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AboutThisBook

From conversations with clients, colleagues and friends, I know that the onething everyone is desperately short of is TIME. We’re rushed off our feet,spinningtoomanyplatesand—eventhoughwe’dlovetomakechangesinourlives—it’shardtofindthespacetoreadanddigestthebooksthatcanhelpus.

That’s why I wrote 52 Ways to Transform Your Life. If you’re hungry forinspiration andmotivation, but strapped for time, it offers fifty-two short LifeCoaching Tips that are quick-to-read and easy to put into practice. They’repacked full of practical ideas, resources and inspiration to help you to makepositivechangesinyourlife.

There’saTipforeachweekoftheyear.Manyrelatetosignificantdatesinthecalendar, so you can choose to start at Tip One (which offers a differentperspectiveonNewYearResolutions)andworkyourwaythroughtoDecember—oryoumightprefertoreadthewholebookinonego—ordipinatrandom.

Whichever method you choose, each time you pick up the book you’ll readsomethingthatwillhelptoshapeyourweek—encourageandenergizeyou—andperhapsinspireyoutodothingsdifferently.

Maythisbookbeyourcatalystforchange!

Annabel

AboutAnnabelSutton,PCC

Annabelrunsathrivingglobalcoachingbusinessandwritesregularcolumnsfortwo papers. She has been coaching since 1999 and was one of the first lifecoaches in the UK to be awarded a coaching credential. She became aProfessionalCertifiedCoachin2005.

Shelovesworkingwithunconventionalpeoplewhowant to liveanddothingsdifferently.Herclientssayshe’sinspiring,energisingandfuntoworkwithandshegetsgreatresults.

Annabellivedoverseasfor15years(fiveyearsinIndonesiaandteninSouthernCalifornia).She’stravelledwidelyandsurviveddivorce,riots,earthquakesandmanycareerchanges.She’slearnedalotaboutlifeovertheyearsandbringsthatknowledgeandwisdomtoherwork.

Thisisherfourthbook.Previoustitlesare:TheIslandsInBetween,TravelsinIndonesia52WaystoHandleIt52WaystoChangeYourLife

Annabel lives on the Wiltshire/Dorset border and is passionate about thecountryside,goodfoodandorganicgardening.Herallotmentissymbolicofherlife—quirkyandabitnonconformistbutsurprisinglyproductive!

FormoreinformationaboutAnnabel—aboutLifeCoaching—andtosignupforAnnabel’sfreeCoachingTipsvisit

www.annabelsutton.com

WhatReadersSay

WhatIloveaboutAnnabel’stipsisthattheyarealwayswritteninaverydowntoearthway.Becausetheyareshortandsuccinct,Iamnevertoobusytoreadthem.Theyarerelevant,practicalandusuallyverypoignant.Ioftenfindmyselfnoddingalongas I readaboutherexperiencesandher tipsonhow tochangethings,smallorlarge.Keepthemcoming!

MarcelleSamuels

I have a shelf full of personal development books that rarely get opened.Annabel’s tips are quick to digest, relevant and backed up with real lifeexperience.Mostofalltheyactasatriggerformetoslowdown,takestockandbegintoaddresssomethingI’vebeenputtingoff!MarieClement,EliteEdgeMarketingConsultantsYouknowhowgooditfeelstohaveawarmlysupportivehandonyourshoulder,guidingyoualong?Annabel’stips are just like that.Whenever you are hesitating and need a gentle nudge,readoneofthesetipsandyouwillfindyoucanfloatmoreeasilythroughyourdifficultiesandmovemoreconfidentlyforwardinyourlife.

MaryPotter

Alwaysbright,supportive,wiseandencouraging.Annabel’sCoachingTipsarespotonforhelpingmemakerealimprovements!RoseanneEdwards,Journalist

I have enjoyed your coaching tips over the years and have thoroughlyappreciated the common sense they often convey. Ian Rankin, ManagingDirector,DotMedicalLtdAnnabel’stipshelpmegetbackupwhenI’mdown;theyhelpmetore-focusandhavebeenan inspiration forsomeofmy trainingcourses.Nicola Elliott, Global IT Training & CompetencyManager I always seem tocomeacrossoneofAnnabel’stipsatjusttherighttime.Fantasticformotivationandinspiration.Dr Karen Janes, Reiki Master/Teacher, Practitioner of The Honey MethodAnnabel’stipshelptoputthingsbackinperspective;theyareeasy-to-followandincredibly smart suggestions to help boost self-esteem, productivity, and helpyouachieveyourgoals.DrSarahMcCormack,VeterinarySurgeon

Contents

AboutThisBook/AboutAnnabel/WhatReadersSayAcknowledgements

Tip1UpsidedowngoalsettingTip2Canyoutellmewhatyouwant?Tip3TheartofgettingitwrongTip4Pause,Listen,Engage!Tip5TurnupthevolumeTip6Resolutionsderailed?HowtogetbackontrackTip7SorryseemstobethehardestwordTip8Whatif…?Tip9AchangeisasgoodasarestTip10SlowdownandhearthemusicTip11CreateadreamboardTip12FeedtheneedTip13OurDeepestFearTip14ThepowerofchoiceTip15AccentuatethepositiveTip16SpringtimeenergyboostTip17GettingthebalancerightTip18ProcrastinationBusting(partone)Tip19ProcrastinationBusting(parttwo)Tip20ThepoweroftruthTip21Moi,jeneregretterienTip22Don’taskwhy?Tip23SixstepsatatimeTip24TryingitonTip25HowtostopwastingtimeandgetmoredoneTip26BoostyourconfidenceTip27GettingfeedbackTip28PicturesatanExhibitionTip29NeverevergiveupTip30OutrageousgoalsettingTip31HaveyoujoinedtheKarmaArmy?Tip32DoingaScarlett

Tip33The80/20RuleTip34ThemiraclequestionTip35KickingthehabitTip36DoyourselfdifferentlyTip37PauseTip38DevelopanoptimismhabitTip39UnfinishedbusinessTip40ThreesimplegoalsTip41What’syourmantra?Tip42TheobstacleisthepathTip43FollowtheenergyTip44LivingpurposefullyTip45Whatwouldyouliketohavehappen?Tip46Extremeself-respectTip47FromdarknessintolightTip48ReasonstobecheerfulTip49FertilevoidTip50LastwordsTip51ChristmasstresssurvivalkitTip52‘Tistheseason…forreflection

AnotefromAnnabelReferences:booksandpeoplementioned

Acknowledgements

Theysaythatwritingabookisalonelybusinessandinmanywaysthat’strue.ButtherearemanypeoplewhohavehelpedandsupportedmeasI’vestruggledtowriteand,critically,finishthisbook.

First and foremostmy thanks toDonHartridgewhohas readandedited theseTipssomanytimesthatI’msurprisedwe’restillspeaking.I’mgratefulforhiscarefuleyeandhisabilitytoreininmyliberaluseofadjectives.

As always, I’m hugely grateful to my wonderful family for their love andsupport.Inparticularmyaunt,ClaireLorrimer,forherhelpandadvice;andmysisterRozIvanič,whospentmany,manyhourshelpingmewithvariousaspectsofthisbook.

Friendshaveofferedinvaluablepracticalandmoralsupportalongtheway.MyspecialthankstoJudiGoodwin,thelateLynneWalker(whoImissterribly)andtoSueBrown,PamDrysdaleandJoannaSaatchi.Withoutyour support Imaywellhavefaltered.Thanks,too,toAnnieLionnetwho,onthatfatefulMarchdayin2010,gavemethekickupthebacksideIneededtogetstartedonthisbook.

Finally, to all those who have shared their experiences and offered help andadvice on publishing: Michael Mann, Sarah Sutton, Kul Cuthbert, JackeeHolder, Sharon Eden, Karen Williams, TeeJay Dowe, Mindy Gibbons-Klein,ZoeMeyerandJenCarter.

ThePublishersaregratefultoMarianneWilliamsonforherpermissiontoquoteOurDeepestFear (Tip 13).Also toAlastairHumphreys for his permission toquote Pause (Tip 37). In some instances we have been unable to trace theowners of copyright material and we would appreciate any information thatwouldenableustodoso.

Tip1:UpsideDownGoalSetting

Wewillopenthebook.Itspagesareblank.Wearegoingtoputwordsonthemourselves.

ThebookiscalledOpportunityanditsfirstchapterisNewYear’sDay.

EdithLovejoyPierce

I’mnotagreatfanofNewYearResolutions.Naturally,thedawningofabrandnewyearisagreattimetotakestockandthinkaboutallthechangeswewanttomake;butexperienceshowsthatthemajorityofresolutionsfallbythewayside,andbyFebruarymostofuswillbebacktoourbadoldways.

So if you want to make changes — and like the idea of doing things a bitdifferentlythisyear—here’sanewapproach:

Imagine that it’s the endof the year and you’re sitting down to reflect on thesuccessesandachievementsoftheyearjustpassed.Sitdownwithpaperandpenandat the topof thepagewrite“20__wasagreat year formebecause…”Thensimplywritea listofall the thingsyou’veachievedandwhat itwas thatmadeitsuchagreatyear.

It may feel a bit strange, but you’ll be surprised at howmuch easier it is toapproachthingsthisway.Imaginingthatyoursuccesseshavealreadyhappenedis a greatway to set your intentions for the remainder of the year and shouldleaveyoufeelinginspired,energisedandmotivated.That’salotbetterthanthesinkingfeelingthatsooftenaccompaniessettingNewYearResolutions.

Allyouhave todonowisplanhowyou’regoing tomake thoseachievementshappen.Usingayearplanner,diaryorOutlook,makeanoteofwhatyouneedtodoandwhen.Somegoalswill be straightforward,e.g.bookweekendbreak inMay.Othersmayrequireactiononadailyorweeklybasis.Breakbiggergoalsdownintosmallactionstepsandscheduleeachstep.

Tohelp youget started, you can download a handyGoalPlanner (5Goals toReachintheNext90Days)fromtheFreeStuffpageonmywebsite.

Thefutureissimplyinfinitepossibilitywaitingtohappen.Whatitwaitsonishumanimagination

tocrystallizeitspossibility.LelandKaiser

Writeitdown.Writtengoalshaveawayoftransformingwishesintowants;cant’sintocans;

dreamsintoplans;andplansintoreality.Don’tjustthinkit-inkit!

AuthorUnknown

Tip2:CanyouTellmeWhatyouWant?

Theworldmakeswayforthemanwhoknowswhereheisgoing.

RalphWaldoEmerson

Thestartoftheyearistraditionallyatimewhenweturnourthoughtstomakingchangesinourlives.Andattheheartofthisprocessliesthemostfundamentalofquestions:WhatdoIwant—whatdoIreallywant?

It’ssurprisinghowmanypeoplefindthisquestionsohardtoanswer.It’softencloudedbywhattheythinktheyoughttowant—orwhatotherpeopletellthemtheyshouldwant.Orperhapsthevisionofwhattheywouldreallylovetodohasbecomeobscuredbydoubt,fearandinsecurity.Asaresultthey’velosttrackofwhatwouldmakethemfeelhappy,fulfilledandproductive.

The truth is that it’s often much easier to identify what we don’t want. Forexample, let’s say you’re finding it difficult to clarifywhat kind of job you’denjoyandwouldfindfulfilling.I’dbetthatifIaskedyoutotellmeallthethingsyoudidn’twantyou’dbeabletogivemeanexhaustivelist.

So here’s an exercise to try. Using the same example, write a detaileddescriptionofyourJobfromHell.Outlinealltheaspectsofajobthatyouknowyouwouldn’twant,orthatwouldmakeyouthoroughlymiserable.Thensimplyflip the items on your list over to get an indication ofwhatwouldmake youhappy.

Onceyou’veidentifiedwhatyouwantyoucanstarttomakeyourplansfortheyear.

Allofusweremeanttobehappyandsuccessful.Lifeismorethanatwo-weekvacationonceayear.Itis,andcanbe,exactlywhatyouwantittobe.

Therearenolimitsexceptthoseyouputonyourself.ThomasDWillhite

Whenyoudeterminewhatyouwant,youhavemadethemostimportantdecisioninyourlife.Youhavetoknowwhatyouwantinordertoattainit.

DouglasLurtan

Tip3:TheArtofGettingitWrong

Mistakesaretheportalsofdiscovery.JamesJoyce

Whenwasthelasttimeyouwatchedasmallchildlearningtowalk?They’lltakea couple of steps, fall over, pick themselves up and try again.Heaven knowshowmanytimestheyfalloverbeforetheymastertheartofwalking.Theymightcrythefirsttimetheyfalldown—theymightbeabitsurprisedandperplexed—butdotheygiveup?No.Thereisn’tthetiniestquestionofgivingupandtheygetbackontheirfeetandtryagain.

Justimagine,ifachildstoppedandthoughttoomuchaboutwalking,heorshewould probably never start. They could spend days, weeks, months thinkingaboutitandpreparingforit,takingumpteencoursesandreadingbooksonhowtowalkbutneveractuallydoit.Perfectionistsandprocrastinatorscanlearnalotfromtoddlers.Notonlydotheyputoffdoingthings,butsometimesthey’resoparalysedbythefearofnotgettingitrightthattheyshelveanideacompletely.Theyover-thinkandover-prepare,worriedthatthey’llneverknowenoughorbegoodenough.

Successfulentrepreneursandtoddlershavea lot incommon.They’rebothrisktakers and refuse to give up. Entrepreneurs typically don’t become successfulovernight. In fact, they may suffer several disastrous failures before theyexperiencesuccess.

Sowhatcanwelearnfromthis?Maybetoovercomethecurseofperfectionismwehavetoreturntochild-likethinking.Don’tprepare.Don’t thinkoranalyse.Justdoit.Bepreparedtofallover,pickyourselfup,falloveragain.Enjoytheprocess,ratherthanworryabouttheoutcome.Youmaynotgetitrightthefirsttime,oreventhesecond—butwithpersistenceyou’llmakeitintheend.

SeveralyearsagoIwasstrugglingwithwritingthetextformyfirstwebsiteandkeptputtingitoffbecauseIfeltIhadtodoit‘right’.Iwasonthevergeofgivingup when I read a newsletter by US marketing expert, Robert Middleton, onexactlythistopic.Herecalledhow,manyyearsbefore,hehadstruggledwithhisfirst website. It wasn’t perfect — in fact, the look and feel of the site has

changed several times since that first effort. He has, effectively, fallen overmanytimesbeforeeventuallyfashioningtheproducthewanted.Thepointwasthathehadmadeastartanddonesomething.

Accepting thatwhat you do actually doesn’t have to be perfect first time hashelpedmealotovertheyears.Itcanbechanged.ItprobablyWILLbechanged.Sometimesyou justhave to recognise thatwhatyouundertakeprobablywon’tbeperfect.Butyoucanalwaysstrivefor80%(seeTip33:The80/20Rule).Wewilldotheverybestwecan,atthetime,andwiththeresourcesavailabletous.Theimportantthingistogetstarted.

QUESTION:Haveyoumadeenoughmistakesrecently?

Perfectionismhasnothingtodowithgettingitright.Ithasnothingtodowithfixingthings.Ithasnothingtodowithstandards.

Perfectionismisarefusaltoletyourselfmoveahead.JuliaCameron

Anyonewhohasnevermadeamistakehasnevertriedanythingnew.AlbertEinstein

Tip4:Pause,Listen,Engage!

YesandNoareveryshortwordstosay,butweshouldthinkforsomelengthoftime

beforesayingthem.AuthorUnknownInspired,nodoubt,bythereferee’sinstructionstoplayersbeforearugbyscrumto‘crouch,touch,pause,engage’—inApril2011the

CoalitionGovernmentannouncedtheirintentionto‘Pause,ListenandEngage’inordertoconsiderallsidesoftheargumentregardingtheirproposedHealth

andSocialCarebill.

It struckme that this would be a brilliant 3-Step Strategy for all those timeswhenweneedtosay“No”.

Here’showitworks.

StepOne:Whenyou receive a request todoorget involved in something thefirstthingtodoistoPAUSE.Insteadofautomaticallysaying“yes”,findawayto put some space between the request and your response. This could be assimpleassayingyou’llgetbacktotheminanhour,orletthemknowtomorrowornextweek.It’sreallyimportanttogiveyourselfsomethinkingspace.

Step Two: The next step is to LISTEN… to yourself. Is this something yougenuinelywanttodo?Orisitsomethingyoufeelyoushoulddo?Canyousayyestoitwholeheartedly?

Bysayingyestothis,whatelseinyourlifeareyousayingnoto?Howwillthisadditionalactivityaffectyourlifebalance?Whataboutyourdowntime?Doesitfit with your overall plan for the year? Does it accord with your values andwhat’sreallyimportanttoyou?

Step Three: Only when you’ve Paused and Listened can you then choose toENGAGE—ornot.

Halfofthetroublesofthislifecanbetracedtosayingyestooquickly

andnotsayingnosoonenough.JoshBillings

Nowandthenit’sgoodtopauseinourpursuitofhappiness

andjustbehappy.GuillaumeApollinaire

Tip5:TurnuptheVolume

Learntogetintouchwiththesilencewithinyourselfandknowthateverythinginthislifehasapurpose.

ElisabethKubler-Ross

Someyearsagooneofmyclientsusedanintriguingmetaphortodescribewhatwas happening to him. He explained that he kept hearing a certain messageaboutwhatheshoulddonextinhislife.Becausethemessagereferredtoaprettyradicallifechange—notsomethinghewantedtotakeonboardatthetime—hekepttryingtoignoreit.Hekept‘turningdownthevolume’(asyouwouldonaradio)sothathecouldn’thearitanylonger.But,nomatterhowhardhetriedto ignore it, as themonthswent by themessage kept coming back—gettinglouderandlouderuntilhecouldn’tignoreitanylonger.

Haveyoueverhadasimilarexperience?Aretheremessagesrightnowthataretrying to break through the static? Do you keep turning down the volumebecause it’s too scary or uncomfortable to think about them?Or perhaps youhaven’tgivenyourselfpermissiontoexplorethepossibilitiesinherentinthem?

Whilemanyofususelogictomakedecisionsandsetourlifecourse,Ibelievethat it’s really important to listen to our intuition aswell. There are certainlytimes in my life when I’ve chosen to turn down the volume and have laterregrettedthatIdidn’tlistenmorecarefully.

Intherelentlesslynoisyworldweliveinitcanbetoughtoquietendownenoughtoletthemessagesfilterthrough.Soyoumighthavetotakeconsciousstepstomake space inyour life for reflection.Manypeople find thatmeditationhelpsthem to still the mind. In her book ‘The Artist’s Way’ Julia Cameronrecommends writing a stream of consciousness first thing every morning.Perhapstakingawalkonyourown—ormakingtimetositquietly—Iknowsomeonewhodoeshisbest thinkingwhenhe’sout running…whateverworksforyou.

So,mytipforthisweekistokeepyoureyesandearsopen.Listenandlookforthe messages. Turn up the volume and listen to your own wisdom. Mostimportantly, when you get an intuitive hit, pay attention to it even if it feels

uncomfortable.Give yourself permission to consider all the possibilities.Whoknowswheretheymighttakeyou?

Everytimeyoudon’tfollowyourinnerguidance,youfeelalossofenergy,

lossofpower,asenseofspiritualdeadness.ShaktiGawain

Likeanabilityoramuscle,hearingyourinnerwisdomisstrengthenedbydoingit.

RobbieGass

Tip6:ResolutionsDerailed?HowtoGetBackonTrack

Trynot.Do,ordonot.Thereisnotry.Yoda,theJediMaster

Experience shows that, despite our best intentions, by the time we get toFebruarymostofourNewYearResolutionswillhavefallenbythewayside.Ifyour resolvehasstarted to falter,herearea fewideas tohelpyougetbackontrack.

MakeanActionPlanGetyourgoalsoutofyourheadandontopaper. Ideally, translate them into aclearActionPlanwith timelinesanddeadlines.Doyouneed tocutyourgoalsdown into smaller steps? If so, are there actions you need to take on a daily,weeklyormonthlybasis?

MakeyourselfaccountableAccountabilityistheenemyofinactivity.Makingyourselfaccountableforyourprogresscanmakeahugedifferencetoyoursuccess.SomeclientssendmetheirActionPlanatthestartofeachmonthandthensenddailyorweeklyupdatestohelpthemstayfocused.Doyouknowsomeoneyoucoulddothiswith?

AnticipateobstaclesEven armed with loads of enthusiasm and goals that inspire us, we can stillencounterobstacles.Whatcouldgetinthewayofyouachievingyourgoalsthisyear?Whatareyourpersonalstumblingblocks?Procrastination?Perfectionism?Takingontoomuchandnotbeingabletosay‘no’?Fear?Lackofconfidence?Thinkaboutthelessonsyou’velearnedfrompreviousyearsandseeifyoucancomeupwithacontingencyplanyoucanput intoactionthemomentyoufindyourselffaltering.

GetsomesupportGatheragoodsupportteamaroundyou.Whetherit’syourfamily,friends,workcolleagues,bossor coach,having someone tokeepyouon track—cheeryouon,celebrateyoursuccessesandpickyouupanddustyouoffwhenyoufalter—is really important. Group support can be particularly effective: how aboutgetting together a small group of friends or colleagueswho can support each

other?

Bolsteryourself-beliefThisisatrickyone.HowtodealwiththeInnerCriticwhohassuchaknackofpopping up when least wanted and derailing us by scuppering our self-confidence?Again,enlistingotherstosupportyoucanreallyhelp.Anotherideais tocreatea‘FeelGood’Boxfor thosedayswhenyourconfidence iswaning(seeTip26:BoostYourConfidence).

Mostimportantly,ifyouhaveabadday,don’tbeatyourselfup—pickyourselfupandstartafreshtomorrow.

Thesecretofsuccessisconstancyofpurpose.BenjaminDisraeli

Letmetellyouthesecretthathasledtomygoal.Mystrengthliessolelyinmytenacity.

LouisPasteur

Ourgreatestweaknessliesingivingup.Themostcertainwaytosucceedistoalwaystry,

justonemoretime.ThomasEdison

Tip7:SorrySeemstobetheHardestWord

Anapologyisthesuperglueoflife.Itcanrepairjustaboutanything.

LynnJohnston

Whyarethewords‘I’msorry’sohardtosay?Isitbecausewe’readmittingthatwe’ve failedordone something ‘wrong’? Is itbecause it shinesa lightonourweaknessandvulnerability?Doesitjustfeelawholeloteasiertoshifttheblameontosomeoneorsomethingelseinstead?

SomeyearsagoIdeliveredaworkshopwithacolleagueataLondonhotel.Atthe end of the day we went to Reception to pay and were presented with aconsiderablylargerbillthanwehadexpected.Thiswasnotwhatwewantedtohear.

The Manager was summoned and he quickly summed up the situation. Hisreactionwasswift.Heacknowledgedthattherehadbeenanerror,apologisedforthemistake and asked ifwewould like to sit in the bar and enjoy a bottle ofchampagne on the housewhile he sorted out the problem.Naturally,wewerepleasantlysurprised,acceptedtheoffer,andspentthenexttenminutesextollingthevirtuesofthehotel.Notonlythat,butinthefollowingweekswebothsoldthehoteltoothersasatrainingvenue.Themanagerhadsucceededinturningapotentiallydisastroussituationintoapositiveone,turningusfromcomplainingcustomerstocomplimentaryclients.

Forthoseofuswhorunourownbusinesses,wedon’thavetopanicifwemakeamistake—in fact it canbeagift ifweact in the rightway. Just follow thesamestepsastheHotelManager:1)Acknowledgethemistake2)Apologise3)Gooutofyourway toput it right. Ifyou reallypull the stopsout to right thewrong, peoplewill tell othersnot about themistake but about the superb andimaginativewayinwhichyouhandledit.

Exactly the same principle applies in our personal lives. If we’ve donesomethingtoupsetsomeoneelse(orviceversa)andwerefusetoacknowledgeitorapologise,theissuehangsaroundandneverseemstogetresolved.Butifwetakefullresponsibilityforourmistake,apologiseandgooutofourwaytorepair

thewrong,everyonebenefits.Theupsetisforgotten,resentmentevaporatesandhappinessisrestored.

So in this Valentine’s week my challenge to you is this: if you’ve made amistakeofanykind,admitit,apologiseandmakeamendsforit.Thosearoundyou—particularlyyournearestanddearest—willloveyoumorefordoingso.

Itisthehighestformofself-respecttoadmitourerrorsandmistakesandmakeamendsforthem.

Tomakeamistakeisonlyanerrorinjudgment,buttoadheretoitwhenitisdiscovered

showsinfirmityofcharacter.DaleE.Turner

Peoplespendtoomuchtimefindingotherpeopletoblame,toomuchenergyfindingexcusesfornotbeingwhattheyarecapableofbeing,andnotenough

energyputtingthemselvesontheline,growingoutofthepastandgettingonwiththeirlives.

J.MichaelStraczynski

Tip8:WhatIf…?

It’skindoffuntodotheimpossible!WaltDisney

WhatIfquestionscanleadyoutoexcitingplaces.Theyopenupdoorsandtakeyouintotherealmofthepossible.

When working with groups I’ll often use Roger von Oech’s CreativeWhackPack. This is a pack of cards designed towhack you out of habitual thoughtpatternsandallowyoutolookatwhatyou’redoinginafreshway.Atarecentgroupcoachingsession Idealt fivecards toeachpersonandeveryonehad theopportunitytorelateoneormoreoftheircardstotheirlife.

The card that generated the most discussion and which, ultimately, had thegreatest impact on the group was the one entitled ASKWHAT IF? The cardreads:Put somemagic in your thinking by asking ‘what if’ questions.What ifanimals became more intelligent than people?What if we had mouths in thepalmsofourhands?Whatifwehadedibleclothing?Suchquestionswillstretchyourthinkingandleadtonewideas…

Thekeyquestionthatemergedfromourcoachingsession,andwhichreallygoteverybodythinking,wasWhatifIdidn’tcarewhatanyoneelsethought?

Suchasimplequestion,butwithsuchprofoundimplications.Itinvitesaradicalshifttowardslivingalifeonyourowntermsandwithouttheconstraintoflivinguptotheexpectationsofothers.Clearly,unlessyou’reahermityouwillneedtotakeaccountof thosewholivewithandaroundyou,but in itsbroadercontextthisquestionistrulyliberating.

Hereareafewmoretoconsider:

WhatifIknewIcouldn’tfail?WhatifIdidn’thavetodoitperfectly?WhatifIwasn’tafraid?WhatifIreallybelievedinmyself?Whatifanythingwaspossible?

Embracethepossibilitiesandhaveagreatweek.

Thepotentialoftheaveragepersonislikeahugeoceanunsailed,

anewcontinentunexplored,aworldofpossibilitieswaitingtobereleasedand

channelledtowardsomegreatgood.BrianTracy

Evenathought,evenapossibility,canshatterandtransformus.

FriedrichNietzsche

Anyonehonestwilltellyouthatpossibilityisfarmorefrighteningthanimpossibility.

JuliaCameron

Tip9:AChangeisasGoodasaRest

Takerest;afieldthathasrestedgivesabountifulcrop.Ovid

Themidstofwinterisatimewhenmanypeoplecomplainoffeelingwearyandrundown.Whenwefeelthisway,it’stemptingtowanttostayathome,hunkerdownandsleepmore—whereasresearchhasshownthatthemostinvigoratingthingwecandoatthistimeofyearisnottosleepmore,buttotakeourselvesoutofournormalroutineanddosomethingtotallydifferent.

I really dobelieve in the value of disruptingour routine anddoing somethingnew as a way to refresh and energise ourselves. According to research byEbookers published in the Metro newspaper, more than a quarter of Britonsmakelife-changingdecisionswhileawayandalargepercentagefindtheirtripsinspirational.Apparently,15%splitupwiththeirpartner,10%decidetostartafamily and another 10% propose. 10% decide to move abroad, 12% want acareerchangeand30%willlearnanewskill.

Weallknowthatholidaysrefreshus,butyoudon’tnecessarilyhavetogoawayforaweekorflytoaforeigncountrytogetthesamebenefits.Adayorweekendawaycanworkwonders—ascangoingonastimulatingcourseorworkshop;visiting a gallery; going to a new place; trying a new sport or hobby… thepossibilitiesareendless.

At the beginning of every year, my client Lin makes a commitment to dosomethinginthecomingyearthatshe’sneverdonebefore.Shesaysthatittakesheroutofhernormalroutine,shakesthingsupabitandgiveshersomethingtolook forward to. Past experiences have included going for a ride in a hot-airballoon, zip-wiring over the rain forest, and racing in a yacht (having neversailedbefore).Someoftheseinvolveoverseastravelandagenerousbudget,butthere’snoreasonwhyyoucan’tfollowasimilarpath(closertohomeandonasmallerbudget)andgetthesamebenefits.

Simplygettingawayfromyournormalenvironmentcanbestimulating.Gettingoutofthehouseorofficeandgoingforawalkinthecountry,sittinginthebuzzandenergyofabustlingcaféorwalkingroundanartgallerycandowondersfor

sparkingnewideasandconnections.

Asweshakeoffthedarknessofwinterandturntowardsspring,there’snobettertime to plan things that are new and stimulating and, crucially, get you awayfromyournormalroutine—you’llfeelsomuchbetterforit.

QUESTION:Whatmightyoudothisyearthatyou’veneverdonebefore?

Measurementoflifeshouldbeproportionedrathertotheintensityoftheexperiencethantoitsactuallength.

ThomasHardy

Changeisthelawoflife.Andthosewholookonlytothepastorthepresent

arecertaintomissthefuture.JohnF.Kennedy

Youcannotsteptwiceintothesameriver,forotherwatersarecontinuallyflowingin.

Heraclitus

Tip10:SlowDownandHeartheMusic

Peopleinahurrycannotthink,cannotgrow,norcantheydecay.

Theyarepreservedinastateofperpetualpuerility.EricHoffer

WashingtonDCMetroStationonacoldJanuarymorningin2007…

AmanwithaviolinplayedsixBachpiecesforaboutanhour.Duringthattimeapproximatelytwothousandpeoplewalkedthroughthestation,mostofthemontheirway towork.After threeminutesamiddle-agedmannoticed therewasamusicianplaying.Hesloweddown,stoppedforafewsecondsandthenhurriedon.

30 seconds later: The violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw themoneyinthehatandcontinuedwalking.

After6minutes:Ayoungmanleanedagainstthewalltolisten,thenglancedathiswatchandwalkedaway.

After 10minutes:A 3-year old boy stopped but hismother tugged him alongimpatiently.Thechildstoppedtolookattheviolinistagain,butwaspulledawayby his mother. The child walked on reluctantly, turning back to look at themusician with every step. Several other children stopped but every parent,withoutexception,forcedthemtomoveon.

After45minutes:Themusicianhadplayedcontinuously.Duringthattimeonlysix people stopped and listened for a short while. Twenty gave money butcontinuedtowalkon.Themanhadcollectedatotalof$32.

After1hour:Hefinishedplaying.Noonenoticed.Nooneapplauded.Andthesoundsofthestationtookover.

The violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the world’s greatest musicians. He hadplayed some of themost intricateBach pieces everwritten, on a violinworth$3.5million.Twodays beforehandBell had sold out a concert hall inBostonwheretheseatsaveraged$100.

Thisisatruestory.TheWashingtonPostinvitedJoshuaBelltoplayincognitoin themetro station as part of a social experiment about perception, taste andpeople’spriorities.Thequestionsraised: inacommon-placeenvironmentataninappropriatehour,doweperceivebeauty?Dowestoptoappreciateit?Dowerecognisetalentinanunexpectedcontext?

Ifwedon’thaveamomenttostopandlistentooneofthebestmusiciansintheworld, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the mostbeautifulinstrumentsevermade…howmanyotherthingsarewemissing?

Whatisthislifeif,fullofcare,wehavenotimetostandandstare?

W.H.Davies

Hurry,hurryhasnoblessing.SwahiliProverb

Ifthereistobeanypeaceitwillcomethroughbeing,nothaving.

HenryMiller

Tip11:CreateaDreamBoard

Toomanyofusarenotlivingourdreamsbecausewearelivingourfears.

LesBrown

There’slittlepointworkinghardonclarifyingourgoalsandvisionforthefutureonlytofileitallawayneatly—outofsightoutofmind.ADream(orVision)Board isavisual representationofyourgoalsand isagreatway tokeepyourvisionfreshandactive.Youcanseetheexcitingfutureyou’reworkingtowardsataglance,andthiswillhelpkeepyoumotivatedandontrack.

Your Dream Board can contain images, colours, words, poems, song lyrics,symbols,drawings—anythingthatyoufeelrepresentsyourvisioninsomeway.I’ve seena ratherenigmaticpictureof threeplatesonaDreamBoardbecausetheir pastel shades represented a particular sense of calm and serenity for itscreator.Itdoesn’thavetomakesensetoanyonebutyou.

Alissa,oneofmyclients,leavesafewspotsemptyonherboardsothatshecaneditherdreamsandaddnewones.Sheexplains,“Inthisway,theDreamBoardisconstantlyevolvinganddoesn’t justbecomeapieceof furnitureinmyroomthatIdon’ttakenoticeof.Moreofaninteractivething,whichtotallyhelpswithmyday-to-daymotivation.”

OnceyourDreamBoard is finishedput it somewherewhereyou’ll see itonaregular basis and use it as a visual reminder of your goals and dreams.Keepaskingyourself,asAlissadoes,“WhatcanIdotodaytohelpmeachievethosedreams?”

ThinkBIG.Thereareunseenforcesreadytosupportyourdreams.

CherylRichardson

Assoonasyoustarttopursueadream,yourlifewakesupandeverythinghasmeaning.

BarbaraSher

Tip12:FeedtheNeed

Understandinghumanneedsishalfthejobofmeetingthem.

AdlaiStevenson

WhenIwasachildIwenttomycousin’sbirthdayparty.Amagicianhadbeenbooked toentertainusandat theendofhisacthe invitedmycousinonto thestagetohelphimperformthefinaltrick.WhenIgothomeIbeggedmymothertoletmehavethesamemagicianatmybirthdayparty—notbecauseIlikedhistricks,butbecauseIwantedtobetheoneheinviteduponstagetohelphim.

Hedid,indeed,performatmypartyandIcouldhardlywaitforhimtoaskmetohelp him with his last trick. But when the moment finally arrived he chosesomeoneelseandIwasabsolutelydevastated.

Why do I tell this story? Because incidents like these can be a goldmine forunderstandingouremotionalneeds.ThisstoryshowsmethatIhad(andindeedstillhave)aneedtobethecentreofattention.

Beingawareofouremotionalneeds,andmakingsurethey’remet,isoneofthefoundation stones of a fulfilled life.Clearly,we all have basic physical needs(forfood,water,shelter,warmth).Butwhataboutouremotionalneeds?Weallhavethese,too,andtheywillvaryfrompersontoperson.Tolove/feelloved,tobe appreciated, to feel respected, to be independent, to feel secure, to feelneeded,tofeelprotected,tobeincontrolandsoon.

Emotionalneedsare incrediblypowerfulandtheycandriveourbehaviourandchoices inwayswemaynot evenbeawareof.And this iswhere theycanbedangerous.Forexample,aneedtoberightcangetyouintoallsortsoftroubleinyour relationships;while a need to be ‘top dog’ could cause you tomake ill-advisedbusinessdecisions.

Sohowdowefindoutwhatouremotionalneedsare?Astrongindicatorisifwefindourselvesbecoming irrationallyangryorupsetaboutsomething.Let’ssayyou’re having a conversation with someone and they consistently fail toacknowledgewhatyou’resaying.Astheconversationcontinuesyounoticethat

you’re becoming more and more upset. When something like this happens,check for the emotional need lurkingunderneath. In this case, it couldbe thatyouhaveaneedtobeheardoracknowledgedandthisneedisbeingtrampledon.

Once you knowwhat your needs are you can take steps tomake sure they’rebeingmet inhealthyways.Forexample, ifyouhaveaneedtobeappreciated,this couldmake life atwork very difficult if your boss or linemanager neverexpressanyappreciationforyourhardwork.Soseeifyoucanfindawaytoletthemknowthatyou’dreallyappreciatesomepositivefeedback.

Makingyourselfvulnerableenough toasksomeone tomeetoneofyourneedsisn’teasy,butthepayoffisoftentremendousforbothparties.

Everybodyneedsbeautyaswellasbread,placestoplayinandprayin

wherenaturemayhealandcheerandgivestrengthtothebodyandsoul.

JohnMuir

Weallhavedifferentdesiresandneeds,butifwedon’tdiscoverwhatwewantfromourselves

andwhatwestandfor,wewilllivepassivelyandunfulfilled.

BillWatterson

Theysayapersonneedsjustthreethingstobetrulyhappyinthisworld:someonetolove,somethingtodoand

somethingtohopefor.TomBodett

Tip13:OurDeepestFear

Ourdeepestfearisnotthatweareinadequate.Ourdeepestfearisthatwearepowerfulbeyondmeasure.Itisourlight,notourdarknessthatmostfrightensus.Weaskourselves,WhoamItobebrilliant,gorgeous,talented,fabulous?Actually,whoareyounottobe?YouareachildofGod.Yourplayingsmalldoesnotservetheworld.There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feelinsecurearoundyou.Weareallmeanttoshine,aschildrendo.WewereborntomakemanifestthegloryofGodthatiswithinus.It’snotjustinsomeofus;it’sineveryone.Andasweletourownlightshine,weunconsciouslygiveotherpeoplepermissiontodothesame.Asweareliberatedfromourownfear,ourpresenceautomaticallyliberatesothers.

MarianneWilliamson,AReturnToLove

Itisyourmindthatcreatestheworld.TheBuddha

Ifyoucannotbeapoet,bethepoem.DavidCarradine

Ifyouhearavoicewithinyousaying‘youarenotapainter’,thenbyallmeanspaint…

andthatvoicewillbesilenced.VincentvanGogh

Tip14:ThePowerofChoice

Destinyisnotamatterofchance,itisamatterofchoice;itisnotathingtobewaitedfor,itisathingtobeachieved.WilliamJenningsBryan

There was a really interesting programme on TV a few years ago about thedifferentchoicespeoplemake in response to similarevents. Ithighlighted twosetsofparentswhohadlosttheirdaughtersinthedowningofPanAmflight103atLockerbie. Same dreadful incident— same tragic loss—and yet they hadchosenverydifferentresponses.OnesetofparentshadputalltheirenergyintograpplingwiththelegalsystemandcanvassingtheUSgovernmenttobringthebomber to justice,while the others had set up a charitable foundation in theirdaughter’s memory to help other bereaved families. The difference indemeanour between the two couples was quite startling: the first appearedconsumedwithbitternessandthequestforrevenge,whilethesecondseemedtohavefoundsomesortofpeacebychannellingtheirgriefintosomethingtheyfeltwasworthwhile.

Attimeswheneventsandlifefeeloverwhelming—whennegativitythreatenstotakeover— it canbevery reassuring to remindourselves thateachoneofusultimatelypossessesthepowerofchoice.It’sawell-knownmaxim,forexample,thatwhilewehavenopowerover thewayothersbehave towardsus,wehaveabsolutepowerofchoiceoverthewaywereact.

CoachMichaelNeillhasagreattakeonthis.Hesuggeststhatwheneverwefindourselves caught up in negative thinking, we apply the concept of a ‘train ofthought’ literally. In otherwords, if you find yourself spiralling into negativethinking(anegativetrainof thought)simplychoosetogetoff thetrain.Trainsgoinlotsofdifferentdirections…ifyoudon’tlikewhereyourtrainofthoughtis heading, choose to get off and find one that’s going in a more positivedirection.

It’ssosimple—andsoclever.Thepowerofchoice.Justgetoffthetrain.

WheneverIhavetochoosebetweentwoevils,IalwaysliketotrytheoneIhaven’ttriedbefore.

MaeWest

Howyouchoosetorespondeachmomenttothemovieoflifedetermineshowyouseethenextframe,andthenext,andeventuallyhowyoufeelwhenthemovieends.

DocChildre

Tip15:AccentuatethePositive

Successisachievedbydevelopingourstrengths,notbyeliminatingourweaknesses.

MarilynvosSavant

I’magreatfanofPositivePsychology.Oneofitsprinciplesisthatifwefocusonourstrengthsratherthanourweaknesses—andwhenwe’reabletohonourour innatestrengths inourpersonalandprofessional lives—we’llallbea lothappier.

Youmay think this sounds obvious, but out in the realworld it’s oftenmorecommonforpeopletopickuponotherpeople’sweaknessesandcriticisethemratherthanencouragetheirstrengths.Cometothinkofit,howoftendowebeatourselvesupfornotdoingsomethingwellenoughratherthanpattingourselvesonthebackfordoingagreatjob?

Here are someways thatPositivePsychologyprinciples canbe applied toourday-to-daylives:

TheStrengthStoryThinkofatimewhenyouwereatyourbest.Wherewereyou?Whatwereyoudoing? What strengths were you demonstrating? Recall this experience in asmuchdetailasyoucan.Youcouldwriteitdownandkeepit(perhapsrereaditifyou’rehavinganoffday),orillustrateitandpinitupsomewhere—maybeonyourDreamBoard(seeTip11),oryourFeelGoodBox(seeTip26).Ifyouhavechildren,couldyouusethiswiththem?

FocusonyourstrengthsWhatwouldyousayareyourtopfivestrengths?Chooseoneanduseitasyour‘themefortheweek’.Ifyouencounteraproblemorchallenge,orifyouhaveatoughdecisiontomake,drawonthatstrengthtohelpyouhandleit.

360degreepositivefeedback

This ismy favourite.Apparently at the Positive Psychology offices they holdregular feedback sessions where each person is given positive feedback by

everyone in the room. Amongst other things they’re told what everyoneappreciatesaboutthemandwhatthey’vedonereallywellinthelastweek.Justimaginewhat itwouldbe like if thiswasdone inofficesallover thecountry?Wouldn’t it be great?Whatwould the effect be if we used positive feedbackregularlyathomeaswell?

Iappreciatethatlifecan’talwaysbeasrelentlesslyupbeatasthis,andthatthereisaplaceforconstructivecriticism,butI’mafirmbelieverinhowmuchhappierwe’dbeifwemadeaconsciousefforttofocusonourown,andothers’strengthsratherthandrawattentiontotheirweaknesses.

QUESTION:Howcanyouplaytoyourstrengthsthisweek?

Ifhumanbeingsareperceivedaspotentialsratherthanproblems,aspossessingstrengthsinsteadofweaknesses,

asunlimitedratherthandullandunresponsive,thentheythriveandgrowtotheircapabilities.

BarbaraBush

Weshouldseekasystemthatprovidesoutletsforthoseskillsandtalentssothateveryonecanfindawaytowork

andserveinamannerthatbestsuitsthestrengthsofeachindividual.LeeR.Raymond

Tip16:SpringtimeEnergyBoost

Theworld’sfavoriteseasonistheSpring.AllthingsseempossibleinMay.

EdwinWayTeale

BackinJanuaryIboughtaone-litrepotofredpaintasIwantedtopaintoneofthe walls in my office. Because I didn’t get round to the task right away IdumpedthepotintheboxroomandeversincethennotonlyhaveItrippedoveritcountlesstimes,butitsverypresencehasactedasareproachandreminderthatthe jobwas stillwaiting tobedone.Every time I lookedat itmyheartwouldsinkandI’dexperienceanimmediatedipinenergy.

LastweekImarchedpurposefullyintotheboxroom,openedthepotandpaintedthe wall. It looks great, but more importantly, finally dealing with the thingthat’sbeenbuggingmeforsolongresultedinasurgeofpositiveenergy.

Withthedisappearanceofwinterandthelongerdays,thecomingofspringisaperfect time to give yourself a natural energy boost by dealingwith all thosethingsthathavebeenirritatingyou.

Oftenit’sthetinythingsthatannoythemostandthatareeasiesttosortout,suchasthedrippingtapinthekitchen,thatstainonthecarpet,aclutteredcloset,orthe pile of stuff that’s waiting to be taken to the tip. At the other end of thespectrumtheremaybethingswhichwillrequiremoretimeandeffort.Perhapsit’syourjoborarelationshipthat’sgettingyoudown;oryoudon’t likewhereyouliveandneedtoconsidermoving.

The key is that everything you’re tolerating — large and small — will bedrainingyourenergy,makingyoufeelirritableandwearingyoudown.Notonlythat, but it can reduceyournatural ability to attract success.Eliminating thesethingsisoneofthekeyfactorsunderpinningasuccessfulandfulfillinglife.

So,makealistofabsolutelyeverythingthat’sannoyingyou;frustratingyou;allthethingsthatyou’reputtingupwith.Thenstartworkingthroughit,crossingoffeachitemasyoucompleteit.Startwiththeeasystuff—thiswillclearthewayandgiveyoutheenergyyouneedtofacethelargeritems.Aimtopickatleast

threeandtackletheminthenextweek.Oryoucouldsetasideonewholeday,oraweekend,andreallyblitzthelist.

Keepworkingyourwaythroughthelistuntilalltheitemshavebeeneliminated.Not onlywill it free up lots of energy but you’ll create the space for positivethingstocomeintoyourlife.

Whenoldwordsdieoutonthetongue,newmelodiesbreakforthfromtheheart;

andwheretheoldtracksarelost,newcountryisrevealedwithitswonders.

RabindranathTagore

Eliminatesomethingsuperfluousfromyourlife.Breakahabit.

Dosomethingthatmakesyoufeelinsecure.PieroFerrucci

Tip17:GettingtheBalanceRight

Andintheend,it’snottheyearsinyourlifethatcount.It’sthelifeinyouryears.

AbrahamLincoln

Everyone talksaboutWorkLifeBalance—how important it is—howweallneedit.It’sbecomethemodern-dayNirvanawhichwe’reallstrivingdesperatelytoachieve.

ButwhatdoesWorkLifeBalanceactuallymean?Myguess is that there isnoone,definitiveanswer.Inreality,it’slikelytomeandifferentthingstodifferentpeople.Inaway,thetermmakesverylittlesenseasworkis,formostofus,verymuchpartofourlives.MaybethetermWork/PlayorWork/Restwouldbemoreaccurate.

Thefirststeptotakingcontrolandregainingsomebalanceinourlivesistobeclear aboutwhatwe’re actually aiming for. So,what doesWorkLifeBalancemeantoyou?Jotdownafewideas.Don’tworryatthisstageifitseemspossibleornot—justaimtobeclearaboutwhat,inanidealworld,abalancedlifewouldlookand feel like.Onceyou’reclearaboutwhatyou’reaiming for,youcouldwriteadescriptionofyouridealbalancedweekormonth.

Anotherapproachistodrawacircleandcreateapiechartwhichillustratesthepercentages (behonest)of timecurrently takenupbyall thedifferentareasofyourlife:Work,Family,Leisure,Sport,Relationship,Me-Time,Hobbies,etc.Isthishowyouwantyourlifetolook?

Nowdrawthecircleagain,butthistimewithyouridealpercentagesplit.Whatwouldhavetochangetomakethishappen?

Recently, a Sunday paper featured the story of a man who had made drasticchangestorestorebalanceinhislife.He’dgivenupastratosphericincomeasacorporate lawyer (with the stress and pressures on his time that corporate lifedemands)totakeajobasanin-houselawyerwithachildren’scharity.Hispayquartered,buthesaidithadtransformedhislife:he’snowmuchhappierandhasmoretimeandenergytospendwithhisfamily.

Areyoureadytodosomethingsimilar?Orwouldacoupleofsmallerstepsmakeabigdifference?Mychallengetoyouthisweekistodoatleastonethingthatwillhelptorestorethebalanceofyourlife.Itcouldbesomethingassimpleasdoingyourgroceryshoppingonlineratherthangoingtothestoreyourself.

Take a look at the description you’ve written of your ideal week/month.Considerwhatcouldbepossibleintermsoftakingthestepstowardsmakingitareality. Is there anything you need to let go of? The important thing is to dosomething.

Therecanbenohighcivilizationwherethereisnotampleleisure.HenryWardBeecher

Itisbalance;weneedit.Thesadpartisthatsomepeoplepaymoreattentiontotheircreditthantheydototheirownbalanceinlife!

CatherinePulsifer

Tip18:ProcrastinationBusting(Partone)

Ifyouwanttomakeaneasyjobseemmightyhard,justkeepputtingoffdoingit.

OlinMiller

Procrastination is something I know a lot about.As a serial procrastinator I’llfindalmostanythingtodoasadiversionarytacticfromthetaskIknowIshouldbe doing. It’s amazing howmany trivial jobs just have to be donewhen I’mfacedwithagnarlyprojectorchallengingtask.

So why do we procrastinate and how can we overcome it? In this, and thefollowingTip,Ioffersomesuggestions.

FearThere’s almost always some element of fear underlying the tendency toprocrastinate. Fear of failure (or success); fear of not doing something wellenough (perfectionistswill recognise this); fear of being exposed…Fear is aninstinctivereactionwhichisdesignedtomakeusgetasfarawayfromthecauseof the fear as possible— no wonder we’ll do anything to avoid the activityassociatedwithit.

Understandingwhat the fear is all about willmake it easier to address. On asheetofpaper,writethewords‘I’mafraidof…’andcompletethesentenceasmanytimesasyoucan.Don’tthinktoohardaboutit—writethefirstthingsthatcometomind.Orperhapsyoucoulddiscussitwithsomeoneobjectivewhocanhelpyouthinkitthrough.Whenyou’recleareraboutwhatthefearis,thenyoucanfindcreativewaystoaddressit.Doyouneedtochallengeyourbeliefsandthinkdifferently?Findoutmoreinformation?Getsomehelp,adviceorsupport?

Lackofknowledge,skills,understandingSometimesweputoffdoingthingsbecauseofagapinourknowledgeorskills.Wesimplydon’tknowenough toapproach the task. In this case, askyourselfWhat’smissing?Wherearethegaps?WhatdoIneedtofindout?WherecouldIgetthisinformation?IstheresomeonewiththeexpertiseIlackwhocouldgivemeadviceorsupport?DoIneedsomespecialisttraining?DoIneedtodelegateallorpartofthistosomeoneelse?

FeelingoverwhelmedAnotherreasonforprocrastinationisbecauseataskfeelstoooverwhelming.It’sabitofacliché,butitreallydoeshelptobreakalargeprojectortaskdownintosmall,manageablesteps.Writingabookfeelslikeahugemountaintoclimb,butifyoubreak itdownintochaptersand thensetyourselfagoalofwriting,say,twopagesadayitfeelsmoreachievable.

Understanding procrastination takes us one big step closer to getting to gripswith it.Tip19expandson this further. In themeantime,grab that task, takeadeepbreathandgetstarted.

Nothingissofatiguingastheeternalhangingonofanuncompletedtask.

WilliamJames

Procrastinationisoneofthemostcommonanddeadliestofdiseasesanditstollonsuccessandhappinessisheavy.

WayneGretzky

Procrastinationusuallyresultsinsorrowfulregret.Today’sdutiesputoffuntiltomorrowgiveusadoubleburdentobear;thebestwayistodothem

intheirpropertime.IdaScottTaylor

Tip19:ProcrastinationBusting(Part2)

It’sthejobthat’sneverstartedastakesthelongesttofinish.

J.R.R.Tolkien

FollowingonfromTip18herearesomemorereasonswhyweprocrastinateandsometipstohelpovercometheproblem.

Youdon’tenjoy/aren’tgoodatthetaskLet’s face it, there are some tasks that we aren’t naturally good at and don’tenjoy.Iknowmanyself-employedpeoplewhoarebrilliantatwhattheydobutloathepickingupthephonetospeaktoprospectivecustomers,andconsequentlyput it off as long as they can. If this is the case, is there someone you coulddelegatethetaskto?Somewhereoutthereisapersonwholovesdoingthethingyoudetest.Perhapsyoucoulddoaskillsswapwithsomeonewhowouldfindthejobeasyandenjoydoingit.

InabilitytogetstartedGetting started is thehardest thing forprocrastinators.My favourite remedy iscoachMark Forster’s strategy of ‘just getting the file out.’ Having reassuredyourselfthatyoudon’tactuallyhavetoDOthetaskathand,askyourself…ifIweregoingtodoit,what’stheveryfirstthingI’dhavetodotogetstarted?Thismightbetosimplygetthefileout.

Itcouldbetoswitchonthecomputer;findthephonenumberofthepersonyouneedtocall;sitdownatatablewithapadofpaper,pickupthebook…Moreoftenthannotyouwillendupdoingthatfirstthingand,havingdonethat,you’llprobablygetstuckintothetask.Justtakingthatfirststepisthekey.

Everyone knows the procrastination rules: you should set your priorities; youshoulddothetaskfirstbeforeyoudoanythingelse,andsoon…Butyouneedlotsofself-disciplineforthat,andinmyexperiencethatoftendoesn’twork.

Sowhat’s theanswer?Oneof thebestways tobeatprocrastination is tomakeyourselfaccountable tosomeoneelse.Whether it’safriendorfamilymember,yourbossoryourcoach,makingafirmcommitmenttosomeoneelsewillmake

ahugedifferencetoyouractuallyknucklingdownanddoingit.

So, trymakingyourself accountable to someone for those task(s) you’vebeenputting off. Perhaps you could ‘buddy up’ with someone else: make acommitment to each other, agree a deadline and check in with each other tomakesurethejobisdone.Itreallydoeswork.

For some extra-accountability, check out my Procrastination Buster Days(detailsonmywebsite)whereyoucanmakeyourselfaccountabletoagroupofothersandspendadayingoodcompany,havingfunandgettingloadsofstuffdone.

Betweensayinganddoingmanyapairofshoesiswornout.ItalianProverb

Thereareamillionwaystoloseaworkday,butnotevenasinglewaytogetoneback.

TomDeMarco&TimothyLister

Tothinktoolongaboutdoingathingoftenbecomesitsundoing.

EvaYoung

Tip20:ThePowerofTruth

Integrityistellingmyselfthetruth.Andhonestyistellingthetruthtootherpeople.

SpencerJohnson

Therewas a programmeonTV someyears agowhich followed the trials andtribulations of the inhabitants of a remote village in the Borneo rainforest. Along-running dispute had resulted in considerable hostility between differentfactions within the village. Their approach to finding a resolution wasfascinating:everybodywasinvitedtogatherforacommunaldiscussion,andatthismeetingeachpersonwasaskedto‘speaktheirtruth’aboutthedispute.Andso theydid.Noholds barred— just complete honesty.Therewere noviolentoutburstsorrecrimination;eachpersonsimplyexplainedtheirpointofviewandeverybody else listened respectfully. The outcome was amazing. Everybodyunderstoodeverybodyelse’spointofview,monthsofbitternessandresentmentevaporated,asolutionwasagreedandharmonywasrestored.

In relationships, where tensions and misunderstandings have built up over aperiod of time, it’s onlywhen both parties sit down and talk things over andreallytelltheirtruth(believeme,youknowwhenyouheartherealtruthandnotafabricationorhalf-truth)thatthesituationstandsachanceofbeingresolved.

Inthesameway,I’venoticedthatwhenpeoplemakedecisionswhicharebasedon complete honesty about their situation, something extraordinary happens,synchronicitykicksinandthingsfallintoplace.

Sometimes it’s nothing short of terrifying to speak your truth (as much toyourselfastoanyoneelse),butI’mcomingtobelievewholeheartedlythatwhenyouovercomethefearortheresistanceandtellthetruthaboutyourlife,thatyouwillinstantlyknowit’sright;you’llexperienceahugesenseofrelief;you’llfeelenergisedandeverythingwillseemtoslotintoplace.

QUESTION: Is there a truth that you are avoiding? Is there a truth that youneedtospeak?

Weknowthetruth,notonlybythereason,butalsobytheheart.

Pascal

Honestyhasabeautifulandrefreshingsimplicityaboutit.Noulteriormotives.Nohiddenmeanings….

Ashonestyandrealintegritycharacterizeourlives,therewillbenoneedtomanipulateothers.

ChuckSwindoll

Thehouseofdelusionsischeaptobuildbutdraftytolivein.A.E.Houseman

Tip21:Moi,JeNeRegretteRien

Whateveryouthinkyoucandoorbelieveyoucando,beginit.

Actionhasmagic,graceandpowerinit.Goethe

Imagineit’syour80thbirthday.You’rewakingupandfeelingexcitedabouttheday to come.Where are you?What can you hear?What can you see? It’s aspecialoccasionandallyourfamilyandfriendswillbearrivingtocelebratethedaywith you. As you lie in bed you think back over your life and everythingyou’vedoneuptonow…allyourexperiences…yourwork…yourrelationships…yourhobbies…thepeopleyou’veknown.Lookingbackfromthisviewpoint,onthisday,isthereanythingyouregretNOThavingdone?

Sometimes when I give talks I’ll invite the audience to close their eyes andimaginethisscenario.Ideally,ofcourse,we’llreachtheageof80,happyintheknowledge thatwe’vedoneall the things—largeandsmall—thatwe reallywantedtodo.Butsadly,thisisn’talwaysthecase.

Sheila attended one of my talks several years ago and her story beautifullyillustrateshowthisexercisecanimpactyourlife.Havingdonethevisualisationshedecidedtomakeoneofherlife-longdreamsareality.Sheexplains:‘OneofthethingsyousaidwhenIfirstmetyoureallystruckhomewithme.Itwaswhenweclosedoureyesatage80and thoughtbackonall theexperienceswehadhad,andallthethingswewishedwehaddone.

Somuchso that Ihavemadea rathercrazydecision,basedonan idea that Ihaveharboureddeepinmysoulformanyyears.InMarchIwillbesettingofftoTibetandwilltrektobasecampatEverest…justseeingitwrittendownseemstomakeitevenmorereal!SoafterMarchIcanclosemyeyesandalwaysseeEverest.Wowthatreallyexcitesme.’

What an inspiration.And a real life exampleof someonewhohad the guts toreally push the boundaries to achieve something she felt passionately about.Sheiladidachieveherdream toget toEverestBaseCampandhas sincebeenbacktoAnnapurnaBaseCamp,whichshesayswasevenmorememorablethan

Everest. She writes that her original crazy decision to go to Everest … hascontributedtoahugeshiftineverythingIdo.

Whatareyourdreams?Istheresomethingyou’vesecretlylongedtodo?MightyoudrawinspirationfromSheila’sstoryandstartmakingplanstomakeitreal?

Toregretfullyistoappreciatehowhighthestakesareineventheaveragehumanlife;

fullyexperienced,itturnsoureyesattentiveandalert,

toafuturepossiblylivedbetterthanourpast.DavidWhyte

Nothinghasastrongerinfluencepsychologicallyontheirenvironmentandespeciallyontheirchildrenthanthe

unlivedlifeoftheparent.C.G.Jung

Tip22:Don’tAsk“WHY?”

Somepeopleseethingsastheyareandsay‘why’?Idreamthingsthatneverwereandsay‘whynot’?GeorgeBernardShawWhydidthathappentome?

Whydidhesaythattome?Whycan’tIdothingsbetter?WhydoIalwaysfail?Whyme?

Asking‘why?’isourwayoftryingtomakesenseofthings.Initswayitcanbeuseful,but‘why’questionscanalsomireusdown,keepusstuckinthepastandpreventusfromtakingactionandmovingforward.

Ifyou’renotcarefultheycanspiraldownwardsintonegative,self-recriminatorythinkingwhichdoesn’tbenefitanyone.

You’ll find it’s generally muchmore helpful to ask ‘what’ questions instead.‘What’ questions are assertive and proactive. They’re solution-focused; theyrelease energy and move you from feeling stuck into the realm of what’spossible.Forexample…

Whyaren’tIbetteratthis?(becomes)WhatcanIdotoimprove?Whyisthishappeningtome?(becomes)WhatdoIwanttodoaboutit?Whydidn’tIhandlethatbetter?(becomes)WhatcanIlearnfromthis?Whyme?(becomes)WhatdoIneedtotakeresponsibilityfor?

Canyouseehowmuchmorepowerful‘what’questionscanbe?Herearesomeusefulones: What’stheidealoutcome?WhatdoIreallywant?What’sthefirststep?Whataretheoptions?What’sstoppingme?What’stheworstthatcouldhappen?

For thenextfewdays,noticewhathappenswhenyouuse theword‘why’andhow itmakes you feel.Then try asking a different question, this time startingwiththeword‘what…’Myguessisthatyou’llnoticequiteadifference.

Using“what”questionsprovidestheopportunitytostartyoualongtheroadtoaccessingyourownwisdom.

LauraBermanFortgangWewilldiscoverthenatureofourparticulargeniuswhenwestoptryingtoconformtoourownorto

otherpeoples’models,learntobeourselves,andallowournaturalchanneltoopen.

ShaktiGawain

Tip23:SixStepsataTime

Ajourneyofathousandmilesbeginswithasinglestep.LaoTzu

Have you ever faced a project or challenge that feels utterly overwhelming?Somethingthatloomssolargethatit’sactuallyeasierNOTtoundertakeitatall—oratleasttokeepputtingitoff?

A fewweeksago Iwent for a longwalkwith some friends.Atabout thehalfwaymarkwe emerged from somewoods and our final destination came intoview.ThepointwewereaimingforwasastandoftreesatthetopofoneofthehighestspotsontheWiltshireDowns.Notonlydiditlookmilesaway,butourreturnjourneywasalmostalluphill.

Aswe trudgedon, feelingsomewhatdauntedandmutteringabout thedistancewestillhadtogo,oneofourpartyrecountedthisstory:

Onceuponatimetherewasatravellerwhowasonalong,longjourney.Aftermanydayshereachedthetopofamountainandfromtherehewasabletoseehisdestinationinthefardistance.

Hesighedindespairbecauseitseemedsoveryfarawayandthereweremanydangerousriversandhillstonavigateontheway.Hefeltsooverwhelmedbythetaskinhandthathesankdownontoalargerockandheldhisheadinhishands.Hesatthereforaverylongtime—untilthesunhadgonedownandthemoonhadriseninthenightsky.

Whenhelookedupagainhewasstartledtoseeanoldmanstandingbeforehim.“Whyareyousodejected?”themanasked.

Thetravellerexplainedhissituationandtheoldmannoddedhisheadinawaythatindicatedthatheunderstood.

“Here,takethis,”hesaidandhandedthetravelleratorch.“Whatisthisfor?”thetravellerasked,standingandholdingthetorchoutinfrontofhim.

“Thatisamagictorch”saidtheoldman.“Itwillilluminateyourway,butitwill

onlyevershinesixstepsinfrontofyou.Theanswertoyourpredicamentisnottothinkaboutthedistanceyouhavetotravel—orwhereyouareheaded—buttoconcentratemerelyonthesixstepsinfrontofyou.Takeyourjourneysixstepsat a time. The torch will light your way and you will get to your finaldestination.”

Whateveryoumaybefacinginyourlifethatfeelsdauntingandunmanageable,justrememberthemagictorchandtakeitsixstepsatatime.

Truelifeislivedwhentinychangesoccur.LeoTolstoy

Whoeverwantstoreachadistantgoalmusttakesmallsteps.HelmutSchmidt

Tip24:TryingitOn

Itdoesn’tmatterwhichsideofthefenceyougetoffonsometimes.Whatmattersmostisgettingoff.

Youcannotmakeprogresswithoutmakingdecisions.JimRohn

Somedecisionsarecutanddried.There’slittledoubtthatoneparticularcourseofactionistherightoneandthatmakesthedecisioneasy.Ifonlyalldecisionswere like that. More often than not there isn’t an obvious answer— severalsolutionsseemplausibleandit’seasytobecomeparalysedbythefearofmakingthewrongdecision.

Ifyou’refacedwithatoughdecisionandnoonewayisclear,astrategyIoftenrecommendistotryoneachoftheoptions.Makethedecisioninyourmind,andthenactasifyou’regoingtogothroughwithitandseehowitfeels.Thiswayyoudon’thave toburnanybridges,butyouget theopportunityof livingwiththedecisionforawhiletoseewhatitfeelslike.

NottoolongagoIhadtomakethedifficultdecisiontohaveourmuch-lovedcatputtosleep.I’dwrestledwithitforalongtime,buteventuallymoreandmoreevidencewasstackingupandIwasfeelingunderincreasingpressuretoact.OnMondayIcalledthevet’sofficetomaketheappointmentforWednesday.IwastryingitontoseehowitfeltandwitheachpassinghourIbecamemorecertainthatthedecisionwastherightone.Icouldhavechangedmymindatanytimeandwalkedawayfromthatchoiceifitreallyhadn’tfeltright.

Now,eventhoughwemisshimterriblyIknowIdid,intheend,maketherightdecisionandIdobelievethatithelpedto‘liveit’foracoupleofdaysfirst.

Onceyoumakeadecision,theuniverseconspirestomakeithappen.

RalphWaldoEmerson

Thegreatestmistakeyoucanmakeinlifeistobecontinuallyfearingyouwillmakeone.

ElbertHubbard

Tip25:HowtoStopWastingTimeandGetMoreDone

Onecannotmanagetoomanyaffairs:likepumpkinsinthewater,onepopsupwhileyoutrytoholddowntheother.

ChineseProverb

AsaLifeCoach,oneofthecomplaintsIhearmostoftenis‘therearen’tenoughhoursinthedaytodoallthethingsI’vegottodo.’Ifthatsoundsfamiliar,herearesometipstohelpyouuseyourtimeasproductivelyaspossible.

GetitoutofyourheadandontopaperIt’simpossibletobefocusedwhenyou’reoverwhelmedbyallthethingsyou’vegot todo. It’s evenworsewheneverything is swimmingaround inyourhead.Onewaytocombatthisistositdownatthebeginningofeachworkingday(orthenightbefore)andmakealistofeverythingyouneedtodo.Iftherearejobsthatareurgentandhavetobedonetoday,highlightthemandmakesurethey’redone first. If you don’t take control of your to-do list you’ll spend your timebeingreactiveratherthanproactiveandthatisn’taproductiveuseofyourtime.

Setyourpriorities—dailyOnceyou’vewrittenyourlisttrytocategoriseyourtasksintonomorethanthreekey priorities. Ask yourself,what are the three most important things I wanttoday to be about? For example, one priority might be making phone calls,another writing reports, while a third could be preparing for an importantmeeting.Beingclearaboutyourprioritieshelpstofocusthemindandstopsyoufrom getting distracted. Of course there are bound to be interruptions: whenthesepopup,checkinwithyourselftoseewhethera)theyhavetobedealtwithurgentlyandb)theywillbesupportiveofoneofyourthreekeypriorities.Ifyes,dealwiththem,ifnot,postponethem.

KeepalidontimewastersWeallhaveactivitieswhich, ifwe’renotcareful,canconsumevastchunksofourvaluable time.Formany, thechiefculprit ischeckingemail.AvoidthisbygivingyourselfastricttimelimitforTimeWastingTaskslikeemailandphonecalls.Weworkmuchmore effectivelywhenweknowwehave adeadline, sosettinga timer for, say20minutes (andknowingyouonlyhave20minutes toworkonthetask)willmeanthatyouattackitwithconsiderablymorefocusand

concentration. Iguarantee thatdoing thisone thingwill stopyouwasting timeandsignificantlyincreaseyourproductivity.

Andfinally…Whileitmayseemcounter-intuitive,don’tforgettoscheduletimeforbreaksaswell.Takingregular,shortbreaksisguaranteedtorefreshyouandenhanceyoureffectiveness.

It’seasytobebusy.Ittakesalotmoretime,thoughtandplanningtomakesureyou’reusingyourtimeeffectivelyandproductively.

Everyonehastimeifhelikes.Businessrunsafternobody:

Peopleclingtoitoftheirownfreewillandthinkthattobebusyisaproofofhappiness.

Seneca

Productivityisneveranaccident.Itisalwaystheresultofacommitmenttoexcellence,

intelligentplanning,andfocusedeffort.PaulJMeyer

Evenifyouareontherighttrack,you’llgetrunoverifyoujustsitthere.

WillRogers

Tip26:BoostYourConfidence

Onceyoureplacenegativethoughtswithpositiveones,you’llstarthavingpositiveresults.

WillieNelson

Everyonehas theirupsanddowns.Nomatterhowconfidentwemayseemonthe outside, I don’t know anyone who’s 100% confident all the time. WhilemanyofussailalongmostofthetimefeelingprettymuchOK,everynowandagainthingscanconspiretoshakeourconfidenceandoursenseofself.

ThewordconfidencecomesfromtheLatinconfidere,whichmeanstohavefulltrust.Confidenceisabouthavingfaithinyourself—inyourqualitiesandyourabilities—andtrustingthatwhateverlifethrowsatyou,you’llbeabletohandleit.Sowhenourconfidence falters,howdowerecalibrate?Whatcanwedo torestoreourequilibrium?Herearesomeideas:

Firstandforemostbereallygoodtoyourself.Thismaysoundtrite,butwhenour confidence is shaky we can be unreasonably hard on ourselves and giveourselves a tough time for ‘not doing better’. So a goodway to start buildingyourconfidenceistopracticesomeextremeself-care.Putyourselfatthetopofthelist,nurtureandbekindtoyourself.

TheNewOxfordDictionarydefinesconfidenceas:Afeelingofself-assurancearisingfromone’sappreciationofone’sownabilitiesorqualities.Withthisinmind,writealistof10thingsyoulikeaboutyourselfandthinkyoudowell.

Createa‘FeelGood’Boxandfillitwithpositive,encouragingnotes,emails,letters,certificates,pictures—anythingthatmakesyoufeelgoodandremindsyouhowbrilliantyouare.Reachforthisboxwheneveryoufeelyourconfidenceiswaning.

Spendaslittletimeaspossiblewiththosewhocriticiseyouorundermineyourconfidence.Themessageswereceivefromthosearounduscanaffecthowwefeel about ourselves, so choosing not to be around those who erode ourconfidence is really important. Surround yourself with people who love andsupportyouandencourageyoutosucceed.

Giveyourself a quick confidenceboost bygetting a newhair-cut, throwingout a piece of clothing that’s old and baggy and doesn’t suit you and buyingsomething new — or upgrading your immediate environment in some way.Theseexternalfactorscanaffecthowwefeelinternally.

Watchyourlanguage.Ifyou’refeelingabitlowyoumightbetemptedtoputyourselfdowninfrontofotherpeople—resistatallcosts!Ifthisisthemessageyou’regivingouttotheworld,itwillbehavinganegativeimpactonyou,too.

Confidence comes from taking action and the very best way to boost yourconfidence is to challenge yourself and step out of your comfort zone. So setyourself a couple of ‘stretch’ goals: it may feel uncomfortable, but yourconfidencewillsoarwhenyouachievethem.

Whenthegrasslooksgreenerontheothersideofthefence,itmaybethattheytakebettercareofitthere.

CecilSelig

Whenthereisnoenemywithin,theenemiesoutsidecannothurtyou.

AfricanProverb

Shynesshasastrangeelementofnarcissism,abeliefthathowwelook,howweperform,

istrulyimportanttootherpeople.AndréDubus

Tip27:GettingFeedback

Hewhoknowsothersiswise;hewhoknowshimselfisenlightened.

LaoTzuThewayweseeourselvesisoftenatoddswiththewayothersseeus.Equally,sometimesitcanbehardforustoappreciateourinnateabilitiessimplybecausetheycomesonaturallytous.Beingasuperborganiseroranatural

teacherorawhizzatnumbersissoeffortlessforus,wedon’trecogniseitasoneofourstrengths.

Findingouthowothersperceiveuscanbearealeye-openerandagreatwaytotap intoour strengths andnatural abilities.This is particularlyuseful if you’recontemplatingacareerchange.Oneofthewaystodothisistoaskforfeedback.Thismayfeelabitdaunting,butit’saveryaffirmingexerciseandyoumaybeamazedathowperceptiveandwisethosearoundyoucanbe.Selectatleastfivepeoplewhoknowyou—ideallyfromdifferentareasofyourlife(family,workcolleague,friend,socialcontact,etc.)Besuretochoosepeopleyoucantrusttogiveyouhonest,constructivefeedbackandaskthemtoanswersomeorallofthefollowingquestions: Whatdoyoulike/valuemostaboutme?

Whataspectofmypersonalitywouldyoumostliketochangeandwhy?

Whatdoyouperceivetobemygreateststrengths/naturalgifts?

Whatdoyouthinkmygreatestaccomplishmentsare?

HowdoyouthinkIcomeacrosstonewpeople?

WhatcouldIdo,ifanything,togivepeopleabetterimpressionofme?

Feel free to add other questions. For example, if you’re thinking of changingcareer,youcouldask‘Whatkindofjob/workdoyouthinkwouldsuitme?’

Youdon’thave toask thequestionsdirectly—sending thembyemail allowspeopletorespondintheirowntime.

When you’ve received the feedback, collate the information and look forcommonthemes.

Howmanyoftheopinionsyoureceivedreinforceeachother?Isthereanythingthatparticularlysurprisesyouintheanswersyoureceived?Is there a difference between how other people see you and how you seeyourself?

Whatinsightshaveyougainedfromthisexercise?Howwillyouchangeyourlifesoastobuildonyournaturalstrengths?Canyoustarttoconnectwithyoursourceofpower?

Remember—awareness is the precursor of change. Once you’re aware of aparticular trait or behaviour you can choose to embrace it, or change it if youwantto.

Wedon’tknowwhoweareuntilwecanseewhatwecando.

MarthaGrimes

Anhonestanswerisasignoftruefriendship.Proverbs

Theonlyserviceafriendcanreallyrenderistokeepupyourcouragebyholdinguptoyouamirrorinwhichyoucan

seeanobleimageofyourself.GeorgeBernardShaw

Tip28:PicturesatanExhibition

Artdoesnotreproducewhatwesee;rather,itmakesussee.

PaulKlee

EveryyearinJulyandAugusttheRoyalAcademyinLondonholdsitsSummerExhibition.It’sauniqueexhibition,as itgivesunknownartists theopportunityto be exhibited alongside the heavyweights of the art world. It’s alsowonderfully diverse: painting, sculpture, drawings, prints, photography,architecturalmodels,installationsandpricesrangingfromhundredstohundredsofthousandsofpounds.

Wandering the galleries last year, it struck me that visiting an exhibition(especiallyoneasvariedastheRA)isanexcellentwaytolearn,naturallyandinstinctively,moreaboutyourself.WhatdoImean?

I noticed that I was instinctively drawn to certain types of subject matter.Regardlessofthemedia,itwastheartworksthatdepictedpeople—particularlythose with some sort of obscure back-story — that attracted me most. Thisshouldn’tcomeastoomuchofasurprise:myworkasacoachisbasedonaloveofpeopleandisallaboutfindingoutmoreabouttheirstoriesandhelpingthemtorealisethebestofthemselves.

ButIwasintriguedtonoticethatIwasalsodrawntopicturesoftrees.Iadoretreesand, if Ihadmy life to liveagain,perhaps I’dhavechosen toworkwithwood in some way. This was the light-bulb moment when I realised howpersonallyrevealinganexhibitioncanbeandhowitcouldthrowlightonfuturecareerchoices.

OneofthethingsIhelpclientswithistofigureoutwhatkindofworktheywillfind satisfying and enjoyable. There are lots of ‘thinking’ exercises they canworkthroughtocomeupwithideasofwhatthey’llenjoy,whatthey’renaturallygoodatandwhatwillmakethemhappy.

Butitstruckmethatwanderingaroundanexhibitionandsimplynoticingwhatyou’reattractedtomightbeaninstinctive,andmuchmorefun,waytouncover

someideas.

I tried out my theory on my brother and sister as we sat with a coffee aftervisitingtheexhibition.Mybrotherwasattractedtolandscapes,whichabsolutelycomplementshis loveof the countryside and longdistancewalking.My sistersaidthatshehadbeendrawntotheabstractpieces,whichwasasurprisetoherasthiswasn’tnormallythecase.Atfirstshestruggledtomakeaconnectionandthen realised that in fact she is entering amore cerebral phase of her life andthinkingaboutthingsinamoreabstractway.

Fascinating.

Soaswerollintosummer,andifyou’researchingforcluesaboutwhatmakesyou tick,why not take in an exhibition or two.Noticewhat you’re drawn to.Afterall,whatwefindinterestinginartmaybeanindication,atthemostbasicandfundamentallevel,ofwhoweare.

Artistheessenceofawareness.LouiseNevelson

Onelooks,lookslong,andtheworldcomesin.JosephCampbell

IhavethefeelingthatI’veseeneverything,butfailedtonoticetheelephants.

AntonChekhov

Tip29:NeverEverGiveUp

Intheconfrontationbetweenthestreamandtherock,thestreamalwayswins—notthroughstrength

butbyperseverance.H.JacksonBrown

LangLangisoneofthemostsuccessfulpianistsofhisgeneration.Heperformedbeforeaglobalaudienceof fourandahalfbillionat theopeningceremonyoftheBeijingOlympics.Hesellsoutconcertswhereverheplaysandisbelovedbyaudiencesworld-wide.Hewasachildprodigyandextraordinarytalent—yethealmostgaveupplayingthepianowhenhewasnineyearsold.

Iwas shocked to hear him recount the story of howhewas told by his pianoteacherthathehadnotalent—thathewouldnevermakeitandshouldgiveupplayingthepiano.Sodistraughtwashebythisrejection(andhisfather’sharshresponsetohis‘failure’)thathetriedtodestroyhishandsbyhittingthemagainstawall.It’s trulyshockingtothinkthatthisphenomenaltalentcouldhavebeenextinguished and stamped out before it had the opportunity to flourish and beappreciatedintheworld.

Iftherewaseveranexampleofhowvitalitistopersistinthefaceofcriticismand rejection then surely this is it. There aremany others:The originalHarryPotter manuscript by J.K. Rowling was rejected umpteen times before it wasfinallypublished; it tookyearsofpersistencebeforeJamesDyson’s innovativebag-lessvacuumcleanerwasfinallymanufacturedandmademillions.

It’salltooeasytobedissuadedorknockedoffcoursebytheviewsofothers—especiallyifyou’renotfeelingtooconfidentyourself.Butdon’tbedeflected.

Istheresomethingyoufeelpassionateaboutdoingbutyou’vegivenupbecauseofnegativecommentsorrejectionbyothers?Ifyou’renotsure,revisitthe80thBirthdayvisualisationinTip21andseeifanythingcomesup.Ortrycompletingthesentence‘IfIreallyhadmywayI’d…’

Goforit.Persist.Life’stooshortnottofollowyourpassion.

Obstaclesdon’thavetostopyou.Ifyourunintoawall,don’tturnaroundandgiveup.

Figureouthowtoclimbit,gothroughit,orworkaroundit.MichaelJordan

Nothammer-strokes,butdanceofthewater,singsthepebblesintoperfection.

RabindranathTagore

Ourgreatestweaknessliesingivingup.Themostcertainwaytosucceedisalwaystotryjustonemoretime.

ThomasAlvaEdison

Tip30:OutrageousGoalSetting

Youhavepowersyouneverdreamedof.Youcandothingsyouneverthoughtyoucoulddo.Therearenolimitationsinwhatyoucandoexcept

thelimitationsofyourownmind.DarwinP.Kingsley

Sometimes it can be just too boring— too safe — to go with the standardSMART formula for goals. According to the SMART formula, when settingyourselfagoalyoushouldmakesureitisS=SpecificM=MeasurableA=AchievableR=RealisticT=TimeDefined

I agree that a goal needs to be specific, measurable and time defined. Forexample, setting a goal to lose weight isn’t nearly as effective as saying I’mgoingtolose10poundsbymyfriend’sweddinginJune.Itgivesyousomethingspecifictoaimforbyacertaindateandyoucanmeasureyourprogress.Sofarso good. It is true, too, that goals need to be achievable and realistic. Butsometimessettingyourselfa totallyoutrageousandcrazygoalcanbefarmoremotivating.

Thisbookisagoodexample.Lastyear,onabitofawhim,Iwentforareadingwithanastrologerfriendofmine.Shetoldmethatthiswasagreattimetogetnewprojects up and running, and thatwriting and communicationwere reallywellfavoured.WhenImentionedthatI’dbeenthinkingofwritinganewbook,her eyes lit up and she said that this would be the perfect time. ScrutinisingfurtheraspectsofmychartsheinformedmewithasmilethatIhadsevendaystodoit!

Galvanisedbythisabsolutelyludicroustarget,Iwenthomeandworkedsolidly.My focus was absolute and ten days later the book you’re reading now wasabout 60% finished. I have absolutely no doubt that what galvanisedme intoactionwashavingsuchanoutrageousgoaltoachieve.

QUESTION:Woulditinspireyoutosetyourselfacompletelyoutrageousgoal?Ifso,what?Andifnotnow,when?

Don’tbeafraidtotakeabigstepifoneisindicated.Youcan’tcrossachasmintwosmalljumps.

DavidLloydGeorge

Ordinarypeoplebelieveonlyinthepossible.Extraordinarypeoplevisualizenotwhatispossibleor

probable,butratherwhatisimpossible.Andbyvisualizingtheimpossible,theybegintoseeitaspossible.

CherieCarter-Scott

Shootforthemoon.Evenifyoumissityouwilllandamongthestars.

LesBrown

Tip31:HaveyoujoinedtheKarmaArmy?

Kindnesscanbecomeitsownmotive.Wearemadekindbybeingkind.

EricHoffer

In2002humouristDannyWallaceplacedanadinaLondonmagazine.Theadsaid, quite simply, ‘JOIN ME’. To his amazement, hundreds of peopleresponded,eventhoughtheadgavenodetailsatallaboutwhat theywouldbejoining,orwhy.This, in itself, says shed-loadsaboutourneed for communityandourneedtobelongtosomething…butIdigress.

Havinggotsuchagreat response,Wallace thenneeded todecidewhatexactlyhisrespondentswerejoining.HissolutionwastoencourageallhisJoinees(hisKarmaArmyashecalledthem)toundertakeRandomActsofKindnessatleastonceaweek.Theonlyinstructionswerethatyouhadtobenicetosomeoneelseforabsolutelynopersonalgain.

Doingnice thingsforotherpeoplehasevenmore impactwhenit’scompletelyunexpected:payingforthecupofteathatthepersoninthequeueinfrontofyouhasjustordered…offeringtocarrysomeone’sshoppingforthem…sendingafriend a card to let them know you’re thinking of them … or even simplyholdingadooropenforsomeone.

Since thenmany thousands of people from all over theworld have joined thecause.Wallacesays“Ifwhatgoesaroundreallydoescomearound,weallstandtobenefitfromtheseRandomActsofKindness.”

Smallactsofkindnessfornopersonalgain—whatagreatidea.It’sgoodtofeelthatasingleconsiderateacthasthepotential tomultiplymanytimesover,andthere’snoknowingwherethatcouldlead.

AstheTibetanBuddhistmonkPatrulRinpocheputitsowell:

Donottakelightlysmallgooddeeds,believingtheycanhardlyhelp.Fordropsofwater,onebyone,

intimecanfillagiantpot.

Humankindnesshasneverweakenedthestaminaorsoftenedthefiberofafreepeople.

Anationdoesnothavetobecrueltobetough.FranklinD.Roosevelt

Onewhoknowshowtoshowandtoacceptkindnesswillbeafriendbetterthananypossession.

Sophocles

Givenobody’sheartpainsolongasthoucanstavoidit,foronesighmaysetawholeworldintoaflame.

Sa’di

Tip32:‘DoingaScarlett’

Thedistanceisnothing;it’sonlythefirststepthatisdifficult.

MarquiseduDeffand

DoyoudevelopanOstrichMentalitywhenyouhaveanissueweighingonyourmindoradifficultdecisiontomake?Youknowyououghttofaceitheadon,butit’ssomucheasiertoburyyourheadinthesandandmakeyourselfsuper-busyasawaytoavoidhavingtothinkaboutit.

IcallthisDoingaScarlett,becauseScarlettO’Haraexhibitedexactlythesamemind-setinthefinalsceneofthemovieGonewiththeWind.WhenRhettButlerfinallyleavesher,shecriesinherfabulousSoutherndrawl:Ican’tlethimgo.Ican’t.Theremustbesomewaytobringhimback.Oh,Ican’t thinkabout thatrightnow!I’llgocrazyifIdo!I’llthinkaboutittomorrow.

It’softensomucheasiertothinkaboutittomorrowthanfaceittoday.Butyoucan’tgetawayfromthefactthattheissueisstillthere.Everynowandagainitwillcreepintoyourmind,yourheartwillsink,yourenergywilldrainjustalittlebut it still feels easier to avoid it by finding some easy, routine task thatabsolutelyhas tobedone—immediately!Thatwayyoucanputoff the issuejustabitlonger.Untilthenexttimeitresurfaces.

Aswithallformsofprocrastination,we’renotavoidingtheissueitself—we’reavoiding taking the first step towards dealingwith it. So if you find yourselfDoingaScarlettandavoidinganissueinyourlife,trythisexercise:

Sitdownwithapenandsomepaper.Writeyourissue,challengeoradecisionyouneedtomakeasaheadingatthetopofthepage.Setatimerforfiveminutesandjuststartwriting.Itdoesn’tmatterifwhatyouwritedoesn’tmakesense—itdoesn’tmatterifit’sfullofspellingmistakes.Nobodyelsehastoreadit.Thekeyistogetyourthoughtsoutofyourheadanddownonpaper.

Whenthetimergoesoffafterfiveminutesstopwritingandlookbackoverwhatyou’vewritten.Underlineorhighlightanythingyoufeelisimportantorrelevant.

Thecrucialthingisthatyou’vestartedtheballrolling.Theissueisnolongeranamorphous,undefinedfoginyourhead—it’sstartedtotakeshapeandyou’vetaken the first step to face itanddealwith it.Hopefully thiswillgiveyou theimpetusyouneedtogettogripswiththeproblem.

QUESTION:WhatareYOUavoiding–rightnow?

Itisnotbecausethingsaredifficultthatwedonotdare;itisbecausewedonotdarethattheyaredifficult.

Seneca

Thegreatestamountofwastedtimeisthetimenotgettingstarted.

DawsonTrotman

Tip33:The80/20Rule

Whatistheuseofrunningwhenwearenotontherightroad?GermanProverb

In his book, The 4-Hour Work Week, Timothy Ferriss describes how hemanagedtoradicallyboosthisincomewhileworkingforafractionofthetime.One of theways he did thiswas to use the 80/20Rule (the Pareto Principle)whichstatesthat80%ofresultstypicallycomefrom20%ofoureffortandtime.Ferrissscrutinisedhisbusiness,askinghimselfthefollowingquestions:

Which20%ofsourcesarecausing80%ofmyproblemsandunhappiness?Which 20% of sources are resulting in 80% of my desired outcomes andhappiness?

Fromthisanalysishefiguredoutthatalmostallhisincomewasgeneratedfromjustasmallproportionofhisclients.Notonlythat,buttherewereahandfulofclientswho consistently caused problems andwasted his time and energy.Hedropped the clientswhowere causing him problems, stopped focusing on themajority of clientswho rarely placedorders and spent almost all his time andeffort developing the clients who generated the most income. As a result hisincomedoubledinthefirstmonthandhisweeklyhoursdroppedfrom80to15.Notabadoutcome!

Takealonghardlookatthethingsonyourdailyto-dolist.Areyoufocusingonthe20%ofactivitiesthatwillreaprewardsandbringyouincreasedincomeandhappiness?Orareyouconcentratingontimewasters?Areyouusingyourtimeeffectivelyorareyoujust‘beingbusy’?

Maybeit’stimetofocusyourattentiononthe20%andtoapplythe‘ThreeDsRule’(Doit,Delegateit,Dropit)fortherest.Inotherwords,Dothe20%andconsiderwhatpartofthe80%youcanDelegateorDropaltogether.

The80/20Rulecanbealifesaverforperfectionists,too.Whenyou’restrivingforthatperfect100%,checkinwithyourselfandseeif,actually,80%woulddo.Thissingleshiftcansaveyouloadsoftimeandenergy.

Minimalismisessentiallyfocusingonlyonthe3-4mostimportantthingsinyourlife(orbusiness)and

ELIMINATINGTHEREST.JohnReese

Theabilitytosimplifymeanstoeliminatetheunnecessarysothatthenecessarymayspeak.

HansHofmann

Thesecretofhappiness,yousee,isnotfoundinseekingmore,butindevelopingthecapacitytoenjoyless.

Socrates

Tip34:TheMiracleQuestion

Identifyyourproblems,butgiveyourpowerandenergytosolutions.

AnthonyRobbins

Asitsnamesuggests,SolutionsFocusCoachingconcentratesnotonproblems,butlooksinsteadatwhat’salreadyworkingforsolutions.Thetheoryisbasedonthesethreecommonsenseprinciples:

1.Ifitain’tbroke,don’tfixit2.Onceyouknowwhatworks,domoreofit,and3.Stopdoingwhatdoesn’tworkanddosomethingdifferent.

AttheheartofSolutionsFocuscoachingistheMiracleQuestion,whichisaskedearlyonintheprocesstoelicittheIdealOutcomeandtodrawoutanyexistingsolutions to the current problem or issue. Here’s a simplified version of theSolutionsFocusprocessthatyoucantryforyourself.

Thinkofaproblemorchallengeyou’refacingrightnow.

AskyourselftheMiracleQuestion:

Supposethattonightyougotobedandgotosleepasusual.Butduringthenighta miracle happens. Your problem vanishes and the issues that have beenworryingyouareresolved.Butbecauseyou’reasleepyoudon’tknowthat themiraclehashappened.So…whenyouwakeuptomorrowwhatwillbethefirstindications that tell you themiracle has taken place?What will be different?Whatchangeswillyounotice?Howwillyouknowthat the transformationhasoccurred?Whatwill youbedoing?Whatwill yoube saying?Whatwill otherpeoplenotice?Whatelse?

Onascaleof0-10where10istheIdealasdescribedaboveand0istheworstthingshaveeverbeen—whereareyounow?(Let’ssayyou’reata4).What’shelped you to get to a 4?What are you already doing to achieve that score?Whenhaveyouexperiencedevenapartoftheideal?Whatwashappeningthen?(Hereyou’re looking for resources and skills you alreadypossess and canuse

moreoftohelpovercomeyourcurrentissue).

Askyourselfwhatsmallstepcouldyoutakeinthenextcoupleofdaystogetyoualittlefurtherupthescale—saytoa4.5ora5?Whatwouldbethefirstsmallsignsofprogress?

Finally,keepreviewingyourprogressbyaskingWhat’sbetter?

Sometimeswe canbe soboggeddown inour problems that seeing awayoutfeelsimpossible.TheMiracleQuestionisareallyhandywaytotakeyourselfoutoftheproblemand,byfocusingonyouridealoutcome,startthejourneytowardsaresolution.

Don’tdwellonwhatwentwrong.Instead,focusonwhattodonext.

Spendyourenergiesonmovingforwardtowardfindingtheanswer.DenisWaitley

Worryislikearockingchair—itgivesyousomethingtodobutwon’tgetyouanywhere.

UnknownAuthor

Thesignificantproblemswefacecannotbesolvedatthesamelevelofthinkingwewereatwhenwecreatedthem.

AlbertEinstein

Tip35:KickingtheHabit

Ihavediscoveredthatwemaybeinsomedegreewhatevercharacterwechoose.

Besides,practiceformsamantoanything.JamesBoswell

Badhabitsaretoughtobreak.Afterall,they’veprobablybecomeingrainedovermanyyears.ButIbelievethatwecanchangeanybehaviourwewantto,givenasolidintentionandaliberaldoseofwillpower.

I’vebeenputting thisbelief to the test recently.Oneofmyworsthabits ismytendencytosnack.Givemeapacketofcrispsbeforesupperorabarofchocolateafter lunchandIhave thewillpowerofadampcardboardbox.AsIwantedtoloseafewpoundsIdecideddrasticactionneededtobetaken.Tohelpkeepmeon thestraightandnarrow,and topracticeputtingsomenewhabits inplace, IusedasimplecoachingexercisecalledTenDailyHabits.

Thisishowitworks:

1.Drawagrid—8columnswideandupto11deep.

2.Intheleft-handcolumnlistupto10thingsthatyouwanttodo(ornotdo)onadailybasis. (I specified seven things, includingnochocolateafter lunch;nofoodafter8pm;walkroundtheblockatlunchtime;practiceT’aiCh’ianddrinklemonwaterfirstthinginthemorning.)

3.Alongthetop,writethedaysoftheweek—MondaytoSunday.

4. Each day, as you achieve the goal you’ve set yourself you can have thepleasure and satisfaction of ticking the box. This reinforces the positivebehaviourandshouldhelptokeepyoumotivated.

Here’smyexample:

Thisexercisereallyworksforme.Thecrazythingisthateventhoughit’sonlyapieceofpaper—andapieceofpaperthatonlyIwillsee—IhonestlyfeelthatIhavetosucceedsothatIcanTicktheBox.

You don’t have to stick to daily habits — some people find it useful to doweeklyhabitsinstead,orevenacombinationofthetwo.

Afteryou’vedoneathingthesamewayfortwoyears,lookitovercarefully.

Afterfiveyears,lookatitwithsuspicion.Andaftertenyears,throwitawayandstartallover.

AlfredEdwardPerlman

Yesterdayisnotourstorecover,buttomorrowisourstowinorlose.

LyndonB.Johnson

Tip36:DoYourselfDifferently

Ifyouwanttobedifferent,Perhapstheansweristobecomedifferentyourself.

NormalVincentPeale

AfewyearsagoIattendedawonderfulpersonaldevelopmentworkshopcalledThe Mastery. One of the themes that ran through the workshop was theintriguing invitation to Do Yourself Differently. It was an opportunity toexperimentbybeingdifferentfromyournormalself.

Forexample,whenthetimecameforintroductions,thosewhowouldnormallygetupfirstsoastoget itoveranddonewith,wereinvitedtotrywaitinguntillast to see what that felt like— and vice versa. Those who naturally tendedtowardstakingcareofothers’needsbeforetheirownwereinvitedtospendtheweekendaskingothersforwhattheyneeded.Thosewhotendedtobequietandblendintothebackgroundwereinvitedtobereally‘outthere’andtomaketheirpresencewellandtrulyfelt.

This invitation had profound consequences. It’s such a simple idea, but holdswithin it so many possibilities for creativity, expansion and enrichment. Themore I thoughtabout this themore Idecided that theconceptofdoingmyselfdifferently was something I wanted to carry forward into my life. It set methinkingaboutthewayIspendmytime,thewaymybusinessisstructuredandmywork-lifebalanceandhowIcoulddothatdifferently.

Howwouldyouliketodoyourselfdifferently?

Ifyou’vecomebackfromthesummerbreakfeelingrefreshed,invigoratedandready for something new, then maybe you, too, feel ready and willing toembrace this concept. Conversely, if you’re feeling a bit sluggish and down-heartedatthethoughtofgettingbacktoyournormalroutineafteraholiday,thenwhatbetterwaytoshakethingsupabitandstepoutofthesameold,sameold…

InherbookFeelTheFearandDoItAnyway,SusanJefferssuggestsplanningand taking daily risks as a way to move away from fear and step into yourpersonal power.A risk doesn’t have to bemajor— it could simply be trying

something you’ve not done before, or don’t feel entirely comfortable with.Jeffers says that taking risks (no matter how small) and edging out of yourcomfortzonebuildsyourconfidenceandsenseofstrengthandpower.

In thesameway, ‘doingyourselfdifferently’ isan invitation toexperiment: totry out new things; to do and be something different; to play a bit and getcreative. It may feel awkward and uncomfortable, but it’s guaranteed to beinvigorating.

Whatliesbehindusandwhatliesbeforeusaretinymatters,comparedtowhatlieswithinus.

RalphWaldoEmerson

Wecannotescapefear.Wecanonlytransformitintoacompanion

thataccompaniesusonallourexcitingadventures…Takeariskaday–onesmallorboldstroke

thatwillmakeyoufeelgreatonceyouhavedoneit.SusanJeffers

Tip37:Pause…

Neverbeinahurry;doeverythingquietlyandinacalmspirit.

Donotloseyourinnerpeaceforanythingwhatsoever,evenifyourwholeworldseemsupset.

SaintFrancisdeSalesPause…

For10secondstotakeadeepbreathFor1minutetotakeintheviewForacoupleofminutestobrewacuppaFor10minutestoclearyourheadFor20minutestocallyourMumForhalf anhour to exercise yourbodyFora coupleofhours to readagoodbookForadaytofindsomefunForaweekendunderthestarsForafortnighttorechargeyourbatteriesForamonthtolearnsomethingnewForasummertobeakidagainForayeartoseetheworldForalifetimetoworkoutwhatitallmeansOrforfiveminutestodoabsolutelynothing.

AlastairHumphreys

Togetallthereisoutofliving,wemustemployourtimewisely,

neverbeingintoomuchofahurrytostopandsiplife,butneverlosingoursenseoftheenormousvalueofaminute.RobertUpdegraff

Iwerebettertobeeatentodeathwitharustthantobescouredtonothingwithperpetualmotion.

Shakespeare

Tip38:DevelopanOptimismHabit

Theaveragepencilissevenincheslong,withjustahalf-incheraser–

incaseyouthoughtoptimismwasdead.RobertBrault

There are lots of good reasons to practice an optimistic outlook.Not only dooptimists tend to achieve more and are less likely to suffer from stress anddepression—they’vebeenshowntolivelongerandrecovermorequicklyfromillness.

Are you a glass half full or a glass half empty person? If you tend towardspessimism,thereishope.Optimismissomethingthatcanbelearned.Hereareafewwaystohelpchangeyourthinkingstyleanddevelopanoptimismhabit:

At the end of each day, write a list, ormake amental note, of everythingyou’ve achieved that day. Don’t limit it only to ‘big’ things: remembering topostDad’s birthday card deserves to be on the list asmuch as finally gotmypromotionatwork.Focusingonachievementsisagreathabittogetinto.It’sawayofappreciatingyourselfandcurbsanynaturalinclinationtogettotheendofthedaywonderingwhatonearthyou’veachieved,orfocusing(aspessimistsarewonttodo)oneverythingyou’vefailedtodo—orhaven’tdoneaswellasyou’dhave liked.Keep thisupforat least twoweeksandyoushouldnoticearealdifference.

Thinkingaboutwhat’sbeengoodabout theday last thingatnighthasotherbenefits too. It releases the chemical serotonin in the brain,which helps us torelaxandsleepbetter.

TakeatipfromtheSolutionsFocuscamp(seeTip34TheMiracleQuestion)andkeepaskingyourselfWhat’sBetter?Maybeyoucouldscheduleatimeattheendofeachweektodothis.

Focusingonthepositivenotonlyhelpstoencourageoptimism,itlessensstressandislikelytomakeusalotnicertobearound.

Apessimistseesthedifficultyineveryopportunity;anoptimistseestheopportunityineverydifficulty.

WinstonChurchill

Apositiveattitudemaynotsolveallyourproblems,butitwillannoyenoughpeopleto

makeitworththeeffort.HermAlbright

Mostoftheshadowsofthislifearecausedbystandinginone'sownsunshine.

RalphWaldoEmerson

Tip39:UnfinishedBusiness

Inhellthereisnootherpunishmentthantobeginoverandoveragain

thetasksleftunfinishedinyourlifetime.AndréGide

Inmattersartistic, there'ssomethingmysteriousandromanticabout things thatare unfinished. There's a certain allure and fascination about an unfinishedsymphony,novelorpainting.

However, in everyday life there’s nothing at all alluring about things that areunfinished—quite the opposite, in fact.They sapyour energy and leaveyoufeelingfrustrated,badtemperedanddrained.

Aretherethingsinyourlifethatare'unfinished'?Half-finishedworkprojects?Aroominthehousethat'sonlyhalfdecorated?Anincompleteshortstoryornovel?Acourseoflearningembarkedonbutabandoned?Aletterhalfwritten?Abookhalfread?Do you have any unfinished business with a former partner, friend or

colleague?

Makealistofallthoseunfinisheditemsanddecideonceandforallwhetheryouwant tocomplete them,delegate themordrop them.Someprojectscanbe leftfor so long thatweno longerhave the enthusiasm for them thatweoncedid.Theymayhavebecomeirrelevantornolongeralignedwithwhoweareorwhatwewantinlife.

I challenge you thisweek to take steps to eliminate all the unfinished stuff inyourlife.Iguaranteeitwillmakeabigdifferencetothewayyoufeel.

Twothingsrobpeopleoftheirpeaceofmind;workunfinishedandworknotyetbegun.

AlexanderSolzhenitsyn

Thereisnothingsofataltocharacterashalf-finishedtasks.DavidLloydGeorge

It'snotsoimportantwhostartsthegamebutwhofinishesit.JohnWooden

Tip40:ThreeSimpleGoals

Octoberisthefallenleaf,butitisalsoawiderhorizonmoreclearlyseen.

Itisthedistanthillsoncemoreinsight,andtheenduringconstellationsabovethemonceagain.

HalBorland

Somehow,almostwithoutmynoticingit,we'veedgedintoOctober.Formanyofus thesummerholidaysarealreadyadistantmemory,we’rebackatworkandlife is rushingbyat itsusual relentlesspace,allowing little timefor reflection.ThedaysaregettingshorterandbeforeweknowitChristmaswillbehereandwithittheendoftheyear.

Thismakesitanidealtimetodosomeplanningforthelastquarteroftheyear.

SomeyearsagoItookpartinacoachingMastermindGroupandIrememberthefacilitator of the group asking us this question at around this time of year:LookingforwardtoDecember,whatdoyouneedtodointhenextthreemonthsto feel that you've reached the end of the year with a real sense ofaccomplishment?

It’sacleverquestioninthatitmakesyouthinkyourselfforwardtotheendoftheyearandtoconsiderhowitwouldfeel—andwhatwouldbedifferent—ifyouhadthatsenseofaccomplishment.

Here'sanotherwaytoapproachthesamequestion:

StepOneWritedown threegoals thatyou feelwould significantly improveyour life—personallyand/orprofessionally—inthenext90days.Checkinwithyourselftomakesurethesearegoalsthatgenuinelyinvigorateandmotivateyou—notgoalsyoufeelyoushoulddo.

StepTwoOnceyou'vedecidedonyourgoals,divideeachoneupintosmalleractionstepsandgiveeachoneastartandafinishdate.Don'tforgettoleavespaceforatick

boxsothatyoucantickeachstepasyoucompleteit—alwaysmotivating.

Bydoingthissimpleexerciseyoushouldendupwithafocusandanactionplanforthenextthreemonths,takingyouintoDecemberwithasatisfyingfeelingofaccomplishment.

Tounderstandtheheartandmindofaperson,looknotatwhathehasalreadyachieved,

butatwhatheaspiresto.KahlilGibran

Manypeoplefailinlife,notforlackofabilityorbrainsorevencouragebutsimplybecausetheyhaveneverorganized

theirenergiesaroundagoal.ElbertHubbard

Tip41:What'sYourMantra?

“Iamthegreatest!”MuhammadAli

SomeyearsagoIheardaradioreport fromanorphanage inAfricawhichwasdevoted to caring for children who had lost both parents to HIV/AIDS. Thedirectorof theorphanagewasexplainingthatoneof theirprimaryaimswastobuildupthechildren'sconfidenceandself-beliefinordertoenablethemtomaketheirwaysuccessfullyinthewiderworld.

Thechildrenhadwrittentheirownthemesongwhichtheysangeverymorning.Thewordsofthechoruswere,quitesimply"Iamspecial—Iambeautiful—Iamclever"andtheysangthewordswithsuchgusto,suchjoy,suchenergythatyoufelttheytrulybelievedeverysyllable.

Their song was a simple but powerful reminder that what we believe aboutourselves—bothpositiveandnegative—canhaveamajorimpactonourlives,onhowothersperceiveus,andhowweperceiveourselves.

Sohere'sanexperiment:likethechildren,chooseyourownempoweringmantra(somethingyoureallyneedtohear)andpracticeusingitthisweek.Speakitoutloud—singittoyourself—thinkorchantitbeforeyougotosleep—writeitonpost-itnotesandstickthemalloverthehouse.Inhaledeeplyasyouthinkofyourpositivestatement(literallybreathethegoodstuffin).

IrememberthefirsttimeItriedthis.MymantrawasIambeautiful.Irepeatedthephrasetomyselfwithasmuchfeelingandself-beliefasIcouldmusteranditveryquicklystartedtomakeadiscernibledifference.Inoticedmyselfstandingup straighter, holding my head up high and strangers were even (to myamazement)startingtoturntolookatme!Idid,truly,starttofeelbeautiful.

Negative beliefs can be deeply entrenched and it takes time and practice tounstick and replace them with positive ones. Using a series of empoweringmantrasisagoodwaytostart.

Howmuchlongerwillyougoonlettingyourenergysleep?Howmuchlongerareyougoingtostayoblivious

oftheimmensityofyourself?BhagwanShreeRajneesh

Anaffirmationisastrong,positivestatementthatsomethingisalreadyso.

ShaktiGawain

Ohman!Thereisnoplanet,sunorstarcouldholdyou,ifyoubutknewwhatyouare.

RalphWaldoEmerson

Tip42:TheObstacleisthePath

Ifyoufindapathwithnoobstacles,itprobablydoesn'tleadanywhere.

FrankA.Clark

Inancienttimes,aKinghadaboulderplacedonaroadway.Thenhehidhimselfandwatched to see ifanyonewould remove thehuge rock.Someof theking'swealthiestmerchantsandcourtierscamebyandsimplywalkedaroundit.Manyloudlyblamed theking fornot keeping the roadsclear,butnonedidanythingaboutmovingthestoneoutoftheway.

Thenapeasantcamealongcarryingaloadofvegetables.Whenhereachedtheboulder,helaiddownhisburdenandtriedtomovethestonetothesideoftheroad. After considerable pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. As thepeasantpickeduphisvegetables,henoticedapurselyingintheroadwheretheboulder had been. The purse containedmany gold coins and a note from thekingindicatingthatthegoldwasforthepersonwhoremovedtheboulderfromtheroadway.

The peasant learned a valuable lesson: that every obstacle has within it thepotentialtoimproveoursituation.

Eachtimeweencounterunexpectedchallengesordrawbacksinourliveswe’representedwithachoice.Wecandwellontheunfairnessofit,orwecanchoosetosee itasagiftandanopportunity.Difficultanduncomfortable though it is,maybethisproblemistheretohelpustomakeachange.

Here’sareallifeexamplefromSheelagh,whowasdealtatoughcardwhensheencounteredanunexpectedillness.Shesays:

Thisillnesshasbeenagreatteacherandyourwordsabout 'theobstacleisthepath'hasbeen suchan inspiration. Ihave foundoutwhomyreal friendsare;thatIcansay‘no’topeopleandthattheywillstillrespectme;thatIhavetherighttobeillandhavetimeoff,andthatIneedtotakemoretimeoffandhavemorefunanddomorespiritualreading.Anotherspin-offisthatIhaveboughtajuicer to improvemy immunesystem. Ina fewmonths Iwillbegreat!!Horrid

andscarythoughithasbeen,onlygoodwillcomefromthis.

If you find yourself in challenging circumstances, see if you can see beyondthembyasking…

What’stheopportunityhere?What’sthegift?What’sthelesson/WhatcanIlearn?Wherearetheblessingsinthissituation?

Lookfortheopportunitiesinthedifficulties,notthedifficultiesintheopportunities.

VictorFiorelli

Whilewestoptothink,weoftenmissouropportunity.PubliliusSyrus

Life'supanddownsprovidewindowsofopportunitytodetermineyourvaluesandgoals.

Thinkofusingallobstaclesasstepping-stonestobuildthelifeyouwant.

MarshaSinetar

Tip43:FollowtheEnergy

Themorewillingyouaretosurrendertotheenergywithinyou,themorepowercanflowthroughyou.

ShaktiGawain

Whenfacedwithdecisionsandlifechoices,ournaturalinclinationmightbetowanttothinkitthrough.Weanalyse,weconsideralltheangles,wewritelistsofprosandcons,costsandbenefitsandsoon.Wemightseekadvicefromfriendsandfamily:whatwouldtheydoinasimilarsituation?

Ofcourseit’shelpfultodothis.ButwhenI’mworkingwithclientsI’lllistenforthe energy in their voices— or lack of it— when we’re discussing variousoptions.Sometimesit’sglaringlyobviousthatonecourseofactionholdsenergyandenthusiasmwhileanotherfeelsheavy,dullandlifeless.

If you find yourself at a crossroads and considering options,noticewhere theenergyis.Listentoit.Youcan’tfabricateasenseofnatural,intuitiveenergy.

Ifyouhaveadecisiontomake,writealltheoptionsonpiecesofpaperandputthemintoabox.Draweachoneoutinturnand,asyoureadit,behyper-awareofhowyou’rereacting.Noticewhat’sgoingoninyourbody.Doesyourheartsinkordoes it sing?Doyoufeelasenseofexcitement,a releaseofenergy?Ordoyoufeellacklustreandanxious?Payattentiontothesefeelings.They’reintuitivehits—theytellyouwheretheenergyisandwhereyourpassionlies.

Youwillrecognizeyourownpathwhenyoucomeuponit,becauseyouwillsuddenlyhavealltheenergyand

imaginationyouwilleverneed.JerryGillies

Seewhereyourownenergywantstogo,notwhereyouthinkitshouldgo.Dosomethingbecauseitfeelsright,

notbecauseitmakessense.Followthespiritualimpulse.

MaryHayesGrieco

Tip44:LivingPurposefully

Greatdancersarenotgreatbecauseoftheirtechnique;theyaregreatbecauseoftheirpassion.

MarthaGraham

Oneofthekeystocreatingafulfillinglifeistomakesurethatit’salignedwithyour purpose and your passion. How to do this? A good place to start is byconsideringthesequestions:

Whatdoyouvaluemost?Writealistofallthethingsyouvaluemost.Thesearethethingsthataremostimportanttoyou—whichhavethemostmeaningforyouandthatbringjoytoyour life. A few examples might be relationships, family, creativity, nature,travel,laughter,adventure,solitude,spirituality,community…

Whatareyoupassionateabout?Thinkbackoveryourlifeandwritedowntimeswhenyouweredoingsomethingyou felt passionate about. These are likely to be times when you werecompletely absorbed, felt you could carry on doing what you were doingindefinitely and didn’t notice that hours had passed. These don’t have to behighlysignificantincidents:itcouldbethesimplestthingsuchasreadingagoodbookorwalkinginthecountrysideonabalmysummer’sevening.

Whatareyourskills?Write down everything you’re good at and (as they usually go hand in hand)lovedoing.Areyougoodatsports–repairingthings–music–makingpeoplelaugh–business–caringforothers–workingwithchildren?Togetadifferentperspective(andperhapsaddsomeunexpecteditemstoyourlist)youcouldaskfriends,familyorcolleaguesforsomefeedback(seeTip27GettingFeedback).Sometimes the thingswe dowell come so naturally to us thatwe aren’t evenawareofthegiftswehave.

Whatqualitiesdoyouadmireinothers?Finally, think of people that you really admire. They can be living or dead,knowntoyoupersonallyornot.Thekeyistoconsiderwhatcharacteristicsyouadmire ineachperson.Whatdo theysymbolise foryou?This isan interesting

one,becauseeveniftwopeoplewritedownthesameperson(let’ssayWinstonChurchill) the qualities they admiremight be completely different.Onemightadmirehisextraordinaryleadershipwhileforanotherhisskillasanoratormightbethekeycharacteristicforthem.

Quite simply, ifwe can find away of life that is the living expression of thethingswevalue;thethingswefeelpassionateabout;thethingswe’renaturallygoodat and thequalitieswe admire inothers,we’remuchmore likely to feelthatoursisapurposefullife.

Ignoringyourpassionislikedyingaslowdeath…Passionwhisperstoyouthroughyourfeelings,beckoningyoutowardyourhighestgood.

Payattentiontowhatmakesyoufeelenergized,connected,stimulated–whatgivesyouyourjuice.

Dowhatyoulove,giveitbackintheformofservice,andyouwilldomorethansucceed.Youwilltriumph.

OprahWinfrey

Peopleareself-motivated.Theydotheirbestworkwhentheycometobelieve,

throughtheirownprocesses,thatwhattheyaregoingtodoisworthwhile.JohnHarvey-Jones

Tip45:WhatWouldYouLiketoHaveHappen?

Outstandingpeoplehaveonethingincommon:anabsolutesenseofmission.

ZigZiglar

When Iwas startingout asa coach, I remembera session IhadwithmyowncoachinwhichIwascomplainingatgreatlengthaboutsomeonewhohadupsetme.Iwasbrimmingwithindignationaboutthisandmycoachwashelpingmetolookatoptionsfordealingwiththesituation.

Iwasall set topickup thephoneand speak to thepersonand,because Iwasupsetandhadn’t thought things throughproperly,wouldalmostcertainlyhaveendedupmaking thingsworse.Butmycoachaskedmeaverywisequestion:What’s yourpurpose formaking this call?What, specifically, do youwant toachieve?

Consideringthingsfromthatperspectivehelpedmetothinkthingsthroughmoreobjectivelyandmakeaconsidereddecisionastohowtoproceed(Ichosenottomakethecall).

I learned a lot from that coaching session. Rather than blunderingmindlesslyinto things — whether it’s a potentially tricky personal conversation or animportantbusinessmeeting—italwayspaystothinkitthroughbeforehandandbemindfulofwhatyouwanttoachievefromit.What’syourpurpose?What’syourintention?What’syouridealoutcome?

Perhapsthebestquestionofallforfocusingthemindistheonewhichisaskedat the start of all Clean Language sessions. It really pins you to thewall andmakesyoufocusonyourdesiredoutcome…

WhatWouldYouLikeToHaveHappen?

Theworldhasthehabitofmakingroomforthemanwhosewordsandactionsshowthathe

knowswhereheisgoing.NapoleonHill

Therearetwothingstoaimatinlife:first,togetwhatyouwant;andafterthat,toenjoyit.

Onlythewisestofmankindachievethesecond.LoganPearsallSmith

Tip46:ExtremeSelfRespect

Thereisaconnectionbetweenself-nurturingandself-respect.

JuliaCameronExtremeSelfCareissomethingIrecommendtoclientswheneverthey’refeelingabitlowordowninthedumps.ExtremeSelfCaremeansputting

yourselffirst,wrappingyourselfupincottonwool,lotsofpamperingandgenerallytakingreallygoodcareofyourself.

ExtremeSelfRespectisanothernurturinghabittopractice.Thebestthingisthatyou can apply it to somanydifferent situations, such as: a reminder to giveyourselfatreatofsomekind tobookthatholidayyou’vebeenputtingoff tolookafteryourhealth to choose not to gossip about others toNOTdemolish that huge piece of

chocolatecake toraiseyourstandardsatworktostandupforwhatyoubelieveintosaynotosomethingthatdoesn’tserveyou tosticktoyourvaluestomaintainstrongpersonalboundariesathomeoratwork tomaketimefor

what’simportanttoyouWealldeserverespectandthebestplacetostartisbyrespectingourselves.

Respectyourefforts,respectyourself.Self-respectleadstoself-discipline.

Whenyouhavebothfirmlyunderyourbelt,that'srealpower.

ClintEastwoodTheycannottakeawayourself-respect

ifwedonotgiveittothem.MahatmaGandhi

Ifweloseloveandself-respectforeachother,thisishowwefinallydie.

MayaAngelou

Tip47:FromDarknessIntoLight

Bettertolightonesmallcandlethantocursethedarkness.

ChineseProverb

In November each year an Advent Procession service is held in SalisburyCathedral.Theservicebeginsintotaldarknessandthengradually,tothesoundof sublime choral plainsong, hundreds of candles are lit throughout the vastspaceoftheCathedral.It’sadeeplymovingandspirituallyupliftingexperience.

Advent is,ofcourse,allabout thecomingof theLight.Butwe'renot farnowfromtheWinterSolstice;thatdayinthedepthsofwinterthatheraldstheturningoftheearthfromwintertospring—fromdarknessintolight.

I found myself reflecting on this during the service and all the differentmeaningsofthecomingofthelight.Forsomeitwillhaveaprofoundreligious/spiritualsignificance.Forothersitmaybringasenseofhopeandoptimismthatfrom that point in December the days will gradually lengthen as we movetowards spring; when the natural world stirs and green shoots start to appearabovetheground.

But what about the less obvious aspects of moving from darkness into light?Could it be removing the cloak that's kept you covered from the world andsteppingintothelightofwhoyoureallyare?Makingthebravedecisiontomoveoutofajoborrelationshipthat'skeptyouinthedarkintoonethatbringsjoyandlight into your life? Is it giving yourself permission to bewho you knowyoureally are — not repressed by the expectations of others? Is it by doingsomethingoutrageoustoigniteasparkinyourselfandinyourlife?Whatmightthatlookandfeellike?

Iwilllovethesunforitwarmsmybones;yetIwilllovetherainforitcleansesmyspirit.Iwilllovethelightforitshowsmetheway;

yetIwilllovethedarknessforitshowsmethestars.OgMandino

Darknesscannotdriveoutdarkness;onlylightcandothat.Hatecannotdriveouthate;onlylovecandothat.

DrMartinLutherKingJr.

Tip48:ReasonstobeCheerful

I'vefoundthatworryandirritationvanishintothinairthemomentIopenmymindtothemanyblessingsIpossess.

DaleCarnegieWhenIlivedinAmericaIalwaysenjoyedtheThanksgivingholidaywhichtakesplaceattheendofNovember.OneyearIremembera

commentatorgivinghispersonalviewpointonthisveryAmericanholiday.Herecalledthat,asachild,wheneverhewasupsetaboutaperceivedinjustice,hismotherwouldalwaysgivehimthesameadvice:“Countyourblessings,son.”Hesaidthatthisalwayshadapalliativeeffectandthatwhenhereallythoughtaboutit,theirritation(whateveritwas)alwayspaledintoinsignificanceagainstthe

weightofallhehadtobethankfulfor.

Someyearsago,whenIwasgoingthroughadifficulttimeinmyownlifeandfinding it hard to focus on anything positive— let alone find much to givethanks for — a friend recommended the following exercise. I found itchallengingbutimmenselyhelpfulandnowIrecommendittoothers:WeekOneEverydaywritedownonethingthatyoudowell/ likeaboutyourselfandonethingyoufeelgratefulfor.

WeekTwoEverydaywritedowntwothingsthatyoudowell/likeaboutyourselfandtwothingsyoufeelgratefulfor.

WeekThreeEvery daywrite down three things that you dowell / like about yourself andthreethingsyoufeelgratefulfor.

Acinch,youmightsay.Yes,but thecatch is thatyouaren'tallowed to repeatyourselfatall.Notinthesameweek,oratanytimeinthethreeweeks.

IfyouenjoythisexerciseyoumightfinditbeneficialtokeepadailyGratitudeJournalwhereyousitdownattheendofeachdayandwritedownallthethingsyoufeelgratefulfor.

It'sastonishinghowshiftingourfocusontothepositivescanliftthespiritsandenhanceoursenseofoptimismandwell-being.

Ignorantmendon’tknowwhatgoodtheyholdintheirhandsuntilthey’veflungitaway.

SophoclesFeelinggratefulorappreciativeofsomeone

orsomethinginyourlifeactuallyattractsmoreofthethings

thatyouappreciateandvalueintoyourlife.ChristianeNorthrup

Tip49:FertileVoid

Inthebeginningtherewasaclaypitwithnolevelground—belowthewatertable—withnosoil.

Ascarredlandscape?OranopportunitytobuildEden?TheEdenProject

Many years ago I received some wise advice from a fellow student on theMastersDegreecourseinCounsellingIwastakinginCalifornia.At thetimeIwaswrestlingwithatoughdecision.ShouldI,orshouldInotwalkawayfromalong-termrelationship? I'dbeenstrugglingwith thisdecisionforso long that Ihad become completely paralysed. To me there was no clear answer and themore I thought about it, the more I seemed to be going round and round incircles.

I remember explaining to Barbara that what scared me about leaving therelationshipwasthatI'dbeleftwithagiantvoid.No-onespecialinmylifeandthatfrightenedme.

After a fewmoment's silenceBarbara asked if it wouldmake a difference if,insteadofthinkingofitasascary,emptyvoid,perhapsIcouldthinkofitasafertilevoidinstead?

A fertile void, where new things can take root and grow. What a brilliantconcept.

Therearetimesinlifewhenwehavetotakerisksandletgoofthosethingsweknow inorder to clear the space forwhatwe trulywant andwhat, ultimately,willnourishus.Afterall, ifagarden ischokedwithweedsandbrambles,youhavetodigthemoutandclearthespacebeforeyoucanplantnewflowersandshrubs.Inorderforbeautifulthingstoflourish,youneedtoclearthegroundforthem.

QUESTION:Istheresomethingyouneedtoletgoof?Doyouneedtocreatethespaceinyourlifefornewseedstotakerootandgrow?

Confusionisthestateofpromise,thefertilevoidwheresurpriseispossibleagain.

Confusionisinfactthestatewearein,andweshouldbewisetocultivateit.

PaulGoodman

Bylettingitgoitallgetsdone;Theworldiswonbythosewholetitgo.

LaoTzu

Tip50:LastWords

Truefriendshipislikesoundhealth;thevalueofitisseldomknownuntilitbelost.

CharlesCalebColton

I’veneverforgottenthisstorywhichwasrecountedtomemanyyearsagobyaretiredvicar—describinganevent thathad takenplaceata funeralwherehewasofficiating.

Attheendoftheservice,asthecoffinwasbeingcarriedoutofthechurch,oneof the mourners jumped to his feet, ran after the coffin and grabbed onto it,crying inahighlydistraughtmanner“I’msosorry. Ididn’tmean tosay thosethings.Pleaseforgiveme.Ididn’tmeanit.I’msosorry.”

I found this image profoundly troubling.You’re leftwonderingwhat on earththispersonhaddoneorsaid,andthinkinghowawfulitwasthatnowitwastoolateandtheydidn’thavethechancetorightthewrongtheyfelttheyhaddone.

Lastyearoneofmyoldest friendsdied—quiteunexpectedlyand far, far tooyoung. I’d been thinking that I should give her a call and see how she was,maybemakeaplantogettogether.Nowit’stoolateandIcan’t.I’msosorryIdidn’tmakethatcall.

NodoubtyoucanseewherethisTipisgoing.Wejustdon’tknowwhat’sgoingto happen andwhen it might be too late to say the things we need to say tosomeoneinourlife.Thisisparticularlypertinentiftherehasbeensomekindofmisunderstandingorconflict.

Is theresomeoneyou’vehadadisagreementorargumentwithandwithwhomyouneedtosmooththewaters?Istheresomeoneinyourlifewhoneedstoknowthatyoulovethem,orhowmuchyouappreciatethem?

Pleasedon’tputitoff.Don’twaituntil‘thetimefeelsright’—oreasier—orwhatever.Youjustdon’tknowwhentheopportunitymightbetakenawayfromyou.

Everhasitbeenthatloveknowsnotitsowndepthuntilthehourofseparation.

KahlilGibran

Neverpartwithoutlovingwordstothinkofduringyourabsence.

Itmaybethatyouwillnotmeetagaininthislife.JeanPaulRichter

Holdatruefriendwithbothyourhands.NigerianProverb

Tip51:ChristmasStressSurvivalKit

Idon’tknowthekeytosuccess,butthekeytofailureistryingtopleaseeverybody.

BillCosby

Theholidayseasonisuponus—thecashtillsareringing—thecarparksarechocka— the shops are heaving— and stress levels are rising. Christmas issuch an important event in our calendar, but over the years it seems to havebecome increasingly stressful, and for some the day itself is regardedwith anapprehensionvergingondread.

Forperfectionists this timeofyearcanbearealnightmareas theNeedToDoThings Perfectly swings into overdrive. Advertising induces huge pressure torollouttheperfectChristmas:perfectgifts—perfectparties—howtocooktheperfectturkey…It’srelentless.

Sohereareafewideaswhichmayhelptoeasethestressandallowyousomespace to enjoy the festive season. (I appreciate that therewill be readerswhodon'tobserveorcelebrateChristmas,butIhopeyou'llfindsomeusefulpointsinthistipnonetheless.)

Askforhelp/supportIf themajorityof theworkfallsonyourshoulderspleasedon'tsufferalone. Ifyoudoyou'llhaveanexhaustingChristmasandyou’relikelytoendupfeelingresentful.Askforhelpfromthosearoundyou.

Beware‘shoulds’Christmasisfullof‘shoulds’.Behyper-awareofhowoftenthiswordcropsup.It almost always implies that you're about to embark on something you don'treally want to do — but feel you ought to. In other words, the impetus isstemmingfromexternalexpectations.Theantidoteistoreplacethewordshouldwithcould,whichinstantlyintroducestheelementofchoice.No,youdon’thavetobravethecrowdstobuyonemoregift…youcould,butyoumightchoosenotto.

Temperexpectations…

…ofothersand,moreimportantly,ofyourself.Don’tsweatthesmallstuff.Letgo of being perfect— it’sOK to get itwrong.This personal story fromTipsreader,CaroleFossey,isagreatexampleofgettingthingsintoperspective:

My Grandad, who we were very close to and loved immensely, died onChristmasEve.That'sthebigstuff.Asaresulteveryonereallychilledoutabouttheunimportant.Weburntthesausageandbaconrolls,thebreadsauceshouldhave been called bread lumps, we forgot a whole bag of presents under thestairs that we remembered 2 days later, but no-one cared. It just wasn'timportant.Whatwasimportantwassharingthejoyonourdaughter’sfaceandourbaby’ssmilesashesawthetreelightsandpresents.At3pmwetoastedthememoryofthoseseparatedfromus,andwerememberedthatultimatelywhatisimportantisbeingwiththoseyoulove.

Mayyouhaveajoyfulandstress-freeChristmas.

I’dratherhaverosesonmytablethandiamondsonmyneck.

EmmaGoldman

Oh,forthegoodolddayswhenpeoplewouldstopChristmasshoppingwhentheyranoutofmoney.

AuthorUnknown

Tip52:'TistheSeason…forReflection

Year’sendisneitheranendnorabeginningbutagoingon,withallthewisdomthatexperiencecaninstilinus.

HalBorland

Whileeveryoneisfranticallybusyintherun-uptoChristmas,thespacebetweenChristmasand theendof theyearcanbeagreat time to takea stepbackandreflecton theupsanddownsof thepastyear,seewhat lessons thereare tobelearned,andtomakesomeplansforthecomingyear.

Forthosewhoreallywanttogettheirteethintothis,JinnyDitzler'sbookYourBestYearYet,takesyouthroughtheprocessusingtenspecificsteps.Hereareafewtogetyoustarted.

First, make an extensive list of all you've achieved during this current year.Includeabsolutelyeverything,bigorsmall.IfyoudonothingelseattheendoftheyearIstronglyrecommendyoudothis.You'llbesurprisedatthenumberofthingsyouhaveachievedandhowgooditfeelstoacknowledgethem.

Secondly, consider anything that didn't go as well as you'd hoped, or thingsyou'dintendedtodobutdidn't.Whatcanyoulearnfromthis?Canyoutakethislearningintonextyeartoensureyoudon'tmakethesamemistakesagain?

Thirdly,considerwhatyouwouldlikeyourfocustobeinthecomingyear.Whatwillyourprioritiesbe?What'sreallyimportanttoyou?Whatsuccessesdoyouwanttobuildon?Aretherethingsinyourlifethatyou'dliketodropaltogether?Isittimetomakesomeradicalchanges?

Having done that, comeupwith a list of yourTopTenGoals for the comingyear.Ditzlersuggeststhatwhenponderingthesegoalsitcanhelptoconsiderallthe different roles you play in your life (partner, sibling, parent, employee,employer, community member, sports team member, volunteer etc) and linkyourgoalstotheseroles.Don'tforgettoincludegoalsthatrelatetoyourroleas‘yourself’aswell…Thishelps tomakesureyougetagoodbalancebetweenworkandrest.

Whatever you decide, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and a happy,healthyandpeacefulNewYear.

WespendJanuary1walkingthroughourlives,roombyroom,drawingupalistofworktobedone,crackstobepatched.Maybethisyear,tobalancethelist,weoughttowalkthroughtheroomsofourlives…notlookingforflaws,

butforpotential.EllenGoodman

Cheerstoanewyearandanotherchanceforustogetitright.OprahWinfrey

ANotefromAnnabel

Ireallyhopeyou’veenjoyedreading52WaystoTransformYourLife.Ifyou’vebeeninspiredbytheTipsinthisbookandfeelreadytomakesomechangesinyourlife,thereareanumberofwaysyoucankeepintouch.

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Annabel

Books/PeopleMentioned

Tip3:RobertMiddleton:www.actionplan.com/

Tip5:TheArtist'sWay,JuliaCameron.Published1992byPenguinPutnam

Tip8:RogervonOech's“CreativeWhackPack”

Tip9:EbookerssurveypublishedinMetro,March14,2005

Tip10:Youcanreadthefullarticle(andviewsomevideothatwasshotoftheevent)attheWashingtonPostwebsite:www.washingtonpost.com

Tip13:MarianneWilliamson,AReturnToLove:ReflectionsonthePrinciplesof A Course in Miracles. Published 1992, Harper Collins Tip14:MichaelNeill:www.supercoach.com

Tip15:PositivePsychology:www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/Default.aspx

TIP19:ProcrastinationBusterDayswww.annabelsutton.com/procrastination-busting.html

TIP19:MarkForster:www.markforster.net

Tip31:DannyWallace:www.join-me.co.uk

Tip33: The4-HourWorkWeek,TimothyFerriss.Published2007byRandomHouse Tip 34: The Solutions Focus, Paul Z. Jackson and MarkMcKergow. Published 2002 by Nicholas Brealey International Tip36:TheMastery:www.themastery.com/index.htm

Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway, Susan Jeffers. Published 1987 byRandom House Books Tip 37: Alastair Humphreys:www.alastairhumphreys.com/

Tip45:CleanLanguage/CleanChangeCompany:www.cleanchange.co.uk

Tip49:TheEdenProjectinCornwall.www.edenproject.com

Tip52:YourBestYearYet,JinnySDitzler.Published1994byThorsons