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DEALING WITH CONFLICTAN INTRODUCTION

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WHAT WE’LL BE DOING

3:00-4:00 Introduction 4 conflict management skills

4:00-4:15 Break 4:15-5:15

4 conflict management skills (continued) Preparation for role plays

5:15-5:30 Energizer 5:30-6:30

Presentations of role plays Discussion and closing

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WHAT IS CONFLICT?

A state of disagreement and disharmony

A natural part of life Positive if handled well: destructive if

handled poorly

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CONFLICT = VIOLENCE

=

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CONFLICT CAN BE COVERT (HIDDEN) OR OVERT (IN THE OPEN)

Her political

views make me furious.

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INSANITY IS DOING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER AND EXPECTING A DIFFERENT RESULT. Albert Einstein

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INSANITY IS DOING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER AND EXPECTING A DIFFERENT RESULT. Albert Einstein

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4 CONFLICT MANAGEMENT SKILLS

1. Listening

2.Positions and interests

4. Facts and assumptions

3. “I” statements

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RESOLVING CONFLICTS

Resolving conflicts can be hard work. Preparation Skills Knowledge Creativity Coordination

Resolving conflicts can be rewarding work.

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SKILL #1 LISTENINGWE ARE TAUGHT TO READ AND WRITE, BUT WE ARE NOT TAUGHT TO LISTEN.

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SKILL #1 LISTENING PARAPHRASING

In your own words Restate what was said

(the content) So you’re saying that

the new law should ………… Did I understand you correctly?

Identify the feeling You sound upset about

the way he treated you.

Judging

Explaining

Defending

Arguing

Analyzing

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SKILL #1 LISTENING PARAPHRASING

Instructions for exercise Listen as carefully as you can. You may

want to take notes. Restate what the person said (content).

“So you’re saying ……………… Did I understand you correctly?”

Identify the feeling of the speaker. “You sound_________ about this. Is this

correct?”

Judging

Explaining

Defending

Arguing

Analyzing

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 SKILL #2 POSITIONS AND INTERESTS

What we see or hear

What is hidden

Interests•Needs•Values•Aspirations•Fears•Concerns

Position•Demands

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SKILL #3 “I "STATEMENTS

How can you do that? You spread awful rumors about my brother. You’re a liar.

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SKILL #3 “I "STATEMENTS

When I heard the rumors about

my brother, I felt shocked and

angry. I need to know where you heard them and why you spread them without

checking if they were true.

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SKILL #3 “I "STATEMENTS

To resolve conflicts, attack the problem (the situation, the behavior), not the person.

Accusing people accelerates the conflict. The other person will defend him/her self.

Attacking the problem often leads to

resolving the conflict. “I” statements help you do this.

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SKILL #3 “I "STATEMENTS

When I heard the rumors about my

brother, I felt shocked and

angry. I need to know where you heard them and why you spread them without

checking if they were true.

“I” statement: 1. Observation: When I see/hear _______________2. Feeling : I feel ________________________3. Needs/Value/Interest: (because) I need _______ 4. (Request) and I would like ________________________.

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SKILL #3 “I "STATEMENTS

“I” statement: 1. Observation: When I see/hear _______________2. Feeling : I feel _____________________________ 3. Needs/Value/Interest: (because) I need _______ 4. (Request) and I would like __________________.

Attacking the person: (You, you, you)You’re always telling me how to do things. You don’t ever let me try out my ideas. You don’t think I know anything.

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SKILL #3 “I "STATEMENTS

“I” statement: 1. Observation: When I hear you telling me what to do 2. Feeling: I feel frustrated and devalued3. Needs/Value/Interest: because I need to try out my ideas.4. (Request) I would like __________________.

Attacking the person: (You, you, you)You’re always telling me how to do things. Why don’t you listen to my ideas? You don’t think I know anything.

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SKILL #3 “I "STATEMENTS

When people ignore your “I “message,

or respond by defending themselves, by explaining, or trying to change your mind,

avoid arguing and respectfully become a “broken record!” of your interests.

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SKILL #4 FACTS AND ASSUMPTIONS

Conflict is often a result of our inability to recognize the difference between what we KNOW and what we ASSUME.