title: AYoungPerson'sGuidetotheTwelveSteps

author: Roos,Stephen.publisher: HazeldenPublishing

isbn10|asin: 0894868519printisbn13: 9780894868511ebookisbn13: 9780585150130

language: English

subject

Teenagers--Conductoflife,Twelve-stepprograms,Teenagers--Alcoholuse,Alcoholics--Rehabilitation,Twelve-stepprograms,Alcoholism--Treatment,Substanceabuse--Treatment.

publicationdate: 1992lcc: BJ1661.R641992ebddc: 362.29/186/0835

subject:

Teenagers--Conductoflife,Twelve-stepprograms,Teenagers--Alcoholuse,Alcoholics--Rehabilitation,Twelve-stepprograms,Alcoholism--Treatment,Substanceabuse--Treatment.

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AYoungPerson'sGuidetoTheTwelveSteps

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AboutthebookAtake-it-alongcompanion,AYoungPerson'sGuidetotheTwelveStepsisjusttherightsizetoputinyourjeans'pocketandtaketoreadonthebus,overthelunchhour,atthebeach.CantheTwelveStepsworkforyoungpeople?Howdoyouusethemtorecoverfromaddiction?Ortocopewithstressfulsituationswithfriends,siblings,anddates?Theseandmanyotherissuesarepresentedhereintermsyoucannotonlylearnfrombutalsoenjoy.EachoftheTwelveStepsiscoveredthroughtheeyesofyoungpeople,takingadvantageofStephenRoos'sintimateknowledgeofandpassionforthegoodlifeofrecovery.

AbouttheauthorStephenRooswasborninNewYorkCityandgrewupinConnecticut.HegraduatedfromYaleandworkedinpublishingbeforebecomingaprofessionalwriter.InadditiontotheMapleStreetKidsstories,whicharepublishedbyHazelden,RoosistheauthoroftheNewEdenKidsseriesandthePetLoversClubbooks.HemakeshishomeinNewYorkState'sHudsonRiverValley.

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AYoungPerson'sGuidetoTheTwelveSteps

StephenRoos

INFORMATION&EDUCATIONALSERVICES

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HazeldenCenterCity,Minnesota55012-0176

©1992byStephenRoos.Allrightsreserved.Published1992.PrintedintheUnitedStatesofAmerica.Noportionofthispublicationmaybereproducedinanymannerwithoutthewrittenpermissionofthepublisher.

LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationDataRoos,Stephen.Ayoungperson'sguidetothetwelvesteps/StephenRoos.p.cm.Summary:Introducestwelve-stepprogramsdesignedtohelppeoplerecoverfromsubstanceabuseandotheraddic-tivebehavior,usingalcoholismasanexample.ISBN0-89486-851-91.TeenagersConductoflife.2.Twelve-stepprograms.3.TeenagersAlcoholuse.4.AlcoholicsRehabilitation.[1.Twelve-stepprograms.2.AlcoholismTreatment.3.SubstanceabuseTreatment.]I.Title.BJ1661.R641992362.29'186'0835dc20

92-21818CIPAC

TheTwelveStepsandthePromiseslistedatthebackofthisbookarereprintedandadaptedwiththepermissionofAlcoholicsAnonymousWorldServices,Inc.PermissiontoreprintandadapttheTwelveStepsdoesnotmeanthatAlcoholicsAnonymoushasreviewedorapprovedthecontentsofthispublication,northatAAagreeswiththeviewsexpressedherein.Theviewsexpressedhereinaresolelythoseofthe

author.AAisaprogramofrecoveryfromalcoholism.UseoftheTwelveStepsinconnectionwithprogramsandactivitiesthatarepatternedafterAA,butthataddressotherproblems,doesnotimplyotherwise.

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ContentsWelcome 1

Step1 3

Step2 13

Step3 22

Step4 30

Step5 39

Step6 49

Step7 58

Step8 67

Step9 76

Step10 87

Step11 96

Step12 106

TheTwelveStepsofAlcoholicsAnonymous 115

ThePromisesofAlcoholicsAnonymous 116

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WelcomeEversincetheTwelveStepswereformulatedbythefoundersofAlcoholicsAnonymousin1939,theyhavebecomeanindispensabletoolforhundredsofthousandsofrecoveringmenandwomen.TheireffectivenesshasnotgoneunnoticedoutsideAA.Atlastcountthereweretwohundredanonymousself-helpgroupsthatalsousethesteps,withonlyslightmodifications.

Thestepsaresuggestedguidesforrecovery.Thereisnorulethatsaysanyonehastodothem,andthere'snoregulationabouthowtheyshouldbedone.It'samatterofpersonalcomfortandconviction,andofbeingcontinuallyenrichedbyhearingthestoriesofourpeers.

Iwanttothanktheyoungpeoplewhoencouragedmetoundertakethisguide.Withtheirpermission,Ihavequotedsomeofthethingstheysharedwithmeoutsidetheirmeetings.IcanassurereadersthatIhavealteredtheirnamesaswellasthedetailsoftheirstoriestoprotecttheiranonymity.

Howanonymousweareaboutourdrinkinganddruggingproblemsisamatterofpersonal

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choice.Howpubliclywediscussourrecovery,includingourexperiencewiththesteps,isalsoourowndecision.ActualmembershipinanyTwelveStepfellowship,however,hastobeanonymous.It'sessentialthatwerespectthatanonymityforthesakeoftheotherindividualsinthefellowshipandtheeffectivenessofthegroupasawhole.

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Step1Weadmittedwewerepowerlessoveralcoholthatourliveshadbecomeunmanageable.*

"HowcanIbeanalcoholic?"fifteen-year-oldJerryasked."I'mnotevenoldenoughtodrinklegallyyet!"

Everyyoungpersonwhohaseverhadtoconfronttheirownalcoholism**canidentifywithJerry.Whatmaysurpriseyoungpeople,however,isthatpracticallyeveryalcoholicor

*TheTwelveStepsarereprintedandStepsThree,Seven,andElevenareadaptedwithpermissionofAlcoholicsAnonymousWorldServices,Inc.PermissiontoreprintandadapttheTwelveStepsdoesnotmeanthatAAhasreviewedorapprovedthecontentsofthispublication,northatAAagreeswiththeviewsexpressedherein.AAisaprogramofrecoveryfromalcoholism;useoftheTwelveStepsinconnectionwithprogramsandactivitiesthatarepatternedafterAA,butthataddressotherproblems,doesnotimplyotherwise.TheoriginalTwelveStepsofAAarereprintedintheirentiretyinthebackofthisbook.**ManyyoungpeopleIknowareaddictedtochemicalsotherthanalcohol.Someareevenaddictedtobehaviors,suchasbulimia.Forsimplicity'ssakeonly,Ioftenrefertoalcoholthroughmuchofthisbook.Buttheprinciplesapplytoanyaddiction,chemicalorotherwise.

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otherdrugaddict,nomatterwhatage,raceorreligion,sexualorientationorsocialbackground,hasfeltthesame:addictionhappenstootherpeople.

Nomatterhowstrongtheevidenceis,wecanalwaysfindarationaletoexplainwhywecouldn'tpossiblybeanaddictoralcoholic."Myfather'sanalcoholicandI'mnevergoingtobeanythinglikehim,"runsonelineofdenial."Ionlydrinkonweekends,"runsanother.''I'monthehonorroll!"goesathird.

Iftheconsequencesofalcoholismweren'tsodevastating,theexcusesmightbefunny.Butasthecorrelationbetweendrugsandalcoholandteenagedepressionandsuicidebecomesclearer,therationalesgrowmoreandmoretragic.Eventeenagerswhoaresickandtiredofbeingtoldthey'retooyoungtodothisorhavethatmaybesorrytolearnhowdemocraticalcoholismis:you'renevertooyoungtogetit.

Wehearthatalcoholismisaself-diagnoseddisease.Thatcansoundoff-the-wallwhenweconsiderhoweasyitisforfamily,friends,teachers,andsometimeseventhejusticesystemtotelluswehaveadrinkingandusingproblem.Timeandtimeagainsocietyhastriedtoencourage,evenforce,alcoholicsintosobriety.TheyeventriedtomakelawsagainstitwithProhibitionafterWorldWarI!Butnomatterwhatmeasuresaretaken,nothingwillhelpusuntilwediagnoseourselvesas

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alcoholics,admittingthatwearepowerlessoveralcoholandthatalcoholhasmadeourlivesunmanageable.

Whytheexcuses?Whydowedenytheproblem?Arewejusthopelessne'er-do-wellswhowillfullyrefusetoseethelight?Ifwelookatourselvesinamorehumane,moresympatheticway,perhapswe'llbeabletoseedenialforwhatitis.

Whetherornotweconsciouslyrecognizeit,allofushavefeltpain.Someofusgrewupinhomeswherewewitnessedandexperiencedabuse.Forsomeofus,theabusewasblatant,evenviolent.Sometimestherewaspovertyaswellasillness.Andveryoftenthatillnesswasaparent'salcoholism.

You'renevertooyoungtogetit.

Inotherhomes,theabusewasmoresubtle.Theremayhavebeenmoney,buttherewasalsoconstantcomplainingthatitwasn'tenoughorfearthatitwouldallbegonetomorrow.Perhapsourparentstreateduswellenough,butwewereforcedtowitnesstheircrueltytoeachother.Maybeourparentshurtuswithexpectationsthatwecouldn'tliveupto.

Doalcoholicsenduremorepainaschildrenthanotherpeopledo?Thatseemsunlikely.Afterall,painispartoflifeandweallexperienceitperiodically.Butifyou'reanalcoholic

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orotherdrugaddict,itmaywellbethatnooneevertaughtyouhealthywaystohandlethepainyoufelt.Perhapsyourparentscouldn'tshowyouhealthyexamplesbecausetheydidn'tknowhowtohandlepainthemselves.

Ifwespokeoutaboutourfeelings,wewereveryoftenignored.Ifwecomplainedaboutcertainabuses,wewerefrequentlypunished.Itwasn'tlongbeforewelearnedtopretendthepainwasn'tthere.Webegantobelievethatifwehidfromourfeelings,maybethey'dgoaway.Thiswasdenialanditwasasurvivaltechnique.Ithelpedusgetthrough!

Denial,however,isanuphillbusiness.Themoreyoudenyfeelings,theharderitgets.

Denial,however,isanuphillbusiness.Themoreyoudenyfeelings,theharderitgets.That'swhyalcoholanddrugsseemedliketheanswertoourprayers.Theyseemedtotakeallthe''work"outofignoringourproblemsandhidingfromourfeelings.Didtheymakeusfeelmorepeaceful?Morecomfortable?Morecapable?Didn'tboozeanddrugsmakeusfeelgoodthefirsttime?Thesecond?Thethird?Forsomeofus,didn'ttheyseemtobethebestfunwehadgoing?

Sowhatifwehadbeentoldtimeandtimeagaintheboozeanddrugswerenoanswer!Theywerebetterthananythingelsewehad

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found.Beingpowerlessoveralcoholseemedbesidethepointwhenalcoholgaveustheonlypowerwehadeverhad.

Forawhile,averyshortwhile,itreallydidfeelasiflifewerebetter,moremanageablethanithadeverbeen.Butthenthingsstartedtosour,thedenialkickedin.Wetoldourselvesthatthehangoverswereasmallpricetopay,theproblemsatschoolreallyweren'tthatserious,thecaraccidentwouldhavehappenedevenifwe'dbeensober.

Themorewereliedondrugsandalcohol,thelesswedependedonwhateverhealthycopingskillswehaddeveloped.Whenthetroublesbegan,wewerepsychologically,ifnotphysically,addictedtodrugsandalcohol.Webelievedindrugsandalcoholand,totellthetruth,wewerebelievinglessandlessineverythingelse.

"IkepttellingmyselfIcouldn'tbeanalcoholicbecauseInevergotintotroublewiththelaw.ButthenIgotarrested."

Ourworldgotsmaller.Ourrangeofoptionsgotnarrower.Ifweadmittedthatourliveswereunmanageable,weknew,consciouslyornot,thatwewouldhavetodosomethingaboutourdrinkingandourusing.Butwewerehookedandwecouldn'tlookatanyofthat.Sothesolutionwastoinsistnomatter

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whatthatourlivesweremanageable.Howmanytimeshavewetoldtheworld,"Everything'sokay.Don'tworryaboutit"?

Itbecameaviciouscircle.Weknewsomethingwaswrong.Weknewitwasn'tworkingthewayithad.Butwedideverythingwecouldtoconvinceotherpeoplethatnothingwaswrong.Ifwedidn'tconvincethemwewereokay,weconvincedthemthatwedidn'tcare.Wepointedatotherpeoplewithdrinkingproblems.Aslongastherewassomeoneelsedoingworse,weweren'tsobad.Itwasinsane,butitwastheonlywaytoavoidtheconsequences.Thedegreetowhichwekiddedourselvesonlygoestoshowhowpowerfulthediseaseisandhowpowerlessweareoverit.

"Iwasonthehonorroll,"saysLiz,aseventeen-year-oldhighschoolseniorwhohasbeensobertwoyears."Iusedtopointatthiskidwhowasflunkingoutofschoolandexplainhewasanalcoholic.ItprotectedmefromdealingwiththerealitythatIwasanalcoholictoo.Butitdidn'ttakelongtolearnthateverytimeIpointthefingeratsomeoneelse,therearethreeotherfingerspointeddirectlyatme!"

Derek,who'ssixteen,shakeshisheadsadly."Iwashavingtroubleatschool,"hesays."ButIkepttellingmyselfIcouldn'tbealcoholicbecauseInevergotintotroublewiththelaw.ButthenIgotarrested."

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"Isthatwhenyougotsober?"Jerryasks.

"No,"Derekexplains."That'swhenIdecidedIcouldn'tbealcoholicbecauseIwasn'tsleepinginthestreets."

Andsoitgoes.Theinmatedoingtimeinprisoncanpointtothedrunkinthegutterastherealalcoholic,andthedrunkintheguttercanpointtosomeoneelsetoo.

It'saprogressivedisease.You'llhearitlikenedtoadescendingelevator.

Itwasn'tverylongagothatrecoveryfromalcoholismanddrugaddictionwasthoughttobepracticallyimpossible.Eventwentyyearsago,arecoveringalcoholicorotheraddictwasveryrare,almostexotic.Onlyinthelastfewyearshaveweseenrecoveryasanormal,achievablething.

It'saprogressivedisease.You'llhearitlikenedtoadescendingelevator.Intheolddays,alcoholics,almostwithoutexception,wentallthewaytothebottom.Thismeantwetbrain(aconditioninwhichyoulosecontroloveryourmindandbodyfunctions),institutionalizationinaprisonorahospital,orevendeath.WhenAAstartedup,mostofitsmembershadhitbottomandhadbeenveryclosetodeath.Itwasthought,mistakenly,thatonlydrunkswhohadhitthatbottomcouldtakerecoveryseriously.Nowweknow

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better.Nowadays,theelevatordoesn'thavetogoallthewaytothebasement.Youcanpushthebuttonandgetoffathigherandhigherfloors.

Buttodothat,wehavetostartlookingatourselves.Wehavetostoppointingtoothersasthe"real"alcoholicsandseeifwearereadyfortheFirstStep.Allalcoholicsandotheraddictsneedcourageforthat.Buttheteenagealcoholicorotheraddictneedsalittleextrawillingnesstobehonest.Afterall,aswegetolderandfalllowerandlower,therejustaren'tasmanyotherpeopletopointourfingersat!Yes,youngpeopledoflunkoutofschool,getintroublewiththelaw,becomedepressed,andsometimeskillthemselves.Buttherearestillmany,manyalcoholicsyoungpeoplecanpointtoandsaytruthfullythattheyaren'tlikethat.

TakingtheFirstStepmeansnotcomparingourselveswithanybody.Itmeansaskingourselveshonestlyifwearepowerlessoverdrugsandalcohol,notifsomeoneismorepowerlessthanweare!Itmeansnotblamingaparent,afriend,orateacherforourproblems.Itmeansacceptingit'sthealcoholandotherdrugsthatgotusintotrouble.It'sadmittingthatgettinghighdoesn'tdowhatitusedto.It'ssayingwecannolongercountonboozeanddrugstogetus"up"and"together"anymore.

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What'smanageableandwhat'sunmanageablecanbeaveryconfusingquestionformanyofus.Afterthetroubling,almostcrazyupbringingmanyofushavehad,wegetusedtoerratic,angry,sad,andfearfulasthenorm.

AsRamon,anineteen-year-oldcollegefreshmansays,"Ithoughteverythingwasfine.MyonlytroublewasIwantedtodie.Inmycrowdthatwasnormal.Myownbrotherhadkilledhimself,andweneversaidithadanythingtodowithdrugsoralcohol!ItwasonlyafterawholemonthofsobrietythatIunderstoodthatjustbecausesomething's'normal'doesn'tmeanit'smanageable!"

TheFirstStephasworkedforthousandsuponthousandsofotherpeoplewithaddictionproblemsnomatterwhatage.Butitmaytakeawhiletobelievethatitcanworkforyoutoo!ManyAAssaythatitwasonlyaftertheyhadbeensoberawhilethattheyreallysawjusthowpowerlessoveralcoholtheyreallywereandhowunmanageablelifehadbecome.

Evenifyouknowinyourheartthatyouarepowerlessoveralcoholandthatlifehasbecomeunmanageable,youmightresisttakingthisstep.Ifit'sbecauseyou'reafraidyouwon'tbeabletomakeagoofsobriety,rememberthatyou'renotalone.Everyrecoveringperson,nomatterwhatage,hasfeltthesame.Atthisverymomentthereareuntold

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numbersofpeoplecomingintoAAfeelingjustasyoudo.

Whetherit'syourfirstdayoryourfortyfifthyearofsobriety,it'salwaysonedayatatime.That'swhysomanymenandwomeninrecoverytakethisstepagainandagain.Manyevendoiteveryday.

Likeyou,theyweretentativeatthebeginning,butastheystayedsober,theirbeliefintheirpowerlessnessoveralcoholandotherdrugsgrewdeeper.Totheirsurprise,andyourstoo,probably,admittingtheywerepowerlessoveralcoholanddrugswasthefirststeptowardfindinggreatpowerwithinthemselves.

TheFirstStepisaninvitationtoawonderfulnewlifeyoumayhaveonlydreamedof.Asweexploretheotherelevensteps,we'lllearnthetoolsthathavemadethathappenforthousandsandthousandsofrecoveringaddictsandalcoholics.

Perhapsyou'reworriedit'sjustgoingtogethardernow.Ifyoucanadmitthatyouarepowerlessoveralcoholanddrugsandthatyourdrinkinganddrugginghavemadeyourlifeunmanageable,congratulationsyou'vejustdonetheFirstStep.Thehardestpartisalreadybehindyou!

Comeon!

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Step2CametobelievethataPowergreaterthanourselvescouldrestoreustosanity.

"What'swiththishigherpowerstuff?"Traci,asixteen-year-oldnewcomer,wassaying."Ithoughttheonlyrequirementformembershipwasadesiretostopdrinkinganddrugging."

Jerry,sittingnexttoTraci,nervouslybithislipandlookedworried."AAmakesyoubelieveinGod?"heasked."Isn'tthatjustplainundemocratic?"

Theotheryoungpeopleinthediscussiongroupnoddedinagreement.Althoughthegroupcounselorsaidthatnoonewasgoingtobepressuredintobelievinganything,noteveryonebelievedher.

Thecounselorrespectedtheirdoubts."WouldyoubewillingtocheckouttheGodstuffbeforechuckingit?"sheasked.

Thepeoplewereskepticalbuttheywerewilling.

Thecounselorpointedoutthatinthefifty-plusyearssincethestepswereformulated,

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generationaftergenerationofrecoveringalcoholicshaveapproachedtheSecondStepwiththesamedoubt.

Noteveryonewithadrinkingproblemisskepticalaboutthevalueofaspirituallife.ManypeoplecometotheprogrambelievingGodhasguidedthemevenintheworstoftimes.Butmanydon'tseehowGodcouldhavecreatedaworldinwhichsomanyunspeakablehorrorstakeplace,seeminglyonadailybasis.Finally,therearethosewhojustdon'tseehowitmattersonewayoranotherifthereisaGod.

Nomatterwhatyourreligiousexperience,StepTwomakesyoulookatspiritualityinawayyouneverhavebefore.

ItmightseemthatStepTwowillbeasnapforthefirstgroup,amajorhurdleforthesecond,andanevencallforthethird.Thesurprisingfactis,however,thatStepTwoisachallengeforeveryone.Nomatterwhatyourreligiousexperience,StepTwomakesyoulookatspiritualityinawayyouneverhavebefore.

Aftertakingthisstep,youmaywanttoworktowardchangingyourbelief.Youmaywanttoleaveitjustwhereitisnow.Whatyouchooseisuptoyouandyourconscience.ThekeytoStepTwoisthewillingnesstolookat

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thingsasopenlyandhonestlyasyoucan.Andaswithalltheothersteps,it'sessentialtorememberthatyourbestisalwaysmorethangoodenough!

IfthementionofGoddoesn'tpushanybuttonsforyou,youmightbewonderingjustwhatallthefussisabout.Thereisasimple,honestexplanation.Anactivespirituallifeandawillingnesstolookatourbeliefsystemandtobeopentochangehaveprovedtobecrucialinhelpingaddictsandalcoholicsrecoverfromtheirdisease!It'sapracticalmatter:spiritualfaithworks.

Bynowyou'veprobablyalreadyheardabout''thealcoholicpersonality."Whilemostalcoholicsandaddictsbecomebright,witty,delightful,andincrediblycharmingassoonastheycomeintorecovery,ittakesabitlongerforsomeoftheotherstogetittogether.Nowandthen,youmayevenmeetarecoveringpersonyouwouldn'twanttowalkdownadarkalleywith!AsonehighschoolseniorsaidonhersecondAAanniversary,"WhileIloveyouall,IhavetoadmittherearesomeofyouIlikeawholelotmorethanothers!"

It'squitepossiblethatthere'snobasicpersonalitydifferencebetweenalcoholicsandanyoneelse.Butitdoesseemthat,nomatterwhatourage,wetendtobeonevery,verysensitivebunch.Asagroup,weseemtobeoverlyconcerned,sometimesevenobsessed,withfindingfaultandfixingblame.

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Evenbeforetheevidenceisin,evenbeforeweknowsomething'sgonewrong,we'rethefolkswhoseemtoknowforsurethatwe'regoingtogetblamedforit.Andmostofthetime,whetherweadmititornot,wethinkweshouldbeblamedforit.

Somepeoplecallitbeingthe''pieceofjunkatthecenteroftheuniverse."Othertimesit'sbeencalled"thearrogantdoormat."IntheAAwritings,it'scalled''self-centeredfear."

Inourself-centeredfear,webecomethecauseofeverything.Andbecauseweallhaveastrongnegativestreak,wethinkwearethecauseofeverythingthatgoeswrongeverytestwefail,everydisappointment,everyfamilyfight.Developingabeliefinahigherpowershowsourwillingnesstoconsiderthatwearenotatthecoreofeverything.Thepossibilityalonetakessuchanenormousweightoffourshouldersthatwedecidetoinvestigatesomemore.Whilethatmeansevenmorewillingness,it'swellworththeeffort.

Howweseeourhigherpoweris,ofcourse,ahighlyindividualchoice.Someofusfindtheconceptswewerebroughtupwithtobethemostcomfortable,themostuseful.Others,particularlythoseofuswhohavenothadeasy,lovingrelationshipswithourfamilyreligions,oftenlookelsewhere.

"MybirthfathertookahikewhenIwasabouttwodaysold,"seventeen-year-oldBillexplains."Mystepfatherridiculedme

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becauseI'mgay.SotheOurFatherconceptdidn'tworkformeatall."

"InthechurchIwentto,Godwasalwayspunishingpeopleforeverything,"saysfourteen-year-oldEllie,who'sbeencleanforayearnow."Ididn'tgetsobertogetpunishedanymore.Igooutintothewoodsandthat'swheremyhigherpoweris.AsfarasI'mconcerned,youdon'thavetobelongtoanyreligiontobedeeplyspiritual."

ManyothersinAAwouldagree.Atthebeginningoftheirrecovery,manyAAsseetheirhomeAAgroupastheirhigherpower.Soonenough,however,theyrealizethatotherpeoplereallycan'tbetheirhigherpower.Evenso,somepeoplefeelthattheirhigherpowerspeaksthroughtheirAAgroup.

"Well,youdon'thavetobecrazy.Butitsurehelps."

Butevenafterweopenuptothepossibilitythatahigherpowercanbeaneffectivetool,manyofusdonotseehowthephrase"restoreustosanity"appliestous.AsJerryputit,"SoIdidacouplecrazythingswhenIwasdrinking.Isn'titbadenoughIhaveadrinkingproblem?DoIhavetobecrazytoo?"

"Well,youdon'thavetobecrazy,"Billreplied."Butitsurehelps."

Everyonelaughed,butthegroupleaderaskedthemtoexaminetheirowndefinitions

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ofinsanity.Forsome,insanitymeantnoisy,violentactingout.Forothers,itwasgoingintoashellandnotsayingawordtoasoulfordaysonend.Asthediscussionwenton,itseemedeveryonehadaverydifferentnotionofwhatinsanitycouldbe.

Nowthattheyweren'tdrinkingandusing,theydidn'tseethemselvesactingoutinthose"insane"waysthatmarkedtheirdrinkinganddruggingyears.Asfarasmostofthemwereconcerned,thesecondhalfoftheSecondStepwasprobablyafineideaforotherpeople.

"Butwhataboutyourfeelings?"thegroupleaderasked."Whataboutyourfears?"

"I'vespentalotoftimeworryingaboutgettingintocollege,"saysLiz,who'sinherlastyearofhighschoolandhasbeensobertwoyears."IstartworryingthatmylifewillbeoverifIdon'tgetin!"

"Igetrealfrightenedingroups,"Jerrysaid."SometimesIevenbreakoutinasweattoo."

Astheconversationmovedaroundthegroup,almosteveryonewasabletoadmitatleastonemajorfearthatjustwasn'trational.Eventhoughthefearswereallirrational,thekidsadmittedtheyhadalluseddrugsandalcoholbecauseofthem.

"It'samazingallthecrazythingsIusedtodo,"saysDerek,whohasbeensoberayearnow."Likedealingdrugsbehindthehighschoolandbreakingintoaliquorstore.Ineveronceworriedaboutthecopscatching

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me.I'vebeenonprobationforayearnow,andeverydayIseemoreclearlyhowreallyinsaneIwas!"

Practicallyalltheotherscouldnamesimilartimeswhentheyhadbeentotallyunafraidofgreatrisks.Consideringthepotentialconsequences,ithadbeen"insane"forthemtobeasfearlessastheyhadbeen.Soonallbutoneoftheteenagerssawsomeaspectoftheirpresentlifeasinsane.

"Well,Ican'tthinkofone'crazy'thinglikethat,"saidsixteen-year-oldTraci."MaybeI'mcrazynottothinkI'mcrazy."

"Howaboutyourdrinking?"askedBill,whohasbeenintheprogramtwoyears."Didn'tyouthinkitwasgoingtomakeeverythingokay?"

"SureIdid,"Traciadmitted."Isn'tthatwhyeveryonedrinks?BecauseIdon'tlikemyselftoomuch."

"Butyouweregettingsickerandsicker,weren'tyou?Andyoukeptondrinkinganyway."

"So?"

"Iheardoncethatinsanityisdoingthesamethingoverandoverandthinkingtheconsequencesaregoingtobedifferent.Isn'titcrazythinkingsomethingthatcankillyouisgoingtomakeeverythingokay?"

Tracithoughtitover.Thenshesmiled."SoI'mcrazytoo."Shelaughed."Tobelieveallthoseliesboozeanddrugstoldme,IguessI'dhavetobe,wouldn'tI?"

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Eventhoughweliketotakeontoomuchblame,wecan'ttakeallthecreditfornotbeingabletotellwhensomething'scrazyandwhensomething'snot.WhenwetooktheFirstStep,manyofusfoundthatourupbringinghadpreventedusfrombeingabletodistinguishwhatwasmanageablefromwhatwasnot.Ifwelookmorecloselyatourlives,we'llseehowwelearnedmanyofour"insane"attitudesandbeliefsfromourfamilies.Andlestwedecidetoblamethemforitall,let'srememberthattheywerejustpassingonwhattheyhadlearnedfromtheirfamilies.

"SoI'mcrazytoo.Tobelieveallthoseliesboozeanddrugstoldme,IguessI'dhavetobe,wouldn'tI?"

"Wegrewupnotthinkingveryhighlyofourselvesbecauseourfamiliesdidn'tthinkveryhighlyofthemselves,"thegroupleaderpointedout."Ifyou'reopen-minded,theSecondStepcanteachyouthathatingyourselfisreallycrazy."

"Inotherwords,theSecondStepcouldrestoremetolovingmyself?"Traciasked.

"That'swhathigherpowerdidforme,"Billsaid.

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Althoughitlookshardatfirst,evenintimidating,generationsofrecoveringmenandwomenhavefoundtheSecondStepisjusttoogoodanoffertorefuse!

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Step3MadeadecisiontoturnourwillandourlivesovertothecareofGodasweunderstoodGod.*

Bestill.Listentoyourbreathing.LetitbecomedeeperandmoreregularFeelthetightnessinyourmusclesandboneseasealittle.Findthatstill,quietplacedeepwithinyou.Touchitandfeelpeaceful.Rememberyouarenotalone.

That'sonewaytodoStepThree.

Help!Ican'tdoitallbymyselfanymore!

That'sanotherway.

SpendafewmomentsinStepThreeonemorninganditswarmpeacefulnesswillstaywithyoutilltheendoftheday.

Tryitanothermorninganditlastsonlyamomentortwo.Itseemsyou're"turningitover"everyotherminute.

*Thechangehereto"...GodasweunderstoodGod"isanadaptationoftheoriginalThirdStepoftheTwelveStepsofAlcoholicsAnonymous,whichreads"...GodasweunderstoodHim."TheoriginalTwelveStepsofAAarereprintedintheirentiretyinthebackofthisbook.

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Doesthatmean:

A.You'velostyourtouch;you'reprobablydoingsomethingwrong(again!).

B.Yourhigherpowerhaslosthis/hertouch(again!).

C.TheThirdStepisajoke.

D.Somedaysarethepits!

There'snorightorwronganswerhere.Itdependsonhowyou'refeeling.Despitewhatmanyofusmayhavebeentaught,there'snothing"right"or"wrong"aboutfeelingsoraboutspiritualbelief.Spiritualityisatoolthathelpssomeofuslivehappierlives.Itisnotayardstickbywhichwemeasureourworth.

Ifyou'renotreadyorwilling,orifyou'rejustnotinterestedinlearninghowtousethisparticulartool,don'tbeatuponyourself.Whateveryourreasons,they'regoodones,basedonrealfeelingsthatcomefromrealexperience.Allyouneedaretwothings.First,awillingnesstolistentootherrecoveringpeople'sexperienceswiththeThirdStep.Andsecond,anopennesstothepossibilitytheremaybesomethinghereforyousomewheredowntheline.

Ofallthetoolsavailableinrecovery,theThirdStephasgottobethemostpopular.Timeandtimeagainithashelpedpeoplegetthroughdifficultmomentsandhelpedthemfindsolutionstheyneverdreamedexisted!

"WhenIgottotheprogram,Idefinitelydid

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notbelieveinahigherpower,"saysDerek."IfiguredtheThirdStepdidn'tapplytome.Itjustneveroccurredtomethatfaithcanstartfromnothingandjustgrow.Faithjusttakestime,Iguess,onlyIdidn'tlikeanythingthattooktime."

Recoveringalcoholicscanbeasimpatientasanyoneelse.Justlikeeveryoneelsewecangetfrustratedwhenthingsdon'thappenrightaway.Nowonderusingappealedtoussomuch!Therewasnowaitthere.Takeapill,ahit,oradrink,andpresto!wewerethere.Processwasadrag.Itwasforpeoplewhodidn'tmindwastingtime.Whybotherwithit?

It'shardtoblameanyoneforwantingtofeelbetter.Consideringthatfearwasrampantinmanyofourhouseholds,wecan'tblameourselvesforwantingimmediaterelief.Theproblemisthatboozeanddrugsfedourdelusionthatwecouldskipprocessaltogether.

Butlikeitornot,processisoneoflife'srealities.Everythingisaboutprocess,includingdrugsandalcohol.Themorewedrank,themoreweneededtodrink.Nomatterhowwellonedrugworked,mostofuswounduptryingothers.Eventhoughwedidourbesttodenyit,gettinghighwasgettingharderandtheconsequencesweregettingmoreserious.

Theheadachesturnedintomonumentalhangovers.Thedateswemissed(justbecausewedidn'tfeellikeit!)becamemorefrequent.Thelittledisagreementswerebecoming

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all-outfights.Lastyear'sfenderbenderwaslastweek'snear-fatalcollision.Righttotheveryendofourdrinkingandusing,wedeniedthatanythinghadchangedevenwhenalcoholanddrugswerethreateningourlives!

Soit'sunderstandableifyoudon'tseefaithasaprocesseither.Tomanyofus,faithwasjustablack-or-whitedeal:somefolkshaditandsomefolksdidn't.Ifyoubelieved,youbelievedtotally.Ifyoudidn'tbelieve,youdidn'tbelieveatall.Ifyoudidn'tcare,youdidn'tcareatall.

"AtthebeginningIfeltreallybadaboutStepThree.Imean,I'dneverthoughtaboutGodonewayortheotherandallofasuddenit'slikeIhavetoturneverythingovertohim."

Someofusshiedawayfromfaithbecauseweperceiveditassomethingspookyandoverlymystical.Manyofushavebeenoffendedbythecynical,sometimesevencriminal,wrongdoingandhypocrisyofcertainreligiousleaders.Tothosepeople,itcameasarealsurprisethatinAAonecanscornreligionandstillhaveadeepspiritualfaith.

InStepThree,welearnthatwedon'tneedtobelieveinanyreligionorlistentoanyreligiousleadersinordertobespiritual."Godaswe

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understoodGod''isthekeyphrasehereandthatmeansanunlimitedfreedomyoumayneverhaveconsideredbefore.

Atfirst,thefreedomisalittlebewildering.Itmayalsobeveryconfusing.That'smorethanokay;manyofourmostspiritualwomenandmenhavehadprofounddoubts.Suchdoubtsarepartofanyseriousspiritualsearch.Allthat'sneededinStepThreeisawillingnesstothinkaboutahigherpower,findoutwhatyourfeelingsare,andbeopentowhereveryourexperiencetakesyou.

''AtthebeginningIfeltreallybadaboutStepThree,"Liz,thehighschoolsenior,admitted."Imean,I'dneverthoughtaboutGodonewayortheotherandallofasuddenit'slikeIhavetoturneverythingovertohim.Ijustcouldn'tdoit,andIstartedtoworrythatitwasgoingtokeepmefromgettingsober."

TheThirdStepasksustoturnourwillandourlivesovertothecareofahigherpower.Lizsaysthathelpedherfeelmorecomfortable."Itjustmeanttherewassomeoneorsomethingouttherethatwasgoingtotakecareofme.Inthebeginningofmysobriety,therewerealotofthingsIcouldn'ttakecareofmyself.OnceIadmittedit,workingtheThirdStepbecamearealhelp."

Janinehasbeencleanandsoberforfouryears.Nownineteen,sheworksinabankandisengagedtobemarried.Sheexplainedhow

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herunderstandingofGodchangedinherfirstmonthsoftheprogram."Istillhadmylicense,butI'dbeeninacaraccidentandIwasreallyfrightenedaboutdriving,especiallyatnight.MysponsoraskedifI'dtrytheThirdSteptoovercomemyfearofdriving.SoIdid,butthefirsttimewasscaryandIonlydrovethreeblocks.NexttimeIdroveacoupleofmilesandinacoupleofweeksIwasfine.That'showI'vedonetheThirdStepsincethen.Littlebylittle.Blockbyblock."

Anyonewhothinksfaithisblindhasn'theardhowrecoveringpeopledeveloptheirownspirituality.Faithisatool,andit'sbasedonyourownpersonalexperiencewithit.Aswithothertools,faithgetsbetterthemoreyouexperimentwithit.

Wedowithfaithjustwhatwedowithanythingelsethat'snewtous:wetestit.Ifthefirsttestgoeswelloneday,thenwe'lltryitagainthenext.LikeJaninewhowasafraidtodriveatnight,we'llgoalittlefurtherwithiteverytime.

Itsoundslikeaveryslow,verylaboriousprocess."Onedayatatime"canseemlikeforever.Butifyougiveitachance,you'llseehowquicklythosedaysaddup.

Alltoooften,wesetoursightsontheonething,theoneevent,oreventheonepersonwhowillmakeourlivesworkoutforus.Howmanyofushaveresortedtothatfoxholeprayerof"God,ifyou'llonlyletmepassthetest,get

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thejob,beinvitedtotheparty,IpromiseIwillneverdrink,drug,lie,cheat,steal,askanotherthingofyou,aslongasIlive!"

Webecomedesperate.What'sgoingtohappenifthejob,thegrade,thedate,doesn'tcomethrough?Althoughwemaylaughatourdramaticintensity,it'simportantnottobeatuponourselvesforit.Afterall,weonlydidwhatwesawothersdoingespeciallythoseofuswhogrewupinhomeswherepeoplewerecold,sometimesevenabusive.Ourlivesreallydidseemtobeanever-endingquestforthatonething(oroneperson)thatwouldmakeusokay,lovable,safe.

"I'mjustbeginningtolearnthatmyhigherpowerhasalotbetterthingsinstoreformethanIcouldeverimagine."

Inturningourwillandourlivesovertothecareofahigherpower,wearealsoturningovertheoutcome.AsDereksays,"I'mjustbeginningtolearnthatmyhigherpowerhasalotbetterthingsinstoreformethanIcouldeverimagine."AsDereklearned,insistingononesolutionblindsustoothersolutionsthatareverylikelybetterthantheoneswedreamedup.

Butsadanddifficult,eventragic,thingsdohappen.Abelovedrelativedies,afriendbecomessick,adreamwewerecountingon

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hastobepostponedorevenre-envisioned.Timeslikethesecanshakeone'sfaith."IsthattherewardIgetforbeingsober?"weask."Ifthat'swhat'sbeinghandeddown,I'drathergetwasted!"weconclude.

Faithdoesnotpreventbadthingsfromhappeninginourlives.Butfaithdoeshelpustohandlelife'sdifficultiesinbetterwaysthanweeverimaginedpossible.Ithelpsustoconsideraplanorpurposehigherthanourown.Feelingpainaswedo,wecanbesurethatwe'llgetthroughitandsoberlytoo.

Painhurtseveninsobriety.Butinaveryrealway,italsostrengthensus.Welearn.Wegrow.Aswecometounderstandthatwewereneversupposedtodoitalone,weacceptourselvesasweareandloveourselvesbetter.We'veaskedforhelpandwe'vereceivedit.Everytimeithappens,ourfaithgrowstoo.

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Step4Madeasearchingandfearlessmoralinventoryofourselves.

Youwon'thavetogotomanyTwelveStepmeetingsbeforeyouhearAAsfrettingandsometimesevengroaningabouttheFourthStep.Nostepseemstoarousemoreanxietythanthisone.Maybeit'stheprospectofbeingfearlessthatmakesussofearful.Maybetheword"moral"makesusdreadwe'llfindoutthatwe'reworsethanwethought.Whateverthereason,morethanafewofuscanfeelforthehighschoolsophomorewhoannounced,half-jokingly,"Idon'tneedthisstep!IalreadyknowwhatahorriblepersonIam!"

Findingoutwe'reworsethanweeverfearedisdefinitelynotwhatStepFourisabout.Thelastthinganyofusneedsisanotherchancetobeatuponourselves.Haven'tmostofusbeendoingthatlongenoughalltoooftenwith"help"fromourfamilies,teachers,andfriends?

Nowwouldbeagoodtimetoremindourselvesthatthesteps,liketheothertoolsin

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theprogram,areheretohelpusgetmoreoutoflife,nottohurtorfrightenus.Ifsobrietywerepunishment,veryfewpeoplewouldtryitinthefirstplace,andabsolutelynoonewouldstickwithit!

Remember,theonlystepweareaskedtodoperfectlyistheFirstStep.Theothersteps,theFourthincluded,wedoaswellaswecan.Aswedothem,welearnthatourbestefforts,aslongaswe'resoberandworkingtheprogram,arealwaysmorethangoodenough.

AsRamon,whoreferstohimselfasa"recoveringgarbagehead"says,"Fromhearingtheolderpeopleatthemeetings,Ithoughtittookmonthsjusttogetupthecouragetodoit!"WhilesomehavechosentowaitawhilebeforemovingintotheFourthStep,manydotheirfirstFourthStepwithintheirfirstmonthsofrecovery.ManyrecoveringpeopleareintroducedtotheFourthStepwhiletheyarestillinrehab!Ontheotherhand,ifwejustcan'tseemtoshakethefeelingthattheFourthStepissomekindofpunishment,itmightbeagoodideatoputthisstepoffuntilwefeelbetteraboutdoingit.

Evenifwe'regunghoabouttakingonStepFour,itcanbehelpfultotalkwithourcounselororsponsor.Ifwe'renotyetcomfortablestayingawayfromdrugsandalcoholonedayatatime,ourcounselororsponsormightsuggestwekeepourfocusonthefirstthreesteps.Later,whenwegetalittlemoreusedtobeing

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drink-freeanddrug-free,wecantackleStepFour.Ifwearegoingthroughahardtimeandthat'swhenmanyofusfeelduty-boundtobehardestonourselvesourcounselororsponsormightsuggestthatwedothisstepwhenwearebeinggentlerwithourselves.

Evenbeforewestartedusing,wewerealreadyharshinourself-assessments.Indeed,manyofushavecomefromfamiliesthatseemedtopromoteourlowself-esteem.Ourexperiencewithothers,teachersandfriendsincluded,onlymadeusfeelworse.Drinkinganddruggingweresupposedtorelieveusfromthat,butthemoreweused,theworsewefeltaboutourselves.HereinStepFourisourchanceformanyofusourveryfirsttoseeourselvesinakinder,soberlight.

TheFourthStepisnotatest.Youcan'tfailit!

Whilewemaynowcometogripswithsomecharacterdefectsaswellassomeembarrassingandevenpainfulmemories,weneedtolookatthegoodthingstoo.Forexample:Maybewehavegonetobatforfriends,workedhardatschool,triedhardtopleaseourfamilies,managedonourowninacrazyfamily.

Alcoholicstendtoseethingsintermsofgoodandbad,rightandwrong.Evenbefore

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wefoundourselvesaddictedtodrugsandalcohol,wewereaddictedtoseverejudgmentsofeverythingunderthesun,ourselvesincluded!TheFourthStepgivesusanopportunitytoseeourselvesinalightthatinformsbutdoesn'tjudge.

That'snottosayweloseallcriticaljudgment.InourFourthStep,wewillseesomequalitiesasassetsandothersasdefects.Butwewon'tgloatovertheassetsaswedidbefore,andwewon'tcondemnourselvesbecauseofourdefects.Wearesickpeoplegettinghealthy,notbadpeoplegettinggood.

KeepinmindthattheFourthStepisnotatest.Youcan'tfailit!

AsyoustartyourFourthStep,spendafewminutes,maybemoreifneeded,goingoverthefirstthreesteps.RememberthatadmittingourpowerlessnessinStepOnewasoneofthemostrelievingandfreeingthingsweeverdid.RememberhowtheSecondStephelpedusunderstandthatitwascrazytothinkweneededtobeincontrol.RememberthatintheThirdStephandingourwillandourlivesovertothecareofahigherpowergaveusthegreateststrengthandpeacewehadeverknown.

Nowwe'rereadyforStepFour.Setapieceofpaperonatable.Putapencilnexttoit.Putsomefoodandmaybesomesodaorahotdrinknexttoit.MaybethereshouldbesomerelaxingmusicontheradioorCDplayer.

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Wouldyoubemorecomfortable,moreintouchwithyourself,outdoors?Byallmeans,sitbyastreamifthat'swhatmakesyoufeelgood.We'reheretotakecareofourselvesbetterthanweeverhavebefore,nottohurtourselves.Remember,there'snowrongwaytodothisstep.It'swhat'scomfortableforusthatmatters!

Someofuscomefromabusive,evenviolent,households.ForourFourthStep,wehavetomakeaspecialefforttokeepfromlistingthecharacterdefectsofthepeoplewhohavehurtus.Althoughitcanbeastretch,wehavetokeepourfocusonourselves!

Ifthere'sonethingwelearninoursobriety,it'sjusthowfearfulwe'vebeenoflife.

Beinghuman,weareprobablygoingtogoforthe"bad"qualitiesfirst,nomatterhownicewetrytobetoourselves.Butjustforonce,let'sgiveourselvesabreakandtrytowritedownsomenicethings.Surelywecanremembermorethanjustafewinstanceswhenwewentoutofourwayforsomeoneelse.Howaboutwriting"helpfultoothers"atthetopofourlist?Whataboutthetimeswestudiedhardtopassatestinordertopleaseourparents?Howaboutjottingdown''eagertoplease"and"willingtoworkhard''?Whataboutthetimewetoldthetrutheventhough

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wethoughtwecouldgetawaywithalie?Howaboutadding"truthful"tothelist?

Areyoufeelinguncomfortablewritingdownyourgoodpoints?Howaboutputtingdown"havetroubleseeingmyassets"?

Nowlet'sseeifwecanlookatthedefectswithoutbeatinguponourselves.Perhapswe'llrememberthetimewesnappedatsomeonewhowasonlymakingasuggestion.Insteadofsayingwe'rejustplainmean,howaboutjottingdown"oversensitivetocriticism"?Whatifweliedaboutnotshowingupforadate?Insteadofjottingdown"liar,"howaboutjottingdown"lied''?Ifwecheatedonatest,howaboutjottingdown''cheated"insteadof"cheater"?Whatifwemisusedthatwonderfulsenseofhumorofoursandhurtsomeone'sfeelings?Insteadofsaying"cruel,"howaboutwriting"canbehurtful"?Andwhatifweweresometimescarelessaboutotherpeople'sfeelings?Howaboutjottingdown"self-absorbed"insteadof"doesn'tcareaboutotherpeople"?

Let'sreviewthelist.Forallthetimeswetoldlies,wehavealsobeentruthful.Forallthetimeswehavebeenlazy,wehavealsobeenhardworking.Forallthetimeswehavebeenindifferenttoothers,wehavealsobeenverycaringaboutotherpeople'swelfare.

Whenwelookoverthelistof"bad"things,weseethecommondenominatoroffearbehindeverysingleoneofthem.Howabout

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writingdown"fearful"?Ifyoufeellikeit,youmightwanttowritealistofallthethingsyouknowyou'reafraidof:forexample,"afraidofcriticism,afraidofdisappointingothers,afraidofnotbeingloved,afraidofnotbeingheard,afraidofnotbeingfedandhoused,afraidofnotbeingsafeandtakencareof."

Ifthere'sonethingwelearninoursobriety,it'sjusthowfearfulwe'vebeenoflife.Fear,itseems,hasbeenournumber-onecharacterdefect.Aswelookcloser,we'llseethatitisthecharacterdefectbehindallourotherdefects.

Drugsandliquor,whichwethoughtweregoingtotakecareofourfearsforever,playedarottentrickonus.Evenifwedidn'tseemtofeelthefear(particularlyatthebeginningofourusing),wewerestillactingoutofthatfearmostofthetime.Nomatterhowmuchwenumbedourfears,theyonlygotworse.

Nowmightalsobeagoodtimetotakenoteofsomeoftheotherthingsthatstillgnawatus.Wemayremembertimeswhenwehurtpeople'sfeelings,adebtwedidn'tpayback,atimewewererudeorevenstolefromsomeone.Justjotthemdown.There!It'sout!Andeventhoughwefeelremorsefulaboutit,wedon'tfeelthedreadandshamethatmadeuspretendwehadn'tdonethosethingsinthefirstplace.

Nowandthen,wecometoamemoryofsomethingthat'sjusttoopainfultohandleat

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thecurrenttime.Ifthat'sthecase,begentlewithyourself.Janinefeltdeeplyashamedaboutthewayshehadtreatedherboyfriend.Atthesuggestionofhersponsor,shedecidedtoputthememoryasideuntilshecouldhandleit.Ayearlaterwhenshewasalotmorecomfortablewithherself,shecamebacktoit.Shewasabletodealwithitinahighlypositive,non-self-abusivemannerthatshewasn'tuptothefirsttimearound!

Takeabreath.Lookoveryourinventory.Isthereanythingyou'dliketoadd?Ifso,writeitdown.Ifnot,whynotputdownthepen.Overthenextdayorso,youmaywanttoaddafewthings,butbasically,you'vejustfinishedyourfirstFourthStep.

Congratulations!

Remember,thisisastepwecandoagainandagain.OurnextFourthStepmaybeverydifferentinformandstyle.Thefeelingsmayalsobedifferent.That'showwegrowinoursobriety,alwayschanging,alwaysfindingnewwaysthatsuitourindividualneeds.

Ifyouhavesomeuneasyfeelingsaboutwhat'scomeupinyourinventory,youcansharethatatmeetings.Youcantalktoyoursponsoraboutit.Thetoolsoftheprogramaretheretobringusallthepeacewedeserve.

Fornow,however,we'vealreadymademajorprogress.Wehaveeveryreasontofeelgoodaboutthat.Withtheotherstepsstillto

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do,wewillcontinuetomakemoreprogressandfeelmorepeace!

Ifwestaysoberandcontinuetoworkthesteps,manyofourworstfearsmightdisappear.Asforthefearsthatdon'tgoaway,wewillbehandlingthembetterthanweevercouldhaveimagined.

That'sonewaytodothestep.Itcouldtakeanhourorawholeafternoon.Itmighttakeseveraldays.Itmightbepageslong,butthatdoesn'tmeanit's"better"thantheFourthStepsomeonewroteonthebackofanenvelope.

Asyoucomebacktothisstep,you'llfindwaysthatsuityoubest.Theimportantthingnowistogetstarted,todiscoverthatlookingintoourselvesisahelpfulandnotahurtfulexperience.Formanyofus,that'sbignews.UntilwegottoStepFour,ourexperiencewithintrospectionhadbeenprimarilymasochistic.Nowthatwe'vehadapositiveexperiencewithit,wecanstarttofeelanewfreedom.

It'safreeingstep,thebeginningofthehealingthatwehearsomuchabout.Evenso,mostnewcomersfindit'stheFifthStepthatbringsusevengreaterfreedomandpeace.

Hanginthere!It'sjustbeginninganditonlygetsbetter!

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Step5AdmittedtoGod,toourselves,andtoanotherhumanbeingtheexactnatureofourwrongs.

Peace.Relief.Anincrediblesenseoflightness.Asthoughahundred-tonburdenofself-centeredremorseandregrethadbeenliftedfromourshoulders.ButnomatterhowmanytimeswehearaboutthebenefitsofStepFive,probablynoonehaseverapproacheditforthefirsttimewithoutdread.

"Tellsomeonewhat'swrongwithme?"Ellielaughs."Inmyfamilyyoudidn'tshareanything,badthingsespecially.Ilearnedearlytotelleveryoneeverythingwasokayallthetime.ItwasthebestwayIknewtokeeppeopleoffmyback."

Billnodsinagreement."WhenIsaidsomethingwaswrongwithme,they'dsayIshouldquitgettinghigh.Orthey'dmakefun.Orthey'dpunishme.Orthey'dblabitallovertown.Talkingaboutanythingrealwasn'tagoodideaaroundmyfamily."

Practicallyallofusknowhowtheyfeel.Whoamongus,youngorold,hasn'thada

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badexperiencesharingourhonestfeelings?Howoftenhavewefeltsafershadingandeditingthetruthratherthantellingitlikeitis?Howoftenhasitfeltbettersayingnothingatall?Howcanwebesureit'sgoingtobebetternowjustbecausewe'resoberandfollowingthesteps?

'Trustingotherpeoplewastoodamnhard,"Billsayswithasigh."IwantedtogoaskifIcouldgetawaywithjusttellingGodandmyselfabouttheexactnatureofmydefects.Imeantwo-thirdsofthestepisbetterthannothing,right?"

Maybe.

Butdon'tcountonit.

Evenarelativelybriefcareerofdrinkinganddruggingcanmakeanalcoholicbelieveallkindsoflies.Wecanbelievethatwe'rehandlingthingsjustfineevenwheneverything'sgoingdownthetubes.Wecanbelievetheonlydamagewe'redoingistoourselvesevenwhenwe'recausingourfamiliesandfriendsrealgrief.Wecanpromisewe'regoingtoquitoneminute,andgetourhandsonasix-packthenext.

Evenifwehaveknowinglyliedtosomeoneelse,wenevermeantolietoourselves.Mostofusthinkwe'rerigorouslyhonestwithourselves,probablybecausewetendtoconfuserigoroushonestywithself-abuse!Butthefactisthis:Ourabilitytofoolourselvesislimitlesswhenwe'retalkingonlytoourselves.

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ThatiswhytheroleofanotherpersoninStepFiveisessential.Ifwe'renottellingittoanotherperson,wehavenorealitycheck.

EvenbeforefinishingtheFourthStep,youwillprobablybeconsideringhowtogoaboutdoingtheFifth.Mostlikely,yourthoughtswillcenteronthepeopleyouaregoingtodoyourFifthStepwith.Canyoutrustthemtolistensympathetically?Canyoubesuretheywon'tjudgeorcriticizeyouasothershaveinthepast?Howcanyouknowthey'llstilllikeyouafteryou'vefinishedtellingthemthingsyouneverdaredtellanyoneelsebefore?

Ourabilitytofoolourselvesislimitlesswhenwe'retalkingonlytoourselves.

Almostalways,peopleasktheirsponsortoheartheirFifthStep.That'ssomeonewithwhomyoualreadyhaveanongoingrelationship.Inyourdealingswithsponsors,youhavealreadyfoundthemtobesupportive,sympathetic,andtrustworthy.Youalreadyknowthatthey'reinyourcornerandknowjustwhereyouarecomingfrom.Asyoustart,youknowthatwhateveranxietyyoumayfeelismoreaboutbreakingyourvowofsecrecythanaboutanyreservationsyoumighthaveaboutthem!

"IwasworriedaboutwhatmysponsorwouldthinkwhenshefoundoutI'dgotten

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pregnantmyfirstyearinjuniorhigh,"Elliesays."MyvoicewasshakingwhenItoldher.Whenshestartedtocryalittle,IgotreallyworrieduntilsheexplainedshefeltsobadforthepainandshameI'dbeenthrough.Icriedtoothatsomeonecaredaboutmethatmuch.Ineverfeltsoclosetoanotherhumanbeingbefore."

YoumayfeelthatyoursponsorisnottheidealpersontohearyourFifthStep.If,forinstance,yoursponsorhappenstobestrugglingwithangeroverarecentmugging,youmightunderstandablyfeelwaryofconfidingthatoneofyourmajorwrongswasanactoftheft.

Thosefearsarerarelyjustifiedbutifthey'reholdingyoubackfromtakingtheFifthStep,it'sagoodideatosearchoutsomeoneelse.(IfyouwouldliketosharemostofyourFifthStepwithyoursponsor,butprefertosharetherestofitwithsomeoneelse,whynotconsiderthatpossibility?)

Let'srememberthatnoteverybodyhasasponsor.Nordoweallhaveagoodrapportwithoursponsor.Ifforsomereasonyou'renotabletofindanothersponsor,byallmeansfindsomeoneelsetotalkto.

Generallyspeaking,ofcourse,it'seasiertogotopeopleinthefellowship.Afterall,theydidtheirFifthStepforthefirsttimeoncetooandtheyknowhowyou'refeeling.Butifyoufeelmorecomfortablewithsomeoneoutsidetheprogram,whynotaskthatpersontohearyou?

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SomeprefertodotheirFifthStepwithafamilyminister,priest,orrabbi.Forverygoodreasons,somefeelsaferdoingitwithaminister,priest,orrabbitheirfamilyhasnevermet.

SomeevenprefertodotheirFifthStepwithsomeonethey'vemetonlybrieflyandwillneverrunintoagain.

"It'seasynowdoingtheFifthStep.ButthefirsttimeIdidn'tknowifIwasgoingtomakeitthrough,Iwassonervous."

AsBillsays,"Atmyhomegroup,evenwithmysponsor,Icouldn'tstopworryingtheyweregoingtojudgemeforbeinggayjustlikemystepfatherdid.Iwasafraidthey'dthinkitwasoneofmydefects,andthat'snothowitisformeatall.SoIwenttoagaymen'smeetingahundredmilesfromhomeandaskedaguythereifIcoulddomyFifthStepwithhim.Hesaiditwouldbeokay.SoacoupledayslaterIspoketohimforaboutanhouratadiner.Ineverranintohimagain,butI'llalwaysbegrateful.Iknewthatdoingthestepswaskeepingmesober,butifIcouldn'thavedoneitthewayIdid,Iprobablywouldn'thavedoneitperiod.Afterwards,Itoldmysponsorandsomeofthepeopleinmygroup,andtheywerecoolaboutit.Itwasnicetoknowmyfearsaboutthemhadbeengroundless.Butin

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ordertotellthem,Ineededtotellthatguyahundredmilesawayfirst."

JaninealsodidherFifthStepwithsomeoneotherthanhersponsor."Iknewitwastherightthingformeonaccountofmybackgroundbeingsoreallydifferentfrommysponsor's,butIthoughtshe'dfeelbadaboutitsoIdidn'ttellher,"Janineexplains."ButthenIstartedfeelingguilty,soIdidtelleventhoughIworriedshewasgoingtofireme.ShewasreallyniceandreallysorryIwassoupset.ShesaidmyFifthStepwasforme,notforanyoneelse,herincluded.Iknowthat'swhatsobrietyisallabout.Butafternottakingcareofmeallmylife,it'shardtorememberthatsometimes."

Ramon,who'shadoverfiveyearsintheprogram,adds,"It'seasynowdoingtheFifthStep.ButthefirsttimeIdidn'tknowifIwasgoingtomakeitthrough,Iwassonervous.Insteadoftakingitonedayatatime,Ididitonemomentatatime.IdecidedthatifIgottofeelingweirdduringthething,IcouldjuststopbeforeIgottothereallygruesomeparts.Whenwestarted,IthoughtIwouldn'tbeabletosayoneword.Acoupleminutesintoit,IknewIcouldsayanythinganditwouldbeokay.Sincethenit'shardtoshutmeup!"

Ideally,makeadatewhenbothofyouarelikelytobeasrefreshedandalertaspossible.Pickatimewhennothingmajorisloomingeitherimmediatelybeforeorimmediatelyafter.

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It'salsogoodtopickaspotthatwillbecomfortableforbothparties,aplacewheretherewillbeno(oratleastveryfew)interruptions.

IfthepersonwithwhomyouaredoingyourFifthStepsuggestshisorherhomeandyoufeelmorecomfortableinyourownhome,don'thesitatetosayso!Ifyou'refresherinthemorning,suggestyoumeetafterbreakfastontheweekend.AsJaninepointsout,theFifthStepisforyou.Takinganactiveroleinpickingsomeonetodoitwith,pickingthespotandthetime,willhelpyoufeelconsiderablylessfearful.

''IkindoffiguredIwastheworstkidwhoeverlived.Totellyouthetruth,Iwasdisappointedtofindoutmysponsorhadbeenworse!''

MostpeoplecometotheFifthStepmeetingwiththeirFourthStepinhand.Theyrefertotheinventoryratherthanreaditaloud.Ifyoulike,feelfreetospeakaboutcertainareasofyourlifeinmoredepth.Don'tworryabouthowitcomesout.Neatnessdoesn'tcount!

Wemightstartwithacoupleofcharacterdefectsthatwe'renottooproudof.Wemightmoveontosomefeelingswe'reuncomfortablewith.Wemayalsospeakaboutexperiencesthingswedidorthingsthatweredonetousthatwenevertoldanothersoulabout.

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Almostinvariably,wearesurprisedatandrelievedbytheresponse.Usually,ourlistenersidentifywithpracticallyeveryfeelingwe'veeverhad.Oftentheycanalsomentionsomeincidentfromtheirpasttoshowusthattheyhavehadcomparable,ifnotidentical,experiences."IkindoffiguredIwastheworstkidwhoeverlived,"Janinesays,laughingatthememoryofherfirstFifthStep."Totellyouthetruth,Iwasdisappointedtofindoutmysponsorhadbeenworse!"

Inaveryrealway,StepFiveisastepoutofourisolation.Fortoolongwehavebeenafflictedwithterminaluniqueness.Nomatterwhatotherpeoplesaidtheyfelt,notoneofthemhadeverfeltasbad,assad,asputupon,asashamed,asembarrassed,aswedid.Nooneintheworldcouldeverfeelasallaloneoras"different"aswedid.

Butintalkingmoreopenlyaboutourselves,weinvitepeopletotalkmoreopenlyaboutthemselvestoo.Themorewehear,themorewerealizethatwearen'tsodifferentfromotherpeople.Theymaylookverydifferentandtheirexperiencesmaybeverydifferenttoo.Butatthecore,peoplereallyfeelallthesamethings.

Asyoucometotheend,thepersonwithwhomyouhavedoneyourFifthStepmaypointoutthatyoumentionedonlydefectsandnoassets.You'relikelytoremindhimorherthatStepFivecallsfor"theexactnatureof

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ourwrongs"only.You'llberight(onatechnicality),butdon'tignorethepoint.Beingsobermeansrememberingourassetstoo.Formostofus,thattakesdiscipline,evenvigilance.Butit'swhatkeepsussoberandmakesourlivesricherandhappier.

Likemostofus,you'llprobablyfeelreliefthattheFifthStepisfinallyover.You'llverylikelyfeelconnectedandverylighttoo.Asthedaysgoby,youmayfeelevenmorebenefits.

Elliesays,"IfeltlikeIwasinAAafterI'ddonemyFifth.ItfeltlikeIreallybelonged.ThenexttimeIwenttoaFourthSteporFifthStepmeeting,IputinmytwocentsandanewcomersaiditreallyhelpedandIcouldhardlybelieveit.IthoughtitwouldbeamillionyearsbeforeIcouldhelpanyoneelse,andI'donlybeenintheprogramthreemonths!"

"Ifeltitwaslikelearningtotalkalloveragain,"Billadds."Before,Iwasalwayssayingsomethingtogetsomething.Iwantedtomakepeoplelaugh,orIwantedthemtosayIwasokay.Andsometimes,withmystepfather,Ijustwantedhimtofeelrealguilty.ButwhenIwasdoingtheFifthStep,Ijusttalkedtogetthingsoffmychest.NowIseethattheycallit'sharing'becausethat'sreallywhatitis."

Ramonsays,"BeforeIdidtheFifthStep,Ialwaysthoughtmydefectswerewhathurtotherpeople.Itneveroccurredtomethatmydefectshurtmealottoo.WhenIfinishedthe

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FifthStep,itwasthefirsttimeIwasreallygladthereweremoresteps.Well,kindofglad,"headdswithalaugh.

Asouraddictionprogressed,wegrewwearierandwarierofothers.Itseemedtousthatpeoplewereobstaclesinourpathtohappiness.Asfaraswewereconcerned,lifewouldbeawholelotsimpler,andoftenawholelotsafer,iftherejustweren'totherpeopletodealwith.

InStepFive,webegintoturnthataround.Formanyofus,it'sthemostpositiveexperiencewehavehadwithanotherhumanbeinginalong,longtime.Itisanewbeginningintrustingandcaring.ManyofushavecomeawayfromStepFive,recognizingthatitisthroughknowingotherpeoplethatwebegintoknowourselvesandourhigherpowerbetter.

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Step6WereentirelyreadytohaveGodremoveallthesedefectsofcharacter

Characterdefectsdon'tdisappearintothinairjustbecausewequitusing.

Butsometimesthatseemstobeexactlywhathappens.

DidweeverconbartendersandliquorstoreownerswithphonyIDs?Didwestealboozefromourparentsorourfriends'parents?Orlieaboutwherewewerethenightbefore?Howaboutthoselameexcuseswetossedoffonteachersandbosses?Nowthatwe'resober,wedon'tneedtodoanyofthatanymore.

Asourself-confidenceemerges,we'remorecomfortablewithourselves.Thatmakesiteasiertobewithotherpeopletoo.We'renolongerfallingbackonthetiredoldput-downs,thenot-so-nicejokes(whichweren'tsofunnyeither),theendlesssecrets,theterriblesilencesandangryoutburststhatkeptfriendsandfamilyatadistance.We'remoreresponsiblewithmoneytoo.

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Bytheendofourfirstninetydays,peoplearenoticinghowmuchbetterweare.Whentheycomplimentusonourprogress,wedon'ttellthemthey'rejerkseither.Wow!Ifwecanjusthanginthereanotherninetydays,we'llbepracticallyperfect.

AswemoveinontheSixthStep,wemaywonderifit'sreallynecessary.Afterall,won'ttherestofourdefectsgoawayintime?Isn'tfrettingoverourdefectsthekindofnegativethinkingthatwe'resupposedtobegrowingawayfromnow?Aren'twesupposedtolookattheglassashalffullnow,ratherthanhalfempty?

SowhybotherwithStepSix?

1.Becausesobrietyhasleftuswithtoomuchfreetimeandweneedtofindawaytokillit.

2.Becausetalkingaboutourdefectshasrecentlybecomeveryfashionable.

3.Becauseoursobrietydependsonit.

Thistime,theonlyanswerisnumber3.

Nothing,notevenourrecovery,canstandstill.Withoutcontinuallyworkingonourselves,westarttolosethebenefitswehavereapedinourrecovery.StepSixhelpsuskeepthefocusonourselves.Itencouragesustostayopen-mindedtothechancesformoreself-improvement.StepSixhelpsguarantee,onedayatatime,thatsenseofaccomplishmentandpersonalfreedomwearebeginning

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tolove.Byhelpinguslooksquarelyatourdefectssowecanbecomereadytoletthemgo,StepSixalsobringsusonestepclosertoknowingandtrustingourhigherpower.

AswebeginStepSixit'sagoodideatoseehowfarwehavealreadycome.We'veadmittedourpowerlessnessintheFirstStep.ThenintheSecondwe'verecognizedtheinsanityofourformerwayoflife,andintheThirdwe'vemadeadecisiontoturnourwillandourlivesovertothecareofahigherpowerofourownunderstanding.IntheFourthStepwe'vemadeaninventoryofourselves,andintheFifthStepwe'vesharedfeelingsandexperienceswethoughtwe'dneversharewithanothersoul.

Nothing,notevenourrecovery,canstandstill.Withoutcontinuallyworkingonourselves,westarttolosethebenefitswehavereapedinourrecovery.

Asanyone,youngorold,cantellyou,everysteprepresentsawayofthinkingandactingthatisradicallydifferentfromanythingwehaveeverdonebefore.KeepingthatinmindhelpsprepareusforthemajorchangesthatoccurwiththeSixthandSeventhSteps.Butevenwithfivemajorstepsbehindusnow,theSixthStepcanfeelmorelikealeapthanastep.

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Liz,thehighschoolsenior,says,"Mysponsorwasguidingmethroughthestepsonaveryregularbasis.Iwasdoingalmostoneamonth.IwaslikingthemokayandIwasfeelinggoodaboutmyselftoo.ButwhenIgottotheSixthStep,Ijustkindofsloweddown.Andafterthreemonths,IrealizedIhadtotallystopped.Itwasatoughstepforme.Ijustcouldn'tbelievethatallmycharacterdefectswouldgojustlikethat.IhadtolearnthattheonlystepweneedtodoperfectlyistheFirst.Theotherstepswejustdoourbestwith.Notbeatinguponmyself(again!)fornotbeingperfectwasmajorprogressforme."

Ramonadds,"It'sonethingtosaysomething'sadefect.It'sanotherthingtomeanitfromyourheart.InordertodotheSixthStep,Ihadtolearnthedifferencebetweenthetwo."

Liznodsinagreement.'Takemydrinking.Therewasatimeeveryone,mymomespecially,thoughtmydrinkingwasadefect.Shetoldmeoftenenough,butitdidn'tgetmesober.Itonlymademelieandbedefensiveandkeepsecrets.Ididn'tgetsoberbecausemymomhadaproblemwithmydrinking.Ididn'tcomeintotheprogramuntilIdecidedIhadadrinkingproblem!"

Manyseektreatmentbecauseofpressurefromfamilies,friends,andemployers.SomecometoAAbecauseofinterventionbythelegalsystem.Butnoonestaysinrecoverybecauseofoutsidepressure.

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Evenwhenweknewintellectuallythatourusingwasn'tgoodforus,westillthoughtitwasthebestwayweknewtogetanypeace.

"WhenIstarteddrinking,Ithoughtitwasthebestthingthateverhappenedtome,"Ramonstates."Itwaskillingme,butIdidn'tknowhowtolivewithoutit.Itwascrazy,butIreallythoughtitwasanassetuntiltheveryend!That'sthewayitiswithallmyothercharacterdefects.Waydowndeep,ifI'mhonest,Ikindofthinkthey'reassetstoo."

Ifwedon'thonestlyseeacharactertraitasadefect,wearenotgoingtobereadytoletanyone,evenahigherpower,removeit.

Alltheemotionsaregiftsfromahigherpowerandallhavepositiveuses.

Thefirstdefectsthatweseeasdefectsandtheeasiesttogiveuparetheonesthathavehurtotherpeople.Evendefectsasseriousaslying,cheating,andstealingareeasytogetridofonceweseethereisnoadvantageinhavingthemevenwhenwebelievewecangetawaywiththem.Unlessitbecomesnecessarytostealagaininordertosurvive,likethehomelessboywhomuststealbreadtoeat,wewillneverdothatagain.

Aswemovealong,however,wecometoseedefectsthatarenotsoeasilyrelinquished.Wealsoseesomedefectsthatweneverknew

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existedbefore.Atfirstthiscanbedownrightdiscouraging.Itfeelsasthoughwe'vetakenastepbackwards,asthoughwe'regettingworse.Buttotherecoveringalcoholic,thisisreallyasignthatanotherweightwillsoonbeliftedfromourshoulders.Evenifyouhavebeeninrecoveryonlyashortwhile,you'llknowthateverysteppaysdividendsfarinexcessoftheeffortinvestedinit.

Let'ssaywehaveatendencytobeovercriticalofpeople.That'sadefectbyjustaboutanyone'sstandards.Butaswelookmorecloselyatit,wemayseethatputtingothersdownhaskeptusfromseeinghowverybadwefeelaboutourselves.Nowthatwe'resoberandlikingourselvesbetter,wedon't"need"thatdefectthewayweusedto.

SointheSixthStep,wecanbecomereadyandwillingtoletthatgo.Ifandwhenwedoslipbackintoouroldbehavior,we'llbequicktoseeit'sreallyaboutlowself-esteem.Wecantalkaboutitatmeetingsandwithoursponsor.Wecanseethatothershavehandledthesameproblemandsolvedittoo.Whateverremainsofthatdefectbecomesanopportunityforgreaterself-awarenessandgrowth.

Whataboutanger?Onthesurface,itsoundswonderfultoberidofthatdefectonceandforall.Butwhenwelookmorecloselyatourfamilylife,wemaydiscoverthatourangerisamajorsurvivaltool.Wehavetorememberthatalltheemotionsaregiftsfrom

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ahigherpowerandthattheyallhavepositiveuses.Whenexpressedappropriately,angercangiveustheboltofenergyweneedtosaveournecks.Ifourangerservedtogetusoutoffrighteningsituations,ifitservedtoscaredangerouspeopleawayfromus,thenitcanhardlybeadefect.

Inalcoholicorothertroubledhouseholds,however,angerseemstobetheall-purposeemotion,nomatterwhattheoccasion.Tobewithoutanger,eveninappropriateanger,couldhavemadehomelifeevenmoreunsafeforus.Butweusedangerbadlywithfriends,withteachers,withco-workers,andevenwithbosses.

Nowthatwe'resoberwecanseetheharmourangerdoesus.Doesthatmeanweshouldbeentirelyreadytogiveupouranger?Hardly!Therearetimeswhenangerwillbearealasset.Soit'snotangerthatwewantremoved.It'sinappropriate,''self-justified''angerwewantlifted.

Let'smoveontothemuch-talked-about"trustissues."Timeandtimeagainyou'llhearhowharditisforalcoholicstotrustandhowvitalitistochange.

Yetmoreoftenthannot,nottrustingwasasavinggraceformanyofusinthepast.Howmanyofushavefeltletdownbecauseaparentfailedtoprovetrustworthy?Inmanyofourfamilies,theremayhavebeenreasontodistrustthatevenbasicneedsoffood,shelter,

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andclothingwouldbeprovidedinaregular,dependableway.

Evenwhenmaterialneedsweremet,howoftendidwefindthatouremotionalneedswerenot?Someofusexperiencedexcessiveheapsofloveoneday,onlytofindittotallygonethenext.Howmanyofusneverreceivedloveatall?Inlearningnottotrustthatotherswouldprovideforus,weweretakingremarkablygoodcareofourselves.

Insobrietywelearnthatitdoesn'thavetobethatwayanymore.Youcanmakechoicesabouttheworldyouliveinandthepeopleyouworkwithandplayandlivewith.Youcanmakeachoiceaboutyourfamily,adoptingyourTwelveStepfriendsasyournewfamily.Youcantrustothersbecauseyoucantrustyourself,yourjudgment,andyourhigherpower.SowhenyoudotheSixthStep,becomewillingtogiveupinappropriatedistrustaswellasinappropriatetrust.

Rememberthatourso-calleddefectsdidn'tcomefromnowhere.Butnowthatwearedifferent,ourneedsaredifferent.TheSixthStephelpsuspreparetotakeanactiveroleinthisnew,healthierworldwearenowapartof!It'sanothersteptowardreconcilingournewselveswiththatnewworld.

Ramonexplainsitthisway:"WhenIwasanewcomer,Ihadtorelyoneveryoneelse'sexperience,strength,andhopetogetanideaofwhattheprogramhadtooffer.Myrecovery

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waswhatIhadheardaboutfromeveryoneelse.ItwaswhenIgottotheSixthStep,whenIstartedworkingonmyowndefects,thatIsawmyrecoverywasn'tgoingtolooklikeanyoneelse's.Iwasn'tuniquebutIwasmorelikemyownmannow."

EvenwithallthepreparationyouaredoingintheSixthStep,youprobablystillhaveseriousreservations.Youmightbeaskingyourself,CanIletgoofsomeofmymostmonumentaldefects?evenafteryouknowthere'snobenefittothemanymore.

That'swhywehavetheSeventhStep.It'stherethatweseeGoddoingforuswhatwereallycouldnotdoforourselves!Formanyofus,it'sthemiraclethatturnsdoubtersintobelievers.

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Step7HumblyaskedGod*toremoveourshortcomings.

AsEllie,whohasbeeninrecoveryfromhermarijuanaaddictionforayear,says,"EvenwhenIwasareallittlekid,nomatterhowniceIasked,mymomalwaysgotmad.Ilearnedearlyonnottoaskanyoneforanything.Godincluded."

"Oh,Iwasalwaysaskingforsomething,"Derekadmits."'Getmeoutofthisjam,'mostly.It'swhattheycall'foxholepraying.'ButIguessdesperateisn'tthesameashumble,isit?"

Headds,smilingnowatthememory,"Iwasalwaysaskingforotherpeople'sdefectstoberemoved,andrightaway.Idon'tknowwhyitneveroccurredtometoaskforGodtoremovemyown.It'snotasthoughIdidn'tthinkIhadany."

*Thechangehereto"HumblyaskedGod..."isanadaptationoftheoriginalSeventhStepoftheTwelveStepsofAlcoholicsAnonymous,whichreads"HumblyaskedHim..."TheoriginalTwelveStepsofAlcoholicsAnonymousarereprintedintheirentiretyatthebackofthisbook.

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Again,it'samatterofwhatwewerebroughtuptobelieve.Perhapswesawourfamilygoingfrombadtoworse.Maybeourdealingswithfriendsonlygrewmoredifficult.Orwestruggledwithlearningdisabilities,orourschoolworkdeteriorated.Theseexperiencesmakeitachallengetobelievethatanything,includingtheSeventhStep,canmakeourlivesbetter.

Manyofussawourparentsblamingeveryoneelsefortheirproblems,sometimesevenus.Followingtheirexample,wetooblamedourteachers,ourfriends,andourfamilies.Weblamedourselvesfornotbeingbrightenough,orattractiveenough,orniceenough.Nooneshowedushowlookingintoourselves,identifyingadefect,andthenworkingonitcouldturneverythingaround.

Admittingthatyouhadaproblem,expressingasinceredesiretochange,andaskingforhelpbecauseyouknewgut-levelyoucouldn'tdoitallbyyourselfwerethefirststepsthatbegantoturnthataround.Fromthebeginningyoucouldseethingsweregettingbetter.Butalwaysyoumustbemindfulthatthebigchangestartedwithinyou,withyourwillingnesstochange.Iftheworldaroundus,ourschool,ourfriends,ourfamily,areevergoingtobebetter,wehavetogetbetterfirst.

Itmeansrecognizingourpessimisticattitudesanddaringtobeoptimistic.Certainly,

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ourdependenceonoutsidethingstomakeusfeelgoodsuggestswedon'tbelievewehavewhatittakes.Evenwhenweceasetobelieveinthedrinkandthedrug,westilllooktootheroutsidethingstomakeuslikeourselves.

Weneedgoodgradestotelluswe'resmart.Weneedgoodclothestotelluswe'reattractive.Weneedapaychecktotellusourworkisworthwhile.Weneedcertainfriendstomakesurewefeellikeable,andweneedarelationshiptotelluswe'reloveable.Whilealmostanybodywouldlikeallofthesethings,it'spessimistswhoneedittofeelgoodaboutthemselves.It'spessimistswhofallapartwhenanyofthesefriendsorthespecialrelationshipislost.

"Mynegativity,itwaslikeinsurance.Whenthingsdidn'tworkout,itdidn'thurtsomuchifI'dkindofexpectedit.Thetroublewasthatitwasn'tgoingtogetbettertillIdaredtohope."

Whilealcoholicsandaddictsarereallynomorepessimisticthananyoneelseonthefaceoftheearth,weseemtobetheoneswhogetintothemosttroublewithoutnegativeattitudes.Ifsomeoneelsegetsdepressed,thatpersonlivesthroughit.Ifwegetdepressed,weusechemicalsandourchancesofsurvivingourdepressiongrowslimmereachtime.

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Nomatterhowhighourmostrecentbottomwas,there'snoguaranteethatournextbingewon'tresultindeath.

Butevenwhenwestopdenyingthedireconsequencesofournegativism,evenwhenweacknowledgethatitreallyisalife-anddeathissue,westillhavetroubletryingtobepositive.

Janineexplainsitthisway:"Mynegativity,itwaslikeinsurance.Whenthingsdidn'tworkout,itdidn'thurtsomuchifI'dkindofexpectedit.Thetroublewasthatitwasn'tgoingtogetbettertillIdaredtohope."

"WhenIcameintotheprogram,Ididn'tseehowIwasnegative,"Billsays."Iwasliketheclassclown,alwaysjokingabouteverything.EventhoughIdrankanddrugged,IthoughtIwasaveryoptimisticperson.NowIseethatclowningwasmywayofgettingattention.Ididn'tthinkotherpeoplewouldlikemeiftheyknewwhoIreallywas.ButwhenIstartedworkingthisstepandaskinghigherpowertotakeawaywhatwasmakingmeclownitup,rightawayIstartedfeelingalotbetter.SoIreallyamgladI'montomyselfnow."

Oneaspectofnegativethinkingisfeelingsureyou'renotgoingtogetwhatyouneedinlife.Janinesays,"AfterawhileofnotgettingwhatIaskedfor,Istoppedasking.IfIcouldgetsomethingwithouttoomuchtrouble,itwasokay.Buttryingwastoopainful.Itfeltsafernotasking."

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Soifyou'refeelingwaryofjustasking,you'renotalone.JustabouteveryonewhohaswalkedintoaTwelveStepprogramhasfeltthesameway.AskingGodcanmakeitevenmoredifficult.Manyofushavebeentooincredulousabouttheexistenceofagodeventobothertocarryonaconversationwithahigherpower.Othershaveaskedandbeendisappointedtoooftentoriskbeingdisappointedagain.Besides,aren'twesupposedtoremoveourpersonalitydefectsbysheerwillpower?

"Thehardestthingformewasenablingmymom'sdrinking..Shegottightalotofnights,andinthemorningI'dhavetocallherbossandsayshehadtheflu."

"EversinceIgotsober,I'vebeenhearingandthinkingalotabouthigherpower,"Dereksays."Ididthestepstothebestofmyability,butIdidn'thaveaverypersonalrelationshipwithGod.I'dhearGodlovesalcoholicssoIfiguredhelovedmetoo.Thatkindofthing.ItwasinStepSevenwhenIknewIneededahigherpowerwhocoulddealwithmyownspecialstuff.It'swhereIgotapersonalrelationshipwithmyhigherpower."

"ItalwaysseemedlikeIlikedmyfriendsbetterthantheylikedme,"Lizsays."That

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changedalotwhenIgottoAA,butIstillkeptbeingattractedtounavailableguys.Ididn'tknowthenameforthatcharactershortcoming,butIknewIwantedtogetridofit.SoIprayedforGodtoremovewhateveritwasthatgotmehookedonguyswhoweren'thookedonme.I'dneverdonetheSeventhStep.ItfeltlikeIwastakingabigriskuntilIrealizedIreallydidn'thaveanythingtolose."

Billsays,"Thehardestthingformewasenablingmymom'sdrinking.Shekeptsayingitwasokayforhertodrinkbecauseshedidn'thaveaproblem.Butshegottightalotofnights,andinthemorningI'dhavetocallherbossandsayshehadtheflu.Itwashardonmysobriety,buttotellyouthetruthIwasafraidnottoenableher.SoIaskedhigherpowertotakeawaymyfear.Itworkedtoo.Mymomwasreallypissedatme.WhenIwouldn'tcallherbossforher,shesaidIwasn'tbeingrespectful.ButdoingtheSeventhStepletmeseethatIwasbeingagoodson,evenifmymomdidn'texactlyappreciateit."

TheworkwedointheSeventhStephastakenconsiderabletimeandeffort.ItbeganwithourFourthStepworkandcontinuedthroughourFifthandSixthStepwork.Therefore,whenweaskourhigherpowertoremoveashortcoming,it'snotadecisionwehavearrivedatlightlyoronthespurofthemoment.Wehavegonethroughtheprocess

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ofrecognizingadefect,examiningit,andsharingaboutit.WhenwereachtheSeventhStepweknowinourheartsthatwewantthatshortcomingtoberemovedandwealsoknowthatonlyapowergreaterthanourselvescantakeitfromus.

"I'vebeenintherapyalmostallmylife,"Lizsays."Okay,onlyacoupleofyears,butitfeelslikemostofmylife.AndallthetimeIkeptthinkingthattherapywoulddoit.Ididn'tdotheFourthandFifthStepsbecauseIfiguredIwasalreadydoingaFourthStepwithmytherapist.Ididn'tdotheSixthorSeventhStepseitherbecauseIfiguredifyoutalkedaboutthecharacterdefectenough,itwouldjustgoaway.

"Ihadabigproblemwithscrewingup,"shecontinues."EverytimeI'dgetclosetosomethingworkingout,I'ddosomethingtomakeitgobad.MytherapistandItalkedaboutitforayear.Whenitdidn'tgoaway,IgothopelessbecauseIhadallthesefriendsintheprogramwhowereturningthingsaroundandIwasn't.WhenIdidtheSixthandSeventhSteps,itwasalast-ditcheffort,believeme.Ididn'thaveallthatmuchfaith,justalittle,butittook.NowwhenIgettooneofthoseplaceswhereIscrewup,Iaskhigherpowertotakecareofmeandshedoes.It'sbeentwoyearssinceIsabotagedmyself.Istillgototherapy,butnowIusethestepstoo!"

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It'sanationaldisgracethatsomanyteenagerslikeLizhadtolearnsomuchaboutself-sufficiencyatsuchayoungage.Becausemanyofushadtoolittlesupportathome,wecametobelievethatifwecouldn'ttakecareofthingsourselves,noonecould.Whilethatbeliefhelpedusavoidtheconstantpitfallofaskingforhelpandguidancefrompeoplewhocouldofferneither,italsoencouragedamajordefectofarrogance.

''Doinganythinghumblyjustwasn'tmystyle.''

Oneformofarroganceisthatweconsiderourproblemsworsethananyoneelse's.Anotheristhatweconsiderourproblemsunique.Bothoftheseformseffectivelyremoveusfromidentifyingwithmembersofthehumanrace.Athirdformisthatnooneandnothingcanpossiblytakecareofsomeonewithourproblemsandtheterriblefeelingswehave.Withoutevenknowingit,wehavemadeourselvesourownhigherpower.

It'sanobstacleeveryalcoholicandaddictfaces,andit'swhythekeyopeningwordintheSeventhStepis"humbly."

Ramonsays,"Doinganythinghumblyjustwasn'tmystyle.I'dseenmydadactlikethatanditnevergothimanythinggood.Itwasmysponsorwhotaughtmetherewasalotof

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differencebetweenbeinghumbleandgrovelinglikemydadusedtodo."

Haven'tweallatsometimeconsidered"humility"asaformofself-abasement?Inrecovery,however,welearnthatthewordhasaverydifferentmeaning.

"'Humble'meansseeingthingsastheyreallyare,"Ramonadds."ItmeansthatI'mnotGod.ItmeansIcan'tdoitbymyself.Myfriendsareterrific,buttheycan'tfixmeeither.OnlyGodcandothat.He'swhatmakesthewholemiraclehappen."

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Step8Madealistofallpersonswehadharmed,andbecamewillingtomakeamendstothemall.

Untilyouareatpeacewithyourpast,youcannotfindpeaceinthepresentorlookhopefullytothefuture.Ifyou'vethoughtthere'snothingyoucandoaboutthepast,you'reinforasurprise.Whilenoonecanrewritehistory,thereareveryrealeffortswecanmaketocorrectit.

StepEightisthewayoutoftheremorseandregretthatcanplagueourlivesandthreatenourchancesforlong-termsobriety.Itisthestepweusetoownuptoandcorrectthemishapsandmisdeedsofourpast.Itfreesusonceandforallfromthe"woulda-coulda-shoulda"syndromethatholdsushostagetoourworstfeelingsaboutourselves.Oncewehavedoneit,wearewellonourwaytobeingfreefromthatsenseofimpendingdoommanydrugaddictsandalcoholicshavefeltalltheirlives.

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Butevenwiththatbrightpromise,theprospectofdoingStepEightmakesfirsttimersuneasy."IgotnervousbecauseIlumpedStepEightwithStepNine,"saysDerek."ButitwasonlyafterImadeupthelistandshowedittomysponsorthatIreallyunderstoodthedifferencebetweenthetwosteps.IthoughtIhadtomakeanamendstoeveryoneonmylistrightaway.IgotsofrightenedaboutitthatIstoppedmakingupthelist.WhenIwentoveritwithmysponsor,heexplainedthatmakingtheamendsisNinthStepstuff.Onestepatatime,remember?

"AfterStepFive,IfiguredIwouldn'tneedmysponsorsomuch,"Dereksays."ButwhenIgottoEight,IfoundoutIneededhimmore.Iguessthehumilityaroundhereneverstops!"

IfwehavedoneourFifthStepwithoursponsors,theywillalreadyknowaboutmanyofourmisdeeds.Ifweshareourlistswiththem,wecangethelpandinsight.Perhapsasponsorwillsuggestthatwearetakingontoomuchresponsibility.Perhapsasponsorwillsaythatsomeitemsshouldbetabledforfurtherinvestigationatalaterdatewhenthesituationisclearer.Asponsormayevenpointoutthatwearetheoneswhoshouldbereceivingamendsratherthanowingone!

"ConsideringI'vebeensaying'I'msorry'allmylife,thisstepshouldhavebeenasnap!"nineteen-year-oldJaninelaughs."It

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tookmeawhiletogetthatitwasn'tjustanotherchancetobeatuponmyself."

"IknewtherewerepeopleIhurt,"Ellieadmitssadly."Myfolksespecially.Justthinkingaboutitmademefeelbadandguilty.MysponsorsuggestedthatIwasn'tready.Acouplemonthslater,Icamebacktothestep.Iwasreadythen.Totellyouthetruth,IwasgladIwaited."

Onlysomeonewhofeelsworthlesswouldtrysohardtobethecutestkid,theclassbrain,thebestathlete,orthemeanest,laziest,rottenestkidintown.

ForanyonewhohasdoneStepEight,itmeansthebeginningofacomfortwithpeople,acomfortthatwehaveneverexperiencedbefore.Butuntilwehavedoneit,wecanonlytakeotherpeople'swordforit.Keepinginmindthatthestepsareheretoguideusgentlyandlovinglyonourjourney,wemayneedtoedgeourwaysurelybutslowlyintomakingalistofpeoplewhomwehaveharmed.

Understandably,theverynotionofacknowledgingourresponsibilityforhurtingotherscanshakeusup.Itmayseemmorelikepunishmentforour"sins"thanfreedomfromtheguiltandshamethatwehavefeltaboutourwrongdoing.

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Let'snotpushourselvesintounloving,self-abusivespacesthatundermineoursobrietywiththisstep.Let'sdigasdeepaswecanwithouthurtingourselves.Afterwehavehadsomeexperiencewiththisstepandpersonallyknowitsbenefits,wecandoourdiggingwithlighterhearts.

WecanworkStepEightmosteffectivelyifweapproachitwithaclearpictureofwhoweare.Formostofus,ouraddictionbroughtusandourself-esteemtoanall-timelow.Thesorryfactisthatmanyaddictsandalcoholicshavesufferedfromapoorself-imagemostoftheirlives.

Oneaspectoflowself-esteemisourbeliefthatwehavelittle,ifany,effectonotherpeople.Consideringthesometimesoutrageousthingswe'vedonetoattractattention,thatmaybehardtoseeatfirst.Butifwelookcloserintohumannature,weseethatonlysomeonewhofeelsworthlesswouldtrysohardtobethecutestkid,theclassbrain,thebestathlete,orthemeanest,laziest,rottenestkidintown.

Inworkingupourlist,inlookingattheeffectwehaveonotherpeople,webegintosee,perhapsforthefirsttime,thatwereallyaren'tinvisible.Weseethatpeoplehavecaredaboutus,andlovedus,andalltoooftenworriedaboutustoo.

Anotherpointtokeepinmindistheconfusionaboutresponsibilitythatappearsover

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andoveragaininthealcoholicfamily.Alltoooften,wehavegrownupbelievingweareresponsibleforthingsbeyondourcontrol.Thisbeliefkeptusdistractedfromthethingswereallycouldcontrol.ThelastlineoftheSerenityPrayer,inwhichweaskforthewisdomtoknowthedifferencebetweenwhatwecanchangeandwhatwecan't,reflectsourdesiretogrowoutofthatconfusion.TheEighthStepisamajoractiontowardjustthatend.

Aswithsomanyofthesteps,thisonelosesitsfearsomepoweroncewesettledowntodoit.Perhapstheclearest,leastcomplicatedamendshavetodowithmoney.Aretherepeoplefromwhomwehaveborrowedmoneyandnotbeenabletopayitback?Aretherepeoplewestolefromwhileweweredrinking?Howorwhenwewillpaythembackisn'ttheissuenow.We'lldealwithitwhenwegettoStepNine.Fornow,justwritedowntheirnames.

Whilewecannotacceptresponsibilityforotherpeople,weneedtoacceptourresponsibilitytootherpeople.Atonetimeoranother,practicallyallofushaveputouralcoholismordrugaddictionaheadofotherpeople'swelfare.Inordertogetourboozeandourdrugs,wehaveresortedtobehaviorwewouldneverhaveconsideredifwehadbeenclean.

Didwelietoourfamilies?Didwemakethemworry?Didwemakepromisestotake

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careofproblems(ourdrinkinganddruggingincluded)thatwenevermadegoodon?

Aretherebrothersandsisterswhomwewererudetoorimpatientorsecretivewith?Howaboutgrandparentswhodeservedmorerespect?Howaboutapetthatdeservedbettercare?Werethereteacherswetriedtoconandstall?

Didweevertrytotakecreditthatwasduesomeoneelse?

Werewesometimeslessthanrespectfulofotherpeople'sfeelingsandtheirrights?Didwebullypeople?Didwephysicallyorverballythreatenpeople?Iftheyhad(orstillhave)aproblemwithdrugsandalcohol,thatdoesn'tmeanwedon'towethemamendsforourwrongdoing.

"IfiguredIdidn'toweanybodyamends.TheywereallscrewedupandanythingIdidtothem,theydonetometwiceoverandworse."

Let'srememberthatboozeanddrugscanleadevenyoungpeopleintothemostseriouscrimesthereare.Didwestealfromotherpeopleorvandalizetheirproperty?Didanyonegethurtinafightwithus?Didanyonedie?

"IfiguredIdidn'toweanybodyamends,"Lizsays.'Theywereallscrewedupandanything

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Ididtothem,theydonetometwiceoverandworse.Butmysponsorsaidevenifyoudon'teverintendtomakeamendstothem,youshouldputthemonyourlist."

"Iwouldn'tputmystepfatheronthelist,"Billsays."Hewasacreepandhewasalwayscausingmymomgriefandhedidn'tdeserveamends.Itwasn'ttillmythirdtimearoundwiththisstepthatIunderstoodputtinghimonthelistwasmoreformethanitwasforhim.Idon'tfeelbadthatIdidn'tdoitthefirsttime.Imean,ifyou'renotsincere,there'snopointtoit.Besides,theprogram'saboutprogress,notperfection."

Lizagrees.'ThefirsttimeIwentthroughthesteps,IwantedtobethebestlittlesoberpersonintheworldandIwantedmysponsortolikemebetterthanallherothersponsees.SoIjustcouldn'tputenoughpeopleonmylist.Mysponsortoldmetherewasn'tanypointtogotothetopoftheclassonaccountofnobodyevergraduates.Afterthat,Istartedtotakeiteasier."

WorkingtheEighthStepalsohelpsusseerelationshipsinadifferentlight."Iusedtothinkbeingintheclearlegallywasallittook,"Billexplains."I'dneverbrokenthelaw,soIthoughtIdidn'thavetoputanyoneonmylist.Buttherewerethings,likethewayIalwaysundervaluedmysisterandletherknowinonewayoranotherthatshedidn'tcount.Itwasn'tanythingillegalanditwasnothing

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immoraleither.ButIshouldn'tgoaroundtellingpeopletheydon'tcount,becauseIknowhowbaditfeelswhenpeoplemakemefeelthatway."

"WhenIgotintotheprogram,IstartedfeelingbadaboutallthekidsIhadsolddrugsto,"Dereksays."Ididn'tknowtheirnamesandIdidn'tknowwheremostofthemwereanymore,butIhadtoputthemonmylist.Ialsostole.EventhoughIwasarrestedandonprobationforit,IstillhadtoputtheowneroftheliquorstoreIrobbedonmylist."

"Istoletoo,butfrommyfamily,"Janinesays."IfiguredIdidn'thavetoputthemonmylistbecauseeverybodyinmyfamilystole.Ifoneofussawsomethingwewanted,wejusttookit.Weneverliedaboutiteither.Imean,wewereshameless.Igotsoberbeforeanyoneelseinmyfamilygotintotheprogram.SoIfiguredwhymakeamendstoanyofthem?They'restillgoingtokeeponstealingfromme,aren'tthey?ButIdidtheamendsanyway,anditwasfunnybecauseitwasthefirsttimeanyoneinmyfamilyhadeversaidthatit'snotokaytosteal.It'sluckyIdidthisstepbeforeIwenttoworkinabank,"sheaddswithalaugh.''Idon'tthinkthedepositorswouldlikemesomuchthewayIusedtobe!"

Whenwesayoutloudthatcertainbehaviorsareunacceptableandthatwewillneverbehavethatwayagain,wearealsostatingthatwewillnotacceptthatkindofbehavior

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fromothers.Likealltheothersteps,StepEightopensthewayforanewfreedommostofushaveneverbeforeexperienced.

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Step9Madedirectamendstosuchpeoplewhereverpossible,exceptwhentodosowouldinjurethemorothers.

Howmanyofushavedreamedofbeingfreefromourfearofotherpeople...freefromourfearoffinancialinsecurity...freefromfeelinghelplesstoomuchofthetime.

Ifyou'vebeenintodrugsandalcoholandsufferedtheconsequencesofyouraddiction,youmayhaveforgottenthatlifereallycanbejoyousandfree.Ifyougrewupinahouseholdwheretherewasalcoholismordrugabuse,youmighthaveneverevenimaginedit.

ButthosearejustthreeoftheAAPromises.Ifyoudon'tknowaboutthepromisesyet,don'tletanotherdaypasswithoutcheckingthemout.Ifyouhaven'tseenthempostedonthewallsinthemeetingroomsorheardthemreadaloud,they'reonpages8384oftheBigBook(thirdedition),inthechaptercalled''IntoAction."*

*TheAAPromisesarereprintedatthebackofthisbook.

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"Iheardthepromiseslotsoftimes,"saysJanine."IfiguredtheywerebulllikeeveryotherpromiseIeverheard.Butsofareveryonewhostayssoberandworkstheprogramsaysthepromisesareforreal.Fiftyyearsandnoone'ssaidtheydon'twork,whichwasproofenough,evenforme."

Tothethousandsandthousandsofrecoveringpeoplewhoexperiencethepromisesworkingintheirlivesonedayatatime,it'snosurprisethatthepromisescomerightaftertheessayonStepNine.Timeandagain,recoveringmenandwomeninTwelveStepprogramshavereportedthatthepromisesbegintocometrueaftertheymaketheiramends.

Thepeaceweweregratefultofeelnowandthenbecomesanalmosteverydayexperience.Theinnerconfidencewethoughtbelongedonlytootherpeoplebecomesourown.We'rehandlingpeopleandsituationsthatparalyzedusbeforeandwe'rehandlingthemwithhardlyanystruggleatall!Realfriends,ahappycapitalRRelationship,bettergrades,moresuccessonthejobandbetterpaytoshowforittoo...thethingswethoughtcouldneverbeoursarenowwithinourgraspifwe'rewillingtoworkforthem.Itallbeginsthedayweputdownthedrinkandthedrug.Butit'samazinghowdoingtheNinthStepmovesourlivesintohighgear.

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Whilenoonewillevertotallyexplainallthemiraclesofsobriety,there'snogreatmysteryastowhytheNinthStepiskeyinmakingthepromisescometrueinourlives.Aslongaswehaven'ttriedtocorrectourmisdeeds,wewillexpect(veryoftenunconsciously)somekindofretributiondivineorotherwise.Aslongaswearereluctanttogiveupthedefectsthatcompelledustocommitthoseerrors,wewillneverbefreetoletthepromisesworkinourlives.

If,forinstance,wehavestolenandnotmadeouramendsforit,wewillsuspectthatotherswillstealfromus.Ifsomeonedoesstealfromus,wewillfeelthatsomehowwedeservedit.Ifwelie,wewillworryotherpeoplearelying.Nomatterhowself-righteousweareinourangeraboutotherpeople'sbehavior,wewillsensedeepdownthatwedeservedit.

Callitkarmicenergyorcosmicjustice,butuntilwechangeourways,wewillbeeasyprey.Ifwearetreatingotherpeoplebadly,weareineffectsayingthatwebelieveweshouldbetreatedunfairlytoo.Whatwedotoothersiswhat,unconsciously,we'reaskingotherstodotous.Dowereallywanttofeelthiswayallthetime?

If,however,wehavechangedourways,ifwetreatpeoplehonestlyandhonorably,wewillbemorelikelytoattractonlypeoplewhotreatushonestlyandhonorablytoo.When

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nowandthenacreepdoesmessaroundwithus,weknowhowtohandlethesituationwithminimumdamagetoourselves.

"Iusedtogossip,"Lizadmits,"andbelievemeitwasn'tpretty.Youcanalsobelievethatwhenpeoplegossipedaboutme,itreallyhurtmeandgotmeangry.Imean,whocandefendthemselvesagainstgossip?Besides,inananonymousprogramlikeAA,gossipcanreallyhurtpeople.Iwantedeveryoneelsetochange.Onlytheydidn't.Sothat'swhenIchanged.IrealizedIhurtpeoplewithmygossip,andIdecidednottodothatanymore.Nowadays,Ireallydon'tthinkpeoplegossipaboutme.Andnowandthenwhensomeonedoes,itjustdoesn'tgettome.BecauseI'mnotdoinganythingtodeserveit,iswhy!"

"Iwantedeveryoneelsetochange.Onlytheydidn't.Sothat'swhenIchanged."

AsBillexplainedittooneofhissponsees,"Youknowthatold'Godwillgetyou'stuff?Well,IalwaysknewsomethingorsomeonewasgoingtogetmeforthethingsIwasn'ttooproudof.ButonceI'dmademyamends,Ididn'thavetoworryaboutanyofthatstuff.ThankstotheNinthStep,IfeelIdeservealotbetterandbelieveme,Ireallygetittoo!"

Ramonadds,"AfterIdidtheNinthStep,thatfeelingofimpendingdoomfinallylifted.

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Nowwhenitcomesback,Ichecktomakesureifthere'smoreNinthStepworkformetodo.Ifthereisn't,Iknowit'smyinsanityandIdoaquickSecondStep!"

Despitethelureofthepromises,StepNinecanseemformidablethefirsttimearound.Dealingwithpeoplewehavehurtcanbeafrighteningprospect.Recoveringpeoplewhoignoretheredflagsandrushintothisstepusuallyendupwishingtheyhadmovedmorecautiously.

AsyoulookoveryourEighthSteplist,considersomeofthefollowingquestions:

1.AmIsincereaboutmyamends?Sometimesourmisdeedsareourhostileresponsetoharmthatwasdonetous.Canweletthatgonow,orwillourangerturnouramendsintoanopportunitytorecallsomeoneelse'swrongs?

2.Isthistherighttimetomakeamends?Woulditbebettertomakethemlateron?ConsideringthecurrentcircumstancesofthepersontowhomIammakingamends,woulditbemoresensitivetopostponetheamendstoalaterdate?

3.Aremyamendsrealistic?AmIconfidentthatIamworkingonthecharacterdefectsthatledmetohurtthepersontowhomIammakingamends?IfIammakinganamendstosomeonetowhomIowemoney,amIabletoreturnthemoneynow?AmI

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likelytosticktotherepaymentplanIamoffering?

4.Whatisthemostappropriate,mostlovingwaytohandlethisamends?HowcomfortableamIdealingface-to-face?Person-to-personvisits,thoughawkwardatfirst,areusuallythemosteffective.Buttherecanbecompellingreasonswhenaphonecalloraletterwouldbemoreeffective.

5.Manytimeswehaveevadedmakingamendsbecauseweimaginesomepotentialdamagethatjustisn'tthere.Butthereareoccasionswhenanamendsmightembarrassorevenhurtthepersontowhomwearemakingtheamends.If,forinstance,wehavefeltremorseforflirting(ormorethanflirting)withabestfriend'sboyfriendorgirlfriend,makinganamendsisboundtohurtourbestfriend'sfeelingsanddamagetherelationshipsaswell!

Sometimesamendsmayevenresultindifficultconsequencesforourselves.Forinstance,ifwehavebrokenthelaw,willcomingcleanputusinalegalsituationwearenotreadytodealwith?

Whateverthecircumstances,orthefeelings,ortheconsequences,alwaysdiscussyouramendswithasponsor,acounselor,oranothertrustedperson.Theinsightsandtheadviceyougetcanhelpyouavoidthepitfallsthatcancomewiththisstep.

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Ifwetaketimetothinkandtalkabouteachamends,ouramendsmakingisboundtobearewardingexperience.Moreoftenthannot,thepersontowhomwearemakingtheamendsismorethanwelcomingandalmostalwaysseesourcommitmenttosobrietyasalltheamendsthatareneeded.

"IfeltsopowerfulafterIdidthisstep,liketherewasn'tanythingtobereallyafraidofeveragain."

Sometimes,however,weencounterahostileresponse.Ramonpointsouthisexperienceswithhandlingthat."Mostofmyfamilyacceptedmyamendsandthatwasgreat,"hesays."ButoneuncleI'dhurtrejectedmyamends.HesaidthatnomatterhowsoberIgot,I'dalwaysberotten.Ithurt,butIdidn'tgetangry.Iknewhisholdingontoagrudgewasabouthim,notaboutme.IfeltsopowerfulafterIdidthisstep,liketherewasn'tanythingtobereallyafraidofeveragain."

AsJaninesays,"TherewerealotofamendsIhadtomakeforthingsIdidthatcamestraightoutofthealcohol.LikethetimeIthrewupinsomeone'scar.Itwasawful.ButI'dalreadycleanedupthemess.Ijusthadn'tsaidhowbadIfeltaboutitandhowsorryIwasforembarrassingmygirlfriendinfrontofhermother.SowhenImadetheamendsIexplaineditwasbecauseIhadadrinking

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problem.EventhougheveryoneinmyneighborhoodknewIhadoneheckofadrinkingproblem,noonehadheardmeadmitit.ItoldthemIwasinaTwelveStepprogramandhadn'thadadrinkinsixmonths.Chelsea'smomsaidthatwasamendsenough."

"It'slikealltheamendmentstotheConstitution.Whenyouamendit,youchangeit.WhenImakeamends,it'slikechangingme."

"Ihadtomakeafinancialamendstomymom,"Ramonadds."SinceIwasten,I'dtakenmoneyfromherwalletsoIcouldpayfordrugsandbooze.Sheneverknewaboutit,andIwasn'tsurehowmuchI'dtaken,butithadtobehundredsofdollars,whichIdidn'thave.ButIstillneededtomaketheamends.Mysponsorhelpedmemakeupaplantopayherback,fivebucksaweekforayear.Whichwasn'tallthateasybecauseIwasfourteenwhenIgotsoberandhowdoyoumakeanymoneyatthatage?WhenItalkedtomymomaboutit,mymomsaidforgetit.ShewasgladIwassoberandthat'sallthatcounted.ButIinsisted,whichsurprisedmeevenmorethanitsurprisedmymom.That'swhenIunderstoodtheamendswasformemorethanitwasforher.Igotajobafterschoolandevenlikedit.ItwasprooftomethatIcouldchange.

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''It'slikealltheamendmentstotheConstitution,"Ramonsays."Whenyouamendit,youchangeit.WhenImakeamends,it'slikechangingme."

"Anapologyispartofmakingamends,"Lizsays."It'showIstart,bysayingI'msorry.Butanapologyonlysaysyou'resorry.MakingamendssaysI'mchanging.IfI'mnotreadytochange,thenI'mnotreallydoingtheNinthStep."

"Mystepfathershowedmehownottomakeamends,"saysBill."Hekeptsayinghowhe'dbeenbroughtuptobelievehomosexualswerebadpeopleanditwasallhisfolks'faultthathe'dkeptonsayingcruelthingsaboutmebeinggay.Hewasn'ttakinganyresponsibilityandthatreallybuggedme.ThenwhenIgotintotheprogramandIwasmakingmyfirstamendstomyfriend,IfoundIwastryingtogethimtoseehowhorriblemychildhoodhadbeen.Iwastryingtogethimtofeelsorryformefornotbeingnicertohim!"

"IletthemknowthatIknowIdidsomethingI'mreallysorryabout,"Lizexplains."ItellthemIreallydocareabouttheirfeelingsandthatI'mchangingsothatIneverdoitagaintothemoranyoneelse.Lateronwecangetintomychildhoodandmyparents,butthat'ssomethingelse.WhenIdotheNinthStep,Iliketokeepitpure-and-simpleamendsandnothingelse."

"AcoupleyearsagoIgotmugged,"Dereksays."Igotprettybeatenuptoo.Theworst

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partwas,IfeltIdeservedit.IttookalotofhelptomakemeunderstandthatIdidn't.Alotofpeoplefeelguiltywhensomethingbadhappenstothemevenwhenit'snottheirfault.SomymainpointwhenImakeamendsisthattheydidn'tdeservetobetreatedbadly.Youwouldn'tbelievehowwellpeopletakeit.It'slikenooneeversaidanythinglikethattothembefore.

"Imadeaplayformybestfriend'sgirl,"Derekcontinues."Shewentoutwithmeacoupletimes.Myfriendneverfoundout,butIfeltlousy.WhenIgotsober,Istartedfeelingevenmorecrappyaboutit.Ithoughttheonlywaytofeelbetterwastotellmyfriend.Butmyfriendandthegirlwereengaged,andmysponsorsaidIwasnutsifIthoughtI'dfeelbetterfortellingpeoplesomethingthatwasgoingtomakethemfeelworse.TheonlythingIcoulddowaspraythatIwouldneverdoanythingsodumblikethatagain.Ihaven'tanditworks.Imean,Ifeelokayaboutitnow."

Janineadds,"Ineededtomakeamendstomyboyfriend,anditwasinshowinghimhowmuchIreallycaredabouthisfeelingsandlearninghowmuchhecaredaboutmine,thatwestartedthinkingaboutgettingmarried.Youjustcan'thaveagoodrelationshipunlessthere'sroomforamends-makinginit!"

Veryoftenwefearthatpeoplewhomwehaveharmedwillneverwanttobeclosewithusagaineveniftheydoacceptouramends.It

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wouldbefoolishtodenythatcanhappen.It'salsotruewedon'talwayswishtobefriendswithpeoplewemakeouramendsto.Butitisimpressivehowoftenmakingamendscanstrengthenafriendship.

AsBillsays,''ThekindsoffriendsImaketodayarepeoplewhocanacceptmybeinghumanandthatmeansmynotbeingperfect.Itmeansbeingabletosayyou'resorry,thatyoumakemistakes,thatyoucare,andthatyou'regrowingandchanging.Ittookmealotofworktolearnhowtoacceptotherpeople'samendssincerely.It'swhatmakesrelationshipsgood."

Inaffirmingotherpeople'sworth,inaffirmingtheirrighttofeelgoodaboutthemselves,wearealsoaffirmingourownworth.Indealingsquarelywithotherpeople,wearelearninghowtodealsquarelywithourselves.Fair,honest,lovingrelationshipsarepossiblenow.Ourpastcanbeatoolnowratherthanaweapon.Wecanfreeourselvesnowfromyesterday'sregretandremorseandopenourselvestotheabundanceoftodayandtomorrow.

Butcheckoutpages83-84oftheBigBook,AlcoholicsAnonymous.Makesureallthepromisesareworkinginyourlifenow.Youdeserveit!

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Step10Continuedtotakepersonalinventoryandwhenwewerewrongpromptlyadmittedit.

"WhenIused,IspenthalfmytimedoingnothingbutthinkingaboutmeandtheotherhalftellingeveryonehowsorryIwas,"Ramonlaughs."ItoldmysponsorI'dbeenpracticingthisstepallmylife."

Janinegoeson:"Alltheotherstepslookedalittlespookyatfirst.Thisonelookedmoreuser-friendly,ifyouknowwhatImean."

ManyofusknowjustwhatJaninemeans.Nomatterwhatourdrinkinganddrugginghistorywaslike,it'sthankstooursoberhistorythatwecanapproachthisstepwithoutanxiety.

Afterall,inourFourthStepwelearnedthatpersonalinventorieswerefarfromfatal.InourNinth,wediscoveredwecouldmakeamendsandnotfeelasifweweregroveling.Nomatterhowanxiouswehadbeenatfirst,wesawhowthesestepsopenednewdoorstoourownhappiness,howtheyhadbecomeessentialtoolstoourwell-beingandtherewasnothingfearfulaboutthat!

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TheTenthStepisoftendescribedasoneofthe"maintenance"steps.Alltoooften,peoplemistakenlyinterpretitasan"optional"step:tryitifyoufeellikeitsomeday.ItcouldverywellbethatbecauseStepTenholdsnoterror,wetendtounderestimateitspoweraswellastheveryrealchallengeitholds.Asoneoldtimersaid,"Mostofthestepslookalotharderthantheyare.TheTenthStepisafooler.It'sharderthanitlooks."

Gettingsoberisaremarkableachievement.Analcoholicoraddictwhocanstayoffboozeanddrugsforninetydayshasalottobeproudof.Butthestatisticsremindusthatit'sevenmoreremarkabletostaysoberforyears,evendecades.ThelongtimewinnersalmostinvariablypointtotheTenthStepaskeytotheirsustainedrecovery.

What'seasyabouttheFourthandFifth,theEighthandNinthSteps,isthatoncethey'reover,they'reoverforawhile.Fewpeoplegobacktothemmorethanonceayearorso.What'shardabouttheso-calledmaintenancestepsisthedisciplineneededtogobacktothemeveryday.

WedoaFourthSteporaNinthStepwhensomethingisn'trightwithus.Wedothemaintenancestepsevenwheneverything'sfine.Forproblem-orientedfolkslikeus,thatcanbehardtounderstanduntilwerealizethatthemaintenancestepskeepusrightonedayatatime.Practicingthemdailykeepsusout

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ofthetroubleanddepressionandconfusionthatusedtoplagueuseverydrinking,druggingday.

Here'sourchancetoseewhoweareonadailybasis.Wereweciviltoourparentsinthemorning,orwereweourusualimpatientselves?Werewelateforourjoborschool?Werewewellprepared?Werewedoingabitofself-sabotagebynotbeingprepared?Ifso,isthatgettingtobechronic?

Thedaygoeson.Didwepayattention,orwereweboredorirritated?Didwefeelproductiveandhappy,ordidwefeelfrustratedagainandagain?

Didwegotoameeting?Wasitinteresting?Didwegetsomethingoutofit,orarewestartingtofeelalittleboredthere?Shouldwelookaroundforanothermeeting?Maybeweshouldconsiderotherpointsofourprogram:Havewetalkedtooursponsorthisweek?Whatarewedoingspiritually?Didweprayandmeditate?OrdotheFirstStep?

Ifwesocialized,didwehavefun?Wasitgoodbeingwithfriendsandfamily,orwereweshy?Ordidwefindthekidsboring?Ifsomeonetherewasdrinking,didthatmakeusuncomfortableorperhapsjustplainbored?Weshouldcheckonourdealingsinourrelationships.Weshoulddwellabitonhowthatspecialrelationshipisgoing.Arethereproblemsordifficultfeelings?

AlthoughweusetheTenthSteptospotproblemsinthemaking,moreoftenthannot

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wecomeawayfullofgratitudeforseveralthings.First,theimprovementsweareseeinginourlivesonedayatatime.Second,thepeacefulnesswefeelwithinus.Andthird,ourevolvingfaithinahigherpower.Andjustincaseweforgotthatthejoyoflivingisthethemeofbeingsober,whynotcheckoutifweenjoyedourselvestoday?

That'sjustaguidelinethatyoumaywanttokeepinmindasyoudoyourfirstTenthStepwork.It'shardtoimaginethemostdedicatedrecoveringpeoplegoingovertheirdaysinsuchdetail.It'sjustnotnecessary.Whatisnecessary,however,isthatwegetintothehabitofgivingourselvesaseriouslook.Weneedtorememberthatfudgingsmalldetailscanleadtobigproblemslateron.

"IfIdon'tdomyTenthStep,Icansweepalotofcrapunderthecarpet.CrapI'vegottodealwithorI'mnotgoingtostaysober."

AsBillpointsout,"Maybeitdoesn'tmattertootherfolkswhatanyonedayislike.Forme,asanalcoholicanddrugaddict,it'sdifferent.Idon'twaittillthingsgetbadtostartdrinkingandtakingdrugs.Idrinkandusewhilethingsareontheirwaytowardgettingbad.I'vegotthisthingcalleddenial,"headdswithachuckle,"andifIdon'tdomyTenthStep,Icansweepalotofcrapunderthe

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carpet.CrapI'vegottodealwithorI'mnotgoingtostaysober."

AddsLiz,"Whenitcomestorelapses,I'mjustaslikelytodrinkoverabrokenheartasabrokendateorevenabrokennail.FromdoingmyTenthStepIknowwhat'sgoingoninmylife,Ishareitatmeetings,Ishareitwithmysponsors.Thiswaythingsdon'tgetoutofhand,andproblemsgetsolvedbeforetheybecomehighdramaoreventragedy."

There'snoruleastowhenorhowoftenwearetodotheTenthStep.Butit'sclearthatwehavetodoitregularlyforittomakearealimpactonourlives.Allweneedtodoispickatimeonceadaywhenweknowwe'llbefreeandaplacewhereweknowwewon'tbeinterrupted.Beforebedseemstobethemostpopulartime.

Somepeoplewriteinadiary.Somescribbleanoteortwo.Butit'sperfectlyokaytogoovertheprecedingtwenty-fourhourswhileonthewaytoschoolorwork...orlyinginbedwithourhandsfoldedunderneathourheads.Experimentalittleandyou'llcomeupwithwhat'smostcomfortableforyou.

"AtfirstIthought,"Wow,anotherchancetolookintothosedefects,'"Lizsays."Butmostofthetimeit'smorelikeachancetopatmyselfontheback.BeforetheTenthStepIthoughtnothingmuchwashappeninginmylife.Now,everyday,IcanreallyseetheprogressI'mmaking."

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TheTenthStepisalsoanopportunitytospotrecurringproblemsandtolookforpossiblecharacterdefectsbehindthem.Arewehavingtroublewithanger?Withmoney?Withprocrastination?Areweseeingcertainpatternsofbehaviorwedon'tlike?Yes,ithurtstolookatthesethings.Butit'llhurtalotworseifwedon't.

"Iwasalwayshavingtroubleinschool,"Dereksays."ItgotbetterwhenIgotsober,butitstillwasn'tgood.Itriedtopretenditwasnobigdeal.WhenIgottotheTenthStep,Igotrealabouthowdiscouragingitwasforme,doingsobadlyinschool.Beingabadstudentwasabigpartofmyfeelinglikeabadperson.Theguidancecounselorhadmedosometesting,anditturnsoutI'vegotaseriousreadingdysfunction.It'sjustmorerealisticformetodomybestatschool,andtounderstandhowtobuildonmystrengths.Aftergraduation,I'mgoingtotradeschoolandI'mgoingtogetworkthatI'llreallylike!Ifeelrealgoodaboutmyself.That'sthepromisesworkinginmyownlife."

Asfortheamendspart,that'salmosteasynow.Weallknow,fromourownexperience,thatthelongeraproblemgoesunattended,theworseitgets.Butwhenwedrankanddrugged,wetendedtospendhoursandhoursrationalizingandjustifyingourbehaviorinsteadofmakingamendsquicklyandmovingonwithourlives.

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Nowwhenwedoourdailyinventory,wecanspotourerrors.Ifwemakeourapologyforitrightaway,wecanusuallykeepasituationfromdeveloping.Almostalwaystherejustaren'tanyterribleconsequencesifweacknowledgerightawaythatwehavebeeninthewrongandownuptoit.

Moreoftenthannot,it'snomorethanacasual,"I'msorrythatIraisedmyvoicejustnow,"followedbysomeassurancethatitwasn'ttheotherperson'sfault.

"DoingtheTenthStepwasarealchangeforme,becauseitmeantIhadtotaketodaymoreseriouslythanyesterday."

"Iborrowedsomemoneyfromaguyatwork,"Billexplains,"andIcouldn'tpayitbackwhenIsaidIwould.Insteadofwaitingtilltheguygotsteamedandcametome,Iwenttohimrightawayandexplainedthesituation.Hesaiditwasnoproblemwaitinganotherweek.ButIknowthatifIhadn'tapologizedforbeinglate,thesituationcouldhavebecomerealtrouble."

Whenourerrorisaresponse,ormaybeevenadefense,towhatweperceivetobesomeoneelse'swrong,wehavetobewillingtodigalittledeeperintowhoweareandwhatourunderlyingdefectmaybe.Otherwise,ourso-calledapologymaysound

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morelike,''I'msorryyounagsomuch,"or"I'msorryyoudon'thaveanhonestboneinyourbody."

Inthosecaseswehavetomakesomedecisions.Sincethey'redecisionswe'lllivewith,let'sbesuretogivethemthethoughttheydeserve.Forinstance,ifwehavesnappedangrilyatsomeoneforcorrectingsomethingwedid,wehavetocometotermswithhowoverlysensitivewearetocriticism.

Ifweareoverlycriticalofourfriends,wemighthavetoexaminewhywedon'tmakefriendswithpeopleweesteem.Atonetimewecoulddwellinterminablyonthedefectsofourfriends.Nowwehavetolookinsideourselvesandaskwhatwearedoingwithpeoplewedon'tlike.

Arewebeginningtoseesomepatternshere?IstheresomethinghereforournextFourthStep?IsthereadefectherethatwecantakedirectlytotheSixthandSeventhSteps?

Formanyrecoveringalcoholicsanddrugaddicts,theTenthStepturnsthesloganOneDayataTimeintoaphilosophyforliving.Janinesays,"WhenIgotsober,Ithought'onedayatatime'waspathetic.Icouldn'timaginemefallingsolowthatIcouldonlymakeit'onedayatatime.'Ihadbigplansaboutworkingatthebank,promotionbypromotion.IwasproudthatIwaslivingtwentyyearsatatime.Whichinadditiontonotmakingmeetings

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explainswhyIslippedafterninetydays.WhenIcamebackIstartedtonotdrinkonedayatatime.ThenIstartedtodoschoolonedayatatime.AndthenIdidmyrelationshiponedayatatimetooinsteadofwhenwe'remarriedandhavekidsandweliveinthesuburbs.SoI'mlivingonedayatatimeinsteadofinthefuture.I'vegotagreatfuturebutIdon'tliveinitanymore.TheTenthStepisthewayIrememberwhatdayitisandthatI'msupposedtobeinit!"

"Iwasjusttheopposite,"Billsays."Iwasalwayslivinginthepast.EverythingwasallabouthowmydaddeserteduswhenIwaslittleandhowIgotthisterriblestepfather.ItmightlooklikeIwaslivinginthepresent,butreallymyheadwasahundredyearsago.DoingtheTenthStepwasarealchangeforme,becauseitmeantIhadtotaketodaymoreseriouslythanyesterday."

TheTenthStepisalsoareminderofhowthetoolshelpusmakethechangesweneedtomakeinordertogetsoberandstaythatway.AsRamonsays,"What'sthepointinbeingsoberifyou'regoingtobemiserable?Formelearningtostaysoberwasalotaboutlearningtobehappy.TheTenthStepmakessureIdon'tforgethowimportantmyhappinessandmycomfortareonedayatatime."

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Step11SoughtthroughprayerandmeditationtoimproveourconsciouscontactwithGodasweunderstoodGod,prayingonlyforknowledgeofGod'swill*forusandthepowertocarrythatout.

Ifyou'vebeentomorethanahandfulofTwelveStepmeetings,you'vealreadyheardthatthestepsareintheirorderforareason.WhenitcomestoStepEleven,it'sclearwhythatonecomestowardtheend.Ifitcameanyearlier,weprobablywouldn'tbeabletobelieveit.

AsJerrysays,''PrayerandmeditationisforpeoplealotolderthanIam.Whoeverheardofafifteen-year-oldmeditating,anyway?"

*Thechangehereto"...GodasweunderstoodGod,prayingonlyforknowledgeofGod'swill..."isanadaptationoftheoriginalEleventhStepoftheTwelveStepsofAlcoholicsAnonymous.Theoriginalreads"...GodasweunderstoodHim,prayingonlyforknowledgeofHiswill..."TheoriginalTwelveStepsofAlcoholicsAnonymousarereprintedintheirentiretyatthebackofthisbook.

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AsTracisays,"Well,I'vealwaysbelievedinprayer,evenwhenIwasusing.Butmeditationissomethingforotherreligions.Ijustdon'tthinkofPresbyteriansmeditating!"

Dereksays,"IthoughtmeditationwaslikeZenorBuddhism.Itjustdoesn'tsoundveryAmerican,ifyouknowwhatImean."

Finally,Elliesays,"ImeditatedalotwhenIwasstoned.IjustneverimagineditwassomethingI'ddoafterIgotclean!"

Asincredibleasitmightseem,everyonecanmeditateincludingsoberAmericanteenagers.

"ImeditatedalotwhenIwasstoned.IjustneverimagineditwassomethingI'ddoafterIgotclean!"

AswefoundwiththeThirdStep,it'samatterofbeliefandexperience.Ifsomeonetellsasmallchildthathe'llburnhimselfifhetouchesastove,he'llknowit'ssobecausesomeonetoldhim.Buthewon'tbelieveituntilhetouchesithimselfandgetshurt.Ifsomeonetellsusthatdrinkingisbad(andsomeoneisboundtohavesaidthattoeachofus),we'llknowit'strue.Butwereallydon'tbelieveituntilweendupintroubleourselves.

Soitseemsthatbelievingisacombinationofknowingplusourownexperience.Forinstance,we'veprobablyheardamillion

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timesthatsobrietywouldbegoodforus,buthowmanyofusbelievedituntilafterwehadalreadyhadsomeexperiencewithit?

It'sthesamewithprayerandmeditation.Ifwe'vehadnoexperiencewitheitheroneofthem,it'sunderstandablethatmanyofuswouldpushthemaway,almostoutofhandnomatterhowenthusiasticotherpeopleseemtobeaboutthem.Thenonedaywerealizedtherewassomethingthoseotherpeoplehadthatweweremissingouton.Coulditbesomethingmaterial,likeajob?Orbetterrelationships?Orjustalook,notnecessarilyaglow,thattellsusthatthere'ssomethinggoingoninsidethemthatisn'tgoingoninsideus?

LiztellshowshegotintotheEleventhStep."Ijustdidn'tseemedoingitorneedingit.ButIsawthisgirlatmeetingswhowasalwayslookingprettydownandonedayshewasstartingtolookalotmoreup.SoIaskedifshehadanewboyfriend,andshejustlaughedandsaidshewasdoingtheEleventhStep.Well,let'sjustsayitgotmethinking."

Derekexplains,"I'dgonethroughthesteps,butIstilldidn'tseeGodassomethingwhoreallyknewwhoIwasorspoketomedirectly.Istillhadthishigherpowerwhotookcareofalldrunks,ifyouknowwhatImean,buthedidn'tknowmepersonally.IthinkIwasjustfeelingincrediblybadabouthowIwasdoingatschool,andIknewallthefriends

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intheworldweren'tgoingtomakemefeelotherwise.WhatIneededwasmyveryown,personal,you-know-me-wellhigherpower.SoIstartedprayingforone.Itwasn'tuntilIstartedtomeditatethatIgotone."

Prayer,wearetold,istalkingtoGodandaskingforhelp.Consideringhowpracticedhumanbeingsareinasking,it'ssurprisingthatwehavesomuchtolearnabouthowtoask.

"IusedtoaskforthethingsthatIthoughtwouldmakemehappy,"saysBill."Likeacar,andarelationship,andafewextramilliontoo.Itwasn'ttoolongbeforeIwasseeingaguyI'dmetatagayAAroundupandIhadacartoo.Icouldn'tunderstandwhyIwasn'thappyallthetime.Ididn'thavethemillions,it'strue,butIfiguredoutbythenthattheywouldn'tmakemehappyeither.SoIheardamansayingatameetingthathishigherpowerhadbetterthingsplannedforhimthanhecouldeverimagine,andIdecidedtotryit.SowhenIprayed,Ijustaskedmyhigherpowertobringmepeace.IfiguredI'dlethimbethejudgeofwhatwasthebestwayformetohaveit!Ibegantoseethatmyhappinesswasn'tgoingtocomefromexternalthingssomuchbutfrominternalthings."

"IwasfrightenedthatmaybeGoddidn'treallylikemesomaybeI'dbebetteroffnotknowingwhatHerwillwasforme,"saysJanine."ButitmusthavebeeninmyfourthyearofsobrietythatIgotthemessagethat

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Godwantedonlyloveforme.That'swhenIstartedtodotheEleventhStep,whenIknewHerwillformejusthadtobegoodnews."

RamonlaughsasheidentifieswithJanine."IguessIfiguredthereweresomepeopleGodwantedtoberichandfamousandhappy,"hesays,"whichmeantsomepeoplehadtobepoorandunfamousandmiserable.ConsideringmyluckbeforeIgottotheprogram,IfiguredIknewwhichendIwassupposedtobeat.Thenmysponsorchallengedmeaboutthat.HesaidIshouldcheckitoutwithGodfirst.WhichishowIstartedtomakeconsciouscontactwithahigherpower.It'showIfoundoutthatmyhigherpowerthinksthere'splentyforeveryoneifwe'donlybelieveit."

"IwasfrightenedthatmaybeGoddidn'treallylikemesomaybeI'dbebetteroffnotknowingwhatHerwillwasforme."

Prayerandmeditation,likealltheothertoolsofrecovery,areintenselypractical.Likealltools,theyworkbetterthemoreweusethem.Thattakestimeandittakespractice.Fromtheverybeginning,however,peoplegetresults.It'sjustthattheresultskeepgettingbetteraswemovealong.

Howweprayandhowwemeditateareverypersonalmatters.Everyonehasaparticular

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way.ButaswemoveintoStepElevenforthefirsttime,itcanbehelpfultoaskotherpeoplehowtheygoaboutit.Keepinmindthatthere'snorightwayorwrongwayhere,andthatnoonewayisbetterthananyother.Manypeople,infact,considerprayerjustawayoftalkingtotheirhigherpowerevenifthey'restillnotverycomfortablewiththehigherpowerconcept.

"ItellmyhigherpowerhowI'mfeelingthatday,"saysJanine."ItellHPfirsthowmybodyisfeeling.ThenItalkaboutwhatmyfeelingsarelike.ItrytogetveryrealaboutwhatI'manxiousaboutanditdoesn'tmatterhowsmallitseems.ThenIaskHPtoliftallthebarriersthatkeepmefromfeelingreallygood,andthenIaskHPtohelpmeandeveryoneelse.Sometimes,justbeforeImeditate,IaskHPtoletmeseemyselfandothersthroughHereyesratherthanmyown.Thathelpsalottoo."

"IstillaskforwhatIwant,"saysDerek."LikeIwantallmylegalproblemsbehindmeforever.IfiguremyhigherpowerknowsmebetterthanIdosothere'snopointinpretendingIdon'twantthingswhenIdo.ButIalwaysendmyprayerswith'Thywill,notmine,bedone.'SothatifIdon'tgetsomething,I'llunderstandwhyit'sbetterformenottohavewhateveritis,atleastrightthen.Tomebeingspiritualmeansbeingopen-mindedandlookingforthegiftsinthings,eventhoughtherearedayswhenIhavetolookvery,veryhard."

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Billadds,"IalwaysendbyaskingGodtotakecareofeveryone.Iusedtosay'especiallythepeopleIlove.'ThenIheardithelpedifyouprayedforpeopleyouweremadatorafraidof,soI'dsay'especiallythepeopleIloveandthepeopleIhate.'ButthatsoundedfunnysonowIjusttellGodtheirnamesandsayIwantthemtofeelpeaceintheirlives."

Themostimportant,andalsothemostchallenging,aspectofmeditationisclearingyourheadofalldistractingthoughtsandplansandfeelings.Thatwaythemindwillbeallthemorereceptivetowhatyourhigherpowerhastosay.

Whereasprayeristalkingtohigherpower,meditationisoftendescribedaslisteningtohigherpower.Foralmosteveryone,thatcomeslesseasilybutforthosewhotryitonaconsistentbasis,therewardsareextraordinary.

Themostimportant,andalsothemostchallenging,aspectofmeditationisclearingyourheadofalldistractingthoughtsandplansandfeelings.Thatwaythemindwillbeallthemorereceptivetowhatyourhigherpowerhastosay.

First,makesureyourspaceisfreeofdistraction.Findaplacewherenoonewillinterrupt

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you.Closethedoor.Takethephoneoffthehook.Closethewindowifthere'strafficoutside.Ifyoudecidetoplaymusic,makesureit'smusicthatyouwon'tgetcaughtupin.CheckoutthemeditationsectionofyourlocalCDstore.Youcanfindanythingfromclassicalmusictorecordingsofwavescrashingalongtheshoretohelpgetyouintherightframeofmind.

Sitdowninachair,onthefloor,whicheverismorecomfortable.Crossyourkneesifthatmakesyoumorecomfortable.Liedown,ifyou'resureyouwon'tgotosleep.

Closeyoureyesandstarttoclearyourmind.Concentrateonthemusicorconcentrateonyourbreathing.Trytokeepyourmindfromgettingallwrappedupinwhatyou'replanningtodoaftersupperorthemathtestyesterdayorhowangryyouareatyourmotherandfather.

Justbe.Andbreathe.Andlistentothetapeifyouareplayingone.

Doingthatforawholeminutecanbetaxingthefirsttimeout.Butaswegiveitatry,dayafterday,itbecomeseasierandourmeditationsessionsbecomelongerandmorepeaceful.

Willyouhearyourhigherpowerspeakinwords?Somepeoplehave,butmoreoften,there'sno"message."Atfirstthatmaybedisappointingtothosewhohadhopedforacompleteitem-by-itemblueprintofGod'splanfor

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them.Aswemovealonginoursobriety,however,wewillknowthatthethoughtsandideasthatcometouswhenwearefeelingpeacefularetheonestotrust,theonesourhigherpowerwantsustoheed.It'stheonesthatcometouswhenwearefearfulandangrythatwemustresist!

''Likemyworryingaboutgettingintocollege,"Lizsays."ItgotsobadIwasupeverynightmakingmyselfsickaboutit.OnenightIdecidedtodotheEleventhStep.AtonepointIjustgotthisfeelingthatIjustwasn'tsupposedtosufferanymore.Fromthenon,Ijustfeltalotbetteraboutacceptingwhateverlifeheldinstoreforme."

Ramonadds,"DoingtheEleventhStephelpsmerememberthatI'mnotinchargeoftheworld.Ifsomething'snotgoingthewayIthinkitshould,Idon'tbeatuponmyself.IjustdotheEleventhStep,andIfindthatmaybethingsaresupposedtoworkoutanotherwayinstead."

"Iworryalotaboutotherpeople,"saysEllie,"especiallymyfamily,becauseeveryoneelseinmyfamilyisdrinking.IfeelsohelplessandsoguiltythateventhoughI'mnotsmokingpot,there'snotanythingIcandoforthem.WhenIdotheEleventhStep,IfindoutwhatIforgotsincethelasttimeIdidit,thatstayingsoberisthebestthingIcandoformyselfandforthemtoo."

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Overandoveragain,recoveringpeopleagreethatbeingsoberiswhattheirhigherpowerwantsmostforthem.It'showthegoodthingsstartedtohappenandit'swherethegoodthingsstillcomefrom.

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Step12Havinghadaspiritualawakeningastheresultofthesesteps,wetriedtocarrythismessagetoalcoholics,andtopracticetheseprinciplesinallouraffairs.

It'sthestepthatembodiesalltheothersteps,thestepthatculminatesinevitablyinthejoyofliving.It'sthestepthatyouseefar,faroutonthehorizon,almostbeyondyourreach.It'salsotheonestepyoumayhaveexperiencedbeforeyoucameintorecovery.Notasadoer,asarecipient.

Twelve-Stepping:Itmeansconfrontinganactivealcoholicordrugabuserwiththeproblem,explainingyou'vebeentheretoo,showingthatthereisawayout.It'ssharingyourexperience,strength,andhope,carryingthemessageofrecovery,offeringawayoutofsuffering.

IfyouwereTwelve-Stepped,youmightrememberitasembarrassing,perhapsevenshamefulandinfuriating.Butyoumayalsorememberthatthepeoplewhocametoyouhadsomethingyouwanted.Eventhoughit

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washardtobelieveyouwouldeverhaveittoo,youwanteditenoughtotakeachance.

WhiletheTwelfthStepisusuallyseenasacalltoaction,it'salsoanaffirmationofyourgrowingconsciousnessofspiritualityinyourlife.Asyoulookoverthemonthsyou'vebeensober,you'reboundtoseespiritualityinyourlifefromtheveryfirstdayofyourrecovery.

Thewaytoprovetoyourselfthatyouhaveitistogiveitaway.Ifyouweren'tabletogiveitaway,youwouldn'tbesureyouhadit.Asyou'reboundtohear,givingitawayistheonlywaytokeepittoo!Itallseemsparadoxical,butrememberthattheTwelveStepsarefirstandforemostpractical.TheTwelfthStepislikealltheothersteps:ifitdidn'twork,noonewouldbotherwithit.

WhiletheTwelfthStepisusuallyseenasacalltoaction,it'salsoanaffirmationofyourgrowingconsciousnessofspiritualityinyourlife.

HowwegoaboutourTwelfthStepworkwilldetermineoursuccesswithit.Ifwegoabout''converting"peopleto"ourwayoflife,"thespiritof"You'llbebetterwhenyou'relikeme"isboundtocomethroughandhurtthepeoplewearetryingtohelp.Allwecandoissharewhoweare,wherewe'vecomefrom,andhowitisforusnow.Ifpeopleaskforourhelp,wecanprovideithappily.Butifpeople

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arewaryofus,our"message"willbemorelikeanafflictionthanagift.

Asardentlyaswebelievethattobetrueforus,wecan'thelpfeelinguncomfortabletellingothersit'swhattheyshouldbedoingwiththeirlives.Nooneknowsbetterthanalcoholicsthepainandput-downofanunwelcome"Whatyouneedis"ora"Youshoulddothat."Besides,doesn'toneofAA'straditionsstatethatAAworksbyattractionratherthanpromotion?

Notsurprisingly,thesolutiontoourconfusionanddiscomfortliesinthestepitself.The"message"thattheTwelfthStepreferstoisclearlynot"Youshouldgetsober"butrather"Havinghadaspiritualawakeningasaresultofthesesteps.."Sowhenweseeotherssufferingfromourdisease,we'renotaskedtotellthemtosoberuportotellthemthatthey'llbebetteroffwhenthey'remorelikeus.

Themessageturnsouttobethattheyareloveableanddeserving.Wecaninvitethemtoseethemselves,aswetrytoseeourselves,throughthelovingeyesofourhigherpowerratherthanthroughourown(sometimes)righteous,evenantagonisticeyes.Wearecalledontomakeaconnectionbysharingourstories,tellinghowbaditwasforus,howhopelesswefelt,andhowthatchanged.Iftheyareinterestedinpursuingasoberpath,wecanhelp,butwecan'tturnthemintosoberpeople.Wecancarrythemessage;wecan'tcarrythedrunk.

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Sometimeswewillmeetsomeonewhoisready,eveneager,tohearourmessage.Manytimeswedonot.Butifwehaveactedinthespiritofourhigherpower,wewillalwaysbebetterforourTwelfthStepwork,nomatterwhatitsapparenteffectonothershasbeen.

Toomanyyoungpeoplethroughouttheworldarealreadysufferingfromalcoholismanddrugaddiction.Nowadaysweknowthatnooneistooyoungtorecoverfromalcoholism.Weknowtoothatnoonehastohittheterriblebottomsthatwereonceconsideredalmostessentialbeforebeginningrecovery.

"It'sanawakening.Iwouldn'thavecalleditspiritual,butwhynot,ifithelpsmesomuch."

Noonecancarrythemessagemoreeffectivelytotoday'sdrug-addictedandalcoholicteenagersthanotheryoungpeoplewhoareinrecovery.Youcanmakeyourselfavailabletoyoungnewcomersyouseeatmeetings.Youcanvisitdetoxunitsandrehabs.Youcanevenvisitprisons.Buttheperilscanbeasgreatastheneed.Morethanonerecoveringpersonhasgone,unprepared,onaTwelfthStepcallandwoundupdrinking.

BeforesettingoutonTwelfthStepwork,makesureyou'reready.Talkitoverwithyoursponsor.Seeifyou'refeelingreallycomfortablewithitorifyou'rejusttryingtodothe

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"right"thing.Rememberthatthereally"right"thingisthatyourownsenseofwellbeingandsobrietycomefirst.

Gowithsomeoneelsefromtheprogram.Nomatterhowoldandexperienced,nooneshoulddoTwelfthStepcallsalone.

Bereal.Noonehasabetternoseforaphonythanadrunk.Ifyouannouncethatyou'vebeenblissedoutsincethemomentyouputdownthedrinkandthedrug,yourlistenermaythinkyou'restillonsomething!

Don'tover-commityourself.Forallitsrewards,TwelfthStepworkiswork.

Mostimportant,rememberthatTwelfthStepworkisn'tallaboutTwelve-Stepping.Beingactiveinagroup,makingcoffee,chairingameetingallcountasTwelfthStepwork.Sodoesgivingaspecialwelcometoanewcomer,listeningtosomeoneshareaboutproblems,andsharingyourownexperience,strength,andhope.

SomeofthemostsuccessfulTwelfthStepworkwedoisworkwearetotallyunawarewedid.AsDereksays,"WhenIgotoutofrehabandstartedgoingtomeetings,Iheldbackfrommyoldcrowd.Someofthemwerestilldrinkingandthatwasn'tgoodforme.Frankly,mostofthemdidn'tseemtoointerestedinmeeither.Thenoneday,thiskid,oneofthedrinkers,asksmeifhecouldtalktomeafterschool.Itturnedouthewascomingtomeforhelpaboutgettingsober.Thenhesaid

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itwasjustfromseeingmedoingsowellthatgothiminterested.AndallthetimeIwasbeingMr.LowProfiletoo!"

"EverytimeIdosomethingthatIwouldn'thavedonewhenIwasdrinkingisTwelfthStepworkasfarasI'mconcerned,"Ramonsays."LikeIusedtostealmoneyfrommymomeverychanceIgot.NowIhaveajobthreedaysaweekafterschool,bagginggroceriesoveratthemarket.IhaveahigherpowertodaywhosaysIdon'thavetostealorlieinordertobeokay.That'spracticingtheseprinciples,isn'tit?"

"Likewhensomeonecameintothegarage,Iusedtosaythings,reallyrottenthings,undermybreathaboutthem,"Billadmits."Iusedtothinkitwasjustfunny,youknow.Ithoughtitkindofhelpedmeletoffsomesteam.Butitisn'tfunnyandthere'sbetterwaysoflettingoffsteam.NowthatIlikemyselfbetter,Idon'tnoticeotherpeople'sdefectssomuch.I'mjustseeinglotsofthingsaboutmethatIneverimaginedwerethere.It'sanawakening.Iwouldn'thavecalleditspiritual,butwhynot,ifithelpsmesomuch."

Formostrecoveringpeople,youngandoldandinbetween,practicingtheseprinciplesinallouraffairsmeansturningtoallthestepsmoreandmore.Nowthattheoldtricksgettingstoned,gettingwasted,gettingmad,gettingevendon'tworkforus,we'reoftenatalossofwhattodoinstead.Ifitweren'tforthe

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guidancetheprogramoffers,manywouldhavealmostnootheroptionexcepttoreturntoalcoholandotherdrugs.

"DoingtheTwelfthStepmeansdoingalltheothersteps,"Ramonsays."ThelongerI'msober,themoreexperienceIhavewiththesteps,themoreItrustthemtoo.EverydaytheremustbethreeorfourtimeswhenIsaytomyself,'ThirdStep'or'EleventhStep.'It'snotlikeI'magainstusingothertools.It'sjustthattheydon'tworkformethewaythesetoolsdo.

'TodayIdon'tjustknowI'vegotadisease,Ireallyacceptit.IknowifIgobackouttherethingsaregoingtogetbadrightaway."

"ThethingsI'velearned,Iwouldn'thaveeverlearnedathome,"hegoeson."It'snotlikethey'reholdingbackoranything.Theyjustdon'tknowit.Afterall,theygrewupindysfunctionalhomestoo.WhenmymomhasaproblemandIsuggestsomethingliketurningitoverorkeepingthefocusonherself,it'slikenewstoher!"

"Istillhaveproblems,"Janinesays."Istillworrytoomuchtoo.ButIdon'thaveanyworriesIcan'thandle,andIdon'thaveaproblemthathasn'tbeensolvablewithoutadrinkoradrug.It'sbecauseI'mcomingtobelievethat

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thestepsneverletmedown.ItseemedlikeIwasalwaysgettingabumleadallthetime.NowIhavesomethingItrustandIneverhadthatbefore."

"Theonlyhitchisyougottodosobrietyeveryday,"Ramonlaughs."EvenifIdon'tgettoameeting,I'malwaysdoingthefirstthreestepseverysinglemorning."

"Orcallingafriend,"Janineadds.

"Ormysponsor,"saysJerry.

"IfIdon'tdosomething,I'mputtingmyselfinarealbadspot,"saysJanine,notlaughinganymore.'TodayIdon'tjustknowI'vegotadisease,Ireallyacceptit.IknowifIgobackouttherethingsaregoingtogetbadrightaway.Yougobacktowhereyouleftoff.That'swhatthepeoplecomingbackfromaslipsay,andIknowthatfromexperience.Iwantedtodieattheendofmydrinking.IfIgooutthere,Imightbeinacarwreck.Icouldwindupinthewrongneighborhood,verylateatnight,anditcouldbeawful.Icouldberaped.Icouldgetmyselfkilled."

"Iwouldn'thavetowaitforanaccident,"Ramonsays."Icouldkillmyself,likemybrotherdid.AAdidn'tjustshowmehowtolive.It'sgivenmeareasonwhytoliveandmybrotherdidn'thavethat."

Thedireconsequencesexistforallactivealcoholicsanddrugaddicts,nomatterwhatage.Butthankstothemeetings,thepeople,

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andthesteps,alcoholicsandotherdrugaddictscanleadproductive,contentedlives.

''Liketheysay,"Elliesays,"itworksifyouworkit."

AsRamonadds,"Itiswork,butit'sniceworkifyoucangetit."

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TheTwelveStepsofAlcoholicsAnonymous*1.Weadmittedwewerepowerlessoveralcoholthatourliveshadbecomeunmanageable.

2.CametobelievethataPowergreaterthanourselvescouldrestoreustosanity.

3.MadeadecisiontoturnourwillandourlivesovertothecareofGodasweunderstoodHim.

4.Madeasearchingandfearlessmoralinventoryofourselves.

5.AdmittedtoGod,toourselves,andtoanotherhumanbeingtheexactnatureofourwrongs.

6.WereentirelyreadytohaveGodremoveallthesedefectsofcharacter.

7.HumblyaskedHimtoremoveourshortcomings.

8.Madealistofallpersonswehadharmed,andbecamewillingtomakeamendstothemall.

9.Madedirectamendstosuchpeoplewhereverpossible,exceptwhentodosowouldinjurethemorothers.

10.Continuedtotakepersonalinventoryandwhenwewerewrongpromptlyadmittedit.

11.SoughtthroughprayerandmeditationtoimproveourconsciouscontactwithGodasweunderstoodHim,prayingonlyforknowledgeofHiswillforusandthepowertocarrythatout.

12.Havinghadaspiritualawakeningastheresultofthesesteps,wetriedtocarrythismessagetoalcoholics,andtopracticethese

principlesinallouraffairs.

*TheTwelveStepsofAlcoholicsAnonymousaretakenfromAlcoholicsAnonymous,3ded.,publishedbyAAWorldServices,Inc.,NewYork,N.Y.,59-60.TheTwelveStepsofAAarereprintedwithpermissionofAlcoholicsAnonymousWorldServices,Inc.PermissiontoreprinttheTwelveStepsdoesnotmeanthatAAhasreviewedorapprovedthecontentsofthispublication,northatAAagreeswiththeviewsexpressedherein.AAisaprogramfortherecoveryfromalcoholism.UseoftheTwelveStepsinconnectionwithprogramsandactivitiesthatarepatternedafterAA,butthataddressotherproblems,doesnotimplyotherwise.

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ThePromisesofAlcoholicsAnonymous*Ifwearepainstakingaboutthisphaseofourdevelopment,wewillbeamazedbeforewearehalfwaythrough.Wearegoingtoknowanewfreedomandanewhappiness.Wewillnotregretthepastnorwishtoshutthedooronit.Wewillcomprehendthewordserenityandwewillknowpeace.Nomatterhowfardownthescalewehavegone,wewillseehowourexperiencecanbenefitothers.Thatfeelingofuselessnessandself-pitywilldisappear.Wewillloseinterestinselfishthingsandgaininterestinourfellows.Self-seekingwillslipaway.Ourwholeattitudeandoutlookuponlifewillchange.Fearofpeopleandofeconomicinsecuritywillleaveus.Wewillintuitivelyknowhowtohandlesituationswhichusedtobaffleus.WewillsuddenlyrealizethatGodisdoingforuswhatwecouldnotdoforourselves.

*ThePromisesofAlcoholicsAnonymousaretakenfromAlcoholicsAnonymous,3ded.,publishedbyAAWorldServices,Inc.,NewYork,N.Y.,83-84.ReprintedwithpermissionofAAWorldServices,Inc.