2016-10-19 actionable approaches to people problems
TRANSCRIPT
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Thrive. Grow. Achieve.
Actionable Approaches to People Problems Anne Collier, Arudia October 19, 2016
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Actionable Approaches to People Problems
Anne E. Collier, MPP, JD, PCCExecutive Coaching & Development
AMP UP PERFORMANCEWORKPLACE TOOLKIT
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What would be most valuable for youto learn today?
POLL EV. . .
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A TEAM IS . . .
3
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##
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10 5 3 17 5
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Hmm . . . what’s in here?
MINDSET: BE CURIOUS
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##
“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I’ll meet you there.”
Rumi, Persian Poet 1207-1273 AD
36
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Win-Lose
Appropriate Good Right
Win-Win Needs Unmet Needs Met
Inappropriate Bad Wrong
MINDSET: YOUR FILTER 38
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WIN-LOSE MINDSET
What happens in communication when the mindset is right v. wrong?
Inappropriate Bad Wrong
Appropriate Good Right
38
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WIN-WIN MINDSET
What happens in communication when the mindset is that all needs can be met?
Needs Unmet Needs Met
38
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NEED/GOAL V. STRATEGY 34
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Win-Win 46
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Win-Win 46
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Win-Win 46
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Win-Win 46
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WHEN THERE IS A PROBLEM
Win-LoseBlame
Win-WinAwareness
Self Others
Sense Own Feelings & Needs
GuiltObligation
ShameDepression
Anger
Sense Others Feelings & Needs
44
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WHEN THERE IS A PROBLEM 44
44WHEN THERE IS A PROBLEM
Win-LoseBlame
Win-WinAwareness
Self Others
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SLOW DOWN TO SPEED UP!
STIMULUS
Internal Reaction
42
Pause/Reflect . . . Choose BestExternal
ReactionResponse
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PRINCIPLE #1: ALL NEEDS MET
RIGHTor
WRONG
47
PRINCIPLE #2: NEED/GOAL V. STRATEGY 47
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PRINCIPLE #3: SELF AWARENESS 47
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PRINCIPLE #4: AWARENESS OF OTHERS 47
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PRINCIPLE #5: REQUEST
47
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PRINCIPLE #6: CHOOSE TO RESPOND 47
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Win-Win
Just the facts Like a movie camera Avoid judgment Be concise
“Just the facts, ma’am”
49
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Win-Win
Notice what is purely factual
Notice the embedded judgments
WHAT ARE MAKING IT MEAN?
50
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COMMUNICATION FOR THE WORKPLACE
ADD SILENT VIDEO OF SOMEONE GETTING YELLED AT -- ADD OLD TIME PIANO MUSIC
LADDER OF INFERENCE
I TAKE ACTION based on belief
LATE
DRESSED NICELY
INTERVIEW
NOT HAPPY
UNRELIABLE
LEFT OUT
I ADD MEANING
I ADOPT BELIEFSabout the world
I DRAW CONCLUSIONS
I SELECT DATA fromwhat I observe
I OBSERVE DATAfrom the world
51
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(UNMET) NEEDS
FRIENDSHOMEWORK
BEHAVIOR
FEELINGS
LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE
LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE
LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE
LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE
LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE
LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORELESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORELESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORELESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORELESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORELESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORELESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORELESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORELESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORELESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE
MORELESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE
LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE
LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE LESS IS MORE
LESS IS
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Exercise:Neutrally and without judgment, briefly describe something that happened to you that you did not like
Win-Win
Switch: 2 minutes each
“Just the facts, ma’am”
STATE THE FACTS
50
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Win-Win ##
✓Feelings checkConcernStress ✓ i
56
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Coaching Skills 56
Step 2
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Win-Win ##
Evaluations
Feelings
56
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Anticipate Prepare
Deal With Your OWN Defensiveness
ReflectDon’t be pushed
Ask Yourself What am I making
it mean?
56-57
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Hmm . . .
57
what’s in here?
STAY CURIOUS
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CAUTION: WHEN THERE IS A PROBLEM
OPTION 1: Let it go
57
OPTION 2: Address it
57
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NO “BEACH BALL” RULE 29
59Win-Win
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Win-Win ##
Unmet need created the unpleasant feeling
59
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Win-Win ##
another’s
actions or
failures
59
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Win-Win ##
your desire
for a
strategy
59
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Exercise:
*Refer to Appendix A and B for list of Feelings and Needs (120)
Switch: 3 minutes each
State (i) how you felt when a need was met and (ii) the need that was met
State (i) how you felt when a need was unmet and (ii) the unmet need
60
AWARENESS OF SELF
Win-Win
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Win-Win ##
Remember: Your request is for just 1 strategy
Specific, Doable,Positive
DEMAND
61
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Win-Win ##
Would you be willing to . . . ?
61
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PRINCIPLE #6: CHOOSE TO RESPOND 47
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Exercise:
61Win-Win
1: Facts
2: Feelings
3: Needs/Goals
4: Request
FOLLOW THE STEPS
3 minutes eachSpecific, Doable, Positive
MAKE A REQUEST
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Win-Win ##
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Win-Win ##
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Win-Win
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WIN-WIN
“NO” Opportunity for
Awareness of Others
6247
(UNMET) NEEDS
FRIENDSHOMEWORK
BEHAVIOR
FEELINGS
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Win-Win
Every “NO” is a “yes”
Identify underlying “yes”
Be persistent!
62
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FIND THE WIN-WIN
Step 4: Make Another Request
Step 5: Agree on Strategy
63
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COMMUNICATION FOR THE WORKPLACETHE CHILLING EFFECTS OF HIERARCHY
74
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Coaching Skills 74
BE OPTIMISTIC
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Win-Win ##
OTHERS’ NEEDS
76-77
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Coaching Skills
ACCOUNTABILITY
76Step 5
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Win-Win
ASK YOURSELF . . .
Asking or demanding?
Asking in a way that can be heard?
How do you respond to “no”?
80
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Win-Win
SIGNS OF OLD PARADIGM
Focused on a strategy/“the right way”
Unaware of your own and others’ feelings, needs, and goals
Experience guilt, blame, or judgment
80
PATIENCE AND PERSISTENCE 81
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84WIN-WINMOVE FORWARD 81
Deal With OTHER’S Defensiveness
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TIP #1: FRAME IT UP 72
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TIP #3: RESTATE YOUR GOAL 72
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TIP #4: FOCUS ON MUTUAL GOALS 72
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ON “SEND”
What Gets In The Way of Listening? 77
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© MMXIII-MMXIV ARUDIA www.arudia.comCORRECT OTHERS’ PERCEPTIONS
WHAT GETS IN THE WAY OF LISTENING? 77
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YOUR RESPONSE/REBUTTAL
WHAT GETS IN THE WAY OF LISTENING? 77
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OTHER THINGS ON YOUR MINDWHAT GETS IN THE WAY OF LISTENING?
Email Kids
Sports
77
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YOUR OWN FEELINGS
WHAT GETS IN THE WAY OF LISTENING? 78
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NOT ENOUGH TIME
WHAT GETS IN THE WAY OF LISTENING? 78
CHOICE TO DO SOMETHING ELSE
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YOU HAVE YOUR OWN SPECIAL WAY
© 2014 ARUDIA arudia.com
SUMMARY SLIDEBody Line One
• Body Line Two
• Body Line Three
• Body Line Four
##
Actionable Approaches to People Problems
Anne E. Collier, MPP, JD, PCCExecutive Coaching & Development
AMP UP PERFORMANCEWORKPLACE TOOLKIT
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WHAT DISTINGUISHES
MANAGING
FROM COACHING?
Coaching Skills 89
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Coaching Skills
THE BLEND
Tell What to Do
Give Advice Offer Guidance
Make Suggestions
Support In Creating
Own Solutions
Coaching
Managing
Tell Ask
90-91
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Coaching Skills
Tell
Quick
Easy
Control
Ensure quality
Consistent process
PROS
CONS
Resistance
Micro-manage
Less buy-in
Lack of creativity
Fewer ideas
Feel controlled
Engages/buy-in
Empowers
Builds confidence
Feel valued
New ideas
Takes time
Give up control
Must be open to other perspectives
May not get what you want
Credibility
Ask
89
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Coaching SkillsUSE OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS
Open-ended questions cannot be answered with:
YESorNO
ABC
94
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QUESTIONS THAT WORK
Does that meet your needs?
What is important to you about that?
How have you handled similar situations in the past?
Who can you get support from?
By when will you . . . ?
What can you do with that insight?
How can you hold yourself accountable?
93-94
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Loadedquestions
AVOID
Shouldand
Should Not
Words likeinconsiderate
94
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80/20 RULE
Coaching Skills 94
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COACHING DEMO: LISTEN FOR . . .
Active listening & focus
The steps of the model
Open-ended questions
Paraphrasing what the coachee said
Suggestions v. advice
Neutral language
ULTIMATE GOAL
96
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Performance issue
Expectations/directive
Safety/emergency
Process/procedure
New employee training
New information
Expert
Development
Awareness/growth
Independent thinking
Build confidence
Learning opportunity
Engage and empower
Facilitate collaboration
COACH / ASKMANAGE / TELL
Coaching Skills 92
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Coaching Skills
COACH / ASKMANAGE / TELL
Usually manager’s solution
Authoritative/command and control
“Make do”
Best for “what” and “why”
Coachee generated solution
Collaborative
Coachee takes responsibility
Supports the coachee in identifying the “how”
YOU CHOOSE
92
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Coaching SkillsYOU CHOOSE
“Pure” coaching
Variety of situations
In full or part
Tell What to Do
Give Advice Offer Guidance
Make Suggestions
Support In Creating
Own Solutions
Coaching
Managing
Tell Ask
91
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COACHINGWHEN TO USE COACHING 90
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Coaching SkillsWHEN TO USE COACHING
90
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COACHINGWHEN TO USE COACHING
90
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Coaching SkillsMINDSET: CURIOUS NOT JUDGMENTAL
98
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Coaching SkillsMINDSET: BE PATIENT
98
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Coaching SkillsMINDSET: BE DELIBERATE - CHOOSE TO COACH
98
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DISCOVER THE INSIGHT
Insights
Open-ended questions
98
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Topic
Current Reality àGoal
Takeaway
Needs
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Exercise:
Coaching Skills
What are open-ended
questions to support the coachee in Establishing
the Focus?
???
Exercise: COACHING SKILLS PRACTICE
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COACHING SKILLS
Scenarios 1 and 2
Topic
Current Reality àGoal
Takeaway from this Conversation
Needs
106
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COACHINGNEXT STEPS
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Generate possibilities
Suspend judgment
Paraphrase
Share personal experience
108
Sugges
tion n
ot “sh
ould”
GIVING ADVICE
Neutral language
Not “right answer”/strategy
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112GIVING ADVICE
Have you thought about trying Strategy A? ”“
“When I was in your situation, I tried Strategy A and
it worked”
“ ”Another option is to . . .
“ ”I have seen Strategy A work for others
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Coaching Skills
Focus on the goal and need
Break down into steps
Set target dates
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Exercise:
Coaching Skills
What are examples of open-ended questions
to support the coachee toCreate An Action Plan?
???
Exercise: COACHING SKILLS PRACTICE
115
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Step 4
Clarify action to remove obstacles
Explore resource needs
State support for coachee
Acknowledge feelings and needs
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Exercise:
Coaching Skills
What are examples of open-ended
questions to support the coachee in Removing Obstacles?
What are examples of workplace obstacles?
What are examples of personal obstacles?
???
Exercise: PRACTICE
118
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119Step 5 Establish accountability
Coachee reviews & commits to actions
Reiterate support
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Reports resultsKey learningsDo differently?
Coaching begins again
121
INSIGHTS 122
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YOU HAVE YOUR OWN SPECIAL WAY
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• Body Line Three
• Body Line Four
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