Dear DumbDiary,

Lets Pretend This Never Happened

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Jim Bentons Tales from Mackerel Middle School

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ISBN-13: 978-0-439-62904-1

ISBN-10: 0-439-62904-7

Copyright 2004 by Jim Benton

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257499_i-xiv_v1 12/22/06 6:48 PM Page iv

Dear Whoever Is Reading My Dumb Diary,

Are you sure youre supposed to bereading somebody elses diary? Maybe I toldyou that you could, so thats okay. But ifyou are Angeline, I did NOT give youpermission, so stop it.

If you are my parents, then YES, Iknow that I am not allowed to call peopleidiots and fools and goons and halfwits andpinheads and all that, but this is a diary,and I didnt actually call them anything. Iwrote it. And if you punish me for it, then Iwill know that you read my diary, which I amnot giving you permission to do.

Now, by the power vested in me, I dopromise that everything in this diary is trueor, at least, as true as I think it needs to be.

Signed,

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PS: If this is you, Angeline, reading this, then HA-HA!I got you! For I have written this in poison ink ona special poison paper, and you had better run andcall 911 right now!

PSS: If this is you, Hudson, reading this, I have an antidote to the poison and it is convenientlyavailable to you through a simple phone call to myhouse. But dont mention the poison thing to myparents if they answer. I think they might be allweird about me poisoning people.

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Monday 02

Dear Dumb Diary,

I was out playing with my beagle, Stinker, thisafternoon and I was doing that thing where youpretend to throw the ball and then dont throw itand Stinker starts running for it until he realizes youdidnt really throw it at all. Usually I only do it twoor three times but today I guess I was thinkingabout something else, because when I finallyrealized that I hadnt thrown the ball yet, I hadprobably done it about a hundred and forty times.Stinker was a little bit cross-eyed and foamy andhe wouldnt come back in the house for a long time.

I wonder if dogs can hold a grudge.

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