© 2005 the mcgraw-hill companies, inc. all rights reserved. chapter 2 family backgrounds and how...
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© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
Chapter 2
Family Backgrounds and How They Influence Us
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© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
Chapter Preview
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Chapter Questions
Does the family we grew up in affect the new family we make with a partner?
How does how my parents treated me affect who I am now?
What does my family of origin have to do with how I feel about my partner?
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Chapter Questions
What does how I was raised have to do with the closeness I have in my new family?
How did I learn about sex from my family?
What did I learn growing up about
marriage and divorce?
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Chapter Questions
What did I learn in my family about proper behavior for men and women?
What do different families think is important in life?
What are some ways different families communicate about problems?
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Guided Learning Process
1st: Question 2nd: Study 3rd: Mark 4th: Question again 5th: Recite 6th: Check 7th: Restudy if necessary
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Text Assignment
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Does the family we grew up in affect the new family we
make with a partner? How does the family influence who we
become as adults?
How much does our family influence us?
How can looking at our family background help us understand ourselves?
Preview A 1-2-3
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Does the family we grew up in affect the new family we make with a partner?
What can I do now about how I was raised?
How can I change the way I feel because of negative experiences in my childhood?
Preview A 4-5
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How important is approval to children?
How does criticism and rejection affect children?
How does how my parents treated me affect who I am
now?
Preview B 1-2
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What does my family of origin have to do with how I feel about my
partner?
Preview C
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What does how I was raised have to do with the closeness I have in
my new family?
Preview D
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How did I learn about sex from my family?
What are some good things I might have learned about sex from my parents?
What are some negative things I might have learned about sex from my parents?
How does what I experienced growing up affect my sexual behavior now?
Preview E 1-2-3
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What did I learn growing up about
marriage and divorce?
Preview F
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What did I learn in my family about proper
behavior for men and women?
Preview G
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What do different families think is important in life?
How did the culture I grew up in affect what I think is important in life?
How did my family of origin affect what I think is important in life?
What did I learn in my family about how to work?
Preview H 1-2-3
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What are some ways different families
communicate about problems?
7 different types of communication
What does each of these communication patterns look and sound like?
How well does each of these communication patterns work to resolve problems?
Preview I
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Special Sections
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Personal Perspective:
Patterns of Communication
Why does Alex have such a hard time communicating with his
wife?
Preview PP
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Cultural Perspectives: African American Family
Strengths and Influences
What is unique about African American families?
Preview CP
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At Issue Today: Values and Marital
Satisfaction
How does what we think is important in life affect how
happy we are in our marriage?
Preview AI
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A Question of Policy: Family Environment
How can government policies help parents be better parents?
Preview QP
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Why Examine Family Background?
Our family growing up had great impact on our present lives and relationships in two ways:
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Why Examine Family Background?
Family is where we learned how to be a member of society.
Our lessons were learned through generational transmission.
We learned these lessons in four ways.
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We learned in our family by:
what our parents told us directlyrewards and punishments used to
control our behaviorinteraction with parentsobserving, imitating, and modeling
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Our family influenced us according to:
How much contact we had with them
How intense our contact was with them
How important we were to each other
Our individual personalities
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So what do we do about it?
Figure out and analyze how our family influenced us
Take responsibility to make life what we want it to be and choose our goals
Acknowledge feelings about the past
Let them go and make peace
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How Parents Treat Children
Approval
Way to demonstrate love, value, care and acceptance
MOST IMPORTANT CONTRIBUTION PARENTS EVER MAKE TO CHILDREN’S DEVELOPMENT
Positive self-concept
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How Parents Treat Children
Criticism and rejection
Feelings of inferiority and unworthiness
Carry forward into adult relationships
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Attitudes Toward Intimate Partners
Adult relationships are often patterned after those in our family of origin.
Poor relationship with parents increases difficulties in romantic relationships.
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Attitudes Toward Intimate Partners
Social Learning Theory – children imitate their parents’ behavior, attitudes, and perceptions in intimate relationships
Attachment Theory – attachment characteristics with parents carried forward to subsequent adult relationships
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Family Closeness: How We Express Affection
Basic human need
Affection = hugging, kissing, touching, holding,
cuddling, caressing
Affection ≠ sex
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Family Closeness: How We Express Affection
Much variation in families
We follow our family of origin’s pattern
Males usually less comfortable with affection
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Attitudes Toward Sex
Our attitudes about sex are formed by
Parents’ attitudes concerning:
Natural curiosityDiscussion of sexual issuesGiving information about sex
Quality of relationship with parents
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Parents of Children with Healthy Attitudes About Sex . . .
Have matter-of-fact attitudes about:
Occasional nudityNatural bodily functions
Give positive instruction about sexual expression at appropriate ages
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Parents Teach Unhealthy Attitudes About Sex by . . .
Repressing children’s natural curiosity
Avoiding discussions about sex
Saying negative things about sex
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Effects of Positive Parental Attitudes
Teenagers adopt their parents’ attitudes
Children freely ask questions – thus, can get parents’ values
Delay in beginning sexual activity
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Children of Unhappy or Divorced Parents
Don’t want to repeat parents’ mistakes
Want happy marriages for themselvesBut are influenced by their parents’
relationship patternsAre accepting of the possibility of
divorce
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Learning Gender Roles in the Family
Gender role = how people express
their gender socially
Males act ‘masculine’ Females act ‘feminine’
Children usually follow parents’ example
Appropriateness differs by family
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Learning Gender Roles in the Family
Children learn which of the following are appropriate for men and which for women:
traits, behaviors, attitudes, values
roles in marriage and family
careers
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Learning Gender Roles in the Family
How much children are influenced by parents depends on:
how close they feel to their parents
how closely they identify with them
what gender role their parents exhibit
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Learning Values in the Family
Cultures shape values and values shape cultures.
Individualist culture = individualism and independence
Collectivist culture = extended family and common good
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Learning Values in the Family
Our family of origin’s values are the basis of what we consider right, good, and proper
We form our own values by examining other values.
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Work Values and Habits
The patterns of work in our family or origin are those we unconsciously adopt as adults.
Workaholics had workaholic parents
Children raised in financially well-off families don’t want to struggle with bills.
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Close couples:
have good verbal and nonverbal communication
listen carefully when the other speaks
discuss important issues
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They also:
show sensitivity to each other’s feelings
say positive things to each other
keep the lines of communication open
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Communication Styles in Families
Open, honest, tactful communication
Reveal what you think and feel
in tactful, sensitive manner
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Communication Styles in Families
Superficial communication
Talk often - nothing of significance
Problems not dealt with or solved
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Communication Styles in Families
One-sided communication
One person lectures
Other family members take passive role
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Communication Styles in Families
False communication
Lie to avoid trouble
Give others what one thinks others want to hear
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Communication Styles in Families
Avoidance of communication
Avoid sensitive topics to prevent quarreling or fighting
Attempt to escape problems and hope they go away
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Communication Styles in Families
Non-communication
Have not learned to express themselves
Fear criticism and lack of acceptance
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Communication Styles in Families
Angry communication
Low frustration tolerance so become emotionally over-aroused
Expression of anger becomes primary mode of connection
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Good Communication
Necessary for a happy relationship
A skill that can be learned
whether modeled in family or not
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