A Young Swordswoman's GardenPrimer

Sarah Zettel« ^ »"Do you know who I am?" Allys

pulled herself up to her full height. Herflaming, auburn curls brushed the shop'slow ceiling.

The shopkeeper did not lookimpressed. "You are Allys the Bold,Swordswoman of the Mystic East,daughter of Ferra, daughter of Ganelled'Rainier, or so you said. But I amDrethwain, Shopkeeper of the FirstOrder and in the name of my familyhonor, I will not sell you a magic itemfor less than thrice what I paid for it!"Allys sighed. She could, of course, kill

him and take the rusty hauberk in thecorner, but she was wearing herbusiness clothes. When people hired aGenuine Barbarian Swordswoman,Deeply Versed in Secrets-of-the-Mystic-East, they wanted brass and jewels,jingly gold chains, flowing purplecloaks, gleaming headbands holdingback flaming tresses, a sword that wouldsplit an elephant, and daggers tuckedinto all manner of exotic locales. Thistown was crowded, and after herpersonal business was concluded, shewould almost certainly need to findwork again. Allys saw no point in lettingthe paying customers, or even thepotential customers, down.

"This world is all illusion anyway,"

Chi Xe, her surprisingly young Wise-Old-Master had told her. "Work with it."

The problem was, the outfit was anabsolute bitch to try to fight in. Allyssighed and gave the hauberk on itscrooked stand an appraising look. It wasalmost solid rust. Cobwebs trailed offits short sleeves.

If that oracle was pulling a fast one,I'm going to drop her into that sacredwell head first. She had paid the skinny,doe-eyed woman for three answers tothree questions; Can I regain myancestral castle? What aid do I need toaccomplish this? Where do I find it? Theanswers: yes, wear the magic armor ofthe D'Rainiers, and the northwest cornerof Drethwain's Shoppe of Ancient

Mysteries, had led her here to confrontthis greasy man with definite feelingsabout his standing in the world.

She held up her hand. "Far be it fromme, Sir, to seek to undo any man'shonor." She planted her shiny, blackboot on a creaking chair, and pulled outone of her daggers. With a grunt, shetwisted the biggest scarlet "jewel" out ofits pommel and tossed it to Drethwain.

"That is the ruby Tharyx, taken fromthe dagger that killed the dragonQuaraeth the Most Fell. Whosoevercarries it cannot be deceived by any lieor illusion of man, monster or god."

"Is that true?" Drethwain squinted atthe stone.

"As far as you know."

He gave her a gap-toothed smile. "Theshirt's yours. As is." She did manage toget him to wrap it up first. She had nointention of getting rust and cobwebssmeared all over her glittery workclothes. She slung the bundle across therump of Grandiere, her huge, white(naturally), gelding (symbolism isimportant) and swung herself into thesaddle. She cantered out of town,waving her sword and singing fierce-sounding nonsense she'd picked up fromChi Xe. You never knew who waswatching. Her camp was three leaguesfrom town in a wooded dingle. Shedismounted Grandiere, removed histack, let him drink, wiped him down andtethered him where he could graze. Her

horse attended to, she took care ofherself. She stripped off the gold-and-emerald headband, and the auburn wigunderneath it, rolled the huge sword inthe flashy cloak and disengaged theuncomfortably located daggers. In a fewmoments, she was her wilderness self;short black hair, leather travellingclothes, hunting dagger at waist andshort sword in easy reach near thecampfire.

Feeling relaxed and ready for realbusiness, Allys unwrapped her purchase.She picked it up by the shoulders andshook it. The mail links rattled like a drycough. Flakes of rust and dust showereddown. It looked battered, decrepit, anddecidedly unmagical. It also looked too

damn small for her.Gritting her teeth, Allys slid the

hauberk over her head. To her surprise,it fit perfectly. She brushed the linksdown. They rattled.

Take it off.Allys froze.Take it off, now!Allys laid her hand on her sword. The

voice wasn't coming from any direction.It was just there.

Take this damn shirt off and go away,hear me? I don't need any cheapskatebarbarian wannabe getting blood on me!

Allys's heart beat hard at the base ofher throat.

No, I am not the shirt. Flaming fig-trees, you've got an untidy mind up here.

Where'd you get all these… zenny?…ideas? Oh, the Mystic East. ForeignParts, I should have known. No, I saidthat already. I am not the shirt. I am thewoman stuck in the shirt. Damn familycurse. Blessing Aunt Didi said, but sheliked waving swords around. Everywoman of the d'Rainier line who died inbattle takes a turn in the shirt, giving herskills to the current wearer. Well, I wasbattling the mentha veridis in the kitchengarden when the lights went out, andnow there are no more women in theD'Rainier line and I'm stuck in here!

As quickly as she could, Allys yankedthe hauberk off. She dropped the shirtonto the ground. It rattled for a moment,then lay still on the dirt and dead leaves.

Not good. Not good at all.The prophecy said she needed to be

wearing the D'Rainier armor to retakethe castle. Maybe that cranky soul inthere knew a secret entrance, or somespecial weakness that belonged to theEvil Wizard who occupied the place.Problem. Cranky obviously did not likebeing stuck in the hauberk and neededthe death of another D'Rainier woman toget her out. There was one, too.Whoever that was in there obviouslydidn't know that Ganelle D'Rainier hadescaped and fled the country when thecastle was taken over. Ganellewandered with the horse nomads of theMystic East and had a daughter who hada daughter, who had come back and

bought the armor from Drethwain. Whatif the spirit in the rusty chain maildecided to get Allys into a battle soAllys could die and take her place?

This was very, very not good.Especially since Cranky in there couldobviously read Allys's mind.

Allys did not believe in trying tooutwit prophecies. Wizards, daemons,Evil-Gods-from-the-Foulest-Regions-of-the-Seven-Hells, yes, but, prophecies,no. They always came back to bite youon your more intimate leathers. She wastold she needed to be wearing theD'Rainier armor, so wear it she would.But how could she keep Cranky fromrummaging around in her head andgetting… ideas?

Allys sat down cross-legged andregarded the hauberk.

She turned over every thing Crankyhad "said" to her, trying to work out itsimplications. Untidy mind you've got . . .Cranky'd complained. Did she have atough time reading more than one thoughtat a time? Could be. Could Allys buryher identity and true purpose behind oneof Chi Xe's interminable MysticPhilosophic Verses about about fallingblossoms and the sound of silence? No,too complicated. She didn't know whatelse she'd have to be doing while Crankywas rummaging. Something simpler. Animage. Flying monkeys, or green polarbears, something like that.

Allys closed her eyes. "D'Rainier,"

she said, and visualized flocks ofmonkeys with eagles wings swoopingand swarming all over a noonday sky.

"Who are you?" Polar bears. Brightemerald ones sitting on ice floes. Shepracticed calling up the crowded imageswith every variation of her ancestry shecould think of until well after full dark.At last, she rolled the hauberk in itscloth wrappings and herself in herwoolen traveling cloak.

It took forever to get the damnmonkeys out of her head so she couldsleep. Allys woke up as soon as dawn'slight squeezed through the trees. Shebreakfasted, and repacked her gear ontoGrandiere's back. She picked up the rollshe'd made of the hauberk and weighed

it in her hands.Put it on now? Or wait until I get

closer to the castle? Allys chewed herlower lip. She had technically alreadybegun her quest for the castle, so theprophecy was ticking. Besides, ifCranky knew anything, it'd be better tofind out about it right away so she couldformulate her plans.

She slipped the hauberk over herleather jerkin.

You again? I thought I'd had the last ofyou. Go away. Leave me alone.

"No," said Allys through clenchedteeth. "I need your help." Then you'resore out of luck you fool girl… What isyour name anyway? Hi! Where'd allthese monkeys come from?

Allys smiled softly.Ragwort and jasmine, get these things

away from me! I have never felt anybodywith such a bizarre set of thoughts! Areyou sure you're sane?

Allys shrugged.You don't even know. Huh. Figures.

The sane ones give the damn shirt backafter the first night. Great. I am stuck inthe mind of a crazy woman with amonkey fetish. And a thing for a tall manwith a funny name.

Allys started. "How'd you know aboutChi Xe?"

He's all over the place in here. You'refighting him, you're learning bad poetryfrom him, and there's some dreams overhere, Missy, that I bet you'd never tell

your mother about. Allys felt her facebegin to burn. She knew exactly whichdreams Cranky had found. She'd had onejust last night where…

Shame on you!Allys clenched her teeth and

concentrated.Hi, there! Hey! Down! Watch it! What

the hell are all these green things!"Listen, I need your help…"What now? Home? What are you

doing going to my home? And where doyou get off calling me Cranky? I am LadyGenevive D'Rainier!

"All right, Lady Genevive, I am goingto take Castle D'Rainier from the EvilWizard who's occupying it."

For a moment nothing but silence

occupied Allys's head. You are mad.That wizard killed my entire familywhile they were sleeping. I was the onlyone awake. I had a new formula Iwanted to try out . . For the first timeAllys felt something other thanresentment flow from the presence ofLady Genevive, and that was fear.

"This is nothing," Allys told hermental passenger. "I've fought Evil-Gods-from-the-Foulest-Regions-of-the-Seven-Hells…" Yuch! You fought thoseugly… Green gods of morning, they domake a loud splat when they fall don'tthey?

"I can handle one wizard."But why . . . GET THESE

MONKEYS AWAY FROM ME!

Allys concentrated on monkeys inquiet groups of ones and twos, listeningto what she was saying.

"Evil Wizard's encircled the castlewith a forty foot tall wall of thornyhedges to keep back attack." Sheconcentrated on her memory of theplace. No guards, either human ormonstrous, just these iron-coloredbranches twisted around each other as ifa blacksmith had beaten them into shape.The wind that had ruffled Allys's hairand Grandiere's mane did not stir thebranches at all, instead it whistledbetween the sword-sharp, foot-longthorns. Datura Stamonium Grandiose.The thought sent a breath of awe throughAllys's mind. They aren't native to this

area. What is it doing here?"Standing between us and the castle."

Allys had already broken two swordsand an axe trying to get through thethorns. She could have sworn the wind'swhistling had turned to laughter as theaxe handle splintered in her hands.

Are you out of your mind? An axe fora Stamonium Grandiose? Why didn't youjust gnaw on it?

Allys raised her eyebrows. "So, whatwould you suggest?" Salt. Lye. Digdown and seed the soil with it. If youwant to kill the plant, kill the roots.You're just like Aunt Didi. The worldbegins and ends on the point of a sword.No idea what's important or beautiful.

Salt? Lye? "I was hoping there was a

secret tunnel used by some lord to sneakout to his paramour or other exploitableweakness."

What kind of books did your motherraise you on? You think you needsomething other than salt to break up afairy charm? That there's a demon weedthat can stand up to the rendered fat of anunbaptized baby cow?

"Well, when you put it that way…"Maybe she should have tipped the oraclea little better. Prophecy? You went to anoracle to find me? Why… Oh, god, whatare these green things you're so fond of?Can't you control them? They stink!

Her strategy was working wellenough to rattle Cra… Lady Genevive,but, Allys still needed her help.

Probably. A partial answer as a friendlygesture wouldn't hurt. Probably.

"I want to settle down and see if ChiXe wants to get married…" I shouldhope so after some of what you've…

Monkeys, monkeys, monkeys…Back off you chittering ninnies …"Good castles are expensive and hard

to come by. I want to raise littlebarbarianettes without having to bepregnant on horseback. I want a home tocome back to after a long, hard fight."

Allys waited for the snidecommentary, but none came. Someplaceyou can be yourself, was all she heard.

"Yes," a sigh of relief at beingunderstood escaped Allys. My gardenwas a place like that. The yearning in the

thought was so strong, Allys felt tearssting her eyes. Her mind filled with apicture of a serene place: beds offragrant flowers separated by grassypaths and lovingly trimmed hedges,brilliantly colored rose trees, a carefullytended area for utilitarian vegetables andherbs. Allys had never longed for such aplace before, but now a wave of needwashed over her, a palpable desire tofeel earth on her hands and smell greenscents all around her.

Allys had been seeing the wizard asan impersonal adversary, merely in theway. Now, she felt stirrings of verypersonal dislike inside her. How couldanybody take all that from LadyGenevive? It wasn't as if she didn't have

Aunt Didi hounding her all the time toput down that hoe and pick up asword…

Allys sucked in a breath. "LadyGenevive, what are you doing to me?"Not a thing. If my feelings are leakingover into yours, it's not my fault. You'rethe one who insisted on wearing the foolshirt.

Allys pulled the hauberk off, and heldit tight in both hands for a moment.Having somebody separate sitting in herhead and sniping at her was one thing,but feeling their feelings, that wassomething else again. That could getdangerous. What if this gardener'semotions effected her judgement inbattle? What if she got sidetracked

watching the daisies grow instead ofbattling the Evil Wizard who wasunfairly holding onto her inheritance?What if she stopped being herself and letGenevive get her killed? Allysshuddered. She stowed the hauberk withthe rest of her gear, embarassed to seeher hands shake. Maybe it was alreadyenough. Maybe she'd already gotten whatshe needed…

No, that was dangerous thinking.She'd probably get through the thornsand be strangled by some flesh-eatingvine that Genevive knew how todismember. No. She'd put the chain mailback on when she got closer to thecastle.

Maybe I don't have to do this,

whispered a treacherous voice from herheart. Unfortunately, it was entirely herown. Maybe I can can just turn aroundand go home. No. Her hands curled intofists. I promised. What Allys had toldGenevive was true, as far as it went.She'd left out how she'd sworn to hergrandmother on her deathbed that she'dtake the castle back and return theirfamily to their native land. She couldn'tgo back on that. Not ever. No matterwhat.

I just have to trust the polar bears andmonkeys to do their job. She mountedGrandiere. After all, I was never foolenough to think this was going to beeasy. Was I?

By mid-afternoon, Allys and

Grandiere trotted through the abandonedgrasslands at the foot of the TwilightMountains. A fat bag of salt and a clayjar of lye now hung beside Grandiere'ssaddle bags. Once, these meadows hadbeen tended fields, but now the forestand bracken stretched out to reclaimthem. If Allys squinted hard, she couldsee the remains of burned out cottagesbeing overtaken by the weedy onslaughtof nature. The only sounds were thewind through the grasses and the thumpand jingle of Grandiere's passage. I'mgoing to have to advertise for someHumble-but-Hardy-and-Picturesque-Rustics to come resettle this place onceI'm done.

The mountains loomed closer and

Castle D'Ranier's spires separated fromtheir shadows, but the castles walls didnot. Twisted, needle-tipped fingers ofdarkness wound around them, obscuringthem from sight.

The castles appearance changed verylittle as she drew closer. The leafless,serpentine branches took on a glint in thefading sunlight and the backgroundsilence deepened, throwing the whistleof the wind around the foot-long thornsinto sharp relief. Allys hated the fact thatthere were no guards. It smacked ofoverwhelming arrogance. Someswordswomen preferred their opponentsthat way, but not Allys. She liked themscared of the world. The scared onesdidn't think as much.

Allys reined Grandiere to a halt andunloaded the salt, lye, spade andhauberk. She tethered the horse looselyto a thorn branch.

Allys picked up the hauberk and witha deep breath, slid it back on. Oh, you'reback. I thought you'd changed your mind.

"Not yet." She took up the spade,looked around for a likely spot at thebase of the thorn hedge and shoved theblade into the ground.

Gods, you've got no idea how to dig,have you?

Allys's hands jerked. Her eyes bulgedas she watched her hands take a freshgrip on the spade. Her leg raised andstepped her foot down on the blade,causing it to bite deep into the earth.

"What are you doing?" She demandedas her arms heaved the earth aside andbent to dig another spadeful free.

Getting this done before New Year's.Stop squirming.

"You can't just…" Allys clamped herjaw shut. Her hands and back workedthe spade. The hole deepened as if bymagic. Apparently Lady Genevivecould, and was, and was doing a verygood job. The earth melted from aroundroots that were even thicker and moretwisted than the branches.

"So, there you are, you littledaemons," Allys heard her voice say."But not for long." Her body turnedaround and picked up the lye jar.

"You could at least leave me my

voice," muttered Allys as her handspried the lid open and dumped a healthyportion of the stinking, grey-whitesubstance onto the exposed roots,following it up with a healthy shower ofsalt.

Fuss, fuss, fuss. Allys's boot stampedthe mixture down into the soil around theroots. But, have it your way. Allys felther withdraw to the back of her mind.Now, this is going to take a week orthree before results…

A crackling noise drifted downoverhead. Allys, in control of herself,jerked her head up. A sickly pallorspread over the iron colored thorns. Oneby one, they crumbled into fine ash anddissipate on the wind.

Or not.The pallor spread to the tangled

branches. Allys jumped backward just intime. A whole section of hedge crashedto the ground, revealing the ivy coveredwalls of Castle D'Ranier. Allys grinned.

Home? What do you mean home?Uh-oh.What promise? Your grandmother?

What is going on?! Allys swirled a flockof monkeys around the memory of hergrandmother. But this time it did nogood. Lady Genevive swore and swattedin the back of her mind, but she plowedstraight through the fantastic animals.Ganelle's granddaughter! she shrieked.Why didn't you…You thought I'd… HowCOULD

you!Genevive's shock was so cold and so

bitter, Allys shivered."I'm sorry. I was afraid you'd…"I know what you were afraid of! I'm

sitting up here with it. If you think thatlittle of me, you can just take this shirtoff right now and send me back to myjunk shop. Allys laid her hand on hersword and concentrated on the way infront of her. She stepped through thehedge's ragged gap. "After I've taken thecastle, I'll be glad to, Lady Cranky."Ungrateful …

Allys called up the green polar bearsand sent them after Genevive. LadyGenevive cursed and punched at them.Ill-mannered, snippy, distrustful…

Allys made the bears hold theirground so she could keep most of herconcentration on the way in front of her.It was still quiet. The castle walls hadbeen well maintained, leaving no chinksin the mortar, and all the windows wereon the second storey. The ivy stemswere only as thick as her index finger,no good for climbing. She'd have to finda door.

"Oh, do allow me to welcome you in."A man's voice spoke from thin air. Theivy tendrils pulled away from the wallwith a noise like someone tearinglettuce. They swooped down around her.Allys gripped her sword hilt but thevines yanked her hand away.

"Genevive!" she cried as the branches

snaked around her neck and shoulders.What am I? Your servant? You draggedme out here so you could use me andstick me in a closet somewhere anddidn't even want to tell me whathappened to my sister!

"I'm sorry!" The ivy spun Allysaround, passing her from tendril totendril. She dug her boot heels into theground, but it did no good. The ivy justheld her tighter and heaved her from onebranch to the next.

Yes, I can tell.Ahead of her, a mass of ivy thrust

itself between the hinges of a side doorand heaved it open. It hoisted Allys intothe air and tossed her inside. Shesprawled belly down on cold flagstones.

The door slammed shut behind her.Gasping, Allys hauled herself to her

feet. She stood in a narrow hallway.Torches flickered in sconces on thewall, revealing bright tapestries andclean floors. The Evil Wizard obviouslyliked his comfort.

And if Lady Genevive was acrouching, sulky presence in the back ofher mind…

Sulky! How dare you!… At least she still had her sword.

She drew her weapon smoothly."Now, now, we can't have any of that

in here." Allys's limbs froze."Oh, not again."Genevive's touch had been natural,

like being a well-worn pair of gloves.

This was a grip of iron squeezing eachof her muscles in turn and forcing her tomove. Her arm sheathed her sword andher legs walked, carrying her through thearched spaces of the great hall, up thesweeping staircase and into one of thetower rooms.

Wizardly chambers were pretty muchall of a kind. Books, braziers of brightcoals, glassware, unidentifiable lumpsof vegetable, animal, and mineral allgiving off smells that made you realizeyou didn't want to know what they were.The Evil Wizard stood in the center ofthe room where Allys couldn't help butget a good look at him. His black velvetrobes were inscribed with silver Mysticand Mysterious symbols that gleamed in

the sunlight streaming through the broadwindows. He wore a matching blackskull cap and his pointy beard reachedalmost to his waist.

Allys scanned the symbols andgroaned. She'd thought he was just oneof the Evil Wizards. His robe showedhim to be one of the Truly-Mercilessly-Evil-Bretheren. She wished he'd giveher back control of her body so shecould kick herself.

"Ah-ha!" His eyes widened as helooked her up and down. "Allys theBold! I am so glad you have come. Letme introduce myself. I am Ligera,Master of Wizardry and Master of LifeItself."

Her tongue, at least, seemed to be

working. "Catchy title." He ignored her."And how nice of you to have broughtyour great-aunt."

"Lady Genevive. I am delighted tomake your acquaintance." He boweddeeply. "It distressed me greatly to findthe D'Rainier armor and your unfortunatesoul had vanished from my castle. Butnow that Allys has so graciouslyreturned you, it is my earnest wish thatyou be set free."

Free? He'll set me free?"Lady Genevive, no, he's a liar…""Tush. Do not talk back to your

elders." He flicked his long fingers.Allys's hand smacked her own cheek. "Ishall set you free. Your niece shall diebattling me and take your place in the

hauberk. After which, I shall have hermelted down and reformed into a shapemore useful to me."

But…"Raise your sword, Allys," the

wizards cold blue eyes glittered. "Youshall fall on it before we're done."

"No!" Allys bent all her will tokeeping her hands at her sides. "I amAllys the Bold! You cannot control me!"

"Nothing living escapes my control!Behold!" He swept his arm out. Allyshad no choice but to look.

NO! screamed Lady Genevive.Outside the window lay a nightmare.

Glowing fungi like pustules or corpse'shair covered the ground, overshadowedby mounds and masses of sick, waxy

creepers. Shrubs with black stems andflapping red leaves writhed andsquirmed in what had once been flowerbeds. Closest to the castle grew thickplants like corn, but under the leaves,Allys saw the snapping jaws of GreatDanes and leopards.

"These are my creations! I control alllife! All life!"

"But not the dead!" A wave of warmthsurged through Allys's blood. Allys'ssword was in her hand. Her legs moved,carrying her toward Ligera. Her mindwas filled with Chi Xe's teachings.Never go straight for the wizard, go forhis apparatus. Allys's foot kicked at thenearest table. It toppled over. Glass andparaphernalia smashed to the floor.

"No!" screamed Ligera. "You willhalt! You will obey me!" A green-blackaura of power glowed around his hands.A bolt shot out and caught Allys in thechest, slamming her against the wall. Ithurt, but didn't bother her in the least.She pushed herself forward and caughtthe edge of a brazier filled with coals.She tipped it over onto the alchemicalwreckage. Any suggestions, niece? Freshflames arose, green, purple, blue andblack. Oh, do continue on. You're doingjust fine.

Thank you.Ligera howled as if the flames licked

at his flesh. His hands waved. A giganticserpent, spitting fire and venom rosefrom the flames. Genevive gave the body

a grin and Allys concurred. This wasfamiliar territory. The serpent slitheredforward. Now, this looks particularlyinstructive. Genevive pointed to aparticular set of memories and put theBounding-Doe-of-Morning techniqueinto play.

Oh yes, that's a good one. Allyslanded behind the snake. The swordburied itself in the back of the snakeshead with a satisfying, meaty thunk.

Genevive swung the body around andraise the gory sword high. Does thisreally work? She asked as Allys's mouthsang out the words to the Ancient Songof Self-Defense, which, Chi Xe saidmainly translated into "Got'cha, got'cha,got'cha!" Ligera fell back. He was

beginning to blister and pant a little.Probably had his life force stowed in abox somewhere among all that junk.Very common conceit among evilwizards.

Really? What interesting things you dolearn in the Mystic East.

"Lady Genevive! Why do you attackme? I offer you freedom!" Fury burnedthrough Allys's blood. "You killed mygarden! That was my freedom!" Ligeralaughed out loud. "Oh, is that all? I amMaster of All Life! I will give youanother garden! A better garden! Anygarden in the world!"

"Really?" breathed Genevive. "Youcould do that?" Genevive! No!

He waved his blistered hand "Any

garden in the world! Indeed…" Helooked down at where Allys's swordhad plunged into his chest up to its hilt,up along her arm and into her eyes.

Genevive smiled. "Any garden in theworld needs fertilizer."