The following story was made because of a short broadcast on BBC World TV. So be very aware of what might happen

from watching TV before breakfast in hotel rooms on holiday.

On the other hand. It was a lot of fun. Made not only me laugh but bypassers as well, especially fathers with sons. For families on holiday. If you wonder how to make kids

entertain themselves. This is the answer.Buy them some cheap action figures, let them borrow that old

digital camera that you’ve stopped using and ask them to make a great adventure story. Hours of fun ahead!

As you can see it’s quite easy. I used a set of 5 action figures called Cavalieri (the cavalry) and a vivid imagination. If adults plan on

doing this i reccomend using a proper camera, and if possible a lense with something close to

macro functions.

Yo dudeIsn’t

about time we

went on a crusade?

Sure Cavo! I mean, last time was when we fetched Saint Nicola in

the church from the lazy greeks. Say, what about messing

with them croatians?

The adventures of the

Cavalieri’s

Previous crusaders had a thing for stealing bones of famous people abroad

and bringing them back to a safe haven of the catholic church. This off course

turned the simple thiefs into heroes and excused their salvage rampant attitude.

And created a lot of saints.

St Nicola’s bones were placed in a tomb in the church in the

background of this picture and are a very important saint.

More on that later.

Ha! You will feel the

wrath of my palm tree knee jump!

Go ahead Winged man. And

by the way, say hello to my sword.

Before they embarked on the long journey over the Adriatic sea from Bari to Croatia, the Cavalieri’s did their own kind of heavy physical

training...

Argh. Silvio says. Never go to battle on an empty stomach. And remember that Spinach is good for

the muscles.

Silvio, what about taking the island Hvar

back from the Venetians?Yeah, them

northern canal freaks should get their booty

kicked. And then we can go on a gelato spree!

Background info: Hvar in medival times were controlled by Venice. And the people of the mezzogiorno (the heel of Italy) did not like the posh habits of the velvet capitalists.

Finally, after praying for St Nicola to give them fortune and luck, the Cavalieri’s embarked on a rough passing of the

Adriatic sea.

Editors note: St Nicola who was stolen from the greeks by Bari friends of the Cavalieri’s, is the same saint we call Santa Claus. He is

also supposed to be the saint of sailors, fishermen and luck among other things.

Silvio. First and foremost you’re a

foodwreck, but also a trusted combatant along

uncertain shores.

Hi Five dude! But have u checked the

restaurant guide in TimeOut. There are seriously no good

italian restaurants in Croatia. I’m scared. What to eat if

not to eat italian?

12

So...we’re going to croatia but this map says we’re close to Bamble? Hey!

Cavo! R U sure you brought maps for the Adriatics and not

the North Sea???

It’s no wonder our hero is puzzled. Reason being that the ferry between Italy and Croatia is the

same ferry that travelled between Denmark and Norway back in the very old days (60’s). Nope, not

especially reassuring.

Ahh, my friend the large ocean. Standing here

makes me feel so small.

Note: Despite (or perhaps because of) their couragous behaviour, the

Cavalieri’s never really understood that they were actually quite small...

One would think that the brave soldiers would treasure sleep, but no play makes

a cavalieri a dull boy.Also it’s a great way to hide your

worries about the old rusty boat that might sink.

Yeah, so them turks thought that building a

wooden horse was a good idea. Or was it the greeks?

Nevermind, I totally kicked their ass anyhow.

argh, argh, ha, ha.

Humming to a Fergie song: My sword, My sword,

My sexy sexy sword.

Dude, if you don’t stop with

that stupid song you will be severly

punished.

Some of the Cavalieri’s went into hard battle training in an old facility upon arriving

at Hvar.

One famous warlord once said. Go to war with or withour beard, but never without a

nice tan. Italian these soldiers are and appearance is almost as important as

Mother Mary. And virgins. And good wine. And mama’s pasta. And a lot of other other

more or less important things...

Have anyone called you

“metro” lately? Real men use shields, not

sunblock.

So you think you’re funny huh?

Protection is important, no matter what the pope

says in other matters.

Others on the other

hand...

There was only one (actually several but one very important) problem with the noble

Cavalieri’s. They were ice cream junkies. Just like vikings eating poisenous mushroom

before heading to battle these dudes ate ice cream.

But the fortune of St Nicola was not helping. Too much of a good thing can kill you. Poor

Salvo passed away high in a bucket of Gelato.

The foodwreck Silvio was taken to the forever fields of Strawberries. His final words: “Fraaagola... fraaaaagooola”.

Editors note: Fragola is italian for Strawberry.

Despite their bravery, the Cavalieri’s mission failed and Hvar

is still a free island. Called the St.Tropez of the Adriatic.

The end

Written, directed and produced by

Aimar Niedzwiedzki (c)08