfrommotion.IamstaticinthisjourneytoYourocean.Handsfreeofawheelstationary,forwardonlyIhavenooption.Iambored,mylifeemptyfullofundecidedresolution;LikeIdareorcaneventransgressthedirectiveofYourhand.IcometotheriverunboundfromDream.Yemoja,miIya,what(more)wouldYouhaveofme?

PromiseMyFateistolivealifeexileduntilIfullycomplywiththedictatesofthepromiseIpledgedwedgedagainstwheelsIimploreanotherpathtoexplore.Theybudgenot.ItisIthatforgotTheCrossroad’schoicehasexpired.Myprayersthusinspirenonebutmyownspirittosay,“saveyourbreath.Youareunderfealtytotheabidingdecreesofthatdeath.”BoundtotheoathwherebyIdiedfromOrun.Bornhere,myspiritrememberswhatsheswears:Iwrite.YemojawillhaveHermessagebroughttolight.

InsideTherainfallsonmysadness,myfeelingofinescapability,myfeelingofbeingtrappedinsidethishauntingreality.Outsidethisgrey,rain‐soakedcityaremysunshineandoceanloves.Outsidethiswindow,mybedroom,andvocationistheadventureIambeingkeptfrom.Letmeescapethecomputerandwriteinthesand.LetmewalkonTheEarthtellingHerstorythroughmysoles,throughmyhands.Letmedancetherhythmofthelineinthewavesmywholebeingcraves.Letmyendrhymebethemeetingofskyandseainasunsethorizon.Allowmetoescapefromconcreteimagesandwalls.Letmeliveinsidetheconceptual.Givemeaudience,please,withtheforest,withthetrees.Lettheirwisdomteachme.LettheplantsbetowhomIbow.Lettheirknowledgeofhowtheyaretobeusedformedicinebemyobsession.Pleaseletmeoutthisconcretebaublewheremachinesandmanruletheday,wheremyworshipofYou,theGoddessrendersmestrange.Letmecomeagain,toYourshore

allowmetooffermyprayersthereandflowersintoYourarms.LetmenothavetorememberYouinadistantland,inabowlofwater,withsevenofyourshells,inadanceoverconcretefloorsaccompaniedbymanufactureddrums.Whereisthegoatskin?WhereisthehumofYourarrivaluntotheearth?Whereisthesenseinthisestrangementfromtheplaceofmybirth?Iunderstand.Iunderstand,Yemoja.Yourwork.ThoughnightlyIgrieveforthesunshine,thetreesthewarmair&Yourseas.WilldoingYourworkletmearriveatthese,–Please.Iya,thisIpray.DwellinginmedwellinginYou,youknowthesewords.Ase.

OmoYemojaWhenyouopenyourarmsuntoaconstructedaltaritisnotthewords buttheheartfullofthemattertheOrisasinvestigateandseektoanswer,comingindreams,togivereplytotheheart’struecry. * OnceyouopenyourheartitistheirstosearchForgettheelectedwordsandissuesyou’vepercheduponaprayer,givenwingbyceremoniesconductedincaretoimpress,strivingtogetitright.Theycarenot.Yoursoulsingsitsownplight.

DearYemoja,Forawomanwhowearsacrownyousurehavenoqualmsaboutknockingminedown.Everyspaceyouleadmetohumiliatesmemore.Nodoorofdeliverance,noascensionfrommisery;noagencytoextricatemyselffromthesehomes.YouthreatenmewhenIshowarevulsionforthesituationsyouplacemein.Ihaveseennogrowth,nopositives.Sowhatisyourreasoning?IamatthemercyofpeopleintrudingintoaspaceIcannotcallmyown.GoddessforbidIhaveadesiretotakecontrolofwhereIlive.ButYoulikeyourdaughterspassive.IhateYouinthismoment,lettherecordshow.Thereareotherwaystogetyourworkdonewithoutmehavingtolivewithnastyroommates,oranevilmother,orinthisold,coldhousewhereIamalwaysbotheredbyaroofthatleaks,aboilerthatbreaks,adumbcountry‘aunt’whodoesn’tunderstandspace,oramothernextdoorforthatmatterwhocannotresignherselftothefact

thatIwantnothingtodowithher.Whyalwaysleadme,Yemoja,toplacesIwillhatethatmakemeseektorunaway?ExceptthistimeIcan’t.Threateningme,indreams,withsharks,in“reality”causingunansweredphonecallsandunproductivejobinterviews.Yourhandishuge,andcannotbewithstood.ButwhatisyourpointinreducingmetospacesIwouldleaveifIcould.YouhavetakenawaymyagencyandnobodywouldbelievemeifItoldthemhowyoucontrolmylife.AGoddess,anOrisha,ourmother,whywouldsheheapstrifeonherchild?Allthewhile“olorishas”claimtobeownedbyYouinspecificroadstheydonotknowyourtruechildrencanshowthatYouaresternandlovingandawarrioranddeafandarethewitchfromwhomwelearn,drownedinyourwaters,sevenyearspassingwithoutbreakingsurface.Yourtruechildrenknowthis.ThatYourideushard.Andit’snotjustpossessionintheyard.It’sYou.there.always.Inourdreams,inourhomes,demandingaltars,displacinglovers,choosing,creating,commandingourroad–

onesingularfate–thatwearegoadedtofollow.The“initiated”don’tknowyouarenottobefoundinapotora“path”thatyouarenotMalewoorOgunteorOkutibutthatYouareallofthesetousYoumakeserve.Wewhoknowallyourfaces,uswhoYou’vechosenfrombirth.Ihaveservedyoubefore,Iya,inallmyotherlives.IhaverisenNativeAmericanhandsandChineseeyestocelebrateyourMoon.IhavedancedAfricanstepsandhavesungHindisongstothemysteriesofyourWomb.Asman,aswoman,Ihaveknownyourfaces.Butstillyoudragmetotheseunseemlyplaces.IalreadyownnohomethatisapartfromyourWaters.Willyoudestroymyheartfurther?Ordoyouprovidemewithangertotellyourtale?EverythingreturnstotheworkYou’veplaceduponmyfingersthatthroughoutmyrunningprevails.

Re­LeaseIgivemyselffreelytothethingthatistryingtodestroyme.IgivemySelf.Takeit.Youwantme?Mysoulisfatigued.Iamtiredofyourplotting.Iamtiredofmyallottinggrowthtothispain.Youwantme?Iamhere.Again.Punishedandwithdrawn.Iamdone.Idon'tcareanymore.NothingIdomatters.Yourroad.Yoursoul.Yourcause.Iabdicatethelossofmyhead.Igiveup.Igiveyou.Beastofburden.Horse.Takeme.Selfdomisshed.

SinglepathIamwithoutmentorIamwithoutpeerIamwithoutdivinationIamwithoutfearIamwithoutneedIamwithouttrustIamwithoutalonenessIhavethosewhoImustwalkalongside,thatguidemetowhereIalonecango.Iamwithoutmentor.MyEgunwouldhaveitso.

SolicitingEyesturnedinsideshegreetstheworld.Theyhavediscoveredhersecretshewearsitonherskin.Theycometoherunbiddenaskinghertohealtheirlives.PriestessofOceanAncestorofOld.Theyknowsheholdsthesecrettotheirlivesofdisrepair.Theywantsex.Theythinkfleshwilltakethemthere.Shewalkstodislodgethemind.Theireyesfollow.Sheleavesthembehind

LayNot

Donotlaywiththeenemy.

Yoursoulstillrememberstheirdread.

Donotlaywiththeenemy.Yoursoulstillcountsitsdead

attheirhands.

Donotlaywiththeenemy.

Yoursoulstillinhabitsyourbodyborninotherlands.

Donot

laywiththeenemy.Yoursoulstillrememberswhyitcame.

Fromyourenemy’shandsyourdeadtoreclaim.

Remember… For my memory, I thank you.

MemoryIunlocktheportalsinmymindtofind:Ipersistpastdeath.IknowallTheWatersI,aman,bearthestaffbeforeHerlivingaltarsIdonthechief’sred,crownedwithbaldedheadIhavewatchedtheplagueIhavecoveredtheirgravesIhavemournedtoBlackWatersIhaveservedHernomatter.

Ientermemorytosee:IhavebornethegriefmytribehasdiedIhaveburiedthevillageIhavestayedalive.TheOxhaswalkedatmyside.

Iamthesameperson,pleadingwithmypeople,tryingtostavetheirdeathdealtbybetrayal.Iamthechief,Mysoulknowsthisbattle.IhaveknownwhatIknowIreturntowagethefightdeathdoesnotconquermeIsearchwithTheNight.

IwillrightthewrongsIwillmypeoplebestowMyheartwillknowrestIwillavengeitssorrowIwillsavemyherdIwilluncovertheirghostsIwillfindtheminnewlivesIwillunburytheirsoulsIwillopentheireyesasIsealtheirgraves

MypeoplewillberebornknowingtheirmistakesMypeoplewillberebornTheearththeywillshaveMypeoplewillbereborn

IpromisethroughmychangeIwillrememberthechiefIamyesterday.

TheDrumIhaveanoldtongueIspeakaforeignlanguageIknowanoldpeopleIamthechildthattheymanageindreams,meditation,memory,andomens,Iamtheonethey’veselected.Iamtheirtokenheretotelltheirstoriesthey’llmakesuregettold. Thewordshavebeenimprintedthroughlivesagingmytongueold.Iamofapeoplewhoonceweresold.IamofapeopleIwillunfoldinpoemsofourgodsinstoriesofourdaysinmemoriesofourjoysinsongsofourways.IsingofapeopleoldandtrueIsingtotheAfrican,meandyou.IsingofapeopleofwhomIamone,ofmypeoplefromwhomIwasbornwiththeirwordsuponmytonguetoactasahorntosignaltomypeopleofourtimetoreturn.

Wordswithapurposeimprintedfromwhenceyouwilllearnwhoweare.WehavewanderednowtoofarfromHome.

Disen’powerWhatexactlydothehotcoals offourcenturiesofwhitemaleapprovalona4’10”Blackwoman’sframelooklike?ItishertightblackkinkycurlshiddenoutofsightbeneathastraightblondekankelonweaveItisthestiffshiftsheadoptssincesosorelydoesitgrievehertowalkandshaketheamplehipsofunmistakebestoweduntoherundulatingfigurebyourcurvaceousbegettor,hermother,andmineYemoja.Itisthefake,plasticlashesshroudingherbluecontact‐casedpupilsdashingbackandforthdespairinglysearchingeveryblackandeverywhiteman’sfaceforsignsofattraction.Itistheevilcontractionofherbootyandthesoft,roundcurveofherbelly–

oh,butthebreastscanremain.Itisthehigh‐pitchedvoicethatrepeats“like”againandagain.Itisherdamagedbleach‐lightenedskinandweeklytripstotheKoreannailsalonstohaveappliedherpoisonousacrylicsorcheaperpress‐on.WhatITlookslikeistheaestheticthatstepsawayfromOriginasfarashumanlypossible.ItisthesignobvioustomeasviewedonthetrainintheofficeandontheTVthatmyraceisintrouble.InspiredbyPowerbyAudreLorde:“Todaythat37‐year‐oldwhitemanwith13yearsofpoliceforcing hasbeensetfree by11whitemenwhosaidtheyweresatisfied justicehadbeendone andoneblackwomanwhosaid "Theyconvincedme"meaning

theyhaddraggedher4’10"blackwoman’sframe overthehotcoalsoffourcenturiesofwhitemaleapproval untilsheletgothefirstrealpowersheeverhad andlinedherownwombwithcement tomakeagraveyardforourchildren.”

EmancipationThewarIwageisoneagainstthemindshappilyconfinedinignoranceoftheirgods,ourculture,ourinherentconnectiontonature,worshippinganidolhelduponacross,asymboloftheenormouslossinflictedonmypeople,perpetuatedbytheirunresistance,theiracceptingassistanceintheslaveryshacklingtheirsoulstoafatherfigurenottheirown.MineisawarIwagetotakemypeopleHome.

TheUniverse“TheUniverse”hasnames!Butyouinsistonplayingthesegamesofanonymitylikeyoudon’trememberthenameofTheSea.Likeyoudon’tknowthegiverofyourRain.LikeTheSunisnolongerafatheryouclaim.LikeTheWindbearingsoulshomehasnotherownagency.LikeTheWindbearingsoulsHomehasnoknownidentity.LikeOyadoesn’texist!LikeOlorunisamyth.LikeSango,mightyking,isdead.CometotheshoreandLetYemoja,motherofmemory,situponyourheadtorecallallthenamesof“TheUniverse”alreadyamongTheOrisasdispersed.

Return

ReturntoTheEarthandallowtherebirth

ofyoursoulbythosewhoknow

yourpaththroughthisworld.

Allowthedeathandgrievenotthewretchyouhadbeen.

Shedtheskin.

Youshallreturn

when,whoyoureallyare,youhavelearnt.

Ase.