a day after christmas

LOZAÑES, ALYSSA LOUISE C. PRINT MEDIALC2A A DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS

FEATURE

LOZANES, ALYSSA LOUISE

A DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS

I used to believe in Santa Claus, but then I found out that Jesus Christ was the main reason for Christmas, not the Big Red Man. I used to be excited for the brightly wrapped presents under the Christmas Tree, but it came to a point when the gifts that I’m longing for are the ones that couldn’t be wrapped. I used to believe that having a complete family on this occasion is all that matters, but then I realized that it was never easy. I used to believe in Christmas, the merry-making, the gift-giving, the carols and the singing, the new clothes and the heavy-eating, but sadly, not anymore.

It is my first Christmas here in Bacolod, away from my family who lives in Manila and Batangas. This year, I spent it with my aunt, uncle and two cousins. Everything went well, from the food that we’ve prepared to the gifts that we’ve unwrapped, from the pyjamas that we wore to the greetings that we’ve received. Yes, I was happy, but for the first time on a Christmas Day, I was also distressed. A couple of days ago, an idea just popped into my head; that I shouldn’t believe in Christmas anymore. I admit that there are some things that have influenced much of my beliefs, resulting to sleepless nights of pondering what I must do with them.

I remembered a lesson during my high school religion class wherein our teacher told us that December 25 was not the exact date of Christ’s birth, and the exact year was still unknown. This lesson came back to me this season. Why would we celebrate something that is not true, why do we believe to something that is completely false? I talked to a seminarian friend of mine about this, he agreed that 25 was not the exact date, however December was the exact month. He also told me that the important thing about celebrating Christmas is that we are commemorating Christ’s nativity, a proof that we do love him and we cherish his coming into our world. And if my faith is firm, I should not doubt. I agreed, partly.

And then, there was this trivia that also influenced my disbelief; the principal author of the United States Declaration of Independence, Thomas Jefferson’s denial of Jesus as the son of God. As I’ve read it from the July 4&11 issue of Newsweek, Jefferson is convinced that “generations of the clergy who had perverted the simple humanity of Jesus the reformer, turned him into a Messiah, and invented the myth that he had died to redeem mankind’s sins.” Surprisingly, he was not an atheist. He believed in the Creator and so am I. However, a part of me is questioning Jesus’ existence. Is he really the son of God?

The third factor of my disturbed Christmas is the superficial way we are dealing with the occasion. I hate myself for thinking this way but that is what I’m seeing. A season of sharing, giving, loving, forgiving, celebrating, and reuniting and not to mention that Christmas is also a season for self-pity, grieving, wishing and realizing. Helping our less fortunate brothers and


sisters is prevalent during Christmas, filling smiles unto their faces and it portrays Christmas as a season of sharing, giving and loving. But how about the ones living in farther places, how could we reach them? The point that I am making is this: I am elated that most people share, but we could not reach everyone in need. I feel bad for those who still got nothing to serve on their tables on the Christmas Eve, and yet they are aware of the fact that other families do have and are celebrating, even in a very simple way. Christmas is also a season of forgiving, celebrating, and reuniting with our loved ones. Seeing others reconcile, tears caused by acceptance and happiness, merry making with others and hugging the persons we miss the most are the best pictures of love and peace. But because of these expectations for Christmas, it crumbles the hearts of those people who can’t get nearer to their homes. A part of me is blaming this season, for it gave my Mommy Lucy (my grandmother in New Zealand) a reason to feel pity for herself, a reason to cry alone and desperately wanting to come home. She made a call on the 24 th, crying to me the words “Merry Christmas Aly”. I wanted to tell her that she shouldn’t cry because it’s Christmas, she must not think that she’s the only one whose not home, that Christmas just made her sick and I don’t believe in it anymore. But I knew it wouldn’t do any help.

All of those reasons ran firmly on my head, as I greet others “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” which was directly referring to Christ.

However, things changed on the 25th, when my uncle instructed me to give some gifts to Manang, the owner of a Sari-sari store near us. As I handed the gifts to her, without hesitations, I greeted her “Merry Christmas” and I was shocked. And before I realized what I just did, in front of me was a plastic full of rice, some canned goods and candies. We exchanged gifts I suppose, and I wasn’t expecting that. “Merry Christmas man ta, ari oh, hambala sina tito mo kag tita pasensya na huh, kay amu lang ni ang amun” she told me, while looking into my wondering eyes. She gave a lot actually; I should have told her that it was more than enough. Smiling, I replied: “Wow, thank you guid nang, thank you guid, Prepared ka man gali, Merry Christmas liwat”.

And that was it, as I walked away from her store, I realized that Christmas wasn’t bad after all. It is such a great season for us to reflect upon ourselves, realize our mistakes, be thankful that we’ve been blessed, share what we have and be closer to Him. I don’t know what made my encounter with Manang magical, but as we unexpectedly exchanged gifts, a once sturdy wall in my heart slowly melted as I smiled to her genuinely. It was such bliss. I still got inquiries regarding my faith, and I would continue searching for the answers. But what’s important to me is now, the celebration of Christmas, if it makes most people happy, then be it! I am not born to spoil others’ happiness.

Happiness is what everybody aims for, as sharing and loving always come with it. Christmas is the perfect season to be happy, to share and to love, like a child born in a manger on Betlehem, Jesus was born to teach us those things, and the child in me, that would always believe in him, inspite of my doubts and hesitations as I came to realize this, a day after Christmas.

a day after christmas

Spiritual