2014 premarital appointments: preparation for a service of christian marriage.docx€¦ · web...

Our Mission: Making disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the worldOur Vision: Changing Lives, Developing Leaders, Sharing Christ

Our Plan for 2014: Create a pathway for all people to grow as disciples of Jesus Christ

Preparation for a Service of Christian Marriage

Contact InformationBride - Full Name

Bride - Phone Text Okay?Yes / No

Bride - Email

Groom - Full Name

Groom - Phone Text Okay?Yes / No

Groom - Email

Service and RehearsalService - Date

Service - Time

Service - Location

Rehearsal - Date

Rehearsal - Time

Rehearsal Location

After Service of Christian MarriageStreet Address

City, State, Zip Code

Full Name of Bride and Groom

Requirements for Marriage at First UMC El Dorado



Preparation for a Service of Christian MarriageMore information, including all policies and procedures, is available online at

www.FirstUMCElDorado.org/wedding

● Worship attendance is required of non-members to enable an understanding of our denomination and our church (at least three times).

● Completion of four pre-marital appointments with pastor.● In person meeting with the wedding coordinator.● Presentation of properly executed marriage license at or before the rehearsal.● A waiting period of at least six months following a divorce or death of a spouse shall be

observed to allow for healing following the end of a previous marriage.● The church grounds are alcohol and drug free and the buildings are alcohol, drug and

smoke free. If alcohol or drugs are present on the premises, the pastor reserves the authority to cancel the service.

Financial Responsibilities and Fees● The fee for a wedding in the sanctuary is $500 for both members and non-members.

This includes a $50.00 non-refundable scheduling fee which is required at the time the wedding date is confirmed with the pastor and reserved at the church.

● The fee for a reception in the Fellowship Hall is $500 for both members and non-members. This includes a cleaning deposit of $250 that will be returned after successful inspection of the Fellowship Hall.

● The balance of financial responsibilities are due to the church office two weeks before the wedding day. Please make all payments in the form of a check payable to “First United Methodist Church” with the name of the couple in the memo line.

Signature Date

Bride

Groom

Pastor

Wedding Information



Preparation for a Service of Christian MarriageNumber of Guests Expected

Wedding Colors

Family

Bride’s Parents names, and/or stepmothers and stepfathers

Bride’s Parents - Ushered by

Bride’s Grandparents

Bride’s Grandparents - Ushered by

Groom’s Parents names, and/or stepmothers and stepfathers

Groom’s Parents - Ushered by

Groom’s Grandparents

Groom’s Grandparents - Ushered by




Wedding AttendantsWho will walk the bride down the aisle?

Maid / Matron of Honor

Bridesmaids

Best Man

Groomsmen

Ushers

Flower Girl

Flower Girl’s Age on Wedding Day

Responsible Adult for Flower Girl

Ring Bearer

Ring Bearer’s Age on Wedding Day



Preparation for a Service of Christian MarriageResponsible Adult for Ring Bearer

Guest Book Attendant

Scripture Reader(s)

Will there be programs?

Programs Handed Out By

Will there be candlelighters?

Ceremony DetailsWill the Bride and Groom see each other on

the wedding day before the ceremony begins?

Will you be using a Unity Candle?

Will the mothers be lighting the Unity Candle Tapers?

The Processional will be:

● Bridesmaids walking single file all the way down the aisle

● With Groomsmen meeting Bridesmaids halfway down the aisle

● With Groomsmen walking with Bridesmaids all the way down the aisle

The Wedding Party will arrive at:The building will be available for use:

● 3 hours prior to scheduled start time of the wedding

● 1.5 hours following the scheduled start time of the wedding with no reception

● 5 hours following the scheduled start time of the wedding with a reception




Women will dress at: ● Home● Church

Men will dress at: ● Home● Church

How will the congregation be released?

● Entire congregation released at once● Ushers release row by row● Couple releases each row and greets

them as they leave the sanctuary

Will there be an accessories (flowers, bubbles, etc.) for the couple’s exit from the

church?

What vehicle will the couple use to leave the church?

Church Items / ServicesSet up / Decorations on Friday?

Guest book podium

Candelabras

Candle lighter torches

Gift Table

Clean UpPerson in charge of cleaning out groom and

bridal dressing rooms

Person in charge of taking all decorations, flowers, candles, gifts, etc.




MusicSoloist/Instrumentalist(s); Song(s);

Accompanist

Song(s)

Accompanist

External Wedding ServicesPhotographer Name

Photographer Phone Number

Pictures will be taken when?● Before● After● Both

Will the couple return to the church after their exit for pictures?

Videographer Name

Videographer Phone

Florist Name

Florist Phone Number

Rehearsal Dinner Location

Reception Location




Vows for Service of Christian Marriage - Option 1In the name of God,I, Name, take you, Name, to be my wife / husband,to have and to holdfrom this day forward,for better, for worse,for richer, for poorer,in sickness and in health,to love and to cherish,until we are parted by death.This is my solemn vow.

Vows for Service of Christian Marriage - Option 2I take you, Name, to be my wife / husbandand I promise before God and all who are present hereto be your loving and faithful husband / wifeas long as we both shall live.I will serve you with tenderness and respect,and encourage you to develop God’s gifts in you.

Vows for Service of Christian Marriage - Option 3Name, in the name of God,I take you to be my wife / husband from this time onward,to join with you and share all that is to come,to give and to receive,to speak and to listen,to inspire and to respond,and in all our life togetherto be loyal to you with my whole being,



Preparation for a Service of Christian Marriageas long as we both shall live.




Possible Scriptures for Service of Christian Marriage● Ecclesiastes 4:9-12● Song of Solomon 2:10-14● Matthew 7:24-27● John 15:9-17● Romans 12:9-18● 1 Corinthians 13:1-8a● 1 Corinthians 13● Ephesians 4:1-6● Ephesians 4:25-5:2● Philippians 4:4-9● Colossians 3:12-17● 1 John 4:7-16




Service of Christian Marriage - Outline

EntranceGatheringEntrance of Wedding PartyGreeting

Declaration of IntentionDeclaration by the Man and the WomanResponse of Family and FriendsPrayer

Proclamation and ResponseReading of ScriptureSermonPrayer

The MarriageExchange of VowsBlessing and Exchange of RingsDeclaration of MarriageLighting of the Unity CandleBlessing of the MarriageLord’s Prayer

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name.Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.Give us this day our daily breadAnd forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against usAnd lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evilFor thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever, Amen.



Preparation for a Service of Christian MarriageSending ForthDismissal with Blessing

Session 1 - Introductions and Information (8 weeks before service)● Tell my story● Share purpose of pre-marital appointments

○ Plan service of Christian marriage○ Offer coaching or help around areas of concern for the couple○ Share guidance from marrying and counseling couples

● Gather contact information● Hear their story

○ Family Background■ Where did you grow up?■ What can you tell me about your family?■ Are your parents still married?

○ Relationship■ What is your engagement story?■ How has your relationship changed since you first met?■ Take a moment and think about your answer to this question - What do

you love about each other so much that you want to get married and spend the rest of your lives together? Then turn to each other and tell them. I’ll just listen in.

○ Faith■ What can you tell me about your faith?■ Why do you want to be married at church?

○ Sex - Have you been having sex?■ Yes - It does not matter if you have or not, but I would like to encourage

you to consider not having sex from now until the day of your marriage service as a way of setting aside this time of preparation.

■ No - You have made a great choice and I encourage you to continue until the day of your marriage service.

● Areas of Concern○ What are the top three areas of concern, places of conflict or questions that you

have in preparation for marriage?● Next Steps



Preparation for a Service of Christian Marriage○ Do you have any questions for me?○ Schedule the rest of the pre-marital appointments○ Share my contact information - feel free to contact me if you have any questions.○ I want you to know that I will be praying for God’s guidance for you and your

preparation for marriage.● Homework

○ Hand out - vows and scripture choices○ Vows, scripture choices and elements of the service○ Start considering the elements that you would like in the service. Some are

flexible and some are not. Here are some possibilities■ Scripture choices, at least one■ Scripture reader■ Response of family and friends■ Unity candle■ Wedding cup■ Mother’s rose■ Special music■ Congregational singing




Session 2 - Service and Theology (6 weeks before service)● Follow up from previous session

○ Vows and scripture choices○ Elements of the Service

● Christian Understanding of Marriage○ Covenant - not a contract○ Calling - more than a decision○ Eternal - not like a test drive

● Walk through service order● Finalize all elements● We will talk through the entire service at our final time together● Review areas of concern from first session.

○ Ask if there are any other areas of concern, as we will talk about them next time.● Homework for Couple

○ Make any final decisions about the service order○ Have a conversation about marriage that does not have anything to do with the

wedding day - no vendors, planning or anything else.




Session 3 - Faith, Care, Communication and Conflict (4 weeks before service)

● Follow up on previous session○ How did the conversation about marriage go?○ Could you talk about what it means to be married outside of the planning

process?● Greatest sources of conflict in marriage

○ Money○ In-laws○ Kids - How to raise them and whether to have them○ Religion

● Finances○ Name change○ Joint accounts?

● Faith○ Next step in spiritual disciplines○ Pray together○ Worship together

● Care○ Love languages○ Ideas to care for each other○ Seasons○ First child - us

● Conflict○ Fear dance / buttons○ Flooding○ Pursue / retreat○ Wedge

● Where to go for help / resources○ Pastors○ Counselors

● Introduce Begin with the End in Mind



Preparation for a Service of Christian Marriage● Homework for Couple

○ One change from the conversation that we had today.○ Write love letters○ Fill out Begin with the End in Mind




Session 4 - Past and Future (2 weeks before service)● Follow up on previous session

○ Begin with the End in Mind○ Talk through the service - explain all the words that they will say

● Family tree / family of origin○ Keep / leave○ Roles, discipline, chores, affection○ Remind of love letters

● Homework for Couple○ Write love letters and email to me

Session 5 - Post Service Coaching (12 weeks after service)● Where to go for resources● Coaching● Evaluation

2014 premarital appointments: preparation for a service of christian marriage.docx€¦ · web...

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