背德の邊界-危險平衡中的似戀關係 海苔熊 @ tedx溫羅汀 "決定"
TRANSCRIPT
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為什麼我們要這樣下去?危險平衡中的似戀關係
海苔熊
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Friends with Benefits
Bisson, Melissa A., & Levine, Timothy R. (2009). Negotiating a Friends with Benefits Relationship. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 38(1), 66-73. doi: 10.1007/s10508-007-9211-2
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BenefitsCost
Campbell, Anne. (2008). The morning after the night before - Affective reactions to one-night stands among mated and unmated women and men. Human Nature-an Interdisciplinary Biosocial Perspective, 19(2), 157-173. doi: 10.1007/s12110-008-9036-2Tiegs, Tom J., Perrin, Paul B., Kaly, Perry W., & Heesacker, Martin. (2007). My place or yours? An inductive approach to sexuality and gender role conformity. Sex Roles, 56(7-8), 449-456. doi: 10.1007/s11199-007-9185-5
Used
Risk
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越界之後,還能當朋友?
維持現狀28%
退回好朋友36%
修成正果 10%
連朋友都當不成26%
Bisson, Melissa A., & Levine, Timothy R. (2009). Negotiating a Friends with Benefits Relationship. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 38(1), 66-73. doi: 10.1007/s10508-007-9211-2
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難道他們不知道後果嗎?為什麼要這樣做?
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越界之後,還能當朋友?
維持現狀28%
退回好朋友36%
修成正果 10%
連朋友都當不成26%
Bisson, Melissa A., & Levine, Timothy R. (2009). Negotiating a Friends with Benefits Relationship. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 38(1), 66-73. doi: 10.1007/s10508-007-9211-2
74%
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Q1 是什麼讓她不再,畫一隻雞 ?Q2 是什麼讓他不願,承諾關係 ?
Q3 是什麼讓他們繼續,拖延下去 ?
Q1 是什麼讓她願意,交出自己 ?
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Q2 是什麼讓他不願,承諾關係 ?Q3 是什麼讓他們繼續,拖延下去 ?
Q1 是什麼讓她願意,交出自己 ?
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假設 1她知道,但無法控制自己
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Q2 是什麼讓他不願,承諾關係 ?Q3 是什麼讓他們繼續,拖延下去 ?
Q1 是什麼讓她願意,交出自己 ?
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假設 2/ 假設 3不是不承諾 / 不是不離開
只是害怕失去而已
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1.其實很想跟對方在一起 2.但覺得對方首肯的機率很低
1.害怕失去,覺得愛情終有盡頭2.知道對方很想跟自己在一起
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1% 的機會贏 1000 萬元
明天才會知道結果
A
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99% 得到 1000 萬元只是有 1% 可能什麼都沒
有
B明天
才會知道結果
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哪種狀況讓你感覺比較焦慮?
BA
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99% 得到 1000 萬元只是有 1% 可能什麼都沒
有
99% 這份愛會成功只是有 1% 可能最終一場
空
B
這份失去,太沉太重
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得到 失去99% 得一千萬 99% 失去一千萬
害怕失望 不願損失風險規避 風險尋求
1% 得一千萬 1% 失去一千萬希望中大獎 害怕損失
風險尋求 風險規避
成功99% 是真愛
乾脆別在一起 繼續似戀僵局1% 有天走到盡
頭
99% 會攤牌失敗失敗
乾脆別在一起繼續似戀僵局
1% 會攤牌成功
Prospect Theory , Daniel Kahneman
99%
1%
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1.其實很想跟對方在一起 2.但覺得對方首肯的機率很低
3.所以選擇暫時不說破
1.害怕失去,覺得愛情終有盡頭2.知道對方很想跟自己在一起3.所以選擇不答應
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設定停損點,讓自己好過點停
海苔熊
裝死是他的選擇但你得為自己負責
停與不停都是輸何不賭一把
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傷的輕或重,無關乎在一起與否曾經付出,曾經期待,就會有情感依賴
一有依賴,就足以製造傷害
海苔熊
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不是不承諾 / 不是不離開
只是害怕失去而已怕有一天會失望 / 怕說破失去對
方
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禽流感
狂犬病毒澱
粉美國牛
核四
我們害怕失去生命、健康、擁有的東西
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洪仲丘
大埔台菲旺中
林益世
我們渴望公平正義、真相
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關注支
持陪伴
自由
傷害
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渴望公平害怕失去
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Friends with Benefits
假設實驗 決定
相信
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海苔熊THANK YOU
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那何時,才能走出來?
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滿足感 付出的 更好的選擇
留,或走
Rusbult, C. E. (1980). Commitment and satisfaction in romantic associations: a test of the investment model. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 16(2), 172-186.